This week on clown college
And funny I saw I saw his dick you did that leaked online juicy it Brandon
He's like yeah, I got it on my way that's really out there. Oh, yeah
What the hell I said I just saw it on Twitter when I was like 13
This is the clown college podcast
We're just a couple open micers trying to make our way through the scene where we interview
Comedians throughout different stages of their comedy career no matter if they're open micers
Headliners or traveling comedians. I'm here to Jamie 2.0. I just talked a lot more. Damn it Brandon
Go sit in the corner
I'm gonna go get some air. I'm gonna go get some air. I'm gonna go get some air
Brandon just know this is that for screen recording
All right, Brandon, I promise you this time nobody's gonna jump out and surprise you man
Sure, no, but no no
Shorter ethnic gentleman is gonna burst in the door and you know try to I don't get you into his organization or what?
It was a good one
Would you my headphones just went out man?
Wait what I hear him again now I hear it now. Okay. Yeah here now to
Sometimes we fuck up. Yeah
Sometimes what we do. Yeah, can y'all hear me? Yeah, I can hear you. Do you hear him? Say something? Yo, yo, yo
Yo, I can hear you. Oh, you can't I don't hear me really. I mean I kind of do is it all at the same level
Yeah, I heard it there. Oh, yeah turn them all to six
I hear now. Yeah here. Oh, it was cuz it was turned down. That's why I could
Yeah, that better. Oh, is that yeah audio for the yeah. Yeah. Oh, I see what you're saying
Yeah, damn so now I can hear why they make that separate. Well, I guess yeah, you got to yeah, you never know
The more buttons I just get intimidated
So, how do you feel how you feel your first week is black panther man feels awesome man, you know Wakanda forever
I love it. I feel like it was meant to be man. I've always loved black paper
I've had the gears while I trained I would have black panther stuff. Yeah. Yeah good shit
I even got a notebook now dedicated to black panther. I like that. I thought I do things a little bootleg though
But I like it. I know the black panther and the black lion
Yeah, they got all the black big cats. Hell. Yeah the BBC's the black big cats
big blacks cats
So what happened I
Think he said CCC. Yeah, that's a little bit different. Yeah, what's CCC cats cats and cats. Okay
That you and Jake's podcast
Oh
That was a bad voice crack I've been doing that a lot it happens cuz you just turned 21
Yeah, and you were screaming those karaoke lyrics. Yeah
Yeah, oh you didn't sing though. No, I didn't he didn't sing I was back there
I'll back there. I lost my voice. Oh, you told my was saying either you was back there killing them song
Oh, yeah, I never seen JJ this drunk. Yeah, I don't dude
I don't really don't got a problem with drinking but like I'll get very very drunk once every three months
Yeah, like the whole year I've known you a little under here. Yeah, never seen you drunk and then you were you were lit
It's cuz I told myself in advance. I was like it's Brandon's birthday
I'm gonna just let myself have fun do whatever and then the lady fucking shorted me $10 in my change at water
Burger dude the same if you if you watch any of these episodes the same water burger girl who asked me in sci-fi to double team
Er, yeah, that's the same one. I was getting that vibe. Yeah, she asked you
She said she said you can have my ass and you can have my mouth. Damn and then this time she shorted JJ 10
No, unbelievable. How did that come? Did you be like, yo, can I get like a number five?
She's like you can also get she brought up when she like at water, but you know how they bring your food
Yeah, just like she did with us. She brought the food. She just sat down and she was she sat down next to sci-fi
She was like, I know what y'all do it. You can have my mouth and you can have my ass
Wow, and Jaylen had just walked in with his cousin and and I'm sitting there like yeah, don't
Didn't expect that to come out like it came out of nowhere
There was no before this or we weren't flirting or anything
You know, they do that on tik-tok a lot now with those jokes like they let some girls say some weird stuff
I did the pepperoni was the dominoes girl. She had my pepperoni and everybody's confused
Oh, but that's just for like that over the top to get people to interact with she was a hundred percent serious
I know it's just crazy without a doubt when she came and dropped the food off, you know, I ordered two meals
Oh, yeah, me too go big and then she was rubbing my back like she was rubbing the center of my back
And I was so drunk. I didn't even feel it
But then I looked and I saw her arm moving I was like, is she touching me right now?
Yeah, I had a weird vibe too
Sitting there just zoned out and then I didn't notice till the next morning that she shorted me 10 bucks
That's fucked up. It was fucked up. You know, she pocketed that shit. Oh, yeah
I even heard when we went I needed it. Yeah, right. I still do
Yeah, we went and she was like y'all drunk. I was like, yeah, she said y'all been drinking. I'm gonna take advantage
Yeah, yeah
Oh my gosh, man
Well that I can't believe she I can't believe she shorted you after she off to offered us her ass in her mouth
That's what I do this. That's some bullshit. You know what it is Dom. It's racism. It is
Pass kids man first sweet then sour. I didn't know what to say because like for a second
I got genuinely angry about it again. I was hurt about it
Ten you can test stretch ten dollars a long. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah
Like especially whenever you you're taking the cash out so you don't overspend on your car. Yeah, you know what you're spending
Yeah, that's exactly what I did. Yeah, and I don't keep money in the bank, dude
Look at this is the question. This is the oldest motherfucker
I'll keep it in the fucking bottom of my trash can
Oh below the bag what the garbage truck just kidding. Look there. You're gonna find a note that says fuck you
But I never tell you where I keep it, dude. I
Can see you having like a little panel in your wall that you can pop out. It's too obvious
I mean, it's too obvious man. Not like it looks like the wall though
Yeah, but people would find it bro. People find do you wouldn't even I got like in my room
I got a whole bunch of shoe boxes in my on my wall
So like I have them like pinned in to the wall and I keep different things in each shoebox
Who needs a fucking shelf you are shoebox dude. It's resourcefulness. It's like Odysseus from the Odyssey
Have you ever read that Brandon? Oh
Actually, we did a little paragraph
Him too man, yeah, I think that's what he's having to get past silly and charbittis or whatever
Oh
Dy
Yeah, look at that guy it looks like Zeus
What did he do he was a general in the Trojan War and he was in the Odyssey is by his journey back home
And he runs into all these troubles cuz he was stranded for like 20 years or something like that
Damn, he went through like I mean, this is all fake. But like he went through
All these different struggles like that's the fucking Cyclops, dude
He had to escape the Cyclops on the island and they tied themselves under sheep to escape and that's actually he blinded the Cyclops
And he tricked him. He was like the dude while he was escaping
He was like, what's your name? And he was like because his the Cyclops dad is Poseidon or something like that Poseidon
Yeah, I know that and he was like, what's your name?
He's like my name is nobody and so he's the Cyclops was like crying out like nobody's hurting me, you know, nobody blinded me
Yeah, cuz they have a movie about this right well, yeah, it's lore like
Yeah, I remember the the Cyclops and him tricking him and all that yeah, I must have read it somewhere
Tell my person you should read dude. We should remake the Odyssey for a skit like do let you skit like each different situation
Brandon will make a perfect cyclops. Oh my I
Was thinking over but oh yeah
He just looks like a dude that would own sheep
Shout out ogre
Me a video somebody covering free bird on the harp. It was beautiful. Beautiful
Oh, you said a video that I let him I let him pile up and then I watch them all whenever I have time
Oh, it's always a good time. He'll send some crazy shit. He'll be on here and to to guest
Yeah, you're in for a treat. Oh, yeah. Yeah ogre is the man
It's motherfucking dude. I had a like a moment of cognitive dissonance
I was conflicted within myself when ogre was on the stage at shag nasties because I was like
Around the three and a half minute mark. I was like wait, how do I give them the light dude?
