This week on Clown College
We're gonna play in the Super Bowl now dude
What? It's Super Bowl
Usher
Hey man that's the dude
He said Usher, Usher
Yeah you gotta be like Usher with Usher
That's what he does
Yeah but Usher's smooth
This is the Clown College Podcast
We're just a couple open micers trying to make our way through the scene
Where we interview comedians throughout different stages of their comedy career
No matter if they're open micers, headliners, or traveling comedians
I'm here too, Jamie 2.0 I just talk a lot more
Damn it Brandon
Go sit in the corner
Oh shit
I got caught on my titty
Oh man that's good
You hear everybody? First of all Brandon said that's good
That's good
What you got out of there?
I'm fairly certain I could be arrested at any moment for being a serial time killer
Damn shut up
Oh my god
Grant Tuck is a fucking hoot
A hoot and a holler maybe
Life is full of complications
Even when you're born there's a string attached
Here Brandon take it
Hold up
Take your poison Brandon
Let's see let's see
These black and Mexican jokes have gone too far
Once you know Juwan, you know Jamal
Is that really it there?
Yeah
That's legit
I can't believe that's in there
Yeah that's legit
Okay
Well it says warning contains offensive jokes
That's how you know
That's the only one I want to read
Hell yeah
Okay here we go
Good trigger happy
Alright guys I have this fortune cookie
I think we should open it and this is going to determine the fortune of this pie king
The future of you
Hope
ASMR
Let's see we got
Wow
You will find happiness in mind and heart
So you gonna eat that cookie?
We're gay man
You gonna eat that cookie?
Do you want it Brandon?
Hey it's up to you man
You got it
Thank you because I was like
Fuck
Oh
That was crazy
That was tight
It got stuck in the
I just did dude perfect type shit
You gotta rip the cookie in half man it's a fortune
Why do you eat it like that?
What the fuck
Go ahead
It's good
I didn't even get to see all of it
I can't wait to look back on this and see how you did
When I looked over he looked crazy dude
I can't imagine what it looks like on camera
It looks like Coke Zero on you
You know the camera is going to be on you this whole time
The audio listeners are going to hate this
They're like that's why I'm back and left them like
I wanted to get an audio
Okay dude
How was your week going?
Oh man it was good man
We're shooting this early but we got to host
Both of us host our first Open Mic solo
Yeah that was cool
That was really cool
I was at Pleasures with Silver
Silver Bullet Comedy
In association with
Clown College
Hell yeah
Okay no hold on hold on wait wait
Hold your horses
JJ you hosted your first show at Shag Nasty's
Open Mic
Yeah that's a show
You come out and see us as a fucking show alright
You're going to goddamn laugh
Something's going to happen
Somebody's going to say something into a microphone
Oh yeah
That's for damn sure
It could be people who don't know what they're doing
And they just get up there but I like those kind of things
If you're going to laugh dude 50-50 chance
Yeah
But somebody has something for you
Yeah
Mike
Is there any group of people that we have that people wouldn't laugh at
Like one of the comics
You got somebody for everybody
Oh hell yeah
People from China
Yeah they may have a hard time
Yeah
Well that's nobody can do that
Well that Asian girl like my Pacific Islander body joke
Yeah
Are you assuming she was Chinese?
I am
At least you're honest about it
I am but I'm pretty sure she was
Well statistically you're probably right
There are a billion Chinese people
Yeah
But I can tell
I can see the only ones I have a hard time with is Vietnamese and Chinese
What do you mean have a hard time with them?
Separating them
I think I can definitely tell a Korean from the other ones
Oh you can't sniff out the difference too
And I like to say I can do Chinese
But sometimes the Vietnamese trick me
You know they're putting that
They look like they're part of the 1%
Historically accurate
Yeah
Japanese for sure
I can tell
You would have died in Vietnam 100%
Oh yeah
They were doing guerrilla warfare
That shit's not
You would have got syphilis
Oh yeah definitely
Yeah
And not from a girl either
Oh damn
Well you got that
Things got rough over there dude
It was an emergency
They had all kind of
They weren't they famous for having like prostitutes come to the
To entertain the soldiers
Yeah I heard something about that
To release the stress
Because they were dying so fast at a rapid rate
Damn
Yeah I mean you got to have some reason to keep fighting
Yeah
Might as well be hookers dude
Why not
Brandon have you ever been approached by a sex worker?
Yeah
You have
Let's hear that
Let's share about this
I don't know about this guys
Brandon has been approached by a lot of sex workers
Brandon has been approached by a lot of sex volunteers
This is the one I turned 18
Me and my friend got a hotel
We were just hanging out
And we were chilling
And we were like hi
And we were going upstairs
And we were debating on
Walking like a mile
Because it was like pitch black
It was like 10 o'clock at night to a strip club
Because we never done that
And I heard they let like 18 year olds in there
So I was like fucking man let's go to this strip club
And walk under this bridge
And walk probably like 8 miles in West Hale and get lost
And I go outside
And there's a fucking like tall ass prostitute standing outside
Being like hey man y'all need some company
And we were like no no it's okay
It's good
We just go downstairs
And then we came back up
And the prostitute was still there
And then I looked outside
They were still there
They didn't leave until like 3 or 4 in the morning
You keep saying they
Is it a man or a woman?
