I had a Trump joke, but I can't say Trump jokes because they just don't work because of the way that I look
I was about I have four Mexican brothers and my mom adopted them and I was like
How'd you abandon me but adopt four from the other team? I know I should have voted for Trump
It's like everybody's like you did
Which I did and I voted for Kanye. I wrote his name in on the ballot and that aged arguably worse
Yeah, Trump is now Trump's loves the Jews
Kanye not so much. Kanye's not wrong about everything but um
Moving on. This is the clown college podcast. We're just a couple open micers trying to make our way through the scene
Where we interview comedians throughout different stages of their comedy career
No matter if they're open micers, headliners, or traveling comedians
I'm here to Jamie 2.0. I just talk a lot more. Damn it Brandon. Go sit in the corner
So how you guys doing back for week two hell yeah already exceeding expectations
Yeah, we spelled some names wrong and some of the cuts were atrocious
Yeah, but don't feel too bad Jalen Dom also pronounced my name wrong and I'm the co-host of the show. So there's that
Jaylon
Even got my name wrong too once with the oh brandon
Always wants to use a oh
Proper way to speak English. All right, you guys are just doing other shit with these ease
Yeah, my mom says she wanted me to be special which luckily
Mission possible
So we got some big news this week
JJ hosted his first show on short notice like a backup QB coming in throwing for touchdown. Oh, yeah. Shout out to Will Leavage
No, all right. The usual host for homegrown got sick. So I had to step in and it was fun
It was a cool experience never hosted before I'm you know, learning some new skills and shit
It was cool Dom did two shows in a week back-to-back days and Thursday doubled up
Yeah, yeah show but then to open my Thursday was fun. It was the
Jonathan Silver's that dude does these
Apartment
Complexes and he does shows for them and they pay him and all this and we had ten comedians on there
I'll have to read them cuz they I'm talking about I was the worst one by far
But they all killed Jonathan Ty funny Nathan Jinx Sierra Moses Andy Thompson Alex Z
Raina
How you say your last name? Kay Hill Kay Hill. All right Roy here Harrison Harrison Harrison Harrison
And Ashton Lutz and Ashton went on last and murdered him. He's funny man
Yeah, she wouldn't kill him. That was a good that was a good time right there on on Thursday and then met you
We all did shenanigans. Yeah. Yeah, and sang some karaoke
Yeah
Lowrider yeah, and then sci-fi was like
Jumping up off the table and shit. That was a good night. That was a good night
That was a good night. Jaylen fell off the roof fell off the roof. It's on his um
On his Instagram Jaylen B underscore 18. That's Jaylen with an E
Yeah, just to clarify and it's Jaylen underscore B 18. Yeah, that's what I said
You didn't it's on camera. It's on camera. Play it back Brendan
I actually don't know now cuz you're so confident. I thought but I thought I said it right. I probably said it wrong
We'll find out next week
We'll come back to this on episode 2 of clown college. Oh, yeah, Nico killed that shit karaoke
Oh, Nico killed on karaoke and he killed it on a shenanigans
How he didn't get in the top three was criminal
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know
I don't know. I don't know. I don't know
Nico killed on karaoke and he killed it on a shenanigans how he didn't get in the top three was criminal
Well, we know but he murdered. I mean the whole crowd loved him. I thought they were
He killed the show Friday too because he took the the opener spot. Yeah. Yeah, the Nikos good man. He's funny
No Paris. Oh, yeah on soon coming soon coming soon legend of the game
He does the he hosts the Monday night at the shop shop great in the shop can of bar
The shop over there. Where's it at South Parkway South Parkway? It's a great. It's a great place to go. Let let off some steam
It's a smoke shop with legal legal
Tha Delta H yet. Shout out Matt Batson. Yeah
but uh
Yeah, so you gonna tell him about some stories that we had? Oh, yeah, so so Friday I had
The show at homegrown and then Dom had a show somewhere else shenanigans shenanigans
Oh, yeah
this sci-fi sci-fi show
Shout out to sci-fi and we met up afterwards at at a bar in Huntsville
Had a few drinks were feeling good. There's like what like six seven of us out there
Yeah
All talking and then this couple walks up and they sit down at the table in front of us sci-fi is dancing
I forgot what song was playing but he's dancing. We're cutting up having a good time and she decides she wants to get involved in
The conversation really involved heavily involved she comes up, you know starts talking starts dancing, but the energy is weird
She's she's being pretty strong. She's clearly off like yeah, you'll find out later why she's off
And the dude she was with got so mad that she came over there and started talking to us. He just left
He just completely just left and she said she's like and then she's explaining it to us. She's like he's not really my dude
I have a dude at home, but he's not really my duty forgot about that. Yeah, he's just the dude. I'm dating right now
The bar with another guy
Yeah, you know good character in this woman security BBC thing I had man
Was drunk as hell like somebody's mom she kept showing me her kids look at my autistic child
Okay, cool, and then she came up whispering my issue like, you know this song and then tried to hug me
Why the fuck when I went to pick up my medicine she was the one giving it to me
Yeah, she didn't lose a movie and she didn't remember you remember shit man. She's trying to get some of the young Brandon though
Yeah, she's probably pocketing pills on the side, dude. I fucked up
Yeah, my knees hurt dude
Me a little perky. I don't do those things anymore
Yeah, never again. So then so then she says all this stuff
Yeah
She doesn't believe how old we are or especially you know, she was trying to get job
She was trying to tear JJ ass up. She was she would have tore anything up. Let's just let's just leave with that
There's no specialty. There's no accomplishment with that. She wanted j. She like she turned around start twerking
Yeah, I wasn't looking dude. I was not a fan. No, he wasn't a fan. How old was she do you remember 25 25?
Yeah, she was like how old are you and I was like, I'm 21. She was like, no, you're not just kept saying that
I was like for a long time to lady. I was born in 2002, you know
Y'all from the fucking 1900s and shit and then she she asked you she didn't believe you either
I don't know. She might have believed me. She I think she was like I said 35
Are old you just don't look old yeah
Well half black, you know, so I probably get to about like 50 and then fall downhill fast because the white jeans, you know, I'm
Telling me but so she's like
She was like don't call me fat, which nobody was even thinking that
She said don't call me fat. I just lost 90 pounds the last person who called me fat. I had somebody shoot up their house
I forgot about that. Okay, I just now
Got but she can't bring in it. You can't bring it up like going back to you felt like where somebody called you a cunt
You executed
Fat is the is the like surface level insult you shut up somebody you had somebody shoot up somebody's house
Because they called you fat and she said she literally said the only reason I got off is cuz my dad's a lawyer
Where are we going tonight guys?