And I'm not trying to be funny
That was like yeah and thought that I had and then thank you for talking to Kim about it
Cuz I had no idea what to do
Yeah, cuz I could tell I was like you flashed the light and I was like, well, there's no way ogre can see that
Yeah, you know and then I asked him and she was like, he'll be done after this joke and he started going into another joke
And it was like it's your time ogre. Shout out Kim. I went to that
Improv that damn prices on sketchy sketch sketch. Yes sketchy show sketchy
That's sketchy at a shenanigans. I think they're gonna keep on repeating this show and it was funny like this
I don't get how they
Like for sketches and shit like it's it's improv out there
They had all this shit like with no no notes or anything and they went through all these scenarios. I probably like 10
That's impressive, man
And then they had like a couple of skits that were filmed love both of those
It was like a ghost real like somebody who will put a ghost in your house. Oh
Like a like a reverse exorcism. Yeah, I kind of like that and then I he's like
I'll put the ghost in your house and then they have one of like
Like when you didn't go back to work when you work from home and then they do a performance reviews
But they come back they come to your house and it was like, you know, it was like a cat lady
It was funny and then they had a whole bunch of skits to like a whole bunch and after an intermission
Dan and Kim did the news fucking killed it. My people were coming out. This is my favorite part of the show
Kim did a who wants to be a millionaire
it was like what they do like the questions at the end to get the million dollars were
Progressively getting like he killed somebody like he was how I'm gonna donate this to my best friend
To the park that he died in and then like all the questions were like getting them to admit that he killed it
It was funny as shit. That is funny. I mean, I would never even think is something like no not even close
That's why when I was watching and I was like and these guys I mean, it's just it's it's it's off-the-wall skits
but they they they play it grounded and
You could tell like it was a couple of people who were like it boasted the skits
So they must be like the the big improv guy cuz you know, we don't know any of the improv guys
I mean, I don't know many of them
I don't even know what ledlows really the only ledlow and then that was the big guys name cuz he was there
But he wasn't in it. He was on the spelling bee. I know you're talking. Oh, you went there at the spelling bee, huh?
You know who I'm talking. He was funny as hell. I know exactly you're talking about he does impressions to us thing, right?
No, I don't know cuz I've only seen him at the spelling bee and like one other time
But he was hilarious at the spelling bee like he was killing it. I think I know you're talking about. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry
I don't know. Yeah
The ability to improvise that's just like an impressive skill to make it entertaining make it believable
Mm-hmm like that. That's a whole nother skill on its own man
yeah, that's dope that people are able to do that, but the only time we tried to improv dude, it was a
Interesting which time? Oh
You're talking about at us the shop
Yeah, with the 18th century orphans go to the mall for the first time. Yeah. Yeah, that was we yeah
We bombed and then and then whenever they explained that was like, I guess it was kind of easy
But in my mind, I was like, that's the hardest thing I've ever heard of my life
I don't know how to portray this like doing a tongue twister. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
Well, you know, I started method acting to be an orphan both my parents left. I don't know if that counts as being an orphan
Voluntary or you know, that's the my school's mascot orphans were the orphans
Well, dude, that wasn't even can you look that up Brandon go to Centra or orphans?
That's we had a number one winners basketball team in all high school basketball and for real. That's wild dude
Oh your orphans centra basketballs first thing that pops up, but is there
Wait, I'm so confused. Is it like an actual orphan like
Actual orphan right? Why is he that what what about him?
Makes him an orphan, you know, I never thought about it when I was younger, but we're the orphans dude. That's crazy
Can you look at can you go like the Wikipedia page?
At your feet or graduate to them. They took the at orphan nation Twitter handle, dude
I doubt we have a Wikipedia page. Oh, they do they definitely
I thought we had a weird mascot man. We were the Spartan high school senators
Oh, yeah, but we were named after a senator
Senator like a literal politician like the office, you know, cuz we're named I was like John's barkman or something
That's about as bad. It's not as bad, but they're equally as strange. Who the fuck would be look at our page
We will get the girls are the Annie's. Yeah, how do you have more sources references than actual material?
Cousins try you do they're so stuck in like dude, I'm telling you they're stuck in my
Probably equivalent to the 1980s. Mmm. Yeah. Yeah, sounds kind of cool
No, they're just not worth it of the 80s. Yeah, not any of the good thing. Yeah, they he's just the worst part
Yeah, I like the 80s people still pay with checks and how much how much do they pay D low to make this?
To write this up
It'd be some misspelling in there. He wrote it
me too, though
So I would be good at this
Right. What are these up? What a fucker. Yeah, what's that? Centralia high school, dude?
I'm trying to get on that. I can't believe it doesn't say the winning this basketball team. We have a sign scroll down over here
Just scroll down to the over
Go back to the basket. Yeah, let me just go back to basketball. I'm trying to see the roster
Let's see. Oh right here varsity. It's March Madness basketballs in the air. Okay
roster
They got a big roster this year
Oh, yeah, because the numbers tend to fluctuate
Love it man
Brandon if you if you could go back to like your your youth like five six seven years old and you could dedicate your life
To playing one sport. What would you want sport? Oh, man, you already know MMA
I mean you wouldn't not just go say basketball. No, I thought you were gonna say
Brandon's already good at basketball. Good enough to
Have him being any better. I love that
MMA yes, that's why I would want to put I'm still trying to work on fixing that when I get free time one day
You more of a stand-up like striker ground kind of guy
Yeah, and then I also wrestling too cuz that's where we came from. I'd start would you rather be in the UFC or the WWE?
Brandon
Mmm, UFC. Oh, wait, wait. Hold on. Wait a minute. No. Yeah, you have C both same difference
I kind of get that though because he wants to like be a UFC fighter and have that vibe
But he can still appreciate the lore and the history and the culture of the WWE
Yeah, it's actually because he's well around much like Odysseus a man of resourcefulness and cunning
Craftiness plus later in the long line once I get through my career I go I could be like, okay
I'm done with UFC
Let's let's go to WWE cuz I see a lot of UFC fighters end up going WWE like Ronda Rousey and Ken Shanrock
There's Ronda Rousey good. Do they like her in a WWE? I mean, yeah, they made her very popular
Like I think she was a heel the heel, you know, it's a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She was here
I think hey, like she was copying they had to wear like Roddy Piper shirt. Yeah
See that yeah, that's weird like WWE like they get to decide who's the best
Yeah
And then UFC is just kind of like if Shawn Strickland wasn't good at fighting that dude would never have even been in the company
Oh god, like if Shawn Strickland was in the WWE
Could you imagine that him cutting a promo and just saying I'd be the best that oh, I mean I would be his number one fan
Don't I'd have his fucking t-shirt. I'd be at WrestleMania right now, dude. Hey, that's coming up ain't it?
WrestleMania say yes, it is WrestleMania 40. What's the bit? Oh 40. Oh hell yeah, it's gonna be like the rock in there
You got some Roman Reigns Cody Rose dust. It's gonna be crazy
Didn't like before last WWE Cody Rose like towards peck or something so he couldn't be
They made plenty of talking about them
Packs gotta fuck have you ever seen those you probably they probably post some on restrictive videos like people who tear their pack on like
Incline been oh, yeah, I see it like come on. Oh
Man oh
It's all purple shit, dude, then he finished the match
Oh how how it has to be like?
Adrenaline carrying you through this part of it because that has to hurt so fucking bad
I mean look at it, dude
It looked like somebody hit him with a baseball bat in the chest
Shit looks as bleeding and it's a very very very very was a member. Oh my gosh. It looks like he has a fucking black plague
It's grotesque
That's right there fucking worried looking at you. Look at that shit. He had it and he was pressing it too, man
What oh he they like played in? Oh, yeah, they were like fucking what I keep rolling with you
No, you got to dedicate to the part. Who is he fighting right? Is that Seth Rollins freaking Rollins? Is he good?
Oh, yeah, dude is amazing and funny. I saw I saw his dick you got leaked online. Do you see it Brandon?
No, I'm gonna let's see. Oh
Hey
I'm a big wrestling fan
He's like yeah, I got it on my way that's really out there. Oh, yeah, what the hell I said
I just saw it on Twitter when I was like 13, you know
Oh, so it was a long time ago. Yeah. Yeah. No kind of like, you know, you see all the classic ones, bro
You see Seth Rollins you see Brett Favre. I never seen Brett Favre. I'm a Packers fan. I've seen Jennifer Lawrence
What's the other girl she has a dick man? No, I'm talking about news. I know
Well, I remember I haven't looked at any of those when I was young I was a specific
See why?
