This week on clown college
Man I ain't did this in a long time. I'm 34 years old. A little rusty.
So let me see if I can do this if I still got it.
Oh shit.
JJ you gotta start rapping.
You asked the wrong person.
Come on. JJ in the corner. I'm rapping right now. I used to do this on the freestyle table at lunch time.
I was in 8th grade, killing it. I'm a fat boy and I smack girls with my tits.
Hell yeah.
Stupid ass.
This is the clown college podcast.
We're just a couple open micers trying to make our way through the scene.
Where we interview comedians throughout different stages of their comedy career.
No matter if they're open micers, headliners or traveling comedians.
I'm here too. Jamie 2.0. I just talk a lot more.
Damn it Brandon.
We'll sit in the corner.
Ahem.
Damn dude.
Welcome back clown college. What episode are we on?
Eight. What's the stat for that?
I think it's ten.
Oh it's ten? We'll talk about it in episode ten.
I'll see you in two weeks.
How was your Christmas?
It was good. It was good. But the weather here was terrible.
It was hot.
It was like 24 degrees and muggy. A combination you'll only ever see in Alabama dude.
It was raining and shit.
Hell yeah.
My fucking, what's that shit called? Sinuses was fucking up.
Bad man.
You had sinus problems too?
Oh yeah I got it now man.
I still got it.
How you doing Brandon?
Oh shit. You know man I'm doing good. I've been good.
I mean it's more of a little weird.
Because I saw this person that had like an Alabama hat on.
And I was like, hey man roll tide.
That's what people do right?
And then we were just staring at each other awkwardly for like five minutes.
Thinking about what the fuck to say next.
It was bad man.
What?
You said it like a serial killer.
Five minutes to thirty seconds.
It was like at least a couple minutes.
I went after it. I was like hey roll tide.
I was like.
What's the scenario? Where were you at?
I was at work. I was at Publix man.
Oh okay.
Yeah and I just sat in the line.
I was trying to make conversation.
So I was like oh shit okay roll tide right?
You were like yeah.
I was like alright.
I know about 45 seconds into that
two minute pause a beat of sweat.
Oh yeah that line started to form.
That line of deaths just started coming down.
You better answer this.
Different than Dom's lines of death.
Wow shit yeah I be dying.
That's the old me JJ.
My family watches this.
I'm just playing it. They don't.
I tried to hit up Brandon last night for some drugs.
Failed me dude.
Oh yeah we were both going through it that night.
As soon as he took me I was like oh no he's struggling too.
I was like shit.
Fuck.
This economy bro.
It's like the great depression of drugs man.
Fuck.
When you gotta go turn in all your quarters at the fucking
Walmart and the coin start a buying in.
I swear to God I did that before.
For sure.
I've done that. People just looking at you.
You feel like dumping a bag of
fucking quarters. There's probably some tokens
in there. You don't know what's going on.
When you put your hood up and nobody you know walks by.
It's bullshit. They used to take
5% now they take 11%.
For real? You take 11%?
You're a hard earned change. God damn.
It's bullshit man. Yeah that's fucked up.
You know what else is bullshit? I saw some on Instagram
which people make me get on that I hate.
Instagram sucks first of all.
It's owned by the same people who own Twitter
ain't it? Fuck no. Or Facebook.
Yeah Facebook. Don't bring Twitter in this alright.
Fuck X dude. X yeah.
I'm not calling it that.
I still call it the Willis Tower.
Sears Tower. And that's been changed
for like 20 years. Yeah and I'm still calling it
Mount McKinley. I don't care if he was racist.
That's what it's called. What was that?
They changed Mount McKinley
in Alaska.
It's the highest point in North America.
They changed it to something else. I swear I don't even remember
the name. Dude that was just on a
I was playing trivia with my family yesterday and
that was one of the uh it's the highest point in the United States.
Yeah. Yeah.
Do you remember what the new name for that thing is called?
The Mountain?
I didn't know the old name. I had to know the old name
let alone the new one. I don't even know what y'all are
talking about man. What the fuck? Brandon you got a
computer right there. It's like it goes
JJ then me then Brandon's just
Brandon just over here like I'm like
it's a different conversation.
A mountain. I know Mount Everest.
Everybody know that shit.
Fuck it. But look
on Instagram is this grown man. Looks like he's
my age. And he
filmed his life like a day in his
life. He's like starts off in the shower
then films himself getting dressed
then he films himself. He
has to put like a tripod up in
the parking lot of Target.
Films himself walking in Target
looking at produce.
We're gonna lose the next war.
Just know that. What the fuck
people do this.
It's really like it's a weird
lifestyle thing where people will
film themselves going to the grocery store
stopping at Starbucks. Like they film
the most mundane things but people will
watch it. Yeah. The thing
is they have to set up the tripod. Like they have to
set up their tripod in the aisle
in the checkout
walking in. I'll kick that shit
over if I see it. Yeah. If I see
anybody out there doing that in Huntsville
Alabama I will kick your tripod over.
What if you walk in the frame and they're like what
the fuck you doing? You're messing up my video.
Oh my. You messed up at life
if you're at this point. You're messing up my shopping.
Something's going on man. I'm just trying to help you out.
That's when Dom's airing out Target dude.
Sorry I got in your shot dude.
I'm gonna kill you.
Yo so Nam have you been on
TikTok then? Nah I never even
been on TikTok. It's worse on TikTok they be live
streaming the shit. Like they be like man you wanna see this
got whatever the fuck the got means.
It's a big ass. I don't know what the got. Oh.
But then there you go. They like you wanna see some big
ass come on my live and watch
my life. It's just them trying to figure shit
out. They're like fuck man what we gonna do now.
It's just weird.
Why are they saying got? Oh they trying to get
desperate ass men to get on there
and watch. Oh so it's females trying to get on there.
Yeah they like no no it's worse.
It's the boyfriend. He's like hey you wanna
see my girl's got? Then get on
the live and you'll be able to see the got.
Modern day pimping. They just living
in the house chilling man brushing teeth and shit
and worried about bills
and stuff. Like fuck man how we gonna do this next
week. Hopefully this live come up
like. It's weird. Have you seen
where people act like AI?
Like NPCs. Oh hell yeah. You never seen that?
I seen the NPC thing where they're like
ice cream ice cream ice cream.
Yeah that's it. Have you seen the dude
who eats all the glue. He's like the glizzy dude.
He dresses up like a hot dog and
so if people send a certain amount of money
or whatever he'll just like. It looks
like he's sucking dick. I think that's the whole
point behind it. I feel like it is.
But it's just it's the weirdest shit man.
We live in such a weird time.
It's like if street performers got
an international platform with no
restrictions. That's pretty much what it is.
Yeah that's the worst thing about the internet is
not everybody needs a voice. I'm sorry.
Not everybody needs a voice.
And you could argue we don't and you'd probably
be right. We definitely don't.
We definitely don't. Back in the day we would have
been fucking peasant farmers. Oh hell
yeah. I mean I know where y'all would have been.
I would have been just like
one position above y'all.
Whatever the lowest is
for the whites. I'm out there sharecropping.
Indenture servants.
I remember that from social studies class.
Me too.
Well you remember that from just like the beginning
of your life.
God he was old.
Fuck these young ass niggas.
Damn dude.
With age comes wisdom.
Certain kind of wisdom.
If you don't damage your brain too much
before you get there. Dude I forget shit
all the time. Me too.
I know you do. Me too.
Maybe it's just because we smoke weed.
No it was before that.
That's legal at the shop.
THCA.
We only do legal shit here bro.
Probably shouldn't say it in that lower voice.
We only do legal shit here.
Why'd you change your tone? I don't know why the fuck I changed my tone.
We're being 100% truthful right now.
Yeah we're telling the truth bro.
So there you go.
I can't wait till they come out with like
cocaine A.
Holy shit.
You just see people snorting lines at Sammy T's
and you're like oh. They had that a while back.
It was called bath salts.
I heard about that. I think that was a little bit different.
It was legal though for a minute.
If the side effect of a drug is cannibalism
it's just not worth it.
Okay before the dude got his face eaten off
in Florida.
It was like you'd go to the same place you'd go to buy spice.
There'd be bath salts there.
So it was like a drug.
It was marketed as a drug.
It was marketed like fake cocaine.
That you can't pop hot on.
See I just assumed it was like Epsom salt.
That's what I thought too.
That's what I thought it was. I didn't know it was actually
marketed as a drug.
I didn't know that either.
At those shops like A-Rab's own.
Can you say A-Rab's?
I mean it's a place in Alabama.
Very racist though.
Very fucking racist.
So Coleman and A-Rab are that?
Yeah Coleman and A-Rab. I went to A-Rab.
They had a mascot with the white fucking knights.
And then one dude went up to me and was like,
Hey man I don't know if you want to be here after nighttime.
I'm just trying to wrestle bruh.
Are you serious?
I was on the wrestling team to clarify.
I'm not just wrestling random ass men like that
in the fucking road.
