Hey folks welcome to episode 13 of a pebble in a pond podcast
This episode is going to be about
Appreciation it's kind of an odd topic. I will admit
I think that some folks don't perhaps think about it too often and
because of that
it often goes overlooked and
the importance and
the
The meaning of the word often falls to the wayside as we go through our day-to-day lives
We'll go ahead and start with what the definition of appreciation is
It's pretty simple. It's exactly what you think it is
appreciation according to the dictionary is a
Recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something
It's pretty simple. There's another definition and I think it matters
It's important for this and that definition is a full understanding of a situation
Now why does that matter for what we're talking about?
Because to truly appreciate
What appreciation means?
you need to
completely and totally understand
Yourself and your place in life and where you want to go
Remember that the goal of this podcast and
my tiktok and all the other social medias that are starting to come up as we
You know as I get more and more involved in this is to make small changes within ourselves
to make a difference as we go to change ourselves in such a way that it is
sustainable
long-lasting and true and
To do that. We need to truly
understand and appreciate
who we are and
our place in life, and I don't mean that on a
Unlike a metaphysical level. I mean on a true like where are we in life and
And what what can we do to move along or to change our place?
There is there is room for
Kind of a you know a little more ethereal version of that
But I'm not going to really get into that because that's not my my place of business if you will
So with an understanding of what appreciation is I'll go ahead and give us a really good quote and we will go right into the music
Appreciation is a wonderful thing. It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well
It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well
You
That quote was from Voltaire who I don't actually quote that often I should I should I
should have used more Voltaire quotes that one in particular is one that I've actually known for quite some time and
In my head I would like to think that I have tried to live up to that but in reality
I know that's not true. I
you know, I I
Really was hesitant to do an episode about appreciation because it's it is
It is something that I am severely
Lacking in well, that's what this way
I have an understanding that I have been severely lacking in my ability to live in
appreciation and I'm gonna get into what that exactly means
But I
because of things that have happened in my life, which I've detailed throughout my tik-tok and
and in a few episodes of the podcast I
my newfound
appreciation of
The concept of appreciation my newfound understanding of it. I should say
Is one where it is becoming a
a much more
You know, I don't really know how to say it. I guess an all-encompassing
encompassing
Drive I
I'm beginning to understand that a lot of my depression
Came from there were a lot of outside reasons for it
But in the end one of the things that drove it forward
For so long. I mean it was it was 15
16 17
I don't even know how many years but it was it was a long time and and one of the things that kept
Driving it forward and deepening it for me was
I
I lost the ability to appreciate what it was. I
was capable of I
I was telling people for a while that it was my confidence and and I you know
I've said that actually I said that in a few videos on tik-tok
but it wasn't
It wasn't my confidence. I don't believe that I've always been pretty confident in what I can do
and and the way that I can communicate and the things that I can say and the
Ability I have to help and inspire people. I've always been pretty confident in that
but what I lost sight of was
You know, I sound I sound arrogant when I say like this
But I'm gonna say it anyway, I lost I lost I
Lost the appreciation of who I was as a person
I really began to doubt whether or not I was a good person
I began because I you know, you when you're depressed you don't really feel like you're worthy
you don't feel like I
Saw an interview. Let's put this way. I saw an interview with them
Alan Richardson, I think his name is the guy that plays Reacher on the the TV
on the series on
on
Whatever streaming service he's on I forgot. I forgot. Oh, it's Amazon. He's on it's on Amazon
He's amazing he is a he's an amazing actor I've seen in multiple things
I really do like the guy a lot and he's amazing in Reacher, but um, I
Saw he he has very well
Well known issues with some, you know mental health issues and things like that. He's spoken about it quite a bit with about his depression and things like that
And one of the things he was talking about at one point in time
You know, he had he had reached the point where he was very well known
You know for an actor
He he was getting cast in a bunch of things. He had he had money
He was traveling around doing the things he wanted to do
But what he was finding was that he was still massively
Depressed and you know, he had kind of reached
What we all think of as the pinnacle right like he had the money he had the some level of fame
He was he was doing all the things that you were supposed to do and yet he was found if he found himself
So depressed that he he actually tried to kill himself in
On set of why I don't know what show it was on but on set he took a
Green extension cord and he wrapped it around the thing and he tried to hang himself and he would you know
He's a big big dude, so it didn't work
And that's really the only thing that stopped it was the fact that he was so big
but
In in his clip where he's talking about it he
He says
That at the time and this is something that the point of what I'm trying to say here is that at the time
He didn't he felt like he was giving the world a gift
He felt like such a burden that
he really thought that the world would be a better place without him and
That's kind of what I'm talking about when I talk about losing your appreciation
You when you when you stop appreciating yourself and what you can do for the world and for the people around you
it is
Completely and totally devastating it changes everything about you
you you can't operate the way that you used to and
So that's why you know, I think it's important to really understand
how important
Appreciation and the concept of it is in just day-to-day life
It really can be the difference between
somebody trying to hang themselves like Alan Ritzen did or
Somebody living a full healthy and happy life and
As long as you understand the importance of it. You can begin to focus on it
my understanding of
appreciation has grown
Exponentially in these past few months
Since I've been in the business for a while
in these past few months since October and
I I wanted to do this episode even though I was hesitant because I'm not I'm not a I'm not a good example
I'm not a good example of this particular concept
I have not lived my life in such a way that I can speak with authority about it, but I thought that
It excited me the opportunity to kind of go through it with the people that listen to the podcast to kind of go through it and and
Kind of flex the muscle so that maybe we could figure it out together
Because I really don't I really don't well, I won't say I don't I haven't figured out yet
Exactly how to do this
I've read a lot in the past two weeks while I've been working on this
I have spent a lot of time in and essentially in meditation trying to
Exercise the principles and some of the lessons that I'm gonna share with you here
and I they are working it is working, but I
Think when you come from a mind like mine