Why was young I was just look I was like, let's see what they got next. It was this thing called slept G hop
The deep fake and yeah, we saw
Don't know if it was real or not
Hey, as long as you but just like the WWE it's real as long as you believe me
It's real is whatever you want to believe like Disney says, you know, I'm a Disney fan too, man
Yeah, Disney and porn kind of go together. Yes, they actually do
You got a little one see you and then when they tap each other explodes and shit, you know what?
Do are you talking about like on Disney Channel when they would do? Yeah, you know
Do you have you seen that? I know what like what that's so Raven. No
Movies, you know when they starting the fairy touches the top of the castle and just blow up. Oh
Yeah, it's not like a real it's like in the intro where Tinkerbell. Oh, okay. Yeah. Wait, what that's the intro for the porn
I
Don't know I was saying I was saying like you guys are talking about Disney. I don't know. Yeah
Yeah, is the important how they cross over and you said yeah, they actually do
Be a little tiny reference with the castle exploding. I don't know. That's why I was saying
Oh, there are a lot of subliminal messages. Yeah
like I think the
The person who's ordaining
I
Thought I thought you were like, you know like the porn hub intro where it's like the little drum
Yeah, I thought he was trying to say like for the Disney porn parodies
There was something similar to that they use like Tinkerbell and she like squirts on the castle
I don't know why that kind of relates to it a little bit
I was like, it's like you hear a little like boom boom boom and he here
Like it's just more upbeat. I feel like I feel you man
I was talking to Brandon before you got in here and we were talking about I've been real hyped about the new Taco Bell menu
Items the Cantina chicken quesadilla go try do yourself a favor to go try it out and I was talking to Brandon
He was like they put an extra taco in there and when he was trying to describe to me what the taco looked like
I was like, was it a hard shell or soft shell taco?
And he went, you know, it's like a soft
Please put that you have to switch his camera. Oh, it definitely
Are you doing are you described? This is it's interesting that you're trying to do a visual demonstration for texture
Like a burrito is fully covered
That's how you would describe a reader yeah
Taco because you put the meat in there if you're doing a taco, I don't feel like
This is it. You don't see the side like the heart. I mean I get what you're saying
I get what you're saying, but that's I don't think that's how I would do it. I don't know. Yeah, no
Yeah, I don't think anybody in the world would do that
But you so you say so you say a burrito is this because everything is covered. I feel like everything is covered up
Okay, so now that's soft shell. Yeah, because look it's like the you and what's hard. Oh
My bad. They're both like because of you like when you have it fully up like even with a soft one
I'll make it look like this. He's saying this is the shell. Yeah. Yeah. Why do you do how you?
Say what's different between the hard shell and a soft shell? What would you do for soft shell?
Make it a little looser
Make it looser
Words
With the soft one it's loosening up a little bit
So that but the hard ones more stuff
The hard one more stiff, but I was trying real hard to be on your side and you're losing me
You don't I kind of get the vision with the hard shell. I get that. Yeah, so which one was it a soft shell hard?
So, oh, it was soft. It was a soft and amazing. It was like a yeah, it was really good
I think it was that new burrito burn. I didn't try it
But the KCD is banging crispy chicken tacos banging so good man
But that still doesn't have anything on Guthrie do golden fried and made with pride since 1965. Yeah, we don't have to watch it
but God
That's the only line that I know say it again was how is golden fry golden fried made with pride since
1965 that's the only line I remember got this there's a lot of American flags a lot of white people not a lot of diversity
Not a lot at all, but go to Guthrie's man. That shit is good, bro. See I want to go
The closest one is Coleman and that's a sundown town
Yeah, well whenever we go to Birmingham next time they got one in like one of the suburbs out there and it was good
Man, yeah good. I went at 10 a.m
To eat fried chicken dude, because it's just that good you see you waited till they open it to go in there
It just so happened to line up because I was coming back from Auburn
Okay to like line up to where I got there right at 1030, you know
And I was about to pull it was a sign from the Lord. It was a Sunday
I believe and I was pulling I had to stop to get not get gas
I had to piss but I was gonna go to a gas station
But then I saw Guthrie's right there and I was like bro. This is a sign. So I went in there got some food
It was good
It was probably probably about 35 degrees outside and the man who was in the drive-thru was wearing like a one of those pepper
puffer like sweater vest with short sleeves on
You know, he's divine intervention. He's probably drinking though. Keep my warm, dude
I don't blame him food was good came out on time. So I like here about man. Yeah
Oh, yeah, I think we I think you should be able to drink on the job as long as you're not like a driver
Yeah, I mean why not definitely should be able to smoke on the job. Well, you're not gonna be able to stop people from doing that
Hey, you know with the pins
Now yeah, everybody I lost my pen man, I'm so mad about that
And that was a while ago too, man
I know you're mad about that matter last one and that was like a brand new in the box in the box
And these were the two grams day. They last forever. I would still be puffing on it right now
Damn, man liquid diamond blend dude doesn't get better than that. That shit hurts. It's a high quality. I mean I lost him our lifetime
A lot take a moment silence. Come on
If you learn how to play taps on the trumpet do
Happy Palm Sunday, by the way guys
What is that what they do I don't know what Paul's a day it's like I'm like palm olive like the
Oh Jesus rode into the town because Easter's next Sunday
I got a green suit for that
You got a dress on Easter side, you don't go to church any other day when he's Sunday you go to church
I'll be there and that's for the Lord. You can catch me at your local
Baptist establishment
This is on a Sunday
we're shooting because we're gonna want to shoot on Saturday because of Easter Sunday because out of respect out of respect Oh
Oh, look at that nigga Barry boy. Whoa
If you ain't very white you ain't got a big
Dom said it was a green suit and Brandon was like did it look like this?
It could be it could be green
Imagine I didn't know that's what he was doing one of those people dude
He's one of those guys that almost has this a strong ass face. Oh, yeah, he was cool
I'm Angelina Jolie. This one's not as angular, but it's still a strong ass face. Yeah, it's strong features. Is that Drake?