There's a place in South Alabama like right on the border
of Alabama and Florida.
It's just called Florala.
F-L-O-R-A-L-A.
They just combine Florida and Alabama.
That's the name of the city.
I've never seen a minority in that city dude.
It's all whites.
I'm like 100% convinced there's not a single minority
that lives there.
But we just figured out the whitest state, Vermont.
93% white.
Like 2% Asian.
And 1.5% African American.
And then some others.
Some halfies like me.
Some hafers.
Anyways, I'm moving to Vermont.
For no particular reason.
I'll come with you.
We're going to make it diverse.
You can wear nothing but polos when you go up there.
Oh hell yeah.
That's what I used to do in middle school.
You gotta pick up golf.
My dad, he wanted me to do that shit.
Ever since I was a kid he played golf.
I played hockey.
It's close to golf I guess.
You played hockey before?
No, I've been trying to. I'm too damn broke man.
I can't imagine you on skates of any sort.
Can you skate?
Yes, I've only been skating for two days.
And what happened was
I didn't give a fuck what happened to me.
So I'm skating bumping into shit.
And I was bumping into so much shit that
one of the head hockey player dudes went out there
and said, hey man, I like the way you bumping into shit.
You want to play hockey?
Hell yeah man.
But that price though, we're going to have to work on that.
I'm broke.
What are you bumping into?
Nothing out there but ice.
No, the edge stuff. I would slip and hit the edge
and just hop back up and act like nothing happened.
And be busting in the shit.
How long ago was this?
This was actually not even a year ago.
This was in uh...
I think last February.
Yeah, it was last February.
What the fuck?
Dude, that's crazy.
What kind of tryouts for what?
They were like, oh we could just come in here.
We'll teach you how to play hockey.
We'll teach you how to pick up teams and shit.
I was like hell yeah, because I went to the Havoc game.
And I saw how everybody was bumping into each other
and fighting.
I was like, this is good.
I want to fight like UFC on skates.
But then I was like, that's not the main reason.
You're not just there to fight.
You're there to play hockey.
You're just a kamikaze on ice skating.
I know, yeah.
I was like, is this what this is about? I don't know.
Have you ever been in a fight?
Yeah, I've done a lot of MMA.
Street fighting.
One time this dude kept kicking me in the ass
in third grade. I was like, bro, you're going to have to stop kicking me in my ass, bro.
And he kept kicking me in my ass.
I turned around and kicked the shit out of him.
I'm pretty sure I kicked him in the dick.
And then he fell in the bush and was starting to cry.
We were all just looking around.
He's told me this before.
And then I went to the fucking office and everybody was like,
oh that's Brandon, man. Just let him out.
He told it the exact same way before.
You know I don't remember shit.
But I do remember you saying that. That's hilarious.
It's like, oh, Brandon, it's fine.
Yeah, that's what they did every time I got in trouble.
Even with the pants shit. They're like, as much as we watched
the video a bunch of times of you getting pantsed,
it's okay, man. You're Brandon. You'll be alright.
Have I told you guys that I think I might have autism?
You too?
Just because of what I did on Christmas day,
I woke up,
my nephew got like two RC cars.
I played with this RC car
for like two hours.
It lights up, it does tricks, it's fucking awesome.
And then I went and watched Godzilla
on Christmas day.
Which one, the new one or the old one?
It's called Godzilla minus one.
It's all in Japanese.
So you have to read the subtitles and shit.
The movie is insane.
It's actually really good.
Is it real movie or like a cartoon?
No, it's real. It's real. It's all like Japanese actors
or whatever. But it's so fucked up.
Because it's post World War II Japan.
It starts, it's like the final days
of World War II.
And when the United States tests out
that atomic bomb at Bikini Atoll,
they drop it in the ocean before they drop
the ones on Japan. It wakes up
Godzilla. And then Japan
gets hit by the two atom bombs
and then the war ends. And they,
the United States knows Godzilla
is about to come out. But they tell Japan
they're like, we're worried about Russia. Y'all gotta
handle Japan. But they took all their weapons
away. So they're trying to fight it
with like steamboats and shit.
And then Godzilla gets on the land
and fucking levels a whole city.
Kills 30,000 people with like a
heat ray. Damn. Is that not
it's even more fucked up than what
happened in real life because they still got hit
by the atom bombs. And the atom bomb
woke up Godzilla. So they just
got fucked even more. Man, that's horrible
that. Shouldn't have fucked with Pearl Harbor bitches.
Yeah.
Yeah. I love
Japanese. Yeah, I love them too. I love everybody, man.
They did fuck up. That Wagyu beef
dude. It's all worth it. Never tried it.
I will though. Oh, me neither.
It's too expensive. Yeah, I haven't tried Wagyu beef.
That's like good shit. Man, I got to, man. I got to
one day. That steak, bruh.
I heard it's good as shit. It's like 300
bucks an ounce.
Crazy. God damn.
Save up for like a couple years. We'll get it.
If I saved up that much
money, I'm not spending it on fucking steak.
Take out a payday loan to buy steak, dude.
Imagine that. Like you got a cardinal
sort of fucking thing. 35% interest rate.
What the fuck am I about to say?
God damn it.
We forget shit, man. Yeah. It's what we do.
Damn.
Forgot about work last week. Totally gone.
It's not even in there a little
bit.
Dude, and also on Christmas, I
went to a restaurant with Blake and Josh.
Shout out Blake and Josh. Shout out.
Not to be confused with Drake and Josh. Two other white dudes.
Hell yeah.
Yeah, we're doing applause. We went to this place
called City Cafe Diner. And it's
hard to find a restaurant that's open on Christmas.
Especially around here. We don't really have
shit. Yeah. And I saw it
in like a local news article. It said
City Cafe Diner's gonna be open until 10
p.m. I had never been there. Me,
Blake and Josh, we go there. And we walk in
and it's packed.
But we got a booth like immediately.
I was like, that's kind of weird.
I opened up the menu and there was
a spider inside the
menu. Scared the fuck out of
me, dude. It was alive. Yeah.
Real spider. Oh shit. Yeah.
It was crazy, dude. But then their
menu was insane. It was like Cheesecake
Factory type menu.
Where they just have everything.
And I hadn't heard of like half the shit that was on
the menu. And it's all immigrants
at work there, bro. But like
immigrants I didn't even know we had
down here. I'm not even trying to be
any type of way. I was genuinely surprised.
It was awesome, dude. I'm going back.
What's the place called? City Cafe Diner.
City Cafe Diner. That's how you
know. It's like Cafe Diner. It's like
the same thing. It's kind of
redundant. Yeah.
I'm going to add that to my crazy
business names bit.
It just doesn't make any sense with
the other two. The other two are so
crazy and that one's just like not
that crazy. Not that crazy, but
everybody will get like, oh, it's Cafe
and Diner. It's the same shit.
Yeah, I like that. I like that.
Are we watching clips or we got anything
else? Wait, hold up. What did you
eat down there? Because I go down there quite a bit.
You ate there? Oh, dude,
all the time. Like honestly, I literally
go there quite a bit. Damn, dude.
That's a cool spot. Oh, hell yeah.
They got everything, especially the cakes, man. You got these
big ass cakes this big.
You got fucking gyro, silly cheese
steaks. You got
everything. He's not lying. Whatever
you want, man. Two sandwiches.
Two sandwiches.
Shit. It's like traveling the
world in your mouth.
Well, you know, could have worded that.
Don't take that wrong, man.
I like that. I'm talking about the food, not no
other shit. No got glizzies.
I got a chicken Philly cheese steak.
Really? How was that?
It was good, man. It was good.
You've ever had one of those? It's good.
I don't like beef that much. Really?
I like chicken more.
I don't know what that is. I'm opposite
of you. For real? Beef.
Well, you can't eat pork. True.
Play the clips.
Son of a bitch.
Clip of the week.
Well, let's watch the clips and we'll talk about what we did
this week.
Three, two, one.
Go.
And all I can think of is
whenever the white people come out,
it's like anime.
Was it worth it?
Huh?
I don't know.
I don't know if it was.
My dick doesn't get as hard as
you used to.
The dude's face. Right there.
Right there. He looks like Tony Hinchcliffe.
Dude, that's so fucking
funny. I was recording
and I knew as soon as you said that and that dude
turned around and I was like, that's a clip.
His face of just pure disgust,
but also like, I kind of
get it. That's how they got the black couple
in the middle. Like I said it, and the
wife looked at him. I was like,
that's the only one.
That's so fucked up.
I had to do a joke because
Jake kept on, he was like, do the Bluetooth joke.
Do the Bluetooth joke about it. It turns your
tongue blue. And so I was like, I had to
come up with a whole
intro to it. You know what I mean? Because I
tried to do it at Boxcar and it bombed hard
because I just pretty much said it turns
your tongue blue. So you got to come up with
a whole new thing. And I knew I could get
everybody off guard by just saying that.
No transition. Scott
said to Scott Easton, shout out.
He was like, I was fucking around
and I was like, yeah I'm an alcoholic.
