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Welcome to Call of Your Soul.

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Welcome back to Call of Your Soul.

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This is episode 2 with Dan Ellis and Amy Piper and today we're going to be talking about

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impads and emotions.

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And before we get started we're going to ease our way into our content for today so if you're

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in a place to do so I invite you to take a seat and close the eyes.

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In feeling connect to your body.

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Feel the sensations through your body.

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Allowing any thoughts to pass through.

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And then connecting to your soul, your spirit guides, everything on the etheric level.

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And then inviting a deep breath in from the belly.

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Little pause at the top and release.

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And first we welcome in Amy.

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Amy how are we feeling this morning?

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Great, I'm excited to be here.

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So impads and emotions.

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So first we talked about really making this definition clear about what we mean because

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especially with something that has a lot of aspects of subtle sense awareness and potentially

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some people put in interpretations that have other dynamics like information through the

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mind or through the brain.

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We just want to get clear on what it is we mean when we say empath.

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So would you maybe just want to kind of go through a quick definition of what we're referencing?

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Yeah, actually I think you had a great definition of that.

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Dan why don't you offer that?

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So what we had talked about is an empath is someone who is sensitive to the sensations

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and emotions of other beings.

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We see empathic ability as one of many of the subtle sense awareness channels of one

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person's being.

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In our view the mental or the cognitive exchange happens on a different level than what we

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would consider empathic.

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And there is a book out there that's pretty widespread about empaths by Judith Orlov who's

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a psychiatrist.

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It's called the empath survival guide and I just wanted to touch on this definition

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that she had put in the book and kind of differentiate from where our interpretation comes in.

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So in the first sentence of her definition it says, empaths have an extremely reactive

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neurological system.

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And I think Amy you would agree, in our view we wouldn't necessarily say every empath is

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reactive in terms of their neurological system.

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That may be someone who doesn't have quite enough training yet and is in a reactive state.

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So someone who has training I think would take a moment and pause and then respond and

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be at choice.

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I think reactive denotes someone who's really not at choice in terms of the reaction that

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they have with the person in front of them.

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Would you agree with that?

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Yeah, I would and I also would just say that sometimes we have a reaction first and then

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we take the pause because the reaction is part of the nervous system that just reacts

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without any conscious thought.

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So we have a reaction.

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And then when we're trained then we pause, we take a breath, we notice and then we can

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respond.

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Right.

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So I think it's important to distinguish that there is, it doesn't necessarily mean that

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you have no choice to respond in reactive by being an empath.

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And then she expands by saying we don't have the same filters that other people do to block

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out stimulation.

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As a consequence we absorb into our own bodies both the positive and the stressful energies

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around us.

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So again I think it's kind of the same principle.

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This is maybe we can touch on the skin that's necessary for an empath to be comfortable

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in the world and again being at choice.

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And this is kind of the other way instead of being at choice in the output and how we

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respond but being at choice with the input and what we take in and what we receive.

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Yeah.

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And you know not having read Judith's book, I mean I can't really comment as much on what

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she said.

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I think that you said there was some really good stuff in there.

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But it's also useful to distinguish like our and how we're thinking about it from her terms

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and how she's thinking about it because a lot of people are going to have already read

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the book and a lot of you might be interested in reading it.

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It seems like it's a very useful, it has some really useful stuff in it.

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Right.

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And then one other thing I'd like to bring up and then we can put away the definitions

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for now is this is just from WebMD and so kind of a more scientific understanding.

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They're saying an empath is an individual who feels more empathy than the average human.

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Empaths are exceptionally sensitive to the emotions and frame of mind of nearby individuals.

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Empathy is a natural state that enables a person to build an emotional connection through cognition

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with other individuals.

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So where I think we would definitely agree with empaths being exceptionally sensitive

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to the emotions, but where we may differ slightly is in terms of the cognitive when they say

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frame of mind.

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But I think by and large we're speaking to kind of the same phenomenon.

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Yeah, I think so.

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And there are also some of us talk about what it is to be a cognitive empath.

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And that actually means that you are sensitive to the emotions of other people, but you may

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not really have the secondary piece of empathic care, like I care about this person's emotions.

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So there may be a little crossover there in the sense that yes, I have a strong sense

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of what other people are feeling.

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I don't really feel a sense of caring about it.

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And of course, when that happens, that can be used for positive purposes and it can be

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used misused to manipulate people for your own gain.

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Just like any gift or power can be used well or misused.

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Right.

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So not going too much into the psychology side, but would that tend to be a definition

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of someone who has a disorder who maybe feels what other people feel but doesn't care?

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Or is that not necessarily the case?

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Well, that's a great question, Dan, because it is true that sometimes people who have

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a disorder in which they're not connected to their caring side have this cognitive empathy

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and abuse it.

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But a lot of people also may have cognitive empathy in that they understand the feelings

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and needs of other people and they use it for positive purposes such as, I don't know,

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it's what comes to my mind is marketing and sales, which again can be misused or used

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to benefit people.

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Right.

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But if I have a clear understanding of other people's emotions and needs, then it makes

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me better able to help them understand why this is a good product for them, why this

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will help them.

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So that would just be one example of how that could be used in a really positive way rather

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than a negative way.

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Does that make sense?

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Yeah, no, that definitely makes sense.

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And so in your view, does it seem like, because we kind of come up with a word, a term like

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empath, and then we describe it and with that definition it kind of makes it seem like there's

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people that are that and people that aren't.

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But is it potentially more something like a spectrum of varying sensitivity?

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So there's just people that are very, very highly in tune and very sensitive and feel

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what's like most of everything what's going on with other people.

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And then there's people that just feel much less.

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Or is it kind of more like, yeah, there really is a group of people and we call them empaths

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that are very sensitive.

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And there's some people that may have really no kind of radar on the sensations and emotions

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happening in other people.

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Yeah, I would say that both are true.

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I mean, I think that like any other intuitive ability, we have the capacity, all of us,

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just like math or music too, we all have some degree, we can mostly add one plus one, we

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can appreciate music perhaps.

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So we all have a certain ability, but our natural talent is different.

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It's unique from person to person.

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How we like to apply that talent is different.

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And whether we're even interested in developing it is different.

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Also I would just say that some of us can become over entangled in the empathic skill.

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And that's for reasons that we can talk about later in this podcast.

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Other people may shut down to varying degrees to their skill to protect themselves from

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being overwhelmed.

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So becoming a mature empath really goes far beyond protecting yourself and moves into

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learning how to understand and develop your talent and to align it with what's important

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to you.

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You have to your point, Dan, we have a lot of choices in how we engage and how much we

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engage and what it's aligned with.

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Right.

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And that kind of brings us to the value of having empathic skill.

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When you brought up the example of someone who does sales, being able to kind of feel

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how engaged someone is interested and kind of playing on, not playing on, but playing

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with, not playing with, but understanding the emotions of the other people.

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And then choosing how they're going to interact accordingly.

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Sales is a function of every business.

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I think this is also true of just being a good friend, being a good colleague, being

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a good member of the community is having the empathic skill to tune in to what other people

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are feeling and to enable yourself to be of greater support for their needs, to be aware

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of their needs and to be able to help them meet those.

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So maybe let's kind of segue to the value and kind of expand upon the different values

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of having and cultivating the empathic skill.

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Yeah.

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I mean, I would say it's especially beneficial in professional areas like counseling, medicine

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and the healing arts.

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It's a wonderful application, as you said, to be a valuable part of a community.

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And a wonderful application is having awareness of the feelings and needs of our children

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or of other vulnerable people in our world and in our environment, because then we're

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more adept at offering wise and caring assistance.

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Yeah.

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And that kind of makes me think like, it almost seems necessary if you're in a profession

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such as counseling.

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Would it be possible, do you think, to be like a successful and good counselor, but

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not really being aware and in tune with the sensation and emotions of the person you're

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working with?

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I would think that that would be difficult.

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And there may be approaches there.

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You learn a certain set of skills that you can apply and you just apply them kind of

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in a cognitive or flat way.

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But I mean, even cognitive therapy, the empathic skill can come into that.

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I'm not saying it can't.

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So I really don't know the answer to that.

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It seems to me that that would be a tough thing to do.

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But at the same time, there may be skill sets and approaches that work without a large amount

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of empathic ability.

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Yeah, I know there's, I think it's applied behavioral analysis with kids that have autism.

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And it's a very structured, regimented type approach.

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And I think it kind of, it has its own merit for using that approach in that it's very

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consistent.

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So that seems to kind of not really have a need for empathic skill and make choices according

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to the emotions of the child that you're working with.

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But it has its own merits and its own right.

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And I guess there may be certain forms of psychiatry where it needs to be a little bit

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more objective in a sense, to not let someone's own interpretation influence too greatly the

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decisions that they make for how they care for the other person.

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But yeah, I think that kind of leads us naturally into some of the challenges that are brought

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up with being empathic and being sensitive to the emotions of others.

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I guess it would be maybe a good place to start with some of the main challenges that

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you see in your work.

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Yeah, I think it's useful to mention that as we go into the challenges that empathic

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awareness can extend to, you may be picking up on things from other individuals or from

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groups of individuals, I would call that the collective emotional vibration.

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You may also even be picking up on vibrations from animals, even plants and spaces.

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Like there can be a lingering emotional vibration in a specific area, a specific location.

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Like if you ever walked into a room and you just went and maybe there's nobody even in

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the room, but you just like stopped and went, whoa, you know, it feels like there's a lot

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of something going on in here and it feels, you know, intense.

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And that's often because, you know, something intense has taken place between people in

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that space and it might not have gotten resolved and the energy hasn't been cleared.

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And some of us are even attuned to the planet as a whole.

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So you know, if we don't understand our gift, then you can imagine how being immersed in

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vibrational fields when we don't really understand how that's affecting us.

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That can be really a challenge for anybody, but especially for people who are highly empathic

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and attuned to certain kinds of fields of emotional energy.

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Yeah.

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So it's like there's so many layers in which we could have potential stimuli come into

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our field, right?

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With the location that we're in, the physical space, animals, you know, things that were

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left over from people being there before, the people that are currently in here, different

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collectives of people and the planet as a whole.

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So that's quite a lot of potential stimuli for us to sift through and process in real

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time.

