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Alright, everyone, welcome back to another episode of Faithfully Engaged.

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Today we have a guest on.

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Her name is Frida.

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And Frida, would you mind telling us a little bit about yourself?

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Absolutely.

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Thank you so much for having me.

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So my name is Frida.

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I am the host of Finding the Faith, which is Thursday, 7 p.m. live on Rumble.

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I'm also an ex-Jobist witness just trying to figure out the whole religious thing.

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But right now I am a non-denominational Christian and I am a conservative.

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Fantastic.

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So you are just all the bad things in the world.

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You are a terrible person.

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That's what I heard from you.

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Yes.

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Yes.

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I'm a racist.

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I'm a racist.

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Because I'm one of all of it.

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I'm trouble.

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I'm no name.

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There you go.

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Well, let's start with your show first.

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Finding the Faith.

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Tell us just a little bit about that and why you decided to make that show.

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So for the longest time, I really wanted to get into the podcasting space.

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But I wasn't entirely sure what I would podcast about.

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And then getting more and more into the culture war, a lot of it was kind of depressing, to

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be honest.

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It was like every new day would find out that this company was doing this bad thing or this

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group of people were engaging in this really horrendous thing.

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And it just felt nonstop almost like you couldn't breathe with all of the craziness and what

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our own culture war was going on.

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And I wanted to find a place where we kind of get to know each other in the culture war,

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kind of this is who's fighting behind like next to you in that foxhole.

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A place of encouragement where we would focus on the good and the beautiful and not so much

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the external craziness that's just mind blowing.

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Yeah.

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Oh, I think that's a great reason.

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That's honestly a lot of what led me into making initially the Truth and Grace Counseling

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podcast, but also now into faithfully engaged that as as Christians as conservatives, I

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think we are rightfully concerned about things in the culture.

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And I don't think we should turn a blind eye or just act like everything's fine.

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That anger point oftentimes is necessary to realize, no, this is wrong.

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That being said, so much of the content out there is, yep, this is terrible.

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And then what?

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Like there's nothing else going on with that.

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And I find that leads a lot of people to anger and apathy.

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And it's not helpful.

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It's something we need to know about, but then go the next step.

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So I really appreciate that you're trying to do that to show, yeah, there is encouragement.

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We need to know the people that I love how you put in the foxhole next to me and really

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engage in that, build each other up instead of, did you see what AOC tweeted?

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That was stupid.

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Like that just doesn't help us too much.

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Exactly.

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And I've been so blessed by getting into this because I mean, I live in a blue state.

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It is, I mean, with the exception of our brunch place, which is very, very special to me,

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they have amazing waitresses.

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We love them all, give them Christmas gifts every year and then like newsmax on while we're

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all like brunching, like trying to be normal people.

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But other than that, there's not really a sane person in sight.

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And so it's just been such a blessing to get to connect with like-minded people who share

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the same values, who share the same or similar journeys and same experiences.

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Yeah.

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Now, I don't want to put you on the spot too much, but do you mind sharing what blue state

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that you're in?

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That's one of the things I don't do.

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Yeah.

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No, fair enough.

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Fair enough.

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I mean, the craziness of the internet and people in the world, I don't blame you.

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I don't blame you with it.

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There's two things that you won't be able to figure out about me.

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I mean, you can like look in public records and stuff if like you really want to get into

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it.

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I don't say my state or my age or my last name because of what my head has been does

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for work.

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Ah, okay.

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Gotcha.

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Well, hey, I'm big on making the internet work for you instead of the other way around.

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The way that I probably do that the most is my wife and I, we were both off of social

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media for years when we got married.

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And that actually was fantastic.

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And I kind of missed those days.

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Sam.

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I, it's not that I can't go back, but once I started Truth and Grace counseling, I was

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like, I probably should have somewhat of an online presence just for business.

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I am making it work better.

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And this, I actually on Twitter, I hated Twitter to no end before, but I just say I've made

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my own little echo chamber and I realized that, but it's made my life a whole lot easier

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that my head doesn't hurt as much as long as I recognize I'm in a echo chamber.

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I'm okay.

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So that's one way.

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And then another way is I don't put any pictures of, of my kids who are the cutest little kids

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and I would get all sorts of likes and retweets and stuff, but I don't want them.

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I don't, I don't, I don't trust people.

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So they're, they're not going to have a very low internet profile.

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So I will completely respect you on that.

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I understand.

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I mean, it's such a valid thing too, because even if, I mean, let's say you have, you know,

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a really intense fan and you put down, you know, your kid's name, let's say their name's

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like Skylar or something and they see you out and they're like, oh, Skylar.

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And then Skylar's like, how do you know my name?

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Hi.

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Like thinking it's the same person is the person actually knows their name.

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And obviously there's a lot of stranger danger that goes into that, but it's just getting

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far too easy to be creepy these days if we're not, you know, minding our social media boundaries.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I actually had a guest on here recently.

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He's a fascinating conversation that he, he's actually the founder of this website called

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reVedit that looks at Reddit post and it can see if your post was shadow banned.

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And we were just talking through kind of shadow banning what that means and kind of internet

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discourse.

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And yeah, but basically what we ended up getting down into is we are people, we need to make

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our individual like our real life when you're going to brunch with people, make those relationships

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paramount.

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Those are more important.

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The internet relationships are great.

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That's how we're talking.

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It's fantastic, but don't let the internet take over your life.

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It is not worth it.

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Not worth it.

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Not worth it at all.

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Exactly.

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I mean, in 2020, when I left my first business behind, I went completely off social media,

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left everything behind, deleted everything and just not having Instagram for that short

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while.

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I didn't realize how much trying to know that I wouldn't necessarily keep up with the Joneses,

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but like hearing all of these cool new products and having those specialized ads and it's like,

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oh, wow, when I don't have all of this materialism shoved on my throat pretty much 24 seven,

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I don't really want to shop anyways because I like what I have and I'm blessed but I have.

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Yeah.

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Oh, that's, they know what they're doing.

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They absolutely know what they're doing.

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So if it wasn't for my podcast mentor, I honestly wouldn't have gotten an Instagram again, but

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he is like, you have to like find.

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Yeah, it is kind of a necessary evil when you're doing things like this.

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Unfortunately, but again, let's wield it for good.

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I would rather there be good content on Instagram than just all horrible terrible things.

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Yeah.

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Which kind of leads into I'm not on Instagram as much.

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I think I followed you on Instagram, but I don't remember.

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But I know I found you on Twitter and I was curious just with your handle named, which

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is the based babe, which I think is a fantastic Twitter handle.

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Thank you.

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I was wondering if there's any story or kind of what led you into making that handle.

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So it was a couple of things initially back in the 2015, like the years right around then,

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I own my own business called boundary babe.

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I did a lot of work with women helping them with their boundaries, their femininity, trying

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to have healthier relationships with others.

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Because at the time I was also a psych major and I had gone through a lot of stuff that

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helped me really understand boots on the ground wise, how all of that worked.

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So I was really able to help people like that.

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And then 2020 came and my business being a luxury business kind of it didn't make it

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there.

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And honestly retrospectively, I'm glad because that space was getting so woke that people

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were upset that I was spelling, you know, women's coaching W a sorry W O M a N instead

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of W O M X N and like all of this stuff is getting shoved down my throat.

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I don't like, you know what I'm out by.

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If you're guys going to consistently have these all these problems with me, I'm just

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I'm I'm gonna see myself out.

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And then I realized kind of took a step back.

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I was like, what matters to me the most?

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Like what truly are my values?

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And I realized that I've always been, you know, I'm kind of mainline conservative.

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I've had some, you know, libertarian ask, ask a pay.

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But it's always been about family.

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It's always been about femininity, faith, freedom.

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And my like we had to do presentations when I was in high school.

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Because I went through like their career technical education program and we're like,

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so what are you going to do with your life?

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And I was like, they were expecting like gentle assistant or doctor or nursing practitioner.

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And I was like, I want to be a wife and do a lot of volunteer work.

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And they were like, why did you take this?

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And I was like, because now if my husband gets her, I can fix them.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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You know, that's that's so interesting kind of your your discussion there.

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And especially with your I like talking to somebody that's in a in a blue state like

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you are, because I am the reddest of all the red.

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Like I'm in I'm in rural Oklahoma.

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Like it it really can't get that much more red like we're the red part of a red state.

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So I heard that they have like amazing art museums in Oklahoma.

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Is that true?

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They have what that amazing art museums?

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There are some, especially in Tulsa.

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There's some really good ones.

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I'm blanking on what the big ones called it's something with it with the G. I can't can't

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remember what it is.

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But anyways, yeah, there's some great ones.

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No, that's that's a great question.

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There's there's some good ones in Oklahoma City too.

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So yeah, we're not all out in a in a wheat field and you know, there's absolutely nothing.

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But yeah, there's some great art.

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There's some there's some really cool things in the state.

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And what's neat about Oklahoma City and Tulsa is, well, yes, it is more liberal.

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There's no way around that.

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It's still red.

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Like we I believe we're the only state in 2016 to vote all red and the presidential election.

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And I know we did again in 2020, but I don't know if we were the only one.

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But yeah, it was very conservative.

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That being said, I'm generally a harsher critic on conservative states and conservative just

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culture, in part because I am I am in a conservative state, I am more conservative, and I care

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about conservatives and kind of this culture more.

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It means more to me.

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So it's kind of like with my kids, I'm going to be more critical on my kids than someone

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else's kids.

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Yeah, exactly.

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With that in real super conservative culture, what you were kind of describing there of

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like kind of more of a feminist type of mindset, like you just want to do this to care for

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your husband.

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What's wrong with you?

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You know, that kind of mindset.

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Yeah, that happens in blue states, sure.

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But it happens here too.

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And one in particular instance, we're actually in Sunday school.

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So again, we're in Sunday school and rural Oklahoma, that just needs to be said here.

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Exactly.

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My wife was a teacher at the time.

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And at the time we weren't planning on homeschooling our kids and now we are.

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But she was saying that she was planning on taking time off of work to be a stay at home

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mom, and she said she was going to do that until the kids were older.

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So she was planning on like 10 years of being off of out of work.

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And we don't expect everybody to say like, oh, everyone has to do that.

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So that wasn't the issue.

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But it was the shock like, whoa, you're taking 10 years off.

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Like that was like the most foreign idea ever in Sunday school in rural Oklahoma.

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So these kind of general cultural drifts of feminism and things of that nature, they exist

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here that sometimes we think, oh, that happens in California, that happens in New York, that

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doesn't happen here.

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It does.

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It absolutely does.

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And in fact, it can be quite more dangerous here in a red state because we kind of have

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the blinders on.

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We think it can't happen here.

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And it does.

239
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It very much does here.

240
00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:35,400
But that's really awesome that your wife is having the opportunity to do that because

241
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that's one of like my personal financial dreams.

242
00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:41,080
Because like right now I'm a homemaker.

243
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And when that, you know, time comes for us to have kids, we are planning on homeschooling.

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We're planning on me taking that time off until they can have more of a handle on their

245
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homeschooling.

246
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And I just like helping them work from home while they're doing that.

247
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Because the best part of schooling for me from everything was when I was homeschooled

248
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and my best friends that growing up are homeschooled.

249
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And it was just such an amazing culture and all the amazing things that they got to participate

250
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in.

251
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Is that something with, especially since you had your own homeschooling experience growing

252
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:25,200
up, is that something you've always wanted to do eventually for your kids or has that

253
00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:27,600
changed over the years?

254
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,640
It's been one of those native, we'll check it out.

255
00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:34,880
Like, what my husband take the lead, let him say what he thinks, kind of leaving it in

256
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:37,200
his hands kind of things.

257
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:45,960
But then as more and more and more crazy books were put in the library and more teachers

258
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:55,040
were having grooming charges against them and more psyops and terrible things going

259
00:16:55,040 --> 00:17:00,840
on or going on, I mean, we were like, there's really only one way to do this if we're gonna

260
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have kids because they're going to be our most important investment in the world.

261
00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:09,760
Like, they're not our property, they belong to God, but also at the same time too, we're

262
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:14,200
called to be faithful stewards in everything we have from our skin to our kids to our homes

263
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and everything else.

264
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And it felt like it was the only responsible way to do it.

265
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And I know that not everybody is able to make the sacrifices and I know that not everybody

266
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has the privilege.

267
00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:33,800
But I think there's definitely some ways where you can make certain things happen, especially

268
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if you leave in God's hands, and that's what we intend to do, especially because it's

269
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one of those things, you know?

270
00:17:44,440 --> 00:17:49,600
I think for you, what kind of what you're getting at here, you're right.

271
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And I'm big on this too of not a, oh, look at me, I'm homeschooling, I got to stay home

272
00:17:55,760 --> 00:17:58,920
my wife, your family has to look exactly like mine.

273
00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:01,440
No, I don't think that.

274
00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:07,800
What I do think though, is the notion, particularly with women, and I actually have made this

275
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:13,680
a focus of my of my counseling practice of working specifically with homeschool moms,

276
00:18:13,680 --> 00:18:19,600
because there's so many new homeschool moms out there that are like, oh, crud, there's

277
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:21,400
bad stuff going on.

278
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And they have the deer in the headlights look like, I can't do this.

279
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:29,640
I don't have an education in this, I can't teach my kids.

