This week on clown college
Do you want kids do you know
You see the thing with me is I'm a child. Yeah, you know like I don't
I mean if it happened, you know, yeah, I'd probably be you know, probably like you know, I love them but um
I probably wouldn't be the same with me. I probably didn't fear that same
I could be doing something else right now
This is the clown college podcast
We're just a couple open micers trying to make our way through the scene where we interview
Comedians throughout different stages of their comedy career no matter if they're open micers
Headliners or traveling comedians. I'm here to Jamie 2.0. I just talk a lot more. Damn it Brandon
Go sit in the corner
What's going on y'all?
Chug this motherfucker. You ready?
Hell yeah go for it. Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug
Oh shit
Yeah do it man
I gotta have something to drink on the pod man
That's true. That's why I had a second
Quench my dry mouth
Shout out Shane Gillis
Hold up, hold up, little applause for him right there man
What a story that is dude
Yeah, that's a crazy one
Gets the comeback, smashes
I seen some reports that were like uh
He didn't do that well
I'm like those jokes are fucking killer
The monologue was killer and he had like two or three sketches
You know the funniest one they didn't uh
You didn't see it did you?
The emu dude
They didn't even air that one but that was by far like the funniest one
I saw that five times man
It's like the Liberty commercial
Liberty, Liberty
And they have that emu detective emu shit
But he like turns like training day on him
That's the commercial
He has to say it real quick with that emu man
I just saw Jamaican church
And then I saw they made fun of like some shoes Donald Trump came out with
You know that's real, he really has a $400 gold pair of shoes
What are they like sneakers, dress shoes?
They look like Air Force 1's yeah
What the fuck?
That makes sense, he was the president
Let's see how they look
See if he got style man
Oh you could have just put shoes
You could have just put shoes
He's selling different variations of shoes
Oh shit, hold up
I mean dude
This looks like some shit that like
What's his name? Apollo Creed would wear
Rest in peace
Rest in peace Carl Weathers
He did not die for this shit
Hey I mean would you rock him though?
No, fuck no
I mean even if they weren't Trump they're hideous
I mean
But I don't like, I mean you can't ask me
You gotta ask like Scott or something cause I'm not a big flashy shoe guy
No man, this is not
No, this is not the culture bro
If they were fly
Maybe wear them if they were affordable
They have good like heel support
Yeah, that's what he should have made
He should have made a comfortable shoe
If he would have teamed up with the MyPello guy
And he has little slippers
Like house slippers and shit
They would have collabed bro
Every senior citizen in the country would have had a pair
Oh shit, I know I would have been there
Fuck yeah
You big Mike Lindell guy?
No, I'm talking about
To give me some of those fine nice shoes
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm with you
Brandon's very pro Trump shoes dude
I didn't know this was his thing
You like those? No, I mean
I'm not gonna lie, they'd look good
If you were like going to a boxing match
They'd look like something Brandon would rock though
I would wear them if somebody handed them to me
Hell yeah I would have shit, fuck it
He's got that obscure swag
I'm not gonna sit here and be like you know what Trump 2020
All that
Well that one already happened
He can't win that one already
He did win though
Yeah
Hey, we're talking about Brandon's shoes on the comments
Of whenever Brandon failed on YouTube
Oh yeah, the LeBron Timberland collab
I love those
He said
One dude said, he's like DJ Khali
Far started, he went to
I jumped the gun and then he was like
I don't know what he called you but he was like
He had fucking combat boots on
If they're good enough for our military
Dude
And they were talking too, they talking now man
Oh the soul came up
That's how fast you were with it dude
They talking now man, I gotta get there
They kinda done
What they talking, they done yeah
Probably past done
Jersey in the rafters
I still rock them a couple times, fuck it
Not yet, we're not in that phase yet
We're getting close
Usually that comes before the soul coming off
I didn't even know until one day I looked down and I was like
Oh shit, what do you know?
Which part, the front part?
Yeah, actually I realized
When I got off the stage
I looked down and I was like damn we were talking at the same time
Fuck that man
What else happened this week?
We took a trip to Birmingham
Shout out
We had comedy break in mics down here
That was fun
Great comedy break in
That was really cool
David Linum
Ghost Train Brewery
Thursdays
Is that every Thursday?
And then Plumb Bar afterwards
With Eugene
Our first black room
We'll tell you about that in a second
It was a great time dude
Yeah it was fun
I was fucked up too
When I tell you I was gone
JJ was our DD down there
So of course we brought a
Road bottle
Because we're going over an hour
They brought a road bottle
Well you know
It's weird when you hit the brakes and you hear
Shit clinging together
You're like damn there's a whole fucking bar down there
I don't think that's supposed
To be it
At least you hooked it up right?
At any moment you're like hold up wait a minute
Road beer
There you go
And then we get to
The comedy break in
They had a pretty good crowd
Like what?
15 people?
Yeah they were
A little abrasive
They didn't want to laugh at first
They didn't want to laugh at all
The two women sitting next to us
Were actively
You broke them with the
HGTV
I think that was the one
But they were like
Laughing like they literally were like
Oh my god
Trying their hardest not to laugh
I was like no it's a comedy show you can laugh
Please laugh
That's the worst to just go to a show and be like
I am not going to laugh
You have to kind of be into it
For it to work
It's like hypnotism dude
You have to kind of believe in it
That's why I would work on branding
Because you're so fucking terrified of it
Fuck that never man
That's just no never
That's where you draw the line
Not sodomy but
Wait what is that?
I got to learn what that is first
Yeah standards dude
Wait what does sodomy mean?
I got to know what it is
We had this conversation
Okay hold on
Is it good to search up?
Your history is insane
Trump shoes, sodomy
Make sure you put what is first
Okay that's a good idea
And take it off in images
That's a good idea
That's natural disaster
Don't switch it to video
What is sodomy?
Juneteenth was that the first
Sodomy
Okay
You want to read it out?
So this is Ain't No Oral
Intercourse
I'm not going to lie dude
The shaggy nasty kept on telling me to search this up
I'm glad I did
Why did it have to be my mic?
He was like you know what it is?
Search it up
I'm like okay I never did
Now I know what it is
Brandon you well first off
You did search it up like three weeks ago
Oh yeah I just forgot
Damn
Who told you this?
I forgot it was one of the people
One of the comics, one of the people that's local there
Was it Ace?
I think so joking around
I know you watch it
Paper plate Ace
What I call them
Writes all his sets on those
Also those are the most useless plates in existence
Flimsy ass
Completely flat
The ridges to keep the shit in
The white paper ones
One of them can't hold anything
How many pieces of birthday cake have been dropped
As a result of those fucking flimsy ass plates?
It's a tragedy
That's why Ace uses them
To write down his fucking bomb joke
Yeah
You got to use them for something
Can't use them to eat shit with
Speaking of shag nasties
So Tuesday
Oh no no no
We didn't finish Burma Hunt Ham
Plumbar, the black room
Black room
I'll let you guys speak on that
So we go in there
Eugene, I don't know his last name
You remember his last name?
Eugene Levy
He's a Burma Hunt comic and he's running the mic
Has one eye, you know what I'm saying
Fetty Wap gang
And he was like who wants to go first?
And JJ was like me
Instantly was like you say you want
To go first here?
Yeah I had a whole plan
I was going to do hey guys
Happy Black History Month
I'm not black but I do have a
Homophobic grandma
And I thought that was going to go well but then I didn't do that
And it didn't go well
It was the way it was brought up though
How did he bring you up?
Oh well
He brought me up as Eddie Murphy
Because he was also battling an audience
Remember right before I went on trying to force her
To clap and this went on for
Probably at least
Four to five minutes
Him and this lady just battling each other
She doesn't want to be there
She doesn't want to clap and he's trying to force her
And it wasn't the greatest intro
But I bombed, that was on me
It's just the funniest
He did it and he's cool
And I knew what he was trying to do
Because the crowd was like
They weren't going
And he's funny
And he's opening them up
And I could just tell instant like you got to make them laugh
Because they're not sitting there
You can't just read your material because they ain't going for that
Like they weren't going for anything
He was like even trying to interact with them
Everybody give it up, oh you can't clap
You ain't got no hands, we'll put them in your wrists together
And start clapping
And like wouldn't let it go
Called you Eddie Murphy I think five times
And I didn't get why he was
Saying Eddie Murphy
That would make people clap
Just to say a popular name
To see if that would make people clap
Obviously Eddie Murphy's not in the fucking
It's not that big of a place you could just look like this
It's Birmingham, Alabama
Anybody with a substantial amount of money
Is not going there willingly
I also like how he was doing
The different spots
He's like from Arizona, Alabama
That's dope as shit
He said I was from California, Alabama
Which is probably real as shit somewhere
Mississippi, Alabama
Yeah, with you
I'll take Louis
Mississippi, Alabama
Arab, Alabama
That's good
I don't know where the fuck
He was waiting for that
Oh shit
There you go
I need to hit that more
That sounded weird as fuck
Somebody use that for a meme
I need to hit that more
In the context
What the fuck
Why you say the fuck
I don't know everybody what
I don't know
He sounded like Jake for a second
Why the fuck did I look around like
Oh shit
What Jake been doing to you
They've been exercising and shit
Jumping rope
Did y'all get butt naked and wrestle
No, that's what is that
Roman Greco
No, we didn't do all that
Just normal
Older man and younger boy wrestling each other
Man, I'm used to that
When I was younger
Wait, wait, hold on
How did you end that part
The beginning part was closed
When I was younger I was used to
Rolling with people that was way older than me
I'd be 14, go and get people like
36, 40
Closed?
