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Hey folks, welcome to episode 10 of a pebble in a pond podcast

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this episode is gonna be about the concept and the idea of

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respect

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Now why am I doing an episode about respect? Well

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For me, I think that it is a fundamental concept that

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as far as the the

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Whole aim of this podcast and of all of my other social medias

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is

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the whole idea is to try to find ways to further yourself and make

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your position and your place one of

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influence and one where you can you can really begin to make changes in the life in the lives around you and

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your own life as well and

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One of the best ways that you can do that is by understanding and showing

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respect to those around you

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So I wanted to make this episode so everybody could have an idea of what exactly that meal that what exactly that means what that entails

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Because I think that the I think that the base concept of respect I think that people say it and

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I think that people have a loose understanding of it, but I don't think that anybody really ever thinks about it

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I don't think that it's something that is

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necessarily

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You know that not a lot of people spend a lot of time digging into it themselves

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So I thought maybe we would just spend you know 45 minutes an hour going over it talking about it

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And really trying to understand exactly what it means and what it means to not only respect others

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Which is what we're gonna start with

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But to respect yourself, which is what we're gonna finish with. I

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think that

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Before we get to the music though, I think we'll start with a quote that will set us up

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for

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What we're gonna talk about first

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Tolstoy said Leo Tolstoy, I should say

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respect was invented to cover the empty place where love should be and

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I think that I

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Think if you just take a second you think about that you start to realize that

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respect is a

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Extremely important but often very misunderstood

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Idea and

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feeling and I think that

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people sometimes will

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will look for respect when what they really want is love and

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Sometimes when you can't get love

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You'll just take respect

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and with that

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Let's start the music. Oh

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Now we're gonna have a moment of full transparency here

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I mentioned this in the last episode and actually a couple of times on some of my tik-toks

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the reason why I wanted to do this episode is because the

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Concept is important to me and you know, the subject matter is important for

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Becoming the pebble in the public eye

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And I think that's the reason why I wanted to do this episode is because the

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You know the subject matter is important for becoming the pebble in the pond if you will and I think that

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We can really have a very powerful

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impact on those around us if we

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Understand how important respect can be and the easiest and best way is to show it

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That being said the the reason that I was moved to want to do this episode

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much sooner than I probably would have is because

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I have had multiple

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Conversations with I guess you would call them former

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people in my life where they were accused me of being disrespectful and

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I I take exception to it. I did take exception to it

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and so I wanted to I wanted to touch on it because

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While I can definitely see where people are, you know could accuse me of that. I think that I

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Think that for me and and I will get to this and I think that you know

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I'll kind of go back and forth on it so that you can kind of see how I'm weaving it in and out of the

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Conversation I think that for me

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Respect and the definition of exactly what that means is not always

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It doesn't always line up with I guess the dictionary definition of it. What is the dictionary definition of it?

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I mean, do you know? Well, let me tell you the dictionary definition of respect is well, there's two definitions for the noun

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usage of it a

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Feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities qualities or achievements

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That's one definition the other one and probably the one that's we're probably be talking about a little bit more here is

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Do regard for the feelings wishes rights or traditions of others now both of those obviously are

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you know, they kind of line up in a certain way and

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And there's there's through lines that you can kind of see but we're really going to focus on that second one the do regard

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for feelings wishes rights or traditions of others

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admiration

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That is elicited from someone's you know achievements or or you know, whatever term you'd like to use there

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It's all fine and good and it is absolutely something that we should all have but that's more of a that's that's definitely more of an opinion

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based like like there's a lot of people out there that respect Eminem as

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the greatest rapper of all time and then there's a lot of people out there that

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Don't respect Eminem because of some of the you know things that he said in some of his songs and and

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both of those people can show respect for his accomplishments or

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A lack of respect so, you know, some people some people respect him as the greatest rapper

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Some people will respect him as the greatest white rapper

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You see what I'm saying? Like that's all it's all very subjective and we're looking for a little bit more objectivity in this than

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Than just you know people throwing around opinions

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Except for my opinion because I've got the microphone. So you will listen

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I'm just joking. You don't have to listen

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When I think about with respect

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For most of my life and you know, I would say probably since I was

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I don't know maybe 20 18 or 20

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when uh, I first really started to give it some thought

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The the quote that has come to my mind

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Was it and it's literally it's not even really a quote it's um

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It's just something that I remember hearing on a comedy special

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The harry anderson

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The judge on night court he had a comedy special called hello sucker

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And uh in in one of the parts of the show that he did he's he's kind of just listing off some

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Like little words of wisdom

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But he says in that in that special he says I have always learned I have always been taught that respect is something that you give

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To people and I think that's the most important thing

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Is something that you give to get

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And that has always stuck with me and I know that that's kind of an old

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An old saying and he didn't coin that but that's where I first heard it. So that's where it kind of stuck with me

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and

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I have really that is something that I genuinely believe

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With with all of my heart with all of my being

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That respect is something that

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Uh is not necessarily

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You you don't give uh

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You don't give respect

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um

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just

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freely, I I guess you should say um

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I i'm not really sure how to put this but

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I think that for me respect is something that you you you give to somebody and

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You then wait to see how it's returned and that will determine if they continue to uh

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if they continue to

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Deserve respect

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I think that that's that's kind of a it's kind of like, you know

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The first taste is free kind of thing like you really you really respect is something that you really want to be

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It's a resource to a certain degree and you want to guard it

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You want to make sure that you're not giving people that don't deserve respect?

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um

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Undo respect, you know, you don't you don't want to

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Waste your time on that on that venture

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Because there's a lot of people out there that you'll you know, you'll come across that that are disrespectful

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and you know, they they treat you poorly and

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They don't deserve your respect that you don't need to respect them

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Because they obviously are not giving any respect right like that's the whole point

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If people want to be respected then they need to give you that respect now

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You know, I try to live my life in a way where you know everybody that I come across

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I I give them that initial respect. I give them, you know, I I I wouldn't say i'm

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I'm, you know differential but um

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I I give them that moment. I try to give them that time and I try to you know, be

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present and aware and

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uh pay attention and I try to give them the respect that they they are due as

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Just you know, whoever they may be

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And then I just wait and see I just I just see what they do

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and unfortunately, there are a lot of people that you'll come across in your life that um

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Will will feign respect

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And they don't really mean that and you know, you might not see that so

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It's just something that you want to be aware of as you as you go through your everyday life

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You know, who are the people that are respecting you? Who are the people that are showing you respect?

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Who are the people that treat you well?

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And then you you kind of allocate what you have to give to those people you you really focus on them and you try to make

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Um the extra special effort towards them and that like I said

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You know that that that quote is respect is something you give to get

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So when you first meet somebody

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Give them that first, you know that first little bit and then see what they return

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And as soon as they start to show that disrespect as soon then they they've got to earn it back, right?

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Like they're at they're at a deficit at that point in time. They're going to have to start to do something to really earn it because

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Respect isn't like a lot of things like you can be kind or you can be nice to somebody and you're not really worried necessarily about

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anything in return for that you can be

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Be empathic and and relate to somebody and and understand their feelings on a topic and their emotions on the topic

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but respect is something that

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You know, it really is

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It really needs to be reciprocated in the same way that it's given

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You know and and you see that a lot of times in in every relationship you have whether it be a work relationship

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a friendship

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A romantic relationship if the respect is not mutual

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If it's not both ways

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Then it will always break down. It is impossible for one person to carry the burden of respect for two people

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You know you can for a short period of time

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but

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Those relationships will always break down if respect is not

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reciprocated in an equal fashion

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um and and I

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Anybody listening to this, you know, just think about it for a minute

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Think about any work relationship you've had think about any any team building exercise you've had in school

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Think about any any friendship that you've had where if once you start to feel disrespected by your friend

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That friendship is is now officially on the rocks, right?

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Like you you stop wanting to be around that person you stop wanting to you know, treat that person with

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With respect you stop wanting to you know in general it sours that entire friendship

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um and

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Once again, this is this is exceedingly true in romantic relationships

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Going back to what I had said before

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one of the reasons why I wanted to do this episode was because

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Uh someone who was in my life somebody very near and dear to me

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I don't know if I would call it necessarily a romantic relationship, but it was pretty as close as you can get

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um

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You know recently within like a week or so ago told me that uh, I was not respecting her

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uh, well her wishes were that I

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that I stopped talking to her about um, some of the poor decisions that she had made and some of the

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uh

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People that she's been keeping in her life that were causing her harm in my opinion and I mean

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Honestly, I pretty much anybody objectively would say these people are causing you harm

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Um, but she does not appreciate the fact that I'm voicing that

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She considers it to be disrespectful that I'm voicing that opinion

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And she's not wrong. She's not wrong. It is disrespectful. However

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What is lost on this and in that moment is

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She doesn't understand that at no point

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Uh over the course of many many years was she showing me respect

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She was lying to me multiple times. She was you know creating entire

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Backstories and fabrications living in an entirely made-up world that I had no idea about until relatively recently

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And so, you know when when you're kind of all of a sudden being steeped in an understanding that your

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You know your worldview was wrong about somebody

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And then they're like, why don't you respect me? It's it's

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It's a tad disingenuous, you know

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Like how can you possibly ask me for respect when you haven't shown me any?

