Welcome back to the Partyswap podcast. I'm your host Kyle Donaghy, back with my cohost
as always Jonathan Stolke. How are you John? I'm good. Why no nickname? I'm running out
of steam with the nicknames, you know. That's pretty boring. I'm sorry. Maybe you should
think harder. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. There's like only so many nicknames you can
give a big red guy before they did. Like, and wouldn't a big red nickname stop being
funny? Like pretty fast. And then it might just whip out random things. That's not funny
either, you know. I can say in my 25 years, people have found that it does not stop being
funny. They continue to make fun of me being big and red. So you might be wrong there.
Maybe. I don't know. That's what they really tune in for. They hear the sad nickname and
turn it off. Yep. That's true. That's what our nine listeners are. That's what they're
here for. Yes, sir. We have video now. We do have video. Well, hopefully. For part of
it maybe. Yeah. We'll see. We'll see how it goes. This is our test run of video. Yeah.
Um, okay. Yeah. Okay. Well, go ahead. N sync. Oh, just Simpson dead. Yeah. He had cancer.
You know, what's crazy about that is he's a murderer. Alleged. So, but yeah, no, he
probably probably did kill all those people. He's definitely dead though. It is. Was it
public that he had cancer or did that just kind of happen? I didn't know he had cancer,
but I'm a level two. I really didn't give a shit either way. Yeah. I didn't. So yeah,
OJ, me and juice don't talk much these days. He's dead. Yeah. Yeah. It's weird because
most celebrity deaths, like regardless of if they're a good person or a bad person,
people are like, oh, that's sad. But OJ, it was just like immediately me. I mean,
oh yeah, it was like, we got to make this as funny as we can right now. So that was,
I appreciated that. Give me a, we're going to open up to not just NFL players, but athletes in
general, worst guys who play sports all time. I think Vontez Burfect as far as playing on the
field was a pretty shitty guy. Okay. Just like beat the shit out of dudes. I think the bangles.
Yeah. Yeah. He, uh, he did make Antonio Brown. Oh, is he the one that made Antonio Brown?
He's the guy who knocked Antonio Brown unconscious. Nice. Yeah. Uh, I had to throw
Michael Vick in there. I've heard he's a crappy dude. That guy sucks. Um, mostly the dog fighting
thing. I don't really care about him as a football player. Oh, he was decent. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But,
yeah, dog fighting. Not cool. Yeah. Not cool if you fight dogs. Just a couple of years of
prison really hurt his career too. It'll do that to you. Yeah. Um, he went to prison, right? Yeah.
Speaking of, uh, prison time hurting your career, uh, Aaron Hernandez. Yep. Yeah. He did die.
Yeah. When we went to the pro world this year, that's for sure. What? He will not be going pro
world this year. That's true. Yeah. Mostly because he died like 10 years ago. Yeah. Yeah. That'll do
the trick. And he was in prison. Yes. He's been in prison since like 2008 and then he died in like
2018. Yeah. I think it was that way. I think it was like 11. That doesn't matter. I don't think it's
that deep. A dead prison guy. Um, who else? Who's that guy who beat his wife in an elevator? Ray Rice.
Yeah. I think it was his girlfriend, but they're still together. So good for them. Must not have
been that bad. That's how you know your relationship's going to last through anything. Yeah. It's good. If
he can beat you in an elevator and you can just still stick it out. It's definitely not because of
the money. It's because she loves him. Yeah. Yeah. I think, I think that the money's completely
unrelated. Yeah. Um, who else we got? There's somebody else. I mean, a lot of them beat their
wives, but there was another high profile one around then, wasn't there?
Hmm. I got nothing. You know what? We've only got football players. Are they like, do they make bad
people in other sports too? Oh yeah. I think I just don't follow the other sports as much. I'm, I'm
trying to think of basketball players like Draymond Green. He's kind of mean. That's all. Yeah. He's
just like punches people. Yeah. He kicks that tall guy in the nuts. That was mean. The 25 greatest
villains in American sports history. Let's see what you got for us. Bleacher Report. Chad Johnson.
What did Chad Oshersenko? Was he just a cocky guy? Yeah. I think he was just kind of a jackass.
Okay. I don't think he did anything. I would love him in there with the murderers. And then there
was, was Miami where the dolphins signed him tentatively and dismissed him decisively after
he was accused of assaulting his wife, Evelyn by headbutting her. That's not good. That is wrong,
but it's kind of silly. I mean like who headbutts somebody. He's the least villain of the 25. It
would appear. Oh, okay. So he's number 25. Yeah. I thought he was one. Ty Domey retired NHL. Don't
care about hockey. Alex Rodriguez, New York Yankees. I thought he was like a sports hero. Yeah.
Wasn't he like one of the good guys? I think so. Honestly, I'm not sure why everyone hates A-Rod
so much. I'm not even sure why I hate him so much. Yes. He's a blah, blah jerk. Yes. He dates women
that make him an endless source of tabloid fodder. Yes. He used steroids. Okay. It's just people
don't like him. Okay. That doesn't really make him a villain. I have yet to see a single murderer and
they have quite a few to choose from. Yeah. No, now number 22 is not a person. It's four people.
It's four separate commissioners of leagues. I'm not even going to go into that because people just
like them because they're like, I liked that rule and you changed it and that was mean. Yeah.
