Hey guys, if you like the part, why don't you come see us at the live show May 17th?
Killer clowns live comedy showcase at shenanigans comedy theater 8 p.m
Come see it. We got live musical performance featured stand-up comedians bucket pool spots
And what can they do to us in front of a live studio audience pies in the face cream pie, baby
Hell, yeah and skits skits as well. Yeah, we got a friend shit. What you gotta say Brandon what I gotta say is
It's because that this shit is going to be big like this cup
You want to be a big daddy? You want to walk around and get all that shit?
Come on down here and get a bucket pool. We got you. We're gonna get it now. Isn't that right? We the three
You know, let's say it on three one two three. We the three big
I didn't know where we're going. Is that a is that a cop?
Because I say you gotta be big
Like a dick i'm going back to my home. Yeah
Oh, yeah, make 17 shenanigans eight o'clock come see us. It'll be fun
This is the clown college podcast
We're just a couple open micers trying to make our way through the scene where we interview
Comedians throughout different stages of their comedy career no matter if they're open micers headliners or traveling comedians
I'm here too. Jamie 2.0. I just talk a lot more. Damn it. Brandon go sit in the corner
What y'all won't do for love hey for the love of mine
I thought y'all remixing like three songs right? Yeah, I was putting a bobby caldwell in there
You know, he was white dude. Oh, yeah, dude. I found that out like a couple years ago. I was really shocked
I never knew. Yeah, yeah brothers got soul. Yes, he does
Rest in it. Well, actually, yeah, it's soul up there. Yeah, he just passed
Yes, he did like a week ago or something like that. No, no, it was like it was last year like last year
Okay, okay. I'm in my dude. I wonder if his voice got better with age
I feel like his type of style. He would he would play. I don't know if you can get those high notes though
Oh true. He is hitting at that later stage. He might have I played one of his songs from uh,
2015 on the radio once he sounded sounded man. It's pretty good pretty good. Oh, yeah
You could tell the age but you still had that soul in him. How old was he? Probably in the 60s. Maybe late 50s
Oh
Early 60s. I mean probably
No, I mean he came out with that in the 80s
Yeah, and he was
Probably at least 30 when that came out. So yeah, let me see bobby called. Well, see that uh,
I don't think he was eight
Gotta get those assignments. Yeah. Yeah, man
Let's see. So 1951. So yeah, he was let's see because I don't have time for this man
72 71 years old. Yeah, he's 71. So make that fool. That's not too old. I didn't know he looked like that
Young man, he got that. Oh, yeah when he got old
And yeah, he started looking like different man. Yeah, like the frank sinatra kind of he do
That's a brunos
Go ahead you uh, this is your first time having a heineken, right? Oh, yeah, man pop that bad boy
Pop this bad boy up for everybody with the old dick here
Lay that wood on the heineken, man
The angle he's going
Doing the other one the other way like this
He's doing like a shooting star press trying to open this thing hold up we're gonna get it. Hey
Yeah, we did it
He's gripping that thing
Put it back in the hole, how was it that shit was good get honey very tasty
Yeah, like it tastes that tastes good. That's a premium premium malt lager you got over there
That's why it tastes so good and fresh
What do you know about the nether Netherlands Brandon the netherlands like the island or the fucking city or whatever that place is
Country country. I know it's a country you can go down there probably a farm down there. What is in my uk?
What is it?
Where the fuck is this thing? It's a country. It's a country. It's his own thing. Okay
Okay, that's where Amsterdam is. Yeah, that's where the red light district the hose the hose
Yeah, the the prostitute free process. I mean not free possibly
legal
It's legalized dude
You can do a whole bunch of drugs over there
Like any any I think nobody cares
Yeah, dude, you can freaking snort some fentanyl now. Look, I don't agree with this
But do y'all hear this some places you can do whatever you want
It should be like that everywhere it should be I agree like I mean if I wanted to shoot up here
I'm right now. I should be able to yeah right on camera a safe way go to the cbs
Grab some good heroin
Cvs, they're gonna have it behind that glass case and there's never gonna be an employee to get it for you, dude
You'll never get to do here. I'm gonna break that glass and get mad
Stone Cold Steve Austin get the fucking heroin dude. I'm down. I don't know
I I don't think I'd do it but maybe it would be good if it was legalized
Because then you could see like just people tweaking and you'd be like, no, I'm good on that
Well, then it won't be cut with like all kind of crazy shit
You know you're getting coke or you're getting heroin and they could I would never do here
You don't want to do nothing that you get sick if you don't have it. You know what I mean? That's not fun
Yeah, it's not fun. I don't even like my headaches that I get when I don't drink caffeine, dude
That's no fun. Now I have to buy one of these every day
369 now dude on fucking real
Biden's america. Yeah, dude. I'm getting tired of it. Everything is so fucking expensive, man
Now this is the kind of talk I like
I agree. I mean god damn I know and I know it's not
It doesn't matter who the president is. We have to go through a recession. I'm just tired of it
This is this is getting outrageous. It is I went
Uh, I haven't went to the store like to walmart and walked out with minimum paying 70. I live by my fucking self
Yeah, that's crazy dude for like a week's worth of groceries. It's not even growth like i'll go in there
But oh I need this I need that and then grab it
Yeah
Grab a couple groceries and it's like if I grab groceries and stuff I need oh, it's over 100. Yeah
You can't get anything. I mean everything is over ten dollars
That's why nobody got a house like I was at my I was at public stuff the other day and dude
Why is coca-cola almost three dollars man for what like a bottle a little the little leader thing man
I would look out like wait a minute. That's two dollars and like 78 cents two liters used to be like 99. Yeah, dude
I remember that. Yeah. Yeah
Even that fucking public's brand that's got like that white person partying or whatever that shit
That shit's still a dollar fifty. Oh, yeah, just to get cancer fast
Then water's a dollar now. What does dr. Thunder cost?
Dr. Thunder is actually like one of the nicer
Yeah, like off brand. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure it's ridiculous. Can you look up fluid?