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You know, you've done this and this and you've snuck around and you've you've lied to me about these things and you know

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You you haven't shown me the respect

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That is necessary

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To then ask me for respect now

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Obviously at some point I can just be like whatever I don't care

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But that's not the same thing as respect right? Like I'm not I'm not being intentionally disrespectful

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I am just not extending respect

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Because none has been shown to me. I'm not actively trying to you know

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Be a jerk. I'm just not stopping myself from

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Trying to you know voice my opinion

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And I see there's a really fine line there and I want to make it very clear that

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You don't want to be like this right like the way that I'm behaving in this scenario is one of somebody who is hurt

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Right, like I I am some I trusted this person

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I love them very much

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And they betrayed me they betrayed my trust they betrayed my

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My idea of who they were as a person

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And they continue to do so proudly to a certain degree and uh, it's it's it just jars you right?

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It just takes you out of an understanding of you know

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Your whole worldview to a certain degree you start to question

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You know who else is doing this how who what else can you trust?

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And that's that's what a lack of respect can do to you

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Like at any point in time had she shown me respect and just said you know what?

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I'm gonna live my life this way and I'm not gonna lie to you about it and I'm not gonna hide it from you

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That would be showing respect

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You know I may not like what she had to say but it's showing me respect to just be honest and and

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Forthright and come to me and say this is who I am accept it or don't

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But she didn't do that and at no point did she do that. So

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That's just blatant disrespect the entire time

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And I think that that is where this kind of uh

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Intertwines with some of the other things we've talked about on different episodes

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You know, it's important to understand that you know honesty and kindness and empathy and these other concepts

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That we've already discussed

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All of them can be tied to respect as well

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You know being honest with somebody

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And and no matter how painful that honesty can be that is a sign of respect

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It is it is

235
00:17:20,820 --> 00:17:25,300
Incredibly easy to lie to somebody and tell them

236
00:17:25,780 --> 00:17:29,300
Whatever you think they want to hear to tell them the easy truth

237
00:17:29,300 --> 00:17:33,220
Or the easy lie instead of the hard truth

238
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But that's not being respectful

239
00:17:35,460 --> 00:17:41,220
That's not that's not thinking about them as an actual person with their you know, own thoughts and feelings

240
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And ways of processing the information

241
00:17:45,620 --> 00:17:47,060
That's just

242
00:17:47,060 --> 00:17:53,380
That's just you making the decision for them you saying oh, well, you're too weak to hear this

243
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:56,100
So i'm gonna i'm gonna lie to you about it

244
00:17:56,100 --> 00:18:01,060
And that is just blatantly disrespectful and that's essentially what she did to me

245
00:18:01,460 --> 00:18:07,860
She she was telling me things and and you'll hear this all the time and this is you know, people will say this you'll hear this in

246
00:18:08,420 --> 00:18:13,460
Real life you'll hear this and I they say I didn't want to tell you the truth. I was too afraid to hurt you

247
00:18:13,780 --> 00:18:15,780
I I didn't want to hurt you

248
00:18:16,580 --> 00:18:18,020
that is

249
00:18:18,020 --> 00:18:19,540
so

250
00:18:19,940 --> 00:18:24,580
Wrong. I mean there's no other word for it. That is just the wrong way to tell you

251
00:18:24,580 --> 00:18:28,180
That is just the wrong way to think that is the wrong way to be

252
00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:30,740
there is no no

253
00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:33,780
greater disservice you can do to somebody and more

254
00:18:34,880 --> 00:18:39,460
Disrespectful thing you could do to somebody than to lie to them to save their feelings

255
00:18:40,340 --> 00:18:42,740
because what happens when you do that is

256
00:18:44,180 --> 00:18:50,260
You have to lie to them over and over and over again. And so the longer it takes for them to discover the truth

257
00:18:50,260 --> 00:18:53,300
The more it's going to hurt

258
00:18:54,980 --> 00:18:59,780
You take a one moment of pain where you say, you know, oh hey

259
00:18:59,780 --> 00:19:06,420
I'm gonna go do this thing that you don't like or I I want to you know, be with this person who is bad for me

260
00:19:07,860 --> 00:19:10,820
And i'm just gonna do it like that's that's a painful moment

261
00:19:11,540 --> 00:19:16,020
But instead you lie about it and then it takes a year for somebody to find out about it

262
00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:18,900
That's a year worth of time that you you've now

263
00:19:18,900 --> 00:19:21,860
You've now been hurting that person. You've been disrespecting that person

264
00:19:21,860 --> 00:19:25,940
You've been lying to that person about this one moment that you could have just been honest about

265
00:19:26,820 --> 00:19:33,620
And the thing about it is that like I said, you know, keep in mind through everything I talk about respect is something you give to get

266
00:19:34,100 --> 00:19:40,180
So if at any point in time and you know, obviously i'm using her as this example here if she had come to me and said

267
00:19:40,660 --> 00:19:42,660
This is what I want to do

268
00:19:42,980 --> 00:19:46,980
Uh, you know, can you respect my wishes? Can you can you support me?

269
00:19:46,980 --> 00:19:50,900
Can you you know, I I don't I don't want you to be mad at me

270
00:19:50,900 --> 00:19:57,060
But I really want to do this kind of thing or I you know, please understand where i'm coming from or any of these ways of discussing it

271
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um

272
00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:00,020
the

273
00:20:00,020 --> 00:20:07,060
Things like the entire everything would be entirely different because that's coming to somebody showing respect saying hey your opinion matters

274
00:20:07,620 --> 00:20:08,980
but also

275
00:20:08,980 --> 00:20:12,420
You know it also, you know, I want this thing a lot

276
00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:18,580
And that's what that's what respect is respect is going to somebody and in this situation would be going to somebody and saying

277
00:20:19,380 --> 00:20:22,900
I really want this thing in my life. I really want to be able to do this thing

278
00:20:22,900 --> 00:20:28,100
I really want to go to this place. I want to you know, but but I also want to show you the respect of

279
00:20:28,660 --> 00:20:32,900
You know telling you about it and and I want to tell you how important it is to me

280
00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:34,900
now if

281
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:36,420
You know in this case it would be me

282
00:20:36,420 --> 00:20:41,540
But this is this is this is a generic scenario that i've heard of multiple times in my life and and you know

283
00:20:41,540 --> 00:20:45,460
I'm sure that many of you that hear this will it will it'll play out in your head

284
00:20:45,460 --> 00:20:48,500
You'll say oh, yeah that happened to me or oh i was I understand this

285
00:20:49,620 --> 00:20:54,260
But you know then it's on the person, you know, if you go to somebody and you're honest and you say hey

286
00:20:54,260 --> 00:20:56,180
I'm i'm thinking about doing this thing

287
00:20:56,180 --> 00:20:59,460
I know that's not something you're really into or something that you're really a fan of but

288
00:20:59,700 --> 00:21:03,540
This is what it means to me and then they turn around and they're like no you can't do that

289
00:21:03,540 --> 00:21:07,940
Well, then they're being disrespectful right like that's that's how that works

290
00:21:07,940 --> 00:21:12,660
You take the burden of being respectful and you you you put it on them

291
00:21:12,660 --> 00:21:17,300
And then you can you know, you can play off of that you can say, oh, well, they've disrespected me

292
00:21:17,300 --> 00:21:21,780
And I don't appreciate that that doesn't mean you go and you lie and you sneak and you cheat

293
00:21:22,020 --> 00:21:25,960
That means that you you then say okay. Well, I feel disrespected

294
00:21:26,740 --> 00:21:30,580
I'm going to go ahead and i'm going to do this thing. I want to do and you tell them, you know

295
00:21:30,580 --> 00:21:32,500
I I don't like the way that you talk to me

296
00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:34,980
I don't like the way that you behaved when I told you this

297
00:21:34,980 --> 00:21:39,860
I'm going to go ahead and do this and i'm sorry that if it hurts you i'm sorry if it upsets you

298
00:21:40,180 --> 00:21:44,260
That's not my intent. I'm not trying to disrespect you. I am trying to

299
00:21:45,380 --> 00:21:48,740
Impress upon you that I I really this is what I want

300
00:21:49,380 --> 00:21:55,540
And you have to accept it, you know, this is something that I I desperately want now if you're talking about

301
00:21:55,780 --> 00:21:58,980
You know a romantic relationship, you know, which is how this started

302
00:21:59,940 --> 00:22:03,380
It's it's a little bit different because then you you you're partners, right?

303
00:22:03,380 --> 00:22:05,300
Like you should be discussing these things together

304
00:22:05,300 --> 00:22:11,620
There should not be it should not be a unilateral decision on either side to do this thing

305
00:22:11,700 --> 00:22:14,740
It should be a discussion and it should be something that you know

306
00:22:15,060 --> 00:22:17,780
You maybe even have to go back and forth on a little bit

307
00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:22,020
No, neither side should quote win, right?

308
00:22:22,100 --> 00:22:27,460
Like if if there is a disagreement then you try to reach a compromise you try to say, okay

309
00:22:27,460 --> 00:22:33,940
Well, you know go do this but also just be careful about this or you know, just keep this in mind or you know

310
00:22:33,940 --> 00:22:34,980
I hope you have fun

311
00:22:34,980 --> 00:22:37,860
But just remember that you know, this could be a problem or that you know

312
00:22:38,180 --> 00:22:44,100
things like that like there's ways of discussing it where you both can have what you want and

313
00:22:44,740 --> 00:22:51,380
All too often you see situations where communication breaks down because of the lack of respect on one side or the other

314
00:22:51,700 --> 00:22:53,700
where you just don't believe that your

315
00:22:53,700 --> 00:23:01,140
Partner or your you know friend or whatever it is will be able to handle it or will be able to give you what you want

316
00:23:01,780 --> 00:23:03,780
And that's really one of the key things here, right?

