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Hey folks, welcome to episode 15 of a Pebble in a Pond podcast.

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Have a lot to get into this episode and it's going to be a heavy one so I'm going to go

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ahead and just start with the music and I'll see you on the other side.

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Enjoy.

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Oh boy. Well, I'm not gonna lie to everybody. This is going to be a rough one. I know it's

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gonna be a rough one because this is the fourth time, well the fourth go-around of me trying

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to record multiple different parts of this episode. Hopefully now that I've gotten all

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of the emotion and crying out, I'll be able to finish it. The episode that you're listening

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to right now is going to focus on regret. Now, I want to make this clear before I get

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too far into the episode. You know, we've had, I've had a lot of, well, I've had, this

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will be the 15th episode, so I've had a lot of episodes now and almost every single episode

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has focused on something positive and that's obviously by design. That's what I want to

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talk about. However, it came up in conversation some time ago and it really made me think

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there was a, there's a bunch of creators on TikTok and on Instagram that have kind of

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started to get a bad rap because they only focus on the good things and that's just not

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reality, right? Like we all understand that there's, there's hardship, there's struggle,

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there is pain in reality and being able to deal with that is almost as important as being

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able to shore yourself up with all of the good things and understanding, you know, how

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important honesty and kindness and empathy and love and all of these things are. So I,

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I was very hesitant to start to delve into the negative, I guess, emotions or aspects

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of existence, but I just feel like if I don't get to them, if I don't start to knock them

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out, they're just going to build up just like emotions do in real life. I'm just going to

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keep trying to do some positive stuff and in the meanwhile I'll be looking over my shoulder

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thinking I got to get to those sooner or later. So when I started to really think about it

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and I started to come up with some topics that I wanted to get to, you know, anger will

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be one of them, I didn't really know what to start with and it took me a while to really,

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man, it was tough. I'm not going to lie to you, it was really, really tough. It took

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me a while and I sat there thinking about it for basically almost like a week and a

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half just ruminating over what I thought I could do and how I wanted to approach it and

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what it came down to is right now in my life, at this point in my life, which is a Tracy

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Chapman song by the way, I am just going through so much and I am dealing with a lot of regret.

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So when I was deciding on which topic to start with, I just figured I'd start with the one

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that is probably the most present in my life right now, which turns out after trying to

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record multiple times to be, that was probably a mistake. That was probably not the smartest

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thing to do considering that I haven't been able to make it through. But what I am going

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to talk about today, well, I am going to try to get through some of my personal stuff with

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you guys. I am going to start to tell a little bit of a story but mostly I just want to talk

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about what regret is and how we handle it. There will be a little personal stuff thrown

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in here and there but every time I started to get into that on the previous recordings

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of this episode, I was just breaking down and I don't want you guys to have to sit and

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listen to me cry for an hour. So we are not going to do what I originally planned which

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was to kind of unburden myself a little bit in front of everybody that listens. I will

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still touch on some of that stuff and I don't know if you can tell but there will be some

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kind of weird edits here and there as I try to keep some of the stuff that I have worked

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on and some of the stuff I, this has been a multi-day project on this episode because

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of the weight of the topic. And I hope that everybody understands that. I hope that everybody

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can kind of sympathize with the fact that we all have regrets. We all have things that

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we either did or didn't do and they affect us every day of our lives. And not knowing

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how different things would have been, not knowing, always having these kind of fantasies

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of oh it would have been like this or this would have been different or all of these

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things that just kind of come with regret. They weigh heavily on all of us and this is

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something that no matter how well-intentioned you are and no matter how much you lean on

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all of the positive and the great concepts that I put forward here on the podcast and

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that you know just in life, you're going to have regret in your life despite the fact

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that you try not to. And it will happen and what you do with it will determine the rest

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of your life. So, tough one. This is a tough one. Let me go ahead and get a quote out of

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the way because that's what we like to do around here. Let me see. This is a quote from

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someone who is, I guess you could say she was controversial. I don't, I mean I really

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consider her controversial. The people around her maybe but this is a quote from Barbara

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Bush and I found it and I thought that it would be a good way to start the episode.

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And what she said was, at the end of your life you will never regret not having passed

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one more test, not winning one more verdict or not closing one more deal. You will regret

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time not spent with a husband, a friend, a child or a parent. So, I thought that was

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a beautiful sentiment and it's a good place to start because it's kind of a positive way

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of understanding that we don't want to live with that regret and that there are certain

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kinds of regret, right? Like she's talking about the fact that some people genuinely

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believe that if they don't accomplish in life based on a societal standard that they're

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going to regret that. Other people understand that the only true regret, the regret that

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haunts you, the regret that you take to your grave with you is understanding that you've

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missed out on opportunities and time with those that you love. That is true regret.

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Now, what does regret mean? We should maybe start with that as we start to get into this.

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What is regret exactly? The dictionary says, regret is a feeling of sadness, repentance

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or disappointment over something that has happened or been done. Another, that's the

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noun definition. The verb definition is feel sad, repentant or disappointed over something

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that has happened or been done, especially a lost or missed opportunity. And those are

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both fine definitions in terms of just being kind of a blanket idea of what it is. I think

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we all kind of knew that already. Otherwise, you wouldn't even be listening to the episode.

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Let's go a little bit deeper. What does it mean? So there's a lot more than you would

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think reading to be done on the topic of regret. And really honestly, when I started to dive

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into it a week and a half ago, well, two weeks now, I was actually pretty shocked about exactly

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how much I was studying I could do on the topic. I guess I shouldn't have been. I really

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shouldn't have been. But what it really hammered in was just how universal the concept was

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and how, like I said already, none of us escape regret. You will live with regret at some

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point in your life. So I started to look at some of the more accepted psychological definitions

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and things like that. They're going a little bit more in depth. And I found one that I

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thought was, yeah, it made sense, I guess I could say. Regret is a self-focused negative

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emotion about something that has happened or been done by us. We feel bad because we

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did or didn't do something we believe we should or shouldn't have done. And then here's the

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part that really made this one stand out. Given regret involves acknowledging our role

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in our present circumstances, it also often includes self-blame. When we say that we regret

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something, and this is actually almost pulled directly from the same source that I got this

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psychological definition from, when we regret something, it means that we disagree with

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our past decision-making. Whether you did something or you didn't, regret can be action

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or inaction. So remember that as we discuss it. Oftentimes people will say, well, I didn't

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do anything, I can't regret it. Well, not doing something often leads to regret as well.

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And there's literally a billion different versions of regret. And this can go, you can

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get really deep with this if you really want to, but there is a theory that every single

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moment of every single day that you're alive, everything that you do is essentially creating

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a alternate reality. So there's an infinite number of realities out there. Now this is

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going to get a little deep, like I said. So at any given point, right now, as I record

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this, I have my hands crossed. Now what would happen if my microphone started to fall and

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I had to catch it, but my hands were crossed and I couldn't catch it and microphone fell

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and broke? Well, then I would have to live with the regret of having my hands crossed

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and not being in a position to catch the microphone. The episode would end and I wouldn't be able

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to publish an episode until I got a new mic. Now, obviously that didn't happen because

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you're hearing the episode. At least I hope it doesn't happen. That'd be weird. But all

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of these different alternate things that we do or we don't do, think about how many times

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you've been sitting at your desk with your coffee or your drink or something and you

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go to move and you knock over your cup. Well, you wouldn't have done that if you hadn't

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put your cup there. Now, not a big deal. You wipe it up, but what if it gets on your keyboard?

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What if it gets on something that is, well, then you start to feel this little pang of

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regret. Why did I put my cup of coffee there? Why did I put my drink there? Why did I do

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that? And you start to, oh, now I got to get a new keyboard. Now I got to, and all of these

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things that you start to have to deal with are all coming back to your decision to put

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your cup there. Now this goes to that infinite realities thing. The idea of infinite realities

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was one that I always found kind of haunting because basically what that is, is that's

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infinite levels of regret because in each one of those realities, whichever form it

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takes, whichever direction you ended up going in this reality, you end up wondering about

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all the other things that could have happened. Now that's not necessarily true with every

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single instance, but you know what I mean? If you really stop to think about it, it'll

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haunt you. It'll be really creepy because you'll start to, okay, well, what would have

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happened if I would have done this? What would have happened if I would have done this? And

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you can literally go through. And the reality is, is that there are so many variations on

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your own decision that it's almost crippling. And that really is the power of regret. Regret

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is one of those emotions that will haunt you before you ever do anything. It will affect

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your actions before you even consider an action. We live so much of our lives fearful of regret.

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Now that takes, there's a lot of words for that. I mean, right now there's even a popular

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term as FOMO, fear of missing out. Well, what do you think that is? That's literally the

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fear of regret. Cause if you miss out, you're going to regret it. That's what that is. Regret

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is a fear that can take place well before you even know you have an opportunity and

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haunts you well past when that opportunity comes. And so when we talk about in the podcast

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and on the TikTok channel and things like that, when I talk about living in the present,

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that is one of the best ways to live without regret. Now, obviously the things that you've

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done in the past will affect your present to a certain degree, but understanding that

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at each given moment, you're essentially setting up the catalyst. Let's think of it as dominoes.

