1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,240 Hey there folks, welcome to episode 12 of a pebble in a pond. 2 00:00:05,400 --> 00:00:09,600 Oh boy, this is gonna be a rough one. I know it's gonna be a rough one because I've 3 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:16,560 I've tried to record this now. Well, this will be the fourth time. I haven't really been able to get through 4 00:00:17,240 --> 00:00:21,960 different parts of this and so I've just decided to rerecord the whole thing because 5 00:00:23,200 --> 00:00:25,200 It's a it's a tough 6 00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:29,960 Tough concept today. We're going to be talking about forgiveness and 7 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:38,840 More so than any of the other topics this is one that is going to probably hit home for most people 8 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:41,840 I 9 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:47,640 Don't there's no easy way to get through it. There's no easy way to 10 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:52,240 work on it and there's really not an easy way to 11 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:57,520 Hold it near in your heart if you either are somebody that can forgive 12 00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:00,240 or you're somebody that can't and 13 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:06,840 Most people can most you again, but there are a lot of people out there that just don't have it in them to forgive 14 00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:12,840 So what we're gonna do is I'm gonna go ahead and we're gonna start the music right away 15 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:17,440 so does I tell you as soon as I finish telling you what we're gonna do and 16 00:01:17,440 --> 00:01:21,160 I'm gonna go ahead and I'm gonna just start with some quotes and I'm not gonna 17 00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:23,960 I'm not just gonna have one quote and talk about it 18 00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:28,080 I'm gonna go ahead and talk about a couple of quotes because forgiveness is something that 19 00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:30,960 transcends 20 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:33,360 everything really 21 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,360 you're talking about 22 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:37,360 ideas and concepts that 23 00:01:38,480 --> 00:01:42,640 Are so deep and so difficult for so many people that 24 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:48,000 I feel like we should give the voices of our past a little bit more 25 00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:54,000 Respect and a little bit more appreciation 26 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:59,840 On this episode because they're gonna say things in ways that I can't say them 27 00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:02,720 probably 28 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:04,720 At least right now 29 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:06,040 without 30 00:02:06,040 --> 00:02:08,040 Just you just hearing 31 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:12,760 A bearded man cry for an hour, so we don't want to do that. So instead we're going to 32 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:19,520 Talk about a couple of quotes. We're gonna get into those a little bit and we're just gonna go from there. I 33 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:24,640 Can't tell you how difficult this topic is for me and 34 00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:27,320 how much it 35 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:31,760 It hurts at a certain level to discuss it 36 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:34,680 That is why I'm not gonna go ahead and talk about it 37 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:39,480 At a certain level to discuss it. That is why I wanted to make this episode and 38 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:43,360 That is why we will get into I will discuss some personal things 39 00:02:43,880 --> 00:02:46,440 So if that makes you uncomfortable, I apologize for that 40 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:49,120 But I think that it's important 41 00:02:50,520 --> 00:02:55,560 For people to understand and for people to see a real example of what 42 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:58,600 forgiveness is how it works 43 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:02,680 how a lot of people can get through it in their minds and 44 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:06,240 The power the transformational power that it holds 45 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:08,160 so 46 00:03:08,160 --> 00:03:37,080 So without further ado, let me go ahead and play the song 47 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:45,160 When I was thinking about doing this episode I had a couple other ideas in mind for a couple other topics and 48 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:51,200 I was trying as hard as I could to give myself a reason to do those other topics 49 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:55,640 I really wanted to avoid this one for as long as I could to try to give myself a chance to really 50 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:59,120 You know work through what I was trying to do 51 00:03:59,120 --> 00:04:03,400 And I think that's what I wanted to do. I wanted to do this episode 52 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:08,400 I wanted to do this one for as long as I could to try to give myself a chance to really you know work through 53 00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:16,400 some of the issues that I have and you know put myself in a place where I'd be better off talking about this 54 00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:20,400 But then as I thought about it, and I really got to 55 00:04:21,400 --> 00:04:25,400 I don't want to maybe an understanding of where I am 56 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:32,400 I just I just figured I would record this episode for I 57 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:39,400 guess so that someday I can go back and I can listen to it or maybe somebody else can listen to it and and 58 00:04:39,400 --> 00:04:47,400 I guess see a point in time where you know how I've changed and how I you know kind of a kind of a benchmark and 59 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:54,400 So I'm I'm approaching this episode like I said I've tried to record it a few times now 60 00:04:55,400 --> 00:05:01,920 I've had different segments work out and and I liked it, but then it just didn't fit with the other stuff 61 00:05:01,920 --> 00:05:03,920 I was trying to do so this one. I'm 62 00:05:04,080 --> 00:05:07,680 I'm going to kind of peel the veil back a little bit 63 00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:13,240 Before we get too far into this and I'm gonna tell you that I'm basically recording this all in one shot 64 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:17,640 I'm not doing as many edits. I'm not gonna do segments really 65 00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:20,960 I'm just gonna basically talk and see what happens 66 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:26,920 The reason there's it's a kind of a twofold reason one because I wasn't able to get through it 67 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:30,040 Without 68 00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:37,760 Crying and being extremely emotional the other way and this way at least it'll be more organic and I'll I'll have to 69 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:40,320 work through it in real time and 70 00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:43,120 Also, I'm really looking to maybe 71 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:49,440 Record episodes live instead of recording them and posting them. I'm thinking that maybe I will 72 00:05:50,280 --> 00:05:56,920 I'll start recording them like during a tick-tock live or you know, whatever whatever social media I can do it on 73 00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:02,320 And I'll just do the episode live like that so that people can actually take part in the conversation 74 00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:07,520 I had originally planned on having guests and things like that and I probably will still do that 75 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:09,520 I just have to get 76 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:15,760 Scheduling issues worked out and things like that and I have to come up with some topics that people really want to talk about with 77 00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:17,760 me, but 78 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:19,760 For now 79 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:26,040 My I think my goal will be to try to do more episodes in in this manner where I'm 80 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:28,080 I'm 81 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:32,080 Studying throughout the week. I'm learning about the topics. I'm 82 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:36,200 I'm starting, you know, I'm starting to feel comfortable with them and then I'm starting to feel comfortable with them 83 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:39,400 I'm starting to feel comfortable with them. And then when I go in to record the episode, I'm just gonna 84 00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:41,920 I'm just gonna let it go. I'm just gonna 85 00:06:42,240 --> 00:06:48,880 Have it be more of a stream of consciousness kind of thing instead of a you know me kind of building an episode 86 00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:54,040 Anyway, I just thought I'd touch on that before we dive too deep into this 87 00:06:54,880 --> 00:07:00,160 For two reasons one because I think it needs to be said and two because it kind of postpones the pain 88 00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:02,840 anyway 89 00:07:02,840 --> 00:07:06,120 First quote I wanted to get to was one that I read 90 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:08,680 I don't even know 91 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:11,800 I will say this I've 92 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:16,640 for those of you that have listened to the ticktocks and or the scene in the ticktock channel and 93 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:20,560 Those of you that have listened to other episodes you probably know that 94 00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:24,200 I've always 95 00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:30,760 Been a collector of different quotes and things like that and and really there are very few people more quotable than Mark Twain 96 00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:32,760 however 97 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:34,760 This is a quote that I 98 00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:41,520 Read I don't even know I was probably 13 or 14 and I really had no idea what it meant and I 99 00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:47,280 You know it was one of those things that I'd read it and I kind of just overlooked it and then as time went on 100 00:07:47,280 --> 00:07:49,280 And I lived life 101 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:54,280 It hit me harder and harder every time I saw it and 102 00:07:56,120 --> 00:07:57,280 Anyway 103 00:07:57,280 --> 00:08:00,080 Mark Twain once said forgiveness is the first thing 104 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:04,720 Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it 105 00:08:06,280 --> 00:08:08,120 That's 106 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:14,200 That's painful to read because it's so damn true. It is so damn true 107 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,000 you know you think about 108 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:21,400 you think about what it takes for you you to get to the point of 109 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:23,720 forgiveness 110 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:28,800 What it the pain that you have to endure? I mean we all go through little things, right? 