What are you doing on May 17th?
Not touching kids.
Hey, yeah, we're not touching kids over here.
We're not gonna be at shenanigans, dude.
We're gonna be at shenanigans and we're not doing crack.
But if you do wanna smoke crack, we're fine with it.
Hey, there's not touching kids as long as you don't do that.
As long as you don't, don't do a Drake, all right?
You heard what K-Dot said, man.
Come out, please, May 17th,
go buy tickets on shenanigans website.
It's in the link, it's in the description below.
Link in bio.
Hot sexy girls, link in bio.
Hell yeah, we should put a hot girl
on the thumbnail of this one.
Oh my gosh, dude, just the tits, dude.
Yeah, just Sidney Sweeney's tits just poked up.
What do you think about that, Brandon?
Man, I think that's a great idea.
Honestly, I was gonna recommend that myself,
but like he said, y'all, listen, May 17th, man,
don't go down there and do them kids, don't do that.
I mean, crack, you could do that too.
It might make your experience a little bit funner.
You can bring a little bit backstage.
We're not gonna do it with you, but we'll cheer you on.
May 17th, it's gonna go, you never know, I might join.
But May 17th is going down, be there, be square,
and like Sidney Sweeney or whatever her name is, right?
What's her name?
Sidney Sweeney.
I said it perfectly, goodbye.
And those noises you heard were not Brandon
touching himself, that was just him grunting
to get up off the floor.
Yeah, maybe.
May 17th, shenanigans, eight o'clock, come out.
No kids.
This is the Clown College Podcast.
We're just a couple open micers
trying to make our way through the scene.
Where we interview comedians throughout different stages
of their comedy career, no matter if they're open micers,
headliners, or traveling comedians.
I'm here too, Jamie 2.0, I just talk a lot more.
Damn it, Brandon.
Go sit in the corner.
Dude, on Friday at the apartment show,
Jonathan Silver explained to me that,
I like that Apple in the app store,
they lightened up their restrictions on game emulators.
And there's this thing called Delta, and I downloaded it,
and you can play all the old Game Boy, DS games,
all that stuff, and I've been playing Pokemon.
I was gonna say, that was what I would play too.
I have like seven hours, it's been two days, man.
They got SmackDown versus Raw 2007.
That's what I need to know.
You can look it up, was it on DS?
Yeah, I mean, actually, no, 2008 I think was on DS.
Okay, yeah.
I'm gonna get that, it's on there.
Either, what was it, either Nintendo or PSP,
I played one of them, it was good, man.
It was good?
Oh, dude, the PSP, I forgot about that.
Oh yeah.
I think I still have one.
I had those little discs.
That was crazy.
It broke after two months, man, I got it at the pawn shop.
It was ahead of its time, though.
Oh, he definitely.
Like, I bet if I booted mine up right now,
it'd still look decent to play in handheld.
Yeah.
That's good.
I think he had like online play too,
which was like way ahead of its time.
Oh, did it?
Cause they made that new version of the PSP
like a little while after that.
I forgot what it was called.
The Vita, it was the PSP.
The Vita, yeah.
Oh yeah.
I never had one of those, but I'm pretty sure
you could play like Call of Duty online
on that fucking thing.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah, this is one I might,
I might actually get this one still.
Bring this back, dude.
I know they have the Nintendo Switch,
but I mean, I would like,
dude, something like that where you could just be driving
in the car, like, and playing Warzone.
You said drive.
I know.
Oh yeah, dude.
Y'all niggas don't wanna get on Warzone.
I was playing last night.
I downloaded it last night.
You did?
But because of one reason,
they got Cheech and Chong on there now.
Yeah.
So that's why I was like, I gotta get it
before that goes away.
Well, let's go.
Yep, so I gotta.
Let's go, Brandon.
I like that, that's your reasoning.
Yeah, that's the only reason.
Cheech and Chong.
Hey.
Alex Z's in the game, dude.
Hey.
I was getting my ass beat last night.
I'm usually good.
Like, I'm usually like 10 kills, you know,
eight kills, 10 kills a game.
Dude, I'll tell you, I was getting fucked up.
Like, I don't know if what's happening.
Oh, Happy Cinco de Mayo, maybe that's what it was.
Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Maybe the Mexicans were on.
We would be remiss if we didn't bring that up.
And if you think I'm not getting drunk
from tequila today, you're out of your mind.
Jack will be here at 2.30,
and I already bought the, he sent me a picture,
and he was like, get the, what's that shit called?
Margarita mix.
He has the Rocks tequila.
But this shocked me.
When I looked at the margarita mix you got,
it was non-alcoholic, dude.
Yeah.
I know that the mixer doesn't have to have alcohol in it,
but you can buy margarita mix with alcohol already in there.
You don't want that, dude.
It's like, it has like 8%.
Yeah, but then you get the 1800 margarita mix,
and then you get 1800 tequila,
and then you pour at your own discretion.
Yeah, yeah, that's true.
It'll probably fuck you up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You don't want to get too fucked up.
I don't even like margaritas.
I'm gonna probably drink one,
and then just take shots of the rest.
I'd rather do shots, dude.
Fuck all that other shit.
Yeah.
It makes us too much.
But for Cinco de Mayo, I will have.
Matter of fact, whenever we shoot Kenans right after this,
I think we'll all have one,
because Kenan drinks.
Oh, nice, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
It's gonna be fun.
Brandon, look up the history of Cinco de Mayo.
I know it's like, I think it's Mexican Independence Day.
No, it's not.
That's not what it is?
It's different, because when I lived in San Antonio,
my brother's wife is Mexican,
and we went out for Mexican Independence Day,
and it's not this.
It's this.
I wonder what the celebrated recognizes
Mexico's victory over the second French Empire.
Oh, damn.
Damn, 1862.
That's like if we had a holiday for the Civil War.
I get, what?
Is Juneteenth?
Juneteenth is kind of like that, I think.
It's when the news reached.
This is a new holiday.
I ain't gonna lie to you, I have no,
like when they were all up in arms about it,
I was like, I ain't even know.
I've never heard of it before, 2020.
It's like a lot of things I never heard of before 2020.
Same here.
You know what I mean?
Everybody got time to just get on the internet.
Oh yeah, when COVID hit.
It's almost like when people are isolated,
they start going crazy.
I don't know, something like that.
But I'm down for Juneteenth.
Now it's federally recognized,
so your mailman gets the day off.
So shout out to him or her.
Hell yeah.
If it's a woman, is it still a mailman
or is it mailwoman?
Mailperson.
But see, this is my thing.
Mailperson doesn't sound good.
It doesn't.
I wouldn't even, even if I was,
didn't wanna be called a man,
I don't wanna be called mailperson.
Yeah, same here.
Fuck that, it doesn't roll off the tongue.
What about the slinger?
That goes mailman.
The slinger.
What's that?
The sling the mail.
Oh, those sling it, man.
I thought that was the newspaper people sling it.
Well, yeah, yeah.
But Huntsville Times is all digital now.
They don't make print publications anymore.
I feel bad for them, man.
I remember these would come to my house
and shit and not anymore.
Now you get online.
Yeah.
Not old school shit.
My grandma still gets,
that's the only time I read the newspaper.
She's 97 and I go back and she's mad that they mixed,
like in our little town,
they mixed like all the rest of the towns around us
and she's like, this is bullshit.
Nothing this has to do with me.
This isn't St. Trelia, dude.
Yeah, dude.
See town.
Well, yeah, Seco DeMille, we're gonna have some fun today.
We got a great guest.
Yes, we do.
Keenan.
Yeah, Keenan.
It's our first Birmingham.
Well, he's not Birmingham.
Gaston, Birmingham area.
Is that Gaston close to Birmingham?
Close enough, dude.
I'd say maybe 30 minutes away.
Oh, okay, so kind of like here.
And what's that fucking other town that's right there?
Across the bridge.
Athens, Decatur.
Decatur, yeah, yeah, like here in Decatur.
Decatur, dude.
I was thinking, cause I used to go to Calhoun out there
when I had to do some classes out there.
62 miles.
Little further.
Oh shit, that's further.
That's not the same.
That's like an hour.
That's like from here to Birmingham then, so that's not.
Not too crazy.
Still far though.
Oh yeah.
And he's fucking always traveling around in miles.
He comes here more than most of Birmingham.
I mean, definitely.
He's definitely the most, he's the most frequent
out of towner.
Funny as shit too.
Hell yeah.
I remember one time I saw it with a Huntsville comic
because I would see him so many times.
I was like, are you from Huntsville?
He's like, no, Gaston.
I was like, oh shit, okay.
Hey, so I wanted to ask y'all this.
I know y'all young, so maybe it hasn't happened to you yet,
but do y'all have a memory that like,
I have a memory in my head that I think is 100% true,
but when I think about it, when I say it out loud,
I'm like, maybe that didn't happen.
You know what I mean?
Yes.
You guys know what I'm talking about?
I know what you mean.