Scent cost per fluid ounce of dr. Thunder dude, I guarantee you it's over 32
Brandon I'm impressed dude, you fucking did that well
Yeah, no, right? It's crazy
Let's see the analytics on this
Two cents
The price varies depending on store. Oh my gosh. Wow. That's like a dollar dollar forty eight. Yeah, what the fuck? Yeah
Yeah, man. Yeah, you had that used to be 79 cents, huh? Have you had now? I don't like mountain lightning though
Yeah, I'm not a diet mountain lightning. It's all right. If you want it's like spright more than it's like Mountain Dew though
Yeah, it's kind of it's one of it's almost like a like a what is that called? Do you like a fresca almost?
Mmm. It's got like a lemonade. Yeah, yeah, kind of kind of sorry, huh? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah
Oh, that's what I grew up look at that dude. We didn't have no name brand shit
That was my grandparents dude mountain lightning and dr. Thunder. Oh, yeah. Love it
I like the off-brand walmart macaroni is called shells and cheese. They get real literal with the
nomenclature of the store
Dude, yeah, that's the good kind though. It's like the Velveeta one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
See that powder cheese. Fuck that you gotta have the cheese sauce now
We'll say craft in the blue box not the off-brand one though, but craft in a blue box
Oh, I fucks with but you're talking about fresh the individuals or with them like it makes a whole yeah, it makes the whole thing
Yeah, okay
Yeah, I know some people like a lot of people don't like it
But you have to eat it like right when you make it you can't like save. No, dude
I'm down for the craft man same here. Just don't take it to Thanksgiving. You know what I mean?
Because I'm a we get out of here and I make it perfect now
You can bring mountain lightning to Thanksgiving. That's welcomed him in my uh, my family. Y'all remember shasta's. No
Yeah, yeah, they had uh
They had like every flavor of every every like the best flavors. That was a good one
I don't even know if they had it
Poo shasta
Like what how you spell this?
I think I know what you're talking
Yeah, oh the twist dude, yeah, dude
Oh, I don't like those little go to the go to the one where it has all of them. Oh right here
Right is dude. They got dr. Shasta. Those are fire man
Look at all look at all those fucking flavors, dude. I've never even some of those i've never even is that mountain rush?
Yeah, mount rushmore. Yeah, they're running real close to uh, that's the closest uh mountain dude
Yeah, and they got the same color palette and everything like that nectarine orange. Come on man pineapple brandon
What's that? Is that bubble gum dude on the middle on the all the way on the left that pink one? What's that?
Oh, that's raspberry cream. Come on, dude
What they got this is like a fucking this is like looking at the front of the gas station with all the vapes and shit
Right now they got everything everything though. My grandma used to have them every time
Oh, dude, I'll go down there and smash a bunch of black cherries
Get lit off the
Hell yeah, dude look at and look at the diet representation on the top row dude. Oh, yeah
I'd love to see that those silver bullets up there
tonight silver bullets. Oh, yeah, 7 30 every tuesday. Yeah hosted by myself and jonathan silver
What's after that? Huh? Oh shag nasties dude shag nasty. Yeah, dude
What the fuck why is there a mountain right? That's what I was wondering that mount mount shy
Well, that's where they get the uh shasta from now. That's where they get the water
Well, then they should have more of a right to call it fucking mountain rush than mountain do
Yeah, they got a whole ass mountain. Yeah. Yeah, where's mountain dude? Where's pepsi's mountain?
Now it's fucking nowhere to be seen. They got a taco bell on a little hill. Maybe they don't got that shit
Wait, I thought that was mount everest dude fucking frauds mount
big ass ones
What happened? Uh, how was the x5? Uh, uh, that was fun dude. Shout out, uh stardom
David lineman all the x5 guys. That's awesome. That's a great competition. They're doing down there if you're in the area
I'm encouraging everybody to sign up. That's such a cool
What opportunity to stardom is a cool room to play they got the stadium seating. It's big as fuck
It feels it feels like a a real show
It's got that vibe to it and that was awesome kim murdered
Shout out
Shout out kim shout out lp for for secure in the bag, dude. He fucking he killed he got standing ovation
That was the craziest thing i've ever seen in my life man. Hell yeah, he murdered
I've never met him, but i've heard he's funny same here. Oh, yeah, dude, clearly. Yeah
Yeah, so now they get put into the main like the winner's show winner showcase for five g's. Yeah winner gets five
Thousand smackaroos, man. It's definitely big biggest competition around here, right? Hell. Yeah, dude
You can fucking put a down payment on a Ford Fiesta with that
Start a whole life. Yeah
Damn, well temporarily if I had five thousand dollars y'all wouldn't see me for two months, man
Till i'm broke i'm back
Buddy, yeah crazy five thousand dollars barely pays my bills
Barely dude
Like i'm struggling at the end of the month. You're gonna see me with every shasta flavor ever dude
shit big
Okay, uh
Oh, so you you're riding around in the new uh
Yeah, new way. Yes. I am. Okay. What yeah, what is that dude? So it is a
2022 pilot honda because my other car we have little fender bender
They've fixed it up and now I got this car that makes me feel like a fucking time traveler
Like i've never i'm sorry because i've never drove a car
Beyond 2013 right so I went in there. They got wireless chargers
What you yeah, dude, I put it right here started charging
And then and then you had a fucking a parallel park button on that bitch and then a camera
Uh, dude, what is the parallel part of this 2022 honda pilot man, dude, that's that's some crazy shit
What so it like parks itself? I haven't tried it man because i'm too scared
I'm too scared. He tried to fat sammy's downtown tomorrow. Nah, man. I'm like an old man. I don't trust
That's nice, let me show you yeah, i'm gonna cry when it's gone. Yeah
Where's the charger at like it's like right? It's like right in that middle with the mouse. Oh, yeah
Yeah, let me see he pointing at the screen. It's right here. You see that right there
You put it right there and it instantly charges
Yeah, man, wait, wait, I gotta call you out on that dude. You do the same thing you point at the tv
He gets on brandon. He's like brandon. It's right there and brandon's looking at the computer and don's pointing at the tv and i'm slow
We all are man, dude, you can fucking take a family of five to red lobster in that bitch, dude
There's right after shark corrected. There's two extra seats in the back too. Listen, I love big bertha the great white hope
That's what I call my car because whenever it starts there's hope but
Dude, I got I might have to make a change one day
So they're gonna fix your car. Yeah, they're fixing it as we speak and your insurance is gonna pay for it
Are they insurance? Yeah, i'm still gonna do like 250 probably but uh, what?
