This week on Clown College
Are you a big handy guy?
I love them
You like them too?
Are you into them?
Fuck no
I'm trying to give me a handjob, I can jack myself off
Now head
I mean to start it off
Imagine if your tour is sitting
I'm talking about handjob until completion
No, no, no
I don't want you to ever say those words again
I don't want you to ever say those out loud
That sounds like a charge
Handjob to completion
Grand theft auto
You know, high treason
Handjob to completion, that should be illegal dude
That's insane
Nobody was operating under that assumption
This is the Clown College Podcast
We're just a couple open micers
Trying to make our way through the scene
Where we interview comedians
Throughout different stages of their comedy career
No matter if they're open micers, headliners
Or traveling comedians
I'm here too, Jamie 2.0
I just talk a lot more
Damn it Brandon
Go sit in the corner
Welcome back to Clown College
We want to say thank you for
Tuning in, I mean
Oh yeah, the feedback's been great
A lot of love and support out there
Thank you guys for sharing our stuff
I'm interested in coming on and just watching the podcast
It means a lot
Hell yeah, we were expecting like 10 views max
Single digit
I was expecting nobody
But realistically, who the fuck
Would want to watch an hour of some random
People talking that they don't know
Well we appreciate it
Thank you for listening
They just watch for our bomb jokes
Well there's going to be some bomb ones today
I can guarantee you that
So what happened? How was Thanksgiving?
It was good man, it was good
Family came to town, I met
Four of my new Mexican brothers
That was fun
They speak a little bit of English
We communicated well though
Shit's crazy man
Shit was weird
But it was good though
Discipline kids, I think my bombs beating the fuck out of them
To be honest
They were on their P's and Q's the whole time dude
Straightened up
They knew to shut up during the blessing dude
I love it
You know sometimes you got to beat these kids
I think that's a lost art
I agree
Just a good pop
Oh yes, Brandon does know all about that
You know how many ass whuppens I took? A lot
Look at me, I'm very professional now
No I'm not
How was your Thanksgiving?
Man it was good
Not going to lie, got two stuff though
Got two stuff, got too high
Lost a lot of money
All that
How'd you lose the money?
Oh you know, you get paid
Shit just hit you, gas came out of nowhere
Saw some cool shit I wanted
Brandon, gas does not come out of nowhere
There's a meter in your car
That tells you exactly how much gas you have
That shit don't sneak up on you
I felt like I went around a corner
Apparently I went around the whole city
Nah I got no gas
I know, yes dude
I'm very careful man
You think I'm 80 years old
I talk about people driving horrible
But look at my ass, I'm slow as shit
I love hearing you
And your fiance
Argue about driving
Because every time at
Straight to Aome and Brandon parking at the same spot
And when I'm walking back
There's always a few steps behind me
And I can hear her going
I keep telling you not to park back here
It's weird, there's homeless people around
Yep, I'm like there's so many cars up front
I don't want to hit a sidewalk
Wink, wink, you know
That's why I say when I hit something that
Not supposed to hit
That parking lot is confusing though
Brandon's been in a lot of hitting runs with that comment right there
He said sidewalk and put up
Portation marks
Hit a school trash can once, scared everybody
It's still there, you go to the school
I go to, not going to
You look at the trash can
You're going to see it, fucked up
Yo man
This is crazy, you remember that trash can man
It's really still here
This is what I did, I fucked this shit up
Is it like a dumpster?
Oh no, it's like one of those like
What is that? Those red
The metal ones, I hit like a metal one
A dumpster? No, not a dumpster
The small trash cans, you know the little small ones
That are near the parking lot when you park
And they got the little ones you could go to
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you talking about the round ones
Yeah, yeah, those round
Not the dumpster, that shit
Dude, would it be weird to consider
Like having two guests in one episode?
Like, if we did our pre-part
Before, like we just had somebody sitting there
And they watched our clips with us
And then the interview part
Is with a different guest
Would that be weird?
So I don't think it would be weird, I think the only
Thing is, is that it'll be like
We can have the open micers
Before, and then the comedian
Like the long term
Cause then we'll be able to get open micers
And then we'll be able to still get them their own episode
Because this, you know
It wouldn't be centered around them
They're just talking to bullshit with us
I think that's a good idea
Cause that'd be fun, man
Cause like, I've been wanting Charlie on here
That's what that is exactly
Is that how you think about it? I love Charlie
Well, Jake was already on it
I think Jake's funny as hell
He covered for me last week
Good shit, Jake, appreciate it, man
Thank you, dude
Like, dude, it was literally
Maybe not even 30 minutes
Because Nico was already on his way
I just looked at him, I was like
So which one of you guys want to co-host?
I had a family emergency
That's the reason
I'm sorry, I missed you guys, man
I love doing this shit, it's fun
It's fun as hell, man
I love seeing Dom in his like soft
Purple hoodies
That shit's nice though
I think there's more Earth tones
What fucking Earth are you listening to?
I know, Allison said it, but I can't remember what the tone was
But it was like green
Forest green
Dude, my HGTV joke
Earth tones
She wanted to go with fucking
I can't even remember my own joke
The tan one, Autumn Brass
That's like the
On the Valspar paint sheet
I went to Home Depot and I was looking at those
And I was like, I should put this as a tag
I'm not gonna ever laugh, but I think it's funny
So I'm keeping it in, fuck you
I'm telling you, I'll do that joke
That nobody ever laughs about
My
I mean it's rough
I don't even want to tell you what it is, because it's so rough
Because it's be out of context
But, let the gas out of lungs
I'll let you know what kind of people
I don't want to pull Kanye in here
But, no
Third Kanye
Shout out in a row
I want you guys to know
I actually do believe he's
He's insane, but like creative insane
He has to be
He's like an evil genius
See genius though, I'll wipe back on this
I think they give genius to too many people
If you can make music, I'm not saying
I guess you can be a musical genius
I think so
Like if you listen to some songs
It's a different level
You just understand universally more people
Are gonna fuck with that song, just because it's good
There's a lot of artists
I'll give you one like when they're like
Maybe like a YouTube guy
Like MrBeast, he's a genius
I don't believe he's a genius
I think he's more of a hard worker
Very disciplined
Hard working good man like Rocky, you know what I mean
He's a really good dude, he does a lot of like
He does like charitable shit
Why do people hate on this guy when he does that
I see that all the time on Twitter
Well, I think it's kind of like a double edged sword
Because at the end of the day he is making content
He's making money off of it
Okay, he's making money and then giving
At least doing something
I think he gives like the vast majority of it away
Or at least reinvest it into the videos
Like he's
That squid game video he made
I think he spent like 3 million dollars
To make that, which is insane
Who else is doing that?
Like social media wise
I don't watch
I never watch one MrBeast video
I don't know anything about them
But I always see him
Every time I see him it's like he's doing something good
Like building whales or some shit
Well people will hate on anything
Yeah, I hate on the guy that's doing something
Didn't he like pay for that surgery
Overseas for people to get their sight back
Oh yeah, yeah like a thousand people
Yeah and people hated on it
If he could do it over there, why couldn't he do it over here
Because here you gotta pay like infinitely more for it
Well actually I think it's like a pretty simple procedure
They just don't really have like the medical
Infrastructure over there
They don't have the doctors and hospitals I guess
I don't fucking know
Like I said I am a licensed physician
I'm an MD, I know what I'm talking about dude
We all are
Brandon, you were first in your class weren't you?
Wait what?
Say it again, hold on I need you to tell me this again
Grab your helmet
You said everything we needed to know right there
Okay, yeah
Because I was hearing you said MD
Did you get good grades in school Brandon?
I'm not trying to put you on blast, I'm a genuine
I know you're not, I didn't Brandon don't worry about it
Then you know what, me and
We didn't, me and Dom, I remember man
We didn't
I didn't
Y'all went to school in two different eras
We didn't have cell phones when I went to high school
True that
Now we got phones, vapes and shit
You know all the weird shit
Have you seen those new vapes that you buy it and it comes with
It's own lanyard and people wear it around their neck
I swear this is real
I think they're called RAS, I don't vape
So I don't know but it's like a nicotine vape
And it comes with it's own lanyard
And it's like part of the culture dude
It's the new drip
If you're like 15 that's the coolest shit to do right now
15 year olds are doing it
I mean I was
I was smoking black and mild at 15
Oh also I knew that, I found that out
Because of like a 38 year old woman
I drove past
Decatur like almost to Rogersville
Because I'm talking to this girl
And she has a horse, I posted the horse picture
On my Instagram
I had to recreate the video
If you haven't seen the horse video on Twitter
We'll link it, play it now Brandon
Alright hold up y'all
But it's the exact same horse
But we drove out there and we stopped at McDonald's bro
Because I've been craving McDonald's breakfast
I haven't had it in so long
The McGriddle dude
American culinary ingenuity bro
That's a fucking dude
Which kind do you get?
Bacon, egg and cheese
I was too scared to order it dude
I'm not good at like secret menus
But I put egg on it
Oh you put the egg on the crispy chicken?
