Hello there folks, welcome to episode 17 of a Pebble in a Pond podcast. We're going to go
ahead and get right to the music, strap in, you're about to hear me go on a free-flowing
thought experiment for about an hour. It's going to be a fun one.
All right, let's get this thing going. What do you say? Okay, so I'm just going to let everybody
know right up here, right up front, this episode is going to be different than any of the ones that
I've ever done before. For one, the amount of time that I've had to prepare for this episode is a lot
shorter because if you follow my TikToks then you know that I have swiveled at basically,
I've given myself only a few days to really finish this and get this thought out and studied as well
as I'd like. And second of all because the topic of this episode is one that is exceedingly difficult
in today's world to really study from the point of view that I have wanted to. And you'll look
you'll understand what I mean there in a few minutes but let's put it this way. I am not,
and this is also a warning for those of you that may be listening to that are looking for this,
I am not a religious man. I am not someone who necessarily has a lot of faith in any type of
organized religion. So the topic of this episode and that topic is redemption is not going to hold
the same meaning for me as it does for many folks that listen to it. Now that's one of the reasons
why I wanted to approach this topic, that's one of the reasons why I'm doing this episode is to
kind of explain my thoughts on it and why I don't believe that the concept of redemption is,
as many would have you believe, solely the purview of religion or faith. So if you are someone who is
listening to this that has very, very strong conviction and is going to be offended by the
ideas that it is possible to be redeemed without any sort of religious background or without any
sort of religious underpinnings, if you will, then this may not be the episode for you. And I'm just
going to make that clear right up front. I'm not going to say anything's heck religious or anything
like that. I'm not going to be attacking anybody's faith, but I want to make sure that people
understand that this is not an episode that is being approached with the mindset of one particular
religion or any other sort of dogmatic understanding of the concept of redemption. I also want to kind
of show how the sausage is made a little bit here and just be very clear with everybody right up
front. This is going to be recorded in two pieces, primarily due to time. So there will be a difference
probably in, or possibly I should say, in the way that the sound levels and things like that work.
I'm going to try to level them out. I'm going to try to balance it out. But you know, this is pretty
low tech stuff that I'm working with. So I'm just doing the best I can. And I want to make sure that
everybody understands that basically I'm recording this the day before Easter and the day after
Easter. So I'm not actually doing anything on that day, which is an odd follow-up to me saying I'm
not religious. But those of you that follow my TikTok, you know that I have, or we have, I should
say my family has some very, I guess, traditions that we hold very dear to us for Easter that
do have some religious, you know, basis. But for us, they're just what we do. That's just what we
do. That's what I've done since I was a kid. And I just keep doing it with my kids and the rest of
my family. So that's neither here nor there really. But I wanted to make sure that people understood
that this is separated into two parts because I'm basically I'm not working on Easter is what I'm
saying. Sorry, boss. I'm not working. All that being said, let's go ahead and start this, getting
into this topic because it is one that's going to require some time. I'm going to try to keep this
under an hour if I can. And once again, let me be really clear about this. And I'm going to explain
this in just a moment. So don't lose patience with me repeating myself. But there is not a lot to go
on here. I've spent basically two days straight, with the exception of eating and things like that
and going out and recording my videos for TikTok. I've spent two days straight studying this and
trying to research it and trying to understand it. The idea of redemption is one that has been
basically completely controlled by the religious narrative around it. It is exceedingly difficult
to find people talking about the idea of redemption outside of the religious context of it.