280
00:18:29,640 --> 00:18:37,320
But I think it's just really important to, before you have kids, if you have that ability

281
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:43,960
to prepare, if it's something you want to do, prepare financially, prepare, you know,

282
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:49,160
look at some homeschooling curriculum or ask a homeschool mom of what that, what do they

283
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:50,160
do that works?

284
00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:54,720
Like, don't really already have the curriculum picked out and not even pregnant yet.

285
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:56,880
But there you go.

286
00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:59,000
Perfect example of.

287
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:02,520
Wait, like just make the commitment.

288
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:07,440
If you are ready to make the commitment to do it, make the commitment first, and then

289
00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:09,520
make it happen.

290
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:15,360
Most of the times you are the limiting factor there and not your circumstances.

291
00:19:15,360 --> 00:19:17,680
And I'm not going to say that's 100%.

292
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:23,200
But if you truly think you and your husband, it's best for you to homeschool your kids.

293
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,480
They're more than likely as a way to get it done.

294
00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,280
You just have to make that commitment.

295
00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:28,280
Exactly.

296
00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:32,040
And I think it's going to be really helpful to you because my sister-in-law, she has two

297
00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:33,040
kids.

298
00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:36,800
I'm an aunt of two and they are, they're just amazing.

299
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:40,800
My nephew caught a fish for the first time a couple of days ago.

300
00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,240
So the whole family's been excited about that.

301
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:46,120
But she's homeschooling her kids.

302
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:50,000
And so we hope she'll be able to move closer in the future, kind of homeschool our kids

303
00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:51,000
all together.

304
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,000
Yeah.

305
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:53,000
Yeah.

306
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:58,040
That's the beauty of homeschooling too, that I think a lot of parents are starting to

307
00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:04,960
realize you don't have to make it a little miniature public school in your house.

308
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:06,960
Make it what works.

309
00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,720
If you have family nearby, do it together.

310
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:14,480
If you have friends, trade off, teach different classes, join a co-op.

311
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:17,600
Like there's all sorts of different ways to do it.

312
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:22,840
Don't limit yourself into like you have to just have them get your own chalkboard and

313
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:27,040
have them sit down for eight hours a day and do it exactly like you do at public school.

314
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:28,040
Exactly.

315
00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:34,040
I'm not trying to throw shade to anyone, but if you're doing the chalkboard and desk

316
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:38,240
grout and you're doing the, here's the worksheets, do the worksheets.

317
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:42,280
It has to be kind of like training for nine to five, but inside our own home, if you're

318
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:46,400
missing the point, you're missing the opportunity and you're missing the experience that it

319
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:50,200
really could be with connecting with your child.

320
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:55,400
And I know it can be hard at first because I've helped friends who are homeschoolers.

321
00:20:55,400 --> 00:21:01,000
I've helped, like I've been a homeschooler for a small portion of my education, but I

322
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:10,560
just think that it's really crucial because I have think, I mean, to a degree of, thankfully,

323
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:14,280
I've had both sides of like being homeschooled and not being homeschooled.

324
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:18,640
And when I was in public school, I would go and I would learn things all about like evolution

325
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:23,360
and like all these things that, you know, are scientific theories, but they don't present

326
00:21:23,360 --> 00:21:26,480
the other side of the theory and everything.

327
00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:30,400
And then after that, I would get home and I would have to sit for five hours reading

328
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:34,720
about all why the things I just learned for the past eight hours in school were wrong.

329
00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:42,680
And it's like, if you don't program your kids with what the world has to say and think,

330
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,360
then you won't have to deprogram your kids.

331
00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:46,960
That's a great point.

332
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:55,080
I think you nailed it there that it's the ideologies of the world and not just the bad

333
00:21:55,080 --> 00:22:02,160
teacher, the one rotten apple type of type of concept.

334
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:03,800
And I want to be careful with that.

335
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:05,640
Like I know there's great teachers out there.

336
00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:08,720
I have family members that are teachers.

337
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:11,360
The system is working against them.

338
00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:19,040
But you don't want to put the system just into your home, like you're saying, you can

339
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:25,200
teach them about, if you're a Christian, teach them about God, like make that a massive part

340
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:26,200
of their education.

341
00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:27,480
How cool is that?

342
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:30,520
You have that ability to do it.

343
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:37,480
And even on the more practical levels with my three-year-old, my daughter, how we're

344
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:43,360
going to educate her is different than with my one-year-old son.

345
00:22:43,360 --> 00:22:46,360
My daughter loves to go and pick flowers.

346
00:22:46,360 --> 00:22:50,880
Have her on a day when she's, it's nice outside.

347
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:55,000
We're going to go pick a dandelion and think of all the things we can do with that.

348
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:59,800
We can look at the science of the dandelion and kind of inspect that.

349
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:03,520
We can make dandelion the spelling word of the day.

350
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:08,360
We can look at the grammar, what type of word is dandelion?

351
00:23:08,360 --> 00:23:12,400
We just did that by picking something out of the backyard.

352
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:13,920
Exactly.

353
00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:15,520
It's limitless what you can do.

354
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:18,120
So don't limit yourself.

355
00:23:18,120 --> 00:23:22,360
You can even have a little field guide book that you make for yourself.

356
00:23:22,360 --> 00:23:26,360
I've actually gotten into making my own books with book finding.

357
00:23:26,360 --> 00:23:28,480
I'm such a DIY nerd.

358
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:33,400
But you can press the flower and have, look back at it at the end of the year and look

359
00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:35,320
at all the flowers you want there.

360
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:36,320
Yeah.

361
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:40,840
I had another guest on here recently.

362
00:23:40,840 --> 00:23:45,480
She kind of on Instagram goes by a sweet sequels has her own little shop there.

363
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:51,080
And she talked about that they have a unique setup that they do like a hybrid.

364
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:56,520
So half the week there at this private school and half the week there at home.

365
00:23:56,520 --> 00:24:00,800
Like again, there's just so many different ways.

366
00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:05,640
And there's, I know that can be overwhelming.

367
00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:10,360
That's the easy part of home or public school or even just normal private school.

368
00:24:10,360 --> 00:24:11,360
Yeah.

369
00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:16,080
They go to school, they get their school list and then they come home and that's it.

370
00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:21,880
So I know that can be overwhelming, but yeah, you can do, you can speak so much truth and

371
00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:24,320
life and fun into your kids.

372
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:30,760
And that's what I try to get parents to do is realize, no, it's not just this, oh man,

373
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:36,040
I'm obligated because they're shoving all this ideology down my kid's throat.

374
00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:37,040
Yeah.

375
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:41,760
Maybe you start there, but let's finish with all the wonderful, beautiful things that are

376
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:43,760
presented there.

377
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:44,760
Exactly.

378
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:49,280
And I feel like sometimes there can be kind of that imposter syndrome.

379
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:52,720
If you will, when it comes to parents being like, Oh, well, I don't have an education

380
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:53,720
background.

381
00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:54,720
Yeah.

382
00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:58,200
I'm fortunate because I do actually, I worked in education in a lot of years, but a lot

383
00:24:58,200 --> 00:25:02,160
of parents don't have that kind of experience.

384
00:25:02,160 --> 00:25:05,120
And so they look at themselves and they're like, I'm just a parent.

385
00:25:05,120 --> 00:25:08,440
And it's like, no, you are a parent.

386
00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:09,440
That is a blessing.

387
00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:12,280
Nobody knows your child's better than you do.

388
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:17,480
And when it comes to all of the different curriculums, they absolutely can be overwhelming.

389
00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:19,760
There's like so much to them.

390
00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:24,200
But because of the fact that you are the parent, you know your child the best.

391
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:26,600
You know your child's better than anybody else.

392
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:33,200
And because of that factor, you can go this curriculum with these aspects of it is the

393
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:35,800
exact way that my child learns.

394
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:40,600
And so they're not going to be stuck on this topic, not being able to grasp it more fully

395
00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:43,680
because it's in this type of curriculum.

396
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:48,840
And that way it really helps not only free you up as a parent, but you know that your

397
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:52,800
child's getting the best education because of the fact that you're the one educating

398
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:53,800
them.

399
00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:54,800
Yeah.

400
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:55,800
Yeah.

401
00:25:55,800 --> 00:26:01,760
I just think we're, you're like you said earlier, missing the picture if it's just

402
00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:03,560
a out of fear.

403
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:09,200
I don't want the LGBTQ whatever agenda shoved on my kid.

404
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:11,560
That's fine to be a starting place.

405
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:16,160
And to kind of back up some of the listeners may have heard this from me before.

406
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:23,440
My wife and I, our starting place was this story we heard where we listened to the, Ali

407
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:28,240
Beth Stuckey's podcast, this like 2019 or something.

408
00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:32,600
And she shared the story of a public school.

409
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:35,880
I believe it was in Madison, Wisconsin.

410
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:42,480
And where they were, I think just socially transitioning this child.

411
00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:46,880
So calling like, I think they even called this child a completely different name.

412
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:50,600
And I don't even remember which sex of the child this was, but we'll just say for sake

413
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:51,600
of argument.

414
00:26:51,600 --> 00:26:57,320
We have a little girl and they call your little girl a little boy at school.

415
00:26:57,320 --> 00:27:02,200
And then they go back home and they never told you that they were calling your little

416
00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:04,240
girl a little boy.

417
00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:08,520
And we heard that story like, Oh, no, that doesn't fly.

418
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:11,040
I don't like that.

419
00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:17,240
And that was the precipice for us to really dig deeper into this.

420
00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:21,120
And while that was our starting point, that's not where it stayed.

421
00:27:21,120 --> 00:27:23,120
It went so much deeper.

422
00:27:23,120 --> 00:27:31,120
And now, yeah, we have all of our curriculum bought to you and we're already doing for my

423
00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:32,120
three year old.

424
00:27:32,120 --> 00:27:37,880
And honestly starting to do with my one year old, we have some different Baptist catechisms

425
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:39,520
that we're doing with them.

426
00:27:39,520 --> 00:27:44,520
Like my daughter will ask, who made you and she'll say God made me.

427
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:45,520
And it's awesome.

428
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:51,080
Like my little three year old is quoting some scripture and things like that.

429
00:27:51,080 --> 00:27:55,600
And that's, that's education.

430
00:27:55,600 --> 00:28:01,760
She's not, she's not quote kindergarten, but we're already educating her and it's awesome.

431
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:03,280
So exactly.

432
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:04,840
Don't just live in that fear.

433
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,160
Understand the joy that, that it can really bring.

434
00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:08,160
Exactly.

435
00:28:08,160 --> 00:28:12,360
There's so much good and beautiful out there, especially if you open your mind in your heart

436
00:28:12,360 --> 00:28:14,560
and let God guide you.

437
00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:15,560
Absolutely.

438
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:16,560
Absolutely.

439
00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:24,040
Well, I know we talked just real briefly off air of kind of your, your faith journey and

440
00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:27,680
kind of a spoiler alert for those out there.

441
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:29,320
It's quite the doozy.

442
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:36,760
So kind of just start with us a little bit of, yeah, what, what was your faith journey?

443
00:28:36,760 --> 00:28:39,440
What did that, what did that all look like for you?

444
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:43,920
So I was born to an Irish Catholic single mother in Ireland.

445
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:46,800
She was originally from Boston.

446
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:48,400
I am a naturalized citizen.

447
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:53,520
So before I got on the plane, just in case didn't want me to end up in purgatory.

448
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:59,560
They made sure I was baptized with some family members at one of the churches in Ireland.

449
00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:03,280
And then I came over to this country with the help of my grandfather's friends, the

450
00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:06,320
kind of days, yes, those kind of days.

451
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:12,600
And I was baptized in the Boston archdiocese.

452
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:17,160
Which fun, like super random fact, because it's kind of cool how I always like managed

453
00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:21,560
to be just a couple of steps away from like Kevin Bacon, like greatness kind of thing.

454
00:29:21,560 --> 00:29:29,560
My childhood, my childhood priest, Father Jack was actually when they were doing the,

455
00:29:29,560 --> 00:29:32,920
for like the, you know, how they like anoint the Pope or with the red smoke.

456
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:33,920
Yeah.

457
00:29:33,920 --> 00:29:35,040
I'm no longer a Catholic.

458
00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:40,880
So I'm not trying to commit like her or anything, but he was in succession to potentially

459
00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:41,880
be the Pope.

460
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:42,880
Oh, wow.

461
00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:47,800
Which to me is like so wild that like my childhood priest, who were actually going to be naming

462
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:52,320
our son after in the future, my husband's family tends to make boys.

463
00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:56,840
So we plan for both bunch of holidays.

464
00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:57,840
So yeah.

465
00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:00,040
So he almost became the Pope.

466
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:06,160
And then when my mom unfortunately ended up getting cancer, passing away, I was left

467
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:12,480
to be inherited by her older sister who had never wanted kids and made that really apparent

468
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:14,680
everyday existing.

469
00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:23,640
And she basically told me, oh, if you're a really good girl and you do all these things,

470
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:24,800
you can see your dead mom again.

471
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:26,880
And I was like, I'm seven.

472
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:28,640
Of course I want to see my dead mom again.

473
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:30,880
That's my mom.

474
00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:38,600
And so because of that, I kind of, if you ask her version of the story, she says that

475
00:30:38,600 --> 00:30:42,840
she offered me to get me a babysitter or to go with them.

476
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:49,480
And I was in survival mode and I was a people pleaser and I was like, you go to three meetings

477
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:51,960
every week and you're gone for a long time.