So Dwight Howard. Yeah. He kind of sucked. Big guy from the lake. I know who he is. Why, why did
he suck? He was just a douche. It hurts me to put Dwight Howard on the list because he's one of my
favorite athletes in all of sports for years, but after his unceremonious to put it lightly,
departure from Orlando, how could I not include him? Was he just a mean guy? I think so. Again,
literal murderers and you're like this guy, he's just not a great teammate. Hey, throw Kobe on
there too. It basically just says he had like a not good leaving Orlando. Yeah. He's not a good
Orlando. Are we getting any like of the murders? Not yet. Aaron is killed like six people.
Bobby Knight retired NCAA coach. Oh, he threw a chair. Womp, womp. Not like Joe Paterno or
that old guy. Morgan Wallen threw a chair last weekend and we're all saying to let him go.
Skip Bayless is number 19. He's just, just mean. There was a furniture store in Indianapolis
where, um, James Harrison, sorry. Oh, yeah. James Harrison. That's a good one. We're Bobby Knight
coached and they had a furniture sale called the Bobby Knight sale. You buy a sofa, they throw in
a free chair. That's pretty funny. Yeah. They could call it the, uh, the Morgan Wallen sale now. Yeah.
Now that guy threw a chair into the street of Nashville, I believe. Yeah. Good for him. Did
anybody get hurt in that? I think he like landed on a cop car, which is actually the worst place
you could have landed. Morgan Wallen chair. I think it'd be kind of funny if they just brought it,
like, he wants to open his own bar after throwing a chair off the roof. What is he like, ah, if I
can't throw it off Eric Church's bar, I'll buy my own. We made person punishments like,
oh, like eye for an eye. Like he had to go, like he, like he said to stand there and throw a chair
at him from six stories up. Or if it hit a cop car, they throw a cop car at him. Also from six
stories up. Yeah. And it would be even worse is like he was at Eric Church's bar and he's Morgan
Wallen. So what if they like locked him up for a year and made him listen to Eric Church and
Morgan Wallen music? I would go crazy personally. Yeah. I don't think I'd last like half an hour.
10 Morgan Wallen and Eric Church songs. Kill me. Back to back to back to back to back. No, thank you.
Um, yeah. James Harrison was just, this is like just players that aren't very likeable.
Yeah. Number 16 is the Miami heat. It's not even number 15 is the new England Patriots.
Well, I was a collective. They did kill like six people. And then if you remove, you know,
Aaron Hernandez, they killed zero, but nonetheless. Yeah. Uh, Pete Rose is number 14. Wasn't he just a
gambler? Am I thinking of the wrong guy? Yeah. You just, this is the lamest list of sports fields
I've ever heard. Barry Bonds. He did steroids. Terrell Owens. What the fuck did Terrell Owens do?
The wide receiver. Yeah. Oh wait. Is he a wife beater too? I think he might be a wife beater.
Doesn't he doesn't mention wife beating. Nope. Keep on, keep on chugging. What are we at?
Donald Sterling, LA Clippers owner. He was like the racist guy, right?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's the case. Throw the Raiders owner in there too. If we can do owners.
Was Al Davis racist? No. He just sucked? Yeah. Yeah. Now you're just buying into it. You're like,
I don't like the way he did his professional things. If I can just list off guys that don't
like and call them villains, then yeah, absolutely. I'm going to do it. I guess. John Rocker retired
MLB. Don't know who that is. Marty McSorley retired NHL. Don't care. He's the guy from Back to the
Future, I believe. Sherwood Blount Jr. Former SMU booster. What is even that? I don't know. Albert
Hainsworth. I don't. When he was playing for the Titans, he was one of the greatest defensive
players in the game, but he often found himself in trouble. In 2006, Hainsworth was suspended and then
then for a then unprecedented five games for stomping on the head of a cowboy center. That's
funny. Yeah, I suppose. Luttrell Spreewell, Floyd Mayweather. What did he do? He's just rich.
Yeah, he's rich. Oh, wait, wait. We got the we got the rap sheet. 2002 convicted of two counts of
domestic violence and one count of misdemeanor battery. 2004 convicted of misdemeanor battery
of two women in a nightclub. 2005 acquitted of assaulting his girlfriend after she changed
her story on the stand. He also played no contest to misdemeanor assault. 2009 Mayweather's homeless
searched after his car and one of his associates was identified fleeing the scene of a Las Vegas
shooting. 2010 arrested and in charge of three misdemeanor harassment charges, felony grand
larceny, two felony coercion and one felony robbery charge. And he probably would have been arrested
for a confrontation with rapper Rick Ross had Diddy not intervened. Diddy, I don't even know
what he did. I just know that for a shit up. Yeah. So Diddy, right? I guess we're even start that
people are I guess. Yes. Diddy. He's being accused of for lack of a better word, you know, diddling.
And I think right now the biggest question in his mind is, you know, did Diddy do it? Or did Diddy
not do it? Did Diddy diddle? Did Diddy diddle? Or did Diddy not diddle? See, I mean, personally,
I think Diddy diddle, but I'm gonna feel really bad. A possibility. I mean, he hung out with that
one Prince guy, not Prince the artist, but one of the actual princes of England. And I think they
kind of turned out to be pervy. So who knows? So after Diana died Diddy diddle? Wrong Prince.
