This week on Clown College.
Yeah, I beat every Catholic kid in the state of Alabama one year at the 400 meter.
Gang gang walk.
And that was pretty cool.
When you're Protestant, you go to Catholic school, everybody else gets a snack at church,
and you get like a pat from a pedophile, you know?
That's wild.
That's what they do in the exchange.
This is the Clown College Podcast.
We're just a couple open micers trying to make our way through the scene.
Where we interview comedians throughout different stages of their comedy career,
no matter if they're open micers, headliners, or traveling comedians.
I'm here too.
Jamie 2.0, I just talk a lot more.
Damn it, Brandon.
Go sit in the corner.
I've never lived long enough.
Eww.
I'm gonna get these cords worked out.
It's like just a big ass coil of shit right here, dude.
A rolly chair goes over it, we're on carpet.
It's a catastrophe waiting to happen, man.
Hell yeah.
It's like Twister.
It's like Saw for mild inconveniences.
It's like fuck, dude.
I gotta re-plug that in.
Gotta adjust my seat, dude.
One of the lights went out.
It's flickering.
There it is, as soon as you said it.
That's the ghost shit, is that?
Oh shit, dude.
You brought it to life.
That's crazy, I didn't even do anything.
Man, that's crazy.
Some of that invisible throw up, dude.
Gotta get right back on.
Because look, we were talking about earlier,
craziest thing you saw at a church.
So my mom used to be a pastor, right?
And it was Christian non-denominational.
But they did some weird shit.
So we would max out of like six people.
And this big ass church too, it was an old daycare.
Like a Christian daycare.
They had like a Catholic daycare.
It had the church part too.
The sanctuary.
Yeah, and then the daycare roof caved in.
So they sold it to my mom for real cheap.
We had this huge fucking church.
And they're literally, at max, these six people.
But they used to like, whenever they catch the Holy Spirit
or whatever, they would run around, you know,
do the whole speaking in tongues thing.
And I remember at one point, they were acting like
they were throwing up their demons.
And then they would throw them up.
And then my mom would come over with paper towels
and act like she's picking up the fake throw up of the demon
and putting it in the trash.
And she'd be like, don't go over there.
That's the evil spirit.
Contaminated.
Yeah.
So, you know, sometimes, you know, mental health is important.
So how old were you when this happened?
Dude, that was all, I stopped going to church, I believe,
when I was like 13 and 14.
So from the whole time I was growing up,
she became a pastor like, almost until I can remember.
But definitely like when we were in grade school,
so like third or fourth grade, like when D-Lo,
it would literally just be me, D-Lo, and Jermaine,
which is all my boys.
And we would just be there.
And before she had the church,
she would have service in her living room, in our living room.
We're just us kids and maybe one other woman named Cynthia.
Listen.
Shout out to Cynthia.
Hello.
And she would always speak in tongues,
and it sounded like she was just naming the days of the week.
Shut up on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, or...
Exactly.
Like auctioneers?
Yeah, that's exactly how it was sound.
And then so everybody, they were, my friends were like,
damn, we got to get up and go to church in the morning.
But it's literally in our living room.
We would set up concert-sized speakers, a big-ass amplifier,
and she would sing.
And a long time, too, you know how Black church is always,
even though she's white, treated it like a Black church.
And she would sing for 30 minutes.
And then we all had to do the thing, clapping and shit.
My older brother and sister didn't have to come.
And then she would do a whole service.
But how she got us to not complain about it so much
is we would go to Ryan's Steakhouse afterwards.
Oh, yeah.
Or Bonanza.
Or one of these things, like, oh, dude, we're about to eat, though.
What is Bonanza?
Yeah, what's that?
It's like a Ponderosa.
It's a Ponderosa?
It's like Ryan's.
It's like a buffet.
Oh, I love Ryan's.
I used to go there all the time.
Yeah, dude, Ryan's is the shit.
Cornbread was the shit there.
They've been closed for a while.
Yeah, I miss it.
That pandemic, I think, right?
Yeah.
I don't think it was there.
It was a little bit before.
It was like 2017, I think.
Oh, okay.
Don't even question it, bro.
Yeah, I don't know.
It's the year.
If it's dates, Brandon knows.
I used to eat there all the time.
What was your favorite thing to eat there, Brandon?
Cornbread.
Okay.
You had a good recipe.
I remember it like it was yesterday, man.
Like, it was so good.
And then they had some good steak.
Yeah, hell yeah.
Prime rib, they would have.
Oh, damn.
Prime rib.
And then like the buffet was just like.
Kibachi sometimes?
Yeah, every other.
Oh, shit.
You have Asian part, you got the American part, you got a fucking decked out dessert.
I don't eat dessert, but they had everything that you would want in dessert.
It was the shit.
I should have went there.
Oh, yeah, the ice cream.
Man, I used to.
You know me, man.
I love it.
I know.
Salt-serve strawberry.
That's not everywhere.
That's a rarity.
And you know what, dude?
That's what I can appreciate.
A fine establishment that goes the extra mile, dude.
It's the little things.
Come on, man.
Customer experience.
The Ryan Steakhouse.
Hell yeah.
What about Shoney's?
You remember Shoney's?
Yeah.
Oh, man, that was some good shit, man.
That's how we found out my sister was coming that day.
Like, your mom was coming.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, she delivered the news that day.
Oh, saying that she was going to be born.
Oh, yeah.
OK, OK.
She softened you up with Shoney's.
I just thought you meant she coming to the place.
I thought I was born more to the store.
Yeah, I don't.
She came that.
No, that's some shit.
No.
No, I wasn't even saying that.
I was just saying coming to, like coming to a place.
Oh, man, this is crazy.
I don't know.
We digging holes.
I'm digging holes.
I love that movie.
You seen holes?
Oh, man.
This is a great movie.
I've seen that.
I'm tired, Grandpa.
Well, that's too damn bad.
Last time was 2007.
Other than that, I've never seen it.
So basically, I have to watch it again.
I know the dude from Transformers.
Shia LaBeouf.
How you say it?
Shia LaBeouf.
Shia LaBluff.
Just do it.
It's definitely not that.
Shia LaBeouf.
Yeah, you said LaBluff.
Just do it.
Only one L, dude.
So what movies, you know, Kimberly Wilson.
Yeah, yeah, shout out, Kimberly.
Shout out.
She's doing a podcast about movies.
And then so you watch the movie and then you go in there and give her five time stamps
and you guys talk about this movie.
What will be your movies?
Well, should it be a movie I've already seen or a movie I've never seen?
Yeah, you want it to be your favorite movie or your guilty pleasure movie.
Oh, my favorite movie.
I would say it's a movie that you've watched the most.
That's what I did.
It has to be.
It would be something that you watch the most because you know it.
If you watch something more than, you know, 20, 30 times, you know things that other people didn't know.
There's no movie.
I've never seen a movie 20 times.
Really?
Really.
Probably not even 10.
Really?
No, I'm not.
It's too much, man.
I already know what happens.
Yeah, but like some movies are layered.
My mind is scary movie, the first one.
Yeah.
I would literally watch it every time it ever came on TV or every time I see it, I could
watch it and find a new spot.
Oh, dude, I didn't notice this.
Like if I tell you some of the scenes out there, I guarantee if you watched it right
now and then tomorrow, I pointed out these things, you'd be like, I had no idea that
was happening because I've watched it so many times.
Yeah, probably.
Yeah.
But I can do that with TV shows.
I watch a TV show a whole bunch of times.
Really?
But not a movie.
Because the movie is just too long in one sitting.
And if I'm watching a movie, I'm not going to watch half of it now and half of it later.
Like, I just don't.
Yeah, those new movies are like three hours long.
Yeah.
But like 90, early 2000 movies were like, oh, I guess you guys weren't born.
But they were more like a minute, I mean, an hour and 30, hour and 45.
Yeah.
And then like the Titanic was like two and a half hours, but it came in two different
boxes.
Yeah.
Wait, so wait, did you watch the Avengers, the end game?
Yeah, I watched it.
That was like.
But that's different.
That's action packed.
All the universe coming to a close right there.
That's worth it could have been four hours and I would have sat through that.
We've all drank enough Red Forty to enjoy it.
I'm going to watch it then.
I'm going to watch it.
I've seen the Civil War, but not that one.
So that guy just blows my mind.
Yeah.
Infinity War.
That is the one to watch.
I've seen all of them but that and the end game.
Infinity War and end game are.
The only ones you really need to watch.
Yeah, dude.
Have you seen Civil War if you haven't even if you haven't seen the other Avengers?
You brought you seen Ultron.
So that that's that plays a big part in both.
I've seen all the Iron Man.
It was it was.
I've seen the Iron Man.
I remember when that came out and you see Spider-Man came in, you seen the Guardians
of the Galaxy.
Right.
Well, you know, Batista is in Guardians of the Galaxy.