478
00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:55,600
It's going to be really expensive to keep me around and not stick me in foster care

479
00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:58,760
if you like have to keep paying for babysitters.

480
00:30:58,760 --> 00:31:00,360
So I guess I'll just go with you.

481
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:04,320
And so I go.

482
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:09,360
And at this point, my mom was still alive, but she was in the hospital.

483
00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:12,480
And there was so much love bombing that took place.

484
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:16,800
It was insane, like the amount of love bombing.

485
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:20,880
But because I was seven, I just thought everybody was really nice and everybody really liked

486
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:21,880
me.

487
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:26,120
And I was like, okay, there's a bunch of free candy and people being nice to me.

488
00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:27,120
Of course.

489
00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:28,120
I love it.

490
00:31:28,120 --> 00:31:31,200
I'm going to get all this candy and get to my dead mom again.

491
00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:32,200
It's great.

492
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:34,680
And so I went through that.

493
00:31:34,680 --> 00:31:39,160
I went through kind of their hierarchical steps.

494
00:31:39,160 --> 00:31:43,480
First ever came an unbaptized publisher, which is basically Jehovah's Witness Speak for

495
00:31:43,480 --> 00:31:48,240
if I talk to you about Jehovah, I get to count 15 minutes or however long we spoke on a little

496
00:31:48,240 --> 00:31:51,560
sheet and get a little pat on the head from the elders.

497
00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:52,560
Yeah.

498
00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:58,080
And then after that, I got baptized at nine years old because I was running out of things

499
00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:04,320
I could do, but like in that hierarchy kind of.

500
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:10,640
And then after that, I auxiliary pioneered, which is doing 50 hours every month, going

501
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:14,520
around indoor knocking, did that several, several times.

502
00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:23,320
So imagine me being in high school and not only holding down a part-time job, which was

503
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:28,440
like three days a week, but going to three meetings a week.

504
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:35,800
And then also doing 50 hours of that community service on top of doing the other community

505
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:40,560
service, which was called the regional building committee, which is going around and doing

506
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:46,120
all of this like unpaid labor for them to build more kingdom halls and do stuff like

507
00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:48,120
that.

508
00:32:48,120 --> 00:32:53,400
Pretty tiring and probably explains why I can actually relax.

509
00:32:53,400 --> 00:32:55,960
Goodness.

510
00:32:55,960 --> 00:33:01,440
Well staying on honor roll, of course, because anything else was just unacceptable.

511
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:06,240
I brought less than glory for God.

512
00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:12,040
So that is, you know, I've heard of Jehovah's Witness and no one a little bit of study, but

513
00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:16,200
it says work based to the core as it can get.

514
00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:17,200
Yep.

515
00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:19,160
God bless.

516
00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:20,160
Yeah.

517
00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:22,480
So you're caught in that.

518
00:33:22,480 --> 00:33:29,640
You're just working your way to heaven, so to speak.

519
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:30,640
Then what?

520
00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:32,480
How do you get out of that?

521
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:40,080
So I got in trouble for kissing a boy because I was a little tramp in their eyes and I had

522
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:47,440
to go and sit in front of three men a bit older than yourself and tell them, oh yes,

523
00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:48,440
will not boy kiss me.

524
00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:49,440
I did kiss him back.

525
00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:53,120
Well, my uncle were on either side of me.

526
00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:59,960
And then when I did other teenage things, I got more trouble because I was trying to

527
00:33:59,960 --> 00:34:03,880
figure things out because I was like, okay, this is what this says, but this is what this

528
00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:04,880
says.

529
00:34:04,880 --> 00:34:06,120
But like other things are telling me this.

530
00:34:06,120 --> 00:34:10,640
So I was like trying to figure it out, well still managing to be a good noodle because

531
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:16,040
I also, even though I never asked for it, was annoyingly the person that all of the other

532
00:34:16,040 --> 00:34:18,600
parents held their kids up to be.

533
00:34:18,600 --> 00:34:22,600
Why can't you be more like free to, I'm like, no, your kids awesome just the way they are.

534
00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:23,600
Let them live.

535
00:34:23,600 --> 00:34:30,080
I didn't ask for this and then everybody hated me and I was like, well, this is awful.

536
00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:36,960
And so I thought, so because of those transgressions during my teenage years, I wasn't allowed

537
00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:46,200
to pioneer to 70 hours a month every month for an entire year.

538
00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:49,000
I wasn't allowed that privilege.

539
00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:53,360
And I had based my entire like post high school experience off of that.

540
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:57,680
I was going to pioneer for a year and then I was going to go and get some more like training

541
00:34:57,680 --> 00:35:00,680
on education and do some other stuff.

542
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:04,120
And I had gotten to that point and I was like, I can do it.

543
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:05,120
I can do it.

544
00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:06,600
Like it's going to be great.

545
00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:10,280
And they're like, no, because you kissed a boy a couple of years ago.

546
00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:11,760
So I have to do still things to your trap.

547
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:13,760
And I'm like, oh, well, that's not cool.

548
00:35:13,760 --> 00:35:15,760
No, thank you.

549
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:16,760
Like, like he was cute.

550
00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:17,760
It was my birthday.

551
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:18,760
I don't know.

552
00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:26,480
No, but actually like my first kiss was literally a Taylor Swift song.

553
00:35:26,480 --> 00:35:30,600
It was like on the riverbank of like my aunt's property as the sun was setting on my 13th

554
00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:31,600
birthday.

555
00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:32,600
Can't make that stuff.

556
00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:33,600
That's awesome.

557
00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:37,600
A boy who was so southern I couldn't pronounce his last name.

558
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:40,600
I wasn't sure what he signed.

559
00:35:40,600 --> 00:35:43,880
But anyway, I signed.

560
00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:49,600
So I finally kind of just throw myself into like work post high school, do a bunch of

561
00:35:49,600 --> 00:35:55,200
volunteer work, do what I can do to kind of prove myself that like a morally of being

562
00:35:55,200 --> 00:36:00,960
able to be a pioneer because a lot of the brothers would only look would only look at

563
00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:04,200
you to be potential marriage material if you were a pioneer.

564
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:05,200
So I was like, I want to get married.

565
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:09,160
I want to get myself a husband after pioneer after like do all the things.

566
00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:15,960
And during that year, I was just like, nah, because my aunt got really sick and had some

567
00:36:15,960 --> 00:36:18,800
severe mental health problems.

568
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:26,840
And it was just my uncle believed her that she was a prophetess and that she was going

569
00:36:26,840 --> 00:36:28,800
to bring about Armageddon.

570
00:36:28,800 --> 00:36:34,520
And I was like, no, I don't even have to have taken that one high school psychology class

571
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:37,440
to tell you that she's having a break from reality.

572
00:36:37,440 --> 00:36:41,240
So I had to help her with that.

573
00:36:41,240 --> 00:36:44,920
And the more I saw this and the more I saw the interplay with the elders and how everybody

574
00:36:44,920 --> 00:36:49,760
was handling things and just watching me be the one little teeny bop or teenage girl who

575
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:54,920
somehow got like shoved into this position without, you know, giving me the love and

576
00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:57,640
protection that I desperately needed.

577
00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:02,080
I was like, this isn't a place for me.

578
00:37:02,080 --> 00:37:05,360
And I just felt so haunted by it.

579
00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:11,400
And so I was like, well, maybe maybe if I pioneer and I go out and I try to prove that

580
00:37:11,400 --> 00:37:14,520
Jehovah exists to everybody else.

581
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:16,400
I'll prove it to myself.

582
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:17,400
Maybe.

583
00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:21,040
And I finally got the opportunity.

584
00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:26,400
I even got to do cart witnessing, which for those of you who don't know, it's like a really

585
00:37:26,400 --> 00:37:27,400
big deal.

586
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:31,160
You have to be more special than a pioneer to be able to go and stand by the carts and

587
00:37:31,160 --> 00:37:35,000
do the witnessing and being like, hey, sir, business man, I know you're on a business

588
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:36,000
meeting, but here take this.

589
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:39,400
Just like shove a magazine in your hands.

590
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:43,760
And the thing is a lot of the people who are Jehovah's Witnesses are lovely people who

591
00:37:43,760 --> 00:37:47,600
are honestly being spiritually oppressed.

592
00:37:47,600 --> 00:37:51,680
So when I say my experience, there's two things I don't want people to take away.

593
00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:54,640
I don't want them to take away that I was some sort of victim.

594
00:37:54,640 --> 00:37:55,720
I'm a survivor.

595
00:37:55,720 --> 00:37:58,240
I survived and I escaped that call.

596
00:37:58,240 --> 00:38:03,840
And I also don't want them to be mean and nasty to Jehovah's Witnesses because a lot

597
00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:06,320
of them don't know what they're doing.

598
00:38:06,320 --> 00:38:12,320
They're doing the best that they can and doing what they're told because a lot of times their

599
00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:16,760
family is in there or they have a lot of reasons for being stuck in there because when you

600
00:38:16,760 --> 00:38:21,680
grow up in it or even when like you can't go out and have friends that aren't part of

601
00:38:21,680 --> 00:38:22,680
your religion.

602
00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:27,520
And it's their way of controlling you even further so that when you eventually do leave,

603
00:38:27,520 --> 00:38:34,480
if you do get to leave, thankfully there's been a record numbers, but you lose everything.

604
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:37,720
I lost my best friend of 10 years.

605
00:38:37,720 --> 00:38:40,000
I lost my hairdresser.

606
00:38:40,000 --> 00:38:43,600
I mean, let me tell you, I did stay to get my final round highlights.

607
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:49,280
I like match that perfectly because I don't trust a lot of people with my hair.

608
00:38:49,280 --> 00:38:51,320
But I lost all of my little friends.

609
00:38:51,320 --> 00:38:53,240
I lost all of my babysitting clients.

610
00:38:53,240 --> 00:38:56,160
I lost everything.

611
00:38:56,160 --> 00:39:01,240
And then because of the fact that I hadn't grown up around my family, it was just, I

612
00:39:01,240 --> 00:39:09,600
didn't really have anybody except for my husband because the way this whole thing worked was

613
00:39:09,600 --> 00:39:11,760
I was pioneering, I was doing great.

614
00:39:11,760 --> 00:39:19,640
And then I met my husband and I was like, I mean, this is obviously the man I want to

615
00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:20,640
marry.

616
00:39:20,640 --> 00:39:23,040
He is the most Christlike man I've ever met.

617
00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:25,320
He has an amazing work ethic.

618
00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:27,480
He is so hilarious.

619
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:30,440
And I mean, he's gorgeous.

620
00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:38,840
Like, like I used to hear how like more gorgeous than the 13 year old on the river bank though.

621
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:39,840
Yes.

622
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:47,320
I met him that summer before I started pioneering.

623
00:39:47,320 --> 00:39:54,360
And I was just like, oh my gosh, I walked over to him and mind you, as a Joe, this is

624
00:39:54,360 --> 00:40:00,880
aren't actually Christian, but like, there's a lot of similarities in the social awkwardness

625
00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:05,320
of young actual Christian girls and young Joe's witness girls.

626
00:40:05,320 --> 00:40:07,240
And I had that.

627
00:40:07,240 --> 00:40:11,000
And I walked over to him because he was picking up my favorite camper and I was like, hi,

628
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:13,080
I'm Miss Frida.

629
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:17,160
And he's like, hi, Miss Frida.

630
00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:21,320
And he like immediately made fun of me and I was like, yes, I'm going to marry him.

631
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:22,800
And I did.

632
00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:25,280
So like it worked out.

633
00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:29,560
But so we started like being friends and I was like, I really need to see about the hold

634
00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:30,560
your whole witness thing.

635
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:34,640
Because if I go this way, I'm going to lose everything.

636
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:39,480
So I was a bit afraid to go that way, but the more we got to know each other, the more

637
00:40:39,480 --> 00:40:44,800
he held space for me emotionally and held space for my growth and my healing and everything

638
00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:51,120
else, the more it was undeniable that it was it was inevitable.

639
00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:52,360
So I was pioneering.

640
00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:59,840
I was kind of fitting on my like, here's, here's the thing.

641
00:40:59,840 --> 00:41:04,600
When you're escaping your call, I'm sure you already know this, which is for the audience.

642
00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:07,720
You're in ultimate survival mode.

643
00:41:07,720 --> 00:41:14,160
You do things that you were not proud of, but you do them to survive.

644
00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:20,560
So yes, I was as a 20 year old sneaking out my window to Miranda Lambert music, jumping

645
00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:26,760
over the thorn bushing, talking, rolling into his passenger seat because I wasn't allowed

646
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:28,360
to date him.

647
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:34,440
So as a 20 year old, I was going to do what I was going to do.

648
00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:36,800
And I was fibbing on my time cards.

649
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:43,720
And I mean, that's not a good thing objectively, but it's what I had to do to make sure that

650
00:41:43,720 --> 00:41:50,920
I would be physically and financially and all the other types of safe.

651
00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:56,680
And so it was, it was brutal.

652
00:41:56,680 --> 00:42:03,720
How long of a process and this kind of kind of limbo of sorts that I'm having to fake this,

653
00:42:03,720 --> 00:42:08,320
but I'm dating my to be husband over here.

654
00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:10,600
Like how long of a process did that take?

655
00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:12,400
I've had six months.

656
00:42:12,400 --> 00:42:17,840
The worst six months of my life.