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So it seems like a natural challenge is how do we avoid becoming overwhelmed?

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And I think this is a big part of the skill set of developing the empathic skin and, you

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know, having some kind of layers of choice and protection, like a membrane of what we

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allow to let in and how much it influences us.

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Yeah, for sure.

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That is for sure one of the primary challenges is not becoming overwhelmed.

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And what I find with a lot of people is that we have chosen, you know, consciously or unconsciously,

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like we get overwhelmed and so we kind of shut down, like we create sort of a wall.

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But then we feel maybe lonely, we're used to more emotional contact, so we feel isolated.

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And then we want to open back up, but then we open back up and get overwhelmed.

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So there's this kind of like, you know, open, like fully opening and fully closing.

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And neither is really satisfying.

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And so to what you said about a skin, that's what we'd like to do is create a kind of a

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skin.

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And there are, you know, different ways to think about doing that.

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I mean, I think that there are so many ways we might touch on a few later today about,

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you know, some ways that you can try out and see what might work out for you.

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Yeah, it seems like an absolutely essential tool, as there's, you know, potentially a

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lot of various stimuli coming in.

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And this is where I'd kind of written down something that I'd noticed with Impazin and

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being in relationship with other people.

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As someone who's sensitive and not only feels the emotions and sensitivities or sensations

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of others, but when you care, it can be kind of like this sense of duty and responsibility

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to want to support the other person.

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And the phrase I hear a lot is, you know, taking on the emotions of others, you know,

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feeling responsible for the feelings and the happiness of another person.

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And I just kind of written down, I call that the empath trap.

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And so I just wondered if you want to just kind of expand on, you know, this kind of

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common challenge, I think that comes up for sensitive people, especially when it's people

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that you're close to and that you really love.

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Yeah, I love that phrase, the empath trap.

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That's really great.

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That's a really great way of clarifying that.

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So yeah, when you're in the empath trap, and I think there's a few different ones, like

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you can just feel completely overwhelmed by emotion, unable to fight your way out.

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I mean, like you're in a wet paper bag and it's just like, I can't get out.

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I could just feel this feeling and, you know, it just kind of takes over everything.

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And you might notice that especially when you're around a person who's experiencing intense

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emotion and you just get in the feeling.

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And what you were saying, Dan, that it becomes almost a compulsive need to repair their pain.

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And yeah, it's caring on one hand, but on another hand, it's like, you want to ask yourself,

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why do I feel this need to repair this person's pain?

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And there can be different reasons.

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And maybe a trauma response, if we have been in our, especially in our years of developing

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our nervous system and growing up, if we've been with someone who was dangerous emotionally

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or physically felt dangerous to us, then we might have started to hone in and really watch

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and pay attention in a hyper-vigilant way to, you know, looking for scanning the environment,

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scanning that person for signs of danger.

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And if that's the case, in order to keep ourselves safe.

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And so that can create a compulsive need to make sure that everybody around you is okay.

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Like, you know, because it gets extended to other people who are not dangerous, you know,

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that's just something that got into our nervous system.

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And now we're carrying it forward and extending it to other people.

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You know, that's one thing that can happen.

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Also if we have kind of over identified with another person, maybe a parent or caregiver

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or someone else, that we never really differentiated ourselves from other people.

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And so again, there's kind of a need to be paying attention to the people around you

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to make sure they're okay.

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And you know, how this can look sometimes is, you know, imagine that you are living

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with other people, maybe it's a spouse, children, or, you know, just a friend.

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And when they come home and they're, you know, in an intense mood of some kind, that there's

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this feeling on your part, this drive to take care of their mood somehow.

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Maybe you feel like I've got to ask them, you know, I've got to make sure that they're

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okay.

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I've got to help them get to a different place.

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Or, you know, maybe if I can make them comfortable, you know, just various ways that we might.

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And caring is from this.

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I mean, that is a caring, but it's a compulsive kind of caring.

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And when we're in a compulsive caring, we may not really be doing what's helpful for

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the other person.

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We might even be unconsciously, inadvertently enabling this other person in some way so

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that it might relieve them, but it might not actually help them to grow and take responsibility

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for their own feelings and needs.

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And it most certainly becomes exhausting to ourselves.

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And ultimately, when, you know, we're in that dynamic, it can be really hard.

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A lot of times people tell me, gosh, I don't really know what I feel.

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I don't know what I need.

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Haven't really learned to identify our own feelings and needs because we haven't differentiated

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them from the feelings and needs of other people.

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And there can be a lot of different kinds of challenges that come out of that.

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So I think that when you, if you notice things like that, then it's time to peek under the

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cover and see what's up with you.

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Yeah.

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And that brings up a good question.

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And maybe this is something that's not an easy question to answer and it's not, you

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know, doesn't have like a very straightforward answer.

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But what would be your guidance on, let's say I'm at, I'm home and then my spouse comes

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in and you know, there's like a grief and a sadness that I can feel, or maybe there's,

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you know, a fiery frustration.

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How do I differentiate, or let's say even more difficult in a room of people, and there

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may be a few different emotions that I feel as a result of being in the shared space with

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other people, how am I able to differentiate what is coming into me through them and what

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is of my own?

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Yeah, I think the first step is always just noticing that, hey, there seems to be something

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amiss here.

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I'm either feeling overwhelmed by emotion, or I seem to be feeling things that I'm not

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sure they're mine.

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Like I'm just not even, I have no reason to feel these things and yet I'm having these

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feelings.

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Or, yeah, these are feelings that I'm having, but they're much bigger than I think my own

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feelings are.

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So the first thing is just to notice that.

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And once you notice that, then you can take that pause that we talked about earlier.

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And you know, you might take a deep breath, kind of pull in your antenna.

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Just imagine that you have antenna out into the world because you do.

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And just imagine that you're pulling them into yourself, into your own energy field.

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And then you can imagine that these are all things that you can do one by one as steps,

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or you can just try out one thing, or, you know, but then you can imagine yourself inside

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of a sphere, which is your energy field, right?

321
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It's kind of an oval.

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And you can imagine it as if you're familiar with the nice soft glow of a salt lamp.

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And just imagine yourself inside that salt lamp.

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And that's you.

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And the energies and emotions of people who are outside of that lamp can't really come

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in.

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They can perhaps touch the edges, but they can't come in.

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Or you could imagine it as a crystal sphere, if you like that better, whatever kind of

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crystal you like.

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You can imagine it as a drop of, you know, a rainbow.

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And so you're just inside of that and that kind of a skin, it's your place.

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It's your space.

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It's your home, your energy field.

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And it belongs to you.

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And I also think it's useful to clarify that we say we're taking on the emotions of others

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and it does, in a sense, that's true.

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But what might be more true is that someone's vibrational emotion touches on our energy

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field and starts inviting it in that way.

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And so there's a tendency for us to resonate with that.

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And here's an important key is that it's really important to recognize the two different ways

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of resonating.

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I can resonate in such a way that I start to actually allow my full vibration to become

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what touched on my field.

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Or I can notice it and like, oh, that's information.

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Yeah, interesting.

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And that's a high level skill.

347
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So it's not something that I expect an untrained person to automatically just understand, although

348
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you might.

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But it's a very essential thing to learn.

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So as a healer and guide, I myself, you know, am in this state all the time so that I am

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receiving information from the person I'm working with and noticing what they will because

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yes, I actually feel that.

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But I notice that it's a feeling and I can tell that it's not mine.

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Now there are times when I'm like, huh, I, I think that I feel this too.

355
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And then, and then I don't have to differentiate.

356
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I can just say, Oh, you know what?

357
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I think this person is feeling something kind of similar to what I feel.

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I really get that.

359
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But I'm not going to allow it to amplify that vibrate my field so that I'm overwhelmed.

360
00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:07,800
I'm still a discrete individuated person inside of my own energy field, even though I'm allowing

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someone else's energy to influence mine, at least for a moment.

362
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Does that make sense?

363
00:28:13,840 --> 00:28:14,840
Does that seem clear?

364
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:16,840
Yeah, it does.

365
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:22,720
And it brings up a question and I notice this, this dynamic that emerges with sensitive people,

366
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:25,240
there tends to be like a blame dynamic, right?

367
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So like, let's say someone else is going through something that's emotionally heavy and then

368
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they're like, Oh my gosh, this is so much and it's because I'm around this person.

369
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:41,360
But I think there's an important distinction that you made where yes, we feel something,

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an emotion of someone else, but then there's a point of choice, do we let it amplify within

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our own field and let that become overwhelming to us?

372
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And I think that's an important distinction to make because I think to, you know, to blame

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others for what gets charged and resonated and amplified in your own field is maybe a

374
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:05,880
bit misguided.

375
00:29:05,880 --> 00:29:10,860
And I think it's important to take responsibility for what we allow to be amplified in our own

376
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field if we can be at choice.

377
00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:16,240
Yeah, 100%.

378
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:23,080
And it's also okay to notice like, you know, I really don't think that this is all mine

379
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:27,880
and yet I'm feeling it as if it's all mine and it's a problem.

380
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:31,200
So this is my problem.

381
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:37,720
You know, I'm coming to understand that just because this person's vibration is overwhelming

382
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:42,400
mine, that's actually my thing to deal with.

383
00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:48,880
And so I need and want to learn how to change that, how to grow and evolve so that I don't

384
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:51,040
have to get overwhelmed.

385
00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:54,720
And the closer you are to someone, the more challenging that can be.

386
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:59,880
I understand that, you know, with parents and children, that can be overwhelming.

387
00:29:59,880 --> 00:30:05,800
So and also I just want to clarify, we're not talking about here, you know, being in

388
00:30:05,800 --> 00:30:10,360
an abusive relationship, because if you're in an abusive relationship, then there's a

389
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:14,640
whole other set of things that need to be addressed, right?

390
00:30:14,640 --> 00:30:18,280
And if you're in an abusive relationship and you're an empath, then you probably are getting

391
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:19,280
really overwhelmed.

392
00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:23,600
You're probably very hyper vigilantly paying attention to the emotional state of the other

393
00:30:23,600 --> 00:30:24,600
person.

394
00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:29,640
You know, looking out for cues that they're getting triggered because they come back and

395
00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:35,360
cause you harm and maybe cause harm to other people in your environment.