Yeah
I don't know
Like I'm being honest
Oh okay
Yeah I don't know
Yeah
Okay I was wondering you kept
You were specific when you said the prostitute
Because I'm not
I'm just being honest
Sometimes it would be a little bit high
Like hey you want me to come in there or something
And we'd be like no no you're good
You don't have to come in there
You sure?
No you're good
Do you know how old we are?
No
Yeah that was
I can't believe we almost walked pitch black to a strip club
Named Uncle Bucks or something
Booby Bungalow
Yeah
Okay
So it was all the way down there
You know where Mid City is at right?
Yeah
You know where that hotel is at?
Yeah
I was going to walk from there all the way down to past that target
All the way near
It's like a mile
At least a mile
Hell yeah like 12 at night
I don't know what the fuck would happen
That's where Booby Bungalow is?
Yeah it's over by that big TNT Fireworks store
Okay
CarMax on University
Oh really?
Yeah
Huh
I had no clue
I only thought they had the pony here but I think they got scores right?
What's that?
No?
Scores?
Maybe I'm wrong
No I heard it's scores
Wait y'all say they do have scores
It took me seconds
And then don't they have like Larry Flint's here?
I don't know what that is
That's you know Hustler right?
The magazine?
Yeah
Yeah the dude who owned that he has like a whole bunch of strip clubs
What's his name?
Larry Flint
And he's the ugliest motherfucker you ever see
I just I can't believe that people used to go out to a store to buy porn like a magazine
Rent a video
I'm like what?
Dude it was a whole thing
What if you see your neighbor?
Exactly
And he's renting like weapons of ass destruction you know I think nobody wants to see that
Bro whenever we had to do that because it was like you go to the video store right?
And all the videos and games are have their like on the front and then there's this back room that had all the you know 18 and plus all the porn and shit
And so we I was younger so we couldn't get in but what we used to do we used to like have somebody like I'll stand outside
D-Lo will go in there and just hurry up and grab one of the cassettes and then you take that one put it in like a kids movie box
Oh my gosh
Yeah and then you check it out and that's the way you'd be able to get porn because if you took it up to the counter they wouldn't give it to you because you're not 18
And somebody gets a fucking sex movie that's actually a children's movie
Yeah I didn't think about that but yeah that did happen
That's furious that guy is furious
Yo you know they had theaters with this shit too like everybody would come to the theater
Yes that's crazy
Like you know T.W. Herman got in trouble with that shit because he was bad dad jacking off
If they're playing porn you should be able to jerk off
Yeah I mean
I mean is this or is this not the United States of America?
I feel like this shit
We should be a proper country
I don't know why he got arrested for that though because they arrested him
Indecent exposure
Yeah you're right you're right
Who decides if it's indecent dude?
You're right you're right
Even though
When you pull your dick out in front of a movie theater
Yeah
Yeah I was fucked up seeing you imagine going in there seeing your child hero like damn this is a way to meet you and he's like hey shake my hand
You meet him at the porn movie theater?
Yeah like you never know
It's a bad way to meet your heroes but fuck it
I just don't think it would happen man I'm gonna be honest with you
That would be a weird way
Famous people tend to avoid awkward public settings
Should I see Taxi Driver with Robert De Niro?
No but in the movie he wasn't famous
Yeah I know but they might
I feel like come on man it was 1970
Are we still talking about the porn movie theater?
Yeah
So Robert De Niro in Taxi Driver goes to a porn movie theater?
I think he does
Yeah you remember because he brought the girl there on the first date he was like girl I know a perfect place to take you on a first date
That's a sick movie
Porn club and then she left and he was like wait wait wait why are you trying to leave now?
She's like why the fuck did you take me here? It's bullshit
Dude going on a first date to a strip club? Talk about a good time man
I mean yeah
That's crazy
You gotta be clear on that
Women have more fun at strip clubs than guys for sure
I've never been to one
Y'all never been to one?
I mean I'm not a big strip club guy
Because it's like
No I'm not
Me and Brandon looked at each other
I won't go like uh first of all I wouldn't go by myself because it's just sad
Yeah
So I'll go my boy
My boy that I went to kill Tony with CT
He loves him
I mean if he comes down here we have a tradition it's like
He comes in we go to Twin Peaks to eat
And then after that we go straight to the strip club and I'm like hey you wanna go downtown?
He's like you know what we're doing
I've never been to Twin Peaks
I've been to Hooters though
It's better than Hooters
The food?
No food's not better
The food is all I care about
Hell yeah
I remember my mom embarrassed me down there
What'd you say?
I said my mom embarrassed me down there
At Twin Peaks or Hooters?
Yeah because I was no at Twin Peaks because I was looking like at this one girl
And then my mom was like oh so you wanna look at people?
He wanted me to come to this place and then she called her over there
She's like hey come here
Come here take a picture of my son
So I had to go up there and take a picture
Here's the picture right here I look like this and shit
No scared
I cannot wait to see this
Do you have it?
Brandon pull it up dude
I got it
Pull it up
We gotta see that
Oh you like got it on you
Yeah it's on my phone
It was airdropped
My grandparents would never take me to Hooters man
So I didn't get to go until I was older
But I was like dude this is the shit
And it's really all about the food man
They got good wings
Hooters has really good wings yeah
They have good food
Yeah
Twin Peaks does it they just have
Fried Mahi sandwich dude at Hooters
What is Mahi?