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You're setting up the dominoes for the rest of whatever path you're on. You're setting

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that up with every decision you make, every step you take, every time you decide to hold

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your breath or look this way as opposed to that way. And if you live your life thinking

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about each one of those little tiny decisions and start stressing out over them, then you're

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obviously not doing a good job. That's not something that I'm trying to encourage. But

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it is something that if you sit and you think, if you really meditate on it, if you spend

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some time thinking about all of the decisions that you've made that have led you into different

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paths, it will leave you wondering. Now, it may not leave you regretting. And that's something

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that I really wanted to get into was the difference between thinking about what could have been

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and regretting what could have been. And for this part of it, I'm trying to understand

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the difference between just thinking or wondering and actual regret. We're going to use a romantic

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relationship as an example because that seems to be something that many people have regret

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around. It's stunning when you think about it, when you really spend a lot of time, when

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you think about how humans get together, how we form bonds and things like that. Oftentimes,

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we go through the process of whatever you want to call it, courting or getting to know

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each other without really truly understanding why we do the things we do and how we do the

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things we do. And then we just arrive at the point where people decide that they're going

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to be together. That's great. But when you start to break down all of your decisions

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along the way, when you're able to get some real clarity and understand it with hindsight,

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you start to say, okay, well, we arrived here because of this. We arrived here because of

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that. We got to where we are because of this. Now, that works out great if your relationship

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is good. And you very rarely will ever think about that. If things go great for the rest

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of your life, if you meet the one and you do all the things to get to know them and

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you get together and you'll remember the little things, your first kiss, the first time you

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held hands, the, oh, we went to eat here. You'll remember all that stuff. But what you

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don't remember is the minutia of how you ended up together. Oftentimes some people do, but

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I promise you this, and this is a really interesting thing when you think about it, if something

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goes wrong and if that relationship ends poorly or ends really at all and there's pain and

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there's hurt, what you find is that you start to go back and you start to say, oh, well,

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what if I had done this instead? What if I had done this instead? And then you start

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to wonder and you start to regret. Now, once again, what's the difference there? Wondering

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is say you're walking with your newfound sweetheart and you, I really hate that word sweetheart.

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I don't know why I said that. That just made me laugh. So you're walking with your sweetie

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and you're holding hands and you're talking and you're having a great time. Now, like

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I said, if the relationship, however the relationship goes, that's going to be a fine memory. You're

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going to remember that. Say you're, say you're walking outside of, you know, down the walkway

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in a strip mall or something, you're just going from shop to shop together, you know,

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just doing a little Saturday shopping or something. And that memory may blend in with a million

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other memories as long as things are going great. But if things break down, if, you know,

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you start to, you start to wonder or you start, things, things start to go bad and then you

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start to wonder and you start to regret, right? So if you're holding hands, you're walking

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down the strip, strip mall together, you're talking to each other. And in this example,

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I'm going to, you know, just say she, because I'm, I'm a man. So say she says to you, I

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don't know, she says something and you don't respond favorably. Now, once again, we're

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going on the, on the assumption that this relationship is, is doing well in one reality,

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right? Like you've, you've gone from this point into the future, been highly successful

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in this one reality. Now, all the other realities, when she says whatever she says and you don't

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respond favorably, you don't respond kindly, you don't respond with love or you don't respond

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with attention. Maybe you're zoned off, maybe you're, whatever it may be, the reason why

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you don't respond correctly, she turns and she looks at you and her feelings are hurt.

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That's just this one version of reality. So now when you're looking back on this, the

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relationship is over. You guys have had fights and fights and fights and you're looking back

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on these moments. Now you have to go through this period of wonder or regret. Now, do you

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regret not doing this or do you wonder what happened? Well, it's really easy to figure

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that out. If you're wondering, you're literally just going through, okay, I wonder what would

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have happened if I did this. And then you kind of play out the scene in your head. You

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play it out, you play it out and you say, okay, I don't think that would have changed

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anything. Now regret is when you say, I wonder what would have happened if I, oh, if I had,

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if I had turned and listened, if I had done this, if I had done these things, this would

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have had a different outcome. This moment would have changed everything. I could have,

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I could have changed this. I could have made it better. And then you start to kind of ruminate

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on all of the things you could have done. Now, do you understand the difference between

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wondering and regret? Wondering is fine. You look back and you say, okay, well, you know,

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this led to this and this led to that. And it was, you know, this is all inevitable.

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This was going to happen one way or the other. And, and, and I, you know, I appreciate this.

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And you can kind of look at it and you can say, okay, well, I did this. And, and if you're

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fair to yourself, you'll say, well, I, you know, this was my, my state of mind at the

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time and, and I don't feel like I really made a mistake. And I understand where she was

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coming from. And you can really kind of see the, the different perspectives in the moment.

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And you understand exactly how that happened. And it gives you a sense of peace and a sense

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of understanding of that moment. But if you regret, then you're going to go back and you're

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going to start to think, Oh, I could have done this differently or Oh, I shouldn't have

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said that. Or Oh, I, why didn't I, why didn't I grab her by the hand and, or, you know,

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why didn't I pull her in and give her a hug or a kiss or, you know, why didn't, why didn't

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I react better? Why didn't I, why didn't I hold her and tell her it was okay? Why didn't

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I, and you'll start to have all these feelings of, uh, you know, not only will you be hyper

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self-aware, but you'll start to feel doubt and pain and you'll start to say, why didn't

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I do this? Why did I mess this up? That's regret. That's what regret is. Now, what is

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the opposite of regret? This is important for this wander versus regret. The opposite

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of regret is satisfaction. The opposite of regret is remorselessness. The opposite of

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regret is being able to look back on something and say, no, I'm, I'm, I'm okay with this

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because I think I made the right choice. I think this is good. I think that, you know,

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even if the outcome, the end outcome of this imaginary relationship is one that is not

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good, if, if something ends, you can go back through points and you can say, no, I think

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I did that right. I'm based on the information that I have and based on the memories that

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I, I'm able to, you know, get to, uh, I, I think that, I think that everything I did

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there was good. Now, sometimes we fool ourselves and sometimes we don't understand the perspective

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of the other person, whatever it may be, but, uh, you can look back and you say, no, I'm,

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I'm satisfied. I'm okay with, with that. I'm okay with, and what I've found as I've

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gotten older, you know, I'm 48 is that a lot of times when I look back on those situations

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throughout my life and I start to really, uh, dig through things that I'm wondering

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about or I'm regretting, um, I've found that a lot of times from my perspective, I don't,

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I don't have a reason for regret as much as I thought I did maybe, uh, and, and, you know,

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a more recent history of those moments. Uh, and that's one of the things that, that we

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will get to, uh, is how to kind of live with regret or how to get over regret. And, uh,

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I'll talk to, I'll talk to that in, in a little bit, but, um, one of the things about regret

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that is really the most interesting, and I know that I'm kind of jumping around here

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with all these different things, but like I said, I didn't really understand how much

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I was going to have to read and how much I was going to have to get out in this episode

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when I forwarded the idea of this episode. Um, I really genuinely, uh, did not expect

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to, to kind of have to jump around like this, but there's just so much information about

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this that I'm trying to touch on everything I can, uh, without, you know, within an hour

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or so. So, uh, I, I do apologize. Uh, I, I'm regretting picking regret as a topic, not

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just because of the tears, but because of the amount of information that I want to convey.

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And it does make it so I kind of have to jump quickly from stuff, from idea to idea. So

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just try to stay with me because I know that I'm, I'm moving on, uh, from things quickly,

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but, uh, it's because I've got, I've got my little, my little notes here on my screen

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and I'm literally just trying to hit all of them as much as I can because there's a list

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and I've got about 15 more things that I want to get to. So, uh, this is a, that's just

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a little insight really quick into the, uh, how the sausage is made, if you will, because

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what I'll do is I'll go through and as I'm studying and researching, I have a little,

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you know, I'll just pull up a notepad or whatever on my computer and I just make notes of this

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is what I want to talk about and this is what I want to talk about. And I had to start doing

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that because I was finding that I would kind of wander a lot more. But now what I'm finding

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is that, uh, when I have the notes and I'm looking at it, uh, I'll be in mid sentence

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and try to get to the next thing. So I need to find a way to make my mind work. I don't

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know how, how, how I can do that. Um, but, uh, I'm figuring it out. We'll get there together.

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Sorry. Sorry if it's a little, if that's a little bit too much information about how

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my process works for this whole thing, but, um, you know, I am really relatively new at

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this. There's 15 episodes, but, uh, uh, I've only been doing it for a few months. So, uh,

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we'll, we'll figure it out. I'll find a more comfortable way to get these ideas onto the,

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uh, onto the recording. So just using, going back to that and just using the, uh, the relationship,

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the romantic relationship, uh, one of the things that's, that is, was really interesting

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was reading about, now, now I want this to be clear. I, I couldn't really find a lot

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of information that, that, uh, worked on a worldwide level. Uh, most of the information

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that I found was American research. Um, but that's probably because that's, I don't really

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know how to search all, all of it on the worldwide level. Um, but one of the, one of the interesting

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things that I saw was, uh, there was, uh, I don't remember where it was that I saw it,

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but there was a list of, um, the things that Americans in particular, uh, tend to regret

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the most. And I thought it was interesting because like, as far as causes of regret in

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our society, um, the things that people regret the most are romance, which is right up there.

