Hey folks, before we get this episode started, I just had one quick question for you.
If I told you that I had a substance that if you took it, it would make not just you
happier, but it would make the people all around you happier.
And it would actually... it was scientifically proven to have a domino effect where if you
took it and then were next to somebody, then they would have to take it as well.
And then the next person would take it as well.
And every single one of them, their lives would be better and happier and more fulfilled.
Would you take it?
What if I then told you that the substance was one of the least studied concepts in all
of psychology, in the history of psychology?
Would you think differently then?
Because the substance in question is kindness.
And it is one of the least studied concepts in the history of psychology.
Now that has started to change.
But we went for decades and decades in this world with hardly any study done on the topic
of kindness.
And that's started to change.
There's getting more and more studies, more and more tests and things like that done to
understand it and the effects that it can have.
But today we're going to talk about it and we're going to do our own little studies on
it.
We're going to read a little bit, maybe have some quotes like usual, but we're going to
get to the bottom of what it means for us as we move forward into trying to make this
world a better place.
Let's go ahead and cue the music.
I really like that song.
I like that music.
I should actually give credit where it's due.
That's actually a song called Sardana by a gentleman named Kevin MacLeod.
It's a royalty free music so I can use it however I'd like.
I didn't actually find it.
Somebody else found it for me.
I just really like it.
I was feeling bad about not giving credit for it because I didn't want people thinking
that I played that because I certainly did not.
So kindness, huh?
It should be a pretty easy episode, right?
Nothing really too deep to discuss.
Nothing too controversial here.
Let's start with the definition for people that may not know.
Kindness is defined as the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate.
One of the interesting parts of when you start to really look at this and start to try to
understand it from a psychological point of view is that a lot of written literature on
the idea of kindness will include, almost without fail, the idea that kindness is when
you do something at your own expense or when you do something without expecting a reward.
Which is I think an important part of it but for the way that we're going to talk about
it, that's not really that important.
So I just wanted to make sure that if you were doing your own reading and your own studying
on these kind of things and that concept came up, I just wanted to address it because it
is important but I don't think that it is a be-all end-all.
If you get something out of it then you're no longer kind.
I don't think that's necessarily the case.
And for the purposes of our discussion today, we're going to go ahead and say that kindness
and compassion are really relatively the same thing.
I think that compassion maybe has a little bit more of an emotional subtext to it in
my mind.
The definitions are close to the same thing, with compassion being more about worry or
concern over the suffering of others.
So since this is episode 3, hopefully you've listened to episode 2 on honesty, and a lot
of what we talk about here is going to kind of piggyback off of that a little bit.
It's really important to understand that when we're trying to make a change for the better
and we're trying to act with kindness in our heart, that we need to do so rooted and stable
in our honesty.
We need to know that we're doing it from the heart and that we mean it.
We are going to talk about, a little bit later, we're going to talk about the difference between
being kind and being nice.
And I think that a lot of people maybe get those two confused.
If you're a kind person and it's coming from the heart, then sometimes you do things that
aren't very nice.
I know that that seems counterintuitive, but it is unfortunately true that sometimes to
be kind to someone and to show them a kindness, sometimes it does require doing something
that maybe they don't really understand or they might not like.
An example of that would be, it is kind to talk to your loved ones about their drinking
problems.
You're showing concern and you can do it in a kind way.
Or if you're concerned about, you have a friend who's being taken advantage of and you see
it and you want to make sure that they understand it.
You know that so and so at work is doing this.
And so you tell somebody out of kindness because you don't want somebody to be taken advantage
of.
Now, obviously people will get their feelings hurt in that situation, in all of those situations,
and people aren't necessarily going to like what you have to say, but it's still the kind
thing to do to be concerned and caring for others and to reach out and try to stop people
from taking advantage of them or hurting them if you have that ability.
What is a kindness that you can employ where somebody might not appreciate it?
We'll go ahead and start shifting gears here with a quote by Abraham Lincoln.
He once said, kindness is the only service that will stand the storm of life and not
wash out.
It will wear well and will be remembered long after the prism of politeness or the complexion
of courtesy has faded away.
I like that quote a lot because it does speak to the enduring nature of kindness and the
fact that it will always be considered better than just being polite or courteous.
