Hey there, folks. Welcome to episode 6 of a Pebble in a Pond podcast. This episode we're
going to be talking about something that is a little bit different than the first five
episodes and one that I've, well, I've been kind of excited about but also dreading. Dreading
because we're talking about something that is going to be, for the most part, kind of
a negative but I'm excited because it's something that I've been seeing kind of proliferate
through social media in a lot of different ways and there's been a lot of really positive
things that I can see coming out of it but also, like I said, there's a lot of negative
and so I'm very interested in this topic because I think that it's something that a lot of
people kind of just go through, especially on TikTok and Instagram and things like that
and they don't really realize what they're seeing and it slowly but surely kind of affects
all of us in a way that we're maybe not aware of. We're seeing these little changes in just
the smallest ways in the way that people are thinking and the way that they're and I see
it all the time with some of the different, like I said, TikTok groups and things like
that that I see a lot of where you see even therapists and psychiatrists that are using
the methods from this particular concept to try to empower people and I just think it's
interesting. Now keep in mind that this podcast and what I'm trying to do here is trying to
make small changes, everyday things that everyday people can do, whether it be strengthening
your ability to be honest or make you think about things like empathy and things like
that from our past episodes but I also am trying to move the needle on a larger scale,
right? Like we're trying to be the pebble. We're trying to create these changes and so
I spent a lot of time looking at a lot of different methods and strategies and ways
that people can be motivated and inspired and I think that this particular subject is
one that is truly a double-edged sword because I'm seeing it, it's pieces of it proliferate
throughout social media and people are trying to use it to inspire people and to get them
motivated and moving in a positive direction in their lives but I think that maybe they're
not quite seeing the negative of it and they're not quite understanding exactly what it's
doing. So today we're going to talk about what is being termed popularly as main character
syndrome but I've also heard it called on the flip side of that main character therapy
or main character thinking and if you're not familiar with that, if you don't understand
what that's about, please stick around because it's actually very very interesting and we're
going to get into it. I have a little bit, well it's not a little bit, I have a very
different take on all of this than what I've seen over a large swath of social media and
I think that it'll do us so good to have a little talk about it. So I'm going to go ahead
and start the music and we'll get the episode going. Thanks for coming along.
So what is main character syndrome? Well it would really depend on who you ask and that's
one of the problems with the idea is that if you talk to psychologists and therapists
and things like that, that'll give you one definition and then if you talk to people
on TikTok who kind of popularize the term, they'll give you another definition and then
if you just talk to like your everyday normal person, they probably have another definition
of it. So we're going to try to get to all of them and try to understand exactly the
differences between those things. So we're going to start with the psychiatrists and
you can look at like Psychology Today and some psychiatry journals and things like that
and for the most part when they talk about main character syndrome, what they're talking
about are people that have taken social media or other ways of expressing themselves and
kind of created a false narrative around their lives, around themselves, around their personality
to make it appear as if they are the main character in a fictional story. Now the important
part of this is that for the way that psychiatrists, I'm having a hard time with that word, psychiatrists
I'm having a hard time with that word today so you're going to hear me stumble on a little
bit. The way that psychiatrists are framing it is these people view themselves as the
main character in a fictional world and that's, you know, that is definitely part of it and
that is the way that it was maybe originally defined and you can see that in some like
Instagram and stuff like that, you'll see these people that kind of, kind of the loose
definition of it would be these influencers that literally only show the shiny happy parts
of their lives and then when you see them, you know, in person or live, they have adopted
that personality, you know, they believe that they are the main character of this fictional
story that they've told on social media and everything else is kind of, you know, around
them, the world literally will revolve around them and to be fair in the reality of some
of those influencers, the reality that they have, I mean that's not really far off. I
mean you see a lot of these fashion influencers and things like that and they literally surround
themselves with people and they buy, you know, multi-billion dollar, million dollar houses,
whatever, you know, they buy billion dollar houses, they have all this money and all this,
all this stuff coming into them and so they can kind of afford to live in that reality
where they don't have to worry about everyday people and everyday things because they don't
have to, like they literally surround themselves, they create a reality around themselves where
none of the everyday life affects them. So to a certain degree, it's kind of hard to
blame some of those people or to say that they're wrong in their perception of reality
because they literally have built it around them. Now obviously they didn't all start
that way, not all of them, you know, many of them kind of worked their way up but once
they got to a certain tax bracket, you know, they just, it didn't matter anymore, like
they could remove themselves from the reality that you and I have and live in an entirely
different reality. And I'm not saying that's a good thing, I'm not saying that's okay,
but I am saying it's very understandable to a certain degree that, you know, if you literally
build everything, if all of your friends and all of your acquaintances and all of the interactions
you have are through the shiny pictures and you getting dressed up and you doing all these
things and then you go out and it's all in this fantasy world, right? Like your whole
life is a fantasy world and that becomes your reality. And so it's understandable at that
point in time. Now do they divorce themselves from the reality of the rest of the world?
Absolutely, absolutely. Do they understand the horrifying things that are happening in
everyday world? Do they know what it's like to be a homeless man on the street in LA?