On the McGriddle if I'm getting the McGriddle
And chicken, I want egg on there
And then I want some syrup to put on it
I fuck with you
I like jelly
I like putting jelly on breakfast sandwiches
But we were driving out there and we stopped at McDonald's
To get it and there was this lady with like
Four total teeth in the drive through that had one of them
And I was like
That's so cool
I just wanted to ask her questions about it
I'm like what the fuck
This is like beyond a lighter leash
This is true addiction
It's like a security thing for your vape
That way you don't lose it and freak out
People flip their fucking top when they lose their vape
I've seen it firsthand
I lose all respect for you if you do that by the way
Not that my respect means much
But you do lose it
If I see you do some crazy shit like that
Calm down man
Dude, smoke cigarettes
I tried to stop and I was vaping
When I met, whenever
I told JJ
Whatever you're about to say, you've smoked cigarettes
Since the first time I ever met you
I know but I was quitting back then
When I was smoking, I would only borrow from people
For a month and then
Shout out Clint
He gave you 17 Newport
Clint's the bartender at
Black Panther Hidden Dragons
Over my boxcar
He always treats you right
Fast service, gives you cigarettes if you need them
And he stands on business
He'll throw your ass out of there
We've seen it
That one dude
Slapped his boy
Clint had to put him in a full
I just see him put him, me and Jack looking at him
He put him in a full mess and I'm dragging him out
Dude, oh shit
Speaking of the boxcar
We were up there last Sunday
You did the mic on Cannon Bar on Monday
Right? Yeah, this was Monday
Right now it's been almost a week since
We've done comedy, which sucks
Thanksgiving break
You know what I'm saying? Had to get something good to eat
So we were up there
And after the mic was over
He was black but he was light skinned
And looked Egyptian a little bit
And he had the fucking thing over his head
Not like a religious one
But just had
Erykah Badu shit on his head
And he came in there
And it's like Jaylen sitting right here
Alex Z sitting right here
And then me right here in sci-fi
And he comes up right between the middle of Jaylen
And Alex and puts his face right by
Jaylen's, so I'm thinking that they
Know this guy
I see the way Alex looks over
How Alex is, he was like what the fuck
And then Jaylen looks at him
He's like, oh I know you, I know you, but you can tell
He don't know him, and you know Jaylen's the nicest guy
In the world, so he's like, yeah man
But you can tell he's getting irritated
And he keeps on coming over there
He's clearly on some type of drugs
He's like, I'm worth a billion dollars, y'all got me
Fucked up, I'm worth a billion dollars
He walks outside, we start talking about it
He comes back in and he's like, don't throw stones
At glass houses, but he's not talking to anybody
He's just talking to the air, you know how they are
When they on drugs
He's tweaking
Oh, tweaking hard, I was about to have to put him down
Clint didn't, I believe you dude
Clint didn't throw him out
Clint was hip to it, he was like, I don't know what that dude's on
Because he would leave and then come back
And then leave and come back, he'd be like, oh y'all
Y'all funny, y'all funny
And so he must have maybe seen Jaylen
There before or something like that, because he was the only one
He was talking to, and then he kind of
Tried to take the seat and come sit
With us, I'm like, dude who the fuck is this guy
But I wanted
To tell you that's about the boxcar too
When we were out there, so Syfy did a joke
And you know, he's up there, he was like
I wonder if Muhammad
Was fucking, you know what I mean
Ooh, wow, okay
That's a thought dude
So he was like, you think about it, he was like
He was saying he was a real guy, so was he fucking
He was a real dude, and so he was like
You gotta think of what he looks like, dumb, stand up
So it's hilarious
I get up, I play along
And I just think it's funny, and this dude
I don't know if you were there
The last time, he was there before, tall
Tall white dude, the one I said like Machine Gun, Cataly
Same dude
Comes up and massages my shoulder
So I asked Charlie, Charlie was sitting right there
This is the second time
What's going on around here?
I think it's the Brandon effect dude
You start getting touched when Brandon is around
You get weird shit happening to you now man, you been hanging on me too long
I got a curse
Oh shit, like King Tut, you know they gonna touch your butt
Oh shit
Ted
What the fuck, he just
Did you just bust a rhyme on him
Dr. Seuss style in this bitch
Drop
You hate Jews?
No, no I love Jews, they're good people
That's what Dr. Seuss style is
I realize that's a racist bastard
You're right, I've seen a lot of racism
It was a different time
Yeah you're right man, whatever, fuck it, you good
Is that easy to change Brandon
Nah, fuck it
He was just a Nazi
Half the hat goes hard
So he comes up and rubs on my shoulder
And lightly whispers in my ear
You know you gotta get him back right
And then I'm like, I look at Charlie
I'm like, did he just rub my shoulder
He's like, yeah bro
I'm like, what is going on
I'm just thinking about the last time this shit happened
Somebody grabbed my hips, and then now
Somebody's grabbing my shoulders, massaging my shoulders
He's like, you gotta get him back
He's massusing you bro
He was right, so I had to start writing jokes
You needed
I needed him, I needed
I wasn't even thinking about roasting Safa
I'm not gonna lie to you, I told Safa he was rubbing my shoulder
There was another time at Boxcar where you could have used his motivation
Fuck you JJ
And fuck that little short ass nigga
Fuck he talk about
What's his name dawg
I don't know who that nigga is, he don't know me, I don't know you
Like what
But uh
But look
JJ gets a kick out of this shit
Every time
If I even say something about a short person
JJ's like
He's talking about this nigga
That just inspired
Your comedy career has skyrocketed since that moment
Like measurably
I had to, that was a teaching moment
You know, somebody just
Somebody roasted me on stage
Not really roasted me, but just
It was worse than a roast
Because he's like, whoever that other guy is
And so it's like
Even though I only met him
I only seen him twice or something like that
So he probably legit doesn't know who I am
And I don't care, but I did care
He didn't like you before
I didn't
I didn't dislike him, I didn't think he was funny
Oh true, look at me instigating shit
Shame on me
We're gonna keep all this in you short motherfucker
Come on the podcast when you get back
From the war that you went to
For sure, for sure
Good jokes, dude
I saw him win Rocket Republic one time
He had a good set
All black room
Did he?
He's probably good, I'm just saying the time I see him
But uh
What I'm trying to get
We're getting in trouble for this one dude
What the fuck
What is he gonna do
Damn
Bite my ankles
Fuck this little nigga
Trust me J.J.
You don't have to be worried about him when you can hold their head like this
And they just stream it on
He knows jujitsu dude
I don't give a fuck
He could be horse Gracie now
Pick this little motherfucker up by his neck
I really don't have a problem with it
I wanna be clear
I think he's funny
JJ thinks you're funny
He might be
I've only seen him twice
I can't believe he's the one
But uh
We definitely gotta have more
If we ever come back down
Of course dude, we want you on
He'd be funny
He's probably a cool guy
But uh anyway
So he says that and I'm like I gotta write some jokes bro
So I was like I'm gonna write
Two for Syfy
So I get up on stage I wrote two
I get up on stage I'm like
I'm like thanks guys, I'm like give it up for Syfy
Always does.
Yeah, but he, like, you know, for like a couple,
he wasn't getting the responses he wanted from the crowd.
Yeah.
Material's always good, but then this time,
he like, he, you could, even when he got off,
he was bouncing around more and shit like that,
like he killed.
So I was like, give it up for Sa-Fi.
Didn't he kill it today?
Everybody start clapping.
I'm like, yeah, he's good, man, he's good.
He's good for somebody who looks like the predator
that only fished.
His only prey was bluegill.
Oh my God.
And then.
And then, it's outside from New York, dude.
No, I'm talking about the predator
because he gots the drake.
Oh yeah, I know, but there's no way he can fish, dude.
No, no, probably not, but it's the joke about he's fat.
I know, yeah, I know what you mean.
Yeah.
So then, so then I'm like, I paused for a second.
I'm like, he looks like Bob Marley without the metabolism.
And people like it.
No, that's at the, the first one went over like, okay,
but then that one set it off and he was laughing.
It was, it was good though.
But yeah, his ass got me.
I had to get motivation from somebody rubbing my shoulders.
I'm not gonna lie, it worked.
Thanks.
Yeah, that's your origin story, man.
So what else is going on?
We got some, oh, this will already,
this will already be done, but Treehouse Comedy Showcase,
8 p.m. at Shenanigans, December 1st,
and then 4th of December, 4th of July,
and December, hosting Mark Carson, Elmore.
Carson Elmore at the shop right here.
It's gonna be a fun time.
It's like veterans getting free.
Everybody else has to pay four bucks
or something like that.
And it's a, it's a banger line up.
All goes towards some veterans association.
I forgot which one, my apologies.
Yeah, the vets need it.
Telling you, with this healthcare they got going around,
I feel like I gotta bribe them fuckin'.
Yeah, I gotta bribe my doctor to get me eczema cream.
Ain't that a bitch?
Yeah, that's crazy.
Just give me the shit.
Yeah.
Tropical, it's a tropical steroid.
Tropical steroid?
Is it topical or tropical?
It's definitely topical, dude.
Topical.
Why the fuck would it be tropical?
You know what?
You know why I'm punchin'?
Yeah, I've been saying that wrong for a long time.
Tropical.
Tropical steroids, dude, what?
I've been saying that a lot for a long time.
You and J, you just get jacked,
start speaking like a Jamaican.
Tropical steroids, mon.
Fuckin' slow.
Me and words, man.
It's crazy, I'm doing a thing where I have to talk.
Yeah.
That's what I'm trying to do.
As long as you don't have to talk for too long.
Yeah, yeah.
You can get away with five minutes.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can get, I think I can do,
I can do Tim right now.
It would be shaky,
I will be doing that joke that never works,
but that would be in there, the broke joke.
Like half my material.
Yeah.
The jokes that don't work.
Yeah.
And the joke, I swear, it's always the jokes
that you think are throwaways.
Yeah, people like.
You know, you build these lines and you're like,
why the fuck everybody's laughing at that shit?
I'm just waiting for the day that I write a joke
that I'm proud of and I think is funny,
and then other people also find it funny.
The only ones that I tell right now
that get like good laughs or shit,
where I was like, I'll just try this out.
I was never confident in them, and then people laugh,
and I was like, what the fuck, dude?
Shit sucks.
You're preaching to the choir, man.
Like dude, it's like, I be like,
nah, that ain't going to happen.
Somebody's like, just do it, man.
I be like, fine, I'll go try it.
And then I'm like, oh shit, that was good.
What the fuck?
Speaking of bad jokes, let's watch the clips.
Yay!
Clip of the week.
Or a teacher, or a guy named Dennis
who gives you candy and goes to your mom room.
That was just me, man.
That was just me.
But, uh.
The gears are good.
But, uh.
Fuck, what the fuck?
Crash in the furnace, baby.
I just literally just forgot.
Fuck it, I forgot my whole house.
I'm done with it now, all right?
I can't make it.
Ah.
Yeah.
What the fuck else do I just want to talk about?