They were closed
Very closed
Have you ever wrestled
With somebody unclothed
Very close
He's going deep in his bag trying to remember this
I mean
Yeah, I guess
Probably, maybe
What did you ask him
If he had ever wrestled somebody without his clothes
Why is it taking you so long to answer this
Just recreationally
Anyway
I don't know man
What do you mean you don't know
I mean in the bedroom
If I'm performing yes
Wrestling around
With me latey
Normal shit
Wrestling, I mean nah, somebody had a shirt off
That was it
You should
Answer faster on questions like that
The fact that I'm hot and sweating
That's not helping
It's making it more intense
You're always sweating dude
I need to check that out
If there's a doctor that can help me
I'll figure that out
I'm tired of looking like this
This is the closest thing we have to health insurance
Just ask people on the internet like please
Please
Oh shit
And then, so after
You went up, you thought you got the
Light but it was him taking a picture with the flash
I thought it was quick but
Somebody took a picture of me with the flash on
And I thought they had flashed the light at me
And that's how I got off
I fucked it up even more
It was great
It was a good time
Like a lot of the Birmingham comics went up
And Crowd
Wasn't going for the first
What?
First half
And then Jake cracked them
Drake cracked the girl in the back
That was sitting behind the stage
And then AJ O'Leary went up
And then while he was going up
This dude, drunk ass dude
At the bar
And it's a bar with like
If the bar is right here, he's standing right here
And there's tables behind with chairs
And you know when you get drunk, like you see a person
Get real drunk and they go on their tippy toes
And then go back too far and lose balance
And he fell with his arms out
And he fell so slow
Like he fell so slow
Like it was like
You just hear a woman say, somebody catch him
Yeah, I just turned around
And saw him fall
I was just watching, it was like a movie scene
Oh, he fell
He fell like she's grabbing shit
No life for like three seconds, he was in the motion
Of falling
It looked like a real earthquake could happen
But it only affected him
He falls, takes out the whole table
And then AJ did really really good
I had him rolling on the floor
Yo, you did good too, Dom
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I appreciate it, I was, look, so I was gonna tell him
So then, but after that nobody had addressed it, right?
Yeah
Nobody had addressed the dude falling
The comedian who went up after that
So I was like, man, like I said
I was feeling really good
Like I was feeling myself, I was telling Eugene
I was like, put me up there, I'm fucking him up
Just let you know, I'm fucking him up
He was like, he's alright, and he kept on putting other people up there
Then he put Slaveface up
And then when he
He said it
He ain't gonna do that, he be talking shit too
No, I just can't have that out there
You know, it's a possibility of something I said
See, it's more racist to say he doesn't have a Slaveface
I feel like it's not my position to comment on whether his face is
I didn't know who we were talking about
I know now, I thought about it
So he was roasting, he like, I guess he roasters Eugene all the time when he comes up there
And then he didn't do good
And Eugene was like, you know how
When somebody bomb
By how fast they leave the
And you just look out the window
Because there's a bar with a big ass window
And you just see him running across the street
Fixing his color
Looking back over his shoulder
That shit was perfect
So I went up after him
And I was just like, we ain't gonna talk about the fucking guy falling
Because my whole thing was like
I love when drunk people fall
Because from the neck below
It looks like a bench player on the NBA
When somebody has a big dunk, they be like this
But face up, they don't do nothing
And they just stare at you
And nothing's better than that
There's nothing
You don't get much better
Like, as soon as I turned around, because I didn't catch him
Because I think I was pretty close to him too
You were the closest
But at this point, I'm not gonna
By the time I jump off the stool
His face was too funny
To catch him, I needed to see him
Complete the fall
He's just malfunctioning in front of you
And you're like, you doing funny shit
I was zoned out when that happened
I was like, dude, I fucking bombed
And then I just hear this lady go, catch him
Somebody catch him
And I turn around and this guy's falling
And I'm like, that low key cheered me up
I'm having a better day than that guy
Because first of all, he tried to steal Dom's phone
He's like, is my phone over here?
I'm looking for my phone, did I leave it?
And he took Dom's
You alright?
Fuck is wrong with you
We're sitting at a bar
AJ's right here, I'm right here
My phone's right here
What makes you think that that's your phone
In between me and another person
That you were, the spot you were never sitting at
And I didn't see you sitting at
But he was fucked up
That shit was funny though
I was zoned out too, because that's when I recently got off
I was sitting down and looking, listening to what?
And they laughing, I was like, fuck
I know he's not sitting, I don't know where he been
Eugene did Brandon Bogus
Did you see the Instagram?
Tell them what happened
So you know I went up there
I was going at it
Wasn't the best night
And he put the worst moment on that
I said my joke, because you all know the unfriendly fire
I did, I said, unfriendly fire
It was like this room
I said, okay
Because the book continued on
I was like, alright, carry on
It's like a fucking lecture
He's like, Brandon out here bro
Shout out y'all
I saw those deliveries, you see a comic going
They say it, and then the light
Flickers in their eyes, you can tell their
Soul just broke
He just posted it
That was fucked up
That's literally what I was like, and I hear you and back
I was there for you, Brandon
If ain't nobody else gonna laugh at you
That was funny shit
Oh my god
That shit was good
Okay, so now
We're on to Shaq Nasties
And Pleasures
Well tell them about Pleasures
So Pleasures, Tuesday
8 o'clock
Come out, 7.30 sign ups
At Pleasures Romance
Boutique
Romantic Boutique
They gotta drive
Through, if you're in a rush
Sometimes you just need some
Lube real quick, you don't want to pop in
You know their motto
What was it? Curling Toes
Since 80, or some year
I didn't know that, but that's cool
I forgot, that's their motto
I mean whatever that thing is
Slogan, hell yeah dude
We need some more people at Pleasures
Just to come watch, you know we always say weird shit
Get over yourself, dude
You wanted to go in there before
And now you have an excuse to go
Everybody's rushing out to get to
Shaq Nasties anyway, stick around
A little bit after and go look at all the
Deviant Secs
And come a little bit before, browse
And then after the show you go out there and buy
What you were looking at, you got time
To think about it, the comics are gonna
Say mostly sex jokes, so
You know what I'm saying, it's fun, it's a good time
Somebody came on
Last Tuesday, we had
An older gentleman, an older white established gentleman
You know, he was with a nice
Young lady, I couldn't tell what
She was, I'm pretty sure she was Asian
I thought she was more like
Latina, see I thought that too
But I think she just had lashes on
You know, and that can do it
Similar complexions, yep
Climbing, she was very young
He was like 60 and she was
You know, he was full gray
Yeah, he was full gray
He had him a little fox on him
Don't know if she was a lady of the night or not
It was a, if we asked
The Magic 8 ball
Was that lady a hooker?
Outcome likely
Not 100%
I take my chances
It was just the whole
Situation
Leopard print dress, you know
On a Tuesday night
It was a dope ass show
In the back of a sex shop at a comedy show
What I'm saying is, can I get your number?
Hold up
Because that was good, that was good shit, I love it
I love it
And then
All the Birmingham, well five Birmingham
Comics came out, four?