No, they have no idea and they never will. You know, they don't necessarily understand
the struggles of everyday people. So when you're talking about that kind of psychology
today type, that type of definition of the syndrome, that's kind of where you're leaning
more is, now obviously not everybody gets to that point, right? Like there are a lot
of people out there that have this kind of fake it until you make it idea in their head
and so they don't have that reality. They don't have the money that it takes to get
to that reality. They don't live in the fantasy world. So instead they create a reality around
them in their head where they are instead of being, you know, jet setting, high flying,
you know, movers and shakers that spend all their times in Turks and Caicos and things
like that. They are just people that, you know, live in downtown Detroit and then go
outside and take pictures of themselves in bathing suits and then they go inside and
they talk and they act like they are, you know, the next, I don't even know, I don't
really know any, I don't know any of the popular influencers right now so I don't even know
who I would say there but, you know, the next big one and, you know, they're not there yet
but they believe they are. And so then you start to get into these, like I said, there's
all these different versions and now these versions start to kind of interweave when
you start to get into these points where there's, you know, some crossover. And that's the reality
is that the psychology today, the psychiatry, oh geez, that's a hard word for me to say
today, the psych, well I'm not even going to try. The therapy way of saying it is just,
you know, it's kind of dry and there's not a lot of blood pumping through that definition
and that way of thinking. And this way of kind of framing it around this fantasy world,
I think that kind of divorces and takes part of it that is really bad away from it because
if you're saying that people are building a fantasy world, I don't really see what that
has to do with them being the main character. I don't understand that part of it. And so
now we get into the next kind of definition and that would be like the TikTok version
of it. And that is rampant and you see it everywhere. And that's just really like the
definition of that would just be people that see themselves as the main character in their
own life story. Now that does not sound bad, right? Like that is something that you've
heard literally dozens of influencers, dozens of content creators, dozens of people, whether
they be therapists or psychiatrists or doctors that have said something to that effect, that
they've used that as a selling point on their TikTok channels and things like that to try
to push this narrative that you are in control and you have the power and all these things.
And there is inherently nothing wrong with that. But that's where you get that kind of
crossover before I get too far into that. It's where you get that crossover where the
psychology today kind of thinks of it as this fantasy world and the TikTok people are like,
you know, they're fantasy characters. Like you're creating a character in the real world,
right? Like you're living your life in the real world, but you're creating this character.
You're living in a way that separates you from everybody else. Now I'm going to use
a term here that is a gaming term that most people should know, but I don't know if everyone
listened to this one. And that is PC, which most people will hear as politically correct.
But in this case, we're going to talk about it as a player character and NPC. And an NPC
is a non-player character. So when you're talking about the idea of main character syndrome,
especially in this middle definition of the TikTok definition, you're talking about PCs
and NPCs. So a PC in gaming terms is the person that is actually playing a game. So when you
get into a game, it doesn't really matter what game it is, you play as a character in
that game. So we'll just use, since it's popular right now, we'll use like Grand Theft Auto.
So when you get into Grand Theft Auto, the character that you're actually running around
as that is the PC, the player character. Everybody else in the game, unless you're playing online,
is an NPC. They are non-players. They're basically run by the computer. So when you start talking
about main character syndrome, a lot of people think of it in terms of a movie. You know,
you're the main character in that movie. I think that for the purposes of this TikTok
definition, and even some of these other versions of the understanding of what it means, that
the gaming way of thinking about it tends to make more sense to me. You know, you, when
you're the main character in a video game, you know that all of the things, it's kind
of like a movie. You know that all of the things are going to break your way, that you're
going to, you know, you're going to have to go through some trials and tribulations, but
for the most part, you know, you play well and you're going to get through. And then
everybody else is an NPC. Now we're using the example of Grand Theft Auto. I don't know
if any of you know this or not, but if you're playing Grand Theft Auto and you're an NPC,
that's not good for you. That's really not a good thing because people just go through,
the players just go through and they basically do whatever the hell they want. I mean, you're
criminals. You go through and you do whatever you want through the, through the game and
people walking on the street get hit by cars and you know, they don't matter. Well, the
same thing can be said for the movie version of this when, where people want to talk about
it. It can easily be said that, you know, the background characters in movies, while
they add, you know, a little bit of flavor to the scene, they don't really matter, right?
Like a lot of times in a lot of movies, you don't really need the kids in the park playing
baseball behind the main characters talking to really care about anything, right? Like
they're literally just background stuff. The problem is, is that that's not reality, right?
Like, like we don't, those kids playing in those, in the, in the baseball field behind
the main characters, they do matter in real life. Those are, those are, those are people's
children and those people that are watching their kids play, those are, those are people
that are going out and contributing to your community and society and things like that.