For real?
Fish
Oh that's a fish?
Yeah a Mahi Mahi
I swear I thought somebody told me I was in the office
I've never seen anybody
I got so much shit
I hope the camera gets it
People don't do that man
I never got fish from Hooters though
Yeah me neither
Why not?
Dude you only live once
Well that might be the last day right there
Yeah you never know
You never know man
That's when your 50-50 comes in
That always comes in Brandon
That is always a rule
What's he doing?
What's he doing man?
I'm firing the things for you
Go ahead go ahead
You're firing the picture
We'll come back to it
Riveting comedy that's going on
This is unexplainable
I mean I don't think you can get better just watching Brandon look through his phone
I'll watch that
Let's just watch Brandon
Where the fuck?
Period
Do anything dude
Okay here it is
Oh yeah
He found it
Just air drop it to the computer and put it on the screen
Let's see
He's using all of his arms
His biceps involved
His tricep activation dude
What I put it right here?
He's using all of his arms
It'll be around there
You just press air drop to Dom and you have to accept it on the computer
Maybe it's down here
I really hope they can see it
I hope it's down
I'll get it on there later
Yeah I can't hold it
I don't think Brandon's air dropping
Yeah my air dropping is shit
Last time it wasn't working
Yeah it's not doing
Let's pass the phone over here let's see
Yeah hold on here y'all go
There it is
What the fuck?
Brandon looks different in every picture
Oh my god
Yeah man
Hey Brandon look like a G-Ray
Look like Yo Gotti
Yeah I was trying to look cool man
Because I was like shit I gotta look cool now
Had to look like I knew what was going on
I've started this podcast with more questions than answers shit
I have no clue what's going on
We never do though
No man not with that guy over there
No no no
Brandon you just have to listen intently
But you're like I'm pretty sure I missed something
You didn't miss anything
It's just Brandon just said some off the wall of the craziest shit
Oh yeah rest in peace Toby Keith dude
Oh yeah
Rest in peace man
Yeah rest in peace
Sure
Yeah patriotism died a long time ago
That was a country
I think COVID killed it
I don't know
It could have
It was around that time
That's what got D-Bow
D-Bow Sammy
Oh big D
Friday D-Bow
He talking about D-Bow D-Bow
Friday on a bicycle
Take your chain
Uh huh
Who's gonna play in the Super Bowl now dude?
What?
It's Super Bowl
Usher
Hey man that's the dude
He said Usher
Yeah you gotta be like Usher with Usher
That's what he does
Yeah but Usher smooth
I don't know man I think he was a little bit before my time
What Usher?
Yeah
Usher has bangers dude
After bangers
My mom would play him in the car a lot
Like I remember also what was his name?
What was that dude?
John Lennon
John Lennon he'd be like give me the green light like that type of shit
The green light
Remember that song?
We were just watching Lennon
John Lennon?
Oh shit
Insert that clip of him singing that crazy ass
Oh man
Which one?
What song?
Well I can't tell you
You know it down
What song?
Women are the n**** of the world
It's a literal song that um
Oh not John Lennon I was talking about John Legend my bad
Little bit different
Oh my gosh
Just a tad
Oh my
Just a tad
I was sure like John Lennon
It would have only been half as bad if John Legend made that song
You know what I mean?
At least it would have been good
Yeah
But let me search up
It's the one
We watched this last night
Hold on this shit was crazy
I can't believe this exists
Remastered in 2010?
We can't play it
And uh but it's wild
We'll insert a picture of it though
Like the album cover or whatever it is
Hold on yeah let me see if there's a picture
Uh it's crazy that that was a thing
He tries to explain it like he doesn't back off of it
He's like yeah if you think about it
He doubles down
And I get what he's saying
It's a different way to say it
Or maybe just maybe that's not your thing
Maybe just go back to doing the other things
Just don't touch it
Oh yeah that's the pizza
This is an insane thing
That is fucking crazy
It's a picture that goes along with the words
Oh my god
My goodness
The totem pole dude
Dude how this is real blows my mind
And there's like interviews with him explaining it
John Lennon
And I don't know if I'll get in
But he kind of sucks
Like just his music
Like what we saw last night
Elvis is way better
I'm so far removed from that style of music
That I just don't
I mean I am
That doesn't resonate at all
I am too I never listen to The Beatles
But I heard some stuff last night
And I'm like he's not good
He might be a good songwriter or something like that
But his voice ain't shit
Maybe just nobody else was doing it
Yeah that's true
What was your style of 70s music?
Who did you like?
Like top 5 from the 70s?
The Deetle
Uh
You give me some
It's Luther
I don't know Luther was more in the 80s and 90s
Yeah he was in the 80s and 90s
Yeah Brandon knows the dates man
I don't know man
I mean I would have to see like
I don't think I listen that much
No he was 60s he died in 1969
I ain't like listening to that
Yeah rest in peace
I don't know if I listen to any 70s music
Really?
I might
Earth, Wind & Fire?
Oh hell yeah
Yeah September
Like I have to see it though
Okay
Like 70s isn't my thing
I don't fucking know
Well what generation is your favorite music?
90s
90s?