We had Chase
Monty, Moat
AJ O'Leary
Kenny Powers
Kenny H
And
Cole
Yeah, Cole Knowles
And then we got the matter
Of Shag Nasties, and then what happened at Shag
They came over to Shag Nasties
After the Pleasures Open Mic ended
And when Cole went up
He was like eight or nine in the line up
He went up and made a joke about
Asian porn
And there was an Asian woman in the audience
Who, that joke really
Upset her, but I was sitting at the
Front because I'm hosting, I didn't know what was
Going on, I went to go find
The person who was next, and Dom got
Me, he was like, hey man, there's a situation going on
Back there, you probably need to go handle it
So I went back there and she was
This Asian woman was talking to Cole
About the joke that he made
And she was genuinely upset, like real
Tears, like genuinely upset
But what he said, like
That's not something you would hear
Like you would hear that at any other
Open Mic, like that's nothing out of
The blue, like, I mean it was light
It was very light, it was very light
It was definitely like one of his jokes that he
Had, you know, yeah he just
Used crowd work as a medium to go
Into that joke, like
So I was just trying to do my
Best to accommodate her
And then
She just, she wasn't having it
And then she went to leave and
Hit her boyfriend
In the parking lot with her
Car, dude, now not all stereotypes
Types are true, no, but
You know, that is just
It was right on time, it wasn't on purpose
It wasn't like she
Meant anything by it, she was
Just literally couldn't see
Over the wheel, didn't turn, like
Okay, when you're backing up, you have to turn around
Yeah, she like turned
She was like backing up, and she turned into him
Yeah, she was looking straight while she was
Turning, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
But I love how
She was back there, she was really upset
You know, everybody has a right to be upset, but
You know, it's a comedy show too, you know what I mean
And it was light, like, and what's crazy
Is that everybody up there wasn't
Doing, it's shag nasty
So most people are doing, like
More than not rowdy or shit
I said worse things than Cole
By far, yeah, well don't do that
Don't do that
I wasn't
Going up there saying slurs
Like some people we are associated
With
No, but
Everybody was saying rowdy shit
When Ace went up, I thought somebody was going to
Get pissed about that, they didn't
Nobody cared
I think it's because how, like, Ace talks
So, like, I forgot about this point
When I went back there and talked to her
One of her main, like
Points of why she was upset
She looked at me dead in my face
And said with a hundred percent
Seriousness
As a conventionally attractive Asian woman
This happens far too much
And nobody says anything about it
That's a wild thing to say
That's a level of like
As soon as that came out of her mouth
I was like, okay, I can no longer
Go into this with logic or reason
Because this is not going to solve this
This is unsolvable
Damage control mode
Straight up, white PR customer service voice
Like, I'm sorry
I'm going through my work training in my head
It's like, acknowledge, I'm sorry that that joke
Offended you and I hear what you're saying
And that's not our goal
Intent and outcome
A lot different
I tried so hard and she still hated me
Man, it's fun
It was crazy because like
I seen Alex
Who's another Asian American
We can say the other word
Hey, somebody did
Did you hear about that?
We're getting a little side check
But what Alex had posted on Facebook
And somebody replied with
Yeah, oh no, no, no
I thought you were talking about when they were doing it outside of 805
Yeah, but
He did that
And then Alex posted about it on Facebook
And if you go in the comments on that post
And go to hidden comments
Alan left a comment
Oh shit
Alan, that you have to unhide
I can't even repeat what he said
Oh, fuck, do tell me, I'll repeat it
Boy, he called him like, you know
The sea slur for
Asian people
He's like, when you closed your door
Did it make a sound?
Oh, okay, I had to catch up to what Seaward was
Yeah, but that's what
That's what they
They did at 805
I didn't know about this, it's crazy
Because we had to split off to go to different
Ways to go to our car, I wish I'd have been there
I would have had to
Fuck him up for him, but they were walking down
I guess it was like
Three or four white
And they were like
While he was walking down
To go to his car
I didn't know that
I about hit these white people
With my car
I'm just laughing out loud
Because I didn't know what he was talking about
Then we were going to Jack Brown's to go get some burgers
I'm so jealous that I didn't go
Their burgers are small, but they're good
They're small, but they're good
Size doesn't matter, dude
That's what you do with it
So
When he goes there he tells me that story
I was mad there because I was like damn I wish I'd have been there
We were literally
With each other, had to be 30 seconds before this happened
So I was pissed off
And he ended up fucking up his door
Because he slammed it
Which is rightfully so, be mad
Were they going to say that shit to Alex
What if we was all there
The tomb would have changed
A group of four people say it's a one guy
And Alex is a smaller dude
He's not a fighter
He might look like Bruce Lee
But he's not
He does got a temper
So he might hit you with his fucking car if you guys do it again
I wouldn't take any more chances
Yeah I wouldn't
If he got too fed up I could see him hit him like a bowling ball
Just pop up
You don't poke the sleeping bear
Hell no, dude
What that is crazy, Alan said
But
Alan gave
He said you can use the joke if you want it, right?
Yeah, that was crazy
He said you can use it
Oh my god
I love Alan
I do like Alan
He's fucked up
But he is funny a ton
Yeah, that's funny
Shout out Alan if you're watching
So on Facebook who hides the comment?
I think it's just
Auto filter
If you say certain words
It's going to automatically
Blur it out or make it to where it's
Behind some kind of extra
Security level, you'd be like tap to see this
That's how I know if I'm going to watch a car crash
Or somebody dying
On Instagram
It'll be like sensitive video, are you sure?
And then see video
And then 18 wheeler kills a family of four
Yeah they warn you
I found a page on Twitter
Restricted videos
When that guy fell off the building
And got anally impaled by that post
Yes
It's like the post that come out of the ground
Like in big cities to stop you from
Driving into
Like a walkway
They come up and down
He fell off the roof and perfectly
Impaled him
You could see it going all the way
From his butt all the way
It ripped his pants and shit perfectly
Because his clothes and shit
Stayed on
Did you
Search city post?
It's so weird how he didn't even like
Explode or anything
It's probably going to be like
Traffic post
I don't know
You guys know if you don't know
It's just a fucking post coming out of the ground
Those look like the guard rails on every
Barn Dominium I see in Pension
Yeah that one right there
Up all the way to the right
Yeah with the three
Oh shit
That shit went
Through him
That's got to hurt
That's just the sleeve
Yeah but that's the same concept
That's what he fell on
This restricted videos
On twitter is outrageous
Like seriously
Some of the most grotesque brutal
Deaths you ever seen in your life
One I've seen that I felt
I do feel bad for
The one that got me the most was like
They were at a
Bungee jumping
They were at a bungee jumping park
Like you could tell it was like
Rapid, rapid go
It was like amusement park
It was like rapid go and then he was like
Telling her to do all this and she just
Put her hands out and went forward
He looked up he forgot to fucking
Clip her in
You don't see her fall or anything but you just see
And you hear all the people like
Was she clicked in
And he's just like standing there looking up
Like he knew he fucked up
She just jumped off and hit the ground
I had to
Unless it was one of those parks where they have a net
Because it did look like it was
Established it wasn't like somewhere
Every time I see a bungee jump
It's like off a fucking bridge or something with some guys
This looked like it was legit
So they may have had a net
But it's not like off the side of a mountain can be
But if I was her
The first thing I'm doing before I jump is
Looking back and making sure she's on me
Or I'm reaching behind me
I know you probably can't reach that far but like
I'll reach behind me and see if it's there
Or at least get a mirror or something
Checking before I jump
I'm not victim blaming
But that
I would not be doing that
The one that got me was it was like
It looked like some kind of eastern European
Circus
Where this female acrobat was swinging around
On this rope and she was doing a move
Where she like wraps it around herself
And then it spins her but then it wrapped around
Her neck and her
And her body just went limp and she's just like
Swinging from there after we watched it
Oh yeah yeah yeah
Oh shit yeah that was some fucked up shit
There's a lot of them on there
And I don't suggest anybody goes out there and watches it
Unless you're fucked up like me
I can't stop watching it man
It's bad, it's probably bad for me to watch that
I see a thing and be like
Hey man you sure? That's how you know you gotta be sure
Yeah
And on Twitter they don't give a fuck, they don't give you any warning
You follow this page, this is gonna pop up on your shit
I know, if there's no profile picture
And emojis in the name
You're about to see something insane
It's gonna be porn
Or it's gonna be like somebody dying
They sprinkle a little bit of porn in there which is weird
I don't like that
Then I'm scared it's gonna be a porn that
Ends in disaster
Like this lady died
Now I'm in the watch
No dude
I can't have those wires crossed
I'm gonna stop being a comedian
And then become a coroner
And it's gonna be bad, there'll be a scandal
I'll be buried under the jail
And rightfully so, so let's just not even
Start that path
You're fucked to death bodies
I'm not saying at this point in my life I would
No, but I'm saying
People are capable of a lot of shit
Would you?
Okay, so let's say this is the beginning part
Let's say you're 70 years old
You're working in a
Fueler home
God damn, funeral home
Right? Yeah
And your wife
Has died like 20 years ago
And then you got dead bodies there, would you bang them?
No man, no
What if they were still fresh?
No, no
No, you're trying to get me now
Rigor mortis has not set in yet
They're still, you know
I don't even know what a rigor mortis is, sounds like a rick and mortius
You told me dead?
No, no, no, no, it's a scenario
It's a scenario
A couple years back
I think this was in Morgan County
I think it was in like Morgan County
Or like the Decatur area, somewhere
In the area
And it was this guy who had just started
Working at like a crematorium
Where they incinerate the bodies
And he incinerated his coworker
Who was taking a nap
Shut the fuck up
Like on purpose?