I'm probably about done anyway, right?
Nico did not save you.
He was like, one more minute.
Right?
I got everything though.
I don't have my phone.
I don't even have my phone on me.
All right, guys, I'm done calling.
Welcome back here.
Call me.
Yeah.
That's how you fucking bomb, baby.
Oh my gosh, dude.
That was, that's a great clip, dude.
Not one sentence made sense.
I'm done.
That's about time, isn't it, Nico?
He's like, you have 60 seconds.
It's going to feel like forever.
Oh yeah, it'll feel like two decades.
I tried to think of, I couldn't think of the joke
I planned to do.
Damn sure couldn't think of another joke that I had.
I was completely blank right there.
Well, once you forget the plan, bro,
and you didn't plan to improvise, it's like, okay.
It was like, I'm doing my set for this show.
I'm doing it.
It's like, I can't even remember the next joke.
I don't even know what it is at all.
Yeah.
I don't know the punchline.
I don't know the setup.
I don't know any of the tags.
It might not even exist anymore, dude.
I fucking forgot it permanently.
I'm preaching to the choir.
Dude, because my memory is just fucking horrible.
I had to pick that clip, dude.
It's a growth moment.
Oh yeah.
It's a learning moment.
I love it.
Shit happens to me like once every other open mic.
I forget some part of the joke.
Oh yeah.
On Monday, I forgot my closer.
It was like, I was telling a joke about
three unfortunate truths or whatever,
and I only said two of them.
And I had like plenty of time to finish the joke.
I just fucking forgot.
It happens, dude.
It happens.
I mean, it's a hard game.
This comedy shit ain't easy.
It's hard for us.
It's hard for people like us.
And JJ don't remember shit.
I can't remember anything, bro.
First of all, I'm gonna have to go back,
but I'm probably have to cut it out
when you said the same story.
You tried to do this twice.
On the last episode, you were telling a story.
I cut it out and you were like,
I was like, yeah, you told that last episode.
You were like, oh man.
This time you just tell the whole story again.
It just means they're good stories.
Yeah, they are good.
They're memorable.
Great stories.
But I can't remember.
All right, let's see this one.
All right.
This son of a bitch right here.
Go.
He's playing all the geriatric classics.
We got the Weather Channel, The Price is Right,
Wheel of Fortune, and my personal favorite, HGTV.
Now I'm very passionate about Home and Garden Television
and I'm not afraid to say that.
That program tickles my fancy.
I like it.
It took me a little while to get into it.
I didn't get it at first,
but about three episodes in to flip that house,
it clipped, right?
I started saying shit like,
did Carol really go with the glass tile backsplash
over the Calakatta marble?
Oh my gosh.
What a fucking catastrophe that is.
You said you were going for Southern Rustic.
That's giving more strip club kitchenette,
but it's your house.
Damn, I'm pulling a dime for you.
Oh, shit.
See, I got the biggest pop of my entire show.
Hey.
Strip club kitchenette at your house.
Okay, all I'm saying is this.
Hey, you hear people in the background go, oh.
And then you hear Brandon at the end just saying, damn.
No, it's my weird response to everything, damn.
I think it's just a very deep instinct in the human psyche.
If you are failing, throw somebody else under the bus.
Of course.
Yeah.
Save yourself.
And you want to know if I was mad about that?
No, but I was mad about him asking if I was mad about that.
I was like, Dom, you're okay, right?
I know you're the sensitive type.
Yeah, me?
Everybody think I give a fuck.
You can say whatever you want about me.
You should have seen his face.
We were sitting at the can of bar, at the bar.
Shout out, mad, dude.
Shout out.
Dom turned around and he was like,
he looked like I had just said I shot his mom in the face.
Dude, he was so pissed.
But I had to ask, dude.
No, never ask again.
I never will.
Nothing's gonna, yeah.
Oh, we know we never did a roast battle.
Have you ever been, have you been invited to one?
No, I don't think so.
They have them here, you know that, right?
No.
Ty Funny was telling me about it.
And they have one like in December or something.
I want to go watch it.
Me too.
I never see like promo for those.
Who doesn't?
I mean, I've never seen one,
but he was just telling me they have one,
like they're gonna dress up as different people.
And then you write roasts for,
like saying you're Benjamin Franklin.
You know, they're gonna have a list of people
and they write roasts for the person,
like the person they're imitating.
Oh, got you.
That's shenanigans, I believe.
Shout out, shenanigans.
Hell yeah.
Shout out.
Kim, Jessica.
Kim, Jessica, always treating us right.
The Ripper, go up there, get that beast of a Jimmy Jam,
I call them, y'all call them.
Blizzies.
Blizzies, yeah, yeah.
People call them blizzies.
Yep, blizzies.
Yeah, yeah.
Them hot dogs, man.
Big Four Locos, you got all kind of beer.
Oh, dude, the Four Loco.
I love it.
That's the young people's drink.
I love it, dude.
Seven dollars to be drunk for three hours.
Can't beat that, dude.
You can't beat it.
Can't beat it.
It will explode your heart, though.
I think some of it, it depends on the flavor.
See, when they first, were you drinking
when they first came out?
I wasn't alive when they first came out, dog.
Are you serious?
Dude, I just, I'm 21.
I'm able to drink this year.
I know, I forget how young you are.
You're old, though, you got like an old mind and shit.
Old soul.
Yeah, old soul.
But, not old mind like.
That means you're lame as fuck, by the way.
That's exactly what that means.
But, back in the day when they first came out,
they were like literally red bull, like half red bull.
There was like energy, I've heard the lore.
Yeah, but they killed people.
I wasn't around for that.
Yeah.
But they used to, two of those, two of those tall boys,
gone.
Yeah.
Three of them, you're throwing up and you're hurting.
You're feeling bad.
Dude, they have a fucking warheads flavor Four Loco.
It's a painful drink, dude.
It's a painful drink.
So sour and the alcohol taste, it doesn't work well.
Will I drink one?
Yeah.
Wait, so what year were they doing the energy drinks,
half that and then half like alcohol?
That was like when they first came out.
Yeah, that was back when,
I think I had already graduated though.
So it was like probably 2010 or something.
Maybe a little bit before that.
The Four Loco Gold is my favorite.
I've never had that.
The golden pineapple, dude.
That sounds good.
That beautiful cylinder, man.
Oh shit.
So I like that.
I love that a HGTV joke.
You gonna keep that in there?
Yeah, yeah.
I keep trying to remember it.
Like I did it once and then I brought it back.
That was the first time I brought it back
after like two months.
Oh, you had done it before this?
I did it once at Rocket Republic.
Oh, okay.
And it went over pretty well.
And then I tried it once at the Speak Easy mic
when it first started.
And then that was the first time
I brought it back since then.
But I like that joke, man.
I think it's funny.
Yeah, it is funny.
It's real hit or miss.
It's either it gets good laughs all the way through
or it kinda crashes and burns.
Oh, okay.
Hey, has Nico ever seen you do karaoke?
No.
Remember?
Oh my God.
Dude, he was telling us you were like amazing.
Yeah, and he was like you're a rapper.
Nico, you're a fucking rat, dude.
You're a fucking piece of shit for that.
Cause I specifically remember telling you,
I can't fucking sing.
I can't sing at all.
It sounds so monotone and off key, dude.
It's one of my biggest insecurities.
It's my singing and also my dancing.
So fuck you, Nico, for being able to sing
and fuck you, Bryce Fletcher, for being able to dance, dude.
Damn, I was gonna ask you to sing.
You're the only white dude I know that can dance.
You're not even like a trustable white to be around.
If a fucking party breaks out, a flash mob dance circle,
I'm the only one that can't dance, dude.
I can't dance either.
Cause Bryce is bitch ass.
Bryce can dance better than me and I'm black.
So he'll be in there.
He's always moving.
Do it and shit.
Bryce Fletcher, that's his own today.
Yeah, no way.
Oh shit.
No way, we might be in different clothes
because we might not be shooting today.
But today when you see it, it'll be Bryce Fletcher.
Fucking hilarious.
Love Bryce.
Dude, he's funny, man.
And he's a cool dude.
Like you guys are gonna be like,
oh, I kinda wanna hang out with Bryce.
But he will sneak diss you though.
Oh yeah, yeah, that's the best part.
Get a sneak diss from Bryce.
You sneak dissed me last night, dude.
We're standing inside the lobby at Shenanigans.
And I was wearing this hoodie with like a flannel over it
cause it was cold.
And Syfy was like, I like your vibe, man.
You're like white trash vibe,
but you wouldn't call me the N word.
And then Bryce was like,
it's not even that fucking hard to do, man.
Like it's just layering.
I'm like, fuck you, Bryce.
You're wearing your fucking work uniform, dude.
You put in zero effort for this.
The tight ass shirt this nigga be wearing.
That fucking camo shirt, dude.
Yeah, see his nipples through that motherfucker.
Boy, you better get some tape.
Glass with those things, dude.
Put that shit away.
There are children around.
Brandon's here.
Hell yeah.
But no, dude, I'm not gonna lie.
Who you staring at over here?
You looked at the other camera.
My bad, y'all.
Look, I'm not even over that motherfucker.
My bad, y'all.
It's like fucking right there.
You got your own camera.
Hello, my bad.
But anyways, dude,
I used to think he was doing like wrestling and stuff
when he'd pull out all them waters.
Like, what is he getting ready for?
He's training for something.
He's just a really fit guy.
Yeah, I know.
If he can ever stop zen-ing, dude.
Vaping.
Zen-ing and stealing my cigarettes.
Even though I often do.
He asked me last night if I had cigarettes.
I was like, fuck no, dude.
I'm not there yet.
Give me a few years, man.
I like to open up the pack.
Like if we're out somewhere,
I like to open up the pack
and don't ask him right away if he wants one.
And he just watches.
He can't help it.
He's just like looking down the pack, looking up.
Salivating.
Yeah.
Gosh, dude.
He's looking at that cigarette like a pit bull
looks at a two year old.
Just ready, dude.