396
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:40,880
So I just want to clarify that, you know, there's a distinction between a relationship

397
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:45,360
that's fundamentally healthy, you know, may have some challenges involved and one that's

398
00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:47,360
fundamentally abusive.

399
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:50,560
Yeah, that's an important distinction.

400
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:56,160
And those are really tricky and subtle dynamics, you know, because I feel like, and, you know,

401
00:30:56,160 --> 00:30:58,120
I'd love to know your thoughts on this.

402
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:03,960
I think sometimes when we experience really heavy emotions, it's really hard to see things

403
00:31:03,960 --> 00:31:09,680
clearly for what they are, especially when it comes to relational dynamics.

404
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:14,960
And so I think that's, you know, sometimes it can be really helpful to have the perspective

405
00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:20,960
of, you know, a third party type person, you know, friend, colleague, therapist, et cetera,

406
00:31:20,960 --> 00:31:25,400
because it's really hard to get a sense of the dynamics and kind of see what's happening

407
00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:30,480
when your emotions and relationship to that person are so strong.

408
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:32,440
Yeah, it really is.

409
00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:38,720
And it's important to, you know, when you turn to that third person, you know, is this

410
00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:44,720
someone who is able to, a lot of times what we have learned to do is to try to fix someone

411
00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:48,840
else's problem or we identify with their problem and then we kind of jump on board with their

412
00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:50,080
point of view.

413
00:31:50,080 --> 00:31:55,440
So if a friend comes to me and they're frustrated with, you know, their spouse, say, and, you

414
00:31:55,440 --> 00:32:00,480
know, am I going to jump on board with them and say, yeah, you know, that spouse shouldn't

415
00:32:00,480 --> 00:32:01,480
have done that.

416
00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:07,400
I think, am I going to defend the spouse in order to try to fix the situation and calm

417
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:13,280
it down because it's hard for me to handle that level of emotion that's being brought

418
00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:16,040
into my environment and I want to feel peace.

419
00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:20,040
So the only way I know to feel peace and not get overwhelmed by emotion is to have this

420
00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:24,200
other person, you know, fix their problem.

421
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:31,440
There's things that we're taught to do that aren't really very, so when we're the person

422
00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:38,520
reaching out to a third party to give us some balanced feedback, then, you know, we want

423
00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:42,720
to learn to identify, and this may be a whole podcast, Dan, that we want to do.

424
00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:48,080
How do you identify someone who's a good party for you to turn to for this kind of feedback?

425
00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:52,240
Because it's a high level skill, you know, it really is a high level skill that's not

426
00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:58,440
taught in our culture very frequently to learn how to be present with another person and

427
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:07,480
their emotions and their needs and to simply stay present and offer reflection, offer validation

428
00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:14,600
for their perspective without fully buying into it and helping that person to come to

429
00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:16,920
what's true for them.

430
00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:21,200
That's a very high level skill that is not taught a lot in our culture and there are

431
00:33:21,200 --> 00:33:26,320
definitely some really beautiful places to learn that skill, but we have to kind of have

432
00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:30,800
it slotted out unless we're one of those lucky people who had it modeled for us as we were

433
00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:33,800
growing up.

434
00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:35,840
Which is probably very few and far between of us.

435
00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:37,480
Yeah, it seems like it is.

436
00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:38,840
It does seem like that.

437
00:33:38,840 --> 00:33:43,160
For some reason, that's just not something that our culture has prioritized.

438
00:33:43,160 --> 00:33:44,440
Right.

439
00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:48,500
And this brings up another element that I just want to shed a little bit more light

440
00:33:48,500 --> 00:33:56,300
on with this dynamic of the relational aspects of someone going through something difficult.

441
00:33:56,300 --> 00:34:02,000
It seems like, let's say for example, my spouse is going through something difficult and I

442
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:05,680
have this yearning to want to fix it or to want to get involved.

443
00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:12,400
It really kind of seems like from my own needs of whether it's being needed or it's not having

444
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:17,480
an overwhelming emotional situation to have to then deal with, it's like I want to find

445
00:34:17,480 --> 00:34:24,400
the quickest way to get this to settle down and not be like a fire to have to put out.

446
00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:30,000
It kind of takes the guise of, oh, this person, I'm going to take on the emotions of this

447
00:34:30,000 --> 00:34:31,640
other person so they feel better.

448
00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:36,400
But really it kind of seems at the root of it to be predicated on what would be my own

449
00:34:36,400 --> 00:34:42,120
needs to be needed or for it to not be a big emotional outburst.

450
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:45,640
Yeah, and I'm so glad you mentioned that too about needing to be needed because that's

451
00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:48,800
such an important thing for many of us as empath.

452
00:34:48,800 --> 00:34:52,600
And I'll come back to your question, but I just want to amplify a little bit of what

453
00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:57,200
you said because it's so common for us to really enjoy being needed.

454
00:34:57,200 --> 00:35:03,760
And that's a natural need that human beings have, to be valued, to be needed.

455
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:12,360
And so to acknowledge, oh, I have a need to be needed and then go from there.

456
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:16,320
And this is something we can touch on again is how do I distinguish then what my actions

457
00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:17,320
are?

458
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:28,080
So like in the example that you gave, I would refer someone to nonviolent communication

459
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:37,680
is a really beautiful approach designed by Marshall Rosenberg.

460
00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:38,680
He has some books.

461
00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:43,400
I think the first one is actually called nonviolent communication, which is a beautiful way, first

462
00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:49,440
of starting out how you communicate with yourself and then how you communicate with other people.

463
00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:52,520
And so it touches on this very thing.

464
00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:55,800
So like, okay, someone comes home.

465
00:35:55,800 --> 00:36:02,160
I'm noticing that my partner is feeling out of sorts.

466
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:06,360
Is it something that I feel up to and able to inquire into in that moment?

467
00:36:06,360 --> 00:36:08,880
If so, how much do I get involved?

468
00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:13,040
Do I just say, hey, I noticed that you seem to be feeling kind of out of sort.

469
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:14,240
Sorry about that.

470
00:36:14,240 --> 00:36:15,960
I also am a little bit exhausted.

471
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:17,960
I need to go take a shower.

472
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:18,960
Let's check in later.

473
00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:23,320
That would be one avenue.

474
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:26,120
The other is just checking in.

475
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:28,720
Hey, I noticed that you seem to be feeling out of sorts.

476
00:36:28,720 --> 00:36:29,720
Am I right?

477
00:36:29,720 --> 00:36:34,300
Is it something you want to talk about and proceed from there?

478
00:36:34,300 --> 00:36:41,120
And then learning the skill set, practicing the skill set for how do I listen and show

479
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:47,720
care and help this person without letting my need become dominant.

480
00:36:47,720 --> 00:36:52,240
Of course, your needs are going to be in there, but how am I going to respond in such a way

481
00:36:52,240 --> 00:36:54,920
that doesn't allow my need to be the dominant thing?

482
00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:59,920
Because that's not going to really truly help the other person.

483
00:36:59,920 --> 00:37:03,520
Oh, and let me go back to NVC.

484
00:37:03,520 --> 00:37:04,520
I'm sorry.

485
00:37:04,520 --> 00:37:05,520
I'm sorry.

486
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:06,520
I didn't want to forget.

487
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:07,520
Yeah.

488
00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:09,960
About NVC or nonviolent communication.

489
00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:18,320
There's also something called mindful compassionate dialogue that is very similar to NVC.

490
00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:24,040
Lachelle Shardlow has some beautiful work on that.

491
00:37:24,040 --> 00:37:26,480
It's called Wise Heart.

492
00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:27,600
You can find that online.

493
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:28,780
She has a whole community.

494
00:37:28,780 --> 00:37:34,120
She has a lot of goals and she has things to... I think she does some private work

495
00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:36,520
or she does group work.

496
00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:43,400
That's a really beautiful way to look into this particular technique.

497
00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:49,920
Also there's the nonviolent communication or NVC academy, which you can find online

498
00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:54,840
that offers a lot of things and helps you to connect with people who teach this framework.

499
00:37:54,840 --> 00:38:01,880
I'm also adept in this as well as are many other therapists and counselors and some healers.

500
00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:09,760
That may be something that you'd like to look into if this seems to be a challenge.

501
00:38:09,760 --> 00:38:14,080
This is something that I've struggled with myself.

502
00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:20,000
When someone's in a feeling of a very strong emotion, it's in a tough place.

503
00:38:20,000 --> 00:38:25,800
What you say and how you say it is so crucial to how that exchange is going to go and how

504
00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:27,640
you support that other person.

505
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:34,600
It can just be the slight tone of your voice that takes a sense like you don't care or

506
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:37,680
that you're impatient.

507
00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:42,040
It's so crucial just the exact words that you say because when someone's in a tough

508
00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:49,680
spot and they're sensitive, every word that you say is taken with so much gravity.

509
00:38:49,680 --> 00:38:57,040
I think having a sense of training and some tools to be able to work with so that your

510
00:38:57,040 --> 00:39:03,360
tone and your words can be received in a very compassionate way and reflect the care that

511
00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:06,320
you exhibit for that other person.

512
00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:12,880
Yeah, I mean 100% the tone, the posture, the facial expression, the words, all of these

513
00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:15,600
things can be triggers for the other person.

514
00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:20,000
You may or may not know that because we don't know the triggers of other people.

515
00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:29,720
So it can get really entangled really fast and it has been said that it's the primary

516
00:39:29,720 --> 00:39:35,680
occasion of how an interaction will turn out is how it is approached initially.

517
00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:40,840
So I think you're touching on something really important there, Dan.

518
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:46,640
Yeah, and then there's one more thing that I wanted to share and I found this really

519
00:39:46,640 --> 00:39:47,640
important.

520
00:39:47,640 --> 00:39:54,000
There's some physicians that had spent many years in the mental health field and they

521
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:58,640
found these common traits, especially with chronic illnesses and even like autoimmune

522
00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:03,040
type of illnesses associated with suppression and repression of the self.

523
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:07,040
And these are things that I commonly also see with people that are very sensitive and

524
00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:08,040
empathic.

525
00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:11,200
I just wondered if you had seen this as well.