111 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,800 We all we all have 112 00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:32,800 You know little 113 00:08:32,840 --> 00:08:39,320 Dealings with people where they're disrespectful or whatever it may be and these are kind of they are big but at the same time 114 00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:41,960 They're kind of small like they're just slights. You're not you're not as 115 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,080 You know that they're not they're not soul-shattering 116 00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:50,600 but so there's not really as much of a need for this 117 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:53,440 movement towards forgiveness for that 118 00:08:53,880 --> 00:08:54,960 but 119 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:59,960 When somebody really really hurts you when someone betrays you and someone lies to you and someone 120 00:09:00,320 --> 00:09:03,480 you know does the things that the people do and 121 00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:06,600 It leaves you 122 00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:08,800 Stunned your world is shattered 123 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:15,680 It's it's nigh impossible when you're feeling that pain to truly forgive 124 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,640 But when you do 125 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:27,000 It doesn't like you're never gonna be in a good state like forgiveness doesn't come from you being healed 126 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,720 forgiveness is how 127 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:37,400 You become healed and so with that quote forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that it has crushed it 128 00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:40,040 that's very 129 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:42,640 Representative of what it is like 130 00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:44,720 to 131 00:09:44,720 --> 00:09:50,120 Really try to forgive someone when they've hurt you you you you're crushed 132 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,800 you it destroys you and 133 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:55,840 Oftentimes the only way 134 00:09:56,440 --> 00:10:01,440 To feel whole again or to work your way back there is through forgiveness 135 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:04,240 you have to be able to 136 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:07,120 let go of 137 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:12,600 the anger and even hatred that you can feel towards somebody when they've hurt you and 138 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:17,360 Try to find a way towards love and understanding 139 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:26,480 And a lot of forgiveness before we get to the next quote. I wanted to say this a lot of forgiveness comes from perspective and 140 00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:29,120 understanding 141 00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:31,120 how 142 00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:32,920 Someone could do something like that to you 143 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:37,600 You really have to understand it from their perspective and 144 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:43,200 Oftentimes especially in today's world that is very very difficult for people perspective is not easy for people to 145 00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:45,840 appreciate and understand and 146 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:51,800 Oftentimes, I think social media has a lot to do with this, but oftentimes people 147 00:10:52,880 --> 00:10:54,880 feel the need to 148 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:57,840 Kind of put their own 149 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:01,360 their own prejudices their own biases on 150 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:06,200 Hypotheticals, you know we tend to want to think about 151 00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:12,240 How we would do it if we were in that position and not how the person would do it because they're in that position, right? 152 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:16,160 Like we have a hard time putting ourselves in somebody else's shoes. We always think about 153 00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:22,000 Just the fact that we're in their shoes and not the the miles they've walked if that makes sense to people 154 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:26,800 you know, it's important to understand people's perspective how they've arrived where they are and 155 00:11:27,640 --> 00:11:29,160 then 156 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:30,160 while 157 00:11:30,160 --> 00:11:32,160 Each of us may have chosen a different path 158 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:35,960 That would have led us away from hurting someone you 159 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:41,960 Have to be able to kind of chart that path and say oh, I see how you got there 160 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:47,360 I don't agree with it, but I see how you got there and because I understand how you got there. I 161 00:11:47,880 --> 00:11:49,880 Can forgive you? 162 00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:55,240 The next quote that I wanted to use or I wanted to share I should say is 163 00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:57,480 by Maya Angelou 164 00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:02,280 And she said one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself to forgive 165 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:04,800 forgive everybody and 166 00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:11,840 I think that I mean it really doesn't get more powerful than that or more honest 167 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:15,280 It's important as we 168 00:12:16,160 --> 00:12:22,480 Go through and talk about forgiveness that there's an understanding of what exactly forgiveness is and 169 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:24,400 this quote 170 00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:26,400 Really does lead me to that 171 00:12:27,520 --> 00:12:29,520 forgiveness is 172 00:12:29,560 --> 00:12:31,560 thought of as 173 00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:40,760 Something you give to others you are you are giving it as a gift and it can be it is to a certain degree it is 174 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,320 But 175 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:46,120 Forgiveness is usually for yourself 176 00:12:47,440 --> 00:12:49,440 You forgive when you've been hurt 177 00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:51,800 now 178 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:54,840 The the act of forgiveness is 179 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,760 Giving someone a gift. It's giving someone 180 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:05,560 It's basically saying you no longer owe me for this you you are nullifying a debt. That's what forgiveness really is 181 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:08,200 You are saying to somebody 182 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:13,480 You hurt me or you did this or you did whatever and because of that I 183 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:19,720 Am now you are now indebted to me in some way you either owe me, you know an apology 184 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:23,880 You owe me whatever it may be and when you forgive you're saying 185 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:26,400 You know what? Don't worry about it 186 00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,640 this one's on the house and 187 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:37,520 That's really what forgiveness is but but the reason that you forgive is not necessarily to make somebody else feel better 188 00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:40,560 And that's important to understand 189 00:13:42,040 --> 00:13:46,280 Forgiveness is never going to remove shame 190 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,280 It's never going to take away 191 00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:52,240 The regret that somebody feels for hurting you it's never going to 192 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:58,440 You can't shrieve someone of their sins through forgiveness. So what is the purpose of it? 193 00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:01,920 It's for you. It's for the person that does the forgiving 194 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:05,360 There's there's 195 00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:11,760 Numerous studies plenty of medical literature out there lots of studies that have been done that show that 196 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:17,920 People that are able to forgive legitimately forgive to let go of 197 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:24,080 Hatred or anger or whatever it may be are 198 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:29,360 Are actually physically better like we don't have as much heart disease 199 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:34,160 You don't have as much you know any of the other things that come with anxiety and and stress 200 00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:37,360 You're able to let go of that. It literally makes you healthy 201 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:43,360 You're able to let go of that. It literally makes you healthier to forgive people. That's a scientific fact 202 00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:47,280 That's not me extrapolating some, you know, fly-by-night 203 00:14:48,280 --> 00:14:50,880 Study that's literally been done over and over again 204 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:54,320 But but how do we do it? 205 00:14:54,320 --> 00:15:00,560 How do we just let go of those grudges of those of that pain of the wounds that people cause you? 206 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:02,560 How do you let go of that? 207 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:05,120 well 208 00:15:05,120 --> 00:15:09,920 it takes time and it takes a 209 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:14,200 Conscious effort it takes understanding 210 00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:19,200 it takes like I said an understanding not just of yourself, but of 211 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:25,480 Their perspective and that's really key. That is a really important part is understanding perspective 212 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:29,480 it is always important to remember that 213 00:15:29,480 --> 00:15:33,880 We the way people see the world defines their reality and 214 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:39,640 The way so the way I see things and the way you see things are very very different 215 00:15:41,240 --> 00:15:45,240 Your reality is defined by the way by your perspective as is mine 216 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,040 When somebody comes along and they hurt you 217 00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:50,840 It changes your reality 218 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:57,400 And here's here's something that I think most people can agree with on this is is that often 219 00:15:57,400 --> 00:15:59,880 Times that the people that you need to forgive 220 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:02,600 Are the people that you trusted the most 221 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:06,840 the people that you relied on to the people that you loved and 222 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:11,960 They come along and they do or they say something that wounds you deeply 223 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:18,840 What what is important to understand there is the way that that shatters your entire worldview. It shatters your reality 224 00:16:19,720 --> 00:16:21,720 You thought this person was 225 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:23,480 everything 226 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,480 You thought they were 227 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:28,920 You thought they were perfect and to a certain degree right? 