He can't fucking shake it and shit.
Tweaking.
He's fucking stupid.
All right.
That's all for us.
This week's featured comedian.
Internet pornography.
Yay.
Tell me your favorite porn star, go.
Owen Gray.
Oh, what's who?
Owen Gray.
Oh my God, that's amazing.
Oh my God, that's a freaky ass crowd.
Hell yeah, how we doing everybody?
Hey.
Awesome, glad to see you guys out.
I brought my family out.
It turns out my sister's biggest favorite porn star
is Owen Gray.
Oh my God.
We're gonna be learning today.
Oh my God.
See you later if you get pregnant.
Okay.
We're having fun.
Wanna start this thing?
Yeah, yeah, we might as well.
Today our guest is the worst type of white dude.
He's the worst.
My least favorite type of white dude because he can dance.
That makes me the only one that can't
if I'm in the group with him.
So that's fun.
He always has a gallon of water
because he's athletic and sporty and cool.
The strongest comic in Unceville.
Extremely powerful.
Avenger level strength.
It's Bryce Fletcher, dude.
That's me, what's up?
Yeah, what's up?
What's up?
Be nasty.
I'm excited to be here, dudes.
The sneak discer of all sneak discers, dude.
I don't sneak diss, dude.
He slides it in, but it's to your face,
so I guess it's not sneak dissing,
but it goes over your head.
Yeah, I only say it to you.
That's fucked up, dude.
It's fucked up.
Brother's name is Chad.
Yeah.
White boy names.
That's unfortunate, man.
Bryce and Chad, man.
Have you did your ancestry to see how white you are?
Oh, I don't wanna know.
You don't wanna know?
Do you think it is, or do you know?
I think it's just German, and then the white guy.
Definitely got the German in there, for sure.
Get on him.
Nah, I think it's just all white guy stuff.
What do you got?
Dude, my sister made my whole family do ours,
and we kinda had different results,
so I'm thinking I might not actually be related
to these people after all, but anyways.
It happens.
It's like, it's British, it's Irish,
it's the white shit, dude.
And then it's like that one,
one and a half percent Sub-Saharan African
that you all know is from slavery,
but you just don't talk about it.
You said one and a half?
Yeah, something like that.
It's sub two percent.
I don't think so.
You can say the hard-R.
I don't, you know.
That's an opinion.
It's kind of a lot, yeah.
Two percent?
I'll try it at Boxcar on Sunday.
We'll see how it goes.
Don't worry, guys.
You know Mike Perry did that?
The UFC fighter?
Nah.
He tested his DNA, he was like one percent black,
so he just said the N-word.
He thought it was okay.
Everybody shit on him for it.
He didn't think it was okay.
He said that, all right, let me rephrase.
He knew he was a UFC fighter,
and he could probably whoop their ass.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
Just like when Tyson Fury beat Walder like that,
he was like, and then it's still the old video
of him saying nigga, and it was like,
we was like, we sent our best.
We sent our best guys.
What the fuck do you want us to do about it?
He's our number one dude, bro.
What am I gonna do?
Yeah, exactly.
Beat my ass?
Nope, thank you.
Jeez.
You're a hard person to find information on, man.
I try to be.
What's your occupation?
I work at a sporting goods store.
Hell yeah.
Access to firearms.
Mm-hmm.
Ooh, that is true.
Scary.
That's something, dude.
Scary, yeah, camouflage, ghillie suits.
See, he's naming shit I ain't even thought of yet.
I think about it all day.
That's all I think about.
How can I hurt people with what I got?
Folding chairs in case you get tired.
No, we're scared of those.
We're white.
We're afraid of those.
Not the metal ones.
Yeah, I steer clear.
The cloth ones, the textiles, dude.
No, dude, we're trying to, we stalk all our guests.
We have an extensive research process
that consists of multiple layers of validation.
What you got?
Not much, dude.
University of North Alabama.
Now I knew this before.
You LinkedIn me?
Okay.
You have 15 skills on LinkedIn, actually.
You actually have 15 skills on there.
You really do.
But yeah, so marketing.
Marketing?
Is that it?
Yes, sir.
Did you graduate with a marketing degree?
This is a job.
It was a category management degree.
Okay, what the fuck is that?
What, dude?
It was sold to me as some sort of specific degree
that'll guarantee me six figures straight out of college.
That was a lie.
It was not true.
So it's more like inside of a store,
you'll have categories of stuff, right?
Hard goods, soft goods, candy, blah, blah, blah.
How do you manage that within a store?
That was my degree.
Oh, damn, dude.
Yeah, pretty cool.
Is it hard to find something with that?
Well, you had to have a lot of computer shit
that I don't know.
Oh, fuck that, dude.
But also I was just like,
I think I'm just gonna do comedy.
This sucks.
And he's fucking good, folks.
Anytime you see his name on a flyer, you go out there,
because this motherfucker smashes him out here.
He's a hero.
He'll know from his jokes.
I'm a hero.
I'm a good guy.
He's also the toughest guy in Huntsville comedy.
I'm the strongest fighter.
Strongest fighter in Huntsville comedy.
You got pretty deep on those squats.
I was impressed by that.
I'm definitely the most nimble.
You're definitely the strongest guy
that smokes cigarettes in Huntsville comedy.
I don't smoke that many cigarettes.
He had light cigarette, you should know.
That's how I get you.
Oh, I'm sponsored by all kinds of stuff.
Celsius, Zens.
Celsius, Zens, yeah.
These are my superpower equipment, huh?
Yeah, those Zens.
Yeah, I dip these too much.
Do you?
Way too much.
But they don't have any like,
nothing negative can happen to you.
Yeah.
Andrew Huberman said it will take you forever.
Yeah, yeah.
He said it'll make you way smarter than you are.
For real?
Yeah, somehow.
His jokes are smart, maybe it does work.
Do you Zen while you write jokes?
I sure do.
Would you recommend that to all
the up and coming comedians out there?
Start Zening?
Yeah, do you like your heart to feel weird?
While you're trying to write a joke?
You get the palpitations, dude?
I'm about to die, hurry.
Can't you just live life on the edge, bro?
That should be their motto, their slogan.
Live life on the edge?
Life on the edge, dude.
Yeah, dude, this is just the threes, too.
They got sixes.
Some brands have like sevens and nines and shit.
That's crazy.
And people will put multiple in at a time.
But, dude, I think I told you about this.
I never like, vaped, smoked cigarettes or whatever.
And then my friend gave me a six milligram Zen.
And I put it in, and like 10 minutes later,
I could not walk in the street.
I felt like I was drunk.
And then I got so sick, dude, it was the worst.
So what all do you do?
Do you not, you smoke weed, you drink beer,
is that about it?
You don't do cigarettes, you don't?
I don't, I won't ever like go and buy alcohol
like for myself.
But if I'm out somewhere, I'll have a drink.
You've never bought alcohol?
I'm not saying that.
That's kind of what the game was.
I mean, he's young though, you know?
He just, when did you turn 21?
Over the summer.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
Give it time.
Let the sadness set in, dude.
Yeah, I'm gonna do the six pack.
I keep bombing like this, dude.
This could go downhill fast.
You could do yourself a six pack.
A little shooter on the side.
Oh, a little whiskey.
Yeah, it's just for me.
No, there's-
It'll get you, bro.
No, we're not done with this.
Well, you know, alcoholism runs in my family, dude.
Same z's.
Yeah.
That was supposed to be funnier than it was.
Yeah, no, he's trying to dunk on me with sadness.
You hear that?
Hell no.
Yeah, he's trying to sadness dunk.
Hell no.
I don't know what it was supposed to be,
but it was supposed to be better than that.
What, that your families were alcoholics?
Everybody's is, right?
That's very common for a comedian
to have alcoholic parents.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, I wouldn't want it any other way, really.
I wouldn't have had half the experiences that I had, dude.
Especially you, you got some crazy ass one, too.
True.
He is wild.
Oh my gosh.
I was thinking about this recently.
I was talking to my dad yesterday,
and he was,
we were over at his house,
and we walked into his bedroom.
I hadn't been there in a while.
And he has the bedroom of like a teenage boy.
It's insane.
My dad's a character, bro.
I love my dad, but he, we walked in,
and it's just like pictures of tigers
and like comic book posters
and like LED lights around the corners.
It's like an insane stuff.
Did he have little stars on the top
that glow in the dark?
Little glow in the dark stars.
Not those, dude, but I guess he's not there yet.
Maybe he's Benjamin Button,
now that I think about it.
He's gotten older, and he's regressing.
He's mentally regressing, but his body stays the same.
That's interesting.
It's like tigers are cool as hell
when you're like 11 years old, dude.
And Brandon.
I have a tattoo of a tiger.
I really shouldn't be telling tigers.
Hell yeah.
True, tigers are cool.
I mean, they're not cool.
Yeah.
I'm talking all that shit.
I have a tiger tattoo.
No you don't.
I do.
You got a tiger tattoo right here.
Yeah, right here.
Yeah, I'm talking all that shit.
They are cool, dude.
I changed my stance.
I forgot, dude.
Damn, it's fucking funny.
So what advice do you have
any younger up-and-coming comedians?
Give us one, and we'll let you off after that.
Just write a lot.
Right.
Do you guys write a bunch?
Yeah.
Try to.
I had to like switch up how I wrote
because I was getting too robotic.
Okay.
I was writing so much
that I was getting specific word to word
and you could hear it on stage
and it was me remembering it.
So don't do that movie writing, Brandon.
Don't do that.
I would always write just like bullet points
and try to fill it up with like end time thoughts,
like real time thoughts in the middle
and then bullet point your hard jokes
and then everything else, you know, keep it soft,
keep it conversational.
Damn.
Do you focus on your tags
whenever you're writing that in between though?
Yeah, that's a part of it,
but those come naturally and then you try to reuse them
and then sometimes they fall off
because it was such an end of moment thing.
But you know, we always just try to keep those.
That's what I've been doing recently.
Yeah, I've been learning comedy for like four years.
Yeah, four year pro right here.