So look, when I was,
so when I was in Hawaii, right,
and first got there, had to be within the first year,
this dude, Sauron Borkowski, was like,
hey, will you guys come with me to this secret?
Because everybody likes to have their own beach.
You know what I'm saying?
Their own thing in Hawaii.
And he was like, come with me.
It's like surrounded by waterfalls and it's swimming.
A big thing if you have a waterfall that you can swim in.
So then it was like a whole bunch of waterfalls.
And I just remember this.
I know we did that part, but this part,
I was like, maybe we didn't do it,
but I'm almost positive we did.
It was two waterfalls like this, right?
Not too far from each other, like going down cascading.
And we were climbing up one
and we would jump to the other side.
Dom, I can tell you right now.
Nah, that's what you love.
Without a shadow of a doubt that that did not happen.
Oh my gosh.
I know, I know.
I'm thinking just like you're thinking right now.
There's no way I did, but why do I remember?
Why do I think about it?
I mean, that does happen.
Let's break it down, dude.
So you're jumping from one waterfall to another one.
So it's like you're climbing up one like this
and then you go, oh.
There you go.
That would be hard to do
on just a normal rock wall that's dry.
Now you have the aspect of it's wet, there's less grip,
and you have to push off and then grab on to the other one.
Yeah, dude, I think we did it.
I feel like there's a chance that definitely,
you really feel like it could've happened.
It could've happened.
Dude, I like remember, it's not just that,
it's like I remember.
I remember like the water was so blue
and I never got to go back
because he wouldn't tell me where it was, like again.
And we never went back.
It was Sauron Borkowski and Sauron Garcia
and we went to this fucking perfect spot
that I never got to go back to.
It was like some mythical shit.
Dom got drugged, man.
Dom got drugged by his higher up in the army, dude.
I mean.
You smoked that Maui Waui, dude.
Cause I think weird stuff too.
Like I don't know why I keep thinking this thing.
I was like when I was born, somebody had me in a basket
and it was a nun or something.
And then I go in this light thing.
But I know that didn't happen, but it could've happened.
That was Moses.
I don't know, maybe that was me
and me remembering some shit
that was happening before I was born.
Yeah, the reincarnation, it's real.
Oh wow, yeah.
I believe it.
You never know.
I've seen the videos.
Yeah, I'm convinced.
I don't know.
These little kids are talking about fucking four years old
talking about Jebediah falling down a well.
How the fuck do they know this?
I don't even know what that is.
You said Jebediah.
Jebediah.
You didn't know him?
You don't remember Jebediah?
Let me search that up.
So Jebediah.
Jebediah.
Jeba Walkage.
You talking about the rock band, dude?
What the fuck?
This guy?
That's Jebediah. Bible.
Oh, Bible.
Fuck.
It messed me up.
Jebediah falls down a well.
Brandon just, it says, can we know your location?
Brandon hit allow without a second thought, dude.
I don't know why it keeps on popping up.
It's like every time.
No, no, press press remember.
Remember my decision.
There you go.
And allow.
There we go.
All right, let's see.
Oh, fuck, well.
What the fuck did Webb come from?
Here we go.
This?
No, that's not it.
That's not how I remember it.
Let me search up Bible
because they doing the little rock band people.
Well, maybe it's a good rock band.
I'm not shitting on it.
Let's see, in the name Jebaiba.
Okay, by King Solomon.
Okay, Solomon.
After the prophet Nathan was sent by God
to tell David and Basima
that their son must be called beloved of the Lord.
Okay, I don't, that's not shit about a well, but.
Well, he said Jebaiba and then Solomon, dude.
Well, how you say it?
Solomon.
Solomon and Jebaiba.
Jebaiba.
Wait, so what's that Bathsheba?
I said it right.
Bathsheba, yeah.
I think, oh my, some biblical,
I love biblical names because it's like Bathsheba
and then David, you know, it's like real simple.
And then one, Methuselah.
The oldest person ever.
Melchizedek.
Look out Methuselah, bruh.
How old was Methuselah?
Methuselah, how you say Methuselah?
Meth-oo-zelah.
Oh, Meth-oo-zelah, okay.
I didn't know either.
Oh, there it is.
First one, okay, that's good.
Oh, it's a dude?
Wow.
It sounds like a chick's name.
That does.
Methuselah.
I don't know, I never really thought about it.
It says he was 969 years old.
Yeah, some things in the Bible are wrong.
Palindrome.
I mean, that'd be cool.
I said, that'd be kinda cool.
I mean, you live 900.
He wasn't.
No.
But he wasn't.
Probably 100.
He might've been, dude.
Because things in the Bible are wrong.
He might've just told everybody he was that old.
They were like, prove it.
He was the oldest guy, so he could just say that.
I was here how long?
He was really 65.
Everybody died at 30.
He was 40 years old, dude.
Fuckin', they're like giants.
They were giants, but we never found any giant bones.
Dude, we find dinosaur bones all the time.
Yo.
Dude, I got an argument with my boy Ant about this.
How long ago do you think dinosaurs were on the Earth?
Let's see, I think it was definitely millions,
but the last time we probably had them,
probably after AD time, maybe.
I don't know when.
Millions.
It's millions of years.
It's been a while.
And then I was talking to my boy Ant, Mexican,
and he was like, 3000 years ago.
Are you fucking with me?
Oh, no, not 3000.
He thought dinosaurs.
Not like, oh, okay, there's like one doodoo dodo bird
or the fucking Komodo dragon.
I'm talking about real fucking.
Well, we got alligators now.
Yeah, I'm talking about real fucking dinosaurs.
Millions of years ago, tens of millions.
Yeah, I don't.
Hundreds.
But how do they, I don't really know the process behind it.
Like, say you dig up a fossil.
I know they can carbon date it or whatever,
but I don't even understand that process.
I'll take their word for it,
because the fact of the matter is, I don't give a shit, dude.
We don't got them anymore.
Even if they're off by 50 million years,
it's still millions of years, you know what I mean?
It's been a minute, dude.
It's been a minute.
I mean, we got the meteorite, right?
Like, they got little chips of that meteorite
that could tell you, like, millions of years ago,
it came in there and wiped everything out.
I wonder, yeah.
Or most of it.
Do they got that?
I think so.
Let me say something.
I think, look up the impact zone of that fucking meteor, dude.
I don't think they know,
because didn't they say, like,
it could be like the Grand Canyon or?
Well, I heard it was like,
well, you know, the Pangea and all that shit,
all the continents used to be one landmass,
and they slowly kind of drifted away.
The what the fuck is that?
I was trying to see what it's saying.
Chicks Club Crater?
Chica Pogba.
Damn.
Chicks Club Crater.
It hit Alabama, dude.
Damn.
It hit the Yucatan Peninsula, dude.
Just across the goal.
That's where it hit?
Damn, man.
Maybe, dude.
I think, yeah, I feel like,
oh, where all that water is at,
that's where it's being made, right?
Wait, go to all, Brandon, please.
Yeah, let's go to all.
Let's get, dude, this is what we do here at Clown College.
We do signing.
Oh, yeah, we teach you, man.
We get you right.
The Chicksulub Crater.
The Chica Sue Crater.
10 and 15 kilometers.
Why, that's like seven miles, dude.
Seven and a half, eight miles, maybe.
That's great.
Imagine if that happened again.
That's a big ass thing.
Well, that's it.
They said, like, when it hit,
within seconds, everything,
I mean, like, within minutes, everything was dead.
I thought, and I could be completely wrong.
I have no idea.
I think it killed a lot of shit
and fucked up a lot of shit on impact.
Like, the sea levels, maybe, I don't know.
But I also heard, like, the cloud.
Yeah, the ash.
Oh, yeah, man.
That's what killed every, like,
stopped vegetation from growing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nothing was habitable anymore for a while.
Probably, that's what's crazy about time,
because it was probably millions of years,
or hundreds of thousands of years,
where nothing could fucking grow.
Yeah.
And then some little organisms, like,
I'm down now, I'm ready to go.
Dude, the thing that probably survived,
I don't know, I don't even know what it was that survived.
Like, what was the species that kept life on Earth
after this?
I have no clue.
Maybe a little fucking cockroach or something?
I think it was like little mice, like mammals.
Cause you remember they said that,
they were like, at first we were like
little mice type things, hiding.
We were mice, dude?
At one point, they say.
Well, God created us, so.
Dude, first of all.
Yes, God did.
Praise Jesus, Christian.
Allah.
If you like that, too, yeah.
I mean, I gotta learn, I gotta learn, man.
Whatever floats your boat, dude.
What lived at the extinction?
After the extinction incident.
Yeah, dinosaur, meteor.
Oh, there we go.
You could've just.
Where'd it go?
Extinction of, yeah, right there, right there.
There it is.
Alligators and crocodiles.
Fuck yeah, dude.
Alligators my favorite animal, and I didn't even know that.
He's right, we got one right outside.
I'm saying, dude.
Come on in here, buddy.
Hell yeah, I'm gonna get an alligator tattooed
across my chest now.
Yeah, you should do it, man.