Going we said do you speak French do you speak French? What is all this? We shit you talking about?
I will be the one sneaking off
Yeah, the Dom doesn't do that, you know, you know, you remember Blake right? Yeah. Shout out my friend Blake Sanders
Like yeah, I was talking to him and he was like Dom is so funny, man
This one night he came up to me after the show and he was like I'm about to go get some pussy, man
That was after you I know I know I remember I know who you talking about
They came in there with them Scooby-Doo outfits on what's that? What's the girl from Scooby-Doo Daphne?
That hold on. They'll miss in the old
Bam is the one that that's the one you wear a Velma costume. You got oh, yeah
You got me. I'll help you find your glasses. Yeah. Oh
Yeah, a lasting girl from the Incredibles
His wife, okay, okay. She's got that Mewtwo bill
We was that so the show we had on Thursday at that apartment complex so we're sitting in there I do my joke
I say I say I look like Princess Jasmine daddy
And then and then an old lady who was being kind of rowdy she had it
She tells she had a couple drinks at least 60 65 something like that skinny old white lady
And she's like you fine as hell miss it. And so I'm like, I think I said something like girl
you better stop playing with me and then so she's uh,
so afterwards like Raina and and ash was
Ashlyn we were doing a lot of pussy jokes, right? And so they were talking with what you're funny
Raina's a wrap around put that shit to layer
And then she we was going on the elevator to go down and the old lady was like it was too much talk about pussy
I like dick. I like this old lady trying to get dick down
Well, Jonathan
She she said he said she was like that. Yeah. Oh, yeah
He also said she kind of looks like Marisa Tomei which okay look first of all
She looked like Marisa Tomei. I still be over there right?
I wouldn't be leaving. No, she didn't look like yeah, I mean Mercer told me
Merissa told me I'm like 20. I can't say
It's not a tongue twister. I know we're talking about Jonathan
well, uh
Yeah, she didn't look like Merissa to me. Hell no. That's like Brandon's what Brandon said
What did he say look like Francis and Ghana?
That's the white dude from that show so it was it's just no he was he was like he was the taxi driver
He was the Eastern European Eastern. He's an Eastern European taxi driver
And if I get my editing skills enough, I'm gonna put both both pitches down here and see how outrageous it is
Say he looks like Francis and God
He said it like we knew he said like he's like don't he look like Francis like we knew who like it was I thought it
Was an open mic around here. I'm like Francis. Who is that? Yeah
That's it that's exactly what I thought I was like, oh what the fuck which one's Francis Francis for a second
I thought you're talking about Charlie
Shout out Charlie Charlie Fisher
You might be cross-eyed images are combined
Be crooked
Y'all ready for a fucking story
The time I met Magic Johnson, I remember shit like it was yesterday
I was sad like the fucking basketball and smaller fuck sitting on this seat like I am right now
And my friend went up to me. He said
You know, I'm a good-ass man
So I said fuck it and I got up and as soon as I sit down the lights fucking flash that magic Johnson starts speaking
Then they say there's a lucky winner
Look at the seat under you. He got the fucking seat. I gave my seat up for this dude
He went down there got a fucking picture got a fucking Jersey
Everything on the news and then I got a picture too
But I feel like he thought I was special or something shit my mom ran up a fucking ball and was like, you know
You gotta sign my son's ball, right? And you're like, okay, you got a sharpie
No, I got this fucking pen from the dollar store
So he signs it and sees me and takes a picture and why the fuck we all look like each other
Like I don't know if you gonna see it
But we all look like I look like his son until now and you know one thing that I learned from that was
Is that no matter how fucking famous you are they still gonna talk about your fucking age?
I was showing everybody everybody's like Brandon you got a now. Did he touch it crazy shit? I'm like no did he no
No
Put the magic on your Johnson
That's fucking great story that's insane and that's just he like the first time you ever told us that you casually
Dropped it like it was a normal thing to say and Brandon does this a lot
Yeah, he dropped stories on you that you're like, what are you what's happening right now?
And he's just telling it like it's something everybody goes
Your life is different than every single person. I've ever it's not relatable at all
Would make it not funny, but it makes it way more fun
When you showed me the picture, I just I couldn't contain myself dude
That was the most nuts thing ever because you're so casual like oh, yeah, I met magic Johnson and Brandon tells a lot of stories
So sometimes it just like flies over my head then he whips out the picture and I'm like
This is the most insane image I've ever seen if you can figure it out, please put that picture up
Oh, yeah, I can get the funniest fucking photo I've ever seen in my life
It's the funniest it's up right now
It's like it's like Brandon culturally appropriated the make-a-wish foundation
You got he got a fucking he's got a fucking wish granted without being special or terminally ill. Oh
Oh my gosh, dude
Watch these clips. Yeah, let's get
Ready watch some clips. I'm ready man. I'm ready. Let's do that for me
It's a good
Here goes my whole thing if Lizzo can't call somebody a fat bitch then who can you tell me I
Don't know if you skinnies and normals know but there's nothing more fat people like to do to call other fat people fat
Yeah
You don't believe me you ever seen a thousand pound sisters
You see how giddy those bigots get when they call each other fat
forehead me just to shake
Yeah
Yeah, I picked that one because you got you got a big pop on the fucking forehead me
Yeah, that was the biggest one in in person. It was it was a sight to behold
They really they really fucking like that one. Yeah, and I like that
I like that whole bit like how you transition it from
talking about Lizzo like taking a stand with Lizzo and then transition it into like the
Thousand pound sisters because those are like two relevant topics. Yeah that you just parlay into so
With the Lizzo how I came out with that we was we were sitting there talking when it first happened with Bryce, right?
at the boxcar, yeah, and
Everybody everybody had the same sentiment like was like how the fuck is Lizzo calling somebody fat?