526
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:18,600
So there's five common traits that they see, an automatic and compulsive concern for the

527
00:40:18,600 --> 00:40:21,920
emotional needs of others while ignoring one's own.

528
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:23,280
So I think we've touched on that.

529
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:29,760
A rigid identification with social role, duty and responsibility.

530
00:40:29,760 --> 00:40:32,280
That seems like almost every mom.

531
00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:39,040
Overdriven externally focused multitasking based on the conviction that one must justify

532
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:45,240
one's existence by doing and giving.

533
00:40:45,240 --> 00:40:53,320
Repression of healthy, self-protective aggression, anger, and harboring compulsively and acting

534
00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:55,200
out of two beliefs.

535
00:40:55,200 --> 00:41:08,960
The first is I am responsible for how other people feel and I must never disappoint anyone.

536
00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:18,120
Yeah that's well written, well spoken and certainly speaks to a lot of challenges that

537
00:41:18,120 --> 00:41:19,400
we face.

538
00:41:19,400 --> 00:41:26,560
And I just want to comment that when we're talking about these relational dynamics, these

539
00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:31,080
are relational dynamics that can be true for anyone but I think they're just amplified

540
00:41:31,080 --> 00:41:32,880
for the empath.

541
00:41:32,880 --> 00:41:38,040
And so I think it might be useful to kind of touch on for a minute like what's it like

542
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:44,880
to be in an intimate relationship with an empath.

543
00:41:44,880 --> 00:41:48,480
Maybe both people are empaths or maybe just one person is an empath.

544
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:59,480
So the beauty of that is the level of care that can genuinely be offered is so lovely

545
00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:05,540
and so wonderful to be on the receiving end of that kind of care.

546
00:42:05,540 --> 00:42:11,200
And for some of the reasons that Dan just outlined, it can also become a challenge not

547
00:42:11,200 --> 00:42:15,160
only to the empath but to the partner of the empath.

548
00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:22,320
If I feel compulsively the need to be helpful in giving, then it seems like, well great,

549
00:42:22,320 --> 00:42:24,680
somebody's going to be helpful in giving all the time.

550
00:42:24,680 --> 00:42:31,960
But it may be very difficult for them to have their offer refused or rejected as they might

551
00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:36,140
feel it, especially if that person has been traumatized in some way.

552
00:42:36,140 --> 00:42:40,360
So there are some just absolute beautiful things about being in a relationship with

553
00:42:40,360 --> 00:42:47,940
an empath and some absolutely challenging things about that.

554
00:42:47,940 --> 00:42:53,300
And I just think that it's really important to be willing to learn about those things

555
00:42:53,300 --> 00:43:01,080
because if you are the partner of an empath and not an empath yourself, then it's a lovely

556
00:43:01,080 --> 00:43:03,880
gesture to learn more about them.

557
00:43:03,880 --> 00:43:08,440
And I think that it would help you to understand them because I can guarantee you that they're

558
00:43:08,440 --> 00:43:12,040
trying to understand you.

559
00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:17,360
Absolutely, they are.

560
00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:24,920
I can comment on that from personal experience because my partner is also very sensitive

561
00:43:24,920 --> 00:43:26,560
and empathic.

562
00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:31,080
And there's the, I don't want to say double-edged sword because that sounds negative, but there's

563
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:39,680
the two sides of the coin where we are always sensitive to what's going on in the other

564
00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:40,980
person.

565
00:43:40,980 --> 00:43:46,800
So in one sense, there's not often a misunderstanding about how the other person feels, which is

566
00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:50,640
wonderful because that can be a great source of conflict.

567
00:43:50,640 --> 00:43:54,560
Like you said, in someone not being able to observe and understand what someone else is

568
00:43:54,560 --> 00:44:00,200
going through, and maybe of course not the content, but at least the emotional state.

569
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:05,240
With that said, it's kind of like there's nowhere to hide.

570
00:44:05,240 --> 00:44:08,800
The big light is shined on everything that happens.

571
00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:16,520
And a quick little aside of this, one time she was upset about something and she came

572
00:44:16,520 --> 00:44:21,560
down the stairs and she was walking towards me and I just saw her face and then I was

573
00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:22,560
just like, oh man.

574
00:44:22,560 --> 00:44:24,920
I just looked up and said, hey, what's wrong?

575
00:44:24,920 --> 00:44:30,640
And then she was like, whoa, I hadn't even really processed what it was that was going

576
00:44:30,640 --> 00:44:35,200
on and I could already recognize it and see it in her face and her body and her energy

577
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:39,320
field before she really could have a sense of what it was and actually sit down and talk

578
00:44:39,320 --> 00:44:41,240
about it.

579
00:44:41,240 --> 00:44:49,360
So it's wonderful in that way, but also the intensity is really felt on both sides.

580
00:44:49,360 --> 00:44:55,240
And so this is also a dynamic and maybe this is something that we could expand on Amy where,

581
00:44:55,240 --> 00:44:59,600
let's say for example, I'm going through something that's really tough.

582
00:44:59,600 --> 00:45:04,040
And actually I'll give in the opposite direction because that's the way it's happened more.

583
00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:08,600
She's going through something, but I don't feel like I'm in a place to really be able

584
00:45:08,600 --> 00:45:17,480
to support her without being non-judgmental, without enabling, without these other dynamics

585
00:45:17,480 --> 00:45:23,280
that are unsupportive to both of us, recognizing the limitations of my own self and knowing

586
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:25,000
what my own needs are.

587
00:45:25,000 --> 00:45:29,920
And so there's someone who needs support and needs something, but that the other person

588
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:33,600
really isn't in a place to give and you're both really sensitive.

589
00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:43,800
And so that kind of, this unmet need can be a source of tension and potential issue to

590
00:45:43,800 --> 00:45:46,800
have to work through.

591
00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:53,280
Yeah, thanks for clarifying that because that's, yeah, there's an intensity.

592
00:45:53,280 --> 00:45:57,200
There can be an intensity that comes there.

593
00:45:57,200 --> 00:46:02,920
And if both people are feeling off balanced in a given moment and both people are in paths,

594
00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:09,640
yeah, that can be quite an emotional challenge.

595
00:46:09,640 --> 00:46:15,920
So giving each other space, whether that means psychological space, physical space, sometimes

596
00:46:15,920 --> 00:46:23,360
becomes important and recognizing, hey, I need space, I do care, but I'm not able to

597
00:46:23,360 --> 00:46:28,080
care well at this moment.

598
00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:32,720
I will come back when I'm able to care better.

599
00:46:32,720 --> 00:46:36,720
And the other thing that what you said brought to my mind is that sometimes as empaths, we're

600
00:46:36,720 --> 00:46:40,000
so used to picking up on the emotional climate of other people.

601
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:42,400
And we think we're right.

602
00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:44,800
We think that we're interpreting correctly.

603
00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:49,360
And we probably are a big portion of the time, but I feel like it's really important to be

604
00:46:49,360 --> 00:46:52,280
able to say, I might be wrong.

605
00:46:52,280 --> 00:46:53,720
I could be wrong.

606
00:46:53,720 --> 00:46:56,960
It seems to me that you are feeling angry.

607
00:46:56,960 --> 00:47:00,560
I noticed that from your tone of voice and the expression on your face.

608
00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:04,720
If that other person is saying, I'm not angry, maybe they're saying it that way.

609
00:47:04,720 --> 00:47:06,720
Well, they don't know that yet.

610
00:47:06,720 --> 00:47:09,680
Or maybe they're really not angry and they're saying, I'm not angry.

611
00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:11,240
I don't know why you think that.

612
00:47:11,240 --> 00:47:14,200
And it's like, oh yeah, I could be wrong.

613
00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:19,480
And even if that person seems to still be exhibiting that they're angry or upset that,

614
00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:22,120
you know, oh, okay.

615
00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:25,640
You know, you can just accept, you don't have to argue your point.

616
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:33,200
It's how important is it that you're right about this because it's the other person's

617
00:47:33,200 --> 00:47:34,320
energy field.

618
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:35,320
It's their climate.

619
00:47:35,320 --> 00:47:40,960
So these are some of the things that we learn as we walk through our empathic evolution

620
00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:42,880
and development.

621
00:47:42,880 --> 00:47:45,360
And it's important for me, oh, okay.

622
00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:50,320
I'm noticing that that tone of voice or that facial expression triggered me.

623
00:47:50,320 --> 00:47:53,480
Now I'm feeling angry or scared or hurt.

624
00:47:53,480 --> 00:47:55,240
I'll go take care of myself.

625
00:47:55,240 --> 00:48:02,760
If I want to be involved in healing, then let me go heal myself and take care of my

626
00:48:02,760 --> 00:48:04,960
own emotional environment.

627
00:48:04,960 --> 00:48:08,560
And this person is really responsible for their own, even though, yeah, I'd like to

628
00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:10,840
be able to help, but maybe I can't.

629
00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:11,840
So there's two things.

630
00:48:11,840 --> 00:48:16,600
One is I might be wrong and two is I may not be able to help.

631
00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:20,080
That's tough to swallow for a lot of empath.

632
00:48:20,080 --> 00:48:21,080
Yeah.

633
00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:24,280
But it's essential.

634
00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:25,280
It is.

635
00:48:25,280 --> 00:48:28,800
And when you brought up the point about being right, I just wanted to make a note about

636
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:30,440
this.

637
00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:36,520
There's a comedian, Mike Berbiglia, that has a funny bit in his standup about this really

638
00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:39,080
tough lesson that he learned with his wife.

639
00:48:39,080 --> 00:48:45,920
And I think many people, especially if you're in relationship with an empath, that is one

640
00:48:45,920 --> 00:48:52,680
of the common pitfalls is thinking that this interchange between you is like an argument

641
00:48:52,680 --> 00:48:57,140
that you want to win and the important part is to be right or to prove that you're right.

642
00:48:57,140 --> 00:49:03,000
And when it comes to emotions, it's like there is no right and wrong.

643
00:49:03,000 --> 00:49:04,000
There really isn't.

644
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:07,400
It's just honoring what the other person feels.