You you feel like you're at a negative going into something like this
I feel like I have to claw my way out of where I was or where I have been
to get to where I want to go and
You know, I'll be honest. This is the first episode that I'm doing where I don't feel
Like I really know what I'm talking about. So we're gonna work through it and and I've I've
As I said in my last episode I'm trying as hard as I can to keep a
More organic feel to this podcast. I don't want people to I
Want you to understand that I'm having a conversation at some point in time
I'm hoping to have conversations with other people but for now, I'm just having a conversation with you
you the person listening each one of you is an individual, but you in particular and
it's important to me that you know that
This is you know, just like my tik-toks
I'm not I don't want to filter it and I don't want to second-guess a lot of what I'm saying
So I'm gonna I'm just gonna be really honest about what I know and what I don't know
I'm not I'm not an expert on a lot of these things that I'm gonna be talking about but
If we can work it out together if you know if you can comment or you know
Have people you know tell people about it. Yeah, I want people's opinions. I want to know
You know where I'm wrong and I want to know where I'm getting it right and this is gonna be one of those episodes where I'm really not sure
If if what I'm saying here is exactly what what folks need to hear
But it may be what I need to hear. So
Let me let me pull up this other quote here real fast
There we go
This is actually it's a it's an interesting quote because it's not usually I'll quote like really famous like historical people
But this is actually a quote from a book by Nicholas Sparks
You know, he's the guy that wrote the notebook and things like that. He has a book called The Wedding and
I found this in these last couple weeks
I was looking for different things to say in this and I thought this was an interesting quote because
It's very true. And this is what we're gonna talk about next
It's very true. And this is what we're gonna talk about next. He says I don't know what the character
I haven't actually read this book, but the quote is fun or not fun. It's um, the quote is is accurate
He says it's funny
But have you ever noticed that the more special something is the more people seem to take it for granted
It's like they think it won't ever change
Just like this house here. All it ever needed was a little attention and it would have never ended up like this in the first place
Well, why why is why did I pick that quote I picked that quote because
I'm in a position in my life and I know that many people are in this position where you start to realize
As things as things fade and things go away from you
How much more you appreciate something when it's gone
You know, it's a famous, you know, don't know what you got till it's gone and all the stuff
Anything like that, you know heart absence makes the heart grow fonder. All of these are kind of just different plays on the same idea
And the the key to understanding appreciation
And living in appreciation, which I'm going to don't don't hold me to it. I'm gonna get to that
When I say that
And I it's an important concept
So I'm gonna I want to finish with it because I want you guys to really understand that's the thing
I want to finish with so I'm gonna use that term as we go
living in appreciation
When you
When you are trying to exercise
This concept when you're trying to really
Make it part of your life
It's really important to try to remember these kind of
Sayings these phrases these these things that we kind of have kind of left to the wayside
You know absence makes the heart grow fonder and you know, don't know what you got till it's gone. These are great examples of that
Why do we need to lose something?
Why why does that matter?
Why does that matter?
Why did why why does it have to be gone for us to care about it or to appreciate it?
Well, the reason for that is because we're as humans scarcity is our driving force. This is this is
This goes down to an evolutionary thing, you know, we
When we know we don't have you know, let's look at this way. There's a TV show called alone
I'm sure many people have seen I don't know. It's a survival show. I don't know where
It's on but I've watched a couple episodes or a couple seasons of it actually and one of the things that's interesting about it
Is the way that these people on this show?
kind of hoard
Stuff because they don't know if they're gonna be able to get it again, right?
So they they go out and they kill a bunch of stuff and they make a bunch of meat and fish a bunch of fish
And you know that but they have to hoard all that stuff and try to keep it and they don't have fridge refrigerators
So they just have to find ways to store this stuff
Why do they do that? Well, because at some point in time they're gonna run out because they're not gonna be able to fish in a
Lake that is frozen over
They're not gonna be able to hunt for animals that have gone into hibernation or or that are have moved on to different areas
Scarcity is a driving force for all of us
Think about the way that toilet paper went crazy just a few years ago when we got into the pandemic
People said some one person said something to somebody somewhere about there maybe not being toilet paper for a week
And the entire world lit on fire because everybody had to hoard toilet paper
I mean I get it. Nobody wants to use a pine cone to wipe their butt. But at the same time
You know, I don't think we needed to go that far folks
But that's just an example like that's that's that's the kind of thing that that's the way we work
That's the way that humans work when we think that we're going to lose out on something
It's the whole FOMO concept as well, you know, you're afraid of missing out. So you
You have to be part of this. You have to do this
You have to you have to grab these things that you are scarce and that you know may go away
Appreciation living in appreciation means capturing that feeling for the things that you have in abundance
Now I kind of spoiled the ending there a little bit. I'm not going to not going to edit that out
But I want you to understand it and I'm going to I'm going to continue to reference it
So, you know, let's let's just get into it here
When when you have these feelings of oh my god, I'm going to miss out on this or oh my god
What about this? Oh, I need to something's gone. Oh my god. Now I really care about it
Like when you when that when you go through that you are too late
You're too late. Like your appreciation is no longer appreciated
Like you're no longer it doesn't matter if you care about something when it's gone. That's for you
That's that's that's not true appreciation. What matters the most is how you treat it when it's there
And really what I'm talking about here is people but this goes for everything, you know, we we oftentimes
It's funny. I just thought about this but I'm going to throw it in here because I think it's a good a good example of this
My mom has a has a has a picture not not like an art picture but like a picture that holds water water
It's this plastic orange picture picture that she's had picture
I'm trying to say that right. So this sounds right that she's had since I was a child
I was an infant. I mean, I've I remember this thing for my entire life and she still has this thing
So, you know, I'm 48 she's had this thing for 48 years and every now and then you know, I'll go over to her house
I'm going to visit or whatever and I'll see this thing and just sitting in the corner in her bathroom
And I'll just think to myself that that is insane. That is that is like it's it's not and that's not a shot at my mom
It's it's insane that somebody can have that level of care and respect in today's world