317
00:23:04,020 --> 00:23:08,180
Like a lot of times people will go into a situation they'll go into a communication

318
00:23:08,180 --> 00:23:15,700
They'll go into whatever it may be and they'll have a preset idea of what it is. They want you know, they they already have

319
00:23:15,700 --> 00:23:22,740
You know exactly what the outcome is and and and they will refuse to come off of that outcome

320
00:23:23,780 --> 00:23:30,100
So they try to manipulate the situation all of these things that you're doing in your head all of these these

321
00:23:31,620 --> 00:23:33,620
Ways of maneuvering

322
00:23:34,180 --> 00:23:36,180
They're all disrespectful

323
00:23:36,180 --> 00:23:38,980
Because they're all different ways of being dishonest

324
00:23:38,980 --> 00:23:45,140
So just go into a situation go into your communications and this isn't just with romantic partners. This is with friends

325
00:23:45,140 --> 00:23:50,580
This is what just random strangers as you try to communicate with people go into any of these without

326
00:23:51,380 --> 00:23:56,500
The burden of trying to manipulate and maneuver people into the outcome you want

327
00:23:57,140 --> 00:23:58,340
instead

328
00:23:58,340 --> 00:24:05,380
Let them make you know respect somebody enough to let them give you the information based on that what they know about it their opinions

329
00:24:05,380 --> 00:24:09,060
And their understandings of it and then they can return

330
00:24:09,700 --> 00:24:14,660
And give you their answer and then you can and then you make a decision based on what they said

331
00:24:15,220 --> 00:24:20,420
But don't try to maneuver people. Don't try to lie to people to get your way. Don't try to

332
00:24:21,620 --> 00:24:22,500
You know

333
00:24:22,500 --> 00:24:27,300
Get people to give you one specific answer because it fits exactly what you want

334
00:24:28,020 --> 00:24:33,780
Like you don't have to do that now a lot of times and i'm you know, this is complete and total honesty on my part

335
00:24:33,780 --> 00:24:37,780
A lot of times i'm pretty good at arguing and i'm pretty good at making a point

336
00:24:38,100 --> 00:24:44,820
So many people many people most people actually in my life. That's one of their big complaints about me is that

337
00:24:45,540 --> 00:24:46,500
I

338
00:24:46,500 --> 00:24:50,740
When we get into a discussion or an argument or whatever it may be

339
00:24:51,460 --> 00:24:52,260
I

340
00:24:52,260 --> 00:24:58,820
I tend to be more influential and I I tend to make my points stronger

341
00:24:58,820 --> 00:25:04,740
And i'm not i'm not trying to justify that i'm not trying to say that um

342
00:25:06,020 --> 00:25:10,020
That's necessarily the right way to be because I literally just said that you don't want to go into

343
00:25:10,900 --> 00:25:16,180
But what I I think if I were to defend myself here, I would just say this

344
00:25:17,140 --> 00:25:18,660
one

345
00:25:18,660 --> 00:25:19,780
um

346
00:25:19,780 --> 00:25:26,100
I'm not i'm not arguing or i'm not i'm not discussing these things necessarily to be disrespectful

347
00:25:26,100 --> 00:25:31,700
I'm doing it to make sure that the person that i'm talking to in almost every case. This is the situation

348
00:25:32,420 --> 00:25:34,420
That they've thought about it

349
00:25:34,420 --> 00:25:40,500
That they understand what they're doing that they understand exactly the decision they're making. I want to make sure that they know

350
00:25:41,380 --> 00:25:42,820
where they're

351
00:25:42,820 --> 00:25:46,900
Possibly going to get in trouble, you know, I want to make sure they know exactly

352
00:25:47,380 --> 00:25:51,220
You know, they've thought about it from every angle so that they can then decide if they want to do it or not

353
00:25:51,220 --> 00:25:53,220
That's usually where it comes from

354
00:25:53,220 --> 00:25:59,300
It's not really me having a preset outcome or me having an idea or me trying to manipulate or maneuver these people

355
00:25:59,620 --> 00:26:01,620
It's usually just okay. Did you think about this?

356
00:26:02,340 --> 00:26:09,060
Okay, but did you think about this now make sure that you understand that these all things these outcomes are all possible if you make this decision

357
00:26:10,260 --> 00:26:14,180
And you know, obviously some of them are negative some of them are negative outcomes

358
00:26:14,980 --> 00:26:20,980
And whenever you give somebody whenever you tell somebody that there's a possible negative outcome of something they really don't know

359
00:26:20,980 --> 00:26:23,780
There's a possible negative outcome of something they really want to do

360
00:26:24,500 --> 00:26:28,180
They'll take it as you trying to get them to not do it and that's not really the case

361
00:26:28,180 --> 00:26:32,420
It's just I want you to understand that you know, this could happen

362
00:26:33,940 --> 00:26:36,340
So that's that's that's one aspect of it

363
00:26:36,980 --> 00:26:41,860
Uh that I would say if I were to defend myself now, once again, i'm not defending myself. I'm just saying

364
00:26:42,980 --> 00:26:44,660
You know, these are the reasons I do it

365
00:26:44,660 --> 00:26:49,060
This is not it's not a defense and I can you know, it's completely legitimate that people have a problem with

366
00:26:49,060 --> 00:26:51,060
uh my influence

367
00:26:51,060 --> 00:26:54,660
Uh that being said and this is gonna this is gonna sound a little um

368
00:26:56,100 --> 00:27:02,980
I don't know, uh, maybe a little have a little bravado to it. I guess uh, but you know get better at arguing

369
00:27:05,220 --> 00:27:08,660
If you don't want to if you don't want to lose to a lawyer then be as good as the lawyer

370
00:27:08,820 --> 00:27:10,820
I guess is the is the point

371
00:27:10,820 --> 00:27:14,340
And a lot of people really hate me when I say that and I don't blame them

372
00:27:14,340 --> 00:27:21,940
I mean I am i'm good at arguing and I I am influential so a lot of times people just don't give me that option

373
00:27:22,580 --> 00:27:26,580
Which is disrespectful and it bothers me and it you know, it sucks

374
00:27:26,980 --> 00:27:32,020
but at the same time I don't really blame them in certain situations because

375
00:27:32,980 --> 00:27:39,860
You know, they know the outcome they know that if if I have the ability to sit down and and make them think about it

376
00:27:39,860 --> 00:27:44,500
That that that initial impulse that they're they're they're moving on, you know

377
00:27:44,500 --> 00:27:50,980
The oh I want it I want it that kind of goes away and they lose that momentum and then it becomes oh well

378
00:27:51,940 --> 00:27:53,780
I don't want to do it now

379
00:27:53,780 --> 00:28:00,100
So I have a bit of a killjoy when it comes to that and I know that and I it's not something that i'm necessarily proud of

380
00:28:00,740 --> 00:28:01,700
um

381
00:28:01,700 --> 00:28:03,700
But like I said, you know

382
00:28:03,860 --> 00:28:08,500
It comes from a place of genuine concern and care for people and also

383
00:28:08,500 --> 00:28:10,740
um, you know if you don't want to be

384
00:28:11,540 --> 00:28:15,300
Manipulated and maneuvered with words then maybe get better at using your words

385
00:28:16,340 --> 00:28:22,420
I know that's a jerk thing to say. I shouldn't say that especially not on a podcast, but I mean I i'm here to be honest

386
00:28:22,420 --> 00:28:23,540
I'm not here to

387
00:28:23,540 --> 00:28:27,780
I'm not here to lie about it. I I don't I don't have to prove anything to anybody here

388
00:28:27,780 --> 00:28:30,900
And we're all working on ourselves and i'm trying to get better

389
00:28:31,460 --> 00:28:36,820
So the best way to and this is this goes for everything by the way what i'm about to say here

390
00:28:36,820 --> 00:28:39,620
the best way for you to get better at

391
00:28:40,980 --> 00:28:41,780
uh

392
00:28:41,780 --> 00:28:42,980
your

393
00:28:42,980 --> 00:28:47,620
To strengthen your weaknesses is to be able to first identify your weaknesses

394
00:28:48,260 --> 00:28:55,380
And you know my attitude of get better at arguing is a is a problem and I know that I shouldn't think that but

395
00:28:55,940 --> 00:28:57,940
you know

396
00:28:57,940 --> 00:29:02,180
It's difficult. It's really difficult when you spend your whole life arguing

397
00:29:02,740 --> 00:29:04,740
To not just be like well

398
00:29:04,740 --> 00:29:05,700
You know

399
00:29:05,700 --> 00:29:11,940
Get better at it. So I am working on it and I know that I need to you know be more uh

400
00:29:12,660 --> 00:29:17,300
Respectful and understanding but and that was really the reason why I brought that up and why I wanted to

401
00:29:18,020 --> 00:29:19,460
illustrate that

402
00:29:19,460 --> 00:29:23,780
Now that now that i'm through that that part and you guys have heard me be a jerk about it

403
00:29:23,780 --> 00:29:25,780
I want you to understand that

404
00:29:26,100 --> 00:29:30,980
I said that all on purpose that that that wasn't just me free-flowing thought

405
00:29:30,980 --> 00:29:35,860
I mean, I know it it was and it sounded like it was because it but but I went into that

406
00:29:36,900 --> 00:29:38,900
To try to illustrate that

407
00:29:39,460 --> 00:29:42,740
All of us struggle with the concept of respect

408
00:29:43,700 --> 00:29:45,060
respect means

409
00:29:45,060 --> 00:29:50,820
a ton in my life and even even when i'm having a conversation about

410
00:29:52,020 --> 00:29:56,180
How important respect is I find a way to be disrespectful?