645
00:49:07,400 --> 00:49:13,600
And I think surrendering that sense of wanting to be right and get the upper hand in an argument

646
00:49:13,600 --> 00:49:19,880
is really a slippery slope and can cause a lot of frustration because the other person

647
00:49:19,880 --> 00:49:25,360
is going to feel like you aren't in tune with them and it may give off the sense that you

648
00:49:25,360 --> 00:49:27,180
don't care.

649
00:49:27,180 --> 00:49:32,080
So I think that's an important thing to really look at and for yourself investigate whether

650
00:49:32,080 --> 00:49:38,240
that's worth keeping, especially when the emotions are very high in a given time.

651
00:49:38,240 --> 00:49:39,960
Yeah, absolutely.

652
00:49:39,960 --> 00:49:47,060
And to that point, some of the things that some of the ways that we can react is to tell

653
00:49:47,060 --> 00:49:52,780
people if we get uncomfortable or especially if we're feeling the need to be right is we're

654
00:49:52,780 --> 00:49:55,840
telling that person, well, you're overreacting.

655
00:49:55,840 --> 00:49:57,760
You shouldn't feel that way.

656
00:49:57,760 --> 00:49:59,880
Here's a better way to handle that.

657
00:49:59,880 --> 00:50:02,760
Or you're just interpreting wrong.

658
00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:08,740
And none of those things will create closeness in the relationship.

659
00:50:08,740 --> 00:50:13,760
They will probably trigger either inflammation.

660
00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:15,860
Someone may shut down.

661
00:50:15,860 --> 00:50:21,020
Someone may become more invasive and needy because they're needing to fix the problem

662
00:50:21,020 --> 00:50:29,620
or none of those things are going to lead toward more connection and more fulfillment

663
00:50:29,620 --> 00:50:31,160
in the relationship.

664
00:50:31,160 --> 00:50:39,840
So again, these are just things that it's good to recognize and then be willing to take

665
00:50:39,840 --> 00:50:42,400
a deeper dive into that perhaps.

666
00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:49,340
And especially if I'm an empath or especially if I'm with an empath, then these are really

667
00:50:49,340 --> 00:50:55,080
even more important things for me to begin learning about.

668
00:50:55,080 --> 00:50:58,400
Yeah, 100%.

669
00:50:58,400 --> 00:51:02,880
And there's this quote that I found from Brene Brown.

670
00:51:02,880 --> 00:51:09,780
And if I had to kind of sum it up in one sentence, I would take this from her in this dynamic

671
00:51:09,780 --> 00:51:14,240
and the question of how do I support the other person?

672
00:51:14,240 --> 00:51:19,960
Because it seems like what I say doesn't seem to help and just continues triggering.

673
00:51:19,960 --> 00:51:24,400
And then maybe this can kind of lead us into maybe a quick intro about healing presence.

674
00:51:24,400 --> 00:51:32,600
She says, empathy is simply listening, holding space without withholding judgment, emotionally

675
00:51:32,600 --> 00:51:39,760
connecting and communicating that incredibly healing message of you're not alone.

676
00:51:39,760 --> 00:51:43,640
Yeah, really beautiful.

677
00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:50,640
I remember a group that I did some workshops with.

678
00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:54,200
I mean, I was one of the participants at this time.

679
00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:57,560
And I remember that the leader of the workshop, one of the things that she would say when

680
00:51:57,560 --> 00:52:04,360
one person was talking about something that was painful for them, that she would say,

681
00:52:04,360 --> 00:52:08,880
you may not have had this kind of situation before, or you may feel like that she or he

682
00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:12,240
is overreacting or whatever.

683
00:52:12,240 --> 00:52:17,840
But ask yourself, have I ever felt this emotion before?

684
00:52:17,840 --> 00:52:20,840
And I thought that was a really helpful, like have I ever felt sadness?

685
00:52:20,840 --> 00:52:23,600
Have I ever felt grief or loss?

686
00:52:23,600 --> 00:52:25,880
Have I ever felt anger?

687
00:52:25,880 --> 00:52:27,760
Have I ever felt rage?

688
00:52:27,760 --> 00:52:32,320
Have I ever felt any of whatever?

689
00:52:32,320 --> 00:52:34,920
Have I ever felt that some of my needs were unmet?

690
00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:43,320
Have I ever felt that I needed more caring, more connection, more space, more individuation?

691
00:52:43,320 --> 00:52:45,120
Have I ever had these needs?

692
00:52:45,120 --> 00:52:46,980
Have I ever had these feelings?

693
00:52:46,980 --> 00:52:49,080
And that's a way to identify with the other person.

694
00:52:49,080 --> 00:52:50,680
Yeah, you're not alone.

695
00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:55,320
I don't know what it's like to feel what you're feeling exactly, but I do know what it's like

696
00:52:55,320 --> 00:53:00,080
to feel grief.

697
00:53:00,080 --> 00:53:06,640
And you know, that's something that you can, if that's a tool that helps you, it may be

698
00:53:06,640 --> 00:53:14,640
a helpful tool when relating to your friend or your spouse or your child.

699
00:53:14,640 --> 00:53:18,960
I think that's a great tool because I think all of us, especially, you know, once you're

700
00:53:18,960 --> 00:53:24,680
into adulthood, you've had several iterations of probably every major emotion, right?

701
00:53:24,680 --> 00:53:26,140
If you're really honest with yourself.

702
00:53:26,140 --> 00:53:27,960
And so that's a great question in that moment.

703
00:53:27,960 --> 00:53:34,160
All right, I'm seeing that my friend, my partner, my child is feeling this.

704
00:53:34,160 --> 00:53:38,720
And then have I felt that before myself?

705
00:53:38,720 --> 00:53:41,160
And then maybe sit with, all right, what did that feel like?

706
00:53:41,160 --> 00:53:43,040
You know, how did I respond?

707
00:53:43,040 --> 00:53:44,760
What kind of support did I need?

708
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:46,800
What kind of support did I get?

709
00:53:46,800 --> 00:53:50,520
And then what kind of support can I give?

710
00:53:50,520 --> 00:53:56,160
And with this person that I love and what they're going through and maybe try to get

711
00:53:56,160 --> 00:54:00,160
a sense of what their needs are and support that.

712
00:54:00,160 --> 00:54:01,600
I think that's a great tool.

713
00:54:01,600 --> 00:54:02,600
Yeah.

714
00:54:02,600 --> 00:54:07,380
And it's equally important to, you know, when we get caught up in emotion, sometimes we

715
00:54:07,380 --> 00:54:12,120
forget that the emotion is a signal of something.

716
00:54:12,120 --> 00:54:17,320
The emotional signaling is signaling that something is amiss or it's signaling that,

717
00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:18,600
hey, everything is going great.

718
00:54:18,600 --> 00:54:23,040
So like if I'm feeling happy and overjoyed and connected, you know, it's like, yeah,

719
00:54:23,040 --> 00:54:24,040
my needs are being met.

720
00:54:24,040 --> 00:54:25,040
Things are going well.

721
00:54:25,040 --> 00:54:30,360
If I'm feeling angry or frustrated or sad, then hey, something's amiss.

722
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:38,160
And so it sort of is a signal to begin a process of asking, what am I missing?

723
00:54:38,160 --> 00:54:40,560
And how can I get that need met?

724
00:54:40,560 --> 00:54:45,560
And when we do that well within ourselves, then we can communicate.

725
00:54:45,560 --> 00:54:49,560
We have a better chance of communicating that to our partner in a useful way.

726
00:54:49,560 --> 00:54:53,280
And again, I'm going to refer you back to nonviolent communication and mindful compassionate

727
00:54:53,280 --> 00:54:58,280
dialogue, which do a great job of helping us understand how to do this in ourselves

728
00:54:58,280 --> 00:55:00,560
and how to work with another person on this.

729
00:55:00,560 --> 00:55:04,940
And to bring it back to the empath, I just want to say this is one of the beautiful things

730
00:55:04,940 --> 00:55:12,880
is when an empath learns to recognize that the emotions that he or she is feeling and

731
00:55:12,880 --> 00:55:20,000
experiencing that have sourced partly or fully in another person or another place or animal

732
00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:27,680
or whatever, then we have the opportunity to ask ourselves, what's the need that's

733
00:55:27,680 --> 00:55:29,760
being signaled here?

734
00:55:29,760 --> 00:55:36,320
Not how can I fix this, which is may sound similar, but it's actually, there's a first

735
00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:38,440
step that's like, what is the need?

736
00:55:38,440 --> 00:55:42,760
I wonder what the need is that's being signaled.

737
00:55:42,760 --> 00:55:48,880
And you may not know, but you can take some guesses and ask.

738
00:55:48,880 --> 00:55:54,440
You can ask the other person, you know, what do you need?

739
00:55:54,440 --> 00:55:58,800
That's sometimes a question that someone who's in a lot of pain needs to be asked.

740
00:55:58,800 --> 00:56:03,040
They may need to be asking themselves yet and they haven't done it yet.

741
00:56:03,040 --> 00:56:05,680
So what do you need may trigger that person.

742
00:56:05,680 --> 00:56:06,840
Gosh, I don't know.

743
00:56:06,840 --> 00:56:12,520
I'm not sure what I need.

744
00:56:12,520 --> 00:56:17,920
And for them, if they take that next step, if we take that next step of continuing to

745
00:56:17,920 --> 00:56:23,480
seek out what is the need that's not being met, then I have more information.

746
00:56:23,480 --> 00:56:25,560
When I have more information, I have more power.

747
00:56:25,560 --> 00:56:29,760
I'm more empowered to get that need met.

748
00:56:29,760 --> 00:56:35,840
And that getting that need met is going to assist me in shifting the emotional state

749
00:56:35,840 --> 00:56:37,400
that I'm in.

750
00:56:37,400 --> 00:56:41,920
I think that was a really important perspective.

751
00:56:41,920 --> 00:56:50,680
I've heard a dad before there was two kids and they had a little disagreement.

752
00:56:50,680 --> 00:56:58,920
And then one girl went off and then he said to her, go fix it.

753
00:56:58,920 --> 00:57:03,160
And I think that's the perspective that you're speaking on is let's maybe not look at it

754
00:57:03,160 --> 00:57:11,640
as a broken piece of wood that we need to put back together, but look at the underlying,

755
00:57:11,640 --> 00:57:14,200
what is the unmet need?