No, I think it was purely on accident
Because I don't know the exact details
Of the story, but I know that this happened
You can probably find it Brandon
Like just look up
Worker accidentally cremates coworker
Get the fuck out of here
I heard that and I was like dude
How do you fuck up that bad?
That's way worse
Well I don't know if it's way worse
But it's just as bad as that dude that didn't hook the lady in on the bungee jump
Like if you
You pressed the button to incinerate the person
Oh here it is right here
Yeah, yeah
Oh well that's Michigan
Oh damn
So this is not the first time
This is a common occurrence I guess
Alabama, yeah
Jefferson County
Jefferson County, okay
So I was wrong, but it was close
Let's see
Oh my gosh
Go down, what? No, there was no accident here
Okay
Let me just say this now
This was not accidentally
This has to be a joke
What the fuck? Beaumont, Texas
Nah, he did that
Or is he the one that died?
No, he's not the one that died
Why would they choose that
Either way dude
He killed that man
He killed all them people
This is Texas though
Why is this such a common occurrence
Maybe just don't fucking
Take a nap in the incinerator dude
What the fuck
That's where they're sleeping at in the incinerator?
It's either that or they're rolling them in there
No
And that has to be premeditated
He did whatever they said he did
Yeah
Yeah, you don't
I'm not gonna take a mug shot like that
I'm afraid
I'm scared too, is he out?
I don't know, there's something about him that's just so unsettling
I mean
Damn, you see they don't know what the fuck to do
Look a little friendly, but nah
Look a little fruity bro
I don't know, I said friendly
But then again
What'd you get to him
I said he looked a little friendly, but then again
Kind of disturbed me at the same time
He'll be my friend and he'll kill me the next day
That's how I get you
This is a trap
That's how a guy like this gets you
Come over, have some beers
I won't do anything to you
It's the Dahmer method
Come over, let's eat some shit, let's drink
I feel like I would've went in there
Hey man, where them drinks at
Where them drinks at
You wanna cremate me
Don, this is what you would look like if you were white
This is the white version of you
Crazy as hell
I would probably be like him
Y'all got a similar vibe
They have no vibe
You damn right Brenna
You damn right
I don't know dude, can you do a 360
On the mugshot
I'm seeing some thinning vibes from him
He's got a wide hairline
And he's spiking it up
I've never seen anybody that happy
He's happy as shit
He's gonna have
Wow, that's weird
Is he gonna have a good time
I don't like how the whitest part of his face is right here
Like his cheeks man
Damn
Yeah, that's
You wake up and see that right there
You know you're not, you're probably going right back
You know he stares at him through the little window there
Oh hell yeah
He likes the smell
He probably likes the smell of cheese and shit
I don't know
That's relatively normal
I don't know if he likes the smell of cheese or the shit
I get it
Italian
Like our guest today
Hey
Hell yeah
Demoscola
Hell yeah, can't wait
It's gonna be a good one, I can guarantee it
This dude's Jonathan said he was his mentor
Yeah, he would never burn you alive
In an incinerator
Unless it was for heroin dude
Too good of a guy
He's too good of a guy
We'll see you after this
Get your fucking lights together
I'm cold man
Yeah same
I have a sweatshirt on though so I'm alright
I just turned the AC on too
So we in for a ride
Brandon get over there sweating
and get the love
This is my shit
I tell you once we get to 70 it's fucked up
I feel you though
And the winner he looks like Jack Frost
They just freeze
It looks like the
Statue of Liberty
Get like frostbite on my forehead
Did they break off? Yes
Who we got today?
We got a great comedian
Awesome guy
Cool story, he's Italian
He has a family, shocker
That is a shocker dude
A fucking Yankee dude, he's not from the South
Hell yeah, I'm with you
I don't know if I'm allowed to say that
And Huntsville's third
Third funniest person
Moving on up
We got Alex DeMoscala
What's up guys
That's nice right there
Look at that
Thanks for coming man
Always love seeing you around
To keep with tradition
Oh shit
It's in a garbage bag
That's how you know it's good
All I have is
Bags that are for like
Little children
Check it out
I don't know if we have it in a different frame
Check that bad boy out
Yeah you could throw that
Somewhere, that's a nice one
Good
Just overseeing the whole project here
That's my favorite type of stuff
I love my sea of stuff
You should see my room
For some reason I thought he had a monster energy
That's weird
That's a perfect picture
Brandon do you know who that is?
Marlon Brando from Godfather
I love the Godfather
I'm obsessed with it
I have all kinds of shit
Did I tell you guys he was Italian
Yeah
The stereotypical Italian
Likes the Godfather
You like the first one or the second one better?
The first one the best
Me too
Most people like the second one
I love the second one too
Marlon Brando
You can't beat it
Brandon what year did it come out?
1972 right?
1972
I got a model of that car
Hell yeah
The 1942 Lincoln
Continental
I love that shit
I have a sweatshirt that has a Janko olive oil
It's the company that he built
I got it
Got those D cut
Merch
I'm a nerd when it comes to the Godfather
Is that your favorite
Mafia movie?
Yes absolutely
Give me number two then
Probably
Goodfellas
Me too that's my number one
Is that your number one?
I like the Irishman too
That was a long ass movie
Super long
I haven't watched it yet
I've seen it five times
He's dedicated a whole week of his life
It was so good
The Irishman
With Robert De Niro
I'm going to go watch this now
They have that de-aging thing
But it's not that de-aging
Should have seen the kick
I definitely have seen that
But it's crazy man
That's a crazy story
Casino
This isn't an Italian mob
It's over in England
Snatch
Have you ever seen the movie Snatch?
Oh buddy with the hair
No hair
Jason Statham
Such a good movie
That's not an Italian mob
I love any mob movie
I was imagining
Peaky blinders until you said Jason Statham
Undercuts and shit
It is kind of like Peaky Blinders
You said it's called, wait what was it called?
Not that one
Snatch
I put up this on a late show
Snatch
Hold on I'm eating the wrong one
Amy Schumer is the star of a mob movie
Brad Pitt's in it
He's a gypsy
Brad Pitt
It's so good
Brad Pitt's that's one of my favorite actors
I like Once Upon a Time in Hollywood
Guy Ritchie
What's the weed Guy Ritchie
With Matthew McConaughey
I think it was in England
I don't know
Look up
Guy Ritchie, Matthew McConaughey
I love Guy Ritchie movies
It's newer too
Two smoking barrels or whatever
What's it called?
Guy Ritchie with who?
The gentleman
That's what I'm talking about
Have you seen that one?
