Welcome back to The Part Is Over.
I'm your host as always, Cowdungy.
I'm back with my co-host, Jonathan the Meerkat Stolke.
How are you, John?
Good, how are you?
Doing pretty good.
I'm doing pretty good.
Something I was thinking about on the drive over.
If you could just overnight become the best in the world at a thing, what thing would
that be?
Guitar.
Guitar, just one, okay.
What type of, like, what are your goals with the guitar playing then?
Well, if I'm becoming the best in the world, being the best in the world probably.
Okay, well, yeah, once you're the best in the world, what are you doing after it?
What are you taking that guitar ability to do?
Play guitar.
Okay, it's been an intellectual competition thus far.
I was thinking, like, I don't want anything too high stress, you know?
What do you want?
Like you're a guitarist, you've got to go play guitar and tour and all that jazz.
You don't have to.
You're just going to shred on your front porch.
Is it changing my abilities and other things?
Can I continue to just do my normal job but also be able to just kill anybody in a guitar
competition?
I suppose.
I assume there's a guitar playing competitions with, like, guitars as prizes.
Yeah, probably.
You just have a massive guitar collection.
Just have a fucking shit ton of guitars.
I think I would be a killer bowler, you know?
Interesting.
Like just rolling 300s every Tuesday.
I think Pool would be my number two because they put so much money on Pool.
That's true.
You can make an absolute killing if you're good at Pool.
And if you're the best in the world by, I don't know, like a genie, I guess, in this
situation, I assume you're making all of the money.
You can get there.
You make it, right?
Yeah, I guess.
It's going to be worth it.
What are your genie wishes?
Genie wishes?
For the sake of the analogy, there's no, like, weird back or, like, weird side.
Nothing's going to happen.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
No curses are kind of with it.
Okay.
Let's go one for one.
I'll say one, you say one.
Because I don't want to have to write all three, I need to think.
I think first and foremost, any time I put my hand into my left pocket, I pull out a
hundred dollar bill.
For the rest of time, not a particular pair of pants or anything, just every single time.
If I'm grabbing my keys, a hundred dollars.
Does the hundred dollar bill stay in there?
No, fresh hundred dollar bill every time.
No, so like, you reach into your pants, you grab your keys, you don't grab the hundred,
you pull out the keys, put it back in your pocket, is there two hundred dollar bills
in there now?
I thought we weren't going to go into these little details.
Okay, okay.
Maybe I'm getting too caught up in the details.
That's up to the genie, not me.
All right, well, fair enough, fair enough, fair enough.
My first wish would be that in the state of New York, every time that it rains, instead
of water, it's bricks.
Good.
The whole state or just the city?
The entire state.
Why?
Upstate New York is beautiful.
If it just got absolutely fucking brick.
If the bricks start falling on it, it won't be.
If New York was bricked up, it would be not nearly as beautiful.
Destroy a lot of architecture.
Yeah, not my problem.
Interesting.
They should have hit brick proof.
Interesting.
Second wish.
I don't know, that's tough.
Maybe I guess just be the best pool player.
That's a solid wish.
Wait, no, I take that back because I've already got unlimited money with my left pocket.
I don't need pool to make money.
I don't love pool that much.
Guitar.
Guitar player.
Best guitar player.
Okay.
You?
I don't have to go with like, you know, Wales?
Yep.
Like the sea creature, not the section of England.
I would want them all to be beached.
Like at once?
Yeah, I think that would be funny as hell.
I'm going to be really bad for the ocean.
It's not my problem.
I don't live in the ocean.
Interesting.
Number three.
What did I say?
One money.
Yeah, money and guitar.
Best guitar player.
I don't know.
That's tough.
I guess I would like to be able to sing with the guitar ability.
Okay.
Yeah, I imagine you're going places then.
I would probably take it pretty far.
If you have unlimited money and unlimited potential.
Yeah.
It's probably a recipe for success.
Correct.
I would have to say, I'd like to remain healthy for the rest of my life.