You know what I'm saying? Yeah, and I was like, how can I switch it up?
you know what I'm saying and make it make everybody laugh at the
You know what everybody the opposite of what everybody's thinking right?
Because everybody's like Lizzo call somebody fat this fat, you know same buzz like fat people do love to call people fat
It's trust me. I know
We love it and then uh, and then the thousand pound sisters because that's how I get sometimes I lose people on the Lizzo call fat
Say fat bitch. Yeah when I call Lizzo fat bitch some people don't like it, but uh
So I lose them
So I was like I gotta bring them back because the thousand pound sisters always have clips of them call
I don't want to be as big as you try being my size Amy. Yeah
That's my favorite one
Fuck with that show that doctor on there. He'd be going hard in the paint
He tells it straight up and he's not in good shape, which is the funny part. He's built like a fucking oblong bowling ball, but I
don't know
Yeah, I just I like that man and that that gets consistent laughs every time you tell it
yeah, that was one of the ones that uh
And thanks to Jonathan Silver's for telling me to talk about being fat
But I was like I was like I'll make fun of myself in the first portion
Yeah, but then after that let's go ahead and let loose a little bit
Yeah, that was a good one. Appreciate that clip two good ones now. They're gonna be some bad ones
I told you to oh there was I told you to put the bad one because we I forgot my lines on Monday
Yeah, so we shot why did the same thing and then I made a joke about Dom for getting his and it crushed
crushed
Through him under the bus right now. It was good cuz I would and I went up there so confident
I told JJ I was like I don't need my phone just to film it on my phone
I don't even need my nose. Yeah exactly what I said and I not just forgot I forgot the whole bit
Completely like it's like a what a minute and 30 almost two minute bit. Yeah, and I forgot the whole thing. I was like
Yeah, this sets the sets five minutes and the video I recorded of what you did the time you did was like three and a half
Yeah, 90 seconds of material just completely is completely and I do and I did it
I did it like the day before you know what I mean, but that's just how it goes man
Sometimes you just forget the shit out of shit and bomb you'd be hitting that pin, bro
You know, you don't remember half your jokes. Yeah, and that's at the shop candy bar and
mercantile
You don't know mercantilism dude economic theory that's not your thing are you serious I
Mean I am serious. I can tell you what it means either though. What does mercantile mean? It's it's like a it's like a shop
It's another like a merchant
Merchandise mercantile
Yeah, he show out without southeastern hemp supply
For the uppity regnics you faded. All right, let's see. I'm excited about this one. Let's see JJ's clip
I'm gonna bring it on the ones and twos
Oh
It's going on y'all
True story. I was with a girl earlier this week
Thank you, I appreciate it
but a
Guy kept blowing up her phone
Texting her calling her to the point where it made her uncomfortable and finally
She the guy asked her what are you doing tonight?
So she took a picture of me and her and said probably him, you know funny goof
Funny goof. He didn't like that
He responded and said do better
That guy looks homeless
It's gonna link to a barber shops website and that explains the haircut
More true than I'd like to admit
No, I
Did it to be to help out my friend? I was trying to be a good guy and
Never again, you know, I got caught with a stray for no reason like an agnostic Middle Easterner getting hit by a
rocket
That that's one of the ones you say and you have a physical feeling afterwards you're like, oh
Ever the whole the energy just left the room. I mean I I think it's funny. It's hilarious
That's hilarious joke. Obviously, I'm not being serious, but you know, it's funny because I was like agnostic Middle Easterner
You know, he's not on either side. He's just fucking there and he got hit by the fucking rocket
That's bullshit
But but that is a true story that whole story before that
Uh-huh being with the girl and the dude kept texting her and is it like to get her to get him to stop texting her
he she took a picture of us and sent it to him and
Because he was like, what are you doing tonight?
and she sent a picture of us and was like probably him and
He got pissed and he started white dude, by the way started saying the n-word like a whole bunch of times
Like like this dude was he's a daily user. What was he saying? He's like fuck this nigga. What basically he was like
Homeless no, he was like he needs he looks homeless. He needs a haircut, you know, he's dirty do better all that shit
Like but and the funniest thing is I actually know who this dude is like I played basketball with him before he just didn't recognize
Me in the picture
It was it was just such a funny situation cuz he got so mad like she would open it leave him on read and then five
minutes later he'd send something else and he's still just as angry as he was five minutes ago and
He did send the link to the barbershops website, which is hilarious
I'll give him credit for that that shit is funny because at the time did you go to the one that he sent?
No, I got my own person
You know black lady gives me this mullet. So before you call me racist
Yeah, how you shit lot fraud died and laid to the side I'm be honest dude
I don't think Hispanic people really fuck with me like that. Really? I got four Mexican brothers in there, you know
They're like he's I
He's straight
Half Puerto Rican nephew does not fuck with me at all for real
He doesn't fuck with me at all, but he also denies his Puerto Rican heritage
He's only five but he was dressed up in a suit one time and he kept saying I'm Donald Trump
It's my grandparents be playing Fox News
Respect little Pedro
He's got the whitest name though, what is Lane Lane L A ne
Lane Douglas
Lane Bryant
Tony Lane
Tori Lynn Tori Lane. Oh, it's Tori Lane. Okay. What'd you call? I said Tony Lane Tony Lane
We a we getting everybody's names wrong
Welcome to the club
It is lesser-known brother, yeah
This is the podcast where we don't know words
Well, besides JJ JJ's smart. All right. I know some words. I just throw them around though
I don't know if it's the correct usage, but I like to I like to say a joke where I have a big word in there
Yeah, cuz I think I sound funnier when I say big words cuz I don't use cuz you're like sounding it out
As you're saying it, right? I don't even know dude. I
Almost said like a two syllable word. I was gonna say it's superb
Cuz I think it would be really funny
Really funny
That's half the jokes I want to write or just weird as hell saying shit like this
Jalen is being the fuck up. I
Was telling I was telling Jalen that night we were out doing the karaoke thing
I was like I came up with this tagline in this voice and I want to use it really bad
But I just don't have a joke for it. It's like in a really white voice
I just want to go like I got some saw that'll make you flip your top man. I don't even have a joke for I just
Think it's so fucking dumb. I just want to say it on stage make up a story about a drug dealer
Dude, yeah, we had a white a white hipster drug a white drug dealer. Whatever y'all call yourself. Oh my god
You want to tell them what?