I'd be nice.
Survivor, dude.
Frogs and salamanders.
You should get the throat tattoo.
You seen these things?
Oh, dude, those are so funny.
King throat or.
Infinite throat.
Yeah, like.
That one you sent me was crazy.
I can't remember what it was, but it was,
maybe it was goat, and it was like throat goat.
No, it had a whole bunch of them.
Suss throat tattoo.
Oh, that looks.
You gotta look up the suss throat tattoo.
Oh yeah, I got you.
You want me to put suss down there?
Yeah.
Put some suss on it, Bruno.
All right.
Oh, right there, right there.
Yes, that's the popular one.
That's limitless throat.
Why?
Yeah, that is weird.
Why would you put that there?
Especially if somebody sees that,
but also your throat's limitless.
Let's test it out.
That's what he's saying.
That dude's also in the G League of the NBA,
he plays for the San Jose Hornets or whatever.
That's crazy, man.
I couldn't, I couldn't.
You got any tattoos, Brandon?
Nope.
Oh, you don't got any?
Nah, man.
You don't want any?
I mean, I would if I,
it's like I don't know what to get,
because my thing is I feel like if I get something now,
it's just gonna be stupid.
It'll be like a Rick and Morty or a fuckin' Looney Tunes
or something just random.
I could totally see you with a Spider-Man tattoo.
Oh, yeah.
Or a Deadpool.
Deadpool would be a cool tattoo.
Oh yeah, get the symbol right here.
Cutting somebody's head off or something.
We could do that too.
I put that on my back.
Put that on my back, the symbol right here.
Yeah, it'd be tight.
You could have him teabaggin' Wolverine.
I would do it.
I would, shit, man.
That's my true favorite.
We should get you like a throat tattoo, Brandon.
No, that's too far.
Walk around with limitless.
Now we in the incident.
Limitless ring.
Let's see how limitless, crap.
See, I don't, I would never get a throat,
I never even got a forearm tattoo.
I don't want throat, forearm, hands.
Yeah.
I'm old school.
They said you do that, you won't get a job.
I know everybody has them now,
but definitely not doing throat.
I was never planning on getting a job.
Yeah, but I don't know, the face is a lot.
I would never do the face.
I couldn't.
Neck, probably not.
Fuck no.
I wouldn't do the hands either.
I just, I don't know.
I probably won't ever get another tattoo, man.
I'm happy with the ones that I have.
Dude, I've had mine forever, and I forget I have them.
I mean, I just wanna kind of fill them in
and then be done with them.
Yeah.
I never think about it until other people bring them up.
And that's the worst.
I hate when people are like,
oh, what does this tattoo mean?
It's like, dude, you don't give a fuck.
Exactly.
Why are we doing this, man?
What are we doing here, dude?
I get an anchor.
Little anchor right there.
Oh, hell yeah, Brandon.
You know, like Popeye?
Yep, something like that, right there.
Yeah, don't do that.
What?
Yeah.
People are like, yeah.
They'll do that one.
Yeah, dude.
Yeah.
Popeye, but instead you eat collard greens.
Collard greens and fucking stuffing.
I like how white people say collard.
Collard greens.
Turnip greens.
No, that's the shit right there.
See, like turnips?
I like both.
I like any greens.
I don't like turnips.
I don't like mix.
I like collards.
No, just collards.
Just collard, give me the leafy,
with the ham hock in there.
You can even do turkey neck bones if you,
you know, one of the prey five times a day, people.
But big, big news, you graduate tomorrow.
Oh, shit.
Yay.
Yeah, I'm ecstatic.
Finally done.
It's good to be done, man.
Shit, I might go back.
I might go get another bachelor's.
I don't even want a master's, dude.
Double bachelor's.
I didn't know that if you graduate with a bachelor's degree,
you can go back to graduate school
and get a master's degree in anything.
It doesn't even have to be related to what you're doing.
Oh, yeah.
No shit.
Like I could, maybe I could,
I still got time I could be a doctor.
Oh, shit.
I won't be a doctor.
See you in the surgery room, that'd be interesting.
I'm like, hey, JJ, you gonna hook me up.
Dude, that's hard.
Dude, my cousin is a fucking vascular surgeon.
I think that's what it's called.
He does like the veins and stuff.
He like takes like a bova, like a cow vein,
and puts it in somebody's heart or whatever.
He works like 14 to 16 hours a day.
Damn.
And that's just not for me, man.
Yeah.
And that's, dude, you got,
you're playing operation in real life, dude.
You're dealing with somebody's life.
Somebody's life is in your hands.
No, man, I'm good, dude.
Like they get paid, like doctors get paid a lot,
but they need to get paid a lot.
Cause they work so much.
I'm always on call.
They can't fucking go get fucked up on Cinco de Mayo
like we're about to.
I mean, they can, but probably wouldn't be great.
Yeah.
If they're unsafe,
you're gonna have a different arm, different color.
You're like, what the fuck? I'm mixed.
Don't be mixed.
You can't say nigga, I guess.
That's what Kendrick's saying.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, Drake better come back with heat
cause he's sticking up for all mixed,
light skinned niggas, even though he's Jewish.
But.
Well, he's Canadian, dude.
Well, he's Canadian and Jewish.
That you can't, you gotta choose one or the other.
Yeah, he got double strike.
Can't be both.
Can't be a CJ, you know.
Who you picking?
I think Kendrick's a better rapper.
I haven't, but I like Drake's music more.
So, but then I haven't really listened to all the diss tracks
cause I just don't give a fuck.
That's not my thing.
I did, I just listened to,
so Drake dropped last night and he was like,
I was playing the game, but I had to stop playing
cause I was like, fuck it, I'm listening to this.
Seven minutes and it was fire.
It was good.
And like, oh shit, he just won.
And then Kendrick literally dropped 15 minutes after that.
And then another 15, like an hour after that,
just two different diss songs.
And he went pretty hard, called him a pedophile.
Yeah.
A minor.
Yeah, I go like, Kendrick won so far.
I mean, he's winning right now.
Drake has to come out with a banger.
Like he has to come out not just with a good diss,
but he has to come out with a diss
that people are gonna play at the club.
Cause these ones, if they're playing it at the club right now,
they're just playing it because it's fun right now.
But you're not really listening.
The only one you're playing at the club is like that.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't feel like a lot of diss tracks have longevity.
Back to Back did.
Tupac's fucking. Hit em up did.
Hit em up.
But that's like the top.
Those are the best.
And Back to Back, that was the Drake diss on Meek Mill, right?
That was the first song I ever listened to
while I was driving a car.
For real? Yeah.
Get the fuck outta here.
It's been that long?
It was 2016, I wasn't even old enough to drive yet.
Damn!
Yeah.
Jesus, I'm old.
Damn. God.
I was in the, Brandon, look this up.
I was in a 2013 Nissan Quest, dude.
Bumping this shit.
I was driving in a cornfield.
In my grandma's van.
This was, it was, yeah.
This box, yeah.
The toast, that bronze one.
That bronze one.
Oh, you said the bronze hold up.
Yeah.
Oh yeah, look at that thing, the toaster, dude.
Swag.
Sliding doors, what are you talking about, dude?
Kendrick Lamar wish he had that for good kid, man.
Damn.
So that's a nice, that's a nice van, though.
It was nice, dude.
It was nice.
It was like, damn.
Fuck it, oh.
Real motherfucking Gs.
Easy E.
Who is that?
Oh yeah.
You did some easy E some now, nigga.
It's on you and your doggy dog.
You get y'all running shit.
Both of y'all niggas come, it's like the donkey dick.
That shit was raw.
Easy E.
Look at best diss tracks of all time.
What do you think was the-
Joe Vaseline, Ice Cube, and then Ether by Nas.
I guarantee they're all on there.
I wonder what the hit of-
Come on.
Fair.
That's why I fucked your bitch, you fat motherfucker.
Get money.
Come on, there's no better start off to the song.
It's so, that's why I fucked your bitch,
you fat motherfucker.
That's what he opens with.
There's no instrumental in the background
when he starts that sitting.
And was that true, though?
Yeah, he fucked Clay.
Damn, man.
First off, fuck your clickin'.
Fuck your bitch and the click you click.
I mean-
Go ahead, get a list.
Let's see, where the list is.
The most unforgettable, that top one.
Up here it is.
The root.
Let's see, stroll down.
More like roots.
I know these motherfuckers.
Man, get off this.
Come on, though.
Oh, it's a fly show?
Get the fuck out of here.
Let me put a list.
Just top, yeah, a list.
I hate when they do that shit.
Yeah, I'd seen something that said Nicki Minaj.
You better go, all right, so.
Yep, so you got-
I think it's back to back.
No Vaseline, hit him up, take over.
Back to back.
The bitch in you.
Back Downs, this track?
I didn't know that.
That's crazy.
That's a Jairo.
Real motherfucking-
Real motherfucking G's all the way.
You crazy as hell, that shit.
The story, that's the Pusha T's diss track on Drake.
