This week on Clown College.
And I know you like Jurassic Park,
so I thought I would give you this for my collection.
I'm like, you know what?
You like Jurassic Park way more than me, so fuck it.
Here you go.
What?
Yep, it's in my app.
What?
There it is.
What?
Frinnin' is unboxing.
Yes.
So this is the book that Goldblum
or whatever his name was, M.
In here.
And it was.
He didn't show us the book, boo.
So what's cool is when you open it though,
he's right here.
And you can, let me show you.
Yes.
You can press this.
Now eventually you might have dinosaurs
on your dinosaur parade.
Yeah, he'll talk and do all that stuff
and just sit there.
This is the Clown College podcast.
We're just a couple open micers
trying to make our way through the scene.
Where we interview comedians
throughout different stages of their comedy career,
no matter if they're open micers,
headliners, or traveling comedians.
I'm here too.
Jamie 2.0, I just talk a lot more.
Damn it, Brandon.
Go sit in the corner.
There's a lot of nonsense going on out here.
What's going on?
Out in the comedy world.
Isn't there?
Yeah.
No, I think everything's going great, man.
Everything's going great?
Ever been better.
I'm gonna tell you kids out there something.
These guys all doubted me
that sci-fi and Brandon could beat me
in any physical activity.
In any, look at me, in any physical activity.
Now, if you've-
Many.
If you've seen, first of all,
we're gonna shoot Brandon.
Go ahead and look at the camera.
No, no, no.
Oh, okay, I thought we were getting ready to show that.
Oh, we about to, we about to.
Brandon, you've seen sci-fi on here?
How you doing?
Yes, I have.
We'll throw a picture of him up.
You know?
There you go.
Right now?
There he is.
This is what it looks like, right here.
Right there.
This guy right here.
That guy.
Yep, yep.
Love him, dude.
He's the greatest.
That's not that bad.
Great.
He's on the board.
He's on the board of shenanigans.
Mr. Guy Jokes.
Sci-fi Guy Jokes.
To give him his full name.
His birth name.
His government.
His government name.
Saying that man government on here.
But yeah, so what happened?
What happened at Shagnasty?
Well, there was a race between Brandon and you.
And there was some interesting results.
I wouldn't exactly say, I would say,
I would call it a tie.
I would say it's a tie.
Fair.
There was an interference.
Yeah.
Okay.
Little minor one.
Do we have any footage of this, Brandon?
I believe we might actually have right here.
Let's see what this is.
It doesn't look like a race.
You don't have to do that to a war.
Okay.
Go.
My hot tower and my deliverer.
Down goes Brandon.
Down goes the fridge.
Here goes the whole race.
Okay, let's show you.
Show the whole.
All right, on go, on go.
Three, two, one, go.
Go Brandon.
He popped back up though and he followed through.
He followed through.
He didn't say, oh, pause, pause, pause.
I'm gonna hold up, hold up.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, those people died.
Oh, shit.
Oh, God.
I'm already dead.
Dude, that was a highlight.
I'm so glad you got that on video.
That's hilarious, man.
Brandon, what happened right there?
Give us a play by play.
Okay, so, Brandon shouldn't,
I shouldn't have chose that day, man.
I pulled up with my fucked up boots, talking.
I had my, I don't know why I wore these tight jeans
for the first day.
I was trying to, trying to run and I slipped.
But you know what?
He's fast, man.
I'll give it to him.
So I gotta prepare for him next month
and we're gonna try this again.
And then when I ran, I was like, oh, shit, man.
Because I felt myself in the air.
I was like, we gotta do the sad man roll or something, bro.
You gonna go down and hit your ass.
So I was like, woo.
Rolled up and act like nothing even happened.
Trooper.
Do you still think you can beat me in a race?
No, dude, I'm gonna train.
I'm gonna train like Rocky III, man.
So you, but you also said that you and Jake Muncie
could beat me and Dom in basketball.
Oh, I stand on that.
Which will definitely not happen.
What do you mean you stand on that?
We could get these wins.
We could get some basketball.
You and Jake, Jake, it's not good.
He says, that's what he says.
He says, I thought you were saying like.
Look at him, dude.
I gotta see him dribble, man.
Can you dribble?
Oh yeah, I can dribble.
So you can dribble.
Yeah, so I can dribble, man.
I can dribble.
You can catch the ball whenever it's past eight.
Oh yeah, I can catch the ball.
Yeah.
I can catch the ball.
I'm more, I'll be honest, I'm more one on one, two on two.
But once you get the five on five, maybe it's that.
No, no, we ain't.
I heard my knee running this way.
Well, it is a two on two game.
Yeah, like, you know what I'm saying?
Like, past two on two, that's when we started thinking.
Five on five, now it's everywhere.
With nobody else.
Two on two, that's good.
Or 21, we could do that.
21 is good.
21, two, I can't do 21, dude.
11.
Okay, maybe 11.
11 by ones and twos, right?
Yeah, that could work.
Well, that'd be the same thing as 21, twos and threes.
Would it not?
No.
I guess, I don't know.
I don't know.
I'm trying to think about it.
Math is.
I don't know.
I'm trying to think about it right now.
Math isn't our thing, man.
Yeah, it's not.
It's not, we struggle with that.
But, dude, we got a whole,
don't we have a whole comedy basketball team slowly forming,
man, we gonna have this.
We've never once played basketball.
No, no, I'm talking about that with the interested, man.
Not a single time.
We haven't, but we gotta, I gotta,
we got a court we can go to and everything, man.
Yeah?
Yes.
You're open to the public.
I ain't gonna be messing, I'll play one game
just to prove that you and Jake can't beat me and JJ.
Oh, man, we gotta do it.
Because what I'm saying is like, I'm not good,
but I can tell JJ's good at basketball.
And then you're saying you gotta compete with JJ
and meet with Jake.
I mean, even if I'm not good, I'm gonna just bully,
you know what I'm saying?
Which I'm not, I'm not good,
but I know I'm better than Jake and Brandon.
Okay.
I know that.
You know what, challenge accepted.
Like Dom could just go stand somewhere.
And I got it.
I'll launch up a three.
You gotta shoot it like that.
We gotta add that to the Olympics, man.
Dom, please just shoot a half court shot.
Rain Man.
What, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar?
Hell yeah.
Hook shot from half, that's my move.
You could be like Charles Barkley, dude.
Yeah, I'm that, but I can't jump that.
Dude, I ran this.
I think if you look at that, it's like 10 yards max,
and I hurt my knee.
I was like walking up the stairs
when we were going to what, Fat Sammy's or wherever
we're going the next day.
Man, my motherfucking knee was hurting.
Yeah.
I'm an old dude.
I can't be fucking around with you.
Going up Jake's steps to his apartment, I remember.
Oh yeah, that's right.
Man, my knee been bothering me.
That was about the third time you said it that day,
and I was like, oh shit, dude.
The VA is not gonna cover this if they see this video.
I'll be all right, I'm just exercising.
He's trying, dude.
They told me to get my big ass up.
They were like, you got eczema?
Have you tried losing weight?
I'm like, bitch, I don't think that's.
Are those things related?
I don't think so.
I was like, I don't think that.
Can I get cream?
Well, but yeah, so what we're gonna do, right?
Combine.
The combine.
The combine, dude.
Average Olympics.
It's gonna be Dom, Syfy, Brandon, I'll be the judge.
I'll wear like pinstripes or whatever.
I'll be the judge.
It's vertical leap, it's 40 yard dash time.
Absolutely.
And bench press, reps of 225.
Yep, which I will, I mean, that's just easy for me.
Or we could do, honestly, to make it more fair,
which would make more sense,
is we could find a weight,
compared to your body weight.
Get the fuck out of here.
It's a combine. Proportional.
It's a combine.
Hell, y'all ain't sticking 300 pounds on my shit
and giving Brandon a.
You could do reps of 50% of your body weight.
You see what I'm saying?
Okay, I mean, either way, I'm gonna win.
They don't have a chance.
It'd make it more fair.
Okay.
I think Brandon's gonna win.
I really do.
I think he's gonna pull out.
You gonna win the whole thing?
I think he's gonna win the bench press.
Do you, first of all, you are fucking crazy.
Look, I'm gonna be honest.
I just want a root for Brandon
so I can scream let's go Brandon in public, okay dude?
And it'll be a safe space because it's a facade
for my true feelings.
I'm gonna be honest.
The other stuff I'm gonna get,
but weights I've never really fully mastered.
See, I told you.
Like it's like, I can do it,
but it's like, we'll see, like I might.
You might be able to beat me in this race, you know,
whenever you said.
I just lost a lot of confidence.
No, wait, hold on, wait, wait, hold on.
Hold on, no, I'm saying I could lift weights,
but I'm saying, I mean.
What's the most weight you've ever bench pressed?
Probably around that.
Probably 225, something like that.
That's good.
Yeah, that's good.
So it's like I could do it,
but I used to be like, I used to be the guy I am.
I rather, because I used to be like,
remember after the spotting incident,
I had the wine, see, they kinda fucked with me after that
because I was like, bro, I don't know.
Can you tell the fans out there?
Okay, so I had a friend, I was at the YMCA,
this is my brother.
We were lifting weights, and this is like,
just when I got to the age where I could
go into the gym by myself.
So I was in there, my friend's like,
man, I got your back, I'll spot you.
And then he didn't spot me.
This was the point where I'm struggling.
I'm like, bro, hey man, I need help.
I need help.
And then they just, guess what he did?
He walked off.
The fuck?
Like dude, he just, I was like, dude,
I had to figure it out myself and my fat ass.
That's what I did.
And it's at the YMCA, ain't nobody helping my ass, so.
It was bullshit.
And then after that, I was like, you know what?
I just wanna use the mechanical machines now, man.
I don't know, man.
It's a mechanical machine.
No, fuck, give me the ones where the robot holds the shit,
man, I don't know about people.
They got robots in your gym?
No, those things where you can put it up to like 200,
300 pounds or something and do it like that with the machine.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
The machine?
Yeah, or whatever that is.
You said robot.
Yeah, like the high-robot machine, dude.
High-robot machine.
It's not a robot machine.
Okay, a workout machine.
Yeah, yeah.
Workout machine, ooh, ha, ooh.
Yeah, I know what he's talking about.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't remember what they're called.
Push press.
No, dude, it's like a fancy machine
you get installed in your house.
Smith machine?
No, man, it's like an electronic one.
It's like the Peloton of weightlifting, basically.
Oh, so it might be a robot.
I don't know what the hell you're talking about.
