This week on Clown College.
And the old people, they struggle too during this ice.
I bet you a lot of motherfuckers got hurt
that were over 80.
Oh yeah.
Slipped on their ass.
I'm glad you all right Dom.
Shit man.
Ah!
Hit the day!
Oh shit, combination.
I have a feeling that comedy duos are stronger than singles.
Uh huh.
I'm so surprised you guys didn't know each other.
Uh huh, I didn't notice.
So my origin, yeah, that's just crazy.
I thought you-
You're the first Indian person I've ever met.
Oh shit, hold up.
Never seen one before.
There you go.
Ah!
Fuck man.
JJ walked up and said, do you have some curry?
This is the Clown College podcast.
We're just a couple open micers
trying to make our way through the scene.
Where we interview comedians throughout different stages
of their comedy career,
no matter if they're open micers,
headliners, or traveling comedians.
I'm here too, Jamie 2.0.
I just talk a lot more.
Damn it Brandon!
Go sit in the corner.
Damn.
Is that?
So many wires man.
Yeah.
Hell yeah.
We're gonna get it cleaned up.
We got real equipment though.
Hell yeah.
That's just proof dude.
So I wanted to start off,
it's a little on a sadder note,
some tragic happened yesterday.
And I feel like it's just best to get it out
and maybe help somebody else out.
You know, that's going through a hard time.
So it's hard for me to talk about,
but the Packers lost yesterday
in the divisional round of the NFL playoffs.
And you know, I'm putting on a brave face right now,
but it hurts.
It's a tragedy dude.
It hurts.
It's bad.
I mean, y'all beat America's team.
And then, you know, you took the title.
The United States really needed the Packers
to win that fucking game dude.
We needed.
We're not owned by any owner,
not any corporate greed.
Other fans.
Hell yeah.
Mr. Philgo you son of a bitch.
I cried a little bit.
But what we're trying to do,
and also I am sorry to all the fans
who only tune in to see my perfect beard.
And I haven't been able to get to the barbershop
in like three weeks because of the ice and all that stuff.
So I'm sorry to you guys.
I know it always looks perfect,
but you know, time goes into this.
Yeah, you know, the ice storm,
it really messed up a lot of people's lives.
Single mothers couldn't leave their home
to go get groceries for their hungry children,
but Dom couldn't get to the Puerto Rican barbershop.
And that shit just matters more.
It's equally.
I would say it matters equally.
That's very humble of you to say that.
Fuck that lady.
Fuck those kids.
I mean, the kids will be,
all right, you got rice in there.
They're standardized test scores.
There's no way they were good.
They're not contributing to society.
And the old people, they struggled too during this ice.
I bet you a lot of motherfuckers got hurt that were over 80.
Oh yeah.
Flipped on their ass.
I'm glad you all right, Dom.
Shit, man.
You wanna do it?
Ah!
Hit the d***!
Oh shit, combination.
Combination, but he's fucking throwing
Tekken combos over there, man.
I don't gonna fail too anyway.
Oh, Brady, you a shit.
It's time that we stop the elder abuse on this podcast,
and it's fucked up.
Oh shit.
So it's been new.
We haven't been able to go to a mic all week.
Dude, the ice show is real.
North Alabama, we're fucked, man.
And you know why?
Because these dumb motherfuckers don't know.
You put the goddamn rock salt down before the ice comes.
Then it doesn't freeze the fucking road.
So it's not even that bad.
It wasn't even that bad.
It was ice, all the roads were ice.
There was no preventative measures taken.
Yeah, and it sucks.
People ended up dying because of that.
21 year old kid died last night.
Really?
Wow.
Damn, that sucks.
All because Huntsville doesn't wanna plan
for winter emergencies, man.
It's global warming, it's coming.
You guys don't wanna let her, Greta, what's her name?
Thunberg.
There you go.
You don't wanna listen to her?
This is what happens, Alabama.
This is what happens.
Okay, dude, when she gets more followers on TikTok,
I'll fucking listen to her.
But if she wants to keep talking about
at the UN conference that nobody gives a fuck about.
Who's listening to it?
Dude, more people know Taylor Swift
was at the fucking Chiefs games
than whoever the fuck just spoke
at the last state of the union.
Oh, by probably a thousand times or more.
And I don't blame them.
That information about Taylor Swift being there at the game
is more culturally relevant and valuable information to know.
1,000%.
In this day and age.
Hell yeah. Absolutely.
Who the fuck cares about whatever's on C-SPAN?
Have you ever tried to watch C-SPAN?
I mean, it's been on.
It's the most dry-ass shit.
Oh my God.
I mean, what the fuck is going on?
Like, this is what the government is?
That, no wonder we don't get shit done.
She's lame, man.
Yeah.
Fila-buster.
Fila-buster, what's that?
What's fila-buster?
Explain to JJ.
What?
That sound kinda in it.
That sound wrong.
Isn't that just when somebody rambles on
about some shit to waste time?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And like, I hear it, yeah.
But dude, the history of Congress,
way more interesting than Congress today, bro.
Congress used to beat the fuck out of each other, man.
Really?
The caning of Lawrence Sumner, or Charles Sumner,
this dude beat this other dude with a cane
because they were disagreeing.
It was like right before the Civil War,
bleeding Kansas and all that shit.
But yeah, he beat the fuck out of him with a cane.
He was a dude from South Carolina beat up,
I think it was Preston Brooks, he was a senator, whatever.
From where?
South Carolina.
But who's the guy he beat up?
Charles Sumner.
From?
Up north, he's fucking Yankee, who cares?
There was also Lawrence Kite beat the fuck out of somebody,
another guy from South Carolina beat up.
This dude with this weird name that I can't remember
at the moment, he had a weird fucking name.
Yeah, you know, you looking at me like,
I'm gonna help you out.
I don't know, I was trying to,
he probably looked like you or something, I don't know.
See if I can remember.
He definitely didn't look like me back then.
Yeah, you probably did.
Maybe shortly after that.
Yo, imagine hundreds of years later,
we still talking about that ass whooping.
That's crazy, man.
Yeah, that was the original Summer Slam, dude.
For real?
The caning of Charles Sumner.
Sumner versus Brooks, man.
Okay.
I'm sure they were, everybody was starving,
they're probably like featherweight division, I don't know.
Maybe they were the only fat ones,
because they actually made money.
Yeah.
We got to see some Confederate money in class.
It's hilarious, dude.
It looks like Monopoly money.
It's just a little piece of paper
with like 10 cents written on it.
Like this is worth 10 cents.
They had such a problem with fucking,
they would call them plaster or like dry plaster banks
or whatever, because you would just take the money
and it's so useless, you just use it to fix holes
in your wall and shit.
It wasn't actually worth anything.
They legitimately just wrote like, this is worth 10 cents.
And they tried to use the honor system,
just didn't work, man.
Yeah, yeah.
South will never rise again.
They didn't listen to Jackson, man.
Should've sit with the bullion system.
Yeah.
If you don't back up money with gold or something else,
it's not worth it.
It's not worth shit.
Hell no.
It's not worth anything, man.
See Venezuela.
I'm just learning over here, man.
I'm just listening.
This is good shit.
Yeah, how you been, Brandon?
Man, I've been good, man.
I realized shit that when ice comes,
you forget how to cross the road.
It's fucked up.
Wait a minute.
Okay, so this sounds weird.
Let me tell you what happened.
So I was getting ready to cross the road.
My sister goes, she's like, come on, Brandon.
I'm like, no, there's a fucking car.
I'm not, because me, I got anxiety.
I'm nervous, I fall down my ass in front of all these cars.
So I'm trying so hard to get over it.
And then I get stuck in somebody's backyard
because I slipped and fell in the parking lot.
And I was stuck trying to get up.
And she was like, come on, nigga, you scared the road.
I'm like, no, I'm trying to get over it, nigga.
I can't walk.
And I kept flipping this shit.
Then she fell on her ass.
And I'm just like, please don't let these people
see me fall on my buttocks, man.
It's true.
You didn't fall at all?
Shit.
Oh, I fell a few times.
You did?
The UAH, the gym parking lot was all ice.
And I just sat in the truck for a minute
and everybody that walked by ate shit.
Like it was like a movie.
Like everybody was fucking falling and shit.
And I was like, those idiots.
Then I get out there, eat shit immediately,
stepping out of the truck.
My foot slides.
I bent in ways I didn't know was possible.
We fucking made it, man.
We made it, man.
Hell yeah.
I got stranded.
I got stranded on Friday after I left your house.
I was trying to go this one way,
but they closed the road
because somebody slid off the road
and knocked out a telephone pole, like slid on the ice.
And I was trying to go home a different way.
And I went up this hill and it was icy.
And then I just started coming back.
And I was like, well, and it's a steep ass hill.
You know where it is.
And it's a big curve.
And if I was just to keep going backwards,
I would just go over that curb and into that person's house.
So I like cut the wheels,
got the back wheel stuck on the curb
and I was stuck there, like could not move.
And then this dude that lived there came out and helped me
and we fucking, we got it out.
How'd you get it out?
Hot water, cardboard, like putting it under the tires,
shove, I feel so bad, dude, destroyed this dude's shovel
because it's hitting the ice and breaking through
and hitting the asphalt, fucked up his shovel, dude.
So I'm gonna throw like a Home Depot gift card
in his mailbox.
So shout out Christian.
Thank you, Christian.
Hell yeah, Brandon.
Hell yeah.
You know what's crazy about that story?
We talked about this earlier.
That's the same hill I almost crashed into a house also.
Dude, it's a crazy hill.
Cause it goes down hellish steep, then a sharp left turn.
Like super, super sharp.
Scary, man.
Damn.
Yeah, they gotta fix that.
They got, they got, they don't have any railings up around
it or nothing.
No, that's nothing, it's just hill.
Damn.
That's why I was stuck.
Cause that was right up on top.
A guard, there's like a curb, just a normal curb and faith.
That's it.
And even when it's not icy, it's kind of dangerous
cause people still don't go the right way.
They just go wherever they wanna go, man.
Okay.
Just being on that curb, like as a child on my bike,
I almost died millions of times.
Shit happens.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes you stronger.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
But your death experiences makes you a better person.
It makes or breaks you.
Some people never recover, but I mean,
it was gonna happen at some point.
I've literally been close to death probably 10 times.
Like extremely close.
I feel like the closest to death you ever get in your life,
unless you just have like a crazy near death experience,
you probably don't even know about.
Oh, yeah.
Like you probably like almost fell off a fucking cliff
or something and you just didn't know.
Yeah.
That almost happened to me one time.
I was drunk as my ex, right?
We were going through some shit.
And I had drunk a whole fifth of Captain Morgan's.
Okay.
Shout out Dan Price.
She had her, yeah.
Shout out.
Yeah.
And then, so I got drunk and then she brought like
her best friend, which is this gay guy over.
Just, it doesn't make, I guess I shouldn't,
it doesn't matter if he's gay, but he's gay.
And well, it does matter.
You thought it was important.
No, no, it does matter at the end of the story.
So then he comes over and then like,
she's just getting back from this training.
So I haven't seen her like in three weeks.
We're going through problems and shit.
So I'm just sitting there drunk.
I was like, fuck this, I'm leaving.
It's supposed to be just us.
You got your friend over here.
So I try to leave.
Now I'm fucked up.
And I have a solo cup full of Captain Morgan
and Coke in my car and a cop pulls me over.
Oh shit.
Because I'm fucked up.
And he's like, what are you doing?
I was like, I just got back from deployment.
I was coming to see my wife.
We live in different places.
He was like, just get home safe.
So then I'm like, I was gonna drive all the way back.
This is in Columbus, Georgia.
I was gonna drive all the way back to Clarksville, Tennessee.
So then I was like, fuck that.
I'm just gonna go back to the house
and try to reconcile this.
I get, I start to drive, put it in my GPS.
This was when GPS wasn't like what it is now.
