1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:06,560 Hey there, folks. Welcome to episode two of a Pebble in a Pond podcast. I appreciate you listening. 2 00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:12,320 We're going to start this episode a little differently than the previous one, and probably 3 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:17,760 a lot differently than the ones to come. We're going to do a little scenario. We're going to do 4 00:00:17,760 --> 00:00:24,880 a little questionnaire, if you'd like. I'd like you to imagine for just a moment that you're just 5 00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:32,080 sitting somewhere on a park bench or somewhere, you know, in a public place. Just sitting, having 6 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:40,240 a quiet time, lunch, whatever. And up out of nowhere comes a stranger, a person you've never 7 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:46,000 seen before, man, woman, doesn't matter. And they sit down on the bench next to you. After, you know, 8 00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:53,280 exchanging a polite smile, you go back to whatever it is you're doing, looking at your phone or, 9 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:58,640 you know, just looking off in the distance at the people. And this person that sits next to you 10 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:04,880 seems to grab your attention. They want to say something to you. And they go on to explain 11 00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:12,560 briefly about how, you know, they'd like to ask you a question, and you say, okay. And they say, 12 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:20,720 well, my life has been troubling lately. I've been having a lot of problems with people in my life. 13 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:29,040 And one of my closest friends recently told me that I am not a good person. And so now I sit here 14 00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:36,320 in a park with a bunch of strangers. And I wonder what that means. I wonder what it means to be a 15 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:43,840 good person. And this stranger looks at you and they say, what does it mean to you to be a good 16 00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:51,040 person? Now in this hypothetical, I want you to imagine that what just happened, and just to give 17 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:59,440 it some fair rules, I want you to think of the top three things that you can imagine or that you 18 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:09,200 think of as the most important traits of a good person. Now I don't want to skew your answer. I 19 00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:15,440 don't want to give examples of what I mean, because part of the question is for you to 20 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:20,480 tell me whatever you think. Just tell me what you think. Obviously, I'm not going to hear your 21 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:25,200 answer since this is a podcast and there's not a lot of interaction. But I would be interested if 22 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:32,960 you wanted to post on one of the TikToks or even on the comments for this episode. Just let me know 23 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:38,320 what your initial reaction was, what you initially thought of as the three most important traits 24 00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:44,480 of a good person. I've been asking quite a few people and when I tell you that it has been 25 00:02:44,480 --> 00:02:51,440 astounding the answers that I've gotten and just how different they are, and also how similar some 26 00:02:51,440 --> 00:03:00,880 of them are, it really is eye-opening. Because there doesn't seem to be, outside of three basic 27 00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:09,840 traits, any real consensus. So many people have so many different ideas of what that means and 28 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:15,040 what it means to them. Like I said, I'm not trying to skew your answers. Just whatever your first 29 00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:21,840 thought is, that should be what you hold on to. Because at the end of the day, what you think 30 00:03:21,840 --> 00:03:31,840 makes a good person is what makes a good person. Now, I'm going to go ahead and give you the three 31 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:36,880 answers that were the most popular, or so far have been the most popular. Number one answer 32 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:45,920 for most people was kindness. And I think that that seems to be pretty universal. People had 33 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:52,320 different ways of answering. They used different words. Some people would say compassion. Some 34 00:03:52,320 --> 00:04:00,800 people would say they would get a little wordy and say things like being kind to others or being nice 35 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:06,000 and being polite and things like that. But generally, for the most part, they could all 36 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:14,320 kind of fit under the umbrella of kindness. The second most popular was the idea of empathy or 37 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:21,680 understanding. And I think that that seems to be a pretty popular one because it's kind of a walk a 38 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:27,920 mile in someone else's shoes kind of scenario. Like you really can't necessarily be a good person 39 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:33,840 if you can't understand the people around you and how to communicate and how to understand what 40 00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:39,840 they're going through. Really, empathy is a word that some people find a little distasteful for 41 00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:46,480 some reason. I still don't quite understand that, but I have heard that from some people. 42 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:53,120 So we'll go with understanding. And for the purposes of this podcast, when we talk about empathy, 43 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:59,840 we're talking about the feelings, the emotions that come with relating to someone. If someone is 44 00:04:59,840 --> 00:05:05,760 happy, then you can kind of feel that happiness. If someone is upset, then you can feel that. If 45 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:10,880 someone is angry, you can feel that. If someone is sad, you can feel that. It's not necessarily on a 46 00:05:10,880 --> 00:05:16,000 intellectual level. And we're going to use the term understanding to basically mean the same thing, 47 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:21,600 but on an intellectual level. You're not feeling it as much as you're just understanding it. You're 48 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:31,600 getting it from a study or a understanding of what goes into that emotion. I wanted to clear that up 49 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:37,680 before we continued into the podcast, because I may use those terms and I want to make sure that 50 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:44,560 everybody really understands that empathy is... I'm using it to mean emotion and understanding. 