I don't know if it's one of the current princes or one of the princes that is the brother of the
brother of the king princes. I also don't care that much. Let's keep going down the list. Bobby
Paterno. Patrino. Who the fuck is that? He was the Oh, no. I was thinking Joe Paterno.
Former Falcons coach Bobby Paterno resigned 13 games into his tenure.
He said goodbye to his players and I know with a type note, it just looks like he sucked.
I'm just I'm perusing the Wikipedia page for Tonya Harding number three. Well, yeah,
that's justifiable. I'd say yeah, destroy somebody's leg. Yeah. I'm just browsing
through the Wikipedia page for athletes who have committed who have been charged with criminal
things. These are super lame. They have a guy from the 1800s on here. Sorry, continue.
Who the fuck is Don King? Why is he the number one villain in sports? He's Mike Tyson's agent
and he's just a very provocative fella. Oh, no. Do you know who? So what are all murderers in
the sports? You know who Salim Rashid is? He was he was found guilty of food stamp fraud,
immigration fraud and two counts of school employee engaging in sexual act. Engage only.
Good for him. Yeah. No, not good for him. Actually. It's actually pretty bad. I said that without
thinking about it. I was reading something. Yeah, that guy sucks. Very good. Very good.
But Darren Sharper is I've never heard of this guy. I think he played for the Saints.
Well, he's convicted of multiple counts of rape. So that's not cool. Oh, we do not condone.
Yeah, that's that's less than ideal. Actually, what do we got in the world of bodybuilding?
No, we played for the Packers too. Couple murders kind of lame basketball. Anything
we're noteworthy. I'm sure there's a lot there. You're allowed to smoke weed now. Yeah.
Had I known that I would have become a professional basketball player. I bet you
feel foolish now. Yeah. Mookie Blaylock pick the homicide. I see. Yeah. A lot of drunk driving,
a lot of aggravated assault. This guy's name is Nate Driggers. Thanks for that. Yep. That's all.
Just want to say that. I see. Fast Eddie Johnson. Fat City. Fast Eddie Johnson. Burglary robbery,
drug position, assault with a minor. How fat do you have to be to be nicknamed Fat City?
A couple of rapes. Sodomy. Doesn't Sodomy just mean something other than vaginal sex? Yeah.
What? What is this? Canoeing? Oh my what's going on in the world? Texas in the 1800s?
What did the canoers do? He went too fast.
Eddie Scott was charged with breach of public order act. They sentenced to criminal discharge
with costs amounting to 300 euros. Discharge. Who is Eddie Scott? He's an English slalom canoeist.
I see. Yeah. Pretty intense stuff there. Why does Bill Belichick show up when you Google bad guys
in sports? He's just a good coach. Yeah. Terrell Owens again. Alex Rodriguez. You got to say,
there's a lot of rape going on in the world of competitive darts. I see. Which is just
astounding to me because if you think about groups that are just drowning in hoes, you
immediately go to competitive dart players. I'm surprised they would need to resort to that.
Yeah. Okay. Here's another thing. Yep. Apollo Creed shows up on the list. Apollo Creed shows
up on the list. Apollo Creed is a fictional character from the Rocky franchise. He's also
the best guy in the Rocky franchise. Yeah, it's fucking Carl Weathers, dude. Carl Weathers fucks.
I don't. I hate it. Is that the guy that walks into the Marine Corps Hymn in one of the movies?
I saw a clip of it. I don't think he actually walks out to the Marine Corps Hymn. I think he
walks out to the... I know he does Living in America. I'm pretty sure I saw one where he
walks out to the Marine Corps Hymn. Are you sure that wasn't just a... Like a zesty rendition of
it, not like the actual one? Maybe. I was watching it. Also, how did Conor McGregor not make that
list? Because he's a saint? The dude once... Didn't he throw an ashtray through a bus window?
So? Don't we all get a little silly from time to time? Beat multiple people in public? What's
wrong with that? Have you ever seen that video of him hurtling a guy at the Golden Globes trying to
beat the shit out of MGK? No. It was funny as hell, and it was like props to him. Good friend. But
he like... This guy who's way bigger than him, he just jumped over and starts dropping haymeckers
on MGK's head. Very good. Did you see the thing with Diddy's plane? What? When they started
raiding his house, his plane left California, I think, and went to some Caribbean island that
does extradite to the US. Everybody's like, what's going on here? Is he hopping? Is he going to hide
there? What's happening? Plane flies back to LA immediately. Stopped for fuel, went back. They
raided the plane. Diddy wasn't even on it at all. He was in Miami the whole time. It was just a
decoy. I did see that video. It said Diddy spotted in Miami, and it was just him pacing. He was
... He was riding a little beach bike with the basket on the front of it, you know what I'm
talking about? Yeah, sure. He was just riding that. Was it actually him? I think so, yeah.
Dude's getting investigated by the feds, and he's just hanging out. Yeah, dude.
Just having a good time on the beach. What did he do? Is it a sex trafficking thing? I think he's
accused of just raping everyone. Is he like an Epstein deal? Because he hung out with a lot of
people. Was he just baby Epstein? I don't know. I always heard it was like... I heard that he
would throw these rager parties and then record everybody. If you were doing illegal shit in his
house, like all the cameras he had, he would blackmail people and whatever. Interesting.