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Like, that's probably the top one. They weren't actually ranked, but that was the first one

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listed. I imagine that was for a reason. Um, education, people regret either not being

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educated or some people even regret wasting time on education. Uh, career choices, obviously,

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I mean, that's a no brainer. Um, and, uh, people have often regretted, uh, their leisure

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activities, which I thought was interesting because, you know, you think of leisure is

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like the thing you do for fun, the thing you do to relax. But it turns out that, uh, one

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of the biggest regrets people have is, uh, wasting time. Uh, people will get so caught

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up in their, um, you know, their, their pursuit of relaxing and having fun and things like

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that, that they then will regret that because they won't move their life forward in a way

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that is acceptable to them any longer. Because, you know, as we grow and as we change, we

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start to value different things. And so a lot of times people will think back and be

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like, Oh, I wasted so much time partying or I wasted so much time doing this. Or if I

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was just would have, if I just would have hunkered down and studied or, you know, that's,

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that's, it's, that is a very, very common regret. Um, and what's, what's funny is that

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that does kind of go hand in hand with one of these other ones, which I thought this

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was actually the shocking one to me, uh, was that self-improvement was something that people,

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uh, that was on the list. And when I first read that, I was like, why would people regret

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improving themselves? Uh, well, that's not what that means. Uh, they regret not improving

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themselves. And I, I, when I first read it, I was, like I said, I was thinking about it

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in a stupid way. So I was, I was kind of shocked to see that on the list. And I was like, why

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is that there? That doesn't make any sense at all. And then I was like, Oh yeah. People

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regret not, not improving themselves. And it, it took me a minute because you know,

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I'm I don't know, I don't know what's wrong with me, but it took me a minute to think

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about that. And I was like, I, I have a podcast, I have a podcast and a tick tock channel,

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but literally 85% of the content that I create is about improving yourself, is about being

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a better version of yourself. And that's when it kind of hit home. And I was like, Oh, why

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do I do that? Is it, am I doing this stuff because of regret? Am I doing this stuff because

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I spent 15 to 16 years in a depression and now I'm looking back on my life, regretting

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the obviously I couldn't necessarily stop being depressed, but regretting all of that

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time, regretting the decisions that I made, regretting the fact that I was essentially

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a negative, a net negative in the lives of so many, everybody, really everybody in my

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life. I was, I was, I was a burden and am I doing all of this? Is, is, is this a gross

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overcorrection for what I've done in the past? And I had to really sit there and think about

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it. And, and what I came to was, yeah, I mean, if I'm just being honest, yeah, it really

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is. This is this, this podcast and the tick tock channel and all of the things that, that

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I'm doing in my, in my life, in my real life, where I'm trying to get out and I'm trying

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to help people and I'm trying to, now I've always done those things, but now I've never

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had this drive like I do now. And I realized that part of it is because I've, I've got

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to, I feel like I've got to make amends. I've got, I've got to make it right. Uh, and that

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comes from regret. That comes from the fact that I do deeply regret the things that I

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said and the things that I did, um, while I was depressed. Now I have a lot more regrets

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than that because, you know, I'm a horribly damaged person, but, uh, but, uh, those, that

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right now is the regret that is haunting me. The regret that I live with every single day.

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But before we get too much into my personal stuff anymore, uh, one of the, well, the last

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thing that people regret, and this is also going to get into my personal stuff, um, which

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is why I wanted to talk about it before I got too far ahead. Um, the, the other thing

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that most Americans regret, or not most, but a lot of Americans regret, and this one just

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hit right, right close to home is, uh, parenting. Um, and I know that many of you that listen

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to this, uh, will understand the, the multitude of ways that, uh, this answer can come about.

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Um, you know, if you're, if you are a parent, then you know that basically your whole life

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from the start is you trying to balance some sort of regret, um, for how you've parented

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your child. And what's funny about that is that, you know, none of us really know what

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we're doing. Like we can read all the books, we can, we can listen to all the, the professionals,

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we can, we can do all of the things we're supposed to do and we're still going to have

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a, an ample amount of regret over how we've raised our child. And that's just because

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we are all so imperfect and we all have our own biases and we all have our own, you know,

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crazy little things that we do and, uh, our children will pick up on that stuff and it

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will affect them. And here's what, what I want to say about this. And this is why, where

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it gets kind of personal for me. Uh, many of you know that I don't, uh, I don't really

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have a relationship with my father anymore. And, um, this is one of those situations I've

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explained on, on, on Tik TOK and I think I've told the story here on one of these episodes,

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uh, a little bit at least, but this is where regret can really be, I guess, quantified

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to a certain degree. My father and I don't speak anymore because at a certain point I

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started to understand the way that he had lived his life and the way that he would,

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he had hurt so many people and he refused to ever apologize for it. Uh, my father was

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the, the opposite of regretful. He was, he was remorseless. He, he went through his life.

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Uh, I mean, he's still alive, but, uh, he, he has gone through his life, uh, in a selfish

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way hurting people. And at some point in time, I just started to see it probably when I started

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to feel it more. I started to understand that he was just being selfish towards me. And,

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uh, that's when I made the decision, a conscious decision to tell him that I wanted him to

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apologize for the pain that he had caused, not just me, but my mom and, uh, his girlfriend

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and all of these other people that he had kind of hurt in his life. And I wanted him

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to apologize. If he couldn't apologize to them personally, then I wanted him to apologize

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to me. And, uh, it was at that point that we ceased communication. Uh, he just couldn't

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do it. Now, this is where we go back a little bit and we talk about the difference between

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wondering and regret. I have spent, I mean, it's been a decade now since I've spoken to

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my father and I have spent literally days at a time just completely in the tank, just

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ruminating on what I could have done different, how this could have been different. And what

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I've come to realize is that that is what wondering is. That's, that's why I like make

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that differentiation between those things is I've sat there for literally hours upon

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hours at a time thinking, how could I have saved our relationship? And the reality is,

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is that I could not have done this any differently based upon who I am as a person. I, there's

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a lot of people in this world that would tell me, Oh, just, just, you know, don't worry

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about it. And you, you know, you're going to miss time with your father and you know,

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what are you, you know, you're going to regret that. And here's, here's what I have to say.

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And this is going to sound cold. This is going to sound mean, but I genuinely mean this.

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I do love my father. I love my father with my whole heart, but I will never ever stand

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by and let someone, man, woman, doesn't matter, hurt somebody else the way that he has hurt

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people and not take some accountability for it. And if that accountability comes in the

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form of him not having his son in his life anymore, then that's what it has to be because

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it is not right. And I have to stand by what I believe in this world. And I believe that

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being, being good and being a good person and being kind. And if you make mistakes,

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if you fuck up, then you apologize. You have to be able to see that and you have to be

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able to take accountability for your actions. And my father has refused to do that. And

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so when I sit there and I think about it and I wonder about it, while I, I certainly don't

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want to, you know, I don't want him to go to the grave or, you know, our, you know,

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this all to end with me never speaking to him again. But if that's what it takes, I'm

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okay with it. I'm okay never speaking to him again. If, if it means that he's never going

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to have accountability, if he's never going to say, I'm sorry, then that's what it means.

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At some point in time, I have to stand by what I believe in. And that's why when I sit

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and I wonder about it and I sit and I, I really, you know, like I said, I kind of go under

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the tank and I really think about it. I don't regret what I said to him. I don't. And, and

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every day since then that I've sat and I've thought about it, I've, you know, I've had

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conversations with my kids, I've had conversations with my girlfriend, I've had conversations

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with all sorts of people about it. And at the end of the day, once I've kind of explained

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the situation, most people are like, I get it. I understand. Like it sucks and it does.

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It certainly sucks. It certainly sucks to not have, not have that relationship with

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my father anymore. But I'll tell you this. I would absolutely regret going back to my

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father and saying, you know what, don't worry about saying, I'm sorry, let's just, let's

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just be pals again. I would regret that. That is what I would regret. I would regret bending

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my own morals, bending my own understanding of what it means to be good and kind and accountable

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for the things that you do. I couldn't do that because if I did that, I would always

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wonder, I would always regret. I would always, I would sit there and I would think about

380
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:21,640
it and I would, it would always lead to regret. And even if that means I have my father in

381
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:27,960
my life again, that's, that's just not something that it's just not worth it. The amount of

382
00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:32,960
regret that I would live with is just not worth it. And this sounds bad to say it this

383
00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:43,080
way, but after so long, I don't know if he's worth it because it's a decision. It's a choice

384
00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:46,520
that he makes every single day. Obviously he doesn't think about it. It's not something

385
00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:50,620
that's on the, you know, the tip of his mind or anything, but every single day for 10 plus

386
00:39:50,620 --> 00:39:56,040
years now, he's had to wake up knowing that I'm not speaking to him. He's had to make

387
00:39:56,040 --> 00:40:03,760
the choice to not reach out. Now I'm a father, I'm a father that loves my children with all

388
00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:11,200
of my heart. And especially me and my boys have had, you know, we've damn near come to

389
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:19,480
blows. We haven't, but you know, we have had some really intense fights and I pride myself

390
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:24,880
on the fact that I will always, even if it means I have to bend the knee, I will always

391
00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:31,400
find a way for us to work it out. I would never be able to do what my father has done.

392
00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:39,040
I would never be able to go every single day. It would have killed me to not have my sons

393
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:44,760
speaking to me. I would have done anything. I would have done all of the soul searching.

394
00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:50,520
I would have done all of the, you know, whatever it took, I would have found a way. But this

395
00:40:50,520 --> 00:40:57,920
man has literally for 10 years, 10 plus years, every single day has woken up, gone about

396
00:40:57,920 --> 00:41:08,540
his day, done his things and hasn't reached out. So at some point in time, how can I regret?

397
00:41:08,540 --> 00:41:13,700
How can I possibly regret any of the messages that I sent him, any of the, you know, correspondence

398
00:41:13,700 --> 00:41:18,960
that we had before we stopped talking? How can I regret any of it? He obviously doesn't

399
00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:24,200
care because he hasn't made any effort. And here's one of the things, and this is going

400
00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:31,460
to sound, you know, this is a therapy session type thing to say, but he's my father. I'm

401
00:41:31,460 --> 00:41:38,360
the son. Now I'm 48 years old now, but you know, he's still supposed to be my father.

402
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:45,080
He's supposed to be the guy that does this. Now I understand that I have moved well beyond

403
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:53,760
him in terms of maturity and understanding, but it still is frustrating as the son, as

404
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:57,760
the, you know, part of me. And that's, you know, I'm sure that you all understand that.

405
00:41:57,760 --> 00:42:01,920
Like you still want to look up to your parents. You still want to be able to say, Oh, look,

406
00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:06,400
there's a, there's still an example of how to be and how to think and how to behave.