756
00:57:14,200 --> 00:57:23,400
What is this emotion signaling about what's happening to us and what is it that is causing

757
00:57:23,400 --> 00:57:26,400
us to feel off?

758
00:57:26,400 --> 00:57:30,320
And what is the unmet need that we're being shown?

759
00:57:30,320 --> 00:57:34,440
I remember writing down in a workshop that we had done a couple years ago, every feeling

760
00:57:34,440 --> 00:57:37,280
is a visitor.

761
00:57:37,280 --> 00:57:41,660
And so it's like looking at these emotions as teachers.

762
00:57:41,660 --> 00:57:45,600
It's trying to signal and teach you something about yourself and why you're reacting and

763
00:57:45,600 --> 00:57:49,440
responding to your environment or the people in it in a certain way.

764
00:57:49,440 --> 00:57:56,460
And there's this short quote I like, emotion is the engine of maturation.

765
00:57:56,460 --> 00:58:05,800
And I think when we're honest with ourselves, there's not a whole lot of maturation on the

766
00:58:05,800 --> 00:58:11,840
human existence without some emotional swings.

767
00:58:11,840 --> 00:58:15,360
And I just think that's a really important perspective to take and not looking at it

768
00:58:15,360 --> 00:58:23,120
as a simple problem, like a broken thing, but looking at it as what is the missing link?

769
00:58:23,120 --> 00:58:25,160
What is the teaching?

770
00:58:25,160 --> 00:58:31,040
What is the thing that I'm missing in terms of an unmet irreducible need?

771
00:58:31,040 --> 00:58:32,520
I love that.

772
00:58:32,520 --> 00:58:34,100
And every feeling is a visitor.

773
00:58:34,100 --> 00:58:35,200
That's really wonderful.

774
00:58:35,200 --> 00:58:40,160
And that kind of points also to something else that I think is useful for us to just

775
00:58:40,160 --> 00:58:47,120
kind of bring forward for people as an avenue for learning and healing.

776
00:58:47,120 --> 00:58:48,400
Every feeling is a visitor.

777
00:58:48,400 --> 00:58:52,200
And yet sometimes some visitors can be really overwhelming, right?

778
00:58:52,200 --> 00:58:56,960
I'm just sitting here suffering through like, I can't wait for this person to leave or

779
00:58:56,960 --> 00:58:59,380
I can't wait for this emotion to change.

780
00:58:59,380 --> 00:59:07,880
And so we actually have a lot of power over how we handle emotion from a physiological

781
00:59:07,880 --> 00:59:09,200
perspective.

782
00:59:09,200 --> 00:59:15,480
So it comes from understanding our nervous system a little bit better, polyvagal theory,

783
00:59:15,480 --> 00:59:16,740
understanding about brain waves.

784
00:59:16,740 --> 00:59:22,640
We have different kinds of states of being that are physiological or largely physiological.

785
00:59:22,640 --> 00:59:30,000
And there are ways for us to, I mean, most of us know, take a deep breath, right?

786
00:59:30,000 --> 00:59:35,000
I mean, that's one of the first things, but it can become, there's more to that in terms

787
00:59:35,000 --> 00:59:38,520
of really shifting your state of being.

788
00:59:38,520 --> 00:59:46,280
Because when you've shifted back from a fight, flight, freeze, or fawn state, or from a shutdown

789
00:59:46,280 --> 00:59:50,880
state, these are the five states of being that are not flow state, right?

790
00:59:50,880 --> 00:59:51,880
That are not conducive.

791
00:59:51,880 --> 00:59:56,680
I mean, sure, if a tiger's chasing me, then I want to run.

792
00:59:56,680 --> 01:00:00,720
But there are times when we recognize that the state of being we're in is not really

793
01:00:00,720 --> 01:00:04,640
helpful to the current situation.

794
01:00:04,640 --> 01:00:09,460
And so we want to move perhaps back into what I might call a flow state.

795
01:00:09,460 --> 01:00:11,320
And there are ways that we can do that.

796
01:00:11,320 --> 01:00:16,880
When we've moved back into a flow state, then we are more, we're less reactive and more

797
01:00:16,880 --> 01:00:17,880
responsive.

798
01:00:17,880 --> 01:00:18,880
So we're smarter.

799
01:00:18,880 --> 01:00:19,880
We're actually smarter.

800
01:00:19,880 --> 01:00:20,880
We're wiser.

801
01:00:20,880 --> 01:00:26,600
We're open to more open to intuitive knowledge.

802
01:00:26,600 --> 01:00:33,200
We're open to higher wisdom, which might come through as inspiration or insight.

803
01:00:33,200 --> 01:00:38,180
Our brain is working more clearly because it's not clogged up by all kinds of random

804
01:00:38,180 --> 01:00:41,640
thinking and, you know, not firing in all different kinds of ways.

805
01:00:41,640 --> 01:00:47,680
There are just a lot of reasons why we are actually wiser and more intelligent from a

806
01:00:47,680 --> 01:00:48,920
flow state.

807
01:00:48,920 --> 01:00:56,240
So if we learn how to come back to that flow state from the other state, when it's relevant

808
01:00:56,240 --> 01:01:06,200
to do that, then we actually have access to what did you say earlier about Dan about feelings,

809
01:01:06,200 --> 01:01:13,000
emotions are leading us into evolution or something like that?

810
01:01:13,000 --> 01:01:15,240
Emotions are the engine of maturation.

811
01:01:15,240 --> 01:01:16,840
Yes, exactly.

812
01:01:16,840 --> 01:01:22,600
And when we come from a state of being that's not helping us into a state of being that

813
01:01:22,600 --> 01:01:29,800
is, then we have that opportunity to evolve and mature in relationship and to actually

814
01:01:29,800 --> 01:01:39,040
diminish the things that we're triggered by, which is create ease and peace in our being.

815
01:01:39,040 --> 01:01:43,640
Not boring peace, because sometimes we think that, you know, peace can be boring.

816
01:01:43,640 --> 01:01:47,280
That usually is because, you know, we're repressing things, right?

817
01:01:47,280 --> 01:01:50,520
If we're repressing things, we get bored.

818
01:01:50,520 --> 01:01:56,280
But when you're really at peace, then you're free to do the things you want to do, to engage,

819
01:01:56,280 --> 01:01:59,240
to play, to rest, you know.

820
01:01:59,240 --> 01:02:03,680
And then also just one more thing I wanted to touch on is responsibility for needs because

821
01:02:03,680 --> 01:02:09,640
as empaths, we become so much more empowered with our gift.

822
01:02:09,640 --> 01:02:15,040
And not to mention within ourselves, when we recognize who's responsible for their own

823
01:02:15,040 --> 01:02:16,040
needs.

824
01:02:16,040 --> 01:02:18,440
So I'm responsible for getting my needs met.

825
01:02:18,440 --> 01:02:25,120
And if I have a need to feel needed, hmm, wonder how I can get that need met in ways

826
01:02:25,120 --> 01:02:30,600
that are not intrusive or demanding upon someone else.

827
01:02:30,600 --> 01:02:33,800
And that person has needs that aren't being met.

828
01:02:33,800 --> 01:02:37,480
I'd love to help them get them met, but it's not my responsibility.

829
01:02:37,480 --> 01:02:39,040
I'm not supposed to do that.

830
01:02:39,040 --> 01:02:40,800
I don't have to do that.

831
01:02:40,800 --> 01:02:42,720
I might be able to help them take a step.

832
01:02:42,720 --> 01:02:49,960
I might not, but it's not my responsibility to resolve that for them.

833
01:02:49,960 --> 01:02:56,600
And I think that's just a really important kind of destination, you know, a goal for

834
01:02:56,600 --> 01:02:57,680
us to reach for.

835
01:02:57,680 --> 01:03:00,200
Oh, this is what it means to be a mature impact.

836
01:03:00,200 --> 01:03:04,360
And this is where I seem to be standing on that continuum of evolution and growth and

837
01:03:04,360 --> 01:03:05,680
maturity.

838
01:03:05,680 --> 01:03:11,940
So you know, oh, here now I have some ideas about how I can get to a place I want to go

839
01:03:11,940 --> 01:03:18,360
where I can be more helpful, more caring, less overwhelmed and more connected with other

840
01:03:18,360 --> 01:03:25,600
people without having a responsibility that is exact.

841
01:03:25,600 --> 01:03:27,160
Yeah.

842
01:03:27,160 --> 01:03:33,560
And if I may add one piece, I think this is an important part of that process.

843
01:03:33,560 --> 01:03:42,280
I think sometimes we have a tendency to, in our instant gratification, kind of get there

844
01:03:42,280 --> 01:03:50,840
through the shortened corners approach where, oh, well, I just want to feel peace or I just

845
01:03:50,840 --> 01:03:52,320
want to feel less overwhelmed.

846
01:03:52,320 --> 01:03:53,400
I just want to feel settled.

847
01:03:53,400 --> 01:03:55,160
I just want to feel balanced.

848
01:03:55,160 --> 01:04:02,360
But I think it's important to leave time and space and allowing the expression of emotions,

849
01:04:02,360 --> 01:04:09,680
especially certain ones, because like we mentioned earlier with the traits of people that suffer

850
01:04:09,680 --> 01:04:14,480
from chronic illness, a lot of that has to do with suppressed and repressed emotions.

851
01:04:14,480 --> 01:04:17,040
And so especially one with like anger.

852
01:04:17,040 --> 01:04:20,440
And I think that's a cultural piece that's important.

853
01:04:20,440 --> 01:04:26,280
You know, that's, I think, more socially acceptable for men and guys to express their anger, but

854
01:04:26,280 --> 01:04:28,520
maybe not so much for women.

855
01:04:28,520 --> 01:04:35,320
And there was some data that was showing instances of PTSD in mental health in women was like

856
01:04:35,320 --> 01:04:40,520
two times what it was of men within the data that they had looked at.

857
01:04:40,520 --> 01:04:45,000
And I think that's a really important piece, but not only for anger, but also for grief

858
01:04:45,000 --> 01:04:52,680
and sadness and acknowledging that sometimes those processes of moving through those emotions

859
01:04:52,680 --> 01:04:55,300
may take more time than is convenient.

860
01:04:55,300 --> 01:04:57,600
And sometimes they come up at inconvenient times, right?