Yeah, they said just to like help out with uh to give like some money to the mechanics
I'm not gonna give them a dime. Fuck that brandon. What are you talking about? Don't give them a dime somebody hits you
Why the fuck are you paying anything? They're probably trying to scam me, dude. I wouldn't give them a dime
Okay. Now now sometimes sometimes you have to first you said helping out the mechanics
I don't yeah, they said you have to pay they were like you had to pay a little bit for the mechanic
And we're like, okay
No, but I mean, no you shouldn't but sometimes you do have to pay like the down the the deposit
Yeah, and then their insurance will pay you pay that back and you'll get it back later
That's what I had to do when I got in that last wreck
So but I don't know what you're talking about helping out the mechanics. Yeah, you better be like, oh i'm paying this
And then you're gonna you're gonna pay me back once you get the money from their insurance
Which would be like in a month, you know, it shouldn't be like a year or not like that
Yeah, you're saying yeah brandon, but you need to tell them that some writing dude
Yeah
Because you I feel like you just let them tell you whatever and then now because we had another situation because it's like
The insurance company what they did was we found out on like the paper
They gave the other person my same insurance when it wasn't like there
So they thought they're like, oh we thought that they were part of ours too. And it was like no, it's completely different
Or they got a different issue. It was very shady shit going on. I don't know. We'll figure it out some insider trading
Make sure you get a check on that because their insurance should be paying for it
If you have to pay the 250 right off the back, that's that's standard sometimes
but uh
You ought to get that back
Okay in fast time and it shouldn't be like it should be like in two weeks or something like that from once they settle it
In a timely fashion. Yeah the time of fashion. I'm still waiting on this goddamn morgan to morgan to hit me up with this bread
They keep on calling me. It's like you could tell it's like some young person who just got out of like a pre-law school
Whatever and she's like, uh, she's paralegal and then i'm just doing a monthly check
I'm like, yeah, so where are we at with this? You know, did they send you the discovery? I'm like no
Oh, oh, well, you have to talk to lisa. I don't know the fuck lisa is fuck is lisa
Yeah, you call me and tell me about it. I need this money
God, we're trying to do some shit here at clown college may 17th may 17th 17th. Hey p.m
shenanigans comedy theater get your tickets online because uh, we're about to start hitting these ads and they
We're hoping it sells out
Yeah
Yep, the ads are great
Yeah, that was really good. Yeah, you branding got double cream pie. Yeah in the face with pie
Yeah cream pie. What else would you get cream pie to whip? You know what else man? They got them on them sites
I make sure people know it's pie. They're like brady got cream pie twice today
And they're like really got cream pie twice. No cream pie safe
Don't think that's helping your case man, I know
They'll see it. They'll see they'll all see dude may 17
I mean, oh, yeah
Gosh, dude
But I the more I think about it the more it's gonna suck sitting up there once you already got pied once
I was just thinking about that dude because that smell stayed in my nose for like a full the first 48 bro
48 hours afterwards. I mean it smelled like fucking expired milk inside of my nostrils man. That shit was terrible
So we're gonna have to have like a wet rag each of us just to get it out of our eyes not to get it all
The way off but just to get it out of our eyes can of a breeze or something, too
Yeah, no, it's overweight you you're done after I mean, there's nothing you can do in the time
You can't go to the bathroom and try to wash it off. It doesn't work like that
We can get the little nose plugs
Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I get two of them things that they use when there's a concert
They put those and they just put in your notes. I'm sure ace prater probably got some some of the shout out
Who a sent me a picture he you know, he builds all his guns and his ammo
Damn, I was a ammo guy. That's fucking crazy
It's not surprising. It's not surprising but it's like we're building the guns. I'm like, okay. Yeah, you know
I heard people order and parts, but I don't think he ordered I'm pretty sure he just gets some strip
But like he so he built his own gun and then I was like he's talking about the ammo he has
I'm like, yeah, I heard that he was like, oh, yeah, I make my own ammo. What am
Hey, that is we get brave. He said next time
Next time he uh, he goes out and go shooting with him. I'm really I'm down. I'm down
Yeah, I'm down. I'm down. Yeah, you know, he has some crap. Oh, what was he saying? He's like the uh
the uh, the range he goes to is only like I don't know 1200 yards or 1200 but there's one that's like almost a mile and
He has a gun that can shoot a mile. Damn. I want to shoot that mother. You know that motherfucker
Well, you gotta I wouldn't trust Brandon with it, but you gotta like that motherfucker
Boom, it's gonna take you that fucking breath that would like mortal combat style execute Brandon his fucking rib cage would come out through his back
Oh my gosh, man. Yeah, I don't know. That's a lot killing somebody from a mile away
Could you imagine that it's so I mean to do that?
You got to be so good because you got to get the wind and everything to be able to hit a person from that far
That's some skill right there. This is why we need lasers man
True true lasers instantly annihilate everybody. No, we don't need that. That's the last thing we need
I'm sure they already got them, dude
Oh my god
No, no
Oh you talking about actual like star wars type shit. Oh, yeah, I'd be crazy wouldn't it man?
Yeah, once we get up there that is the future my goodness
I don't know if they have it yet
Definitely not for that long of range. No, but they the cia had that little heart attack gun thing
Yeah, they use to kill all those people it shoots out like a little grain of salt
And it has this poison from a shellfish on it that instantly causes it causes a person to have a heart attack
And you it's so small that you can't even identify an entry point
So there's really no way to prove it at least that's what I heard dude
I've been trying to make one but when you do let me know
You got some people you're trying to get man
Brennan I can imagine you kill anybody like i'm sorry man. Shave him in the face
He would totally be like, uh, uh, what's his face dude?