Four year pro.
Hero, yeah, I gotta stop swatting.
Four year veteran, dude.
Yeah, in the NBA you'd be a veteran.
The Jerryman.
There you go.
There you go, dude.
What are you, what's a crazy thing that happened
at one of your shows?
Oh, nothing.
Oh, I was told that Bryce assaulted somebody.
Oh, need to hear about this.
I was gonna say nothing at all.
Oh yeah, one time I did hit him in.
That's true.
Yeah, what was that about, dude?
He was talking all that shit
and I'm the strongest fighter that's ever lived.
So I had to show him what's up.
Self-fulfill your promise.
He was like, we were at the first open mic
at the Bar 805, right?
And did you guys ever go to that one, the Bar 805?
Okay, so yeah.
It was a, it was kind of, it's a fine bar or whatever,
but the clientele would be a little rough,
especially when we first got there.
They weren't quite, we hadn't run them off yet.
Yeah.
As an open mic, that kind of happens sometimes.
Totally, I could see that.
Yeah, we go up, we're there and they're like,
they're old regulars, it's the very first night.
My boy Brent's hosting.
He's up there, he's squeaking around, you know how he is.
Oh, I don't know if you guys know him.
Is that the one that just got up on Kill Tony?
Yeah, yeah.
What's Heath?
No.
He came, he went up after you.
He went up like last week.
He was just on it.
You didn't even know?
No, I don't watch Kill Tony.
Is he like skinny?
Yeah, Brent with the spiky hair?
Ah, I don't know if he is.
Okay, okay.
Anywho, they're talking shit about him, right?
And I go up there and I'm drunk, right?
This is back when I used to drink.
So I'm like, I'm wilding out a little bit.
And so I go up there and I walk up to him,
I'm like, hey man, you know,
this is like the classic thing the comics say.
It's like, hey, the sign up sheet's over there buddy.
Yeah, why don't you go sign up, you know?
That's how I go tell him.
He's, and he's, he's sorry.
He just leans back in his chair, right?
I don't want to do it because I don't want to get off mic.
But he like leans back in his chair,
looks at me and said, I'll fucking kick your ass, dude.
Yeah, which is the most, that's so cocky.
Yeah.
You don't even have gravity on your side, right?
They have nothing going for you, dude.
So I like smack the end of the chair
and he flips backwards, hits his head, rolls over,
and gets split up.
Some other guy comes over and punches him in the face,
which is pretty wild.
I'm some random dude?
Yeah, I got clout like that.
Damn, dude.
Yeah.
You got shooters, bro.
I just started and walk off like that.
Damn, dude.
The explosion happened in front of me.
Cool guys don't look at explosions, dude.
Right?
Oh yeah.
You just start shit.
You don't finish it.
Yeah.
That was a pretty epic fight.
Others finish it for you.
Yes.
That's the whole thing?
That's what I'm recruiting you two for, bro.
What?
More headers.
Oh yeah, I got you, bro.
Okay, I know you do.
I ain't going to be as good as you.
Okay, Dom might actually go to prison for you.
Like, you'll be talking to Dom, he's like,
oh yeah, and then I was in prison.
I was like, what?
No, first of all, jail.
You got tiger tattoos, bro.
You're going to fight.
You're up next, bro.
I already know you can fight.
I'm a peaceful guy.
You got a mullet and tiger tattoos, bro.
You can fight.
Well, that just means I don't have a lot to lose, obviously.
I don't have a lot of respect for myself.
So I don't have a lot of respect for anybody else either.
JJ can knock somebody out.
I think so.
Big boy.
He's bigger than you think.
I'm a peaceful man, dude.
Peaceful man.
Yeah, yeah.
I can lead with Jesus.
That's what scary people say, bro.
Yeah.
Those are the ones who blow up and just
snap, take somebody by the hair
and just drag them down a parking lot.
Just ice his saw somebody's head off.
Can of water.
That's what I'm saying.
You got your dad in you, bro,
and he sleeps with his clothes on.
Ready to go, dude.
And has a little boy's room, so.
I think he might murder people too.
He might, dude.
I think he might have that in you.
He might.
He's definitely probably killed someone.
Yeah.
Dude, I don't know if he has,
but if it wouldn't be the biggest shock of my life.
You know, it'd be like, oh yeah, sky's blue.
I knew that.
That he doesn't still kill people.
That's good.
I don't think.
That's pretty cool.
It's not in his record.
You gotta give a boy a chance to grow a little bit
before you start judging him now, dude.
For the Payton family, it just takes about 50 years.
And then we're like mentally 16.
Operative vehicle, dude.
Hell yeah.
I love that shit.
Payton family.
Yeah.
That's my last name, by the way, Dom.
I know you always.
No, it's Payton, dude.
You call him Patton?
No, he fucking.
I call him Patton twice.
Mispronounces it all the time.
DJ Patton?
Patton.
I don't know why I think Patton.
Think Gary Payton.
Yeah, Payton.
Walter Payton.
All the famous black athletes, dude.
And me.
I'm not there yet.
Give it a few years, dude.
When trans ethnicity becomes a thing,
Are you switching over, bro?
No, I do.
I'm holding it down.
I'm staying white.
Staying white?
Yeah, even if you could switch, I wouldn't switch.
I'm not a, I'll say it, I'll stay white, but.
Cause I can already dance.
I'm not a loyal white.
You're not a loyal white.
I'm not a loyal white.
And he had a fucking hog on him.
Dude.
He's got a big fat fucking dick, too.
I know, I've seen it, dude.
I've heard the stories.
I heard about it.
Yeah.
I heard about it.
Big, big Bryce, what we used to call him
when he first started.
We were just slaying through the over micers.
Then he got in a fight.
Now he's the strongest.
He ascended above sex.
He's strong.
He ascended above sex.
If you're strong enough, you don't have to have sex.
Yeah.
No, he's cool.
You get it, people get it.
Mm-hmm.
Now the girls are too scared.
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
Joe Rogan has a really good joke about that.
Where he's like, I'm not scared of Brock Lesnar.
I'm scared that Brock Lesnar would use me as a condom
to fuck somebody way bigger.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Jake was telling us about that last week.
What, that was like one of his first ones, right?
No, that couldn't have been.
I think you, I mean, I think Lesnar was already
in the UFC at that point.
Oh, okay, okay.
That is a big motherfucker.
Could you imagine?
Hell yeah, bro.
Imagine this dude just comes press you at the bar.
Dude, he's so big in my store,
they sell barbecue sauce with his face on it.
That's how big he gotta be.
You turn and buy it, dude.
How dare you?
Make some wings with it.
Ooh.
Brock Lesnar, dude.
F5.
Yeah, F5.
It's a tornado.
Is it called the Beast barbecue sauce?
No.
Oh damn, dude.
I think it's just called Brock Lesnar.
Brock Lesnar's the only like type of white dude
that's scary, I feel like.
He was like genuinely terrifying.
Well in that way, big scary.
Yeah.
And aggressive.
I grew up in like New Market,
like in the trailer park area.
But there's some scary like skinny scrawny dudes
who just like, he might be like
in a crawl space in your house.
Those are addicts, dude.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
That's scary too.
Hell yeah.
Those are the walking dead.
That's two kind of white scarys we got.
I believe it.
Oh my gosh, dude.
I used to work at a store over near New Hope.
But it was like right in the border
where people from Hampton Cove would come
and people from New Hope would come.
And it was just like the two different subsections
of white people in the South.
Just like the really rich, like Southern aristocracy
and the fucking peasants, dude.
The serfs.
Oh yeah.
They're breaking beer bottles in the parking lot.
There's Confederate flags.
Hell yeah.
Nobody has a shirt on, bro.
Zero shirts.
For sure.
Oh yeah, I grew up in Newmarket.
That's the same.
Yeah.
On that shit.
Because they had like the Riverton kids
and the Newmarket kids all formed at Buckhorn.
Oh, I gotcha.
So we like, we merged in.
But I was the Newmarket kid.
So we were like, we were the peasants.
Right?
Oh, okay.
So we like, I was always associated with those guys,
which is weird.
Yeah.
No, it's the same thing with Sparkman.
Yeah, yeah.
Sparkman middle kids and then the Monrovia middle kids.
And they're not the,
they're like the shady ones, that's who they are.
No, that's who we were.
That's what I'm saying,
is the Sparkman kids like that?
Well, they were just like, yeah,
that's like the lower class.
Okay, okay.
Lower class, yeah.
Poor whites, I know poor whites well.
You do.
Those are the open micers.
Even if you're,
even if you're like, you know, you're well off now,
I can probably, I like to think I can tell
if you were poor white growing up.
Well, we had shrimp outside.
I didn't use any of the sauce.
Yeah, you didn't use any of the sauce.
That is not a good indicator.
Oh, it's good.
Already on it.
I didn't even know about that.
I didn't know that was a thing.
You put shrimp with no cocktail.
He judged me so hard.
Shrimp cocktail, yeah.
From across the room.
Well, I was looking, I was like,
you see that's a good walker?
I don't think that's a class thing, though.
I think that's more of cultural.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You seasoned your chicken with just salt and pepper, huh?
No, dude, I eat good food.
Do you?
All right, yeah.
Okay, well poor whites do, they can't cook.
Were you a poor white growing up?
Oh, no, we weren't poor,
I just grew up around the poor people.
Okay, okay.
But we weren't poor, but.
I didn't take you as a poor.
Yeah, but I grew up near it, I didn't know anything else.
We didn't have cool stuff, my parents were very frugal.
Okay, okay.
That makes sense, they didn't spend money on nothing.
No doctor, nothing.
Oh, damn, dude.
That's what my mom was.
Yeah, so it's like being poor.
Well, you have options, but you can never get them.
You're choosing to be poor, dude.
Yeah, yeah, they choose the poor lifestyle.
Hell yeah, there's something respectable about that.
I'm down with it.
It's probably not fun when you're a kid.
I didn't think anything of it, I didn't know any better.
True.
No, it was fine.
When I was a kid, I totally just applied my own life.