51 00:05:44,560 --> 00:05:53,600 I will often use to mean the mental, the intellectual understanding of it. They are interchangeable for 52 00:05:53,600 --> 00:06:01,840 most people. Most people that are empaths also view it as an intellectual process. But there are 53 00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:08,720 people out there that do not understand or do not feel empathy. And so for them to relate to others, 54 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:17,280 they do so with understanding. So with that out of the way, we'll move on to the third trait. 55 00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:23,200 And this is the trait that we're going to be talking about today. For me, personally, 56 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:30,160 this is my number one trait. When I did this test or this scenario, this was the thing that 57 00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:39,280 mattered the most to me. And for at least, I would say 25%, this was the trait that mattered 58 00:06:39,280 --> 00:06:47,520 the most. And people said different things that would fit under the umbrella of this trait. But 59 00:06:48,080 --> 00:06:57,680 the number three trait was honesty, truthfulness. One person said accountability. And we had a bit 60 00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:04,640 of a discussion back and forth over whether or not accountability and honesty could fall in the same 61 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:11,600 umbrella. And really it came down to if someone isn't honest and you don't trust them, then it 62 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:16,480 doesn't matter if they take account for something that they've done. It doesn't matter if they, you 63 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:22,560 know, go ahead and say, oh, this is my bad. I did this because you don't believe them anyway. You 64 00:07:22,560 --> 00:07:29,040 need to have honesty to have accountability. So we put accountability under the honesty umbrella. 65 00:07:29,040 --> 00:07:32,800 And that goes for a lot of these where somebody would say something and we would kind of have to 66 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:39,520 boil it down and think, well, would that fit under these key words, these key pillars? And usually 67 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:46,720 most of the answers did. So without further ado, let's go ahead and get it started with the music. 68 00:07:46,720 --> 00:08:02,720 Welcome to episode two about honesty. 69 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:33,680 Yeah, that's kind of weird to start that in the, uh, the seemingly close to the middle of the 70 00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:39,760 podcast, but I guess it kind of worked. So honesty, I'm going to throw some quotes out, 71 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:46,480 uh, as we go through this, um, because I think that honesty is one of those traits that 72 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:54,400 can be summed up in a lot of poetic ways or a lot of ways that, uh, allow you to think of it 73 00:08:54,400 --> 00:09:01,040 differently than maybe you would have. Uh, the first quote I really like that I found here is, 74 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:08,400 uh, was a quote by Gandhi and he said, to believe in something and not to live it is dishonest. 75 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:13,760 And that cuts really, really right to the heart of why we're discussing the concept of honesty. 76 00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:23,520 It is impossible for me to sit here and have this podcast and do the Tik Toks and start all these 77 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:28,880 social media things, talking about being a good person and wanting to be, you know, be a change 78 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:37,200 in this world and be a positive force and then not live it. And I think that that should go far. 79 00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:42,320 And I think that that should go for most everybody. I mean, the whole point of this is for us to 80 00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:48,560 make changes in our lives, to affect the people around us, to make a larger change with the small 81 00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:56,160 changes that we make among us. And that's a very difficult thing to do if you're not honest. And 82 00:09:56,160 --> 00:10:03,840 if you are not earnest with your attempts and your efforts to make those changes. So if you believe 83 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:12,720 in the idea of being as good as you possibly can to those around you and being a positive influence 84 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:20,080 in their life and the lives of others, then you really have to live it. You can't do that 85 00:10:20,080 --> 00:10:26,560 if you're dishonest. And if you don't live it, then you're being dishonest. You don't really want, 86 00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:30,720 you don't really believe in it. So that's the first thing that you really want to stop and think 87 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:37,520 about in this is how much do you really want to change who you are? How much do you really want to 88 00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:44,640 work towards becoming a better person? Is there work to do? Are you already a saint? I mean, 89 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:52,320 I know I'm not. I have all sorts of problems. And every single day, I'm struggling to achieve 90 00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:57,600 the things that I'm talking about. It's definitely not an easy process, especially not for me. So I 91 00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:04,560 can't imagine there's too many of us out there that are completely happy with who we are and who 92 00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:13,760 the world sees in us. So that's where the first step is understanding that we all have flaws. 93 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:20,320 We all have little peccadilloes, as they say. We all have things about us that maybe we don't like 94 00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:24,800 or maybe we're not proud of. And we all have things about us that we know are deficiencies 95 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:31,360 and that we want to work on. So as long as you can start with being honest to yourself 96 00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:37,680 about where you are and what you're trying to do with your life and what you're trying to do with 97 00:11:37,680 --> 00:11:44,640 the people around you, I think that that is the very first step towards understanding the change 98 00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:50,480 that you want to make and how you go about it. Now you guys are going to hear me say this a lot 99 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:57,200 as you follow the podcast, but I feel like I need to say it all the time because it is important. 