Can't remember his name john travolta in uh, pulp fiction where he shot morvin in the face
He's like fuck I didn't mean this you
Yeah, I've been like my bad man damn
I didn't mean for this shit to happen
He just died man
He just fell out
Fell out? What?
Life? I mean he gonna yeah he fell out of life i'm sorry
If you had to kill somebody who's wronged you what way would you do it?
What way would I do it?
Damn we getting interesting. Okay, let me think here
They murdered your entire family
Oh they burned your entire family
You really want to kill them like do you want to make them suffer or do you want to just shoot them in the face?
You gotta make them suffer man
With a machete though
Tie them up in a room and fuck up they whole family
Do some crazy shit
And then slowly burn up the house
While the house is slowly burning
Before he burns up you go back in there
Boom boom boom boom boom boom boom
Was what? A gun?
Yes. No you gonna burn man
No no before he finished burning
You come back in there and you just come in there
Even though he burnt you do it out of the passion
Cuz you killed my family
You don't do that
So you're doing a whole family burning situation
You gotta do everything man they took your family
You can't let this stuff slide
You're like an 80, 90 year old dude
And they're like what happened to your family? Oh this dude just killed them
Where is he at now? He's just walking
Having a good day. No!
He got a little ice cream cone
He has an ice cream shop
He's getting his ass eaten he's having a good day
Damn, he got ice cream and got his ass eaten
Yes and I'm supposed to say that's good
Two men ticks in one dude
That's what I'm saying he's doing it all
Fuck dude
You can't do that with me cuz I'm lactose
I'm lactose also but I don't care
I love ice cream
That hot fudge coming out
Yeah
It depends on the day for me
You guys see me I always have ice cream
Yeah true. I'm addicted
That nutter butter shake man
That shit will make you nut
I was scared
That nutter butter make you nut if you eat it good
Because it's good
It's fucking amazing
That's the best shake I've ever had in my life
Yeah dude it's good
Fuck man
Because it's good
Best thing you'll ever have go out there and try it before it's gone
I went to Dairy Queen and got a snickers blizzard not that long ago man
This is judgmental ass
That nut in the butt shake
That's what you like
I like the fucking snickers and you gotta be real careful when you pronounce that word
If you look like me dude
Do you add anything in there?
Usually not man
But my favorite thing from Dairy Queen
Is the Royal New York Cheesecake blizzard
The strawberry cheesecake
You get that
Perfect by itself dude
All that shit sounds terrible
Blizzard's are the worst thing
It's your German side man
Worst ice cream in the world
Blizzard's are so good dude
The thickness
Why do you want all that thick shit?
Because dude
You don't want something with some integrity
You don't want something, they fucking flip it over
And it doesn't fall out dude
It remains solid
I want it to move a little bit
Now I don't think they have these anymore
The dip cones, the cherry dip cones
They just brought out a new flavor
Pull that out, it's a birthday cake dip cone
Now I'll fuck around with this small dip cone
It's not enough to make my asshole just explode
Oh yeah, confetti works dude
The funfetti
It's new
There it is
Oh I'm down bro
What's that blue one?
What's that fucking
That's just a sign I think
That cherry dip cone is just red food
Probably blue raspberry
Blue raspberry
Blueberry maybe
Dude I worked at Dairy Queen for like 6 years
Can we just look at the Dairy Queen menu man?
Yeah man
I never once ate a Blizzard though
They're so good man
Which is crazy
That's insane dude
I would be 450 pounds dude
I'd be diabetic
I would look like a Samoan right now dude
Oh my god
That is what the Dairy Queen menu has looked like for the past 3 decades
They have not updated
I'll tell you this
I went there because whenever I used to work there
They had a good chicken sandwich
It was premium chicken
It was a whole cutlet
Fried or grilled?
Fried, they had both
And people liked both of them
Because I was a cook, I didn't mess with the ice cream
And then I went there recently
And I was like oh I want one of those chicken sandwiches
It was fucking 2 tenders on there
On a small ass bun
Like dude we used to have premium buns, premium chicken
That's my one fucking gripe about this
You cannot call it a chicken sandwich
If it's just chicken strips on some bread
It's gotta be in patty form bro
What the fuck are we doing here?
Fruity Blast
What the hell?
Look at that purple one Brandon
It's called Fruity Blast, the Grimace special right there dude
You know about that?
That Fruity Blast
I'll take it though
I'll take any of those dip coins besides chocolate
Of course you take a Fruity Blast dude
No surprise there
You know I'm gonna put y'all on some game
All the audience and everybody about these blizzards now
Like what I do is I make this blizzard
Where I get, what type of ice cream?
Where I get a cheesecake one right?
And then when we get the cheesecake
I'll be like let me add some extra shit
Let's add the brownie batter
And you can add some cookie dough in there too
And you know what, listen listen
If you want to get risky with it
You can put some M&M's in that bitch also
In what?
I'll be like yo
That's too much going on dude
Give me the cookie dough, the batter, I want all the batter man
That's blasphemy dude
That's messing up the sanctity that the blizzard holds
That's just too much going on
Is there any ice cream in it?