Yeah, but Spider-Man is the best.
I was talking about this earlier with my uncle.
You know, the best Spider-Man was Toby Maguire.
Did I say it right?
Yeah, Toby Maguire.
Oh, gee.
That's the best.
He was like, what about Andrew Groff?
I thought, yeah, that good.
But that dude was the best.
Toby was my that was my life back then.
I remember 2007 back in the good old days.
Like back in the day, I used to have like the playset and all that shit, man.
I was obsessed.
So did you watch far from the new Spider-Man that came out with all of them?
I saw that one.
Yeah.
That was actually my that's where I saw my first date there.
Oh, yeah.
To see that.
Yeah.
Shout out.
Shout out, Tina.
Let me get a little applause.
Yeah.
Love blossoming, dude.
I feel like that was one of the best movies they made with it.
Listen to me.
There's no way.
I mean, it was good.
And when I saw it in theaters, it was even better.
But like you watch it, it's OK.
But Infinity War and Endgame of comic book movies, I don't think you can get better.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, yeah.
I mean, because it's everything.
Dude, I mean, that took like years to create.
Over 10, right?
15 years?
The first Iron Man to that.
Like it was all building up to that one moment.
That could probably never be even replicated.
People want it too fast now.
Yeah.
And it was cool for what it was.
But then all like the streaming and TV shows that you got to watch, keep up with it.
It's like, fuck.
I'm watching all that shit.
Y'all got enough money, man.
Yeah.
Drop a movie once a year, make a billion dollars and that's it.
And make it good.
Exactly.
Like you guys know the recipe to make them good.
And then I also think on those, they should have, after Endgame, that should have been the end of that universe.
Because it's comics and they keep on, no matter what comic you go read, the new one has nothing to do with the one that happened 15 years ago.
Or the one that even happened in the series before.
So why don't you just cut it all out and then you rebuild the Avengers or this whole universe with all the new stuff that you got with X-Men.
You could do all this stuff and you just leave, or you could just leave Avengers alone altogether and you can just build up the X-Men.
Because that's just the bigger franchise, way bigger than the franchise and Avengers was.
And then you got that Fantastic Four.
It hasn't been able to been done good, but dude, how many fucking big bosses that you can bring in there and have them?
Well, they have Witch's face from The Office play Mr. Fantastic.
Yeah, because they're remaking it.
Let me see.
Oh yeah, yeah.
The Doctor Strange movie.
It was a Doctor Strange, but it was pretty much her movie.
That movie pissed me off too because you could have just called it, that could have been just Scarlet Witch's movie.
And it's like a House of M where she just kills everybody, which she pretty much did.
So why don't you just make the movie that?
I mean, Doctor Strange was like a side character in his own movie.
Yeah, I don't know. I'm over there.
Like I used to be really into it. I thought it was really cool.
I go see all of them and now I don't really, who cares?
Yeah, we had a whole group of friends here. We would go see every one when they came out, but then they start.
Adults.
Yeah, adults. Grown people. 30 plus we used to go do it.
I said, dude, when Endgame came out, I went and watched it day of.
It was crazy.
Like I was almost going to be late to the movie and this guy turning into the movie theater drove across the grass median
and into like three oncoming traffic lanes to get to the theater on time.
Like that's how big of a deal it was.
Dang.
It's wild, dude.
Damn.
Bro, when Captain America picks up the fucking hammer, everybody went crazy.
Yeah.
And it was the same thing in Captain Marvel because Nick Fury says something about Huntsville, Alabama.
Like Huntsville, Alabama gets brought up. Everybody went nuts.
Yeah.
Because it was like the night people went crazy.
Yeah.
But that's the first time we've been mentioned in anything.
Oh, yeah. For a good reason.
When it's in the news, it's like Montgomery brawl, some racial shit, IVF.
And just like nobody wants that, dude. Marvel.
Let's go.
We're in the Marvel movies here in Huntsville, Alabama.
God damn it.
I remember I saw Deadpool when it came out in theaters in 20, what was it, 2015, I think.
How old was I?
10, 12 years old.
2016.
I remember my uncle took me there on accident. He saw it was going to be like Spider-Man or something.
After we watched it, he was like, just don't tell your mom.
I'm like, hell yeah, because dude, there was literally people making out in front of us and everything, like during the whole show.
It was weird.
You was watching them?
Oh, you know it.
Back in the, yeah, my little ass was there.
I told you, man, I didn't know. I never saw it in person. So I was like, it was crazy.
Never even got out.
The Deadpool movies are probably the best ones.
Huh?
The Deadpool movies are probably the best superhero movie.
Oh yeah, because they're, yeah.
They're actually good. Like they're funny. The story's good. It's just good.
You're going to see the new one with Wolverine in it?
Oh, for sure.
Yeah, me too.
That's going to be hilarious.
I'm seeing it in the premiere, hopefully.
Yeah?
Oh yeah.
Let's go.
Fuck yeah.
Yeah, I'm down to go.
We'll get a big group to go.
I am down.
We got to buy the tickets soon and we got to buy the ones, the ones you can drink in.
Yeah, no, we know.
No, I'm just saying because they're 21 and up, you don't have to deal with no fucking, you don't have to deal with any kids.
True.
And then you go up there, they bring like food out to you. They got it in the bottom row too where the kids, if there is any kids, they'll be, but you know, all up there.
Segregation.
Yeah, dude.
Separate but equal.
I don't have to deal with that shit.
It's fucked up.
No crying.
Hell, it's messed up, dude. It's ages.
I don't want to have a kid, daddy, what's happening? You know? He's like, what's happening? What's happening there? Who is that? Who is that? I don't want to have to hear that.
Gosh, dude. I never want to hear Dom say daddy ever again. That was terrible.
What?
It's fine. The context was fine, dude. It just sounded terrible.
Yeah.
Maybe there is an appropriate moment for a teacher to scratch their nails on a chalkboard to get the class's attention. That doesn't mean you want to hear it. Doesn't mean you want to hear the sound. I'm sorry for all our audio listeners, dude.
You should get a neti pot and put bleach in.
That threw me off. You remember that meme where that dude was like, that word chill?
Brandon, you keep saying that.
It's daddy. You can say that.
Yeah, fine. Fuck it. Daddy chill.
Yeah.
What the hell is even that?
Yeah. What the hell is even that? That's what that is.
What was that from, man?
I don't know.
Oh, that dude was like, yeah, I seen it was on a Snapchat thing or something.
Pull it up. Pull it up, though, because my boys all say I look like the dude who said that.
Oh, shit.
Daddy chill.
Not really, though.
Look at that.
That's from my memory, at least.
And then go to video.
You did not.
Oh, well.
Go to video.
Play it.
That looked like that a little bit.
If you're a web designer, here are four Wix Studio features you gotta know.
Hell yeah.
It's gonna start.
Mute that.
Oh, yeah. Mute that.
Nah, but you good.
Daddy chill.
What the hell is even that?
My instant.
That reaction is so good, man.
It's so good.
What's that?
I feel like that's totally scripted.
No, because look, this is him for real right here.
Or I go by Tiffany Jade, which is the girl voice, AKA Daddy Chill.
That's me.
I've been doing YouTube for about a few years.
The video, the original video that the Daddy Chill was on, McJuggerNuggets.
Do you know who McJuggerNuggets says?
It was on his channel.
It was like a 30-minute walk.
There we go.
All right.
What?
But.
Yeah.
Dom's over there.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, that's what I said.
Daddy Chill.
That's hilarious.
That was good.
Yeah.
That's an all-time classic, dude.
Oh, hell yeah.
I remember that as a kid.
It's funny.
That's crazy.
When he says things like that, I'm like, dude, I was like at least 32.
Brandy speaks like a geriatric.
What's that?
Like he's old as shit.
Oh, yeah.
I'm my old soul, man.
Yeah, we can tell, dude.
Like I remember I was talking about, I like, what would they call it?
Men at Work?
You were like, Brandy, you know about this shit?
I'm like, dude, I can go to a nursery.
Nursing home.
He goes deep in his bag.
I can go to a nursing home with somebody and play some fucking, what's that dude's name?
Did the bebop shit.
What was his name?
Bismarcky?
Not Bismarcky.
No.
Oh, fuck.
No, man.
No.
I can see it.
Damn.
But this was like Cab Calloway in the 30s.
I could be like, oh, that shit's a banger, man, on that sonogram.
He does have an old soul, man.
Yeah, he does.
He's got that recycled soul.
I love that.
You know, like the shit, you get like five times recycled in a little thing.
That's Brandon, dude.
He's seven times recycled.
Soul cycle.
Oh, shit.
I did all that for that.
It wasn't what I was doing.
I'm sorry.
Pull up a picture of this.
Yeah, that's Brandon.
Oh, fuck, man.
Damn.