You know, my mom doesn't need another thing, right? She's had this thing
This has been the picture that she uses to you know, clean her tub out or whatever it may be and it's like
We think about that in today's terms and there's so many people that you know, everything is disposable at a certain level
And even things that aren't disposable people dispose of and you know, my mom she may not speak to you know
Appreciating a pitcher but there's memories now tied to that pitcher, right? She used that picture to bathe us as children
That's the when we would sit in the tub. She would use that to pour water on our backs and things like that
To rinse the soap out of our hair that that that pitcher has memories and value and I promise you
She appreciates all of those memories that that come with it and it's crazy when you think about when you're sitting here
Talking about the concept of appreciation and I talk about you know, a picture that my mom used to bathe me with
But now it's sitting in the corner of her bathroom. She still uses it to this day, but she takes care of it
She doesn't you know, throw it on the ground and you know, let it get stepped on by people. She doesn't she doesn't
Mistreat it. She doesn't use it for things other than what it's supposed to be used for and my mom and this picture
Pitcher have lasted longer than most relationships do now granted the pitcher doesn't talk back to her or mistreat her
But you know, it's one of those things where you start to you start to think about little things like that
And you say well that is that is a very simple but a very honestly, it's a good example of what appreciation means
Now, what does that mean in terms of a person? It means that it's easy to miss somebody
It's easy to say once somebody walks out of your life. It's easy to say oh, I miss you. I want you back
But it's very difficult when they are there when you feel as if they're there in abundance to truly appreciate
How much they mean to you because you feel like they're always going to be there
Now this doesn't necessarily mean somebody leaving this means somebody dying as well
You know, we go through our lives and we just assume that the people around us are always going to be there
And we we we don't we don't think about death because it's so far away for most people
And and and then more people hold it at bay, right? Most we don't talk about that. We don't we don't mention that
But you know death is a beautiful thing. Death is a thing that happens to us all
And if you start to kind of focus on the fact that people are only here for a short period of time
It allows you perspective that will lead you towards this appreciation that I'm talking about
When you know that somebody is always possibly not going to be there it makes it so that you it brings about that scarcity response
Where you really feel like I got a I got a you know have as much of them in my life as I can get
I want them to know how much they mean to me. I want them to know how important they are to me
So with that in mind, you know you you want to start to go through your life and experience things with people
That shows each of them each of them just how important they are to you
Now how do we do that? Well, I mean I like I said to the start of this, you know, I really I really didn't know I didn't understand
I've started to get it and I've started to really understand it in a way that I I never did before
And I'm going to share that with you here in a minute, but I want I want you to know that
More than anything I want you to know this
I'm throwing the word around the word appreciate around quite a bit because it it can be used for so in so many different ways
Even though it only really has one definition we use it in so many ways and it is a powerful word and it is a powerful concept
You live every day every moment understanding that there is beauty and wonder and something special in each moment in each person in each thing that you come across in your life
It is now like I said, I'm still I'm still learning to do this but there have been moments over these past few weeks while I've been studying this where I have sat
And just taken stock of my life and where I am and where I am right now as opposed to where I was, you know, six months ago
And it's difficult because I realize just how much time I've wasted how much of my life I have essentially thrown away
On not just not just not just on fruitless pursuits but just with with people that that didn't understand me that didn't appreciate me that didn't
That weren't on my side and in situations that weren't favorable to me that I put myself into and how little I have truly felt appreciated
And that has that has changed quite a bit. And so I sat and I, you know, like I said, I've been I've been I don't like to call it meditation because I don't know for some reason
People don't like that term. But, you know, that's essentially what it was is just sitting quietly and just being in my thoughts and allowing the emotion and the thoughts to come to me
And and what I've begun to realize is that if there's one thing that I want more than maybe anything, it's it's appreciation
And and the problem with that is that I kept looking outside for it. I kept looking to other people to appreciate me
And it's taken me until basically this last week to appreciate who I am and myself for who and what I can do and my abilities, my knowledge, my drive to make this world a better place
It really genuinely has taken me 48 years to figure out that I don't I don't care that much if other people appreciate me anymore
I really don't I want them to it would be wonderful if people did but I have to appreciate myself first
I have to truly understand myself and I have to love myself in a way that has been difficult to do up until now
Now that's not to say I'm a finished product in any way and not even a chance but you know taking doing a few of these little things that I'm talking I'm going to talk about here in a minute
And and really trying to be honest with myself as much as possible accepting my shortcomings and then saying it's kind of like it's kind of like well and this is part one of those exercises
You know when you when you sit and you and you really kind of you can write this down I didn't write it down but you know you can write these things down if it helps you to kind of visualize it
But when you when you kind of you kind of sit there and you make a list of the things that you love about yourself or like about yourself and the things that you hate about yourself
And what I find is that you know there's a long list of things I hate about myself there really is it's it goes on and on
But they're all there they're big things in my mind when I think about them but in comparison to the things that I truly do enjoy about myself they're nothing
I like the fact that I can sit here in front of this microphone like this and just talk I have no idea what I just said like 15 minutes ago I have no idea but I'm just talking I'm just speaking from the heart and I know that there's not a lot of people other that can do that
And I I like the fact that I can do it and I like the fact that I say things that or that I can kind of conjure up things that can move people and can help people
I know that it's it's a it's a skill that is not or talent I guess that is not common it is singular for the most part in my life at least around me and I don't know anyone else that can do this I know there are people other than can but
For me in my life and the people around me. I'm the only one that can do this
It's it's a special feeling knowing that of all the people I know of all the people I've ever known I'm really the only person that I know that can do this.
