Hey folks, welcome to episode 10 of a pebble in a pond podcast
this episode is gonna be about the concept and the idea of
respect
Now why am I doing an episode about respect? Well
For me, I think that it is a fundamental concept that
as far as the the
Whole aim of this podcast and of all of my other social medias
is
the whole idea is to try to find ways to further yourself and make
your position and your place one of
influence and one where you can you can really begin to make changes in the life in the lives around you and
your own life as well and
One of the best ways that you can do that is by understanding and showing
respect to those around you
So I wanted to make this episode so everybody could have an idea of what exactly that meal that what exactly that means what that entails
Because I think that the I think that the base concept of respect I think that people say it and
I think that people have a loose understanding of it, but I don't think that anybody really ever thinks about it
I don't think that it's something that is
necessarily
You know that not a lot of people spend a lot of time digging into it themselves
So I thought maybe we would just spend you know 45 minutes an hour going over it talking about it
And really trying to understand exactly what it means and what it means to not only respect others
Which is what we're gonna start with
But to respect yourself, which is what we're gonna finish with. I
think that
Before we get to the music though, I think we'll start with a quote that will set us up
for
What we're gonna talk about first
Tolstoy said Leo Tolstoy, I should say
respect was invented to cover the empty place where love should be and
I think that I
Think if you just take a second you think about that you start to realize that
respect is a
Extremely important but often very misunderstood
Idea and
feeling and I think that
people sometimes will
will look for respect when what they really want is love and
Sometimes when you can't get love
You'll just take respect
and with that
Let's start the music. Oh
Now we're gonna have a moment of full transparency here
I mentioned this in the last episode and actually a couple of times on some of my tik-toks
the reason why I wanted to do this episode is because the
Concept is important to me and you know, the subject matter is important for
Becoming the pebble in the public eye
And I think that's the reason why I wanted to do this episode is because the
You know the subject matter is important for becoming the pebble in the pond if you will and I think that
We can really have a very powerful
impact on those around us if we
Understand how important respect can be and the easiest and best way is to show it
That being said the the reason that I was moved to want to do this episode
much sooner than I probably would have is because
I have had multiple
Conversations with I guess you would call them former
people in my life where they were accused me of being disrespectful and
I I take exception to it. I did take exception to it
and so I wanted to I wanted to touch on it because
While I can definitely see where people are, you know could accuse me of that. I think that I
Think that for me and and I will get to this and I think that you know
I'll kind of go back and forth on it so that you can kind of see how I'm weaving it in and out of the
Conversation I think that for me
Respect and the definition of exactly what that means is not always
It doesn't always line up with I guess the dictionary definition of it. What is the dictionary definition of it?
I mean, do you know? Well, let me tell you the dictionary definition of respect is well, there's two definitions for the noun
usage of it a
Feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities qualities or achievements
That's one definition the other one and probably the one that's we're probably be talking about a little bit more here is
Do regard for the feelings wishes rights or traditions of others now both of those obviously are
you know, they kind of line up in a certain way and
And there's there's through lines that you can kind of see but we're really going to focus on that second one the do regard
for feelings wishes rights or traditions of others
admiration
That is elicited from someone's you know achievements or or you know, whatever term you'd like to use there
It's all fine and good and it is absolutely something that we should all have but that's more of a that's that's definitely more of an opinion
based like like there's a lot of people out there that respect Eminem as
the greatest rapper of all time and then there's a lot of people out there that
Don't respect Eminem because of some of the you know things that he said in some of his songs and and
both of those people can show respect for his accomplishments or
A lack of respect so, you know, some people some people respect him as the greatest rapper
Some people will respect him as the greatest white rapper
You see what I'm saying? Like that's all it's all very subjective and we're looking for a little bit more objectivity in this than
Than just you know people throwing around opinions
Except for my opinion because I've got the microphone. So you will listen
I'm just joking. You don't have to listen
When I think about with respect
For most of my life and you know, I would say probably since I was
I don't know maybe 20 18 or 20
when uh, I first really started to give it some thought
The the quote that has come to my mind
Was it and it's literally it's not even really a quote it's um
It's just something that I remember hearing on a comedy special
The harry anderson
The judge on night court he had a comedy special called hello sucker
And uh in in one of the parts of the show that he did he's he's kind of just listing off some
Like little words of wisdom
But he says in that in that special he says I have always learned I have always been taught that respect is something that you give
To people and I think that's the most important thing
Is something that you give to get
And that has always stuck with me and I know that that's kind of an old
An old saying and he didn't coin that but that's where I first heard it. So that's where it kind of stuck with me
and
I have really that is something that I genuinely believe
With with all of my heart with all of my being
That respect is something that
Uh is not necessarily
You you don't give uh
You don't give respect
um
just
freely, I I guess you should say um
I i'm not really sure how to put this but
I think that for me respect is something that you you you give to somebody and
You then wait to see how it's returned and that will determine if they continue to uh
if they continue to
Deserve respect
I think that that's that's kind of a it's kind of like, you know
The first taste is free kind of thing like you really you really respect is something that you really want to be
It's a resource to a certain degree and you want to guard it
You want to make sure that you're not giving people that don't deserve respect?