Yeah
You got the best R&B and the best hip hop
All even Alternative was peaking mid 90s
Yeah
Marcy's Playground
I smell sex and candy
Yeah
Who's that lounging in my chair?
Who's that casting deep via stairs in my direction?
Mama this surely is a dream
Dig it
It good?
I don't know
That's that shit
We gonna get copyrighted
They were singing that back in the day huh?
Yeah we danced just like that
I was young in the 90s so I wasn't going out
But I loved that shit on VH1, MTV
Yeah it's probably just because that's when I grew up
Like yours is probably what 2010s or something
I don't give a fuck dude
Yes 2010s
2010
2010, 2013 was the year that I would say I definitely remember the most
2013 and 14 those are good years I guess
What do you remember about those years man?
I remember I was in 5th grade
That was the year I bought that ring for that girl at a closing Kmart
And it was like a real ring and I went up to her and I was like yo will you go out with me for this ring?
And then the whole class saw and they were like how y'all react
They were like holy shit what the fuck is Brandon doing now come here
And the whole class pushed me up to the girl and they were like he wants to go out with you
And she was like fuck it I'll do it
She took the ring and the next day I was like you ready to go out?
And there was this dude next to her and he was like yeah sorry man she just went to ring
And I was like hell yeah
Then I went back and told my whole family I was like that was not true
Cause I told everybody at the house I was like I'm the fucking man I'm finna get laid in 5th grade
What?
I know that shit was crazy man
The fact that I bought a real ring in 5th grade is crazy
How much was the ring?
It was at a closing Kmart you remember when Kmart was closing
They were selling them jewelry for cheap
How much was it?
I think it was like 20
Nothing crazy
20?
Yeah
And she took the ring and
Yeah and then the next week the dude was there and they were like damn man she just went to ring
Was it her boyfriend or something?
Oh yeah I guess I don't know
It was a dude
And you did this in front of the whole class
Oh no yeah dude they all grabbed my hand and pulled me
They were like yo what is Brandon? It's crazy let's take him up to her
And then they put me on top of the tree house and everybody was like just give him this fat boy chance
I was like okay
Tree house where?
We were at recess
Oh they had a tree house?
Yeah they had a little tree house they put me on top of
They made me do it they were like go up there and do it
What?
I'll go on top of the tree house
Okay okay rewatch so you went on top of the tree house with the ring
Yes
And then screamed down to everybody that you wanted to date her
Or we're talking to her but everybody
No they were following me
Everybody was following the whole class and then they circled around the tree house and I went up there and did that
I was like hey you know you want to go out with me?
With this ring?
You performed a grand gesture of romance
And I didn't even talk to her it wasn't a day or nothing I just didn't know
What was her, do you remember her name?
Yeah it started with fatigue
She's probably still around
Thomas
Yeah
Let's just say Swiss like you know the first name of Swiss
That's it the first name of Swift
I think everybody in the world got that
You couldn't have picked a better one
First name of Swift
I can't believe you did that is a grand gesture
In fifth grade yeah man I did wild shit bro
I didn't care
That's some like some real cultural shit
I went to crazy shit man
That ain't culture that's just Brandon right there
That's like a civil courtship
Yeah
Like back in the day
My lady
The nights and shit
I didn't hear the ring
So was she
Gold silver
So how'd you hand it to her was she on the tree house with you?
Yeah she was just standing there and she was looking around everybody confused like oh shit I don't I feel bad
Alright fine let me get the ring and she took it
Standing on the ring we both standing there everybody just circling around like a rain up bro it was so fucking weird
It was very awkward and everybody was like aww look at Brandon he did it
Okay so was she in the tree house like the tree house is elevated right?
Yes so was she in the tree house with you?
Yes
And then everybody else was outside on the ground or in the tree house?
They were because it was like a it was like kind of this high so everybody could see
Through the window thing we were all just standing there like looking around
So on the ground they're on the ground?
Yes they were on the ground we were on the top and we were just like she was like okay cool and then I was like what next?
This was like a magical moment in a Hallmark movie
This is weird as fuck
I can't talk in the bro
I can't believe it happened
This was like an 824 film
I know man it did it did that's what happened I'm being honest
Brandon that's wild and he's never told us anything happened
Okay so what happened in 2014?
In 2014 that was that was that year oh shit yeah 2014 that was just a year I remember because that was when I was a child
And everybody was still there nobody died everybody was still alive it was a good year
I don't even want to ask the follow up question
That was a good year though everybody was there I was just fat and chubby chilling
Yeah that that's the year I can't say nothing else about it but it's a year
It wasn't the best it was like it was a good year but socially not a good year
That's what it was like I was fat
Don't even know let's go
I can't say anymore about it it was a good year
Yeah that's all I can be like it was a good like I can't say the social life was popping and shit I was just a kid chilling
I mean I remember I did have this dude at the wines I think this was the same year this dude was at the wine say
Stopping on the ground because I was fat trying to mimic me and I got pissed off and started arguing with him at the wines
Yeah and then they called my mom and they were like dude you can't do that man forget that dude I will kill him at this Christian place
I don't care they just dragged me out and shit
Brandy went crazy
Yeah man that was fucking crazy
So you got a little temper and you know you're always the nicest guy but I know you got a little switch right
Yeah
So whenever sci-fi bucks up to you and we have this wrestler match you gonna fuck his ass up right
Look what they trying to do
What?