I was like, that's how everybody lives.
Exactly, yeah.
Nobody lives different than this.
You don't think anything of it, yeah.
Then I went over to a friend's house, I'm like,
what are you talking, you don't have a fridge full of soda?
You drank water?
I thought that was an option when I was a kid.
I didn't know you had to drink water.
I swear, from the ages of probably four to 12,
I probably drank six cans of Pepsi a day, I'm not kidding.
Jesus.
Yeah, that's why I'm so fucked up now, dude.
You do got that Mountain Dew face.
Don't, dude, that was my dad, bro.
Mountain Dew.
I was more of a Mountain Dew Code Red kind of thing.
That's that shit.
Mountain Dew Code Red's amazing.
It's just Red 40, it's just drinking Red 40 in sugar.
It's the part you're not supposed to drink.
It makes you an idiot, bro.
What's your God's favorite soda?
Diet Root Beer.
This right here.
Is the best one.
That one?
That's my favorite.
It's the Diet Cherry 7 Up, dude.
You got it ordered offline?
No, Walmart, dude.
No, dude.
This is in your local retailer.
Did you get this?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I didn't know it was this favorite.
I didn't know it was me too, I want one of this.
That's not my favorite.
Well, I only drink Diet Soda,
but my favorite non-Diet Soda is the Cherry Lemon Sundra
in the Red Cane.
Oh, I think that's good.
Bro, it's so fucking good.
I'm so passionate about this.
I love it, too.
I just drink it like regular shit, I guess.
I like Diet Root Beer.
You said Diet Root Beer, though, right?
What's Root Beer?
A&W.
A&W, for sure.
A&W, okay, okay.
Well, Diet Mountain Dew is super good
because it tastes just like Mountain Dew.
Just like it.
So that's a good alternative.
I drink Diet Root Beer, though.
I will say if you drink a Diet Sundrop
and you smoke a cigarette,
it tastes like a regular Sundrop.
So, you know.
Checks and balances.
Cost you a little more, but save you some cards.
It costs you more in a different way.
Yeah, yeah.
You gotta smoke cigarettes anyway.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Not sometimes.
So, did you ever buy cigarettes?
Yeah, like in college and stuff.
For real?
What'd you smoke?
Damn, dude.
I was smoking, bro.
What'd you smoke?
Marlboro NXTs.
The fuck is that?
That was the NXT boy.
They're just like the ones you pop.
Oh, like Camel Crush?
Yeah, yeah.
The Marlboro.
It was the Marlboro version of that.
Oh, okay, okay, okay.
New York.
They were great.
People, cause people will, you know,
people always like, oh, you got menthol,
oh, you got regular.
I got both.
Now, it's weird that I was thinking of other people
while I was buying my cigarettes.
Right?
But.
Cause everybody's the one.
This is the kind of guy that I am.
You're a communal guy, dude.
Yeah.
You gotta share the herbs with the tribe.
Mm-hmm.
I'm a tribe leader, bro.
That's what happens.
You gotta come back with the goods.
Fucking alpha male over here.
Yeah, yeah.
But I was also in a fraternity,
so I was definitely gonna share these cigarettes.
Yeah, Pike.
Pike, Pike.
Yeah, I'm a Pike, yeah.
I didn't know, how was frat life?
I really didn't pin you as a frat guy beforehand.
Well, that's a good thing.
Yeah, no, that is a good thing.
There's some cool frat guys out there.
Also, it's a D2 school, so it's not like.
UNA is, I think it's D1 now, is it not?
Now it's D1.
It was D2 when I was there, and it's still very, like,
it's not like.
It's on the borderline, dude.
You're not getting like the super rich people in there.
Like, everybody has jobs.
Young Gravy had a concert there last year.
Young Gravy.
Does that count for anything?
People always think I'm Young Gravy, dude.
I don't even know.
Hey, pull up Young Gravy.
Yeah, dude.
I don't look like him, but people,
like, I have people all the time every week.
I used to get Jack Harlow a lot.
Now it's more Lil Dicky and Young Gravy.
Really?
Yeah, some Post Malone.
Who's telling you to?
Ah, I might be able to see Post Malone.
This dude, bro.
Oh, okay.
Back before I cut my hair.
We'll put a picture of him down here.
We'll let you guys decide.
No, they know, you're just old, Dom.
They know who Young Gravy is.
Did you know, Bryce?
I've heard of Young Gravy before.
He's an alumni of UNA, dude.
Is he?
Yeah.
For real, I didn't know that.
No, you are.
He performed there.
Oh, I thought you meant he was.
Oh, I gotcha.
He might, I don't know.
I don't know his life like that.
You don't look like him, though.
I don't think I do either.
See, I don't see that one either.
But that's more believable than that Francis Ngannou,
Eastern European taxi driver.
Taxi driver.
Spread it, it says wild shit.
Check out episode two if you wanna see that reference.
Hey, promo, promo.
Hey, we're at the shop, man.
We always do open mics there.
Silver dollar comedy.
Oh, I'm guest hosting Silver Dollar Comedy Night,
December 21st.
Do a 10 minute set before you end.
It could go either way.
10 minutes?
You might not see me around anymore.
No, I'm just kidding.
Bryce, I've seen you do some 10 minutes.
How you like them?
What, 10 minute sets?
Yeah, 10 minute sets.
They're fine.
I'm up to, I can comfortably do 15.
Really?
Yeah, really.
Damn, that's good, man.
I've seen you do 10 minutes, dude,
at a Don't Tell with the Canobar.
Yeah, that was a fun show.
That was a good one, dude.
That was a good one.
That was a wild show.
Well, there was one really funny moment
that I'll always remember from that show.
What happened?
Because you went out first, didn't you?
Yeah, after the host, yeah.
And Bryce, he was saying some porn joke.
And you asked the audience if anybody
had a favorite porn star.
No, Jonathan did.
Oh, Jon, oh, Jon.
Yeah.
You did talk about porn in your set.
Of course.
I need it.
Always.
10 minutes, dude, I'm talking about porn.
Are you serious?
Of course.
But yeah, Jonathan asked, and this girl yells out
from the crowd, Owen Gray, who I've heard
his name several times.
I think he's a porn star.
Thank you.
Do you know Owen Gray?
I think he's a master of the craft.
Before we continue, do you know who Owen Gray is?
Pull up a picture of Owen Gray.
I'm gonna pull him up.
But a girl yelled it out for the incognito mode.
Huh?
You can't have a sign.
No, I can't play it.
Gray.
Right there, first one.
No, it's Gravy, bro.
But not someone Gravy, that's a way worse guy.
Yeah, this little skinny white dude.
Oh, no.
With the tattoos.
I was thinking he was the bald one.
Click on the one with the tattoos, Brandon.
He's kinda weird looking.
Yeah, that one.
Let's do that.
Wait, that's not him.
I don't know.
Hold on, they look very funny.
Is it him?
Is that him?
That's not who I was thinking of.
Yeah, I was also thinking of somebody.
The bald dude?
No, that's Johnny Sims.
Johnny Sims, that's the one.
He's known for his leg tattoos.
Yeah.
We're way too into this.
Oh yeah, that one.
He's blacked out.
All right, type in dick.
Come on.
Can you type like stroke, stroke, come on.
No, it's good.
No, no, no, no.
But yeah, that's what everybody knows and for is.
That crazy ass tattoo.
That's how.
Anyways, so Jonathan asked out,
hey, somebody named their favorite porn star.
Nobody responds but my fucking sister who's in the audience.
She goes, Owen Gray, I love you.
I didn't know it was his sister.
Jonathan was like, does anybody have a favorite porn star?
And this girl was like, Owen Gray.
And then Bryce was like, that's my sister.
Or did you go on stage and say that's my sister?
Yeah, I think I whispered it to somebody.
It might have been you.
Dude, that was my sister.
It was me, dude.
That's why, you're right, dude.
Yeah, I whispered to him.
I was like, dude, that was my fucking sister.
He was like, what?
She knows he's here.
That's crazy.
We are from Alabama.
Not accusing y'all.
Dude, that's how everybody in my family is though.
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
They just don't give a fuck.
Saying the wrong thing at the wrong fucking time.
You love those people.
Oh yeah.
I do it too, man.
You got to, man.
Otherwise, it's just weird.
Yeah, it's just no fun.
I don't know.
Just fucking let it out.
Be awkward.
Make other people awkward.
That's my thing.
Is that what you do?
Oh my God, love it.
So you're the worst, dude.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're the worst to be around when you're high.
Oh yeah, yeah.
Cause you're like, oh no.
I'll find out what you don't like and then.
Oh, go for that specifically?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not nothing hard.
You know what I'm saying?
That's what I was worried about with this interview.
I was like, well dang, they're gonna
say things I don't want to hear.
But no, it's been fun so far.
No, dude.
We're user friendly.
I do want to say though,
somebody wrote on the notes,
and it wasn't me.
You look like you say,
I'm gonna go bananas when you get mad.
But you see how Dom wrote it on here.
That's not me.
He put the whole entire thing in quotation marks.
Not just the, I'm gonna go bananas part.
When you get mad, I say that out loud too.
Idiot.
That wasn't me.
I didn't write that one.
It wasn't me, dude.
It wasn't you, was it?
Yeah, it was.
Damn.
I wrote some on mine just in pen
that I wanted to remember to bring up.
I know me and Dom are part of Clown College Comedy.
Me and Bryce are actually part of another comedy group,
me, Bryce, and Syfy called the Pooh Boys.
Would you like to elaborate on that?
No, you elaborate.
Well basically, we smoked a joint outside of Shenanigans
before the shit show,
and I've never been to one.
I didn't know how it worked.
You go around and you hand people little foam shits
to throw at their least favorite comedian in that round.
And Syfy volunteered to work the show.
I didn't know that.
Me and Bryce didn't know that.
And then he incorporated us
to help him pass out the shit.
But I was tweakin', bro.
I could not do it.
Yeah, I was stoned.
I was so high.
You guys were.