um
Undo respect, you know, you don't you don't want to
Waste your time on that on that venture
Because there's a lot of people out there that you'll you know, you'll come across that that are disrespectful
and you know, they they treat you poorly and
They don't deserve your respect that you don't need to respect them
Because they obviously are not giving any respect right like that's the whole point
If people want to be respected then they need to give you that respect now
You know, I try to live my life in a way where you know everybody that I come across
I I give them that initial respect. I give them, you know, I I I wouldn't say i'm
I'm, you know differential but um
I I give them that moment. I try to give them that time and I try to you know, be
present and aware and
uh pay attention and I try to give them the respect that they they are due as
Just you know, whoever they may be
And then I just wait and see I just I just see what they do
and unfortunately, there are a lot of people that you'll come across in your life that um
Will will feign respect
And they don't really mean that and you know, you might not see that so
It's just something that you want to be aware of as you as you go through your everyday life
You know, who are the people that are respecting you? Who are the people that are showing you respect?
Who are the people that treat you well?
And then you you kind of allocate what you have to give to those people you you really focus on them and you try to make
Um the extra special effort towards them and that like I said
You know that that that quote is respect is something you give to get
So when you first meet somebody
Give them that first, you know that first little bit and then see what they return
And as soon as they start to show that disrespect as soon then they they've got to earn it back, right?
Like they're at they're at a deficit at that point in time. They're going to have to start to do something to really earn it because
Respect isn't like a lot of things like you can be kind or you can be nice to somebody and you're not really worried necessarily about
anything in return for that you can be
Be empathic and and relate to somebody and and understand their feelings on a topic and their emotions on the topic
but respect is something that
You know, it really is
It really needs to be reciprocated in the same way that it's given
You know and and you see that a lot of times in in every relationship you have whether it be a work relationship
a friendship
A romantic relationship if the respect is not mutual
If it's not both ways
Then it will always break down. It is impossible for one person to carry the burden of respect for two people
You know you can for a short period of time
but
Those relationships will always break down if respect is not
reciprocated in an equal fashion
um and and I
Anybody listening to this, you know, just think about it for a minute
Think about any work relationship you've had think about any any team building exercise you've had in school
Think about any any friendship that you've had where if once you start to feel disrespected by your friend
That friendship is is now officially on the rocks, right?
Like you you stop wanting to be around that person you stop wanting to you know, treat that person with
With respect you stop wanting to you know in general it sours that entire friendship
um and
Once again, this is this is exceedingly true in romantic relationships
Going back to what I had said before
one of the reasons why I wanted to do this episode was because
Uh someone who was in my life somebody very near and dear to me
I don't know if I would call it necessarily a romantic relationship, but it was pretty as close as you can get
um
You know recently within like a week or so ago told me that uh, I was not respecting her
uh, well her wishes were that I
that I stopped talking to her about um, some of the poor decisions that she had made and some of the
uh
People that she's been keeping in her life that were causing her harm in my opinion and I mean
Honestly, I pretty much anybody objectively would say these people are causing you harm
Um, but she does not appreciate the fact that I'm voicing that
She considers it to be disrespectful that I'm voicing that opinion
And she's not wrong. She's not wrong. It is disrespectful. However
What is lost on this and in that moment is
She doesn't understand that at no point
Uh over the course of many many years was she showing me respect
She was lying to me multiple times. She was you know creating entire
Backstories and fabrications living in an entirely made-up world that I had no idea about until relatively recently
And so, you know when when you're kind of all of a sudden being steeped in an understanding that your
You know your worldview was wrong about somebody
And then they're like, why don't you respect me? It's it's
It's a tad disingenuous, you know
Like how can you possibly ask me for respect when you haven't shown me any?
You know, you've done this and this and you've snuck around and you've you've lied to me about these things and you know
You you haven't shown me the respect
That is necessary
To then ask me for respect now
Obviously at some point I can just be like whatever I don't care
But that's not the same thing as respect right? Like I'm not I'm not being intentionally disrespectful
I am just not extending respect
Because none has been shown to me. I'm not actively trying to you know
Be a jerk. I'm just not stopping myself from
Trying to you know voice my opinion
And I see there's a really fine line there and I want to make it very clear that
You don't want to be like this right like the way that I'm behaving in this scenario is one of somebody who is hurt
Right, like I I am some I trusted this person
I love them very much
And they betrayed me they betrayed my trust they betrayed my
My idea of who they were as a person
And they continue to do so proudly to a certain degree and uh, it's it's it just jars you right?
It just takes you out of an understanding of you know
Your whole worldview to a certain degree you start to question
You know who else is doing this how who what else can you trust?
And that's that's what a lack of respect can do to you
Like at any point in time had she shown me respect and just said you know what?