And he was like, nobody
and everybody just kept on talking. He was like, nobody
else thinks that's fucked up. He's just throwing
trauma on us like this.
He was like, no warning.
I was like, that's kind of my style. I just
say things. You've come to terms with it.
Everybody else should too. But does it actually
make your mouth blue? Yeah, 100%.
Like full blue.
You can't even brush it off
because I tried. I had a date.
Oh fuck.
Damn, yeah. I guess there's not, but that's
so fucked up man. That's the worst marketing tactic
ever. They don't tell you this.
You put your cards face up on the table
dude. It's like when you piss in the pool and they got
those dye things. Oh yeah.
That's the worst fear of
mind. Can you imagine
pissing in the pool and it comes up?
I piss a little. I just let a little go out
and then I wait a second to see if there's a chemical
reaction in the water. You do the swirl
just to see. I swear I do.
I swear I do. And then
I'm like, all clear dude. Let loose.
Everybody else is doing it. And if
you're not, get over yourself.
Be humble. Yeah, that's okay.
If you're in a public pool, your life's not going
well. Okay.
Get over yourself.
That's why I had my first racist experience
at a pool in Boy Scouts. Oh, was it 1963?
Yeah, it was
close. It was 2006,
2008. I forgot. One of those
years. But I was at a pool and this
dude, this kid, one of the men, that's a
weird ass looking face. I looked back
and I was like, yeah, you're exactly right. No, I'm talking
about your ass. Bro, what the fuck?
Where's this skin? I was like, oh hell no.
And I went to the Boy Scouts and they went to
his parents and his parents looked at him and they were like,
well, I guess you gotta say you're sorry, buddy.
And he said sorry and it just went on about that day.
I love how they said I guess.
You got called, Buckle. Two years later,
they called me a brownie.
Then they said they wanted to eat me up.
That's crazy. I'll tell you the first
time I got called
the hard R, right?
So, we were back,
we had video stores where
before Netflix and shit, you walked, go to video
store and get games and shit. So,
we had to be like 10. Me and D-Law were walking
to the video store and walking
and we were excited because a new game just came out,
a wrestling game. I was like, I'm gonna be the
Rock. And he was like, I'm gonna be the Stone Cold.
And the dude drove by in the truck, he's like,
you're gonna be a nigger.
How did you hear that?
Because it's just a side road.
You know what I'm saying? We're loud.
We're screaming about this shit.
So, instead of
crying about it and going to
tell my mom, we threw a rock at the back of his truck.
And then ran through somebody's backyard.
And we were waiting on the street
because he came circling about until we can get to the
video store.
These young kids don't know about racism,
alright? I got some stories for you.
Which game were you playing though?
That WWE game, which one?
It had to be when I was about 10. So, I think it was
when the PlayStation 1 just came out.
Okay. So, was it the Raw
one or SmackDown? Shut your mouth.
It was something with Stone. I knew Stone Cold
was the new edition. Maybe
Warzone. Warzone. Hell yeah.
I thought that was Call of Duty, dude.
That's what I'll be playing now.
I haven't played in a long time. Need to get back on it.
Let's watch JJ's clip. Alright, here we go.
3, 2, go.
Anyways, fuck ISIS, right on, right guys?
Hell yeah.
Stand up. I like al-Kaido
way more.
Name one ISIS member besides Don
Carr, dude.
You can't name one al-Kaido.
Don Carr, dude.
He's got a double whammy, dude.
Never forget.
But seriously, life
doesn't always
You had to include that part
where I was looking at my notes hella hard.
Trying to remember what I needed to say.
You know what I'm trying to find these clips? My finger won't
ever get it completely right.
To scroll and edit the shit.
What happens when you don't have health insurance as a child?
You break your fucking fingers, you can't get them fixed, dude.
Alright.
I've got juvenile onset arthritis.
I can't do shit.
My fingers lock up.
Gotta get my girlfriend to unlock my fingers.
Like an eagle.
Get the pliers and shit out.
It's like a
Bloomin' Onion from Outback. You just gotta
Break it off.
All that Texas Roadhouse yesterday, man? Good shit.
Those are cactus blossoms
to avoid copyright issues.
Really? Yeah.
Is it really cactus? No.
It's like a fried onion.
You know like at Outback they got the Bloomin' Onion?
They have to call it a cactus blossom.
Because of the copyright. It's good though.
Shit's fire.
Texas Roadhouse? I haven't been either one in a long time.
This is the second time we've talked about Texas Roadhouse
on this podcast. The rolls and the cinnamon butter.
The chicken critters. You got geeked about the rolls
when we were talking about. Dude, they're so fucking good.
When I was editing that shit, I was like, I've never seen JJ
geeked about anything. He was like, the fucking rolls.
Well, also the first time I ever got
high, I went to Texas Roadhouse after.
So it kind of holds a special place in my heart.
Okay, okay. You know, it's like
you know. Damn.
It's sacred, bro. That's my
dojo. The rolls, the cinnamon
butter, Texas Roadhouse.
The waitress has to be at least
50 pounds overweight, dude. At least.
That t-shirt has to be
fighting for its life, too.
Yo, when you called me last night. Stains on it?
I said when he called me last night,
that's why I was eating. I was chowing down on like six
rolls, man, with that butter. Like I had a whole
container gone. And he didn't even
offer one, dude.
Two miles away. I know, man.
Next time, hey, now that I know that's
the shit, I'm gonna bring you a roll, bro.
You can't tell me you didn't have enough, dude.
Jesus fed thousands with
five pieces of bread. Dude, we still got
some butter, though. If you want that butter, we got like a
container this fucking big. How do you even get a
container that big of a cinnamon butter? I don't know. They just
gave it to us. You didn't ask for it?
No, because what happened was we wanted some rolls.
And then they just pulled over like a big ass
thing. We're like, fuck it, thank you, bro.
Oh, but you order rolls separately, like a whole bag.
Yeah, like a whole bag. It's like five
bucks for half a dozen. That's
good deal. Still don't be ready for some business.
You know what I'm doing later, dude.
But this room, this was
the last Fat Sammys we went to.
On Wednesday, Fat Sammy. Shout out
Alex and J- Alex Z
and Jalen Brown host that mic. It's always
fun. That's the one, like if you guys
want to come out, like it's always
fun. And it was packed. And those, you tell
them about the rowdy crowd
in the middle? Yeah, it was weird
because they were rowdy for a second and then they
just fully tuned out of what was going on.
They were rowdy for yours, though. You can hear them
when I'm trying to get your clip. They were
Yeah, well, I mean, I was 16th on
the lineup. Everybody was over.
I'm just fighting. I'm like,
ISIS, Coochie Sickle.
They don't want to hear this shit.
They're trying to get fucked up or whatever.
Well, they wanted to
participate whenever Jonathan was up
there. That was crazy. And then the young girl
who said it was her 21st birthday.
Yeah, I think she had a
fake idea. Yeah, yeah. Little two
They were looking at it when she got in there.
I remember they had like two people come to the table
and they were looking at it like, I don't
and then they just let it pass. Yeah,
yeah. I'm almost
positive that was of
of age girl.
But maybe she was 18, but she definitely
went 21. But Jonathan
was trying to do a set up there and she just
came up there, grabbed a mic.
I hate it, dude. Dude. I hate it.
I was like, this is a fucking
crash and burn I like to see. That's what
white privilege is.
It's thinking you can do that. It's like
no, dude. And they were what a black
do with the blackest name of all time.
Don Trel. Don Trel.
You won't find one. You won't find a
blacker name than Don Trel. We
got some skits.
Have you ever had someone take their
how you doing way too seriously?
They made eye
contact with you and told you their whole life
story?
Meet Theodore Gaines,
the Trauma Dump Uber.
Nice.
Hey, how's it going? Hey, man.
Close your door one more time.
Here we go.
All right.
So where are we headed to tonight?
23rd and 7th Bugsley.
Okay.
I used to be
a real sweet on a girl
from over there. Solid.
Yeah, man. She, uh,
uh,
she slept with my dad.
One more time? She didn't know.
She did the thing? She slept with my father.
Your father? Yeah, yeah.
I introduced him. I brought her home to be
my parents and the very next
day she slept with my father.
Must be quite the guy.
She was on the part of the sex tape that I saw.
Oh. Yeah, that's how
I found out. That's not a good
way to find out. They recorded in my
apartment. Ah.
That's fucking insane. I got to keep the dog, though.
Good. Yeah. Good.
Unfortunately, yeah,
my dog just found out he got sc- he
has cancer. Cancer? Of course. Of course he
has cancer. And it's not
my first time having to deal with cancer.
I've had
13 guinea pigs.
Guy of anal cancer.
How many? One more time? Thirteen.
Of what cancer? Rectum? Whole anus.
Just cancer it up. Whole anus?
Whole anus. I once got attacked
by a group of dogs.
Was it around here? Mm-hmm.
About 1500 feet that way.
Ah.