I just ended up, by the end of it,
I was just standing in the lobby.
I wasn't even in the same room.
He deteriorated throughout the night.
He went from holding a bucket
to me giving him something from my bucket
to him just not being there anymore.
I had to remove myself from the situation.
Just slowly but surely was not a part
of the Pooh Boys anymore.
Well, I also tried to hand out the shit
to the people who were on the show
because I didn't watch their shit.
Oh yeah.
And they were like, I'm on the show.
And I was like, dude, I didn't know.
You're in the green room.
Yeah, why are you back here?
Yes.
Oh yeah, Syfy was like,
have you been in the green room before?
And we were walking back there,
and I was like, no, not yet.
And he's like, it's how you stop?
And he's like, no, dude.
Understandable, you gotta earn it.
You'll be on there soon.
You two, both of you dudes, bro.
He's on it tonight.
And you've done a show with Shenanigans.
Is that where it was at?
Yeah, yeah, it's on against an eight.
So you're already in there, dude.
He'll be on there.
I mean, you know JJ's fucking funny.
His rioting is.
Yeah, he's so funny.
JJ's such a funny, handsome man.
This is the worst, dude.
It's the worst.
Look at him.
Yeah, I fucking hate him, dude.
It's the worst.
Nobody wants to sit there while I'm like,
oh man, you're the greatest.
And you're like, no, obviously not.
No, he's awesome.
Oh, you're good, man.
Look, Brandon, tell him he's good.
Brandon, shut the fuck up, Brandon.
You're fucking good.
Did you laugh at me?
Oh, man.
Did I?
Yeah, you guys are all good, dude.
Laughing his ass off, dude.
You guys are all real fucking good.
We're in the same room, aren't we, dude?
Same microphone, same podcast,
same 130 views, dude.
Hey, I'm down with it.
That was more than I thought it was gonna be.
130?
Dude, I thought we were gonna be banging at like 10.
And I thought it was gonna drop off, you know what I mean?
Like, 10 people were gonna watch it the first time,
it was like, all right.
And then after that, it's gonna be like three, one,
and we're just putting it off.
Yeah, you're at 130 already, dude.
Fuck yeah.
Man, dude, people up.
And I haven't listened to any of them.
I think that's a good thing.
Are you gonna listen to this episode?
No.
Are you gonna be watching this moment right now?
Yeah.
You got to, man.
Don't worry about it.
Do you guys like watching yourselves?
This is gonna get clipped when somebody comes in.
No, I have to edit it, so I have to watch it.
And I sound retarded, dude.
I sound so slow.
Like, I'm watching it and I'm like, man, dude,
can you get any words right?
Like, it'd be like the easiest shit, easiest word.
I'm like, you couldn't figure that one out, buddy.
Can I just speed up my words?
You can get a counter, like a tally mark
for how many times you say retarded on the podcast.
I know, I think you said it every episode.
No, I'm on, but I'm, first of all.
Brandon, write that down, dude.
Time stamp that.
Yeah, but I'm calling myself,
because I do have a tardation.
I can, it's something about-
What is it?
Look, I don't know exactly what it is,
but I'm telling you, I can't say words right.
I have to practice them.
Like, if I have one for my set,
I have to practice like words,
because I like to say big words
because I think it coming from me,
it sounds funny because I'm slow.
You know what I'm saying?
I don't think people see you as slow, though.
When I'm up there?
Well, right now I do.
It's alcohol.
When you said that, now I see it, actually.
I take it all back, now I see it.
He's like, when I'm up stage?
Yeah, that's what we're talking about, big guy.
That's the whole point of this.
That's exactly what you said.
Did you forget?
How did you not know?
We made the map right here for you.
Yeah, good thing.
To remember, Dom's like,
these are the three places I have to go today.
On stage?
Or this week?
Or do I just go in the building?
You're gonna tell me when it's my turn?
I swear that's how I was,
I was like, you're going in this order, right?
How long do we have to talk for?
It's the worst.
Oh, I was miserable.
I feel like you guys were so much more comfortable.
Hell no, I hated you.
You for sure are.
I still hate it.
I still fucking hate getting on stage.
When you tell your jokes, it sounds like on stage,
it just sounds just like when you're telling them to us
when we're talking and shit.
Yeah, you sound comfortable.
But I'm telling you, dude, I fucking hate it.
If I know I have an open mic that day,
I'm not happy the whole day, dude.
Oh, same. Until after it's over.
That's probably why.
I'm like, gosh, dude.
You guys are so polished.
Yeah, we're just miserable.
Yeah, because I related to that thing you said earlier
about rehearsing and sounding too robotic when you write.
I had that a lot when I was first starting.
It's because when you're first starting,
you never done good before.
So you have no reason to be confident
in your ability just to do it.
So it just takes time.
If you're like, oh, that did good.
And you just walk a little further.
Oh, that did good, walk a little further.
And then eventually you get it.
And I'm only four years in,
so I'm sure I'm fucking up a lot more than I even know.
Yeah, but you can tell whenever I watch,
I'm just coming as, at this point, a fan of comedy and stuff.
And it's my first time going to open mics and shit like that.
And then as soon as I see you, I'm like, oh, okay.
You could have told me you were seven, eight years old.
I'm like, okay, this guy gots it.
And your jokes, I'm telling you,
his jokes are so fucking good.
You're my, of all the comedians, I love your jokes.
I know he hates this.
I love your jokes, man.
JJ's so handsome.
You're just so good.
JJ's handsome as hell, bro.
Look at him.
Unparalleled.
And your delivery, man.
It's cool, calm, collected.
So cool, dude.
You fumble it, you recover.
I fumble it, there you go.
Yeah, it's an opera watching your fucking set, dude.
There's ups, there's downs.
Dudes, thanks, guys.
It's amazing, dude.
I appreciate it.
But I will say, you do have one of my favorite jokes, dude.
Which one, tell me.
Well, I don't want to spoil it and give it away on here.
Well, that's the problem,
because a lot of people tell it, talk about it.
Well, this is weird now.
But a lot of people talk about it
and call it the midget porn joke.
Right.
But that ruins it.
You can't call it that.
It's called the porn addiction joke.
Porn addiction joke.
And when I record it on an album,
I'll make sure that's specifically called that.
Oh, but yeah, I love that joke.
But the punchline is so smart.
Thank you, thank you.
Dude, I love it so much.
Well, I'm not gonna tell it,
so we shouldn't talk around it, probably.
Cut to this clip of Bryce saying it.
You do have to send us a clip, man,
so I could be in it.
No, he doesn't want to give away that joke, dude.
What are you doing, man?
See, he's trying to make you awkward right now.
Yeah, yeah, he's working that magic.
All the 140 people that, uh.
Dude, what are you talking about?
Every episode, we have to be prepared to blow up, dude.
Yeah, that's true.
That's the responsibility that comes
with posting these videos.
The next day, dude, you might be getting canceled.
Which one of you is the wise one?
Neither, dude.
I don't think we are.
Probably Brandon.
I agree with that.
And it.
Well, you fall for the simple tricks.
Yeah.
The candy trick, dude.
I don't know how to fuck you.
He's the outside of the box guy.
Yeah, no, I can see that.
I don't know how we just saw flow.
I don't even know how,
like how this all came about was just crazy.
There is a good flow.
We look like we're from three different continents.
You know?
India, oh, that's not a continent.
Asia.
Asia, yeah.
Asia, the Indian continent.
Damn, dude.
When we were talking about you being slow earlier.
Yeah, you were right.
Hey, I'm gonna drop a random fact down, y'all.
Do you know the country with the second largest
black population in the world is Brazil?
Is that, is America up there in any of them?
I think it's.
Gotta be.
It's gotta be third or fourth.
I think it's Nigeria or Kenya is first.
I don't know.
And then it's Brazil.
Yeah, if you're taking.
I'm taking all the African countries
should be one through whatever.
But even with the African countries,
Brazil is still number two.
But Brazil is so big.
There's like 75 million black people.
African descent.
That's interesting.
Why are you looking that up, chief?
I'm in modern Latin American history.
Shout out Dr. Pacino, dude.
She came to one of my shows.
Shout out, I forgot you're in school.
Yeah, dude.
That's an easy excuse for that.
How could you forget?
I'm so scholarly, bro.
Academia is my realm.
Comedy is just a hobby, dude.
I'm a scholar at heart.
Another one would be the scholar gentleman and the scholar.
Dude, always.
I know a few things.
I know what country has the second largest
black population in the world.
I feel like you got told a lot of stuff and that stuck.
Oh, dude.
I wanna retain this one.
When I hear stuff about that, I'm like, okay, dude.
I'm remembering.
Also, when I found out UAH used to be a plantation.
Yeah, that's wild.
I'll never forget that one, dude.
Yeah, I love that joke.
I don't fuck with that.
UAH sucks.
I don't know, man.
What are our alumni shirts gonna be?
Our historical shirt.
How Auburn and the big SEC schools
have all the maps and shit.
What would ours be, dude?
We couldn't even make one.
We get canceled just for fucking making it.
I have no clue.
I swear I go to this school,
but I have no clue about anything.
I'll just focus on the science.
The slavery past.
It's not as fun.
I think they could do something.
How can they not mention it?
That's what I'm saying.
It's so integral to the history of the university, dude.
I think they'll be fine.
Laten.
I like my other stuff.
They do all kinds of stuff.
Y'all on a tight schedule today?
Oh, you got a show.
Big Boy Dumb got the show.
You're so good at comedy.
Gang gang over here.
And it's for big strong heroes and stuff?
Why are you stroking the mic?
I thought it was the tree.
That's weird.
I didn't know big strong heroes.
You got a camera right there.
Oh, that's crazy.
I did that.
I really was just playing with the buds.
I got a clip right there.
That sucks.
The Mike Tamer.
Military man.
At least he did it too.
I feel better now.
Thank you.
Your turn.
Come on, man.
I don't know how I would approach it.
I've never put it, now that I have to think about it,
it just kind of came naturally.
Do you think you would just grab it?
Or do you think you would?