Oh yeah, basically yeah
You just get ice cream and then you put cheesecake and then some batter
Maybe a little bit of cookie dough
Just a cup of candy with a side of ice cream
It's worth it
Once a month though, you don't want to get too messed up
Speaking of Fruity Blast, Jamar Carmichael's a bitch
Hey, this dude
Jerrod, whatever his name
Oh no, you said it right
Did I say it? Yeah, I just like saying Jerrod
What's his name? Jerrod Carmichael
Yeah
Now I can't say it
I got a joke about it now, I got to figure out how to say it
Jerrod Carmichael
But he went and he made a joke about race play
And then he took it back
We don't do that around here
We stick to it
Nothing more than I want a West Virginia white bitch with dirty feet calling me a nigger
Alright, that's what I fucking want
And he started, and he didn't make it good
It wasn't even a good race play joke
You know what I'm saying? He told me about his boyfriends
I don't know, hitting them with
Sticks or I don't know what he was saying
Gay race play? That's what he was saying
Gay race play
But he took it back, he got donkey of the day then took it back
And then went on Charlamagne and then he's like
Well, I didn't like how
People were talking about my
Boyfriend, I'm like, dude you're in the fucking
You're in the entertainment industry
Who gives a fuck? You're fucking rich
You're on HBO eating
Caviar with Tyler the Creator
And also who the fuck
Cares about what Charlamagne has to say
That's the dude that was smelling that lady's seat
When she got about an interview
I had Jake watch that last night
Yeah, okay
I was smelling the seat
I rest my fucking case, dude
And then the other thing he said that pissed me off
He was like
It's the
Duty of people like
Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle and me
You're not in that category
Big guy, okay
I just want people to know he's not in that
Category in the slightest
It is me, it is me
Bill Burr and Louis CK's duty
To be doing this shit, man
That's exactly what it sounds like
When I heard that
I went and looked cause I was like
I was saying this stuff on an episode
That didn't come out because we had some technical
Difficulties, but
I went pretty hard on that one
But I went back and watched it, I was like maybe he is funny
He's okay
He's a way better stand up than
He's been doing it for a long time
You're not going to be like
Holding your chest
The way you work, Bigger and Blacker came out
Chris Rock's special
In a movie fucking theater
And they sold out every movie theater that was in
Yeah, that's crazy
That could never be replicated
Dave Chappelle's Dave fucking Chappelle, killing him softly
Is one of the best specials ever
Grace the fucking screen of your TV
And then he's, can you name a
Can you name a Carmichael joke?
No you can't
The gay race play joke
It wasn't in any backtrack on it, you bitch
I'm not familiar with his work
I'm not familiar with his game
Cause he talks like this
I'm also
We're in Canada
I hate, I don't like it
It's not my thing, I'm not going to say it's not funny
It's not my thing at all, but don't you dare
Put your name in with those two
Titans of the industry
He's not even on the next level
He's not like on the D Ray Davis
I know
Any of the, Cat Williams
Not even
A slimmer Cat Williams
Could say that about Dave Chappelle
And Chris Rock
He could say that cause he has two of the best specials
That anybody's ever seen
Yeah, Chronicles
Oh come on man, I mean you're talking about
You're holding your fucking shit laughing
He could say something like that
This motherfucker can't say nothing
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you fucking are?
And then you're backtracking on jokes?
Suck my dick
Not really cause I know you're a gay
He's like, I'll take you up on that
No he only likes white boys
Only if you call him the N word man
Yeah that's crazy dude
I don't know, I think maybe
I don't know, maybe he really does
Consider himself on that level
Or maybe he's trolling
Maybe that's like a high level troll
I went and watched
Me and Jake were watching this whole Charlamagne
Breakfast Club interview
But look, we were watching this whole
I wear those jeans all the time
Oh that's his boyfriend dude? The white dude?
I have no clue
Yeah I believe him saying the N word
That dude looks like a producer
That's American History X right there dude
Yeah there they go
But it's crazy cause he has his boyfriend
And he's trying to get with Tyler the Creator
He never called me back
And you never said anything when I chatted
I wanted to get with you
Like if Brandon came out as gay
Which is cool, you know what I'm saying
But if you're like, I'm gonna have films for him
I'm like yeah, stop being gay
You know what I mean?
But I wouldn't care if you were gay
But why would you do that to your boy
If they were really friends? You shouldn't be like
You're my friend, I'm about to make this extremely awkward for you
Yeah, you know that friendship
We've had for years
I actually wanted to fuck you
That's kind of weird
That would be the same if it was a man
And a woman
We've been friends for 10 years
Let's fuck
No man, that's not the dynamic
How many times has it ruined friendships
That's actually happening
Look at the world
If you watch it, he's like
Okay, it might be saying if I'm promoting a show
Go watch the Tyler the Creator clip
It's so fucking awkward
He won't let up
Tyler owes him some type of fucking explanation
Of why he didn't want to
Get with him
Yeah, I think that's strange
First of all, I don't even know if Tyler the Creator
Is gay or bisexual
No, he is
He's bi, do you remember he went out with Will Smith's son
Yeah
Jaden?
But still, they're friends
And he didn't like them like that
You don't do that to somebody
And then you bring them on camera to talk about it
You're not entitled to somebody's asshole
This isn't prison
This is a civilian life
That's a freely open buddy
He saw you was staring into his soul
While you were trying to eat
Right?
Bro, nobody else thought that was fucking awkward as shit
I didn't watch that guy
I watched the clip with Tyler the Creator
Because of course you have to watch that
That's what I'm talking about
Was he eating in that clip?
Yeah, in the second part of it
What was he eating, Jared or Tyler?
They were both eating
Jared was eating
He ate a little bit
And then put it down and stared at Tyler the Creator
While he was eating the rest of the shit
I don't like that
I love how he tried to share it with him too
Because he tried to make it not as awkward
He was like, hey bro, you want some of this?
Tyler?
And then he ate it weirdly off the spoon
This is crazy
This is way before
He dropped Carmichael definitely hard
That's why he picked this set
First of all, this is fucking cotton-filled Kentucky
That's crazy
I don't know if we can watch the video
Who gives a fuck
I like the ambient lighting
It's like they're in the speakeasy
It was very awkward
It was silent for at least a minute
See dude, I don't like that bro
That's just weird predatory behavior
You got this guy set up with these cameras
In front of him
And this dimly lit room
He didn't even know I was in the room
You can look at that face right there
What the fuck is this nigga talking about?
Then that laugh he did too with it
And then you remember at the end he was like
What's your perspective of life for this place?
Yeah
What are you going to do if Tyler's like
Yeah, I'm into you
You got a boyfriend
What is going on?
That's a red flag definitely
Brandon, I know you're a Tyler the Creator
Did you see his performance at Coachella, man?
Which I don't think I did
It just happened
You went to Coachella?