I'm gonna live my life this way and I'm not gonna lie to you about it and I'm not gonna hide it from you
That would be showing respect
You know I may not like what she had to say but it's showing me respect to just be honest and and
Forthright and come to me and say this is who I am accept it or don't
But she didn't do that and at no point did she do that. So
That's just blatant disrespect the entire time
And I think that that is where this kind of uh
Intertwines with some of the other things we've talked about on different episodes
You know, it's important to understand that you know honesty and kindness and empathy and these other concepts
That we've already discussed
All of them can be tied to respect as well
You know being honest with somebody
And and no matter how painful that honesty can be that is a sign of respect
It is it is
Incredibly easy to lie to somebody and tell them
Whatever you think they want to hear to tell them the easy truth
Or the easy lie instead of the hard truth
But that's not being respectful
That's not that's not thinking about them as an actual person with their you know, own thoughts and feelings
And ways of processing the information
That's just
That's just you making the decision for them you saying oh, well, you're too weak to hear this
So i'm gonna i'm gonna lie to you about it
And that is just blatantly disrespectful and that's essentially what she did to me
She she was telling me things and and you'll hear this all the time and this is you know, people will say this you'll hear this in
Real life you'll hear this and I they say I didn't want to tell you the truth. I was too afraid to hurt you
I I didn't want to hurt you
that is
so
Wrong. I mean there's no other word for it. That is just the wrong way to tell you
That is just the wrong way to think that is the wrong way to be
there is no no
greater disservice you can do to somebody and more
Disrespectful thing you could do to somebody than to lie to them to save their feelings
because what happens when you do that is
You have to lie to them over and over and over again. And so the longer it takes for them to discover the truth
The more it's going to hurt
You take a one moment of pain where you say, you know, oh hey
I'm gonna go do this thing that you don't like or I I want to you know, be with this person who is bad for me
And i'm just gonna do it like that's that's a painful moment
But instead you lie about it and then it takes a year for somebody to find out about it
That's a year worth of time that you you've now
You've now been hurting that person. You've been disrespecting that person
You've been lying to that person about this one moment that you could have just been honest about
And the thing about it is that like I said, you know, keep in mind through everything I talk about respect is something you give to get
So if at any point in time and you know, obviously i'm using her as this example here if she had come to me and said
This is what I want to do
Uh, you know, can you respect my wishes? Can you can you support me?
Can you you know, I I don't I don't want you to be mad at me
But I really want to do this kind of thing or I you know, please understand where i'm coming from or any of these ways of discussing it
um
the
Things like the entire everything would be entirely different because that's coming to somebody showing respect saying hey your opinion matters
but also
You know it also, you know, I want this thing a lot
And that's what that's what respect is respect is going to somebody and in this situation would be going to somebody and saying
I really want this thing in my life. I really want to be able to do this thing
I really want to go to this place. I want to you know, but but I also want to show you the respect of
You know telling you about it and and I want to tell you how important it is to me
now if
You know in this case it would be me
But this is this is this is a generic scenario that i've heard of multiple times in my life and and you know
I'm sure that many of you that hear this will it will it'll play out in your head
You'll say oh, yeah that happened to me or oh i was I understand this
But you know then it's on the person, you know, if you go to somebody and you're honest and you say hey
I'm i'm thinking about doing this thing
I know that's not something you're really into or something that you're really a fan of but
This is what it means to me and then they turn around and they're like no you can't do that
Well, then they're being disrespectful right like that's that's how that works
You take the burden of being respectful and you you you put it on them
And then you can you know, you can play off of that you can say, oh, well, they've disrespected me
And I don't appreciate that that doesn't mean you go and you lie and you sneak and you cheat
That means that you you then say okay. Well, I feel disrespected
I'm going to go ahead and i'm going to do this thing. I want to do and you tell them, you know
I I don't like the way that you talk to me
I don't like the way that you behaved when I told you this
I'm going to go ahead and do this and i'm sorry that if it hurts you i'm sorry if it upsets you
That's not my intent. I'm not trying to disrespect you. I am trying to
Impress upon you that I I really this is what I want
And you have to accept it, you know, this is something that I I desperately want now if you're talking about
You know a romantic relationship, you know, which is how this started
It's it's a little bit different because then you you you're partners, right?
Like you should be discussing these things together
There should not be it should not be a unilateral decision on either side to do this thing
It should be a discussion and it should be something that you know
You maybe even have to go back and forth on a little bit
No, neither side should quote win, right?
Like if if there is a disagreement then you try to reach a compromise you try to say, okay
Well, you know go do this but also just be careful about this or you know, just keep this in mind or you know
I hope you have fun
But just remember that you know, this could be a problem or that you know
things like that like there's ways of discussing it where you both can have what you want and
All too often you see situations where communication breaks down because of the lack of respect on one side or the other
where you just don't believe that your
Partner or your you know friend or whatever it is will be able to handle it or will be able to give you what you want
And that's really one of the key things here, right?
