1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,520 We've all been in situations where we walked away and felt great about a conversation. 2 00:00:05,520 --> 00:00:08,880 We've all also been involved in situations where we haven't. 3 00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:12,520 Those conversations where you just knew it was a complete waste of time and you really 4 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:14,360 didn't feel heard. 5 00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:18,080 And now it's pretty much just followed up by frustration. 6 00:00:18,080 --> 00:00:22,800 Feeling heard is an integral part to your happiness, engagement, success, and building 7 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:24,600 great teams. 8 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:29,240 It also plays big in retention of your employee base. 9 00:00:29,240 --> 00:00:34,120 Once we understand the science behind this, we can progress in how we communicate, how 10 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:41,480 we listen, how we band together, and how we accomplish great things in emergency services. 11 00:00:41,480 --> 00:00:44,780 Welcome to the Firefighter Craftsmanship Podcast where we coach you to deal with the stressors 12 00:00:44,780 --> 00:00:48,720 of the job as a first responder, as well as how to thrive off duty. 13 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:54,800 My name is Kevin Housley, a Human Performance Coach and a firefighter since 2005. 14 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:59,080 I've been able to coach over a thousand emergency responders on ways to be more resilient, better 15 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:03,400 prepared for the job, and how to be happier and healthier at home. 16 00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:06,600 And feeling heard certainly plays into all of those things. 17 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,800 So let's get to it. 18 00:01:08,800 --> 00:01:11,920 Today's topic, feeling heard, what does the research say? 19 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:15,520 And this is going to be a two part episode. 20 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:20,600 So let's dive into the research, a little quick hitter episode for you today. 21 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:24,600 I've had a few conversations over the last few months and thank you to all of you that 22 00:01:24,600 --> 00:01:29,480 have reached out and looked for some extra resources or had some questions. 23 00:01:29,480 --> 00:01:32,200 Happy to help however I can. 24 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:36,120 But a common theme has been across all of those conversations, no matter where they're 25 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:40,500 coming from across the country has been, I just really don't think about my feedback 26 00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:42,840 is actually being heard. 27 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:47,920 It's falling on deaf ears, or I'm really, really frustrated because it seems like sometimes 28 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:50,120 the decision has already been made. 29 00:01:50,120 --> 00:01:54,840 And then they ask for feedback later, even though the decision has already been made. 30 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:59,520 And so let's look at what the research says from a psychological perspective on how can 31 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,720 we be better communicators? 32 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:06,280 How can we make sure that we feel heard and then that we make sure that those around us 33 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:10,400 up and down the chain of command feel heard. 34 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:16,280 So when we look at communication and feeling heard, there are three entities specifically 35 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:20,680 and everybody that's involved in that communication has these same three entities, but obviously 36 00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:23,040 they're going to have a little bit different view. 37 00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:26,320 The first entity is me. 38 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:32,480 So if you and I are communicating, I have me, but you also have me and those two things 39 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:35,120 are very, very different. 40 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:38,400 We both also have you. 41 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:45,120 And so when you have a two person conversation, we have a me and a you, but our me and you 42 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:48,680 are actually mirror opposites of one another. 43 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:54,400 And then we do have some consistency in the third entity and that is we. 44 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:57,720 So we have a me, a you and a we. 45 00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:01,400 And all parties involved have these same foundational entities. 46 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:06,840 And we really need to acknowledge that and maybe connect some dots of, okay, this might 47 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:12,600 be why sometimes communication doesn't go as well as planned or where one party thought 48 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:18,200 that went great and another party didn't think it went well at all. 49 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:23,160 So if we look at this in a rank structure specific to emergency services, this can kind 50 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:31,160 of compound the complexity of this when there's a power dynamic, when we have a me, a you 51 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:32,520 and a we. 52 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:35,760 And I've talked about this before of we all are on the same team. 53 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:40,560 It doesn't matter what your rank is, what color shirt you wear, if you have brass on 54 00:03:40,560 --> 00:03:42,280 your collar. 55 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:44,060 We're all on the same team. 56 00:03:44,060 --> 00:03:48,880 And that's where that we would kind of come into play very, very heavily. 57 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:52,640 And unfortunately, I know some of you work in organizations where there is a very, very 58 00:03:52,640 --> 00:03:58,960 big divide against the me, the you and for sure against the we. 59 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:02,720 And we need to continue to try to break down those things and build positive relationships 60 00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:08,760 because at the end of the day, we provide a pretty integral service to our communities. 61 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:11,600 And it's not about a piss and match at your organization. 