They trying to get the beef
Yes I'm going to get it alright
Get what?
The win
Yeah look
Cause this is fucking
Talk your shit
Yeah this is like wrestling man I'm like Ric Flair man I go in there and woo get the shit done you know what I mean
Say sci-fi gave us this cause you're fucking Hercules
Yeah he was like I know the Hercules and I was here
And I want to tell the people out there sci-fi is scared
He's shaking in his boots
He's scared to wrestle Brandon
He doesn't want to get his ass beat on camera
Which is crazy cause sci-fi he said I don't want to ever say Brandon can beat me in anything
And I know he probably will in wrestling so he's scared
Yeah
So hey Brandon take his ass down
Hey man and dude it's okay to lose on TV dude I fucking lost on TV man why I had that wrestling match
Oh we never posted that
No that's the funniest fucking thing ever
Can we post that?
Fuck it man yeah and if y'all want to see another one I'll show y'all the one
So give context to what this clip is
Okay so this was when I first started wrestling and I didn't know shit man
I didn't know how to do anything I was very weak
It was so bad that the team was like we just going to throw him up and try to whip this kid's ass or something
We got to get him good
And then like at the last match of the year it was on TV
It was a regionals championship
And I was like so bad at the time that I would literally go up to people and be like hey man I'm brand new this is my first day
Please don't whip my ass
And then the coaches would laugh at me the referee would be laughing they'd be like Brandon you can't be doing that shit
But it's my first like year they put me on TV with these varsity dudes
And this dude shakes my hand and beats my ass so bad
That the fucking announcers are literally laughing saying what the fuck is he doing coach?
It looks like they're dancing
And then I even kicked at him a little bit it was bad
And shit it was so bad I left and my coach was like you should fucking quit
I was like hell no
Then I came back and whooped ass and they were like you should come back
I was like no
Yeah man it's fucking crazy
But yeah that's what that video is about man
And the video will be inserted
Oh my fuck
I'm too honest when I take a few shots
They're too toxic need to take a new shot
And you cannot save me
Cause I don't need saving
The second thing I've been chasing
All here's where they're taking
Don't wanna test your luck with me
I think I've had enough disease
I'm sick of all the bad thoughts people who are half done
You are not as tough as me
So they just watched the video
Fuck man
One day I'm gonna show you all the good shit
You all saw the beginning of the storm you didn't see the rain
They didn't say what he's about now
Show off your skills against sci-fi dude
He's been talking shit dude
What's your move?
You know what's funny?
This is how you know I was about to be a comedian
My signature move was the fat man roll
Okay yeah
You remember every time I get him I do that roll
Hit him with the grammy
Yup
Do the full roll we go together
That was my shit too
My coach he was an old marine
Big dick carpenter
That's how we called him
He always wore these big dick carps
He wore these short ass shorts
And his dick would just hit the mat like
Oh my fucking god
He was 70 years old he's still around
Coach, little coach
He would get mad at me because I didn't know moves
I didn't know moves alright
What?
We can't just skip past the fact that you're talking about this elderly man's cock flopping on the fucking wrestling mat
Old people don't wear underwear and give a shit
Yeah but they shouldn't be working with children
Correct me if I'm wrong
They shouldn't be touching on kids after school
They don't got no underwear on them
Coach is the best dude in the world
Don't you talk about big dick carpenter like that
He got molested too Brandon
His dick didn't really hit the mat
We always used to say big dick
But he used to wear the shorter shorts
And he was an old marine
So he would come in there with the short shorts and a sweater
I didn't know moves
I was just good because I was strong enough to slam him
And he would always be like god damn it carp
Hit him with the grammy
Hit him with the grammy god damn it
I remember when I got in trouble and I got arrested
He was like god damn you were out there with these thugs
He was like you're gonna get stabbed one day
Damn
Not if I hit him with the grammy
Not if I get the grammy baby
Hit him with the grammy god damn it
Wrestling was fun though
I couldn't do it no more and I'd be tired of sitting
I miss it
Old people go and do jiu jitsu and all that shit
If Jay can do it you can do it man
I don't want to though
Even when I was wrestling I wouldn't roll it on the ground
I slam get back up
The only way I'm gonna pin you
Is if I slam you and I just pin you
Right there
Maybe if I hit you with a grammy or something like that
But mostly I'm just slamming the shit out of you
And then you get beat like that
I don't know dude
I never did wrestling or fighting
Or any of that shit
I was more of a baseball
But I would consider myself a world class
Basketball player
Oh dude we gotta do this basketball
Is defensive monster dude
I can see you being good at basketball
You too
Versus me and Jake Muncie
Oh easy
Fuck y'all like
You crazy
With basketball that should be something definitely
Well you gonna be scoring all the points
But I'll get all the rebounds y'all can't rebound over me
We gotta do this
What if Jake has insane hops
What if he
He barely has knees dude
He has no cartilage in his body
Just bone on bone
He just had his pelvic floor surgery
He's getting no torque dude
He's out of commission
Did Jake tell you who was good at basketball or something?
Oh no I was just like I'll pick a teammate
Why would you pick somebody who
He's good at basketball I'm not good
I'm good too
Oh so you're good
Yeah dude I've been playing since I was a kid
That's how I lost the weight
You should get Bryce Fletcher
He plays basketball Does he?