We make mistakes.
This is what the podcast is about.
I can see it.
Brandon, we got to get you some of these chains, man.
What is on that?
Is that a scorpion?
Wait, that looked like a spider.
Hold on.
Maybe this is a better one.
Yes, that's a scorpion.
You were exactly right.
What the hell?
What is that?
What is that DNA link chain?
What's that mean?
What's that?
What, DNA?
Oh, shit.
My bad.
Hold on.
I thought it was like a brand or something when you said that.
You're like, man, is it the DNA link?
The double helix link, dude.
Oh, shit.
Yeah.
When they say you just a friend, I'm not going to say it all, but we don't.
He died?
Oh, yeah.
What?
He's dead.
I had no idea, man.
Yeah.
I forgot what happened.
Why would I say it like that?
64.
He wasn't that old.
No, 64 is not old, man.
You got a little bit older with that.
How old is he?
I'm not sure.
Wait, so 1964.
57.
Oh, shit.
He was in his 50s because he would have been turning 60 this year.
Yeah.
Hell, yeah.
Burning his dates, man.
Yeah.
He's a beast.
Yeah.
It's because of like when your age comes, I'm like, okay, so 10 years from that.
Good.
There we go.
I'm like, whoa, we get to... It makes sense to him.
Yeah.
And that's really all that matters.
That's all that matters.
You don't want to have to make sense to it.
Participation.
Brandon's got an insane amount of just mental schemas that we can't even comprehend, dude.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, man.
Oh, God.
They've been saying this since like first grade, right?
Damn, they hit you with that in first grade?
The teachers are like, man, there's something.
No, that dude is mine.
That's crazy.
I believe that.
You don't know what it is.
Put him in the special.
That's where I went.
And they were trying to like force me to draw on the... What was that thing where you draw
on the line?
They're like, make sure you get on the line, Brandon.
I'd be messing out there like make sure you...
Coloring?
No, no.
You know you... What is it when you drawing them words?
Like just, what are we going to draw?
Oh, just like practice writing the words.
Yeah, like when you're writing on the straight line, they would pull me out because I don't
know if they didn't approve of how I did it, but they're like, Brandon, you got to get
it on there straight.
I'm like, come on.
Well, it's probably just mental like that.
Because I was going all up and like, yeah, even by drawing now, you'll still see some
weird shit.
Aren't you left handed though?
Yes, I'm left handed.
Southpaw, dude.
Oh yeah, dude.
Southpaw is cool.
That's really good.
It's a gift.
I love it.
It's a gift, dude.
You get them with that left hook?
Yes.
You could be a good first baseman for sure.
Oh yeah.
Left handed.
What's that, baseball?
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
You learn something new every day.
Hell yeah.
I don't know, man.
It could have been hockey for all I know.
We're learning.
There's bases.
There's bases in hockey.
Football.
Right.
Brandon, what would be your favorite sport to play professionally?
Play professionally?
UFC, definitely.
Okay.
But besides UFC, like a sport with a ball.
Oh, with a ball?
Okay, we got to do balls.
We always doing balls.
Always balls.
I said we picking the balls, man.
We got to do basketball.
Hell yeah.
Okay.
What is your NBA comparison?
My NBA comparison?
Well, who does your game resemble?
Yeah.
I guess our last guest, Matthew Lumbra, he wants us to play basketball.
Oh yeah, challenge accepted.
Yeah.
And Brandon, so who's your NBA comparison to?
Okay.
So a combination of Shaquille O'Neal, Kareem Mdoujibwe.
I'm pretty sure you don't play like Shaquille O'Neal or Kareem Mdoujibwe.
Okay.
I can see the sky hook.
I'm almost positive.
Oh yeah, okay.
Because I'm really good with defense, and then I go in there and I'm good with the layups.
He's got post games.
Yes, that's what I do.
You got post moves or do you have layups?
I do layups.
Yeah, it's not post.
Oh.
And I can do some stuff.
You got good animations, I'm sure.
And I can do some mid shots.
Mid shots, like midway.
Mid range.
Sean Libeson.
Hey, that's MJ.
Sean Libeson.
Mid range again.
Yeah, mid range of defense.
Somehow, I don't believe that you're good at defense.
I believe you're good at shooting.
Oh, you'll see.
You'll see, man.
Because dude, that's my specialty, man.
I'm telling you, when I go down there, like dude, the defense is good.
Yeah, that's the one.
I think a crossover would literally break your ankles.
You'll see, man.
Challenge X.
I think one crossover and you're falling.
You'll see, man.
Hey, Matthew DM'd me and said if Brandon crosses me, I'm killing myself.
Okay.
All right, well get the guns loaded.
Break your engines.
I'm just, don't get no guns loaded.
We don't support suicide.
No, we don't.
Just the hotline.
Unless.
Yeah.
Unless Brandon crosses you over.
Then maybe you need to do whatever you need to do.
Nah, nah, man.
It's quite common.
Everybody's journey is different.
Yeah, you'll see.
Yours might end today.
You'll see, man.
There's going to be some crossed up people in there, man.
Bodies on the floor.
Yep, they going to be up.
That's the way.
Brandon, also.
Everybody just saw that.
There's not a chance in hell.
You'll see.
The only person we've seen fall is you, Brandon.
Yeah.
And it was not that you were just going straight.
You'll see, man.
Going straight is hard for some people.
So what's the teams again?
Is it me or you versus me?
How you trying to pick JJ now?
You always said it's me and JJ.
Then it's me and JJ.
Great.
Yeah.
But Matthew has to be in and out.
So we need to find somebody a third teammate.
Yeah, Matthew needs to find a third teammate because I really want Brandon and Jake.
Just the murder room.
They won't score a point.
Challenge accepted.
We're going to train, man.
I know you're watching right now.
We're going to get this on that day.
I won't touch a basketball until the day of the game.
All right.
You're going to be surprised.
I won't either because it ain't going to matter because that sucks.
It ain't going to matter if I shoot it.
Dom's going to set the nastiest screens.
Imagine having the great wall of china in between you and the first team.
You're so close to the Titanic.
What the fuck?
We're going to call it the butter being the green.
It's the greatest brand is that I'm built like the Titanic.
He ain't shit.
Titanic.
Fuck.
Hey, so we got some exciting news.
We're putting this together for the live podcast.
I know we mentioned it last episode or two episodes ago.
Who fucking knows?
We said something.
Well, we said something about it, but like we're planning it out.
We're going to have fucking some shit.
We're going to have skits in there live and pre plan.
We're going to have crowd participation, special guests, special guests, bucket pools, bucket pools, pies in the face, pie in the face.
Oh, yeah.
You throw to whoever you want us three.
Yeah, dude, as hard as you want as long as it's done.
You know, well, you know, it's pie.
Do not hit me hard.
I can see you.
Yeah, you suck that.
Oh, shit.
We might have to limit people who we see a certain name like they can't sign.
Come sign up.
Cross.
I'll put you on there five times.
I'll get that.
I know.
But that might be a thing.
Maybe we should campaign like you should pie the other person.
Yeah.
Remember that time I loaned you five dollars.
Remember that time?
You know, I drove you to this open mic.
Well, then I just probably don't.
I'm probably getting fired.
I just let's not do that.
Yeah.
I take it back.
I need everybody I helped out to come through there and probably motherfuckers in the face.
Then I have people come for me.
I buy.
Oh, you're here to help.
Now we're here to pause you in the face.
I'm going to make a personal pitch right now.
Sci fi.
Think of all the things that he has done to you.
Oh, wow.
What about your revenge right here?
I'll never call you sci fi got jokes ever again.
Have you just hit him as hard as you can with the.
He has done some roast.
First of all, he's roasted me way more than I've roasted him.
I said I literally said, you know, yeah, you got jokes.
Yeah.
He'd be tearing your ass up too.
I know.
I'm telling you, and Pat, he'd be fucking.
I know.
I haven't.
They haven't passed starting to come around more now, but I love to see them two in the
room because you know, you're going to laugh so hard that you're going to fall out of your
bed and Pat's not going to react at all for some reason.
He's going to act like it's not being said, like the craziest jokes are not being said
about him.
He'll just turn to the next person and start.
Oh shit.
And actually, it will be on it'll be on this episode.
Yeah.
What do you think is going on in the news right now?
Shit.
I don't know, but I know somebody who does.
You know somebody I do.
I do.
Well, let's see.
Let's see what Dan Price has to say about the news.
Our new news correspondent.
Hey, Price.
Let's go.
Pay the price.
It's Dan Price.
It's DP, dude.
Hell yeah.
DP pay the price.
We're finna rap.
We're finna freestyle up in here.
Okay.
Play it.
DP get your rap.
Yeah.
Hey.
Dan Price in the field.
Come around and he going with the shield.
We're going to win this game in the.
Yeah.
Winners.
Hold on.