I mean those things are great in certain situations and there's nothing wrong with being polite.
Obviously I'm not trying to demonize being polite, but a true kindness, one that is felt
and one that comes from the heart, it can change the course of history.
So in studying some of this, one of the more interesting facts that I read was that apparently
starting the writer actually said that in the 1980s there was only 35 in the entire
world, 35 papers written by psychologists about the topic of kindness.
And to contrast that, the article that I read was actually written in 2021 in the middle
of the pandemic and that has changed so much so that in the decade basically from 2011
to 2021 there were over a thousand papers and studies done on the topic of kindness
and the effects that it has.
So like I said in the intro, this is something that is relatively new science for the psychiatric
community and even for the therapy community to a certain degree.
This is not something that is fully studied.
The effect that being kind can have on you personally and the effect that it has on others.
So some of the things that we talk about, some of the things we're going to say here
are not necessarily scientifically proven because nobody's done any of the studies.
And I think that that says a lot.
That says a lot about especially American society, but it says a lot about society and
other places as well because kindness for a long, long time, even in the face of people
like Abraham Lincoln having quotes like that and things like that, it was not really considered
a virtue that especially men were to hold high.
Kindness is something that for generations was looked down upon and considered a form
of weakness by many people.
And like I said, especially among men, being kind and considerate and understanding are
not things that are necessarily bred into us when you're talking about generationally
speaking is just not something that has mattered much in our history up until recently.
And obviously when I say recently, I mean, you know, 20, 30 years, but that you're basically
talking about a couple of generations that have started to really emphasize it.
Outside of that, we really were bucking the trend by trying to talk about it or study
it or learn about it or God forbid, actually show it.
One study that I found really interesting was a study that was done I think in 2008.
They did a, this was, I think it was done in Canada where they did a kind of a man on
the street poll.
What they did was they went out in the morning and they had envelopes that had $5 bills and
$20 bills on them.
You couldn't see what was in the envelope, but they would stand on the street and as
people walked by, they would give them an envelope with some money in it.
Now they didn't, you know, obviously the people that were getting the envelopes, they didn't
know what was inside.
They didn't know how much money it was, but half of the people that they gave the envelopes
to, they told them, Hey, here's some money.
Go spend it on yourself.
And obviously people, they did.
And then the other half, they gave them the envelopes and they told them to either give
the money to charity or go buy something for somebody.
So they basically told them that you have until whatever time of day, I don't know what
time of day they gave them, but they said, you have this much time of the day to spend
the money and then come back and tell us what you did.
So the first group, the ones that were told to spend the money on themselves, you know,
depending on how much money they had, they bought themselves, you know, like if they
had the $5, they would go buy themselves a burger or whatever, you know, they'd buy themselves
food or a snack or whatever.
If they had the $20, they'd go buy something a little bit more lavish, you know, they'd
buy themselves sushi or they'd go get some cheap earrings or you know, whatever.
They would just buy little trinkets for themselves and stuff like that.
But the people in the second group, because they were instructed to give the money away,
they were buying toys for their nephews or nieces or whatever.
And then they would give the money to some homeless people or they were finding other
ways to give the money.
And they, one person that I read about bought like a box of donuts or something like that
for their office, things like that.
They were just, you know, doing what they were instructed to do and using the money
to give to other people.
So then the researchers questioned them and they said, you know, you just, all of them
were given basically a gift.
One of them had to redirect the gift.
But they said, this was at the end of the day, you know, four to seven o'clock, I'm
not sure when, but they were asked to rate their mood.
And here's the really, the really interesting part of this is it didn't matter if they had
the five or the $20.
It didn't matter who they bought the gift for.
What mattered was the people that were instructed to give the money away were across the board
rated happier.
They felt better.
They were in general, their whole lives at that point in time were higher marked than
the people that bought stuff for themselves.
I thought that was really interesting because it does give a really solid understanding
of just how being generous and kind and compassionate can really affect you.
You know, when you, when you help someone, when you give to someone, especially if you
do it in a way that is earnest and meaningful, it just changes everything.
It changes their life.
It changes their day.
It changes the trajectory that they're on and you get something for it too, because
it makes you feel better about what you've just done.
This isn't just a speculation kind of thing.
There's actually neuroscience that points out that when you do something that is considered
kind, it shows up in your brain's reward system.