Look it up, look it up.
It's like, it uses, LeBron James did a commercial for him,
I think.
It's just like this little bar,
you can do a whole bunch of exercise.
Maybe I'm wrong, maybe you're wrong.
It's like cables in the wall.
I know exactly what you're talking about.
Let me search it.
It's like resistance or something.
Bow flex?
No, man, this is.
I know exactly where it is.
It's the, uh.
Where is it, man?
Tonal, yes, tonal.
Yeah, the tonal right here with this.
Yes, there he is.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's just a picture of Brandon at his gym, dude.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
You don't gotta save it no more.
We're a screen record.
Okay.
They can see everything you're doing.
Oh, all right.
Why is he saving all these pictures
of shirtless LeBron James?
Oh, okay, so it's just like the cords.
Yeah.
The cables.
Yeah, and then they tell you what to do or whatever.
Yeah.
In the screen, and then you gotta pay like $8,000 for that.
Oh, shit.
Go to the fucking gym.
You know what I mean?
If you're doing this, it's just literally just cables.
I mean, shit, if you got the money,
this is a better purchase than like,
I don't know, anything else.
Bottle service?
Yeah, this is a better, yes, Dom,
I know this is a shock to you,
but there are better things in life than alcohol
that you can buy with money.
I know that.
Fuck this guy.
Yeah.
He's like, Brandon's like, weed.
Yeah.
That's exactly what I was going to do.
You can buy that.
Yeah, you can.
Would you rather-
But you shouldn't.
No.
It's illegal.
Unless you go to the shop.
Cannonball and mercantile.
Hey.
Hold up.
We're talking to you, Alex.
Fuck is wrong with you, Alex Z.
Our boy, Alex is a good time.
He's all right.
Yeah, he's all right.
Why do I see, I always do this
where I end up dissing people on accident
on the podcast for no reason.
I love Alex, dude, he's the man.
Alex is the dude.
He's the reason why we have a good recording
of Brandon killing it the other night.
Oh, dude.
Brandon, you got that on your phone, don't you?
Yes, I do, man.
We'll have to insert that video.
How many people were lonely as kids?
Nobody gets me?
Well, okay, I said thank you.
Thank you.
How many people were so lonely
that you had an imaginary friend with benefits?
I did.
I remember I used to watch this show called,
what was it called?
My Babysitter's a Vampire.
And I loved it because the vampire,
you know, they're like teenagers and I'm a kid.
I'm like, man, I wish I had one of them vampires.
And they would turn invisible.
And when they turned invisible,
I was thinking about the Bible.
I remember in the Bible, they were like,
to see something or to believe,
you don't have to see it.
And I was like, that's exactly what I'm gonna do
with these ghost girls, right?
So I used my imagination
and pretended that I stole Casper's bitch.
And then like, when we had to last two weeks
until she ghosted me, then we said fuck it.
Fuck that shit.
And Brandon absolutely fucking murdered.
Man, I appreciate it, man.
Killed.
He hid all his jokes perfectly.
The pauses, the words you usually mess up on,
you spank them motherfuckers.
I see you out there feeling yourself too.
You like, ah.
I was, and the whole time I was literally thinking about
like, y'all saying this, hold it, hold it.
And I was like, okay, let's go and hold it.
Hell yeah, you let them catch up to you.
It all came together, dude.
It all came together.
And I love when he got off stage,
he was sweating so much,
Athena just incidentally ran up with a napkin
and was like, got in his head.
It was like a whole NASCAR pit cruiser.
Like fucking Rocky or some shit.
Like an F1 system going on.
Oh hell yeah.
By the way, rest in peace, Apollo Creed.
Rest in peace.
By your head.
Carl Weathers.
By your head.
I'm not gonna lie to you, when I first read Carl Weathers,
I thought it was the guy that went like this at the Olympics,
but that was Carl Lewis.
Yeah.
So that was fucked.
He's been dead for a minute.
You know, but his spirit lives on, dude.
He might not even be dead, I don't even know, let's see.
Let me see Apollo first, just in case nobody knows.
Okay, well this is.
All right, now you said who?
Carl Lewis.
Sprinter?
He was a runner?
Yeah, mm-hmm.
He was the, yeah.
Sprinter.
It's L-E-W-I-N-S.
Oh, there he is.
Hell yeah, man.
Yeah, he should still be alive, let me see.
Yeah, he's here.
He's here.
Yeah, he's still.
He's alive.
He's still kicking.
Damn, that wasn't even that long ago.
No.
I thought you talking about somebody from like the 40s
when you said that.
I ain't gonna lie, I thought it was too.
I guess because the pitch is always in black and white.
All right.
Yeah, that looks more like 80s and 90s right there.
Yeah, that's pretty recent, dude.
Yeah, that's not that.
I thought you talking about Jesse Owens era.
I was like, bruh, that.
Well, that was like Nazis, that was like the 30s.
Yeah.
He ran with like different shoes on his feet
in the Olympics.
I don't even know, dude.
Didn't he like borrow somebody's shoe?
I don't know about that, let me see.
Here at Clown College, we have a deep understanding
of black history.
Did Jesse Owens borrow?
We just said.
For Black History Month.
We just said Carl Lewis was dead, well I did.
You said Carl Lewis was dead,
I thought he was somebody else.
Somebody wore some shoes or something.
Let's see, did he borrow shoes?
Go to all.
Okay, let's see.
Who gave Jesse Owens shoes?
Das, okay.
What does it say?
It says Dasler found his way to meeting Owens.
Did he wear a German shoe?
And wordlessly offered his shoes to the American star.
Okay, so his name was, so it was Dasler Footwear.
Let's see what Dasler Footwear looks like.
It was a German shoe.
So he beat Hitler wearing a German made shoe.
Hell yeah.
It's pretty fucking funny.
Hell yeah, fuck them up.
Pretty sick, dude.
Let's see.
Adolf Dasler.
Unfortunate at best, dude.
Hopefully just a coincidence.
Kyle looks like Cal Calaway, I'm gonna be honest.
Look like who?
Cal Calaway.
I don't know who that is.
Nobody knows Cal Calaway?
That's my guy, man.
Cal Calaway?
Cal Calaway, like he did Heidi Heidihoe.
It's a black and white picture, dude.
Hold on, let me show you, man.
But let me show you the young him.
Let me show you, let me show you the young him.
No, dude.
Hold on, hold on, hold on.
It's a black guy and the dude's white.
Hold on, I'm talking about this one right here specifically.
He's black?
Yeah.
No, no, look at, he does look like that guy.
Go back.
Let me go back.
Oh, you should do it a different tab so you can.
Yeah.
Oh, okay, and then you see this.
Damn, he does look just like him.
Now go to a different tab.
They have the same cut, dude.
Hold on, yeah, let me add, let me add it.
Cal Calaway, real young.
I literally got this dude's poster.
What was this guy doing?
What did he do?
Oh, he did jazz.
He did, he was one of the first people to do Reaper songs
and stuff about weed and stuff.
He was really cool.
Oh, shit.
Damn, we are learning something.
What's he doing?
He was like the one to do that.
Let's go, Brandon.
Hell yeah, there you go.
Teach us black history, dude.
And he was one of the people that had the,
what is it, the zoot suits.
Zoot suits.
Really popular.
You know zoot suits?
Is that a song?
No, that's the outfit, the zoot suits.
I don't know a zoot suit.
Yeah, I wore one homecoming.
Let me search that.
It's a pinstripe suit with the long chain coming down.
You got the hat with the cane.
That shit was hard.
Like how old gangsters used to wear.
Oh, shit, okay.
Let me see.
See, look at that.
See, look, there you go right there.
Oh, okay.
The one right there, go to the middle, the white guy.
Does he look like Raiden or some moral type of guy?
And then over to the right one.
No, down, yeah, that one.
Oh, right here?
No.
You talking about that one, okay.
That's literally.
It looks like the Hamburg look.
Dude, that's literally what I wore.
Oh wow, that's nice.
It's a good look.
That's a good hat.
Did you do the double chains?
You know, had to.
Double chains, yeah.
Had to have the whole thing.
I took them off before the night was over
because fuck that.
But.
Do you have those shoes?
I believe I did.
Because you rent a tuxedo or whatever.
And that was one of the options.
And I was like, I think it was that exact same picture.
This was one of the options?
Yeah.
People wore this to prom and shit?
Yeah.
That's nice.
Oh, I did.
Whoa.
That's.
I mean, you go there and they had these options
to rent a tuxedo.
And I was like, this one looks the coolest.
Clearly.
That looks like you could buy that at Party City,
but it would cost $500 to get all the accessories and shit.
Yeah.
That looks terrible.
What?
There's no way anybody has ever looked cool in that.
Hold on.
Are you crazy?
There's been somebody.
In that, dude?
Hold up.
Nobody.
Man, it's been my guy.
Fuck you.
Okay, dude.
What the fuck?
That is not helping you, Kade.
I wouldn't say he looks cool.
Hey, if you don't think that looks cool.
That's cool.
Look at all those fucking guns.
Yeah, that's a lot.
You see that, that's danger.
You're like, fuck.
I fucked up.
Hell yeah.
Well, I guess the 20s for you is like the 50s for me,
and I think that's cool.
I mean, I think the 20s is dope as hell.
Yeah, got me.
I like the 20s.
Is it technically, god damn.
No, there's no way.
He's in denial, dude.
Probably 30s.
That better.
It'd be like, yeah, like 34 or something like that.
We're back, why?
34 is your 50.
I should stop going back to numbers
because we're never good at the numbers.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
My 1934 was your 1950.
Wow.
Jesus.
I don't like how that sounds.
I don't like how that sounds at all.
Yeah, there was nothing good going on back then, man.
I mean, no.
Vehicles, I mean, vehicle started.
There we go, vehicle started.
Man, this shit was changing.
I don't know, man.
That's it, yeah.
Did we start flying planes yet?
Yeah, of course, bro.
You remember the Wright brothers?
By 1919, right?
No, you said 1903.
1903.
Oh shit.
He's good with dates.
Wright brothers.
Extremely good.
You said what?
Is it 1903?
It was 1903 and 1902.
One of those years.
I mean, let's find out.
You have a computer.
Okay, when?
1903.
Platt Amendment.
What?
United States has the right to intervene in Cuban affairs.
That's how we got Guantanamo Bay as well.
1903?
That boy.
That's crazy, man.
Kitty Hawk, North Carolina, dude.
First flight.
Oh shit, that's where they went for JROTC.
They used to go to Kitty Hawk.