The story of-
Of Aiden, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That should be up there, man.
Oh, did you see Kendrick said Drake had a daughter
that he's hiding?
You think that's true?
No.
I mean, I don't know.
I mean, I don't give a fuck.
I just want it to be good.
But he said it's not,
but I think he said he didn't have a son
when that came out too.
Yeah.
Oh, true.
He said the daughter's like 12 or something.
Damn, so she's older.
Yeah.
If I'm not mistaken, I could be wrong.
I mean, I don't blame,
like somebody that's at the level of fame that Drake is,
people are weird, man.
Why would you want them to know about your kids?
Especially a girl.
I mean, like, people are weird.
Yeah.
Go into any Instagram comment section
of any famous celebrity ever,
and you will see some vile shit, dude.
Oh, so like, I know people, like,
when celebrities complain about like,
oh, like, I hate people commenting on my life and all this.
And then people are like, well, you're a celebrity
and you make this money and this is what you signed up for
and you get to live this privileged life.
Doesn't mean you should be terrible to them
and say shitty things about them and their family.
Yeah, yeah, but people are trolls.
You know what I'm saying?
That's why the internet's not real.
It's not a real thing.
These people aren't real.
The way you know that, first of all,
anybody who lives in a town and then you know people
who you follow, mostly Facebook,
and then you see the stuff that they put on there
and you'll be like, you're lying.
I know you and you're lying,
but they don't have like 500 likes, 500 comics.
Oh my God, you're just the best.
Like, no, she smokes meth.
Yeah.
I know that she smokes meth.
She does, I sold it.
Yeah, but then they're all like on this,
the internet's not fucking real.
This is not real.
You're watching this on the internet.
It's not real.
All right, but hold on, before we go.
This is the only real thing.
Yeah, we are.
All right, so we got a message from Jalen.
Oh, we got a message from Jalen.
To sign us off.
Are you all ready?
We miss you, Jalen.
I miss you, man.
Is this a real asking building?
Yeah.
What's up, Dom, JJ, and Brandon?
I'm in Alaska right now, as y'all can see.
It's wild, and I'm just trying to tell everybody
that they should watch the clown college comedy podcast.
Hell yeah.
Hey!
Oh my God.
That looks so, see, that's what we jumped off of.
Oh my God.
No, it was not, yeah.
Oh, that's beautiful.
That's awesome, dude.
You know, there's people up there right now
bossing around.
My gosh, there's probably a bear mauling a woman
in the woods up there.
Eating like a goat's ass.
Man, that's bad shit.
We miss you, Jalen.
Look, dude, also, what the fuck did he record that on?
That was like 8K, right?
That was perfect.
We miss you, Jalen, man.
We miss you, dude, wow.
Go live it up.
Hell yeah.
All right, we'll be back.
This week's featured comedian.
Here, like seriously, I always think back to the pandemic
when we couldn't do this kind of stuff, you know?
The pandemic was hard.
You know, all you could do was go to the store
and go home, that's all you could do.
And then you gotta wash all your groceries and shit.
Right.
That's, unless you were essential,
and then, you know, you made $10 an hour,
you gotta get the fuck, you gotta get out there, dude.
You gotta make something of yourself, dude.
I was essential as fuck, okay?
I had a grocery washing business,
it was doing pretty good.
It was doing pretty good.
I'll give you a little bit of a break.
It's the holidays.
Oh, it's the holidays.
It's the holidays.
Yes, it is.
They should really let people off work for this holiday.
I agree.
They should what?
Let people off work for Cinco de Mayo.
They should, they know what's happening.
Jack, by the way, this is what happens
when we don't have you.
There's no tags.
That's extensive research for me, all right.
Don't say it, don't.
I know.
Okay, man.
Okay, I didn't say anything.
I didn't say.
You ready?
I'm ready, man.
Oh, am I doing the intro?
No, JJ, you just do it for 26 and fucking episodes.
Yeah, I know, give me a break, dude.
I also edit the entire podcast.
Yeah, yeah, he does, he does.
I did two minutes of editing today.
The first two minutes I ever put in.
But today we have a very special guest.
Oh, who we got?
A guy who's hilarious, a traveling comic.
Travels to Huntsville more than I'd say
any other comedian from out of town.
For sure.
Our second ever out of towner on the podcast.
Number two.
And a hilarious guy.
He was recently on the Homegrown Comedy Showcase
in which he killed, he killed.
Guys, today we have Keenan Worthington.
Hey!
What's up?
What's up, baby, how you doing?
Doing good.
You guys got me doing good.
We're celebrating Cinco de Mayo
with Señor Rocks tequila, dude.
Shout out to Jack, bringing up Tarem Asu in here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Rocks thing.
Look, how crazy was this shit when we were in Austin?
It was super crazy.
Just around the clock crazy.
And I love Austin.
Dude, I'm talking about, we were at the stadium.
So like, packed stadium.
And I come out to take a piss
and he's just standing right there.
Yeah.
What are the chances?
What are the fucking chances of that shit?
It's magic.
It's meant to be.
It's our comedy, serendipitous fate.
You saying words I don't know.
It's just most words.
It just means it's meant to be.
Which it was really cool to see you, man.
Hell yeah, we met up at the, what's the place called?
The H-E-B Center at Kiltone.
Well that too, but I'm talking about after that.
Creek in the Cave.
Creek in the Cave, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Went in there and seen Cam Patterson, Dap this All Up.
Oh, that's cool.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Yeah.
So that was the night of the arena show, Kiltone.
The first night.
That was the first night, yeah, yeah, sure.
Because the second night I won a, at that spin,
did you ever spin the wheel for the red rose?
No.
I spent the wheel on one bottle service.
Wow.
Yeah, on the second night.
And you didn't hit me up, bro.
I did, no.
I did hit you up.
Oh, you did?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did hit you up.
But you were with your girl.
That's right.
I mean, you know.
Big bottles, we didn't tip at all.
I felt bad afterwards.
Damn, damn.
So we got a free bottle service,
like a $500 bottle service.
And at the end of the night,
well the girls weren't coming up that much,
so I'm like, I'm not tipping you guys out.
They were like, it's free.
And then you were like, well, it was free, so no tip.
We don't dance for pours.
I think that's what they felt like.
Was that the red rose or the yellow rose?
Oh, that was definitely the red rose.
Yellow rose, we went on the first night,
and they're premium.
That's the prime time shit you see on Kill Tony,
that girl walking out, they're at the yellow rose.
The red rose is where you can have sex with them
and do drugs with them in the back, for sure.
Well, that's where you have the good time.
That's where you get the all-inclusive experience.
Yeah, that's true.
So what does bottle service even consist of?
They just come out with the bottle
and make a big deal of it?
Yeah, they fucking do the sparklers.
I love sparklers.
And they bring you all kinds of chasers and shit,
whatever you want, and you drink.
What'd you pick, dude?
In a booth.
What'd you get a bottle of,
and what'd you pick to chase it?
I think it was Jack.
Sick, tight move, I like that.
Nice.
And we got fucked up, and then we went some,
we went somewhere else after that,
but it wasn't the best time.
I wish I would've just went on the fucking sixth street.
Yeah.
You gotta spend a lot of time on sixth street, huh?
You know, just taking it in, jumping from mic to mic.
Like when I go to Austin, I do just try to do comedy,
because you gotta be careful on sixth street.
You might get carried away.
Yeah.
You know, but yeah.
What was your question?
When you were there, how many times you been to Austin?
Like four times.
God damn.
Damn.
This hat is actually, McKinney Falls is a park
right outside of Austin that I camped in for two weeks
just doing open mics.
Yeah.
That's it. God damn.
That's that road dog life.
Yeah, sir, yeah.
Was there any good open mics there?
Oh yeah, yeah.
You can stay busy.
Just get there early.
Know where you wanna go and get there early,
because there's 40 comics ready to go.
Ready.
Yeah.
It's competitive.
Honestly, being in Huntsville, it's nice.
You're like, okay, I'll go up in a timely order.
I don't have to beat up somebody
to try to get on this open mic.
Try to get in front, but Austin, it's fully competitive.
Huntsville, we let anybody up there.
Oh yeah.
It's a nice time in Huntsville.
You have guaranteed stage time, which is nice.
Yeah.
Birmingham's like that too, huh?
It is, it's getting there.
Atlanta is super competitive.
Is it?
Yeah, I used to, that's where I started comedy.
And it was like Huntsville kinda.
But now it's getting close to 30, 40 comics
at an open mic.
And if you're not there early,
you might as well go home.
Because it's like, how many hours?
Like hours and hours.
Yeah, yeah, or they cut it off.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, you just, everybody's gonna leave
and you're by yourself.
Damn.
Oh, damn.
Yeah.
That's how Brandon was on Thursday.
Oh my god, when I was the last one.
He was the last one, they had 25 comics.
Yes, it was so good.
The place was closed down, they put the tables up.
The chairs were up on the table.
They were all.
Jonathan was wiping them down.
I felt so bad, man.
Where was that?
Speakeasy.