I just saw it online
I'm usually not
I've never even been to a concert
I'm going to say that right now
I've never been in my life
I like music but kind of
He drives around with no music in his car
Because I'm locked in
I'm fucking locked in
Idolness is good for the brain
You should take one drive
Every day where you don't listen to anything
And just sit with yourself
And with your thoughts
I need music man
Wait, do you like that song?
Well that would be a serial killer thing
If you were drinking a road beer
With no music
Just driving
That would be insane
I do agree with you
But the reason I brought it up
Is because I don't really care about concerts like that
But his whole set production
There was a fucking UFO
And this camper trailer
And ASAP Rocky came out
It was crazy, Caliukas came out
For real man, she's one of my favorites too
I didn't come back
In 2020, it was in the fall
I was like damn it man, I died standing by
I was like I messed out
Caliupi? Caliucche, she did
You'll like her song, Latina
Look up Caliukas, she's pregnant right now
I think
Your life's about to be changed
And she has an amazing voice
Her music is good
Your teeth on my neck
That song is
She's Mexican
She's Puerto Rican
She's Latinx
And Alex Z requires me to say that
I hang around
With a lot of Latinos
If I ever said Latinx they would hit me in the face
I cringe when I hear it
Because you only hear it from one group of people
The whites
And usually white women
Why do they think
They can control what everybody else
Has to say
See now I'm liking where this is going
Yeah dude
You go call somebody Latinx
Go call a real Mexican
Or Puerto Rican or whoever
Dominican, no me no Latinx
They don't like it bro
They don't even use x in their language
I've never seen an x
They better stop doing that
Because they're going to do it
And think they're doing something right
Because the internet tells them
Only people who say this don't have Latino friends
They don't know
They don't know one
If they do know one they're probably
The white washed one, we call them coons in the black community
But they're probably the coon version
I don't know what Latino people call them
Chupacabras
Yeah man
I should ask y'all this
As a white person it feels weird
Calling a black person an African American
I can't stand that
It just feels strange
I'm going to put my grandma on them
Because my grandma was 97 right
And she's like for her
Because they would call different things that weren't good
You know what I'm saying
But even then my grandma was 97
Her grandma was born in the 1800s
And then I'm African
They don't know nobody that was African
So what does she prefer?
Black
You're a black American
Why the fuck you say African American
Then you'll see somebody black
In the United States
Well if they're Dominican
Me no, me no black
No you black
But it's to say I hate African American
Because it doesn't make any sense
We're American
Am I calling you Irish American
Or some shit like that same time frame
I'm offended
I'm not from Ireland dude
Which one are you Polish or something?
One of the white ones
Probably British
They're settlers
Colonizers
That's the term I prefer
The winners
But like the Irish came over here
They were indentured servants
They didn't fuck with
Irish people or Italians
No they didn't
They were trash
I still don't like it
Italians they can't be
I like Italians but they are races of shit
They are but they're in a good way
It's a good amount of racism
I've seen the sopranos
Remember on sopranos man they showed some of that
Oh yeah
That's how they are though
Even if they like you they're still like that
Oh yeah like the bicycle scene when that dude was riding in that neighborhood
And they all just ganged up
Whoop that dude's ass
Italians are more like they'll fight anybody
They're more of a rowdier people
Aggressive folks
Everybody's great in my book
I love everybody
They're okay
I can't stand African American
If you call me that I will say something to you
Isn't it like Sicilians
Think they're black?
I was friends with a Sicilian
They hate it but I call them black
Whenever I got a friend that's Sicilian I call them Jerome
Aren't they kind of black though?
They are kind of black
They're kind of black
Just like Puerto Ricans and Dominicans
Are kind of black
They're kind of black
The whole South American
Racial structure is crazy cause you'll see somebody
Whose skin is very
Dark and they'll be like no I'm not black
Brazil's got 75
Million black people
Or people of African descent
That's the second highest amount in the
Entire world and they're not even in Africa
Slavery man
It's fucked up
They still say they're not black that's fine
You can call yourself whatever you want to but just don't call me African American
Ever
I hate it
I will stop you in your tracks
That's how I knew Trump was racist
When he was like look at my African American over there
I forgot about that one that was crazy
He's thinking about the terms
This is not good
Why does she look like
Lava girl right there?
I like her feel
Is she short?
No man let me show you
She's tall though
I'm going to show you one of her songs
How tall is she?
I'm saying 5'9
She ain't tall she's perfect
There you go man you there
You got this
Her music is my favorite
I've never heard it
You've probably heard it
She has this one song or it might be a few of her songs
Where she's like singing in Spanish
And then switches to English and then switches
Back to Spanish
It's good man
Telepatia
One of my favorites
I got to listen to this
I'm going to send you my recommendation playlist
All of it
Last Hispanic girl ruined my life I had
I'm down to go back to it
Crack open a Modelo
They're good at what they do
Me and Kenny
Kenny Henson we was cracking open the Modelo's
Shout out Kenny
We got to have him on soon
Shout out Kenny he bought me a shot of tequila
And a Modelo
And I also paid $17
For a Jack and Coke
At this place
It was double but $17
Where?
Some bar in Birmingham
In Birmingham?
That was a stadium price $17?
Yeah dude and it wasn't even like a bar
Like a I don't know
It was a weird vibe in there man
You got to moody as you get $17 you get 14 shots
You can contract alcohol poisoning
For $17 a movie
Who is this now?
This is her
The one on the left
Wait that's not her
That's models for her clothing line
The one on the left
Is it her that looks good?
She looks mixed dude
I like all three of them
Where's the back pockets on these jeans?
They need some pockets
I'll carry all the stuff we got
You like I just lifted from the jeans
That's part of the patriarchy
They don't put pockets on the clothes
So they got to buy purses
It's designed to keep women down
Always got to carry my girl stuff
But then they reversed it on us
And now we have to buy the purses and jeans
What the fuck is that?
How did that happen?
Jake will lose it on those toes right there
I feel like Jake doesn't care if titties are out
But if he sees toes he's like this whore
That would be hilarious
Jake had a daughter
And she's wearing like just has her tits out
And he's like okay that's fine
Open toe shoes? No dude
Get back in the house
We raised you better than that
You fucking whore
I like her though
God dude I hate flip flops
I don't like flip flops on men or women
Thongs or slides?