I heard one story that he would kick people out at two in the morning after being really cool,
and then they'd be like, ah, there's guys fucking on the couch. I don't know the validity of that
story, but I heard it on a YouTube clip. I'm going to say it here. Yeah, the ditty thing's weird,
though. It's weird how they're all going down. Strange, right? It doesn't matter at all.
Yeah, I mean, it's good if they're actually bad people. Are they bad or did they just like...
They know something about a politician, so they're just getting taken down. I actually wonder,
right? I feel like that's a little nuclear. What do you mean?
Who's sharing their deepest, darkest secrets with Diddy?
It literally is. I wouldn't put it past Hillary Clinton.
Just yucking it up with Sean Combs? Yeah.
I got to say, I don't really foresee the mingling. You never know.
Maybe. Let's see. Let's see if we can find P Diddy and Hillary.
Also just a large-scale businessman, I think.
Oh, wow. Would you look at that? Are they kissing?
It kind of looks like they might be kissing. It kind of looks like they might have just
kissed right there. There is a Barack. Well, that's not Diddy. Well, there he is.
He's got them all. Here's a picture of him with fucking three
separate presidents. There's none of him with Bill. Oh, wait. I stand corrected. There he is.
There he is with Bill. Is that Queen Latifah? I think so. I think that is Queen Latifah.
What are you up to, Diddy? What are you up to? That's some weird shit. What is this?
What did he do? Would he...
He received an honorary degree from Howard University.
Why? I don't know. I think they just do that, man.
Yeah. That's fair. What do you have to do to get an honorary degree?
I think you just have to be notable in something. Can you put it on your resume?
I think if you get it, you're past the point that you would put it on your resume.
Then what's the point? If they gave it to some random guy who
was trying to get a job, no, fuck it. We'll help you out. You have an honorary master's degree.
If I was looking for a job and I had an honorary master's, I'd throw that out there.
If I was looking for a job and I had an honorary master's, I'd throw that on my email line.
What do you do with that? If I had $40 million and a successful business,
honorary master's degree from North Carolina University.
What do you do with an honorary degree? I don't think anything. I think it's just
a way to get you to come to a graduation ceremony and talk. Willie Nelson has one from the Berkeley
College of Music. I don't want to apply that Diddy isn't an intellectual. He's clearly
a successful businessman. But what is Diddy going to talk about at your graduation ceremony?
Up until last week, I had forgotten that Diddy existed, if I'm being completely honest. I know
nothing about him, so I can't speak to that. I'm going to say that the guy who owns a minority
share of Serac is probably not out here. The vodka, I think that's his main source of income.
Serac, really? Doesn't he own a producing company?
Is anyone noteworthy signed to Bad Boy Records right now?
Since Biggie died. What records?
Bad Boy Records.
Bad Boy Entertainment.
That's a lot of words. That's a lot of words. Puff Daddy, there he is. Why does he have like
15 different names? He would rebrand regularly, I think.
Why? Oh, because his name was Puff Daddy. Who the fuck wants to listen to a guy named Puff Daddy?
All right. Here's what Google's returning. We got Black Rob.
Oh yeah. We got The Locks, Mace, Lil' Kim, Faith Evans. Yeah, looks like they don't got a lot going on.
Biggie was kind of their thing, and he's not doing well these days. So, you know, there's that.
Because he's dead? Yeah, he was actually murdered.
Doesn't really do good things for you. A couple years ago, probably.
Yeah. When was that? 2007, 2008? Didn't Diddy kill him?
No, a lot of people think Diddy killed Pac. Really? They just let him keep going?
Prove it. Ask him.
I don't know if you asked him sincerely. I'll call him up. Let me just...
Hey Sean. Hey man, how are you? Did you kill Tupac?
You think he's still on Instagram? Maybe. Is he old?
Oh yeah, he's not young. Oh yeah, there he is.
You get a message of... He's 54. He's looking good for 54.
I guess sowing your soul to the devil will do that.
Or if you have like a good skincare routine.
Or also having no financial stress whatsoever for 70 years.
That can't be it. 70?
Okay. What do you think you got paid, Mr.? Like, 30?
Financially responsible by the age of negative 26?
Let's say, okay, he got famous when he was like 19, 20.
He probably hasn't had to stress about money since... So in 30 years.
So right around the time when most of us are having stress and showing aging signs of it,
he doesn't have it. He also has all the money in the world and can pay to look younger.
The man gets three haircuts a day. Really?
I'm going to say that one more time for dramatic effect. Three haircuts a day.
I'm going to say he probably cares a lot about his personal appearance.
He probably puts a lot of money into looking young.
He owned the brand, half of the brand, Day Leon, the vodka and tequila brand.
He sold it. He liquidated.
He didn't own Siroc? I thought he owned Siroc.
He might also own Siroc. Does Diddy.
I was thinking about that because somebody at work was talking about like,
oh yeah, they all look so young because they eat babies or they just look young professionally.
I just think it could be a factor.
It looks like he owned both and he no longer owns them.
Or he's like a part owner of both. No longer.
Having a bunch of money probably makes looking young easy.
If I had to look at Bill Gates, that guy looks like shit.
Look at Jeff Bezos. He got a divorce and then showed up two weeks later with a six pack.