I don't think I've seen that one
I'll have to check that out
They all killed
Colin Farrell
I've never seen that
I'll have to check that out
It's a banger
It's fun too, it's like a fun watch
All of his movies are though
Do my dad
Favorite comedy movie
God damn
I might have to say
Newer, I might have to say Tropic Thunder
Yes
When that came out and I went in theaters
I've never laughed so hard in my life
I'm telling you the exact same thing
So funny
Did you think whenever it first came on
That booty sweat was a real commercial
I was like what the fuck
Booty sweat
I love Jack Black with the
Skittles
He's like you think you're the only one
That doesn't have his skittles
I love that shit
So funny dude
Older ones probably
Caddyshack is up there
I love Caddyshack
Those are probably my two
Tropic Thunder
It's between Tropic Thunder
Booty Sweat
Hell yeah
Booty O's
Booty O's was that wrestler
Yes man that wrestling cereal
You remember Booty O's
No Booty O's
Booty O's
Fuck you be eating for breakfast Brandon
I'd rather eat
Raisin Bran Crunch
It's delicious
Booty O's
Look at that
Booty O's cereal man
I saw them in person one time
I saw them wrestling
It was weird
They were twerking on each other
Is that what the WWE is now
Not usually
It's a weird day
Alex
What got you into comedy
Wait can I ask you a question
Did you start up north or did you start north
I started here in Huntsville
Honestly
It was always something I thought about doing
But I was just like you know it's not
It just never seemed like something real
That I would ever do
I grew up just my dad
Comedy was just like
Currency you know like being making someone laugh
That's how my dad
He's a real estate agent he can sell
What's that saying sell water to a fucking drowning man
Whatever that saying is that's him
I'm not like that personally
I'm not like that I'm not like a person that
Goes and is real outgoing and stuff
I started
Going to Maggie Myers
Irish Pub
At the time and Matthew Tate
Ran that mic at the time
Shout out
What was it called
TGIM
Comedy I think it was called
I went there for like
3 or 4 weeks straight
Just went and watched me and my wife
Just went and sat there and I watched
And I was like you know
Seeing people go up and some people
I saw Ogre and
Raina there and
The first time I ever went up so I went like 3 or 4
Weeks in a row didn't go up
Finally was like I think I'm going to try this I'm going to go up
And dude
My first time was fucking
I mean like I got a couple laughs
But I remember
Matthew Tate called
Me an ableist I made some
I made some joke about
I don't know
Something about my
Uncle having Down syndrome
Or something like that
I can't remember what I said something really
Offensive at the time you know like the first time you go up
You say the most offensive shit
Because you think it's funny
And I said that and all I hear in the background is
You're an ableist
And I was like what's that
Say it again
Something about
Calling me an ableist and I was like what's that
And I didn't know what an ableist was at the time
And they told me and then I was like
Alright I think that's my time
I put the mic down
And walked off and
Reyna and Ogre came up to me and they were like
You know I got a couple laughs right off the
Right off the bat
And they were like you know you're pretty funny keep
Coming back like just keep trying like don't
Worry about that you know I'm not
I don't hold it against Matthew because it was some
Some just ridiculous
Shit that I said I shouldn't have said
That absolutely but
But yeah that's how my first time went it was not
It was not a good time
I'm so sorry Brandon looked up abolitionist
Abolitionist
Frengle slaves
I was trying
I would be happy if that's what they called me
Abolist
Ableist
Yeah right there oh
Oh shit I just oh there it is
Ableist yeah
A person with a disability
Wait the fuck
Discrimination in favor of able bodied people
Yeah that's what I
Is this a new word? That's what I was that night
I don't know the origin of the term there used
To be a different word they called these people
Yeah
Yeah so I
After my first time I was like
I don't know if I'm gonna do this again
You know I got a couple laughs but then
How it ended just like erased
All the good that came from that set
So I was like I don't know about this but they
Ogre and Reyna really
You gotta have people like that to come up to you and be like
Hey they saw something and you're like
You're funny you just keep on coming
It's your first time too
I'm grateful that they did that cause who knows
I probably wouldn't even have walked back
In there to be honest but
Well we glad you did can't wait till you start coming back out
Start hitting these
You did a show not too long ago
Yeah I did a show
Two weekends ago or something like that
And that
That was at Low Mill
And that was I probably
I don't think I bombed that hard in like a year and a half
But you went in there cold
Yeah yeah yeah
It's alright though it's alright we're gonna try getting back out here soon
Who else was there with you
Cause they were telling me everybody was bombing
It was
Me Syfy and Leann Treece
Yeah so Syfy told me that
Yeah it definitely was
It's not the crowd's fault
It was me 100%
But it was definitely a older
My material was definitely
A little uh
They were not expecting it let's say that
They were not expecting my material
You should have seen me on Thursday man
I ate the biggest
Plate of shit in an all black room in Birmingham
I volunteered to go first
And that hurts even worse
Doesn't it when it's all black and you want to do so good
You want to impress everyone
But it's just fucking
That's the worst
They weren't having anything though
The host Eugene you know him
He did like
He did like 5 minutes in between every comic
He did
Cause he would like fuck with the crowd
He'd be like why ain't you laughing
I'm not starting to we clap
You gonna clap
That was right before I went up
He's battling a lady in the audience
Trying to force her to clap
And he also brought me up as Eddie Murphy
Wow
I didn't get that
Let me see
He was trying to trick her into clapping
This time I don't see it
You said you watched the show so you know Brandon
Probably really dusty
Wait a second let me check this out
If I shaved my head
That's it
Yeah I don't know that guy
He's cool though
He's cool this is my first
Black room too since I started stand up
I'm trying to think of like
If I've ever done a room
That's been like you know there's been rooms where it's
More black people than white but I don't
Know if I can say I've been in an all black room
This was all black
The only white people there
Were the comics and like all the Birmingham comics
They even said they were like
We eat shit there every week but we just go
That's good shit
That's how it was at Maggie a lot of times
Maggie Myers
It was just a lot of just eating shit
Non-stop
I guess we'll do this again next week
Yeah Maggie's so I've been
There you did it in the front stage
Right did they set up chairs in the
Like where the dance floor is
No there was just the
Tables that are already
Set up yeah that's what they use yeah
That's a weird spot to do it there right
Yeah I mean it was cool there's some
Nights that were good but for the most part I mean
There's people that they just they weren't there to
Hear comedy you know what I mean
It's like a biker bar people are like
Most of the time they're just not wanting
To hear the bullshit that we're up there
You know spewing so
That's alright though those are the rooms that
What they say
All the comics say they make you better so
Come out to Shag Nasty's
On Tuesday nights at 9pm
Hell yeah
I can't wait I got to there's so many new mics that I haven't
That I just haven't
Done yet cause ever since the kids
Like I just haven't seen any of these I cannot
Wait to get out to them and see I mean you guys are
All running mics that I haven't
Pleasers right before
Shag Nasty's on Tuesday
That's the weird that's where you get fucking weird
See yeah that's cool
A man that was clearly with a prostitute
Last week
And we were like sir cold and everything
Somebody asked him how long
Have you guys known each other like two hours
We met at a bar
That's so amazing
See and it's crazy cause like
That dude probably wouldn't just
Say that to anyone but in a comedy
In a setting like that he probably felt you can just be
You don't give a shit
Exactly
We chilling with you man
Good shit
That's fucking awesome
So do you have any
Room stories
Like a crazy thing that happened when you were at a
Micro show
Crazy thing that happened at a micro show
Other than being called an
Ableist
I don't know if I can say that anything
Crazy has happened yet
We'll get you there
I was going to say I just got to keep going to them
It'll happen I'm sure but anything crazy
Other than
Other than Min
Yelling shit at you
I had a show in Decatur
It was the first time I met Min
And that was
An interesting night
What she hit you with
What did she call me
Definitely called me a bitch a couple of times
Black bitch
I had a couple of things
Where I was talking about
I forget what I was talking about
Going to the gym or something
And right in the middle of it
I do a pause and then
Do a joke
I have a pause and right at the pause
She goes fuck you
I was like alright
That's it completely
It's hard to go back to the joke
It is hard to go back to the joke but I'll tell you what
She keeps us all on our toes
That's for sure
It's kind of cool
I don't know if there's a lot of people with Tourette's
Like with her how bad it is
And we get to deal with that on a regular basis
It's awesome
She's so awesome
And she's funny
We were at Stand Up Live and I had this new joke
And it's a pause like you said
And we were sitting together
I was like man I'm going to need you to not say anything during this pause
It feels like she waits for the pauses
You know
Every time I pause
You got one locked and loaded
And she has some good material
She does
She really does
It's almost like Tourette's gives her great comedic timing
It does
Right in that lull she'll hit you with a black bitch
Go back to China
And you're like you know what you're right
I didn't think about it
Maybe
Oh man
So how much time do you have
In stand up comedy
When did I start or how much time material wise
No like when did you start
I started
Literally at the same
Probably like two weeks before
Sci-fi and Jonathan
So right at that same time
I started then
Literally within
Two or three weeks of starting
My wife got pregnant
I found this thing finally
This is my thing
I want to do this
I'm going to put all my time and energy into this
And then she got pregnant
And I was like motherfucker
But that's a great
And congratulations
I love my children
I fucking love them to death
But it definitely
It definitely makes it trickier
That's for sure now
I remember
On Jonathan's
Episode he said you were one of his
Inspirations for starting
Yeah that's interesting
That's crazy because that
Just doesn't even make sense to me in the slightest
But you can tell
I appreciate it and I appreciate his comrades
I love Jonathan to death
He makes so much happen
For us comedians here
I've never seen anyone work so hard
It's crazy
This is his hobby
This is his second job
And he just had a baby
And he still does
Dude I look at him and it's like
I look up to that dude because me
I got to take a step back
For a second when I have kids
It's too much for me to do all of it
Hats off to him
I look up to him too bro
He's 6'5
Tall dude
Tall ass guy
Very tall
Yeah dude
Whenever like
Because we only met a couple times
But whenever I saw you go up and I had no idea who you were
Soon as you
By like a minute in I was like
He gots the juice
You can instantly tell when somebody's like
Oh this guy has got it
I really appreciate that
That means a lot coming from you guys
I saw you at the first ever open mic I did
It was the first ever comedy show
I went to
And it was a stand up live open mic
Less than a year ago
And I saw you go up, Ogre, Alex Z
Jonathan, Jalen
And I remember you
And I remember you did the smack to smack
And I was like die because my mom's in
AA she's really involved
In the recovery community
And I remember telling her about that joke
You were there the first time I did stand up
And I always remembered that
Then I didn't see you again
Until I thanked Huntsville's funniest company
Yeah
And then I came out to
OBTX room
And I fucking
Ate shit at that
Because it's so hard to
When there's five people in the room it's like damn dude
I bombed that day too
Brandon was there
So brutal
Who ran that mic?
Who ran it then?
Tim Kelly
I think
Also I think Scott used to run it at one point
Okay, okay
Yeah
Which one did you get through at?