228 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:32,200 you knew they weren't you know about their but you thought you could trust them and 229 00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:36,920 Then they come along and they do or say something and it literally will shatter 230 00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:39,320 Not just the reality that you knew 231 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:41,880 understanding all of the past 232 00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:48,040 The like basically since you found out about the betrayal or the lie or whatever it is that the horrible thing they said 233 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:55,200 But then the future like it changes the way that you view them from that point on it changes everything 234 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,200 about the dynamic and 235 00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,240 so 236 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:02,040 When you think about that you have to understand that 237 00:17:04,120 --> 00:17:06,120 To forgive 238 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:08,360 Is to not just 239 00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:12,640 Say hey, don't worry about it. Hey, I got this one. This one's on the house 240 00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:17,080 It's not just to say that it's to say I am letting go of these feelings 241 00:17:17,920 --> 00:17:22,360 I'm letting go of it. I I'm not gonna carry this burden anymore. I 242 00:17:22,360 --> 00:17:26,280 I I'm better than this and I deserve better than this 243 00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:31,480 Forgiveness isn't just about giving yourself a gift as Maya Angelou said 244 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:36,680 It is one of the greatest gifts that you can ever give yourself. It is it truly is it's about 245 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:41,560 Understanding who you are and 246 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:46,040 appreciating your own self-worth your own value and 247 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:52,360 Knowing that if someone hurts you if someone has come along and caused you that pain 248 00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:54,840 that is going to haunt you and 249 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:57,400 linger with you and stay with you for 250 00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:01,400 days or weeks or months or years or a lifetime 251 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,320 That they did it because 252 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:09,720 They were not on your level. They were not 253 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:14,360 You had raised them up and put them in a position where they could do that 254 00:18:14,360 --> 00:18:16,360 to you and 255 00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:18,440 Once they've done it 256 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:23,800 You understand that they're no longer they no longer deserve to be in that position 257 00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:27,480 That doesn't mean that you hate them. That doesn't mean that you think less of them necessarily 258 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:31,480 It just means that you have to remove them from the pedestal you put them on 259 00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:37,720 And so when you think about what Maya Angelou said here, you're giving yourself a gift of 260 00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:43,880 true in I don't want to say enlightenment, but a true understanding of 261 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:45,720 the 262 00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,720 of a shared reality 263 00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:52,680 And I think that kind of is the is the defining thing there, right like 264 00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:58,040 If somebody does something that hurts you if somebody does something that causes you pain 265 00:18:58,040 --> 00:19:00,600 We I think we all kind of understand, you know 266 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:04,920 There's therapy is is rampant enough and people have a better understanding of the way 267 00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:08,440 People work for the most part. So you understand that this is somebody that's hurt, you know 268 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,000 The the phrase hurt people hurt people 269 00:19:11,560 --> 00:19:16,840 So you understand that if somebody lies to you if somebody hurts you if somebody does something horrible to you 270 00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,560 That requires forgiveness 271 00:19:19,880 --> 00:19:24,440 Then you know that they're coming from a place of pain. They're coming from a place of insecurity. They're coming from a place of 272 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:29,080 And that allows you understanding that allows you to kind of 273 00:19:29,720 --> 00:19:32,680 Put them down a peg in your life. It gives you true understanding 274 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:37,240 You can then say I see why you did that. I see why you've done this 275 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:39,320 You are not 276 00:19:39,320 --> 00:19:41,320 a healed healthy person 277 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:43,560 You hurt me 278 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:44,600 because 279 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:48,680 You know, maybe you didn't even know you were doing it. Maybe you had no idea and 280 00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:54,840 That allows you, you know, once you have that perspective that allows you to give yourself the gift of 281 00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:58,440 a better understanding you you 282 00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:01,720 Forgive so that you can feel 283 00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,280 as if 284 00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:07,960 You know you I hate to say it that way. I don't want to say it that way 285 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:13,480 You forgive so that you can move on with your life. You don't have to leave them behind 286 00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:17,080 You just have to understand their place in your life has changed 287 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,800 Does that make sense? I hope it does 288 00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:24,840 Another quote that I found that I really really love 289 00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:27,640 Is by a psychologist named Thomas Saz 290 00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:34,040 He's actually very well known. So if you know anything about psychology and the history of it, you would know the name 291 00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:36,760 He has 292 00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:38,760 He has a lot he said a lot 293 00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:43,480 but one of his one of his quotes that I just absolutely love on this topic is 294 00:20:44,360 --> 00:20:47,000 The stupid neither forgive nor forget 295 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:49,320 the naive 296 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:51,320 Forgive and forget 297 00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:54,680 the naive forgive and forget 298 00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,000 the wise 299 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:59,480 Forgive but do not forget 300 00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:03,480 and I really really wanted to make sure I got this in here because 301 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:09,880 It's important to understand that this episode is about forgiveness. It's not about being an idiot 302 00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:17,880 It is really really important to understand and then the reason why I followed this quote after the Maya Angelou quote is it's really important to understand 303 00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:20,200 Once again, forgiveness is a gift for yourself 304 00:21:20,200 --> 00:21:25,480 It is it is not a selfish act, but it is a gift for yourself 305 00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:32,120 You are doing it to allow yourself to move on to allow yourself true understanding of a situation to 306 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,720 to almost force a perspective for yourself 307 00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:38,840 and because of that 308 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:46,040 You cannot forget what these people have done to you what this person has how this person has hurt you you cannot forget that 309 00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:48,760 You must understand 310 00:21:48,760 --> 00:21:52,280 The people that come into your life and cause this kind of pain 311 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:58,600 because that's how you learn and that's how you grow pain is a teaching tool and 312 00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:04,760 That's just the way of the world. We learn through failure and pain and because of that 313 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:08,440 When someone deceives you when someone hurts you 314 00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:14,920 You must then never forget what they've done. You can forgive them. You can move past it 315 00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:19,560 You can say you know what don't worry about it, but you should always be wary of it 316 00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:26,760 And not only that but it it allows you it opens up the door for you to then and this is important 317 00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:30,200 Especially for the podcast. Um, it allows you then to 318 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:36,040 Adore to say okay. Well, why did you do that? And how can we make it? So you're not like that anymore? 319 00:22:36,280 --> 00:22:38,760 How can we make it so that this is a wound that is healed? 