Yeah, but so. Elon Musk doesn't look very good.
I think it's also got to be just the guys who won it because Jack Nicholson is one of the most
famous guys in the world. Jack Nicholson looks like shit.
Don't get me wrong, it works for him, man. He's got his rules down pat.
Nobody nails Boston mobster better than Jack Nicholson.
He's also 86.
Okay, well he'd be looking like shit since he was in his 50s.
Yeah, I like the video with the picture of him standing on the balcony.
Same Jack Nicholson.
Same.
What about Tom Cruise? Do you remember when he just looked real shitty for like a week
and then just went back to looking like Tom Cruise? Let me see if I can find the picture.
I don't really follow Tom Cruise. I think the guy's a little strange.
Yeah. This is like 2020. He just randomly looked like that and then just went back to looking like
Tom Cruise like shortly after. What the fuck? How?
They probably have it down to a science, man.
I guess, but why did he go out in public looking all old and puffy?
It's probably a lot of work. He's like, I'm going to a ball game. Nobody will notice me.
And then they did.
I guess. And he didn't look like Tom Cruise there. How are they like, oh, there's that
there's a chubby guy who kind of looks like Tom Cruise. We should probably throw him on the
internet. How they know he was there. I don't know, man. You just like smells funny.
Do you think he considered wearing a baseball hat and sunglasses so that nobody would know who he
was? I think if he'd done that, no one would have known who he was. Maybe a shirt. I mean, a coat.
Possibly a long trench coat and a fedora. Potentially. Yeah.
Then they might have thought he was two really little guys in one though.
I think he's already pretty small. That's a risk. That's a risk you have to take, you know.
I can do micro midgets. All right. Micro little people. Excuse me.
Midgets, man. You don't like Tom Cruise. He's a good actor. I don't,
I don't think I'd hang out with the guy. He's a little wacky with his personal beliefs
and his church and all that. I don't know. You know, Scientology. Have you ever heard that
seen that video of him just having like a meltdown about COVID on set of like mission impossible?
No. I don't know. It was a little weird. He just like some poor dude coughed into his mask and he
just lost his shit. That sounds about right. Yeah. I think when you get that big, you probably are
just kind of a douche. I think so. Yeah. I don't know. Like how old was Tom Cruise when he got
famous? Probably like early twenties, right? Probably. I feel like if you get famous in your
early twenties, you're probably going to turn out to be a douche. Unless you've had like some hard
life experiences that teach you to not be a douche before you get famous, you're probably
going to be a douche. I've heard Adam Sandler is a really nice guy. I believe that. He wasn't
famous till like thirties, right? I don't know. I don't know. He was on SNL pretty early.
I don't know. Back in the glory days of SNL. It's weird that some people are just awful in some
art. To be fair, he also got fired from SNL and almost went bankrupt a couple of times. So that
probably helps. Good for him. Isn't he like a billionaire now? I don't know. He's got more
money than me. Sure. The man plays street basketball with the Wilson evolution. Yeah, bro. He has more
money than me. It's worth $400 million. What is a Wilson evolution? It's a very nice basketball
that you wouldn't use for playing street basketball. Why not? Because it's very, very nice and expensive.
How expensive? I don't know. Like 50, 60 bucks. It's just like an expensive basketball. Yeah.
Like 80, 90, 100 bucks. Yeah. I'm not playing basketball. If I can go buy a $25
or shitty little Nike ball, I'm not going to bring the $100 basketball to the park. Are you kidding me?
Yes. Me personally, I would just opt to not play basketball. I suppose. But then how are you going
to be Adam Sandler? I guess you didn't even think of that, did you? You have a point there. Yeah.
That's true. Everyone knows you only made Adam Sandler on the court. It's true. If it weren't
for basketball, he wouldn't be the man he is today. He has a straight brother. Have you seen the Adam
Sandler movie where he plays like a basketball scout? What's the name of the movie? I don't
remember. But it's decent. I really like how Adam Sandler made Uncut Gems. Hustle. Oh no,
I've never seen it. It's a 2022 movie. It's good. Uncut Gems, a movie where he showed the entire world
like, hey, I actually am a really good actor and I can do serious roles really well. And then went
back to being silly. Yeah. And then he's like right back to being the same character I've played for
the last 45 years. Hustle is also a serious role. Is it really? Yeah, it's pretty decent. I think
it's on Netflix, or it was at one point. Oh, it's a Netflix exclusive, I think. Last night,
me and my wife watched The Ringer, which is about Johnny Knoxville rigging the Special Olympics by
going undercover as a disabled man. I see. Have you ever watched it? Nope. Is it real? Like he
actually did that? No, no, no. It's not like a jackass style documentary. It's not Sacha Baron Cohen.
Okay. It's just like, it's a, it's just a movie, but it is, it is hilarious, dude. Like. I see.
And they used a couple, a couple of actually like, you know, what's the proper nomenclature here?
Special needs individuals? Special needs individuals as the actors and a couple who weren't.
But like it was, it was pretty funny. I see. It was pretty good. I think it's worth checking out,
man. It would have been significantly morbidly funnier if he just actually did like a Sacha
Baron Cohen undercover. If there was one guy who could, it would be Sacha Baron Cohen. Yeah.