I got through at
Shenanigans I won the
Yeah I was there for that one
And then I told
After that I had
What was it the semi finals and then the finals
And I was like I told my family don't
I don't want anyone going
Because I didn't want
Anybody there to
Just be able to load the vote
I felt like that was just like
I didn't want to be viewed as that person
Loading the
So I made sure no one came
Because I was like I don't want to be
I couldn't live with myself
I couldn't accept it
If it was like I knew I
You know padded the vote
I just couldn't do it
I would tell my friends like
Saying if we went there and you were clearly
Had a way better set than me
If you vote for me I will get mad at you
I didn't want it to be like
I just come
Already I feel like this
Not that I'm a frall
But a little bit like I haven't been going out as much
With the kids and everything
It's hard to say I can't sit here and say I'm a comedian
In my own head
That's what it's just hard
Because I haven't been there enough
I'm not involved as much as I used to be
Right now it's hard to be like
I'm a comedian right now
I already have that always in my head
Going so I was like
None of you are showing up
I don't want there to be any
This dude just comes and gets
Everyone to load the vote
And him win 500 or whatever it was
700 bucks or whatever
It's a testament to your talent
That you didn't get anybody sharp
You still made it to the final
I appreciate that
But also there's some people that weren't
Included in the competition that probably
Like Scott Easton
Or like Steve Rold
I don't know
Like you said it
No matter how good somebody would do if somebody
Padded the vote it doesn't matter
That's true
Scott couldn't compete it
They couldn't because they were putting it on
Him, Kim
Actually Scott came to the Shenanigans
That night
And he just got there a little too late
He didn't get within the 20
Remember there was only 20 slots
In the preliminary round so he
Didn't have another chance to be in it
I watch right out of a boxcar
When I tell you
A bomb
It was the look of disappointment
From the crowd
I ain't going to lie
What was my first joke?
Second mustard gas at the Jewish people's wounds
It wasn't the most welcoming
Opening joke
But I also didn't know what I was doing back there
And this one woman she just went like this
Like I said that
And then once I
Felt like that
Clearly I'm not going to win so I just leaned into it
And did all of my worst shit
And then faces like that
In the beginning you always go with the most
Offensive right out the bat
That's how
Every comedian when they start out
Let me just throw this crazy
Shitty you the first sentence
That I say
Take you all the way off guard
And you're like testing the crowd right
See how they react
Where do they do the mic at
Boxcar now
But is it at the end
They do it on the main stage
As soon as you walk into the left
Where they used to do it
I guess it's the winter that's why
But I guess they do it outside too
I've been in one outside I like it
That was the day I got pink eye dude
I had to leave because my eyes
Started swelling up
Unbelievable
It was just a week straight of people asking me
Were you eating ass
Oh dude I just had pink eye
I just had pink eye like a month ago
Yeah from my kids dude
We just had
My kids had RSV, the flu
COVID
Pink eye
This all happened
It was all back back back back back
Within a month and a half they got all the shit
It was fucking brutal we were in the ICU with the young one
Dude it was a mess
Oh my gosh
Kids get sick
Ruin your life that's what they do
I love my kids
I do
There you go
That was pretty much on time
Who cares dude
We're having fun
So we like to talk about second chances on here
Like
I'm one
I was a bad kid I did a lot of fucked up shit
Maybe some drugs
Maybe Arm Robert
We don't know
The verdict sound
I love having people
Who have got second chances
And does a lot with them because
Everybody needs to know
It's not the end of the world as long as you're still living
As long as you're still kicking
And these days
Doing drugs these days I don't know if you'll be living very long
Yeah I'm glad I got out when I did
Yeah dude
Yeah
Yeah I've had my history with drugs
That's for sure
I've been sober off heroin
Not sober though I smoke weed here and there
Mom don't watch this
I've
Been off heroin now for going on five years
Yeah
Thank you
I appreciate that
I want to ask
You this as somebody like
So I was in jail I went to jail a couple times
Maybe six times
So look
Whenever I watch TV
I love watching 60 days in
Do you like watching
What's the one called
What? My Strange Addiction
Yeah
I watch those and 60 days in
I love 60 days in
Beyond Scared Straight dude
My favorite one
I met my wife in rehab
Oh shit
You guys probably didn't know that one
I don't know how much you guys know about rehab
But finding the love of your life is not what they advise you to do
That is not what they advise you to do
But I saw her coming in shaking
And I was like that's the one
That is the one
I can save her
I'm six days sober I can save her
You're the vetress
Hell yeah dude
And now you're married with two beautiful kids
I'm married with two kids
She's been sober
Longer than me
I had to keep going out and give it a couple
Give it a couple college tries there
And she
Put it down though
It's been amazing ever since moving to
Alabama I love living here
I love Huntsville dude
It's such a great place
Small town but you got the city too
Small town feel but you got the city
And it still gets cold in the winter but
You have like these moments where it
Let's up a little bit you know like
You get your days of 60 degrees here and there
I can't do cold winters anymore
I lived in Maine
For two or three years I lived in Maine
All weekend you get 12 inches of snow
Like I'm dumb with all of that
What is Maine like?
It's beautiful
White in more ways than one
Very white Maine
But yeah dude it's awesome it's beautiful
I lived in Portland Maine which
You know you got
Mountains close by driving
Distance and you have the beach close by
Driving distance and the city
Was beautiful I mean it's an awesome
Place to live but those winters
Man I can't I'm done with freezing
Winters I ain't doing them
The wind chopping too?
Terrible
It's like almost Canada
Yeah it is Canada's right there
I mean yeah it's right there
But you were born in Pennsylvania
Did you live there most of your life?
Yep I lived in Pennsylvania
Lancaster Pennsylvania which
I don't know if you guys heard the Amish
That's where most of the Amish
In America are
Really?
I didn't know that either
They get rowdy
And Hershey chocolate and stuff
Hershey Park I lived like
20 minutes from Hershey Park
Right in there
Shane Gillis lived
Where he grew up like
30 minutes from where I
From where you were?
Yeah in Canicksburg it's like that area
Right outside Philly
I always tell people I like
Pennsylvania whites
I do
I don't know what it is
And like a lot of them
Did you know a lot of
Mixed races whenever you were there
Or whenever you were living there?
I have one of my best friends
Is from Pennsylvania
And you guys are all cool I don't know what it is
I appreciate it
And they say that's where the brotherly love is at
Yeah the city of brotherly love
Philadelphia that's right
With the school in Hemfield right?
Hemfield? What the?
How the hell do you know that dude?
Hemfield
You know Hemfield? That's where I went to high school
Are you playing with me?
You played soccer there dude
What are we talking about right now?
Yeah I played soccer there dude
I won a state championship man
I was in all state
Second team all league?
That was my
Damn dude
That was my sophomore year
Or junior year
My senior year I got first team
But they didn't put that in there did they?
Cock suckers dude
Second team what are we talking about?
Second team man come on
State championship got the goal baby
That's right dude
What did you play? What position?
Center mid
What does center mid do?
Because I know you got the gunners right?
The gunners
What are they called? The strikers?
Okay strikers
First of all Dom has a
Soccer team on
Do you know what
Soccer team that is?
Real Madrid
Look them up
Ronaldo played for them
Yeah
Zidane
Real Madrid
R-E-A-L
Madrid
Right there
That's Dom's favorite team
I had no clue that this was
It also looks like it's glow in the dark
That's glow in the dark
That's kind of dark dude
It was on sale
Fat kids deals
It's cool man
I got like a real jersey from Florida
I don't even know what team it is
It's like blue and black
Florida is it
Orlando
I can't remember the name of the damn team
But it's purple
No it's blue and black
Blue and black
Philadelphia unions
I don't know what it says, it says something like United
Something that has a cross on it
Blue and black
Florida Christian
Soccer team
You still keep up with soccer?
Not in the last couple years
But I used to, I was big
In the Premier League stuff
I like watching that, yeah
I watched the World Cup
I didn't like how the penalty kicks were
You know
What do you mean man?
The overtime rule
Where they all got to shoot in the goal
And you just had the goal
Penalty kicks
It seems like it's too easy
That's part of it man
Well it puts too much stress on the goalie
To stop everybody
I guess that's the whole thing
Most people make them but
If that goalkeeper can stop on
I guess that's the whole
Stop too and that's it
I watched when England and the United States played
I was like we gotta win this one dude
I think we tied
Well I'm surprised cause England's a pretty good team
But yeah, I love watching soccer
I don't keep up with it much anymore
But yeah it's fun
I can't believe you know all that shit
We have a guy
We're gonna put that graphic in right here
That's our research guy
I watched some basketball here and there
But I don't follow, ever since kids dude
Which is crazy
I feel like I don't have time to care about anything anymore
And they're both really young
Yeah, like yeah
Two and then four months
And I just
It's like I know the war in Ukraine's bad
But I got way too much on my hands dude
I can't worry about any of that shit
Alright Brandon, sell him in dude
Sell him in on what?