Which is one of the better nights in Huntsville.
Oh yeah.
I love that room, dude.
It's so cool in there.
That's where we did Homegrown, hell yeah.
Kenan killed that.
He smashed it.
He did very well, I did okay.
Kenan did very well.
Kenan's a fucking monster.
That's nice of you, dude.
Oh yeah, dude, I don't wanna give away your jokes,
obviously, but the one that you have about the,
my money's on the Kennedy.
Oh yeah.
I love that fucking joke, dude.
That's so obvious, but I would have never thought of it.
Yeah, thank you, man.
It's fun.
There's a lot to it, too.
I don't know how much I did of that bit, but.
How long you been doing stand up?
I've been doing it for 12 years, but.
Damn.
Yeah, dude.
Wow. Nice, man.
But consistently going out every week
for the past three years.
So like, yeah.
That's not okay.
I've been off and on for a decade almost.
Damn.
That's awesome, though.
Hell yeah.
And you started in Atlanta like that long ago?
Yeah, yeah.
Wow.
Damn, dude.
I was 19.
Oh wow, yeah.
Old ass dude, man.
No.
Yes.
Yeah.
Look who's fucking talking.
Don't do that math.
I feel you, man.
I got four years old, you.
Do you like, what scene do you like the most?
Huntsville's super great, man.
You guys have so much fun up here.
It can be kind of rigid some places.
Atlanta is like kind of rigid.
Cause they got so many people.
They got to get to business.
They do, and it's such a big city.
It's harder to know everybody, I feel like.
Yeah.
Birmingham's really bustling right now.
It's fun.
Yeah, dude, they got great mics
and great shows going on down there.
David Lyonham is doing a lot for that scene.
Kenny is hilarious.
I fucking love Kenny, dude.
Yeah, Kenny is just, yeah.
Have you did the X-Files?
I'd say you guys though.
I'd say.
Really?
Honestly, Huntsville.
We appreciate it.
I'll give it to you on that.
We got a community up here.
Really, you guys care, which is.
You're not going to get that everywhere.
I mean, it's just the best way to do it, man.
True.
I mean, if you want to really do it,
you got to care a little bit.
We got lucky though.
From our perspective, for sure, it's Jalen and Alex.
That's how we got all the mics, you know what I mean?
And if you suck and you just go up,
everybody sucks when they start,
and you just go up one time a week or something like that,
you're not really going to get that much better,
but they ran three mics when we first came here.
Yeah, Sundays, Wednesdays, and they did.
What was that?
They did another one, and a whole bunch of showcases,
and it's not like they gatekeep you
from trying to perform on shows.
They'll give you stage time.
If you're putting in the work,
if you're consistently coming out, writing,
trying to get better, they will give you stage time,
which is the more and more I do comedy
and travel to other places to do it
and talk to other people, that's a blessing, dude,
because that's not a common thing, it feels like,
to get that much consistent stage time.
Yeah.
Sure.
I remember when you were, this was before I knew you,
I didn't know you at all,
you were sitting with Bryce at Stand Up Live,
and you won the showcase.
This was before Scott, I think, took over, for sure,
and they didn't have enough room for everybody to get up?
At the Stand Up Live open mic.
Yeah, yeah, and you got on the showcase from that one.
And you've been on there a couple times, right?
No, I just did the showcase once.
Really?
Yeah.
Did you come back up for the open mics, though?
A few, yeah.
No, you should be on there, you're fucking hilarious.
You are, man.
Dude, you got, I ain't gonna give you jokes away,
but you pull out shit, it's like, it's not just one thing.
And you see how his demeanor is now.
So chill.
Maybe like that, but straight throwing fire at your ass.
I like it, man, you have a very unique vibe
up there on the stage. Oh, yeah.
It's so chill, but then you come with these sharp jokes,
and I'm like, I fuck with that, dude.
Yeah.
Me too.
You're making me wanna go on stage right now, dude.
I wish we fucking mic'd that cancer, dude.
I was fully planning on doing a Hill set tonight
of going up with just no material,
and be like, anybody got any topics?
Yeah.
I'm good, dude.
What do y'all wanna talk about?
Let's make this about you.
How's your day going?
See, oh, so this is Clown College.
So you're like, you're a professor right now.
I'm in a hard spot right now, I can't write.
She haven't rolled shit in like three weeks.
How do you bounce out of that?
Just living life, man.
If you can just do something
that is kinda out of your norm,
it can spark wonders.
And I'm always just out on a limb, so.
You know, with what I do,
how much I hustle for comedy, and with work,
and just, I know people all over the Southeast
that I try to visit, and just gain experience with life,
and then things come to you.
But if you can't do that, then smoke weed every day.
I agree.
It'll do that for you.
Literally spark your creativity, yes it will.
So in your 12 years, are there any pieces of advice
that somebody's given you
that have really stuck with you and stood out?
Yeah, I've had great pointers.
Energy is a lot of it.
You can write all day.
Which you have a lot of.
You can write all day, but if your energy's off,
then it'll be missed, it won't connect.
And I still struggle with that,
but keeping your energy consistent,
having a mentality of like, I know the energy I need,
and I'm gonna use that energy right now.
No matter what's going on in your world,
because we're always gonna have stuff going on.
You gotta be the performer, and hit that energy,
and then do your jokes.
Hell yeah.
And you gotta live your jokes.
You can't just recite them as you guys,
I'm sure you've learned the hard way
that reciting a joke is not telling a joke.
Doesn't work at all.
It's not good, man.
That makes a night and day difference
with the same material.
Dude, because Alex records all of our sets.
Yeah.
Like I just learned that in December,
so I'm almost at a year right now.
And I was so worried about,
because I fuck up words a lot,
I was so worried about not fucking up the words
and getting my tags right,
that I would be reading it off like you're saying,
and then I go up there now and just like, fuck it.
And way, way better.
I mean, the crowd is on my side.
Like they wanna fuck with me.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Scott told me that, Scott Eason, he was like.
Shout out.
Hell yeah.
He's like, just say whatever,
just to be real and get the joke out
with the right energy, you know?
No matter what.
Yeah, that.
So if you feel like you're gonna mess up your words,
take us, don't say anything,
or just say something and just be relaxed, you know?
And hit the joke.
And then I got it, find the joke.
And then I got like jokes now where I'm like, I'm retarded.
You know, I'm just practically saying that.
If I mess up a word, I'm just like, you know,
that's a mental challenge.
So, you know.
So the audience already knew that.
Yeah.
Oh, I do that too, man.
Yeah.
Out jokes.
So I wanna talk to you about something.
We do a little research here,
and I went and looked at your Facebook page
and I didn't know you were a lesbian
as your first Facebook profile picture.
I, what a guy.
That's what's written in the notes.
I don't know how to interpret it.
That's what's written on the page.
I was looking, I was like,
I didn't know Keenan was a lesbian.
You both just like. I didn't know either.
Pull up Keenan's.
Yeah, pull it up for me.
I've lived a lot of. It's your old one.
I've lived a lot of different lives.
So, you know, I got love for the ladies.
That's what being a lesbian is all about, dude.
Absolutely.
I was in the army when a girl looked just like you.
Was that Walker, dude?
Bro, you typed in. Oh my gosh.
You typed in Keenan Thompson.
No matter how hard I try, I've never been black.
Our producer, he's sharp as an arrow, that guy.
Yeah, yeah.
There's a basketball player.
Oh my God. Everything I try to look up.
This guy has. Yeah, this this guy has my name and he's semi successful.
Really? Oh, no. OK, I'm going to click on.
You're going to surpass that fucking guy.
Oh, come on, man.
He's going to be drafted to the NBA.
Is he? Not if I can help it.
Yeah. Well, one of us is going to die.
There's mainly comedy.
That's a show that you consistently feature on.
Fucking I'll insert it.
I'll insert it right here.
Yeah, but it's good.
I mean, people at home are like, no, he's right.
He's 100 percent right.
You know, the picture is I don't.
But it was your first Facebook profile picture.
Nobody knows that. No, I don't.
I really don't. Well, you're started in 2021.
So this isn't the real Facebook, which I'm with you.
I do the same thing.
No, my real Facebook got deleted or banned, actually.
My Facebook. Yeah.
Damn. Same race as shit.
No. No.
I I had a group that I created like 15 years ago.
That was called American Revolution 2.0.
And it was all about legalizing weed and like just reform.
It was a discussion about, you know, it wasn't like we should really revolutionize
and storm the capital.
You know, this it was like it was like, man, I really like smoking weed.
But in Facebook's eyes.
But once the no, literally right after the January six,
they came after me and deleted all my shit.
Oh, shit.
No one had even said anything on that group for like 10, like seven years.
Nothing. No action.
Yeah, it was dead.
That's why if they actually look no, you know, I monitored it for years
and it was just mainly about legalizing weed.
Damn, dude. Facebook's anti weed.
Yeah, they wanted to blame it on the weed. That's fucked up.
They thought you were the head of a domestic terrorist organization.