Huh? Yeah, that's right down there. Oh
sample some
They say you're trying to get oh, that's his hairstyle. Hey, but Barry was a
Frye died and laid to the side. You see that motherfucker
With that line up there Barry Barry was ugly the motherfucker, but he had all all the bitches back there
That's a crazy lineup, dude. It's like a curve. Mm-hmm. There's a curb, but it's fresh though. Yeah, I'm not I'm not hating room
You know me. Oh, man. Yeah. All right, we gotta go
Our guests should be here in a second
The great Ashlyn Lutz. Oh, yeah, it's gonna be fun the darlin of Huntsville. Yeah self-proclaimed that wasn't
A remark, but she's funny and she's gonna be a ball of energy. I already know. Yeah, it's gonna be see in a second. See ya
Good evening and welcome to the moonshine news report. I'm Dan price and I'm Sierra Moses
Presidential candidate and noted theologian Donald J Trump endorsed a $60. God bless the USA Bible this week
The Bible includes the Declaration of Independence the US Constitution and other additions all proceeds from Bible sales
We'll go to feed the poor and the hungry
No, just kidding. The proceeds will go to help the guy convicted of fraud and sexual abuse defend himself from paying hush money to porn star
President Joe Biden sparked outrage this week when he once again proclaimed March 31st the International Transgender Day of Visibility
Which happens to fall on Easter Sunday this year many right-wing Christians took to social media to criticize the proclamation and holiday
Accusing Joe Biden of quote replacing Easter this response only perpetuates the stereotype that while Democrats like their eggs sunny side up
Christian conservatives prefer them hunted deviled or unfertilized
The Francis Scott Key Bridge in Baltimore collapsed this week when a key support pillar was struck by a
Containership the massive steel truss bridge collapsed into the river killing six construction workers and blocking the Baltimore Harbor
It's the most devastation caused in Baltimore since the archdiocese of Baltimore
The Department of Homeland Security executed a search warrant this week at the properties of music mogul Sean Diddy combs in relation to an ongoing investigation
Combs faces allegations of sex trafficking and sexual assaults and fled for the Caribbean shortly after the raid sparking further speculation
Evidence collected from the raid is expected to be released in the coming weeks until then the diddler remains untouched unlike many of his alleged victims
Washington State Governor Jay Inslee signed a law requiring a range of protections for adult dancers across the state
Known as the strippers bill of rights the law mandates numerous policies and protections including sexual harassment training for club employees
Enhanced security measures in dressing rooms and limits on the nightly fees that can be charged to dancers by club owners
Also in Washington State 50,000 amazon employees wish they were strippers
The identity of a billion dollar powerball winner was revealed this Friday
39 year old Yanira Alvarez of Southern California chose to receive the 558 million dollar lump sum which will cover her rent in LA for the next six months
And now for our continuing coverage of apocalypse watch 2024 sponsored by due nation hq
And the new summer flavor sensation star spangled splash the official caffeinated beverage of the end of day
A swarm of locusts will emerge from the ground in April unleashing a month-long feeding and mating frenzy scientists call it spring break
Trillions of insects have been living underground waiting to emerge for more than a decade. So naturally they picked an election year
Singer Lizzo has sparked rumors of retirement after posting an emotional statement to instagram on Friday
Saying I didn't sign up for this shit. I quit the pop star has faced backlash in the recent year after three of her backup dancers accused her of sexual harassment
Discrimination and assault said the backup dancers in response to Lizzo's announcement. It's about damn time
Finnish ambassador Kai Sauer said in an interview that
Scandinavian diplomats are returning to the old ways of quote
Sauna diplomacy to evade russian spies and hackers the use of saunas for passing confidential information
Is making a comeback because it's not easy for two naked men to hide a wire
A comeback is also how you know, your sauna diplomacy session has ended
Well, that'll do it for this week's moonshine news report i'm dan levy
And i'm sierra mozis don't shoot the messengers this week's featured comedian
What kind of vibes I give off up here, okay? I have a bartender tell me one time I remind him of both
Gina davis and beetle juice
Which I think unfair I think you have a pig in my charming orange oblin sir. Am I charming or a goblin?
Both
Yeah, please look in the night
I'm gonna take you back to my little goblin hobble
And if you answer these riddles three you're gonna get this goblin dick
You answered right actually I am a charming
I lost 50 pounds on purpose recently
Thank you i'm single he was short
He's also a really big joe rogan fan so I consider myself a survivor
I don't know why crypto guys are so in a choking
I don't know what information they want out of me
But I do not feel like I have it
I mean I would have told you at the start dude. You know what I just thought about
Well, we should remake that uh, have you ever seen that movie where the kid plays baseball and he breaks his arm
And he goes to the major leagues, but he's like 12 because he broke his arm. Oh, yeah
What's it called rookie of the year?
See, I just hit my funny bone and then you hit it and then you go become like a nationally touring hyper successful comedian
But then you hit it again and everybody hates you
And it's real sad
Nothing good just a hard bomb for an hour
You bomb at madison square garden. Oh you're talking about like dave schupeau
Our guest today making our her presence known who we got today jj we have one of the favorites of the huntsville
What's she called?
Uh the self-proclaimed darling on funsville company. That's not me being derogatory
Yeah, a co-producer on the night camp variety show at shenanigans comedy theater
Let's go you can catch her shows all around huntsville including the one that just happened the tickled pink at orion amphitheater
I was there was great. Oh, yeah today we have on ashlyn lutz
Thank you, thank you
Hey ashlyn, how you doing? I'm good. How are you guys? Hell? Yeah good. Thank you so much for coming on
Thank you. I was there at the orion theater and when I tell you i'll be telling everybody you brought the motherfucking house down
Yes, that was my first time seeing you do the um the splits really
Yeah, because everybody told me that you did it, but I have never seen you do it
And yeah
Yeah, no, it's like I do I like down stretch or anything like that
I was like I wrote that joke and I was like well, I guess I have to learn how to do this
Wait you learned it just for the joke. Yeah. Oh, no, like I when I first started telling that joke
Like I I could not do a split at all
Oh my god, I just was like, uh, I think it was like a month and a half before I was like this is impressive
Holy shit, I think I can kind of do this split now. Oh, it's wild
We should insert a clip of us trying to see how low we can go on this. Oh we can totally do that
Duh, look at this is gonna end in a like a copay
Yeah, this is a good time to do it because I realized like I kept getting like too drunk and then just going for the split
So I would like hurt for like a week after but I think I think I loosened some up
I think I can do this now
So you come from a big family? Yes, eight siblings. Oh, no 10 10. Yeah
Oh, okay. So we got eight of them. Do you let me say can I say their names?
Yeah, Jennifer, Isaac, Alan
I'm gonna say the a l elena elena luke jennifer
L2 heather and amanda. Mm-hmm. There's two jennifers. No, there's just
Yeah, we also have
Wait, I don't know. I can say them in order. I don't know who you okay we have
Uh heather brandon mandy billy britney luke
Me elena jenna isaac allen
Damn, yeah, so you're like smack in the middle. Yes
I guess it's the same way. I have
I think I think it's 11 of us total and i'm like right in the middle. Yeah
damn
11 are you guys from like different?
Oh, it's oh, yeah
Oh, yeah
You're the same. We're the same. Oh my god. We're like pentecostal pastors. Oh, okay
Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. This is what I was excited talking about
You grew up really religious. Yeah, i'm with you like coal ass. Yes
Like where we can't watch disney movies because it's some oh you we couldn't watch disney's that's a little harder than mine
Uh, we could watch disney channel later on but still not cartoon network
And still not like mt anything mtv
All right, so you couldn't listen to any worldly music. No, what do they call it? What's your parents secular secular?
secular music
Your first one of your first jokes is I have to know more about this about uh
Your mom performed an exorcism on you. Yeah. Yeah, that's my first first joke
And it's not even a joke. It's just like a story
Can we please hear it tell you guys about how my mom tried to exercise me when I was a kid
Also, I think I was like no. No, I think I was like
10. Okay. Okay. Yeah
And so me and my mom were just like watching tv together and she had found this like documentary style of like people who had been
possessed by demons
and so it was like a like a dateline like for
possession
Where it just like tells the story and like priests come in with like the facts of the matter and like this was probably a bullheaded demon
Okay hardest to get rid of
Like an encyclopedia of the demon types and so like we're watching this one episode and like the guy got possessed and he like
They got in the car. I'm telling you what I remember when I was 10
But like got in the car and was driving but like the whole time he was driving. He's like looking at the lady
And so like didn't look at the road the whole time he drove home in the story and then uh, like they got home
They got like a priest there also like first of all excellent driver the demon he knew
He had been around those back roads
He's been in that town for generations
but anyway, they got home the priest like
Like straight jacketed him or something. I don't know and then he had like a briefcase that he opened
And this is what I remember from when I was 10. So I don't these facts could be very wrong
This point with any there he had like a plate and like a little glass cup and then a vial of holy water
So I poured the holy water in the cup put the plate on top of it flipped it over
Put on the guy's head and started like praying and tapping it and the guy like yawned really big and it was like yep
The demon's gone
We got rid of the demon
And then my mom like in the same like right after that episode ended went into our like trailer kitchen
And got like a styrofoam plate and like literally a red solo cup and like filled it with tap water
In the kitchen and then put the styrofoam plate on it like flipped it over to the same device the priest did
And it just came over to me. I was like chilling on the couch
Starting like doing that same thing to me. Do you think you were possessed? I don't know dog
I never figured it out
She has not she has she doesn't remember
My mom does the same thing. Oh, I don't remember these things. I was like, why did you why?