Like a lot of times people will go into a situation they'll go into a communication
They'll go into whatever it may be and they'll have a preset idea of what it is. They want you know, they they already have
You know exactly what the outcome is and and and they will refuse to come off of that outcome
So they try to manipulate the situation all of these things that you're doing in your head all of these these
Ways of maneuvering
They're all disrespectful
Because they're all different ways of being dishonest
So just go into a situation go into your communications and this isn't just with romantic partners. This is with friends
This is what just random strangers as you try to communicate with people go into any of these without
The burden of trying to manipulate and maneuver people into the outcome you want
instead
Let them make you know respect somebody enough to let them give you the information based on that what they know about it their opinions
And their understandings of it and then they can return
And give you their answer and then you can and then you make a decision based on what they said
But don't try to maneuver people. Don't try to lie to people to get your way. Don't try to
You know
Get people to give you one specific answer because it fits exactly what you want
Like you don't have to do that now a lot of times and i'm you know, this is complete and total honesty on my part
A lot of times i'm pretty good at arguing and i'm pretty good at making a point
So many people many people most people actually in my life. That's one of their big complaints about me is that
I
When we get into a discussion or an argument or whatever it may be
I
I tend to be more influential and I I tend to make my points stronger
And i'm not i'm not trying to justify that i'm not trying to say that um
That's necessarily the right way to be because I literally just said that you don't want to go into
But what I I think if I were to defend myself here, I would just say this
one
um
I'm not i'm not arguing or i'm not i'm not discussing these things necessarily to be disrespectful
I'm doing it to make sure that the person that i'm talking to in almost every case. This is the situation
That they've thought about it
That they understand what they're doing that they understand exactly the decision they're making. I want to make sure that they know
where they're
Possibly going to get in trouble, you know, I want to make sure they know exactly
You know, they've thought about it from every angle so that they can then decide if they want to do it or not
That's usually where it comes from
It's not really me having a preset outcome or me having an idea or me trying to manipulate or maneuver these people
It's usually just okay. Did you think about this?
Okay, but did you think about this now make sure that you understand that these all things these outcomes are all possible if you make this decision
And you know, obviously some of them are negative some of them are negative outcomes
And whenever you give somebody whenever you tell somebody that there's a possible negative outcome of something they really don't know
There's a possible negative outcome of something they really want to do
They'll take it as you trying to get them to not do it and that's not really the case
It's just I want you to understand that you know, this could happen
So that's that's that's one aspect of it
Uh that I would say if I were to defend myself now, once again, i'm not defending myself. I'm just saying
You know, these are the reasons I do it
This is not it's not a defense and I can you know, it's completely legitimate that people have a problem with
uh my influence
Uh that being said and this is gonna this is gonna sound a little um
I don't know, uh, maybe a little have a little bravado to it. I guess uh, but you know get better at arguing
If you don't want to if you don't want to lose to a lawyer then be as good as the lawyer
I guess is the is the point
And a lot of people really hate me when I say that and I don't blame them
I mean I am i'm good at arguing and I I am influential so a lot of times people just don't give me that option
Which is disrespectful and it bothers me and it you know, it sucks
but at the same time I don't really blame them in certain situations because
You know, they know the outcome they know that if if I have the ability to sit down and and make them think about it
That that that initial impulse that they're they're they're moving on, you know
The oh I want it I want it that kind of goes away and they lose that momentum and then it becomes oh well
I don't want to do it now
So I have a bit of a killjoy when it comes to that and I know that and I it's not something that i'm necessarily proud of
um
But like I said, you know
It comes from a place of genuine concern and care for people and also
um, you know if you don't want to be
Manipulated and maneuvered with words then maybe get better at using your words
I know that's a jerk thing to say. I shouldn't say that especially not on a podcast, but I mean I i'm here to be honest
I'm not here to
I'm not here to lie about it. I I don't I don't have to prove anything to anybody here
And we're all working on ourselves and i'm trying to get better
So the best way to and this is this goes for everything by the way what i'm about to say here
the best way for you to get better at
uh
your
To strengthen your weaknesses is to be able to first identify your weaknesses
And you know my attitude of get better at arguing is a is a problem and I know that I shouldn't think that but
you know
It's difficult. It's really difficult when you spend your whole life arguing
To not just be like well
You know
Get better at it. So I am working on it and I know that I need to you know be more uh
Respectful and understanding but and that was really the reason why I brought that up and why I wanted to
illustrate that
Now that now that i'm through that that part and you guys have heard me be a jerk about it
I want you to understand that
I said that all on purpose that that that wasn't just me free-flowing thought
I mean, I know it it was and it sounded like it was because it but but I went into that
To try to illustrate that
All of us struggle with the concept of respect
respect means
a ton in my life and even even when i'm having a conversation about
How important respect is I find a way to be disrespectful?
Do you understand what i'm trying to get out here? Like it's very difficult to maintain a level of respect at all times
And it's something that we all are going to struggle with as we move through our lives
so
It's i'm not ever going to ask somebody to try to be perfect
On this podcast or on you know tiktok or anything like that all I can say is that
It is a constant struggle to be as good as you can be
and showing respect and um
appreciation
Is something that we should be working towards
and
I fall short a lot
But like I said we're working on it and I wanted to illustrate just how short I can fall
You know saying the things that I said just just a minute ago
Those are not respectful ways of thinking or believing and I I have thought about it and I am struggling to
Correct that attitude and I wasn't joking. It is very difficult for me to not just immediately think that way
It's becoming easier
As time is going on and i'm becoming more conscious of it
But it is it is still a struggle
You know whenever I get in an argument with somebody whenever I get in a discussion with somebody and they start to get
Upset because i'm quote winning
Uh, I have to kind of pull myself back and be like what what what is the point of this like?
They're not they're not going to be able to out influence me
They're not going to be able to out argue me and I know they're not going to be able to so
Why would I put that burden on them? Why would I say?
You know what I said a minute ago and you know get better at arguing. Why would I do that?