407
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:16,680
And I can't do that with my father and it sucks. It sucks. So this is one of those weird

408
00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:22,640
edits that I was talking about, but just so that everybody's aware, I recorded that a

409
00:42:22,640 --> 00:42:27,060
little while ago and are not a little like a day ago. And so I started to get really

410
00:42:27,060 --> 00:42:32,000
emotional with that. And I'm going to just stop that part of it here because I don't

411
00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:37,200
think I can record that again. So I know this is kind of herky jerky and it feels kind of

412
00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:42,520
weird, but I just want to be as transparent as possible. It started to get a little heavy,

413
00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:50,000
a little more heavy than I was able to handle talking about my dad. And the reality is,

414
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:59,920
and this will be the last part of this segment, is that, like I said, the regret is non-existent

415
00:42:59,920 --> 00:43:08,600
as far as that goes. What it turns into very quickly is anger because, and that's what

416
00:43:08,600 --> 00:43:16,160
happened when I was recording is I really started to get angry because there's just

417
00:43:16,160 --> 00:43:23,760
so much disrespect and there's just so much hurt feelings. By not talking to me, my father

418
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:30,160
has essentially outcast my children as well from his circle. He'll still send them Christmas

419
00:43:30,160 --> 00:43:33,880
cards and things like that, but he has no nothing. They don't have a grandfather as

420
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:41,760
far as they're concerned. So it's really, really frustrating and it just brings about

421
00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:49,000
so much anger in me. And once again, I don't regret my decision and I have thought about

422
00:43:49,000 --> 00:43:56,560
it so much and it has been something that I've thought about, unlike him apparently,

423
00:43:56,560 --> 00:44:05,120
I've thought about it a lot. Not every day, but many times, a month, if not a week, I

424
00:44:05,120 --> 00:44:12,800
think about the situation with my father. And well, there you go. That's really what

425
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:19,320
regret is. And that's when I saw the list of the things that people regret, parenting

426
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:25,040
was the one that stood out the most to me. Now, on that list of education, career, romance,

427
00:44:25,040 --> 00:44:32,080
parenting, self-improvement and leisure, I regret almost all of that. I have a regret

428
00:44:32,080 --> 00:44:37,520
in every category and we don't have time for me to get into all of those. So let's just

429
00:44:37,520 --> 00:44:44,320
say that every single one of those is a regret in my life. I certainly, certainly regret

430
00:44:44,320 --> 00:44:50,280
choices I made in my education. I do not have a career to speak of. You're listening to

431
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:57,600
the only thing that I do as a career. And I've only got 15 episodes, so even that's

432
00:44:57,600 --> 00:45:07,440
not too accomplished. And I make TikToks. Romance, man, I could tell you some stories.

433
00:45:07,440 --> 00:45:15,320
But for now, let's just say that of all of those, all of those on that list, romance

434
00:45:15,320 --> 00:45:22,400
is the one that probably has the heaviest, hardest hitting and most painful regrets of

435
00:45:22,400 --> 00:45:29,200
all of them. And that includes my father. The lack of self-improvement. Yes, that is

436
00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:37,080
certainly something that I regret, but not as much as the others. And I think that honestly,

437
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:41,840
I think there's more pride. I think that I'm a lot more satisfied in that regard. But when

438
00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:50,240
I really think about it, I have a few regrets there. It's not as prolific as all of the

439
00:45:50,240 --> 00:45:56,200
other ones would be. It is one of those things where, with self-improvement, where I just

440
00:45:56,200 --> 00:46:00,600
think of, oh, I could have been so much further ahead. I could have understood this better.

441
00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:07,880
I could have. But in general, it's not something that I tend to think of as one of my weak

442
00:46:07,880 --> 00:46:14,920
points. Leisure, man, I had a conversation with a friend of mine just last week, and

443
00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:25,260
I was realizing so much of my life is filled with both wonder and regret. Because I sit

444
00:46:25,260 --> 00:46:30,560
there and I'm like, how did I survive that? How did I live through that? Why did I do

445
00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:37,460
these things when I was younger? And then also the regret that I have of just certain

446
00:46:37,460 --> 00:46:47,120
decisions that I've made in terms of how I've moved through this world in terms of

447
00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:52,520
the things that I do for fun and things like that. I've told everybody this. You all know

448
00:46:52,520 --> 00:46:57,640
it by now. I'm not a drinker. I don't do drugs. I'm not real big on partying and things

449
00:46:57,640 --> 00:47:03,520
like that. But one of the reasons I don't do a lot of those things is because I've always

450
00:47:03,520 --> 00:47:11,240
been the guy that didn't really need to do those things to be relatively insane by most

451
00:47:11,240 --> 00:47:17,000
people's standards. So I have a lot of regrets when it comes to the things that I've done

452
00:47:17,000 --> 00:47:23,240
or the ways that I've behaved because I have people come up to me all the time when I go

453
00:47:23,240 --> 00:47:26,440
somewhere where I know people or people from my past and they'll come up to me and they'll

454
00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:30,280
tell me these stories of things that I did. And I don't remember a damn bit of it, but

455
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:33,840
they'll tell me, oh, and you did this and then you jumped off of this thing and I don't

456
00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:38,440
know how you survived that. And what I realize now is that one of my biggest regrets is the

457
00:47:38,440 --> 00:47:43,520
way that people throughout my life see me now because a lot of them see that version

458
00:47:43,520 --> 00:47:50,520
of me. And I don't know if you know much about 48 year old knees, but I'm not going to be

459
00:47:50,520 --> 00:47:56,720
jumping from any roofs anytime soon. So we're going to switch gears here and this episode

460
00:47:56,720 --> 00:48:00,680
is actually going to end up running a little long because of how much I'm going into all

461
00:48:00,680 --> 00:48:05,920
this. And I apologize for that, but we're going to switch gears here and we're going

462
00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:16,240
to talk about something that regret does to our lives. And this is probably the most important

463
00:48:16,240 --> 00:48:20,960
segment of this episode and I really want to make sure that everybody understands how

464
00:48:20,960 --> 00:48:31,600
serious this is for me. There was a very famous yoga guru and a Hindu spiritual leader. His

465
00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:41,720
name was Swami Sivananda, I think is how you say it. And he once said, do not brood over

466
00:48:41,720 --> 00:48:46,920
your past mistakes and failures as this will only fill your mind with grief, regret and

467
00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:53,280
depression. Do not repeat them in the future. The reason I use that quote and the reason

468
00:48:53,280 --> 00:48:59,720
why I wanted to bring that up is because regret, like I alluded to before, is one of those

469
00:48:59,720 --> 00:49:04,020
emotions or one of those feelings that you have that will affect you before you even

470
00:49:04,020 --> 00:49:07,440
realize it's affecting you, before you've even gotten to the point where you're making

471
00:49:07,440 --> 00:49:18,500
a decision, you're fearful of regret. But what regret does to you after is perhaps,

472
00:49:18,500 --> 00:49:22,880
it really is one of the most powerful things on this planet. I would say it's right up

473
00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:31,640
there with gravity. The way that we feel regret, the way that we process the grief and the

474
00:49:31,640 --> 00:49:37,120
depression that comes with regret, the way that we deal with it, the amount of pain that

475
00:49:37,120 --> 00:49:45,240
we carry in ourselves will oftentimes cripple us for life. And what I mean by that is you

476
00:49:45,240 --> 00:49:53,720
become so fearful, you become so avoidant, you become so detached, you become cold or

477
00:49:53,720 --> 00:49:59,520
aloof or you start to pull yourself away from situations because you're so afraid of being

478
00:49:59,520 --> 00:50:05,320
hurt again or you're so afraid of having to go through that again, whatever it may have

479
00:50:05,320 --> 00:50:11,520
been, that you end up cutting entire segments of your life off. You cut people off. You

480
00:50:11,520 --> 00:50:21,760
intentionally drive people out of your life over and over, causing more regret. Regret

481
00:50:21,760 --> 00:50:28,120
is, and I use the analogy a bit ago, setting up dominoes. That's how regret works for a

482
00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:32,800
lot of people. Once you start to regret the first thing, you start to live your life in

483
00:50:32,800 --> 00:50:37,040
a way where you don't ever have to regret again. You don't want to feel that again.

484
00:50:37,040 --> 00:50:44,280
You don't want to, and so you start to do things that you will regret to cover up for

485
00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:50,000
the one regret. And I'm going to use an example here. And this is actually one that I read

486
00:50:50,000 --> 00:51:01,480
about. There was a lady who cheated on her husband and she writes about how, you know,

487
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:09,200
this was a, this was a, am I the asshole post on Reddit? And she writes about, and this

488
00:51:09,200 --> 00:51:14,560
was, I mean, this is a giant post, but she basically writes about how she had an affair

489
00:51:14,560 --> 00:51:20,600
and she covered it up and her husband didn't know about it. And she went through a good

490
00:51:20,600 --> 00:51:28,640
couple of years where their relationship was okay, but she had just fallen prey to her

491
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:33,280
desires over this person. And she thought, you know, as long as, as long as he doesn't

492
00:51:33,280 --> 00:51:42,560
know, then we're good. And he didn't know and things went on. And that, that feeling

493
00:51:42,560 --> 00:51:46,840
that she started with was one of, you know, she was excited. She had a, she had kind of

494
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:53,760
gotten away with it. She had had a couple of flings with this guy and, you know, it

495
00:51:53,760 --> 00:51:58,240
was fine. She didn't, nothing happened. She didn't live with any regret. She was actually

496
00:51:58,240 --> 00:52:02,840
enjoyed thinking about it. It was, you know, something, it was a, it was a point of almost

497
00:52:02,840 --> 00:52:10,280
pride to her. And then something else happened. Her and her husband got in a fight and she

498
00:52:10,280 --> 00:52:14,360
went and she had another affair. And this was with, she didn't really detail who these