Got attacked by a pack of wild
dogs, brother. Survived?
Oh, yeah, survived. Well, I did die
on the operating table,
apparently, but I survived
along the lines. Yes. The infection
that kept setting, uh,
just nasty,
you know, just pus, man. Of course.
Pus on pus. A dog's mouth.
It's not that clean. Your mouth.
Not even. Yeah.
Question, how do you know if you have mesothelioma?
A good
question, um,
you know, and
have you ever been around a lot of
asbestos? No, but every time
I blink,
blood comes out of my
eyelids. Okay. Okay. I once got
into a fight with a gay man. So,
this is near 23rd and? Oh,
we're getting there. We're getting there.
It's a strange fluid back here,
you know. Oh, yeah. I had an
accident right there. Not too long.
Oh, okay. Yeah. Anyway, I don't have any further
questions. So,
no problem. Awesome.
Hey, how's it going tonight, man?
What's going on, dude? What's going on?
What's up? Where are we headed to?
I gotta go to my sister's quinceanera,
man. Her sister's quinceanera.
Yeah. Oh, man. I once caught
food poisoning out of quinceanera.
You don't look Latino.
You have a sister
who's having a quinceanera? Yeah, you know,
I have a racially diverse family.
I have a racially diverse family as well.
That's great, man. It's a beautiful thing.
I'm black. I'm black.
My wife is black, but somehow our child is half Chinese.
I remember one time
he came up to me one day
and told me,
Mommy says you're not my real daddy.
Like, your mother's such a kidder, you know.
I got robbed by a teenager.
Oh, like a big teenager?
No, no, no. She was 12.
You ever get the feeling that your wife's cheating on you?
Do you have any reasonable suspicion
to believe that she's cheating on you?
There's been times
her ex has been over, like, when I'm at work
and stuff like that. That's about it.
I caught them dancing one time.
Uh, and
they were in the pool another time.
They went on vacation one time.
She said she thought she told me I'd forgotten.
Then we got to the big fight.
You know, I
forgave her. You know, I didn't
want to
didn't want to come off as too mean.
Yeah, you got a
good heart, man.
Well, actually, I have a bad heart. I've had
degenerative heart disease since I was
three months old.
Oh, well, at least you haven't
given up yet. Well, no, they keep
giving me these dog heart transplants.
Dog hearts? The dog hearts
only last about eight, nine months.
And I got to get another one.
As long as I keep providing the dogs.
I keep getting the hearts.
Did you kill your dog
to get the heart transplants? No, no, no.
I once got beat up by a child
with MS. I was the first documented
black kid in my school with lice.
I once wiped my
ass with a Lysol
sanitary wipe and my ass
swelled up like a baboon. Oh.
You want to hear something crazy? No.
Oh, man. I've got a hepatite eye
that people have never even heard of.
I went online and I found a guy
who would do exorcisms.
Exorcisms
were like ten bucks apiece.
Ten bucks per demon. Pretty good deal.
Yeah, but it turns out they were
entracisms. He put more demons
in me than he took out.
You know, COVID made all of my toenails
fall off. Oh.
One single time. Hey, this is
the stop right here.
The kids in here, you can hear
gasoline up
in the air. Awesome, awesome.
Well, I enjoy riding with you, man.
Hey, man, could I give you
one piece of advice? What's up? Kill yourself,
dude. Oh. It's not gonna get
better. Theodore Gaines.
The Trauma Dump Uber.
This week's
featured comedian.
Yeah!
Alright, big loud noise, big loud noise
for the look of the stage. We're right here in
Hudsonville. Start the crowd, let's go!
5, 2, 1.
Let's go!
Hey white people, hey!
Black people, what's happening?
Hey!
Oh, who y'all sound good?
Hey!
Shit, y'all lit!
What you eating, man?
Eating good,
man. Eating
good again.
Let's get a couple of you, sound cool?
Fat boy, come on!
Play with my titties, too,
please!
Don't make me cry, dude.
Alright, cut your
braids then cut your toenails.
Let's go.
I need, I need ass.
You want to?
I'm an ass, dude.
You said I could relate to you.
What's up OG? I like your hat.
Clean black man,
what's up?
Y'all together, y'all are hekt up,
what's up? Y'all cousins?
Y'all are the fucking hoes.
We are the family,
we are the family, who playing with me?
How you doing, bruh?
You don't fit this vibe,
like, I don't know.
He fit the vibe.
Long beard, bald head, probably got
nipple rings, niggas, he fits the vibe.
Got tattoos,
motorcycle, bad bitch.
She got two teeth in the front.
When he do a tour and she go to him,
I love me shit.
God damn it,
I'm loving shit, man.
I don't know, your vibe is
different, bruh. You like high school
music over the summertime.
We're all in need together.
I'm soft with each other.
You're spreading her peace.
Jack Hoover, make some noise for
Top Gun and Fucker, bruh.
Hey, JJ, we got somebody here, huh?
Hell yeah, man, we got a good one today.
You guys are in for a very special treat.
We got a multi-talented guy here today.
Multi-talented.
Musician, comedian,
actor,
social media personality,
and you can catch him on Xvideos as well.
Today we have the amazing Typhoonie.
Hey!
Mama, I made it, I'm on TV.
Hell yeah, man.
With every camera, I don't...
You're just talking to us, man.
It's my first time on television.
I'm lying, I'm lying.
We know you're lying.
We got the facts right here.
Hey, thanks for coming over, man.
I appreciate y'all for having me.
Look, whenever you go out there and you see Typhoonie,
you're ready to interact.
You want to go out there, he is going to interact with you.
He's the best crowd work guy in Huntsville.
For sure.
Put whatever money you want on it, because you ain't going to find nobody better.
It's a great Ty.
Thanks for coming over, man.
Thank you, I just broke something.
It's just a headphone.
Sorry.
They said I didn't do it.
No, I'm just messing with you.
What's up?
We just had to talk you up, talk about your crowd work, man.
We love that shit, because it's harder for me, for sure.
Yeah.
I'm not a crowd work guy, and I love seeing you go out there and do your work.
I tell you this, man.
You know how to have a conversation with a person?
You know how to do crowd work.
That's it.
Now, granted, my job's made me do crowd work.
I don't know if it's a restaurant being a server, or a drive-through window at a restaurant.
I work at Taco Bell, too, so yes, besides the Pornhub thing.
I tell you this, being in people's faces that you don't know, you have to be creative.
I'm of the plus side, so people need to trust me, because they'd be like, he probably ate all the food anyway.
Which I did.
But I tell you this, making people laugh is a gift for all of us, and we all can share.
I tell y'all just to take advantage of what you see in that moment, to create something that isn't there.
Because people be having a shitty day, and just to give them food, because they pay for it,
but also give them a little chuckle or two, and invite them to a show.
That's how you make fans, too.
People always say, tell me a joke.
If you're already funny, they're going to be like, oh, he is kind of funny already.
So I ain't got to do that.
Tell me a joke, because if I do that, then I'm going to be like, I was watching Midget Pornhub, and I came a little bit.
That's what I said.
First joke that kind of, come to a show.
Hell yeah.
Were you always kind of like that?
Believe it or not, I've been performing for my entire life.
I started off with playing the drums as a kid.
I'm originally from Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
Church kid.
We went to church every day, all the time.
Same story like sci-fi.
Just bigger and black up.
Am I here a little bit long? Could that be it?
No, I mean, I just played the drums for the church, played the keyboard for the church.
I'm a dumb kid, so I stayed in punishment a lot.
So instead of, you can't watch TV or you can't play with your toys.
My granddaddy bought me a keyboard, and then you said, my mom was just like, you can't do nothing.
So I just learned how to play keyboard.
That's one of the things. I'm very self-sufficient.
You teach me one thing, I'm going to push it to the next level.
Yeah, I saw you. I didn't know that you did any of this.
And then I saw you on a show, the apartment show that Jonathan Silver put on.
You was like, yeah, that's my keyboard.
And you go up there, that shit, man.
You cold at that.
Believe it or not, that's where I kind of started.
Before I got just doing stand-up period in high school and elementary,
I used to make up songs on the piano, and then we used to just make up stuff.
That's just being a kid.
That's one of the things I shared with my friends at that time.
Now I can just share it with the world. That's one of the things I like. I really enjoy it now.
Hell yeah.
So when did the comedy come in? Was that something that was kind of always there?
Hell no. I did not want to do this shit, man.
I tell anybody like this, comedy has to call you and not pick up the phone.
That's what happened.
I like that.
Believe it or not.
True.
Because this comedy thing go up and down all the time.
If I go back seven years ago, I'd be like, hey, bro, chill the fuck out.
Go get another job because this shit ain't for everybody.
But it gives you tough skin, man. Just enjoy yourself.
But I say this, it wasn't for me. I'm a cancer, so I'm quiet all the time and observant.
Unless I'm around people I'm comfortable with or friendly with.
So that's why Ty Funny is that character because I get to be my natural self.
But in high school, I was a quiet little nerdy boy that played the drums all the time.