We usually don't break like this and but we have to this is special occasion special occasion fucking hilarious
So our boy Brandon our producer be smooth. He works at a local radio station here in Huntsville playing smooth jazz
Until the wee hours of the morning
Me and Dom were sitting in here. We were talking about something about the podcast
Mm-hmm, and I just thought to myself I was like wouldn't it be hilarious if we prank called the radio station and
They actually do have a number that you can call in and request a song. It was like 1130
Yeah on a weekday. No, it was Sunday. It was that we shot the
True. I we called and uh
It was it was hilarious
I mean it was perfect and you're about to see right now and what we're actually gonna do is
He doesn't know it was us. He still doesn't know he just explained to us last night at the open mic
What happened like a situation? He's a he'd this crazy lady called you never believe what she said
so
Later on the day we're gonna have Brandon right in this chair and he's gonna react to it without knowing live live
Reaction live reaction without knowing that that it's us and we can't wait for you guys to see it. Oh, yeah
Make it make it full screen. Yeah make it full screen
Oh
You got any you got any Louis
Yes
Oh, yeah, what's on you got baby
Now you don't have any white step work before you do
Be smooth
Oh, yeah, it's my favorite part coming up
Now you heard me baby, I said I don't like no white
I don't want to hear no white jazz cuz that's not real jazz now baby, you know
Oh, you're gonna playboe mo their becoming your nicker boy
Oh my gosh, bro.
You don't let them white people be calling you nigger now, boy.
No I do not.
I don't.
I'm trying to find you some more of those.
I'm not B-Smoove, you know why I'm up this late now, right?
Why this?
Hello?
What?
I was just looking for some companionship.
I'm an old lady, B-Smoove.
Can people hear me?
No.
Okay.
I was just wondering, maybe you wanted to stop by so you got off your ship.
I listen to you every night, every weekend, B-Smoove.
I appreciate that.
So you can come over?
Not tonight, I'm busy tonight, but maybe one day.
I definitely can't tonight.
Okay.
Okay, baby.
Now don't be letting them call you nigger now, you hear me?
No, I will never.
Like that's never gonna happen.
Okay.
Now put me on some more lures now, baby, okay?
I'm gonna look around.
First nigger I'm gonna play a field croaker.
While that's playing, I'm gonna look around and see if I can find some more lures for you.
All right.
Now you get me a call back and then you get me a kitten out here.
All right, have a good one.
Now get me a kitten out here.
All right.
That was good.
Oh my gosh.
Keep the headphones on, man.
Dude, you told... When you started telling us about it last night...
Yeah?
When you were like, this crazy old lady called me, I was like, no fucking way, man.
You had no idea what was up.
No, man, dude.
I told my family and everybody.
I even told my girl, I was like, dude, this crazy lady.
Dude, we were sitting right here and we were like, do you think we could call the radio
station that Brandon worked at and talk to him?
Yeah.
I was like, there's no way.
And then they were...
And I called the number and it was like a Uganda number.
Yeah, something crazy.
I was like, I'll scroll down.
It was another number.
And then we didn't even think you were going to answer.
And then you said, it's B Smooth.
I looked at JJ.
I was like, record this shit.
Well, I am Chinese and Puerto Rican.
You can clap for that if you want.
That's what happens when you clap.
I'm Chinese and Puerto Rican, so you can just call me Filipino if that's too much of a
mouthful.
Thank you.
It's the Mexican Asian guy.
Let's see.
I'm Chinese and Puerto Rican, so I look like I steal rice.
I am Chinese and Puerto Rican, so you can bet your bottom dollar my parents had sex
in Florida.
That's where they met and had sex, that TGI Friday.
Welcome to the second episode, guys.
Two weeks going strong.
Thank you for the support on the first one.
Today we have a very, very special treat for you all.
This is a guy, he co-hosts a few of the open mics around town.
Sunday Nights, Boxcar, Black Panther, Hidden Dragon, Mandarin House Productions, also the
Mad Comedy open mic every fourth Thursday, Mad Malts Brewery.
He is a exceptionally funny man and very majestic looking.
We have with us today Huntsville comedian, Alex Z.
Hey!
Thank you.
It's an honor to be here, fellas.
Thank you for coming.
Hell yeah, I didn't, I wish I brought more to show my appreciation for being here.
I wish I could add more to the wall or something.
We got you right here.
We got you right here, man.
We could have some more.
I've done enough.
That's why I've been getting notes, we need more in the background.
Hell yeah.
We'll slowly add to the shit.
That's the main note.
So how you been, man?
I've been doing okay, works winding down.
Real life works winding down, trying to do more comedy in the winter.
Winter now.
Notorious comedy hot season.
Is it for real?
No.
Well, I think they say it's bad in the summer or some shit, but it's also bad in the winter.
It's just bad.
It's a hard business.
It is, it is.
But you keep on putting on these shows, man.
You and Jalen, so appreciate it.
I appreciate it.
Hell yeah, dude.
So you're born in Baltimore, right?
Yeah, Baltimore MD.
Is that the first place you did stand up to, right?
Kinda no, not really.
I did a little bit.
No, I mean, it's the first-
I'm fucking you up.
Yeah, it's the first, it's sorta, yeah.
But I did a little bit in high school when I went to just at a coffee shop in town.
But that wasn't real.
It's even worse than when I was in Baltimore.
So let's say it was in Baltimore.
Let's rewrite history right here.
Yeah, hell yeah.
How long did you live up there?
I was born there, lived there till I was 10, and then I moved to Indiana.
My mom married a white man and moved to Indiana, middle of nowhere, like 4,000 people in the
town.
Oh damn.
A lot of them looked like you.
Yeah, probably.
You were the only Asian.
There was a Chinese restaurant, but I don't know where the fuck those, they came from.
I don't know where the fuck they came from.
We only saw them there.
Maybe they lived there.
A little grim.
But yeah, and then that was in middle school.
And then in high school I moved to Kentucky.
That's where I went to high school and graduated.
Richmond, Kentucky.
Look me up.
Lived in Wisconsin for a little bit too, huh?
Yeah, I lived there for a year with my ex.