Well then if he's good that's a mismatch thing
Cause I'm not good but I can set the shit out of some screens
We'll figure it out
Yeah but that's why he can dribble it and he'll pass it to me
And I'll do the shots
We should play 3 on 3 against 3 of the other comedians
3 on 3 basketball games
Oh hell yeah
Clown College versus you know whatever they
Whatever that group of
In what?
What?
Group of what?
Who?
Okay it doesn't start like that
Dude
I was going to say inbreds
But then it doesn't work cause I look more inbred
Than they would
Then it sounds real racist
That's a good group
I thought you said in
I thought too
Oh I guess inbred
You should
You should stop it
What if I was going to say it phonetically
It wouldn't sound like that
What?
If you were to say the n word you wouldn't say
N Oh yeah yeah
Yeah you right
But you don't pronounce
N as in
Yeah you got shame on you guys
You're in black history month dude
Nitro
I was saying nitro instead of saying the word
Oh
What do you mean?
Instead of saying what?
I know I can say it but fuck it
Oh you're saying nitro is a substitute for nigga?
Yeah I could be like it's nitro
Not nigga
Is that the white version?
Nitro?
I have never heard that before
Did you just make that up right now?
That's not something people say
I was like
Look at this nitro dude
The reason is because like dude every time I say it on TikTok they literally take the sound off
So I be like what the fuck
I be like why the fuck would they take the sound
Do I sound weird saying what the fuck?
That's what I be like
They just have an AI voice detector they think he's a white dude
They're like oh hell nah man
And then one time I
Dude I said is this what I said
So I looked at my comment
And I did one video I was like man this nigga is crazy
And as soon as I said that somebody said
I hear a little Uncle Ruckus in that tone
I was like fuck no man I'm done
That's fucked up
No man
No
You don't like blacks?
No man fuck Uncle Ruckus
Man I get a fucking broomstick
Those are the worst kind of black people
Uncle Ruckus type
Coons
Like Uncle Tom
Man I hate that shit
I remember when we were in
We were in Afghanistan
I remember my first sergeant I was his driver
And we pull up
He's talking to this other black
He was a first sergeant it was like a
E7 Sergeant First Class
He's like hey what's up Jill how you doing
They just talking they shake heads
Rolls the window up as soon as we drive out
As soon as we drive out he says coon ass nigga
I was like
Y'all was just shaking heads
I'm like that little Tom motherfucker
Yeah I got a
I got a black friend who
Hates black people man
Always has
Ever since I've known him
He hates black people dude
And he has the blackest name
I'll say his middle name
His middle name is Varkith
Oh god
That's one I ain't never heard
Varkith
They made that up
There's no lineage with that
They made that shit the fuck up
Varkith
You heard one like that?
No this is brand new to me
Sound off the spot
I don't see a lot of
People with V names at least men
It's a man's name that starts with a V
I don't know if it's any good or less
Victor
He proved me wrong
Valentine
Fuck it
Valentine
Vincent
Vincetti
Ventura
There you go
That doesn't count
What? Vincetti that doesn't count?
I don't even know what that is. Is that a real person?
No that's definitely somebody's name
Vincetti? Yeah Vincetti
That might be Italian
That's a last name
Yeah that's a name
I don't even know if it's real
Venus
Venus is a girl's name
Oh no I almost said
Valerie
Val Venus
He did cut off by
Samurai Sword
You remember that?
WWF right?
I think that was when he was in WCW
Hello
Ladies
He came out in a towel
And then the Asian dude chopped off his
On camera
Not real
Man 90's wrestling
We talking about 90's late 90's
Attitude era? Fuck yeah man
The best fucking year in wrestling history
Other than the golden era
Early 90's late 80's
Ok so I didn't watch back then
I was only from like
Right before The Rock got there
That's when I started. Stone Cold
And The Rock was my shit. If you would have told me
In 4th grade that wrestling wasn't
Real we were fighting. And there's not a
Doubt about that. Like what the fuck you talking about
Did you see that stunner?
Did you see that Stone Cold stunner?
That's the illest thing I've ever seen in my life
Respect
Stone Cold? Man I got it back here
Cause Stone Cold sucks
Brandon top 3 wrestlers
Ooh
Top 3 top 3
Man you got me in the tough spot now man
Top 5
Don't have to be in any particular order
Jake The Snake Roberts
Ultimate Warrior
Stone Cold Steve Austin
Damn
Who else would it be?
Rick Rude
Hell yeah that's one of my favorite
Favourites man and then the
Final one I'm gonna
Have to say probably Macho Man
Randy Savage
Yeah style. Really good style
Did you ever watch wrestling?
I know about it yeah. I know more
About the older stuff though
Which year? 80's or 70's?