320 00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:42,280 How can we do how can we look at this and say, you know what? 321 00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:48,680 You did this because of whatever, you know underlying issues. So let's work on those issues so that 322 00:22:49,240 --> 00:22:54,360 You and I don't have to have this anymore. I don't I can then begin to trust you again 323 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:57,160 But until that happens 324 00:22:57,560 --> 00:23:01,080 That trust can't be there right? You can't forget what they've done 325 00:23:02,360 --> 00:23:05,080 for forgiving and forgetting while 326 00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:08,600 They often are said together 327 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:14,360 Like that quote says the stupid neither forgive nor forget and the naive forgive and forget 328 00:23:15,560 --> 00:23:19,400 It is it is asinine to hold on to 329 00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:23,800 pain and anguish and anger and hatred 330 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:26,360 When 331 00:23:26,360 --> 00:23:28,360 It's only poisoning yourself 332 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:30,440 There's just no reason to do that 333 00:23:31,080 --> 00:23:34,120 But it's also really really really damn dumb 334 00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:38,120 To forgive somebody and just allow them to continue to hurt you 335 00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:41,320 Because you've for forgiven and forgotten 336 00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:46,040 You cannot do that. You must remember and you must act accordingly 337 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,080 Forgiveness doesn't mean being a dipshit 338 00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:51,320 it means 339 00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:55,560 Understanding why and that's why I said perspective is so important 340 00:23:56,280 --> 00:24:00,360 A lot of times when you hear people talk about forgiveness, they tend to leave out the fact that 341 00:24:00,360 --> 00:24:04,280 Perspective is so important. You know, you really must understand 342 00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:07,640 How somebody arrives at the ability to hurt someone? 343 00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:12,120 I I see on social media all the time. I see people say, you know 344 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:14,600 there's 345 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:17,960 It makes you better when you understand, you know 346 00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:21,000 When somebody hurts you and things like that, it makes you better because you know 347 00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:25,720 That you could never do that to someone and that's fine. That's true. That's absolutely true 348 00:24:25,720 --> 00:24:28,520 It does put you in a position where you can't do that 349 00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:33,240 Absolutely true. It does put you in a position where you not not in a not so that you can say well 350 00:24:33,240 --> 00:24:36,520 I'm better than you but you can say well I make 351 00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:39,080 I wouldn't I wouldn't hurt somebody like that 352 00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:43,720 And a lot of us can say that a lot of us can say I would never do these things to somebody 353 00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:47,320 I would never hurt somebody like that. I would never lie to somebody or I would never 354 00:24:48,120 --> 00:24:52,200 and that puts you in a position where there is a bit of 355 00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,800 I don't want to say I don't use the word superiority. But yeah, I mean 356 00:24:55,800 --> 00:25:01,560 We are defined by our choices. We are defined by the things we do and to a lesser degree the things we say 357 00:25:02,360 --> 00:25:03,720 and if you 358 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:10,120 Live your life where you're not hurting people and you're not lying to people and you're you you don't have to seek forgiveness often 359 00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:15,480 Then yeah, you are living a better life. You are living a as a better person 360 00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:19,960 And you should you should be treated thusly and you should be 361 00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:23,080 And and when I say treated thusly, I mean by yourself 362 00:25:23,080 --> 00:25:25,320 You know you are you are 363 00:25:25,560 --> 00:25:30,360 You are approaching life and and making decisions from a better place 364 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:35,560 A more whole and healed and healthy and loving place 365 00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:39,720 Does that mean that you should sit in judgment of other people? Absolutely not 366 00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:43,400 But it means that you certainly can say I see this 367 00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:51,240 I see the truth of this. I understand the positioning of it. I understand the perspectives involved and because of that 368 00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:53,240 I can then help somebody through it 369 00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:58,200 I think that that's really important. I think that 370 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:00,520 forgiveness 371 00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:02,520 leads to 372 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:07,000 An understanding that allows you to help somebody heal 373 00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:15,640 Which leads to my next quote and you'll often hear me quote Bruce Lee because this is 374 00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:19,160 He's one of my most influential people 375 00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:21,160 in my life, but 376 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:26,680 Bruce Lee once said mistakes are always forgivable if one has the courage to admit them 377 00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:32,040 And that's that's why I said that leads to this is because forgiveness is 378 00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:36,520 Only something that can be done with a certain level of contrition 379 00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:41,640 People have to admit that they made a mistake people have to understand that 380 00:26:42,360 --> 00:26:45,400 There was wrongdoing people have to know that 381 00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:52,040 It was you know, it their actions caused pain and then they have to say I didn't want to cause pain 382 00:26:52,360 --> 00:26:56,600 How can I you know, how can I correct that and then you can offer forgiveness? 383 00:26:57,960 --> 00:26:59,960 It's difficult to offer forgiveness 384 00:27:00,680 --> 00:27:03,000 When you know that somebody hurts you on purpose 385 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:09,320 That is the most difficult form of forgiveness and one that I honestly don't know how you do that 386 00:27:09,320 --> 00:27:11,320 I wish I could tell you in this podcast 387 00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:20,360 I don't know I don't know how you move past a conscious decision to hurt somebody 388 00:27:20,920 --> 00:27:22,360 I really don't 389 00:27:22,360 --> 00:27:24,360 But let me be clear 390 00:27:24,360 --> 00:27:25,800 It's 391 00:27:25,800 --> 00:27:31,160 We'll use a we'll use a hypothetical for this because I don't really know anybody in this position, but 392 00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:35,160 Let's say a husband cheats on a wife 393 00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:42,280 Um, let's say a husband cheats on a wife, uh, and you know, it's a full cheating 394 00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:46,120 Not just an emotional thing, uh, like it's a full, you know, he goes and has an affair with 395 00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:48,680 Maybe he does it multiple times 396 00:27:48,920 --> 00:27:50,920 It's important to understand that while 397 00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:56,360 What he has done is horrible and wrong and has caused hurt and pain 398 00:27:58,360 --> 00:28:03,800 It is it is feasible for for that man to then say I I didn't mean to hurt you 399 00:28:03,800 --> 00:28:11,800 And and the reason why that's feasible even though obviously there's multiple things that he did along the way the lies the the actual act of the cheating 400 00:28:12,120 --> 00:28:16,600 Like everything that goes with it every single moment was a choice that he made to do that 401 00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:19,080 He cheated 402 00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:23,320 Hundreds of times to just to do the one like actual cheating 403 00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:25,160 You know just 404 00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:30,840 So it's important to understand that like he had all of these opportunities to kind of change his ways if you will 405 00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:35,240 And he he didn't but he obviously wasn't in his right mind 406 00:28:35,960 --> 00:28:42,280 Now that's not to say that you know, i'm not saying that I'm not defending him and i'm not but it is easy to understand 407 00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:44,280 Where forgiveness could come from there? 408 00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:49,320 You know he could say you know and you'll hear this a lot in like couples counseling and stuff you'll hear 409 00:28:50,200 --> 00:28:54,200 One partner or the other say well, I wasn't getting fulfilled. I wasn't getting this 410 00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:57,800 I wasn't I needed to find this and you weren't giving it to me 411 00:28:57,800 --> 00:29:01,720 You weren't giving it to me. And so then you get into that situation where 412 00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:03,480 Okay 413 00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:09,720 Now that we now that it's on the table because we lacked the communication necessary to work through this before it's on the table now 414 00:29:10,200 --> 00:29:12,200 Do you feel bad for what you've done? 415 00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:14,920 If the person says no 416 00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:17,480 Then it's over. There's nothing more to do 417 00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:20,680 There's you can't you can't work with that anymore 418 00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:22,680 They are 419 00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:24,520 They are unrepentant 420 00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:27,000 And therefore they need to move on 421 00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:32,280 But if someone says I yes, i'm sorry. I did not I did not mean to hurt you 422 00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:36,680 I was desperate I needed I needed to feel love. I needed to feel comfort 423 00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:41,720 I needed to feel whatever it may be and I didn't know how to ask you for it. So I went somewhere else 424 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:46,360 It's easy to understand where forgiveness could come there. It would be hard 425 00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:52,040 It would it's supposed to be hard and and it's not something that comes easily, but it starts with 426 00:29:53,800 --> 00:29:55,960 Having the courage to admit that you were wrong 427 00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:57,400 It starts with 428 00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:01,880 Understanding