And now I mean that's just that's just that's like a parlor trick, but you know what I found is that I, I really appreciate my ability to love the way that I love.
It's my whole person. It's everything the way that I feel for people and you know obviously it's varying degrees it gets a lot stronger when I'm very close to you but
For the first time in my life I really genuinely feel like I love people.
I've spent most of my life hating people like just not wanting to be around people not wanting to interact with people not that I was like a shut in but I just I didn't I didn't appreciate the beauty around me.
And I do now and I think that you know that kind of doing these exercises and and and really meditating on it and thinking about it has left me.
For lack of a better word in a in a moment where I'm ready to practice when I preach. I'm ready to live in appreciation.
Now that that's off my chest.
Let me go ahead and start talking about some of these practices that we can we can do.
These are just these are just going to be, I'm just going to name a few things that I thought about that I read about.
And not not all of this is going to be able to apply to you.
Once again appreciation is it's a tad nebulous right like it's difficult to really pin down exactly what what you can do because each of us will experience it in a different way.
For the first thing that most people can do is
give of yourself. What does that mean? It means it means give time. It means look around you look at the people closest to you.
Try to be aware of the people that need need you not just not just like need money or need you know whatever need a need a lift to work whatever.
But the people that you know need somebody in their life need somebody. We all got you know we have all know somebody that maybe has some trouble.
Maybe maybe they're going through some stuff.
And the best thing you can do for yourself is to take some of your own time your own energy and spend it with them.
Give it to them. Why does this help with appreciation? Well appreciation often comes from perspective.
And if you have the ability to change perspective a little bit.
You start to understand that
your
It's hard to it's hard to kind of frame this when you give time energy love you know compassion when you start to give these things to people.
They return them and it kind of makes you understand their point of view and their perspective.
The way that they return it is through
appreciating what you've done for them. If you can't feel an appreciation for yourself.
Find your appreciation through someone else briefly.
And I know that's kind of counterintuitive to what I just said.
But it's not really because
what I have found
is that it was easy for me to start to feel this because I've really put myself out there on the on Tic Tac on Tic Tac on Tic Tac.
And on this podcast I've really I've put a lot out there.
I am I am unguarded for the most part.
And I am I'm just throwing everything I am into this.
And some people you know I've had a few shitty comments and some people say some mean things.
But for the most part everybody's been really great. I get I get you know not every video but every every few days I get a comment that
shows me how much somebody appreciates what I've said.
That's where I started when I started to talk about this and that's where
I I was able to kind of focus on those things and say OK well what is it that people liked about me. What is it.
And so even though I wasn't able to truly get there on my own.
I was able to use these comments from other people.
Now you know going back to what I said originally if you give which is what I've done I have given of myself I have I've laid my thoughts
and my feelings bare for essentially the world to see at this point in time.
You know there's only been a couple thousand people but it's still you know that's a lot more people than knew me before.
That's for damn sure.
And I imagine it's going to keep going up.
I'm going to have to start you know I need to make sure that people understand that what they're getting when they when they tune into the tick tock channel
or that when they listen to the podcast is is me.
Unrepentant and as true as I can be.
And as long as I'm doing that.
And people can give me a little bit here and there.
I'm able to kind of take it take that and say OK.
Yes people are appreciating what I'm doing now.
How does that affect me.
It took that it took it took other people for me to find appreciation in myself.
It really did. And it's not really something I want to be proud of necessarily because I should be able to conjure it inside myself.
But and this is the point of this first exercise is if you can't do that.
Then a good jumping jumping off point is to try to give to others so that they can give something back.
When you when you get an honest and earnest thank you from somebody you know that they appreciate what you've done.
You feel appreciated and you feel like you're you're making a difference.
And in that you can start to build yourself a house.
You can start to build yourself a monument inside of yourself to truly appreciate your own abilities and your own talents.
The second part of this is it's pretty pretty simple and I've kind of already touched on it is just being mindful and aware of the people and yourself.
The people around you and yourself.
You want to make sure that you're paying attention right like you want to you want to really focus on how you're feeling in any given situation.
And you want to try to look at the people around you.
You want to really get a feeling for what they're going through and how they're feeling.
And this is important because you're you're trying to appreciation is something living in appreciation is something that we do in the present.
It's something we do right now.
Like I already stated we can't we can't we have to get away from this idea of loving something when it's gone of appreciating something when it's gone.
We're trying to do that presently.
We can't think about the future and we can't think about the past.
We have to think about right now.
Mindfulness is allowing yourself to just be in the present.
It's it's just allowing yourself to be aware of what's going on.
Immerse yourself in the details.
Focus on the little things.
You know look at the way that people stand.
Look at the way that people carry their arms.
Look at the way that their face twitches or or contorts based on the things that you say.
Really involve yourself in each discussion.
Listen to the intonation of their voice.