And it had me on this back road.
And I literally drove and then I had a Camaro, shout out.
And it got stuck.
It got stuck.
I was like trying to drive and it got stuck.
I'm like, what the fuck?
So I get out and I'm so drunk.
I'm trying to push it.
I don't realize, I look down, it's a 30 foot drop.
At least, at least a 30 foot drop.
So then I'm like, oh fuck.
So I go to the door of the houses right there
and I knock on the door and nobody,
I see, I can hear them in there, but they don't come.
So I'm like, fuck.
So I call a tow truck.
I'm just like, hey, my shit's stuck.
Can you come pull me out?
Cop pulls up again.
Now I have to reintegrate how fucked up I am.
The cop doesn't even give a fuck,
tries to help me push my car out.
Cause it was like, it was like the road
and then it dropped off like a little bit like this
with some rocks and then the whole dropped.
So if I would have been going faster,
I would have just went off this motherfucker.
So he helps me.
He was like, you already called a tow truck?
I'm like, yeah.
He was like, well, I can't do nothing else for you.
I'm leaving.
And then the tow truck came and I went back to the house
and her best friend, even though he's gay, he's still a guy
and he was sleeping on my side of the bed.
So I threw my drink.
Oh my God.
Did you throw a drink on the bed?
Yeah, I haven't seen her since.
So.
You threw your drink on her?
I threw a drink on both of us.
On both of them?
Yeah.
Okay, but you also said him being gay was important
for the end of this talk?
Yeah, because it's not like she's sleeping with the guy.
He's gay.
But still in my mind, I'm like, why the fuck is he
on my side of the bed?
Don, you know that's a hate crime.
You just hate crime to gay man.
Throw Captain Morgan on him.
He was cool.
He was trying to calm me down.
He was cool.
He was cool about it.
I was the one that was fucked up.
Yeah, yeah.
That was back in my early twenties.
Hormones are raging.
I mean, I haven't done that.
Brandon, have you done anything like that?
Not yet.
You guys haven't got there yet, all right?
I haven't got there yet.
I don't know what will happen.
Hopefully we never get to wherever that is.
Hopefully never.
You don't know when a bad Latina fucks with your brain.
All right?
Destroy you.
Hey, fuck, at least it wasn't a bad enough.
Like nigga, what you, bam.
Hit him with the bat.
Oh no, no, no, I wouldn't get violent,
but I was gonna, it was ice in there.
Not crushed either.
It was solid ice.
It was solid ice, yeah.
Okay, so how long, I wanna know,
how long were you gone from the house before you came back?
Oh, hours.
I do, I'm telling you.
I didn't know where I was.
Cause I had to pay for, we were both in the army.
So my family doesn't know, but we got married.
My family still doesn't know.
Well, we got married to stay together, right?
So I still had an apartment in Clarksville
and I'm paying half on an apartment in Columbus
because we're supposed, army's supposed to get you together,
but army's like, no, you'll be all right.
You're still deploying.
I was like, God damn.
So I had a-
There's a war.
Yeah, yeah, so she had to move over there.
So it was hard cause I'm going,
like I'm just driving to Columbus every weekend.
And in the weekend, you don't really want to,
you're like, I wanna hang out with the boys a little bit.
And then it's a big thing.
Yeah.
Yeah, but I was a piece of shit.
She was too though.
It's fair.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I completely understand, dude.
What happened?
Army got you in separate places, but equal conditions.
And I've always been a fan of separate but equal.
Yeah.
You know me.
Hell yeah.
Hold on.
There you go.
Why did he say hell yeah?
Brandon really is Uncle Ruckus.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
What was I agreeing to right there?
I thought, hold on, wait a minute, man.
See, there was a landmark court case,
Supreme court case, Plessy versus Ferguson,
where they said that they could put black people
and white people in different schools
as long as they were equal.
Equally funded, which just wasn't true at all.
They did not fund those fucking, those other schools, man.
It was fucked up and you agreed with it.
Oh, so this is segregation.
Oh, hold up, wait a minute.
I gotta get to the camera for this one.
Yo, I don't, fuck segregation, y'all.
We gotta all be equal.
I like everybody.
We are equal, but just separate.
No, we don't have to separate, y'all.
I see what's going on.
I see that little trick.
Nobody has to separate, we're all equal.
Yeah, but we're saying, he's saying that everybody is equal,
but you just have to live in separate places.
Oh, nobody should have to live in separate places.
And not go to the same school
or go to the banks at the same time.
Or similar cultures, ways of life.
You can go wherever you wanna go.
Sit in the back of the bus.
No, you don't have to sit in the back of the bus.
Different water fountains.
What would the modern day equivalent of that be?
Like a water fountain,
because people don't really fuck with water fountains
anymore after COVID.
Yeah, he shouldn't.
If we were gonna segregate today's society,
what measures would we have to take?
Will definitely still be school, right?
Probably movie theaters for sure.
Your whites hate, you know,
good black people do be talking.
But movie theaters still be segregated.
How are you gonna segregate online school, though?
They'll have the better teacher for the whites.
You know what I'm saying?
We get the one like my coach White, big game,
what y'all want?
What y'all doing in there?
Y'all teachers just chat GPT.
You get one subscription, but everybody has to share it.
Hey, chat GPT better than some of these teachers.
Oh, hell yeah.
Not explaining that shit.
And most teachers, I would say.
You got some problem with the education system, dude.
We're getting real deep on this.
And teachers out there, if you're in college
and they're not majoring in whatever the fuck
you're teaching, lay off.
Thank you.
Because what the fuck does a business major
need to know about topsoil that much?
You know what I mean?
Well, you got- I'm sorry.
Come on.
You preaching to the fucking choir right there.
Walk with me.
I walk with you now, man.
Come on now.
Hell yeah.
It's important, dude.
Topsoil?
Shit's important, bro.
Yeah, bro.
How do you know what topsoil is gonna mesh
with the natural Alabama red clay that we have here?
Yeah, the clay's the problem.
How else are you gonna grow your own vegetables, dude?
The clay's the problem.
I should know this, but I do.
And if I needed to know it-
Oh, I'll just Google what kind of soil
I need to grow this vegetable or whatever the fuck.
See, dude, you gotta learn how to be self-sufficient.
If you wanna go off the grid,
if you wanna stop paying taxes and shit.
Dude, I'm telling you, I don't agree.
I would never wanna go completely off the grid.
People will go, whatever.
Fuck you, living in the woods and shit?
Yeah, everything's off the grid
until you gotta go to the hospital.
You know what I'm saying?
Hell yeah.
Something simple like a tooth, you know what I'm saying?
And you just die from not getting a root canal?
Yep.
Get infected or something.
Get some diarrhea or some shit.
Die like they did in the old days.
Dysentery?
Dysentery.
You don't want that to get you.
You're fucking-
I have diarrhea all the time, huh?
Me too.
Your crops die because of an unexpected winter storm
like we're experiencing, dude.
Your ass is going to Walmart.
But you don't have any money.
Because you're off the grid.
You're stealing.
You get aid from a fucking water fountain
that's been in the woods for like 10 years?
I've never seen a water fountain in the woods.
And I don't think aid spreads in that way.
But I get the idea.
I mean, what, you can't get aid?
Hold on, hold on, wait a minute.
Hold on, just break it down.
How do you think you get aid?
You don't get aid from a water fountain.
No, let me tell you what.
So let's say there was a dude with aid
and he just got bit by a bear or something.
He's like, oh shit, I need some water.
He's drinking it.
And then like nobody knows that he drunk out of it.
And a little dash of that, something got on there.
And then somebody else be like, I'm thirsty.
Now they got aid.
I mean, it wouldn't last that long.
Okay.
Oh.
Well.
This isn't the problem we need to address.
Right now.
He said a man in the wilderness with aids
gets bitten by a bear and finds a water fountain
in the middle of the woods after being mauled by a bear.
He's like, I want a drink of water.
And a little dash of that something
gets on the spigot of the water fountain.
And then you get aid.
There's multiple problems with that.
I mean, we can break that whole thing down layer by layer,
point out all the falsehoods and inaccuracies,
but you want to focus on,
it doesn't live that long.
Aids doesn't live that long.
I don't know, man.
In the open air though.
True.
Yeah, but I don't think that's the issue.
Yeah, no, there would be no water fountain in the woods.
It's just all around crazy.
You got like a LK-255 out there, man.
What the fuck is that?
Yeah, I don't know.
Your model's a fucking water fountain.
Like LK-
Hold on.
Did you just spit out a model of a water fountain?
Brandon, look that up, dude.
Look up, look up at LK-M255.
There you go.
See, this probably isn't the model that y'all had,
but this is what we had.
Go to the Discord one.
Okay.
All right, you said it's called a MK-
LK. LK.
E-L-
You said E-L?
E-L.
Hold up.
E-L.
K-A-Y.
Space.
M-255.
Here we go, dude.
How the fuck do you know that?
I'm telling you, this is the white water fountain.
I don't know what y'all probably had to see, 255.
I don't know.
Hell yeah, man.
What the fuck?
That's a sink, Brandon.
Yeah, that's a sink.
And also, who would pay $900 for just that?
You could make that, man.
Just the right man, Brandon.
Yep.
Good.
Go back again.
Hold up.
Hey.
Okay, here it is.
Yes, that one, dude.
It's my favorite.
Yeah, that's the one that was near the place I had to clean up.
It's my fucking favorite.
Hold on, the shit you had to clean up?
Yep, this is the exact one.
That's literally the exact one.
Hell yeah, man.
Hold on, this shit in there?
No, no, I was saying it was right there.
They had one right next to it.
I remember like it was yesterday.
That is the, make sure you say the pitch.
That is the OG water fountain.
Hey, can you bookmark that, Brandon?
That's a decent price, dude.
Shit, hell yeah.
558.
Is this download right here?
Mm-hmm.
Fucking good.
Sorry, guys, we're having trouble.
We're having technical difficulty.
I didn't even fucking say that word.
Drink, we're having a drinking game
every time I mispronounce a word,
every time Brandon gets molested,
and then every time.
I bring up race.
Yeah, yeah.
You'll be dead by the end of this price.
Is that minimized?
Huh?
Is that minimized right there?
No, go to the green one first.
To the right, yeah.
Exit full screen.
And Jake, every time he just mentions women
out of the blue.
Something about women.
Dude, dude, Jake would not let it go.
We were just sitting here.
We were talking, I mean, I was editing a podcast, right?
And we'll be sitting here talking about something
that happened on the episode.
It was his episode.
And then he'll be just like,
I'm like, yeah, ain't this crazy?
He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, man,
you can't talk to women outside anymore.
What?
Everybody thinks you're weird.
Yeah, everybody thinks you're weird.
That's how we've done it for thousands of years.
And now just because the culture says
you wanna do it online and do Tinder and all that bullshit,
now I can't talk to women in public because I'm weird?
You guys are the weird ones.
Yes.
I love it.
This is exactly what he said.
I love it, dude.
I'll say this.
Before I had my fiance, I used to be just like him.
I literally agreed.
I'm like, man, you can't say shit now.
You can't go up and be like, hey, hold the door.
None of that.
You can't even be like nice hair, nice bod.
You can't do that shit anymore.
Well, you can't say nice bod.
You can't do that.
No, you can't do that one.
But you can say the rest of them.
If you're, my thing is the grocery store.
Oh, shit.
And if you can tell if they're just being polite
and like, oh, thank you,
or if they're actually engaging in what you,
you have the chips.
But some people can't.
What do you mean?
Some people cannot differentiate,
oh, she's just being nice.
Some people can't take the hint.
Oh, yeah, some people can't.
Yeah, yeah.
That's a real thing.
Yeah, yeah.
I don't know, maybe Jake can't take the hint, dude.
I don't know.
I've seen that.
I think he could take the hint.
He just wants to try to drive on and see.
It's the thrill of the kill.
You're telling me there was a chance.