I know they're not going to be better at me than it
Then you know, I'm not going to be able to do that
than you know at it than I am so, uh
Why would I do that? It's just being it's just me being disrespectful and
You know, we're all working on it. We're all we all got to get better and I am a very very
Very good example of that
So with all of that in mind
I want to talk about a few things that
uh you can do
That will help strengthen or not really strengthen necessarily really that you can do to exercise respect that you can show respect to people
Think things that you can do in everyday life in conversations that you have
in moments that you have with friends and family and strangers that will
That will convey
That you know the level of respect you have for them
It's really important to understand though that
respect is something that
Uh for lack of a better word
It multiplies
Right like like I've said multiple times now you you give respect to get it
Right if you want respect then you have to give respect
And that keeps going right? It's not just the one time. It's not just a one-time transaction
If you give somebody respect, they will respect you back
And then you you receive the respect that they're they're reciprocating and then you you will respect them more and what that does is that builds trust
Um it is respect
Towards you know, two people respecting each other
Is the fastest way to build trust and I think that that is probably the closest thing to a universal truth
Uh that you can possibly have that that translates into the animal world as well. That is not just humans
Uh animals that respect each other that show respect for each other and boundaries and things like that
They
I mean it works the same exact way it becomes a situation of trust
now when you
When you are building that trust and you're showing that respect
There is you know, it feels good to be respected
So, you know along the same lines as showing kindness and things like that giving respect
that they
Are due
Is a very good way to show to show kindness and it makes people feel good when they're when you respect them
um
and then
It you know, it also
When you when you are in a state of mind where you're respecting somebody it's usually because they are showing
Good behavior
It it promotes that idea of
Of them, you know
being
Trustworthy and them being respectful
and so you you reward that by by obviously reciprocating and
You know, this is this goes both ways again
So it promotes you both to be as good as you can towards each other and then obviously anybody else that's in
the circle of respect and trust
The other thing and this is maybe even the most important thing that respect
Respecting somebody does is it allows somebody to feel safe and comfortable
In their skin it allows somebody to feel
That they are being accepted
for
And and and treated as an equal
for being themselves
Because really you know, we all have things that we we do that we you know
I should say like this. We all have things that other people do that we don't necessarily
appreciate or
value
But if you can respect somebody in spite of those things if you can if you can show them that you you know
Those things don't bother you
That goes a long way towards them feeling okay about themselves
and
Obviously
Now, let me just be completely transparent here
Obviously, there's times when you may want to you know
I'm not I don't want to say withhold but you may want to consider how you're respecting somebody if if you know
Somebody's got it like a bad alcohol problem. You don't want to you know embolden them by treating them as if everything's
A-okay, right? Like you you want to make sure that they understand that so there's a there's a limit and an understanding
There's a limit and a certain way that you can show respect where you don't have to necessarily sign off on somebody's bad behavior
But you can still be respectful towards them. I hope that makes sense
I was having a hard time phrasing that
That being said
Now that we have a really solid understanding of exactly what
affects respect can have
Let's let's let's figure out ways that we can really show it
That one of the easiest ways and and probably the best way
If you have the ability to do this in a in a face-to-face conversation is to really
Well, they call it active listening, right? Like you really want to be an active listener
You want to be able to look somebody in the eye
You want to be able to allow them to finish their thoughts and then engage with questions
You want to be able to not only not only ask questions
that are pertinent to what they've said, but you want to be able to
Maybe even go like, you know
Somebody will say this and this and this happened at work and this and this and this and you ask them a few questions
And you say okay, so let me make sure I understand so this happened
And you you basically give them what they said back and then they can confirm
And what that does is that really does build an understanding in that person's mind that not only were you listening the whole time
But that you were engaged and you
Appreciated what they were trying to convey to you that builds a lot of respect that builds a lot of trust
And it's a really easy way of doing it because if it's somebody that you're obviously care about
Then you should be engaged in those things. Anyway, you should care about those things
Another another really good way and this works very well with strangers if you can get to this point in a conversation
Is try to find something that you have in common
You know if you're if you're in line waiting for you know, whatever you're at the
ATM waiting for something and you see somebody has
Nikes on I don't know. I'm just spitballing here
You know, you understand there's like common ground, you know, you can you can be like, oh man, I love your shoes
And that's a that's just being kind. That's just being nice. But if you strike up a conversation
That conversation as long as it's done in a respectful way and you you know, you know
You're not you can bring other people into it. You can you know, it's something that you can just do organically and naturally that just kind of
Creates this feeling of camaraderie and respect and trust
and people really
Really appreciate that and and that goes right along with
You know something else which is
actively try
And this one this one is difficult in today's world, especially considering how polarized
The world is especially in America. Um, actively try to understand
The people that you're talking to
You may not agree with them. You may be complete and total opposites in a lot of things
But but try to understand where they're coming from
Like you you it's impossible to bridge the gap unless somebody is willing to
You know take that first step
and
part of being a good person is you know, or trying to become a better person I should say