I've spent a lot of time now and there's a few writings here and there and there's a few ideas
that are out there. But for the most part, the way that I'm approaching the idea of redemption is one
that I really genuinely, I may be among one of the first, there's not that many people out there
talking about it the way that I am, at least none that are publishing things on the internet or
writing about it in books that I can find. So I'm not saying that I'm breaking a mold or anything
here, but I am saying that what you're about to hear and the way that I'm going to be going through
this may be something that you're not going to hear that often. I'm not sure because I don't know
what I'm going to say. And that's the second part of this is because of the fact that there's so
little to go on, what you're going to hear is, in the same way that I record my TikToks, you're just
going to hear me kind of, I guess you could say just free flow thinking. This is just me
letting it go. I'm just going to basically close my eyes, meditate on it for a few minutes,
and then I'm going to start. That's what we're going to do. But before we get to that,
I want to make sure that we have our traditional quotes and our definitions. So we'll go with the
definition of redemption first. The first definition, and this is the one that most people
think of, is the action of saving or being saved from sin, error, or evil. And it literally says,
in the dictionary definition, or in the example, God's plan for the redemption of the world,
of his world, I'm sorry. There you go. Even the dictionary is using redemption in a religious
sense. So it gives you an idea of what I was up against here trying to find a reason for it outside
of religion. There is another definition that will have no bearing on what we're talking about
tonight, but I figure I should give it to you since we're here giving definitions. The other
definition is the action of regaining or gaining possession of something in exchange for payment
or a clearing of debt. Okay, maybe that might have something to do with it. That might have
something to do with it. We might factor that in just a little bit because there is something
special about the idea of a clearing of debt that we can talk about here. And I think that it's
important. I think that we will touch on that, not in the most literal sense, but there is some
aspects of that that we can factor into this. So the first quote we're going to go with is going
to be one that is a little odd for me. And many of you might not realize this. I don't really use
quotes from political figures all that often, and that is intentional. I mean, not, I guess you could
say current or modern day political figures. The only one I think I've used is I think Michelle
Obama. It was a really good quote. So I try not to polarize too many people with religious figures,
or not religious, political figures, because it can just turn people off. And that's unfortunate
because Barack Obama said a ton of great things in his time as president and out of
president. There are just hundreds of quotes from that man that are poignant and wonderful.
And you can't really say the same for Trump or Biden, so I don't really dig into those guys.
But Barack Obama had some really great things that he said. Even George Bush had some things
that he said that were, I mean, when he wasn't, you know, when he didn't sound like an idiot,
he was saying things that were actually, you know, pretty good. Anyway, so we won't get into
religious figures too much on this. I keep saying religious, political figures. I apologize. See,
this is the other thing about my podcast that I want everybody that's maybe listening to it for
the first time. I'm not going to edit out my mistakes all the time. If I have, you know,
things like that, you're just going to hear it. You're just going to hear me make the mistake,
because why not? So we're going to go with this quote. And there's a reason for this. There's a
reason why I'm kind of breaking that trend. And this is not a name that many of you are going to
recognize. That's also one of the reasons. But this is a quote by Richard von, and I'm going to
mess up his name, and I know I'm going to mess up his name, so please don't be mad at me.
Weizsacker, I think his name is. He's German, obviously. So I guess it would be Richard,
or Richard. I don't know. Either way, this was a man that was a president of Germany. And he said
something, I don't even know how long ago the quote was. I think it was in 92 or 93. It was a
while ago. But he said something that if you think about the historical context of what he's saying,
it really is kind of one of the reasons why, this quote is one of the reasons why I wanted to tackle
this topic of redemption in a non-religious way. So his quote is this, Seeking to forget makes exile
all the longer. The secret of redemption lies in remembrance. The secret of redemption lies in
remembrance. Now, why would the president of Germany say that? Well, I think we pretty much
can figure that out, right? I don't need to spell it out too much. This is a culture, a country that
is literally synonymous with one of the worst atrocities in the history of mankind.
And the president of that country is basically saying, we will not forget because of the
because there is no redemption in forgetting. If we try to move past this, if we try to not accept
what we've done, if we try to, or what we are known for, not necessarily what we've done,
but what our forebears have done, if we deny the history and we try to forget it or move past it,
then we will stay in exile. We will always be that country. We will always be considered,
this is where the Holocaust took place. That's basically what he's saying is, if we don't
own up to it, if we don't face it head on, then we can never be redeemed for what happened here.
There is no redemption in hiding. There is no redemption in not being honest and true. You can't,
as long as those atrocities are pushed under the rug and nobody talks about them,
you'll never reach closure. You'll never reach healing and you will never reach redemption.
I read that quote some time ago in a book that I have of just like random quotes, and it really is
a book of random quotes. It's like there's no order to it at all. It's just random quotes in there.
And you can't search anything up. It's meant for you to just kind of open to a page and read.
And I didn't really think about it for years. I didn't think about it. But when I started to
work on this podcast, it just kept popping up in my head. And I really didn't understand why.