100 00:11:57,840 --> 00:12:04,480 I am not a doctor. I am not a psychologist. I am not a therapist. I am not a professional 101 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:11,360 helper of sorts. I'm not licensed to do any of this. This is really honestly just my opinion 102 00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:18,240 based on the life that I've led and the studying that I've done. You don't have to listen to me. 103 00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:24,240 You don't have to listen to me. I'm not here to tell you I know everything. This is really 104 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:30,720 just to get the discussion started for you at an internal level or even with your friends 105 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:38,400 about making some changes that I am trying to employ and that others I know have employed 106 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:45,920 to great effect. So just keep that in mind. I'm not here to tell you that I'm an authority on 107 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:51,680 these topics. I'm here to tell you that I'm with you on these topics. I'm going through this with 108 00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:57,760 you. And if we get enough people listening and we get a big enough community, you'll find that 109 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:03,360 I hope that we can have a bunch of people, hundreds of people, thousands of people, 110 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:09,200 all working together to make each other accountable, to make each other better, 111 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:18,240 so that we all are right rising up together and becoming the change that this world so desperately 112 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:25,680 needs. So as we talk about honesty, before we get too touchy feely with it, I think it's important 113 00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:32,640 to understand that I'm kind of lumping the concept of truth in with honesty. And while those are 114 00:13:32,640 --> 00:13:39,600 technically a little bit different, I think because everybody has truths, right? Everybody 115 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:47,760 has a truth that they believe and it's something that they hold as their truth. There's a great 116 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:56,640 line that I often think about in Jesus Christ Superstar where Pontius Pilate is singing to 117 00:13:56,640 --> 00:14:02,640 Jesus and he says, so you are a king or then you are a king. Jesus says, it's you that say I am, 118 00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:08,240 I look for truth and find that I get damned. Pontius Pilate responds and says, and what is 119 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:15,600 truth? Is truth unchanging law? We both have truths. Are mine the same as yours? And I think 120 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:21,200 about that all the time when I think about the concept of truth. It can be changing. Everybody 121 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:27,840 has their own truth. Everybody has their own belief system and their own things that they hold as true. 122 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:37,120 So when I kind of merge these two together, I'm going to say that your truth, while being 123 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:45,360 of utmost importance to the individual and being the center point of how you behave 124 00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:53,680 and how you interact with the world is so damn personal and so ever-changing, depending upon 125 00:14:53,680 --> 00:15:01,280 the person, that I can't really speak to it here. All I can say is that when people use the phrase 126 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:08,480 find your truth, I couldn't agree more. I could not possibly agree more. Everyone out there 127 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:16,000 should have things that they hold dear. Now, once again, going back to that line, is truth unchanging 128 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:21,360 law? Your truths have to be willing, you have to be willing to move off of some of them. Once you 129 00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:30,080 have evidence or proof or understanding of a certain situation, you need to be able to vary 130 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:37,120 what you hold dear. It is really important that as you are trying to make changes in your life, 131 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:47,360 that you are not stubborn and rigid and unwilling to yield in certain areas. And your personal truth 132 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:52,320 could be one of those areas. It is probably the most difficult thing you could do, but it is 133 00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:57,600 important that you are open to that idea. Because there are a lot of things that people believe 134 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:05,440 that are passed down. They're not inherent beliefs. They're things that they don't have 135 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:11,920 beliefs. They're things that they've learned from parents or from schools or from whatever it may be. 136 00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:19,760 And it's not a truth that you necessarily, and I'm not judging here, but it's not a truth that you 137 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:25,440 necessarily need to hold on to. There's a lot of people out there that get really mad about 138 00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:33,120 people saying we shouldn't celebrate Christopher Columbus Day. But if you know anything about 139 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:39,280 Christopher Columbus and what he actually did, then it's probably pretty easy for you to understand 140 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:43,280 why people say that you shouldn't celebrate Christopher Columbus. There's just some things. 