Jake has also been.
What's all this one in a million talk?
Hey, dude, every probability does not make sense, right?
The whole field of statistics can be completely nullified
by the fact that everything has a 50-50 chance of happening
because it either happens or it doesn't.
Everything is 50-50.
No.
That's what gamblers don't understand, dude.
No, that's wrong.
Everything's not. Everything's not.
Everything's not 50-50.
The odds of Brandon dying right now, 50-50.
No, no, I don't think 50-50.
Because he's either gonna live or he's either gonna die.
I wanna live. No.
It's a controlled environment.
I mean, him dying right in the next,
let's say in the next hour is 50-50.
You're saying that?
Yes. No.
Or any.
Well, his chances of dying are 100%
because everybody's gonna die.
Yeah.
Everybody dies, man.
Yeah, yeah, everybody dies.
I'm a Hamid. My bad, dude.
Okay.
I got 72 virgins, so I'm ready to go.
You get them in the afterlife.
They had to die too to get there, man.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
If I go, I'm all right.
No, dude, everything is a 50-50 chance, bro.
Think about it.
No, it's not.
Because it either happens or it doesn't.
There's only two things that are gonna happen.
So there's a 50-50 chance a missile
comes through this window right here.
100%, dude.
No, it's not.
Because it's either gonna, so what are the two options?
It either happens. The missile comes in or it doesn't.
Or it doesn't. Yeah.
One or two of those things are gonna happen.
So it's a 50-50 chance
that one of those things is gonna happen.
The odds of it not happening is probably 99.999,
not probably, but more than that.
What are you basing that on?
How many fucking rockets went through windows
in America in southern Huntsville?
I know one hit East Palestine, Ohio
and blew up that fucking train.
Is that Huntsville?
Is that through a window?
It might be, dude.
It's a 50-50 chance.
It might happen, dude.
Conspiracy.
I agree with it, though.
I mean, hold on, let me tell you something.
I don't know what you mean.
I knew Brandon was gonna have my back on this.
Hold up.
So what I'm saying here is,
I feel like it is 50 feet, but situational.
Like if you in a good area, the 50 turns to 75 and then-
So the bad areas have rockets going through windows.
Well, let's say a different country
that's more likely to it.
A place that's more likely.
But if you in a situation, let's say you in Antarctica,
probably that 50 just turned to 10 out of.
So you're agreeing with me that it's not-
I'm agreeing with you, but I'm like,
yes, it depends where you at.
There's still a one in 10 chance
you're getting hit with a missile in Antarctica.
It's very, very, very slim like that.
Very slim.
Do it again.
How slow?
Very slim.
That one? Okay.
That's what I was doing in the back of the bus when I was a kid.
Very slim.
So you're saying here, so you're saying in East Palestine.
What you gonna pretend that you didn't say that?
What'd he say?
Brandon, can you repeat what he did?
I was like, back when I was in the back of the bus
saying very thin.
But I didn't know what I was talking about.
What?
I used to, so back in the day,
I didn't know that measuring your thing.
I thought it was like this.
People used to say, so they would do this.
I'd be like, you got a wide ass dick, man.
This mind is like this.
So that's what I used to do in the,
before football games and shit.
What?
Yeah, man.
Everybody would be talking on the bus and that.
I was just like, okay.
Time out, time out, time out.
We have to take it back instead.
Slag on the pit.
So you're talking about your measuring your dick
in the back of.
So I was in the football, but they talking.
I was like, what are y'all talking about?
That's too damn wide, man.
It's supposed to be like this, right?
Like that.
It's not supposed to be the wind.
You do see what he's saying though, right?
Yeah, I thought, I don't know why, when I was a kid,
I thought they meant the dick was this big, like wide.
Okay, okay.
And then the length, I thought the length was like that.
So I was like, yo.
When I was younger, it's like eight, nine, 10 maybe.
I don't know what you're doing with your fingers.
You don't get it.
So you know.
I get what you're saying.
I just don't get the finger method.
So what does this mean?
This is the length.
That's the penis.
This is the penis.
That's the penis.
And this is.
The length.
This is the width.
He's saying like, if the penis is like this,
this is the length and this is the girth.
And this is the penis being measured.
He gotta reverse.
I thought it was swollen.
Yeah.
I thought they were talking about swollen.
But why this?
He was using the wrong formula.
I'd never seen it before.
I still don't get why you're doing this.
Because that's how he's imagining it in his mind.
He's imagining his penis and him going like this.
When I was younger, I was like, this is what it,
I would like it to be like that.
So when I saw them do this, I thought they were like,
this is the length.
This is the length.
I get it.
You got everybody at a show.
You guys were gay as hell.
Yeah.
I don't know why they were talking.
I looked, I said, first of all, y'all,
we ain't gonna sit here and act like
it's supposed to look like that.
It's supposed to be like, yeah, it was weird.
You guys weren't pulling them out though.
Hell nah.
Okay, you were just like measuring it out.
Hell nah, man.
That was the-
That was the gayest experience you've ever had, Brandon.
Nope.
What?
What the fuck?
I think he just caved.
Hold on, man.
Let me think.
I guess the weirdest experience I saw.
You talking about, okay.
What?
You talking about the gayest experience you've had.
I'm talking about gayest.
Like, the weirdest gayest.
If you've seen it.
Okay, well, I've seen-
I guess you can be expected.
So he had a friend that was mad at his cousin
and to pay him back, he said, fuck that nigga.
I'm gonna put my dick hair in his milk.
And, man, yeah, so he went up to him.
That ain't even gay.
That's just nasty.
It is, and then when he gave it to him, the other-
It's a crime?
No.
Damn crime.
This is where it gets gay.
Because I found out it was a crime too.
I was like, hell nah, but this is where it gets gay.
His other cousin was like, to pay him back,
I'm gonna do the same thing.
So he did the same thing.
He cut his hair and put it in there too.
Okay, but-
That's not gay.
How do you not see it?
That's disgusting kids.
They were fair.
Milk is white.
Puberty hairs are dark.
Oh yeah.
How do you not see it?
Did they drink it?
I think they did, man.
They just, because they were like,
he was telling me the story.
We are fighting.
Okay.
Hell yeah, that's a fight.
I just remembered something, dude.
This is along the same lines as that.
I'm not gonna drop any names,
but I knew these dudes in high school,
where like, jeweling was the biggest thing
when I was in high school.
Like having a jewel-
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Before they banned all the flavored pods and shit.
Fucking commies.
Fuck them, dude.
I thought this was, you know, free market,
but they took an empty jewel pod,
and this dude like jerked off
and put his cum in the jewel pod,
and let his boy hit it.
Oh no.
So he like, vaped his cum through a jewel.
The amount of ass-whoopens that-
That's what I'm saying.
Every time I saw him, I would try to kill him.
I-
With my fist.
How do you think it's something that diabolical, bro?
These people are sick.
That's a serial killer kind of thing.
That's some like Nazi concentration camp,
weird experimental type shit.
Vaping semen.
Do you think a girl could get pregnant
if she vaped the semen?
No.
That'd be the most 2024 thing ever, dude.
Vape baby?
I'm sure some girls try to-
Some girls try to say that's what it was.
I got it.
Oh, I vaped, it's okay, honey.
Baby, baby.
Oh, you vaped?
That's why he's black.
She-
That's okay.
She blows the guy, and then she hits the vape afterwards,
and it like causes the, causes it to like steam or whatever,
and she inhales it through the lungs.
There's a 50-50 chance this is gonna happen,
because it either happens or it doesn't, dude.
No, it's not a 50, it's a 0% chance that happens,
because that's not how it works.
You have a 50-50 chance of getting pregnant
through a semen vape, dude.
I guarantee you, I'll do a fuckin' science project on this.
For next week, I'll have a fuckin' trifold right here.
I need to see it.
And a jewel full of cum.
Oh my gosh.
And we will get Kim.
Kim's gonna be on the next episode.
Shout out, hey!
But she's the perfect control group,
because you know she's not getting pregnant any other way.
Kim would fuck you up.
Yeah, she would be.
If you even proposed this.
Yeah.
I would never, it's all comical, you know?
She's gonna be watching this like, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
I just get excited.
What we doin' over there next week?
I just get excited, you know?
Progressive science really gets me going, dude.
It gets me hyped, dude.
You know what, I'm gonna tell both of y'all,
the craziest gay thing I've ever saw in my life.
What's comin'?
One of them, this dude, so we were in a wrestling camp,
and this dude would always be like,
talkin' so bad about gay stuff.
He's like, man, fuck that gay shit.
And then one time we walked into the bathroom,
we were like, why is this nigga doin' helicopters
button-naked in front of everybody?
That was fucked up.
We were like, that's weird, man.
You can't be doin' that.
It's that internal hatred.
Yeah, and then we found out that day,
and I used to always wait till everybody was done,
so I learned later.
I mean, one time I was in there,
and I left nigga like, while you wait till everybody leave,
I'm like, come on, what y'all seein' my ass?
What the fuck?
What did you say, this is in what, wrestling?
Yeah, it was a wrestling camp.
Oh, so camp, so you had to stay there all night?
Yeah, we all stayed there all night.
Everybody had to shower together.
Yeah, and stuff.
Yeah, wrestling camp has to be the gay shit one.
Yeah, you know.
What if it wasn't a wrestling camp?
Straight white guys are the gayest people on the earth.
Yeah, yeah.
Sure.
They always do, yeah.
Gay people are just gay, you know what I'm sayin'?
But they do gay shit, and then they hate gay people also.
I never really ventured much into the gay shit,
but that was because of my grandparents.
I asked my grandma as a joke one time.
I was like, would you rather me be gay or murder someone?
And with zero hesitation, she said,
I'd rather you take 10 souls than corrupt your own.
Dang, grab one on plane, okay?
So, you know, I like havin' a house to live in.
I don't wanna be a hunter gatherer or whatever.
They go home nowadays, too.
I'd like a place to stay, man.
Oh, shit.
All right, you guys ready to watch some clips?
Hell yeah, dude.
Clip of the week!
Fuck yeah, dude.
Fuck yeah, dude, nice.
Go!
Yeah, I get this thing where a lot of girls ask
if they can peg me.
Solid.
I don't know what about me seems so penetrable.
Like, I wanna be penetrated.
It makes me really insecure.
And it's happened so much,
I've crafted the perfect response to this question.
So the girl will be like, would you ever let me peg you?
And I'll be like, no.
I feel like you would have weak stroking.
That true?
You know, your hip flexors aren't gonna activate.
You don't know the patterns, dude.
You're not gonna hit my shit right at the end of the day.
My body's a temple.
I can control who enters.
Thanks, man.
Thank you.
Oh, man, I'm always there for you.
Said, fuck you.
How dare she, man?
She probably does not have weak stroke game.
She does not seem like a tender lover if she had a penis.
Oh, yeah, she probably goes hard.
That's one of those jokes that I wrote
that I want people to like really bad,
but I don't know if they're going to.
I need a better follow-up.
She only did it like twice.
Yeah, yeah.
I need a better follow-up.
I need more on it.
Did it work the first time?
People always laugh when I say,
I feel like you would have weak stroke game.
Weak stroke game, right?
I like the joke, I love it.
It's funny, but seriously, if you were watching this
and a girl ever asked to peg you, be like,
I'm not against the idea of peeing pegged,
just not by you, because I feel like
you have weak stroke game.
That turns women into men.
It seriously does.
It activates something in their brain,
like the Mulan gene or whatever the fuck,
and they're just so like toxically insecure about this thing
because they all want to be,
they secretly want to be good at everything, dude.
But you can't be good at everything.
They can't be good at that.
There's just no way.
Why do you call lesbians?
I bet they can go to town.
Okay, maybe, like, but if you're, I'm 210 pounds.
I'm a man, bro.
You gotta be two something to do something.
You know what I'm saying?
You're a little 110 pounds scrawny ass
is not doing anything for me, dude.