I moved there with my ex after, okay, so high school in Kentucky.
Then I moved to Baltimore to do standup.
That was when I turned 18.
I moved to Baltimore.
I'm gonna make it.
But I couldn't get into any bars or I didn't know how to use the internet.
So I didn't know how to look shit up, like where shit was.
So yeah, then I moved to Wisconsin with my then girlfriend, current ex for a year.
Middle of nowhere.
Damn.
Oh yeah.
You like the middle of nowhere towns, huh?
No, no, no.
You don't?
You just always.
I just end up there.
I fit in well.
I'm good at being trash, that's for sure.
I'm good at being no future trash.
That is my calling.
I hear you.
Yeah, so where along the line did you discover standup and thought that's something you wanted
to pursue?
So my friend John and I in high school, we would skip class a lot or whatever and we'd
end up in the essentially our towns equivalent to the Barnes and Noble parking lot.
When we'd listen to Pandora, we'd listen to the Louis C.K.
Standup Station.
Oh, damn.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Love him to this day.
Okay.
I support every decision.
I mean, he's everything.
I never did anything wrong.
Yeah, he asked, right?
Louis C.K.?
He asked?
He asked to jack off.
I don't know.
He didn't have an axe going.
I'll pull up the expose and we'll see what happens.
No, I have no clue.
But yeah, we'd listen to that and then we'd always try to be the class clowns.
So at some point near the end of high school, it clicked that I had like no skills.
And so like I wasn't working towards anything like I didn't have any plans.
So it was sort of like a panic decision, but also the only one that made sense.
You know, like it was a little bit of both.
Hell, yeah.
Yeah.
That's the answer to that question.
That show on Thursday.
It was fun, wasn't it?
Thursday.
Yeah, that was a.
You know what?
She does so many shows.
She does shows all the time.
No, I'm just I'm just dumb and always high.
I'm just fucking I'm no no short term memory.
Yeah, no, that was really cool.
That was a actual actual residents from the building.
It was an apartment show.
Residents from the building came up and it was ended up being a good audience.
Yeah, yeah.
Everybody killed.
Yeah, you did, too, Dom.
Dom was on it, too.
I did.
OK, so I heard for no, no, no, I was saying I was there with you.
I was on the show.
I need you to confirm this, Alex.
Dom told me that an older lady was trying to get at him during a set when he said he
looked like Princess Jasmine's father from Aladdin.
Oh, yeah.
She said he's high.
Yeah, she just yelled out, he's high, which was a hilarious response.
She didn't say you were hot.
She said Princess Jasmine's dad, which is hilarious.
Same thing.
Did you get that on camera?
Like on film?
No, no, no.
Damn, dude.
I like nervous.
Man, my first one.
Oh, I was sweating shit like I am now.
Now it's real cool.
It was real chill.
No, but you're definitely I would I would call you sexy.
Aladdin's father or Jasmine's father.
Swab.
Yeah, I'll take it.
You have a swagger to you.
Yeah, I will take it.
So what like when you're listening to like Louis CK on Pandora radio, the first time
you hear it, are you like, yeah, this is what I'm going to do.
Or was it like a process of finding that out?
Um, was that a process to find out that I wanted to?
Yeah, it definitely didn't happen right away.
It was.
Yeah, that that plays the panic decision plays more into that.
Yeah, as as the high school grew shorter is when I don't remember what exactly when I
made the decision.
But I've always wanted to write stuff and like do stuff and whatever, like creatively
come funny, funny, funnily.
Yeah, but yeah, definitely clicked.
Let's just say at the end of high school is what let's put that.
Oops.
And when you started doing it at first, was it just like a casual thing?
Like, oh, I'm just going to do this on the side.
Or was it always with the mindset of like, I actually want to try to do this for real.
It was always with that mindset.
But at first I did it casually with that mindset.
Like I did not have the.
I mean, I did.
But again, I didn't know like where to even look to go.
I couldn't go.
I was only 18, so I couldn't get into bars like I was limited a lot.
So I don't know.
I forget what your question was.
I'm always high.
Like when you were starting out, though, did you have somebody that inspired you that was
like local around you to kind of like push you to that next level?
Oh, no, literally until I moved to Huntsville, I did not.
There was no local comics that I ever talked to, really.
Yeah, Huntsville was the first place where that was even a thing.
Not this.
And then now I've gone back to Baltimore since and like they do have a scene like, you know,
I was missing missing stuff going on.
But yeah, there were no I was.
It was it was a lot of me being in my head, a little bit of delusional.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, got you.
Delusion.
You need it.
Yeah, you need in this game.
And do else kill yourself.
Yeah.
But so when you got to Huntsville, was there how how does that compare to a scene that
doesn't have a lot of like community or at least you weren't involved in it?
Do you think that being like tighter knit with the other comedians in the area improved
your comedy game or?
Yeah, absolutely.
Because it just makes you think about comedy from different perspectives.
Like you know, if it's good to make comedians laugh, but if only comedians are laughing
at a thing, that's just a different way to think about it.
You know, maybe I change it.
So not only that, you know, I don't know, like it's or you keep doing that because that's
what you want to do.
But you're having comics and obviously their input is really important, even if they hate
you.
You know what I mean?
Like, you know, I hate you probably gave the best advice.
Yeah, exactly.
I'm built.
So I asked a hard hitting question.
So you tweeted General Mills that they should add more marshmallows and General Mills responded.
Wait, what did I say?
That they should add note that they had too many more.
Yes.
Okay.
And then they responded.
You corrected your answer.
Right.
Real fast.
They responded.
We'll pass it on our team.
Has the marshmallow count changed?
I haven't.
Okay.
So my R&D department hasn't had the time to get around to that yet.
But my hope is, you know, from that reply, I was very confident that my lobbying efforts
were not in vain.
And what is this just the bag of marshmallows or what?
No, no.
I just think in Lucky Charms.
I think it was Lucky Charms.
It just has too many marshmallows.
The ratio of marshmallows to non marshmallows is awful.
You like the marshmallows in there?
I don't fuck with Lucky Charms.
Yeah, I don't really either.
That's the thing though.
I have opinions about it though.
I feel like Dom would like Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
My favorite.
That's pretty good.
Number one.
It is really good.
I eat Honey Bunches of Oats a lot.