They'd be like, yeah,
because it was an Air Force one for them.
That makes sense.
Yeah.
That tracks.
Yeah, they'd go a little,
what was it like?
I forgot.
Because I never went, I never got to go.
I was busy because I had something to do.
Like wrestling, I don't know.
I forgot.
I was a busy man back then.
Shit happens, bro.
Yeah.
How old were you?
What year was it?
Was Madagascar 2 out yet?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
It was way past that.
This is in high school.
Okay, so what movie came out?
Yeah.
Fuck, hold on.
Maybe Central Intelligence.
Maybe.
Because that was 2017, I think.
2016.
That was 2016?
Yeah.
Okay, man, that's too far back.
Do you know that?
I don't know.
And we gotta go up a little bit further
than around 2019.
What came out in 2019?
Movies from 2019.
Avengers Endgame.
Oh.
That came out in 2019.
I never saw that.
What?
Are you serious?
No, I'm serious.
It's just the biggest movie
that ever came out in the history of mankind.
So you don't watch the Marvel movies?
No, I love Marvel, man.
Deadpool, my fucking favorite, man.
Oh, so you like the Sony ones.
Yeah, well, I mean, if we had to be honest,
yeah, because I fucking love Spon-
Spider-Man.
My bad.
Spider-Man 2.
But Spider-Man's also in the Marvel.
I know he's also in Sony, though,
because I know he's Sony.
I love Venom, so yeah, I guess I would be more Sony.
But with Marvel, I love the Avengers,
but dude, it's just too long, man.
How long was it?
It took two and a half or three hours.
It's like packed with action, too.
But it's the biggest movie ever made.
Okay.
Like, have you seen the Infinity War?
Infinity War?
Infinity War.
I've seen most of it.
I've seen most.
I blitz blowin' my mind.
I saw it like five times.
Yeah.
The most recent one I fully watched
in the Avengers series would be Civil War.
Damn.
Yeah.
What year did that come out?
2016.
That is true.
Yeah, 2016, because I remember when that came out,
I was obsessed with the Black Panther.
I was like, that dude is fuckin' dope.
That was also 2016.
Hell fuckin' yeah.
Right, because it came out shortly.
No, it was 2018.
No, wait, hold on, maybe that was.
I couldn't tell you.
Shit.
We gone, somebody gonna be like, hey man.
2018 final answer, dude.
2018, ooh, 18, shit, yeah, there you go.
2018.
Rest in peace, Shadwick Boseman.
Rest in peace, man.
All right, P.
Man.
I shoulda gave somebody the Black Panther.
Have you ever watched any of the Marvel porn videos?
Yeah, you talkin' about, yes, okay, yes.
Yes, I have.
Which one?
What superhero was it?
Why'd he do it like that?
Man, okay, so we got into this.
Well, you know, back in the day, man, I was Avengers, man.
I was like, man, super, that was cool shit.
So, let's see.
Elastigirl.
Yeah.
She's not an Avenger.
Okay, fine, not Avengers.
Hold up, hold up, blank widow.
She's full of complete.
Black widow, black widow.
I mean, Scarlet Witch, Ms. Marvel.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
And you watch all those?
Yes, at one point, yes.
Yes, at one point.
At one point, yes.
At one point?
At one point.
In the same scene?
Oh, no, it was different.
Okay.
Different.
And who were they doin' it with?
Was it other superheroes?
Yeah.
Or just like a random guy?
Oh, no, it would usually be themselves
because I was like, nah, nah, nah, nah.
Oh.
Oh, you just sayin' nudes of cartoons.
Yeah, it would just, no, it'd be like themselves
doin' stuff, cause now I'd be like,
what the fuck, the Hulk, man,
you fuckin' up the shit now, man.
The fuck you doin' in the camera, man?
Get out, get out.
Oh, you sayin' when the Hulk came out.
I was talkin' about somebody come in here, yeah,
somebody come in here and get in there,
I'm like, okay, this is weird, this is more realistic shit.
This is a guy painted green.
Cause I'm like, dude.
What the fuck is going on here?
Dude, I could do this, you could do that in real life,
just place it like, hey, there you go,
do your shit in front of you.
Like, no, man.
No.
Hold on.
I tuned out for a second.
Yeah, cause when I called back up,
what you sayin' people?
You know what I was sayin' with,
I was like, man, I bet you good money,
that's like somebody bein' like, man,
I wish I had that person,
then they go see somebody like havin' sex or somethin',
and they be like, man, I'll pay ya,
and then they do that weird shit.
I'm like, that's what that's like,
I don't know, I just don't want nobody there.
It's just, yeah, like no third, we don't know, man.
No, what is that, trio, just double.
He has morals, is what he's sayin'.
So you are talkin' about them fuckin' somebody.
Yeah, I wouldn't watch that,
like I wouldn't wanna watch that.
So what does the trio come in as?
I was sayin' there's no trio, like no three,
like I would be like, so it's called my imagination.
Yeah, yeah, I'm tryin' to understand what you sayin'.
And then let's say Ms. Marvel would be there.
What would throw me off is if Sora came in there like,
hey man, now I'm like, aw hell nah, man.
Now what the fuck, this dude, Sora's Hammer,
he the God of War, I'm just a normal dude
with that Publix in middle school, come on, man.
The fuck?
Now I gotta compete with the fuckin' God of War?
I was just a normal dude that was at Publix
in middle school.
I like that shit, man.
What I'm sayin' is I gotta compete enough,
and then when I was younger, I would get on there
and I'd be like, okay, this dude, the fuck, come on, man.
Oh my God.
God, man, thank you, brother.
I'm a rapper, thank you.
Thank you for your service.
Basically, I would be like, this dude's stealin' my thunder.
Yeah.
Get him, get him.
All right.
Oh shit.
That's good stuff, yeah, that's just.
What time are we at?
It is 26 minutes.
All right, let's pull up the other clip that we got.
Okay.
Yeah, this is our promo video for the other guy
participating in the combine.
Highlight his vertical leap skills.
Oh my God.
Hey, come on.
Hey, play that again.
All right, let me re-do that.
That's fine, hold on, hold on, let me go back.
Hey.
Keep on going, just scroll through it.
Let's get some steal shots of here.
Look at this.
All right, look.
Go up a little bit more, keep on going a little bit more.
No, I wanna see him.
Like when he was up in the air.
Like right here, look.
Look, he's all the way down.
And he's giving it everything he got right there.
He looks so angular.
Look at that.
You would think he would explode and get it,
you know what I'm saying?
At least some type of vertical.
Let's see it.
Yeah, let's see the result.
You ready?
Yeah.
Oh!
He slightly moaned.
Hey, keep over watching.
You can put that on there.
This is good.
You don't wanna see that one again?
Brandon running away from the explosion.
Yeah, yeah.
And knocked him off his feet.
That's why.
Dude, that's what we should do, collide it all together.
While that's going off, I'm running.
Oh, I can do that right there.
Oh yeah.
Fuck yeah.
Oh my God.
No, thank you for whoever made that.
I'm not gonna say it was it.
You were a vain anonymous.
It was a Clem College production.
It was a little bit of everybody.
Yeah.
The best of both worlds.
And you just, that the fuck.
And.
Oh God.
You guys are fucking nuts, man.
Man, so how have y'all been?
I'm doing great, Brandon.
Thank you for that.
Oh yeah, man, hell yeah.
I'm good, man.
You doing good?
I'm good, man, I'm good.
Been doing good.
I had a party last night.
Oh!
Celebrating my girl's birthday.
Nice.
It was good.
So then they tried to get me,
we all tried to get drunk again.
Like same, all the middle-aged girls,
everybody was there, we were all drinking
the mixed liquor and stuff, and I was trying.
Then I just got fucked up, my stomach was hurting.
I was like, this is good, but I feel like
a big ass grown sumo wrestler is punching me
in my gut or something.
It was horrible shit.
Bubble gut.
And then they were like, okay, take all this bread
and stuff like that, and I was just dying.
Then I woke up and I was, oh my God.
So you think that was your first time getting drunk?
A little bit.
It was like a little bit.
Not really, but it was a little bit.
So you got sick, but you don't think you got drunk?
Not really, because it was like I didn't feel like nothing.
I just felt like my stomach was like, ugh,
this is a lot of intake, it's weird.
What were you drinking?
This is a lot of liquid.
It was some, I don't know, some fruity stuff.
Say you can't mess with the fruit, dog.
Was it like liquor or was it?
Yes, like that, and it was like 7-Up.
I'm like, I guess I'm 7-Up.
Oh, that ain't bad.
Yeah, that's nice.
Liquor and 7-Up ain't bad.
Yeah, stuff like that.
My stomach was just like, this is a weird experience.
You was chugging that shit back though, weren't you?
You know how I drink.
Seeing this guy drink.
You know how I drink.
Yeah, what the fuck, what the hell?
What you doing, honey?
Hold on, let me rephrase.
We all know I am a fast drinker.
Like, man, you give me some chocolate milk or something.
Dude, they don't.
They have no blueberry.
Okay, well guess what, y'all.
It's a gift, and ever since I was a child,
I was a very fast drinker.
So you give me some chocolate milk,
you give me some fruit punch, anything,
I'll just be like, oh, it's gone already.
Shamrock shake, no chance.
It's fucked up shit.
Shout out to Jamer.
Shout out to Shamrock Shake.
Oh man, that's the best shit.
And it's out near my birthday, man, near March.
Yeah, March 22nd.
Big one.
Yep.
Can't wait.
I can't wait.
Hell yeah.
All right, guys, this is a good one.
This is it.
This is fun.
Oh, and can't wait for our guests.
The great Raina Cahill.
Hell yeah.
Maybe we'll have a skit in there.
I think we'll have that.
We'll have a skit.
We'll have a skit in there for her.
So you know what a lot of people's favorite part is?
We got some skits.
Oh man.
Good reviews on that, Brandon.
Hit it with us, Brandon.
Yeah, oh, that'll do.
Oh shit, we got some skits.
Yeah, there you go.
Look at that.
Nice trick.
Say it and then do the applause after.
We got some skits.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
He does it the same every time.
Every time.
That's good.
All right.
That's like, that's like,
like the Chappelle show had a,
I'm rich, bitch.
We got some skits.
Hell yeah.
Hell yeah, I love it.
All right, yeah.
We out.
We got some skits.
Have you ever met a guy who only spoke in Reddit posts?
A man so convinced by conspiracy theories
that he's lost touch with reality?
Well, here's Terry Thomas, the conspiracy theory uber.
Terry.