You think anybody, you think we're ever going to get anybody like that again? Just an absolute mad
man like Sacha Baron Cohen? He's still here. I guess, but like, you think he's really doing
that stuff still? I think there's a lot of people that would do it. I don't think a lot of them have
the background to do it. Like Sacha Baron Cohen was like, went to Harvard, is like a super smart guy.
Is he really? Pretty sure. I know Sacha Baron Cohen for his impersonation of Ali G, the British
gangster rapper. Like I thought that was his background. I'm pretty sure he's like.
There's like a disproportionate amount of wildly educated people in Hollywood. Like how did that
happen? He went to Christ College, Cambridge. Okay. So, so Cambridge university, I believe. Sure. Yeah.
Yeah. But like a good school, he's an educated guy and he's like, you know what? I'm just going to be
a fucking jackass for my entire adult life. Props to him. I love it. I love his shit. He's fucking
hilarious. You think I wouldn't be doing that same thing if I could? Oh, I would. But that's the
thing. You got to have like the background and the ability to do it. Cause if we just went and did it,
we'd probably get killed. But he's got, I'm sure like security that's around when he's doing that
kind of stuff that can stop it if needed. We would just get shot if we did that in Jacksonville.
Remember what? When he's, is Borat and he's like, he's lost, he's walking down the street and there's
like the black dude sitting in the corner and he goes, he walks up and like they're teaching him
how to talk and stuff. And he goes to the hotel, just what's up, mate? And he hits him with the,
the verbiage, you know, like we could never do that. We would be, we would be scalped. Rightfully so.
Yes. One of my favorite lines, one of the funniest lines, I don't know if I'd say favorite is when
Zach Galifianakis does that to the guy in the car in one of the hangover movies, just like casually.
And then the guy's like, what the fuck did you say? He's like, don't worry, I'm not a cop.
You know what I'm talking about? I do. Yes. That's a, that's a quality. I'd play it, you know. Yeah.
Reasons. Yeah. I was watching Django Unchained at work today or not today, but this week.
Oh, that's not the wizard one. That's the, okay. Yep. I'm on that's Rango. Rango. That's Rango, buddy.
I'm on track now. Yeah. And like, I, I've heard the story that Leonardo DiCaprio didn't want to use
that particular verbiage and like rightfully so Samuel L. Jackson and what's the other guy?
He plays electro and Spiderman, Jamie Foxx. There we go. Samuel L. Jackson and Jamie Foxx
are two intimidating guys. I would have a very hard time calling them slurs as well. You know?
Yeah. I wouldn't want to do that. Yeah. Even if like, no matter how much I'd be paid for it,
I would probably, I wouldn't feel great about it either. You know, hateful eights. Another one of
those like Samuel L. Jackson is also in that the hard arc gets thrown around. I mean the entire
movie is just like, holy fucking shit. I think if Quentin Tarantino directs it, quite possibly the
hard arcs be thrown around a lot. You think so? Just a, it's just a connection that I'm making.
What else does Tarantino direct? Kill Bill, um, Pulp Fiction.
Quentin. He's such a funny looking guy. Kill Bill, Reservoir Dogs, Hollywood, Once Upon a Time in
Hollywood, excuse me, Pulp Fiction, Django and Chain, and Glorious Bastards. Oh, that's a good
one. Is it said in there? Huh? I don't know. Is it said in the Glorious Bastards? I don't,
there's a lot of, a lot of hateful things said in Glorious Bastards. I don't think there's a black
character in Glorious Bastards actually. There might be on the American side. I don't know. I
haven't seen Glorious Bastards in like 10 years. I just, yeah. Did you know the guy who killed
Bill the Bat? That was written for Adam Sandler. Why? Probably because Adam Sandler wanted to try
being a serious actor back then, but he had to do Big Daddy instead. He was contractually obligated.
Interesting. So are we going to get a Mormon missionary on here? Oh, I hope so. Okay. Oh,
I won't want it so bad. Did your Mormon ever respond? I didn't actually ask yet. Oh. But I
figure if I'm like, if I message him, I'm like, hey, bring the book to my house. We'll talk.
And I'm like, actually, you're going to be on my podcast. Sit down. Is he going to say no?
I don't know. Like their goal is to spread the word of Mormon God. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Well, no, I think, am I confusing them with Jehovah's Witnesses?
I think they're kind of the same thing. I don't know how this is going to work with the camera,
but I'm going to go pee. I'm going to try and edit it out after. It might just be like 40 seconds of
you sitting here. We'll see. Okay. Well, I'll be here. I'll be back. Are we pausing the audio?
Okay. What were we talking about? Sasha Baron Cohen, Mormons. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I don't know how
that's going to work. It might just be growing pins. Yeah. We'll figure it out. I know there's a way
to clip it. I just got to figure it out. You know, we're talking about getting Mormons on. Yeah.
I remember there was one time I was in high school and I was rocking my brand new Cannibal
Corpse t-shirt and this dude, it's like Jehovah's Witness Esk. Esk. Esk. Yeah. Mormon dude came by
passing out pan flips warning about the dangers of teenage vampirism because you know,
Twilight, obviously teenagers drinking blood, nothing right. And as we did, you remember those
days when we would just go to the local watering hole and drain some pour full of his blood. Some
of my fondest memories. Yes. Well, yeah, I opened up the door and he's like, hi. Oh,
is your father here? And I'm like, no, it was okay. And he handed me a pamphlet and walked away fast.