Well, they're just over, you know, censoring and.
Yeah, I got swallowed up.
That's just real. Yeah.
Yeah, dude.
I was at January six.
You look like a Brigadier General of the Pelosi Office campaign.
Yeah, you think I look like a lesbian now.
If you had seen that old Facebook, I was ladylike.
He has a Subaru Outback.
Let's see if anything else on the notes is correct.
I'm really interested in this.
Do you love David Attenborough? I don't.
I don't know who that is. What?
What the hell, Dom? No, David Attenborough,
the National Geographic voiceover guy.
He said, OK, no, I mean, we're in context.
We know I don't.
There was no context.
What happens when you let a retarded person
to do your research for the podcast?
It's cool. I'm a mystery.
You know, this nice guy right here, this beautiful man, right?
This bald eagle looking. That's my granddad.
Oh, man, he looks like a great guy.
He narrates like the blue.
I know. Yeah, I know. I'm just bad with names.
Yeah, yeah. I'm on the same boat.
Older British gentleman.
I love him, though.
I've seen you like him on your page.
Oh, yeah. Like something that he did.
And I was like, I love David Attenborough, too.
You said that he loves it just because he liked it.
Yeah, dude.
There wasn't much on there.
I had to pick through.
Yeah. All right.
Well, we'll skip straight to it.
Were you in the slow classes, man?
Because that's what it says on the notes.
Oh, my God. Listen, I was in the slow classes for real.
So it's OK, man.
If you are, too, we could be on this thing together.
Very exciting. I am. I was on.
I was in the class. He's so happy.
He's so happy.
He's never been this happy before in his life.
I need somebody to agree with me on this.
Does my Facebook say I was in the slow classes?
I think they're like. Oh, my God.
If so, I need to I need to monitor that.
Yeah, I was in. I had a D.D.
So thank God.
Thank God, dude.
Yeah. No, first of all, the Facebook.
We talked about it before.
Please come in Birmingham.
Please read this. Yeah.
Yeah, I'm open about it.
About my disorder. Yeah.
But yeah, Brandon was, too.
So yeah, I was like, I remember.
You guys are in the same category.
Yeah. Yeah.
It was pretty rad, dude.
I'm not going to lie. Being in those classes.
Did you have people who got rowdy, like, like the fight and shit?
Yeah. Yeah. You had to have the misbehave.
Misbehavior. People.
I went to school in Montgomery, though.
So like it was it was majority was in the special classes.
Montgomery, Alabama.
Oh, dude. That's where you went.
That's where you went to school. Yeah.
I was telling people that is the worst city I've ever been to in America.
How do you like it?
You're not wrong.
That's it's it's rough.
It doesn't really get better.
So they got the Aviator Bar.
I've been there. That's a fun mic.
It's been crushing.
I heard was great. I've heard great things.
Well, they don't have that.
That's a good crowd. Oh, yeah.
Well, they have a theater that they're running comedy out of now.
Really? Yeah.
The Jasper Cruz, the guy.
Yeah. No, Theo Vonn did a show in Montgomery a couple of years back.
I was going to go.
It was at the Montgomery Performing Arts Center.
Yeah. It's a really big Theo Vonn demographic right next to the Civil Rights Museum.
I don't know what that's about. Yeah.
But we would be remiss, man.
The name of the podcast is Clown College.
It's true. And you have a immediate relative who is a clown, dude.
Yeah, I do.
My brother, he is a clown performer clown on stage
and he does stand up as a clown.
That's badass. I like that, man.
Yeah. I invited him to you guys' show to come out.
Oh, hell yeah, dude.
Yeah. He's going to put his name in the bucket.
And thank you for that.
Hell yeah. That would be sick.
Yeah. He hasn't confirmed yet, but yeah, he.
Dude, that'd be badass.
It's good. We will have a clown out there, too.
I don't give him compliments.
Yeah. And I like it.
It's good.
Either way, we appreciate you spreading the good news for us.
Yeah. You coming?
Yeah. Hell yeah, Kaden.
Yeah. That was going to be some fun, dude.
It's going to be exciting. I did respect you guys.
And you had to say I look like a lesbian.
That was dumb.
If you guys seen the pitch, matter of fact.
He's about to pull this up.
Go to Facebook so I can put mine.
Listen, I know I look ladylike.
People tell me I look ladylike, you know.
Mostly my family, but yeah.
Girls are hot, dude.
Yeah. I'm just trying to be hot.
Isn't that everybody's goal, man?
Yeah. Yeah.
Want to have a hot girl summer.
Hold up. You got to do this, too.
Oh, my God.
He's trying to test you.
Dom's got too much sweat on his hands.
Yeah. He do the touch.
I'll tell you more about my brother, though, because he's
he's internationally known for being a clown.
Damn. Yeah.
Doesn't have to write password.
I don't know if you remember
the articles about a clown getting arrested at a Waffle House
for smoking meth.
Get the fuck out of here.
That's him. And.
Oh, my God. I love this guy.
Yeah. So much right now.
We'll pay him to be on the show, dude.
Matter of fact.
Yeah. Well, see his act first.
No, I'm kidding.
Yeah, it was it was interesting.
Oh, my God. In Georgia.
Yeah. Yeah. Let's pull him up.
What is this website, dude?
Let me click on images to see if they got like a little.
Wait, let's see.
There's not any other ones, Brandon.
No, let me back up because the Mexican flags
and go to my shout out.
That's a good one.
The tears of a clown arrested for.
Oh, my God. The Daily Beast.
Wait, this is the same.
Actually, this one actually Joe Rogan shared it on his Twitter.
Oh, is that him?
That's him.
Oh, wow, dude.
That's he's not in clown gear there.
Jacob Worthing. He looks cool.
He does. Yeah.
Cool.
He could be like a movie star.
He could. All publicity is good publicity, man.
That's what they say.
Yeah. Yeah.
He yeah, he was a I don't want to tell his whole story,
but it wasn't meth, by the way.
It wasn't. It wasn't.
They framed him. It was DMT.
They just they didn't know how to classify it.
And he didn't know how to not do it, I guess.
DMT is just something you do out at a Waffle House.
That's one of those drugs.
I feel like you need to be alone.
Hey, if you really want them on, I'll save it for him to talk about.
OK. That would be good for you guys.
Oh, hell yeah.
And that's why I would tell tell us some more.
What's it like?
Would you guys grow up together?
Yeah. Same household.
Yeah. And how long has he been doing the clown?
He's done it for a few years off and on.
But as this act on stage, he just started doing it.
Yeah. He does.
He's been doing stand up.
And then he was like, I'm bringing out Waffles the Clown,
which is appropriate for how he got that clown name.
Dude, fuck that.
This is about Kenan, dude.
You ever smoke drugs at a Waffle House?
Yeah. You know, I haven't.
But it seems like the place to do it.
Craziest drug store.
That this is my shit.
This is my story.
All right. This is your craziest drug store.
I got pulled over on psychedelic mushrooms once.
You have a great joke about that.
I do. I have a pretty solid bit about it.
But there's actually way more to the story
that I haven't written fully into a joke
because it was a little intense.
It was a trip.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, the bones of the story is basically we got
stopped avoiding a roadblock.
Leaving you do leaving Colorado.
Yeah. But there was no real roadblock.
It was just a flare and a sign that said roadblock.
And then the exit that you could take to try to get away
was actually where the cops were at.
Smart. So it was like a devil.
It was entrapment. But
anyways, yeah, we get pulled over.
And I had just taken psychedelic mushrooms.
But the cop oddly seemed way more fucked up than we were.
And yeah, come to find out
he had PTSD
and he had just been in a shootout.
I do it. Oh, damn.
Yeah. And he he like was really pissed.
And it's kind of a dark story.
And he's pulling us all out of the car.
Mind you, I was not helping the situation.
I'm not saying I was a saint, but
I was definitely being chill.
And he wasn't in.
We were getting interrogated and stuff.
And I'm finally being honest with him.
And he he sees my friend in the car
and my friends eating a lot of weed.
And that just that just pissed him off, I guess.
But he he goes and he's like,
he he goes and gets my friend, he pulls him out of the car.
And that we're like on this embankment.
It's only one cop right now.
It was literally a two cop operation just to try to trick high people.
And he he grabs my friend.
And when he grabs me, they fall down this hill together.
And they're tussling. Yeah.
And this cop's like about to like he's like grabbing at his waist.
Like my friends, just my friends literally just trying to eat weed,
like just won't stop eating.
He has he has so much weed that he doesn't want to go to jail for.
And I went over and I'm just like, look, we're nonviolent, do like
we are not being violent at all.
And that seemed to work a little bit.
And at that time, the his his
another cop pulled up and.
He calmed the situation down.
And that second cop was actually the one that told me he apologized to us
and was like. He's kind of been having a hard time
because he just had a shootout in this exact location
really recently.
The smart thing to do is put him back right there.
Yeah, that's great.
And no, they let us go like 100 percent.
Well, hell, yeah. Good for them.
Good on them, dude.
