We've all been in situations where we walked away and felt great about a conversation.
We've all also been involved in situations where we haven't.
Those conversations where you just knew it was a complete waste of time and you really
didn't feel heard.
And now it's pretty much just followed up by frustration.
Feeling heard is an integral part to your happiness, engagement, success, and building
great teams.
It also plays big in retention of your employee base.
Once we understand the science behind this, we can progress in how we communicate, how
we listen, how we band together, and how we accomplish great things in emergency services.
Welcome to the Firefighter Craftsmanship Podcast where we coach you to deal with the stressors
of the job as a first responder, as well as how to thrive off duty.
My name is Kevin Housley, a Human Performance Coach and a firefighter since 2005.
I've been able to coach over a thousand emergency responders on ways to be more resilient, better
prepared for the job, and how to be happier and healthier at home.
And feeling heard certainly plays into all of those things.
So let's get to it.
Today's topic, feeling heard, what does the research say?
And this is going to be a two part episode.
So let's dive into the research, a little quick hitter episode for you today.
I've had a few conversations over the last few months and thank you to all of you that
have reached out and looked for some extra resources or had some questions.
Happy to help however I can.
But a common theme has been across all of those conversations, no matter where they're
coming from across the country has been, I just really don't think about my feedback
is actually being heard.
It's falling on deaf ears, or I'm really, really frustrated because it seems like sometimes
the decision has already been made.
And then they ask for feedback later, even though the decision has already been made.
And so let's look at what the research says from a psychological perspective on how can
we be better communicators?
How can we make sure that we feel heard and then that we make sure that those around us
up and down the chain of command feel heard.
So when we look at communication and feeling heard, there are three entities specifically
and everybody that's involved in that communication has these same three entities, but obviously
they're going to have a little bit different view.
The first entity is me.
So if you and I are communicating, I have me, but you also have me and those two things
are very, very different.
We both also have you.
And so when you have a two person conversation, we have a me and a you, but our me and you
are actually mirror opposites of one another.
And then we do have some consistency in the third entity and that is we.
So we have a me, a you and a we.
And all parties involved have these same foundational entities.
And we really need to acknowledge that and maybe connect some dots of, okay, this might
be why sometimes communication doesn't go as well as planned or where one party thought
that went great and another party didn't think it went well at all.
So if we look at this in a rank structure specific to emergency services, this can kind
of compound the complexity of this when there's a power dynamic, when we have a me, a you
and a we.
And I've talked about this before of we all are on the same team.
It doesn't matter what your rank is, what color shirt you wear, if you have brass on
your collar.
We're all on the same team.
And that's where that we would kind of come into play very, very heavily.
And unfortunately, I know some of you work in organizations where there is a very, very
big divide against the me, the you and for sure against the we.
And we need to continue to try to break down those things and build positive relationships
because at the end of the day, we provide a pretty integral service to our communities.
And it's not about a piss and match at your organization.
It's about going out there and meeting the customer's needs both internally and externally
for the things that we said we were going to do.
So this is a two way street and really, really must be recognized that, hey, if I'm trying
to lead up the chain of command, well, as I do that, that individual also has a me,
a you and then a we.
And obviously their perspective is going to be a little bit different based on the level
they are with the organization.
Especially when you get budgets and things like that involved, that complicates things
even more.
For talking about this off the job in your personal relationships, same exact concept
applies with a me, a you and a we.
And once we start to really realize this of, hey, same team, you know, I'm trying to meet
your needs.
These are the needs that I need to be met.
And then here are the things that we're doing together to create this we cohesive team,
very, very important.
And so we can start to kind of break these things down a little bit.
And there's quite a bit of literature to support all of these things.
And today's reference comes from a study titled Feeling Heard, operationalizing a key concept
for social relations by Ruse and colleagues.
And within this study, they broke down the feeling heard scale and created this new thing
called a feeling heard scale.
And actually had two studies specific to this concept.