You it actually glows when they do brain scans.
You can see when somebody is doing something kind because it literally is affecting your
reward system in your brain.
You feel good.
You get a hit of dopamine.
So it's one of those things where when people say that you need to not get anything for
it to be a true kindness, that's where I take issue with that is everybody has that little
that little twinge of selfishness in them.
And sometimes it can be a really good thing because if you are selfish enough that you
want to give because it feels so great, it really is a powerful feeling.
And let's not forget that because there's that twinge of selfishness in people, it's
really easy to inspire kindness in others.
And that's why you hear things like kindness is contagious.
That is one of the truest statements you'll ever hear.
And it really is an absolutely beautiful thing.
I feel as if I need to point out that the name of the podcast is A Pebble in a Pond.
And the way that kindness ripples is exactly what this the whole concept is about here.
That's what it's all about is creating that ripple of kindness that will go from person
to person and continue to transfer until it hits a point where it's a wave, it's a tidal
wave of kindness.
That's really the whole point.
You get enough people to have to commit random acts of kindness to try to impress positivity
on the world around them.
And it will become an undeniable force.
Because when somebody sees a kindness being visited on another, they want to do that as
well.
Like I said, everybody's got that little twinge of selfishness.
And so if you're not moved to do it because of the effect that you're having on somebody
else, you're moved to do it because you see how a person that is being kind is, you know,
they're elated.
It creates this almost jealousy.
Like I want to give too.
I want to do that thing too.
And that is really, I mean, it's kind of a cynical way of looking at it.
And I could see where somebody would think that.
It really is a beautiful thing in my opinion, because I don't care what it takes to motivate
somebody if the net result is a positive one that is going to have a positive effect on
it in far reaching ways.
I'm all for it.
I don't care if it's a selfish bastard who's as hard as growing three sizes or if it's
Mother Teresa herself.
It doesn't matter to me.
So as I mentioned earlier, I really wanted to spend some time in this episode talking
about the difference between nice and kind.
Like I said earlier, I know that some people don't see a difference between those two things.
And I'm here to tell you that there is a really big difference.
Whenever I think about the word nice, I think about, and this is not an exaggeration.
This is literally every time I hear the word nice.
I think about a part of my favorite musical in my life.
And my favorite musical is Into the Woods.
And there's a part in the song The Last Midnight near the end of the play where the witch says,
you're so nice.
You're not good.
You're not bad.
You're just nice.
I'm not good.
I'm not nice.
I'm just right.
I'm the witch and you're the world.
Now obviously I'm not singing it so it doesn't have the same oomph that it normally would,
but it does illustrate pretty clearly what I think about nice.
Nice is defined as pleasant or agreeable.
And I think that most people that know me or as people are getting to know me, they
realize that I'm not really that pleasant.
I can be.
I can be very pleasant and I'm certainly not agreeable.
So my problem with when you're talking about comparing the ideas of nice and kind is nice
to me rings of superficial.
It rings of somebody that is putting on a show and kind is something that comes from
the heart and is true and genuinely helps someone.
Whereas nice is, oh, I love your hair today.
Now a lot of times you can say that and mean it, but it's also widely considered to be
a kind of empty compliment.
Saying to someone, I like the way those pants look on you is a nice compliment and it is
obviously going to have an effect on them.
It is nice, but that's not exactly the kind of thing that is going to move the needle
when it comes to kindness.
Nice is a way of projecting yourself.
It's a way of showing the world something.
There are a lot of people in here that are nice.
Hell, Ted Bundy was known as being nice.
People are nice all over, but being kind and being genuine and being true, that's much
less easy to pull off if you don't mean it.
And for my money, I would always rather be kind than nice.
Now let me make this clear when I say that.
It's better to be both.
It's better to be very nice and pleasant and then carry out a kindness.
That's the best way you can be.
But if you can only choose one, it's better to be earnest and show true kindness and be
charitable than it is to just be fake and say nice things.
Now this is a part that's going to be kind of weird, kind of interrupt the flow of this
whole thing.
As I was recording this episode, and this is a little bit into how the sausage is made,
I edit as I record.
So I try to make these episodes as free flowing and conversational as I can so that when people
listen to them, they understand that a lot of it is just coming from the heart.