Like all of these people matter. All of them are important. So when you start to adopt
this, this mentality of I'm the main character and you're all NPCs, I'm the PC and you're
all NPCs, I'm the main character and you're all background actors, that you can kind of
see quickly how that can devolve into a very extremely selfish and self-absorbed way of
thinking. So with that in mind, you know, it, we're going to, we're going to get more
into this as, as we continue. But with that in mind, you know, it's important to understand
that, that not everything about these ideas is necessarily empowering. Like I said before,
when you think about, well, I'm the main character in the real world, that doesn't sound that
bad. But when you start to kind of use that mentality to create self-importance at a level
where you no longer feel the need for empathy, you no longer feel the need to care about
these people in the background. Well, that's where things start to go really wrong. And
unfortunately, that's the direction that a large number of people have started to head
in, in a very drastic way. So with all of that in mind, we're going to do a quick little
turn here and we're going to get to something that I thought was really interesting for
this episode. For those that have listened to the other episodes, you know that I tend
to focus on quotes and I try to, you know, brighten things up a little bit, add some
context and things like that with quotes. So a lot of times for most of these episodes,
these are quotes that I know and I've kind of held them in my head for a long time and
they, you know, they've helped me here and there. They've guided me in some situations.
But for this one, there's not, there wasn't anything that was springing to mind. So I
literally just had to like look up quotes and I've just spent, I spent like three hours
just reading different quotes and trying to find some that I thought would be helpful.
And I didn't find many. I really didn't find many. But I thought that this one, this particular,
it's two quotes, but I thought it was really interesting because I just, I was literally
just Googling and these two quotes about main character thinking were literally right next
to each other. And this should really, I think, I think it does give context. It takes two
quotes to do it, but it does give context to how difficult this concept can be for some
people. So the first one I'm going to read you is actually, it was actually the one on
the bottom. So I don't think it really matters what order they were in, but it was the one
on the bottom. But I think, I think this will hit a little bit harder if I read it first.
And this quote is, I don't know these people. It's not, these aren't famous, like crazy
famous people like that have been in the past. This is by a lady named Carrie Anne DiRizio
from brooding YA hero becoming a main character almost as awesome as me. And her quote goes
like this, you're always a main character. Remember, ignore anyone and any story that
doesn't make you feel like one. Well, honestly, that's, that is, that's a, that's a not a
bad way of thinking to a certain degree, right? Like if you're the main character and you
feel powerful and you feel, you know, awesome, then you feel more drive to get up and get
moving. I mean, hell, the cameras are on you, right? Like you don't want to just lay there
in bed. You got to be the main character. You got to get up and get moving, make making
shit happen. That's what you got to do. But what's interesting is that the next quote,
which was literally right next to it is by a lady named Holly born from, I assume the
book, the yearbook, I've never read it, but her quote is so many people behave like they
think a cinema orchestra is following, following them around to give them backing music, that
they're the superstar of the universe. And the people who believe this way, they're the
people who tend to hurt others the most. They think they're the hero of their own story,
but actually in the pursuit of being so important, they're often the villain of everyone else's.
That's the exact opposite of what the first quote said. And I'm not going to lie, I tend
to agree with the second one a little bit more. Now, when we get to the end of this
episode, I'm going to really try to express what I see as good in this. I'm not going
to leave this with like a negative connotation for this concept. I believe that there is
good that can come out of this way of thinking. I really do. But until we get to that point,
I am going to talk about these negatives because I think that it's important to understand
exactly what you're talking about when you talk about this way of thinking and you talk
about this syndrome as they call it. So as you think about this, I want you to, it doesn't
really matter what story you think of, but I'm a really, I mean anybody that knows me
knows this. I am one of the biggest Star Wars fans on the face of the planet. And I'm not
like a toxic Star Wars fan that like only likes certain things. If it says Star Wars
on it or it even hints that there's Star Wars in it, I watch it and I love it. It doesn't
matter. I'm very open-minded. And part of that comes from, and this is a little bit
of a sidetrack, but I feel like it's important for context. I spent, you know, I grew up
with the original trilogy and then I spent two decades with nothing. And so for me, all
of these haters online and things like that, that want to bash new Star Wars or whatever,
or they don't like this, they don't like that, they don't like, you know, they're racists
or whatever. Like I'm sorry, you shut up. Like just shut up. Like there's just no reason
for that. It's Star Wars. You lived 20 years without Star Wars. We know what that world
looks like. So I don't want to live in that world. I want to live where there's always
Star Wars, always, where I can, I can just, I can bathe myself in the universe of Star
Wars every day if I want to. So anyway, that's where my appreciation comes from. And I wanted
to make that clear. So if you're somebody that hates like this or that or about Star
Wars, or you're going to complain or bitch online about this, well, you know, just remember
who you're talking to. So anyway, I want you to think about, let's, let's say Star Wars
for now, because I love it. For most people that watch, let's say the original trilogy,
so that it can connect with everyone. Most people that watch Star Wars will, will say,
okay, well the main character in Star Wars is Luke Skywalker. And I don't think that
many people would argue with that. But because you're talking about a, a squad of a team
of people, so there's some people out there that could tell you that Han Solo is the main
character. And some people would tell you that Princess Leia is the main character.