Is trying to understand where other people are coming from trying to understand exactly how they arrived at where they are
And then try as best as you can to meet them there
And if you can't get where they are just meet them as close as you can
right like
I don't want to give I don't want to give too many
Incendiary examples here. They're going to piss off too many people. So i'm not going to do that, but
You know, I think I think that most people to listen to this can kind of imagine a scenario that i'm talking about
And you may not be able to bridge the gap fully
But if you can get a little bit closer than you were at the start of the conversation, then you've you've accomplished something
I
Would say that along those same lines though is you know, try to when you're when you're trying to understand
Where they're where they're coming from
Understand the emotion that goes with it like try to be try to be
Try to show some empathy
For you know how they arrived there and why they are there like understand the emotion behind it
I think that
I think that can be kind of lost in that or sometimes they kind of blur together those two things
But they you know, there are there is a small differentiation there like understanding logically how somebody arrived where they are and understanding
Emotionally how somebody arrived where they are two different things and if you can reach both of them, then you're well on your way
But usually we can only do one or the other most people can only do one or the other
So it could be difficult if you can get one down if you can really start to try to understand somebody's
Path it's like how they arrived where they are emotionally or emotionally
Then you you are doing yourself a service
Let's think what else can we do, you know, here's another one that that uh, I think is uh
Maybe even the most important thing here
And that is apologizing
When when you when you know you you've been wrong when you know that you have either hurt somebody or you've wronged somebody
Um, and this goes back to the honesty thing. Um, a lot of times people will uh
Will will try to hide
When they were wrong, they won't they won't fess up. They won't own up to it. They'll create
You know excuses though. They won't they won't stand in front of the in front of the jury if you will
They instead they try to hide away from it and they'll lie about it and they'll create all of these reasons for it
Or they'll say well, I didn't want to hurt you
Um, and instead of doing that you can just say I you know, i'm sorry. I was wrong. I
I didn't understand or I I don't know or I you know, I I didn't see your side of it
I i'm trying as hard as I can
You don't have to get hurt
Right, like you don't nobody's expecting you to get it right every time
But if you get it wrong
Admit it not just for for the person that you you wronged but for yourself
You can't grow unless you know your shortcomings. You can't grow unless you know where you need to grow
So it's important that you're able to say oh
Oh, yeah, that was that was me. I did that it it shows
a level of empathy and recognition of flaws and faults that
people
Most people will look at and be like, oh
Well, I was not expecting an apology. Thank you
and they the reason they weren't expecting the apology is because it's so rare for people to have that kind of
you know that kind of self reflection and
honestly that kind of self care like it really is
a very powerful statement to apologize and mean it and
oftentimes
I'm sure you've heard this before. I know that i've heard it before where
You'll say oh, you'll hear somebody say oh, I
You know what they apologized and I just respected that so much
I just respected the fact that they would own up to it
I just respected and that that can be the start of something beautiful if you own up to something like that
When you said something wrong or you did something wrong?
It's really important
Let's see, what else can we do?
You know, I
I hesitated to to to mention this one because I
I feel like it shouldn't need to be mentioned but I'm doing a podcast about it. So I should mention it
It is really important
when you're trying to show respect to
Be
grateful
To people and show you know show gratitude. It's a better way of putting it. You really want to be able to
When someone does shows you a kindness when somebody pays you a respect like I said
Return to that, you know be grateful make sure that you're saying thank you and tell them how much you appreciate it and
You know, even if it's something as simple as holding a door open for you or you know, don't listen
Take this as as as a bible truth from this point on if somebody holds the door open for you
I don't care if you're a man a woman
a dog
A parrot. I don't care what you are. You turn around and you say thank you
You don't have to you don't have to be you know, bend the knee to them. You just have to say thank you
Bend the knee to them. You just have to say thank you
you be respectful because what they're doing is they're showing you a respect they're showing you a kindness and
All you have to do is say thank you and then if there's another door there grab the door for them
it's it's a very simple dance step that I see happen all the time and every time I go to wah-wah
the I hold the first door the guy that I hold the door for holds the second door and
without fail
You always notice the guy that doesn't hold the door
Right, like everybody everybody sees it and everybody knows that guy's the asshole
Like just don't be the asshole. Just show some gratitude and and some kindness and
That's a great way of showing respect to people another another thing and this is kind of uh
I don't know. It's necessarily connected to that. But another great thing is
You can when somebody like this is great for the workplace when somebody is successful at work
or a school
Celebrate with them like tell them how proud of them
You are tell them good job. Tell them
You know keep going or you know any of those things and even if it's not something at work or school
If it's some but something as simple as you know, somebody your kid got a's or you know, whatever it is
You celebrate you you make sure that they understand how important or that you they understand how important it is to them
Right lady. You understand how important it is to them
That's a great way of showing respect to somebody that that maybe
you hadn't thought of before like just and it's
some of those things where like
If it were you, you know if you had gone out and I don't know got your real estate license
And you know two of your friends were like, oh we should go get drinks or something celebrate
But then like your mom and dad didn't say anything or your co-workers didn't say anything or you start to feel you start to hurts, right?