Oh, that's a good one.
I like that.
Yeah, it's really good.
It makes me think I'm healthy with the granola.
I like Raisin Bran Crunch too.
I hate raisin.
Oh yeah, Raisin Bran Crunch is the best.
Raisin's are the best.
Raisin Bran Crunch?
Hell yeah.
I don't like raisins on their own really.
But like Trail Mix is the shit.
Raisin Bran Crunch is the shit.
Regular Raisin Bran is ass.
Yeah.
Oh, that's the worst.
It's hilariously ass.
It's like the honey, like just Cheerios, not the Honey Nut Cheerios.
Yeah, it's the equivalent of that ass.
It's terrible.
It's soggy for some reason when you're eating.
It's like how's this dry cornflake soggy?
Yeah.
Oh, what's yours?
Damn, I'm kind of basic though.
I like Frosted Flakes.
Oh, that's a good one.
They're good, dude.
The flakiness.
I fuck with it, dude.
It's like the croissant of Seagulls.
That's what I grew up with, absolutely.
It was just straight up Frosted Flakes.
And tigers are cool when you're a kid.
Way better than a fucking leprechaun.
Oh, way better.
I don't watch Nickelodeon anymore, but I wonder if it's still like all the time Frosted Flake
commercials.
They're great.
Damn.
It's like this is a balanced breakfast.
It has 200 milligrams of sugar.
Do you think they're leaning into the pronoun thing with a they're great?
I think it's the they are.
That's good.
So I like to call you the costume king of Huntsville.
Yeah, which is not I didn't mean for that to happen.
Master of disguise.
Oh, I like that.
I like that.
I know.
I like, yeah, like I apparently I like dressing up and things.
Yeah.
Alex Kaden.
I was going to say, don't you have a Santa hat here with you right now?
Yeah, I have a Santa hat with me.
Yeah.
You just carry that around?
Remember the holiday starting November 1st, I decided to.
Yeah, I like this sprout that you have on the bill of your head.
It's like the rednecks put the fish hooks on there.
Yeah, yeah.
OK, yeah, sort of.
I guess.
Yeah, it was a hippies left it at a concert.
I was bartending and I took it.
So you happened upon this.
Yeah, exactly.
And it's not broken yet.
What happened upon you?
Oh, she's got its roots.
Oh, sorry.
I'm sorry.
That's fucked up, man.
I'm offended and I don't know why.
Oh, shit.
Our researcher sent me some intel.
He said that you stated that Franz Ferdinand is not that bad.
And you said that in 2010.
Would you like to expand on that?
I think you should.
No, but I thought I deleted that.
Was that a tweet?
Yes, yes.
How do you find that?
Because I thought I deleted all my other research guy.
That means we have people.
That means there's some N words left up there that I can get around to.
Yeah, I guess I guess you can way back machine just about anything, probably.
Yeah, yeah, I didn't think about that.
It's deleted my tweets now.
But redacted dot not dev.
That's a hole in your logic.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
That's why you got to make a burner to say those type of things.
Oh, I learned now.
Oh, my God.
But yeah, I don't remember what I meant by that.
I'm more worried that my old tweets are a lot.
They're definitely going to get cancelled.
It's hilarious.
I'm ready for it.
It'll give me time to think about it.
Well, also, you know, speaking of Twitter in 2013, you got a you got a retweet from
Azizie Gibson.
Yeah, Azizie Gibson.
Do you know who that is?
Yeah.
The rapper?
Yeah, you don't.
OK, yeah, I got a picture of him on my phone.
He looks like Dom.
Yeah, and he get thick.
Let it look more like Danny Brown.
But maybe I'm just racist.
I don't remember getting that retweet, but I remember listening to it because easy Gibson.
I forget what album or how.
And you look so much different now.
Yeah, I did.
Yeah, I've gotten wilder.
We just stared at images of you for hours throughout all stages of your youth.
Oh, no.
Oh, Alex Jones.
So you're out.
You're a fan, right?
No, not a fan.
I wouldn't call myself.
So you don't think Alex Jones is hilarious.
In the same way that I think Dante is hilarious.
No, I'm kidding.
What did I mean by that?
Is it a compliment?
Alex Jones is one of the funniest people who doesn't mean to be funny.
Yeah, exactly.
I don't want to call him funny because that might encourage his like.
But you know what I mean?
Yeah, objectively, just wildly funny.
Yeah, just objectively, wildly funny.
So what what was happening?
We're going to post a clip right here.
Millie, we were reporting for Infowars.com.
We are here in Richmond, Kentucky, where protesters have gathered, where Donald Trump is holding
another rally here at the Kentucky Eastern University.
So let's go talk to some people.
Hello.
OK, let's go talk to some of these protesters.
There's a lot of them.
We've heard cars going by bumping that song F Donald Trump.
Hi, why do you not like Trump?
Let's go talk to people.
Any people that will talk to us?
OK.
If you give Alex Jones my resume, I'll talk to you guys.
You want to work for Alex Jones?
That would be crazy.
You can quote me on that.
Why do you have a rubber chicken, sir?
And so what what was happening?
It was 17.
And I think it was 2017.
That was when I circa 2017 here in Huntsville.
No, that was in Richmond, Kentucky.
I moved back there after Wisconsin.
All right.
Moving back in there.
We're going full circle in the timeline again.
I moved back to Wisconsin, back from Wisconsin.
And that was I was with my ex at a Trump anti Trump rally.
And I did.
It was an anti Trump anti Trump.
He was he was at he was coming to the college in our town.
So we were on the other side of the street.
And I had brought a rubber chicken because just to be random, just to be like raw or
ext random.
Shaking that of people.
And they were like, what do you have?
And I'm like, you idiot.
It was pretty funny.
So Alex Jones isn't a Trump guy.
Is that a commonly known thing?
He is not.
He's not.
Because I thought you said it was an anti Trump rally.
No.
I mean, there were Trump there were pro Trump people there, though.
Oh, I get a rally.
Yeah, I see what you're saying.
He was speaking Alabama education.
And so 49th.
Not last.
Shout out, Mississippi.
Yeah.
And so they sent info or as a tiny fucking town.
And yeah, there were no one was talking to him.
I thought it was hilarious.
I wanted to talk to him.