My bad.
Dan Price, we're going to get this win.
He going to come in there and be the anchor man.
Go around like the man with the plan.
With the big old tan and he getting out in there.
And his name is Dan.
Let's go.
Good evening and thank you for joining us.
This is the Moonshine News Report.
I'm Dan Price.
President Biden gave the State of the Union address before Congress this week.
In a speech, he highlighted his successes in office, including infrastructure spending,
combating piracy in the Red Sea, and staying awake late enough to give the State of the Union address.
To compete with Amazon and Target, Walmart announced the new same-day delivery service this week.
Executives said for a $10 fee, shoppers can bring the full Walmart experience to their front door.
Those same executives were quick to add, might want to lock that front door.
Robert Kennedy Jr. has approached NFL quarterback and human COVID-19 incubator Aaron Rogers
to be his vice presidential running mate in 2024.
The move is part of his campaign pledge to make America choke in the playoffs again.
In a letter to the NCAA this week, the NAACP is urging black athletes to avoid playing collegiate sports in Florida
due to Ron DeSantis' newly implemented anti-DEI policies, referring to diversity, equity, and inclusion.
The NAACP made no mention of other states with similar anti-DEI policies, such as Alabama and Texas,
because unlike Florida, those schools win.
The armler on the movie set of Rust was convicted of involuntary manslaughter this week
for the onset shooting death of the film's cinematographer.
The shooting has been described as a tragedy and continues to make headlines
nearly three years after the incident because it didn't take place in a school.
Republican presidential candidate Nikki Haley ended her campaign this week
after losing 14 of 15 states in the Super Tuesday primaries.
It was the worst beating administered by Trump supporters
since they bludgeoned a police officer with a fire extinguisher on January 6th.
In response to numerous guest complaints, Airbnb is prohibiting use of indoor security cameras in all of its properties.
Going forward, Airbnb will only allow outdoor security cameras, indoor listening devices,
spoofed Wi-Fi routers, DNA collection by cleaning staff, physical peepholes in showers,
and surprise rape dungeons lurking behind that one door that's always locked in every Airbnb.
For the Moonshine News Report, I'm Dan Price.
I'm Dan Price.
Charlie can't.
Charles Fisherman Charles.
Oh, shit.
All right.
I think that's all for us, right?
Sure. Yeah, I'm done.
Yeah, man.
It was a good time.
Good time.
Have fun.
Do these open mics.
Hell yeah.
And we got a good we got a good guest today.
Who we got?
Yes.
One of the hardest working comedians in North Alabama area.
Carson Elmore.
This week's featured comedian.
Hey, y'all.
How's it going?
My name is Carson Elmore, and I did my taxes today.
Hell yeah.
Y'all don't do that.
We got to.
It's like you get five more days.
But when you do your taxes, you got to look at all the jobs you worked the last year and
you do your taxes you gotta look at all the jobs she works the last year and
y'all last year I worked at Bucky's it was the nine worst days of my life but now I don't
really know how they're gonna keep selling beaver nuts when they don't have a trans guy working there
you know what I mean? where are they gonna get their materials?
alright guys like I said I'm not like other girls I'm a trans man I'm the only person who said that in middle school and meant it
yeah my mom's like there are no signs I kept telling you from ages 12 up
I'm not like other girls mom that's on you
alright guys I am a gay trans man that lives with his parents in Alabama
so my collar's not for show I'm a genuine masochist okay
living with my parents is fun sometimes I guess it's a little complicated our
relationships complicated okay on the one hand I am the something never had so they
learned me for that on the other hand I killed their daughter you know and I really got her but she was ruining my life okay
person why don't you ever want to hang out with grandma cause she keeps trying to necromancy that bitch I killed
you know what I mean? that's all I can say
um
JJ we got a real special guest today we got a very special guest today who it
today we have I almost just said his name right off the bat today we have the host of the
2 2 Tuesdays open mic at cards and current
oh yeah
current and cards indicator also the main producer of night camp the comedy show at
shenanigans comedy theater shout out Kim and somebody who when I came into the comedy scene was very cool with me and was already killing like 15 minute sets
give it up for Carson Elmore
hey thank you for coming
it's nice to be here
hell yeah how you doing today
you know what I'm doing I'm actually doing pretty good
hell yeah that's a good day so we like to start off with sometimes what got you into comedy
probably oh regrettably Louis CK
you know RIP that guy my dad told me recently that people forget and that's why he's like back
but I'm not over it that was fucked up dude so you've heard it here first me and Louis CK still on site
they got active beef
hell yeah we better watch out
it will be over
but yeah I just really love I don't know like dark humor I'm a big Mark Maron fan
big WTF listener so shout out Mark
that's really the pod father right
he is the pod father truly cause he was in radio before he did podcasts he's a true like veteran of the audio platform
yeah I got really into like stuff like John Stewart daily show stuff
Stephen Colbert type stuff stuff where people did comedy that tried to like serve a purpose that was like informative
but also like acknowledged how bad things were I think that's really important when you do comedy is to be like wow dude
isn't life just the worst how are we doing this every day but I guess we keep doing it keep seeing you every week
it's like church for the ungodly comedy so that's why I got into it I guess
yeah life's hard life's a rough rough bastard and you know people pointing out it's nothing wrong with you like John Oliver
oh yeah I'm a big John Oliver guy
that's my role dog I think that the daily show should have went straight to John if they could have got him
well yeah but I kind of love what John Oliver has done with what he has now
it's way better cause it's HBO
yes HBO they let him do a lot more than I think they would have done and I kind of like like I do like Trevor Noah a lot
I think Trevor Noah kind of got the short end of the stick with the daily show he's he doesn't he should have just gotten his own show
it shouldn't have been like the daily show thrust upon him cause the daily show is like an institution
and they should have like I agree with you they should have been somebody that had been on the show for a while
yeah like Roy Wood Roy Wood Roy Wood Jr. should be the host right now
do you know a lot about Roy Wood Jr.
I've seen like he's from Alabama so funny
he's a Birmingham guy
did you start comedy in Birmingham
yeah that's where I started I started at Cahaba it's a bar in Birmingham
Brooks Bell is the comedian that runs that he got me on there
I was dating a comedian I was finally fucking funny
and I was going to his mics and stuff and I was like I could probably do this
and so I got drunk enough to do it
hell yeah
and the first time was really fun
the first time doing comedy was awesome because I actually you know it's the first time you getting to do everything that you've ever written
true
your whole life you can do it all in that five minutes so you got the best of your whole life in that first five minutes
so that is so exhilarating and so fun and that's what I think everybody should try it once
yeah
because I think it's a really good experience it's really cathartic getting to laugh about your mistakes with other people
which is really what I think the kind of like personal storytelling comedy that I lean into and that I really enjoy does
I think that's like really important
mmhmm
yeah hell yeah I love it I mean like there's no better feeling than to get a like a laugh from a crowd like everybody's in there like
like the relief
oh man
that's what I really like about like the sort of dark humor is you get to you can really build the tension up
you get you like you have a great example with that JJ actually of your trans bathroom joke
which I will admit to you
you did something that I don't normally love and I don't normally support but I do I appreciate where you were coming from
and I really appreciate your intention because I knew it was a good intention and that's why I didn't say anything about it at the time
but like what like you asked me if it was like okay
I think that puts a lot of like onus on individual trans people to represent their whole community which is a really diverse community
and that I don't want to say yes this joke is okay because I don't know how it affects every person in the trans community
but I do like your trans joke because you do you you build the tension and then but you don't take it at the expense of trans people
so that's why your joke is good
that's the line you gotta walk
yeah it's when you are deliberately doing it at the expense of individuals that it becomes like a real problem
he always said he always asked me about black people and I just say say it
I said say it in hard R JJ
say it when you go up there next time
when I get to that point I'm not asking any questions
I'm going to the room dude
you're like fuck
but it's just like and I'm sure you've also had this experience just like growing up in Alabama I didn't know of personally know any trans people until I got into college
like I was already like you know somewhat old
yeah
I knew like vaguely of the idea of trans people but I didn't meet like a trans person in my like day to day life until I was in college
but I went to what I call a historically lesbian university at the University of Montebello
oh hell yeah
we got it right here
go Falcons
Falcom up as we like to say
we don't play football though we have undefeated football champions since 1893 I think
because we have competitive musical theater for homecoming
for real?
yeah and we have it's the oldest homecoming tradition in the US is on Jeopardy
oh nice
what do you mean competitive
so the entire school splits into purple side and gold side so those are like the schools colors
and so they split in two and the two teams have to from scratch create a one act musical
so they have to write, produce, act in, perform, direct, do everything from top to bottom within I think it's like a four month period
they just have to like make it happen, all the costumes have to be hand created by students it's all students
and then at the end of it the school gets two one act musicals that are about the traditions of the school basically
and they are incredible because a lot of these people are like Montebello is a pretty like established theatrical school
so a lot of these people go on to be pretty big names in the theater world so you get to see their early stuff
but it also has all this inside jokes about what it is to be a Montebello student
they always have special jokes about the campus and different traditions at the school and they are incredible
they are really well done
so you were a theater kid
I was a theater kid I guess
did you go to college for theater?