I didn't like, why? Why do I keep hearing this in my head? Why does this keep coming to me?
And I didn't, I'm not going to lie to you, I didn't even think about redemption as an episode
or as a topic until probably about, I want to say four weeks ago, about, what's today? Yeah.
Yeah, about four weeks ago. And I just sat there thinking, well, how do I approach this?
How do I turn this into an episode? And it became pretty obvious then that what I needed to do was
really start to try to understand a concept that is foreign to me. It's a concept that I really
don't know anything about. I'm not a religious person. Now, that's not to say that I don't
understand it in that context, because I have studied enough of religion to know what it means.
But to truly feel it, to truly understand it from the point of view of somebody who
lives their life to be redeemed in the Christian sense, if you will,
that's an entirely different thing. I can't relate to that. And so it became daunting for me
to really dig into it because I can't relate to that. I can't relate to that.
And then when you start to study it and you start to learn more, it becomes even more daunting
because you realize that the entire concept of redemption is basically co-opted by Christians.
I mean, other faiths and other religions have versions of redemption, but for the most part,
it is not true redemption in the way that Christians believe in it. So it is really difficult.
It is really difficult. You can find all sorts of ideas of forgiveness. You can find ideas of
contrition. You can always find ideas of contrition. You can find ideas of a lot of the things that are
kind of on the outskirts, if you will, just kind of, you know, well, this is part of redemption.
This is part of, and you can find those ideas and they're pretty prevalent and you have no problem
finding those. But when it comes to the idea of truly redeeming yourself, everybody seems to want
to prescribe a spiritual sense to that. And the reason why I decided at the end was, you know,
this is an important thing I need to talk about is because, you know, I've lived a life where I've
seen firsthand people go from, like, literally that the term drug-addled is an apt description.
Living on the street, drug-addled or alcoholics or just really honestly, you know, beaten people,
people that life has beaten them down, the world has beaten them down, and they have turned to a
lot of ways of coping that were self-destructive. And then something would happen, you know, whether
it be an awakening of sorts or an appreciation that they reached or just some sort of understanding,
maybe an even understanding of their own mortality. And they begin to understand, you know,
I don't have much time. And they would turn things around. And when I say redeemed, I mean,
like, there are people out there that if you knew them 10 years ago, if you knew them, you know,
5, 10, 15, whatever, years ago, you would look at them and say, that is not the same person.
That is, they are an entirely different person. They have become points of light in this world.
And they have literally pulled themselves out of being, you know, in the absolute worst mind state
you can be in, being so self-destructive and being so lost, really, not knowing who they were,
not knowing where they were going, not knowing anything about themselves and not knowing how
powerful they really could be. They would turn to everything else, all sorts of things, to diminish
themselves, to put them where they believed they belonged instead of being where they should be
in the grander scheme of things. And I couldn't think of another word for that. I couldn't find
another meaning for that. I couldn't find anything else. And redemption was really honestly the best
word for it. And so that's when I had to struggle with, is if it's, you know, if redemption is a
Christian concept, then why is it that I know people that aren't Christian at all that have
been redeemed? You know, they're not redeemed through Christ. They didn't take that path,
at least not, you know, knowingly, but, you know, they are redeemed. They are truly
better people and everyone in their life has forgiven them. Everyone in their life has moved
beyond what they were. They are no longer looked at in the same way that they were.
They are no longer looked at in the same way that they would have been whenever they were,
you know, at that point. And I really don't know any other concept or any other word that would fit
that. Like I said, I'm not trying to offend anybody and I'm not trying to upset anybody.