What's going on, brother?
How you doing?
I'm doing good, man.
How you doing, man?
Doing good, man.
Where to, where to?
I was going to the airport.
Airport?
Yeah.
You at the airport?
What the fuck was that supposed to mean?
Where you headed to?
Going to Houston.
Houston, huh, yeah.
Houston, we do have a problem.
That moon landing wasn't fucking real, am I right, man?
Can't believe people still believe in the moon, man.
That's what Big Space wants you to think.
So you don't think the moon was real at all?
The moon is a projection that the US government puts out.
The moon wasn't always there.
That was just a false memory
implanted into the minds of Americans.
It's not actually there.
So you're from around here?
Yeah, yeah.
I'm trying to get off grid though.
Trying to get off grid,
tired of paying these fucking taxes.
Tired of doing all that shit, man.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, taxes, they suck, they suck.
You know what they use your tax money for, right?
What's that?
They use it to indoctrinate children
into certain ideologies.
They abuse animals as well.
Do all sorts of weird shit with it, man.
They got a $7 million annual study
teaching shrimps how to run on a treadmill.
$7 million, yours and me, well, I don't pay taxes,
but you're and mine hard-earned money.
For shrimp?
So what do you like to do for fun, man?
I like playing sports.
Used to drink a lot of Gatorade while playing sports,
but I don't fucking do that anymore, dude.
I gotta stop killing alligators
and make Gatorade before I buy it again.
And then prime, Logan Paul's a child molester.
I saw that on Reddit, so can't drink that anymore.
Can't drink water because they put fluoride
and the water lowers your IQ.
Look at the fucking studies, man, wake up.
Yeah.
You okay?
I'm good, dude.
I'm good, I'm hip to the truth.
I'm woke, I'm woke.
Okay, yeah.
I'm real woke.
Black power.
That's a statement for sure.
You don't like the blacks?
Well, you see, black people were made in the cave.
Have you heard of Dr. Umar Johnson?
Okay, so yeah, so yeah, love Dr. Umar.
I'm like a white Dr. Umar Johnson.
Okay.
So you're saying you don't like black people.
I believe that white people started Christianity
in Islam both.
Yeah.
So I think we're about to pull up to the airport, right?
Right, right, I fucking hear him taking off.
Where you said you're headed, Houston?
Houston, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They got any big buildings in Houston?
A lot of them.
All right, I'll call ahead, give them a fair shake.
I appreciate you, man, rate me five stars.
Oh, all right, but you gonna let me,
you gonna let, just hit me, you gonna let me know.
Yeah.
Oh, fuck that.
You gonna let me know.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
I can't get out.
Terry Thomas, the conspiracy theory uber.
The conspiracy theory uber.
This week's featured comedian.
That's what I'm saying.
I'm in the market for a foot guy.
Toes and soles, guys.
I want someone to rub my feet.
Thank you, Avery.
Avery.
Oh, my God.
Firefix.
Tits, tits.
That's perfect, he's already seen my tits.
This is great.
And my feet are busted as fuck.
Oh, my God.
Yeah, no, I'm just, I'm in between pedicures right now.
It's all over.
Comedy's not making all the money.
Okay.
I used to play sports, all right?
I'm out of shape.
You're a percussionist.
That's even sadder.
You're a percussionist?
Yes.
Oh, my God.
Percussionist?
Damn.
I do, I have, my mom used to say
I had the freaking build of a linebacker.
You had the build of a linebacker
from being a percussionist?
Yes, harnesses, bitch.
Choo-choo, choo-choo, choo-choo.
Cream up.
I can't even.
I'm out of shape.
I don't understand what my, you can't get out.
That felt good at all.
Anybody else play an instrument or something?
I don't know.
I can play an air banjo.
Sometimes I'll pussy whistles.
What we got, what's going on?
I don't know.
Equal play.
Real quick question, who's driving?
Me, I'm driving too long.
You're holding together way better than Chad here.
We're in Athens.
Do you guys still call queer people homosexuals?
Some of us, okay, I see.
All right, cool, cool, cool.
Well, I'm homosexual.
Mostly.
I'm a lesbian with daddy issues.
Oh, it's right.
Kindred spirit.
You married a guy named Chad.
We're not kindred spirit.
We're not, no, we're not.
We're not, Chad.
We're not.
Let's go, let's go.
Let's turn the sign on, man.
What sign?
They climb up shit.
Oh yeah.
It's unbelievable, dude.
Maybe y'all should make that part of your intro
as him turning the sign on.
Yeah.
That'll be funny.
Oh, that's so cute.
Oh.
Oh, man.
Oh, fuck.
It's got a cap on it.
A top.
A cap.
We all good, Brandon?
Hell yeah.
I can hear you.
So you ready?
Yeah.
We have a really special guest today, right?
Very special guest.
Yes, we do.
We have a true patriot, a veteran of this country.
Who?
Eggtoss champion, epic comedy hour producer.
We got Raina Cahill today, guys.
Hey.
Let me do it again.
I got you, my bad little girlie.
I don't know why I'm clapping for myself.
I'm like absolutely late.
It's contagious.
Yeah.
How are you doing?
I'm doing great.
This is exciting.
I was like, I hope they ask me to be on their podcast.
This is so cool.
Oh, you're hilarious.
I always love whenever you're there,
you have some crazy funny jokes.
If you guys are anywhere and you see Raina Cahill
on the flyer, go to the show.
I swear to God.
I do have a slight beef with you.
Yeah, yeah.
And I waited till the cameras were on to talk about this.
I can't wait.
My girlfriend likes you too much.
Like she mentions you in unusual amounts where I'm like,
okay, okay dude.
Honestly, I have that effect on women.
I don't know what to say.
They love you.
Can't relate, dude.
Yeah, everybody's like, my girlfriend loves you
and I'm like, I would love your girlfriend.
Given the opportunity for sure.
No.
She's a guy friend.
Your girlfriend tells you not to worry about her.
That's me.
No.
So how long have you been doing standup?
I have been doing standup since December 2019.
Does that even count?
It was right before the end of the world.
I don't know.
But yeah, so what was that?
Four year, what year are we in?
24?
So it'll be four years, five years
at the end of this year.
Hell yeah.
How was it doing standup?
Like starting standup when the pandemic was going on?
There's a lot of remote stuff.
So I got to do a lot of writing.
That was cool.
And then whenever things did start to open up,
you're wearing masks and stuff.
You're trying to protect yourselves and other people.
And it's funny because you're actually,
it was a cool time because you're having to overcompensate
for them not being able to see the most important part
of your face while you're performing.
So it's like, you're like, energy, right?
Like let me get their attention
because right now this is all they can see.
It's crazy.
But then things started to open up
and because so many people had changed their lives
after that happened,
a lot of opportunities were available to me.
Like a lot of people that had been in the scene
that had been grinding weren't in the scene anymore.
They had taken a break or they decided
to do something different with their lives.
Whatever, our lives all changed.
So it's like so much happened.
But I got a lot of opportunities
because it's like I was there.
Like I just so happened to come in to a time
whenever it wasn't super competitive.
So I was performing on,
I was getting show opportunities pretty early,
maybe before I needed them.
But guess what?
Like I learned from those experiences
and I got to learn faster because of that.
And then I got my open mics a couple years afterwards.
I like inherited an open mic essentially kind of in a way.
That's what happened to JJ right here.
He's the same.
Yep, kind of.
We'll see.
Yeah.
I think Shack Nasty's is a really cool bar though.
I like it.
It's a good venue.
And the owner likes comedy so it's nice.
Yeah.
It's nice.
It's fun, I like it.
But yeah, I don't know.
I would just say that it was nice
getting so many opportunities,
like not having any competition.
Like thanks for like hanging back guys.
Give me a chance.
You know?
You're hilarious.
See COVID wasn't all that bad.
No, it was really, I mean like I didn't really do a whole lot
like in the year of 2020.
There was no traveling for sure.
But when you're brand new to comedy,
there's not a lot of traveling to do anyway.
You travel a lot though, right?
I do now.
I travel a good bit.
Been down in Austin?
I have been down to Austin, yes.
I went down there for.
I went back during the summertime like just last year
for a little over a week so we could stay on there
for two Mondays so we had two opportunities
to get on Kill Tony.
Shout out.
Yeah, but none of us got picked so.
Two of the people that I went with actually got chosen
to do the mothership mic there though,
which was really cool.
The mothership mic is a really cool mic.
But I had a lot of fun.
My favorite thing about Austin was there are so many mics
you can go to and like you can just kind of grind all night.
Also I didn't have to have a job while I was in Austin
so I could just do comedy all day long.
That was really nice about Austin too.
But it was, my least favorite thing about Austin
was like I don't know if a single man there
has actually seen a vagina.
I think that one man in Austin, Texas has had sex before
and he just told everybody about it
and they're all making jokes about what they think
vagina is like.
That is what Austin.
You'll fit right in.
That is like what Austin, Texas is like.
They're like, oh, it smells like fish
and sometimes it's scaly and I'm like,
what the fuck is wrong with you?
No, it shouldn't be.
Okay, so you said.
Sorry.
This is what we like here at Clint Eastwood.
That's what it's all about.
Scaly vagina.
It's called dermatitis, okay.
That just makes me think of your fucking motorcycle dick
in a motorcycle accident.
Oh yeah, when a woman's pussy is so dry
it looks like your dick's been in a motorcycle accident.
Yeah, no, if it's that dry you should spit on it
or something.
You shouldn't just let that keep going.
You're just gonna keep going?
You're just gonna let that.
Yeah, you just gotta power through.
No.
No, if it starts squeaking,
you should definitely do so.
Also, are you not even pre-coming a little bit?
There's nothing in there.
It's not for me.
It's about Ben Shapiro.
Because he said if a woman, you remember when he did his.
Oh right, right, right, right, yeah.
So when he did his rendition of what that's pussy.
I thought you were advocating for dry pussy fucking
and I'm like, whatever.
I do have a joke like that now.
Okay, cool.
I don't use lotion when I drag off.
It's a recurring theme.
Because I'm used to dry pussy.
Because you're used to dry pussy.
That's how it's supposed to be, ladies.
Keep it dry.
Keep it dry, keep it tight.
Okay.
Away from that derailment.
That was my fault.
Exactly.
You said you started in December 2019.
Yeah, that was, yeah.
So what made you wanna start?
Did you have an inspiration?
Honestly, I don't have this really beautiful long story
of my passion for comedy my entire,
I've always loved being funny
and I've had a lot of friends try to tell me,
Raina, you should do comedy.