I know, but I know a lot of over 210 pound lesbians
that will fuck your ass up.
Spin you around.
Well, they're lesbians.
They're lesbians, they have no interest in men.
I'm saying these straight girls need bi girls.
Okay, okay, okay, yeah.
If you say straight girls, then yeah, yeah,
they don't know what the fuck they're doing.
But I guarantee a lesbian can dig in your ass.
Yeah.
Yeah, right?
It's like you just fucking lay there.
When I fuck you,
you think you're gonna hit my shit right, dude?
Are you crazy?
Are you insane?
Hell yeah.
Groundhog day, finna get in that hole.
Hell yeah, dude.
I couldn't be pegged.
I have aggressive hemorrhoids.
Me too, man, I couldn't do that shit either.
I have hemorrhoids too.
Yeah, tear me apart.
The red suit.
I'm glad we're on this now.
If I push too hard, I have a problem.
Same.
Same here, man, it's horrible shit.
Dude, I'm just glad we could discuss this shit now, man.
On a proper form.
I've been hiding it.
You been hiding your hemorrhoids?
Yes, I've been hiding my hemorrhoids.
Prespiration H?
What is that?
Preparation H?
I haven't done nothing about it, really.
Prespiration?
You sweat out your ass?
Oh yeah, there you go, yep.
You gotta get that.
Tighten you up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just finished my bottle, so.
I had an ulcer inside my asshole one time.
Jesus.
And I had to finger myself to put the medicine on it.
Oh man.
Yeah, dude.
Ugh.
That's why I can make those pegging jokes, dude.
I earned it.
Yeah, you did, man.
You did penetrate it before.
Yeah, self penetration.
50-50 chance that it happens at some point in your life.
Yeah, 50-50.
50-50, what we got?
All right.
No.
You know what I mean?
Like, as long as you pay me back,
whenever you say you're gonna pay me back,
if this doesn't happen, we have a problem.
Like, I seen one of my boys, he was at Gary Queen,
we're getting ice cream.
Ha ha ha, I don't know.
Ice cream is for the rich.
You get great value, but I'm being generous with that.
Get out of here, you son, get out of here.
You're damn right.
I don't know if that's true.
You're riched up so fast.
That hurts like a damn.
Look at Brandon, look at Brandon.
That's it.
Ha ha ha.
Oh shit, we got Allen in there too.
Oh shit.
Allen, shout out.
Hell yeah.
I didn't even realize I looked like Brandon.
And you can't see, but that thing in front of Brandon,
that's Jalen, hunched over.
Ha ha ha.
I picked that clip for multiple reasons, dude.
That's the second time you played that one.
Not this one in particular.
No, but this is a different angle from it.
No, the one I played before was you at Shag Nasties
with men, and she calls you the F slur.
Oh.
This one is a different one.
Yeah, it's a different place.
This is at Shenanigans.
But she said the same thing twice.
Yeah.
Fat don't get ice.
Yeah.
First, well, the last one was fat, this one.
Yeah, there's no fat.
This one is just straight up.
She said, you're a fat F,
and fat Fs don't get ice cream.
Is that what she said this time?
No, this time she took out the fat.
Oh.
She just said the other one.
Oh, okay, okay.
I had to clarify, that was a bit over there.
I don't like the way Brandon's looking at me.
Ha ha ha.
Like, dude, I just realized, I didn't even know,
I looked back like, she understand that line.
That's when the special kid in class
turns around and looks at you.
He's like, gonna ask you to borrow a pencil,
but it takes him 10 minutes.
Yeah.
It's like, you know what?
He's like, you wanna be my friend?
I just dare you to like this.
You get it, you give him a pencil, you get it back,
there's like a bite taken out of it,
you're like, you can keep it.
Nah, I'll be like.
I was playing, I was playing,
but that was funny, because when Min said it,
she was like, and you know,
bleeps don't get ice cream,
and you're like, you're damn right.
And then you remembered where you were,
and you're like, oh wait, that's her, that's her,
that wasn't me.
That was funny.
Cause she usually gives me the hell Hitler.
Yeah.
You know, and I go along with it.
So I'm like, you know, so I was gonna go along with this,
but then I had to be like, oh no, I'm not saying this.
I just let everybody know, I'm not the one saying this.
I thought it was hilarious,
cause you could see the progression of like,
you'd be like, yeah?
And then you're like, wait, no, actually no.
Damn right, oh, hold up.
That was like me when I disagree with what you were talking
about, I was like, yep, yeah, hold on, no, no segregation.
See, it happens.
Yeah, it happens, it's okay.
All right guys, that's all for us.
Hell yeah.
Hey, who do you have on today?
Oh, well, he's not Brian Gold, dude.
He's Jonathan Silver.
Oh, I love it, I love it.
One of the hardest working people in Huntsville County.
He is.
Has to be.
Top two, not two.
He's helped me out tremendously in my career.
He doesn't even remember doing it, but I love it,
because it's just like always trying to give people pointers.
Encourage you to be yourself.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Tell me to be fat.
Yeah, he's like, I said that?
I said, yeah, he said that.
What's wrong with you?
All right, we'll see you in a minute.
We got some skits.
Dr. Lawrence Redwood, he's a relationship expert
who studied with the likes of Jesse Lee Peterson,
Kevin Samuels, Dr. Ruth, and he's renowned in the fields
of life, love, and the pursuit of sexual happiness.
That's Dr. Lawrence Redwood,
and that's with a goddamn W.
Hello, welcome back to Love Advice.
I'm Lawrence Redwood, and that's spelled with a goddamn W.
Today we got a couple of questions
from some dirty fucking intel's or some shit on the internet,
and we're gonna see if we can answer them
before they kill somebody or themselves.
Alrighty then.
All right, Lawrence, this one is from B. Schmoov,
and he asks, I'm struggling to get matches on Tinder,
how can I change my profile?
You're gonna need a lot of cats, obviously.
Women love cats, you're gonna wanna take pictures
with as many cats as possible
and as many situations as possible, mostly in bed.
You're gonna want a lot of pictures of cats in bed,
cats skydiving, cats canoeing, cats rodeo blading,
cats rollerblading, cats in UFC fights.
These are the things that attract women, obviously.
This is written within us, it can't be denied.
They want furry things in dangerous and exciting situations
because they need to feel something.
They're less captivated, do you understand?
They like things that are soft and fuzzy,
that maybe show that there's adventure.
So have a cat, show that you do things,
something that she can enjoy, you know?
And maybe not your penis.
If you send your penis, don't.
Nobody wants it, yet.
It's literally made to hide.
Thank you.
That's Dr. Lawrence Redwood,
and that's what the goddamn W.
Next question, please.
We have a question here from Greg Miller.
That idiot.
How do I approach women in public
without coming off as creepy?
Can't be done, can't be done anymore.
You'll have to just embrace that
because in our modern society,
you really can't approach women in public
without coming off as creepy
because they've really just been raped and murdered too much.
And you know, hey, I get it, good game.
But it is gonna be harder.
So you wanna play into that, you wanna corner them.
Use your power, make a lot of quick aggressive motions
to show them you're a good reading partner
if you get them against a wall.
Hit it, hit it again.
Let them know what's going on.
God damn it, are you dressed nice?
You fucking idiot.
This is it.
This is brand new shit coming out of Japan, people.
You wanna show up your power, you understand?
It's all about nature.
That's why you wanna hit that fucking wall behind them, dude.
You don't wanna let them get away.
If they make an emotion, you make emotion.
You understand?
ground, alright? None of this pussy shit. God damn it. Thank you. What's the next question?
That's Dr. Lawrence Redwood. And that's with a goddamn W. Thank you. I'm Lance Redwood
and that's with a goddamn W. Next question. BlackdollStyle asked, what do I do when I
find out that my female date has a penis? Instead of a big black mid, I'm guessing.
Okay. Let's say you do find out this lady has got a straight up hip stick. What do you
want to do with that love rifle, buddy? Huh? It's 2024. That doesn't make you gay. Alright?
Things are different now. And sex is a very primitive thing and primal thing that we fit
into a very civilized society. And just because you don't want to bang this woman or man
because she doesn't have the parts you wanted, does it make you wrong? It also doesn't make
you gay or weird or some kind of a Jew or something if you do. Alright? It's fine. It's
all good. Alright? It's 2024. And coming with your pussy doesn't make you any less
of a man. That's Dr. Lawrence Redwood. And that's with a goddamn W. This one comes from
a user who asked to stay anonymous. He said, my wife was just involved in a car accident
that has resulted in her being paralyzed from the neck down. Am I the asshole for leaving
her and abandoning our four special needs children? No, you're free. What do you not
have a fucking window? Put her by that. She's fine. You know, get a bird feeder. You're
free now. What? You're gonna tell her what with Braille? Don't. Don't tell her. Find
a place with medical marijuana and lots of windows and live your life. How about that?
What are you a saint? That's Dr. Lawrence Redwood. And that's what the goddamn W. This
week's featured comedian. Women's bodies are amazing. Give it up. Women's bodies are amazing.
I was doing some Googling and I found out that the amniotic fluid in a womb is mostly
just water and electrolytes. I thought, wow, isn't it cool that babies are made in gambling?
You might as well do it today. I hope you know I'm very athletic for my size. I slip
up on as I believe it. I believe it. If I saw you in a football field, I'm running every
time. Now, so you put yeah, you'll get away from me running to that was my problem. I'm
running. You can't catch me. I can't catch. I'm gonna try to trip you. Remember this?
If I ever see Dom run, I'm running too. Because if he's running, it's Cloverfield. We run
it. What's the other one? I'll run you in a 40 right now. You think you can beat me in
a 40? We got a race. I'll do it. I'll do the run. I would love to see Brandon run. I know
it's weird. Brandon will run. I want to see that race for sure. I'm fucking smoking you.
Yes. Do you ever like pause and go out in the parking lot and settle disputes? Y'all
ever do that? Insert here. Insert here. We should do this outside of Canterbar. You guys
should race. We need some. You want to race at Canterbar? I got plenty of fish addicts.
Indoor UAH track. Sponsored by JJ. On concrete or road. I know a local party hall is gonna
fall. What's the best parking lot to race in? It can't be Canterbar. The parking lot's too
far. You can do a full area. I was thinking the field in the back. Oh yes. Next in my
house we have a racetrack thing in this playground where we can run around if you want. It's
literally like road and everything but for running around. Just running circles. And
a cold track. Yep. Like a little track. We can run a couple laps. Run the cold a sec.
You can have some Karen outside. Get off my fucking line. We even got a baseball field.
It's content. Karen's our content. Speaking of content man. Today we are here with the
king of content in Huntsville comedy. The hardest worker in Huntsville comedy. Can't
be disputed. This man is my mentor. He gave me multiple opportunities for which I am very
appreciative. A lot of good advice. Both about stand up and content creation. He's the most
knowledgeable man in Huntsville when it comes to this shit dude. Who is this? It's Jonathan
Silver dude. Hell yeah. Thanks for coming home man. You guys are gonna make me blush
and cry. I just want to thank my parents. No you guys are great. I love you guys. You
guys are great. The fact that we even have this that exists in this format with these
wonderful cameras and wonderful microphone. A full set up is amazing. It's literally amazing.