That's my third one.
Fucking loser.
Just beached Wales, raining bricks, and then there's me, cancer free.
Healthy.
Yep.
Full cholesterol.
Good news.
Your joints, they're adequate.
The ocean is dying due to the no more Wales, but this guy, he can walk good.
He's doing all right.
Everyone in New York is exploding as bricks rain from the sky onto them.
The good news is your heart rate, average.
Yeah.
I think that's probably exactly what I would want.
We did not think that through with the mic.
No, no, we did not.
We're trying something new today where we have a camera recording.
We have a little microphone that's mounted on our laptop.
I mean, Jonathan moved the laptop, so he probably just ruined the audio for the entire episode.
Way to go, John.
Yeah.
Not cool, man.
Not cool.
Winer.
What you looking for?
How often it rains in New York.
That's a good question.
That's probably a question I should have asked prior to.
I was going to say California, but I know that they have droughts pretty regularly.
They have at least eight rainy days a month, every month.
Oh yeah, I chose right.
I chose right.
If there was three months out of the other that it didn't rain, you could go live there
for those three months.
Yeah.
But if it rains at least a couple of days every month, you don't want to be there.
I really like the idea of they wouldn't be knowing it's just going to start raining bricks.
So like-
Well, they still have forecast.
Yeah, they still predict the weather.
Well, we're expecting tomorrow would be a little bit rainy and then like versus sprinkles,
right?
So a brick falls from the sky.
You're like, where did that come from?
And through a three bricks from the fall from the sky.
And then just bricks, bricks, bricks, bricks, bricks, bricks, bricks, just for hours on
end.
You're terrified.
Are they rain sized bricks or normal bricks?
No, no, these are full bricks.
Cinder blocks or like brick lane bricks?
Brick lane bricks.
Okay.
At the same rate as rain?
Yes.
Okay.
So like if it's just pouring, oh brother.
Just the sheets of bricks falling.
It would fill the stage so fast.
Imagine like a hurricane hits Florida, works its way up the East coast, it leaves Jersey
and then just turns into walls of bricks.
So do the bricks stay there or do they like in the rate that rain would dry up, do the
bricks disappear?
I like the idea that it's disappearing.
Okay.
So this is not, this couldn't be turned lucrative.
Like, all right, I'm a brick layer in Pennsylvania.
I'll just drive over and get a couple.
No, no, no.
I truckloads of bricks that fall from the fucking sky.
I'm raining bricks onto an entire state.
I want no one to benefit from this.
It needs to be unfortunate for all parties.
What about the surrounding states?
Like does New Jersey have spillover bricks?
Or does it just turn into water?
They may catch a spray brick, a stray brick, but the important thing here is that the bricks
aren't falling on them.
It's like, here's the line, here's Jersey, all water.
So there's not like a, like if a brick hits the ground and bounces into Jersey, it doesn't
just turn into a raindrop?
No, no, no.
It remains a brick.
Okay.
Well, when does it become not a brick then?
When water would naturally dry up.
So like same thing applies?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The bricks evaporate as water would.
Obviously.
That goes without saying.
I'm not sure I needed to clarify that, but okay.
Green bricks in New York, beached whales and good health.
Yeah.
What more could you ask for?
Not good health for your family, just you.
Well, it's not like they live in New York.
Like your wife has chronic heart disease, but you're doing well.
Well, like I didn't want you pushing the limits on my wishes.
You know what I mean?
Like you could have just said me and my family are forever healthy or me and my friends and
family.
I don't know.
I'm not a fucking genie.
I'm not here to make nuanced details.
I guess I got a little too caught up in it.
I would have, I guess I would have let my family in there in hindsight, but it's too
late.
My wish has already been granted.
New York is in terror.
Interesting.
Wales or Washington, a bunch of shores I speak.
I think I would change my third to Willie Nelson lives forever, but he's stuck at like
75.
That would be horrible.
No, it would be great.
He's already living forever.
He's just old now.
Willie 15 years ago was prime.