And those studies covered almost 1200 participants.
So that was a pretty good sample size that created some validity, as well as they also
did a really, really good literature review of kind of the concepts of what is feeling
heard mean and how do we positively communicate to get the job done.
And so today's episode, we're going to dive into the literature briefly, what supported
that and where they started was with relationships.
And they looked at a bunch of different literature around relationships specifically.
So for us in emergency services, we obviously have relationships off the job.
But we also have this kind of weird and unique dynamic based on what sort of organization
you work for, where some of us actually live together for at least 24 hours at a time,
or you might have that partner where you're assigned to and you might be doing 10 or 12
hour shifts, but you're working with that partner that creates a relationship.
When you're riding around in an ambulance or a police car, or something along those
lines that is just completely different than if I have a relationship interpersonal relationship
with somebody in a business office.
It just is different.
And some of that difference is because of what we do, what we see, the traumas that we
are involved in the nature of the business that we signed up to do.
And so I think a lot of this really, really applies even though it's about relationships
specifically and a lot of these were intimate relationships, we can easily say, hey, in
emergency services, we have intimate relationships with those that we work with.
And that actually probably makes cohesive high performing teams.
So the big thing that came out of literature about relationships specifically in feeling
heard was perceived responsiveness.
And that was defined within this study as the belief that close others understand and
value one's personal needs and goals and are supportive in fulfilling these.
It is essential about a person's perception that intimate others see them for who they
are and accept value and support that.
And we can look at any of our human resources training along the way or how are we successful
or not successful based on relationships we have with people at work and really it boils
down to are we being accepted or are we accepting them for who they are?
And do we accept value and support that thing?
That's where a lot of our conflict kind of comes from is we might not feel valued or
we might not value that other person.
And we end a relationship because of that.
So the second literature that they kind of dove into was healthcare specific.
And once again, this kind of crosses over into the job of emergency services, which
is very interesting.
And really what the foundational concept out of healthcare specifically was, well, how
do we provide great care?
Well, this is obviously important for that external customer.
But also how are we providing great care to each other when we're building quality cultures
and quality teams?
And the thing out of healthcare research that they looked at specifically was active listening.
And they defined active listening in the study as it puts the patient center stage
and aims to help them achieve and pursue their own needs and goals.
So meaning, you know, if I'm a provider and you come to me, let's say I'm a talk therapist
and you come to me, well, I'm kind of actively listening.
And I'm really putting some of that back on to you of, all right, well, what are you going
to do next?
What are you going to, how are you going to work through this?
And you're kind of helping them down that path.
And I'm not a therapist.
But for my experience, going to a therapist talk therapy, that's how I kind of perceive
that is, you know, they're putting that back on you, the onus is back on you, they're helping
you figure out how to solve those problems.
But really it's self empowerment and solving those things by yourself with a team of people
around you to support you.
So we I would call that empowerment, right?
So in healthcare, we really try to empower people, whether that's a physician right in
a medication, whether empowering that person to get ahead of their diabetes, let's say,
or if it's a talk therapist, they're empowering them to take control of their own identity
of self and all of those different things.
All right.
So I think we all have lots and lots of examples of not active listening.
And we probably are not active listeners quite often because of that stupid smartphone
in our pocket that just when it dings, we have to look at it.
So if it dings in the middle of a conversation and I look at it, well, that would be an example
of me not actively listening to my children or my wife or my crewmates or whatever that
would be.
And so I mean, I think really, you know, there's a lot of barriers to communication just from
technology alone.
And one of those things where I would consider not active listening is if you have your cell
phone, but it's not put away, it's in the line of sight, maybe it's laying on the table,
right?
Or if I'm actively checking the phone like I've already mentioned, or if maybe I'm sitting
there working on my computer and I'll tell you like, oh yeah, I'm listening to you as
I just keep plinking and plunking away on my computer, that's not active listening.