657
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:20,440
To get out on Saturday nights, I pretended I was learning.

658
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:23,720
I mean, I knew enough Portuguese to pretend that I was learning Portuguese and going to

659
00:42:23,720 --> 00:42:24,720
the Portuguese.

660
00:42:24,720 --> 00:42:25,720
It's not good.

661
00:42:25,720 --> 00:42:33,680
I'm doing a lot better morally and ethically now that I can afford the luxury.

662
00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:36,680
I'm not going to be a part of the moral aspects.

663
00:42:36,680 --> 00:42:39,600
But yeah, so it was a whole thing.

664
00:42:39,600 --> 00:42:44,560
And that was kind of when I kind of proved to myself, if I haven't been struck down by

665
00:42:44,560 --> 00:42:51,360
lightning yet, if I haven't been caught yet, if I haven't been anything yet, then I don't

666
00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:56,600
think Joe was actually a real God, you know?

667
00:42:56,600 --> 00:43:01,760
And what really hit the nail in the head for me was they have these things called circuit

668
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:07,160
assemblies, which is when a bunch of congregations from a certain area get together.

669
00:43:07,160 --> 00:43:11,040
And all of these people, like they give like these big important speeches and all sorts

670
00:43:11,040 --> 00:43:14,680
of stuff like that.

671
00:43:14,680 --> 00:43:20,880
So I'm going to that and I'm not paying attention because I just, I can't.

672
00:43:20,880 --> 00:43:27,240
At this point, I can finally hear the propaganda that's breaking through my brainwashing.

673
00:43:27,240 --> 00:43:30,040
And I'm like, this is so uncomfortable.

674
00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:36,920
I think I'm going to throw up because I'm going to like fast out and like have a panic

675
00:43:36,920 --> 00:43:38,840
attack.

676
00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:43,000
And somebody walked up to me and they were like, Hey, I heard your story about you and

677
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:47,040
your aunt and how you're being such an amazing person by taking care of her.

678
00:43:47,040 --> 00:43:51,760
I think there's a lot of people in our, you know, in this organization that have parents

679
00:43:51,760 --> 00:43:54,400
could really learn from your example.

680
00:43:54,400 --> 00:44:01,360
Meanwhile, I was doing all of this stuff that I was raised to believe wasn't what you were

681
00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:04,120
supposed to be doing.

682
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:06,440
And I was like, me?

683
00:44:06,440 --> 00:44:07,520
And he's like you.

684
00:44:07,520 --> 00:44:12,960
And I was like, Oh, and I've been like writing for like the local paper and like, then they

685
00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:18,480
wanted me to like write for the awake magazine, which they have two magazines and kind of go

686
00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:21,040
around and pass out the watch on the lake.

687
00:44:21,040 --> 00:44:29,600
And I was like, you want me to do what?

688
00:44:29,600 --> 00:44:35,440
And that's when I knew that if not the big head honcho from Bethel himself, that if you

689
00:44:35,440 --> 00:44:38,600
asked him, Joe was witnesses, we'd probably tell you he could walk on water.

690
00:44:38,600 --> 00:44:43,440
If he didn't know what I was doing, if you didn't have some like magical sense of like

691
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:52,320
figuring out how I was not being the best noodle I could be, then that's when kind of

692
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:54,920
the facade of everything just kind of came crumbling down.

693
00:44:54,920 --> 00:44:57,520
And I was like, yeah, nah.

694
00:44:57,520 --> 00:45:02,400
And it got to the point where one day I was found out.

695
00:45:02,400 --> 00:45:08,240
I had my they were coming out because we were late coming back.

696
00:45:08,240 --> 00:45:14,520
And that Sunday morning and I was like, I'm going to be in so much trouble.

697
00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:18,640
And then my stiletto just fell out on the floor and I was like, kind of grab at it.

698
00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:22,360
Well, they were like looking in the car and I was like, Oh my God, Oh my God, it's over.

699
00:45:22,360 --> 00:45:25,520
But then I was like, nah, you know what?

700
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:27,440
It's it's over.

701
00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:32,600
And so they made me they dragged me before the elders because the thing is there's a

702
00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:34,280
couple ways to get out.

703
00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:38,080
You can be Pima, which is physically and mentally out.

704
00:45:38,080 --> 00:45:39,080
You can be Pomi.

705
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:40,080
These are just like weird acronyms.

706
00:45:40,080 --> 00:45:51,720
It makes more sense, but it's easier to type out on the social media.

707
00:45:51,720 --> 00:45:56,960
But physically out mentally and like your disfellowship, but you're trying to come back

708
00:45:56,960 --> 00:46:01,560
because you can either get dissociated or disfellowship dissociated is when you break

709
00:46:01,560 --> 00:46:02,560
up with them.

710
00:46:02,560 --> 00:46:04,320
Disfellowship is when they kick you out.

711
00:46:04,320 --> 00:46:05,480
Okay.

712
00:46:05,480 --> 00:46:12,080
And so I was initially I was just going to kind of like run away a little bit.

713
00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:14,080
I was just going to like stop there.

714
00:46:14,080 --> 00:46:16,200
It was not fun.

715
00:46:16,200 --> 00:46:23,400
And they dragged me before them and they were like asking all these really intimate intimate

716
00:46:23,400 --> 00:46:28,200
questions like questions that if you imagine like guys like locker room talk about how

717
00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:32,680
a certain thing went down, you would not be that cross.

718
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:37,640
And I'm just this 20 year old girl sitting behind like in front of these three men who

719
00:46:37,640 --> 00:46:42,480
are on like their fifties and sixties with both of my aunt and uncle next to me.

720
00:46:42,480 --> 00:46:47,080
And I'm just like, I don't believe in Jova anymore.

721
00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:48,920
I don't know if I believe in God at this point.

722
00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:51,440
I have gone through all of this.

723
00:46:51,440 --> 00:46:54,880
I've done my best to do all of the things I can do.

724
00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:55,880
I'm here.

725
00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:56,880
I'm carpenters thing.

726
00:46:56,880 --> 00:46:57,880
I'm pioneering.

727
00:46:57,880 --> 00:46:58,880
I'm writing for the awake.

728
00:46:58,880 --> 00:47:02,040
I'm doing all of this stuff and giving my entire life to the organization and giving

729
00:47:02,040 --> 00:47:07,080
my entire life to God and I'm not getting anything back.

730
00:47:07,080 --> 00:47:09,520
And I'm not even getting good, happy serotonin.

731
00:47:09,520 --> 00:47:11,520
Like I'm getting nothing.

732
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:12,520
I'm getting pain.

733
00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:13,520
I'm getting frustration.

734
00:47:13,520 --> 00:47:19,240
I'm getting lies and I'm not here for it.

735
00:47:19,240 --> 00:47:26,000
So I think I'm going to leave and I'm going to go be with my, you know, my future husband

736
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:28,760
and that's just going to be that.

737
00:47:28,760 --> 00:47:32,920
And they kept crossing and crossing and crossing it to a point where I felt like because of

738
00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:37,320
who they were, I had to answer their questions, although I realized now that I didn't have

739
00:47:37,320 --> 00:47:40,960
to answer their questions that I was a scared 20 year old girl.

740
00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:41,960
Sure.

741
00:47:41,960 --> 00:47:46,520
And a scared 20 year old girl too with this is, this is all you know.

742
00:47:46,520 --> 00:47:47,960
This is, this is your life.

743
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:50,360
So that, that makes sense.

744
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:51,360
Yeah.

745
00:47:51,360 --> 00:47:56,400
And so I answered them and then they like kicked us out of the room.

746
00:47:56,400 --> 00:47:59,040
We sat in like the main hall because they have like a main hall and they have like kind

747
00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:01,040
of a little back conference room.

748
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:03,240
They had a conference about it.

749
00:48:03,240 --> 00:48:06,000
They were like, no, we're kicking her out.

750
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:11,680
And at the end I just said, it's been nice knowing you.

751
00:48:11,680 --> 00:48:19,360
I love you guys because I meant it because yes, I might have had wildly different worlds

752
00:48:19,360 --> 00:48:25,400
of you than they did, but I still cared about them and hope that their lives and their wives

753
00:48:25,400 --> 00:48:29,200
and their kids and everything worked out the way the way, like the way they wanted it to

754
00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:31,400
be.

755
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:36,520
Even though they had put me in the situation, even though they didn't particularly help

756
00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:43,160
when I ended up having to, you know, 50, 150 my aunt when she thought she was calling about

757
00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:48,600
Armageddon and I was talking them from inside a closet.

758
00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:55,200
And it was a whole thing and it was so brutal that I was like, I think the only person that

759
00:48:55,200 --> 00:49:00,000
can protect me is me and I'm going to go do that.

760
00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:02,040
And so I got this fellowship and nobody could talk to me.

761
00:49:02,040 --> 00:49:08,960
It was a whole like a full on, it was like a medieval shunning.

762
00:49:08,960 --> 00:49:11,640
And I was like, it is what it is.

763
00:49:11,640 --> 00:49:15,440
And then people would come over to like talk to my aunt and uncle over like their friends

764
00:49:15,440 --> 00:49:18,920
with them and they'd be like, come back to Jehovah.

765
00:49:18,920 --> 00:49:19,920
We miss you.

766
00:49:19,920 --> 00:49:26,600
And it's like, you didn't speak to me early for like six years.

767
00:49:26,600 --> 00:49:29,160
Like the past six years we have barely spoken.

768
00:49:29,160 --> 00:49:36,640
But now all of a sudden I matter so much to you because I'm trying to protect myself.

769
00:49:36,640 --> 00:49:43,560
And it was always the same like older like brothers that had previously gotten disciplined

770
00:49:43,560 --> 00:49:47,720
for doing sketchy things with their stepkids.

771
00:49:47,720 --> 00:49:51,920
And then like the elder who was initially on my first judicial committee, which is what

772
00:49:51,920 --> 00:49:55,640
like the committee is called when they like meet and they're like, so you're bad.

773
00:49:55,640 --> 00:49:57,800
Tell us how bad you are.

774
00:49:57,800 --> 00:50:01,640
I was out dancing with some of my girlfriends from high school because I was trying to like

775
00:50:01,640 --> 00:50:05,600
meet new people and just like make friends and stuff.

776
00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:11,800
And she of them came in and he was like grinding and dancing on my friend and I'm like, what?

777
00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:12,800
What?

778
00:50:12,800 --> 00:50:18,080
So I like toppled on the shoulder and I'm like, hey, what's up?

779
00:50:18,080 --> 00:50:20,560
And he looked like he saw a ghost and was just like dying.

780
00:50:20,560 --> 00:50:25,320
And I was like, yeah, I know why I'm here.

781
00:50:25,320 --> 00:50:26,320
I can be here.

782
00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:28,760
I don't have to play by your rules, but you do.

783
00:50:28,760 --> 00:50:33,040
You're literally within the top part of the hierarchy of your congregation.

784
00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:36,160
Why are you here?

785
00:50:36,160 --> 00:50:41,560
And so during that point, I was just fellowshiped and it was really hard because my uncle weren't

786
00:50:41,560 --> 00:50:44,040
really talking to me.

787
00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:49,440
Even though I lived there because they were so like hyper.

788
00:50:49,440 --> 00:50:51,920
I'm sure there's like a psychology word for it.

789
00:50:51,920 --> 00:50:55,440
There were like helicopter parents pretty much.

790
00:50:55,440 --> 00:50:56,440
And they wouldn't let me get my license.

791
00:50:56,440 --> 00:51:02,240
They wouldn't let me do anything so I could go away and get out and move on.

792
00:51:02,240 --> 00:51:07,200
And that made it even harder when they came to me one day and they were like, the elders

793
00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:12,720
told us that if you're not going to serve Jehovah in this house that we need to make

794
00:51:12,720 --> 00:51:16,680
sure you go away and that you go and leave this house and don't live here anymore.

795
00:51:16,680 --> 00:51:19,880
And I'm like, what?

796
00:51:19,880 --> 00:51:20,880
Okay.

797
00:51:20,880 --> 00:51:27,040
But because of the fact that they found so much on education, they found so much on like

798
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:32,400
they themselves individually found so much on me getting my license and not helping me

799
00:51:32,400 --> 00:51:37,840
have any of the resources that most normal families would help their kids have so that

800
00:51:37,840 --> 00:51:41,880
they could like progress in the chair when they weren't desperately afraid that you'd

801
00:51:41,880 --> 00:51:44,400
leave them.

802
00:51:44,400 --> 00:51:45,400
I was just at a loss.

803
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:47,880
I was like, I don't know what I'm going to do.

804
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:52,080
So I was homeless for a little bit.

805
00:51:52,080 --> 00:51:54,560
I like went from couch to couch to couch.

806
00:51:54,560 --> 00:52:00,240
And then my father in law allowed me to move in.

807
00:52:00,240 --> 00:52:06,800
And we had just gotten engaged because my husband, he was like, okay, if you're leaving

808
00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:12,360
literally everything behind for me, which he made sure he's like, I love you very much.

809
00:52:12,360 --> 00:52:14,520
I will do whatever you need me to.

810
00:52:14,520 --> 00:52:18,240
If you can't leave, if you don't feel like leaving is the right thing to do, I will understand

811
00:52:18,240 --> 00:52:22,720
that and you will be the love of my life that got away.

812
00:52:22,720 --> 00:52:25,200
Just it is what it is.