I'm not really writing a lot of things down.
I mean, I'm taking notes and things like that just to have bullet points to make sure I
hit the important stuff.
But for the most part, I'm just talking.
And I think most people can tell that when they hear these.
But the reason I mention this and the reason why I bring it up is because I was mid recording
and had an interesting conversation that I think pertains pretty well to what we're talking
about.
And honestly, it's a point of which I struggle with greatly.
And so I wanted to bring it up because I know that if I'm struggling with it, then it's
something that I should address.
My friend was talking to me about the aspects of being a good person, which if you listened
to the previous episode, then you know what this is about.
If not, well, this is a good reason to go back and listen to it.
But one of the things that he mentioned that I wouldn't say that nobody else had mentioned
it because it had been brought up, but it did kind of stand out in the way he said it
was how we go about helping others.
And I think that that works for this conversation.
I think that this is an important part of being nice.
And let me tell you, when I say I have an issue with this or I have a problem with it,
it's something I'm struggling with at this very moment while I'm recording this.
And that is being nice to somebody and being kind to somebody, obviously two different
things.
If you're trying to be kind to someone, then you're trying to help them.
You're trying to be compassionate and you're trying to help them move forward and create
happiness in their own life.
But one thing that is often lost in that, especially for people like me, is it can be
really easy to forget that you being kind for somebody doesn't always need to take the
form of the way that you want to be kind for them.
Sometimes it needs to take the form of the way that they will receive the kindness.
That's a very important differentiation and something that I am struggling mightily with.
I will often look at a situation and know what needs to happen or understand the outcomes
that are possible and know that if I can just make this person or skew this person or guide
this person into a certain mindset or situation that I can get them where they want to go.
I understand the motivation and the end goal, so it's really easy to try to get people in
there.
But the problem is that sometimes people don't want to hear it the way that I have to say
it.
And it's really, really difficult for me, and I know it's difficult for other people,
to kind of step out of where you are and step into where they are.
And that's not to say that I don't respect or understand their point of view.
It just a lot of times seems to be inefficient in my mind.
And so a lot of times, like I said, I'm not really looking down on them.
I'm just looking at it and saying, well, this is the best possible way.
But that's not always what people need.
People don't always need the best possible kindness or the best possible guidance.
What they need is guidance and kindnesses that they can understand and they can move
on.
So just keep that in mind.
It's not always you shoving your niceties and your kindnesses down somebody's throat
because they may not be ready for that.
Sometimes you have to really think about it and say, okay, well, if you're not responding
to the things that I'm saying when I have my best intentions, how can I get you to understand
it?
What language do you need to speak?
What different ways can I impress upon you in a way that you're going to understand it?
I need to know it from your point of view so that I can make a change or help you make
a change.
I think one of the other really important aspects of kindness that is often overlooked
is the idea of being kind to yourself.
And I think that a lot of people tend to overlook it because when you use the word kindness,
very rarely does anybody use it in that way.
Nobody ever says that.
It's always, you know, be kind to others, blah, blah, blah, blah.
But almost as important, if not even more important, is being kind to yourself.
And what do I really mean by that?
What I mean is speak kindly to yourself, offer yourself grace, do not be too judgmental of
yourself, do not hold yourself to standards that are impossible to meet.
Say kind things to yourself when you look in the mirror.
You know, whatever you look like, whatever you are, sometimes the most important voice
you can hear is your own saying, you know, I'm okay.
I look okay.
I feel okay.
This was the right decision.
Pat yourself on the back from time to time when you make the right call, when you take
the right action, when you show the kindness.
Feel good about it and make sure that you positively reinforce that in yourself.
So if you're walking down the street and you do something as simple as smile and good day
to someone, feel good about it.
Make sure that you pay yourself the same kindness that you're paying others.
Because it is really important that you maintain a level of positivity inside your own head.
Because trust me, as many of you may know through the TikToks and things like that,
you really don't want to slip on this.
You don't want to let depression and things like that start to take over because no matter
how light you are, no matter how driven towards positivity you are, no matter how much you
really want to be good and bring good things into this world, it is very easy to turn your
kindness into a facade and become something that's neither kind nor nice nor good.
You can very easily slip into a very cynical dark place where you tell yourself that you're
being good and you tell yourself that you're being kind.