no I went to college initially to do communications, to do like radio broadcasting actually
but I got really into layout design and graphic design in some of my earlier media studies classes
and so I did that for a while and then it was like 2016, 2015 so I got really whipped up with the politics stuff
so I got a political science degree in the end and I have a PR minor
okay okay
I've been working 12 years to get the degree still
still working on it
but it's gonna come one day
I have a degree and I work at a card and coffee shop but I love it and I love it
oh yeah yeah and you got good shows going out there you just told us about the 90s karaoke or is it late 2000s?
no it's gonna be 90s karaoke this time well actually so the next one is like lucky songs
so like up all night to get lucky something like that for St. Patrick's Day
and then it's gonna be 90s after that and then we're doing a hyperpop one at the end of the month
what's hyperpop?
hyperpop is like do you know Marina and the Diamonds?
do you know like what is it I don't know how many geckos there are this is embarrassing to be asked
10,000 geckos? 100 million geckos? it's a lot of geckos
is that a group?
it's a band
oh okay okay okay
I would say a hyperpop band it's like really like kind of techy intense pop music
okay
repetitive it has a lot of like I don't know mechanical sound type stuff it's fun
okay
I don't know how many geckos I feel really at that moment
you gotta go listen to Prima Donna
100 it's only 100 gecks
what did you say 10,000?
I remember these people
I way overestimated how many geckos there were
I went at 10 million
go to songs list go to songs list
they're kind of a hyperpop band I would say
they have that stupid horse song
I remember that one
I'm a big fan
I'm not I don't even remember their name
I didn't even know how many gecks there were
it's been a while
I did I when that whatever I guess in 2019 I was really into the gecks
how many gecks there were I think there have been
see okay look how many there's different gecks though
you see what I'm saying
there have been 10,000
there have been 10,000 gecks
they're multiplying
the gecks are yeah they're they're loose
what's the song you said I need to hear
Prima Donna Girl
yeah Prima Donna Girl by Marine and the Diamonds is a great song
Bubblegum Bitch is probably my favorite
I like that one
I'm probably gonna like this
shit
my sister got me really into
this
her name is she has she has since changed her name to
Jess Marina
but back in 2012 she had the
diamonds she's just dropped them
she looks like Madonna in that little right
or is that Madonna
that might be just me
that is Madonna
yeah that's just inspiration
it's good inspiration
you like Madonna
me oh yeah
I love 80s
yeah he was just talking about all the 80s music that he likes
right before you got here
have you seen that meme about the person
that thought the word Prima Donna
just meant before Madonna
for real
they didn't know who the Prima Donna was
I also thought that
term had something to do with Madonna
is she a notorious
drama queen or something I don't know
that's where she got her name from is the Madonna
the Madonna
you know the Madonna
from Jesus
this is a biblical thing
Jesus's mom
Jesus's mom is the Madonna
oh see I didn't know that
the only thing I knew about Madonna
was when I was a kid they had kids
bop CDs and happy meals
and holiday by Madonna
they got a children's cover of that
that's really all I know and then I saw her like
make out with Drake on stage when I was in like
eighth grade they didn't have a children's cover of
like a virgin
they're messing out
not those kids
with those executives
I've seen some
dark stuff lately did you guys read
the I'm glad
my mom died
Jeanette McCurdy book it was good
it was good and on Spotify
Jeanette McCurdy played Sam
from iCarly
that's after me
famous Nickelodeon TV show
me and Ariana Grande had a show together
called Sam and Cat actually
oh I used to watch
they did not like each other
oh so it is Carly
no that's not Carly
Carly was Miranda Cosgrove
Miranda Cosgrove
she's that probably fuck that girl
you know I sent a letter to them as a kid
really? yeah like in 2009
I was like oh listen it's a one two three
I definitely had a crush on Miranda
Cosgrove when I was a kid 100%
she seemed like she was really cool
she pranked her brothers all the time
that was cool and then when
she got iCarly
she had a web show everybody wanted
a web show when iCarly had a web show
so it was really a web show
it was a web show no it was a Nickelodeon
show but on the show she was the host
of a web show
they had a website and you could play
mini games and stuff
have you seen the conspiracy
theory about Drake
and Josh and iCarly is in the same
universe?
well they did have an episode like bit
actually where they had I think it was
Drake walk in and be like talking
to her like she was
what was like what was that kid's
name on? the sister? yeah it was the sister
Megan
it was a
he just was talking to her like she was Megan
and everybody was like who what are you
that's hilarious I never saw that
that is hilarious but I mean
it would be crazy if
Spencer is his name on
iCarly but crazy Steve
crazy Steve it would be crazy
if crazy Steve was
Spencer it would be wild he like kidnapped
his little sister multi personality
leaning too far away from Megan
if you want to take it out you can take it out too
and hold it I don't think
that sounds like a lot of responsibility
sit up work on my posture
there's crazy Steve
what I remember most about
crazy Steve is there's a spring break
episode where they're all at
Drake and Josh's house
and they're watching TV
and he's watching
Dora the Explorer
and he is like yelling at the television
like angry like
visibly angry and that's all like whenever
I think about him that's what I think of is just
angry Dora the Explorer
I love Steve man did you watch
this stuff Dom? no
we were young
you have to understand how old
this was way after
this was genuinely good television
no no I was not good
they ran over Oprah in this show
they did run over Oprah but think about what was
happening to these kids behind the scenes
Dan Schneider
these are the guys that uh
so Dan Schneider won the achievement
award from Nickelodeon in like
that era in like
2008 or something and the only
other person to receive the achievement
the lifetime achievement award from Nickelodeon
is Optimus Prime
in 2023
so they were like we gotta do some
damage control on lifetime achievement
is he the bad one? he was the producer
this guy it has um
I'm just gonna say it uh this guy has a
foot fetish that he um
pushes onto teenagers
via his television shows
they were barefoot in the show so much
he was constantly getting teen girls
and teen boys to be barefoot on television
but doesn't he look like he
like I would guess him
yeah but
look he even has the foot
that's the ultimate foot fetish bro
oh my god is that really?
is the big toe a hot toe?
I think the big toe is the hot toe
yeah Dan Schneider
TV show starter pack
this is like a known thing
this isn't even like a conspiracy
this is just known
but also he's just gross
not anymore
no I'm pretty sure everybody knows
that he's not allowed to
talk to children
but it is dark
that he was like in charge of a lot of the shows
I watched when I was a kid and it's pretty dark
and not just him they've been doing
a lot of like uh I don't know
uh documentary type
stuff about Nickelodeon during that time
and he's just like one of a lot of
people I haven't seen that has that already came out?
I heard that it has come out
I've only seen clips um apparently
Leonardo DiCaprio worked with a guy that
ended up being like uh
child sex offender so um
and see if I'm a parent I ain't let my kid
no way yeah like as a kid
like little Leonardo DiCaprio
like little baby kid Leonardo DiCaprio
they had like footage of them
behind the scenes stuff and I'm like
that's so dark that's harsh I hate
that it's wild those people
always seem to end up in those positions
though it's crazy yeah I
hate ugh it's so
ugh
Hollywood stuff that's you know
like Louis CK like what you gonna
make women watch your jack off
just to do five minutes on your show
what the who the fuck do you think you are
yeah
they're all like it seems like
when they get to a certain level of uh
famousness or success
they all turn weird yeah
right I wonder if you should just give some
of that money to people who need it because
it's turning your brain into mush
making you sick
I know they ain't doing that
that's why we
should take it that's why we should
take it from them
once they get to a certain
level that they can
fulfill all their needs
what are they using it for
evil they're using it for evil
this idea has been around for
a while yeah I know
we were doing something in class the other day
in the 19
I think this was the early 30s
a dude named Healy Long he had this idea
that after you got
a million dollars you can't have any
more money than a million dollars that gets
redistributed into community like welfare
programs and stuff you can have a
million dollars and you can have a whole bunch of yachts
and houses and shit you just can't have more
than a million dollars and cash at that
and that was at that time you know so adjusted to
today that's like way more purchasing
power yeah I just don't think
they should just be getting to build
rockets to send themselves and a couple
other people into space for no reason
I think that's pretty dumb pretty waste
of resources I think I'm real
anti-space dude oh like same I
like space but I don't think
I think we should go to space as
a global community it
shouldn't be like these individual
nations go into space I think that's weird
so we already fucked shit up down here
we're a human yeah we're a human race
when we go to space guys we gotta
stick together
we don't know what's out there
we can create new types
of racism out there guys but we gotta
stick together
are you going to space Brandon?