What was it because I got mad I didn't let her finish. Yeah. Okay, so then for like years later, I was like
She knew something. I didn't know
I'm possessed. She got it out of you. No, I didn't
Oh
It was bullheaded
Yeah, I know uh when I was young and I did something wrong or got in trouble sometimes like my mom got too mad and
Accidentally cussed or something. She'd get like the oil and then pray put on my head and then put over the walls and be like, okay
I gotta let you do the toms and I can still smell the olive oil. Oh man. I smell it too. It's so good
No, we were the elite we were working with that shit. We were the elites
Oh
My dad was a pastor. All right. He had that he had that vial on him. He had that thing on him
What was your uh
First song that you listened to I think that you snuck. Yeah. Mm-hmm. It's like I think it was vampire weekend
My sister had just got married and so she like married a hipster
And then he like snuck made the sister. I'll share in a room with cds
and so like we had like
Basically like pirated illegal cds like hidden in our dresser
It was like vampire weekend and I found it and I really was this close to snitching because I was like britney if you send
Us to hell
I'm gonna be so upset with you. But then like it was like that vampire weekend like obvious bicycle
Album. Yeah, okay. Okay
I got in trouble for listening to backstreet boys whenever I was
Blamed it on my brother who's with dh1 in this house and I blamed it on my big brother and then uh, he got a whooping
My bad, bro
Which which song did uh, they find that you were listening to I wanted that away. Oh worth it, right?
But what's what's what's secular about that man, it ain't jesus it ain't yep
If it ain't jesus, it doesn't roll
Not at all
In any I had a remember one time
I had like a action figure and I traded it for somebody in school for dr. Oc from um
Spider-man with all the things I thought was the coolest thing in the world
My mom was like get this get this devil stuff out of my house
I can't believe you brought this in here made me so scared because I was young
I probably was like six or seven and then like I just remember it being laying on my floor
I had a bunk bed and I was on top and I was just looking at him like that's the devil right there
I threw it away
I was so scared
You guys were intense intense. Oh, yeah. Yeah, we could do superheroes. We could even do like lord of the rings, but like, okay
Harry potter hell no. No harry potter. No, no, I couldn't do harry potter until I got my grandma in on it
We would watch a harry potter weekend on abc family and she really liked dobby
That was my end
Dobby yeah, dude when he died my grandma sobbed real tears real tears
Fucked up, man
My mom fucked up having 11 because you know like at eight. I don't give a damn
All right, and then like you all were in the same house growing up
Or which well, so my youngest brother was born
Before like after my oldest sister moved out. Oh, my nephew is actually older than my littlest brother
So that's funny. Mm-hmm. Yep. My my little brother is the same eight or two years older than my niece
Yeah, one of the yeah, just kept having them
Is that the is that the long skirts
It is but we weren't the long skirt type we were like the speaking tongues and like everybody fell asleep during service
time
Uh, but not like we didn't do nothing with snakes. We didn't have long skirts
Hunt hunt should be long. No, no
Y'all are just freestyling for the lord
That was the best in the region
Hey, I got in a lot of trouble if I fell asleep in church man
I'll get no i'm talking about like they got they got passed out in the spirit. Mm-hmm. Oh, so they were so into it
Yeah
Yeah, that's the blankets you pull out when the ladies flipped out for the lord
Okay, you gotta cover their skirts
They run up and down the hall, uh
The wrong way. Oh my mom was a flag flyer. What's the flag flyer? Oh, she had the flag. She was dancing
Oh, okay
christian color guard
She was in color guard in high school, I think she was just chasing that high
Fatness sprained my ankle dude on that pew
Oh shit
Yeah, when I was growing up we didn't listen to music
But I think it was more so less of like a religious thing and more so of like a lack of culture
You know because my grandparents they they didn't play anything like in the car
I thought like when I when I got where I went with my friends and stuff
They played music in the car was like is this even allowed like this is legal
Like can you play it while you're driving? It just seems distracting, you know, yeah, that's crazy
I won't play music in the car when i'm by myself anymore. He has serial killer vibes
All people are weird. Oh, yeah
Yeah, were any of y'all a kid when spongebob came out? Yeah, I was allowed to watch it. You were allowed to watch it
No, I wasn't till I was like six. I don't know my mom said it was too inappropriate
There is some wild stuff. That's very it's crazy when I watch it and grew up in life. I realized yeah
That shit was crazy, man
But knowing all the things that were going on behind the scenes of nickelodeon now
Oh my god, and it wasn't even
Don't even know
Hey, I saw it too. I watched it all night last night. You too. I want you to watch it
But like okay, so basically nickelodeon dance niner. Is that his name?
He was a piece of shit. Oh my god
He was like raping the kids and he was like dude
I mean we know like the foot stuff in the episodes but it was like foot assaulting these kids like a whole bunch of shit
and then uh
I think
Well, I don't know what can I say here. I think he we just cut it out
We just kind of whatever but I think he like raped drake bell and like Amanda bynes and then I think it was like
Oh, we didn't know it wasn't from drake and josh. Oh, no, it was another guy
That uh, they recently found or they didn't another one. It was another him. Hold on this guy
He was the worst one like oh, right. Oh, yeah
He's the one that did that to drake bell
I found out he was so bad that a kid came in one day. He had a painting
He was like, what's that clown painting? Apparently he was a pen pal with john wane fucking gasey
What get the fuck out of here man that dude right there?
Like before he was on set like it was no
They hired him. Yes, even when he got out they rehired him, but they were like you got all these limits
You can't do that. You can't do this. How is that? Not like the main requirement for working with kids
Fucked
Oh my god, it no it should be
It should be number one
Mm-hmm
And you know what was worse man?
Like when they were in the court they showed all these celebrities and stuff that were defending the dude telling the kid
He was wrong when the kid was like how you gonna tell me when i'm telling you what happened?
Oh, you're a kid. Yeah
Because I saw it was like a youtube I haven't seen that documentary
But it was like a youtube clip and they were talking about him and they were talking about uh,
Uh, yeah, all those people came on his side like, um, like really famous people
Yeah, and were like wrote letters for him and they said they wrote it under not knowing what was going on
But you know what's going on. You're not gonna write something. Why agree if you don't know this story
Yeah, exactly. That doesn't even make sense like a character witnesses and shit like that. Damn, but wait who did it?
And then they said even leonardo decafrio was a victim from uh, brian peck too they found out. Oh wow
Damn, see and if I got if I was a victim and I got as big as leo I would crush them
I'm talking about make their life. Oh
So bad wouldn't even get the police involved but i'm telling you I would make them
Oh, they were and that's one of the guys that uh was backing him up. Oh, that's james morrison
He was backing him. He was backing brian up
Yeah, he was a kid. Yeah, but he was like, yeah
He wrote like a letter saying something about let me see what is his name? Yeah a whole bunch of reading this from the headline of
No, no, no, I saw the documentary. Oh, okay
They said he wrote I forgot like back then he because he hung around him a lot
I'd have to relook at it. But they said yeah, he wrote a letter about it. Did you get into the uh,
like when a pandemic came and all the uh, hollywood or
holly weird holly weird all that stuff
Did I like like did you get into the the conspiracy theories?
Oh, no, but I have my I i will get behind some conspiracy theories. Oh, yeah. Yeah, what's the holly weird one?
It's like it was like they're they're eating they're eating children adrenochrome
No, I didn't get into that my little sister's dead but they were saying everybody in hollywood like the uh, what's that cult the teegans? Oh
Yeah, no, no, they were in it for sure. Yeah, that's a cult 100
That was the first one I heard about too. It was like but yeah, whatever they claimed about her
They claimed about a lot of people. This is the letter. Yeah, this is the letter right here
Letter dude in times new roman. I can read it to y'all on radio voice
Go ahead. Yeah. All right. Hold on. Let me hold this
I know brian very well and I know how much he has suffered since august of 2003 brian is a good person
With a very healthy fear and respect for the law and I assume you what brian has been through the last year
It's the suffering of a hundred men. I don't intend to victimize brian nor would he ever wish that but
I do feel compelled and light on the fact that I have learned his lesson
I guarantee you the earth would fall from the sky before brian would even think about doing something like this again
I hope again
I hope that you consider what I have stated here in your judgment
I owe to peck brian a lot of who I am and who I am proud to be sincerely james marston
That's grooming. Damn. How old was he in 2003? Let's see. Let's see. What was his name?