that there's going to be a certain amount of contrition that comes with 429 00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:06,840 That forgiveness that's the price you pay for the gift that is given 430 00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:12,600 And you know people say well, it's a gift. You don't pay for it. But unfortunately, that's just not the way that works 431 00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:16,600 There is a price to be paid for some gifts and and in this case 432 00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:20,280 Forgiveness is one of the ultimate gifts you can give 433 00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:23,160 Not just for the for yourself, but for them as well 434 00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:28,840 It allows relationships to move forward it allows and that's any relationship not just a romantic one 435 00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:32,440 Friendships are allowed to move forward through forgiveness 436 00:30:34,680 --> 00:30:38,200 Parents and children move forward through forgiveness 437 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:41,720 And that's important. That's an important one and 438 00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:48,200 What makes it important is it also leads to I think my last quote for the least for this segment 439 00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:50,920 is by oscar wild 440 00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:52,920 by oscar wild 441 00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:54,680 And he 442 00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:58,600 This one this is where i'm going to start to get a little emotional. So forgive me 443 00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:01,560 He said 444 00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:03,560 Children begin by loving their parents 445 00:31:04,440 --> 00:31:06,440 After a time they judge them 446 00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:08,840 Rarely if ever 447 00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:10,840 Do they forgive them? 448 00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:14,520 That one hits 449 00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:16,520 really really hard 450 00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:22,120 That one is is crushing for me. And like I said, this is where i'm going to start to get emotional 451 00:31:24,040 --> 00:31:30,280 This this quote is stunningly accurate in a way that 452 00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:33,400 Uh a poet maybe 453 00:31:33,720 --> 00:31:36,520 Only a poet could really could have really hit it on the head like this 454 00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:39,480 Children begin by loving their parents 455 00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:42,200 After a time they judge them 456 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:48,440 Rarely if ever do they forgive them? Well, if you've been paying attention to 457 00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:52,520 Any of these then you'll know that you know, I have 458 00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,000 issues with my father 459 00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:57,640 And that's that's really the personal thing that I wanted to talk about here 460 00:31:57,640 --> 00:32:04,040 I have a couple other instances of forgiveness that I could talk about and those that know me or that have listened to my 461 00:32:04,680 --> 00:32:11,960 Uh tiktoks or other episodes they know that there's you know situations where I I have forgiveness to offer or 462 00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:17,080 I have offered to people and I could talk about those but I think that my dad is is one that 463 00:32:17,720 --> 00:32:19,720 uh, I can touch on 464 00:32:20,200 --> 00:32:21,640 and 465 00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:22,840 um 466 00:32:22,840 --> 00:32:24,520 It's not 467 00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:29,320 It's not as emotional not because I don't it's not like I don't care. It's just not 468 00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:34,360 Um as fresh of a wound and uh, so it's easier for me to talk about 469 00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:41,560 So if you don't know i'm gonna give a quick update or I guess rundown not update. There's no update. Um 470 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:44,920 A quick rundown of what exactly happened between me and my father 471 00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:47,800 I'm not gonna go into too much detail because I want to just get through this but 472 00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:50,360 uh, basically at one point in time 473 00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:52,760 my father and I had a 474 00:32:53,240 --> 00:32:55,240 Had a bit of a misunderstanding 475 00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:58,200 Um, I had asked him for some help. Um 476 00:32:59,080 --> 00:33:01,080 financial help with um 477 00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:05,000 A store with the store that I ran, uh, we were we were failing pretty 478 00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:09,640 pretty successfully we were successfully failing and um 479 00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:17,080 We I needed help I needed help to pay rent and things like that and and my dad at the time was was doing pretty well 480 00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:22,520 He had some money and and I knew that asking him for it was difficult. He never enjoyed 481 00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:29,000 You know being asked for money, but I didn't have much of a choice. I was I was desperate to keep my my business open 482 00:33:29,800 --> 00:33:31,000 and so 483 00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:33,000 I asked him 484 00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:35,320 and he 485 00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:41,160 Very disrespectfully declined and told me that he didn't ever really believe that I should have 486 00:33:41,720 --> 00:33:46,440 Done this and that I shouldn't have been in business and that I should have I should have cashed in a long time ago 487 00:33:46,520 --> 00:33:48,920 I shouldn't have been there. I shouldn't have gone into business with my friend 488 00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:53,480 I shouldn't have there's all sorts of there was you know, a laundry list of things that I had done wrong 489 00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:55,960 and he just felt the need in that moment my moment of 490 00:33:55,960 --> 00:34:00,520 need to unload that on me and so my 491 00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:06,840 My initial response was not to him necessarily but in my own mind was 492 00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:11,160 Wow, that really sucks. That really hurts like that's 493 00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:14,440 That's not right like to feel I shouldn't feel like 494 00:34:15,080 --> 00:34:18,360 like I've been given up on by my own father and 495 00:34:19,640 --> 00:34:21,080 I'm sure there's you know 496 00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:25,160 Everybody has that feeling at some point in time where they feel like their father doesn't support them or their mother 497 00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:27,160 doesn't support them, but this was like a 498 00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:31,080 This was like a confirmation of that lack of support 499 00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:33,080 and so I 500 00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:38,760 Started to think about the pain that I was in and this this happened years and years ago. Like we're talking it's been 501 00:34:39,240 --> 00:34:43,080 I don't know close to 15 years now. Well, probably 12 years now 502 00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:47,080 But I started to think about the pain that 503 00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:50,440 I was going through at that point in time the pain that I felt 504 00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:52,920 Reading his words and understanding 505 00:34:52,920 --> 00:34:54,920 That's the other thing this was through emails. So 506 00:34:57,240 --> 00:34:58,040 I 507 00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:02,840 Felt that pain, you know reading his words and trying to wrap my head around how somebody could say that 508 00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:05,160 How could how could he choose that point to? 509 00:35:06,040 --> 00:35:08,840 to drop all of that on me and so I 510 00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:11,560 in that moment, I 511 00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:13,800 You know, I returned 512 00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:15,880 an email to him that 513 00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:18,360 basically just said 514 00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:21,800 You know you he he's someone who and this is I'm not basically 515 00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:27,080 And this is I'm not being inaccurate in saying this. He's someone who's kind of gone through his life just hurting people 516 00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:31,480 He's been very selfish throughout his life and 517 00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:36,200 He has made a lot of decisions that hurt 518 00:35:36,840 --> 00:35:38,840 people in my family my mother 519 00:35:39,720 --> 00:35:43,720 and you know, my dad my dad had girlfriends and things like that and 520 00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:46,680 He hurt them too 521 00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:47,640 and 522 00:35:47,640 --> 00:35:49,560 In doing so he hurt 523 00:35:49,560 --> 00:35:53,640 Like my children he hurt me and so when thinking about that, I I 524 00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:59,640 The email that I returned to him basically said look you've done this and I I didn't obviously name everything that he'd done 525 00:35:59,720 --> 00:36:02,360 But I I gave him a list of things that he had done that 526 00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:04,840 That had hurt people 527 00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:06,520 That I knew about 528 00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:09,000 And I just said to him, you know, you've gone through life 529 00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:13,880 You've got your entire existence on this planet. You've just kind of barreled through life 530 00:36:13,880 --> 00:36:20,680 Hurting people left and right and I've never heard you apologize. I've never heard you take accountability for any of it 531 00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:22,920 and 532 00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:24,920 Until you're ready to apologize 533 00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:27,400 We don't have anything else to say to each other 534 00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:31,640 And then I never heard from my father again 535 00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:34,840 He never spoke to me again. He never sent me another email 536 00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:37,640 and from what I understand he 537 00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:41,000 Blames me for it because I asked him to apologize 538 00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:43,800 so 539 00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:44,840 I 540 00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:46,840 