I was always beating on the table.
It's just something I used to do.
The lunch room was my oyster of like I got a good Milwaukee rapper.
If you do that...
Give me that pen. Let me show you something.
I love it.
Let me show you something, man.
I ain't given this in a long time.
I'm 34 years old.
I'm a little rusty.
So let me see if I can do this if I still got it.
Oh shit.
JJ, you got to start rapping.
You asked the wrong person.
Come on.
JJ in the corner.
I'm rapping right now.
I used to do this on the freestyle table at lunchtime.
I was eighth grade killing it.
I'm a fat boy and I smack girls with my tits.
Hell yeah.
Hell yeah, man.
Stupid.
Damn.
Hell yeah.
There's been two freestyles on the podcast.
Man, I saw that, man.
She killed that shit, man.
She did.
Shout out.
Shout out, Sierra Moses.
Sierra, shout out.
All day.
Hell yeah.
So when did the comedy come in?
Man, I believe it or not, man, I was at Taco Bell in 2011 and I was like, shit.
They was like, Ty, you funny, man.
You should do something with that.
You should make videos on YouTube.
I'm like, cool.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I try that.
Man, I tried to crack a joke in front of all these people at Taco Bell.
They looked at me like I was dumb as hell.
So I say 2015, I heard a dude at my job.
I was living in Wisconsin again, back in Wisconsin.
And I'm like, he was like, bro, I got a show.
Y'all need to come to my show.
He was the group class clown at the job.
He was always cracking jokes and everybody was always laughing.
2015.
That planet of the sea.
And I believe 2018, I went to my first ever comedy show.
My brother's birthday at Stand Up Live.
He had got free tickets.
The whole family came and then the first person got on stage and it just clicked.
That's what I'm supposed to be doing because I just knew exactly what he was doing.
It was one of the weird things.
It's like when you watch somebody do something for the first time, you can just kind of figure it out.
I think I'm Ray Man when it came to comedy or just my brain work.
I don't know.
One of the weird things I do, I can see it and I'm able to do it.
Yeah, because you're so natural at it.
I mean, it's insane because I've been to open mics where the crowd ain't giving shit.
The one time that the Navy guy playing pool, literally Charlie was like, hey, guys playing pool.
He said like four times and they didn't even turn around.
Not at all.
Ty was just being Ty up there and just fucking with him.
Had him all the way in his act.
That's crazy.
I don't know how you do that.
It's a gift.
I do a lot of reading too.
I brought my books.
Oh, what you got?
Let's see.
Let's see what you got.
What about the literature?
I got a literature.
This is one of my favorite few comedians.
Oh, the damn quality.
For those I crack jokes, I say I can't read.
I really can.
It just takes me a little longer.
That's all.
Dude.
Oh my God.
And I read all of these books.
I'm still reading them at this very moment in time.
Oh shit.
Them didn't even finish that one.
Mastering.
Stand up.
Steven Rosenfield.
You can look them up on YouTube too because some of them have little videos in like 20
minute segments that they post about their book and teach you little snippets of that.
And it just, other things, man.
See, this the one I read.
It got big letters.
I see some of these got a little small with my name.
Save those for later.
Hell, you need someone with some pictures.
I'm going to write my own comedy book with pictures in it.
That's what I'm going to do.
I'll read it.
I'll be your customer.
No man, I just, I took a liking, a loving of comedy, man.
I believe it.
So the 11th was the first time I was seeing Stand Up actually perform.
The first time I was on stage was actually the 17th.
Like, literally what?
A few days later, six days later, I was on stage.
I just, I was at Stand Up Live.
I was like, how do you get on this stage?
Just some random angel.
I have never seen this man again in my entire life.
He was like, you got to go to Open Mikes.
And I'm like, what the fuck is Open Mikes?
So I put my head, I started looking up stuff.
He said, go to the Huntsville, please go to Huntsvillecomedy.com.
On your Facebook, on Instagram, all the websites.
That's how you get into this, man.
And I did my first show.
It was terrible.
I was at Copper Top.
This is in 2017, 2018, I'm sorry, 2018.
My first time at Copper Top.
Y'all young, y'all young comics to me.
But that was the hardest room in Huntsville.
I bullshit you not.
It's a biker bar where everybody's back to warn towards you.
And it's like, bruh, please laugh.
Hang man, I don't know what to do.
It was like the roughest room ever.
Everybody drove motorcycles.
And it was like, you get the frat kid.
And you get this older white crowd, a dude with a beard,
with nipple rings and a vest.
It's the craziest shit.
It was really cool to be a part of that.
No, this is my, now it's my first time.
And I did terrible, man.
The host at the time, it was probably written by Tom Hand,
but he wasn't there that day.
He had this guy named Grant Moore.
And he was like, bruh, what was that?
I said, comedy?
He was like, no, that ain't comedy.
You need to learn how to write a punch line, a set up.
I said, he gave me the little nippets I needed.
Went on YouTube University.
And it ain't looked back since.
I did Maggie Myers, the 27th of 2018.
And that was my first time I ran the light.
I ran it at 13 minutes, believe it or not.
Now how long were you supposed to go?
10.
I was drunk as shit.
I didn't even know what the fucking light was.
It was Matthew Tate's mic at that time.
So he used to let you do 10.
Man, that's a blessing too.
If you got a state or a city that lets you do 10 minutes,
you are blessed.
Just that one mic, because you can go to different cities,
and these folks got five-minute mics, three-minute mics,
seven-minute mics.
You don't really figure it all shit.
You got a ninth minute that just sucked.
So it's a blessing to just be in a city where we can actually
hone in our skills, especially at that time.
In 2018, it was still rising.
You see a lot of people fall off too.
So we started rising for all the comedy.
But 2020.
It looks like it's rising up now.
Man, people want to laugh.
People want to laugh, though.
That's why I love this shit.
And that's why even people who are a little tighter crowd,
they want to laugh.
They're just trying to get somebody to get them there.
You know what I'm saying?
But you got to earn it.
Yeah, you got to earn those.
I like that shit.
I love getting somebody who wasn't laughing to laugh.
Breaking them down.
My new thing is pissing off white women that tell me that I
cracked the joke on the wrong person.
That's my new thing.
Hey, Samantha, how are you?
Damn.
I'm just calling them out.
I don't remember that lady's name, but she pissed me off.
What happened?
Man, I did a show.
It wasn't local.
It was a little outer.
It was in Birmingham.
Don't worry about this, bro.
I enjoyed it.
It was fun.
I had a good time.
I roasted the owner.
You know me.
I'm a do-me-own-me.
The person that owned the club was there.
And I'm like, we all shit, fart, burp, pee, poop.
Anybody can get this shit.
So I cracked the joke on him.
He was an older man with a younger woman.
I didn't know if it was his daughter or his baby mama or his side chick
or his mistress.
So I just threw some shit together.
She pulled me outside and was like, how dare you talk to that man?
Do you know who he is?
Bitch, no.
A white man that got a little money.
That's all I know.
But one thing I can say I do, I don't know, if I say some wild shit on stage to you,
I do apologize because I know I'm prone to saying the thing.
I told my mama, please don't say nothing.
Don't yell.
Don't heckle me while I'm on stage because I'm liable.
My senses are on 10,423.
Anything can throw me off her and draw my attention.
And that's one thing you build with comedies.
I know some people develop an act a certain way, but it's like when things happen,
you need to draw attention because we're all on the same plane.
We're all on the same minefield.
So if somebody drop a glass while you're on stage, you need to point that out.
Take advantage of opportunities because we're already on the same wavelength.
What was that noise?
That's the way everybody's thinking.
See, I would like ignore it.
You know what I mean?
In my current state, I probably would ignore it.
Same, honestly.
Yeah, to try to get my set out.
That's why I like learning from y'all.
You know what I'm saying?
To actually acknowledge it.
You can acknowledge it and still go back.
That's when you like the timing.
When comedians say stay on stage, they want you to build confidence.
That's the whole key.
Being liable and able to say anything and follow with the punch line.
That's what you're trying to build is confidence and a set for everybody to connect and make people laugh.
At the same time, you want to teach people to teach while you're on stage, too.
That's one of the things I try to do.
Even though I say some off the wall shit, it's just like I might be talking about emotions, but it's just the way I look at things.
I'm the brightest person in the world, but my goal is to leave you happier than you came in the room.
Hell yeah, man.
That's a great goal.
That's what a lot of comedy needs.
It's supposed to make people laugh.
You can be a little rowdy and whatever you're saying.
But the goal is to make people laugh.
Of course.
They come out and they're having a good time afterwards.
They're talking about it to their friends.
You hear what he said or she said?
You know you made it when a white dude that you have never met in your entire life offer you a beer at a bar.
That's when I knew I made it.
God damn it, you're funny as shit.
Come get a goddamn beer, boy.
That's the only time I let a white man call me boy.
God damn it, he's getting me beer, money.
I'll be your boy.
My homeboy.
Little boy.