Try to understand if they're upset if they're angry and then and then also do that with yourself.
Understand that you know sometimes we we just let ourselves go and we don't think about the the things that we're saying or doing.
And that's fine to a certain degree.
But what I'm asking you here is to let yourself go.
Be natural.
Be who you are.
But be mindful.
Don't don't don't stifle yourself.
Don't censor yourself.
Don't don't you know hold yourself back.
But be mindful of the effect that you're having on yourself.
A good example of this is and I'm desperately trying.
I've had a few people on Tick Tock talk about the way that I look.
And you know my mom and a couple other people in my life have been like oh you know you don't worry about that.
And I'm not when I say they talk about the way I look I'm not talking about bad comments.
I've had a couple of those too.
I had a guy tell me that I he doesn't want to see me in close ups which is great.
But you know I've had people say oh you're handsome or oh I like your voice or oh I like this like your hair like your whatever.
And it's really difficult for me to accept compliments about the way that I look because for my entire life I haven't truly liked the way I look.
I don't really value that part of myself.
I don't.
It's not something that I I'm proud of necessarily.
But what I started to understand and this was you know it wasn't really somebody's comments.
It was just more I just needed to accept it.
What I've started to understand is that I need to stop that.
It's that simple.
I need to stop thinking about myself that way.
I'm I'm not a horrible looking guy.
And even if I was who cares.
You know I'm I'm I am what I am.
I look the way I look.
And so I need to start to appreciate when someone gives me a compliment that even if I don't necessarily feel it myself even if I don't necessarily think that way all the time myself.
They do.
And you know all I can do is say thank you.
And it does help me.
It does.
It is making me feel better about myself.
I'm able to take that those comments and those little things and say OK well there are people out there that appreciate what I look like.
And maybe I'm not so bad.
And you know when somebody makes a mean comment now I don't I don't it doesn't really bother me.
You know I'm I'm a pretty good person and I don't if somebody wants to make a mean comment that's really telling me more about them than it is about me.
So it doesn't really bother me anymore but it definitely helps like the good comments definitely helped me and kind of kind of reinforce what I'm trying to do for myself which is I'm just not going to say mean things about myself anymore.
Even even making this podcast I'm trying to not say I don't you know I'm ugly or anything like that which just a few weeks ago I would have said that.
But you know now I just I can just be honest and say I have never really liked the way I look.
But I'm starting to I'm starting to you know I like the fact that I've got a big beard.
I like the fact that I've got my long hair.
I like those things.
So I'm going to focus on those things and I'm going to be mindful of how I treat myself and the things I say to myself because more to the point I want to be able to appreciate myself.
And you know that's the whole point here.
That's what we're trying to do which leads to the next thing and I've already spoke about it a bit.
So you know this is this is another simple way of demonstrating appreciation is just trying as hard as you can to be kind to yourself.
Appreciation of yourself is is key to everything that we're trying to do understanding who you are what your abilities are you know your strengths your weaknesses and really truly loving yourself at a on a on a fundamental level is key to what we're trying to do.
I've I've I've spoke about a bunch of facets of my life and relationships in my life and one of them is a continuing thing is this friend of mine that is you know I'm I'm always trying to figure out what's going on in her head because we don't really talk much anymore.
But we had a recent conversation and it was eventful but one of the things that kind of came to light in that conversation was just I'm starting to realize just how little she loves herself.
How how because there's nobody nobody can truly love yourself and and treat yourself the way she has treated herself and make the decisions that she has made that are actively hurting herself.
You just you just don't do that to something you love and when when I look at that when I look at that in a real time it really is a good example of how not to be.
I don't I don't want to be like that I don't want to be somebody who who doesn't love themselves.
And I I can't there's not a whole lot of I mean we actually have an episode on self love and I know I urge you that if you're having a problem with this go listen that episode because it does help like all those practices and all those exercises that I give they definitely help.
I'm I'm much better than I was before I did that episode now I mean it's been it's been I don't think that was episode four or five so it's been a while.
And I have employed some of those exercises and some of those strategies and it has helped.
You don't have to love yourself completely let me make that clear you just have to love yourself even in small doses you have to understand that you are a net positive in this world.
The power the beauty the the wonderful things that you can bring into this world are yours and yours alone nobody else can do what you do nobody else can nobody else has your particular collection of skills.
You're the only one that like literally in the history of this planet you're the only one that can do what you do and so it seems when you when you think about it from that point of view it seems like such a fucking waste to not love yourself to not appreciate who you are to not appreciate what you can do.
Because if you go your life without expressing who you are you are robbing yourself and the world of your gifts forever because there's never going to be another one of you.
You're the only one that can ever do what you do so appreciate that appreciate who you are you may not be perfect none of us are we all are flawed we all have shortcomings we all suffer in our own ways.
And we we we ruminate on the things that are bad about us or we perceive as bad about us without understanding.
And I think that this is really another key to living in appreciation those things that are bad about us are the things that make us who we are.
Right.
You know what we'll get into that in a minute I'm going to hold that I'm going to hold that for just a minute.
We're going to go on to the next one. So for this next part, the next exercise I should say.
I. This is one that this is this is tough for me. This is really tough for me it seems.
It seems silly to me. I read about this actually like a week ago, and I immediately was like I'm not doing that. I'm not even going to mention that.
Because, because I love you all. And because I genuinely want to be as honest as I can. I decided that I would give this a try.
I have mentioned this in other episodes of other other podcasts I have talked about it a bit on tech talk in smaller doses than what I'm talking about here.
Sometimes we get into positions or situations in our lives where we start to feel despair.
Now there's no other word for it. Despair is the best word for this feeling of.