861
01:04:57,600 --> 01:05:05,200
You're in the middle of a group or you're in the middle of your kid's ballet, and then

862
01:05:05,200 --> 01:05:10,080
it's like, man, something just came up and I've got some intense emotions.

863
01:05:10,080 --> 01:05:17,840
And we can't always make time and give ourselves the environment and the right space, but as

864
01:05:17,840 --> 01:05:21,660
much as we're able to, and I think that's a really important process to then arrive

865
01:05:21,660 --> 01:05:27,120
at this destination, like you said, that we want to feel where we're connected and we're

866
01:05:27,120 --> 01:05:32,560
balanced and we have healthy relationships that are founded upon solid dynamics.

867
01:05:32,560 --> 01:05:36,960
And we're really in tune with ourselves and able to be in service to others.

868
01:05:36,960 --> 01:05:41,760
But I think a big part of that is honoring the emotions that come up and not suppressing

869
01:05:41,760 --> 01:05:48,120
or repressing and let them take their course until they have taught us everything that

870
01:05:48,120 --> 01:05:49,600
we need to be taught.

871
01:05:49,600 --> 01:05:51,520
Yeah, 100%.

872
01:05:51,520 --> 01:05:52,520
That's true too.

873
01:05:52,520 --> 01:05:58,760
So, to me that begs the question like, okay, how do I know when to utilize my coming back

874
01:05:58,760 --> 01:06:04,160
to a flow state and when do I, and how is it okay for me to express my emotion?

875
01:06:04,160 --> 01:06:09,600
And by okay, I mean safe, safe for me.

876
01:06:09,600 --> 01:06:15,080
And again, these may be things that require some learning.

877
01:06:15,080 --> 01:06:20,280
You may want to find some professionals who are able to help you with that.

878
01:06:20,280 --> 01:06:26,800
Or there's I think plenty of books, there are podcasts, YouTube channels, a lot of places

879
01:06:26,800 --> 01:06:31,800
to look to have these kinds of questions answered.

880
01:06:31,800 --> 01:06:39,380
And I invite you if you feel called and connected that you can make a connection with myself

881
01:06:39,380 --> 01:06:41,040
or Dan as well.

882
01:06:41,040 --> 01:06:44,440
These are things that we help people with every day.

883
01:06:44,440 --> 01:06:50,920
Yes, as we continue to learn ourselves, and I will say one thing that I've always have

884
01:06:50,920 --> 01:06:52,040
been very physical.

885
01:06:52,040 --> 01:06:57,900
So sometimes I would just be like out in nature and just take a stick and break it in half

886
01:06:57,900 --> 01:07:03,920
and just something about that expression, that sound for anger for example, would help

887
01:07:03,920 --> 01:07:05,880
me release.

888
01:07:05,880 --> 01:07:11,920
But recently I've been really enjoying drawing and painting.

889
01:07:11,920 --> 01:07:16,920
And even with something like with anger, which normally you think like you don't have quite

890
01:07:16,920 --> 01:07:21,760
the patience to sit down and grab even the necessary materials, you just need a quick

891
01:07:21,760 --> 01:07:22,760
outburst.

892
01:07:22,760 --> 01:07:29,440
But it's been really interesting where a lot of times I would just make a simple drawing

893
01:07:29,440 --> 01:07:33,020
and then the colors I would choose and the shapes that it would take would to me really

894
01:07:33,020 --> 01:07:37,480
represent the emotion that I was going through and it was a great feedback system.

895
01:07:37,480 --> 01:07:44,600
So I found that a really good tool and I think always having people in your corner to lean

896
01:07:44,600 --> 01:07:54,520
on, even if it's just a text or a quick phone call, again like this reaffirming this notion

897
01:07:54,520 --> 01:07:56,360
that I'm not alone with it.

898
01:07:56,360 --> 01:08:03,880
Because I think that can be where someone tends to shut down and then they think it's

899
01:08:03,880 --> 01:08:06,100
all on them.

900
01:08:06,100 --> 01:08:08,800
Everything gets stuck inside their own head and body.

901
01:08:08,800 --> 01:08:14,560
And when you feel ready, and sometimes even when you maybe don't feel ready but you know

902
01:08:14,560 --> 01:08:19,560
you need it, reaching out for support is such an important part.

903
01:08:19,560 --> 01:08:21,040
Yeah, absolutely.

904
01:08:21,040 --> 01:08:22,040
Absolutely.

905
01:08:22,040 --> 01:08:24,840
Thanks for bringing that forward.

906
01:08:24,840 --> 01:08:32,120
And I too find Creative Outlet to be a really useful one along with just being in nature

907
01:08:32,120 --> 01:08:35,720
and maybe being more physical and active.

908
01:08:35,720 --> 01:08:44,240
I mean I have to say that contact and semi-contact sports were certainly a great tool for me

909
01:08:44,240 --> 01:08:46,360
at certain points in my life.

910
01:08:46,360 --> 01:08:52,200
I wouldn't want to lean on that as an expression by itself because I think it's also important

911
01:08:52,200 --> 01:08:58,560
to come to some inspirations and some realizations and things like that.

912
01:08:58,560 --> 01:09:02,560
But getting that energy out, yeah, it can be super helpful.

913
01:09:02,560 --> 01:09:10,480
Yeah, and of course practices that are physical but it can be great for all emotions, something

914
01:09:10,480 --> 01:09:17,120
like yoga and tai chi that have energetic elements and help us realign not only our

915
01:09:17,120 --> 01:09:25,400
physiology but also our energetic bodies into a more healthy aligned geometrical structure

916
01:09:25,400 --> 01:09:31,820
is also really important as long with chiropractic work which are all functions of supporting

917
01:09:31,820 --> 01:09:35,920
the physiology and the energy field into becoming more aligned.

918
01:09:35,920 --> 01:09:46,460
Yeah, and I'll just quickly also say that chiropractic and acupuncture and Reiki and

919
01:09:46,460 --> 01:09:51,840
other kinds of healing methodologies also help to realign the energy field and sometimes

920
01:09:51,840 --> 01:09:57,520
there can be tremendous releases of emotional energy that are really different than you

921
01:09:57,520 --> 01:09:59,020
would expect.

922
01:09:59,020 --> 01:10:05,260
It just goes whoosh and it's like, oh, that's just gone, how did that happen?

923
01:10:05,260 --> 01:10:10,840
It just emanated through your vibration and it was able to be released.

924
01:10:10,840 --> 01:10:12,760
So all of these are different ways.

925
01:10:12,760 --> 01:10:20,920
There are so many different ways and yeah, I'm not sure where do we want to go from here

926
01:10:20,920 --> 01:10:21,920
Dan?

927
01:10:21,920 --> 01:10:23,920
I mean, it seems like we're kind of wrapping up.

928
01:10:23,920 --> 01:10:31,680
Yeah, is maybe the maybe ending with aligning with the wisdom of the higher self and kind

929
01:10:31,680 --> 01:10:34,920
of leading it on out from there?

930
01:10:34,920 --> 01:10:37,040
Yeah, absolutely.

931
01:10:37,040 --> 01:10:44,200
So it's possible to set an intention and you get to decide what your intention is.

932
01:10:44,200 --> 01:10:48,120
But what's the intention that I want as an empath?

933
01:10:48,120 --> 01:10:54,920
How much do I want, when do I want to receive to be connected in an empathic way and when

934
01:10:54,920 --> 01:10:55,920
do I not?

935
01:10:55,920 --> 01:11:01,080
Like maybe out in public, I really don't want to pick up on every single vibration as I

936
01:11:01,080 --> 01:11:02,080
walk through Walmart.

937
01:11:02,080 --> 01:11:06,720
I mean, that just might be a bit much or I'm at the music festival and I'm in the center

938
01:11:06,720 --> 01:11:13,280
of all of this people who are having hundreds of people, there's all different kinds of

939
01:11:13,280 --> 01:11:15,720
emotional fields.

940
01:11:15,720 --> 01:11:23,600
I don't want to be, you know, so you can ask your higher self, your divine self, your higher

941
01:11:23,600 --> 01:11:31,880
wisdom, however you think about that to create to align with this desire that you have.

942
01:11:31,880 --> 01:11:37,720
I only want to be empathically connected with the people that I'm closest to or I only want

943
01:11:37,720 --> 01:11:44,080
to be empathically connected with those whom I'm meant to serve, you know, however you

944
01:11:44,080 --> 01:11:46,480
want to set that.

945
01:11:46,480 --> 01:11:47,960
And that absolutely works.

946
01:11:47,960 --> 01:11:55,800
I learned that, you know, many, many, many years ago and it has served me really well.

947
01:11:55,800 --> 01:12:01,440
You may have already noticed that you're connected with some spirit allies, befriending and aligning

948
01:12:01,440 --> 01:12:06,720
with those beings can certainly help you with life in general and certainly with your empathic

949
01:12:06,720 --> 01:12:07,720
skills.

950
01:12:07,720 --> 01:12:13,840
I would just want to make a note that you want to make sure that the higher beings are

951
01:12:13,840 --> 01:12:20,440
actually higher beings who have the wisdom that is needed to help you and not just kind

952
01:12:20,440 --> 01:12:24,880
of fourth dimensional astral beings who are, who might want to help but don't have the

953
01:12:24,880 --> 01:12:30,480
wisdom or who are opposing his higher guides for their own purposes.

954
01:12:30,480 --> 01:12:34,660
And again, we're touching on something that you may not automatically know how to do.

955
01:12:34,660 --> 01:12:39,880
So you might want to find someone who can help you make that distinction.

956
01:12:39,880 --> 01:12:45,440
And then just aligning with the wisdom of the higher self, you know, you can ask, you

957
01:12:45,440 --> 01:12:52,400
know, like when you receive empathic information, you know, is this my emotion?

958
01:12:52,400 --> 01:12:57,640
Is this something I'm meant to help someone with at this time?

959
01:12:57,640 --> 01:13:02,480
And you know, you're listening for the answers will come from, you know, that higher wisdom

960
01:13:02,480 --> 01:13:03,480
that you have.

961
01:13:03,480 --> 01:13:09,140
And if I am meant to contribute at this time, in what way am I meant to contribute?