141 00:16:43,280 --> 00:16:50,720 You know, this is a truth. Some people are brought up in schools and they learn the truth, 142 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:59,200 quote, truth of Christopher Columbus. And then, you know, when they're 38 years old and 143 00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:08,800 read an article or see a video on it, they're like, holy crap, that dude sucked. And they realize that 144 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:13,440 that truth that they've not probably at that point instilled in their children that Christopher 145 00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:20,560 Columbus was this great hero, you know, we know now that's not true. And it should be pretty common 146 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:26,000 knowledge that that guy was a scumbag. And I'm sorry if I'm ruining some truths for anybody that's 147 00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:33,200 hearing this. That dude was a scumbag. Like, let's just say it how it is. So, as a, I'm a little off 148 00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:37,040 where I wanted to be at this point in the podcast, but I think that it's important to make sure that 149 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:44,960 we understand where truth is. Truth is your compass. It is what you believe in, and it is the 150 00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:54,320 thing that drives you forward. Your truth and what you believe in are sacred to you. But 151 00:17:54,320 --> 00:18:00,960 not so sacred that they can't change when given information, understanding, and evidence. 152 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:09,520 If at any point in time, you are so dogmatic in your truth that you are unwavering in the face of 153 00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:18,160 true knowledge, then you are no longer open to the idea of change. You are, you are, you are set. 154 00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:21,840 And we're not, that's not, that's not what we're trying to do here. We're trying to keep ourselves 155 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:31,600 open so that we can let the, the understanding of the world and the people in it guide us. 156 00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:39,440 We're not, we're not here to be dogmatic and, you know, religiously follow some sort of concept. 157 00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:44,800 We're here to say, oh, like, open it up. Like everything's on the table. Let's, let's keep an 158 00:18:44,800 --> 00:18:54,320 open mind and, you know, move forward with that, with, with empathy, understanding, love, and 159 00:18:54,320 --> 00:19:00,080 kindness, being our guiding light, being our compass, being our truth. That's where we're 160 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:05,840 starting. And then from there, we can start to incorporate the other truths that we have, 161 00:19:06,560 --> 00:19:11,600 one of which should not be the Christopher Columbus was a great guy. So with that out of the 162 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:18,480 way, let's talk about honesty, because that's what we're here to really discuss. Honesty by 163 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:26,800 definition, according to dictionary.com is the quality or fact of being honest, uprightness, 164 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:34,480 and fairness, or truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness. Now there's not a whole lot of 165 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:38,320 digging you got to do there. There's not a whole lot of, you know, there's not big 166 00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:44,400 words there you got to understand. It's just being honest. That's all it is. Being true, 167 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:52,960 being honest to yourself and to others. That's all honesty is. Not being a liar. And I know that a 168 00:19:52,960 --> 00:19:58,640 lot of people, when, when somebody says liar, that word cuts, that's, that's a name that hurts 169 00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:04,080 people because they don't want to be called that. And I don't blame them. I wouldn't want to be 170 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:13,600 called a liar either. But if somebody lies and they lie a lot, they're liars. There's just no 171 00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:20,320 other way around that. Now, do I believe that a liar has to maintain being a liar their whole 172 00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:25,840 life? Do I think that it's a, it's a, you know, they're, they're setting their ways? No, absolutely 173 00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:31,600 not. I think people that lie all the time, they certainly can change if they want to. And I think 174 00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:38,720 they certainly can change if they want to. They need to break the habit and understand what's 175 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:45,760 causing them to lie. And usually it comes from fear or insecurity. And so there is a, there is 176 00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:51,680 a certain amount of compassion that can be had for a liar, but we're not, we're not dealing with 177 00:20:51,680 --> 00:20:58,800 liars right now. Right? None of, none of, no one here that's listening to this is a liar. Right? 178 00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:04,080 We're, we're not going to do that. And if we are, if anybody is hearing this and they, they are a 179 00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:11,040 liar, they lie to themselves or they lie to others, then, you know, we gotta, we gotta work on that. 180 00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:18,800 And that starts by being honest. The way you break the cycle of lies is honesty. It's just that simple. 181 00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:24,400 It's like, it really honestly is that simple. It's like turning on a light in a dark room. 182 00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:36,160 All you need to do to start being honest is to be honest once, stop telling the lies, start telling 183 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:40,640 the truth. And then you have to deal with the repercussions of all the lies that you've told, 184 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:47,520 of course, and that's painful and that's hard and people will cry and be hurt. And you have to deal 185 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:53,040 with that because that's what your lies have created. That's, that's what lies do. They create 186 00:21:53,040 --> 00:22:00,240 pain. And that's why we want to impress upon you. You know, we, we, I say the collective, we, 187 00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:07,280 people listening, uh, that's why we need to impress upon people just how important being honest is. 188 00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:12,880 People need to be able to depend on what you're saying. They need to be able to believe in what 189 00:22:12,880 --> 00:22:20,960 you're trying to do. They need to understand that you're not in it for, you know, Instagram fame, 190 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:28,160 or you're not in it for, uh, you know, just to get a tax write off or whatever, whatever the, the 191 00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:35,840 cheap crappy reason some people may have for being charitable or kind, you can't be in it for that. 192 00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:43,760 You're in it for the change. You're in it to make a difference. You're in it to change the people 193 00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:53,680 around you at first and the