I know that the spiritual implication of being redeemed holds a lot of weight for Christians,
but there has to be some redemption here on earth. There has to be something. We can't all just be
redeemed for an afterlife in the game. There has to be something here on earth. There has to be a
way to be redeemed here on earth. And I'm sorry, I just don't believe in gatekeeping it behind
a man-made religion. And I know that's offensive. I know that's not, I know I said I wasn't going
to say stuff like that, but that's just how I feel about it. I really don't believe in gatekeeping
of redemption. So that's what we're going to talk about. Now I want to make it clear as I tell these
stories or as I get through this, I'm not here to tell you how to be redeemed. This is not going to
be like a lot of the other episodes where I kind of give tips and pointers of how to get to whatever
the end goal here is. I can't really do that. First of all, in the religious sense, just in case
you were wondering, I may look like him, but I'm not Jesus. I'm not. So I can't redeem you
in the religious sense. But also, redemption, as I have read more and learned more, is truly something
that is a solo journey. It is something that is a quest. It is perhaps the greatest quest
that anyone can partake. And it is something that the reward is so great and so life-changing
that those that complete it, that complete the quest, it changes everything. Not just in their
life, but in the lives of everyone around them. So I wanted to talk about it. And I wanted to make
sure that everybody that listened to this understood exactly where I was coming from.
Once again, I don't intend any offense. I know the weight of this idea for so many Christians,
and I know how it could easily be misconstrued as me attacking it. And I'm not doing that in any way.
So I just want to make that very clear again, because like I said, if it were me, if it were
my faith, I might take some offense. I would be like, well, you don't know what you're talking
about, idiot. So I don't want people to be in that mindset, mind state when they're listening to this.
So like I said, I can't give people tips and tricks on this. But because this is me being
free flowing and just allowing these ideas to kind of come out in a way that I would normally only
reserve for TikTok and not my podcast. There's not necessarily going to be one through line,
or usually I'll separate each episode into kind of these compartmentalized ideas. I'll have,
okay, this, this, and I'll talk about this, and I'm not going to really do that with this episode,
because it really is just coming off the top of my head for the most part. But
while I can't give tips and tricks on how to become redeemed, I can give some pointers through
some of these quotes that I've found. And so we're going to talk about another quote here,
because when I was doing the research, I read it and I thought, well, that's, that is almost like a
how to to a certain degree. And this quote is actually by the theologian and the writer,
an author who has a lot of a Baptist background and things like that. So, you know, it's really
inescapable that when I talk about this topic, there's going to be religious figures in it.
That's just, this is just part of the deal. John Piper said, redemption is not perfection.
The redeemed must realize their imperfections. And the reason I liked that quote in particular
is because it creates kind of a through line of, kind of, like I said, it's kind of a how to.
If you, if you couple that with the, I'm going to say his name again, Richard von Weizsäcker,
I think I said it right there. The other quote that I used, seeking to forget makes exile all
the longer. The secret of redemption lies in remembrance. There's a through line there that
maybe some folks won't see. And the through line is there's this level of understanding
that comes with redemption. And that understanding can only be achieved through complete, 100%
honesty. Being completely honest with yourself, seeing the world through clear eyes and not
allowing your notions, your preconceived notions to maybe get in the way. Really, truly just
breaking things down to the bare and saying, okay, this is the mean of life, right? Like this is
where we are. This is who I am. I can get better here. I can do these things better. And really
getting in and seeing who you are, whether it be your imperfections or it be remembering what
you've done, remembering where you've gone wrong. Because you remember the whole point of redemption
is, going back to the actual dictionary definition, is saving. You're saving something from sin or
evil. You're saving yourself from the wrongs and the selfishness. You're saving yourself from these
ideas that we all know are bad. They're not good for us. They're not behaviors or concepts that
are good for us. And we really genuinely have to save ourselves. What does that mean, to save
yourself? I mean, people are forgiven all the time. People move on from things all the time.
But I think that for me, when I really get into it, for me, saving somebody is essentially
creating that kind of 180 mentality where they literally stop and they turn around and they go
the other way. It's one thing to have been a junkie, right? But when you turn that around
and are using what you've learned as somebody who was... And I know that junkie is a strong word.
I understand that. But there are a lot of people out there that I know that were junkies, and they
called themselves junkies. And so I use that word because, as somebody once told me, it cuts. It
cuts and it makes them people kind of go, oof, I was that. And it has a ring of being judgmental,
but it's not. This is what you were. Now look at you. And that's kind of the point of this,
is that there's people out there that made these choices, that did these things, that got themselves
into this life. I'm not saying that anyone's... They're at fault here, so don't take it that way.