962
01:13:09,140 --> 01:13:14,680
Because when you don't ask these questions and you just follow that desire to be of assistance,

963
01:13:14,680 --> 01:13:21,880
which is laudable, it's wonderful, but you may inadvertently enable someone else, meaning

964
01:13:21,880 --> 01:13:29,080
that you may be alleviating their immediate feeling, but not actually helping them to

965
01:13:29,080 --> 01:13:33,060
learn how to handle it for themselves.

966
01:13:33,060 --> 01:13:38,320
It's also certainly going to overwhelm you and can sometimes put you into situations

967
01:13:38,320 --> 01:13:43,940
that are not helpful for you or for the people around you.

968
01:13:43,940 --> 01:13:49,880
So I think those are just some, oh, and yeah, you just spoke about breath and body also.

969
01:13:49,880 --> 01:13:53,960
And we already talked about the salt lamp or the healing crystal.

970
01:13:53,960 --> 01:14:02,360
So those are just ways that it can be helpful to protect yourself without having to create

971
01:14:02,360 --> 01:14:09,840
some kind of wall where you're completely disconnected and isolated.

972
01:14:09,840 --> 01:14:14,560
If I may add one piece to that, Amy, and let me know what you think about this.

973
01:14:14,560 --> 01:14:22,560
I found it very helpful to when I'm intention setting to write it down and it helps kind

974
01:14:22,560 --> 01:14:28,000
of crystallize what it is that you're trying to envision and bring forth into your energy

975
01:14:28,000 --> 01:14:29,000
field.

976
01:14:29,000 --> 01:14:35,080
And you could also do something like make a crystal grid or make a certain constellation

977
01:14:35,080 --> 01:14:37,560
on your altar of sacred objects.

978
01:14:37,560 --> 01:14:44,080
A lot of different ways to emanate this, but I think having sometimes a physical representation

979
01:14:44,080 --> 01:14:48,240
can really help crystallize and bring that forth into the physical.

980
01:14:48,240 --> 01:14:50,480
Yeah, absolutely.

981
01:14:50,480 --> 01:14:55,560
And the ceremonial aspect of that, just like creating a crystal grid or something like

982
01:14:55,560 --> 01:15:02,360
that, it's like, oh, this is kind of a ceremonial aspect that keeps you connected with your

983
01:15:02,360 --> 01:15:03,360
intention.

984
01:15:03,360 --> 01:15:07,440
Yeah, because a lot of times we have slippery memories.

985
01:15:07,440 --> 01:15:14,080
And so it also is a visual tool to help you remember what it is that intention is and

986
01:15:14,080 --> 01:15:18,160
to remember to set your sights on and come back to it when we get a little off balance.

987
01:15:18,160 --> 01:15:23,800
Yeah, I remember a few weeks ago, a friend of mine who is a practitioner, I had taken

988
01:15:23,800 --> 01:15:25,760
something to her that I wanted to work with.

989
01:15:25,760 --> 01:15:29,240
And I really got the inspiration and the insight that I needed.

990
01:15:29,240 --> 01:15:30,240
And it was just so clear.

991
01:15:30,240 --> 01:15:31,960
And I was like, oh, that's wonderful.

992
01:15:31,960 --> 01:15:37,160
And the other day I saw her again and I was like, I remember that I found that the inspiration

993
01:15:37,160 --> 01:15:44,640
came to me and I understood exactly what I needed, but I completely forgot what it was.

994
01:15:44,640 --> 01:15:46,320
She had to remind me.

995
01:15:46,320 --> 01:15:50,360
And I think that we do this when it's something that's really new or maybe it goes against

996
01:15:50,360 --> 01:15:56,840
some of our earlier learned things that don't fit anymore, that our minds become slippery,

997
01:15:56,840 --> 01:16:00,000
as you said.

998
01:16:00,000 --> 01:16:01,000
Yes they do.

999
01:16:01,000 --> 01:16:03,000
Yes they do.

1000
01:16:03,000 --> 01:16:08,720
Yeah, so that's why I find journaling also not only for intention setting, but for when

1001
01:16:08,720 --> 01:16:11,880
you get insights and downloads.

1002
01:16:11,880 --> 01:16:14,480
And this is what we know, we always do it right after ceremony.

1003
01:16:14,480 --> 01:16:19,240
And I encourage people, especially after their first couple of Reiki sessions, journal down

1004
01:16:19,240 --> 01:16:25,000
your experience because right after it's happened, you feel it, you're thinking it, every part

1005
01:16:25,000 --> 01:16:28,720
of your being is emanated with it, but you will forget it.

1006
01:16:28,720 --> 01:16:33,880
There's just too much that this world demands of our mind and our cognition and too many

1007
01:16:33,880 --> 01:16:36,080
decisions we have to make.

1008
01:16:36,080 --> 01:16:38,160
So you will forget these things.

1009
01:16:38,160 --> 01:16:43,760
So it's never going to be more clear and you're never going to be more able to put it down

1010
01:16:43,760 --> 01:16:47,960
into a way that you can remember the essence of it as when it first happened.

1011
01:16:47,960 --> 01:16:53,960
So journaling throughout the course of your experience with your intention as it unfolds

1012
01:16:53,960 --> 01:16:55,960
I think is a really important piece.

1013
01:16:55,960 --> 01:17:01,480
And then you can draw a line of coherence as you've worked through your intention and

1014
01:17:01,480 --> 01:17:06,520
as you work through the obstacles that you faced that have associated with it throughout

1015
01:17:06,520 --> 01:17:07,520
that time.

1016
01:17:07,520 --> 01:17:08,920
Yeah, that's great.

1017
01:17:08,920 --> 01:17:14,060
And also I just want to remind us that journaling can take a lot of different forms.

1018
01:17:14,060 --> 01:17:17,120
So you might draw in your journal.

1019
01:17:17,120 --> 01:17:21,520
You might have a vision that came to you in your meditation or your ceremonial experience

1020
01:17:21,520 --> 01:17:22,520
or whatever.

1021
01:17:22,520 --> 01:17:30,360
And when you draw that experience, it might speak to you later even more than the words

1022
01:17:30,360 --> 01:17:35,160
or you might just use words and not necessarily sentences.

1023
01:17:35,160 --> 01:17:43,000
It may even be useful for some people to speak into your recording device or something like

1024
01:17:43,000 --> 01:17:49,680
that and just play with it and see and it may be different for you at different times.

1025
01:17:49,680 --> 01:17:52,040
So yeah, that's a great tool.

1026
01:17:52,040 --> 01:17:54,960
Yeah, I'm glad you mentioned that too Amy.

1027
01:17:54,960 --> 01:17:55,960
That's a great point.

1028
01:17:55,960 --> 01:18:00,040
Yeah, because it can take very many, many forms.

1029
01:18:00,040 --> 01:18:05,280
And so finding the right grouping constellation that really works for you at a given time

1030
01:18:05,280 --> 01:18:12,840
because I think it's more about getting it authentically expressed and putting it down

1031
01:18:12,840 --> 01:18:15,480
than what it says or what it reads.

1032
01:18:15,480 --> 01:18:17,280
It's a tool just for you.

1033
01:18:17,280 --> 01:18:24,440
So it is kind of different than writing something for someone else to then gain insight from.

1034
01:18:24,440 --> 01:18:25,720
It's for us, it's for you.

1035
01:18:25,720 --> 01:18:29,720
Yeah, and if you're an artist, then drawing might not be the best thing because you might

1036
01:18:29,720 --> 01:18:36,880
get into your brain and perfection.

1037
01:18:36,880 --> 01:18:41,560
I mean, it might be perfect for you because you're an artist, but just remember that sometimes

1038
01:18:41,560 --> 01:18:51,320
that which we've learned to fine tune may not be the best tool for this kind of juggling.

1039
01:18:51,320 --> 01:18:52,320
Most definitely.

1040
01:18:52,320 --> 01:18:59,280
All right, Amy, any last thoughts about empaths and emotions before we wrap up episode two?

1041
01:18:59,280 --> 01:19:01,680
No, I feel like we've kind of covered everything that fits.

1042
01:19:01,680 --> 01:19:05,960
I mean, there's plenty to come back to and I think we'll do more podcasts on the empathic

1043
01:19:05,960 --> 01:19:10,280
topic probably, but I feel like that we covered a lot.

1044
01:19:10,280 --> 01:19:15,360
We offered some ways to help empaths and ways to understand some of the challenges you might

1045
01:19:15,360 --> 01:19:17,720
be facing.

1046
01:19:17,720 --> 01:19:22,680
Amy, do you want to lead us out?

1047
01:19:22,680 --> 01:19:30,880
Yeah, so just to give you guys a chance to kind of integrate and prepare to come back

1048
01:19:30,880 --> 01:19:35,400
to the next stage, whatever it is that you're doing next.

1049
01:19:35,400 --> 01:19:43,400
So just let yourself close your eyes for a moment if you are in a place to do that.

1050
01:19:43,400 --> 01:19:47,000
Take a deep breath.

1051
01:19:47,000 --> 01:19:50,440
Just kind of inquire without grasping for an answer.

1052
01:19:50,440 --> 01:19:55,320
Was there anything from today that spoke to you deeply and especially that you want to

1053
01:19:55,320 --> 01:20:02,800
remember to take with you?

1054
01:20:02,800 --> 01:20:16,760
And then just like take with you anything that's of value into the rest of your day.

1055
01:20:16,760 --> 01:20:19,040
And let yourself remember what comes next.

1056
01:20:19,040 --> 01:20:25,240
Maybe you're just having a nice day off and you're just going to be relaxing and playing.

1057
01:20:25,240 --> 01:20:28,120
Maybe you're going back to work.

1058
01:20:28,120 --> 01:20:35,080
Whatever it is that you're doing, just let yourself begin to gently align with that next

1059
01:20:35,080 --> 01:20:45,320
activity so that there's not a jarring transition, but a gentle one.

1060
01:20:45,320 --> 01:20:55,520
And so it is.

1061
01:20:55,520 --> 01:21:00,440
Blessings.

1062
01:21:00,440 --> 01:21:05,640
Thank you everyone for tuning in and we'll see you next time for episode three.

1063
01:21:05,640 --> 01:21:30,280
Blessings to you and everyone you love.