Understanding that backstory 541 00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:48,760 um 542 00:36:48,760 --> 00:36:50,440 It took me a while 543 00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:52,440 It took me a long while 544 00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:54,920 to try to understand it to try to 545 00:36:55,800 --> 00:36:58,840 Make sense of it all I I couldn't I I didn't 546 00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:01,720 I didn't understand how he had arrived at 547 00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:05,880 The decisions that he had I could never have done that now 548 00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:10,360 You know there if if it were me as a father and my son came and asked me for money 549 00:37:10,360 --> 00:37:15,320 I it would be easy for me to say I don't have that money. I can't help you if that was the truth 550 00:37:16,280 --> 00:37:18,760 But that would be the only way and even if that was the case 551 00:37:18,760 --> 00:37:21,720 I would say like let's do a bake sale, you know, like let's go 552 00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:24,280 I'll help whatever you need me to do. Let me help you 553 00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:27,000 But 554 00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:32,120 I didn't get that from him. And so it hurt it hurt a lot and I 555 00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:35,000 I had to really 556 00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:37,000 come to grips with the fact that 557 00:37:37,000 --> 00:37:43,000 Not only was my father incapable of apologizing which is not a commendable trait 558 00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:45,480 but 559 00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:47,160 He refused 560 00:37:47,160 --> 00:37:49,160 all accountability 561 00:37:50,440 --> 00:37:55,880 And so I knew at that point in time that forgiveness was going to be an extremely difficult battle for me 562 00:37:56,440 --> 00:38:00,760 And I didn't really want it. I didn't want to forgive him. I wanted to hold on to it for a while 563 00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:03,400 and so I did 564 00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:08,520 and it wasn't until I saw that 565 00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:11,640 He had 566 00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:13,800 His actions hadn't just affected me 567 00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:16,840 immensely, but 568 00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:19,560 My children had seen what he had done, you know 569 00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:25,000 They were firsthand observers of the way that he I let them read the emails they they know 570 00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:28,680 what he did they know the decisions he made and 571 00:38:29,960 --> 00:38:31,960 It was then 572 00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:33,960 some years later when I saw the way that 573 00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:36,840 My you know, he had kind of 574 00:38:38,040 --> 00:38:39,640 He had hurt them 575 00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:45,960 Immensely and and I was beginning to understand through their words and their eyes really 576 00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:48,760 uh, just how deep that hurt 577 00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:50,840 was 578 00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:52,760 And that's when I realized that 579 00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:54,760 I couldn't hold on to it anymore 580 00:38:55,560 --> 00:39:00,760 For my kids I had to show them what it means to let go of that 581 00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:03,400 that anger and that disappointment 582 00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:08,520 And so I started to work on how I could forgive him 583 00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:14,120 I I spent a lot of time reading and trying to understand 584 00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:19,800 Different ways of like religious ways of looking at it, and I'm not a religious man 585 00:39:19,800 --> 00:39:23,880 So it didn't none of that really made sense to me. I didn't I didn't find any answers there 586 00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:26,920 and it wasn't until 587 00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:31,720 I I reached a point of kind of just shrugging 588 00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:35,320 That I 589 00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:38,840 I guess you could say I realized or I I had a moment 590 00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:45,960 Where I just I just didn't care anymore. I it just didn't hurt anymore 591 00:39:47,720 --> 00:39:52,760 Um, I had thought about it. I had ruminated on it. I had spent you know, I'd cried over it 592 00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:54,840 I had spent hours and hours of my life 593 00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:56,840 hours and hours of my life 594 00:39:57,560 --> 00:39:59,880 Going through the emotions and the pain 595 00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:07,480 And I just reached the point where I just didn't care not that I didn't care about my father. I love my father. I do 596 00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:12,520 But it was it was an understanding of 597 00:40:13,880 --> 00:40:17,560 And we're going to go back to this of his perspective of the whole thing 598 00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:23,240 That I think really did it. It took me a long time to understand his perspective. It took me a long time 599 00:40:23,240 --> 00:40:29,640 I couldn't do it and when I finally started to understand his perspective, I was like, okay, I get it 600 00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:31,720 you know he 601 00:40:31,720 --> 00:40:33,480 his way of 602 00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:35,480 his way of showing 603 00:40:36,120 --> 00:40:41,000 His love for me was to try to get me away from the thing that he saw was causing me pain 604 00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:43,080 It was it was hurting me to 605 00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:46,360 Have my business fail. It was hurting me to 606 00:40:47,400 --> 00:40:50,440 struggle every month and it was hurting me to 607 00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:53,000 Surround myself with people 608 00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:57,000 That probably weren't very good for me just in an effort to try to keep this thing open 609 00:40:57,720 --> 00:41:01,000 And I'm sure he saw some of that. I'm sure he did and he 610 00:41:01,560 --> 00:41:05,720 His way of handling it his way of dealing with it his way of talking to me. They were all wrong 611 00:41:06,280 --> 00:41:08,280 but I think that his 612 00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:15,080 He just wanted me to move on from it. He just he just didn't see a positive future in it and he just 613 00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:18,040 In his own way was trying to be protective 614 00:41:18,040 --> 00:41:23,480 He went about it in entirely the wrong way and ended up causing way more damage than he did 615 00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:30,440 Good, but I think that it's easy to understand why a father or or mother really could say no 616 00:41:30,440 --> 00:41:34,440 This is hurting you. I'm taking it away. You know, they do that when when when you're a kid 617 00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:38,840 When they see that you're hurting somebody or somebody or you're hurting yourself with something 618 00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:39,960 They just take it away 619 00:41:39,960 --> 00:41:42,840 You know if you have a toy that keeps snapping your finger in it or something 620 00:41:43,080 --> 00:41:46,040 they take that toy away because they don't want to hear you cry and because 621 00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:49,080 It's not good for you to sit there and hurt yourself over and over again just to play with that toy 622 00:41:49,080 --> 00:41:54,600 And it sucks and it hurts and you cry and you know, whatever but they did the right thing 623 00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:58,200 They took that thing that was hurting you away. And I really do believe that's what my father was doing 624 00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:00,200 Once I made that realization 625 00:42:01,240 --> 00:42:03,240 I was like, okay, I can 626 00:42:03,800 --> 00:42:09,080 I can forgive him now. I understand it. I don't agree with it. I couldn't do it 627 00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:11,400 I would never have behaved the way he did 628 00:42:12,840 --> 00:42:14,840 But I forgive him 629 00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:16,840 but I forgive him and 630 00:42:16,840 --> 00:42:18,840 I understand his perspective 631 00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:20,840 now 632 00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:24,840 Moving forward. Well, people will ask well since you forgave him. Why aren't you talking to him? 633 00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:28,840 Why don't you guys have a relationship? The reality is is that I forgave him and I 634 00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:32,840 Then had perspective to say well 635 00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:38,840 I am I'm a person who is trying to live by a certain principles. I'm a principled man and I'm trying to 636 00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:44,840 Live a life where I'm positive and loving and kind and considerate 637 00:42:45,640 --> 00:42:48,840 And I am capable of practicing forgiveness 638 00:42:50,840 --> 00:42:51,640 And 639 00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:58,040 The way that he behaved towards me the what the choices that he made and the words that he used are 640 00:42:59,240 --> 00:43:00,360 Not 641 00:43:00,360 --> 00:43:02,360 Emblematic of that way of living or that way of thinking 642 00:43:02,360 --> 00:43:08,360 I can't I can't very well support somebody that 643 00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:13,160 Is willing to move through life hurting people 644 00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:15,160 I just can't do it 645 00:43:15,160 --> 00:43:19,960 And so, you know the the bridge had already was already basically gone 646 00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:23,160 You know, there was no bridge left to burn and so it just seemed 647 00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:26,040 Better at that point in time to just let it go 648 00:43:26,040 --> 00:43:32,120 Even though I have forgiven him to just let it lie where it's at 649 00:43:32,120 --> 00:43:38,360 If my father ever reaches out to me if he ever goes through and you know, really does want to apologize and 650 00:43:39,560 --> 00:43:43,720 Even ask for forgiveness if he if he could be so bold, which I doubt he would 651 00:43:45,320 --> 00:43:46,360 Then 652 00:43:46,360 --> 00:43:50,920 I I'm I'm more than willing. I'm more than capable of forgiving him 653 00:43:50,920 --> 00:43:59,720 Then I I'm I'm more than willing. I'm more than capable of moving beyond all of the pain that has been caused 654 00:44:01,560 --> 00:44:07,800 But because I am a principled man and I can't support somebody who willingly hurts others 655 00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:09,960 I'm not 656 00:44:09,960 --> 00:44:11,960 I'm not in a rush to try to 657 00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:15,160 Mend that bridge. I'm not I'm not in a rush to 658 00:44:15,880 --> 