You should be a standup comedian.
And I was like, okay, cool.
I'm gonna be a journalist or something.
I don't know.
Like I had other shit on my mind.
But I had a friend of mine that had known me
since elementary school and she was like,
I am gonna look up an open mic and you're gonna go
and you're gonna perform.
And I was like, oh, I'm nervous.
So she's like, okay, well, I'm gonna look up an open mic.
We're gonna go.
We're gonna scout it out.
And then the next week you will perform.
And I'm like, okay, cool.
So we scouted the standup live open mic.
And I was like, this is cool.
This is not that bad.
I've spoken in front of people before.
Like I'm good at talking to audiences and stuff.
So I did the thing, signed up, got chosen.
Aaron Weber, who's in Nashville,
he was the one hosting my open mic,
my first open mic at standup live.
And he said I did a good job.
And I was like,
I can do this.
Yeah, I can do it.
Yeah, this is for me.
And I mean, my set went well.
Not like y'all wouldn't be like,
God damn, that was awesome.
You wouldn't be like,
that was the best comedy I've ever seen.
But it was good enough for me to feel good about it
and for me to be like, oh yeah, I'm gonna do this.
This is what I want forever.
Yeah.
So you have a love of dinosaurs.
Oh, with all my heart, yeah.
Actually, Brandon wants to say something to you.
You know what?
I have a collection, if you can't tell.
Figures and shit like that.
Yeah.
And I know you like Jurassic Park,
so I thought I would give you this for my collection.
Because I'm like, you know what?
You like Jurassic Park way more than me, so fuck it.
Here you go.
What?
Yep.
And somebody, what?
There it is.
What?
So this is like a...
Show, he'll pass.
Okay.
Yeah, I got you.
You want me to show you what it is?
Yeah, I want the big reveal, yeah.
So the big reveal.
I just got excited.
Brandon's unboxing.
Yes.
So this is the book that Goldblum,
or whatever his name was, M.
In here.
And it was...
He didn't show us the book, boom.
Yo, so what's cool is when you open it, though,
he's right here.
And you can, let me show you.
Yes.
You can press this.
That's how it's actually done by them dinosaurs.
On your dinosaur corp, right?
Yeah, he'll talk and do all that stuff
and just sit there and...
This is God Creates Dinosaurs.
Hey.
I love that, that's amazing.
Brandon, thank you so much.
Oh my God, stop, I'm gonna cry.
I'm gonna be honest with you,
he didn't show us the book before.
I didn't think it was a Christian book.
I'm gonna be honest.
It did kinda look like it.
That's awesome, man.
God Creates Dinosaurs.
God Destroys Dinosaurs.
God Creates Man.
Brandon came up to me, he's like,
Raina likes dinosaurs.
I gotta give this to her.
Yeah.
I was cleaning out, I was like,
oh shit, Jurassic Park.
That's awesome, Brandon, thank you.
I'll look at something in my collection.
What do you like?
I'll trades with ya.
You like rustling, like WWE stuff?
I don't have any rustling stuff.
But I could find you one.
I might find you one.
No, it's good, I don't need it.
Most of my stuff is dinosaurs.
But I have some things.
Dinosaurs cool too, I like dinosaurs.
But yeah, we'll tradesy, I'll get you something.
Get you something nice.
We'll get you something real nice.
Out of the package probably.
Brandon loves dinosaurs.
You should hear his top four reptiles.
Oh no.
Tell us your top four reptiles.
Brandon, I gotta read.
Tell us your top four reptiles.
So you gotta remember the last one we changed.
No, no, no, no, no context.
Just tell us your top four reptiles.
Let's see, I gotta try to remember this.
I remember it very clearly.
I said raptors.
Number four is velociraptors.
Velociraptors.
Sick.
What was it, Komodo Dragon?
No, three was the alligator.
Alligators.
It was number three.
Komodo Dragon.
Was number two.
And then Black Panther.
Was number one.
But, gotta understand the other side of the story.
It was Black History Month too.
Yeah.
Oh yeah, okay.
But you gotta understand, the fourth one,
I was like, can I pick any animal?
But he brought up that he wanted to say his top four reptile.
I was like, you know what?
Reptile.
And then at the last he was like,
can I pick any animal?
I was like, it's your thing.
Yeah, I was like, fuck it, let me change it up
and just the last one.
Because I was like, damn, I couldn't think of nothing.
I would say T-Rex, but I was like,
I already said a dinosaur.
I don't wanna keep going dinosaur, dinosaur, dinosaur.
Are dinosaurs reptiles?
I don't know, dude.
We don't know.
Yeah, you never know.
Most things like raptors were probably more than likely
a bird-type dinosaur, like birds or descendants
of those types of dinosaurs.
But there are still lizard-type dinosaurs.
And there are probably some that kinda resemble a raptor.
So you're probably not wrong.
We don't know shit about dinosaurs.
Do you have a favorite dinosaur?
I have lots of favorite dinosaurs.
I have so many favorite dinosaurs.
Favorite carnivore.
Favorite carnivore?
Good question.
Ooh, that was good.
I do like a carnotaurus
because they have ridiculously tiny arms.
They're very funny and they have like really cute.
I have to watch Brandon try to type in these names.
Carnotaurus.
What did you say it's called?
Carnotaurus.
Car, okay, carnotaurus.
Carnotaurus.
Okay, here it is.
Carnotaurus.
There it is.
You did better than me.
That's pretty sick.
Okay, okay.
They've got horns, dude.
They're funny, they're crazy.
Let's see what would be a cool one.
This one's dope with him frolicing like that.
Frolicing.
Frolicing, ugh.
Fucking speech.
No, you said it perfect.
Thank you, frolicing.
I was just agreeing that frolic was exactly
what he was doing.
He's like.
That'd be me as a dinosaur.
That's pretty cool, that's pretty cool.
Which is not super outlandish or anything
as far as like favorite dinosaurs go.
I like herbivores though.
I usually, I like lean towards them.
Okay, what's your favorite herbivore?
An Apatosaurus probably.
Cause they use.
Is that the one with the helmet?
Like a.
Okay, so Littlefoot in the Land Before Time
was actually an Apatosaurus,
but a lot of people called him a Brachiosaurus
or a Bronisaurus.
And I'm not gonna lie to you.
I think those two things might be the same thing
or they might not be the same thing.
Science keeps changing and I don't know.
I don't know what most recent sources are.
So yeah, so they had a really long tail
and they used to use their tail like a whip.
So they would fuck other animals up with their big ass tail.
I think that's so cool.
I'm a size queen.
So I like big dinosaurs.
So it just whip dinosaurs asses with that thing.
Just be like.
Get back to it.
Exactly.
Oh well no.
No way man.
Nobody talking like that.
What y'all thinking?
I don't think dinosaurs can talk.
Okay.
You also said you like velociraptors
cause they can open doors.
Listen, listen, listen.
There is no overlap.
Listen, I saw Jurassic Park.
I believed it.
I was like, oh shit man, they probably could open a door.
Like I feel like you think they could open a door?
Real ones, probably not.
No, okay.
That's only because they look nothing like those.
Damn.
Those types.
But I mean, could dinosaurs open doors?
Absolutely.
Positively.
Somebody get me a dinosaur right now.
I'll teach you to open a motherfucking door.
What about T-Rex?
T-Rexes are badass obviously.
They're everybody's favorite.
I love them.
They're so cool.
Big teeth, scary.
Big birds.
They don't sound anything like Jurassic Park though.
They sound like big geese or something.
Oh wow.
Yeah, you should look up real dinosaur noises.
This is fucking hilarious.
How'd they get them?
How did they get the noises?
Yeah.
I don't know.
The pattern from like a well preserved fossil.
Huh, you like that?
Oh yeah, he's like yeah the pattern.
Smart baby.
You want to hear some T-Rexing?
Is that what a smart dude?
A pattern from a well preserved fossil.
I didn't finish?
Okay yeah.
I'd love to hear the rest.
Like the voice core, if all this right here is still intact, they can kind of simulate
what the voice would sound like.
Kind of, yeah.
They suspect based on like the sinus cavities and stuff that they had, they base it off
of like all this shit.
Okay, I'll accept that just because she stepped in to help.
Your answer, I'm still not buying.
It's true, you can look it up.
Yeah.
A well preserved fossil.
I didn't finish my sentence when I said pattern.
First of all Dom, the earth is flat.
It's 200 years old.
Oh no.
Let us tell you this, we went to Publix, we were shooting something here.
Went to Publix right down the street and this girl was making our sub, first of all, and
she might watch this because we told her about it.
We did tell her about it, but it took 20 minutes for two subs.
That's not, that's reasonable with nobody else in line.
But she was just lonely.
Was she like talking in between?
Oh yeah, yeah.
We got a whole lecture.
Tell her what she said.
We got a whole lecture.
She said, y'all, we told her about the podcast and she was like, y'all should start doing
conspiracies or whatever.
I like conspiracies.
And we have like a conspiracy character on the channel already.
So we're like, yeah, we do that.
And she was like, well, I don't really like to call them conspiracies because they're
just true.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Sounds wild.
We're getting into it.
And then she-
Like my ex.
So you asked, we asked her about the moon landing and she was like, no, we've never
been to the moon because the earth is in a dome and you can't get out of that dome.
And we're like, oh, so you think the earth is flat.
And she's like, no.
But I believe in like other planets, other planets and shit.
Like she was like, I guess the stars and other planets are real, but you know, the jury still
out.
So I asked her about the Hubble telescope, you know, it's all the way out there.
And then I'm 100% positive she had no idea what that was.
Well, to be fair, I only watched a video on like the Hubble, like literally two days ago.
So I think when they, when they had to fix it, remember when they messed it up, did you
watch that one?
No.
Okay.
Just one video.
Just one.
30 second TikTok I watched.
Oh, I think it was a solid 45 to one minute.
I was like, I feel like she filled me in.
It's dead now, right?
Like it's, it's died.
Yeah.
I think they just launched a new one.
It's too far away.
Yeah, it's too far away.
Something like that.
That's what Jake said.
I'll take his word for it.
He seems like a guy that would know.
Yeah.
He also seems like he would be into conspiracies.
I feel like.
Oh, he, oh, he's, he's an alien guy.
Yeah.
He's rambling off, uh, like, uh, I once saw him do something very similar to this.
He had a pen right here, something else right here, this and this.
And he was like messing with this shit while explaining to me different alien theories.
And while he was explaining one, he held one thing, a different thing.
He held the other thing.