813
00:52:25,200 --> 00:52:29,000
And he never forced me to make any choices or anything when I was uncomfortable.

814
00:52:29,000 --> 00:52:34,800
At any point in our relationship and still 10 years, like it'll be 10 years next September

815
00:52:34,800 --> 00:52:36,480
to this day, he still hasn't.

816
00:52:36,480 --> 00:52:40,480
He's just loved me and provided for me and protected me.

817
00:52:40,480 --> 00:52:45,600
And it was such a stark contrast to how I grew up.

818
00:52:45,600 --> 00:52:54,920
And so I'm sure you're you're getting to this, but just far in the story, incredible

819
00:52:54,920 --> 00:52:57,240
of a story as it is.

820
00:52:57,240 --> 00:53:05,680
It almost reminds me of kind of the Scientology stories, you know, of just people getting

821
00:53:05,680 --> 00:53:10,040
out and it was a cult and it really affected me.

822
00:53:10,040 --> 00:53:19,240
Incredibly powerful, but often for many reasons and reasons I couldn't blame them.

823
00:53:19,240 --> 00:53:21,580
I'm out of religion completely.

824
00:53:21,580 --> 00:53:22,580
No more.

825
00:53:22,580 --> 00:53:24,600
I'm out of here.

826
00:53:24,600 --> 00:53:27,640
If this is what God is, I don't want any part of it.

827
00:53:27,640 --> 00:53:29,960
So how does that work?

828
00:53:29,960 --> 00:53:37,000
I get out of this cult where this is just shoved down my throat.

829
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:40,720
How do you how do you how do you find God after that?

830
00:53:40,720 --> 00:53:43,400
What's the next step after that?

831
00:53:43,400 --> 00:53:49,960
I so obviously you with your career and everything know Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

832
00:53:49,960 --> 00:53:54,720
So the bottom tier, I got the bottom tier of survival set in.

833
00:53:54,720 --> 00:53:56,200
I had a place to live.

834
00:53:56,200 --> 00:53:57,200
I had a job.

835
00:53:57,200 --> 00:53:58,400
I had food.

836
00:53:58,400 --> 00:54:00,840
I had what I needed.

837
00:54:00,840 --> 00:54:06,360
Then I worked up kind of the pyramid.

838
00:54:06,360 --> 00:54:08,320
Maybe an editing like a little thing.

839
00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:10,320
You have better stuff.

840
00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:11,320
Yeah.

841
00:54:11,320 --> 00:54:13,960
Not trying to tell you how to live your life.

842
00:54:13,960 --> 00:54:17,120
But yeah, so I kind of got that dialed in.

843
00:54:17,120 --> 00:54:24,640
And when I felt like I could shake my contacts out before I went to bed at night and actually

844
00:54:24,640 --> 00:54:29,960
breathe, that's when I started crying.

845
00:54:29,960 --> 00:54:36,120
And I didn't quite know how to but my heart knew.

846
00:54:36,120 --> 00:54:39,120
And so I drifted back to my Catholic days.

847
00:54:39,120 --> 00:54:45,640
I drifted back to you know the prayers that my mom would get on your knees right in front

848
00:54:45,640 --> 00:54:51,680
of the big portrait of Jesus that lay over my bed and our gorgeous penthouse over looking

849
00:54:51,680 --> 00:54:55,720
find my pot and would pray.

850
00:54:55,720 --> 00:54:57,480
And I went back to that.

851
00:54:57,480 --> 00:55:02,560
I found those words in my heart again and I said them because I knew that no matter what

852
00:55:02,560 --> 00:55:08,120
was going on with me, if God was the real, if God was out there, I mean now I know that

853
00:55:08,120 --> 00:55:15,520
he is very much but just like where I was back then kind of that his plans for the

854
00:55:15,520 --> 00:55:22,680
world for myself if I was fortunate enough to be kinder among them were so much bigger

855
00:55:22,680 --> 00:55:25,080
than anything I was going through.

856
00:55:25,080 --> 00:55:26,080
It was so much bigger.

857
00:55:26,080 --> 00:55:28,280
It was so much better.

858
00:55:28,280 --> 00:55:36,040
And what was on the other side of that was so much more crucial and poignant than anything

859
00:55:36,040 --> 00:55:38,960
I'd ever come up against.

860
00:55:38,960 --> 00:55:46,640
And so I knew that all it took was like the faith size of a mustard seed, which is like

861
00:55:46,640 --> 00:55:48,640
super super teeny.

862
00:55:48,640 --> 00:55:53,440
And if I could have that and if I could hold that in my heart, the good things would happen

863
00:55:53,440 --> 00:55:59,680
that I would feel that love that I would feel that protection and I would feel that safety

864
00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:06,080
because my son seems like getting in my eyes and it's making my eyes water, which is not

865
00:56:06,080 --> 00:56:10,880
a coping mechanism, I promise you.

866
00:56:10,880 --> 00:56:17,560
Sorry about that.

867
00:56:17,560 --> 00:56:21,240
And so I knew that if I just did a little bit and gave a little bit that he would give

868
00:56:21,240 --> 00:56:22,240
a little bit.

869
00:56:22,240 --> 00:56:28,360
Can we actually pause right here because I literally am having like, I am so sorry.

870
00:56:28,360 --> 00:56:30,160
It genuinely is sunscreen.

871
00:56:30,160 --> 00:56:36,120
It will be right back as I had faith this item of mustard seed that scripture kind of always

872
00:56:36,120 --> 00:56:38,600
stuck with me in my heart.

873
00:56:38,600 --> 00:56:42,040
And I never had hatred for God.

874
00:56:42,040 --> 00:56:49,960
I just had more confusion because the God that they taught me the chauvin was was not

875
00:56:49,960 --> 00:56:53,520
the God that I was brought up with for the first five years of my life, believing what

876
00:56:53,520 --> 00:56:54,520
Jesus was.

877
00:56:54,520 --> 00:57:00,760
I vivid vivid memories skipping around my little Catholic preschool, the little Catholic

878
00:57:00,760 --> 00:57:04,840
Montessori preschool that was right across the street and going, you know, Jesus loves

879
00:57:04,840 --> 00:57:09,360
me this I know because the Bible tells me so.

880
00:57:09,360 --> 00:57:19,320
I love Jesus and I feel like it would be so easy for anyone coming out of Jerusalem

881
00:57:19,320 --> 00:57:24,680
and says to really hate God.

882
00:57:24,680 --> 00:57:26,960
That's one of my biggest issues I have with Jehovah's Witnesses.

883
00:57:26,960 --> 00:57:30,720
I mean, there's a lot of theological things, there's a lot of other things, there's a

884
00:57:30,720 --> 00:57:35,720
lot of personal past experience things, a lot are what you're mostly held from things

885
00:57:35,720 --> 00:57:36,720
to the heart.

886
00:57:36,720 --> 00:57:44,760
But I have this real to be like, okay, I'm not here to tell you what religion you're

887
00:57:44,760 --> 00:57:49,520
supposed to be, but just whatever you do, please don't become a Jehovah's Witness because

888
00:57:49,520 --> 00:57:52,600
that will hurt your relationship with God.

889
00:57:52,600 --> 00:57:58,800
And because of all of the horrible things I've seen during my time there and the horrible

890
00:57:58,800 --> 00:58:02,280
things that I researched that kind of clicked my head afterwards.

891
00:58:02,280 --> 00:58:07,640
Like there were certain pictures that they had in their, you know, publications.

892
00:58:07,640 --> 00:58:11,240
And I was like, why does this picture of Jesus make me feel so uncomfortable?

893
00:58:11,240 --> 00:58:14,920
Like it's a picture of Jesus, is there something wrong with me?

894
00:58:14,920 --> 00:58:18,600
Is there something wrong with like my hot posture that I have to correct?

895
00:58:18,600 --> 00:58:23,520
Then I'm just like, I don't know, doing something bad because like that's where your mind goes

896
00:58:23,520 --> 00:58:26,560
to when a picture of Jesus makes you feel uncomfortable.

897
00:58:26,560 --> 00:58:30,640
And then I found that same picture after I came out.

898
00:58:30,640 --> 00:58:37,480
And if you put that picture up to a mirror, it's literally the head of a demon.

899
00:58:37,480 --> 00:58:48,440
Yeah, and that's not the only picture that's like that.

900
00:58:48,440 --> 00:58:52,320
It's not the only satanic thing in the religion.

901
00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:56,000
I know you're Baptist, but Baptist have communion, right?

902
00:58:56,000 --> 00:59:01,080
Yeah, so we don't, it kind of depends on the church.

903
00:59:01,080 --> 00:59:06,120
We do communion at my church every week, but yeah, we do communion.

904
00:59:06,120 --> 00:59:11,640
So with the communion we offer in the wine, you might have, have you heard of the memorial,

905
00:59:11,640 --> 00:59:14,120
the one holiday Job was witnessed this house?

906
00:59:14,120 --> 00:59:15,120
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

907
00:59:15,120 --> 00:59:16,120
Yeah.

908
00:59:16,120 --> 00:59:20,480
A lot of people have been invited throughout the years.

909
00:59:20,480 --> 00:59:27,680
That celebration is literally, so part of it is a theological misrepresentation and

910
00:59:27,680 --> 00:59:33,680
a part of it is satanic, honestly.

911
00:59:33,680 --> 00:59:38,920
So the theological representation is they believe that 144,000 isn't chosen out of the

912
00:59:38,920 --> 00:59:45,720
12 tribes of Judah, but instead shows in out of random Job is witnesses that like have

913
00:59:45,720 --> 00:59:51,760
a mental calling, vision, dream kind of thing.

914
00:59:51,760 --> 00:59:56,240
And it's 144,000 cents 1914.

915
00:59:56,240 --> 01:00:03,720
And because of that, if you're not a part of the 144,000, you take the communion, you

916
01:00:03,720 --> 01:00:09,560
hold it in your hands on like the plate because they use like unleavened like wafer cracker

917
01:00:09,560 --> 01:00:13,200
kind of thingies, but they're different from the one that I grew up within the Catholic

918
01:00:13,200 --> 01:00:14,200
church.

919
01:00:14,200 --> 01:00:16,840
So they're like slightly different, but basic idea.

920
01:00:16,840 --> 01:00:19,040
And you take that and you pass that.

921
01:00:19,040 --> 01:00:24,760
So you basically go through the act of refusing communion on the one holiday that Jehovah's

922
01:00:24,760 --> 01:00:30,760
Witnesses have, and then they read the scriptures and then you do the same with the line.

923
01:00:30,760 --> 01:00:32,760
Wow.

924
01:00:32,760 --> 01:00:41,760
That's that is so, yeah, you can really see the satanic type of things that go into that

925
01:00:41,760 --> 01:00:48,440
because that is the, like I said, the exact opposite of what we would celebrate.

926
01:00:48,440 --> 01:00:49,440
Yeah.

927
01:00:49,440 --> 01:00:55,120
And regardless of your denomination, if you're in Christianity, you observe communion by

928
01:00:55,120 --> 01:01:02,320
taking it and it becoming part of you, not by passing it forward and rejecting it.

929
01:01:02,320 --> 01:01:09,680
And it always struck me as weird that like it was such a somber energy.

930
01:01:09,680 --> 01:01:18,720
It was more funeral like then more somber than sacred, I guess, because you'd think,

931
01:01:18,720 --> 01:01:24,000
okay, tonight is the night specifically set aside to commemorate what Jesus has done for

932
01:01:24,000 --> 01:01:32,080
us, that he gave his life and that, you know, God the Father, yeah, so that he gave his

933
01:01:32,080 --> 01:01:40,000
only begotten son, the only son directly created by him, that we might be saved, that we might

934
01:01:40,000 --> 01:01:45,400
have the gift of eternal, you know, depending on like different theological points, but

935
01:01:45,400 --> 01:01:51,600
like that we have a chance and I don't know more like no matter how much where I'm perfect,

936
01:01:51,600 --> 01:01:57,040
as long as you know, we do the things that the Bible tells us to do, you'd think there

937
01:01:57,040 --> 01:01:58,760
would be some happiness in that.

938
01:01:58,760 --> 01:02:04,000
You'd think there'd be some like reverence and like sacredness, not some somber you're

939
01:02:04,000 --> 01:02:07,320
going to like a funeral ishness.

940
01:02:07,320 --> 01:02:09,760
And that's how it always was.

941
01:02:09,760 --> 01:02:15,040
Well, I think that's something that you get into with, I think it's part of what makes

942
01:02:15,040 --> 01:02:18,360
Christianity stand out as a whole.

943
01:02:18,360 --> 01:02:24,200
Obviously there's different theological beliefs and differences and denominations, but it

944
01:02:24,200 --> 01:02:29,160
isn't a workspace religion.

945
01:02:29,160 --> 01:02:34,920
It's faith-based, it's not about, and in fact I was just on a guest on another podcast

946
01:02:34,920 --> 01:02:41,480
this morning and it used a great phrase of, it's not what you know, it's who you know,

947
01:02:41,480 --> 01:02:43,400
it's that you know Christ.

948
01:02:43,400 --> 01:02:46,120
That's what the celebration is around.

949
01:02:46,120 --> 01:02:54,280
It's not about anything you did, it's that he did and we love him and we praise him for

950
01:02:54,280 --> 01:02:57,960
saving us despite us not being justified.