411
00:29:56,180 --> 00:30:02,500
Do you understand what i'm trying to get out here? Like it's very difficult to maintain a level of respect at all times

412
00:30:03,380 --> 00:30:07,540
And it's something that we all are going to struggle with as we move through our lives

413
00:30:08,340 --> 00:30:09,300
so

414
00:30:09,300 --> 00:30:12,980
It's i'm not ever going to ask somebody to try to be perfect

415
00:30:13,700 --> 00:30:19,300
On this podcast or on you know tiktok or anything like that all I can say is that

416
00:30:19,860 --> 00:30:22,980
It is a constant struggle to be as good as you can be

417
00:30:22,980 --> 00:30:26,420
and showing respect and um

418
00:30:27,540 --> 00:30:28,660
appreciation

419
00:30:28,660 --> 00:30:31,220
Is something that we should be working towards

420
00:30:32,100 --> 00:30:33,060
and

421
00:30:33,060 --> 00:30:35,060
I fall short a lot

422
00:30:35,140 --> 00:30:37,140
I fall short a lot

423
00:30:38,820 --> 00:30:44,580
But like I said we're working on it and I wanted to illustrate just how short I can fall

424
00:30:44,900 --> 00:30:48,020
You know saying the things that I said just just a minute ago

425
00:30:48,020 --> 00:30:54,340
Those are not respectful ways of thinking or believing and I I have thought about it and I am struggling to

426
00:30:56,180 --> 00:31:02,260
Correct that attitude and I wasn't joking. It is very difficult for me to not just immediately think that way

427
00:31:02,420 --> 00:31:04,420
It's becoming easier

428
00:31:04,740 --> 00:31:08,020
As time is going on and i'm becoming more conscious of it

429
00:31:08,340 --> 00:31:10,340
But it is it is still a struggle

430
00:31:10,340 --> 00:31:14,980
You know whenever I get in an argument with somebody whenever I get in a discussion with somebody and they start to get

431
00:31:14,980 --> 00:31:17,780
Upset because i'm quote winning

432
00:31:18,580 --> 00:31:22,260
Uh, I have to kind of pull myself back and be like what what what is the point of this like?

433
00:31:22,820 --> 00:31:26,260
They're not they're not going to be able to out influence me

434
00:31:26,660 --> 00:31:30,660
They're not going to be able to out argue me and I know they're not going to be able to so

435
00:31:31,460 --> 00:31:33,700
Why would I put that burden on them? Why would I say?

436
00:31:34,340 --> 00:31:38,100
You know what I said a minute ago and you know get better at arguing. Why would I do that?

437
00:31:38,660 --> 00:31:40,660
I know they're not going to be better at me than it

438
00:31:41,380 --> 00:31:43,700
Then you know, I'm not going to be able to do that

439
00:31:43,700 --> 00:31:46,660
than you know at it than I am so, uh

440
00:31:47,700 --> 00:31:51,700
Why would I do that? It's just being it's just me being disrespectful and

441
00:31:53,460 --> 00:31:58,100
You know, we're all working on it. We're all we all got to get better and I am a very very

442
00:31:58,740 --> 00:32:00,820
Very good example of that

443
00:32:02,180 --> 00:32:04,180
So with all of that in mind

444
00:32:04,260 --> 00:32:06,260
I want to talk about a few things that

445
00:32:06,660 --> 00:32:08,660
uh you can do

446
00:32:08,660 --> 00:32:16,420
That will help strengthen or not really strengthen necessarily really that you can do to exercise respect that you can show respect to people

447
00:32:17,060 --> 00:32:21,940
Think things that you can do in everyday life in conversations that you have

448
00:32:22,340 --> 00:32:26,340
in moments that you have with friends and family and strangers that will

449
00:32:27,380 --> 00:32:29,220
That will convey

450
00:32:29,220 --> 00:32:31,700
That you know the level of respect you have for them

451
00:32:33,300 --> 00:32:35,860
It's really important to understand though that

452
00:32:35,860 --> 00:32:37,860
respect is something that

453
00:32:39,460 --> 00:32:41,460
Uh for lack of a better word

454
00:32:42,020 --> 00:32:44,020
It multiplies

455
00:32:44,340 --> 00:32:49,780
Right like like I've said multiple times now you you give respect to get it

456
00:32:50,420 --> 00:32:52,740
Right if you want respect then you have to give respect

457
00:32:53,220 --> 00:32:57,780
And that keeps going right? It's not just the one time. It's not just a one-time transaction

458
00:32:58,100 --> 00:33:00,820
If you give somebody respect, they will respect you back

459
00:33:00,820 --> 00:33:08,580
And then you you receive the respect that they're they're reciprocating and then you you will respect them more and what that does is that builds trust

460
00:33:10,020 --> 00:33:12,020
Um it is respect

461
00:33:12,580 --> 00:33:15,060
Towards you know, two people respecting each other

462
00:33:15,860 --> 00:33:22,980
Is the fastest way to build trust and I think that that is probably the closest thing to a universal truth

463
00:33:23,940 --> 00:33:29,940
Uh that you can possibly have that that translates into the animal world as well. That is not just humans

464
00:33:29,940 --> 00:33:35,300
Uh animals that respect each other that show respect for each other and boundaries and things like that

465
00:33:35,700 --> 00:33:36,740
They

466
00:33:36,740 --> 00:33:41,140
I mean it works the same exact way it becomes a situation of trust

467
00:33:42,100 --> 00:33:44,100
now when you

468
00:33:44,340 --> 00:33:47,940
When you are building that trust and you're showing that respect

469
00:33:49,140 --> 00:33:53,540
There is you know, it feels good to be respected

470
00:33:54,260 --> 00:33:59,220
So, you know along the same lines as showing kindness and things like that giving respect

471
00:33:59,220 --> 00:34:00,260
that they

472
00:34:00,260 --> 00:34:01,700
Are due

473
00:34:01,700 --> 00:34:08,500
Is a very good way to show to show kindness and it makes people feel good when they're when you respect them

474
00:34:09,700 --> 00:34:10,740
um

475
00:34:10,740 --> 00:34:11,940
and then

476
00:34:11,940 --> 00:34:13,460
It you know, it also

477
00:34:13,460 --> 00:34:20,020
When you when you are in a state of mind where you're respecting somebody it's usually because they are showing

478
00:34:21,220 --> 00:34:22,740
Good behavior

479
00:34:22,740 --> 00:34:25,060
It it promotes that idea of

480
00:34:25,620 --> 00:34:27,140
Of them, you know

481
00:34:27,140 --> 00:34:29,380
being

482
00:34:29,380 --> 00:34:31,540
Trustworthy and them being respectful

483
00:34:32,180 --> 00:34:37,060
and so you you reward that by by obviously reciprocating and

484
00:34:37,380 --> 00:34:39,700
You know, this is this goes both ways again

485
00:34:40,260 --> 00:34:46,500
So it promotes you both to be as good as you can towards each other and then obviously anybody else that's in

486
00:34:46,820 --> 00:34:48,820
the circle of respect and trust

487
00:34:50,420 --> 00:34:54,020
The other thing and this is maybe even the most important thing that respect

488
00:34:54,020 --> 00:34:59,140
Respecting somebody does is it allows somebody to feel safe and comfortable

489
00:34:59,700 --> 00:35:03,220
In their skin it allows somebody to feel

490
00:35:05,060 --> 00:35:07,540
That they are being accepted

491
00:35:08,340 --> 00:35:09,300
for

492
00:35:09,300 --> 00:35:11,940
And and and treated as an equal

493
00:35:13,220 --> 00:35:15,220
for being themselves

494
00:35:15,620 --> 00:35:20,420
Because really you know, we all have things that we we do that we you know

495
00:35:20,420 --> 00:35:24,340
I should say like this. We all have things that other people do that we don't necessarily

496
00:35:25,220 --> 00:35:27,220
appreciate or

497
00:35:27,220 --> 00:35:28,340
value

498
00:35:28,340 --> 00:35:34,980
But if you can respect somebody in spite of those things if you can if you can show them that you you know

499
00:35:35,620 --> 00:35:37,620
Those things don't bother you

500
00:35:38,180 --> 00:35:42,420
That goes a long way towards them feeling okay about themselves

501
00:35:43,300 --> 00:35:45,300
and

502
00:35:46,500 --> 00:35:47,540
Obviously

503
00:35:47,540 --> 00:35:51,060
Now, let me just be completely transparent here

504
00:35:51,860 --> 00:35:55,060
Obviously, there's times when you may want to you know

505
00:35:56,020 --> 00:36:02,260
I'm not I don't want to say withhold but you may want to consider how you're respecting somebody if if you know

506
00:36:02,500 --> 00:36:09,460
Somebody's got it like a bad alcohol problem. You don't want to you know embolden them by treating them as if everything's

507
00:36:10,260 --> 00:36:16,580
A-okay, right? Like you you want to make sure that they understand that so there's a there's a limit and an understanding

508
00:36:16,580 --> 00:36:22,100
There's a limit and a certain way that you can show respect where you don't have to necessarily sign off on somebody's bad behavior

509
00:36:23,300 --> 00:36:26,580
But you can still be respectful towards them. I hope that makes sense