00:44:19,880 Bring somebody like that back into the fold in my life or my children's life or 659 00:44:19,880 --> 00:44:23,080 You know anyone it just doesn't make sense to me 660 00:44:25,480 --> 00:44:31,720 And so the point I guess of this story and the reason why I'm getting you know, I'm telling this personal story is 661 00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:35,640 I wanted to show everybody that it is very much 662 00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:38,840 a conscious decision 663 00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:40,760 and 664 00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:42,760 Forgiveness doesn't have a timeline 665 00:44:43,240 --> 00:44:45,240 Sometimes it'll take you 666 00:44:45,240 --> 00:44:47,240 30 minutes 667 00:44:47,240 --> 00:44:49,880 Sometimes it'll take you 30 years 668 00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:55,080 But as long as you are moving towards that 669 00:44:57,400 --> 00:44:59,400 It's it is 670 00:45:00,760 --> 00:45:07,560 It is something that will allow you to be free it frees you of the burdens that people place on you 671 00:45:09,640 --> 00:45:11,400 Now 672 00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:15,560 Here's the thing about forgiveness and this is something that I really want to make sure that's clear 673 00:45:15,560 --> 00:45:17,560 for many people 674 00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:19,560 forgiveness 675 00:45:19,560 --> 00:45:21,560 to a certain degree has a 676 00:45:21,560 --> 00:45:25,000 Physical attribute to it that a lot of people don't tend to think about 677 00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:29,800 You know when you're when you're hurt and you're you're you're angry or whatever 678 00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:34,600 Maybe you feel that physically it does affect you some people feel that in their throat 679 00:45:34,600 --> 00:45:39,240 Some people feel it in their chest some people feel it, you know, you'll get headaches whatever but you do feel it 680 00:45:39,240 --> 00:45:46,600 Forgiveness kind of works the same way for me especially and and most people when I when I've read these studies and things like that 681 00:45:46,600 --> 00:45:48,600 It works the same way 682 00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:49,800 forgiveness 683 00:45:49,800 --> 00:45:51,800 true forgiveness 684 00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:53,800 starts 685 00:45:53,800 --> 00:45:58,760 In your heart when you say to somebody or you say to yourself, I forgive them 686 00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:03,160 You have to you have to feel it 687 00:46:04,040 --> 00:46:08,040 Before you can rationalize it it starts in your heart 688 00:46:08,040 --> 00:46:14,120 You say i'm gonna feel this way from now on i'm not gonna i'm i'm not gonna let this anger and this pain 689 00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:20,440 Seep into my everyday life because of what you've done. I'm not gonna give you that power anymore. I forgive you 690 00:46:21,000 --> 00:46:23,000 I forgive you for me 691 00:46:23,320 --> 00:46:24,200 not 692 00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:28,120 Not for you necessarily you can take it if you'd like but for me 693 00:46:28,920 --> 00:46:35,480 And then from that point in time it really does become a matter of reinforcing that because anybody can say that 694 00:46:35,480 --> 00:46:38,280 once anybody can you know, kind of 695 00:46:39,000 --> 00:46:41,000 Give it lip service if you will 696 00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:43,480 But to then live your life 697 00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:46,440 every day understanding that forgiveness 698 00:46:47,240 --> 00:46:51,400 You have to rationalize it. You have to make it make sense. Why do you forgive them? 699 00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:55,000 Why does it matter and sometimes you can even go so far as to be selfish with it? 700 00:46:55,000 --> 00:46:58,520 I forgive you because it makes my everyday life better 701 00:46:59,240 --> 00:47:03,080 I'm able to get through life without thinking about you anymore and worrying about it 702 00:47:03,080 --> 00:47:05,080 and you know 703 00:47:05,080 --> 00:47:07,080 Letting you hurt me 704 00:47:07,640 --> 00:47:09,000 but 705 00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:11,000 also 706 00:47:11,000 --> 00:47:15,560 You you want to be able to reinforce it and say 707 00:47:17,320 --> 00:47:19,320 Rationally and consciously 708 00:47:19,720 --> 00:47:21,720 I forgive you because of this 709 00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:27,720 Because I understand where you're coming from. I forgive you because of you know, and as long as you're feeling it 710 00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:31,000 And you're not letting that that that anger 711 00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:33,800 And that pain seep into you too much 712 00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:37,080 You will reach true forgiveness 713 00:47:38,280 --> 00:47:42,920 Reinhold Neiber said I can't I say his name night neighbor neighbor 714 00:47:44,440 --> 00:47:47,560 Said forgiveness is the final form of love love 715 00:47:49,880 --> 00:47:51,880 Love 716 00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:56,520 I'm still stuck on his name Reinhold Neiber Neiber. He's German 717 00:47:56,520 --> 00:47:59,960 Um forgiveness is the final form of love 718 00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:01,880 and 719 00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:03,080 I 720 00:48:03,080 --> 00:48:05,800 I believe that is true. I believe that 721 00:48:06,600 --> 00:48:08,600 When you truly love someone 722 00:48:09,080 --> 00:48:11,080 with all of your heart 723 00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:13,080 that 724 00:48:13,080 --> 00:48:15,080 You have to be able to forgive them 725 00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:18,200 I love my father 726 00:48:19,240 --> 00:48:22,040 I have lots of very good memories of my father 727 00:48:22,680 --> 00:48:23,960 and 728 00:48:23,960 --> 00:48:29,720 I know that to a certain degree he did his best throughout my childhood and things like that 729 00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:37,560 And that's why I'm able to forgive him because that is truly the the ultimate show of my love 730 00:48:38,920 --> 00:48:41,720 And that goes for other people in my life as well people that 731 00:48:42,280 --> 00:48:46,040 Very recently and the ones that you know, these stories that you hear me allude to and things like that 732 00:48:46,600 --> 00:48:50,920 These are people that have come into my life and I love them very very much dearly 733 00:48:50,920 --> 00:48:54,440 and the pain that they've inflicted the 734 00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:58,920 the hurt that I feel is fresh and visceral and 735 00:49:00,040 --> 00:49:03,320 Haunts me every day even while I'm recording this i'm thinking about it 736 00:49:03,880 --> 00:49:10,920 And it hurts that's why I've had to re-record the episode so many times because I can't get through it thinking about the pain 737 00:49:11,880 --> 00:49:13,880 but 738 00:49:14,280 --> 00:49:15,800 I'm working on 739 00:49:15,800 --> 00:49:18,040 understanding the perspectives i'm working on 740 00:49:18,040 --> 00:49:21,320 I'm working on understanding the perspectives i'm working on 741 00:49:22,440 --> 00:49:29,160 Trying to grab my my mind and say no. No, this is how it is. This is and and really getting it in a position where 742 00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:32,600 That forgiveness is is cemented 743 00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:36,680 I feel it now. I've i've let go of a lot of it 744 00:49:38,840 --> 00:49:40,280 And 745 00:49:40,280 --> 00:49:42,360 Let me tell you this is maybe this is 746 00:49:43,400 --> 00:49:44,760 not 747 00:49:44,760 --> 00:49:49,000 What I should say here, but i'm going to anyway. Um, I 748 00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:53,560 I do believe that forgiveness is more difficult for men than it is for women women 749 00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:58,360 Women spurned, you know as the as the phrase goes 750 00:49:58,840 --> 00:49:59,880 um 751 00:49:59,880 --> 00:50:03,880 Hell hath no fury scorned I should say not spurned uh scorned 752 00:50:04,280 --> 00:50:10,280 Uh, that's true. I mean we all know that's true. You don't once you hurt a woman like that. It's you know game over 753 00:50:10,280 --> 00:50:14,280 But women it takes a little bit more for them to feel that 754 00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:16,840 scorn for them to feel 755 00:50:17,240 --> 00:50:19,240 Like they they're much more resilient 756 00:50:19,480 --> 00:50:25,480 Uh, they're able to handle the emotional damage probably because that's just the world that we grow up in right? 757 00:50:25,480 --> 00:50:27,480 Like that's the world we live in is women 758 00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:30,200 Women get 759 00:50:30,200 --> 00:50:33,000 Are just dealt a hand where they have to deal with more 760 00:50:34,440 --> 00:50:35,640 Um 761 00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:37,640 That said men 762 00:50:37,640 --> 00:50:40,600 Men are dealt a hand where they deal with 763 00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:43,480 The pain but they do it alone 764 00:50:43,880 --> 00:50:46,440 Even when they do it with people they're alone 765 00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:49,720 Men don't share that and so 766 00:50:50,520 --> 00:50:56,620 Where women kind of can mitigate the damage a little bit and therefore have a higher tolerance 767 00:50:58,280 --> 00:50:59,800 Men 768 00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:03,000 Men don't have that and because of that men 769 00:51:04,040 --> 00:51:05,400 Don't forgive 770 00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:06,520 easily 771 00:51:06,520 --> 00:51:08,520 Men have a really hard time forgiving 772 00:51:08,920 --> 00:51:10,520 it is 773 00:51:10,520 --> 00:51:14,760 It is incredibly difficult for a man that feels wronged 774 00:51:15,800 --> 00:51:17,800 To let that go 775 00:51:17,880 --> 00:51:18,840 um 776 00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:22,360 And they for the most part men will never forget at all ever 777 00:51:23,000 --> 00:51:24,360 so 778 00:51:24,360 --> 00:51:26,360 It it is a mark of the fact 779 00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:32,120 I'm you know, I have all these quotes and it is a true mark of of how great some of our historical 780 00:51:32,680 --> 00:51:35,000 Figures are that you see all of these men 781 00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:39,160 With these quotes about forgiveness and that should tell you something 782 00:51:40,120 --> 00:51:41,640 these 783 00:51:41,640 --> 00:51:43,640 These people throughout history 784 00:51:45,080 --> 00:51:47,080 This is what they've struggled with 785 00:51:47,080 --> 00:51:53,480 This is the thing you know when you go and you look up love there's it's like equal parts women men when you go and you look up 786 00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:56,920 Honesty, it's equal parts women but for for men 787 00:51:57,560 --> 00:51:59,560 forgiveness 788 00:51:59,560 --> 00:52:01,000 is 789 00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:02,200 elusive 790 00:52:02,200 --> 00:52:03,400 and 791 00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:05,400 extremely extremely difficult 792 00:52:06,440 --> 00:52:07,800 and 793 00:52:07,800 --> 00:52:12,440 That's why as I sit here and tell you about you know, my father and things like that 794 00:52:13,640 --> 00:52:15,800 Uh as I as I said earlier in the episode 795 00:52:16,840 --> 00:52:21,320 It's it being able to forgive makes me feel better 796 00:52:23,080 --> 00:52:24,520 This is my father 797 00:52:24,520 --> 00:52:28,680 He is he is someone who