Speaking of sci-fi, I told me to ask you about this.
Old man who came on stage.
Man, it's two of them.
I guess it'll be the first one because I got a video on YouTube.
Just type in Ty Funny.
I didn't think about it.
Ty Funny, maybe it could be one of those.
I got so many different names.
I got my ex-girlfriend out here.
We're going to put it up.
Don't worry about it.
Okay, say less.
You said which one?
I did a show.
This is, mind you, my first year doing comedy.
This was the Make It or Break It show.
This shit hurt my feelings.
I am walking the room.
I think I'd rather people boo me than walk the room because that means they're leaving.
They need to find something more entertaining because what they pay to get in ain't worth it, yada, yada, yada.
I'm trying to crack jokes on the audience.
This is when I guess when I first started riffing and stuff, but I'm panicking because people are leaving.
There is no audience.
The guy said, you ain't said shit funny all goddamn night.
Right in front of me, the stage wasn't higher.
It was just like on the floor, but he walked right across my camera.
I wailed in.
It probably wasn't the funniest shit, but that was the Make It or Break It.
I know I followed through that.
I got on security, had them fucking laugh, and they stopped watching the door.
I had the bar laugh because he could attack me.
This is before Will Smith and shit.
I was already going through this shit.
Then I got sexually assaulted on stage.
The man touched my titties because I got them kind of jokes.
That was just, yeah, man.
I had had some wild shit.
What do you mean?
He just came up and grabbed your titties?
Man, I was bombing from the fucking front.
Oh, hell.
And then the girl was getting the time.
I mean, he gave me the full honkers.
And then my girl at the time, she looked at me and I gave her like, I'm good.
I cracked jokes on him.
He laughed.
He bought me a beer.
And I got a picture with the guy.
So thank you, white man, tin man.
Full circle moment.
I have to take advantage of opportunities like that because it can become a violent thing.
I didn't take it.
I didn't see it as a violent thing.
He was just messing, but I know that's a no-no for me.
So one of the things I have to stay clear of, you know.
White people, stop glaring black man titties, too.
That's not an okay thing.
That's a no-no.
You should be counseled for shit like that.
I agree.
That's fucked up, man.
Hell yeah.
I want you to ask him about that.
He was a cowboy.
He was a cow.
I don't know.
So you acted.
So you do some acting.
Oh yeah.
That's what I was doing.
I got two movies.
One is on Netflix.
It's called Zero.
I'm an extra.
You can only see me for about 32 seconds maybe if you pause it at the right time.
That's a long time.
32 seconds.
That's a good amount.
Not really.
It's more like five.
Okay.
You was in that.
I was in that.
And then I got a movie I did in 2017.
I was a bounty hunter in a movie.
They got my back in that one.
I got shot and I fell.
It was pretty funny.
I think my ass crack was out.
So the Zero movie, it's a Bollywood movie?
It's a Bollywood movie.
They filmed here in Huntsville.
Really?
Yeah.
They filmed it here.
I wish I would have known more about it because I definitely would have put in some more.
Because I got to be extra and put some more.
I got paid too.
Hell yeah.
It was 90 bucks.
It was like 100 bucks.
But you was there the whole fucking day.
I got there at 6.30.
We didn't leave until 6 that night.
We was outside on the Huntsville airport.
We were basically, he was going off to space or whatever and he was walking out.
So what they did was like the Little Man movie.
You remember the Marlon Williams Little Man movie?
They put his head on a little person's body.
That's what they did.
And the little guy that was like the body for him.
Yeah.
You never seen that movie?
You making a face, JJ.
No, I'm saying I think this Bollywood movie is crazy.
Yeah.
Yeah, man.
That shit was lit, bro.
They had me and that bitch dancing.
They had us eating Indian food.
Man, I had gas after.
It was crazy.
Damn, bro.
I made some connection at the gas station, man.
Shout out to you, Abu.
I love you.
I'm fucking.
I'm just playing.
That's when I got, that's riffing.
That's just it.
But from what I gathered, it's a dude, he's going to the moon.
He wants to be an astronaut.
Yeah.
And his girlfriend's in a wheelchair?
Yeah.
I'm watching this on two die.
I never watched the whole movie.
Believe it or not.
I just wanted to see my fucking scene.
I'm like, I just wanted to like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm
like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like a beautiful, beautiful piece of it.
What was the reason why you stick in the picture?
Because that was, when you see the engine oil, and I had to stop, I was like, that's
why you should be in the picture.
Like, why would I just want a camera?
My whole wanted to do that.
I never watched the whole movie.
Believe it or not.
I just wanted to see my fucking scene.
I'm that guy.
I feel you on that.
And I'm in the front too and I got the camera faced the wrong way, but it's so funny.
Oh my God.
Yeah, man, you know Bollywood that's they feel it's like they do what's the they do musicals?
That's like their thing. So he did the guy that's the star in the movies like the Brad Pitt of that
Yeah over there. He's that he's that guy and he did come out and say hey, how y'all doing?
He looked at me now and I was like, what's up, bro? He's like, leave me the fuck alone
No, he was cool. He was pretty cool. Yeah got to do some so it was his face on the little dude
Yep, his big ass head
No, it's body. It was definitely with the head and the guy had to be no more than like maybe three four
Maybe four one maybe uh-huh
like you could pick him up and hold him like a baby like
Maybe like maybe look like a like a six seven year old at height whatever that is. Yeah
Yeah, yeah, but he was dancing his ass off in that movie
Check out zero man. You can find me. I'm at the end of the movie
It's like a hot second. You got a positive don't you gonna miss the fuck out of me?
But I got to do my shit shout out to you Netflix. I'm coming for you
I love it man when I think Bollywood I would not imagine somebody that looks like you being in a Bollywood
Yeah, they just needed extras. I was a cameraman and they like they had people dressed up like cameraman
Reporters cuz it's like a reporter scene. Oh, so you say you had the camera. I literally had the camera like
Cut on like I wasn't like in the movie. I'm a guy holding a camera. Yeah
I'm cameraman number one black cameraman number one
Yeah, they gave me this tight-ass vest everything they have pockets on only y'all can really goddamn put some of the shit together
And gave me a reason do not get up the camera
He was dead-ass serious. That's the way. Oh shit. Was it a real case?
It's a real the real fucking camera that thing was like three four bands like I'm holding in my hand
I'll be scared as you believe it or not. I threw out the whole movie
Like why my camera not working? Why is not working? They're motherfucking really cut on I was an old shit cuz I couldn't get it
To come on for some reason but it came on to work into the movie. She was real
I could do that bitch and rain get them out here. They was they was out there man. It was that was lit
Thank y'all for letting me do it
That's awesome. And how'd you find out about that?
Facebook believe it or not shot the Facebook for being like crucial when it comes to comedy
It helped me find a lot of shit to do here in Alabama. Okay, so I'm not like you. Yeah networking
Okay, and network on me about to get on it
You could take two hundred dollars on Facebook and turn it into zero dollars real quick on Facebook. Just watch out for them cash app scams
We know somebody you know them too. Oh a scam. Let me know. No, no who's getting scammed. Oh, man
First thing he said when I first time ever talked to him. He's like, yeah, I got these
Oh, he talking about the Russian girl the Germany girl. Yeah. Yes, but he's like I just got a cinder
$200 she gonna send me back 20 that no no, no, it's not and that's a man. So it's a Nigerian dude. Yeah, I'll boot to come
That is getting all your money
Stop it
But we all have been scammed at one point some of just we just take it once we catch on that we're being played
We cut it off. Yeah, we've all been scammed
Usually minus with drugs, but you know
Hey
Me too. I gave this man $20. Why is only list much weed? That's very sad in this one. I'm giving you a yo
Yo my weed man
Well, yeah
I'm happy. Yeah. Yeah. Damn dude. We were looking on your Facebook. Mm-hmm. How do you feel about your mama jokes?