510
00:36:28,500 --> 00:36:30,500
I was having a hard time phrasing that

511
00:36:31,860 --> 00:36:33,780
That being said

512
00:36:33,780 --> 00:36:36,900
Now that we have a really solid understanding of exactly what

513
00:36:38,100 --> 00:36:40,340
affects respect can have

514
00:36:41,540 --> 00:36:44,820
Let's let's let's figure out ways that we can really show it

515
00:36:44,820 --> 00:36:48,020
That one of the easiest ways and and probably the best way

516
00:36:48,340 --> 00:36:54,100
If you have the ability to do this in a in a face-to-face conversation is to really

517
00:36:55,300 --> 00:36:59,540
Well, they call it active listening, right? Like you really want to be an active listener

518
00:37:00,020 --> 00:37:02,740
You want to be able to look somebody in the eye

519
00:37:03,300 --> 00:37:08,500
You want to be able to allow them to finish their thoughts and then engage with questions

520
00:37:09,780 --> 00:37:13,780
You want to be able to not only not only ask questions

521
00:37:13,780 --> 00:37:16,500
that are pertinent to what they've said, but you want to be able to

522
00:37:17,860 --> 00:37:19,620
Maybe even go like, you know

523
00:37:19,620 --> 00:37:23,860
Somebody will say this and this and this happened at work and this and this and this and you ask them a few questions

524
00:37:23,860 --> 00:37:27,060
And you say okay, so let me make sure I understand so this happened

525
00:37:27,060 --> 00:37:30,820
And you you basically give them what they said back and then they can confirm

526
00:37:31,460 --> 00:37:36,900
And what that does is that really does build an understanding in that person's mind that not only were you listening the whole time

527
00:37:36,900 --> 00:37:38,900
But that you were engaged and you

528
00:37:38,900 --> 00:37:44,180
Appreciated what they were trying to convey to you that builds a lot of respect that builds a lot of trust

529
00:37:44,820 --> 00:37:49,620
And it's a really easy way of doing it because if it's somebody that you're obviously care about

530
00:37:50,100 --> 00:37:53,140
Then you should be engaged in those things. Anyway, you should care about those things

531
00:37:54,580 --> 00:38:00,340
Another another really good way and this works very well with strangers if you can get to this point in a conversation

532
00:38:00,820 --> 00:38:03,940
Is try to find something that you have in common

533
00:38:03,940 --> 00:38:08,660
You know if you're if you're in line waiting for you know, whatever you're at the

534
00:38:09,220 --> 00:38:11,860
ATM waiting for something and you see somebody has

535
00:38:13,060 --> 00:38:15,380
Nikes on I don't know. I'm just spitballing here

536
00:38:16,180 --> 00:38:20,900
You know, you understand there's like common ground, you know, you can you can be like, oh man, I love your shoes

537
00:38:20,900 --> 00:38:24,900
And that's a that's just being kind. That's just being nice. But if you strike up a conversation

538
00:38:25,940 --> 00:38:30,420
That conversation as long as it's done in a respectful way and you you know, you know

539
00:38:30,420 --> 00:38:37,380
You're not you can bring other people into it. You can you know, it's something that you can just do organically and naturally that just kind of

540
00:38:38,100 --> 00:38:41,620
Creates this feeling of camaraderie and respect and trust

541
00:38:42,740 --> 00:38:44,740
and people really

542
00:38:45,060 --> 00:38:48,180
Really appreciate that and and that goes right along with

543
00:38:48,900 --> 00:38:50,900
You know something else which is

544
00:38:51,220 --> 00:38:52,820
actively try

545
00:38:52,820 --> 00:38:56,660
And this one this one is difficult in today's world, especially considering how polarized

546
00:38:56,660 --> 00:39:01,460
The world is especially in America. Um, actively try to understand

547
00:39:02,180 --> 00:39:04,180
The people that you're talking to

548
00:39:04,500 --> 00:39:09,940
You may not agree with them. You may be complete and total opposites in a lot of things

549
00:39:10,740 --> 00:39:13,060
But but try to understand where they're coming from

550
00:39:13,940 --> 00:39:19,540
Like you you it's impossible to bridge the gap unless somebody is willing to

551
00:39:20,100 --> 00:39:22,100
You know take that first step

552
00:39:22,500 --> 00:39:23,780
and

553
00:39:23,780 --> 00:39:28,740
part of being a good person is you know, or trying to become a better person I should say

554
00:39:29,380 --> 00:39:34,980
Is trying to understand where other people are coming from trying to understand exactly how they arrived at where they are

555
00:39:35,540 --> 00:39:38,100
And then try as best as you can to meet them there

556
00:39:38,100 --> 00:39:40,820
And if you can't get where they are just meet them as close as you can

557
00:39:41,460 --> 00:39:43,060
right like

558
00:39:43,060 --> 00:39:45,380
I don't want to give I don't want to give too many

559
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:50,580
Incendiary examples here. They're going to piss off too many people. So i'm not going to do that, but

560
00:39:50,580 --> 00:39:56,180
You know, I think I think that most people to listen to this can kind of imagine a scenario that i'm talking about

561
00:39:56,660 --> 00:39:59,460
And you may not be able to bridge the gap fully

562
00:39:59,620 --> 00:40:05,140
But if you can get a little bit closer than you were at the start of the conversation, then you've you've accomplished something

563
00:40:08,100 --> 00:40:08,500
I

564
00:40:08,500 --> 00:40:14,900
Would say that along those same lines though is you know, try to when you're when you're trying to understand

565
00:40:16,180 --> 00:40:18,180
Where they're where they're coming from

566
00:40:18,180 --> 00:40:22,740
Understand the emotion that goes with it like try to be try to be

567
00:40:24,180 --> 00:40:26,180
Try to show some empathy

568
00:40:26,180 --> 00:40:32,660
For you know how they arrived there and why they are there like understand the emotion behind it

569
00:40:34,900 --> 00:40:36,420
I think that

570
00:40:36,420 --> 00:40:41,540
I think that can be kind of lost in that or sometimes they kind of blur together those two things

571
00:40:41,540 --> 00:40:48,900
But they you know, there are there is a small differentiation there like understanding logically how somebody arrived where they are and understanding

572
00:40:49,220 --> 00:40:54,580
Emotionally how somebody arrived where they are two different things and if you can reach both of them, then you're well on your way

573
00:40:54,820 --> 00:40:58,180
But usually we can only do one or the other most people can only do one or the other

574
00:40:58,420 --> 00:41:03,300
So it could be difficult if you can get one down if you can really start to try to understand somebody's

575
00:41:03,940 --> 00:41:07,300
Path it's like how they arrived where they are emotionally or emotionally

576
00:41:07,300 --> 00:41:10,980
Then you you are doing yourself a service

577
00:41:12,740 --> 00:41:18,500
Let's think what else can we do, you know, here's another one that that uh, I think is uh

578
00:41:19,620 --> 00:41:21,620
Maybe even the most important thing here

579
00:41:23,140 --> 00:41:25,140
And that is apologizing

580
00:41:25,620 --> 00:41:32,260
When when you when you know you you've been wrong when you know that you have either hurt somebody or you've wronged somebody

581
00:41:32,260 --> 00:41:39,220
Um, and this goes back to the honesty thing. Um, a lot of times people will uh

582
00:41:40,580 --> 00:41:42,580
Will will try to hide

583
00:41:43,460 --> 00:41:48,740
When they were wrong, they won't they won't fess up. They won't own up to it. They'll create

584
00:41:49,220 --> 00:41:55,780
You know excuses though. They won't they won't stand in front of the in front of the jury if you will

585
00:41:55,780 --> 00:42:01,620
They instead they try to hide away from it and they'll lie about it and they'll create all of these reasons for it

586
00:42:01,620 --> 00:42:03,620
Or they'll say well, I didn't want to hurt you

587
00:42:05,140 --> 00:42:09,780
Um, and instead of doing that you can just say I you know, i'm sorry. I was wrong. I

588
00:42:10,660 --> 00:42:15,780
I didn't understand or I I don't know or I you know, I I didn't see your side of it

589
00:42:15,780 --> 00:42:17,780
I i'm trying as hard as I can

590
00:42:18,340 --> 00:42:20,340
You don't have to get hurt

591
00:42:20,340 --> 00:42:26,180
Right, like you don't nobody's expecting you to get it right every time

592
00:42:26,980 --> 00:42:28,980
But if you get it wrong

593
00:42:29,540 --> 00:42:33,460
Admit it not just for for the person that you you wronged but for yourself

594
00:42:34,500 --> 00:42:40,420
You can't grow unless you know your shortcomings. You can't grow unless you know where you need to grow

595
00:42:40,820 --> 00:42:43,060
So it's important that you're able to say oh

596
00:42:43,780 --> 00:42:46,900
Oh, yeah, that was that was me. I did that it it shows

597
00:42:46,900 --> 00:42:51,300
a level of empathy and recognition of flaws and faults that

598
00:42:52,340 --> 00:42:53,620
people

599
00:42:53,620 --> 00:42:55,620
Most people will look at and be like, oh

600
00:42:56,740 --> 00:42:58,740
Well, I was not expecting an apology. Thank you

601
00:42:59,060 --> 00:43:05,060
and they the reason they weren't expecting the apology is because it's so rare for people to have that kind of

602
00:43:05,380 --> 00:43:08,420
you know that kind of self reflection and

603
00:43:09,140 --> 00:43:12,980
honestly that kind of self care like it really is

604
00:43:12,980 --> 00:43:18,740
a very powerful statement to apologize and mean it and

605
00:43:19,860 --> 00:43:21,860
oftentimes

606
00:43:22,100 --> 00:43:25,140
I'm sure you've heard this before. I know that i've heard it before where

607
00:43:25,620 --> 00:43:27,780
You'll say oh, you'll hear somebody say oh, I

608
00:43:28,420 --> 00:43:31,620
You know what they apologized and I just respected that so much

609
00:43:31,620 --> 00:43:33,620
I just respected the fact that they would own up to it

610
00:43:33,620 --> 00:43:39,220
I just respected and that that can be the start of something beautiful if you own up to something like that

611
00:43:39,220 --> 00:43:43,220
When you said something wrong or you did something wrong?