499
00:52:14,360 --> 00:52:19,240
people were, but she went and had another affair. And it was another one where it was

500
00:52:19,240 --> 00:52:26,120
just a couple of times, it was a fling and she, and she went on and again, she felt,

501
00:52:26,120 --> 00:52:30,720
she felt fine about it. She didn't really have any of the moral problems with it. She,

502
00:52:30,720 --> 00:52:35,920
she felt like, you know, well, if he had done this and the kind of the way that, you know,

503
00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:39,920
people think about those situations when they're cheating, you know, oh, well, if he had done

504
00:52:39,920 --> 00:52:44,880
this, then I wouldn't have been forced to do this. And so this actually ended up happening

505
00:52:44,880 --> 00:52:53,260
a couple of times over the course of their relationship. And as she, as after each one

506
00:52:53,260 --> 00:52:57,040
of these situations and she, I think she said the number, but I don't remember how many

507
00:52:57,040 --> 00:53:01,000
times this had happened over the course of the relationship, but each time she would

508
00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:06,480
basically tell herself, I don't regret that. I don't regret that. I'm, you know, it was

509
00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:12,840
good and I'm glad I did it. And you know, whatever, we'll, we'll work it out. The husband

510
00:53:12,840 --> 00:53:16,600
and wife will work it out, but she was getting, she was happy on the side over here and she

511
00:53:16,600 --> 00:53:20,120
was doing things, something that made her happy. And so she didn't, she didn't regret

512
00:53:20,120 --> 00:53:26,280
it. She didn't regret it. She didn't regret it over and over again. Uh, and then they

513
00:53:26,280 --> 00:53:33,080
got a divorce and even then she would say, no, I don't regret it. I don't regret it one

514
00:53:33,080 --> 00:53:43,000
bit. And lo and behold, after the divorce, he's gone. He's found another love. He's moved

515
00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:49,720
on. This is, you know, two, three years later. And all of a sudden, like, like a ton of bricks

516
00:53:49,720 --> 00:53:56,040
and this is when she wrote this post, all of it hit her at once. It all hit her at once.

517
00:53:56,040 --> 00:54:03,600
Now she had lived her life in such a way where she had, uh, you know, she had, she had made

518
00:54:03,600 --> 00:54:07,760
the first mistake, which was going through and entertaining and being with another man

519
00:54:07,760 --> 00:54:15,400
when she was married. And then she kind of hid it, right? She, she just stifled it. She,

520
00:54:15,400 --> 00:54:18,520
any of the negative feelings that came with it, she wanted to hold onto the goodness of

521
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:23,920
that moment. She wanted it to be pure. She wanted it to be okay. And she couldn't imagine

522
00:54:23,920 --> 00:54:27,520
that what she did was wrong. She just couldn't allow herself to feel that what she did was

523
00:54:27,520 --> 00:54:34,180
wrong. So instead she just built this like fake world around it. And, but that didn't

524
00:54:34,180 --> 00:54:39,760
really work. She didn't understand that at the time she would tell people that knew about

525
00:54:39,760 --> 00:54:43,720
it. She would, she would tell herself, Oh, I don't regret it. Oh, I don't regret it.

526
00:54:43,720 --> 00:54:47,960
And when the time came to talk to her husband about it, she told her husband, I don't regret

527
00:54:47,960 --> 00:54:57,120
it. But she did. And, and every single action that she took after that was a domino that

528
00:54:57,120 --> 00:55:02,120
was falling over from this first moment. All of those things, all of those things were

529
00:55:02,120 --> 00:55:08,240
moments that she is going, that she now regrets every single, every single thing. And she

530
00:55:08,240 --> 00:55:14,920
writes about it in great detail. And she says, you know, I, I, I met a guy that I went to

531
00:55:14,920 --> 00:55:20,320
school with and, you know, I entertained, you know, his, his messages, he, I guess they

532
00:55:20,320 --> 00:55:24,320
were talking on Facebook or something. And he's like, uh, I entertained his messages.

533
00:55:24,320 --> 00:55:28,040
We flirted online. We did. And she goes through and she's like, I regret every single moment

534
00:55:28,040 --> 00:55:35,080
of every single part of this because I lost my husband because of it. So she, and, and,

535
00:55:35,080 --> 00:55:40,420
and literally, you know, if you think about what the, the things that go into cheating

536
00:55:40,420 --> 00:55:45,640
on your partner, there's, there's a list of moments that you have to go through, like

537
00:55:45,640 --> 00:55:50,520
literally dozens of moments that you have to go through at every single turn. You have

538
00:55:50,520 --> 00:55:58,160
a choice that you're making and people, this woman is writing about it saying, uh, you

539
00:55:58,160 --> 00:56:02,280
know, I didn't regret for the longest time, she didn't regret any of it. Every single

540
00:56:02,280 --> 00:56:06,880
choice that she made talking to this, these guys talking to, you know, getting them to

541
00:56:06,880 --> 00:56:11,120
go out to dinner with them, going out and, you know, kind of go into their, their apartment

542
00:56:11,120 --> 00:56:15,600
or whatever, go into their house, go on and, you know, every single one of those is a moment

543
00:56:15,600 --> 00:56:22,400
now. Every single point of that is another Domino that she is now two or three years

544
00:56:22,400 --> 00:56:28,880
later, however long it was regretting with every fiber of her being because she, she

545
00:56:28,880 --> 00:56:37,940
understands just exactly how many, how many choices that she made to not feel regret over

546
00:56:37,940 --> 00:56:44,560
the first thing that she did. Right. She, this, this first guy that she ever had a relationship

547
00:56:44,560 --> 00:56:49,520
with, she had the opportunity right there at the very beginning of it when he started

548
00:56:49,520 --> 00:56:56,400
flirting with her to say, I'm married and she didn't, she liked the way it felt when

549
00:56:56,400 --> 00:57:03,120
he flirted with her. And so she let him keep flirting and so on and so forth. And then

550
00:57:03,120 --> 00:57:08,400
it moved further and further. And every single point from that first relationship, every

551
00:57:08,400 --> 00:57:14,440
single point was her feeling bad about the fact that she let that happen, but she didn't

552
00:57:14,440 --> 00:57:23,080
want to feel bad about it. So now she just has literally decades of regret built up because

553
00:57:23,080 --> 00:57:31,720
of this situation, because she just could not, she couldn't stomach the idea of facing

554
00:57:31,720 --> 00:57:36,720
it at any point. And now she's been forced to, she doesn't have a choice anymore. She

555
00:57:36,720 --> 00:57:41,640
doesn't have her husband. He's gone on to another relationship. She doesn't have anything,

556
00:57:41,640 --> 00:57:45,440
you know, she's just kind of living her life. And even at, she even writes that after the

557
00:57:45,440 --> 00:57:50,000
divorce, she went out and she had her party phase and all this stuff. I think she's 50

558
00:57:50,000 --> 00:57:53,560
years old or something like that. And she had a party phase and she went out and she

559
00:57:53,560 --> 00:57:56,960
had, you know, she got with a bunch of guys and all this stuff and she was feeling good

560
00:57:56,960 --> 00:58:01,600
about it. And then, you know, there's that quiet time, that quiet time where you have

561
00:58:01,600 --> 00:58:06,160
to start to wonder and that's when the regret comes in. When you start to think about the

562
00:58:06,160 --> 00:58:09,480
mistakes that you've made, when you start to think about and you start to weigh, am

563
00:58:09,480 --> 00:58:14,960
I just wondering about it or is it a regret? And that's when she says the regret just hit

564
00:58:14,960 --> 00:58:21,200
her. It hit her so hard. She's been in multiple therapy sessions. She's, I mean, she's just

565
00:58:21,200 --> 00:58:26,720
not, I mean, obviously, as you can imagine, it's just, she's just not doing well. And

566
00:58:26,720 --> 00:58:30,960
that's why she wrote this whole big thing. And what's funny is, is that she wrote it

567
00:58:30,960 --> 00:58:37,520
in the, am I the asshole? Reddit. And there is literally no, I feel so bad actually when

568
00:58:37,520 --> 00:58:42,200
I was reading it because there's not one person that was like, no, you're not the asshole.

569
00:58:42,200 --> 00:58:46,840
Like literally every, like thousands of people responded to this woman. I was like, yeah,

570
00:58:46,840 --> 00:58:53,320
you are a giant asshole. So now I wonder if, I wonder if she feels regret for posting that.

571
00:58:53,320 --> 00:58:59,680
But it was, it was one of those things that I thought was a good example of how regret

572
00:58:59,680 --> 00:59:04,280
is a domino that really does affect the rest of your life if you don't face it, if you

573
00:59:04,280 --> 00:59:09,080
don't deal with it. And so I know that this is running long and I want to get to this

574
00:59:09,080 --> 00:59:13,040
before I let it go. So what I'm going to do is I'm going to, I'm going to cut to another

575
00:59:13,040 --> 00:59:19,720
section section here really fast. And we're going to talk about how we deal with regret.

576
00:59:19,720 --> 00:59:23,160
I know it's kind of a quick change, but I want to, I want to make sure I get this into

577
00:59:23,160 --> 00:59:27,040
this episode. So we're going to, I'm going to, I'm going to switch over here and we're

578
00:59:27,040 --> 00:59:34,600
going to talk about something else. So you regret something, you regret an action or

579
00:59:34,600 --> 00:59:39,240
an inaction. This is an interesting point of this is that inaction is the thing that

580
00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:44,800
people regret the most. I think James Hetfield, the lead singer of Metallica once said, I

581
00:59:44,800 --> 00:59:51,120
would rather regret action than not doing something, which is a valid thing to say.