I'll be horrendous.
I couldn't imagine them forever.
Yeah, no, I think I just want my original third.
That was mostly.
Yeah.
Oh, well kid, oh, kiddin'.
I wouldn't wish immortality on my worst enemy.
That would be just horrendous.
Everybody else dies off.
Imagine how sad his songs would be in like 400 years.
They're sad as fuck now.
Yeah.
Now they're like all of my friends have passed away, I'm the only one left.
And then like 300 years later he'd be writing his country songs on the same old guitar that's
now just toothpicks and string.
I have outlived countries.
I would be a fortunate man.
You'd be all right.
There's worse things to happen.
I suppose.
You could have bricks train on you.
Exactly.
You can live in New York in your fantasy.
You could be a whale.
Imagine living on New York and you're trying to flee the bricks.
It's like you're running to your boat just trying to escape.
The whale blocking the way.
Couldn't you just move your boat?
I assume like the beach whale has lifted your boat off the ground.
You're just you're stuck.
Also, that would only be a problem very briefly because if all the whales are beached in at
once they will just all rot and disappear at once.
Yeah, but then somebody's vacation be ruined.
That's all that matters.
I suppose.
I figure a lot of people's vacations will be ruined if all of the whales beach at once.
That's true.
Astrid, I wouldn't wish you violence upon the other fish who might be affected by the
ecological harm that I inflict.
I don't know what would happen, but I'm sure it's not good.
I would like to change my second wish.
I have no no beef against the whales.
I just think it'd be kind of funny watching everybody watching the news like every whale
on earth is beached.
But yeah, I can see a lot of untimely side effects.
I'd like to change my wish to everyone who is happier than me at any given moment rolls
their ankle.
Interesting.
I'd like to change my third wish.
I'd like to be able to teleport wherever I want whenever I want.
So you can get out of New York faster.
That I think it'd just be cool.
Like I'm here.
You know what I would like?
Japanese McDonald's, but I'm in Japan.
Get a get a fucking hamburger, but back.
That'd be pretty cool.
I get to keep my clothes though.
Listen under that genie shit, I don't pop somewhere naked.
Imagine you're in like a shitty Japanese bar like bar and a massive red guy appears, drops
a killer guitar solo and disappears forever.
And you're like, what was that?
A massive naked red guy drops a killer guitar solo.
Hands you $100.
Wait, no, I don't have pockets.
Sorry.
I can never give them a hundred.
Steals your pants, hands you $100, gives your pants back.
If you reach someone else's pocket, do they do you have $100 in there too?
Nope, my left.
Okay.
Yeah, they don't.
I don't know.
Then they could use it.
Like knock me out and just stick my hand in their own pockets.
But yeah, I teleport.
But what I'm wearing and anything I'm touching also teleports.
So I could teleport to Japan, get the fuck bus back, just touch it and teleport back
here.
The fuck bus was his large white van that he drove everywhere.
Correct.
Had a picture of Willie Nelson hanging on it.
Well, I've got that in my car now.
Is he still?
Oh, that's right.
We talked about it the other day.
Did we?
Yeah.
Because I said you could never have Darius Rucker as that.
As that.
I remember that now.
Because it does appear that Willie is hanging from a noose.
So you couldn't have a.
It doesn't appear that he's hanging from a noose.
It really does.
There's nothing around his neck.
Maybe just the angle that he hangs at, but he's got a very broke neck look to him.
I suppose.
Yeah.
Yeah, but I still have it.
Good, good, good.
Yeah, I want my van back.
I would have brought it with me if I could have, but no joy.
That's a bummer.
Was it just too new?
Yeah, yeah, it was 2006.
Oh.
It has to be 25.
What was it?
Like a Honda Odyssey or something like that?
Honda Step Wagon, baby.
Do they not sell those here?
Nope.
That's unfortunate.
Yep.
Have you considered getting a van in here?
I would.
Vans are more expensive here because they're more decked out.
Japanese cars are pretty bare bones.