My ex was like not dragging me, but you know, but like, yeah, didn't want anything to do
with him.
What would you say to Alex Jones?
My name is Alex, too.
Alex, come on out.
Yeah, I'd be I'd be fucking I'd be I don't have any.
I don't know.
Yeah, I have a hard time interacting with people that don't seem like they live in the
same world as me.
Yeah.
Reality wise.
So I don't know what in the fuck I would say to him.
Yeah, I'd want to hear him talk.
You could have fun with Alex Jones.
Just ask him a question.
God, just you can get him any question.
Yeah.
Roll in.
I wish he was more like the Bible where like things he said were more like Nostradamus
. You know what I mean?
I wish he was like speaking an allegory and canto.
But no, I think he's just crazy a little.
And so so we didn't know you whenever Trump was president.
You were doing comedy then, right?
Kind of, I guess.
Yeah, kind of.
When did when did Biden be?
Yeah, I guess.
Yeah, kind of.
Yeah.
Not like I do it in Huntsville.
OK, it was like once a week.
Maybe I'd do a thing at a music open mic.
Would all the all of the open mics be what the material be centered around Trump back
then?
Oh, man, this goes.
So this goes back to I was not around other comedians during that time, which is so crazy
to even think about.
I was just a fucking like a weird floating entity.
But a lot of mine, not a lot, but I had I would used to I used to go on stage and say
I would kill Trump.
And that was like my joke and see how people what people said if they looked at me.
And one time I got drunk, I got really fucking angry, like really angry.
And I was just like, I'll do it.
Look at me.
I'm on my way.
You know, it was pretty funny.
It's good.
It showed me as I work for the Department of Homeland Security, but he was really drunk.
I was like, I don't care if you do like your.
Yeah.
So a lot of mine probably was.
Do I have any other?
I was going to say if you had a good if you had one, I had one.
I did one.
I don't have any Trump material.
Not really.
A lot of my material before wasn't really material.
We're just saying things and seeing how people reacted.
I had a Trump joke, but I can't say Trump jokes because they just don't work because
of the way that I look.
I was about I have four Mexican brothers and my mom adopted them.
And I was like, how did you abandon me but adopt four from the other team?
I know I should have voted for Trump.
So everybody's like, you did.
Which I did.
And I voted for Kanye.
I wrote his name in on the ballot and that aged arguably worse than the Trump.
Trump is now Trump's loves the Jews.
Kanye is not wrong about everything.
But moving on.
Everything has a bit of truth.
That's a tad little touch.
You know, anti-smoking campaign and whatnot.
All right.
Speaking of horror, have you all talked about Juggalos yet here at clown college?
No, no, no.
Let's talk about it.
You all know anything about Juggalos?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
ICP.
Let's go.
Insane clown posse.
I used to live with a Juggalo in Wisconsin.
That's what the fans are called, right?
Yeah, the fans are called Juggalos and Juggalettes.
They have a lore behind them.
He did his whole face paint and everything.
Like every day?
No, no, not this guy.
No, he was I was like, God, he was kind of he was a bad knee.
He gave Juggalos a bad name.
They're good Juggalos and bad Juggalos.
Just like they're good people and bad people.
My drug dealer up there in Wisconsin was a good Juggalo, though.
And he was a good dude.
Little Filipino guy.
A little thick Filipino man.
A Filipino Juggalo.
Yeah, yeah.
Did not know.
Yeah, he was cool.
He was cool as fuck.
He would paint his face and shit randomly.
He would like I show up to his place and he'd like he'd be in like a clown.
He dressed he dresses like clown college, but like Juggalo.
It's pretty fucking funny.
But yeah, they have a whole lore.
You know anything about their lore?
Not really.
Is this like a Midwest thing?
Oh, they're huge.
It's a it's a big thing.
Well, I don't know if it's Midwest.
Well, the ICP was Detroit.
That's where they originated.
They came up with M&M and G unit.
Fago.
That's crazy.
I don't know if that's true or not.
But the same around that era.
What's the lore though?
Like what is the lore?
Like they may I know they make music.
They're a rap group, right?
They're musicians.
Musicians like do kind of like rap and rock.
And then they have these Juggalo and Juggalettes who follow them like the great for dead people
will follow.
Yeah.
But what?
Why dress up like the clown?
That's probably the funnest part.
So while they do it.
Well, so that goes into their lore.
So they have this they have a series of albums.
I don't know if there's all their albums or it just like a select few of them called
the Dark Carnival.
And the concept is that's where the souls go to die or whatever.
It's like hell or whatever before hell or some shit, whatever.
And then I love them.
I love them.
I care.
I care deeply about you.
But I'm learning.
Yeah.
But fuck, I'm losing my place.
Yeah.
But they they're listening to the albums to try to like redeem themselves or something.
That's the lore.
Yeah.
So it's like the carnival ride.
I didn't know that are supposed to like redeem.
I don't know.
So I read it on Wikipedia.
So it's ICP technically gospel rap.
They're trying to save their soul.
Satanic gospel rap.
But no, but they're they're dope as fuck.
They're much funnier as an idea than close, I would imagine.
But I'm sure they're great.
They're great dudes.
It's like socialism on paper is great.
Yeah, kind of.
Yeah.
Juggalism.
Yeah, they they have some of the fans get their face tatted with that.
What that.
Oh, like that dude on TikTok.
He was he had like a full on clown tattoo on his face, but he was going through laser
removal surgery and he was documenting the process on TikTok and he was like finding
God.
And it was thick on there, too.
He had it all black.
But no more power to I love I love any community is cool to me.
Obviously, there are bad aspects of anything.
But yeah.
What about Scientology?
They're cool ones.
Yeah, Tom Cruise is the shit.
I argue that with anybody.
Tom Cruise puts out banger after banger.
I suck.
I don't know if that means anything about Scientology.
I mean, something's working.
I mean, he's he's jumping off.
What's the tallest building in the world?
Taipei 101.
Oh, Burj Khalifa.
Burj Khalifa.
Yeah, for movies.
He's going to be the first actor to act in space.
I read that.
I'm about to sign up for Scientology.
I'm just saying that you don't got enough money.
So I know.
Yeah, these are fucking for real.
You'll be like Chaining Tatum at the end of this is it or whatever.