Well not slides
That's different
That's acceptable
Flip flops? No dude
And if you're a man
You should not be wearing open toe shoes
Unless you have socks on
That's just my personal opinion
Or you're African
That's cultural
They can get away with African stuff
Put a wreath on
But I do feel you
Toes don't need to be out
You don't want to see these dogs out
I'm just saying if I'm a woman
Which I'm not, but if I was
You got the pink shirt on
I'm not good with pink shirts
It's magenta
Okay
And uh dude what the fuck
Oh if I'm a woman, which I'm not
But if I was
And I saw a man wearing flip flops
I have zero respect for that dude
I don't have any respect for him
What the fuck
I mean first of all if I can hear you coming
That's not good
Hold up man
That was a good one I like that
Slapping sound
What are we doing
Imagine getting in an argument with a dude
And then he walks away in flip flops
And he's like
And then he walks away
It's not like a suction cup
They're only allowed at the beach
You can have them at the beach
Have them at the beach and if you're a single digit age
That's okay
Because maybe you haven't learned to tie your shoes yet
But get Crocs
Get Crocs man
I'm like that with Crocs
You don't like Crocs
But Crocs are good because you can wear them in any environment
You shouldn't
People do
I'm not thinking formal
Or going out
I'm talking about going to a bar
Outdoors footwear
You shouldn't have Crocs on
I agree with you there
Well
He has some sort of affliction
But
Outdoors you can walk in the creek
With some Crocs on
They're good fishing shoes
But the downfall is
A lot of nurses
A lot of fry cooks be wearing Crocs
They make work ones
It's like a full clog no holes
Those are cool
But there's a downfall with every
Lightness to this
Because listen let me tell you something
When you wear flip flops
I'm telling you this man
When you put on a flip or mustier they stink
Everybody in there is going to know
When you step in that club
With them stinky ass 20 year old flip flop
And everybody is smelling some cheese
It's going to be bad
They're going to know exactly who the fuck it is
Because there's going to be that steam coming out
It's like dude this isn't Key West
Put some fucking shoes on
Some real shoes
It be bad nights too man
You got nothing to hide
Because you can get away with that regular shoes sometimes
Nobody is going to be able to tell
But open toe everybody telling
Damn man
Nobody wants to see that dude
Especially if you got fucked up feet
Gosh man people have no sense of
Pride
No sense of self awareness dude
Put that shit away
It looks like you put your fucking foot in a paper shredder
Damn man
I sense a wool seat
I know some dudes that got claws
These little toes go like this
And go all the way over here
And they like smush together
He should never wear any kind of
Not even slides with no socks
He doesn't and if he does
He gets roasted
He should shower with socks on
A lot of people like that just feet are just terrible
Yeah they got fungal shit going on
Arthritis
Athlete's foot you're not even an athlete
Pedantic arthritis
What is that?
Is that not foot?
I don't know what that is
Wait hold on
The foot doctor is called the podiatrist
Yeah
So if you love feet would you be called a pedophile?
Oh no
We know who to ask
Ask me man I love feet
Oh you're a feet dude too
I didn't know you were a feet man
You're kind of reserved about it
If you ask I'll tell you yes
So what's the appeal about the feet?
What do you like about the feet?
I don't know man it's hard to explain
There's two of them
It's weird there's two of them right there I don't know
Do you like them dirty or clean?
You like them a little dirty don't you?
I mean
Fuck dude good question
I mean I guess if they looking
I prefer to clean man
You prefer clean
It can't be too dirty
You like a little yellow on the sole?
No no
That's not something wrong it's yellow
Jaundice
So you're all about like you'll suck on toes and all that
I mean
I don't know
I don't know man
I mean I don't know
They've given the opportunity
This lady one of these ladies right here
I ain't lying I suck the shit out of them
They probably get weekly pedicures
Bi-weekly pedicures
Yes I would
I mean they clean it though good
You like painted toenails?
No you're not whenever you're in sexual activity
People say that like whenever you're eating ass
Oh as soon as they get
I'm talking about you guys are hot and heavy petting
Going at it
She just puts that toe up there and you just start licking that motherfucker
Oh I can't deny it
I can't deny it well you can
All the little concrete and shit you know from the ground
Is in her feet
You can't deny it I know sometimes I get crazy
You fucking start chewing and your teeth are crunching
And shit
It's like you just picked up a lollipop off the ground
Oh my gosh
It's like you got sand in your mouth
Oh my gosh
I'll do one thing man I get too crazy I might bite the foot
Bite the foot
Not crazy a little bit like
Play bite
It's unexpected
Just grab the foot
What if she has plantar fasciitis
What's that
Some foot thing
Bone spurs on the heel maybe
You gotta take a
Water ball
Frozen and you rub your foot on it
That's one of the ways
That's when you
Have the VA
Yeah I was gonna say that
They say yeah freeze it
You think it's the temperature but it's actually
Just the carcinogens killing
Your cells in your foot dude
Can you tell with that
So if you see is this gonna be noticeable
You don't know until you
You're gonna feel it
Okay
When you were talking about what if you bite down and then she
Asks that what like
She gonna hurt
You're gonna injure somebody else
You hit one of them bone spurs boy them shits is no joke
Bunions
It hurts
You gotta start giving the girl like a little
Sheet like when you go get a tattoo
It's like do you have AIDS
Are you pregnant do you have hepatitis C
Do you have plantar fasciitis
You gotta start handing that out I agree with that
100% yeah like you should definitely
Be like hey let's sign the paper you sign the paper
I'll sign the paper we'll both check these things
Out and get rolling would you
Would you bang a chick that like the hottest chick in the
World that you think the hottest whoever
Your crush is
She was like yeah I got AIDS though
It's treatable now
She got AIDS well you know
HIV HIV you know
Person that I love now if she said that I'd be like
I gotta work it out with some normal person
I'd be pretty upset
No they're giving you heads up oh heads up
Hey
Hey got the HIV it's no big deal
You can live look how long Matthew
Johnson's living right now that's a tough question
That's a tough question that's a
I don't know man that's a tough one
It's gonna be a fuck no for me
It's gonna be a hard no
Yeah I watched Dallas Buyers
Club man that
That looked rough dude
Matthew McConaughey yeah Matthew McConaughey
Shout out him and Jake what's
My nigga name Jared Leto
Jared Leto yeah yeah you said Matthew
Who McConaughey
Alright alright alright that's McCauley
Culk Matthew McConaughey
Is from Waffle Wall Street
He was in
What else was he in dude Interstellar
Oh shit him oh yeah yeah
He got HIV right
No he played in the movie where he had
He lost a lot of weight
I'm looking forward for that role too
Also Christian Bale
Like fluctuates weight like a motherfucker
To do his movie roles
Cause he did Batman then he did that Machinist
Movie where he was like skin and bone
So crazy skinny and then he did
He was Dick Cheney
Oh yeah yeah yeah yeah
And another movie where he was like I think it was American
Gangster American something
And then when he played Ken Miles
In Ford vs Ferrari he had to slim down
A lot just to be able to fit in those cars
Crazy dude
Dedication it's wild that he's a beast
He can do it
That's one of the actors that's like he's a monster
Anything he plays look how intense he is right there
Yeah dude look at this fucker
He doesn't over act
And this is one of the most memeable movies
I see this format
Have you ever saw the movie? Never
Oh yeah this is a great movie
It's so like psychopath like
American Psycho cast thought Christian Bale
Was quote the worst actor ever
Who saw him who said that?