There's nothing good is going to happen. There's no no light at the end of the tunnel.
And we will. This is where we give up.
This is where we lose hope. In those moments.
It is difficult to create this this this type of mentality that you need to do this exercise.
But this is when you need to do it the most.
Sit down with a piece of paper and.
Start with something I don't I don't know what it depends on your life.
For me it was my cat.
I was sitting there I was I was getting upset. I was trying to do this exercise and I just couldn't think of anything.
And I started with my cat. Now what what are you supposed to be thinking of is the question right.
So you're supposed to be hyper focusing like don't think try to block out any of these negative thoughts you have.
Try to block out any of the bad shit and just think about something that you appreciate and something that you love.
And in that moment my cat was sitting next to me.
So I'm sitting there just super depressed just feeling you know as bad as I could.
And she jumps up and sits next to me and starts purring and I pet her and that you know OK.
I know that my cat loves me and I love my cat.
And so I write it down. And what what is it that I love about my cat.
Well I like the fact that she's a fluffy and she's you know she's got a little chunk on her.
She's a little chunky and I like the fact that she doesn't like everybody.
She likes me more than everybody else.
And I like the fact that you know when when visitors come she'll run and hide because she doesn't want to deal with them.
But when as soon as they're gone she pokes her head out and comes over to me.
And I'm literally writing all this stuff down. I'm writing down the whole list and I'm then I'm like OK well visitors OK.
Well you know my mom comes over and I love my mom and you know what I love about my mom.
So I start writing down and I start doing this and it just kind of snowballs into me making a list of things that I appreciate and I love.
Things that are positive.
Things that I know that bring joy into my life. And I ended up just just jotting like as quickly as I can like literally Johnny.
I can't even read the list because it was I was writing so quickly.
I ended up filling up the whole page and then I started on another page.
And that's when I was like OK I get it. I don't need to keep going.
I understand the power of this exercise now.
Just sit and and question just sit and say OK what.
Pick one thing. I love this thing. Why do I love this thing. Why do I appreciate this thing.
Why does this thing matter. And then follow that line and it will lead you if you do this it will lead you to the next thing.
Well what do I love about this. What do I love about this. Why do I love that thing.
What is it about this thing that makes me happy.
Just these are simple simple questions and sometimes you'll even get to where you start to appreciate like you'll start to think about a situation.
You'll say OK well why do I love this person. Well they did this for me this one time.
Well what happened in that situation. Well this happened and this person said this and then well this person said this and then how did this affect me.
And you can literally just sit there and it's almost like a diary to a certain degree.
You're just sitting there jotting things down and they don't have to make sense and they don't have to be in order.
But you end up with a page full of positive reinforcement positive things that you can just look at and say I mean as long as you have legible handwriting unlike me.
You you just look at you say oh geez that's that's a full page of things that I appreciate that I love that bring me happiness and joy.
And you can just you literally can just pick that up when you're feeling sad and you can say OK.
No I can't because I look at it go man I got to work on my handwriting.
But you know that you have that ability now and then you know if that starts to not work if that you make another page and don't throw away the original page.
Keep it like put in a notebook and make another page of things that you appreciate things that you love of things that you enjoy.
Use these as tools to get yourself through the darker times the low times the times when you feel your worst.
And even if you don't need them in those times just pull them out and use them as examples for other people.
If there's somebody in your life that is going through something you can say you know what and explain this explain the exercise to them and say and you know this is what we do.
We write these things down and look you were in this notebook.
This is my way of showing you that I appreciate you.
I wrote down all this stuff about you.
I'm telling you now if you share that kind of information with somebody if you tell them that you know you did this work because you weren't feeling appreciated or you weren't feeling loved.
And so you did these things to try to find your your your compass your you know your your North Star if you will.
And you did this exercise and they were part of the things that you loved and appreciated.
You will instantly instantly change the way they view you.
Because that is that is a level of vulnerability that we only share with people that we truly love and they will understand that most people understand that at least and if they don't understand that well I got nothing for you then.
So we're going to talk about one more thing here and then I'm going to try to start to finish this up.
And this is kind of this kind of latches on to what I just said.
When you are making this list when you're when you're going through these things.
Underline underline the things that you are most grateful for.
If it's a person underline it if it's if it's you know a cat in my case you underline it if it's an object of some sort you under you know if you really love your car and you like the fact that you know taking good care of it or whatever underline the car.
Focus use those as your focus as you're moving through this exercise.
Those are the things that you feel the most gratitude for especially if if there were gifts that that makes it even better if somebody gave you.
Say you're married and you have a wedding ring and every time you look at it you feel good because it it resembles it recognize you recognize the love you know that you've shared for however long.
Then write that down write that item down and think about it.
I know it's on your finger but it's been on your finger for so many years or so many months that sometimes you even forget it's there.
And we want to be reminded of those promises of those vows of those of those of that love we want that reminder we want that to be a constant thing we want to to live in that moment and we want to appreciate the person that you're with and the things that they do for you.
One of the things that I started to do some time ago.
And like I said I'm going to start to finish this up because we're already almost an hour.
One of the things that I started some years ago.
This is a little insight into my life.
There was a point in time, I would say, 10 years ago, where if you asked me to cook something the only thing I could cook was cereal.
And maybe a can of soup.
I could I could make some fried eggs and some bacon with with some trouble.
I would often burn the bacon.
But when my store closed, I kind of didn't have anything to do.
I was, I was really super freaking depressed and I, I didn't have any skills to speak of to jump out and get another job so I just kind of was depressed in a home.