You you want people to celebrate those things with you. You want to be recognized for those achievements
And so the people that do recognize it
immediately
You feel better about them. You trust them more. You know that they respect what you did
They support you and they respect you
More, you know that they respect what you did they support your decisions and even if they don't necessarily support you getting your real estate license
Uh, which I don't know, you know, maybe this maybe it's the way they're looking at the it doesn't matter
but the point is is that is that
the understanding that they appreciate or that
You know that they appreciate what you've done
um
That is a big deal and that is a great way of showing respect towards somebody
And I think the last thing that i'll mention is um
You really want to try to
affirm
people in general
And what I mean by that is
You know when somebody states their opinion when they when they talk about, you know, what's important to them, you know on my tik tok channel
I get this a lot where i'll state something that I believe in or a way that I behave and and the reason why
and
It's nice
On that platform because I can almost immediately
Get you know somebody that says yeah, that's great or you know, this is good or you know, whatever it may be or I really appreciate you saying this or
And those those comments are extremely affirming like you know, it's hard to put yourself out there
It's hard to make this podcast not knowing
What people think of it not knowing, you know if people agree or disagree with me
Pretty much the only person that ever gives me any feedback on like is my one of my friends and my mom like
But i'm still gonna do it
Right because i'm getting affirmations other elsewhere
so
I get people all the time that say oh, I love what you said here or what a what a great way to say that or
You know things like that. So
Those kind of things that you can do to affirm other people whether it be online or in person
And let them know that you appreciate what they're saying. You appreciate what they're doing
You appreciate how they're behaving anything that you can point out
Those are great ways of showing respect to somebody
Those are great ways of showing somebody that you really care about what they're doing and that you notice a difference
Uh as they're doing it
I think for the rest of this episode, which we're just about to wrap it up
I think what I want to talk about now is perhaps the most important part of respect
And it's definitely the most important part of the concept of respect for this podcast and for what i've been trying to do
with
tik-tok and this podcast and
That form of respect is self-respect
I cannot possibly begin to
Describe or explain in enough words
Just how important self-respect is
It is the heart of everything I'm trying to accomplish
Because it is impossible for you to respect others if you don't respect yourself
the
Not to continue to bludgeon the dead horse that I did earlier
But the friend situation that I was talking about earlier is a very very good example of that
It is easy for somebody
to look at me and say why aren't you respecting me and
my retort
Or my response is I will respect you when you respect yourself
And what I mean by that in this situation is I will respect you
when you are able to look at the decisions you've made and
Genuinely say okay. This was a mistake. Oh, I shouldn't have done this
Oh, or you know just really give yourself a full audit of of how well your decision making has worked out
and also
You know how well you're able to
Determine the people that you brought into your life if you're not if you're not able to understand that
You know you're bringing in people that are hurting yourself that are hurting you and you're hurting yourself
That are hurting you and the people around you and innocent people as well
then you
You perhaps you're not really respecting yourself, right? Like you
You don't bring people like that into your life. You don't make mistakes like that
I call it a mistake, but it was a conscious decision
You you don't you don't make those decisions if you respect yourself
You don't want people like that in your life if you respect yourself
You only allow that if you
Don't respect yourself if you don't have that understanding of who you are and what you want and and and what you really need
And then when somebody like me comes along and says hey, you're better than this
That you you the fact that somebody will respond to
You're not even criticism really but more of a you know
An attempt to be positive and say I believe that you're better than these people you're hanging around with and I think this you
Should strive for more and you say no screw you. I don't ever want to talk to you again. Stop disrespecting me
That
And I know that it sounds like i'm you know, just harping on this one instance, but i'm just using this as an example
That this is a great example of somebody who doesn't have any self-respect
But yet demands it from other people
You can't do that. You have to
Begin to understand that the first all of these tools and methods that I talked about all these things that you can do
And all these concepts they all they all start with self-respect
You have to understand now. No, i'm going to say this and this is really
I need to make sure that it's understood
You have to love yourself
And you have to respect yourself
Now a lot of people will tell you you know
Find out who you are and find out all these things and that you know, there's always this like kind of
Drive to uncover these things about yourself
But the reality is is that we are always evolving we are always changing and we are always growing at least we should be
so
You it's not so much that you want to find yourself because oftentimes when you find yourself what you're finding is a
Is is what you were like?
When you started the search not not then you know, the search changes you the search creates a whole new you
And you're not always going to be able to keep up with those changes
You're not always going to be able to keep an eye on where you are in the present
And that's important to understand like
You're always growing. You're always learning. You're always changing
and
You're never going to necessarily know exactly
Who you are in the sense that most people mean that so just understand your own voice and listen
To yourself listen to your own wants and your own desires and understand that sometimes
your wants and desires are selfish and childish and
bad for you and
Then other times they're literally
Your inner self screaming out
Because you need representation and you need to be understood and you need camaraderie and
Appreciation and and there's a big difference between those things
All right, like you have to be able to filter them out
And so when somebody says, you know, you have to know yourself
And and what I mean when I say you need to respect yourself
Is being able to kind of discern between those two sides of yourself
All of us have darker sides of ourselves
And you need to be able to discern between those two sides of yourself
All of us have dark urges all of us have things that we want to do that are selfish and you know self-serving
and in the end hurt other people and ourselves and
You know like alcohol and drugs and and poor poor life decisions. These are things that you do
Out of a you know, a place of pain usually
So as long as you have an understanding of where the dark
Thoughts the dark inclinations are coming from
Then self-respect
Is and this also comes with some discipline as well
Is being able to say no. No, i'm better than this
i'm not going to
fall back on these
these vices and these
Uh the the basest forms of myself. I know these are part of me
And I can't escape that but i'm not going to embrace them instead. I'm going to embrace
The idea of loving i'm going to embrace the idea of being positive. I'm going to embrace the ideas of of helping others
And i'm not going to just do selfish things that to me
That is what defines self-respect because all of us can
Fall prey to like I said the basest inclinations the basest
influences
Uh, we can listen to the people around us tell us that it's okay for us to do these things that it's you know
Hey, just be yourself and you know
just go ahead and and and
You can't you can't always let yourself go ahead. You have to have discipline because unfortunately
Everybody has
You know everybody once you
Not to quote star wars here, but once you start path start down the dark path forever. Will it dominate your destiny?