world in the longterm. So how do we, how do we go about making this change 194 00:22:53,680 --> 00:23:04,240 towards honesty? But I read a lot. I read a lot coming into this. I studied a lot. I've spent 195 00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:12,080 hours now, uh, reading different, uh, psychologists, papers and books and, uh, just coming through 196 00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:17,440 what a lot of different people say about honesty and how to, how to be more honest in your life. 197 00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:24,880 And, and the best, the best, um, exercise in my opinion that I saw, and this is one that I'm 198 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:31,360 trying as hard as I can to, uh, employ because I've seen how magical it is and how powerful it is. 199 00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:37,040 And I really, really want to make sure I get this in here because it, if you start doing this, 200 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:43,360 it, if you start doing this, I promise you it's almost instantaneous. The difference that it 201 00:23:43,360 --> 00:23:48,160 makes in your life and everyone else's life that you come in contact with, it's a practice. It's a, 202 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:55,360 it's a, I guess I should say it is a, a way of thinking that creates so much positivity 203 00:23:55,920 --> 00:24:02,400 that it is undeniable, the effect that you're having and the more you do it, the easier it gets. 204 00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:09,200 Now, I'm not going to lie. If you have a lot of social anxiety, this makes it, the starting, 205 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:13,680 this can be difficult. And, and so you need to prepare yourself and really, really steal 206 00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:17,520 yourself for that. If you have, if you're somebody that suffers from a lot of social anxiety, 207 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:24,720 this exercise may not be easy for you. That being said, once you start it, 208 00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:29,520 you'll find that you won't want to stop it. The exercise is very simple, 209 00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:34,080 whether it be with your friends, your family, or just people at the grocery store, people that you 210 00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:43,280 see on, you know, whether you're walking down the street, spend 30 seconds every day or a minute 211 00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:50,560 every day, consciously, deliberately looking around, whatever the setting may be. Like I said, 212 00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:54,320 it doesn't really matter. It can just be you and your living room with your family or whatever. 213 00:24:54,320 --> 00:25:01,040 Look around the room, find traits of these people that you love or people that you don't know. 214 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:08,240 Find something that you appreciate, find something that you find beautiful, find something that you 215 00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:15,760 enjoy, whatever it is. It could be the fact that your son is really smart or really athletic. It 216 00:25:15,760 --> 00:25:22,080 could be the fact that your wife or girlfriend is, you know, takes care of you and tells you that 217 00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:27,040 she loves you and dotes on you, whatever it may be. It could be that your mother, you know, makes 218 00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:32,000 the best pasta in the world. It could be that this lady that you see walking down the street has a 219 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:36,320 really bad-ass tattoo and you really think it's cool. It could be a shirt. It could be a guy's 220 00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:42,560 beard. It could be any of those things. But it has to be something that you genuinely enjoy. 221 00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:48,160 It has to be something that you genuinely appreciate. It has to be something that you 222 00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:54,240 appreciate. It has to be something that you can say honestly. And then you tell them. 223 00:25:55,360 --> 00:26:00,400 It doesn't matter if you know them. It doesn't matter how well you know them. None of that 224 00:26:00,400 --> 00:26:05,280 matters. You just tell them something that you appreciate about them. And I don't care what it 225 00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:11,280 is. I don't care what the social status is, where you are. You're not, you're not, there's no ulterior 226 00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:16,480 motive here. There's, you're not trying to get anything from them. You just want to tell them 227 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:25,280 the truth. And the truth is I appreciate blank. I like blank. I think that this is awesome that you 228 00:26:25,280 --> 00:26:34,080 do blank. Whatever it is, give them that compliment. Give them that reassurance. Give them that 229 00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:40,320 momentum that may carry them over to the next thing. I remember, I was probably like two years 230 00:26:40,320 --> 00:26:49,760 ago now, I was at Epcot with my family. And I had, I had had a lot of doubts about my beard. 231 00:26:51,040 --> 00:27:00,240 It was, it was in a particularly interesting growth pattern, I guess you could say. And so I 232 00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:05,360 was kind of, you know, feeling a little weird about it because it was, it was a little sparse 233 00:27:05,360 --> 00:27:10,560 in places. And I remember, I don't remember exactly where we were in Epcot, but I remember 234 00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:17,680 hearing an Australian guy. He just walked right up to me and in his badass Australian accent, 235 00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:24,640 I'm not even going to try to emulate because I can't. He just said, hey, nice beard. And he, 236 00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:31,760 you know, he pointed right at my beard and it was, it was one of the single most like empowering, 237 00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:40,720 impactful compliments anyone had ever given me in my entire life. I felt so good for basically the 238 00:27:40,720 --> 00:27:48,080 rest of that day. And, and what's funny about it is I felt so good about it that I came home and 239 00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:55,200 wrote about it on Facebook. And now every year since then, that moment pops up in my Facebook 240 00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:59,440 memories, which I'm barely on Facebook that much anymore, but, but it pops up in my memories. 