am I going to space?
have I had an opportunity to go to space?
no I mean
no man I mean you had a free ride like
William Shatner and all them did but he sounded
sad dog he didn't like it he did
not have a good time that's not just him like a
lot of astronauts and stuff say that
they let William Shatner go to like
the edge of space right where you're
like weightless and stuff and you can see
the world they had a couple of them and
he was like I did
not like it he said he felt empty yeah
he felt hollow and sad yeah hollow
yeah it's probably pretty lonely man
I saw this one picture one time and it
blew my mind it was like an astronaut
who was on the moon or in some spacecraft
took a picture of the earth and
he was like everybody that's ever lived
and died is in this photo except for me
that's so cool
that's so scary it's wild
all of human history and nobody can
hear you scream yeah I don't
it's not it's not for me I'm a real
earth guy I like imagining it
but I don't think I'd like to be
in it so you wouldn't if they
they said a free trip just like they did
you wouldn't go I think I would go
just because I think I would go just
because it would be very cool yeah
um and
I did that was like my
when I think back on like the first
thing I really wanted to be when I was a kid it was
an astronaut because you know we're in
Huntsville yeah
it's a space city uh
that's why we think we're better than the rest of Alabama
when we are not uh
I've been I've only been a couple
places I'm I won't speak for all of Alabama
but it's definitely better in Montgomery
it's just quieter Montgomery might be
the worst city I've ever been to in
every time in America well you
I've been to much worse
places than Montgomery
well that's a city I mean I mean that's technically
a city not a town
have you been to worse than that?
um
but uh this is Alabama
you can go to worse just by throwing a rock
you can be there in a second
uh you can accidentally miss an exit
and be in the wrong side
of the state that's what I'm hearing
about Coleman and
yes do not go to Coleman if you
don't have an explicit
reason unless you gotta go to Rock
the South I learned
telling people where you are gonna be
the whole time you know like
send somebody your location the whole time
cause you don't wanna get
caught alone in Coleman yeah that's like a
for real sundown town for real
I stay away from them like some people like to go out
and it sucks dog because I love Birmingham
for real like I love Birmingham
and Huntsville
it's fine I'm starting to come around on
I'll be honest with you um
if it was more walkable I'd like Huntsville
a lot more it's very unwatch
yes but okay 2027 yeah
true so do I wanna
stay here for that long I don't know
I wanna wait 3 years
to take a walk I don't know
a 5 mile walk you can take
I could take that long of a walk in Birmingham
today term
well not only do you like to
walk I'm a walker I'm a runner
yeah you're a runner I'm a track star
I know we got some stuff I was a track star
what'd you do uh
you did a lot of
okay here you go run in hit me
5k 10k marathons I have not
done a marathon I have not done a marathon no okay
I've yet to run a marathon well Jack said all that shit
my
my parents are marathons you had some
solid times as a teenager
solid times as a teen what does that mean
like marathon times yeah
I mean I had some pretty good run times
yeah that's what I mean um I
I didn't run a lot of 10ks I mostly ran
5ks um when I was a cross country
runner but I didn't like the distance actually
I liked track I liked speed
okay I still do that I still um
that's kind of like my uh
drunk and rowdy behavior is if
I'm at a bar at close I'll challenge people
to races in the parking lot
and I will win
I will win did you beat Brandon in a race I think I could beat
Brandon in a race because when I am drunk
I go really hard
cause I already have like um
I already get a runner's high from running like
I already like push myself harder than I really
need to when I'm running because I get the
endorphin rush um and then when
I'm drunk I don't have like the inhibition
to like even try to stop myself so I
go pretty fast do you run every
day no no I and
honestly I haven't run in a long time
until recently like I ran that 10
miles that was like the
most I've run in
probably years you ran 10 miles like
this last weekend last weekend
that's wild
I mean I really walked most of it let's
be clear I walked most of those miles
but I did run I definitely ran some
of those miles doing anything for 10 miles
let me tell you stuff
I don't even want to drive 10 miles
me neither
seriously yeah yeah
yeah well I'd run that track many many
many times before my dad has actually
been the race director of the
Delano 12 hour for 18 years
this was the 18th year um this was
the first time I actually participated though
most of the time I've just been like supporting it
cheering people on or helping my
dad set things up or stuff was he a big runner
oh yeah he and my mom are both
big runners they're like the ultra marathoners they run
further than a marathon like my
mom did a
50k which is like 31
miles I think cause like 5k
versus a 50k
and then my
my dad does stuff like 100 mile
races and stuff that's crazy what are you
saying what do you mean what I'm saying
how long do you think 100 mile races
hours a lot days
that's days my dad has done also a
thing where he ran the
the lengths or
the length and widths of the state of
Alabama for different causes
and stuff yeah it's wild
I don't
hold up let me
my parents are never going to hear this
so it's okay for me to say it next time
they do it because they didn't have
access to mental health care as children
you know it's their
version of mental health it's to
run away from their problems
but it's like I also think it's a really
religious thing like
the bible has a lot of stuff about like running
the race that the lord has set for you and stuff
like that so that and then like
it's a like it's a Christian
thing to kind of like try to do endurance
and like
fasting type challenges to kind of
try to understand the sacrifice of Jesus
so that's why they do it I think is
for religious piety
religious piety and lack
of access to mental health care
that's right
but wow
what an impressive
reaction to those problems
I mean
yeah they get hurt they get hurt yeah
they get hurt sometimes is it after everyone or just
sometimes oh no sometimes or
they just get hurt doing other stuff and
then it affects their race scheduling
and stuff like that and it's hard for them
but yeah like my mom broke her leg a couple
years ago at really bad
like wheelchair bad and
she was frustrated about that
because she had been training for a marathon for a
while and she had to like completely
start over basically because she had to
like walk before
she could run
and she was rolling for a while
before she could even do that so
they're pretty hardcore I'm not
that hardcore yeah that's respect
I'm on the speed like I said I'm on
the speed end speed endurance end
yeah I was a 400 meter
runner when I was in
middle school and that's what I really
liked the best I
beat every Catholic kid I'll say
that proudly as a Protestant
as a proud member of the Presbyterian
of the United States Church
technically
someone's paying that bill I'm not paying that
but someone's paying for me to
be a member of that church
yeah I beat every Catholic
kid in the state of Alabama
one year at the 400 meter
dang dang wow and that was pretty cool
yeah yeah yeah when
you're Protestant you go to Catholic
school everybody else gets a snack
at church and you get like
a pat from a pedophile you know
that's wild that's what they
do in exchange do you like pronounce your faith
like at the school like I'm not Catholic
well like
if you haven't done the
if you haven't done like first communion
in the Catholic Church if you're not
a part of the Catholic Church then you can't
do communion in the Catholic Church as part of
the rules so
yeah after third grade all my friends
started to get a snack and I got the little like
okay
and I started to
become really bitter towards the
Catholic Church I think because I was like
I mean we did communion at
my church but everybody could have it that's what I
was gonna that's the first I didn't I don't know anything
about the Catholic Church but Catholics are a lot more
hardcore so if I want if I said I want
to be Catholic can I? No
no you have to go to school for like
a couple I think a year
maybe six months depending
on how much you do at a time
depending how much you want it
they might speed you through
depending on how much money you have
they might take you faster
indulgences is a classic
you know history
yeah that dude there's a bad issue
with that with the church
there's a bad present with that unfortunately
it's just like exploiting people for their money
and be like you can buy your way in heaven
like if you love God you will give us
this money that's why there's the picture
of the Pope touching Jeffrey Epstein on
the head or whatever so they got that
yeah they got that yeah
Epstein and
what was her name Gis Lane
tell me John Paul
John Paul II? I don't think it was John Paul
I think it was before John Paul that's my Pope
JP II
my mom actually used to teach it
the JP II high school here in Huntsville
I was
in school when he died and they
had to pick a new one
and then Benedict was so bad God told
him to stop being Pope
that's I'm still
wilding out about that
like imagine that it is John Paul
oh it is oh
here's a better picture no no
that's not real that one's fake
Brandon has no idea
it could be all the way animated
but this is real this is real
yeah that looks real well I don't I mean that makes
it makes unfortunate
sins yeah it was like it was the era
they're kinda in the same business yeah
for sure yes
yeah I had a weird I definitely
yeah I developed a real
distaste for the Catholic Church going to school there
cause they they okay so they
weren't letting me do communion
but they did want me to do
confession that was weird
so they did want me to go into the room
alone with the weird guy who's not
allowed to get married
but and they should cancel that
I couldn't take a snap from them
the priest no
the ones that wear