With Danny McBride holding on.
This is the end.
Yeah, this is the end.
Oh, my gosh.
Michael Cera died in that film.
It's a great movie.
Yeah, I loved it.
My favorite parts of me is like, I'll come all over this house.
He was like, you got you got iPads in the walls and you're jacking your dick like a
pilgrim.
And half the fucking actors in that movie are now canceled, dude.
That's funny.
Really?
Yeah.
Who?
James James Franco, Jonah Hill.
Well, yeah, because he did.
I think he hooked up with a student or James Franco.
Yeah, it was like a essay.
Yeah, I was like, yeah.
Was it adult?
I think I think they were probably allegations of that.
I don't know.
I don't keep I tried it too.
I didn't know.
I didn't know he even got canceled at all.
This is my first time.
But that's the real life.
This is the end.
All of them are just getting canceled.
Seth Rogen's give me the last one.
What's Michael's God?
Michael Cera would break my heart.
He canceled.
He slapped Rihanna's ass in that movie.
And the deal was she was like, you can for real slap me on the ass if I can smack you
for real after you do it.
And then and then they both actually hit each other.
Nice.
Crazy.
I would also agree to that.
The most progressive thing ever.
You can punch me in the face.
I get the slapper.
Yeah, Dom, this isn't that kind of show, man.
This is a respectable family show.
We got titties on the desk over there.
A respectable with a bullet inside of it.
Large bullet.
And I might be able to get in trouble for that.
But I remember I would rip you in half if it shot.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
It'll take out if it shot this.
Sorry.
Yeah.
They're good.
The police are going to come in, see the bullet and see this fucking map right.
They're going to be like, sir, you have some explaining to do.
I have a really fucked up would you rather question that I saw on the Internet earlier.
OK.
The question is, I'll start with Alex since he's the guest.
Yeah, of course.
Would you rather if you woke up and you were in a threesome with your mother and your father?
Wow.
Would you would you move backwards or forwards to get out?
Because you're in the middle.
I'd like I'd bite off my own tongue and drown in my blood.
I would back up because my bones.
I just stand up because I didn't I never met my mom.
You know, there's no way he had a big dick.
I'd back up.
That that that question felt like a bomb.
It opened.
It just killed the energy.
I feel so bad.
I was like, do you rather fuck your mom or your dad?
When I look like this, there's that as well.
Well, that's not wrong for any reason.
It's not morally wrong.
No.
Yeah.
So you're coined as the most racist comic in Huntsville.
That is true.
What's your favorite slur?
You can say one for each category.
Yeah.
No, no, no, no.
My favorite slur.
I mean the N word, right?
Like to say.
To say.
Oh, to say.
Oh, no, I never say the N word.
That was convincing.
Favorite slur.
The one that really tickles you.
Oh, the tickle.
I don't know if there's one that tickles.
And none of them sound all of them sound like they're supposed to be slurs.
I will say that none of them necessarily tickled me.
I'm OK with saying some more than others, obviously, right?
Like, you know, there's a spectrum.
But yeah, none of them really tickled me.
They all definitely sound like, dude, I used to bandy around the F slur pretty hard.
It was crazy.
Yeah.
Thinking back, it's not even that long ago.
It's like Eo Inc.
Pre pandemic.
You know?
Yeah.
But you wouldn't call it gay do that.
I mean, if we were friends, I don't know.
I probably would have.
Yeah.
Who knows?
That's something you call your friends back in the day.
We don't say we do this anymore.
But yeah, no, like that'd be crazy.
If I talked like I talked, that'd be crazy.
It'd be fucking wild.
And there was a point where I stopped and my friend kept going.
And I was like, I realized that it was insane because we'd be in public.
I'm just fucking saying crazy shit.
You guys ever go on rsdb.com?
What's that?
RSDB?
Racial Slur Database.
Oh, no.
It has every racial slur you could think of.
My favorite.
Hold up, Black Jamie.
Add that one to the list, Black Jamie.
But yeah, Jamie to the list.
I saw one one time for white people and it made me chuckle very hard.
I think it's so funny.
Untitled document.
Like when you make one on like Microsoft Word, it's just a white piece of paper.
Is that on the database?
I think that's in the RSDB, dude.
Untitled document, saltine American.
It was just on the site map.
That had nothing to do with the Slur.
Well, Alex, thank you for coming.
Hell yeah.
It's been fun as fuck.
Hell yeah, man.
Appreciate it.
If you want to promote anything you got right there, we'll put it up on the screen.
Let's see.
Alexzcomedy.com.
I just finishing setting that up.
I'm going to have some shirts and stuff for sale on there.
Oh, yeah.
I might not be Asian enough shirts.
And then if they let me put it on there, a yellow fist, yellow Black Lives Matter fist.
But we'll see if they allow that.
YLM, dude.
We'll see how WordPress is with fucking whatever.
Yeah, Alexzcomedy.com.
I'm at, where am I next?
Oh, tonight.
If you're listening today on the fucking the 12th.
Every Sunday we're at the Boxcar Bar and Grill.
Hell yeah.
And Jalen Black Panther Hidden Dragon.
We host What a Joke Comedy Open Mic.
I kind of wish we didn't call it a thing because we made a they made like a fucking Instagram
like account and Facebook page for the mics.
And I have to mention eight things in it.
It's fucking don't over complicate shit.
Just have one clown college.
You know what I mean?
We don't have.
Don't have a don't have a CCP.
That's fucking amazing.
I fucking love you guys.
No.
OK, that's inspiration for your logo that I'll try to.
I'm happy.
That's fucking hilarious.
And we have mixture of the Chicago Bears logo and then like or the Chicago Cubs logo and
the China flag.
But I know.
Yeah.
Also, Wednesdays get Huntsville comedians.
Keep your Wednesdays free.
Me and Jalen are still have our eyes set on that day.
So if you're trying to start an open mic on that day, I'm going to fucking do you just
better watch out.
I'm not going to let you.
That's simple.
Other than that, I care against Pub and Birmingham on the 16th.
And that will be all at Funny Business with AJ O'Leary.
Oh, yeah, that'll be really fun.
Jalen's on that too.
Thanks again, Alex, for coming.
Appreciate you.
Thank you.