And in that I found that one of the things that I started to do was I started to make jerky.
Well, when that happened, I started like I started to learn how to do it.
We got a dehydrator. I learned all these different things and I was like, OK, well, I can do jerky.
And then I started to kind of I started to play with like, oh, I can make a steak.
Let's try to make a steak. I'd never cooked a steak.
And keep in mind, I was like almost 40 years old. So it was it was pretty sad, really.
But I really had never never needed to. I'd always relied on other people to make me something.
I just went out and got some Taco Bell. Like it was never it was never something that I really put any value on.
However, my girlfriend did put value on it and she at least at the time really, really appreciated my efforts to learn how to cook.
Now, I'm the only one that does any cooking in the house and I I do enjoy it.
I never thought I would. You know, I cook our I cook our Thanksgiving meal. I cook our Christmas meal.
I cook I do all the cooking and I'm good at it. I'm not you know, I'm not a chef.
I'm not perfect, but I do make good food and I'm proud of that because I I took that was kind of my way of dealing with my depression for so long was trying to find something that I I could do something that I felt proud of something that I could kind of hang my hat on, if you will.
And so in that and the reason I bring this up in this gratitude idea is that went on my list and I underlined that was the the way that I feel when I cook for people and they enjoy it.
Now, I want to I want to make this clear before I move on. One of the one of the downfalls of being hyper depressed like I was was that it kind of it kind of fills you with this.
I don't know. It's like an anti anti hope chemical where you start to you know when I say well this thing somebody showing gratitude here or I have gratitude for this.
So this thing makes me happy. Part of me is also like well if they don't show you that what does that do for you.
And that's that's a really messed up way of thinking. It's really not healthy because it hurts you and it hurts them.
There are a lot of times when I'll make dinner and you know I'll have cooked for four hours or whatever it may be.
And I don't eat until I know that everybody's taking a bite and everybody's OK because I want to make sure that if I need to do anything you know.
So there's a lot of times when I just I don't even eat when my food's hot like I don't get to it because I'm so hyper fixated on making sure that everybody else is OK and happy.
So it can be a drawback right. Like it can be a it can be a bad thing too.
And that's something that I have to work on. But it is an example of the way that your mind can kind of take these things and turn them against you to a certain degree.
And you really got to be careful with that. I'm trying as hard as I can to not feel that way. But it is difficult because it you know like I said the cooking the meals thing it became such an important thing to me that now when I feel like somebody maybe doesn't like the food I made it hurts.
And I you know I want to make it better if I can. So it's just that's just one of those things that I had thought about and I wanted to make sure I shared because it is a pitfall that you can you know you need to be careful of.
So we're going to wrap this up. But before I do I want to fulfill my promise and I want to make sure that I completely and totally describe what I mean when I say living in appreciation.
I think that it is so important to understand that living with appreciation and living in appreciation are two different things.
Living with appreciation is the simple fact or the simple matter of I appreciate this and I you know that's it.
Like that's that's living with appreciation is oh you did this thing for me. I appreciate that that feeling lasts and then it fades and you go it goes away and then you're on to the next thing that's living with appreciation.
It is a companion that sometimes makes an appearance and you appreciate it. You like it when it's there but you don't necessarily dwell in it.
But what does it mean to live in appreciation. Living in appreciation is an active choice. It is an active idea.
It is something that requires concentration. It is something that requires careful thought and understanding. It is knowing that every day every moment every person every interaction every everything you do everything that you see can be appreciated in some way.
Now that seems a little crazy to say it like that but think about how many times you've gotten up you've done what your normal routine whatever it may be you get up you get your coffee you know clean up you get ready for work you walk outside you get in your car you drive to work you do your work thing.
You know go to lunch see with some co-workers whatever come home go pick up the kids go do your thing get home go inside prepare dinner get get dinner done eat dinner spend some time with the family get ready for bed go to bed sleep get up the next morning do the same thing.
How many times have you done that and how many times in those times have you ever stopped to look up and see the sky. How many times in your drive home have you pulled over to look at the sunset.
How many times have you really taken a moment and said you know what it's really nice that I can get in my car and drive somewhere 20 miles away and you know I don't I don't have to have air conditioning.
I can you know I can sit in my car quietly if I'd like to or listen to some music or I can you know I can I just have this time to myself I can I can use this time to you know really think about problems.
How many how many times do you do you go to bed at night and you are reading a book or you listen to a podcast or your whatever it may be and you you you don't really take that time to think about how wonderful even even if you're having troubles even if you're struggling.
How wonderful it is just to be you.
And that goes back to self appreciation and things like that but you know it's we often forget to move through life and be happy.
Just be happy with who you are and what you have and where you have been understand that your struggles as horrible as they may be your traumas your tragedies.
They are building blocks. They are they are the thing that move you to the next phase of your life and as horrible as they are and I wish to God that I could stop all of it from happening to everyone but I can't and neither can you and we need to reimagine and learn to re understand.
Change our understanding I should say of what these things are to us.
You know I this whole podcast and my tick tock channel and everything came out of a horrible tragic not tragic but horrible trauma for me where I was losing somebody that I loved very dearly in my life slowly over you know a couple of weeks they just kind of peeled themselves away from me and it was so painful.
And so traumatic that it really did cause me to kind of go into a trauma response and I for a while I really thought that this whole thing was just that I thought that was just meet my way of kind of dealing with the pain.
But what I've.
What I have since learned and what I now understand is that it.
It wasn't that it was it was more my response to this level of pain was to fall back inside of myself and find who I was again who I have been and who I'd like to be.
I I am living every moment understanding that it could all be gone tomorrow.