the special collar no they can't get
married that's why which I think they need to
get away from that the Pope can't get married
the Pope can not get married no not even
a little bit now some of them
one of these popes had like a marriage
or something and then he became a
priest a priest
which I don't really know what the rules are
it's called something different
and I think they're more like
I watched the movie it was
the Irish it was an Irish movie
about the Pope about a
Christian a million of them
it was a great movie I can't remember
I wanna know I just had to wear
a uniform until I was 14 years
old so I have a bitterness
I went into high school not
knowing how to wear clothes that's what I was gonna
ask you went to regular high school I went to
I went to a regular
racist high school for
Alabama yeah my mom
had stopped teaching at
JP2 and
had started teaching
at Austin High and so
after that we started going
to public school
this is the movie
the Pope's exorcist Russell Crowe
what Russell Crowe doing
now he's exercising
he's exercising oh yeah he gotta work out sometimes
oh man
I like Russell Crowe
I love these random tidbits
that Jack puts in the notes he always gives us
something so that's our research guy
you got 50 skills on LinkedIn
I have 50 skills on LinkedIn
what are my skills on LinkedIn
I could appreciate the knowledge
I could appreciate the knowledge but Jack put in parentheses
this dude I don't even
got 10 skills
you got 31 on your ACT
I did get a 31 on my ACT
I did I did
and you also run the bathrooms of note
I do I run the bathroom
confession time I took pictures
of this bathroom because it was a great bathroom
thank you
so I blog about bathrooms
I go to
it's like it's part like
like travel blog type thing
and then part like
like hey if you're a
trans person they don't freak out
if you go to this bathroom type situation
so it's fun I like it
I do like some
I've designed some stickers and stuff for it
and I did
it more when I was living in Birmingham because I
was like like I said it's more walkable
so I was walking around a lot more and so I would
have to go to the bathroom places
so I haven't been doing it as much here
because I haven't been like going out and about as much
but I've been trying to do it a little bit more
I did one I think my most recent
one is from Fat Sammy's
because they've got a really good bathroom
they've got like a chest in there
they've got two great bathrooms have you been to the
Flamingo bathroom? No I have not
the one all the way in the back is the Flamingo bathroom
I did not post the Flamingo one on there
I'll be honest with you because I'm gatekeeping
so
here's our specials that's my
special bathrooms of no secret for this
podcast is you can go further
into the Fat Sammy's and go to an even
cooler bathroom if you're not
afraid of Flamingos if you are afraid of Flamingos
you should not go in there dude
so is it like a statue? No it is the entire
wallpapers Flamingos dog
it is a pink ass bathroom
it's beautiful
you didn't tell me about the Flamingo bathroom dude
you have to walk past because everybody wouldn't know about it
like you're saying
you gotta go past that part where it looks like
and also the green one is cool
the green one is cool
the jungle bathroom
yeah Birmingham has some really good bathrooms
I'll be honest that's probably why I started it
it was because Birmingham had some excellent bathrooms
and then during Covid it was fun because people
would send me pictures of their
bathroom like at home
from Covid
that was kinda cool
people would be like oh
okay yeah I decorated
my bathroom here's my bathroom and I was like
oh okay that's kinda neat and then even
as that started
I started doing guest features
where people would send me bathrooms that they saw
on a trip or whatever that they thought
were really cool and that was fun
what would you say are like three benchmarks
of the great bathroom
what are three things a bathroom is
I would say
ease of access
so like is it easy to get
in and out of there
Moody Mondays sucks
their bathroom sucks
oh that will
never be featured on my blog unfortunately
I do karaoke there
I might feature them on my blog they are
kind of like a cool dive bathroom
if you're looking for that kind of vibe
they have like the shower curtain and shit
they are a dive bathroom
but I wouldn't like recommend
that bathroom I wouldn't recommend
that one it's cool
it definitely has a vibe but it's not
one I would recommend the vibe is small
yeah the vibe is inaccessible
my big ass can't fit
I don't trust the curtains either
the vibe is you might
be assaulted in this bathroom
so that's why it's yet to be featured
on the blog because I really don't like to
promote bathrooms that I don't think are safe
no offense to Moody Mondays I think you're
a great business I love karaoke
I agree like I'm part of your blog
too because I do a lot of bathrooms myself
and like that bathroom sometimes I'll feel
comfortable because I'm in there I'm like you got this curtain
what if a crazy dude come in there and open it
yeah there could be anybody at Moody's
exactly and I already got fear because when I was
in middle school we would have like people come in there
and wait for you they would be waiting in the bathroom
and as soon as you started peeing they would come up to you
and be like uh and push you
yeah they'll push you and you pee all over your pants
into the stall or on your
pants oh you'd be on the urinal
surprise that's why I always go on the stall still
this day I don't blame you
I also I think part of the reason why I have
the blog is I used to take like depression
naps in the floor of my bathroom when I
was a kid like when I was a teenager
and so I really like bathrooms they're
like a safe space to me you can if you
if you can escape like the chaos
of a place in their bathroom
then that's that that is a bathroom
I highly recommend if it's a really fun
chaotic place but the bathroom is like chill
I'm always gonna recommend
same here I took a lot of naps
in the bathrooms because I was blacked out
okay okay
alright
mine was teenage depression and
gender dysphoria but I get it
alcoholism
we all have our afflictions
that's a good one for him I like to hide
in the bathroom sometimes get away from people
be in there for a couple hours people get worried
you just showed me a video
the blog helps me a lot
I'll be honest with you people do not worry
about me if I take a long time in the bathroom
because they're like he's probably taking
pictures of the bathroom he's probably
doing a blog post and I almost
always am
hell yeah
so what's this
riot comedy club
riot comedy club is the comedy
club in Houston my sister
lives in Houston with her husband
Andrew my sister Camille
and
I was going out to visit them
last year last summer
and I
was like oh they got an open mic at this
place and I signed up and I did
it it was fun they mispronounced
my name but it was okay
they called me Carson Macklemore
that is not the
entry or no Mick Elmore
Mick Elmore
was I the host?
here's the thing
the host was actively
British I don't know any other way of saying that
it was clearly a British person
and so I was like are you trying to start beefing
with me without even knowing me like
I am not Irish I mean
perhaps like in my past but
that is not what I wrote down
I definitely wrote my name not
some other motherfucking guy's name but
no beef he was really
apologetic afterwards and I did a pretty good
set I was like the last
person on the show because I
you know I'm not I was from no
nowhere but
it was really fun and
I talked to some of the people that were on the show
and they let me know about another mic that
was going on in Houston that night at Natsuo
which is an art bar in Houston
and that was a dope ass mic
that mic ruled
Riot was awesome I want to say Riot
was awesome
what Jack thought
Natsuo right? Yeah Natsuo
dumb that's just Houston
spellbag you see how they treat you here Carson
man Natsuo
they're treating you rough
but that's how you pronounce
it for you pronunciation
heads out there it's Natsuo
Natsuo it's a really cool
place if you're in Houston I'd highly recommend checking
out three floors I will
say not like the most accessible
accessible
place it is definitely like spiral
staircases no elevators that kind of thing
but aesthetically
very cool and like
because of COVID a lot of the streets in Houston
are shut down so it was almost getting
to be like you were in like this
weird empty building
almost because it's like basically
an empty building that just has a bunch of crap
thrown into it like someone's
like forgotten warehouse building
it's got a bunch of mannequins
and movie stuff it's really neat
and then it's got bars on each floor
so I had a
great time I had a great time and the mic there was
dope it was a very cool mic
are you ready for this? yeah hit me with it
alright so speaking
of movies tv's and all
this stuff you're the producer
producer of trivia challenge
at current coffee indicator
yes and I was like could you
bless us with a little trivia I can hit you with some
and everybody at home play along yeah
and we'll see who does the best
you got to write down your answer dude
I'm writing it down
you got a pen you got a pen over there
let's see
any paper over there? here I got you paper
I got it I'm gonna get it
I got it
you can use my pen
alright
y'all want a barb-enheimer?
some barbie oppenheimer
please no
I haven't seen either one oh I just
I've seen half a barbie
I just haven't seen oppenheimer
oh guys Oppenheimer
this is an oscars an official
carson oscars prediction Oppenheimer is
gonna win a lot of those awards
yes everybody knows
that the academy loves Christopher
Nolan oh yeah so
he will be winning many awards
I like Christopher Nolan too even though it is
oddly a story of the
Nagasaki and Hiroshima bombings
that has absolutely no
Japanese people in it weird
take weird take also
they used the land of
a Native American tribe
and just didn't
clean up after they left
just like Oppenheimer did the
first time so real
he's committed to the bit
I was gonna say I didn't want to be as accurate as possible
yeah but okay so we won't do
what about are you guys
what about 30 rock are you familiar with 30 rock?