582
00:59:51,120 --> 00:59:56,440
A lot of times we can regret what we did and because we can apologize for it, we can, we

583
00:59:56,440 --> 01:00:01,920
can, we can make amends for an action a lot of times, uh, as long as we, you know, as

584
01:00:01,920 --> 01:00:05,480
long as we truly understand it and we know that we did harm and we know that we hurt

585
01:00:05,480 --> 01:00:10,920
somebody or something, we can, we can make amends for it. But if we, if we didn't do

586
01:00:10,920 --> 01:00:16,000
anything, there's nothing that can be done at that point in time. All you have is that

587
01:00:16,000 --> 01:00:22,720
regret. Regret is a powerful, powerful thing. And the reason why I want to get to this topic

588
01:00:22,720 --> 01:00:28,720
is because, um, I don't want this episode to end on a bad note. And so what I want to

589
01:00:28,720 --> 01:00:32,240
do is I want to talk about, first of all, how we live with regret. And then I want to

590
01:00:32,240 --> 01:00:42,000
talk about why regret is so important. So why do we regret and how do we live with it?

591
01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:49,480
Well, we regret because once again, we, we've done something or we haven't done something.

592
01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:54,200
So what do we do about it? Once, once we've, once the one of those things has come to pass,

593
01:00:54,200 --> 01:01:02,000
what do we do? The first thing you can do is accept it. That is probably the first and

594
01:01:02,000 --> 01:01:08,320
most important step in this whole thing is because in this example of this, this woman,

595
01:01:08,320 --> 01:01:14,680
she didn't accept it. And so she just continued to pile regret upon regret, action upon action

596
01:01:14,680 --> 01:01:19,920
that she was going to regret. And if she would have had somebody with her, you know, as it

597
01:01:19,920 --> 01:01:23,200
like, you know, maybe she had like a little guide or something, you know, a little Jiminy

598
01:01:23,200 --> 01:01:28,280
Cricket there telling her, you're going to regret that you're going to regret that. Then

599
01:01:28,280 --> 01:01:31,920
maybe maybe you could say, oh, well, she knew she was going to regret it, but she didn't,

600
01:01:31,920 --> 01:01:35,460
she didn't really have that forethought. She didn't really have that understanding. She

601
01:01:35,460 --> 01:01:40,160
really genuinely believed she was going to be able to avoid it, but she couldn't. And

602
01:01:40,160 --> 01:01:46,760
so now she has action after action that she now regrets. But at no point in time did she

603
01:01:46,760 --> 01:01:51,960
have acceptance of what she had done at no point in time. Did she say, Oh man, yeah,

604
01:01:51,960 --> 01:01:57,400
I really, I really screwed that up. I really messed that up. And I'm willing to take accountability

605
01:01:57,400 --> 01:02:09,240
for that. I'm willing to accept what has to happen now. It's accountability is the first

606
01:02:09,240 --> 01:02:17,480
step after acceptance. And that usually goes hand in hand with, you know, understanding,

607
01:02:17,480 --> 01:02:26,960
okay, I did this. How do I fix it? And, and that is the easiest. Okay. I won't say easiest.

608
01:02:26,960 --> 01:02:36,360
That is not correct. It is the most effective and efficient way of dealing with regret is

609
01:02:36,360 --> 01:02:42,520
trying to balance it. That is not easy. As, as I pointed out already at the beginning

610
01:02:42,520 --> 01:02:47,600
of this episode, it is not easy. And it is something that I am desperately doing, desperately

611
01:02:47,600 --> 01:02:52,720
trying to figure out and desperately trying to figure out in my own life and how I'm going

612
01:02:52,720 --> 01:03:02,160
to continue to make up for the things that I regret. It's not always the most positive

613
01:03:02,160 --> 01:03:08,660
way of being. And it can oftentimes create situations where you, you know, you start

614
01:03:08,660 --> 01:03:19,880
to generate self-loathing and it's counterproductive in a lot of ways to healing. But acceptance

615
01:03:19,880 --> 01:03:25,520
is the first thing you have to be willing to look at and understand exactly what you

616
01:03:25,520 --> 01:03:30,360
regret and why you regret it. Where, where does the regret come from? Why do you have

617
01:03:30,360 --> 01:03:34,240
this negative emotion? What, you know, why do you, why do you hurt? You have to be willing

618
01:03:34,240 --> 01:03:39,960
to do the work to, to figure that out. That's the first thing you need to do and accept

619
01:03:39,960 --> 01:03:44,520
the fact that you feel like that. Give yourself a little grace. Understand that, you know,

620
01:03:44,520 --> 01:03:49,160
okay, this is a negative feeling. I don't enjoy this. Why am I feeling this way? And

621
01:03:49,160 --> 01:03:58,560
then be like, oh, okay, I figured this out. Okay. Now what do I do? What do I do now?

622
01:03:58,560 --> 01:04:01,800
And if you, if you're somebody who doesn't want to go back and you, you don't want to

623
01:04:01,800 --> 01:04:05,720
make amends for it and you don't want to necessarily, or maybe it's not an option. Maybe, you know,

624
01:04:05,720 --> 01:04:09,440
the person isn't talking to you that you regret an action with, or you're just not in the

625
01:04:09,440 --> 01:04:13,840
same position mentally or whatever it may be. If you can't, if you can't go back and

626
01:04:13,840 --> 01:04:20,280
essentially fix the issue, then what you want to do from that point on is start to understand.

627
01:04:20,280 --> 01:04:28,400
And this is where regret really is so powerful and honestly a great teaching tool is you

628
01:04:28,400 --> 01:04:33,440
want, you want to live your life from that point on so that you don't regret that action

629
01:04:33,440 --> 01:04:39,520
again or that inaction again. You can't, you have to learn from it. You have to say, I'm

630
01:04:39,520 --> 01:04:44,600
not going to do that again, or I'm, you know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna own this and I'm gonna

631
01:04:44,600 --> 01:04:48,600
make changes in the way that I think or the way that I behave so that this never happens

632
01:04:48,600 --> 01:04:58,680
again. That is a huge, huge step. And you see that all the time in among alcoholics,

633
01:04:58,680 --> 01:05:03,160
people that are recovering alcoholics, people that are fighting every day to remain alcohol

634
01:05:03,160 --> 01:05:10,680
free, they live with that regret. And every single day they make the brave and amazing

635
01:05:10,680 --> 01:05:18,000
decision to not drink. And every single day people don't commend them on it. People don't

636
01:05:18,000 --> 01:05:23,000
say anything about it. Some of their friends even mock them for it. But every single day

637
01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:27,160
is a triumph. Every single day is a moment that they should be so proud of themselves.

638
01:05:27,160 --> 01:05:32,360
And I know a lot of them are because every single day is a struggle. And they, they do

639
01:05:32,360 --> 01:05:37,560
that because they don't want to feel that regret. They have learned the lesson. Now

640
01:05:37,560 --> 01:05:43,640
obviously people fall, people, people fail, people will miss. But in those times when

641
01:05:43,640 --> 01:05:49,000
you're really trying to get out of those, those kind of situations where you have, you

642
01:05:49,000 --> 01:05:55,560
know, substance abuse and things like that, you have to go through it and understand that

643
01:05:55,560 --> 01:06:03,040
you're, you're creating a map for how you want to live your future. You're creating

644
01:06:03,040 --> 01:06:08,400
a path for you to walk down so that you're not entangled by the things that you've done

645
01:06:08,400 --> 01:06:14,120
in your past. The only way to do that is to accept that you were an alcoholic, that you

646
01:06:14,120 --> 01:06:19,560
are an alcoholic and understand that you're fighting every single step of the way to not

647
01:06:19,560 --> 01:06:26,340
be that again, to not, you know, be in that mindset, to not be that person. It's such

648
01:06:26,340 --> 01:06:32,320
a brave fight. And I wanted to make sure I brought that up because among the leisure

649
01:06:32,320 --> 01:06:37,980
topic that is, that is the number one thing that people regret is allowing themselves

650
01:06:37,980 --> 01:06:47,520
to become substance dependent. And I thought that was important to bring up. One of the,

651
01:06:47,520 --> 01:06:55,280
one of the things that I do for myself when I'm trying to handle living with my regrets

652
01:06:55,280 --> 01:07:02,360
is and this goes back to the, the alternate reality discussion. One of the reasons I brought

653
01:07:02,360 --> 01:07:10,040
that up in the first place was for this right here is oftentimes we get into a situation

654
01:07:10,040 --> 01:07:14,800
where we have a moment. We can, we have a moment to make a decision. We can really pause

655
01:07:14,800 --> 01:07:20,560
and say, okay, which one of these is best? And maybe the best way to approach the, your

656
01:07:20,560 --> 01:07:28,000
decision making is if I do this, will I regret it? If I don't do this, will I regret it?