Yeah, he's I mean he's got to be older than me. So he was old enough. Let's see james marston was born in
1973 so 10
20 so he was 20 in 1993. He turned 30 in 2003. Yeah, so he was 30 something when it's out of shit, man
And damn never mind
I saw this dude on hop man. Come on. Yeah, I like this guy
That's the new sonic
This was my movie as a kid now
Oh, yeah, he had a big ass just like me so
What would be a conspiracy what's one of the ones you're into like you really believe yeah
Oh that I really believe I do think hollywood is like pedophilic elite. I think that's like 100 up there
I'm here. Epstein's shit. I believe all that i've seen shit. Um
Or did you go okay on the epstein do you go as far as like think, you know, who's on the list?
Um, I don't know anything about the list. I think we'll get it and I think I'll wait out but they they teased it like
Stephen hawking. Yeah. Yeah, so it listed come out jay-z
Yeah, they said something about jay-z. Okay, I think there was different times of the island
Seasonally, I think we had a where we're raping kids time season and then it was like yachts bitches
And so I think it was like
Yeah, I think like a come full list probably isn't like all of these people are the pedophiles
Yeah, because you got to think if they're like, oh the all the presidents and all these elites come out here
You want to go somebody invites you out there? Also? He was like, I don't know what he did
But he was like a pristine rich. Yeah, he was so like he had like luxurious guests
Yeah, and he was always his friends with like the uh, the royals really really good friends
Yeah, that one dude was uh, he's yeah that prince and prince andrew. Yeah
That's he got his ass
Oh
Oh shit you went on al jazeera
That's what that yeah al jazeera. Is that uh factual right there? Oh, yeah
That's a really that's a well regarded publication dude for all your north african news. Oh
I need to take a look sometimes. Is that what the island was?
No, no, I don't think so. Actually, that's a really good fucking question. Let's see. Let me see where island location
Yeah, that's good to know
Yeah, just in case you accidentally stumble upon it one day virgin islands. Oh so virgin islands with no virgin
Is that right? Yeah, that's right. Oh my god. Jesus. Oh that came out wrong y'all. American zip file sender Jeffrey Epstein
Oh, okay. We looked up his island location. Never mind. I thought when you looked up the virgin islands, it was like
their number one on wikipedia
No, oh I got it
I think that's like one of the most expensive places to live though the virgin islands
Is it I think like the perk perk habit it's like one of the most expensive places rent rent
How much is the studio in the virgin island
Well, he paid what was it seven point ninety five million dollars, but that was in 1998. So oh that thing's worse
Well, I don't know 110 million I think now
Maybe my gosh, man. Jesus. That's like the gdp of like a really small country, dude. Yeah
Yeah, that's does have like this one office building too. That's like one two stories, but it's like housing like
300 the top 500 companies in the world
Okay
Damn that's where you go if you want to commit tax fraud. Hell. Yeah write that down for later
So uh you like improv or you went to college for improv, right? No, I didn't go to I did
I did improv in college. Okay. Okay. Yeah
I get her major was improv
Like I think jalen went to like a arts college and he like did something in stand-up
Like actually yeah, and that's what I was trying to do too. Like the same place he was at columbia
I was almost in but you know, I i'm broke so I couldn't get in
Yeah, because when you switch states, you don't get
Like out of state tuition insane. Yeah
Yeah, so how'd you like it? Uh, it was a lot of fun. Uh, I was a star. Um
Hell yeah, I love it. I was also an alcoholic but
It happens to lab rats
Yeah
I was a lab rat. Wait, you were in the were you in the show lab rat? So you just
Yeah, dude
You know, I sang the intro I was one of the extras at the high school. Okay. I was like that's so cool
So did you while you were in college were you doing stand-up or just improv? No
I think I did I did stand-up like twice in college
There was like a stand-up thing that had just opened at a bar
And it was like literally just my improv troupe and some friends that like went and did it
But I think I had done like twice and then covid happened. Okay. Okay
So I had like done stand-up before
Not like
Actually, and you went to Mississippi State. Mm-hmm
Shout out. Hell yeah. Hold up
There we go, I don't know anything about football so I hate old miss
Fuck up dude. Yeah, I would you I don't like to be there. So when did you start like really getting into stand-up?
When I moved to Huntsville in like july
July
2021 july 2021. Okay. Okay. So like that's almost three four
And you're already a killer i'm telling you
I've seen i've seen you kill before at o ryan show you brought that motherfucker down. Thank you. I appreciate it. I'll be
Because reyna went up first
Raina was yeah, i mean the like the vibes were set so well like it was that was a good show
Yeah, that was a really good show and then the and then there was another between you and reyna
I didn't know her name. Okay. I can't remember her name. She was our bucket spot. So she was like she uh,
One of our headliners brought her
Yeah, that's all right
You're right
Right
Now but you're a killer you're you're my girlfriend's favorite huntsville comedian
With all of them being considered
Including me, man. I'm not even upset about it
Not at all
Yeah, she saw you at the terrific
Last month. Yeah, you killed that. Yeah, you that was good. Thank you
Yeah, I was actually I was like starting to get like very nervous for like little I don't know like shows again
Yeah, and so that was one of them and I like accidentally told a bunch of my jokes weird
Like I told him like in a different way, but like everybody was like I like the way you said that joke tonight
And I was like, hey, I gotta watch that
All right, so uh scott put you on your first show right yeah, it was like a show at bar at 805
And he had like some traveling comedians come in and I was like
Not I was like new. Uh, it was like I was new and he was like hey, uh, you're gonna go up before these ladies
by the way, and I was like, okay, and I got like
15 bucks
You did cross-country
Yeah, what's up with that dude you and carson
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, that's why we get along and that's how you co-hosted night nightcap. Yeah
So what is that?
Because I haven't been yet night camp is like it's like a variety show
Okay, and I mean like so me and carson we like planned we like planned a few but then we were like asked
Like hey, hey, you want to do another night camp. So like that was that was huge. Yeah
Like hey, we like night camp keep it coming. Um, but it's like a variety show
So we have two improvisers like two people that are the improv people from like because we have a huntsville improv like
Yeah, yeah, I do I do the same thing
I did that last night with symphony on the radio. I said I said this is the
the
Sympathy symphony. Yeah, and I spent 10 minutes just constantly saying
Sympathy sympathy this was live on the radio. Oh, no, I turned that air off
I mean I was struggling on the air too
Like even on the air I was like and then I got so mad when I turned on
I was waiting for the phone call. What the fuck was that?
Brian, yeah, we have a huntsville impromptu
We have a scene for that thing too
so
We have two people that are improvisers only and then we get like four comics
So the comics will do like a little set but then they are also in the improv game
Oh, okay. So like we have improvisers so that like they actually know how to run the scene. So it like that's it's a good improv scene
but then it's like the stand-ups like just
Throwing to the winds with it too. And then sometimes we have drag shows, which is awesome. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So that's like a
halftime
It's like it's always a good time that sounds like a good time. Oh, yeah, I went to the um
Show they had yesterday
Sketchy sketchy. Yeah, how was it? It was good. It was so crazy how you guys can remember all that shit
Like there would be no way for like it was like ten sketches. Oh
Yeah, and and they didn't have a piece of paper. They didn't have
You know anything to remember it off of and they just knew all of it and didn't break
Like I thought it was gonna be at least a couple breaks didn't break at all. It was good. It was really fun
So how do you get into like this improv?
Do you have to do like a class thing if you want to get into it?
You have to do a class shenanigans does like thunder domes, which is like anybody can go and do that
But you have to go to like a practice or two beforehand
Okay, and so if you like probably reached out and was like hey, when are your thunder dome practice dates?