And there are a lot of people out there that would argue that R2-D2 and C-3PO are the main
characters because they are the through line that goes through all of the movies. And I
think that there's an argument to be made for each one of those. And you could go through
and you can make an argument for any of the characters. You say, well, you know, if you
think about it, Obi-Wan Kenobi is the main character, or Darth Vader is the main character,
or you know, you can make an argument for, for any of those guys. But this is where we
talk about how important perspective is in all of this. For the purpose of what, what
I'm going to express here, we're going to talk about a character that maybe not everybody
knows. Maybe very few of you know. But in Empire Strikes Back, there's a scene where
a character, a officer in the, in the Empire goes to apologize to Darth Vader for losing
the Millennium Falcon. And Vader kills him. And as he walks away, he says, apology accepted,
Captain Nita. And that's the only thing that you know about him is that this guy just went
over and he apologized to Vader and Vader choked him out and now he's dead. And you
know, his name is Captain Nita. So, uh, when you think about that and you're like, well,
Captain Nita is certainly not the main character. Right? Like, I mean, he was literally just
in that one scene for the moment. He has another scene, but nothing important. Now that's where
perspective matters because try to imagine the fact that Captain Nita, if he was a real
person, as far as he's concerned, he's the main character. I mean, yeah, there's Darth
Vader is super powerful and there's these rebels out there doing all this stuff, but
this is a guy who had risen through the ranks of the Imperial war machine and had, had gone
through and lived a life and, you know, had done all these things and advanced and, you
know, maybe was in love with somebody and had, you know, if you go, there's actually
a website called wookiepedia where you can go and they have backstories that have been
written for a lot of these characters. And, and, and Captain Nita has a rich, like probably
12 paragraph backstory that goes with him. Obviously I'm not going to read it here because
why, but the point is, is that in, in Captain Nita's mind, right up until the point where
Darth Vader choked him out, he thought he was pretty important. He thought he was the
main character of his story and he wasn't wrong. He wasn't wrong. He was the main character
of his story and then his story ended possibly to another main character. But the point of
that is that each of us, each of us have an argument that could be made that we are the
main character in our own story, right? Like, and that's the, that's the crux of the, the
kind of therapy, the online therapy, motivation way of thinking about it is, you know, that's
how you make that. That's how you help people understand their importance is by telling
them that they're the main character. But the reality is, is that not all of us are
main characters and not all of us should necessarily think that way. I'm not saying that you have
to be down on yourself and think that you're a bit part in life, but it's important to
understand that, you know, there are, there are many, many, many people in this world
that are going to go through their entire life and like Captain Nita, they'll have these
little moments and they might get some screen time, but they're, for the most part, they're
just going to kind of live and die and, and that's all they are ever going to do. And
there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing that's inherently bad about that. And there
are many people that yearn for that kind of simplicity in their life. For me, that's not
something I want to do. And once again, that's not me, you know, downplaying that or, you
know, saying that that's bad or that there's anything wrong with that. That's just not
the lot that I, I believe I would like. I don't want to be Captain Nita. I would much
rather if, if nothing else be Han Solo, but you know, I want to be Luke Skywalker. And,
and as a side note, before I move on, Captain Nita, his first name was Lorth, in case you
were wondering, and he served in the Coruscant military and actually was in the part of the
Coruscant home defense, defense fleet. These are all things that you didn't know, probably
didn't need to know, but I was running short on quotes, so I figured I'd do research on
Captain Nita since that's what I was talking about. The whole point of this, the whole
point of what I just went through with the Star Wars thing is, is that, you know, from
each of our perspective, each of us can be the main character of our own story. And there
is nothing wrong inherently with, with teaching that idea or people expressing that idea.
The problem then comes in, and this is where we're going to get a little negative with
it, is that a lot of times when you consider yourself to be the main character of a story,
you do start that ability to kind of distance yourself from those background characters,
from those NPCs, becomes a little bit easier. You start to feel like you're the one that
matters. And unfortunately, if you are going through your life feeling like you're the
only one that matters, then you are a selfish prick. And I'm saying that with as much love
in my heart as I possibly can. I have spent, since I started this podcast and I've started
doing the TikTok channel as well, I've spent literally hours every day, whether it be actually
doing actual research for the podcast or just making videos for TikTok. I've spent hours
of my life every day researching and watching, and I've found myself in some very interesting
corners of the TikTok world. And a lot of the stuff that I've found, a lot of the creators
that I've liked and the things that I've interacted with have been other people trying to push
ideas of positivity and love and self-reliance and things like that. And I can tell you almost
without fail that, now there's a few therapists and things like that that focus on more like
relationship advice. And these ones aren't, they're not as, I don't want to use the word
guilty, but yeah, they're not as guilty at this. But there are a lot of really, really
popular, almost I would say famous creators that have kind of pushed this narrative of
self-importance to a degree that it could be a detriment. And that's not to say that
there's anything wrong with feeling self-important, with being confident, with being, you know,
understanding what you can bring to the world and how important you are. Hell, I'm selling
that as much as I can, not because I'm trying to sell anything, but because I genuinely
believe that. I have to believe that. The frickin' name of the podcast is a pebble
in a pond. The name of the TikTok channel is a pebble in a pond. If I didn't believe
in the individual power of one small pebble or person, I wouldn't be doing this. Like,
that's the whole point, is that each of us is exceedingly powerful and can create change
in a drastic way. But what's important to remember in that sentiment is that that change
can be both positive and negative. You have to make that choice and you have to react
accordingly. That's, that's your responsibility. Each of us as individuals, every day we make
hundreds of choices. You know, do we, do we tie our shoes? Do we brush our teeth? Do we,
and of course for most people these are, you know, no-brainers. Of course you do those
things, but there are people out there that make those choices, right? You don't have
to do those things. You could get up and go to work and not brush your teeth. See how
that goes for you. See what happens. It's disgusting, but see how, see how it works
out for you. I mean, that's the whole point is like, these are, these are choices that
you make and a lot of them seem like, you know, well, of course you're going to make
that choice. What other choice do you have? But, but you still have that choice. Like,
you certainly could decide to not, you know, put on clean clothes. You could wear the clothes
from yesterday. You could, you could, these are all choices. Now you default to the ones
that are societally acceptable because you don't want to deal with the negative ramifications.