And I was like, he's remembering it like based off these items.
And he, and I saw him go back through it cause he messed up the theory and he went all the
way back through and all the way back.
Yeah, he knows everything about aliens.
Like everything that there is to research he has.
Oh yeah.
Right on.
Do you have any conspiracy theories that you believe?
I don't know.
You're not into them?
I mean, I'm not like it's like, not that I'm, I'd love to hear them.
I think they're fantastic.
Um, I mean, sex trafficking is real.
That's not, some people try to say that's a conspiracy theory.
That's real.
Uh, but I don't know.
Hillary Clinton drinking baby's blood.
I mean, I could see it.
Yeah.
Anything could happen.
Who's to say?
I'm not, I'm not looking, you know, in her tumbler.
Like I don't, I don't pay attention.
Her Stanley cup.
Yeah.
Full of Adrena chrome.
Yo and Dom, you know, it's crazy.
You remember I told you the other day while y'all were having that situation, I was at
my grocery store having the same situation with some other lady in a wheelchair.
She was like, what did she tell me?
She said everything, basically she told me everything is satanic.
She said the usher's fucking concert was satanic.
Everything you see is she said, even Donald Trump, he's crazy.
And then she said at the end, she said, I'm probably not going to live to like get old
because the world's probably going to end before that and mass destruction is getting
ready to get prepared.
I'm like, Oh shit.
Drink the Kool-Aid Brandon.
Yeah.
I was like, have a good day.
I don't know.
I might scoop a few non-perishables into my basket.
I might be like, get some of these beans and corn on my way.
Just in case.
It's just a war.
Okay, but how dumb would you feel if you were like, that lady warned me.
I should have grabbed some beans.
Fuck off.
Right.
Who knows?
I don't have to believe it, but you know.
Could have been a warning.
No, I think, I think the, what is it?
Hollow earth or whatever center earth.
I think that is way more likely than a flat earth.
Flat earth is very stupid.
Flat earth is really good.
Flat earth just can't be one.
What is hollow earth?
It's like there's, there could be another ecosystem within the planet.
I think that, I don't know if it's true.
I don't think it is really, but I think it's way more likely.
Why aren't there more of those?
And less flat earth people.
Because flat earths, once they get in, you know, they're in.
It's simpler to understand.
Imagine having to earn the approval of a flat earther.
Like, imagine having to be like, I just really want them to like me.
You just put a ruler on the ground, it lays flat.
You're like.
I believe you.
That's flat to me.
You can be a disappointment to everybody but that person.
Like, does that mean?
Okay.
Sorry.
Now, Dom will fight them in the comments.
Oh, yeah.
That's exactly what I was thinking.
I've already had these arguments.
Oh.
I started and I didn't, I don't know anything about like the calculations and stuff, but
that was my argument.
Like if the world is flat, then everybody who's learning, all the astronauts, they're
learning the wrong math to leave.
And he was like, he was like, do you know that the world is measured in a flat surface?
I'm like, okay, guy, we don't do any facts here at clown college.
And then he's like, don't try to hide behind your shitty comedy and spread misinformation.
I was Googling shit.
I was like, the earth is like, what did I say?
I don't even know how to say it.
I know you don't.
Everybody knows that.
When I was reading that comment thread and I saw Dom start talking about Ellucian geometry,
this is AI generated.
Cool.
So he gave up this argument.
Yeah.
I was just Googling, spitting facts back at him.
He would come right back.
I don't know if this person was trolling us or they were for real, but I'm pretty sure
they were for real.
They told us to stop hiding behind our shitty comedy.
This is insanity versus AI.
He's like, this is not a joke, dude.
Stop spreading misinformation.
Yeah.
And he's saying the earth is flat.
I felt the anger.
I felt it when I was reading that shit.
I was like, damn, man.
But that was my best morning on the comments because I was going.
For like an hour, we were just.
I love that.
I'll go with you.
Round earth.
That's the controversial stance.
Right.
What's this world coming to?
So you were in the nasty girls for what?
Eight years?
Eight years.
Yup.
That was fun.
You guys know what the nasty girls are?
I only know because I've heard you say it before.
I was a nasty girl for eight years.
Brandon, what do you think that?
Oh, you know, I'd love for you all to explain it so we can get this and figure this out.
What would you guess?
Yeah.
What would you guess?
She was in the nasty girl.
A band.
Great guess.
What kind of music do you think?
Rock and roll.
Okay.
Rock.
Some type of rock.
For the nasty girls.
Yeah, that's what I'm thinking of.
Pretty sick.
Electric guitar.
Anything.
Oh yeah.
No, I'm not musically inclined at all.
No.
It's the National Guard.
That's what everybody else calls them.
That's in the military.
Damn.
He doesn't know the National Guard?
Well, you learn something new every day, man.
You learn something new every day.
Are you still in?
No, I got out 2020.
Okay.
Yeah.
I mean, I liked the time I was in.
I also hated it.
I mean, it was just like anything else kind of.
If I hadn't gone into the military, I would say I would be a lot more sheltered because
I grew up in a very white place with a very white school in Priceville.
Oh shit.
Is that Alabama though?
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
I grew up just around a lot of white people, not that I wasn't exposed to other cultures,
but just so little.
I'm glad that I joined.
One of my best friends has taught me so much about other cultures and I would not be the
person I am today if I had never met her.
Oh yeah.
That's Danny.
She's my friend.
Shout out, Danny.
Hope it's cool that I just told everybody we're friends.
Fuck.
I would love to get my hands on like you.
I have a boy like that who didn't know black people until he came in the army.
I didn't know.
What?
No, I mean I did.
What is going on?
I was just like, well, like for instance, like I remember they told us, so like we kind
of got to choose our rooms when we first got there, but not really.
It was like first come first serve and we were just trying to like put our shit on our
beds and leave when I was in basic training and they had made a comment and I did what
I was like, what I was told where I just like went to the first room, put my blankets on
the bed and like left and just filled in the holes, which is like kind of what you're supposed
to do.
You always fill in, but people weren't really doing that and somebody brought it to my attention
later that like it had become segregated and I was like, and it couldn't be that way entirely
because the military itself is just so diverse, but there were two of my friends, Isla and
Taloa who got, who were like in my room with me or whatever and they were like, yeah, there
was no room left in the other room.
So we got stuck in the white room.
What do you mean?
And then they were like, yeah, don't you see?
And I was like, oh my God, you're right.
And then it was like, it's just spiraled from there.
I was like, oh, the whole new world.
So yeah.
Hell yeah.
I think that's good.
That's so good for people.
It is good.
And then you just, I mean, just being introduced to different people, different cultures.
Where I was from, it's only black and white.
So I didn't know.
I mean, Mexican, but like it was two and one of them was named Taco.
We gave him the name.
Oh, I didn't give him the name.
That's his name.
But you just called him that.
He still goes by Taco right now.
Like I went back, what's up Taco?
It's just his name.
And then the other one's my boy Sal.
No Asians.
You know what I'm saying?
You get out there and meet them and it's like, you really have to meet these people and like
be around them for a while to fully grasp what it's like to be around.
I don't know where I was going with that.
You really have to be around them to understand what it's like to be around them.
To understand them.
You got to be around them.
Well, it's like, I mean, just in general, cultures, energies are different.
Like just the way people like want to sit in a room together is different.
You know what I mean?
Like being around so many different cultures, you have to learn to either get along with
that person or work alongside them, hating them on the inside, I guess.
I don't know how people do it.
I just, I learned to like people.
I was like, I would always like people any way, but I was just like, when something was
different, I'd ask my friend, I'd be like, Hey, you know, I got a question.
I got a question.
And then I'd ask and then she'd be like, Oh yeah, like, you know, this and this.
And I'd be like, thank you.
Thank you.
And then when you have somebody that can kind of advocate on, you know, on the side of like,
you know, giving you information and not tearing you down when you ask questions.
But also don't act like an, like a naive asshole.
And like when you make a mistake, just like be accountable for it.
You know what I mean?
Damn, I shouldn't have gotten high.
We were even talking about the same thing by the end of that sentence.
Did I?
I fucked it up.
When I was talking at the end, I was like, I don't know what happened.
I was like, by the time I finished talking, I also felt like I was further from what the
point I was like, I don't, I'm just going to end it there.
We'll just stop it.
You guys can fill in the blanks, right?
And I'm just listening in the back like this, some deep shit.
Brandon's like, I'm hanging on to every word.
What else happened?
We're just saying you got to like everybody.
You got to go out there and experience them.
Wow.
Yeah, that's it.
Yeah.
Same thing for me until I got, well, high school is all just white and black.
I swear to you, Alex, he's my first Asian friend.
I didn't until I got into college and then there's people from my college.
They're in there a lot.
Yeah.
Come on.
Did I put a little ding for that?
It's too late, Brandon.
You know what?
I think you should do it.
Yeah, do it now.
Go ahead.
I got nothing.
All right, hold on, let's dig something up.
I have a boyfriend.
Okay.
I don't know.
Oh yeah, we like you.
Oh, I think we all know your boyfriend and he's hilarious.
Who is that?
Matt Harris.
Yeah, Matt Harris, shout out.
But he's like, and who is that?
I'm like, oh, okay, well, you said you knew him.
What are you?
No, I was wanting you to say it.
Oh, right.
I kind of knew it.
I was wanting you to say it.
I kind of forgot.
Doesn't he have a podcast too?
Yeah, so he and Andrew Ledbetter have a podcast together.
It's cool.
Chattanooga, right?
Chattanooga, Tennessee.
Yeah, very funny guy.
Oh yeah, he's hilarious.
He is very funny.
Look him up.
Yeah, we have a really cute story if you all want to hear it.
It's kind of disgusting.
It's around Valentine's Day.
It's a couple days out.
It's a little after Valentine's Day.
I could have just not told them, they wouldn't have known.
Now I made it weird.
He still hasn't gotten his girlfriend a present.
Do you have a girlfriend?
I do, yeah.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
He's like, yeah, he doesn't know when Valentine's Day is.
I just told you about how obsessed she is with you.
Oh, that's right.
Unbelievable, dude.
I forgot y'all are still together.
My bad.
Oh, damn.
We broke up during this podcast.
No, no, it's super stupid cute.
I started comedy years back and probably my second year of comedy, I went to the Laughing
Skull in Atlanta and I met him there.
He was also doing a spot on the Laughing Skull Atlanta.
I was like, this guy is so cute.
I was like, I have such a crush on him and he's so funny.
I got their information and Andrew is like, he is always reaching out to people trying
to get booked on shows and stuff.