And I had an experience today where, you know, there was a Zoom meeting that was happening
and there was very clearly not active listening from one of the participants at a multi-person
Zoom meeting participant.
They were obviously working on something else.
And so that just kind of, maybe that's okay for you, but it also kind of creates that
like, well, then obviously this isn't that important to you.
So right away, I'm probably not going to feel heard.
So just start to pay attention.
Are you an active listener?
Are you engaged?
Even if you disagree with that other person, are you able to actively listen to what they
said?
So even though the me might be like, hey, this is complete nonsense, we have to remember
that other person has a me entity as well.
And so I really need to focus on the you entity.
If you're talking about something that I adamantly disagree with, I need to focus on
the you entity.
And so that way I'm supporting your me entity to feel like you're actually being heard.
Finally the literature that they dove into was organizational and law literature.
And so obviously once again, this really, really applies to us and emergency services
and to those of you that are maybe in the business world, the organizational world.
And the biggest thing that came out of this literature review was voice, the concept of
voice, of the person that was speaking, did they feel at the end of that conversation
like they actually had a voice?
And was that voice heard?
And I think that over the last few months where I've had some of these conversations
where people are very frustrated about communication and not feeling heard, almost all of them
have said, I don't feel like I have a voice in this organization, or I don't feel like
we have a voice in the organization that decisions are being made, blah, blah, blah,
blah.
I've also had some conversation with some pretty high ranking people who also feel like they
don't have a voice.
So once again, we have that concept of a two way street, regardless of rank, we can feel
like we may or may not have a voice regardless of where we are in an organization.
And so there's a huge power dynamic to a voice, which we really, really need to be aware of
in emergency services.
And the way that they define that in the study was to experience voice.
Subordinate should feel able to let their opinions and feelings be known and taken into
account by those making decisions that affect them.
Importantly, this does not require, quote, the perception of actually influencing the
decision.
In organizations, experiencing voice tends to increase engagement, satisfaction, and
social identification with the organization.
And right there, I think is a huge point for all of us that are maybe struggling with recruitment
and retention specifically retention is an organization's experiencing voice tends to
increase engagement, which means more work is being done.
You have happier people on the team, satisfaction, they're crushing it, they're stoked to come
back tomorrow and social identification with the organization of, hey, do I belong here?
Is this a part of who I am?
And is this a part of the things that I want to do day in and day out and work for?
Very, very important finding right there out of that organizational literature review.
So start to think about voice.
And if you're frustrated in your organization, does it come down to do you feel like you
don't have a voice?
And if that's how it is, well, you're the missing entity for you is that me entity,
you're feeling like that is a missing gap.
You might have a good entity with the you where you're working really, really hard,
you're trying to lead, you're performing great, great customer service out on the streets,
performing great customer service in the stations in your organization itself, that
would be a you.
And then you might even say, hey, we are working towards a common goal of this or my crew is
working really, really hard, but there's something missing where I just don't feel
heard.
And maybe it's that voice gap.
And so those conversations I've had recently, looking back now after doing some literature
review and checking out some of these studies, that is the missing piece is the voice.
So organizationally, how do we start to fix that?
And if you're in a level of power, you have to understand that because you have rank,
it does change the power dynamic a little bit.
And so how do we break down those barriers a little bit and say, hey, ultimately, I do
control the purse strings and I have the checkbook, or ultimately, I get to make this final decision
about whatever the issue is that's coming up, or this committee does.
Okay.
But how do you take away some of those rank structures and those things that are actually
getting in the way to good, solid quality communication, which is tying back into engagement,
satisfaction, and working towards a good common goal.
So as always, this research study will be linked in the show notes here.
This one is free out there.
So you don't need a subscription to check this thing out.
You can nerd out on some of this stuff all you want.
On the next episode of the firefighter craftsmanship podcast, we're going to go into what are the
five components of being a good listener and of making yourself and others feel heard.
So you'll check that out next week.
That'll be released on Wednesday next week.
Looking forward to that.
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