Top 3? Shit let me think dude
Ray Mysterio
Love Ray Mysterio
Brock Lesnar cause he would just come in
And fuck people up
And then I'll go with
Sean Michaels
Okay yeah yeah
Sean Michaels is sick dude
Trouble maker backstage too. Good dude
When you bring all that
Value to the company you can wild
The fuck out dude. Yeah see what CM Punk's
Doing right now
Man dude he got kicked out of
AEW for fighting
This dude backstage and beating
Him up which is crazy because you've seen
The UFC fights but once they kick him out from
There WWE picked him right back up and they're like
We got you bro. It's alright. We gonna hook
You up. Fuck AEW. They actin like
Bitches. Come on over here
So that's what they did
They brought him over there and then he
Did something to his shoulder and now he
Fucked up for a little bit
Damn dude
I don't know who we're talking about
CM Punk. That's the little bit
I mean I've heard of him but I've never
Seen anything else way after
I thought that was DX too. No he
Did that shit too. He did that for the
2013 cover of WWE 13
2K13? Yes man
No no no it wasn't 2K
It wasn't 2K yet it was just WWE 13
Cause THQ had it at that
Time
He's going crazy with this
Yeah he just got excited
This is the one where Mike Tyson was in that episode
He was going deep in his bag on this one
Fuck yeah man. Hell yeah
What's the best WWE
Video game? The best wrestling
Video game of all time I would have to say
Man you put me in another tough spot
But fuck it
WWE 2011 that was the best
You had the backstage singing
Who was on the cover? Who was on the cover
You had Jax Swagger, you had John Cena
And then I think you also had
Rey Mysterio possibly
I could be wrong but I know them
And the Big Show. Big Show was definitely
Well it's the Big Show
Hell fucking yeah
It's the Big Bad Show tonight
Is it when the Big Show got slammed
The whole fucking ring fell apart
Wait was this when he was bald
Or had hair? This was old school
Big Show but I think he was bald
Was he bald?
I don't remember when that happened
I remember talking about the giant when he was the giant
Yeah that's Nitro WCW
Long hair, Joe Swanson style
When he was young
Do you know who Joe Swanson is? Family Guy
You mean when he was young with the wheelchair walking around
Yeah yeah
Me and names man
Dude
You and the English language
Us both man you see my list
And that shit
I got
Two people's names wrong and I probably still
David Freelander
What did you call him? I said David Freelander
Freelander
But I stopped at Land
I don't know why I was practicing too
I even asked him it's Freelander
I asked Safa and Safa I was like yeah that's it
But the one I got wrong
You asked me too
Matthew Lambert
I just said it wrong
Lumbra
Lambert
I think that's how I wrote it
Clearly Lumbra
Clearly
Lumbra
What is that from?
I don't know
Game of Thrones
No I've never heard
Lumbra
Last name Lumbra
I don't fucking know
He's on the right track
No I don't know
Maybe it's Eastern European
It doesn't sound like it then
I can't put a pin on where it's at
West African
We'll have to ask him when he comes on
I'll say this with the names man
I gotta stay out of this one I can't even say Roscoe
or Nathan Wright
You always got Roscoe right you couldn't say
Clyde Elroy
We end up changing it to Elroy to make it
Throughout the whole thing we're saying Elroy
in the first one
The name is different almost every time
Like a snowflake
Like a box of chocolates you never know what you're going to get
Forest Gump
Forest Gump yeah
That's the guy
Forest Gump
You got a fucking funny dude
Did you drink before we got here?
I liked that dude that was funny
Y'all are fucking gonna be laughing boy
Damn yeah that was it
Did you hear how he ended his set last night at
Shag Nasty's
Where he's like that's it
Goodbye
I don't know why
I actually do it because I
Glanced at the light and I was like
That's it
Can you imagine Brandon hosting
He'd be like
We're about to start
First comic David Friedlander
David Friedlander
Hell yeah
I would love to see you host
Is it the pleasure scene sometimes?
What?
He said imagine you hosting
I thought he was talking about me hosting
I was like shit I'll always host something
I'd be like hey y'all we got
You just going up there talking
Would be like in the beginning
Just talk to the audience
Just like you're talking to us right now
And everybody's gonna love it
And then
How y'all doing
Alright next guy
Then I call him up be like good joke
Next guy good joke
Say something say something get him out
I'm doing
You do a little
Roast sometimes though too
I'm doing everybody if I'm on there
I'm writing a new roast every week
I like it
Plus you can keep some of them
You know what I'm saying when we have a roast
We can go out all around town
Try them out see which one gets the pop
Kill people
You ever kill somebody Brandon?
No
Never did that
He thought about it though
But it's still time
No but no
Not for long
Brandon's 21st birthday is coming up
And we're doing an extravaganza
We're gonna record some footage
For the podcast
We're coherent enough too
It's on a Friday
We should get Jack's GoPro
And strap it to Brandon's chest dude
Well no
Strap to one of our chests so we can see Brandon
I'll wear it
If we can get two of them
I kinda don't want to be
The weird guy
You're gonna be the weird guy anyway if you got one
Got one what?
If you have a GoPro strapped to your chest
Yeah and I'm going into the club I'm like this is not
Record women I swear to you
I'm just trying to see my friends
It's my friends birthday
What if you got drunk at Chuck E Cheese
They sell beer
They sell beer at Chuck E Cheese
You just see me playing all the games
Jumping on shit hey
I'd be scared to go next to the
Animatronics
This shit is scary dude
I still haven't watched Five Nights at Freddy's
Dude you can watch it
You gotta watch it
That's what I introduced Dante
As yesterday
I was like the animatronic bear
Itself
He looks just like that
I went and watched a horror movie not that long ago
Night Swim
It's about a haunted swimming pool
And it's like
Serious
But the movie sucks
Yeah the movie's terrible
The swimming pool sucks you in when you're trying to swim or some shit like that
The water is haunted
I see
You guys believe in ghosts?