But that was their life. And now they're on the other side of this. And they're actively
helping people. They're actively lifting people up. They're actively creating safe spaces in this
world for people that are going through that to maybe pull themselves out. They've climbed out
of the well and they're turning around and reaching back in, putting themselves at risk,
and reaching their hand back into the well, maybe even taking a chance of falling back in
to lift people out of it. And that really is, for me, from my understanding of what saving
something is, saving somebody is, that to me is the definition of that. You are saved from
the evil. You're saved from the sin if you can take that sin and turn it into strength. If you
can take that evil, that selfishness and turn it into selflessness. If you can take the lessons
that you can learn from the wrongs and the mistakes and the horrible things that you may have done.
If you can take those and turn them into something good and beautiful. If you can bring light into
this world from darkness. I really don't know if there's a better way of saying it than you are
saved. Isn't that the goal? Isn't that kind of what Christianity talks about? Isn't that what
we're, you know, a lot of Christians are trying to do? Is they're trying to bring the Word of God
into this world through Jesus? Now, how is it any different if you are able to do it without Jesus?
If the end goal is the same, if you're reaching that level of impact and genuine goodness and
light, I don't think that you need look further for an example of what it means to be saved or
to save others. And that is what redemption is. One thing that came up in conversation with my son
about redemption, I sometimes I'll go to him. He's particularly bright and he has a way of thinking
about things that maybe I'm not really seeing. And one thing that came up when we were talking
about this topic, because I had mentioned to him that I really didn't have a whole lot of,
there wasn't a whole lot of information out there on the topic. And so I wanted to get his opinion
on it. And this is just another warning here. I hate to continue to do this, but I feel like
I need to. This is going to tread very closely to being dismissive. It's not a dismissive of any
religion, but it's going to sound a little bit like it is until I get to the end. So just stay with me.
One of the things that he spoke of and I found particularly interesting is the idea that
redemption, and I mentioned this earlier when I said it's a quest that we take on. Redemption
is something that you do here. It's something that you do for yourself. Now, this is the part
that's going to be a little, it's going to sound sacrilegious. There is this kind of belief
among a lot of Christians and people of faith that the concept of redemption, the
concept of being saved is kind of a get out of jail free card. And so what you find is you find
people that live their life just wantonly. They live their life in a way where they're hurting
people. They live their life in a way where they're not concerned, but they say out loud,
oh, I follow Jesus, or I follow this or I follow that. And they basically are saying, well,
because I will be saved in the end, what I do here doesn't matter as much because I basically,
I will be redeemed because I'm a follower of Jesus. And that kind of behavior is where
one of the things that made me really go, well, this concept can't be just for Christians only.
The idea of redemption can't be just for Christians only. So when we were talking about it,
one of the things that he said that I thought was poetic to a certain degree is that no matter what
your inclinations are, no matter what your faith is, no matter what your belief system is grounded
in, if you believe in God, if you believe in the religious aspect of it, or you don't believe in
God, if you believe in the religious aspect of it, or you don't, there are signs that you have to
understand. There are signs that you have to see. Now, I've used heavy drug use and alcoholism as
examples, but the concept of redemption goes much further and deeper than that. It can just be
redeemed from being a shitty person. If you're somebody who has been a liar and a deceiver,
somebody who has hurt others, somebody who has, you know, whatever. I can't think of anything
off the top of my head, but you know, just you understand the actions that people take that are
antithetical to progress and good. If you're somebody like that, if you're somebody that
begins to understand what you're doing, you see the signs, you understand the things that you're
doing, and then you turn it around. There is a form of redemption there for you. There is a way
of seeing it. But more to the point that he was trying to make with his, in our discussion was
people will see the signs in front of them or they won't. The beauty of free will,
even in a religious context, God can, if you believe in God, God can put the signs in front of you.
You know, you can have the message there and if you miss it, you miss it. If you're not looking
for it, if you're not open to it, you'll miss it. But the same can be true for any signs. You know,
if you just believe in the power of the universe, if you just believe in yourself,
if you don't believe in anything, you just believe that you can pick up on context clues
as you're moving through life. Really, whatever your belief system is doesn't matter. If you're
not willing to keep your head open, your eyes open, your mind open, and your heart open to
the idea that there's more out there, that there is change that could be done in the name of good,
if you're not open to that, then you're not going to see the signs that will lead you towards
redemption. So the point that he really wanted to make is that, you know, it doesn't... Redemption
and the idea of being redeemed is something that we take on ourselves, whether you... No matter if
you believe in God or not, whether you're a religious person or not, God, whoever, whatever
you want to call your deity or whatever you want to call your faith, or even if you have no faith,
you can only be pointed in the right direction. It's up to you to take the steps in that direction.