I was doing an open mic and he asked if he could headline.
I was like, yeah, and you can bring someone with you.
I thought he was going to bring Matt and he didn't.
He brought Jeff Greenspan, who's also really funny, but just not-
The bald head with the beard, right?
Yeah, bald head with the beard, but just not the one I was wanting him to bring.
Turns out after a long time, he had had a crush on me and I had had a crush on him and
I had dated and seen other people.
I was like, I hope they ask me about this because I think our story is so cute and I
want to share it.
Then I was like, I completely got lost because I'm high.
We actually had a crush on each other and he had planned to tell me he had a crush on
me, asked me out at one point whenever I did book him for a show at the mic and show that
I was running.
I was dating a girl at the time and he was like, okay, cool.
Bye.
It seems like he's interested in me.
When you're around people, you can tell sometimes if you're like, I think this person seems
kind of interested.
When I would try to hold a conversation with him through Messenger or whatever, he wouldn't
keep it going.
I'm like, okay, he must be married.
This guy's got to be married.
He acts flirty and interested in person.
He even says flirty things, but the conversation always ends.
He must be married.
This is the only explanation.
A year or two down the road, I asked Jeff, I'm like, hey, Jeff, what's Matt's deal?
What's his deal?
Without giving it away because I don't really believe in dating comedians.
I don't believe in shitting where I eat.
I just think it's a terrible idea in general, but I just had such a crush on him.
He was like, oh, Matt's going through a really hard time right now.
He's having a hard time.
I was like, oh, okay.
I didn't go into it because I didn't know he was even going through a hard time, but
I was like, oh shit, he's getting a divorce.
I want to stay as far away from that as possible.
I just was like, okay, I won't try to talk to him or whatever.
Later down the road, he asked me out and I tell him, I'm like, so were you married?
He's like, I've never been married.
I was like, he said that you were going through a hard time.
He's like, yeah, one of his best friends had passed away or whatever.
He was taking that really hard.
I thought that that was him getting a divorce.
I was like, if I had known your friend... When I heard it was a divorce, I stepped way back.
I was like, oh God, no, that's messy.
Even if I'm interested in this person, I don't want to be involved in any of that.
I was like, oh, he had a friend who died, if I had known that, he could not have kept
me away.
Y'all don't fuck sad boys?
No, no.
That's not your thing.
You're not just like, oh my God, you're so fucking sad.
Let me fuck the sadness out of you.
No?
Okay.
I just wasn't expecting it to take that direction.
Now we're together really cute.
I had rehearsed in my head a better way to tell that whole story.
It came out perfect.
I don't remember.
You hosted the MLB comedy.
What's MLB to you?
Mean old bitch.
You know what it means?
The other meaning?
Mob?
Like a mob?
No, not that one.
Like the acronym MLB.
Oh, no.
This is what me and my friends called ourselves in high school.
How was I supposed to know that?
No, no, no.
It's a common saying though.
Money over bitches.
Oh.
Yeah, we were good guys.
We had a tight, we were very intelligent and did all the right things.
I mean it sounds like a group of gentlemen who are putting their careers first.
Honestly, I think that that's.
You lost me after the intelligent part.
Fuck you, JJ.
I'm tired of your shit.
Well, some of your, D-Lo has a certain set of skills.
This is my friend.
He'll kick JJ.
That's where I keep my foot.
So, MLB.
Mean old bitch.
Yeah.
That name came about because one time I was at an open mic and y'all have met Nathan Jinxt.
Comedian.
We were at an open mic.
Jeff Greenspan was there.
It's at the Salty Nut, which some of you were too young to know the Salty Nut.
Like all of us.
You'll never know nuts as salty as the Salty Nut mic.
But it was a lot of times just comedians in there.
Very quiet.
And if we've heard your material before, sometimes you don't get a reaction.
That's just reality.
It's not like, it doesn't even mean that your material is bad.
And Nathan was doing his jokes and he did his set and it was some jokes that we were
already familiar with and there wasn't a lot of laughter or whatever.
And he goes, you know, I think I'm going to get off here because people are laughing at
a lot of my jokes or something like that.
And I was like, or any of them or something like that.
Or something.
I said something along those lines or like none of them.
But to be silly.
I didn't actually mean it, but Jeff Greenspan goes, oh my God.
And then Scott Easton heard and then Scott was like, God damn, Randy, you're a mean old
bitch.
And then, so I just had to own it.
I was like, all right, I'll be a mean old bitch then.
That'll be my job is to be mean.
I'm not good at it, but I was also just poking fun.
I did the same thing to Mark Viola.
I was bringing him up at Shag Nasties and he was in his set.
He said a story about how he's allergic to weed.
So I was like, yeah, that's weird, Mark.
I didn't know somebody could be allergic to weed.
I'm actually allergic to pussy.
And nobody laughed.
And then I was like, okay, now the time to bring up somebody who's actually funny.
And Mark that I was talking about him, like saying he wasn't funny.
I was sitting right next to him.
He was like, well, fuck me.
I was like, no, no, he's talking about himself.
And I went up to it, we cleared things up.
He brought it up again.
He's not over it, but it's fine.
We're working on it.
I knew you were talking about you.
Only in that moment though, because I was paying attention.
You are funny, JJ, but that joke, it didn't land.
So I knew what you were doing.
I knew that joke didn't land.
So you were like, okay, turn the room.
I knew you were talking about you.
Thank you.
She knows I'm not funny, guys.
No, you're funny.
I just knew what you were doing.
I recognize it.
And I don't think the audience took most of the audience if they were paying attention
took it that way.
If you were at shag nasties on a 10 PM, like on a Tuesday, you're drunk as fuck.
You don't hear anything.
There's nothing.
Yeah, they got regulars there.
Yeah.
And their food is too good to be paying attention to jokes.
The fish.
No, you didn't get that?
No, man.
Have you ever ate there?
No, it looks good.
It smells good.
I'm just usually I'm just poor right now.
I'm just very poor.
And I'm like, I'll have some water.
Or like if I'll get a beer so I can tip, you know, I get a beer and be like, here's money.
This is actually something I don't even know if I should say this on the podcast.
But one time I went to shag nasty the first ever time.
And then the next time I went back and I went to go use the bathroom and I was looking at
the toilet and I was like, I've been in here before.
I completely forgot that the first time I went, I projectile vomited into the toilet
at shag nasty.
That's a beautiful story.
I don't really know why.
I don't know what disease I had.
I wasn't drinking or anything.
I just, you know, semi died and then came back out.
You weren't drinking?
I didn't remember.
No.
Oh, shit.
No, man.
That's just how eventful my life is.
Throw up in there.
I don't even remember.
Projectile vomit in a bar, but it wasn't the alcohol.
Yeah, that's that's a hard story to convince people of.
I swear.
Officer.
I swear.
Yeah.
So the flu.
What year was it?
What year?
You don't know what year this happened?
A couple of weeks ago.
Oh, you're talking about a couple of weeks ago.
Like a month ago.
He's like, dude, I think I was there.
I was going to be like, if it was 2021, you never know.
It could have been so over.
What?
We didn't know each other.
No, I'm saying no.
I wouldn't be at shag nasties.
There's no open mic.
No, I'm saying where you were like the first time you threw up at shag nasties.
Oh, I'm saying that.
I was like, I'm not going to do that.
I'm not going to do that.
I wouldn't be at shag nasties.
There's no open mic.
No, I'm saying where you were like the first time you threw up at shag nasties.
Oh, okay.
You believe there's a larger time separation between the first two.
Yeah, I'm thinking way back.
I'm like, maybe you.
No, I just forgot it.
And like literally from one Tuesday to the next Tuesday.
Damn.
You know.
That's a wild shit.
Where's the weirdest place you've ever thrown up, Brandon?
Let me think for a minute.
All right, Dom, what about you, dude?
Oh, you know.
Oh, yeah, I know.
I got a couple.
I was in Korea, right?
Station over there.
The girl I was messing with got me to she was like, we got this suite.
My friends got this suite.
You can come with me because you're with me.
Right.
So I had paid nothing for this suite or anything.
Got trash downtown.
And I guess I don't remember any of this, but I guess I projectile vomited all over their
suite.
And when I woke up, I was in the shower just like in a L like in the in like one of those
stand up showers.
Yeah.
And I woke up and I had to take that walk of shame.
She was like, yeah, you were fucked up.
You threw up all over everything.
But I cleaned it up.
I was just like, I'm in their bathroom the whole time.
You know what I mean?
That whole night.
Yeah, it was good.
Nice.
Was it though?
He's like, let me give you something to remember me by.
Is that one of those cultural differences you were talking about earlier?
Yeah.
A customer or something?
Yeah.
That's what you do over there.
She don't think that's how you show your appreciation for her.
Letting you come out.
That's how you do it.
She call you?
Oh, yeah.
That didn't stop her.
We were dating.
We were not.
We weren't dating, but we were we were messing around for like you're paying this lady.
No, this is an army.
She was in the army, Jamaican.
Oh, wait, she was in the military.
That's why.
Yeah.
So like it was one of those, you know, they call it talking now.
Yeah.
Talking state.
They do call it talking now.
They've made me start saying talking now.
I say it now, too.
Yeah.
Now.
Gross.
Back then, it was just fucking.
You were just.
Yeah.
Just straight up.
Uncivilized.
Unbelievable.
We fuck, but we talk about it now.
I do.
I do like that.
The consent part.
That's good.
Oh, so.
Oh.
So you like SNL?
Yeah.
Are you a sketch sketch person?
I don't think I'm a very good sketch writer.
I may have had some sketch ideas, but I have no idea how to write a script.
But I do love SNL.
But that's where I like first.
Like became like first started like watching comedy and like liking it.
But so like stand up comedy was not my first love of comedy.
SNL probably.
That's me, too.
I'm right there with you.
What was your favorite skit?
You remember?
I always really liked Lorraine and Stewart.
Those are like overdone.
Oh, Mad TV.
That's what we got.
Mad TV.
Well, I think some didn't they have like a crossover with SNL and they had like Stewart
on there or something?
Am I wrong?
I'm wrong.
He may have been, but you know, they didn't like each other.
Mad TV and SNL.
Oh, sorry.
I was I guess I was more more of a mad TV bitch.
I think I probably watch more of that.
I did watch SNL, but like my most memorable characters were like Mad TV characters.
Yeah, Stewart.
Yeah.
Which now if I were to watch that now, I'd be like, that's not super funny.
Like some of it I would be like, I don't really find that all that funny.