951
01:02:57,960 --> 01:03:01,360
And yeah, that's celebratory.

952
01:03:01,360 --> 01:03:10,320
It's thank God for saving me and not a, well, I'm not good enough.

953
01:03:10,320 --> 01:03:12,840
I can see that somber tone.

954
01:03:12,840 --> 01:03:13,840
That is intriguing.

955
01:03:13,840 --> 01:03:19,800
It felt like New Year's mixed with a funeral.

956
01:03:19,800 --> 01:03:23,640
But like kind of like a military funeral.

957
01:03:23,640 --> 01:03:29,000
If you've ever been to like a military funeral, you kind of know the difference where it's

958
01:03:29,000 --> 01:03:35,920
like a bit more like, I have a military family background.

959
01:03:35,920 --> 01:03:41,440
My grandfather fought in World War II on the web canal and our family lineage with military

960
01:03:41,440 --> 01:03:47,880
history, it's all the way back to the Revolutionary War where my great times 10 grandfather warned

961
01:03:47,880 --> 01:03:50,040
about the British coming.

962
01:03:50,040 --> 01:03:51,040
Paul Revere.

963
01:03:51,040 --> 01:03:52,040
Wow.

964
01:03:52,040 --> 01:03:54,040
Not a part of him.

965
01:03:54,040 --> 01:03:55,040
Yes.

966
01:03:55,040 --> 01:03:56,040
Yeah.

967
01:03:56,040 --> 01:03:57,040
Wow.

968
01:03:57,040 --> 01:04:05,240
Yeah, no, you can see that kind of to your point there though that it's very regimented,

969
01:04:05,240 --> 01:04:08,800
very ritualistic and that kind of sense.

970
01:04:08,800 --> 01:04:13,480
But yeah, not a lot of joy, not much joy.

971
01:04:13,480 --> 01:04:16,280
It's you're awful.

972
01:04:16,280 --> 01:04:23,240
And yeah, there's a piece when we start looking at scripture.

973
01:04:23,240 --> 01:04:28,600
If you look at the law, you're looking through Leviticus through the Ten Commandments.

974
01:04:28,600 --> 01:04:33,840
There is a piece there of the law that shows, yep, you can't do that.

975
01:04:33,840 --> 01:04:37,440
You know that whole honor your mother and father think you probably back talked at some

976
01:04:37,440 --> 01:04:38,440
point.

977
01:04:38,440 --> 01:04:40,640
You can't do this on your own.

978
01:04:40,640 --> 01:04:42,480
And that's a good thing.

979
01:04:42,480 --> 01:04:46,000
That's that brokenness of showing, yep, you're right.

980
01:04:46,000 --> 01:04:47,520
I can't do this.

981
01:04:47,520 --> 01:04:49,360
I do need a savior.

982
01:04:49,360 --> 01:04:56,880
And that points me to the cross, which is fantastic that we show I can't do this.

983
01:04:56,880 --> 01:04:57,880
But guess what?

984
01:04:57,880 --> 01:04:59,280
Christ did it for me.

985
01:04:59,280 --> 01:05:01,160
And that's beautiful.

986
01:05:01,160 --> 01:05:04,080
That is a beautiful coming together.

987
01:05:04,080 --> 01:05:08,400
But it almost seems here, Jehovah's Witness, it's first off, you have a worst version

988
01:05:08,400 --> 01:05:10,840
of the law to begin with.

989
01:05:10,840 --> 01:05:14,560
And that's it.

990
01:05:14,560 --> 01:05:15,560
You're terrible.

991
01:05:15,560 --> 01:05:16,560
Work your way up.

992
01:05:16,560 --> 01:05:20,000
Maybe you make it, but probably not.

993
01:05:20,000 --> 01:05:21,840
That's not very encouraging.

994
01:05:21,840 --> 01:05:24,840
Yeah, it wasn't.

995
01:05:24,840 --> 01:05:31,720
And it was just, it was really hard to kind of fit into it growing up because for being

996
01:05:31,720 --> 01:05:33,920
a religion, like that was also like very clickish.

997
01:05:33,920 --> 01:05:37,960
I mean, I was kind of just one of those like a teeny bopper little cats that was like nice

998
01:05:37,960 --> 01:05:39,480
to everybody as much as I'd been.

999
01:05:39,480 --> 01:05:43,760
And then like everybody else was like to a degree was nice to me.

1000
01:05:43,760 --> 01:05:47,880
Except for like this one friend of me I had who I thought we were friends because I was

1001
01:05:47,880 --> 01:05:48,880
naive.

1002
01:05:48,880 --> 01:05:51,560
I was, I was a sweet, sweet summer child.

1003
01:05:51,560 --> 01:05:53,680
And so I told her, I was like, I don't know about Friskes.

1004
01:05:53,680 --> 01:05:58,440
And then immediately she went and told the elders because it was one of those religions

1005
01:05:58,440 --> 01:06:06,040
where it was kind of like, it was actually, I had a talk last night with my friend, Justin,

1006
01:06:06,040 --> 01:06:09,400
who, he was in prison for about 15 years.

1007
01:06:09,400 --> 01:06:13,760
And so it's kind of like, if an inmate has information about another inmate and they

1008
01:06:13,760 --> 01:06:17,160
don't tell the guards, then they get massively punished.

1009
01:06:17,160 --> 01:06:23,640
And that was just striking similarity to my experience that I was like, wait, whoa, that

1010
01:06:23,640 --> 01:06:24,640
was crazy.

1011
01:06:24,640 --> 01:06:29,360
Because if I didn't go and tell somebody if I knew something, like this girl who like

1012
01:06:29,360 --> 01:06:33,240
kissed another boy from a different one, a relation in the library of the kingdom hall,

1013
01:06:33,240 --> 01:06:38,640
that like, I would get in trouble if they found out I knew about it.

1014
01:06:38,640 --> 01:06:47,480
This is real, realty based on relevance.

1015
01:06:47,480 --> 01:06:51,920
And so it always felt like everybody was looking at me, everybody knew things.

1016
01:06:51,920 --> 01:06:59,080
Like, I remember once when I was trying to figure things out and kind of toe back in

1017
01:06:59,080 --> 01:07:04,760
kind of when I was fans sitting in my, like when I was 20 before I met my husband, I remember

1018
01:07:04,760 --> 01:07:10,640
I was kind of in a relationship with this other guy and he wanted to shake me on a street

1019
01:07:10,640 --> 01:07:16,040
art tour in New York, except the problem there, there were, there were many problems with

1020
01:07:16,040 --> 01:07:18,840
that if you have a fully developed brain.

1021
01:07:18,840 --> 01:07:23,480
But if you don't, and you were raised in very, very sheltered environment, you don't see

1022
01:07:23,480 --> 01:07:29,480
the problem, you only see the fact that, oh no, Bethel is in New York.

1023
01:07:29,480 --> 01:07:33,120
What happens if somebody sees me and spots me and tells my parents?

1024
01:07:33,120 --> 01:07:38,480
It doesn't matter that I'm 20, what if they tell my parents?

1025
01:07:38,480 --> 01:07:41,000
I remember we finally got to New York.

1026
01:07:41,000 --> 01:07:44,920
I had told them that I was hanging out with some Bethelites that had come down and I was

1027
01:07:44,920 --> 01:07:49,200
going to be at my friend's house and I hid my Bible underneath my trundle bed.

1028
01:07:49,200 --> 01:07:55,160
Not my best moment, but you know, it makes for an interesting story.

1029
01:07:55,160 --> 01:07:59,280
We get there finally to New York after like taking a small break and like sleeping in

1030
01:07:59,280 --> 01:08:07,600
a New Jersey parking lot in the car and Jesse's there two jobs and this is doing car windows.

1031
01:08:07,600 --> 01:08:11,000
And I was like, they found me, they know.

1032
01:08:11,000 --> 01:08:15,400
I was a significantly paranoid child.

1033
01:08:15,400 --> 01:08:16,400
Yeah.

1034
01:08:16,400 --> 01:08:18,400
I'm sure your background, you can see why.

1035
01:08:18,400 --> 01:08:20,640
Sure.

1036
01:08:20,640 --> 01:08:26,680
That to somebody that's on the outside like, wow, yeah, you're really making too much of

1037
01:08:26,680 --> 01:08:31,480
that, that I've had Jehovah's Witness at my door, like that's common.

1038
01:08:31,480 --> 01:08:36,080
But to you, that makes all the sense in the world because that was not safe.

1039
01:08:36,080 --> 01:08:37,280
You don't feel safe.

1040
01:08:37,280 --> 01:08:42,280
So it felt real, felt like that's, they're really going to come and get me.

1041
01:08:42,280 --> 01:08:43,280
Yeah.

1042
01:08:43,280 --> 01:08:46,800
I like hid behind him as we were like passing.

1043
01:08:46,800 --> 01:08:50,480
I was like, they don't know me, they can't tell.

1044
01:08:50,480 --> 01:08:55,560
I tried to like put on like, I like, you know how the chameleons just do that thing and

1045
01:08:55,560 --> 01:08:57,120
then I also learned different color.

1046
01:08:57,120 --> 01:09:01,840
I tried to like tighten up and like do that thing and I'm like, no, I'm a worldly person.

1047
01:09:01,840 --> 01:09:03,840
You don't know me.

1048
01:09:03,840 --> 01:09:04,840
Yeah.

1049
01:09:04,840 --> 01:09:05,840
Yeah.

1050
01:09:05,840 --> 01:09:12,960
Now, now since you've kind of been out of this, it's been several years now.

1051
01:09:12,960 --> 01:09:14,120
Yeah.

1052
01:09:14,120 --> 01:09:19,440
Do you feel your faith, and I don't mean this in any type of disparaging way.

1053
01:09:19,440 --> 01:09:22,400
We all have different doubts at certain times.

1054
01:09:22,400 --> 01:09:28,760
Do you feel some of those old doubts that kind of creep back up because of your experience

1055
01:09:28,760 --> 01:09:33,560
or do you almost kind of feel the opposite that that your past experience has just really

1056
01:09:33,560 --> 01:09:37,920
fortified your faith throughout the years?

1057
01:09:37,920 --> 01:09:45,120
Depending like right now, my answer would be very different than three months in or three

1058
01:09:45,120 --> 01:09:50,920
years in where I was like, I honestly don't really care who knows this, but I was like

1059
01:09:50,920 --> 01:09:56,720
diagnosed with CPSJ because of all of like the Jovas and stuff.

1060
01:09:56,720 --> 01:10:02,440
And because of that, I would have like really bad panic attacks and I would wake up in the

1061
01:10:02,440 --> 01:10:07,120
middle of the night sweating and screaming that like Armageddon was going to come get

1062
01:10:07,120 --> 01:10:11,640
me and I was going to die at Armageddon because the last thing my own uncle said to me before

1063
01:10:11,640 --> 01:10:15,960
they kicked me out of the house and Kyle came and picked me up because they had assaulted

1064
01:10:15,960 --> 01:10:19,360
me and I couldn't go to the fullest and be like, yeah, they assaulted me because it would

1065
01:10:19,360 --> 01:10:26,000
just be a whole thing was your mom's going to be so mad at us that we let you die at

1066
01:10:26,000 --> 01:10:30,880
Armageddon because of the fact that you're abuse of trash.

1067
01:10:30,880 --> 01:10:34,680
And so because of that, I used to wake up screaming, go, oh my God, Armageddon is going

1068
01:10:34,680 --> 01:10:40,280
to get me, but in my late teens, I automatically kind of thought I was going to die at Armageddon

1069
01:10:40,280 --> 01:10:42,440
anyway, as I wasn't good enough.

1070
01:10:42,440 --> 01:10:43,800
Who was God to love me?

1071
01:10:43,800 --> 01:10:45,760
Nobody loved me or anything.

1072
01:10:45,760 --> 01:10:52,400
And so because of that, I was just like, but then I kind of just pushed it away, like

1073
01:10:52,400 --> 01:10:55,040
pushed it away, got through it.

1074
01:10:55,040 --> 01:11:01,240
Then now the only time I really had an issue like that was right before I started my podcast

1075
01:11:01,240 --> 01:11:08,880
and I had to ask some more like spiritually mature friends to see if this really was what

1076
01:11:08,880 --> 01:11:09,880
it was.

1077
01:11:09,880 --> 01:11:16,680
But I had actually experienced some demonic oppression right before I started my podcast

1078
01:11:16,680 --> 01:11:21,520
because I would just be going about my life, getting ready for the podcast and all sorts

1079
01:11:21,520 --> 01:11:22,520
of things.

1080
01:11:22,520 --> 01:11:26,320
And I'd hear, show.

1081
01:11:26,320 --> 01:11:29,360
And I was like, what the heck?

1082
01:11:29,360 --> 01:11:30,360
Like what?

1083
01:11:30,360 --> 01:11:31,800
And it happened numerous times.

1084
01:11:31,800 --> 01:11:34,720
It didn't matter if my husband was home, it didn't matter if he wasn't home, it didn't

1085
01:11:34,720 --> 01:11:38,920
matter what I was doing, which I'm dead, it wasn't anything.

1086
01:11:38,920 --> 01:11:43,280
And so I just hungered down and prayed and read the Bible way more because I was like,

1087
01:11:43,280 --> 01:11:51,360
okay, no, but it's definitely fortified my beliefs that I'm on the right track with trusting

1088
01:11:51,360 --> 01:11:55,240
Jesus and trusting the Bible.