612
00:43:43,220 --> 00:43:45,220
It's really important

613
00:43:46,420 --> 00:43:48,420
Let's see, what else can we do?

614
00:43:49,380 --> 00:43:51,140
You know, I

615
00:43:51,140 --> 00:43:55,620
I hesitated to to to mention this one because I

616
00:43:57,140 --> 00:44:03,620
I feel like it shouldn't need to be mentioned but I'm doing a podcast about it. So I should mention it

617
00:44:04,660 --> 00:44:06,660
It is really important

618
00:44:06,660 --> 00:44:09,460
when you're trying to show respect to

619
00:44:10,820 --> 00:44:11,860
Be

620
00:44:11,860 --> 00:44:13,380
grateful

621
00:44:13,380 --> 00:44:19,300
To people and show you know show gratitude. It's a better way of putting it. You really want to be able to

622
00:44:20,260 --> 00:44:25,220
When someone does shows you a kindness when somebody pays you a respect like I said

623
00:44:27,060 --> 00:44:33,540
Return to that, you know be grateful make sure that you're saying thank you and tell them how much you appreciate it and

624
00:44:33,540 --> 00:44:38,580
You know, even if it's something as simple as holding a door open for you or you know, don't listen

625
00:44:39,220 --> 00:44:44,420
Take this as as as a bible truth from this point on if somebody holds the door open for you

626
00:44:44,420 --> 00:44:46,420
I don't care if you're a man a woman

627
00:44:46,980 --> 00:44:48,580
a dog

628
00:44:48,580 --> 00:44:52,340
A parrot. I don't care what you are. You turn around and you say thank you

629
00:44:52,340 --> 00:44:59,540
You don't have to you don't have to be you know, bend the knee to them. You just have to say thank you

630
00:44:59,540 --> 00:45:03,220
Bend the knee to them. You just have to say thank you

631
00:45:03,620 --> 00:45:09,300
you be respectful because what they're doing is they're showing you a respect they're showing you a kindness and

632
00:45:10,340 --> 00:45:14,820
All you have to do is say thank you and then if there's another door there grab the door for them

633
00:45:14,900 --> 00:45:21,540
it's it's a very simple dance step that I see happen all the time and every time I go to wah-wah

634
00:45:21,700 --> 00:45:26,100
the I hold the first door the guy that I hold the door for holds the second door and

635
00:45:26,100 --> 00:45:28,100
without fail

636
00:45:28,100 --> 00:45:30,580
You always notice the guy that doesn't hold the door

637
00:45:31,220 --> 00:45:35,380
Right, like everybody everybody sees it and everybody knows that guy's the asshole

638
00:45:36,260 --> 00:45:42,420
Like just don't be the asshole. Just show some gratitude and and some kindness and

639
00:45:43,140 --> 00:45:49,220
That's a great way of showing respect to people another another thing and this is kind of uh

640
00:45:49,940 --> 00:45:52,340
I don't know. It's necessarily connected to that. But another great thing is

641
00:45:52,340 --> 00:45:57,380
You can when somebody like this is great for the workplace when somebody is successful at work

642
00:45:58,100 --> 00:46:00,100
or a school

643
00:46:00,100 --> 00:46:03,220
Celebrate with them like tell them how proud of them

644
00:46:03,780 --> 00:46:05,780
You are tell them good job. Tell them

645
00:46:06,340 --> 00:46:11,380
You know keep going or you know any of those things and even if it's not something at work or school

646
00:46:11,380 --> 00:46:17,300
If it's some but something as simple as you know, somebody your kid got a's or you know, whatever it is

647
00:46:17,300 --> 00:46:23,700
You celebrate you you make sure that they understand how important or that you they understand how important it is to them

648
00:46:23,700 --> 00:46:25,700
Right lady. You understand how important it is to them

649
00:46:27,460 --> 00:46:31,860
That's a great way of showing respect to somebody that that maybe

650
00:46:32,740 --> 00:46:35,940
you hadn't thought of before like just and it's

651
00:46:36,660 --> 00:46:38,660
some of those things where like

652
00:46:38,660 --> 00:46:44,260
If it were you, you know if you had gone out and I don't know got your real estate license

653
00:46:44,260 --> 00:46:48,820
And you know two of your friends were like, oh we should go get drinks or something celebrate

654
00:46:48,820 --> 00:46:55,860
But then like your mom and dad didn't say anything or your co-workers didn't say anything or you start to feel you start to hurts, right?

655
00:46:55,860 --> 00:47:00,420
You you want people to celebrate those things with you. You want to be recognized for those achievements

656
00:47:01,060 --> 00:47:03,300
And so the people that do recognize it

657
00:47:04,100 --> 00:47:05,220
immediately

658
00:47:05,220 --> 00:47:09,540
You feel better about them. You trust them more. You know that they respect what you did

659
00:47:09,540 --> 00:47:11,540
They support you and they respect you

660
00:47:11,540 --> 00:47:18,980
More, you know that they respect what you did they support your decisions and even if they don't necessarily support you getting your real estate license

661
00:47:19,380 --> 00:47:23,860
Uh, which I don't know, you know, maybe this maybe it's the way they're looking at the it doesn't matter

662
00:47:24,180 --> 00:47:26,260
but the point is is that is that

663
00:47:26,980 --> 00:47:29,780
the understanding that they appreciate or that

664
00:47:30,740 --> 00:47:32,740
You know that they appreciate what you've done

665
00:47:33,220 --> 00:47:34,180
um

666
00:47:34,180 --> 00:47:38,900
That is a big deal and that is a great way of showing respect towards somebody

667
00:47:38,900 --> 00:47:43,140
And I think the last thing that i'll mention is um

668
00:47:43,860 --> 00:47:45,860
You really want to try to

669
00:47:46,500 --> 00:47:47,860
affirm

670
00:47:47,860 --> 00:47:49,860
people in general

671
00:47:49,860 --> 00:47:51,860
And what I mean by that is

672
00:47:51,860 --> 00:47:58,900
You know when somebody states their opinion when they when they talk about, you know, what's important to them, you know on my tik tok channel

673
00:47:58,900 --> 00:48:05,140
I get this a lot where i'll state something that I believe in or a way that I behave and and the reason why

674
00:48:05,140 --> 00:48:06,580
and

675
00:48:06,580 --> 00:48:08,020
It's nice

676
00:48:08,020 --> 00:48:11,060
On that platform because I can almost immediately

677
00:48:11,620 --> 00:48:18,260
Get you know somebody that says yeah, that's great or you know, this is good or you know, whatever it may be or I really appreciate you saying this or

678
00:48:18,740 --> 00:48:24,660
And those those comments are extremely affirming like you know, it's hard to put yourself out there

679
00:48:24,660 --> 00:48:26,660
It's hard to make this podcast not knowing

680
00:48:26,980 --> 00:48:30,900
What people think of it not knowing, you know if people agree or disagree with me

681
00:48:31,460 --> 00:48:36,500
Pretty much the only person that ever gives me any feedback on like is my one of my friends and my mom like

682
00:48:36,500 --> 00:48:38,500
But i'm still gonna do it

683
00:48:38,820 --> 00:48:42,420
Right because i'm getting affirmations other elsewhere

684
00:48:42,820 --> 00:48:43,860
so

685
00:48:43,860 --> 00:48:49,060
I get people all the time that say oh, I love what you said here or what a what a great way to say that or

686
00:48:49,060 --> 00:48:51,060
You know things like that. So

687
00:48:51,060 --> 00:48:55,300
Those kind of things that you can do to affirm other people whether it be online or in person

688
00:48:55,380 --> 00:48:58,900
And let them know that you appreciate what they're saying. You appreciate what they're doing

689
00:48:58,900 --> 00:49:02,340
You appreciate how they're behaving anything that you can point out

690
00:49:02,340 --> 00:49:04,340
Those are great ways of showing respect to somebody

691
00:49:04,340 --> 00:49:09,540
Those are great ways of showing somebody that you really care about what they're doing and that you notice a difference

692
00:49:10,100 --> 00:49:12,100
Uh as they're doing it

693
00:49:12,100 --> 00:49:15,940
I think for the rest of this episode, which we're just about to wrap it up

694
00:49:15,940 --> 00:49:19,780
I think what I want to talk about now is perhaps the most important part of respect

695
00:49:20,100 --> 00:49:26,980
And it's definitely the most important part of the concept of respect for this podcast and for what i've been trying to do

696
00:49:27,460 --> 00:49:28,500
with

697
00:49:28,500 --> 00:49:30,500
tik-tok and this podcast and

698
00:49:30,740 --> 00:49:33,220
That form of respect is self-respect

699
00:49:33,220 --> 00:49:36,260
I cannot possibly begin to

700
00:49:36,260 --> 00:49:39,620
Describe or explain in enough words

701
00:49:40,180 --> 00:49:42,900
Just how important self-respect is

702
00:49:43,860 --> 00:49:47,460
It is the heart of everything I'm trying to accomplish