Well we got it from you. You know what I'm saying? Mine even did podcasts. I'm like shit
look at all this. It's not the podcast. It's all the content that you put out and all the
shows you put on for local comedians. If you want to get on the show Jonathan is your best
bet and if you're funny Jonathan is gonna see you. Jonathan was the first Huntsville
comic I ever spoke to. Did he tell you our origin story? No. Okay I'm gonna tell the
story. I love telling the story. Alright so. Okay I'm gonna tell and then you tell your
side because you gotta jump in. Okay so I'm just I'm at home eating some lasagna or something
you know like Garfield and I get this message from this kid and he's just like hey now listen
this is not a flex but I do get hundreds of messages a day okay and I don't have time
to always read all of them but something about this one stood out and I was like who is this
JJ? And because I think you started with like hey I'm from Huntsville. I think that's what
caught my eye. Yeah yeah I said I saw you at the Stand Up Live new comedy show. Yeah
yeah so he had gone to the showcase. Did you sneak in? What'd you do? No I uh me and Blake
came and watched it. We sat in the very front. We sat in the very front but the first time
I ever saw you was when I went to my first ever open mic at Stand Up Live in March and
it's the first time they had done it in like six months so hella people were there. They
had been slacking a little bit. They've been getting a lot better but I see this message
and I'm like oh he's on Stand Up Live and then you know people they DM me this all the
time so I'm like oh just come to this and then he shows up and I'm like okay cool cool
cool but then he goes up and when a man goes up he blows me away. I was like oh this kid's
got it. He had the rant style down. You could memorize your sets. It was well written. There
were punch lines. They were self-deprecating. You know you didn't take yourself too seriously.
You know it was just I was like wow okay we can work with this and then we were just off
from there. Hell yeah. Yeah that's that's pretty much how I remember it. I remember seeing
you at Stand Up Live at the open mic. You went up first. Yeah Booker's like to put me
first on shows a lot. Yeah. You get the crowd. You get the crowd where they need to be. A
lot of my material moves the crowd in a way that is beneficial for a lot of comedians
the rest of the show. Yes. I'm a great first comedian. I'm a great headliner too but you
know if you hear my material you're like all right this is where we're at and it's a real
good litmus test for the rest of the show. I was gonna say you're a good hairliner. I
got a friend and she was like whenever we went to the comedy show you know these people
were funny but they didn't really interact with the crowd and then you are like you know
you're going to interact with the crowd. You're going to get them all feel like they're part
of the part of what you're saying. Yeah. Oh we're gonna be on the same page. Yeah. We're
gonna we're gonna feel I'm not gonna give out my jokes but you know but but but you
all know you know you can't say that tongue twister you know we're not gonna have a good
show. So as long as we're good we're good and the show's good and so yeah pretty much
every time I've done the stand up live showcase they put me first. Okay. Yeah. I see him he
comes out on the stage he's got the the short sleeve denim button up the jeans and the red
shoes. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like who is this character. He's Jonathan Silver. I look like I'm from
Arthur's world. What's the name of Arthur's town. Elwood. I look like I'm from Elwood.
I do like a cartoon character. Yeah I do. You do. It's just you know it's my thing. We were
talking about you last week on this week's episode that came out today and I had to put
a picture of you up there for reference. We were talking about how you sit Indian style
and play. That was crazy. You all see this man. Jonathan looks like he's Indian style
and then he does. When he's sitting down he's still as tall as Jacob Baker. I know. Yeah
yeah. I'm catching straight. I do that for dumb because I never stood up for Jacob. I'm
like who's mother. Little ass nigga. He's still welcome on the. I tried to book him
like three times. I'm like dog where are you. I'm in Germany. I'm in Poland. I'm like I
brought the war. I hope you don't get flagged for that. It's okay if you sing it right.
If you sing it it's okay. If you play it is not okay. Nobody's looking at this first of
all. Nobody's talking about man. We have one hundred and ten subscribers. Listen. One ten.
Thank y'all too. That's right. That's right. That's right. Let me give him a little applause.
Thank you. He's like Robin from Howard Stern. That's right. Let me see who Robin is. Who
is Robin. Look at Robin. It's Howard Stern second Mike. Did I mean to say that you look
like a black woman. Kind of. I did kind of mean that. I mean I do actually. Like when
I had that wig on. He said Robert. Oh he said Robin. And then he said I don't save that
picture because then you said I do look like this person. It's a white man. Robert Pattinson.
Is that the Twilight guy. I mean shit if I was a. Twilight. Don't you mean the Batman.
He said I do look like. You never know. I said look in the alternate universe. I ain't
gonna shit. I go workin' out. Brandon you do not look like this nigga bro. What are you
talking about. He's insane. Robin. He's insane. He's insane. I think it might be a white.
He said he looks like Robert Pattinson. Pulls out Robert Pattinson. This might be worse
than the Francis and Garner thing. It might be the worst one yet. I get up. OK that's
a perfect one right there. Oh my god. I can't see it down. Oh man. Look I just. Oh that
one all the way on the right. That one right there. This is me in 2010. I didn't mean
to roast you so hard. This is funny. I can send that up as a compliment. That is a compliment.
But damn she don't look like yo mama. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Back on track. So yes we
were at Stand Up Live. And we was having a good time. And yeah so JJ came out and you
know and then when he brought you I was like yo are all these dudes friends funny. Like
what is going on. This whole crowd is coming out. Me and Dom didn't know each other before.
We just happened to meet. Get the hell out of here. You want to know who. Tell me your
origins. So look I tell you and I know Pat watched this and you're going to have to listen
to this. So look. So I had. Y'all didn't know each other. I came a month before I met JJ
right. I had just got off of the Kill Tony thing. I was like I'm going to go try Mike.
The only one I could find was Shenanigans. Shout out to Kim. Shout out to Kim. Shout
out to Shenanigans. So I went there and looking back I can't find. I don't know any comedians
there besides one Pat. And he was the one you could tell was like had been doing it
for a minute. At least on the Shenanigans stage that night. Jacob Baker ended up winning
that night. He snuck through the cracks. And then. He kept his trades. Every conversation.
So Jacob was definitely the best one. Dom started it off with nobody that I know now
was there. Nobody. Nobody there. Yeah you know. That's what it was. No no that's what
it was. It was me and Brandon. No no no. You were behind the booth though. Yeah I was the
DJ at the time. You were DJing. Yeah. Yeah. But you didn't go up. Wait no. You remember
the time we did both go up. So yeah yeah. So Brandon did go up. Yeah that was the one.
Wait that was the time I did go up. Nobody got up. So we both started at the same time.
We both went to the same one for Shenanigans right. Jokers Wild. Yeah Jokers Wild. And
then the only but I'm saying older comedians that was there that I'm looking back on and
know now was Pat. And then Brandon was talking to Pat afterwards and I was like hey you guys
know where the open mics was. And Pat was like there's one over here. There's one over
here. And I was like I felt some type of way. It was a spot on impression of Pat. And I
hooked you up. I sent you all the shit. Yeah yeah. Whenever you hooked me up with Jonathan
the next that's the next time. But then so I left and I was like I felt some type of
like damn these niggas don't even fuck with me. I was like I wrote five minutes out it
wasn't good but you know I did it. And then I came back the next time to Shenanigans and
that's where I met JJ and then I met you that time because you was like yeah yeah. You show
me where all the open mics were. And you got me on and I was like hell yeah. And then I
just start going to the open mic. Yeah. But Pat said I asked Pat about it. He was like
yeah I didn't think you was going to be funny because you too cute. Whoa. Hey. Tell me this.
I said first of all yes but thanks. Bro that is a wild first thing to say to someone. That's
what I was like. I was trying to you know help me out here. You too funny to be cute.
What? Sounds like a jail thing going on. What? You in prison? Patrick we going to have to
have a conversation. Now Pat my nigga I fuck with Pat. That's crazy. We going to have Pat
over here. So you guys meet at the second one that you had gone to. But it just became
a natural thing. After that point. I mean like within five minutes of talking to each
other he's asking me to do. He was like I think if we did a podcast together it would
be good. I was like yeah but he was the way I liked him because he was like I'm serious
about this shit. I said shit me too. He's like no I'm like seriously. See that's what
attracted me first because you can always tell when someone's about it. And I was like
he's already making his own content. He's already he's researching where he needs to
be and he considers content as something that's a high priority. You got to make content.
You can't not make content even in a small way. Even if it's just you talking. You have
to make something. And I was like okay he's taking it seriously because a lot of folks
were not taking it seriously. And that bothers me. That bothers me a lot. Oh it bothers me
so much. Well it hurts the legitimacy of the scene as a whole. True. Yes. You know. But
that that was a lot. Shout out to Blake. He does a lot for the podcast. Oh yeah. Where's
Blake's unsung hero? Him and Jack. He is one of the most motivated people I've ever met
in my life. And I was telling him like I love comedy. I think I might want to try it out.
But like everybody fucking says it. But he was like do it. Do it. Go do it. I'll go with
you. So that's when we went to the stand up live mic. And he was really pushing me to
do social media because he was like it can only help you. Really. It can only help. Blake
is a W man. Yeah Blake. Yeah. Blake's about that shit. Yeah. Did he go up? The clips that
you watch. That's Blake. The clip. Oh yeah. Did you see Cliff on line? That's Blake. Shout
out to you Blake. Shout out to you Blake. He about that business. He really helps us out
at clown college for sure. Yeah. Huge. Yeah. That's why I started. And I was surprised
that more people weren't already posting on social media. I'm like if you're going to
open mics three times a week why aren't you making videos? Listen. Listen. Listen. Listen.
I'm going to say something controversial. Post your open mic content. Yeah. Post. Post
your open mic content. I do it. I do it. This camera. Post your open mic content. This camera.
Post your open mic content. Don't nobody give a fuck. Don't nobody care. If it's funny it's
funny. Post it online. Throw them hashtags up there. Who cares if it's some shit. Post
it online. I bro. OK. I've cultivated my algorithm to show me new comics to show me people who
haven't been posting for very long to show me who people who haven't been doing comedy
for very long. And I so I get these videos of people who they're on day two of starting
comedy and it's bad. But some of it's actually really good. Yeah. You post that clip. I have
seen people I got one girl sitting on my phone right now. She's at like 800 followers. That's
not a slight to nobody. It's great. That's a whole bunch more to me. Yeah. It's just
like this. But her her like third stand up video has like 100000 likes. For real. Yes
bro. Yes. It happens. Yes. It happens like that. Yes. Especially on Tiktok. And I'm talking
about Instagram. I deal more with Instagram. So you know anybody that says stuff like oh
you shouldn't post because it's bad. Join the club. We're all posting bad content. Like
it's not it's not what you think it. Post your shit. Focus quantity first. Quality comes
with quantity. Once you learn the game. You got it. That's that's what Blake was telling
me. So I post I post like five five to ten videos a day. Yes. Couple months and then
started doing like three a day. Now I know I haven't posted in like a month. Right. But
I got it. I got to get back on the grind. I'm going to start doing it too. But I'll tell
you know I don't like that. You come to Twitter. You come to Twitter. Fuck with me. Yo I fuck
with Darm on Twitter. Everything I'm a lot. I know you can't like it but I'm a like it
for you. Everything down puts on Twitter. I think it's funny. I'm like I should be like
I can't be caught. I can't be caught liking this. I understand if you don't like it. Don't
actually like physically like it but you're going to chuckle. You're going to get me.
The thing is you don't understand. Your shit would kill on Tiktok. What? You would kill
on Tiktok. If you did like people love watching videos with different characters. You play
characters extremely well. You could definitely blow up on Tiktok. Yep. 100 percent. Let's
talk about cross posting your content. Okay let's talk about that. You got to cross post
your content. You got to put it on every platform. So do you whenever you do that do you got
like something that does it for all level. It's all manual. So you go through each one.
I go through each one one by one. And the reason. Okay. The reason it's got to. Okay
it ain't got to be like that. Okay. If you're working in something like After Effects. You're
working in something like Adobe whatever. Then you can create the content outside. But
what ends up happening is is that the aspect ratio cannot be I will say adequately converted.
And let's. Okay let's say it is. And you filmed a 4K. You have 4K is not coming across on
IG Reels. Oh no no no. It's just you did all that work for nothing. So. But let's just
say that's how you want to do it. You make your content in Adobe. Then you port it over
the iPhone. You put it on there. And then you can use like a deck where it posted YouTube
and Instagram and all that. But for me the tools that I use and I like are on Tick Tock.