What's the action?
What, are we sucking dick?
Or jerking off?
He looked like he was more jerking off the military.
I was just playing with it.
I was just playing with it?
I don't know.
What do you mean?
Maybe dab it up, huh?
Yeah.
I just met the guy.
Come on.
What's up, dude?
You guys are so forward, bro.
Toxic, masculine.
You guys are assholes.
You guys recorded 20 more minutes.
Let me jerk off real quick.
Let me jerk something off.
Yeah, let's record.
Actually, can we do a lot more time?
Yeah, can we?
I'm having fun.
Let's start jerking.
Yeah, dude.
This is actually pretty cool.
You want the pen?
Where's the pen at?
We just get the pen.
You know, you use mine, then.
I bought from you.
This is yours?
No, I got it right here.
I was like, you use mine.
Oh, yeah, yeah, hell yeah.
Let's see how bad.
Jesus Christ.
Dude.
Fuck that.
We don't give a fuck over here.
Shit, shit, shit.
I thought you were a superhero.
I actually flinched, dude.
I was so scared.
I was like, it's gonna fly at me at superhuman speed.
That's the strongest comic in Huntsville.
Oh, shit.
It might put a hole right through me.
Fuck.
You do look like the before of Captain America.
That's kind of what I'm going for
when I'm making these jokes.
Captain America, if instead he got the super soldier serum,
he just started working out.
He just took a diet.
He didn't even work out.
He just kinda got a diet plan.
He just started eating.
He sticks through some times.
They got out of the Great Depression.
He could afford food again.
He just got some money.
Well, fuck you, dude.
You don't look great.
You ever think about how you look?
Dude, you're like.
It's not awesome.
I can blanket on the word, dude.
It's not upper class.
It's not lower class.
Middle class?
Middle class.
I was gonna say medium class.
I don't take drugs, dude.
Do you need to?
Dude, you're like fucking middle class Steve Rogers, dude.
He just got to go to fucking Aldi.
I'm not sure if Steve Rogers.
Oh, is that Captain America?
Wow, okay.
I told you I'm a scholar, dude.
Intellectual guy.
Marvel comic book scholar.
World War II, dude, it's history.
The Red Skull tried to fucking kill the Jews.
Or whatever, dude.
Yeah, who's talking?
I'm not saying it's right.
I'm just saying it happened.
Dude, you gotta come more confident than that.
Killed the Jews or something.
I don't know.
Maybe if you guys want to.
Whatever, dude.
I don't have four years of experience
in all these shows under my belt like you do, dude.
You're just my inspiration.
I get nervous when you're sitting there.
If you got all this internet talking,
you got all that stuff.
That's pretty cool.
It has done nothing for my career.
It has to help with your confidence.
You're putting yourself out there like that.
The only reason people will come up to me
is if they have seen the Grimace video
where I get sexually assaulted by the McDonald mascot.
Yeah, that's huge.
That's not what you want to be known for, though.
Now that that's the thing that's out there,
what can you be nervous about?
Yeah, no.
You see, that's out there to everybody to see.
That shit's embarrassing.
Damn, dude, I am a man of scholarship
and that is pretty good logic.
I'm trying to find a way around it.
I'm trying to rest.
That's just fucking embarrassing what you did.
Whatever, dude.
It was cool for like three seconds.
No, it was fun.
I'm just kidding.
What's your favorite type of genre of movies?
You always just bring up the questions with no like.
You skipped the four play to the question.
Did you fucking get on my Facebook and my Instagram
and be like, I wonder what kind of movies he likes?
Yeah.
Let's redo.
He looks like a guy who doesn't know what kind of movies.
I would say comedy, but comedy movies kind of suck balls,
unfortunately.
I would like it to be comedy, but they just
don't ever put out good ones.
Nowadays, that's what I'm sure of.
So I'm going to say action.
I love anime, so that's really what I'm up with.
Are you serious?
You like anime?
All I watch are sports and anime, basketball and anime.
You can watch both of those things in the same show.
I hate that show.
I don't watch that.
I watch basketball anime.
Yeah, they do have that, but I don't fuck with that.
Do you think eventually they will start animating the basketball
games in real time and do like an NBA anime game?
They probably got a filter for that already.
They do have like the cartoon, like Anthony Davis.
And they have like a whole NBA produced show and shit.
The NFL Nickelodeon game where like slime comes on the field.
Yeah, whatever, dude.
But that's good for like kids.
This guy's over here saying he listens to anime, watches anime.
Yeah, no, it's not for kids.
I used to be into it.
I don't watch anime for kids.
It's not.
So what's your anime of choice?
All right, now Jujutsu Kaisen, bro.
That's everybody's one, though.
It is?
It's so good.
If you watch it, you would like it.
It's called what now?
Jujutsu Kaisen.
OK, I'm going to look it up now.
You're going to forget it.
Jujutsu Kaisen.
I already fucked it up.
Jujutsu Slide.
Yeah, I know what you're talking about.
The Jubi Slide.
Yeah, the Jubi Slide.
Yeah, I got it.
Anime is just dancing, dude.
That's all it is.
In a way, martial arts.
That's why you move your hips like Shakira, huh?
That's why you move your hips like Shakira.
Go and stroke that mic for me real quick.
Go and stroke that mic.
Say it again.
That's why you move your hips like Shakira.
I love the way you move your hips.
Fuck this guy.
This guy does talk shit, man.
This motherfucker.
I tried to warn you.
All I can do is sit over here and just watch with Harold.
That wasn't a sneak diss, though.
That was a very overt, mean thing to say.
It wasn't mean.
Guys, we're having fun.
I know, dude.
Let me get this cake again.
Yeah, go get that again.
I know you get wet, little nigga.
Yeah, bro.
Playboy.
Hey, Playboy.
He can say the N-word, which makes him infinitely cooler.
That's a plus.
That's cool.
Yeah, dude, you just can't match that in a roast.
You know what I'm saying?
You can never pull that card out of your back pocket,
because that's the ejector seat, bro.
You got to have the car running.
If a black guy calls you the N-word?
No, if it was the other way around.
I'm saying, you can never do that, dude.
He's talking about if you was like, this nigga right here.
Yeah, I wouldn't do that.
Yeah, I'm not advocating that you should.
I'm just saying he has that ability, and it is funny.
As a white person, any time you hear somebody say the N-word,
you're like, hey, Jake Lovell.
Whoa.
Oh my gosh.
Jake loves it.
He gets such a kick.
I'm like, can I do something?
Hell yeah, nigga.
Go ahead.
OK.
He gets all giddy about it.
OK.
Yeah, dude, we get excited.
It turns us off.
Turn us up, bro.
It turns us on.
Up.
I said up.
Don't worry about this.
So I did write down one more thing I wanted to talk about.
Ask me away, bro.
What's up?
You know, one time I was over at another comedian's apartment
sci-fi.
I've heard of him.
Yeah.
I know y'all are acquaintances.
He told me when I entered the building that you were,
the facility, that you were smoking gay weed.
Oh, you mean like legal weed is what it is.
But is that what you mean by gay?
That's what he means.
I don't say that.
I heard it was gay.
I heard that you claimed it was gay weed.
You did?
Sci-fi told me that you came in and was like,
we can smoke some of this gay weed.
That's what Bryce calls it.
BT-dubs.
He said that he was impersonating you.
He's like, hey, we can smoke some of this gay weed.
He said that you did this.
Is this false?
It's false.
Are you asking me like that, dude?
Everything's false if you put your hand out like that at me.
Yes, sir, officer.
I'm giving you the Chris Hansen body language.
Yeah, dude.
I'd like to have a seat.
I don't know what you're talking about.
No, dude, but what's up with the gay weed, man?
I smoke the legal weed all the time.
So it's just like what you can buy at the store?
Yeah, it's just.
At the shop, Cannon Bar in Merkintown.
Yeah, come on down.
It's some good stuff.
Get your high.
I smoke it every night.
I'm doing great.
Don't you want to be like me?
Hell yeah, dude.
Just stare at it.
You want to be the strongest person that smokes it?
The strongest.
You guys are going to be beat up.
And you're banging a lot of black bitches, huh?
I've also heard this theory.
So if I tell you that, and Bryce is like,
I'm banging a lot of black bitches.
There's actually multiple people.
It's like Bryce be tearing them black chicks up.
Yeah.
Light skin with big booties.
OK.
I accept.
I accept, right?
All right.
Oh, I thought you had a picture evidence.
I have somebody that you can speak to.
I can give you a reference.
Brandon would say some shit like that.
I'm all about all that stuff.
But no, I haven't really explored that realm that much,
really.
Really?
You got to get on tenor and set it to black.
I have such a good story for this.
But I'm scared that it's not going to get in the episode,
because we're running out of time, dude.
I'll say it just for shits and giggles, dude.
Because this shit is for me.
You don't want to waste it on me.
What the fuck is that, bro?
Fuck Bryce.
Just say the good story.
I want to hear it.
My bad, dude.
I don't know if I want to tell this really good story.
It is really good.
Well, I want it.
You a big handy guy?
I love them.
You like them, too?
I mean, they're all right.
Are you into them?
Fuck no.
I'm trying to give me a hand job.
I can jack myself off.
Now, hit.
I mean, to start it off, and you just kind of like,
imagine if you're two, or sitting.
I don't want to make you guys hard.
But I'm talking about hand job until completion.
No, no, no.
I don't want you to ever say those words again.
I don't want you to ever say those out loud.
That sounds like a charge.
Hand job to completion.
Grand theft auto.
You know, high treason.
Hand job to completion.
That should be illegal, dude.
That's insane.
Nobody was operating under that assumption.
Oh, shit.
All right.
No, I'm not a big candidate.
All right, this is the end of the podcast.
Now, Bryce, if you want to say anything to that camera,
anything you got coming up, your at, all that good stuff.
Yeah, follow me at Baflett on Instagram,
Bryce Fletcher on Facebook.
Yeah, put all my upcoming dates and whatnot up there.
Hell yeah.
All right.
That's it.