241 00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:04,720 And, you know, it's been two years now and I know that because twice now I've seen that memory and 242 00:28:04,720 --> 00:28:11,040 thought, man, I feel good just reading about that moment. Cause it reminds me and it was such a, 243 00:28:11,840 --> 00:28:16,960 just a great, great moment, a great compliment, but that's what, that's what honesty can do. 244 00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:20,400 I think that guy didn't need to tell me that he could have just walked right by me, 245 00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:27,200 but that's what having that one little moment of honesty can do. If you genuinely think that 246 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:33,920 somebody is doing something or looks great or whatever it may be, and you're not coming at it 247 00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:41,440 from like a scummy dude trying to hit on a chick kind of way, then it's, it's really, 248 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:49,120 it's really empowering and beautiful. And what you can do for somebody's day is just jaw dropping. 249 00:28:49,120 --> 00:28:54,080 It just, it can, it does so much when you're able to do this. Like I said, this is an exercise that 250 00:28:54,080 --> 00:29:00,080 you can do to start learning how to be honest, because if you can be honest with just, you know, 251 00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:03,520 start with the people in your living room, start with the people wherever, and then start doing it 252 00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:10,880 with strangers, what you're going to find is that not only are you able to be honest about these 253 00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:17,840 traits that you enjoy, but you'll start to look for those traits that you enjoy. The more you do 254 00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:22,880 this exercise, the more you start to see things in a more positive light, it starts to live in 255 00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:27,280 a positive light, it starts to literally change the way that you're seeing the world. You really 256 00:29:27,280 --> 00:29:32,800 start to see beauty in places that you hadn't before, because you're actively, consciously 257 00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:37,360 trying to see them, things that you normally would have just walked by, things that you normally 258 00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:41,280 wouldn't have said anything about, but you would have thought to yourself, oh, that's cool. And 259 00:29:41,280 --> 00:29:47,440 that, that, that, well, this seems like it's more of a, more of a practice in the kindness aspect. 260 00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:53,040 You're going to find as we move forward that a lot of these, these traits that we talk about, 261 00:29:53,040 --> 00:29:59,120 kindness and empathy and truth and honesty, all of these things, they, they really do go hand in 262 00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:05,760 hand. You can't, you can't do one without the other a lot of times. And it, when you can practice 263 00:30:05,760 --> 00:30:11,360 all of them together, that's, that's why we do that exercise at the start of the podcast, 264 00:30:11,360 --> 00:30:19,680 is to try to impress upon everyone that, you know, these are traits that are, they seemingly 265 00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:25,680 are universal. If you have these traits, if you can exercise these traits in unison, 266 00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:31,440 then you will be a better person and the people around you will be better people. 267 00:30:32,240 --> 00:30:38,400 And it's, it just seems like an inevitability when you think about it. Now let's talk about some of 268 00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:47,520 the, I guess a little, a little bit less, how do I say this? A little less popular ways of using 269 00:30:47,520 --> 00:30:52,080 truth and honesty. I keep on interchanging those words and I really don't mean to, 270 00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:57,920 so you're going to have to excuse me. I'm, I'm, I have a note here that says honesty slash truth, 271 00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:03,040 and I just keep reading it over and over again. So I'm going to say truth, even though I don't, 272 00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:07,360 that's, you know, we've already established that means different things. Now there is, there is a, 273 00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:17,920 an aspect of truth that is painful. Most truth outside of this exercise that I just put forward 274 00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:27,600 is painful. Truth is very hard on the world that we live in. It is very difficult for many people 275 00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:33,200 to believe it or to deal with because they don't want to believe it. They don't want to see it. 276 00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:41,040 This goes back to what we already talked about with liars and lying. There is more people than 277 00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:55,520 you probably believe or understand that refuse to live in honesty. They refuse to live without lies. 278 00:31:55,520 --> 00:32:04,320 The lies that they tell themselves and the lies that they tell others are the skin that they wear, 279 00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:12,800 that they are no longer, they no longer suffer the elements because they wear lies as armor. 280 00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:21,920 These people, the people that live like that, they, they oftentimes don't know. They really 281 00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:29,280 have no idea what they've done and what they're doing to themselves. And a lot of times when you 282 00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:38,720 are somebody who is practicing the concepts of honesty and being honest, you become a threat. 283 00:32:38,720 --> 00:32:44,000 You become a threat to the world that these people have created, to the skin that they wear, 284 00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:49,040 to their very existence is the way that they feel. Now they don't necessarily know that consciously. 285 00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:55,840 They're not aware of that threat, but when somebody has told themselves enough lies, 286 00:32:56,720 --> 00:33:01,360 when people surround themselves with other liars, which is something that is very, very common, 287 00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:11,680 when people have spent too much time inundating themselves with the culture of lying, 288 00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:20,480 any amount of truth is seen as a threat, a threat to their entire worldview. 289 00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:26,080 And so it's important to understand that as you move through the world and you move through 290 00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:30,080 people and you're trying to make changes, that you're going to come across people like this 291 00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:36,320 that have entire worldviews, entire structures built around them that are all lies. 292 00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:44,240 They keep friends around them that are not good for them. They keep belief systems around them 293 00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:52,800 that are actively hindering their growth. They tell themselves lies about what they believe and 294 00:33:52,800 --> 00:34:01,920 what they do. And when that happens, it really is impossible at this point. 