1089
01:11:55,240 --> 01:11:59,600
And for some reason, the way I'm going about it now just feels so much more natural.

1090
01:11:59,600 --> 01:12:06,080
I think it's what I should be doing as opposed to back when I was in the thick of it, which

1091
01:12:06,080 --> 01:12:08,600
you always want to says.

1092
01:12:08,600 --> 01:12:09,600
Yeah.

1093
01:12:09,600 --> 01:12:11,400
No, I think that's great.

1094
01:12:11,400 --> 01:12:18,880
And completely makes sense why there will be some lasting effects from your time.

1095
01:12:18,880 --> 01:12:23,920
And I would imagine those, some of those to a degree with some of the scars will be there

1096
01:12:23,920 --> 01:12:24,920
forever.

1097
01:12:24,920 --> 01:12:29,360
You're human and we don't just forget those times.

1098
01:12:29,360 --> 01:12:36,000
But it's exciting to see on your end of that faith being fortified of being able to have

1099
01:12:36,000 --> 01:12:43,080
those relationships to, hey, I'm struggling right now and helping point you in the right

1100
01:12:43,080 --> 01:12:44,080
direction.

1101
01:12:44,080 --> 01:12:45,080
Yeah.

1102
01:12:45,080 --> 01:12:46,080
That's incredible.

1103
01:12:46,080 --> 01:12:53,440
And it definitely points back to the Creator that we believe that when he saves us, he keeps

1104
01:12:53,440 --> 01:12:54,440
us.

1105
01:12:54,440 --> 01:12:56,600
We never leave his hand.

1106
01:12:56,600 --> 01:12:57,600
Exactly.

1107
01:12:57,600 --> 01:13:05,840
I think that's so, so powerful and so beautiful that in those weak moments, he's not exactly.

1108
01:13:05,840 --> 01:13:10,360
It's just like the Apostle Paul said, for when I am weak, that that's when, you know,

1109
01:13:10,360 --> 01:13:12,480
God strengthens me and I'm the strongest.

1110
01:13:12,480 --> 01:13:13,480
Yes.

1111
01:13:13,480 --> 01:13:14,480
Absolutely.

1112
01:13:14,480 --> 01:13:17,480
So and that's very much been my experience.

1113
01:13:17,480 --> 01:13:24,560
Even the way I got saved the second time around, because a couple of years ago, I will have

1114
01:13:24,560 --> 01:13:26,280
a chronic illness.

1115
01:13:26,280 --> 01:13:32,240
And I was supposed to go on my first business trip and I was so excited because I'm still

1116
01:13:32,240 --> 01:13:36,800
relatively on the younger side of like business things.

1117
01:13:36,800 --> 01:13:40,040
And I was like so amped and then I called my doctor because I was experiencing some

1118
01:13:40,040 --> 01:13:42,760
weird symptoms and she's like, you need to go to the hospital.

1119
01:13:42,760 --> 01:13:46,760
And I'm like, but I have a flight at this time and I get to stay at the fancy resort

1120
01:13:46,760 --> 01:13:48,760
and the company's paying for it.

1121
01:13:48,760 --> 01:13:50,440
And I don't want to miss out.

1122
01:13:50,440 --> 01:13:53,480
And she's like, no, you got to do otherwise you're going to like faint and pass out on

1123
01:13:53,480 --> 01:13:54,480
the airplane.

1124
01:13:54,480 --> 01:13:56,920
And I was like, fine.

1125
01:13:56,920 --> 01:14:02,600
Thankfully, we very much had that relationship where I could be a little bit of a patch on

1126
01:14:02,600 --> 01:14:04,680
child and she could be like, no, this is what you're doing.

1127
01:14:04,680 --> 01:14:07,680
I'm like, okay.

1128
01:14:07,680 --> 01:14:08,680
She got her dream job.

1129
01:14:08,680 --> 01:14:12,280
So she's no longer my doctor, but she's amazing.

1130
01:14:12,280 --> 01:14:16,840
And so I went to the hospital and they made me start and they kept telling me, oh, you

1131
01:14:16,840 --> 01:14:17,840
maybe can go home tomorrow.

1132
01:14:17,840 --> 01:14:18,840
You can go home tomorrow.

1133
01:14:18,840 --> 01:14:22,440
Maybe you can go home tomorrow on and on for a week.

1134
01:14:22,440 --> 01:14:25,520
And I was telling them, maybe I can go home tomorrow.

1135
01:14:25,520 --> 01:14:27,440
I offered to zoom in.

1136
01:14:27,440 --> 01:14:28,960
It was a whole thing.

1137
01:14:28,960 --> 01:14:30,760
I was so excited.

1138
01:14:30,760 --> 01:14:32,000
And they were like, no, you shouldn't zoom in.

1139
01:14:32,000 --> 01:14:33,000
You're literally in the hospital.

1140
01:14:33,000 --> 01:14:35,760
I'm like, okay, fine.

1141
01:14:35,760 --> 01:14:38,240
And then they got mad at me for not staring in.

1142
01:14:38,240 --> 01:14:44,280
But anyways, and so while I was in there, I was sleeping, but I had woken myself up because

1143
01:14:44,280 --> 01:14:47,480
I was crying in my sleep because I was in so much pain.

1144
01:14:47,480 --> 01:14:50,120
It was, it was the worst.

1145
01:14:50,120 --> 01:14:55,320
And then all of a sudden I see this, like, if you're not a Christian, this is going to

1146
01:14:55,320 --> 01:14:56,320
sound crazy.

1147
01:14:56,320 --> 01:15:02,400
But if you truly believe, like, I'll let you make your own mind up about what happened.

1148
01:15:02,400 --> 01:15:09,280
I saw this bright light and I had never seen a light that bright before and it didn't seem

1149
01:15:09,280 --> 01:15:11,640
to have a point of origin.

1150
01:15:11,640 --> 01:15:13,920
And I was like, what the heck is happening?

1151
01:15:13,920 --> 01:15:15,640
Especially because I wasn't supposed to be there.

1152
01:15:15,640 --> 01:15:20,400
I wasn't supposed to be in my hospital room because they just kept telling me, oh, maybe

1153
01:15:20,400 --> 01:15:21,600
you can go in a mirror.

1154
01:15:21,600 --> 01:15:29,120
And so the light came closer and it said in this voice that I've never kind of heard a

1155
01:15:29,120 --> 01:15:31,680
voice quite like this before.

1156
01:15:31,680 --> 01:15:34,440
Would you like to pray together?

1157
01:15:34,440 --> 01:15:41,760
And then when they, because the thing is with the way the light was, I couldn't make out

1158
01:15:41,760 --> 01:15:47,120
if it was a man, if it was a woman, if it was what it was, what they asked if I would

1159
01:15:47,120 --> 01:15:48,120
like to pray.

1160
01:15:48,120 --> 01:15:51,400
And I said, yes, I would like that very much.

1161
01:15:51,400 --> 01:15:54,240
And so we prayed together.

1162
01:15:54,240 --> 01:16:02,160
And then I felt this peace that I had never felt before since I was maybe a very young

1163
01:16:02,160 --> 01:16:03,880
child.

1164
01:16:03,880 --> 01:16:11,680
I had finally felt that peace of God that is talked about in the scriptures.

1165
01:16:11,680 --> 01:16:18,240
And when I was ready to look, I was experiencing it in that moment and I was going to look

1166
01:16:18,240 --> 01:16:25,320
up and thank that person or the light or whatever it was.

1167
01:16:25,320 --> 01:16:28,880
And by that time, it had disappeared entirely.

1168
01:16:28,880 --> 01:16:32,120
It had just vanished.

1169
01:16:32,120 --> 01:16:33,360
And I don't know what it was.

1170
01:16:33,360 --> 01:16:34,680
The jury's still out.

1171
01:16:34,680 --> 01:16:42,080
But I mean, now I'm aggrieved through and through, more fortified and going strong

1172
01:16:42,080 --> 01:16:45,920
than ever before the past few years.

1173
01:16:45,920 --> 01:16:55,000
I think that just continually where your focus is and where your faith is.

1174
01:16:55,000 --> 01:17:03,400
If my faith is in, this is kind of a silly example, but around these parts called football

1175
01:17:03,400 --> 01:17:04,480
is a big deal.

1176
01:17:04,480 --> 01:17:11,400
If my faith is in, oh, you went in the football game and that's it, then that's my God.

1177
01:17:11,400 --> 01:17:13,120
It's not a very good God.

1178
01:17:13,120 --> 01:17:18,280
Like if they lose, then I'm kind of in trouble.

1179
01:17:18,280 --> 01:17:21,840
Your faith, your God could be Jehovah.

1180
01:17:21,840 --> 01:17:23,560
We can make that.

1181
01:17:23,560 --> 01:17:27,360
But we've kind of shown that that's not a very good God.

1182
01:17:27,360 --> 01:17:36,360
That's the basis of why being in depth and scripture, knowing more about who God is,

1183
01:17:36,360 --> 01:17:42,560
being in a community of believers that can help spur us on towards God.

1184
01:17:42,560 --> 01:17:46,880
That it's not about what I have done here.

1185
01:17:46,880 --> 01:17:50,200
It's about who I love, who I'm serving.

1186
01:17:50,200 --> 01:17:51,200
Absolutely.

1187
01:17:51,200 --> 01:17:52,200
Awesome.

1188
01:17:52,200 --> 01:17:53,440
Awesome story.

1189
01:17:53,440 --> 01:17:58,080
I think that there's so many different winds and turns.

1190
01:17:58,080 --> 01:18:02,760
And honestly, I'm kind of curious of this.

1191
01:18:02,760 --> 01:18:10,000
Have you considered doing anything further with your story of a book or something of that

1192
01:18:10,000 --> 01:18:11,000
nature?

1193
01:18:11,000 --> 01:18:17,520
The thing is, we're friends, so I'll give you the fully transparent answer.

1194
01:18:17,520 --> 01:18:19,640
Not the first version of Ossamina.

1195
01:18:19,640 --> 01:18:26,800
I definitely, because my story is wild from the day I was born.

1196
01:18:26,800 --> 01:18:30,480
And it's one of those things where every time I go and I try to sit down and I try to write

1197
01:18:30,480 --> 01:18:32,720
it, I try to find that break in point.

1198
01:18:32,720 --> 01:18:38,440
Like, you know, if you've ever really written anything, and I just, I can't make it work.

1199
01:18:38,440 --> 01:18:46,560
I can't like, I feel like if I ever get to the point financially where I can hire a ghost

1200
01:18:46,560 --> 01:18:52,240
writer and just have some really solid conversations with that would be like, this is what happened

1201
01:18:52,240 --> 01:18:53,240
to ask me anything.

1202
01:18:53,240 --> 01:18:58,280
This is what happened to ask me anything that I'd be able to, with their help turn something

1203
01:18:58,280 --> 01:19:01,600
out that would be encouraging and interesting.

1204
01:19:01,600 --> 01:19:05,120
And I mean, it's me.

1205
01:19:05,120 --> 01:19:09,080
So I don't want to say fascinating because I'm not like, I'm fascinating.

1206
01:19:09,080 --> 01:19:11,840
But like, other people say it is.

1207
01:19:11,840 --> 01:19:16,400
So it's one of those things where it's like, is it?

1208
01:19:16,400 --> 01:19:17,480
It lends itself.

1209
01:19:17,480 --> 01:19:21,440
If a path becomes open to do something like that, awesome.

1210
01:19:21,440 --> 01:19:23,320
I wouldn't turn it out.

1211
01:19:23,320 --> 01:19:25,220
I wouldn't not consider it.

1212
01:19:25,220 --> 01:19:30,480
But at this point, I just trying to get one is a bit tricky.

1213
01:19:30,480 --> 01:19:31,480
Yeah.

1214
01:19:31,480 --> 01:19:32,480
Yeah.

1215
01:19:32,480 --> 01:19:33,480
Okay.

1216
01:19:33,480 --> 01:19:34,480
Yeah.

1217
01:19:34,480 --> 01:19:36,200
I'm sure I won't be the last person to ask you.

1218
01:19:36,200 --> 01:19:38,880
It just is a on outside looking.

1219
01:19:38,880 --> 01:19:43,800
And yeah, there's just so, so much and sharing your story on here is awesome.

1220
01:19:43,800 --> 01:19:45,720
But like you're saying.

1221
01:19:45,720 --> 01:19:51,880
more to it. And that book format could be a better way to hash some of those things out.

1222
01:19:51,880 --> 01:19:57,800
Now, I know it's way easier for me to say, yeah, write a book. But to actually do that

1223
01:19:57,800 --> 01:20:03,880
is a whole other venture. But no, hey, if it was, and the weird thing is, I have written

1224
01:20:03,880 --> 01:20:11,880
some stuff before and it feels like it's easier to go with something I can heavily research

1225
01:20:11,880 --> 01:20:16,280
as opposed to something I've heavily lived through. And obviously, I love your very

1226
01:20:16,280 --> 01:20:19,560
entire thing. It's my life. But I don't know. Does that make sense?

1227
01:20:20,120 --> 01:20:26,200
Yeah, no, it does. It does. And there's definitely a more, obviously, an extremely personal angle

1228
01:20:26,200 --> 01:20:32,200
to this too, which it's impossible for you to be completely unbiased writing your story.