62 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:17,680 It's about going out there and meeting the customer's needs both internally and externally 63 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:21,560 for the things that we said we were going to do. 64 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:25,400 So this is a two way street and really, really must be recognized that, hey, if I'm trying 65 00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:32,040 to lead up the chain of command, well, as I do that, that individual also has a me, 66 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:34,280 a you and then a we. 67 00:04:34,280 --> 00:04:37,960 And obviously their perspective is going to be a little bit different based on the level 68 00:04:37,960 --> 00:04:40,760 they are with the organization. 69 00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:44,680 Especially when you get budgets and things like that involved, that complicates things 70 00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:46,760 even more. 71 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:51,840 For talking about this off the job in your personal relationships, same exact concept 72 00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:55,840 applies with a me, a you and a we. 73 00:04:55,840 --> 00:05:00,200 And once we start to really realize this of, hey, same team, you know, I'm trying to meet 74 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,200 your needs. 75 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:02,840 These are the needs that I need to be met. 76 00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:08,400 And then here are the things that we're doing together to create this we cohesive team, 77 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:09,880 very, very important. 78 00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:13,240 And so we can start to kind of break these things down a little bit. 79 00:05:13,240 --> 00:05:16,080 And there's quite a bit of literature to support all of these things. 80 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:22,040 And today's reference comes from a study titled Feeling Heard, operationalizing a key concept 81 00:05:22,040 --> 00:05:27,800 for social relations by Ruse and colleagues. 82 00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:31,440 And within this study, they broke down the feeling heard scale and created this new thing 83 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:33,560 called a feeling heard scale. 84 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:36,720 And actually had two studies specific to this concept. 85 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:39,920 And those studies covered almost 1200 participants. 86 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:46,360 So that was a pretty good sample size that created some validity, as well as they also 87 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:51,120 did a really, really good literature review of kind of the concepts of what is feeling 88 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:56,880 heard mean and how do we positively communicate to get the job done. 89 00:05:56,880 --> 00:06:01,800 And so today's episode, we're going to dive into the literature briefly, what supported 90 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:05,440 that and where they started was with relationships. 91 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:10,000 And they looked at a bunch of different literature around relationships specifically. 92 00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:14,800 So for us in emergency services, we obviously have relationships off the job. 93 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:19,760 But we also have this kind of weird and unique dynamic based on what sort of organization 94 00:06:19,760 --> 00:06:26,800 you work for, where some of us actually live together for at least 24 hours at a time, 95 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:30,880 or you might have that partner where you're assigned to and you might be doing 10 or 12 96 00:06:30,880 --> 00:06:35,400 hour shifts, but you're working with that partner that creates a relationship. 97 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:39,720 When you're riding around in an ambulance or a police car, or something along those 98 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:46,040 lines that is just completely different than if I have a relationship interpersonal relationship 99 00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:48,320 with somebody in a business office. 100 00:06:48,320 --> 00:06:49,920 It just is different. 101 00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:55,880 And some of that difference is because of what we do, what we see, the traumas that we 102 00:06:55,880 --> 00:07:02,400 are involved in the nature of the business that we signed up to do. 103 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:06,520 And so I think a lot of this really, really applies even though it's about relationships 104 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:10,960 specifically and a lot of these were intimate relationships, we can easily say, hey, in 105 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:15,520 emergency services, we have intimate relationships with those that we work with. 106 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:20,800 And that actually probably makes cohesive high performing teams. 107 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:24,800 So the big thing that came out of literature about relationships specifically in feeling 108 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:30,160 heard was perceived responsiveness. 109 00:07:30,160 --> 00:07:35,840 And that was defined within this study as the belief that close others understand and 110 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:40,840 value one's personal needs and goals and are supportive in fulfilling these. 111 00:07:40,840 --> 00:07:45,280 It is essential about a person's perception that intimate others see them for who they 112 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:50,600 are and accept value and support that. 113 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:55,820 And we can look at any of our human resources training along the way or how are we successful 114 00:07:55,820 --> 00:08:00,520 or not successful based on relationships we have with people at work and really it boils 115 00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:07,520 down to are we being accepted or are we accepting them for who they are? 116 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:11,920 And do we accept value and support that thing? 117 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:16,520 That's where a lot of our conflict kind of comes from is we might not feel valued or 118 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:19,760 we might not value that other person. 119 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:23,600 And we end a relationship because of that. 120 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:28,680 So the second literature that they kind of dove into was healthcare specific. 121 00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:33,440 And once again, this kind of crosses over into the job of emergency services, which 122 00:08:33,440 --> 00:08:35,280 is very interesting. 123 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:39,120 And really what the foundational concept out of healthcare specifically was, well, how 124 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:40,920 do we provide great care? 125 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:44,480 Well, this is obviously important for that external customer. 126 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:49,080 But also how are we providing great care to each other when we're building quality cultures 127 00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:51,040 and quality teams? 