Dude
You do? Yeah I mean to an extent
It depends
They'll say that we're not promoting Night Swim
We just said it was shit
This movie was ass
Dude
Yo have y'all ever seen
CGI Gator
It's like
I think they did it on purpose
But it's like a flying around CGI graphic
Gator
It looks terrible
And they in high school screaming
Getting eaten up by this thing
And they're like oh shit
And they're like what's out the fucking window
And it's him just floating in the air like this
And they're just freaking out
I've only seen the trailer
I haven't fully watched it
It might not even be a real movie
No no no
No this is real
Let me see
CGI Gator
He says that is so good I haven't seen it
See look at that
That is it
That looks so realistic dude
CGI
Oh my gosh man
I know man
It's terrifying
What is that?
That's it right there
That's the star of the show
That's the guy
The star of the show
You know this isn't the first time
I've heard him bring up this movie
You've never seen this?
You showed us the trailer I believe
I showed you the trailer you never seen the trailer
I'm good man
Listen now it's funny
It's crazy
This is like the sci-fi channel
The S Y F I F Y
It's like our early 2000's movie
In a way
They had better shit than that
Titanic came out in 97
Maybe in 74
No that's too far back
Going to
Late 90's
Like all 90's movies
Marathon that shit's good
I feel like they acted better in the 90's
It meant more
They were acting active
They were acting their ass off
These popular
The one I like
The new girl I like though
Mia Goth
I don't know who that is
She was on X
Some movie where she was killing people
I can't remember the name of it
I like Ryan Gosling
Her
Yeah
Ryan Gosling's that shit
He's a good actor
Go to the movies
Go to the web search
What does she do?
She's a beast if she's in a movie
I'm telling you she's acting her ass off
That movie Pearl was good as shit
I never seen
Infinity pool it was good
All her movies are really weird
The high life
I've never seen a survivalist
I might see that
I'm telling you watch Pearl
Pearl watch that one
Pearl and go back
Infinity pool was good
Crazy bitch
Oh man dude I've seen the trailers for Pearl
Look at that picture
She's smiling
Oh hell
That describes the movie
100% perfect
Is it a scary movie?
I wouldn't say scary
It's intense
Is that scary?
Is that a real person?
I think it is
It's a scarecrow
In the scarecrow suit
No it's just a scarecrow
She works out
She's a strong girl, country girl
And she wants to get out
So she meets some people
What's the name? Winter Soldier is in it
Sebastian Stan
You said who?
Winter Soldier
Oh shit hold on I know that guy
Sebastian Stan is that his name?
I think that actually is
He played a good role
You said Sebastian what?
Stan
The infinity pool is weird
It's like
I don't know if it's alternate
Universe or whatever but you go to this
Country and if you
If you kill somebody
Then their family gets to come in
And kill you
That's the
That's the rule there
So if you go to this country
On vacation you accidentally kill somebody
They kill you
But they have a thing where like
They say well we can clone you
And then we'll clone you
And then have the family so they get
The peace of mind kill the clone
And then you'll be alright
It's weird it's fucking
I thought it was good though
They clone you?
And then the family like you watch
The family kill you
Your clone of you
But really do you know which one
Is the fucking clone?
No
That's fucking crazy
Because they could trick them and be like oh it's actually me
Now they're fucked up
If it's a perfect clone
How do you know which one is which?
You think they're cloning people now?
You gotta ask them a question only they would know
They both know the same exact things
Nah
Nobody has the same soul
It's a clone
Soul
I don't believe in that shit
Just cause you can't pick up on these things
Dumb
Soul is good
Right on
So y'all believe in ghosts too and shit huh?
If you believe in aliens
Why not believe in ghosts?
Cause they're two totally different things
But you don't think there's something like
That kind of unexplainable
Paranormal activity and shit
You don't think there's not a single instance in history
I mean shit just happens though
The world is almost unexplainable
But I'm saying like
You're talking about some books knock off the shelf
Type shit
Oh you can't explain it
Yeah shifting foundation
I don't know what would be a better example
I don't know
Maybe like feeling somebody's presence in a room
Being like okay he's here
Like have you ever seen the movie Ghost?
What Patrick Swayze?
Like that
No
I don't think that's real
Ghosts are real my dog is named Ghost
Wait so what do you think about ghost hunters man?
What about the ghost hunters?
Have they ever found a ghost?
Yeah that's not real
They've never found one
This
Ghosts are real
Aliens I think are like
In the sense of like is there life on another planet
In this fucking infinite galaxy
Yeah probably
Is there any here like flying around?
No
That's some shit the military just doesn't want you to know
That we got or somebody else has
For sure
They're not just flying around here
No
Ghosts aren't real none of that shit is real
That's what Area 52 is for
That's 51
Area 52 is for ghosts
So you don't even know that
Because that's not real
He doesn't have a Reddit account
It's invisible
It's a ghost thing
The spiritual realm is also infinite
Just like this physical reality that we live in
Spiritual realm is ever expansive
Never ending
There's a 50-50 chance
Oh man he's trying to get you on board again
That's it
He almost got you
No he didn't he almost got me
Alright thank you guys for tuning in
I appreciate you
We can't get enough of you
And we're going to have something special for you
Here in the near future
Peace