That's where you get into borderline narcissism and things like that.
So it's really important to stay grounded and understand that the things that you're
doing matter and treat yourself as such.
When you are able to turn the corner and you start being nice to folks on the street, in
your house, at work, you start treating people with the kindnesses that they deserve without
worry for reward or anything like that.
Make sure that you're taking the time for yourself and saying, I'm proud of what I did,
I'm proud of these things.
Because if you don't give yourself, there's a good chance that a lot of people aren't
necessarily going to give you that instant feedback.
They're not going to understand that you need that.
So give it to yourself.
Pat yourself on the back.
You're doing something that not a lot of people do.
You're consciously making an effort to make people's day better, to make people's lives
better, to change the course of things.
That you deserve credit for that.
If you're not going to pat yourself on the back, just rewind this and listen to this
over and over again.
Because I think that those of us that are taking these steps and trying as hard as we
can to have a positive impact on the world, a world that is pretty dark right now, fighting
that darkness with the light that you can bring with just some simple measures, just
some simple acts of kindness is commendable and worth your time and makes you a very worthy
person in my opinion.
So what are some ideas for how to practice kindness?
A lot of people that have listened to these first two, the first one obviously, the first
episode was just kind of an introduction into what I was thinking.
And then the second one sets up how to practice honesty.
Just a little tip that I came across and I've been trying to practice.
Well, I'm going to do the same thing with this.
I think that there's a few different ways that you can be more kind and make it a conscious
effort to be more kind.
The first and really the easiest is when you are in a conversation or you're out and about
and you're kind of going through your day to day, stop, I don't know how to say this
though, maybe wrinkling some feathers, but stop thinking about yourself so much.
Focus on others, focus on what other people are doing, focus on what's going on in the
world around you.
Use the skills that you have for awareness and understanding and empathy, which we'll
be talking about in the next episode and try to understand that you're not the star of
the show.
We're actually going to do an episode on that whole concept, which I find fascinating.
So we'll get to that in a later episode, but just remember that you're not alone in this
world and there are people around you that desperately need attention and affection and
love and those small kindnesses that you can show, even if it's just a simple matter of
a smile or a holding of the door or helping them grab their groceries or something, I
don't know, just all of those little tropes that you see in commercials and things like
that, those are all real things that people can do.
They don't just put them in there to make you feel good about the commercial, they put
them in there because those are things that you can do to actually show some kindness.
But to do that, you have to be focusing on others.
If you're just kind of living in your own little bubble, you're not going to see all
of the opportunities that come across you on a daily basis to show kindness and to bring
that goodness into the world.
And then beyond that, there's a lot of ideas and a lot of things that you can do.
I'm just going to name some quick ones that people can practice.
One that I know a lot of people, it became kind of trendy a while ago, is kind of the
pay it forward thing.
If you have the means, and I know a lot of people don't, but if you have the means and
say you go to McDonald's or whatever and there's somebody next to you, just buy their meal.
Say hey, what are you getting today?
Let me get that for you.
I promise you that even if they don't continue to pay it forward, even if they just take
the food and are just like thank you, that is a big deal for a lot of people, especially
in today's world.
If you're at the grocery store and you see somebody just go up with one item, say hey,
what are you, let me get that for you.
Just go ahead and scan it for them and let them take it.
If you have the means to do that, obviously don't break yourself.
Don't spend your last dollar helping somebody else out if you're not going to eat by doing
that.
There is a lot of people out there that will do that and I'm not in any way, shape or form
trying to take away from people to do that.
Do it if you can do it, if you have the means to do it.
I've done it myself once or twice where I didn't have anything else after the money
that I gave away, but I still felt the need to give it away.
Sometimes it's paid back right away and sometimes it's paid back over time, but it usually ends
up getting paid back.
You usually get some sort of kindness in return, which, mind I add, there will be a discussion
in another episode about that kind of karmic system and some of the misconceptions and
ideas about it.
We'll get back to kindness though.
One that I know I've done a lot, especially recently, and that I really enjoy doing is
I'll think about a friend or a family member and I just, I'm kind of a weepy little baby,
so if I'm feeling really emotional, I'll start to cry or whatever the situation may call
for and I'll sit in my room and write a text just saying, hey, I love you, I appreciate
you.