128 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:56,840 And the thing out of healthcare research that they looked at specifically was active listening. 129 00:08:56,840 --> 00:09:00,480 And they defined active listening in the study as it puts the patient center stage 130 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:05,980 and aims to help them achieve and pursue their own needs and goals. 131 00:09:05,980 --> 00:09:10,520 So meaning, you know, if I'm a provider and you come to me, let's say I'm a talk therapist 132 00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:14,120 and you come to me, well, I'm kind of actively listening. 133 00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:17,360 And I'm really putting some of that back on to you of, all right, well, what are you going 134 00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:18,360 to do next? 135 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:19,680 What are you going to, how are you going to work through this? 136 00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:22,320 And you're kind of helping them down that path. 137 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,280 And I'm not a therapist. 138 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:29,880 But for my experience, going to a therapist talk therapy, that's how I kind of perceive 139 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:34,040 that is, you know, they're putting that back on you, the onus is back on you, they're helping 140 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:36,600 you figure out how to solve those problems. 141 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:41,960 But really it's self empowerment and solving those things by yourself with a team of people 142 00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:43,880 around you to support you. 143 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:45,800 So we I would call that empowerment, right? 144 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:49,920 So in healthcare, we really try to empower people, whether that's a physician right in 145 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:55,480 a medication, whether empowering that person to get ahead of their diabetes, let's say, 146 00:09:55,480 --> 00:10:02,480 or if it's a talk therapist, they're empowering them to take control of their own identity 147 00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:05,080 of self and all of those different things. 148 00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:06,400 All right. 149 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:13,640 So I think we all have lots and lots of examples of not active listening. 150 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:18,400 And we probably are not active listeners quite often because of that stupid smartphone 151 00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:22,080 in our pocket that just when it dings, we have to look at it. 152 00:10:22,080 --> 00:10:25,600 So if it dings in the middle of a conversation and I look at it, well, that would be an example 153 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:30,960 of me not actively listening to my children or my wife or my crewmates or whatever that 154 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:32,520 would be. 155 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:36,280 And so I mean, I think really, you know, there's a lot of barriers to communication just from 156 00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:38,000 technology alone. 157 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:42,000 And one of those things where I would consider not active listening is if you have your cell 158 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:48,880 phone, but it's not put away, it's in the line of sight, maybe it's laying on the table, 159 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:50,120 right? 160 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:54,560 Or if I'm actively checking the phone like I've already mentioned, or if maybe I'm sitting 161 00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:58,320 there working on my computer and I'll tell you like, oh yeah, I'm listening to you as 162 00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:03,720 I just keep plinking and plunking away on my computer, that's not active listening. 163 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:09,720 And I had an experience today where, you know, there was a Zoom meeting that was happening 164 00:11:09,720 --> 00:11:15,440 and there was very clearly not active listening from one of the participants at a multi-person 165 00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:17,400 Zoom meeting participant. 166 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:20,160 They were obviously working on something else. 167 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:24,080 And so that just kind of, maybe that's okay for you, but it also kind of creates that 168 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:28,840 like, well, then obviously this isn't that important to you. 169 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:31,920 So right away, I'm probably not going to feel heard. 170 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:33,040 So just start to pay attention. 171 00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:34,880 Are you an active listener? 172 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:36,680 Are you engaged? 173 00:11:36,680 --> 00:11:42,520 Even if you disagree with that other person, are you able to actively listen to what they 174 00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:43,520 said? 175 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:48,320 So even though the me might be like, hey, this is complete nonsense, we have to remember 176 00:11:48,320 --> 00:11:52,240 that other person has a me entity as well. 177 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:55,440 And so I really need to focus on the you entity. 178 00:11:55,440 --> 00:12:00,440 If you're talking about something that I adamantly disagree with, I need to focus on 179 00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:02,640 the you entity. 180 00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:09,160 And so that way I'm supporting your me entity to feel like you're actually being heard. 181 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:13,800 Finally the literature that they dove into was organizational and law literature. 182 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:19,240 And so obviously once again, this really, really applies to us and emergency services 183 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:24,080 and to those of you that are maybe in the business world, the organizational world. 184 00:12:24,080 --> 00:12:28,560 And the biggest thing that came out of this literature review was voice, the concept of 185 00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:34,400 voice, of the person that was speaking, did they feel at the end of that conversation 186 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:37,000 like they actually had a voice? 187 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:39,840 And was that voice heard? 188 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:43,240 And I think that over the last few months where I've had some of these conversations 189 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:50,040 where people are very frustrated about communication and not feeling heard, almost all of them 190 00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:57,120 have said, I don't feel like I have a voice in this organization, or I don't feel like 191 00:12:57,120 --> 00:13:03,280 we have a voice in the organization that decisions are being made, blah, blah, blah, 192 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:04,280 blah. 193 00:13:04,280 --> 00:13:09,040 I've also had some conversation with some pretty high ranking people who also feel like they 194 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:10,400 don't have a voice. 