Interesting. I think of that fondly. Are there female Mormon missionaries?
I don't know. You only ever see the male ones, right? I've never, besides the dude who came to
my door that one time, I've never think I've ever seen one. I went to high school with a couple of
Mormons. I did not want them on the podcast. But I know a few ex-Mormons. I don't know any active.
Any current Mormons? Yeah. I think we should get a Mormon on here. What's Ben Romney doing these days?
We can talk to him. Ben Romney. I think he's busy being wildly wealthy and a senator probably.
No, no, that can't be it. I'm sure he has time to talk to us. We could try shoot him an email.
Yeah, I'll call him up. Actually, I think he is a senator, right? Yeah, we could just do him.
Yeah, just go through his Senate office. Okay. Pod, we probably had to pay to get him out here,
though. Do you think we could do this? Hear me out. Hear me out. Interview a bunch of politicians.
Let's not even talk politics. Let's just like, they're trying to push it. They're trying to push
an agenda. And we're just like, anyways, bro, anyways, salt water, you digging it? It feels
great on the skin, doesn't it? And he's like, yeah, anyways, taxation. No, no, no, no, no.
Just chill. What about this? What if we just actually genuinely try to get politicians on
here and we just build up a bunch of steam, just having cool conversations with politicians,
and then eventually we'll just have candidates and stuff on here? We could just be aggressively
political, unpolitical podcast. Aggressively political, unpolitical. You want to spin that
back? Aggressively political is then we will have lots of political guests, but unpolitical
because we won't let them talk about politics. I dig that. I dig that. And we could just try and
piss them off to see how they actually react. They'd be like, hey, you don't want to vote for
this guy. He stabbed me. I made a bunch of cat noises at him and he hurt me physically. Don't
vote for him. You never really see politicians for who they are. You know what I mean? You get
the thing that they want to- Yeah, they go into places and they push their shit. Yeah. If we sat
Donald Trump down, I guarantee you we would have the bro-iest conversations of our lives.
Who? Donald Trump. You're telling me if you had the chance, you wouldn't bro it up with Donald
Trump? Oh, I would. Yeah, 100% you would. Anybody famous I would love to bro it up with. I'm sending
actively Mitt Romney a request to be on our podcast. Or like, you know who I guarantee be fun and
also a little bit scary? Who? Bill Clinton. Like prime Bill Clinton, not Bill Clinton now. He seems
a little decrepit. Yeah, that's fair. Will he even respond? Because I'm putting my address in,
I'm not going to lie to a senator or their office. Will he even respond? Like, I don't live in Utah.
I would say send it. Let's find out. I think it could be a lot of fun. We just got hit a little
talking wickets. You know? No. This could be fun. Do you or your friends- If we can get a fucking
senator on here, that would be great. Do what? We got to start small on that, man. We got to start
small. Let's find a nice- We can start small. We can start with a local politician. Yeah. But why
not ask me- Give me the head of the school board, you know? What's the worst thing that happens? The
most likely thing that happens? They respond and say no, or they just don't respond more likely.
He drone strikes your house. Topic? Even worse, he drone strikes only your tomato plants.
That would be war. That's a joke. Topic? Do I put veterans? I would say,
I would call it interview opportunity. Well, I can select other. Oh. Click veterans then.
Milk this card. Milk this card. Milk, milk, milk. Donnie is talking about milk. Let the record reflect.
Please stop.
Mitt my man. I would not preface it with Mitt my man. I feel like that's not a good way to get
attention. How do I do it? Dear Senator Romney. You're right. Call him my Mitt-er. Nope. We would
like to have you on our podcast. If he responds and says he'll do it, we're probably going to have to
fly to Utah or drive to DC. I'll put a link for that. Okay. But he will not respond. Let's just
establish that right now. We're just going to get an email back with just a giant middle finger emoji.
Imagine the traction that would give us. Good afternoon, Mr. Stolke. We've listened to your
podcast. It sucks. Don't ever contact me or my son again. Me or my son. Or have you in our podcast
studio? Our podcast studio, meaning your spare bedroom. We're going to squeeze Mitt Romney
between this table and this multicolored quilt. We still can't set up the camera quite right.
It's just the back of his head the entire time.
That'd be fun. All right. Here it is. Dear Senator Romney, we would like to have you on our podcast.
We can come to you either in Utah or Washington DC or have you in our podcast studio in Jacksonville,
North Carolina. Please let us know what works best for you and we'll make it happen. Well,
hang on. The topics we would like to discuss. Wait, scrap the dear Mr. Romney. Put in like,
good afternoon, Mr. Romney. Make us sound a little bit more profesh.
Good afternoon, office of Mr. Romney. Of Senator Romney. That's his title. Senator Romney. Yeah.
Who's that guy? Ken Bone. Remember Ken Bone?
The guy that turned out to be in The Pregnant Women Online.
I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know.
Ken Bone? The guy that turned out to be in The Pregnant Women Online.
I don't know anything about that, but I remember him asking.
The dork in the sweater.
Yeah, asking if both of the presidential candidates would say something nice about each other.
Yeah.
I don't know about The Pregnant Women though, but that's funny either way.
What you got for us? What you spin?