We may not talk much, we may not see each other much, but I need you to know how important
you are to me.
That's a kind of kindness that you can give to somebody that you're close to that is long
lasting.
I say that not just because of the emotional effect, but because when you write a letter
or you write a text or they have that kind of tangible thing they can look back on, and
I promise you people do.
Every text that you write like that, people will come back and they'll look at it again
and they'll say, wow, that feels good.
That's a good feeling.
And, you know, at the end of the day, that's what we're trying to do.
And here's another one that, you know, since we're going full disclosure here, this is
one that I have a lot of trouble with myself.
I am a very good listener most of the time, but when I am emotionally involved, I tend
to not be able to hold back as much.
And so I am not as good a listener when I'm worked up emotionally.
I let my emotions get the best of me.
But a very basic kindness that you can show someone, especially someone that you know
is having trouble, is struggling, is just to listen.
Just be there and say what's wrong, tell me what's wrong, and let them talk.
Don't say anything.
Don't interrupt them.
Don't listen to them so that you can talk.
Just talk, or just listen so that they can talk and they can get it out.
And then once they're done, your question is, what can I do to help you?
How can I help you?
Is there anything I can do?
Any of those kind of questions that will lead them to elaborate more on different things
that they think you could do to help.
And if they don't have any ideas, then that's when you start to forward your ideas.
You've let them talk, you've let them say their piece, they've gotten it off their
chest, and then you've asked them what they have, what can I do, and then you can say,
okay, well, are you open to some ideas?
Make sure you offer that first.
Make sure you make sure that they're ready to hear any advice or opinion you may have
because a lot of times people just need to get it out.
They don't really want your advice or opinions.
And that is, I tell you what, that is the hardest thing in the world.
It is so difficult to, you know, when you're somebody like me that kind of, like I said
before, kind of plays all the angles and sees a lot of things all at once, it is super,
super difficult to not just be like, well, you can just do this.
And I'm still learning.
I'm getting better at it.
But it is a constant struggle for me.
Another thing you can do to just show some basic kindnesses to people is smile.
And there's a lot of people out there that say, well, I shouldn't have to smile and all
this stuff.
There was a whole thing about it a while ago about, you know, people shouldn't smile all
the time and it's just whatever.
Smile.
Like when you're walking down the street, smile at people.
When you're in a store, smile at people.
When you're at work, smile at people.
And it, I want to say it like, it doesn't mean as much when you're just kind of have
like that superficial fake smile on, because people can tell everybody has that smile.
Everybody's got that little like closed mouth, little lip curl that they do.
And anybody seeing it knows that, you know, some people call it the eat shit smile.
And you just know that there's not a whole lot of emotion behind it.
So don't, don't, don't flash that around if you can help it.
Like really just, just try to let your inner positivity come out.
Try to display how you're feeling.
If you're feeling good, display that and let people know that you're feeling good and,
and wear that with a smile and wear it by paying compliments.
You know, this goes back to the exercise we talked about in episode two.
This is, this is one of those things that you can do where you can really work on being
an honest person and you can work on being a kind person at the same time.
Find traits in people that you appreciate and tell them.
You really, until it's done to you, especially on a repeated basis, you really just don't
understand how empowering and how great it feels to have somebody that you love or even
random strangers compliment you and tell you things.
Now, you know, obviously it can be kind of icky if some dude is complimenting you on
your looks, but for the most part, like if somebody's just like, you know, you have beautiful
eyes or, you know, I really liked the way that you did this thing at work or, you know,
you were so smart when you came up with this idea.
And as long as you're not some creepy guy that's like trying to, you know, trying to maneuver,
I think that it's really, really easy for people to take those compliments and, and
use them to motivate themselves and to feel good about themselves for, you know, a decent
amount of time.
And who knows, maybe you're, maybe you're bolstering somebody in a place where they
felt weak.
Maybe you have somebody who, you know, has a weight problem or they have a lack of confidence
in their ability to speak or, you know, whatever it may be.
And if you, if you can figure out that, you know, if you see somebody at work that has
to stand up and give a speech and you can tell they're just not very confident, go up
afterwards and say, you know, you did a really good job.