657
01:07:28,000 --> 01:07:32,040
And you do that with, with all of the choices that you see in front of you. Now here's the

658
01:07:32,040 --> 01:07:35,000
thing about that. There's always going to be stuff you don't see. There's always going

659
01:07:35,000 --> 01:07:40,520
to be things that you don't know. You cannot regret things that you don't have access to,

660
01:07:40,520 --> 01:07:45,000
information that you don't know, you know, people at play that you maybe don't know or

661
01:07:45,000 --> 01:07:48,840
they're in play. You don't know that they're, you know, a factor that you should be thinking

662
01:07:48,840 --> 01:07:54,920
about. If you don't know, you cannot live with regret. You can wonder, but you cannot

663
01:07:54,920 --> 01:08:02,000
live with regret over something that you can't control. I know this because I actually made

664
01:08:02,000 --> 01:08:06,040
a Tik Tok video when I, when I actually started to decide on this episode, I made a Tik Tok

665
01:08:06,040 --> 01:08:08,840
video about a situation. If you want to go over there and watch it, you can, I'm not

666
01:08:08,840 --> 01:08:15,400
going to go into it here, but, um, there's plenty of situations and this one in particular

667
01:08:15,400 --> 01:08:19,820
that I talk about where there was literally nothing I could have done. There was nothing

668
01:08:19,820 --> 01:08:24,560
I could have done in that situation, but I still regret it. Why? Well, that's just how

669
01:08:24,560 --> 01:08:29,360
I've worked and it's taken me years and years and years to get to the point where I'm, I

670
01:08:29,360 --> 01:08:33,920
don't regret it. Like I know there's nothing I could have done, but it was, it was a regret

671
01:08:33,920 --> 01:08:38,960
that I held onto for a really long, really, really long time, uh, because I just felt

672
01:08:38,960 --> 01:08:45,520
so ineffective, but there was nothing I could have done. And it, as much as it sucks to

673
01:08:45,520 --> 01:08:51,320
say there's nothing I could have done, um, that's the truth of it. So I can't, I can't

674
01:08:51,320 --> 01:08:55,920
have that regret. I can't burden myself with that anymore. So as you're, as you're going

675
01:08:55,920 --> 01:09:02,480
through trying to deal with the ramifications of regret, you may feel understand that while

676
01:09:02,480 --> 01:09:06,840
you may not be able to instantly fix what you did in the past, you certainly can live

677
01:09:06,840 --> 01:09:12,200
your life in a way where you don't regret things in the future. You can not be that

678
01:09:12,200 --> 01:09:17,000
lady. You can not, you can not be the one who hides from things that you've done and

679
01:09:17,000 --> 01:09:24,920
then continues to pour yourself into new regrets. You don't want to be like that lady who, you

680
01:09:24,920 --> 01:09:29,880
know, some years from now, every regret that you have over a situation hits you all at

681
01:09:29,880 --> 01:09:36,760
once and you're left just stunned and bewildered with the weight and the enormity of the amount

682
01:09:36,760 --> 01:09:44,040
of pain that you've caused. Don't be like that. Face these things as they come. Understand

683
01:09:44,040 --> 01:09:50,040
I made a mistake, make amends. Don't hide it. Don't, don't stifle it. Don't, don't

684
01:09:50,040 --> 01:09:57,400
be afraid of that pain because I promise you the regret, the long term regret that you're

685
01:09:57,400 --> 01:10:05,640
going to feel is so, so much worse than any short term pain or any apology or any, you

686
01:10:05,640 --> 01:10:11,680
know, care that you have to give or whatever it may be. The regret that you hold onto,

687
01:10:11,680 --> 01:10:19,960
the regret when you have to look into somebody's eyes for years and years is, it's unfathomable.

688
01:10:19,960 --> 01:10:27,800
How much worse that is. And it's so much easier to just say the thing, you know, say, say

689
01:10:27,800 --> 01:10:35,080
the thing that's painful. Just rip the bandaid off as they say. That is so much better, so

690
01:10:35,080 --> 01:10:40,920
much better. And literally every single scenario to just get that pain out there and then deal

691
01:10:40,920 --> 01:10:47,160
with the repercussions. And here's the thing. Sometimes when you do that, you're going to,

692
01:10:47,160 --> 01:10:50,080
people are going to get pissed off. People are going to leave. People are going to not

693
01:10:50,080 --> 01:10:55,960
talk to you again. And you're going to feel like you regret that. But what I've found

694
01:10:55,960 --> 01:11:03,240
is that over time you start to realize that if somebody can't handle your truth, if somebody

695
01:11:03,240 --> 01:11:09,200
can't handle you being honest, if somebody can't handle you owning up to whatever situation

696
01:11:09,200 --> 01:11:14,000
and just, just, just saying, I'm sorry, I won't do that again, but here's what I did.

697
01:11:14,000 --> 01:11:19,080
If somebody can't handle that, then they probably weren't meant for you anyway. They probably

698
01:11:19,080 --> 01:11:22,120
weren't, shouldn't be in your life. Whether it be romantic, whether it be a friend, whether

699
01:11:22,120 --> 01:11:27,520
it be a work situation, you need to move on from that because we all fall down. We all

700
01:11:27,520 --> 01:11:33,040
make mistakes. We all need to be accountable for our actions. And if people are stifling

701
01:11:33,040 --> 01:11:38,280
your accountability, if they're creating fear in you so that you, you feel like you need

702
01:11:38,280 --> 01:11:43,920
to not say something or you not do something that you're going to end up regretting, that's

703
01:11:43,920 --> 01:11:48,960
going to carry with you for years and years and years, you don't need that in your life

704
01:11:48,960 --> 01:11:57,000
anyway. So I'm going to wrap this up with another quote and then a little bit of an

705
01:11:57,000 --> 01:12:03,240
explanation. Sydney J. Harris said, regret for the things we did can be tempered by time.

706
01:12:03,240 --> 01:12:13,720
It is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. So that is, that is

707
01:12:13,720 --> 01:12:22,360
very important here. And this is why I'm saving this for the last piece. There was a research

708
01:12:22,360 --> 01:12:26,720
study done some years ago where they took a bunch of, they took, I think it was like

709
01:12:26,720 --> 01:12:35,360
600 or 700, 70 year old people. And they basically talked to them and they said, okay, you know,

710
01:12:35,360 --> 01:12:40,680
you're elderly, you're getting up there. And they said, what do you regret more? Do you

711
01:12:40,680 --> 01:12:46,040
regret the things that you've done? What do you regret the things that you haven't done?

712
01:12:46,040 --> 01:12:51,680
And 54% said, we regret the things that we haven't done, things that we haven't experienced,

713
01:12:51,680 --> 01:13:01,360
things that we haven't seen. Why? Why is, why is it so much more that regret inaction

714
01:13:01,360 --> 01:13:12,400
or the inability to do something? Because regretting inaction means you're accepting

715
01:13:12,400 --> 01:13:19,200
your understanding of you living your life in fear. That's, that's what regretting inaction

716
01:13:19,200 --> 01:13:23,520
means. It means you were too afraid to do something. You were too afraid to speak up.

717
01:13:23,520 --> 01:13:30,600
You were too afraid to whatever it may be. Will you let fear control you? The reason

718
01:13:30,600 --> 01:13:36,200
I wanted to end on this is because I think that that's an important, perhaps the most

719
01:13:36,200 --> 01:13:46,640
important thing that I have said in this podcast. Fear of what is unknown, the undiscovered

720
01:13:46,640 --> 01:13:54,100
country as Shakespeare put it, fearing things that you cannot possibly quantify, fearing

721
01:13:54,100 --> 01:14:00,400
things that you can't know is something that is a human condition, something that we all

722
01:14:00,400 --> 01:14:08,400
do. Unfortunately, it's also something that stifles our entire life and creates regret

723
01:14:08,400 --> 01:14:16,500
that will haunt us forever until we die. All I can tell you now, and this is from having

724
01:14:16,500 --> 01:14:21,520
lived a life where now I look back and I say, man, I kind of regret doing that because that

725
01:14:21,520 --> 01:14:28,120
was really stupid. I could have died. And then my friend says, but you didn't. That's

726
01:14:28,120 --> 01:14:34,240
a good point. I didn't. You're right. I don't really regret it. That was really fun. That's

727
01:14:34,240 --> 01:14:40,460
a conversation that I have had numerous times where I look back and the person that I am

728
01:14:40,460 --> 01:14:44,720
now will say, that was really stupid. Why did I do that? And then somebody says, yeah,

729
01:14:44,720 --> 01:14:49,360
but you had fun doing it. And I was like, oh yeah, that's why I did it. Because I'm

730
01:14:49,360 --> 01:14:53,880
kind of looking at my history through the lens of who I am today, as opposed to thinking

731
01:14:53,880 --> 01:14:59,720
about it from the time that I did those things. But the reality is, is that I have lived a

732
01:14:59,720 --> 01:15:06,480
life where what I think about or what I used to think about as things I would regret, I

733
01:15:06,480 --> 01:15:14,240
now think of as things that I'm proud of. And I realized that I haven't allowed fear

734
01:15:14,240 --> 01:15:20,920
to control me as much as maybe other people have. And so as I sit here and I record this,

735
01:15:20,920 --> 01:15:24,920
I want to make this extremely clear. And I know that most people that listen to my podcasts

736
01:15:24,920 --> 01:15:29,360
are around my age. There's not a lot of really young people listening to this. So this may

737
01:15:29,360 --> 01:15:33,920
fall on ears that maybe already know it or that don't really want to employ it in their

738
01:15:33,920 --> 01:15:41,480
life anymore. You need to let go of that fear. You need to start telling yourself that it's

739
01:15:41,480 --> 01:15:48,240
okay to try. It's okay to fail. It's okay to be ridiculed. It's okay to be, to feel

740
01:15:48,240 --> 01:15:55,920
that pain. All of that is fine, because here's what is not okay. Living with knowing that

741
01:15:55,920 --> 01:16:01,520
you have not living and dying, I should say, knowing that you have not accomplished something

742
01:16:01,520 --> 01:16:08,720
that makes you happy. You only have this one life. You only have this one chance to do

743
01:16:08,720 --> 01:16:17,600
it right. So take it, take advantage of it. Stop living with fear as your guiding force,

744
01:16:17,600 --> 01:16:25,080
because all that leads to is regret. It is so much easier to try and fail and try and,

745
01:16:25,080 --> 01:16:31,640
you know, have somebody say something mean about you or to try and whatever happens happens

746
01:16:31,640 --> 01:16:37,960
as long as you're trying. You're not truly failing. Blues Traveler has a line in one

747
01:16:37,960 --> 01:16:42,160
of their songs where they where they he says, there's no such thing as a failure who keeps

748
01:16:42,160 --> 01:16:50,520
trying. And that is absolutely correct. You cannot regret for a long period of time, you

749
01:16:50,520 --> 01:16:56,000
trying. It's just not something that happens. Yeah, you will regret it. You will. It'll