I'm living quite literally with with death or the end of things on my mind all the time and not in a bad way.
I'm not it's not a bad thing and I'm not I'm not saying that you have to do this I'm not I'm not prescribing this I'm saying that's how I'm I'm living my life now.
I'm tired of of you know some famous person dies and people say things like oh this person puts it into perspective or you know something tragic happens and you say well sometimes you know we just have to think about the fact that you know this is what's happening.
I don't I don't want to think like that anymore I don't want to be that person anymore and of course I'm going to be at time from time to time but really I want.
I want to live so much in the moment.
I want to live in a way that.
I am you know.
There's a quote for this shocking I know.
And what's funny is that you know I've used the quote before so I actually didn't want to say it again but you know when it when it works it works and I'm not going to go against it but throw throw one of his most famous quotes really I'm sure you'll know it once I say it.
He wrote, I went to the woods because I wish to live deliberately the front only the essential facts of life and see if I could not learn what it had to teach and not when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.
I did not wish to live.
What was not life.
Living is so dear.
Nor did I wish to practice resignation.
Unless it was quite necessary.
I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.
That's where I'm at now. That's, that's how I'm living my life as much as I possibly can from from this moment from last week from a month ago from three months ago.
That's, that's where I am now. I wish to live deliberately to front only the essential facts of life.
And to do that, I have to be appreciative of what I have, who I am, and where I'm going. I have to understand it. And if I don't understand it that I'm working to understand it, and I want the same thing for you.
Now I've, I've spent a lot of this episode just talking about things from my point of view and that's one of the reasons why I put that disclaimer at the beginning saying that I you know I don't really know, necessarily, the best way to go about this.
Appreciation is a nebulous idea because it is literally different for every single individual, how I think about it, how you think about it, our dictionary definitions may be the same, but how we express it and how we feel it are two very, very different things.
And I want to make sure that it's understood that I want for you, what I'm beginning to understand for myself.
And if I, as I've learned more, I'm going to share those things, probably on TikTok but I know for a fact I'm going to have this conversation, or something like this conversation again on the podcast.
I know I am. And I want those of you that listen to know that, you know, this isn't a finished product. I'm not, not the podcast, not me.
I'm learning as we go. I have a lot of, I have a lot to go, I have a lot to understand.
I believe that my life has led me in a way that,
it's funny the way I just thought about that when I said that, I believe my life has led me.
Let me, let me, let me make this point. I know I've already run way over where I want to be but what I just said there is, is the key.
The key to everything. I believe my life has led me.
That's true. That is very true. My life has led me. I have allowed my life to lead me, and I have been an observer in a lot of it.
For 15 plus years, I was an observer in my own body as depression took so much from me.
I'm not, I'm not going to allow that to happen anymore.
I'm not letting my life lead me anywhere anymore. I wish to live deliberately.
And I'm going to do that. Step by step, day by day, moment by moment. It's a struggle.
And I'm trying. And in doing that, in trying and struggling and sharing these moments with all of you,
sometimes I'm going to have episodes like this where I just talk about it from my point of view.
And I hope that you understand that when I do that, it's because I don't necessarily know if the advice I'm giving you will work for you.
I hope it does. I hope you try some of the things I talked about here because they have worked for me.
And I hope you can see that in the way that I'm talking about it. I'm not, I'm not really trying to sell anything.
I'm just trying to help people. And if I can, if I can lead the way through my own example,
knowing where I have been and where I've allowed myself to be, then I will have accomplished something.
And I'm good with that. So we're going to wrap it up. I know that I've overshot by quite a bit here.
So we're going to do our best to keep them under an hour as I go forward, or at least as close to an hour as I can.
I have I do have another quote that I want to finish on. And and I want to say thank you to those of you that listened to the podcast
and those of you that have come along so far for the journey.
I we are numbers actually spiked on the episode where I said I was going to start doing one every other week, which is crazy.
But I do appreciate people finding me. And I do appreciate the fact that you guys are are listening and appreciating what I'm saying.
Your appreciation is leading me towards understanding and it is helping me continue to try to get my message out into this world.
And while I'm not as important as the message is, it certainly does feel good to be respected and valued.
So I want to thank you. And let's get to the quote.
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common.
That's it's funny because it doesn't say appreciation in the quote.
But I I read that and I thought there's nothing there's nothing that can summarize what I'm trying to say here more than that quote can.
We are all seeking wisdom and we are all trying to become better versions of ourselves.
And in doing that, it is very, very important to understand that it's not it's not always going to be massive sweeping changes.
It's not always going to be, you know, life events that lead to awakenings.
It's not always going to be, you know, a giant person in your life coming and, you know, sweeping you up and telling you that this needs to happen.
Sometimes it's the smallest, most common things.
Sometimes sometimes when you're lost and alone and don't feel appreciated and don't quite understand what this world means and how to make it through.
Sometimes it's learning to see the miraculous in the common, the things that you see every day, the things that you maybe don't appreciate.
But you will learn to as you start to understand just how miraculous they are.
Sometimes it's as simple as a plastic orange picture that your mom used to wash your hair with and that she still has by her in her bathroom, sitting by the toilet bowl.
Anyway, that's my poetry for today.
I appreciate you all. Thank you very much for listening and we're going to stay on the once every two weeks schedule.
I will let everybody know the topic of the next episode and probably in another three or four days.
Well, after I get things figured out, thank you.
This this episode is actually releasing a few hours late.
I had some things come up and some things on TikTok I needed to talk about.
So I did release a few hours late.
So thank you again. I will talk to you very soon and I appreciate you.
Thank you.