You did, you know, I know I could tell you were a little, you were a little, you know,
a little worried about it, a little nervous about it, but I just wanted to let you know
you did a really good job and it may seem horrible to say this, but you know, I would
like to hear you speak again.
I think that would be great.
I think you did such a good job.
You know, a compliment like that, that's, that's not just empowering for the person
that you pay that compliment to.
It's, it's damn near life changing when, if you do it enough, this is, you take somebody
who, you know, they think of it as a flaw or a phobia even, and you can empower them
and make them understand that it's not, you know, and I'm not saying go up and lie to
somebody who's a horrible speaker, but you can bolster somebody and you'll find that
as they get more confidence, they'll, they'll start to blossom.
They'll become better and better.
And that pays off for everybody because none of us want to be in meetings with people that
are crappy speakers.
And I think, I think the last one is for me, it's probably the biggest one and it is so
sad that I have to actually say this, but I've seen it so many times that people don't
say thank you.
Say thank you when you're out dealing with other people in public places, say thank you
and mean it like really understand the expression.
Thank you.
You know, I thank you.
Thank you very much.
However you want to, however you say it, say it, make sure that the people that you're
interacting with understand your appreciation and mean it.
Understand that the part of the practice of, of, you know, trying to become a kinder person
is meaning it and really trying to change who you are.
And that starts with an appreciation.
There's a, there's a line that they use in therapy at times where they'll, they'll say
stop expectation and start appreciation.
And that really does fit here.
And I, you know, we're probably going to wrap up here in a few minutes.
So I'm going to end with that.
And I want you to really think about that.
If you go through your life with expectations of how people act and what people do and blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, and you set those expectations, you are going to perpetually
be disappointed.
As somebody who has done that for many, many years, I can promise you that it just leads
to disappointment.
Instead, try to think of things from an appreciation standpoint.
Just be glad that you're there.
Be glad that you're in that moment with those people.
You know, if, if you're, if you show gratitude for people, it, it has a profound effect on
them.
They feel as if their efforts and their time and their energy has been wasted.
And that, that really does help.
That really does make the world a better place.
If everyone just said thank you and you know, a follow up of your welcome or whatever.
And you know, I'll throw another one in there is, is I'm sorry.
And I say I'm sorry way too much.
I'm, I'm constantly apologizing.
I feel like I have to just for existing most of the time that could, that could come from
years and years of depression, but it's also just because I know that I'm, I can be intolerable
to a lot of people.
And so I'm just constantly apologizing.
And the worst part about apologizing for me is that I always mean it.
And I do it so much that it sounds like I don't, which is a bit of a conundrum.
I'm still working on it and trying to get people to understand just, you know, I sincerely
apologize if I'm too loud or if I'm too, you know, too verbose or I say the wrong thing
or I act the wrong way.
I'm constantly apologizing.
And I mean it, like I said.
So it's saying I'm sorry, saying thank you, saying you're welcome.
These simple little interactions can really, really help spread kindness throughout this
world in a way that is, is literally just zero, zero energy spent.
You don't have to think about it.
You don't have to, you know, there's no special code that you need to use to, to unlock it.
It's just a simple matter of being appreciative, aware, and accountable for what you do.
And that's all, that's all it is.
So I think we're going to wrap up here.
This is running on about 45 minutes now, which was a lot more than I thought we would go
with kindness.
But I think I'm going to leave you with another quote.
And the quote is from Ralph Waldo Emerson.
And this one hits, it hits pretty hard.
So just be prepared.
The quote is, you cannot do a kindness too soon for you never know how soon it will be
too late.
Let me say that one more time.
You cannot do a kindness too soon for you never know how soon it will be too late.
We don't know what's happening.
Life is not promised, folks.
So just keep that in mind.
And remember that you never know when you have your last chance to be kind to somebody.
And if your kindness that you're trying to visit upon people could be the last time that
they experience it.
So just keep that in mind.
Every little thing that you do, every moment that you have to make somebody's life better
is a moment that you should seize because life is not promised.
We're only immortal for a limited time.
You guys, thank you for listening.
Next episode is going to be on empathy and understanding.
It'll probably be a pretty, pretty heavy one.
So we're going to start recording that in a few days and we'll get it out Sunday or
Monday just like we have been.
All right.
Thank you all.
And we'll see you in a week.