They're on Instagram. And you essentially in my opinion in my opinion I want to use the
tools that a lot of your peers are using. So if they're using green screen you won't
use a green screen. They're using a filter. You know just some of this is like a felt
like a dog. Or you know you know those rat filters that they have when people be like
oh rats are in the system or whatever. They're like making a joke about rats. There's a filter
that puts a rat filter on your face. Adobe doesn't have that. Oh you mean like it looks
like a rat's own. It turns your face into a rat. Yeah. Adobe doesn't have that. And
if everybody's doing that you got to do what Tick Tock's doing. So you got to put that
on. So you got it. You got to make your content in the app. It doesn't really allow you. And
that's free right. It's free. It's free. It's just a free editing software that's for their
progress. And I don't know if you guys know this but Tick Tock gives a boost to videos
that are made in the platform. I'm not saying they push down videos that aren't but they
certainly give a boost. Yeah they give a boost. And so when you make it in the content it
incentivizes you to make your content in the app. And then you can download it but you
can download it without a watermark. And that's another thing I did. He was trying to figure
that out. And so you know when you cross post and you want to be able to post the same video
across all platforms and it'll look the same. And so if you yes if you made it off the app
you can do that. But if you have made it in the app you can't download until you've posted
it. And so basically what I do is I got to make the video in Tick Tock or Instagram download
it without the watermark then repost it to all the content with the same hashtags and
every hashtag system is different. So I have been able to kind of algorithm a ties my hashtags
to where I can use the same hashtags across every platform. But that's only through probably
nine months of trying different hashtags. You got it. You got it. You have to just watch
the hashtags and you got to like see how far they reach and you got to just kind of see
the analytics of it. Yeah. And they're not going to show you the analytics. What you're
really looking for is you're looking for usage. I'd say usage is number one. How many people
do you see using this particular hashtag. How many posts are under it and how many likes
does each post have. So and this is a lot of work. You got to click the hashtag you
go in there and say OK this has 10 posts but each post has you know a million likes on
it. You're like all right I'm going to throw this one on there. But if you have another
one that has 100 posts only two likes that's a dead hash. I call it I have the little nicknames
for it. I call it dead. I like this hashtag dead. So once your hashtags are dead you can
swap them out. There are certain hashtags that are always being used but they're like
it's like throwing it's like trying to skip rocks against the Pacific Ocean. Like it's
just too much. It's just too much like hashtag comedy. Everybody's using hashtag comedy.
So you got to get a little more specific hashtag sketch comedy and then sketch comedy has like
only sketches. Now some people who don't swear by hashtags they're like hashtag bunch of
bullshit. I'm on team hashtag. It worked for you. Do you got to spread it with all this
information. I got it all. So I have it in my notes app. So I got my notes app. OK. I
got certain hashtag. If somebody deems me is like you OK get some hashtags. Yes. Here
are some hashtags. I have hashtags that I'm like I'll be doing. These are the hashtag
especially in you know this is idea of neeshing down. I don't know if you ever ran into this
when you were over at Tick Tock about neeshing down. You ever hear about that. Just like
getting more specific. Yeah. Like right. You're supposed to like have a niche that only you.
That's the only where you poke as comedians. I don't really believe in that personally.
I think that as comedians we should be able to comment on a wide variety of things. But
there are certain things you shouldn't touch for sure. You know Israel Hamas. Don't don't
talk about it. I learned that. Just leave it alone. OK. It ain't for you. But you know
if there's a Palestinian comedian who wants to talk about it you know she can see her
he can do that. But I'm only that one. So you know I don't know shit about it. Yeah.
It's just like some things you just got to know. But if you've neeshed down then you
only talk about what's in your niche. But I'm like you know OK you make the solo podcast
stuff. What if you want to make a grimace video. What if you want to make a reaction
video. Yeah. OK. Well if I'm supposed to be neeshing down then I can't do that. No. Fuck
that. Make the video. Yeah. Like make the video. That was my philosophy. Yeah. That
grimace video ended up being the most viewed most liked video I ever made. So proud. One
of my friends the one you met that likes the Funkos. Funkos. Yeah. What was his name? John.
We ain't supposed to say it. Oh sorry. Yeah. Bleep his name. He has a lot of fucking Johns.
Second John. But he whenever he first met JJ and JJ showed him that video of the grimace
he was like oh I've seen that. So he already seen it without even knowing who he is. The
best feeling is when my friends send me my other friends content and they don't know
I'm friends with them. They'll be like oh here's this video of this girl roasting people
on Bumble. And I'm like oh you mean Sierra Moses. Yeah. They're like yeah I love her
stuff. But I'm like yeah we hang out bro. We're friends. Matthew Lumber is another one
who people send me his content. So yeah. And so it's just it's cool. That's why I'm like
seen. We got to make content. You got to make everything and anything. It don't matter what
it is. If you think it's funny put it up there. Somebody's going somebody's gonna mess with
it and it's going to be it edifies everybody. That's my soul box. I'm very passionate about
everybody making content. Oh yeah. I love it. I love it. You're the king of content. I try
to go follow Jonathan Silver. You're going to see you're gonna see some good stuff. I
try to be funny. I try to make stuff interesting for people. But yeah I post like I post probably
30 videos a week. You know I probably post seven a day or seven times five. Thirty five.
Oh it's more. It's more than that. OK. Maybe it's about 40 videos a day. And that's hard
man. Hell yeah. Come up with 40 original ideas. Yeah. That's great. I'm glad you mentioned
originality. You know sequences stitches. I wouldn't say they're wholly original because
I am piggybacking off of the success of that video. But there are videos I have that are
original like the water videos. Yeah. They're very very original that do go viral. And so
yes I heard you say it's just a mixture of both. You know just do what you think is funny.
It's just a lot of content to put out. That's a lot. So I was right before I came here I
was filming. I was filming. I got to drive over here record. Thankfully I'm done for
the day. Yeah. You going to box on tonight. I probably. I got to go to sleep. You just
had a beautiful baby girl right. That's right. Congratulations. I'm a girl dad. Oh yeah.
Oh my god I'm so excited. You've been up. You've been up a lot. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was
really feeding her right before I came in. I was like in my arms. Yeah. No. No. I'm
gonna go home and get to my get to my baby girl and I'll see y'all at if y'all come to
Silver Bullet on Tuesday I'll see you guys there. Oh yeah. And then after that the next
two weeks gonna be Nico because I because we're doing alternate. OK. Oh yeah. Oh so
you're this week and then Nico's right. Yeah I'm second and fourth. We split it like a
divorced parent and he's first and third. I'm second and fourth and he'll do fifth
week as to. So yeah. So we're we're splitting dudes with that one because I couldn't I
couldn't do every week. Unfortunately. Yeah. You know JJ is the new host of. That's right.
Give this man a hand clap. Let me see your hand clap. That's a personal clap. That's right.
But a shout out to Daniel Castillo. He's the one who started the shag nasties Mike. Did
you Google rap filter. Yeah. I searched it up for you. I saw him typing it in. I should
have seen how long. Yeah. I was like because I knew what you were talking about. I look
funny and shit. Can they see this too. You know what. Let me show you this one too. I'm
gonna save this one. I turned around and all I see is an army of rap people. It's like
what is going on. We would be remissed if we kept talking about social media content
and did not give props to Brandon. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. One of the most consistent. Oh yeah.
Brandon funny funny guys because you guys take it seriously. Brandon posts his videos
every day. He has a new video every day and they're funny. I'm sitting there laughing
like what is this dude on skits skits. He comes up. He comes up with all those ideas.
He's like you guys take it seriously. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. His ideas
Brandon and you're editing the way you're organized and you get to keep everything flowing.
I'm like yes. That's you need that. You need everybody working together. Yeah. Well you
know like Jaylen said this and I you know he's young but he's a he's an old man. He's
also and then but he was like you're only as good as you're in the scene. You're only
as good as your worst comment. You know what I'm saying. Like the whole scene. So whenever
they come people come out to see us and even if you're just going to open mic I'm telling
you these old mics you're going to get some people with some heat a lot of them. And if
you've got people consistently you know being being able to bang out there you got most
people on this scene you could put on a five minute 10 minute show. I mean you're good
and you'll be OK. Right. And so I love that philosophy. You want everybody to be good.
I want everybody to be good. First of all I love comedy so you got more people you can
laugh at. I want to sit through 20 people that suck or 20 people that are funny.
Yeah right. You want 20 people that are fucking funny. You got to you got to create a format
that allows them to win. And I believe I've done that with the apartment shows. No hell
yeah. It allows everyone to win. And if you. So tell them what the apartment shows are.
So the apartment shows are this camera here. Yeah. The apartment shows are you know we
go into apartment complexes and we put on shows for the residents you know and the leasing
office sometimes they're really excited about sometimes a little wary about it but they
need like an event. And so I just say hey you know do you guys do events for your residents.
And they say yeah we do. I say you're doing a comedy show. No no no we have it. I say
hey I know comedians I'm a comedian too. And then they're usually a little surprise. And
now you know this is an idea that anybody could take this idea. Although that if you
do go to any apartment shows apartments in Huntsville chances are I've done one already
at them. But you know. You got to pay the fee if you come over here. You know what I'm
saying. We'll whoop that ass. I need 10 percent. Listen hey you know. Just book me for it. I
just want to be booked for it you know. And the idea came out of like I want my friends
were funny. And I said I want my funny friends to be heard by people. This is not fair that
I have. I mean think about somebody like sci fi. Yeah. Think about sci fi. Who murders.
Oh. Merch. Every mic. Every mic. Don't matter where he's at. It could be open mic. It could
be a closed mic. It could be a showcase. It could be a lower case. It could be an uppercase.
Whatever. Any kind of case. OK. It could be a tachy case. It could be a briefcase. OK.
Enough. All right. OK. All right. I'm done. I'm done. It could be anything. OK. This man
murders. Yeah. Everywhere. And so I'm like you're not going to put a stand up a sci fi
set up live for real. You're not going to put them on. That's insane. It's absolutely
insane. You are mental as the British say. You're mental. OK. You got to put this man's
talent somewhere. All right. As many times as you could. I mean you. I would feel like
I was lucky to get if I was a guy evaluating the talent we get. I get to have this guy
like pretty much whatever I want if they were being real with this. Yeah. This is going
to be the first and last podcast you'll have me on. Because this is. I'm going to tell
you this was going on. The person who books stand up life does not live in Huntsville.
OK. So this person does not see our talent. This person does not see our hard work. This
person does not see our camaraderie. This person does not see our charisma. They only
see the club that they manage from another city. You know imagine imagine you playing
for a ballclub and the owner lives in like Ireland or something. No shit. It's Ireland.
You know it's just like it's unfathomable. You'd be like how are you supposed to. How
do we even have a connection with you. And so that person has never seen sci fi in person
has never seen me in person. You know you see one of my sets you're like oh this guy's
got it. It's like what thousand percent you ain't got say it was say it for you. It's
like come on. They're going to have that crowd. Come on. Come on. Come on. And so you know
going for toiling for you know a couple of years. I'm like all right. We got to do something
else. So we can have the apartment shows. And so it's 10 comics five minutes each. And
so you know you negotiate a price with the with the with the venue. And I'll tell you
guys how much after you know well you know you know you know you about to find out from
the you know you go in there you say look this is how much these folks are worth. And
if I five minutes everybody can kill it five minutes. But you structure the lineup in a
way that allows everybody's style to bounce off of each other. You can't book two low
energies next to each other. You can't book to two dirty folks next to you can book a
dirty guy or a dirty girl. They usually be me. Exactly. I have little names from I call
them all. I'm like this guy's alt. This guy's dirty. OK. But honestly you you you're really
you're black and military. That's what you are because you say it in your set. Right.
So anytime you say military people automatically they think something. So I'm like all right.
He's going to say that. So let's do somebody after because if you do too many people people
they just lose interest because they've heard the same thing every time. A hundred percent.