295 00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:10,880 It really is impossible at times. It feels impossible to break through that, because if 296 00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:18,160 they're holding on so tightly to these things, what happens when they let go? Who do they become? 297 00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:25,600 How hard is the fall? And so you have to really look at that because we're in the business of 298 00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:32,160 helping people. We're in the business of trying to be compassionate and understanding and helping. And 299 00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:36,960 when you see people like this, and they're a lot more common, like I said, than you think they are, 300 00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:44,720 you have to be careful. Because if you shatter this person's world, if you say these things 301 00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:52,640 that drive them to the point where they don't know what they believe anymore, everything is broken. 302 00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:59,200 They question everything in their lives. If you drive them to that point, then you could end up 303 00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:06,160 doing a lot more harm in the short term than good. Now that is not to say that you just continue to 304 00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:11,440 let people live in the lies that they're living in. You absolutely need to sprinkle some truth on 305 00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:19,040 them, sprinkle some honesty, and make sure that they understand where North is, if you will. 306 00:35:19,040 --> 00:35:27,680 But it's kind of like alcoholism. We'll use that as an example. I have a couple of friends 307 00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:32,560 that are alcoholics, and it's a disease. It's a disease that they are going to fight with their 308 00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:43,040 entire life, much like my depression. And so one of the aspects of alcoholism, and I've seen it 309 00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:52,560 firsthand, my father was an alcoholic, one of the things that I've seen quite often is the desire, 310 00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:59,760 it's not a desire, the need to hold on to the lies that they tell themselves. Now some alcoholics 311 00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:04,800 tell themselves lies in a constructive way to continue being sober. And those people, 312 00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:08,400 you need to leave them the hell alone, because they're trying to beat a disease. And if they 313 00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:14,560 need to tell themselves some lies to do that, then that's what they need to do. But there are a lot 314 00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:19,920 of people out there that continue to tell themselves lies so that they can stay drinking. 315 00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:24,160 And those are the people that you need to help. Those are the people that you need to reach out 316 00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:28,720 to. Those are the people that you need to start dropping some truth on them, because 317 00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:36,400 there's nothing worse. There is nothing worse than watching someone drink themselves to death. That is 318 00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:46,560 probably the scariest and saddest thing that you can watch somebody do while you maybe have a chance 319 00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:53,760 to stop it, or at least help stop it. So with that in mind, going back to the people that build 320 00:36:54,560 --> 00:37:02,080 entire universes of lies, it's really important to be very careful when you are dealing with 321 00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:08,240 an alcoholic, or you're dealing with somebody who's built these worlds of lies around them. 322 00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:18,320 And it's important to remember that while you mean the best, while you're trying to help, 323 00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:25,920 and you're trying to do the most compassionate thing you can, the truth, honesty, these concepts 324 00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:32,080 are foreign to these people, and they can cause a lot of damage. They are very, very powerful. 325 00:37:32,960 --> 00:37:41,760 So you need to wield your power, wield your honest righteousness. That's a horrible way, 326 00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:51,520 wouldn't that? But wield your honesty with a healthy amount of responsibility. You can't 327 00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:58,480 just shatter somebody's world. You have to do it slowly, you have to do it methodically, 328 00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:05,280 and you have to do it with reason and compassion. You can't just go in and be like, 329 00:38:05,280 --> 00:38:11,840 this is how it is, and that's it, it's over. They're just gonna pull away. They're not gonna 330 00:38:11,840 --> 00:38:17,760 listen. Your honesty and your good intentions may as well be worth nothing at that point in time. 331 00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:26,160 Instead, you have to approach it from a, like I said, a compassionate angle. You have to make 332 00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:30,400 sure that they understand that they're safe with you, and that you're not gonna hurt them, 333 00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:40,720 and that they just need to understand blank. You need to start small. Start small with 334 00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:46,160 something that you know they can handle. And I don't really have to be like, 335 00:38:46,160 --> 00:38:53,200 and you know, I don't really have any certain examples for these scenarios. But you know, 336 00:38:53,200 --> 00:38:58,240 like tell people how much you enjoy them. Like if you're dealing with an alcoholic or a substance 337 00:38:58,240 --> 00:39:02,160 abuser or something like that, you tell them how much you enjoy them when they're not using. 338 00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:08,240 Make sure that you are honest about that. You know, you're telling them honestly how much more 339 00:39:08,240 --> 00:39:14,240 you enjoy them when they're not drinking, when they're not doing whatever. And that will give 340 00:39:14,240 --> 00:39:19,200 them a little bit of confidence to, you know, not feel as bad when they're in those states. 