And that's really one of the key parts of this, is that redemption is something that you find within
yourself, no matter where the signs for it come from. It is not something that you can attain
through something else. And I think that that's really one of the key things that... And this is
where I'm going to really offend some people, is the idea that people live their life in horrible
damaging ways and think that they can do that and it'll all be okay, is really offensive to people
that don't believe in that way of thinking. You know, they don't believe that just turning
your life over to Jesus is enough to, you know, absolve all sin. They believe that you have to
maybe live a life where you're just a good person, maybe you're just a good person, maybe you're just
a good person, maybe you're just a good person, maybe, and once again, this is going to sound
flippant and even dismissive, maybe live your life with the, what would Jesus do mentality.
Because there's so many people out there that don't. They say it, they hold it up as their
get out of jail free card, but they don't take the actions. And so, you know, in talking with my son
about this, it really became evident where he, his head was in the whole thing. And now that I've
thought about it and I've really spent some time with it, I agree with him. I think that, you know,
the idea that we spend so much time in our lives trying to find answers to questions that we may
never even know. And because of that, the idea of redemption is sometimes lost on many people.
But to be truly redeemed is to understand yourself, to trust yourself, to be honest with yourself,
to love yourself, and then to take all of those attributes that you have put value in,
the good things that you've worked on, the good parts of yourself that you know you can share,
and put them out into the world. Put them out into the world so that they can make a difference.
So that your story, your voice, your pain, whatever it may be, can then be used by others.
You can lift people up. You can be redeemed in that way. I believe that. I believe that that is
the only way that anyone truly becomes redeemed, whether you see the signs through God himself or
you see the signs through just you being aware and, you know, even empathic and able to understand
the pain you're causing. I don't think that there's anything wrong with saying that you have to
understand your effect on the world for you to then turn around and change that effect for the better.
That takes, you know, time and it takes a level of introspection that many people never get to.
So I just think that as I had that conversation with him, he really did
phrase it in a way that made, kind of honestly made me really proud of him.
He said redemption is the burden. Redemption, like because I had told him about the quest idea and
that this is something that we had, you know, we were talking about was the idea of it being a quest.
He said redemption is the burden. Redemption is what you carry as you're trying to get to the end
of the quest. And then when you get there, you get to have that, you know, you achieve your goal and
you get to hold that treasure. And that treasure is knowing yourself, knowing your place, knowing your worth
and feeling whole. Something that I've struggled with, especially Grim, is that
something that I've struggled with, especially recently, is feeling whole, feeling like I'm
a complete person. And it's stunning sometimes when you get into these kind of conversations,
even with someone who is 20 years, you're younger, how much wisdom somebody like that can have.
Tennessee Williams said, hell is yourself and the only redemption is when a person puts himself
aside to feel deeply for another person. One of the hardest parts of the journey that I've been on,
this journey of understanding myself and understanding the changes I've undergone,
has been coming to terms with what I have done in my life, the damage I've caused, the pain that I've
caused. And unfortunately, I don't know if I really want to get into all of it just yet,
at least not in this episode. But I will say this, I'm more aware now of the negative things that
I've brought into this world than I probably ever have been before. I'm searching, I'm seeking for
ways to make amends. I'm looking for ways to kind of get closure, even though I may not ever get it
with the people that I've offended. I'm looking for ways to find peace. And I'm looking for ways
to get closure. And what I'm realizing, what I really began to realize a month ago when I thought
about this particular episode, is that redemption is something that I long for. It's something that
I believe in. And it's something that I think I'm on my way towards. I'm not there yet. And it's
something that I'm trying. But I am trying. And I think that that has to count for something.
I know many of you, maybe you won't even hear this episode, but I know many of you that could hear it
are on that same journey and are looking for a path that will make it easier.