195 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:16,160 So once again, we have that concept of a two way street, regardless of rank, we can feel 196 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:22,560 like we may or may not have a voice regardless of where we are in an organization. 197 00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:26,400 And so there's a huge power dynamic to a voice, which we really, really need to be aware of 198 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,440 in emergency services. 199 00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:33,000 And the way that they define that in the study was to experience voice. 200 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:37,080 Subordinate should feel able to let their opinions and feelings be known and taken into 201 00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:40,960 account by those making decisions that affect them. 202 00:13:40,960 --> 00:13:48,400 Importantly, this does not require, quote, the perception of actually influencing the 203 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,120 decision. 204 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:55,600 In organizations, experiencing voice tends to increase engagement, satisfaction, and 205 00:13:55,600 --> 00:14:00,360 social identification with the organization. 206 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:05,360 And right there, I think is a huge point for all of us that are maybe struggling with recruitment 207 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:13,000 and retention specifically retention is an organization's experiencing voice tends to 208 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,920 increase engagement, which means more work is being done. 209 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:21,960 You have happier people on the team, satisfaction, they're crushing it, they're stoked to come 210 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:28,240 back tomorrow and social identification with the organization of, hey, do I belong here? 211 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:31,520 Is this a part of who I am? 212 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:38,080 And is this a part of the things that I want to do day in and day out and work for? 213 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:42,160 Very, very important finding right there out of that organizational literature review. 214 00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:45,160 So start to think about voice. 215 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:49,600 And if you're frustrated in your organization, does it come down to do you feel like you 216 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:51,560 don't have a voice? 217 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:56,960 And if that's how it is, well, you're the missing entity for you is that me entity, 218 00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,680 you're feeling like that is a missing gap. 219 00:14:59,680 --> 00:15:03,200 You might have a good entity with the you where you're working really, really hard, 220 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:08,160 you're trying to lead, you're performing great, great customer service out on the streets, 221 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:12,240 performing great customer service in the stations in your organization itself, that 222 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:14,000 would be a you. 223 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:18,240 And then you might even say, hey, we are working towards a common goal of this or my crew is 224 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:21,200 working really, really hard, but there's something missing where I just don't feel 225 00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:22,400 heard. 226 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,400 And maybe it's that voice gap. 227 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:29,040 And so those conversations I've had recently, looking back now after doing some literature 228 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:34,920 review and checking out some of these studies, that is the missing piece is the voice. 229 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:38,400 So organizationally, how do we start to fix that? 230 00:15:38,400 --> 00:15:44,200 And if you're in a level of power, you have to understand that because you have rank, 231 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,600 it does change the power dynamic a little bit. 232 00:15:46,600 --> 00:15:51,440 And so how do we break down those barriers a little bit and say, hey, ultimately, I do 233 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:57,240 control the purse strings and I have the checkbook, or ultimately, I get to make this final decision 234 00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:01,560 about whatever the issue is that's coming up, or this committee does. 235 00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:02,800 Okay. 236 00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:07,080 But how do you take away some of those rank structures and those things that are actually 237 00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:14,040 getting in the way to good, solid quality communication, which is tying back into engagement, 238 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:19,120 satisfaction, and working towards a good common goal. 239 00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:23,760 So as always, this research study will be linked in the show notes here. 240 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:25,720 This one is free out there. 241 00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:29,640 So you don't need a subscription to check this thing out. 242 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,680 You can nerd out on some of this stuff all you want. 243 00:16:32,680 --> 00:16:38,800 On the next episode of the firefighter craftsmanship podcast, we're going to go into what are the 244 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:46,760 five components of being a good listener and of making yourself and others feel heard. 245 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:49,040 So you'll check that out next week. 246 00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:52,120 That'll be released on Wednesday next week. 247 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:53,360 Looking forward to that. 248 00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:55,160 Please send us some feedback. 249 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:56,880 Hit us up with questions. 250 00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:59,160 Always happy to help however we can. 251 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:04,280 If you're interested in what firefighter craftsmanship can provide to you personally or provide to 252 00:17:04,280 --> 00:17:13,280 your departments, please reach out to us at firefightercraftsmanship.com or ffcraftsmanship.com. 253 00:17:13,280 --> 00:17:19,160 And we would love to explore ways to work with 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