341 00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:24,080 Now obviously, you saying it once isn't gonna move the needle. So it's something that you need to 342 00:39:24,080 --> 00:39:27,520 repeat. And it's something that you can do every time you see them. Every time you can say, 343 00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:32,160 hey, I appreciate the fact that you're, and you don't say it condescendingly. You don't need to 344 00:39:32,160 --> 00:39:37,120 be a jerk about it. You just say, hey, you know, this is really nice. I really appreciate it. I 345 00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:42,240 really, I really enjoy your company when you're not high, when you're not drunk, when you're, 346 00:39:42,240 --> 00:39:46,960 I really like you. You're, you know, we get to do a lot more. We get to see a lot more. We get to 347 00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:53,680 whatever, however you want to do it. You approach it from a, from a position of appreciation and 348 00:39:54,560 --> 00:40:02,080 understanding and compassion. And then you can start to, after, after you've changed, maybe, 349 00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:07,680 maybe, you know, one or two days they show up and they're not in those states. And this goes for the, 350 00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:13,520 the people that are built out of lies as well. You know, just break down the small things first, 351 00:40:13,520 --> 00:40:19,520 make sure that they understand that they're safe and they're appreciated and they're loved, but 352 00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:25,040 some things aren't what they think they are. You know, some, sometimes you got to tweak that 353 00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:30,880 worldview just a little bit so that they're, a window opens up and they can start to understand 354 00:40:30,880 --> 00:40:36,800 the bigger picture. They can start to understand their substance abuse or their, their lies or 355 00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:43,600 their, whatever it may be. You really, you really have to be very careful because the last thing you 356 00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:48,960 want to do is cause more harm than good. And you don't want to drive these people away and you don't 357 00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:55,360 want to send them further into the spiral that they're already in. So always remember, be, be 358 00:40:55,360 --> 00:41:06,960 careful, be cautious, be kind, and understand that while you want to see them happy and you want to 359 00:41:06,960 --> 00:41:13,120 see this change in them, sometimes those people aren't ready for that. Sometimes they're holding 360 00:41:13,120 --> 00:41:19,280 on to these things, to these behaviors for a reason. And that's some deep, that's, you know, 361 00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:23,280 that's when it gets into the deeper stuff. And that's when you really do need to get these people, 362 00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:27,920 they need to get therapists, they need to get into, you know, whatever program they need to, 363 00:41:27,920 --> 00:41:34,480 they need to start dealing with that on their own because that's way outside of mine or your pay 364 00:41:34,480 --> 00:41:40,720 grade. That's just not something that you can do. These people need to make their, make their journey 365 00:41:41,520 --> 00:41:49,200 to wellness a priority. And all you can do is kind of hold their hand a little bit with 366 00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:56,240 earnestness and compassion and say, you know, as, as, as their mind starts to open up a little bit 367 00:41:56,240 --> 00:42:03,920 more, your heart can open up a little bit more and you can give them more and you can let them see 368 00:42:03,920 --> 00:42:10,320 more of the world they've been missing out on. So that got pretty heavy and I didn't, I don't want 369 00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:14,320 to leave it on that note. We don't want to leave it on a really heavy note, but we are running a 370 00:42:14,320 --> 00:42:20,880 little bit over where we want to be as time goes. So I'm going to go ahead and leave this on a quote 371 00:42:20,880 --> 00:42:28,320 with a little bit more on there. And the quote is this, without courage, we cannot practice any other 372 00:42:28,320 --> 00:42:38,560 virtue with consistency. We can't be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest. Maya Angelou said 373 00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:46,960 that, and I can't possibly agree more. So I'm going to leave you with that quote and I just want to 374 00:42:46,960 --> 00:42:55,840 make sure that everybody understands it. Honesty and understanding your truth are the greatest 375 00:42:55,840 --> 00:43:02,320 signs of being courageous. You have to be courageous to be an honest person. You have to be 376 00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:08,720 to tell people the things that they don't want to hear necessarily and to tell people the things 377 00:43:08,720 --> 00:43:16,240 that make them feel better. It takes courage and it takes a level of compassion and understanding, 378 00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:29,120 knowing that one moment of truth may hurt, but a lie will hurt for a lot longer. Every time they 379 00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:36,320 remember it, every time they find out a new one, every moment after that, a lie will hurt you 380 00:43:36,880 --> 00:43:43,600 over and over and over again, but the truth will only hurt you once. So remember that and remember 381 00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:49,440 that the most courageous thing you can do as you move through your journey to become a better person 382 00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:57,680 in this world is to establish honesty with yourself and honesty with those around you. 383 00:43:57,680 --> 00:44:08,240 Help them find their truth, help them lead a life that is dedicated to making the world a better place. 384 00:44:08,240 --> 00:44:14,240 Our next episode we're going to be talking about the concepts of kindness and compassion, 385 00:44:15,200 --> 00:44:19,040 and it should be a pretty fun one. I don't think we're going to get too heavy on that one because 386 00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:26,480 it's really just an uplifting and fun topic to discuss. I thank everybody who's been watching 387 00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:31,760 I thank everybody who's listened this far. I really don't intend to have the episodes run this long 388 00:44:31,760 --> 00:44:38,080 all the time, but you know if they go long they go long. I'm not going to cut myself down just to 389 00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:44,320 fit into a particular time window. Thank you again. I really do appreciate whoever is listening 390 00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:49,280 and we're going to slowly build this community up and we're going to get this message out. 391 00:44:49,280 --> 00:44:56,640 We're going to do it together. Thank you all and have a good day.