But there are a lot of choices that you make where you don't think like that. You don't
necessarily think about the negative ramifications. Sometimes it's as simple as making a left
instead of a right and something happens. Wouldn't have happened if you wouldn't have
turned left and that can be good or bad. So it's, it's one of those things where sometimes
you just don't know, but you're making these decisions. And when you're making these decisions
with this point of view of I am the main character and I'm super important to everything and
everyone around me, um, that can, that colors the decisions you make, right? Like if you're
the main character, what would the main character do? It's important to keep that in mind. It's
important to understand that there's nothing wrong with being, with having the mentality
of empowerment. There's nothing wrong with, with wanting to feel confident and, and express
yourself and make choices that are positive, that, that you know, you know, you can encourage
or inspire or, or make a positive change in the people around you. Those are the choices
and those are the decisions that I'm trying to push. And I'm trying to make sure that
people understand because a lot of people in this world have forgotten that. But there's
also, you know, the ability when you start getting into this main character stuff where
you start to feel so important and you start to feel so, uh, self-righteous that you tend
to look past other people because you're the main character, right? Like you're it, the
story is about you. And so sometimes people will take that and they'll, they'll take the
reinforcement from these people on social media. They'll take the reinforcement from
people in the world out there that they're so super important and they're so special
and they're so this and they're so that, that they, they really buy it. They really believe
it and they start to say, well, I'm more special than you. I'm, I'm more important than you.
The story is more about me than it is about you. And listen, uh, you know, I'm going to
be really honest. There have been times in my life as somebody who kind of has kind of
walked the line on this way of thinking a lot, there's been times in my life, even recently
where I've felt that kind of feeling where I felt, you know, I'm, I am important. I am,
I am extremely important. I may be more important than that person. Now, obviously that's a,
that's a, it's a quick impulse for me. I don't, I don't tend to hold onto that thought, but
I can't say it hasn't crossed my mind. It certainly has. And, and you know, I'll be
honest again, one of the reasons I feel that, you know, that kind of inclination at times
is because I spend a lot of time actively searching and actively looking for ways that
I can be positive for people. And then I see somebody that's just selfish or being negative
or whatever it may be. And I think, you know, I am more important than that person. And
once again, this is not me condoning that way of thinking, but I believe that there
is some justification for that way of thinking. And I think that that's important. Remember
that if you are somebody that's out in this world, full of tragedy and sorrow and darkness,
and you're trying to bring light, you're trying to bring love, you're trying to bring a positive
energy into the world. I, I don't, it sounds so bad to say it this way, but I really do
believe that what you are doing and, and your existence is important, maybe even more important
than people that are not doing those things that are doing the antithesis of those things
that are bringing bad energy and they're trying to hurt people. And they're, I do believe
you're more important. Now you may not have the same impact. You may not ever have the
same impact because we all know that tragedy and pain and, uh, torment are things that
people suffer through for much longer periods of time than they do, uh, happiness. So, you
know, you, you may not, you may not have the same impact, the same long lasting impact
as somebody who's being negative, but you will certainly be able to change lives in
a much more profound way. So just, just remember that, that, that there is a lot that goes
with this main character kind of thinking that maybe, maybe it is bad. Maybe it is really
bad because there's so many people that are so selfish and there's so many people that
once they get this into their head, that they're the most important thing that they just stop
thinking about other people. But there are those of us that, that kind of can tread on
that line and say, you know what, if the cameras are on and they're rolling and there's people
watching, I want to make sure that I'm giving them a show and I want to make sure that I'm
inspiring and I want to make sure that I'm showing, I'm giving, you know, what if there's
kids in the audience that are watching this show? Think about it like the Truman show.
I don't know how many of you have seen that movie, but that movie, you know, it came out
at a time before a lot of social media and things like that. It was actually very, it's
very, very good movie and, uh, haunting, uh, in its accuracy and it's in some ways, but
you know, if you, if you live your life in a way where people are watching it and you're
thinking about yourself as a main character in the story, then live your life in that
way. Be an inspiration. Imagine there's kids in the crowd watching you, you know, like
if you're going to take that kind of, that, that line of thought to, uh, embolden yourself
and to encourage yourself to, you know, more action and more, more positivity than really
do it. Like really push it because nobody wants to watch like, you know, obviously there's
movies like the Joker and stuff like that where people want to watch the villain, but
for the most part, people want to see uplifting stories and they want to see happy stories.