I love them. You love them. Do you have a favorite? Yo mama joke my favorite
I like to like the one like your mama so fat she jumped in here. She got stuck like that. It's a clever one
Your mama so stupid
Damn, I can't think of right now. I can't think of that. We got a couple examples. You posted on Facebook
I did from 2012 god damn said your mama so fat. I had to take a train and two buses just to get on our good side
I was cooking
This this one's my favorite you said your mama so fat
She's 36 24 36, but that's her forearm neck and thigh
Did I might have copied it from somebody that boy sound clever as hell
What else I got in there? You got a your mama so fat when she hauls ass she has friends come help
Yeah, that's all up yeah, that shit is dope yeah, nothing like a good your mama joke you like to roast too
I'm not the best roaster believe it or not. I'm terrible at this shit
I just say whatever coming to my first my first thought it's just I'm not a I don't know what I do sometime
I can't explain. I'm not a roaster
I mean I used to crack jokes at home with my mom and my parents with my brother all that maybe my brothers go back
And forth all the time, but like I don't consider myself to a roaster
I do watch a lot of roast on YouTube so I'm like
I'm kind of like if he like if you put me in a roast competition
I might make it kicked off first cuz that shit is terrible. I try to do it. It's not I'm not that guy
I'm not good-natured. I can't I might it just it just depends on that day if I'm like if I'm in a breakup situation
I want to just spit out evilness then
Must say some some god-awful shit
See I wrote a roast for everybody. I wrote one for YouTube, but you weren't there
It was like Ty Ty funny looks like he only dates business for the income tax check you got
Right hey boo, my name's Ty I want you you hope you got kids cuz I love them
Doing their broke boyfriend hug at the register. That is my staple hug that bitch from the back
And hit it from the back. She gonna give you paper just like that
This shit is nice this is nice so come on over here to clown college comedy
This shit is gorgeous in here
Appreciate it. We trying to do you know, it's janky promoter. We try we try
Honestly, man, it starts somewhere bro. It starts somewhere. You got 4k goddamn cameras
You got lights and it's it's beautiful. You got happiness and soul and and a white lady right here
Making sure I'm robin up and the steel and check the basket boo boo. It's okay
This is definitely the classiest studio you can smoke a cigarette in
Well, you got a new port size
You know the gusto I don't know what it means hopefully nothing bad you got your own what you got on right here
That's it go hard
I do this shit. I do this shit. I gotta speak up. Oh, yeah
Hell yeah. Yeah, you got merch everywhere. Where you find that up ex-girlfriend that had income taxes money
Thank you, boo
She was really good to me. I like your merch though. I like I appreciate him. I got a young comic
He met me he was just like bro. I want to work with you. I had a girl I'll date somebody
I'm always dating somebody to give me to where I need to be so they mean you on the next level
No, man, um, there's one girl gave me a
Logo and then she got her from her homeboy. He didn't fucking finish it
I'm like you need to go out there and give him some more pussy or something to finish this project
but um
She didn't I end up giving to somebody else and he worked on it and
It just ran from there and like he put the colors on there and everything and then charged me shit
I am appreciate you. I owe him to look a million dollars and I ain't got it right now
Hopefully the power ball tonight
Is the pool tonight? Yeah, man 700 million dollars. What would y'all do with this shit? You know what which on?
What I would do I wouldn't tell anybody
I was gonna ask y'all if y'all would but I'm gonna just tell you I wouldn't tell anybody and I wouldn't live
I know I say this now and you know, this is like but I wouldn't live and I would have a bomb-ass house
All right. Oh, yeah, but I would live somewhere like here like this will like here or Texas something like that
I would I would have a house there now what I would do with that much money
I have like a condo in New York and LA or Hawaii
You know what I'm saying? And that will be the way I spend my money cars and shit. Don't do it for me
I would have some cars. God damn you got you want car. Oh
My fat ass is gonna get a Ferrari and try to squeeze myself
I'm in that bitch
And what you get what you do I'm so bad at keeping secrets it would kill
I wouldn't I wouldn't tell anybody to like flex
I feel like I just randomly accidentally slip up and say I got like 700
Nobody gonna really believe you like off like they're gonna be like you win a goddamn lottery
It regards if they know you or not until you like do some like baller and shit
Yeah, what you're gonna do what that much you're gonna do something
You might it might not even be like buying a big-ass car or something
But you're gonna do some baller shit people gonna see it. I would go on trips for sure
Yeah, I definitely love to travel see the world have some cool experiences and shit
But when it comes to like cars and houses, I don't need that. See I'm way on the cars
I want a house because you know, you can put your movie theater in there
I wanted in the how I want to be like, oh, I'm about to go watch a movie click on the 4k project
Come on the shit that you know levels to the height to it. Come on. We got a bitch in the middle
I can put down man. I'm getting all the Instagram models
Pull up I got the money on the way out you got a clock in you got a clock
I'm gonna just start a trust fund start spitting in people's faces
Think I'm better than everybody
I'm gonna get like a transplant like a hair transplant get a fucking tiger hair mustache and shit
There's the most wild shit I can think of I would I would love to do some shit like um
I thought the funniest thing when I was a teenager was there's this youtuber his name's Danny Duncan
He would buy an expensive ass car like a nice Tesla and put some of the Texas Longhorns on it and like jack it
Up make it look ridiculous. I would do shit like that to where it's not even nice like
You're devaluing the car and you're just blowing money and shit cuz I think that's fun, man
I would want to have fun with it for sure. Hell. Yeah
I like those answers. I can't tell my mama cuz she gonna tell the whole family in the church
You got to give 10% you gotta give ties you gotta get your ties
The only thing about they do some people do that would you do it? Yeah. Yeah, I'd tap Jesus hand
I just want to find Jesus's hand or you tap whatever church. What are you saying? Jesus? I'm not tapping the church Jesus
Well, who are you giving the money to that Jesus when he come back?
I'm not tapping the church Jesus
Who are you giving the money to that Jesus when he come back?
Throw some to st. Jude's or something like that, you know, definitely a charity
But I would want to know I want to see these charity tax returns if I'm donating that much money
Yeah, I'm not donating for somebody to go get by Jaguar and shit
You don't need the kids or whatever the cause is
You could be like Jimmy Carter go out there and build those houses for people until you're like 90 years old
You can't move. Jimmy was hitting them hammers at night
I look out man. I just only thing is like if you win the fucking power barber like in Nashville
You have to they they stay they tell you how I didn't is like everybody knows really. Yeah
So in Tennessee that's their law. Yeah, but you can you might be able to do a trust fund if you'd like
You know find the right the people that can do it all that paperwork for you
Or you can go up there with a mask on maybe because I know some states
I think Florida's like people been wearing like the scream as you can pull that up
So later I won a powerball in Florida
She wore a scream as it won't nobody know who the fuck they was and to this day don't know who it is
They might have a name but they may not like this shit crazy
I don't want nobody know I won because I know my ex-girlfriend's gonna come back and say hey
I owe them money and I probably do but fuck you bitch you left me
Not this kind of money
Good for her
You do not know who that's the most brie in this idea
And with the gloves on I peep that
You can't even tell what color
Does it say your name on the check though?
I believe they got A. Campbell I believe is that what they say
It's a lot of A. Campbell's
You got soup
Campbell's soup
And it's got it's obviously a black person
I believe or is that
The black ladies around the picture is the committee or is just we don't I'm still trying to figure that picture out
That might be the family just like we know who it is
I don't know
I just always see a white man handing a big ass chick
That's why he's wondering
Yeah
But yeah that's one of my dreams is to hit the lottery
Yeah you gonna hit it in comedy man
The scene about to blow up
I'm ready
I've been thinking about moving I'm not gonna lie
What are you moving to?
I'm thinking about going to Seattle or Arizona
Somewhere like kind of different
Yeah I just want to do something different
I know people that move to Florida I know people that move to Texas
I know people that move to New York
I don't know what comedy they gonna move to
Up north down up all kind of shit
Is there a scene though in these places?