I want to try it. I think you could
Okay, that'd be cool. Mm-hmm
It's cool. They do have glasses. They do have glasses though. Yeah
Go check out shenanigans.com. I know it's not called huntsville laughs.com. Okay
And uh look up the the calendar you get on there that's what i'm going to do who's doing huntsville laughs
Mm-hmm. I don't either that's a good question who runs a website. Yeah. Oh, I have no idea
Yeah, I thought that was shenanigans is a site. Yeah. Oh, okay. Okay. Oh, so it has to be
Kim or jessica. Yeah, jessica
I don't know. Yeah, probably jessica. Maybe kim's gonna watch this. She'll tell me if i'm right around
I'm guessing right now jessica
For sure
We'll find out. Oh my god jessica posted a picture of you dan and kim on facebook yesterday. It was so funny
Oh, yeah, I saw that y'all saying next to each other there. She was like they're up to something
We were just trying to figure something out about how to create a new channel on youtube
It took all three of us were all over to create an account. Yeah, I have my
Yeah, you were so are we gonna use?
Jessica's like i'm on it
I saw dime. I was like that's a fucking working man right there. Yeah, yeah, you were grinding
You were so focused bro. I loved it you
Why because I didn't know what the fuck I was like I should know how to do this
You know when somebody asks you something like
Immediately I was oh, yeah, you just do this then it wasn't working. You start thinking like
I won't try try
But nothing was working. I was wrong. Oh, yeah
That was us yesterday trying to figure out how to color correct white people on the podcast
Because they just get washed out. Yeah, I have to draw that nose back
Ain't nothing you can do about it
Yeah, we're getting better at it we got a little better maybe this episode it looks good
I'm not even visible. I appreciate the warm light. I got my summer or not my winter pale night
so
So where are you from? You're not from here, right? No, i'm from like florida florida
I got my boyfriend pence. That's how he told you like she got a little drop back deal
She a little drop back deal what you doing my big dog
Oh
A little shout out night. He never watched this one
Can I ask you a question though was buying like cds at the gas station a big thing back in the day
Well, you wouldn't buy like a legit cd at a gas station, but you would buy
It would be people out there to buy bootlegs. Oh, okay
So, you know you would have somebody out there be like I got the new uh 400 degrees by hot boys. Okay. Yeah
Yeah, you but how much when they try to charge you and they were still would be they would try to charge you like six
Dollars or something like that because that because the cd back then was like 20
I think it was like yeah 15 15. I think like 15 dollars for kind of steep for one cd
Yeah, but that was the only way you could get music
Back then there was no that's what I would have done in the past life the stream. What so cds
No, it was cool. The shit. Yes, that's how I saw iron man, too
I got fucked up because you remember that special dude slamming my mom pulled up to croakers
He opened up his man. He opened up his trunk. He was like, what the fuck y'all want?
She's like get him iron man, too. That's why I saw what was important here the
That was the worst one
First one's way better. I think robert downey jr had a relapse that year or something. Maybe it went downhill
You like the marvel movies? I stopped it in game. Oh, yeah
Yeah, because that's where I fucking ended. Thank you. So all those other I don't like marvel anymore
Yeah, but I did
Back then but in gaming before I mean everybody was into it like to some extent to go to the movies and watch this
Uh, and then they they should have just ended it you could have ended it and brought in whatever the new thing is
And I like the time haul in spider-man. I like the direction they went with that where it's like, okay now we can do multivers
Now we can do other things other than the main story line
Yeah, that is over. Mm-hmm. That's over but they they won't they won't let it die. What about deadpool?
You like the deadpool? I do like that. You're gonna you're gonna come out retirement see the new one though
In theaters, no, but I will watch it when it comes out
I've never seen the deadpool. Oh, man, you got it. You're messing out. It's really good. It is good
It's a fun. That's a fun hero movie. I like that they cuss. Oh they cuss
I
Thought that's how you remember the movie hancock, oh, yeah will smith
I thought that was gonna be way better because I in the commercial was like he was drinking something some old lady said shut up, bitch
This is gonna be the best superhero movie. It just turned out to be a bad love story
Yeah, that was son of them
Oh shit that dune 2 movie was good to see in theaters though. It was good. It was a lot of like
Sensory overload just like loud war noise like but not even like the war noise like the butt the big like bongs and like
Misty desert
There's like 17 of those shots
Damn, did you see the whole thing with the dune 2 like limited edition popcorn bucket? Yeah
Why is the hand coming now man, I was so upset I was like fuck wait what how much do they go like
It's like almost a hundred dollars now. Look one 179
Damn, it's like you miss out you had a chance
You wanted one brandon, yeah
You could just get one that's designed for that purpose for
A football man. This is oh, yeah that was he once had a pocket pussy that was shaped as a football. Yeah
Yeah, you gotta understand and you know what sucks about this
You know what nobody else knows this shit but uh
We we went there with my whole family and we snuck in the back trunk
Because we were like we were like real young we were 14 and we were 14 you had a football
About 14 and me and my friend were dedicated to the sport
We were we were in spencer's I don't got time to think about bitches
Yeah, I knew we had we were gonna be a while so I said fuck it
But uh, I sent my friend in there. I was like go get two man, you know, go get two
He made it so awkward. He was like so hey, this is my first time getting one
I don't know why the fuck you would tell the cash register that he's like, okay, so then we went home
and uh
Then we tried out and then he was like, I don't like it. I threw it in the trash. I like me too. I didn't
But I realized I realized something that you should have done. I was supposed to take it out of the football. I didn't know that
So the whole time
You were trying to bang it. It was in the football. Yeah, he's tossing around little pigs
That's why you didn't like it how I felt. Yeah, I was like this shit is weird. How the fuck am I my young ass?
I didn't know you had to stretch. You know, I didn't know man
I was learning
Yeah, these are things we learn here on clown college. Yeah, it's clown college man. Yeah, we had learned
How'd you find out?
How'd you find out you could take it out of the football found out actually was like a couple months ago
God was sitting out
You've had an extended relationship you said 14 you just turned 21
I was reminiscing about the old days one day and I was like
I was like shit man. I need to damn I could have just took it out. Maybe it would have felt better
I don't know buy some shit. Oh, so it was meant to fuck as a football
Oh, yeah, it was meant what you did with your twisty
You had a front and back and you you twist whichever side you felt that day
And uh, yeah, you're supposed to take that whole thing out of the football the sleeve. Yeah the sleeve. That's just the that's the hidden
That's the treasure case
I don't know. He made himself uncomfortable
You said that
It's a weird time
Fuck football
What happened well sure can't catch it
No, I just catch it and you just get those days behind us, man
I just I just I try to catch it and throw it back
That's all I got now. He's not allowed at the live shows
I can't do it
On tv now i'm just thinking about when we were throwing the football round outside canna bar if that was brandon's football or not
I don't know what happened. He had to excuse himself early. Why is it so fucking slippery, dude?
Cannibars got a nice bathroom though. Yeah
Yeah, single and just a little slide lock on the door. They got a good setup in there, man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
Brandon knows
Yeah, I mean i'll go in there to do what I gotta do then go tell a joke
That's what I got
I heard Brandon knows what he knows about that and then second we were talking about footballs and and uh
Uh being in the room too long. So I was like, let's let them know I don't do that
I'm lost
I was making like, you know, I don't go to places and just no we don't do that like that is frowned upon. Yes. No
As you shouldn't
Yes, you hear that old man
Um, don't jerk off in public where I'm looking at you charlie. This dude was talking to me. I had my job. He's like hey man
I'm like get the fuck out of here freaking weird ass. Oh, well, what what your job's on vcent
Like a motive what about standing outside and he was like look at it this horizon out there. I was like what are you talking about, sir?
He's like, you know on your break. I bet you go in there and do that. I'm like, no, no, I don't
And he was like he was like well, I know I do and I was like, okay, man
Does he work with you? No, it was a random ass dude. I never seen him again in my life. Yeah
I've never seen him in my life again. Nobody asks people stuff like that brighter
Did he ask?