I'm down with 30 rock let's do it dude
I think you'll be able to get some of these
because I give hints in my questions
okay cool so recently
I did a
leap day trivia
because you know leap day recently happened
this is a leap year this year so we had an extra day
and you may
or may not know this but in
the course of 30 rock they
actually created their own
leap day character
with his own backstory
and they did this for a very special
reason that I'm gonna go over through our
questions
so first I'm just gonna give you the title
of what this category is called
leap day meet leap day
leap day
so folks which yes man
and Truman show star makes a
guest appearance in the episode
as leap day Williams
the show's in universe
leap day mascot hero
at Truman show Truman show
yes man and Truman show
star and I've got a bonus question
oh I know I know I know that
and here's the bonus question on that one
which of the comedians films are referenced
in this appearance okay and this is
a two parter so listen carefully which of
the comedians films are referenced
in this appearance
his legal bro feature from
1997 and his
god complex flick from
2003 I know both of those
I know
I know one of them
dumb looking in my no I know we got the same answer
but I already I already
don't have a pen but I'm not looking at
the other ones I got a pen probably
what was that first
movie
was a
legal bro feature from 1997
I know that
take it no I don't have
I got pencil yeah
works here you gotta know
Kersos doesn't have a writing instrument
on him I got no cards I got glue sticks
I got a pair of scissors on me right now
I got a small
stack of magic cards I accidentally
put through the wash that's what
happens when you work at a card store
don't worry they were worth nothing
I pulled them out of the recycling bin
I just bought a
car or a fanny pack
yeah fanny up
I'm getting it
so what was the B question and I heard the A question
for the movie
so
which of the the bro
oh his legal bro feature
from 1997 got that one and god
complex flick from 2003
okay I got both of them
okay you guys want
some more questions or do you want
the answers first let's do answers
first you get you got both of those
I got the first I got second but I don't know the first
should be three answers
yeah I only got two I don't
know what the other one you want to go first
me with what you've got Jim Carrey
liar liar Bruce
Almighty
I had Jim Carrey and Bruce
Almighty I didn't get two I just got
Jim Carrey one
okay easy peasy all right
all right we're moving on to the next part
30 Rocks creators explained
Luke Gabe's invention
as a way to manufacture
a big holiday episode around the
pregnancy of which show
runner and alum of SNL's
Weekend Update
I don't know
and I have a bonus question for this one too
for what sour
fruit is this writer
slash stars character Liz
named within the show
for what sour
fruit is this writer slash
stars character Liz named
within the show how I like
I know it too
sour fruit
it's a weird one it's not a common one
I'm not
I'm not going to say that it's
I would say that it's not uncommon
I know I watch it
I can't believe I can't remember right now
if I I'm a writer I don't
know why but my conscience my soul telling
me this is your right answer
I don't think so all right I'm gonna write you guys
got something I'm blanking
on it so I don't think I got that
yeah you got you
you done I don't think I have it
but you got something I just put
something to you go who
did you have as then as the creator
the 30 rock creator
the show runner the SNL
alum who did you have for that one
well I can't think of anything
since you said like a SNL
I'm just gonna throw it in there this could be
wrong Gilda maybe
I feel like she was there
that would be dope like I was like
if you haven't watched love Gilda the documentary
about Gilda Radner I highly recommend
especially if you're a Gene Wilder fan
they were together for the
last years of their lives okay I like
the game but okay
what did you have for that answer I said Tina Fey
Tina Fey that's the one did you have that
that Tina Fey okay and the
sour fruit did you have a guess no
yes persimmon persimmon
okay I'm gonna be so
mad when you tell me I don't know okay it is lemon
Liz Lemon
Liz Lemon baby
because the way that I
can easily remember it is that sesame
street did a bit about it where they had
an actual lemon
do one of the lines and then they were like
lemon it's Wednesday
like Alec Baldwin
alright speaking of
for two points
name the actors who both must
undergo leap day
transformations as part of the leap
Dave Williams episode
portrayed by the equally problematic
in both their real and fictional
lives actor and exec duo
Tracy Jordan and
Jack Donaghy
so you want their names I need
the actual actors names of Tracy
Jordan and Jack Donaghy
and then I have a bonus for you
one last bonus in here
can't think of this dudes name but he looks like
a tennis player
what I don't think you think
about them like first try
I can't remember
his name dude
you know the first one you know both of them
I think I know the first one
we've watched videos
about both of these in the last month
well then I definitely know one of them
the other one
Tracy Jordan and Jack Donaghy
so here's the bonus
for which film is Donaghy's
actor under fire as both
the producer and the finger on
the trigger in the fatal shot
that killed cinematographer
Halna Hutchins in 2021
got them all
all three of those are correct
wow Dom's coming in confident
he's about to dominate this
hey
hold on hold on
you got your cheese head over here dog
I'm about to have to put that on
I'll show that part to my dad
go pack go
let's go
so y'all ready for the answers here
so the actors who play
Tracy Jordan and Jake Donaghy
are you going to hit us with that
what's your guesses here
Tracy Morgan
and the other guy I can't remember his name so I just wrote Jack
but I know it's not him
now here
I'm going to give you one final hint
to see if you can get this okay
he's one of the Baldwin brothers
the most famous
arguably the most famous
Alec Baldwin
yes
who's close to Alec
oh I forgot about that
Haley Baldwin is I believe
Bieber's wife, Justin Bieber's wife
so I would say that she's arguably more famous
Glengarry Glen Ross
and 30 Rock
Alec Baldwin but also
negligent on the set of his film
I'm going to say that
I know but he was the producer
he hired the person who
was not great at their job
and he also did shoot her with the gun
so he should
probably give her family some money
that's what I'm saying
I don't think he needs to go to jail but some money
the movie Rust
did you have Rust
no I wrote down Alec Baldwin's name
I actually did have Alec Baldwin on there
I misunderstood the question and somehow
got it right in
and did you have the
Alec Baldwin, Tracy Morgan
I only had Alec
Tracy Jordan
you know he's okay
I think he did say something weird about
if his son was gay he'd rather him be dead
maybe
he's an old school guy
and he has I think notably
had some brain damage incidents
he got smashed by that Walmart truck
so I think
you know
but he's
all older
black comics are going on
they're going to say rough stuff about gay people
that's what I've learned
you're not going to escape that
we saw that
but there are some really incredible
gay black comics right now
that are hitting it
who you got
Gerard
was the name of the special
Carmichael
that one I love
I'm not a gay person
I don't know necessarily
I guess not everybody is openly gay
so I don't want to say
this person is gay
but people who are cool towards gay people
there's a good crew out there
he ain't a stand up
but my guy is Titus
Titus
from Unbreakable
this dude can do no wrong
he was completely
he made that up on the spot
they just said sing a funny song
he did that whole bit
off the dung
that's a Tina Fey show too
Tina Fey produced that show
Tina Fey was great
I like Tina
was this dude in
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
was he the captain in
No
not Brooklyn Nine Nine
what's that guy's name
Brooklyn Nine Nine
rest in peace
that's the only picture
no no no
but I think he's gay
in the show
it's a different black gay man
you're pulling a real white guy through here
he doesn't look nothing like Titus
he doesn't look anything like Andre
in my memory that other guy looks more like
this guy actually
rest in peace
JJ I'm glad they got you on the mic saying that not me
I'm used to it
taking one to the white guy team
I remember that dude from what was it
the GLAAD commercials where they spray the thing in there
in the washing machine
no the other guy
you don't remember those?
you never seen the GLAAD where he would be like they would shake it up
he'd be like put it in your washing machine it would be so good and it was
wow I do not know that
I don't know
that's probably a completely different person
yeah I'm like 2018
that would be crazy
this is Hugh Jackman man what you talking about friend
oh no
alright Carson
we're at the end of the podcast
at the end of the show
it's been a great one
it's been really fun right?
you guys did pretty good
I already had that one written up so I didn't write shit
as soon as you said 30 rock I was like
aww I'm beating the shit out of it
they don't have a chance
you're ding ding ding the winner
of the clown college comedy trivia
challenge
thank you thank you I would like to thank
thank Tina Fey
he needed this
I needed it to win
alright well right now you're going to have anything you have to promote
this will be out in a week so talk to this camera
right here we'll have all your socials on the side of you
okay
check out current coffee and collectibles on
instagram
that's where I post about most of the stuff that goes on there
check out
night camp is coming up again
June 14th
I believe is when we're going to do it
it's whenever flag day is because we're giving
the conservatives the L they clearly need
this year for flag day
yeah
I'm a funny comedian
I do a lot of word comedy
great for podcasts though
alright
other than that oh I well
this is going to be out in a week I will have already performed
at Birmingham I'm doing the
Loft Out Loud show down there but I'm excited to be
back in the ham baby
and
yeah just
you can follow me on instagram I'm cars
on the highway and you can
see what I'm always doing so
I usually don't even know what I'm doing
until a couple days beforehand so
check it out follow me there that's where
you're a player about it so
hell yeah thank you for coming on thank you so much
this is awesome