703
00:49:47,940 --> 00:49:53,700
Because it is impossible for you to respect others if you don't respect yourself

704
00:49:54,260 --> 00:49:56,260
the

705
00:49:56,260 --> 00:50:00,260
Not to continue to bludgeon the dead horse that I did earlier

706
00:50:00,260 --> 00:50:04,660
But the friend situation that I was talking about earlier is a very very good example of that

707
00:50:05,220 --> 00:50:07,220
It is easy for somebody

708
00:50:07,220 --> 00:50:11,140
to look at me and say why aren't you respecting me and

709
00:50:11,700 --> 00:50:13,220
my retort

710
00:50:13,220 --> 00:50:18,020
Or my response is I will respect you when you respect yourself

711
00:50:18,900 --> 00:50:22,420
And what I mean by that in this situation is I will respect you

712
00:50:22,900 --> 00:50:26,500
when you are able to look at the decisions you've made and

713
00:50:26,500 --> 00:50:30,660
Genuinely say okay. This was a mistake. Oh, I shouldn't have done this

714
00:50:30,660 --> 00:50:38,260
Oh, or you know just really give yourself a full audit of of how well your decision making has worked out

715
00:50:38,820 --> 00:50:40,500
and also

716
00:50:40,500 --> 00:50:42,900
You know how well you're able to

717
00:50:44,100 --> 00:50:49,140
Determine the people that you brought into your life if you're not if you're not able to understand that

718
00:50:49,540 --> 00:50:54,820
You know you're bringing in people that are hurting yourself that are hurting you and you're hurting yourself

719
00:50:54,820 --> 00:50:58,500
That are hurting you and the people around you and innocent people as well

720
00:50:59,140 --> 00:51:01,140
then you

721
00:51:01,140 --> 00:51:04,740
You perhaps you're not really respecting yourself, right? Like you

722
00:51:05,300 --> 00:51:09,780
You don't bring people like that into your life. You don't make mistakes like that

723
00:51:10,500 --> 00:51:12,980
I call it a mistake, but it was a conscious decision

724
00:51:13,780 --> 00:51:17,940
You you don't you don't make those decisions if you respect yourself

725
00:51:18,500 --> 00:51:21,860
You don't want people like that in your life if you respect yourself

726
00:51:21,860 --> 00:51:24,420
You only allow that if you

727
00:51:25,060 --> 00:51:31,780
Don't respect yourself if you don't have that understanding of who you are and what you want and and and what you really need

728
00:51:32,420 --> 00:51:36,900
And then when somebody like me comes along and says hey, you're better than this

729
00:51:38,100 --> 00:51:42,900
That you you the fact that somebody will respond to

730
00:51:43,620 --> 00:51:46,580
You're not even criticism really but more of a you know

731
00:51:46,580 --> 00:51:53,540
An attempt to be positive and say I believe that you're better than these people you're hanging around with and I think this you

732
00:51:53,540 --> 00:51:59,540
Should strive for more and you say no screw you. I don't ever want to talk to you again. Stop disrespecting me

733
00:52:00,660 --> 00:52:01,460
That

734
00:52:01,460 --> 00:52:06,420
And I know that it sounds like i'm you know, just harping on this one instance, but i'm just using this as an example

735
00:52:07,220 --> 00:52:11,380
That this is a great example of somebody who doesn't have any self-respect

736
00:52:12,660 --> 00:52:14,660
But yet demands it from other people

737
00:52:14,660 --> 00:52:16,820
You can't do that. You have to

738
00:52:17,540 --> 00:52:23,060
Begin to understand that the first all of these tools and methods that I talked about all these things that you can do

739
00:52:23,300 --> 00:52:26,420
And all these concepts they all they all start with self-respect

740
00:52:27,540 --> 00:52:30,820
You have to understand now. No, i'm going to say this and this is really

741
00:52:31,620 --> 00:52:33,620
I need to make sure that it's understood

742
00:52:34,820 --> 00:52:36,820
You have to love yourself

743
00:52:37,300 --> 00:52:39,300
And you have to respect yourself

744
00:52:39,780 --> 00:52:42,100
Now a lot of people will tell you you know

745
00:52:42,100 --> 00:52:47,620
Find out who you are and find out all these things and that you know, there's always this like kind of

746
00:52:49,060 --> 00:52:52,260
Drive to uncover these things about yourself

747
00:52:52,260 --> 00:52:58,100
But the reality is is that we are always evolving we are always changing and we are always growing at least we should be

748
00:52:59,140 --> 00:53:00,260
so

749
00:53:00,260 --> 00:53:06,340
You it's not so much that you want to find yourself because oftentimes when you find yourself what you're finding is a

750
00:53:06,900 --> 00:53:08,900
Is is what you were like?

751
00:53:08,900 --> 00:53:15,860
When you started the search not not then you know, the search changes you the search creates a whole new you

752
00:53:15,860 --> 00:53:18,260
And you're not always going to be able to keep up with those changes

753
00:53:18,260 --> 00:53:22,820
You're not always going to be able to keep an eye on where you are in the present

754
00:53:23,620 --> 00:53:25,620
And that's important to understand like

755
00:53:26,020 --> 00:53:29,140
You're always growing. You're always learning. You're always changing

756
00:53:29,860 --> 00:53:30,980
and

757
00:53:30,980 --> 00:53:33,380
You're never going to necessarily know exactly

758
00:53:33,380 --> 00:53:39,300
Who you are in the sense that most people mean that so just understand your own voice and listen

759
00:53:39,780 --> 00:53:44,500
To yourself listen to your own wants and your own desires and understand that sometimes

760
00:53:45,300 --> 00:53:50,100
your wants and desires are selfish and childish and

761
00:53:50,900 --> 00:53:52,900
bad for you and

762
00:53:53,860 --> 00:53:56,260
Then other times they're literally

763
00:53:56,820 --> 00:53:59,140
Your inner self screaming out

764
00:53:59,140 --> 00:54:06,100
Because you need representation and you need to be understood and you need camaraderie and

765
00:54:06,980 --> 00:54:10,020
Appreciation and and there's a big difference between those things

766
00:54:10,580 --> 00:54:12,740
All right, like you have to be able to filter them out

767
00:54:13,300 --> 00:54:15,940
And so when somebody says, you know, you have to know yourself

768
00:54:16,740 --> 00:54:19,620
And and what I mean when I say you need to respect yourself

769
00:54:20,100 --> 00:54:23,460
Is being able to kind of discern between those two sides of yourself

770
00:54:23,940 --> 00:54:25,940
All of us have darker sides of ourselves

771
00:54:25,940 --> 00:54:29,140
And you need to be able to discern between those two sides of yourself

772
00:54:29,620 --> 00:54:35,460
All of us have dark urges all of us have things that we want to do that are selfish and you know self-serving

773
00:54:36,020 --> 00:54:39,940
and in the end hurt other people and ourselves and

774
00:54:41,220 --> 00:54:46,740
You know like alcohol and drugs and and poor poor life decisions. These are things that you do

775
00:54:47,700 --> 00:54:50,180
Out of a you know, a place of pain usually

776
00:54:50,180 --> 00:54:54,980
So as long as you have an understanding of where the dark

777
00:54:55,860 --> 00:54:59,140
Thoughts the dark inclinations are coming from

778
00:54:59,940 --> 00:55:01,940
Then self-respect

779
00:55:01,940 --> 00:55:04,740
Is and this also comes with some discipline as well

780
00:55:05,700 --> 00:55:08,260
Is being able to say no. No, i'm better than this

781
00:55:09,300 --> 00:55:10,980
i'm not going to

782
00:55:10,980 --> 00:55:12,900
fall back on these

783
00:55:12,900 --> 00:55:14,900
these vices and these

784
00:55:15,060 --> 00:55:18,820
Uh the the basest forms of myself. I know these are part of me

785
00:55:18,820 --> 00:55:24,100
And I can't escape that but i'm not going to embrace them instead. I'm going to embrace

786
00:55:24,820 --> 00:55:32,820
The idea of loving i'm going to embrace the idea of being positive. I'm going to embrace the ideas of of helping others

787
00:55:33,540 --> 00:55:36,740
And i'm not going to just do selfish things that to me

788
00:55:37,300 --> 00:55:40,180
That is what defines self-respect because all of us can

789
00:55:40,740 --> 00:55:45,140
Fall prey to like I said the basest inclinations the basest

790
00:55:46,020 --> 00:55:47,300
influences

791
00:55:47,300 --> 00:55:54,100
Uh, we can listen to the people around us tell us that it's okay for us to do these things that it's you know

792
00:55:54,100 --> 00:55:56,100
Hey, just be yourself and you know

793
00:55:56,580 --> 00:55:58,580
just go ahead and and and

794
00:55:59,060 --> 00:56:04,280
You can't you can't always let yourself go ahead. You have to have discipline because unfortunately

795
00:56:05,860 --> 00:56:07,780
Everybody has

796
00:56:07,780 --> 00:56:09,780
You know everybody once you

797
00:56:10,340 --> 00:56:15,780
Not to quote star wars here, but once you start path start down the dark path forever. Will it dominate your destiny?