750
01:16:56,000 --> 01:17:00,840
be a short term thing. It'll be something that you know, oh, and you'll deal with embarrassment

751
01:17:00,840 --> 01:17:06,320
or you'll deal with, you know, whatever. So some other emotion that comes with it, anger,

752
01:17:06,320 --> 01:17:09,880
things like that, you'll deal with those. But it's so much better than living with the

753
01:17:09,880 --> 01:17:17,080
regret of inaction of letting your life pass you by of being a passive observer in your

754
01:17:17,080 --> 01:17:22,880
own life. Why would you want to live like that anymore? Get out there, say what you

755
01:17:22,880 --> 01:17:28,920
need to say. I've said this in the in TikToks. I've said this on this podcast. I don't care

756
01:17:28,920 --> 01:17:35,520
what your medium is. I don't care what you are good at. We all have something. We all

757
01:17:35,520 --> 01:17:41,720
can do something. I can talk, obviously, because I'm running close to an hour and 20 minutes

758
01:17:41,720 --> 01:17:47,280
of me just yapping into a microphone. But I can talk and I can move people and I can

759
01:17:47,280 --> 01:17:51,920
inspire people if I want to. I can I can do those things because it's something that I've

760
01:17:51,920 --> 01:17:56,140
always been able to do. It's something it's my talent. That's how I express myself. Not

761
01:17:56,140 --> 01:18:02,960
everybody can do that. Some people need to draw. Some people write. Some people, you

762
01:18:02,960 --> 01:18:09,320
know, do I don't know. There's an unlimited number of ways that you can express yourself.

763
01:18:09,320 --> 01:18:14,700
You need to find the thing that allows you to express yourself in the best possible way.

764
01:18:14,700 --> 01:18:19,200
The thing that truly that you know, it sounds trite, but just find the thing that makes

765
01:18:19,200 --> 01:18:23,680
you happy. When they say when people say that, oftentimes they they don't really explain

766
01:18:23,680 --> 01:18:28,720
what that means. I'm explaining it to you right now. Find the thing that makes it so

767
01:18:28,720 --> 01:18:35,640
that you can speak your voice in whatever way that is. I sit here and I talk. If you're

768
01:18:35,640 --> 01:18:40,280
somebody who needs to sing, if you feel better when you sing, then start start singing. You

769
01:18:40,280 --> 01:18:43,720
don't have to write your own music. If you're not a songwriter, that's fine. Just get in

770
01:18:43,720 --> 01:18:48,800
the get in the shower and sing and then maybe get in front of a microphone and sing and

771
01:18:48,800 --> 01:18:54,780
like I am in front of a computer and then maybe just just do whatever whatever it takes

772
01:18:54,780 --> 01:19:01,560
to get your voice into the world to affect this world to bring your light and your love

773
01:19:01,560 --> 01:19:08,800
and your energy into this world. Because the option, the other option is regret. The other

774
01:19:08,800 --> 01:19:17,360
option is going to your grave, knowing that you silenced yourself because of fear. I don't

775
01:19:17,360 --> 01:19:22,160
know about you, but I don't want that. That's not what I see that when I was a little kid,

776
01:19:22,160 --> 01:19:27,040
I didn't say when I grow up, I want to regret everything. That's not at all what we are

777
01:19:27,040 --> 01:19:34,160
here for. We're not here to to do nothing. You only have one opportunity in this world

778
01:19:34,160 --> 01:19:41,460
to make a difference. However long you live, that's your opportunity. You can put a million

779
01:19:41,460 --> 01:19:47,920
different options into that opportunity. And you can try multiple, multiple times to make

780
01:19:47,920 --> 01:19:53,200
something happen in that one opportunity, but you only have one life. And the crazy

781
01:19:53,200 --> 01:20:00,180
thing about it is you're the only you that's ever existed. So why not take a shot? Why

782
01:20:00,180 --> 01:20:04,900
not talk to this person? Why not go to your boss and say, Hey, I need a raise or I'm leaving.

783
01:20:04,900 --> 01:20:10,640
Why not? Why not find your own value and your own worth and understand that your voice is

784
01:20:10,640 --> 01:20:17,020
exceedingly important to this world. I know so many of you have stifled yourself. So many

785
01:20:17,020 --> 01:20:26,600
of you have allowed life to pass you by. Why? Why do you do that? Because right now, many

786
01:20:26,600 --> 01:20:33,760
of you are around my age, and many of you are already living with the regret. You understand

787
01:20:33,760 --> 01:20:39,200
this episode about regret because you're living with it right now. Oh, I didn't do this or

788
01:20:39,200 --> 01:20:44,080
I didn't say this or I wish I could have done this or I wish I could have done that. Don't

789
01:20:44,080 --> 01:20:49,680
think like that anymore. This is the opportunity. This is the opportunity to change that, to

790
01:20:49,680 --> 01:20:55,760
make a difference in this world and to make a difference in your own life. I can't possibly

791
01:20:55,760 --> 01:21:03,040
tell you how happy it would make me to know that a few words here or there could help

792
01:21:03,040 --> 01:21:08,280
change the course of somebody's life. I know I've done it before and I really, really hope

793
01:21:08,280 --> 01:21:12,320
that I can do it again. And I know there's folks on Tik Tok that appreciate what I have

794
01:21:12,320 --> 01:21:18,680
to say. And I know there's folks in this world that I run into, random people on the street

795
01:21:18,680 --> 01:21:22,480
or in the supermarket or at the gas station, whatever it may be, that appreciate what I

796
01:21:22,480 --> 01:21:28,760
do. And I know that people in my life appreciate what I do. I'm beginning to understand more

797
01:21:28,760 --> 01:21:36,240
than anything that my place here is to help those, help others, help people understand

798
01:21:36,240 --> 01:21:42,360
their power and their place. Because a lot of us have forgotten and the idea that so

799
01:21:42,360 --> 01:21:50,840
many of us are going to go to the grave burdened with regret, having never experienced the

800
01:21:50,840 --> 01:21:58,200
beauty and the joy that comes with just being yourself, of singing your song, of bringing

801
01:21:58,200 --> 01:22:07,760
your beauty into this world, of showing people how wonderful you really are. I just don't

802
01:22:07,760 --> 01:22:13,920
even know what to say. I just don't even know what to do at that point in time. Do what

803
01:22:13,920 --> 01:22:21,160
you need to do. Find the strength within yourself. Talk to people. Talk to me. Let people shower

804
01:22:21,160 --> 01:22:27,360
you with an understanding and an appreciation of who you are. Let them tell you what you

805
01:22:27,360 --> 01:22:32,400
have inside of you. Make a list. Go through and say, okay, these are my strengths. These

806
01:22:32,400 --> 01:22:37,960
are my weaknesses. Be honest with yourself. Build yourself up. Look at your weaknesses

807
01:22:37,960 --> 01:22:43,240
and say, okay, I can work on this. And then start to understand just how you're the only

808
01:22:43,240 --> 01:22:49,600
person that has those things. You're the only one in this world that has that combination

809
01:22:49,600 --> 01:22:54,600
and you need to make it known. You need to sing from the rooftops if you need to. Write

810
01:22:54,600 --> 01:23:03,880
down everything. Draw the picture. However you get your voice into this world, do it.

811
01:23:03,880 --> 01:23:10,560
Do it. You only get this one opportunity. You have a lot of tries inside that opportunity,

812
01:23:10,560 --> 01:23:15,000
but you only get this one time. I want to hear your voice. I want to hear what you have

813
01:23:15,000 --> 01:23:21,680
to say. I want to see your artwork. I want to watch you perform. Bring your light into

814
01:23:21,680 --> 01:23:32,200
this world and do not let regret control your future, your past, your life, and your death.

815
01:23:32,200 --> 01:23:37,120
Thank you so much for listening. I know that this episode has jumped around a lot and a

816
01:23:37,120 --> 01:23:43,720
lot of that is because I've had to edit it. I don't really like doing it like this, but

817
01:23:43,720 --> 01:23:53,880
once again, it was a really rough topic for me. And I hope that you guys understand that

818
01:23:53,880 --> 01:23:59,680
a lot of what I do here with the podcast is essentially an extended form of some of the

819
01:23:59,680 --> 01:24:09,160
TikToks that I do. I genuinely want this to be more of a unpolished. I want it to be as

820
01:24:09,160 --> 01:24:14,240
organic and real as it can be. And I hope that you understand that when I'm recording

821
01:24:14,240 --> 01:24:22,800
these, a lot of times I do get emotional. It does affect me. So I apologize if I kind

822
01:24:22,800 --> 01:24:29,720
of ramble. I apologize if I'm not able to finish all of my points from time to time,

823
01:24:29,720 --> 01:24:35,760
but I hope that you get something out of this. And I will continue to hit on some of these

824
01:24:35,760 --> 01:24:48,440
more I guess negative concepts as I can. I'm not going to focus on them as much, but I'm

825
01:24:48,440 --> 01:24:55,600
absolutely doing an episode of Anger within the next two episodes. I don't know if it'll

826
01:24:55,600 --> 01:25:02,240
be the next one, but it is exceedingly important in my life. So the ability to anger manage

827
01:25:02,240 --> 01:25:06,720
is very, very important. So it may be the next episode, but I'll probably do something

828
01:25:06,720 --> 01:25:14,080
a little bit more lighthearted for the next episode because this one was a four day gruel

829
01:25:14,080 --> 01:25:23,440
and I need a break from these kind of feelings. So I appreciate you all. Thank you very much.

830
01:25:23,440 --> 01:25:30,840
Again, I know that I'm a bit long-winded and I apologize for that. I just got a lot to

831
01:25:30,840 --> 01:25:37,120
get out. So take care of yourselves, take care of each other, and I will talk to you

832
01:25:37,120 --> 01:26:05,280
all very soon.