You said he was wrestling down a hill. Yeah.
Yeah, it was crazy.
My friend is not small and he was sitting in the middle of two other friends.
But that didn't matter.
He just pulls him out down this hill.
And, you know, it's all it's all coming back to me.
Flooding back.
Oh, my gosh. Yeah.
That's crazy. Yeah.
Basically, yeah.
It was super troopers type moment.
And that's a while.
I've never had a positive interaction with law enforcement before.
I'm going to be honest with you.
I got pulled over on a bicycle one time, which I could not explain to you why.
They were like, I was on this bicycle.
It was cold as shit.
And they pulled me over and they were like, hey, there's been multiple
break ins in the area.
You look suspicious because you're out here on this bicycle.
I'm like, what the fuck?
Am I stealing the flat screen TV and then buy a bike?
And then bicycling away like that's the most obvious shit.
They pull their gun on me.
What? Yeah, I was with my buddy.
And you should look more like a lesbian.
And Super doesn't make bicycles.
But I want to hear about that, though, because I have another similar story.
Like, yeah, they just pulled their gun and it was like, it's not just black people.
OK, we get profiled and we get into shit, too.
The police are just bad.
But I was I was trying to I was just biking and I saw the cop pass me.
I didn't think anything of it because I was just on a bicycle on a public roadway.
It was like pretty late at night.
It was pitch dark outside and it was really cold.
So maybe it was a little suspicious.
But I mean, my bicycle is not the medium of choice to steal from fucking houses
and try to get away on.
What am I going to steal of value and bike away, dude?
And they pulled me over my old high school, like in the parking lot.
And they, you know, drive the gun.
And I was like, oh, OK.
And they're like, like on the ground, I get on the ground.
I'm like, what the fuck is going on, dude?
And these other cops pulled up.
One of them had air pods in.
I was like, what the fuck?
What the fuck kind of situation is this?
They were just like, we got us a boy.
It was me and my buddy.
And they just pulled us over.
And now your story is changing.
You and your buddy. OK.
Was there a wagon attached to it or something?
To the to the bicycle?
Yeah, because I'm like, no, I wasn't hauling cargo.
Oh, yeah, I'm like lone wolf.
And it was suspicious.
Now it's a really weird situation.
Like, I've never had a positive interaction with law enforcement.
What's yours?
You know, I think back to my story, I think my best.
I love it. No, you're good.
I think, you know, sometimes I felt like we were rubbing off on him.
But then to find out his story
was why he was acting like he was is worrisome.
I don't know.
I don't know where I was going.
No, it was a thing you said.
You said you got a similar story about when he said he got the.
Oh, yeah. I am same type of thing.
Just going down the road, they they had a robbery and
they thought we fit the description
somewhat.
I don't know how, but
we got stopped at gunpoint and they talked to us and they were like,
no, these ain't the guy.
Like, you know, I wasn't even 18 at the time.
I think I was like 16.
Damn, but that's the thing.
Getting a gun pointed at you makes you feel guilty whether you did anything.
And you don't know what's going to happen because one time I got robbed.
That was the only other time a dude pulled a gun on me.
It was at a gas station.
And the most embarrassing part was I only had eleven dollars.
Did you give it to him? Yeah.
It's not worth losing your life.
I'm giving him a $11 fee too.
Then see this condescending ask question.
He's like, did you give it to him?
I'm just saying.
It was $11.
There's two fives and a like ripped up one.
You can have it.
You obviously need this more than I do.
That's crazy. That reminds me we're going band for band.
Yeah, that really does.
I had just won the lottery for $17.
Oh, shit.
Big baller.
And I got robbed at gunpoint in Atlanta for that $17.
It's the worst feeling, dude, because you're just like, well, damn,
I don't even really got it like that, but I still got to give up what I got, man.
It's kind of it.
It's cut. I'm good.
I got some.
It's.
It's serendipitous.
Look that word up.
You know, I know what I'm saying.
Because praying for you, Brandon, I like the movie Serendipity.
Yeah, it's a good movie.
Let's stay light here.
No, no, we'll take it down as far as we fucking go.
OK, yeah, I'm good. I'm secure.
I once had a
account occurring or discovered by chance in a happy or beneficial way.
I'm using that word wrong.
I used it right once.
And then the second time, I'm just upset.
I think
you know, so they like rob you outside of the gas station or wherever
the lottery was, or was he waiting?
No, no.
I gave him a ride.
Well, I didn't want to, but my buddy with with me, he was like,
yeah, we'll give you a ride.
And that's a mistake right there.
And you know what? Come to think of it, that same guy
was with me when you get at that roadblock thing.
Bad. He's a bad old man, though.
Don't take him driving.
He just attracts the police like Brandon attracts pedophiles.
Yeah, he made you he made you take a guy like like,
I'm guessing he was at the gas station or some shit.
Now, we were at a show downtown and he was just kind of hanging out.
And he was like, I just got to get home to my baby mama.
It was so good. He was black.
He was a huge guy, just huge.
Yeah. And I'm just looking at my buddy like, no, no.
Like, yeah, not a chance.
And my guy's like,
yeah, let's let's do it.
That's still on me, though, I think, because it was my car.
But see, you know, we're just we're just kind of hippie ish back then.
And we were like, let's do it. Let's help this guy out.
This this is a PSA, though, because this happened at Boxcar
with me, Alex and Jake.
And then this dude was like, he drew a picture for Jake.
He has a hanging on his wall.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
And then it was like, can you guys give me a ride to he wanted it?
He wanted somebody to get him a ride to the store and then back to his hotel room,
which is right across the street from Boxcar.
And I just said no and ignored him, which is what you do.
This is the way to go about it.
And then Alex was like, oh, like, where is that?
Bye bye. See, you're asking.
Once you ask a question, they're going to get you in.
No matter if it was across town, they're going to get you in.
You fucking say, no, I'm good.
I got I got to go to even though I was lying.
I was like, oh, you got to go that way.
I'm going this way. You know what I mean?
And Alex got raped.
Do it.
R.I.P. Alex.
Asian Heritage Month.
This happened with me and your boy blow job Willie over there
on Thursday at the Speakeasy.
This Indian gentleman, his race has nothing to do with it,
but I brought it up anyways.
This Indian gentleman kept pressing us for a ride.
It was me, Brandon and Matthew Lumber.
Shout out Lumber and teen pop sensation Matthew Lumber.
And we were outside the Speakeasy.
He came up and he was with this white woman and was like, me
and my wife need a ride back to this hotel.
Do you? At first he started, he was like, you got the Uber app on your phone?
I was like, I don't because I live in fucking the sticks, Alabama.
You know, we don't have Uber isn't a thing.
And then he kept pressing us.
He was like, if you give me a ride back, I'll give you five dollars.
Yeah, that's what he kept saying.
It was like a 17 minute drive for five dollars.
I'm like, I'll burn more in gas on the way there than what you're paying me.
And he just wouldn't leave me alone.
So I pulled a sick move.
I was like, hey, my boy Dom might have the Uber app on his phone.
And I just walked inside the Speakeasy and had no intention of talking to you about it.
I just let them deal with it.
He left them with us. He was there the whole time.
He was just there. I just left.
He's like, so you're not going to give it to me?
I'm like, no, man, I don't.
I got a show. I'm going to go.
Be like, you can't do it real quick.
It's down the street. I'm like, no, man, I'm not doing it.
That was this Thursday.
Yeah, I know the dude.
Yeah, the dude that was in the Speakeasy who kept talking.
He also I'll fucking call him out now.
He was saying talking shit about Raina while she was up there on stage.
What do you say about Raina?
He's like, oh, she has his pussy jokes while he was at the bar.
And then he pressed us for a ride for five dollars.
Do go fuck yourself.
Fuck you. Fuck you.
Yeah. Kumar.
Oh, OK. I didn't say that.
I mean, it's probably his name.
Damn. I have two Indian friends, both of them are named Kumar.
So I just like them, dude.
So you can say it, but I can't.
Kumar. Meta Rappu.
That's today. I call him MP.
MP Kumar is that he
you got. You got.
What is that? You are comfortable.
No, first of all, that's on.
Go to White Castle. Kumar is that he is.
I know what you mean from Dr.
V. OK, that you've been anything sort of a.
Kumar White. I'll be drinking to God.
As always, as on every other 25 episodes of this podcast,
hey, you can have a little drink, get a little cocaine.
What are we doing here?
Yeah, you know what? I just realized, man, 26 is half a 52, dude.
52 weeks in a year.
This is our six month anniversary of the pod.
Oh, yeah.
You did a lot of math there real fast.
Yes, I think I think that's serendipitous or something.
And that is called a callback.
I can't be sure.
Yeah, those guys are beast guys.
That's a great movie, though, isn't it?
So good.
Shout out Bobby. What's the last time you watched it?
It get four days ago. For real.
Yeah, they barricaded a sparrow, barricaded a sparrow.
Well, as soon as they ride the cheetah, I'm out.
Well, I'm talking like it's too much.