So if you're going to adopt this way of thinking that you're the main character, adopt it in
a positive way and say, you know what, I'm going to be the main character, but I'm going
to take this love and take this, this light that I have, and I'm going to spread it. I'm
going to spread it through the world and I'm going to make a difference that way. Now,
when I, when I posted every, uh, if you follow the Tik Tok, then you'll know that every week
I post a coming soon, basically episode, uh, or, or video about this episode. Uh, when
I posted that somebody actually said one of the comments on that video was, was kind of
interesting or actually now that I'm thinking about it, it wasn't, it wasn't that video.
It was the video after that. I got them confused. Anyway, uh, I did a video about being a hero
or a villain. And one of the, uh, comments on that was that this person thought that
they were a villain because they were protecting the people, uh, that mattered the most to
them, the people that they loved the most in this world. They said I would burn the
world down for them. And they, they considered that to be kind of a villainous way of thinking
and I get it. I understand that, you know, you, you have this kind of self-important,
uh, belief that your family and the people that you love, uh, are, are all the matters.
And I, I responded and I said, I don't think that that's necessarily being a villain because
I don't, I think that each of us that, that kind of could kind of understand that, you
know, your, your family members, your kids, your husband or wife, your, your mother, your
father, your brothers and sisters, whatever it may be, whoever you hold closest to you,
most of us, most of us would fight and die for them. I know that I would. And, uh, the
idea of somebody hurting them or, you know, something bad happened to them is just so
painful and so, you know, it's just so hard to deal with that you would do anything to
protect them. And there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing wrong with that. That
doesn't make you a villain. Um, no, this person said they would burn the world down further.
So that, you know, when you start to get to that point where you're talking about, you
know, hurting innocent people, uh, that's a little bit different. But I think that the,
the, the main, the main sentiment there is I will protect the people that I love with
everything in me, even if other people get hurt in the process. And that's easy to see
why somebody would think that their main character arc would be that of a villain. But, um, the
reality is, is that all I'm saying is if you're going to be the main character and you're
going to try to use that mentality, hold the people closest to you tightly, love them,
make sure that they understand how important they are to you and that you would die. You
would fight and kill and die for them. There's nothing wrong with that. The next course of
action though is to expand that circle. Don't just make it the people that are the closest
to you, make it the people, you know, wondering out. If you're, if your son has a girlfriend
or your daughter has a boyfriend, include them. If you're, you know, there's somebody
that you meet every day when you go to get coffee, wherever you get coffee at, and it's
the same lady behind the register and you know her because you've seen her for four
years because you go there and get coffee every day and include her fight and die and
kill for her to love her, love these people that you come in contact with, that you know
they're good and you know the quality that they bring to your life increases everything
about you. Like there's no reason that you have to only protect and love and fight for
the people that are absolutely closest to you. And that's, that's kind of my, my way
of moving forward with this mentality, this kind of main character mentality is if I'm
the main character of my story or you're the main character of yours, let's try to make
it as good as it can be. Let's not be selfish about it. Let's make sure that if the cameras
are rolling and people are watching that they're moved by the decisions that we make, that
they're moved by the lives that we've touched, that they, that they walk out of that movie,
our movie, wanting to make a difference. I, I think that there is a lot that can be said
for this way of thinking that is a positive and good way of motivating and creating a
real good change. I think that sick people or people that are maybe not, I don't even
know what the word would be, people that are not able to distance themselves from their
pain, you know, they're hurt people, they take it and they use it as a shield. They
use, they hide behind the concepts and they say, well, I'm the main character, so I'm
super important. And they don't ever do any of the work. They don't ever do any introspection.
They don't ever bother to change or get better. And so they are a stagnant hurtful person
who believes that they're so important that nobody else matters. And that's where this
is really negative. And that's where this is bad is that a lot of times, and you see
it a lot more commonly than we should, any of us should be comfortable with. A lot of
times people take these concepts of self-empowerment and self-promotion and they taint them and
make them negatives. They make it so that, you know, people, they push people away or
they hurt people in their quest to be the best version of themselves, not understanding
that they're not doing any of the work to do the best version of themselves. They all
want to be Carrie from Sex and the City. And I don't know how many people really watched
that show. I wasn't a big fan of it, but I do know this. Carrie isn't the best character
in Sex and the City. She's really kind of shitty. And there's a lot of people out there
that watched that show and said they wanted to be her. Well, that's really, it's like,
I'll give you an example of what I'm talking about here using another HBO show, amazingly
enough. A lot of people that know me or have known me have, and this includes myself after
binge watching it during the pandemic actually, a lot of people that see Curb Your Enthusiasm
are like, man, you're a lot like Larry David. And I really can't deny that in a lot of ways
because I really am a lot like Larry David in a lot of ways, but I'm not. I'm not Larry
David. So it, you know, he's kind of a jerk. So I don't necessarily want that to be the
thing that people compare me to. So I don't think that people should be looking at some
of these vapid, empty, you know, curmudgeonly characters and being like, oh yeah, I'm going
to be that main character. You have the opportunity. You can make yourself into whatever character
you want to be. And you don't have to be a farm boy and outer space. You don't have to
be the old guy that, you know, yells at people for getting their coffee wrong. And you don't
have to be an empty, you know, self-absorbed socialite. You can be a good person and still
be the main character. You can be somebody that moves the needle in a positive and good
way and helps people and has always has a hand to reach out to, you know, lift people
up and make this world a better place and still be the main character. As a matter of
fact, you'll be the best main character. You'll be the character that inspires people. And
I think that that is, you know, at the end of the day, that's all you can ask from a
main character.