You know it really is true in a lot of cases
You know once you start to let yourself go down down a certain direction
It's really really hard to change that because you adopt those
Mannerisms and those behaviors as part of yourself you say well, this is what I want
You don't understand you never bother to take this the the moment to say why do I want this?
that's where a lot of people end up going to therapy and end up having to discuss these things with
Uh a therapist or a psychiatrist is you know you get into these patterns that you create for yourself out of pain
and uh
You adopt those behaviors as part of yourself and the reality is is that those are not truly
Representations of what you want to be and so you end up
Self-loathing
Because you don't want to do those things, but you don't know how to stop
Right and this goes for all sorts of behaviors not just drugs and alcohol, but uh cheating lying
um you know just in general just being you know
Selfish and and and demonstrating those behaviors repeatedly
That comes from a place of pain that comes from a place of self-loathing that comes from a place of
Not respecting yourself so the first thing you can do is you can say from now on
I'm not going to indulge in these things that
have been distractions or that have been hurting me and the people in my life and
Even if they were fun, and they were good at the time
I have to understand that I only did them for whatever reason you know
I mean like you do a lot of self-searching and and I
I implore those of you that maybe are going through these kind of things that are hearing this
To talk to somebody talk to a therapist talk to you know whoever you need to talk to because
You don't want to continue to live with this albatross around your neck
And if you don't understand that reference, I'm probably not going to explain it here, but um
You know you don't want to continue to live with that burden
You really want to be able to free yourself and and find yourself find your voice
Find what it is that you can do to begin to truly respect who you are and who you want to be
Who you're growing into
It's so important. It's so important for everything that you're trying to do if you're listening to this podcast
then I have to assume that at some level you're trying to better yourself and
You're trying to be
more than you are now because I know that's what I'm doing and that's what the whole point of this podcast is for me is to
Try to
Try to say these things out loud so that I hear them as well
You know I'm not I'm not speaking to anyone on this podcast
from a place of authority
I'm speaking from a place of trying to figure it out myself and trying to research it and trying to learn it and I have done
Way more reading and way more research over the the 10 weeks that I've been doing this podcast than I had in
the 50 weeks before so
I hope that as you hear this and as you
You know take it in that you really can understand
and
At some level appreciate and even respect
That we're in this together
This is not this is not just you
This is you and I
working on these things and trying to figure it out together and
I hope that
this episode about the concept of respect
will
Lead you to the understanding that I do respect
You I do respect you for listening to this and I do respect that you're open to the ideas that I've put forward
And I hope that you will respect what I have to say Bruce Lee once said
Always be yourself
Express yourself have faith in yourself
Do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it
You can you can look all around the world you can find
Millions of people maybe that look like you and you'll find people that
You know, maybe hold your same values
You'll find people that talk like you you'll find people that sound like you you'll find people that smell like you
but you won't find anybody that has all of those attributes all at once as you do and
You are the only person like you in this world
Why would you spend your life?
Trying to be somebody else
Have more respect for what you are and who you are
Because you're the only one of you and that makes you infinitely important
and infinitely special
Carl Sagan once said that
When you think about the fact that we are made of the same thing as the rest of the universe
We are made of the same thing as the rest of the universe
That in a way
We are the universe and the we are an embodiment of the universe
And the universe's way
of seeing itself
So remember that as you go through this life
Be respectful
to yourself first
And to others and to the world that you're in and the animals and the plants and the flora and the fauna
And everything else that you can be respectful to be respectful to the ideas be respectful to the concepts around you
And understand that you are a work in progress
And you will remain a work in progress
Until the day you die
And that's the way that life should be
Thank you very much for listening to this episode
We're gonna wrap it up now
I have a few different ideas going into next week, and i'm not really sure I haven't pinned down exactly what I want to do for next week
so
If you're not following me on tiktok, please go ahead and do that
I will be announcing the subject in another day or two after I
I have a few things I want to tweak before I can really decide
And I haven't had a chance to do that yet
So I will announce the subject in the next day or two on tiktok
And then uh next week or you can just roll the dice and just listen to the random episode as far as you're concerned
Uh, that's fine, too
But if you want to know what the episode is about follow me on tiktok
Uh, it is a pebble and a pond dot podcast on tiktok
So if you haven't followed me there go ahead and jump in there and follow me there
Thank you again for listening and uh take care of yourself and take care of others
Have a good one
So