And I can't offer that. I can't give you that. Because I don't know the path myself. But I can,
I can tell you this. If you start to feel that love inside of yourself, and you start to feel
that power that you have at your disposal, you start to really appreciate who you are and what
you can bring into this world. And then you start giving it back to others. I think you're well on
your way. I think that you achieve something in that process that can't be overlooked,
shouldn't be overlooked, and creates a dynamic, like an energy flow that
will lead you, give you the energy you need and lead you down the path towards redemption
that we are all searching for. Trying to find a way to reverse the harm that you've done in this life
and find a path forward, unfettered by concern and worry over what you've done, and instead look
towards what you can do and what you're doing. That's freedom. That's true freedom. And I know
there's a lot of people out there that would sell you this quick fix idea that you can just not
think about it, or you can just, you know, it's, oh, you're in control of your emotions, you're in
control of your mind. And that's true to a certain degree, but that's just not how we work as humans.
And that shit's going to come up. It's going to come back up and it's going to smack you in the face
if you don't start to make amends with it, if you don't really work on it, if you don't think about
it. And I can't really, I'm just being honest here, I can't really give you the solution. I can say
to you that I will be there with you. I'm going through it with you. And the solution for each of
us is different because the problem for each of us is different. But knowing that you're in it together,
knowing that redemption can be found arm in arm, hand in hand, we are each on the journey
by ourselves, but also knowing that you have somewhere to fall back, knowing that if you
misstep that somebody's got your back, knowing that if you fail for any point in time that somebody
is there to pick you up. That's a huge deal. You have to take the steps on your own. You have to
start finding how to be honest with yourself and finding how to really come to terms with your own
truth. But you can have somebody there that's willing to pick you up, dust you off, keep you going.
And that's all I'm trying to do. My redemption, and I believe this, will be found once I see
the world as a better place. And I may not ever achieve that. I may never get to where I'm going.
I'm not saying that I've been a horrible burden on the world or that I've done... I'm not a horrible
man, but I am saying that the people that I have hurt in my life, the mistakes that I've made,
the miscommunications, the hubris at times, the arrogance that I have at times, the inability to
communicate effectively, my feelings, my wants, my desires, my love... I've hurt a lot of people with
that. And like many of you, I mean, all of us go through these periods where we have hurt people.
But for me, with my newfound purpose and my newfound understanding of this world,
and the work that I'm doing to truly better myself, I will not be able to move past it
until I know that I've made amends for it. I have to. I have to try to make it better. And if I can't,
I have to try to find a come to terms with it within myself. And as I sit here right now,
recording this, I can tell you that that may be the hardest thing I've ever done.
And that is part of the quest. That is part of understanding that it will be the hardest thing
you've ever done. Redeeming yourself, finding your purpose, and understanding your place
will always be the hardest thing you could possibly ever do. But it starts with that feeling of
redemption. It starts with knowing that you have saved yourself, and you have saved yourself.
I really don't know what else I can say in this episode. I really don't know what else I can do
to convey how important this is for each of us. And so I think even though it may be a little odd,
I'm going to go ahead and start wrapping up here. And I'm going to wrap it up with one more quote.
Ravi Sastry said, sometimes acknowledging your erroneous ways is the first step to redemption.
And obviously that goes in line with some of the other quotes that I've used already.
But I want to reiterate that, and I really want to give that a second. It is so important
when dealing with this concept, with understanding this concept, and knowing that its basis is really
in the religious aspect of it, it's so important to understand how key honesty is. And I've said
that already, but I do want to reiterate it. If you can't be true to yourself, if you can't be
honest with yourself, if you hide behind pretty lies and false ideas of what you're doing,
if you can't find false ideas of what truth is, if you spend all of your time searching for quick
fixes and ways to feel better in a moment, you will never find true redemption because you're
not willing to do the work to find true redemption. At some point in time, all of us have to make
our way to the path of forgiveness and redemption, or becoming someone who values revenge and
vengeance. You can't really do both. I've been both of those things. I have been the person that
looked for vengeance. I've been the person that went out and hurt people because what they were
doing was wrong, and I hurt them physically. And I realize now that I could have kept fighting for
20 years every day, and I was strong enough to do that, but I was not strong enough to
understand that even if I had fought for 20 years every day, that that wouldn't have mattered.