Now, we're going to start to wrap this up soon. But I did want to talk about, I guess,
kind of my experience or my understanding. When I first heard about the main character
syndrome and main character thinking and things like that, I had a knee-jerk reaction when
I heard the concept and when I first heard about it. And I just thought I would share
it really fast before we wrapped up. Because for me, when it was first explained to me
that you have, you know, this idea of being a main character, the only thing that came
to my mind and maybe, I mean, I'm sure if you're listening to this, you'll understand.
But there are people that are still younger that might not. The first thing I thought
of was Ferris Bueller. And I know that that movie had a profound effect on me when I was
younger. But, you know, some people liked it, some people didn't. I don't know too
many people that didn't. But for me, Ferris Bueller became like the exact, my understanding
of what it meant to be a main character. So much so. And this was before this concept
ever came around, before anybody on social media talked about it, because there was no
social media. But Ferris Bueller was somebody that, or that movie was so powerful for me
when I was a kid that I literally, from the day after I saw it pretty much, I would imagine
that I was being, like there were cameras, that I was being watched, like there were
cameras around. And I remember being in like mall stores and things like that with my mom.
She would say something and I would turn and like look over my shoulder and say something
to the camera, like Ferris Bueller would, right? The way that he kind of broke the fourth
wall in the movie. And there were just so many times that I remember when I was a kid
that I would do that, that I, when I first heard about this, that's what I thought of.
And so I didn't have any sort of negative connotations at all. I just thought, oh, people
are being like Ferris Bueller, which is never a bad thing. And I, I immediately felt a kinship
with it because like I said, for years after I saw that movie, I behaved in a way that
I thought there were cameras on me at all times. I really thought that I was going to
be, I was going to grow up to be like Ferris Bueller. I would, you know, people had told
me how charismatic I was and how, you know, this and that. And so I just, I always thought
that I would be Ferris Bueller. Now I ended up being more of a mix between Ferris Bueller
and Cameron, but I really thought that I was going to be Ferris Bueller when I grew up.
But because of that, because that was my initial thought when I heard this, I thought, well,
you know, like I said, that can't be bad. And then obviously I went and I started to
research it for the podcast and, you know, look into it more. And I was, you know, digging
into it and trying to understand the real bad, negative stuff. Because, you know, as
I had, as I immediately started to look at it, I was just flooded with all the negative
connotations that came with it, because that's the more popular way of thinking of it is
just as a negative thing. And it is, it is. But I just kept going back to that Ferris
Bueller thing. And that's when I kind of realized that like, as bad as it can be to be kind
of caught up in your own world of your own making a fantasy world, if you will, of your
own making at where you're the main character and you're the most important thing. And,
you know, you're, you're the driving force behind so much. You could always do it like
Ferris Bueller. You don't have to be selfish. I mean, when I mentioned this to my son, he
actually said, well, Ferris Bueller is a really bad example because Ferris Bueller is really
selfish because he makes Cameron do all those things. He's not the good guy. To which, of
course, I said, are you insane? Because he's the reason why Cameron is, you know, moves
forward and has like a whole character arc is because he's, you know, he's been this
like positive influence on him. And he's like, well, but Cameron was perfectly happy just
being a hypochondriac and, you know, so on and so forth. So he has this argument that,
you know, and I guess this is a popular thing on the internet that Cameron is actually the
main character of Ferris Bueller's Day Off because he's the one that has like the biggest
change if you're doing like, you know, from a writing standpoint. And my son is a writer.
So I kind of understand where he's coming from. But I mean, anybody that's seen the
movie knows that Ferris Bueller is the main character. I'm just going to lay the law down
right now. And he's a good guy. I don't care what you say. He's a good guy. But there was
a whole conversation about how he manipulates him and how he manipulates Cameron and stuff
like this. And, and I get it. Like there is a, there is a small argument to be said that
he was, you know, a little bit of a, a little bit of a not necessarily always good guy.
He used, he used deceptive means to reach his end. But in the end, everybody turned
out better for it. Spoilers. But anyway, I, that's what I think of when I think of main
character syndrome. That's the positive way that I think of it is if you're going to be,
if you're going to have this, if you're going to, if you're going to need to do this to
try to make yourself feel better or to try to motivate yourself or to try to, you know,
get through life, try to think of yourself as Ferris Bueller. I don't think you can really
go wrong at that point in time. You know, if you can go out and you can bring that kind
of happiness and love and light into the world by being the main character, then by all means,
main character the hell out of it. But unfortunately, and I really don't want to leave on a negative
note, so we're going to add a little bit extra on here, but unfortunately the concept, the
term main character syndrome and the overwhelming majority of people that experience these ways
of thinking, they're not positive and they are making it so that people are losing empathy,
they're losing connection to their, their community and the people and family and friends
around them. It makes it so that they really do believe that they are super important in
a world where everyone is important. And it just is turning people very, very selfish.