The war in Ukraine
Let's see, I can't really
I don't know what
Don't worry about me neither
Hell no
Dom didn't even know what was going on in Afghanistan
While I was there
Had no clue
I still don't really know
What were we doing?
Protect these poppy seed fields
Don't ask questions
They always tell people
Going to Iraq, now Afghanistan I can see
Because you had to get bin line
But Iraq, we had no reason
We were just kicking in on people
See I would have never served
But if I did
I would have wanted to be with someone like you
You know what I'm saying?
That's why I used to tell
Because I hated them sergeants who would be like
You always had to do something every second
No, no, no, tell your soldiers
Get this shit done and make sure it's done good
You ain't got to worry about it, I'll let you go
Just stay by your phone, can you get back here in ten minutes
Because if I get my ass
That's what I do
So I get called up like where's all your soldiers at
I was like oh I sent them in
I get them out
When they're first arm right there
Look I told you they can't be going
But they would always have my back
Fake as hell
I told them
Fuck man
That's how you got to be
I think that's how you got to be in everything
You don't have to be the strickler
Some people that's just their thing
You can't take shit too serious
You only get one life
That is war
You might take that
You know what? You got me now
I'm on your side
War is different
But you're just working
You're working 12 hours a day
No days off
But I'm talking about when you're back
But you got a hellcat
Did that make it worth it?
I got a Camaro
Hold up
So you get
And get out of your car
I had a V6
The insurance was under 400
First of all
Fuck man
It was 2012
It was brand new and I was driving it
Back home
Just got back from deployment
I'm driving it still in my fatigue
Back then it was like you had the
Gray kind of digital fatigues
And then when you went to Afghanistan
You got the brown ones
I was driving back home
I was speeding like I was probably going like
97
He pulled me over
You fucking going 97?
I just got back from deployment
He walks back
He comes back
He throws my
Insurance and shit back at me
Here goes a ticket
Your family wants to see you get home safe
It was a reckless driving ticket
He didn't arrest me
It was in Tennessee somewhere
I went back
I thought I had court but I went on the wrong day
The defense attorney happened to be there
He was like
Camaro huh? It was a pretty fast car
That's why I didn't know how fast I was going
He's like you're good
The cop one having that shit
That shit has never worked for me
Me being in the military has never
When I was in
I would literally be like
I just got back from the port in line
I wasn't even coming back from the port
Have you ever seen someone do
Stolen Valor
Have you ever
Called someone wearing a uniform
That's just not right
Would you be pissed if you did?
I get pissed about when real army
People like it's always when they first
Get in but they wear
They wear their PT shirt out
To a bar like a jacket
Is that army on the back
I mean that's
The worst shit in the world
They wear like their boots
You're wearing work boots to a bar
But they're cool
That's what you don't understand
They look the least cool out of everybody there
I'm sure they're trying to and in their head they're like
I'm definitely bringing their shit
Can't tell me shit about this new jacket
It's free
It's the only clean shirt I got
Oh fuck
Oh shit
It says here you've done house party comedy
What does that mean?
House party comedy?
I did um yeah Roy
Hairston had a show
That uh
Oh it was out in the sticks
Dude it was in like just like a
Random field and there was like
15 or 20 people there and we did a show
For him it was it was interesting
That's for sure it was very interesting
Ash Kennedy was there
Shout out
I think she
Closed the show and
I think she was supposed to do like 10 or 15
Minutes and she ended up doing like
She just kept going for like 25
Just roasting these
These like hillbilly hit guys
That were cause you know a couple of them went up there
They were like I guess Roy
Had a couple of them like going up to try
Stand up they don't really do stand up but they
Wanted to try like that type of deal
So he went up and like started saying
You know some offensive you know some boy
You know someone who just starts comedy
And is a hillbilly you can imagine
What would happen and uh
Ash went up and just
Tore them apart for like 25
Minutes straight it was glorious
To watch but hey she's so good
She is dude hilarious oh god she's hilarious
Hilarious and like
She's dark but does it in a way
Where you're having fun
You know what I mean that's hard that's a hard thing
To do or there sorry we might need to
Correct that there not she's right
No I don't know
I know that's what I'm saying
Ash I think is it okay
Ash is a she's okay
I hung out with her she's a she's a she's
I'll just try to get it right okay guys
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
Alright yeah we're gonna edit that guys
Next day or no
I mean I could be wrong too she probably like
Tom doesn't know what the fuck
I don't know we apologize
Ash either way we apologize
And I'm bad
At it I'm bad at names too
Like let me try to say your last
Dimaschola that's good yeah
Dimaschola yeah okay okay
Yeah that's good
I'm terrible I call him Patton
For multiple times
Like on stage we have a podcast
We have
I think you said on the first podcast too right
Yeah you also spelled Jalen the name incorrect
Jalen's name wrong yeah yeah Brandon the first
Time I for some reason I don't know why
I had his number on my phone and everything we were at
Canabar and I kept on calling him Matt
Matt he never corrected me
He never corrected me so I was like Matt
Do you remember that?
Sometimes I just go with the flow
I'm just like yeah alright man
Hey Matt yeah what's up man
I'm feeling Matt
Alright cool you know since we clean
I'm bad with that stuff too I forget names
Birthdays everything I can't even tell you
Half of my
Family's birthday
My mom she come in she be like hey man what's my birthday
I be like uh
28? She be like no
It's 26 I'm like fuck
And then they like don't talk to me for
Two months I'm like alright
I don't care
About my birthday are you a big birthday person?
No see I'm not but
My wife's family they're
Celebrate look
They have I have
20 nieces and nephews
From on her you know family
And they celebrate
Every birthday
Okay every kid's birthday every
Adult's birthday every week we basically
Have a god damn birthday it's
Crazy dude I've never
We're like listen guys we have gotta
Consolidate here okay you know
All the kids in one month we do one birthday
It's crazy they
They take it so serious which I
My family I had one birthday
Party I think growing up one birthday
Damn yeah laser dome when I was
Nine I still remember
Laser tag you can't beat it
Yeah when I was nine years old
Dude we need to do a laser tag dude
That would be amazing I don't even know if there's one around here
They got something over in Athens
There's one at uh
I can't remember what the place is called but there's one
In like the hunchville area is it stars and stars
We should definitely go to that I think they do have
Stars and stars my heart really?
They have one in Hampton Cove too
Dude I love that shit I would
Absolutely go we should go paintball
Paintball I'm sick too
Yeah and you can rent the paintball guns from them right?
Yeah yeah yeah
Yeah that would be sick and the gear
Let's do it let's do it that would be hilarious
I'm down too Renan's losing
No no no no
Who do you think would be the best at paintball?
In the whole scene? Yeah in the
Hunchville County who's the dream
Squad like three people I mean
Honestly I mean you gotta go with a vet in my
Opinion you have to go with one of the
Vets you got the experience
Dom's drunk he's hitting everybody
Yeah is that it?
That would be like your 2k
Drinking and shooting shit dude
He's like yeah yeah I've had a lot of
Practice drinking and shooting guns dude
I'd probably say you Dom
Yeah you or uh
I could take some people out
Roy maybe? Oh yeah
I'm taking Alex for sure
Alex he's small
He's ruthless
Brutalist aggression
He can hide a lot of place Jalen
Jalen could get us
He'd be a good shot
He's like a pacifist
Oh yeah you're right
But if he won it
Guys I really don't think we
Yeah that's good
He cracks me up I love Jalen
It's probably somebody in the scene that shoots for real
Like uh
Cause like I shoot but like
Gunners you know those type of people who have like
That can just shoot on their property
They can shoot way better than me
You're gonna have to take me out to
A range or something
I got you
They call it an AR
Let's do it
I've been to a shooting range once
What'd you shoot?