In Arizona for sure
It is
Arizona they got to stand up live in two other comedy clubs in that region
Yeah
So and then I was thinking about Seattle too
That's you know you can go out of California and Vegas and live in Seattle
So Seattle is a place where you can go
Live in Seattle so
Seattle got a major scene too I looked that up too
I always feel like you
You gotta be a working comment because if I was
Running a show like saying I was running a show
I would have you host it
It wouldn't even be a question
Cause you want like for the biggest
People if like saying I ran stand up live
You have the biggest people come through
You want Typhani there
Guaranteed energy
Guaranteed energy the crowd will
Will be paying attention to what's on stage
It's a no brainer
Get the crowd involved engaged and shit for sure
I appreciate that man I really do
I just take advantage of the opportunities
That was giving me man that's all shout out to
Shenanigans man Kimberly Wilson you are absolutely
Amazing I love you so much
She created Typhani believe it or not
Cause I wasn't I was doing
The comedy off the book and
Still you know learning or what not
I still pull out my notebook every now
And then I do write a lot
I just the improv
Classes that I took and joined the improv
Weasels and all of the programs
I've done with them like they have really
Pushed me to like be on the top
Of my toes when it comes to comedy
Yeah Shenanigans if you look that
Up google it they always
Have something going on
Improv
Improvisation
Improv classes
Improv definitely
Is like
Don't allow
Cool
Yeah but
But yeah Shenanigans is cool and that's the
First place I did stand up when I got here
And it's yours too? No no you just stand up live
But yeah I like
The stuff you write man I remember
One time you said this joke do you think lightning
Is just an alien drive by
That was some hot shit
I wrote it on my phone and I was like
I'm going to try it I appreciate you reminding me
Of that joke cause I haven't told it
But I didn't get nothing I didn't want to chuckle but I'm like
That might be something there
Oh for sure do something with that
I'm definitely going to play around with it
Like I know I got the
Most of my material comes from
True stories though like the Nigerian
Bed that's my mom
Did a million Nigerian
Me messed with the
Nipple joke the whole thing about my boobs
And all that I'm fat I don't care
I know I did
Mess with my first sexual experience was with a lesbian
She was
Bisexual when we got done
And she went back to being a lesbian
After that so but yeah that was
All true stories I try to take real
Life things and try to make them funny
And tell my story
One of my first jokes was big dick
Baby and I don't know if I ever tell that
Joke again but I might need to dust it off
And pull it out I had this baby
Girl put a baby on me and it
Was not mine so I called it big dick baby
So that was
That's how I knew the baby wasn't mine the baby had a
Big old dick
Who baby that's not that
On running our family
We didn't get that dick that's not the
Dick that runs that's why
Is it touching his kneecap that's disgusting
Oh my god
Yeah that was that's one of my first bits
But it was a true story I had to deal with
Deal with that and that was one of the
Saddest stories of my life I think that's what
Saved me too comedy saved me I tell
Anybody if you want to do comedy
It's not gonna cure all your problems but it
Damn sure saved me cause I was really like
I was at that point was like man I need to figure out
What the fuck I'm finna do with myself cause this shit ain't working
So I
I appreciate you we're glad you did
Of course man yeah
Wanna talk about your Twitter
My Twitter's disgusting
I know
Follow Time Funny on Twitter please
Follow Time Funny on Twitter
It's drummer boy
I think drummer boy 15
Drummer boy 19 it's disgusting
Boy BoI
Yeah man it is the most
Terribleest thing I have ever created in my life
The likes the favorites
Please don't do any of this stuff
Go to the likes
You will just see booty
Penises and white women
Don't just play
It's just ass and breasts
And you might catch a video of me performing
Felatio on somebody I just deleted it
But it might go back up at any moment
Um
I do this shit
He is Ty Funny the entertainer
I will play keyboard on your girlfriend ass
That's hilarious
I started
Cometed in what 2018 like my
First show was technically stand up live
I did the open mic
One time I got
Hit up by this guy the 3 minutes
The first one I ever did was
In 20
It was in 2018 but it was like a February
I did the first open mic
I brought so many people the person I was running the show
The club at that time was Jonathan Craig
Shout out to you man he put me on
He said come back he messaged me on Facebook
Come back again and do the open mic
But instead of you being in the
Bucket spot you going to get 5 extra
You going to get 2 extra minutes so I ended up doing 5 minutes
Did that one killed that shit
Then they said ok you did such a good
Head shot shout out to Matthew T
He gave me my first head shot
So I sent that to him too
Then they told me to come back for a showcase
I wasn't getting paid my first
I only been doing comedy for 3 months by that time
I did that showcase
And bombed so fucking hard
I'm blessed to say
I had to rebuild myself and learn
So it was a process
I tell anybody
You going to have some winning moments
Or you going to have some down moments
I was fucked up please don't ever do that
Because I threw up as soon as I got off stage
And that was the worst feeling ever
Because I'm like that wasn't funny that wasn't comedy
I was just a fat drunk man on stage
Humping the stage it was
Disgusting
I went through a lot of phases of comedy
It took me a while
But I appreciate that shit
So maybe that dude that does that act
You know what we talking about we don't say it's now
I don't
I saw the sci-fi episode and y'all
I'm mentioning it but I've never seen that guy
That one time we seen him at
Stand Up Live and Shenanigans
You've been there when he's
Been there
You probably be chilling out
I go smoke a cigarette real quick
Especially if the audience like
And you just up there like
But you know who he is
He look like Frozo
From where my super suit
What's the name of that
Incredible
Where my super suit
I don't know who he is though
I really don't know
I don't know
I think he won one time when he did that too
I ain't seen him in a while
I know that happened to me
I did a showcase
In Peary, Illinois
At a Rich Pires club called the Jew Box
In Illinois competition
And it was a drunk dude he came in there
I'm going to tell some jokes but y'all want to see
Y'all make a motherfucking laugh watch me
Fuck the shit out of that dude
For like five minutes
He had us in there dying but the problem was
I think he thought he was going to win but we
Was laughing at him and out with him
The dude that followed behind that he said
What do I have to say he just fed off of that
So that's why he won like he just
He just got to be at the right place at the right time
I knew my set wasn't worth a damn but I only had
Five minutes and so I just
You know I work with what I got but that was in 2019
He look like that
Who is that
You wouldn't know he looks just like that
It's a black dude that be on the stage humping
Yup
I think he was doing more finger work
Licking the microphone
He was
Going to town too
That could have been a Me Too movement
Right there
Microphone phylochrome
Licking the mic
I don't know he might not have been doing it that long
I think he has though
I've seen him do that same act at least like four months apart
So that's been consistently
In the rotation
He might kill the black room
It depends
I want to see this shit
He might
I know I didn't
I'm not from here I gotta keep reminding myself
So I gotta sometimes pull myself back
Cause I know I have a vulgar mouth
Cause you from uh
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Don't you know and all that we don't sound like that
I'm from the hood
I'm raised like everybody in Milwaukee
They if you black
Or any ethnicity
I got talk shit
You always around somebody that say they from
Chicago and y'all just
Kind of vibe off the energy
So we always kind of I was not a
Hood kid but I was around the hood
I guess you could say
The drive bys was alarm clocks
And lullaby
And them pop pop pop
That shit was real
The whole neighborhood is just the surrounding area
I know I got family in Milwaukee
Yeah exactly what you
Talk about
I love you I miss you Milwaukee
So hold on
Uh
Are we out? Oh dog costume
For job visiting kids
Oh I worked at the early works museum I told you
I done been I done had so many god
Damn jobs
Till I found comedy I found comedy when I was 28
So I'm a lake bloomer
I was like my second job here in
Alabama I just took anything
Cause I need to make some money and
I played as a mascot at early works
Museum is uh what was the name of the dog
Um shit
Uh not brownie
His name was Biscuit
No not that dog but yeah
You can pull it up on facebook
You said early works
Yeah I was early works museum
My name was Biscuit when I put on the suit
I seen y'all some clips of me
Like underneath the suit and putting it on
And um it was
That was damn show a fucking job I tell you that
So you worked at early works
Early works museum
What's the running rebels
The running rebels was a community center I used to go to all the time
That was one of the safe havens in
Milwaukee um I
I wanted to do music believe it or not before I got into comedy
And I was a drummer
I wanted I wanted I went from drumming
To being in the studio trying to be a producer
So I was like one of the things I wanted to
Transition into and I kind of ended up
Not going in that direction I got more than like singing
And like rapping and writing and all that
Still played the drums
I used to volunteer there
Then I used to I took a job there to work there
As a youth aide and all that
It was a that's one of the shots
Running rebels too they created top funny too
I got to be funny around them and
Create this this personality I guess you can say
Yeah that's one of the things you want
Definitely want to do in comedy's creative personality
Like a caricature like just like you
But you want steroids kind of sort
Yeah and I want if I if I uh
Write a character for you
Would you play it in the skit? You got damn right
Okay what you need me to do
I can do something with you I got an idea for what skit
To I'm going to I'm going to do it after
After okay say listen y'all going to be
In for a treat yeah yeah yeah
We don't want to show them everything not everything
We got to ask them while they were on camera
We're going to obligated to say yes
You're going to be at me and doing sacrifices and shit
Cut the chicken head
Alright Ty I want to thank you for coming
Oh we leaving
This was fun
This was a great one I hope it wasn't too long
I hope you all stayed and watched and enjoyed yourselves
Thank y'all
Once you started talking nobody's leaving
This podcast until it was over
I feel special man
Shout out to this Bud Light
The clapping in my ears
Amazing audience
Thank you all your people your famousness
Your majesty
Well okay so what we're going to do
You're going to talk into this camera
Right here anything you got to promote
And your at's and
I know you got a lot of them
So Instagram Ty underscore
Funny 07 07
TikTok Ty underscore
Funny 07 07
Facebook Ty funny or you can just type
Intraverous strong that's my government name
He owe people money
So you should just go with Ty funny
I got a show on January
13th in Tennessee
And I got another one on January
7th in Chattanooga
You can go to both my social medias
All my social medias and find them more information
And dates and all that stuff
You all coming for a treat man cause I do this shit
Like it's been a minute but I do this shit
I definitely do
You'll be doing this shit
Alright
Thanks man
I got gifts for y'all I can't wait to get y'all stuff
Oh shit
Do it real quick
Hell yeah cause I want to see actually
Let me see
Okay it's a large
I got all the black people black ones and the white people white ones
I'm not racist
That's what happens
It's the way it needs to be
I'm not racist either I'm just joking
Now I gotta wait to wash mine until I got a whole bunch of other white clothes
I got you
I got you large
I got you extra large
Put them in the camera for me man show them all
Hell yeah
Look at all these top funny babies
Look at that
I want to see it too
I got the barcode on my sleeve
Shout out to you Jazz
I appreciate you
My momma Peace Creations
She definitely do this shit man
This your momma does this?
My momma made this shirt she edited it
They all worked together on this shit
It was my 34th birthday
They gave me all this shit
I appreciate it
No problem and I appreciate y'all for having me on the show
Hell yeah
Alright