But like in the day I was like, oh my God, this is the best thing ever.
My favorite Mad TV sketch was the they had was like all little people.
Right.
And they were in this town.
And then this one average height guy comes in there and they were bullying him.
And they would say they would say things like, shut up, normal boy.
Look at this normie.
I thought that was the funniest shit.
They had little cops and all that.
Shut up, normie.
I like that.
Shut up, normal boy.
I love that.
I still say that shit.
I got something to say, dude, but it's a borderline, you know, I saw a sketch one time.
It was little people and they're like in a clue, Cluck's client.
Right.
But it's little people.
But they don't hate black people.
They hate normal size people, but they call them that's something that sounds very similar
to the N word.
If you replace it with a B at the beginning.
Bigger?
Yeah, because they're, you can say bigger.
Well, when you look like me, you don't want to take too many chances.
People are salivating at the mouth.
They're like, say it, say it.
I dare you.
They are.
They really, really are.
They're watching.
The Uggs are supposed to combat that.
They're like, there's no way.
The Picaditas.
Well, I like that.
Don't make me insecure about my jacket.
I love pink.
Me too.
I wear pink all the time.
Okay, dude.
I think it brings out the rosiness in your cheeks.
Oh, thank you.
I've been told I have peach undertones.
Yeah.
Why is he hating so much?
What is this about, man?
He probably just doesn't know what a peach undertone is.
You should explain it for Dom.
Do you know what your undertones are, Dom?
I have no clue.
Dom, you have a chestnut glove.
What's an undertone?
Like, what do you...
Just the... I don't technically know the way to describe it.
It's like, look at a white person.
Maybe Jack looks more yellow and I look more red, so he would have lemon undertones.
Are you fucking with me?
No.
They say lemon undertone for him?
No.
Well, I can't see him.
I got to turn my neck so far.
Jack, can you get in the camera one of these?
Because I need to see... Just go to Brandon.
Just tuck your head in Brandon.
Yeah, come over here and wave at him.
I want people to tell me if that's lemon undertone.
You can pause on that.
It's not... I was on the spot, dude.
Yeah.
He's like, I'm peach, so yellow must be lemon.
Lemon might have some negative connotation.
Peach is also a color.
Just use... He could just have yellow undertones.
Lemon yellow.
My undertone is lemon.
Mine are also like... I don't know why I made it a fruit yesterday.
He has white grape undertones.
Me too, dude.
Me too.
No, I'm very peach like you.
I'm a pinky.
Very pink skin.
It's a plague that hurts us all.
I would say pink though, undertones.
You could say pink or peach.
Peach is more orangey though.
Yeah.
I don't see orange in your face.
I can't see my face right now.
Yeah.
Don't worry about it.
It's not orange.
No.
Okay.
Well, in the video, I look like that.
Do you see how his face and that jacket are similar colors?
Yeah.
That's it.
Yeah, dude.
Salmon undertone.
That's salmon?
Is it?
That's not pink?
That's not salmon.
That's more of a peach color than a salmon color.
Damn, dude.
Well, I'm tripping out right now.
I thought that was pink.
Yeah, I thought that was pink.
We were just... Yeah.
I mean, pink and peach are not wrong.
He has knee high undertones.
Yeah, so we got everybody's undertone.
What's my undertone?
We know.
Okay, look at it.
He's like, I know what you... I know what it is.
I know what it is.
I guess if you're saying the undertones, so you're saying like...
Coconut.
What?
Is that a fruit?
Kiwi?
It doesn't have to be a fruit.
What?
Coconut is a fruit.
Coconut it is.
I don't know.
Wait, what is it?
We're just deciding everybody's undertone's here.
Yours is coconut, I guess.
Fuck it.
That's good.
Yours is lemon, peach, walnut.
No.
And you're a peach?
I could also be a peach.
Fuck up, dude.
Nectarine.
Grapefruit?
I'm kind of like a grapefruit.
Yeah, when you cut it open though, like the inside of a grapefruit.
That's my skin color.
I have rosacea.
So are you 2004 egg toss champion?
I was indeed, yeah.
Oh wow.
Pretty big deal at the Chicken and Egg Festival in Moulton, Alabama.
Yeah.
Which came first?
We got champions over here.
Which came first?
Well, that's a very silly question.
Are we talking about the chicken egg or just the egg?
The chicken or the egg?
There are more eggs than just chicken eggs.
I'm not buying it.
I think chickens came first.
If you're talking about chicken eggs, then a chicken had to come first to make an egg.
Yeah.
But evolution wise, a chicken may not have laid the first chicken egg.
See it's not possible without God.
And flat earth.
That's actually what's wrong is all the dinosaurs are on the bottom of the flat earth.
We're just stuck with all the little chickens and stuff up here.
We got the bullshit side.
I'm actually taking an excursion to the bottom of flat earth.
Oh is that a thing?
It's a cruise.
Ocean gate.
It's like carnival.
Water gate part two, dude.
You know what?
I don't know anything, dude.
Well, you may know anything.
I don't got anything.
Oh, I got you.
So Misty Coontz, what's that about?
Misty Coontz.
That's one of my D&D characters.
That's what I was about to get into.
It is meant to look like a cunt though.
Yeah, I did that on purpose.
You would have said the same thing, dude.
What's it at on here?
Misty Coontz, yeah.
The first page in bold.
At the top in bold.
That's page two out of four.
We were supposed to talk about this first.
Oh, okay.
You're talking about, okay.
They're like, who's Misty Coontz?
Is that your only fan's name?
I'm not sure.
Oh, that would have been genius, but no, it's a D&D character.
She's a satyr, wild magic barbarian.
Okay.
Yeah, I think she was level seven or something when we stopped playing or eight.
I don't remember.
Pretty badass though.
She had a big ax.
When I first met you, that's what you were doing like live shows at Stand Up Live.
Yeah, with Catacombs and Comedians.
It was another one we were doing.
Misty Kuntz was the character that I had whenever we did an online, like a live online stream
of us playing D&D.
It was really fun.
Maybe not that entertaining to watch because we were all like, kind of like, oh, what are
we doing?
But it was really fun.
I was like, if we do this enough, I think we'll be good at it, guys.
Like we should just keep doing it.
Oh, so you didn't know how to do it when you went up there.
I am still not amazing at D&D.
I used to regularly play and whenever you're kind of practiced at it, you get fast at like
learning, you know, the things you're supposed to add and subtract.
But if I take more than a week off, I'm like, I forgot, you know, like, I don't know.
So it'd be like, like I'm a ogre with magic.
You could be a half orc with magic.
Half orc with magic.
And then I'll be like, I cast a spell on you.
Yes.
Well, I mean, yes, and you can for sure.
So it's like, yeah.
I mean, that's basically it.
It's literally, it's literally, you do whatever.
Yeah, you do whatever you want in D&D.
You can funk winches and, and, uh, fuck winches and, and, and go to funk.
You can funk.
You can go to taverns, you know, you can get in brawls.
You can fight people.
You can fight the people among you, but that's not super fun.
Nobody likes that whenever you try to be a dick to your teammates.
Okay.
Nobody likes that.
Um, unless it goes with the storyline and things get really intense and you're like,
no, you're right.
That is what your character would do, you know, cause it's a very deep role play experience.
I would forget everything immediately.
I would be the worst at this game.
It is so much fun though.
If you like, like role playing like, you know, like the tabletop, like RPG thing is so cool.
Once you kind of learn the way it works, but I'm not like, I don't do numbers good.
So I don't do numbers good.
So, so yeah, it's a learning, it's a learning curve, like every single time that I have
to re like do a new session, essentially.
So you, um, would you do like the live action role plan when they go there with swords and
such?
I wish if anybody knows, yeah, LARP, if anybody knows where that's happening, let me know.
We should do it happens every year at the VBC.
Does it?
Yes.
Hell yeah.
Around this time, like March and April, because we got Huntsville Comic Con.
Oh yeah.
Yeah, you're right.
I have, um, the other thing though is I don't, I, I would love to do that, but that kind
of gear, if you want it to look nice, kind of expensive.
So like, what do I want to look silly with a plastic sword?
Now that shit's going to be, it's going to look real.
So one day when I'm rich, I'm going to show up in a suit of armor.
I'm going to fuck everybody up.
If we were, if we were going to do a D and D campaign, what would our, our story be?
What would be the story behind it?
I think we should rescue Brandon from something.
You're caught for sure.
Yeah.
I think they were fucking shit up in the cabin and then he got overpowered.
Princess coconut.
Prince coconut.
Oh shit, they overpowered me now.
He's been locked in a magical teddy bear suit.
Y'all better help me.
This dragon threatened to rape me.
What the fuck?
That's a pretty big fight.
Always goes there with Brandon.
Oh shit.
Something I think about a lot is in Shrek, donkey eventually marries a dragon and then
they have children that are like a hybrid of donkeys and dragons.
I thought donkeys couldn't procreate.
I mean, haven't you ever seen a mule?
I don't know.
Well, the dragon DNA translate.
Yeah, that is guy.
That is questionable.
Does she give birth to eggs or live young?
That's what I want to know.
That's the real question.
God damn it.
We want answers.
Yes, we do.
All right.
This has been so fun.
Cool.
And it's been a great one.
Yes.
you want to promote.
Say it to this camera right here.
We'll put it up right on the left side of you.
Which one?
This one?
Which one?
This one?
The one right in front of you.
Cool.
March 8th at Orion.
We're doing a free show for International Women's Day.
Hell, yeah.
Yeah.
It's called Tickled Pink at the Orion 8 p.m. March 8th.
Me and myself, Ashlyn Lutz, the Huntsville Darling.
Hillary Begley from Netflix and Roku's Storm Artiste.
Very funny ladies.
It's going to be fucking crazy.
Hell, yeah.
What's your app?
At Raina Cahill.
Don't ask me that.
I'm going to be a really funny lady.
On everything?
Just find me.
I don't ask Jack.
We'll have it up.
Yeah, we'll have it up.
Yeah, Raina, R-A-Y-N-A, C-A-H-I-L-L.
This is also now a good time to mention that Dom called you Rihanna for the first six weeks
that I knew it.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
He called me Rihanna to my face.
It's okay.
I get called Rihanna on a daily basis.
I wish that it was because of how I looked and not because they misread my name, but
that's cool.
It doesn't bother me.
You can just call me Rae.
My name is short for a man named Rae anyway.
I mean long for a man named Rae, I guess.
I don't know.
Anyway, I quit.
Sorry.
Hell, yeah.
Thank you.
All right.