Just some pistol my buddy
He was one of those ones he bought that like
Put together yourself he like built the pistol himself
And then we went and shot that
It was a piece of shit
Yeah I'm trying to shoot a real gun
I've never done it
I need to buy a gun too I probably shouldn't say that
I have plenty of guns at my house
I got bombs in here bitches
Oh okay
You brought it back dude
Any moment
I got a 50 cal in there it's probably legal for me to have
Yeah? Alright let's go
Let's go
Luckily nobody's gonna hear this conversation
Oh yeah
Let's do it
Oh shit
So when you think you're gonna start
Coming back
I should be able to
I with Mila my two year old
I started coming out again
I was hitting mics here and there
Luckily throughout this whole time
I've been able to get booked on like
Roughly two maybe three shows a month
Normally it's starting to slow down a little
Cause I've you know been away for so long
That now it's really starting to
But luckily this whole time I've been able to kind of
You know have a show every couple weeks
To and I've been like
Trying new material just at shows
Because I don't have
You know I really haven't been going to mics
So like I try a new joke at a show
A lot of times it would eat shit or you know
Do okay but like
Hopefully with Mila I was starting
To be able to come out again
And then with Madeline just
You know four months ago having her
It was like okay well now
I need to slow down again I just can't
I get up at 3.34 for work
Get done you know get done go with
The kids and then it's like at the end
Every morning I'm like I'm going
To a mic tonight every morning when I start the day
Is I'm going to a mic and then
By the end of the day it's like holy shit like
You know what I mean I can't
That's too crazy 3 o'clock in the morning
Yeah and I've noticed with Mila
Like you know getting around one
One and a half two like you know within
That range it started to get way
Easier in terms of like
You know just how much
You need to do
You know obviously so
It was a lot easier then
And then now just with her it's like
Put you right back into that so I think
Give me you know another
Couple I think I'm going to start coming out
Soon like now I'm going to start trying to get
Out as much as I can there's also like
A lot of dad guilt with it too right like
Like it's hard for me to
To be like here's this open
Mic where I
You know I need to do this to get better
At stand up but
Then there's also like spending
Time with my daughters and it's like it's hard for me
To make this outweigh
Spending time with my daughters
Like it makes it I'm like it's not
It's hard for me to be like it's worth it to go to this mic
Tonight then you know because a lot of times
Carrie's exhausted
And it feels like I'm like I don't want to
You know I don't want to leave her
It just and she would let me
She's cool with shit she would let me she tells me
All the time go it's on me that I
Stay most of the time
But I'm hoping in the next couple
Weeks start coming out a little more next couple
Months and then hopefully by the time she's
Getting close to one I'll be back out
Full throttle hopefully
And you know that's that's the plan
Because I used to beat myself
Up over it I used to be like
Why like I need to get out what am I
Doing I'm wasting like you know this
That and the other and I was just like I need to
Stop putting so much pressure on it
When I get back out I get back out like
This is time right now that I'm not
Going to get back you know my daughters they're going to be
This age one time so I'm just like
Enjoy it stop worrying about it because it
Really took me out of enjoying it too
I'm like always beating myself
Up I need to be out there doing
Getting better at comedy this and that and it's like just
Chill out and you got time just chill
And you know when it feels right and I can
Start coming back out which I think
My life is great now
Like you know a year ago
Year and a half ago it was fucking
Rough it was just tough it was
Such a culture shock to me
Having kids it was like holy shit like
I know I always wanted this
But this is you don't know until
You have because that's just the
Reality of it you don't know until you have
100% of the people say that
It has to be true yeah you just don't know
It really is and it just it was a complete
Culture shock and for a while I was like
Really wasn't not that I wasn't
Accepting it it was just like
It was hard for me to be like
Happy about it at the time yeah like
It was like fuck man like I found
This thing I love but I also love
My children like there's like this weird
Dichotomy you know and it
Messed with me
For a while but now I feel
Like I'm in a good place
Kids are great Carrie's happy
Where you know I feel good
About I feel like I could really start
Coming out soon and you know
I feel like I'm ready and a scene would love to happen
Yeah have you been?
Dude I miss all you guys I miss
Seeing everybody I feel like I
You know like I said I haven't seen any of these
New mics I'm excited to go out like there's
So much like excitement for me
Because it's all brand new really like
It feels like there's a whole new scene now like
When I started dude there was
Just like it felt like kind
Of a handful of like people like there
Wasn't really much of a scene when I started
Well that's not true I shouldn't say that
There was a scene and I had nothing to do with it
But like a lot of those people are not here no more right?
Yeah well yeah some of them
Left like Brent and all them and
Shout out Brent and Louie and I love
Brent but
Now this scene is crazy
There's so many funny people now
All you guys are fucking funny
It's crazy it's awesome to see man
I mean everyone doing their thing it's awesome
I also just loved the whole time
He's like telling this really like
Empowering story about finding balance
In your life and in my head I'm just thinking
For Dom it's like do I go to this mic or do I
Take a nap?
I wish that was what was going through my head
That's exactly it
I miss those times okay
Those are times I miss I always say it
To Kerry I'm like do you not just think about
The times before like do you not just
Sit there and ponder about it for fucking
Hours
I swear to god I love my kids
I'm really sounds like I don't but
That's just dad in it
Every parent knows I've never met
One of my friends
I'm 36 all my friends have
Kids they all
Say the same thing they literally they'll say
I love them so much but I love them I love them
But god
Sometimes do you want kids?
No
You see the thing with me
Is I'm a child
Same that's what's
Crazy
I mean if it happened
I'll probably
I'll love them but
That didn't
Sound the same
It probably wouldn't be the same
I probably just didn't fear it
I could be
Doing something else right now
You're like but
It's crazy that like I
I'm 21 now so like
I just got my first like wedding
Invitation in the mail from like one
Of my friends that I grew up with and I was like
That's gonna happen a lot
It's happening dude like
Are you going?
Yeah hell yeah
It'll be the first like friends wedding
I went to like family
It'll be first friend
Wedding it's gonna be dope
The wedding invitation was beautiful
I was like I know he had nothing to do
With
We never do yeah
He had some abominable
Like abominable things some terrible shit
Nobody that has said those things can create
Something this beautiful
Yeah you're gonna start getting
A lot of those though going to wedding
I mean you're 21 that's like prime
Age for that and then after that kids
Are gonna start coming too all your friends
Are gonna start having kids does that feel weird
Like do you look at your friends and it's like
Yeah it's kind of a thing of like imposter
Syndrome because I'm like on paper
I guess 21 you can get married and then
Have kids a few years later and that
Like is viable makes sense I guess
But it's just like me no
Like that's not even
A thought in my mind at 21
Oh my god and I could not
I was I'd be in shambles
I was on heroin doing roofling
Popping Xanax and eating
And I'm just not ready to give that
Amen
Brandon's not even 21 yet
He said same here
He said I'll be telling
His business
I didn't know it was like that
I'm almost there man
You know what's fucked up though y'all talking about people having kids
When I was like 15 that's when everybody started
Having kids in my class
Dude we had somebody that was 12
In my school album like I remember she was older than me
And we were like she would always bring the kid
And all the teachers would be like oh look at your kid
And I was like this is normal
I will say when I was a student teacher for a high school
There was like pregnant students
Multiple
When I was in junior high
I was in 8th grade
This dude was in 6th grade and had two children
With a grown woman
Now
Looking back on it
Now I think he's a G
When you throw a grown woman in I'm like okay he's got it
He's at least two years younger than our class
And he
And like thinking back on it
Nobody said anything
You know what I mean
It's like a reverse Karl Malone dude
I mean they're probably still together
I guarantee they're probably still together
Is that better or worse I don't know
I don't know man
That kind of like that show
That's my boy
Imagine being their kid though and growing up
And being like wait how old are you
It probably won't figure it out
Until they're like 18 though
You know you don't really think about it
I didn't figure mine out until I was like
17
Then you be like hold on
How old were you
Yeah my
Father-in-law is
Or when my
Father-in-law got my
Mother-in-law pregnant
He was 21 she was 15
Wow
How old are they
How old are they though
I just looked around like man
They're still together
Yeah they're together
How old were they though they're older
I mean now he's in his
60s
Statute of limitations
Back then
My grandma she
They were in Italy too so I should say that
That makes it okay
That's real like
You know
That's literature dude
That's a story
Things that happen in
Foreign countries aren't real
We all know that
I mean
Hell yeah
Alex well this is the end of the podcast
Thank you so much you are great
You're so good at this
You're good at talking
Alright cool I appreciate that
Cause I wasn't sure if it was good
But that makes me feel good
And thanks so much
For the pigeon
With this
Chestnut frame
I was gonna say I don't know if you guys like the frame
I like the tail
See I've been procrastinating doing the background
We got a lot of stuff we're gonna put up there
This wall was supposed to be blue
Like two months ago
Where's that picture of you guys
We still have it over here
We gotta frame it
I wanted to wait till we
Paint this all blue cause the white wash on the background
Kind of hard on people's eyes
But yeah
I love the whole setup man
If I ever start a podcast I'm calling you
Oh yeah yeah I got you
Are you a Funko fan?
Are you a Funko pop fan?
Funko pop?
I'd be lying if I said I was a fan
I was gonna say high five to one man if you want it
Hey man
I think my daughter would love it
That's the best I can say with that
I'll be honest if I told you I
Was gonna do something with it that'd be lying
Stolen Valor
Exactly
So what you gonna do now?
Any socials or anything you got going on?
Yeah my Instagram
Is Alex D Live
There's a period somewhere
I think it's Alex D period live
I should know my socials
But that's my Instagram
Then Alex D Mascola on Facebook
That's pretty much all I
I need to start having a better presence
On social media
But that's basically where you'd find me
And all my
Dates there
On Instagram
Hell yeah
Thanks again
Thanks for joining us