But we can't also can't put too high energies next to each other because now the crowd feels
like it's a blitzkrieg on them. And so you just got to marry it and you got to vary the
because some people's voices are loud. Some people's voices are soft. Some people's voices
are are kind of scratchy. Some people talk very fast. You know you put Jake's Muncie
somewhere and then you put Dom after and people JJ somewhere. Brandon talks a mile a minute.
It's like a car. Go watch Brandon stand up. Yo. Slow on it though. OK. Good. Brandon you
talking like you're on a treadmill. Times are running laps. But now but it's fine. It's
fine because when you book that style you got to book somebody next to it. So anyway
so you just apartment show and then and then the apartment. It's a good time. It's a great
deal. They have a great. They had a great time. They were loving it. They loved it. And everybody
I mean people were smashing. And some of the stuff you know I like when Raina goes up there
and does her joke. Yeah. But I love that. And then they were you did not. I did not think
this crowd was going to be into it. But they were right. That's right. And fuck it. It's
a good book. And they're at home and they could drink. And they just got to go down
the elevator to their fucking. And then and here's the best part. We just paid 10 comics.
Yeah. 10 10. So if I did two a week I was paying 20 comics a week. In the summertime
we were definitely doing 20 a week. And that's how you build the scene. You got to be that
you got to be booking big showcases every week. You just got to figure out who's willing
to pay for it. You know who wants comedy who wants to see comedy. And then you just curate
curate curate but not dislike not this drip. You know there's some things. Oh just there's
got to be one. You know but there's going to be only one this and one. Yeah. Fuck. No
not 10 10 20 if we can help it. You know it's just you if you have the right attitude it'll
be that's what you'll get. So yeah that's where the apartment shows came from. So it's
great. Hell yeah. Those things are fine. I can't wait for you to go. Yeah. No it may
suck. It may be terrible. It may be absolutely terrible but it may be great. Where's what
we do. Oh I remember now. Yeah we good. I think we're good. I think we're good for that
one. Yeah. That wasn't very reassuring. Yeah. I can't remember because I got to I got so
many shows in my brain. But you saw the lineup right. Yeah. Yeah. We got you see who's closing
too. I'm closing. No. You first. You first bro. Who's closing. It's Scott. Oh I saw
he was in the group chat. I didn't know that. I didn't post the lineup. I don't you might
have. I don't think I saw it. OK. I'll post the lineup again. I'll post it again. I like
that Scott's starting to come around. Scott's starting to come around. We went out to we
went out to what's that Moody Mondays. Oh OK. Me and him got in an argument. It was a fun
argument though. What were you arguing about. About Tony Henscliffe. He had he had Tony
I guess his friend and one that Tony got cancel can't quote unquote cancel for was his friend
the Asian. Oh Hans Kim. No no no no. It was an Asian dude before. Alex Z. Yes. Alex Z
was opening for Henscliffe. He will one day. He will. Alex. Alex is so into who he is.
Like one day the right crowd is going to get on Alex and it's going to be over. I promise
you. I promise you. I promise you. I bet he could he could get a good crowd of just being
Alex. Just being himself. Yeah. A cult. A cult. For sure. That's correct. A cult following.
Oh yeah. He's definitely cult following. Yeah. For sure. For sure. Yeah. So Alex Z. Opening
for. But I was I was saying I was saying I like how me and Scott we know we were over
we were having a little heating. We were drinking. Yeah. Yeah. Drinking. Drinking. It's a drunken
argument. Yeah. Yeah. But not like hardcore. And then we can go after that and then agree
on something and disagree on something else and we could just bullsh. That's how bros
are. And talk shit. Yeah. But you know what the guy you know he runs. Well he I know he's
like one of the bigger figures of the godfathers of Huntsville comedy right. You talking about
Scott? Scott. Oh of course. Yeah. Yeah. So he's like so he's like for him to be out there
and just mixing it up. I didn't see him before and then he started to come around. I thought
that was pretty cool. Oh you had known who he was. I didn't know who he was. Yeah. Scott
is the first person to perform on the stand up live. Yeah he told it. He told it. And
that is so significant because you know stand up comedy Huntsville before us was very there
was quite the antagonistic relationship with the audience. They you know Carl Paul Matthew
Tate even. Oh Tate. Just Matthew Tate. My mentor. Shout out. You know they tell me these
stories of audience members fighting them after mics. Wow. What's going on bro. What's
fighting you. And so and he's like yeah well they look like there were these bikers at
FOD and there were some audience members some ex boyfriends. It was a crazy time. It was
wild wild west. You know we're I'm in college you know I'm down the street just hanging
out in college and people fighting people in the parking lot at the comedy shows that
you know in 2011 or whatever it was. But you know so Scott's been through a lot to build
Huntsville comedy and to have had epic for so long is monumental. So shout out to that
man. Shout out to that man's work. Shout out. Yeah. And so you know it's just it's just
incredible. Yeah. Pun intended incredible. It's epic if you will. Or even awesome if
you want to throw a third one. So you did you start out with sci fi. You got him to
go or he got you to go. This is why I loved you two because I have a feeling that comedy
duos are stronger than singles. I'm so surprised you guys didn't know each other. So my origin
yeah that's just so crazy. You're the first Indian person I've ever met. Oh shit hold
up. Never seen them before. J.J. walked up and said do you have some curry? And he said
no nigga I'm black and German. He didn't know until I said my first joke what I was. He
was like I was wondering. That's a strong joke because only you can tell that because
you're right. You don't know. I know. Yeah I didn't know either. Oh yeah. I didn't know.
And it's because your beard is so soft. I keep conditioning it every day. Yeah. I didn't
know. But I didn't really care but I didn't know. Yeah but it don't got to care about.
I know when I fuck with people. Right. Like that's why I used to do that joke to open
with but I like to open with something else to let them marinate on it. Is he about to
say nigga? The answer is yes. Oh yeah. It's yes. You just got a unique look man. I've
never really seen anybody that looks like you before. So there's a lot of ways it could
have went. Yeah. I never really see that many Samoans. Now hold on this is a pot calling
the kettle black. This dude got a unique look too. Yes you do bro. But I'm white. That's
clear. That's clear from the jump. At least you have a reason to hate me. You have more
than one but that's a big one. It's a big one. Nah but your white look different than
Jack's white. Yeah yeah for sure. We're gonna put a picture on your face. I feel like we're
pretty. Me and Jack are on the same page at least you know what I'm saying. Nah. See we're
not. Nah. They're not the same white. It's the. You're red or white. I have the peach
undertone. He's more of a dead white. It's a dead. Gastly white. Like the undertaker.
Yo I'm gonna do a nicer one. You're like Mississippi and then he's like California. Like you go
to California black. That was not nice to me. That was not nice to me. Mississippi's not
nice. You go from lowest GDP to highest GDP. Huntsville Alabama. Okay Huntsville not Mississippi.
You're not making a much better. But you're right. He is Mississippi. No it's cause you
got the chain and that denotes some kind of swag. Okay. So I was like okay there's swag
and you rock the mustache very confidently. It's a very confident rock. It's not a head
down I'ma hide the stash. It's a head up. I'ma show you the stash. I've got it dude. I completely
like have dedicated my entire look to comedy. Yeah. I don't care. It's like this is not
a thing for women. Women don't like this shit. I'm not here for the comedy ditches. That's
why I swear. I want the boobs. Yeah women aren't buying tickets to the shows. Their
boyfriend is buying the tickets for them. No that's facts. Sorry I be cool with their
boyfriend. If you're too attractive men don't like you. That's why Patrick said you're
cute. And I'm not even that attractive. Patrick is horribly ugly. Patrick catches straight.
That wasn't even a straight. That was a cannonball. I'm fucked with Pat Pat. That's my nigga.
But no yeah so Syfy another ugly nigga. No I'm just playing. I'm playing Sy. I love you
Sy. I love you Sy. No he so the full story with us is you know we have known we say it
all the time we have known each other for 10 years. And I had always wanted to do comedy
since 14. I was like I want to do comedy. I want to stay on comedy. I live in Huntsville
Alabama. I got no comedy club. I got no open mics. I don't know what to do. All I know
is that New York has comedy. So I'm like I at one point I moved to New York at some point.
So I'm going through my life and I'm writing jokes. I start writing jokes in college. I
just just writing in the summer and jokes for like six seven eight years. So I just
had a page of just jokes. I just never told. And then I told Syfy I said you'd be good
at stand up comedy. So you'd be good at it. You'd be great. You tell stories well you
know you have good comedic time. You know. And then I told him I said when you are ready
to do comedy I'll do it with you because I didn't want to do it by myself. You know I
know I project the image like I can do it all by myself but I should get very lonely
and I get very like I'm not introverted but like I just wish I had someone to talk to.
And so I was like do it with me. And then I knew that I could keep going because I was
like by myself I was like I can do this. And so that was six years ago. And so he did just
marinated and then one day he calls me out of the blue and he's like we're going to open
mic. I said they got open mics here. He's like yep. Because Stand Up Live had just just
just open. It just opened like two or three years ago. Yeah. I mean this is 2024. I think
it opened in 20. It was this was around like 2017. So yeah it was it had just opened. So
we go so we go to the open mic and then the second one we go to the first one we went
to is at Salty Nut which was Scott's old open mic. I don't know if you guys ever got to
Salty Nut. I think it was closed by the time you guys got to it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And
so and so we go to Salty Nut and we see Brent Reed there and we see Alex DeMascola there.
And I saw Alex DeMascola go up and I said if I can be a fourth of funny as this guy
I'll be fine. There's a monster. Shout out Alex. Shout out Alex DeMascola. Once he gets
settled with his kids y'all gonna have him here. But no we already confirmed a date.
You confirmed a date? Yeah. Excellent. February 25th. Let's do it. I'll try to come out that
next week. I'll be tuned in on that one for sure. So I saw Alex DeMascola. March 25th.
February 25th. What's this month we in right now? These motherfuckers don't know their
calendar. We're in January. Oh January yeah yeah. They don't know what month it is. Don't
say that. That's him. But no so then the second mic we did was at at the time it was called
Madison Station. Okay. But it's Boss Car now. But it was Boss Car. And he's like we're going
up. I said we're not ready. He said get ready. I said alright. I pull out that document I've
been writing on for you know five or six years with all my jokes. And he's like you got a
document and jokes? So he's doing his set list on a napkin and I go up there and I'm
like if these work great. Because my real plan was to start when I was 40. Okay. I'm
gonna start. I was like I felt like I've lived enough life at 40. I'm so glad I didn't start
it when I was 40. But I was you know I just that was just my plan. And I got up there
and I'm like alright let's do this one. And the first one I told that Babies and Gatorade
joke was one of the first jokes I ever wrote. Oh shit. Yeah. And so I kept that one. I've
kept tweaking it obviously. But yeah like I told that one and people laughed. And I was
like okay. Alright this is cool. But I was like nah it's a fluke. It's just the people
in this room. So I went over to Salty Nut and told the same joke. People laughed again.
So I just kept going to different places and telling the same joke. And I was like oh okay
this is funny. It's just Huntsville people. It's just Huntsville people. And this is the
second piece of advice I would give to new comics. Get out of town. Drive to Nashville.
Drive to Birmingham. Drive to. I mean we went to Birmingham. We all bombed. It was great.
It was great. Great learning. You gotta get out of town because you don't know if your
joke works unless it works on someone who has no idea where you are, who you are. And
they're like now be funny. Yeah. The pressure of being from out of town. So you know drive
to Birmingham. Me and Syfy we drove up and down this great south and we went to Cahaba
down in Birmingham and we went to Laughing Skull. Do the Laughing Skull if you can. Atlanta.
Have y'all done Laughing Skull? Nope. We didn't travel really. Gotta travel. That is the only
way to really know. How good are my jokes? You know when I did my jokes out in Vegas
I was very nervous. And I was like I don't know if they're gonna like this. Crushed.