1229
01:20:32,200 --> 01:20:38,280
Like, you're going to be as biased as possible. You lived it. Whereas you're researching something,

1230
01:20:38,280 --> 01:20:42,760
yeah, you're just reporting. You're looking those things up. So no, I totally get what you're

1231
01:20:42,760 --> 01:20:47,560
saying with that. I feel like, especially with research is more you can sink your teeth into

1232
01:20:47,560 --> 01:20:51,720
versus having lived experience, especially if you have been through a lot of traumatic things.

1233
01:20:52,520 --> 01:20:56,760
There's missing pages. There's kind of like, this is your life story. Here are some pages

1234
01:20:56,760 --> 01:21:03,560
that your brain tore out on you without asking for permission. Yeah, yeah. No, I could definitely

1235
01:21:03,560 --> 01:21:08,840
say that. But yeah, maybe one day you'll get that ghostwriter or whatever. And I would be very

1236
01:21:08,840 --> 01:21:14,360
interested in reading that. Should that day come? I'm also going to be doing a,

1237
01:21:15,240 --> 01:21:20,840
I'm letting, for my birthday month coming up, I'm letting two of my best friends,

1238
01:21:20,840 --> 01:21:26,280
Morris and Sarah, take over my stream. And they're going to ask me a ton of questions.

1239
01:21:26,840 --> 01:21:31,960
And it should be a really good time. So do you have me, if there's any questions that you want

1240
01:21:31,960 --> 01:21:36,680
them to ask me? And I'll make sure I put that in. So it's at the base of my Twitter. So.

1241
01:21:37,400 --> 01:21:41,400
Yeah, I think that's, that's great for, for anyone that's curious,

1242
01:21:41,960 --> 01:21:47,800
definitely send that her way. Now, one thing I'd like to end on with, with most of my guests on

1243
01:21:47,800 --> 01:21:53,880
here is again, just some more of that active type of tone. You had some very active things that you

1244
01:21:53,880 --> 01:22:01,160
have done throughout your life. What are some just real practical things that those listening

1245
01:22:01,160 --> 01:22:05,960
in the audience could, could maybe do to make some type of impact in their life? Does anything

1246
01:22:05,960 --> 01:22:13,560
come to mind? So there's kind of three things that I would land on there. The first thing to make an

1247
01:22:13,560 --> 01:22:20,760
active impact in your life is definitely to be in his word as often as you can. Because when

1248
01:22:20,760 --> 01:22:26,120
you're in his word as often as you can, they, it's easier to have those words transcribed on your

1249
01:22:26,120 --> 01:22:32,200
heart. Yeah. And that way God and our love for God is able to show through all of our actions.

1250
01:22:32,840 --> 01:22:37,640
And through all of the things that we do as we're getting, you know, closer to him.

1251
01:22:38,360 --> 01:22:45,480
The second thing I would recommend is using public square. It's an app I honestly recently

1252
01:22:45,480 --> 01:22:50,840
downloaded it. I use some of the information off of it, like on their website. I feel like, oh,

1253
01:22:50,840 --> 01:22:56,520
this is good brand. But really looking at when it comes to voting with your dollar, where are

1254
01:22:56,520 --> 01:23:04,120
those dollars going to? Yeah, it's definitely a hot topic right now with the whole target thing and

1255
01:23:04,120 --> 01:23:11,320
the fact that I as a basic light girl can't shop a target anymore because of the horrible things

1256
01:23:11,320 --> 01:23:16,760
that are doing is a bit tricky. But it's what my husband told me to do. And it's what I feel is

1257
01:23:16,760 --> 01:23:25,480
right in my soul. So that's what we're doing. So just looking at those, you know, kind of the boycotts

1258
01:23:25,480 --> 01:23:30,760
that seem like they can make the most impact, you don't have to boycott everything. It's impossible.

1259
01:23:31,320 --> 01:23:35,880
And some of them are easier than others because with Bud Light, you have a lot more.

1260
01:23:37,000 --> 01:23:41,240
You have a lot more choices. You have whiskey, you have tequila, you have the option to just not

1261
01:23:41,240 --> 01:23:47,640
drink at all. You know, all sorts of different beers. But with target, sometimes it feels a bit

1262
01:23:47,640 --> 01:23:53,720
more inconvenient. But one of the things I like doing when it comes to that is looking at the

1263
01:23:53,720 --> 01:23:59,880
brands that actually do support the change that you want to see in the world. And I'm fortunate

1264
01:23:59,880 --> 01:24:06,040
where actually I made another new friend on Twitter. His name is Rob. He owns his own coffee company.

1265
01:24:06,040 --> 01:24:14,440
It's called North Arrow Coffee. And they give 15% of all of their profits to pro-life causes,

1266
01:24:14,440 --> 01:24:21,560
to pregnancy centers, to help those women to know that, you know, I feel like it's easy to get back

1267
01:24:21,560 --> 01:24:26,600
to the corner and think that something's your only option, especially considering my life journey.

1268
01:24:27,240 --> 01:24:31,720
But the work that they do over there to help those pregnancy centers, to help those moms and

1269
01:24:31,720 --> 01:24:38,920
those babies make sure that they get what they need is so crucial. And on top of it, they have a great

1270
01:24:38,920 --> 01:24:47,640
product. Like, my bestie has never, ever, ever, like, gotten super hyped up about a decaf coffee.

1271
01:24:49,240 --> 01:24:55,480
I mean, I'm kind of like the dust before decaf crowd myself. But she said it was the most flavorful

1272
01:24:55,480 --> 01:25:00,680
brew she's ever had. So if she feels that way about the decaf coffee, just imagine the regular

1273
01:25:00,680 --> 01:25:07,880
coffee. It is absolutely delicious. So that's, you know, North Arrow Coffee.com. And if you use

1274
01:25:07,880 --> 01:25:11,480
code for that, F-R-E-D-A, you can actually save 10% off yourself.

1275
01:25:13,640 --> 01:25:20,360
There we go. Not only some good things to think about, we have a super practical one that we

1276
01:25:20,360 --> 01:25:27,000
even save you a little bit of money. So fantastic. And I think your points there are really well

1277
01:25:27,000 --> 01:25:34,120
taken. And I really like your approach there that, hey, like, that target boycott that's going on

1278
01:25:34,120 --> 01:25:38,120
right now, that's, that's the, that's probably one of the bigger ones I've seen in some time.

1279
01:25:39,080 --> 01:25:45,800
And we actually had not been there for, for a little while. And I try not to be like a

1280
01:25:45,800 --> 01:25:51,480
holier than that type of person. But we saw things about some chest binders that they had like a

1281
01:25:51,480 --> 01:25:59,640
year or two ago. Yeah, no, out of there. And all that being said, yeah, you're not going to be able

1282
01:25:59,640 --> 01:26:04,600
to do any and everything. And News Flash, most of the bigger companies, they probably hate your

1283
01:26:04,600 --> 01:26:12,200
guts, even if they don't say it. Like that's just kind of the reality. So finding, not just boycotting

1284
01:26:12,200 --> 01:26:18,680
things, but finding things that are actually doing good things. Public Square app is wonderful.

1285
01:26:18,680 --> 01:26:25,960
It's a great idea to get involved with some local businesses that are have very similar values,

1286
01:26:25,960 --> 01:26:31,640
North Arrow Coffee. Hey, definitely encourage everyone to put that down in the description,

1287
01:26:31,640 --> 01:26:38,440
check them out. Yeah, that's just one quick thing that if your dollar's not doing perfect

1288
01:26:38,440 --> 01:26:45,560
everywhere else, at least we're doing something here. Exactly. I think that that's just real,

1289
01:26:45,560 --> 01:26:52,040
real practical good advice there. Plus, I feel like sometimes when it comes to

1290
01:26:52,760 --> 01:26:58,680
making a practical switch, it's harder when you feel like you're being inconvenienced versus

1291
01:26:59,320 --> 01:27:04,200
when you feel like, oh, this is a change. And I'm actually getting something much better in return.

1292
01:27:04,200 --> 01:27:07,960
Like making your North Arrow Coffee, saving yourself money from going to, you know,

1293
01:27:07,960 --> 01:27:14,680
for instance, Starbucks, which actually funds abortion for their employees, you can start your

1294
01:27:14,680 --> 01:27:21,560
day knowing that you're making the right choice and maybe drinking some delicious pro-life coffee

1295
01:27:21,560 --> 01:27:28,120
while you're in the word before you go and have a great day. There you go. I like that practicality.

1296
01:27:28,120 --> 01:27:36,440
And I would almost kind of add to that. This goes to some of the, if you've done any Dave Ramsey,

1297
01:27:36,440 --> 01:27:42,280
like financial piece stuff before, he talks about the debt snowball. And what he means by that is

1298
01:27:42,280 --> 01:27:46,360
you pay off one loan and then you pay off the next one and the next one and the next one and just

1299
01:27:46,360 --> 01:27:52,040
kind of builds up. Do the same thing when it comes to your finances and kind of voting with your

1300
01:27:52,040 --> 01:27:59,800
dollar of start with something like that, real basic, and then see if there's something else.

1301
01:28:00,360 --> 01:28:06,120
Is there another brand, another thing that has a good alternative there? And just go that way.

1302
01:28:06,120 --> 01:28:12,440
Don't say I'm not going to shop at any big store ever starting tomorrow because that's probably

1303
01:28:12,440 --> 01:28:16,920
not going to be true. I mean, you're probably going to go against that. So start small and let it build

1304
01:28:16,920 --> 01:28:24,840
up over time. It's kind of exactly like that with the New Year's resolutions. I mean, I am so guilty

1305
01:28:24,840 --> 01:28:31,080
of like going into like some smoothie company and getting like kale and mazha smoothies. This is

1306
01:28:31,080 --> 01:28:37,240
going to be the time when you drink it and you're like, this is so bad and then you just throw it

1307
01:28:37,240 --> 01:28:42,440
away and then you're like, why did I do that? I mean, hopefully you're smarter than me and don't

1308
01:28:42,440 --> 01:28:48,040
actually go for like the kale and mazha in the morning, especially if you don't like mazha.

1309
01:28:49,000 --> 01:28:54,280
But making those small, you know, changes that might feel small might feel like, oh, is this

1310
01:28:54,280 --> 01:28:59,000
worth doing because it doesn't feel like I'm doing a ton. But you're just replacing something

1311
01:28:59,000 --> 01:29:05,240
that's going to be much better for you in the long run. Even I found this awesome new sunscreen

1312
01:29:05,240 --> 01:29:09,480
because I'm super, super pale and sunscreen is super important, but a lot of it like leaves

1313
01:29:09,480 --> 01:29:15,960
you feeling like greasy and gross and stuff. And it's called Mimi and IMI skincare and I'm actually

1314
01:29:15,960 --> 01:29:22,280
in the works to be a brand ambassador for them because they are a conservative company that's

1315
01:29:22,280 --> 01:29:27,880
all about faith, all about femininity and all about freedom. And so once I get my code, I'll

1316
01:29:27,880 --> 01:29:33,960
give that to you so you can share it with your audience. Yeah, absolutely. No, I think that

1317
01:29:35,160 --> 01:29:40,440
banding together with like-minded people is just so incredibly important. And that might be

1318
01:29:40,440 --> 01:29:47,000
something that I'll kind of throw in there too is find friends, find those foxhole buddies

1319
01:29:47,000 --> 01:29:53,640
kind of like you were talking about before. Don't just focus on, oh, Target did this and it's

1320
01:29:53,640 --> 01:30:00,840
terrible. Like, yeah, again, starting place. Yeah, you probably should be upset by that. But

1321
01:30:00,840 --> 01:30:06,840
don't just stay there. Find people that you can be there alongside with, form relationships with,

1322
01:30:06,840 --> 01:30:11,640
and not just sitting in that anger because that will eat you up. And eventually you're just going

1323
01:30:11,640 --> 01:30:17,320
to be apathetic and hate everything. And that's just not worth it. The point is to get red pilled,

1324
01:30:17,320 --> 01:30:24,440
not black pilled. Exactly. That's a great slogan. Yes, black pilled, you do nothing good. You're

1325
01:30:24,440 --> 01:30:29,480
just a bum at that point. Exactly. It's far too nihilistic when you're so numb from everything

1326
01:30:29,480 --> 01:30:37,320
going on. Yes. Well, where can the audience find you at? So they can find me on Finding the Faith

1327
01:30:37,320 --> 01:30:44,280
on Rumble. And then I am the base babe everywhere else. Perfect. All right, boy, if you search the

1328
01:30:44,280 --> 01:30:50,680
base babe, you're going to find her. So, encourage everyone to do that. It was great having on and

1329
01:30:50,680 --> 01:30:55,320
kind of going through your story. And yeah, everybody please, please check her out. Go get some

1330
01:30:55,320 --> 01:31:01,480
North Arrow coffee, Code Freeda, and you'll get your good tip percent off there. So again, thanks

1331
01:31:01,480 --> 01:31:06,200
for being on today. Of course. Thank you for having me. And I'm so glad that we were able to meet on

1332
01:31:06,200 --> 01:31:11,720
Twitter and have this, you know, beautiful conversation come out of it. Absolutely. All right.

1333
01:31:11,720 --> 01:31:16,440
Well, everyone, thanks for listening. I'll catch you on the next episode and we'll just continue

1334
01:31:16,440 --> 01:31:42,440
fighting for truth. Yeah, I'll take care.