When Bobby Lee was in there, when they were in the campus
and the guy was smells the weed on him, the the hall monitor
and they catch one dude, he's like he's like neck and groin rookie.
Oh, yeah.
I love that fucking part.
That is a wild part.
Yeah.
What's barricaded a cheetah, dude?
Barricaded a sparrow.
He's like that's their call names.
Yeah, he's a fake.
He's like a mall cop, like the other thing.
He's like both animals you couldn't beat in hand to hand combat.
I could fuck a cheetah up. Oh, that's a fucking cheetah.
I'm about to walk out.
I'm walking out.
I could kill a big cat. Yeah.
No, wait, like a cougar.
Not a lion. Not a lion.
Not a not even a mountain lion.
You guys were all in the special classes.
I just want to put that out there.
I would fuck it.
Cheetahs are are not like that.
They run 80 miles an hour.
OK, they cannot hit you.
What happens when they catch you?
They kill you with their claws and their teeth.
Brandon, look it up.
They go for the neck.
Don't even say another word, dude.
Look it up right now.
I could throw a punch at a hundred miles an hour.
The mantis shrimp has the hardest punch in the animal kingdom.
It goes so fast it boils the water around it.
No, the answer is no.
And it says otherwise, these people are not legitimate sources.
No, you could be the cheetah.
You can't beat any of the other big cats.
Probably.
No, you could be like one of those sphinx ones.
A cheetah is everything that a jaguar is.
No the fuck it's not. But faster.
No, it's not. It is though.
It is though. It lives in Africa.
Do you know how hard it is to live in Africa?
People can't even do it, dude.
They're fucking dying.
People have lived in Africa for as long as people have lived.
But it depends on the park.
I hear what you're saying, though.
You need pepper spray.
That's what it says.
It says you have a little chance if your arms utilize a weapon.
Pepper spray should be your first line of defense.
It goes 80 miles an hour.
If you just want to fight it, you're not going to win.
You're running 80 miles an hour. You're not going to win.
You can fuck up a cheetah.
He said big cat. He did not say cheetah.
That's a big cat.
A mountain lion. I'll fucking slam that little pussy every day of the week.
You cannot beat a mountain lion.
A cheetah is way more deadly.
They have mountain lions in Florida.
Do you hear what I have to go through?
A mountain lion.
A cheetah is more dangerous than a fucking mountain lion.
I am mind numbingly drunk and I know I'm right, dude.
That's the craziest part of this kind of a cheetah.
Can you survive in mountain lions?
People, yeah, I mean you can.
Yeah, people can choke them out.
Really?
That's the move.
Yeah.
Choke the big cat out.
If you got a fucking pocket knife, you can take out this little pussy.
If a cat gets your back though, it's a wrap.
Yeah.
So you just have to get them.
Take those claws.
Before they get you.
The cheetah runs 80 miles per hour.
Why do you keep saying that?
That matters.
The fastest human being has ever ran, Usain Bolt, 27 miles per hour.
We're not talking about running from the dog.
No, but it's going to be running at you and then it jumps up.
And what, are you going to catch that thing going 80 miles an hour?
That's like trying to catch a fucking four fiesta.
And getting in a rear neck and choke.
OK.
Are you fighting in the wild or is this like a sanction fight?
It doesn't matter.
They're talking about the wild.
OK.
It can run around the walls of the fucking cage, dude.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
This is the craziest fucking thing.
Look up Cheetah Malls Africans.
OK.
You'll find 15,000 videos.
You won't find them.
They're not like that.
You're missing.
What's the first thing that pops up, dude?
50 to 80 miles per hour.
Keenan.
Set some light on this boy.
There's no way, dude.
I've tried, I think.
It's not working.
But.
OK.
They've mauled some tourists.
Malls tourists.
Yeah.
Listen, JJ, we're going to go on a long hike or a rucksack hike.
We're going to find us a big cat.
We're going to fight that cat.
Yeah, you guys can live stream this and I'll
be in the safety of my own home because I'm not fucking around with that.
And we're going looking for it, man.
We went searching for an alligator the other night.
And honestly, that probably could have killed all of us, dude.
Yeah, that was a bad choice.
Alligators freak me out for sure.
Oh, yeah.
There's one out there.
But you can take one.
No.
You just got to grab it.
You have way better chances of doing an alligator than a cheetah.
Because an alligator has no unhinging power in its jaws.
It only has bite down.
So if you get the mouth down, you're good.
You're good.
You just get on top of it, grab the jaws, you're fine.
But what you think?
Poke its eyes out?
What are you going to do, though?
You get as long as you're on the back of it and you have its mouth closed,
what can it do?
It can't flip over and it can't bite you, which are its two main attacks.
But cheetah, dude, the cheetah is going to fuck you.
Squeaks could probably kill you if he really put his ambition into it.
It's a house cat.
The most dangerous land animal.
Jake, shut out Jake's cats.
A bear.
Squeaks is the best, man.
A bear, though.
Like, the most dangerous land animal.
Yeah, yeah.
Grizzly.
Yeah.
Or a polo, whichever one.
For sure.
Definitely.
Could you, if you were just a guy in bear country, you had a knife or a gun,
you going to let that bear get you?
Yeah, it's going to get me.
Yeah.
It's going to tear me up.
Probably every day of the week.
Eat me from the asshole out.
OK.
That's what they do.
I think you could still get it.
But that's the fight right there.
Yeah, that's like, that's one of those people who do nothing,
barrel hay all day.
They might be able to tussle with it.
But Khabib might.
No, Khabib's a busy.
He wrestles bears.
Hell, yeah.
Hey, docile bears.
Not fucking.
You ever seen Grizzly Man?
I've seen it.
Yeah.
You hear those screams at the end?
Yeah.
That's good shit.
It's getting super dark.
I didn't hear that.
It was on Restricted Videos.
We'll go to Restricted Videos real quick if you want to.
Yeah, we will.
We'll see some dark shit.
Yeah.
This is, oh, yeah, that was the age.
You're that age.
Face of the Death?
I'm not sure.
Band from TV?
I mean, I've seen some fucked up stuff on the old internet.
Like E-bombs World and shit?
Yeah, just, yeah.
Live Leak.
Yeah.
That's the one.
I love watching it.
I think I blocked it out, dude.
And now we're just.
Good for you.
Yeah, that's good.
Yeah, I mean, you know, I'm just trying to be chill.
Whenever I wake up in the morning,
I check Restricted Videos.
That's how crazy that gets you up.
Yeah.
I like watching car crashes on Instagram Reels.
Just a cement, like a concrete truck, just the big ass part
that's hauling the liquid cement, falling on a family
for murdering them all at the same time.
I can't watch videos with driving.
You know?
I understand that.
It is for you.
See, I don't like that.
I don't like that.
Because I drive for a living.
Yeah.
And when I'm driving and I'm watching somebody drive,
it just gets weird.
Yeah.
Metadrive.
Yeah.
I understand.
That was like when everybody had to cut off two girls, one cup.
You know, you had to mentally embrace that.
That's completely different.
I don't think that's the same at all.
Still some crazy shit.
Nobody cut that off.
Nobody wanted to.
They were like, let's see how this ends.
That's like a train wreck.
You have to keep watching, dude.
Yeah, that was crazy.
You're helpless to it.
Oh, shit.
Yeah, man.
All right, Kenan, that's the end of the episode.
Whenever you see a ghost, Muhammad Ali.
Is it?
Yeah.
That means that we just too fucked up?
Huh?
No, it's 50 minutes.
Time limit.
Whoa.
It flew by, dude.
It's been 50 minutes.
Yeah, man.
It flew by.
But this is going to be the first step.
This will be out tomorrow.
All right?
So if you have anything you want to promote,
anything you got coming up, you're
just going to tell it to this camera right here.
Cool, man.
Well, Birmingham Comedy is alive and very well.
We've got the New Face Showcase competition at the Stardom.
JJ was on it already.
It's a great opportunity.
Sign up if you have it.
Yep.
Sign ups are still open at comedybreakin.com or any social.
You can sign up if you're a comic.
We've had two so far.
We've had two really funny black comedians win.
Hell yeah.
And it's called New Face Showcase.
And it looks like if I'm going to win,
I'm going to need a new face.
A black face.
I support.
But yeah, I'll be on it this month, the 30th, May 30th.
I'll be on it.
Just to throw my hat in there.
It's got a $5,000 cash prize.
Hell yeah.
I'd be crazy not to.
Hopefully I'm on it with you.
I submitted my tape.
I don't know if you know.
Same here.
Same here, hopefully.
What's your Instagram?
American Jester.
Which is clown oriented.
Hell yeah.
That's what we do, baby.
Facebook, anything else you got, websites or anything?
Just Instagram.
It's all about that IG.
That's my artist outlet.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
Thank you guys.
Thanks, Keenan, for coming on.
Thanks for coming.
We really appreciate it.
I love you guys no matter what.
Hell yeah.
I love you too.
Let's get fucked up.
Let's do a single tomorrow.
Yeah.