I went and did my jokes in Florida. They hated me. I can see that. Bad joke. They hated me.
They booed me. Bombed for a week. I bombed for a week in Florida. DC loved me. Oh but
it's DC. I'm a political comedian. Arizona was just okay. They didn't boo me but they
messed with some of it. But Florida oh dude. Bombed for a week. Florida ain't going. And
this is what was really surprising. I bombed at the black mics and the white mics. Damn
dude. Myself as David Tullin. You got the black guys like I'm good now. I thought for
sure I was like come on these are my people. Nope. They said we not with you nigga. Florida's
a different nation. Florida's a different nation. Oh dude. But anyway so yeah so he
hit me up and said let's go. And I went and we was off to the race and we just haven't
stopped you know. So when I saw you guys coming as a duo I was like oh duos yeah. So I don't
know the theory's maybe unfounded who knows. We boys you know what I'm saying. We all three
of us started at the same pretty much the same time. I was doing shenanigans when you
were doing stand up. We were doing shenanigans when you were doing stand up live. We here
to say. Hell yeah. That pink cup. It's sweet. It looks like something they sell as Pleasures
dude. It does. Oh my gosh can I shout out Pleasures. Hell yeah. Can I shout out how
amazing Pleasures is. Jamea and Ashlyn are the managers of that Pleasures. Pleasures
is a sex shop by the way. And yeah we did a don't tell there and they were just so cool.
You hear me somebody just cool. Just like y'all cool. And their back room is empty.
I said we gonna put an open mic back here. We gonna put a show back here. I love it.
In the back of a sex shop. In the back of a sex shop. I put the dildos on my forehead.
It was great. It was great. It was heavy too. It was like. Gotta put them somewhere. It
hung down. It was like touching my lips. And I was like it's like a circle of dick. It
just kinda like. Did you see all those boxes of the ass and you know the little ass fucking
things. I seen the over stock. Yeah. I seen that. They had over stock of. What are those
things called? The silicone. It's a giant. It's bigger than a flesh line. It's hard to
describe. Yeah. It's a girl's ass. Yeah it's a girl's ass. But it's made of silicone.
It's like a mold. But it's not a mold. It's like a sex doll but it's only her torso.
Only the torso. But only half her. Half the body. It's like. It is. It is. It's like
belly button to mid thigh. Yeah. That's kinda the ratio. But it's also arched. It is. It's
ready to go. It's ready to go. It's ready to go. Out of the box. Ready to get cracked.
Dude. The post nut clarity after you fucked that thing. It's gotta be insane. You're going
to hill. For sure. Y'all ever seen those football things they used to have? What the hell is
he about? We went into Spencer's, my friend, and we saw a football pocket pussy for the
first time. What? Yeah. For the first time. And I was like hold up man. I wanna try this
shit out. And he was like. Me too man. So we went out and I was like somebody gonna
have to pay for this shit. So he went in there. He was buying it. Talking to dudes. He was
like so you buy this? And the dude was like yup. And he was like alright. Thank you. We
went in there. Tried it. Now he freaked out. What? What? What? Hold up. Hold up. Wait.
Wait. This man turned to French. Let me rephrase it. Let me rephrase it. He went home and then
we tried it. Of course I tried it. He was like man that shit sucks. Time out. You can't
say of course I tried it. Brandon. Brandon. Brandon. Was there disinfectant involved?
No. We bought separate ones. Oh. Separate ones. Okay. Thank God. Not the same shit.
We thought he took it home and then mailed it to you. No they separate. Okay. Separate.
Thank God. Thank God. He was like you threw yours out. I was like yeah. I thought y'all
tag teamed the football. He said that he threw his out and then you said yeah too but you
were lying. Yeah. I had it like. I had it hidden for like five months. I was like this
shit gotta work. You know this shit sucks. You know he was also lying right? Yeah he
probably was right? Yeah. He was. By the way. He was. And y'all met him. Which what? You
know who it is. Yeah. Think about it. You know the one that sound black. Yeah. Oh yeah.
Hold on. Hold on. You went out there when he had his friend on his FaceTime? Nah. Nah.
I wasn't there for the friend. But hold on. You said in the shape of a football. Yeah.
Okay. So it's a football where you put your dick home. But what you do is you twist the
top open and it's like in disguise. So it's like you can play football with it. Or you
just take it. So you can play with it or you can play with it. Well Brandon we know you
can't fucking catch. I can't catch. So we know it's not a football man. So you take
the top off of the football and you put your dick inside like a clamshell. Yeah. Sometimes
it's too much. You know Brandon is it entirely possible that you just bought a football?
No. No. There was like some girl. There was a girl on the front of it showing. Fucking
sit on that dirt ball. Okay Brandon show us what you did. And it did. Hold on. So what
I did was when I bought it. I did this. I twisted it. And when I twisted it the squishy
thing right there with that is there. And then surprisingly you flipped it over. You
can flip it over to another end. Uh huh. Never use that end. Oh. You don't go in the back
door? How do you clean it out? Well you take the whole thing out. You just. Oh okay. You
can pull it all out clean and put it back in. But okay. Please tell me. So your form with
this. Are you grabbing it by the laces? By the laces? Always by the laces. Oh you're
double handing. Oh you put double. Yeah that's true. Yeah I was. I was like fourteen. So
you're double handing the fucking football masturbation device? Yeah. Whatever we could
do because it was uncomfortable. That's why I threw it out. Yeah you're fucking a football.
Yeah. Fuck the inside. It sucked man. He's tossing around the table. I'm like wait a
minute this shit ain't coming off. I got stuck for a minute. What? What got stuck? Dude I
was using it. I couldn't take it off. I was like hold up. So then I started freaking out
and then I had to like really. Dude. That was the last time I ever used it. It got stuck?
I gotta throw it out. You have a football on your dick right now. No. I had to throw
it out after that. Right there I was like that's it. That's when you gotta hang up
the damn ball. That shit is hard. Retire the jersey dude. Put it in the rafters. That was
the last shot. That was the retirement game. Now Pleasure didn't have nothing like that.
We had no fuckable footballs. But this lady thing like the back is arched. And you know
there I say it kind of screams fuck me. Oh yeah for sure. You know what I mean. You're
like I don't want to fuck this silicone thing. And so every time I'm in there I'm like how
much is that again? How much are there? 59.99. See I would do it but I know for a fact after
I get there I'm like what the fuck am I doing? They're kind of expensive. That's what I'm
saying. No I would keep fucking it. You would? Yeah I bought it. Yeah you gotta spend that
money. No way it could be good dude. Bro you fucked me when I bought it I'm fucking you.
Alright listen. I'm gonna keep using it. Why buy it if you're not wasting money man? Don't
waste your money man. Yeah because normally pocket posers you can put in the dishwasher.
Now come on. People putting that in the dishwasher? Yeah you can take the inside out. They make
the ones that you can put in the dishwasher. Yeah. Okay now I'm scared dude. Bro people
putting that shit in the dishwasher. I never even thought that could happen. Don't. I didn't
know that either. Oh okay I see what you're saying. You know what I'm saying now that's
all over the walls. You run the shit through the water. I mean yeah you know. I mean it
is hot. It is hot. It's like good bacteria. Imagine you cleaning the dishwasher filter
and it's like still sticky. Oh hell. Alright this conversation is turning gross. Anyway
so yeah. Pleasure. Shout out to Pleasures. Love those ladies over there. Shout out to
Thursdays and Homegrown. You hosted Matthew Tate's album recording? Yeah I did. I did.
My comedy mentor Matthew Tate asked me to host his recording. We did it at Shenanigans.
The recording came out amazing. You can check it out on Spotify. We'll put the link up.
If you guys. I'm on there the first 30 seconds. I'm the one screaming into the mic you know.
Into the stage Matthew Tate. But I was also the host of that evening. Sci-fi was also
on that show. So we got the crowd nice and excited to see Mr. Tate. It was one of the
best nights for sure. I wish I had recorded it but yeah. It was a crazy night. I have
the audio though. Okay. So yeah. Yeah what else is on there? Everybody wants to know
what's on there. Yeah. I just. I want to. You got to save yourself for the next time. You
called the Black Dog Grounds and Sounds your home club. Yo y'all are detectives. But it
was permanently closed in mid 2023. Wow. I'm impressed. I am impressed. I'm like Sean I'm
on Hot Ones. That's a good question. Yeah Black Dog was a coffee shop on the corner
of Shelton and Old Madison Pike. Behind a gas station. It actually used to be a gas
station. And there was an owner named Cliff and Leslie and Mr. Daniel Harden. Oh yeah.
Shout out. Shenanigans. He runs the Shenanigans. He runs the Shenanigans. Mike. Jokers Wild.
He's also on the apartment show with JJ. Oh hell yeah. Whatever name that is. I think
it's the second. And it was a coffee shop where the owners. It was the first time that
we really had someone outside of a comedy club that wanted to hear comedy. And we were
so wanted. And the owner of the shop Cliff he would. He built a stage for us. He moved
in chairs. He got nice speakers. They were a sound shop which means they sold like old
record equipment and sounds and stuff like it's it's a thing. And so the grounds with
the coffee obviously. And they sold old records and old record like paraphernalia. And so
we had a comedy show there every Thursday. And it was a space where I felt the most creative.
I felt like I had a creative streak going that year. And the jokes kept coming and they
kept hitting. Some of the best jokes. You know that new doctor joke was written there.
Performing first. That's the clip that will go up in like you know two weeks I think when
I start posting stand up clips again. You know Black Dog. It felt like my home club.
I felt that I called that on my. OK. Yeah. Yeah. I still to this day refer to it as my
home club as a place where not just that once comedy but that the audience was there to
see it. And he just it was it was a very creative time for me. And I am desperately trying to
get back to a black dog type of situation. It's just those things are once in a lifetime.
And another favorite of the Black Dog place was my man Heath Cordes. And so he and I were
there many many times working out material and some of our best bits were written on
that stage and they are closed. And I was devastated. I was devastated. Yep. Yep. Hell
yeah. All right. Well Jonathan first of all I want to say thank you for coming on. Thank
you. This has been a blast. I mean I know this episode is going to bang. Yeah I hope
I like said something. I know I know after every episode this episode is going to bang.
I just hope I did good. You did amazing. Now what we do now what you're going to do you're
going to talk into that camera right there. Anything you have to promote it will be written
on the screen next to you. And you got any shows coming up that come out in after a week.
Just hit them up right there. This camera right here. Yes sir. All right. First and
foremost I would appreciate if anyone followed me on all social media. Jonathan Silver comedy
on Instagram Facebook YouTube Pinterest Twitter which sucks and tick tock which also sucks
but not as much as Twitter. I have two open mics. One is every Tuesday at Pleasures Romance
boutique a sex shop on university hosted by myself and Nico Paris. And so just come out
and we like that mic for people to try weird material just weird stuff on that day. And
then I have the second open mic which is at straight to A.L. every other Thursday the
first and third Thursdays of the month and the speakeasy is straight to A.L. over on
Governor's Drive. That mic we like to try new material. So try new material there. That
mic the Senate was can get quite long. So either get there early or be prepared. But
I do switch the list around. So just you know just come talk to me. Then I have apartment
shows that are happening all over the city. Just hit me if you want to be on one. I usually
look for a tight five. So if you got a tight five that we could talk. And I also have don't
tell comedy. Don't tell comedy is a secret comedy show that happens in cities all over
the U.S. They're also international. There is don't tell comedy in London and in France
now. So if you want to come out to secret shows we have secret locations every single
month. We got one coming up this Saturday. And I would love for you all to buy tickets
to the don't tell comedy. If you like comedy videos follow me. And let's see. I know I'm
forgetting something. Let's let's leave it at that for now. Oh yeah. So yes. Thank you.
Thank you boy. Hey thanks again man. Appreciate it. Oh yeah. OK. Are we out.