798
00:56:15,780 --> 00:56:18,740
You know it really is true in a lot of cases

799
00:56:18,740 --> 00:56:22,660
You know once you start to let yourself go down down a certain direction

800
00:56:23,140 --> 00:56:26,180
It's really really hard to change that because you adopt those

801
00:56:26,960 --> 00:56:31,140
Mannerisms and those behaviors as part of yourself you say well, this is what I want

802
00:56:31,700 --> 00:56:36,660
You don't understand you never bother to take this the the moment to say why do I want this?

803
00:56:37,220 --> 00:56:41,220
that's where a lot of people end up going to therapy and end up having to discuss these things with

804
00:56:41,220 --> 00:56:48,420
Uh a therapist or a psychiatrist is you know you get into these patterns that you create for yourself out of pain

805
00:56:49,220 --> 00:56:51,220
and uh

806
00:56:51,700 --> 00:56:57,860
You adopt those behaviors as part of yourself and the reality is is that those are not truly

807
00:56:59,120 --> 00:57:01,700
Representations of what you want to be and so you end up

808
00:57:03,220 --> 00:57:05,060
Self-loathing

809
00:57:05,060 --> 00:57:07,860
Because you don't want to do those things, but you don't know how to stop

810
00:57:07,860 --> 00:57:14,020
Right and this goes for all sorts of behaviors not just drugs and alcohol, but uh cheating lying

811
00:57:14,820 --> 00:57:18,020
um you know just in general just being you know

812
00:57:19,300 --> 00:57:22,820
Selfish and and and demonstrating those behaviors repeatedly

813
00:57:23,620 --> 00:57:28,500
That comes from a place of pain that comes from a place of self-loathing that comes from a place of

814
00:57:29,300 --> 00:57:33,540
Not respecting yourself so the first thing you can do is you can say from now on

815
00:57:33,540 --> 00:57:37,460
I'm not going to indulge in these things that

816
00:57:37,940 --> 00:57:43,300
have been distractions or that have been hurting me and the people in my life and

817
00:57:43,620 --> 00:57:45,860
Even if they were fun, and they were good at the time

818
00:57:46,340 --> 00:57:50,340
I have to understand that I only did them for whatever reason you know

819
00:57:50,340 --> 00:57:52,500
I mean like you do a lot of self-searching and and I

820
00:57:53,060 --> 00:57:57,460
I implore those of you that maybe are going through these kind of things that are hearing this

821
00:57:57,860 --> 00:58:02,660
To talk to somebody talk to a therapist talk to you know whoever you need to talk to because

822
00:58:02,660 --> 00:58:07,060
You don't want to continue to live with this albatross around your neck

823
00:58:07,060 --> 00:58:11,220
And if you don't understand that reference, I'm probably not going to explain it here, but um

824
00:58:11,780 --> 00:58:13,940
You know you don't want to continue to live with that burden

825
00:58:13,940 --> 00:58:19,300
You really want to be able to free yourself and and find yourself find your voice

826
00:58:19,940 --> 00:58:27,220
Find what it is that you can do to begin to truly respect who you are and who you want to be

827
00:58:27,620 --> 00:58:29,620
Who you're growing into

828
00:58:29,620 --> 00:58:34,980
It's so important. It's so important for everything that you're trying to do if you're listening to this podcast

829
00:58:35,540 --> 00:58:40,180
then I have to assume that at some level you're trying to better yourself and

830
00:58:41,700 --> 00:58:43,700
You're trying to be

831
00:58:43,700 --> 00:58:48,740
more than you are now because I know that's what I'm doing and that's what the whole point of this podcast is for me is to

832
00:58:49,300 --> 00:58:50,660
Try to

833
00:58:50,660 --> 00:58:53,700
Try to say these things out loud so that I hear them as well

834
00:58:54,340 --> 00:58:58,100
You know I'm not I'm not speaking to anyone on this podcast

835
00:58:58,100 --> 00:59:00,100
from a place of authority

836
00:59:01,620 --> 00:59:08,820
I'm speaking from a place of trying to figure it out myself and trying to research it and trying to learn it and I have done

837
00:59:09,540 --> 00:59:15,380
Way more reading and way more research over the the 10 weeks that I've been doing this podcast than I had in

838
00:59:15,700 --> 00:59:17,700
the 50 weeks before so

839
00:59:18,500 --> 00:59:22,180
I hope that as you hear this and as you

840
00:59:22,740 --> 00:59:26,020
You know take it in that you really can understand

841
00:59:26,020 --> 00:59:27,060
and

842
00:59:27,060 --> 00:59:30,180
At some level appreciate and even respect

843
00:59:30,980 --> 00:59:32,980
That we're in this together

844
00:59:33,700 --> 00:59:36,260
This is not this is not just you

845
00:59:36,980 --> 00:59:38,980
This is you and I

846
00:59:39,140 --> 00:59:42,500
working on these things and trying to figure it out together and

847
00:59:43,540 --> 00:59:45,060
I hope that

848
00:59:45,060 --> 00:59:48,180
this episode about the concept of respect

849
00:59:48,900 --> 00:59:50,340
will

850
00:59:50,340 --> 00:59:54,180
Lead you to the understanding that I do respect

851
00:59:54,180 --> 00:59:59,780
You I do respect you for listening to this and I do respect that you're open to the ideas that I've put forward

852
01:00:00,500 --> 01:00:05,220
And I hope that you will respect what I have to say Bruce Lee once said

853
01:00:06,100 --> 01:00:07,700
Always be yourself

854
01:00:07,700 --> 01:00:10,420
Express yourself have faith in yourself

855
01:00:11,300 --> 01:00:15,460
Do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it

856
01:00:16,980 --> 01:00:20,900
You can you can look all around the world you can find

857
01:00:20,900 --> 01:00:25,620
Millions of people maybe that look like you and you'll find people that

858
01:00:26,660 --> 01:00:28,900
You know, maybe hold your same values

859
01:00:29,460 --> 01:00:35,140
You'll find people that talk like you you'll find people that sound like you you'll find people that smell like you

860
01:00:35,940 --> 01:00:40,420
but you won't find anybody that has all of those attributes all at once as you do and

861
01:00:41,700 --> 01:00:44,820
You are the only person like you in this world

862
01:00:45,860 --> 01:00:47,860
Why would you spend your life?

863
01:00:47,860 --> 01:00:50,500
Trying to be somebody else

864
01:00:52,340 --> 01:00:55,220
Have more respect for what you are and who you are

865
01:00:55,940 --> 01:01:00,740
Because you're the only one of you and that makes you infinitely important

866
01:01:01,540 --> 01:01:03,540
and infinitely special

867
01:01:04,180 --> 01:01:06,500
Carl Sagan once said that

868
01:01:07,860 --> 01:01:13,380
When you think about the fact that we are made of the same thing as the rest of the universe

869
01:01:13,380 --> 01:01:16,900
We are made of the same thing as the rest of the universe

870
01:01:18,180 --> 01:01:20,180
That in a way

871
01:01:21,620 --> 01:01:27,540
We are the universe and the we are an embodiment of the universe

872
01:01:28,180 --> 01:01:30,180
And the universe's way

873
01:01:30,500 --> 01:01:32,500
of seeing itself

874
01:01:33,300 --> 01:01:36,340
So remember that as you go through this life

875
01:01:37,700 --> 01:01:39,300
Be respectful

876
01:01:39,300 --> 01:01:41,300
to yourself first

877
01:01:41,300 --> 01:01:47,220
And to others and to the world that you're in and the animals and the plants and the flora and the fauna

878
01:01:48,100 --> 01:01:55,460
And everything else that you can be respectful to be respectful to the ideas be respectful to the concepts around you

879
01:01:56,500 --> 01:01:59,060
And understand that you are a work in progress

880
01:01:59,860 --> 01:02:02,100
And you will remain a work in progress

881
01:02:03,460 --> 01:02:05,460
Until the day you die

882
01:02:05,460 --> 01:02:07,460
And that's the way that life should be

883
01:02:07,940 --> 01:02:10,100
Thank you very much for listening to this episode

884
01:02:10,100 --> 01:02:12,100
We're gonna wrap it up now

885
01:02:12,100 --> 01:02:18,100
I have a few different ideas going into next week, and i'm not really sure I haven't pinned down exactly what I want to do for next week

886
01:02:18,100 --> 01:02:19,060
so

887
01:02:19,060 --> 01:02:22,100
If you're not following me on tiktok, please go ahead and do that

888
01:02:22,100 --> 01:02:26,100
I will be announcing the subject in another day or two after I

889
01:02:26,100 --> 01:02:30,100
I have a few things I want to tweak before I can really decide

890
01:02:30,100 --> 01:02:32,100
And I haven't had a chance to do that yet

891
01:02:32,100 --> 01:02:36,100
So I will announce the subject in the next day or two on tiktok

892
01:02:36,100 --> 01:02:42,100
And then uh next week or you can just roll the dice and just listen to the random episode as far as you're concerned

893
01:02:42,100 --> 01:02:44,100
Uh, that's fine, too

894
01:02:44,100 --> 01:02:46,100
But if you want to know what the episode is about follow me on tiktok

895
01:02:46,100 --> 01:02:50,100
Uh, it is a pebble and a pond dot podcast on tiktok

896
01:02:50,100 --> 01:02:54,100
So if you haven't followed me there go ahead and jump in there and follow me there

897
01:02:54,100 --> 01:03:00,100
Thank you again for listening and uh take care of yourself and take care of others

898
01:03:00,100 --> 01:03:06,100
Have a good one

899
01:03:30,100 --> 01:03:40,100
So