I should be able to look up to even now at my 798 00:52:28,680 --> 00:52:33,480 ripe old age of 48 I should be able to look up at to my father as someone who's 799 00:52:34,360 --> 00:52:38,600 Doing and saying things that are noble and that I appreciate 800 00:52:39,400 --> 00:52:41,400 But I can't do that 801 00:52:41,400 --> 00:52:43,400 He's not that person 802 00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:46,040 But I am 803 00:52:46,040 --> 00:52:48,040 In spite of what he's taught me 804 00:52:48,360 --> 00:52:53,160 I am a noble man. I am somebody who can be trusted and I am somebody who 805 00:52:54,280 --> 00:52:57,160 believes in these concepts of 806 00:52:57,160 --> 00:53:00,200 compassion and love and honesty and forgiveness 807 00:53:01,240 --> 00:53:06,280 And so I do hold a place in my mind that's a little bit higher than my father now 808 00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:10,040 Because he doesn't have the ability to do those things or at least he hasn't shown that ability 809 00:53:11,720 --> 00:53:14,680 Someday I hope that he is able to level up as they say 810 00:53:14,680 --> 00:53:20,520 I hope that he's able to do that and he's getting older and you know time doesn't stop for anyone but 811 00:53:22,120 --> 00:53:24,840 When it comes to forgiveness and the ability to forgive 812 00:53:24,840 --> 00:53:29,640 If you're listening to this, I want you to understand that if you can forgive 813 00:53:31,640 --> 00:53:33,640 That makes you strong 814 00:53:34,440 --> 00:53:36,440 It it makes you 815 00:53:37,960 --> 00:53:39,960 Well 816 00:53:39,960 --> 00:53:41,960 Here i'll just use another quote 817 00:53:43,080 --> 00:53:45,080 Gandhi said 818 00:53:45,080 --> 00:53:47,080 The weak can never forgive 819 00:53:47,800 --> 00:53:50,360 Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong 820 00:53:50,360 --> 00:53:55,720 It is so important to understand that when you forgive it makes you stronger it makes you better 821 00:53:56,200 --> 00:54:03,160 And that is quantifiable at a certain level the ability to forgive and to move past and to 822 00:54:04,280 --> 00:54:08,920 Really truly understand perspective to understand emotion 823 00:54:10,040 --> 00:54:14,440 That makes you stronger that makes you better that makes you more capable 824 00:54:14,440 --> 00:54:20,760 That makes you able to move through this world in a way that even when you make mistakes 825 00:54:21,480 --> 00:54:23,800 Even when you do cause that pain 826 00:54:24,760 --> 00:54:26,760 You understand 827 00:54:27,080 --> 00:54:28,360 First of all 828 00:54:28,360 --> 00:54:32,920 The the price of what you've done. Like I said the contrition that you must go through 829 00:54:33,720 --> 00:54:39,480 You'll often at that point in time be the first one to say i'm so sorry. What kind of person is this? 830 00:54:39,480 --> 00:54:45,320 You'll often at that point in time be the first one to say i'm so sorry. What can I do to make it up to you? 831 00:54:45,320 --> 00:54:47,320 What can I do to make this right? 832 00:54:47,640 --> 00:54:53,240 You'll be able to give true honest heartfelt apologies because you'll understand what forgiveness takes 833 00:54:55,160 --> 00:54:59,880 It makes you a better person and it's something that we all should be striving for at every 834 00:55:00,440 --> 00:55:05,400 Every time someone wrongs you you should immediately begin processing the pain 835 00:55:05,400 --> 00:55:10,460 Understanding the hurt and then working towards forgiveness. It will not come easily 836 00:55:11,100 --> 00:55:15,100 It will not be something that you can do quickly. It is something that takes time 837 00:55:15,980 --> 00:55:17,980 and concerted effort 838 00:55:19,020 --> 00:55:21,020 And understanding 839 00:55:22,700 --> 00:55:26,300 I think we're gonna wrap it up here. I think we're we're just about done and 840 00:55:27,020 --> 00:55:28,940 honestly 841 00:55:28,940 --> 00:55:35,900 I'm surprised I was able to somewhat hold it together through that but I made it so that's why we're gonna we're gonna 842 00:55:35,980 --> 00:55:37,660 We're gonna wrap it up 843 00:55:37,660 --> 00:55:38,700 um 844 00:55:38,700 --> 00:55:42,220 I want to say one more thing about forgiveness before we do 845 00:55:43,260 --> 00:55:44,780 And that is this 846 00:55:44,780 --> 00:55:46,780 So, please listen carefully 847 00:55:48,700 --> 00:55:50,700 I forgive you 848 00:55:50,940 --> 00:55:52,940 Whoever's listening to this 849 00:55:52,940 --> 00:55:53,980 whoever 850 00:55:53,980 --> 00:55:56,780 Happens upon it a year from now two years from now 851 00:55:56,780 --> 00:55:58,380 I 852 00:55:58,380 --> 00:56:04,700 Forgive you. I don't know what you've done. Maybe I do know what you've done. Maybe you're somebody extremely close to me 853 00:56:04,700 --> 00:56:09,580 Maybe you're just some person out there in Amsterdam listening to a podcast randomly 854 00:56:10,780 --> 00:56:12,540 But I forgive you 855 00:56:12,540 --> 00:56:18,540 I have that capability inside of me. I know what it takes. I know how hard it is and I know that 856 00:56:20,440 --> 00:56:21,740 Sometimes 857 00:56:21,740 --> 00:56:23,500 to forgive 858 00:56:23,500 --> 00:56:25,500 We need to be forgiven 859 00:56:25,500 --> 00:56:26,700 and so 860 00:56:26,700 --> 00:56:29,500 Understand that that's what i'm giving you right now 861 00:56:30,220 --> 00:56:35,340 I'm giving you my forgiveness for whatever it is. You've done even if you didn't wrong me personally 862 00:56:36,380 --> 00:56:38,380 and i'm doing that because 863 00:56:38,460 --> 00:56:40,460 I'm feeling love in my heart 864 00:56:41,500 --> 00:56:43,500 And that love translates 865 00:56:44,140 --> 00:56:46,140 into forgiveness 866 00:56:47,100 --> 00:56:49,100 If you've hurt other people 867 00:56:49,580 --> 00:56:50,940 if you're 868 00:56:50,940 --> 00:56:56,540 You know lonely and sad and hurt and the world seems 869 00:56:57,180 --> 00:56:59,180 Like it's always out to get you 870 00:56:59,580 --> 00:57:05,980 Understand that your actions your words they they have caused harm and they will hurt more people 871 00:57:06,860 --> 00:57:08,860 You need to understand what you're doing 872 00:57:09,660 --> 00:57:11,660 And you need to begin to feel 873 00:57:11,980 --> 00:57:13,100 grace 874 00:57:13,100 --> 00:57:14,860 and forgiveness 875 00:57:14,860 --> 00:57:16,860 And so I want to tell you this 876 00:57:17,420 --> 00:57:19,100 I forgive you 877 00:57:19,100 --> 00:57:21,100 I don't care who you are 878 00:57:21,820 --> 00:57:23,820 I don't know if that means anything 879 00:57:23,900 --> 00:57:25,900 And maybe it doesn't 880 00:57:26,380 --> 00:57:29,340 But I think that if we all can get in the habit of saying it to each other 881 00:57:30,140 --> 00:57:32,860 The world may actually be a better place at some point in time 882 00:57:34,780 --> 00:57:39,100 As we finish up this episode, I just wanted to give a little bit of news i'm going to make a uh, 883 00:57:39,500 --> 00:57:41,500 A tik tok video about this as well 884 00:57:41,500 --> 00:57:45,180 I think that starting now with this episode. This is episode 12 885 00:57:45,180 --> 00:57:50,540 I think that what we're going to do is we're going to do a new episode every two weeks instead of every week 886 00:57:50,940 --> 00:57:55,420 And the reasons for that are twofold one. I don't have a large following here 887 00:57:55,980 --> 00:57:58,780 We are only getting a couple dozen listens 888 00:57:59,820 --> 00:58:01,660 every week so 889 00:58:01,660 --> 00:58:05,340 We're not the the podcast is moving slower than the tik tok channel is 890 00:58:06,300 --> 00:58:09,900 And I want to be able to focus on branching out into the other social media 891 00:58:10,060 --> 00:58:13,900 It's going to take a little bit of work on my part and I I want to be able to work on that 892 00:58:13,900 --> 00:58:18,460 I want to get instagram and youtube going and I want to get a bigger community 893 00:58:18,780 --> 00:58:21,020 I want more people to find the podcast 894 00:58:21,740 --> 00:58:24,540 And I don't want to burn through topics 895 00:58:25,740 --> 00:58:29,900 For a handful of people to listen to I want I want people to be able to find 896 00:58:30,620 --> 00:58:32,780 the the podcast and kind of 897 00:58:33,900 --> 00:58:35,180 Grow with it 898 00:58:35,180 --> 00:58:39,660 um, and so we're gonna we're gonna tap the brakes a little bit about over 899 00:58:39,660 --> 00:58:44,460 You know the the the quantity of of episodes and we're gonna work on quality. I'm gonna 900 00:58:45,020 --> 00:58:49,660 really focus on making sure that the topics are well fleshed out and that 901 00:58:50,220 --> 00:58:55,260 I'm able to like I said, I'd really like to get to where I'm able to record the episodes live 902 00:58:55,980 --> 00:58:57,980 and um 903 00:58:57,980 --> 00:58:59,980 Get to where uh 904 00:59:00,460 --> 00:59:04,460 I can I can do kind of like I did this one. I actually only stopped recording 905 00:59:04,460 --> 00:59:09,260 Three times three times in this episode and that was just to clear my throat. So um 906 00:59:09,740 --> 00:59:12,220 I didn't want to do that into the microphone. So um 907 00:59:12,780 --> 00:59:17,980 I i'm pretty proud. I I know that this I kind of am rambling a little bit on this episode 908 00:59:17,980 --> 00:59:19,180 And i'm sorry for that 909 00:59:19,180 --> 00:59:20,460 I will get better 910 00:59:20,460 --> 00:59:25,260 But I really want to get to the point where I can just kind of record it all the way through so that people understand that i'm 911 00:59:25,580 --> 00:59:30,060 You know, it's not this ultra polished thing. It's it's really just me 912 00:59:30,860 --> 00:59:32,380 bearing my soul 913 00:59:32,380 --> 00:59:36,380 And talking about these topics that I think are important for 914 00:59:38,380 --> 00:59:39,420 Growth 915 00:59:39,420 --> 00:59:42,540 Individually and as you know communities and things like that 916 00:59:43,580 --> 00:59:46,380 So we're gonna wrap it up there with that little bit of news 917 00:59:47,020 --> 00:59:51,900 Um, I hope everybody understands. I I know that there's like I said, there's only a handful of people that listen to every episode 918 00:59:51,900 --> 00:59:53,900 So we'll we'll see 919 00:59:53,900 --> 00:59:56,460 If you have anything to say you can always catch me on tiktok 920 00:59:57,100 --> 01:00:01,580 There's also comments sections underneath most of the places that I'm going to be talking about 921 01:00:01,580 --> 01:00:05,180 The places that you find the podcast. So if you want to comment there you can 922 01:00:05,820 --> 01:00:07,820 um 923 01:00:07,820 --> 01:00:13,260 I'm gonna leave with one more quote because like I said before this this topic is one that is full of people 924 01:00:14,220 --> 01:00:19,260 Uh, and and their their outlook on it, but this one was just one that I found 925 01:00:19,500 --> 01:00:21,820 I'd actually heard i've actually heard him say this live 926 01:00:22,940 --> 01:00:25,980 And uh, it was just as funny then as it is now 927 01:00:25,980 --> 01:00:29,740 When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle 928 01:00:30,380 --> 01:00:35,340 Then I realized that the lord doesn't work that way. So I stole one and asked him to forgive me 929 01:00:36,300 --> 01:00:38,780 And that was emo phillips who is hilarious 930 01:00:39,900 --> 01:00:44,860 Thank you everybody for listening. Uh, this was a very difficult episode and um 931 01:00:45,660 --> 01:00:48,620 I know that I didn't go into a lot of detail about the 932 01:00:48,620 --> 01:00:55,600 Science aspects of it and things like that, but that's because it was it's just too much. Uh, emotionally 933 01:00:55,900 --> 01:00:57,500 And I wanted to make sure I got through it 934 01:00:57,500 --> 01:01:03,180 So we might do a forgiveness part two to get into some of the other aspects of the concept 935 01:01:03,580 --> 01:01:09,420 And really what happens on a neurological and physiological level because there's a lot there 936 01:01:09,900 --> 01:01:14,540 But I don't want to have a two-hour podcast of just me rambling. So 937 01:01:14,540 --> 01:01:20,560 Thank you again. I will talk to you very very soon and I appreciate you all take care 938 01:01:44,540 --> 01:01:46,540 So 939 01:02:14,540 --> 01:02:16,780 You