That's that headline right there under that picture
American Psycho cast
They thought he was a terrible actor
Cool I couldn't name a single other person in that movie besides Christian Bale
Yeah that's hard
I had to watch it again
Look how shiny that axe is man
That'll do some damage man
At least he took pride in what he did man
Oh yeah but like people like him are just meant to be
He probably doesn't even know who he is
Regular you know what I mean
Oh like when Jim Carrey did the moon with Andy Kaufman
Did you hear about that? Yeah he was just a dick on stage
And a dick on the set and everything
Then Jerry would come up to him and he'd be like fuck you
And all that and I remember you remember that joke that Dave Chappelle
Did when he was talking about how he met him for the first time
And he was like
He was like I wanna meet Jim Carrey
Yeah that was good
You remember when 50 Cent lost all that weight though?
Oh this is my favorite
Cause he lost all his weight for a movie and nobody watched it
Yeah
Go look and this is real
Go look at 50 nobody
Watched this movie
And he had a fake
Dreads on
Oh my god
I'm gonna watch it
Yeah he was looking like this man
What is that?
And it was called All Things Fall Apart
Look at it going down the moment you got the dreads
Wait things fall apart? Is this Chanua Achebe?
They raw for that
I remember that
Dude what?
That is wild
I mean it's not a bad movie
But it's not something you wanna lose all this weight for
What the fuck dude?
This is blowing my mind
Brandon look up 50 Cent 15 year old
Bro when he was 15
He looked like Francis Enganu
Like it was crazy
Like he was jacked
It's a picture of him and Juvi
Dude look at that
That's him and Juvi at 15 years old
Dude he looked like Mike Tyson bro
Is that not insane?
The one with the soul ass
I saw this on Instagram
Him and The Rock
When he was 15 dude
The Rock commented 15 Cent
That's a big 15 year old
You remember they used to think that he was a cop back when he was young
Because he had that mustache and he was so big
And Bill they were like there's no way you're a real child
A real child
You're a grown ass man
50 that's my guy right there
You can read 3 pages of a Harry Potter book
Who's that white guy right there?
That's the dude who used to
He looks so familiar
He used to do lip singing
He was viral
His face looks so familiar
It's so crazy because that was probably so long ago
He was one of them little kids
I think he died
What was his name?
Lip singing dude
Keenan Cahill
Lip singing
Small guy
Hasbulla is about to pop up
Keenan Cahill
He did pass away
Rest in peace man
27
When they got that thing they don't last that long
That sucks dude
He always was doing lip singing
50 Cent came and visited him
Because he would do his
What's that song?
I don't know what it's called
I was just rocking with you
He was down
Just go to the video
Go to the video
It says videos at the top
Down on me?
Yeah that's what it is
You want to hear it?
Rest in peace dude
He looks so familiar
I feel like I haven't seen this shit before
He was viral before
I don't know when this came out
He was viral
That's like if you mixed Teeth Quartus and Mark Viola together
Oh my god
Hell yeah
And then he got Raina's last name
Crazy
What a crazy world we living in man
Rest in peace the legend
Rest in peace
That's the end of this episode
Sorry it's out late but we're filming it actually
Two days when we're releasing it
We recorded another one
But the audio was lost
Forever
Went a little hard on that one so maybe it's for the best
Little drunk
A lot
That shit was crazy
It was alcohol involved
Pals off a bottle of Crown Vanilla
I love being on a podcast
When other people are drunk
And I'm not
Remember what we did afterwards though after that
With the alligators
I forgot about that
We didn't find them
That was scary at night
That was terrifying
We're gonna find them though one day
We'll have him right here on this table with his mouth taped up dude
We're gonna rustle it
We tape his mouth really good maybe
Yeah tape him up
Yeah Brandon I'll hold it you do the tape
Because I fuck that
Well that's what you want to do you don't want to hold it
Hell nah
You're the person responsible for closing the jaws of death
I don't want that job
And you gotta control that tail I'll control the tail
I bet that would hurt
I'm gonna figure out a leg lock
You think we're gonna be able to take this thing
You think all cerebellis are gonna be able to take this alligator
For real
Fuck with us unless it gets in the water
Well I'm not going in the water
Fuck that
But if it comes out J-Dub jumps on top of it
I'll get the tail
And then you get the tape you tape up the mouth
I'll get on his head dude
I'll fucking squeeze his head
And then real hard and then you get behind him
Or no you get the mouth right
Like the water burger lady I get the mouth
You get that
You stole fucking ten dollars from me
I'm not pissed about it still
But I remember
Alright
See you guys later