Deep in concentration.
I added, my co-host and I are both active duty Marines and would love to talk about the issues
facing our country with you if possible.
I don't want to talk about the issues facing our country at all. I want to...
I want to... I don't know.
Yeah, but he's not going to talk to us if we want to make fun of you in your...
I don't even want to make fun of the guy.
I don't either. I think it would be a genuinely cool opportunity to talk to him. I'm sending it.
I mean, power to you.
If they reach back, they're going to be like, all right, tell us more.
They're going to send you... They're not going to reach back. They're just going to send you
what they send the kids who write letters to the president. You get a box full of stickers.
That'd be cool.
Molly, Molly, look what I got. It's a button.
All right, we're sending it. Wait, I got to transfer the podcast email.
I don't know. There's a mayoral race happening in Jacksonville right now, isn't there?
I don't know.
We can push that.
The form was sent to you.
The form was sent successfully.
Sweet. I guess we'll see.
Let's email the Jacksonville mayoral candidates after this.
Maybe I'll just run.
Oh, no, you can't.
Why?
You're in the military.
I'll just get out.
Oh, okay. Dumbass.
If I ran and won without my command finding out about it, it's like, well, I'm the mayor
of Jacksonville now. Are they going to make me stay in?
I don't know.
I could petition headquarters and be like, look, I fucked up. Just don't pay me for the next year.
I'll get out.
Thanks.
You probably should get ads up really fast.
Could I, if I won, could I then appoint somebody as mayor instead?
I don't know how the local laws here work.
I've never been the mayor of Jacksonville before, dude.
Whatever it takes. I just need to have the guy that makes the zoning laws
kicked out so I can get a fence on my property.
Because, you know, like it's a big deal because I want it in my backyard and it does not in any
way, shape or form obstruct the road. So obviously it's a huge issue because I'm on a corner.
Makes sense to me.
I want a fence.
I'm going to put it up and if they say anything about it, I'm just going to cut the bottom two
feet off and mound up dirt. You know?
Yeah.
We've talked about this.
Yeah, this shit pisses me off, man. This shit fucking makes me so goddamn mad.
Why can't I have a fucking fence? I paid for the land. Why can't I have a fence?
Idiots.
I don't know, dude. I got nothing for you.
Fucking dorks.
What do you think the city's zoning laws say about razor wire?
I'm sure you can't have it.
Why not? I don't know.
I just want a giant razor wire fence. I want to be chain linked with like the little
the strips running through it so you can't see through.
And yeah, I just want a really foreboding presence on my front lawn.
I see.
Let's see if we can get our congressman on here.
Can we do this after the show?
Why?
Because we keep having long, prolonged periods of 45 to 90 seconds of silence.
It's...
Maybe you should make something up.
What do we do to freestyle rap?
Yeah! Why not?
Okay.
What else we got?
We uh...
I don't know. We already talked about OJ, Diddy, and Michael Vick being a bad guy.
I really don't think we have anything else to talk about.
And the morms.
Yep, and the morms.
You want to talk about Maury Lightfoot?
Who the fuck is that?
The old mayor of Chicago who looked like Beetlejuice.
Oh yeah, what about her?
I don't know. She's scary.
Yeah, she's weird looking.
I wonder what she's up to these days.
I don't know.
Let's see.
Not being mayor of Chicago.
That's for sure.
What is Maury Lightfoot?
Probably making more money than you have.
Oh, certainly.
Maury Lightfoot will teach as a
Menschel Senior Leadership Fellow at the Harvard University.
Holy shit, what?
Okay.
It makes sense. She ran Chicago really well.
I heard it became a much better city when she was mayor.
Yes, Chicago is very well known for being hospitable and safe.
That's a...
You grew up like kind of near Chicago, right?
I grew up like three hours from Chicago.
That's pretty close. Closer than me.
I guess.
An hour closer than me.
Do you go to Chicago a lot?
I've been to Chicago like five or six times.
It's pretty cool.
So you swim in the Green Lake River?
No.
Why?
Because it's Chicago, man.
You know, I don't leave the building that I'm in in Chicago.
I don't want to be murdered for being there.
Whatever. You know, it is good.
It's Yum Yum Chinese in Cincinnati, Ohio.
If it's still there, best Chinese I've ever had.
It was the most decrepit old building I've ever seen.
That's where the best Chinese restaurants always are.
There were two people.
They were like 105 and they did not speak any English
and they whipped up the most delightful Chinese food of my life.
It also may have been because I hadn't eaten in like 18 hours.
That was so good.
No, it couldn't be that.
But it was goddamn good.
Was this on your trip? What?
Is this your most recent trip?
No, this is like 2016.
Oh, OK.
Pretty cool, man. Pretty cool.
Sam might have been there, actually.
Oh, permanently.
How could they do this to me?
How could they do this?
You understand we have a camera now, right?
It's like when you do those things.
Oh, yeah, they did see that, didn't they?
You want to wrap it up?
Yeah, yeah, we should.
Why?
Because I need to take my daughter, feed her and put her down for a nap.
There's a Reddit post about you, man.
Just give me a second.
What are they saying?
Apparently three years ago it was still open, but it is not now.
All right.
I hate to see it. Maybe they both died.
I hope not.
Thanks for listening, guys.
Yeah, thanks guys.