And it's being proliferated in a lot of social media by people that have signed off on it,
that have titles and have gone to school and things like that. And obviously those people
do not mean for these negative things to happen. Obviously they don't. They're just trying,
they're looking for a quick way to empower people. But I think that with this particular
way of thinking, with this particular, I guess prescribed attitude adjustment, I think that
people need to be really careful. And the reason why I did this episode is because I
want to make sure that anybody that hears it can have knowledge of both the good and
the bad ways of thinking about it and understand that there are pitfalls. And if you go too
far in one direction, if you go too far towards really believing that you're super self important
and that only your, only what you do matters, only everything revolves around you, that
you are very quickly going to find yourself alone and unable to deal with the reality
of the world around you. And obviously I don't want that for anybody. So I thought this episode
was pretty important because this is something that I'm seeing more and more and not necessarily
in individuals. I mean, you see it on Instagram quite a bit, but in the way that people are
talking in the way that especially very popular, you know, people on Tik Tok and things like
that, these are, there's people out there that have, you know, 250,000 to a million
followers and they get on there and they say, you just need to worry about you and you need
to do you and you need to, you know, you are the main character in the story. And I get
it. What they're saying isn't inherently wrong. The problem is, is that a lot of times you're
saying it to people that are going to take it to the absolute worst degree of it and
they're going to pull themselves back and they're going to create the shield, this bubble
around themselves and they're going to be the single most important person on the planet
from that point on. And we just can't have that. Right? If you're going to use this way
of thinking to empower yourself, you really need to do it from a, you know, think of these,
these characters, like I said, think of the Luke Skywalker, think of the Ferris Bueller,
think of these characters that are, you know, good characters that think about others that
are, that are out there in the world of the, you know, the fantasy world, but the world
nonetheless fighting for, you know, good and trying to leave the world a better place than
they found it. So as we wrap up here, I just wanted to mention that next week's episode
will be the first time I've done this. We're not going to have an actual topic. What we're
going to do is we're going to go ahead and we're going to do a little story time. I've
got one story that I'm going to read that was sent in and then I've got a few stories
I'd like to tell. And so it's probably going to be on the longer side because I'm not going
to rush through the stories and I'm going to talk about them for a little bit, but I
think they're all stories that really do kind of signify what exactly we're trying to do
here. And you know, for me, I know from my point of view, the stories that I'm going
to tell next week are, in my opinion, they're, they're, they're good stories. Like they're,
they're things that I'm proud of and they're moments that I know I helped somebody. And
I hope that when you hear the stories, you'll, you'll be inspired to maybe try to make those
small, make those, take those small actions and make those small changes necessary. So
as we go out of this episode and we wrap it up, I just wanted to leave with another quote,
as always. Now, like I said before, it was difficult to find quotes that really worked
for this particular topic because there's not, you know, this isn't like a, a really
popular topic right now. I mean, it is technically, but not, not among, you know, Aristotle. Aristotle
doesn't know anything about main character syndrome. So it's hard to, it's hard to find
historical quotes and things like that. So instead, I'm going to leave you with one that,
I think kind of speaks to the, the syndrome or the therapy, however you want to think
of it. And it really does kind of, I don't know, it hits me in the feels as they say.
And the quote is watch your thoughts. They become words, watch your words. They become
actions, watch your actions. They become habits, watch your habits. They become character,
watch your character. It becomes your destiny. Now that is attributed to Lao Tzu, the, the
supposed author of the Tao, but we, modern scholarship doesn't actually support that.
So we're just going to say that it is a ancient Chinese philosophy and we'll leave it at that
for now because I don't really know who wrote that, but that's what we're going to go out
on folks. And I really appreciate you listening. Remember that next week will be story time
and that's what we're going to call it. So thank you again. I hope you enjoyed this episode
because it was kind of a labor of love, love, love too. There's a lot of love in this, but
it was also something that I just found particularly interesting. Remember that if you have any
stories you'd like to submit or you have anything you'd like me to read in the podcast, you
can always write in to a pebble and a pond stories at gmail.com or you can find me on
Tik TOK and leave me a message there and I'll, you know, we'll figure out how to get it
on here. Also again, if you haven't followed me on Tik TOK yet, the, a pebble and a pond
podcast is my channel and I'm putting things up there every day, including stuff about
the podcast here. So if you want to give me a follow there, please do. And we'll try to
keep building this thing up and making it so that more people are listening. It is getting
better. We are getting more and more listeners. So, um, and we're not, we're not breaking
hundreds yet, but we are getting, um, you know, 50 or so people per episode, which is,
which is really nice. Um, but it's going to get bigger and we're going to keep growing
and I'm going to get better at this. So, and hopefully better at not having to edit different
sound qualities into an episode because I didn't realize there was a sound error, which
if you follow my Tik TOK, you'll have known that this is, that's what's happening in the
episode. Uh, anyway, that's it for now. Uh, I appreciate you listening. You guys take
care and have a good day.
You're still here?
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