I don't know why I didn't I was like, oh, okay. That's weird. He's like, oh shit
All right, man. All right, cool. Goodbye
You have a uh
The awkwardness was not on you
Yeah, yeah, no, not on you at all
Do you have an embarrassing story that you would tell
What what what what like something you got really embarrassed about?
Yeah
Like for comedy. Yeah, comedy. It could be it could be in general just
I was like, oh man shit myself
Oh, yeah
Amen
um
You say you shot yourself. What shit? Oh like your anal leakage that you had. Yeah. Well shit yourself everybody does that
Okay, thank you
That was the fucking year
That was the year it happened to me 258
Madagascar too. That's why you shit yourself. Yes
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes
There we go that son of a bitch
Raggedy good for nothing
When's the last time you shit yourself dom? Hmm. You know, it's been a while it's been a while but two weeks
six
At least
Probably like six years. I shit myself more recently. Yeah, I shit myself more recently than that
It was my first day let's hear all the shit story
I'll tell you it was my first day of my junior year of college. I shit my pants on the drive to school
Damn, I trusted the fart. Well, I went home
Um, no, no, dude, I didn't go to class after that
I had a lot more shit on my mind shit
Yeah, it was bad man, I just went home and then I went to my next class though, dude
Okay, I wasn't gonna let it ruin my entire day. Yeah, yeah, but you can't show up with shit in your pants
I know you can't well you could that is also frowned upon. It's very
Frowned upon. Yo, you ever ripped your pants? What was your last time? Um, I think damn I think mine was like
last
August
Those warmer months will get you
I'd had three cups of coffee already that day was long
I was driving home. I also trusted the fart and I was like, yeah
Yeah, you can't trust us for no me. I was too that's why anxiety's good
I was too paranoid back there like you saw it
You remember when I frat all gone for because I was too fucked up and I got the bag
Whenever I feel like a storm's a coming I go I go prepared man. Like I was in school
I said, oh shit, I just ran in there people like where the fuck you going?
I saved it all man because if I wouldn't if I would have trusted it
That would have been a bad day. See I feel you now. I'll say this. I never shit where it went down like my leg
Oh, no, I haven't either no I had shorts on man. No, but I was sitting down so it was all contained
What about when you stood up to get it out?
It was more of like a crab shuffle
You know i'm saying like get out of the car and then just went directly into my house
Couldn't look any of my family in the eye at that point dude. I peed on myself not too. Uh,
I definitely pissed on myself and I feel like pissing is way easier to avoid though. See here goes the thing
I think whenever I had to piss I was driving home from somebody's house
And when I left her house
I had to I had to piss really bad and I knew that there was a gas station on the way between my house and her
House, right?
So i'm like i'm good to stop at this gas station when I got out to go to the gas station was closed
And then so i'm like, okay, I can make it back and like I got back in the car and I was like, okay
I can't make it so and this was when I was in the army
So I had to go through a gate to get back on like somebody checks you so my
My whole thing was like I had some gatorade next I was like i'm gonna pour the gatorade on me
And if he asked me why
You probably pour the gatorade on you
Man it's purple what the fuck that's smart. I'm like no I spilled gatorade on myself man. He didn't ask. Why is the stain purple?
He didn't ask I just spilled gatorade on myself
Yo, did you ever uh accidentally rip your pants or something? I did that in Austin last time I was there. Oh
deadass
Hell yeah, man. That happens all the time. Oh, well
Oh my gosh, man
I
I've never told this I feel really bad about this
So I like to wear these carhartt t-shirts like I wear a car just because I like the how it feels man
And and the thing about them is they have the tags on like the side right here. It's not in the back
So and and it rubs against my like handle right here, dude, and I don't like it irritation
So I was standing at the urinal one time at fucking uh campus 805 right outside the speakeasy
And I was kind I had I had a little bit to drink and I was like I gotta get this fucking thing off of me
And I ripped the tag off and i'm standing at the urinal pissing and I rip it off and it throws my body like this
And I piss like all over the wall like if there was somebody at the urinal next to me like I would have gave them an
impromptu wet t-shirt contest dude shit
But you didn't
I didn't
Thank goodness you didn't
You gotta be the author of your own story dude
Imagine if I was working there man, they would be like Brandon we need you to clean this shit
Somebody peed all over the wall
You do get stuck with that man. I'm sorry. You gotta stop saying yes to that. Yeah, I can't I don't have a choice because you do
You can be the author of your own story. That's it. Get out. I'm like, all right throw the moth bucket at him or what?
What should what should he tell him Ashley? What should I tell him? Fuck y'all. No, you can't do that
It's that they always come to him to to make him clean up the shit. Yeah, like crime scenes
Yeah, and then they don't give him hours
They don't give him raises, but he always has to clean up the shit in the piss
Yeah, every time like we had homeless dude do a revenge crap
He got mad because we kicked him out
He came back in there because he had elephants with his wheelchair and got it all over the place and then they're like Brandon if
You do it. No, they were like brand. We need you to clean. So I cleaned it was so bad a whole what's your job title?
a bagger clerk
And then sometimes when you're cleaning your cleaning service like sometimes right what they do is they get like certain people to clean
So they'll go out to be like it's your day to do it
It's your day to do it and then at one point they just had me the whole time because they were like, you know good
Yeah, and then now now i'm getting to the point. I'm like, yeah
I don't know
Fuck now. You should have said no a while ago. I know I should say no now. I know
Tell her what your compensation was for cleaning the shit a free sub
Come on
Did you get the cheese that was on it? Oh hell yeah
I got me the buffalo chicken special man
Buffalo chicken special what's the what's the buffalo chicken? Is it your personal thing? Yes. Yes
So I get the uh, what's it the white bread?
Then I get the buffalo chicken then I get some blue cheese and after the blue cheese I put some uh,
Swiss cheese on it and then a little bit of ranch
Not that much a little slice of mayonnaise that you can't even really tell like just I tell them what they do is what you got
To do this how you do it
So you get the scoop and then you put it against the thing at the bottom
You got a little line and then you put it on the bread like that and toast it and then you put lettuce on there
Maybe if you're risky or feisty or going crazy that they put a little black olives and that's it
I clean the crime scene for that. Yeah, see there you go. What's your sub choice?
um
I actually had to give up cheese recently
Oh, no, this is my you know, I was coming back for it
coming back for it, but um, i'm like a vegetable I like a vegetable sandwich. Yeah, you asked for veggie
Quesadilla, do you eat meat though? I do eat meat
It's just not my preference because I was vegetarian for like a couple years
Okay, like through high school and then so I was like, i'll eat meat again
But then it just like I still like man, but that veggie sandwich was delish. Uh,
veggie sandwich
onions
Onions lettuce, which i'll put turkey on it mayonnaise
Sometimes I get crazy a piece of bacon maybe two a club
That's a club. Yeah, I like the club with pesto. Holy shit
I'm putting pesto on everything. I never tried pesto. Oh, hell man. You got it
You have you cleaning shit off the wall, dude. You need some pesto on your sandwich
Yeah
I wouldn't want this after I clean. I don't
Hand me this. I'm laughing. That's a game. He's seen too many kinds of shit. Yeah
Yeah, eat pesto I can't get over when he was describing the sandwich. He said a slice of mayonnaise
Because i'm telling you i'm very like if you do a little like it like okay
So this is the butter knife and then if you see it it has to be I want it lying like this because you got
A little bit of it's gonna take over the whole show. You're asking somebody to do this for you. No, I don't ask them
I just say like I just I don't ask i'd be like real light
But that's if I ever had the knife I would do it like if somebody gets this and does this and it's like too crazy
I'd be like, well, it's just gonna be a messy sandwich
But that's what I prefer light
Light well ashlyn, this is the end of the podcast. It's been a fun one
It's been you got some good laughs
I was crying over here
For real
What you're gonna do now in this camera right here?
You say any uh anything you got coming up your socials and everything will have her on the side of you
My name is ashlyn lutz
Uh, you can catch me at night camp in june of this year. It's not sooner probably going to be june
You can find me on instagram at s dot deluxe
um
Don't add me on facebook probably but you can find me on instagram. Oh, yeah