I wouldn't have actually made a difference. My redemption, my story arc ends with me
finally understanding that you can't punch your way out of the pain that you feel. You can't
fight people to get rid of the damage that you've done. The only way for me to move forward
is through love. The only way for me to make a difference in this world is by bringing as
much positive energy and forward momentum towards love and honesty that I can. If there's one thing
that I want everybody that listens to my podcast or watches my TikTok videos, if there's one thing
that I want you to truly begin to appreciate and truly begin to understand if you haven't already,
it is that hiding, lying, those are the antithesis of being truly good and truly strong
and courageous. The only way to redeem yourself is by telling the truth, getting it all out,
telling people exactly who you are, burying your soul,
and in doing that and making that sacrifice of ego,
you will find strength that you never even knew existed. You will find a purpose that you never
could have comprehended before that. Removing those guards, removing and allowing yourself
to feel that pain, to bask in that pain and to understand that pain, to understand that pain,
to feel that pain, to bask in that pain and to understand that pain, that is why redemption is
so difficult. That is why most people will never reach redemption is because they can't handle that
pain. And the reality is that I don't really blame a lot of people for not being able to handle it.
Having gone through it or going through it, it's a torment, but I have a purpose. And like many
of you, I am really beginning to understand what that means and how much I have to take on to achieve
my goals. I know that the past few minutes, I've just kind of been waxing on about myself,
and that may not be exactly what folks come here to listen to, but it is the honest,
soul-bearing truth of who I am. And I felt like if I'm going to do an episode about redemption,
that I should speak at least a little bit about my own redemption because I wouldn't be discussing
it if I didn't feel it, if I didn't understand the weight, the burden, as my son said,
of the quest itself, of how important it is to me. And while I think I'm well on my way,
and I can say that with some pride, I know that I have a long way to go. So each of these episodes
has helped me in some way. Each of these moments in the podcast has helped me. I'm learning a lot
doing this work here for this. And the community that I've started to really build and to be able
to really appreciate and understand and interact with on TikTok has truly been life-saving and
beautiful. And every day I get a message, I get a moment, I get whatever it may be that really does
show me the progress I'm making and reinforces my understanding of exactly what redemption means.
I see it in so many people trying to claw their way out of the troubles in their lives and trying
to get through the pain and the anguish and the struggles. And all I can do is, just like the kid
that crawled out of the well, all I can do is turn around, put my hand on the edge of the well,
and try to lift people out as best as I can. And I'm proud of the work I'm doing.
I'm proud of the work I'm going to do. And I'm proud of everybody that listens to this,
that understands what I'm trying to do and appreciates it and starts to take
measures and put in the effort to make these changes in your world and in your life and in you.
It's not easy. It is really, really, really fucking hard. But I am seeing now,
I'm seeing now the effect. I'm seeing now what redemption really does mean and the power and
beauty of when I'm finally unburdened and able to just give of myself completely. I can't wait,
and I'm going to keep working towards it. But I think we're done here. I think we're done with
this episode. I do want to know what folks think. I do want to know your opinion on this particular
episode because this is the first time I've done anything like this where I just kind of
let myself go. There weren't any notes to speak of. There wasn't a whole lot of scientific or
psychiatric or therapy type information. This was just me talking from the heart. And I know that
some folks like that on TikTok. Some folks may like it here, but I would like to know your opinions.
So hit me up on TikTok, leave a message wherever you're watching this. I will see it. I appreciate
you. Next episode, episode 18, will be the sudden change of gears. We're going to go ahead and dive
into some of the negative stuff and we're going to get into anger. Episode 18, anger will be coming
soon. That episode is scheduled to release the evening of the 14th or the morning of the 15th.
It may be pushed back a little bit just as a forewarning because one of my son's birthdays
is around there. So depending upon the celebrations and things like that and how much time I have,
we'll see when it comes out. So I would say expect the 15th. I think that's all we have time for now.
I appreciate everybody for stopping in and listening. If you did, once again, I would love
to hear your opinions on this kind of stream of thought type recording. And I hope that maybe you
got something out of this because I really don't remember anything I said. So I'm not even going to
listen back to it. I'm just going to go ahead and post it up there and see what happens. Thank you
again and I will talk to you very soon.