One of the guys.
Not all the safety features.
One of the guys that I work with, he's modifying his van into a house van.
One of those vans that you live out of.
I wanted to do for the longest time.
Yeah.
I think that's super cool.
If I wasn't married with children, I would have attempted to do that, but unfortunately
I spent my early 20s in a foreign country.
Yeah, that was my plan.
And then as soon as I was able to do it, moved back to the United States and I got married.
So yeah.
You'll have a women.
You hate to see it ruin everything.
Yeah.
That was a joke.
Correct.
What were we talking about?
Bricks running on New York.
Being naked in Japan.
Tales all this time.
These things are happening all the time.
If I had a nickel every time it rained bricks in New York and naked men and materialized
in Japan.
Do you remember that one time we were at that waterfall and that one chick dropped a pile
of rocks nearly flat and a group of children.
And then we turned around and there's a guy in a thong.
He clearly had dementia.
That guy was like a World War II vet.
Oh yeah.
That guy was ancient.
I have that picture somewhere.
Let me find it.
What a strange day that was.
That was a weird sequence of events.
And then like fucking me and Dex got yelled at for the person pushing the rocks.
I was here.
Could I have done more to stop it?
Probably.
But you forget I don't care.
Good on that mom though.
She snatched that kid right out of the way of the nicotin.
Yeah.
That was fucking mom reflexes.
He would have been flattened.
Yeah.
It was a small avalanche that was unleashed.
Without question.
Basically what happened was this chick was climbing up the walls, like the rock walls
by the side of this waterfall and she stepped on a rock that wasn't very stable.
As it came down it released several more rocks.
There was a small child playing along the side of that wall and he was very near the
flat and by the rock slide that she had generated by her poor footwork.
Could you perchance be talking about this guy?
Hey there he is.
Old Japanese man in a thong.
I can't see it.
That's fine.
But yeah.
Yeah.
That was a fucking weird day.
We were all sitting there and we were just like, why would they yell at us?
Nobody got crushed.
We were with them.
I see this as a-
We were like, where are you people?
I see this as an absolute win and we turned around and there was a confused old guy.
Huh?
Ah!
He was like stripping.
Yeah.
As he was taking his clothes off.
I think he had his pants around his ankles and he was walking around for a little while
there.
Yeah.
It was weird.
It was like the fucking sumo outfit.
Yeah.
But he was a very, very skinny man.
I mean, he wasn't like sumo fat, but he wasn't like thin.
I mean, I consider that a pretty thin guy.
That's some cake, dude.
I think we're looking at a different pair of butt cheeks there, bud.
I don't think we are.
That dude's fucking double cheeked up.
He's got the mic once.
I was at Give Bless to Each other.
You sent me a real shit.
They are inverted, my friend.
September 25th, 2021.
Wow, that was a while ago.
Yep.
It's crazy, you know?
It was all double cheeked up on a Saturday.
You reminisce about almost crushing children with rocks and-
You find out it was years.
It feels like yesterday.
Amen, brother.
I still like my old concert venue back in Japan.
I still follow them on Instagram, so I see their updates pretty regularly.
It makes me kind of sad, man.
I'm like, man, I should be in there kicking people in the face in that mosh pit.
Just go back.
Oh yeah, let me just fly to Japan real quick.
No balls?
Just for one Friday show.
Yeah.
I don't see any issue with it.
Kick a couple guys and leave.
Yeah.
Put your foot in their butts.
You know what would be easy?
If you could teleport, you could just go.
That's true.
No, I can't.
I wasted my wishes foolishly on raining bricks and rails.
Even if you pulled off the illusion that you were a normal person and you weren't able
to just teleport and you were the best guitar player of all time, I could be at work.
I'd be like, all right, I'm going to go to lunch.
I'd walk into the hallway.
As long as nobody was there, just disappear.
I'd be at home.
I could be at home for a solid hour.
That would be super convenient.
Great.
You ever just wake up early because you know traffic's going to be bad?
You don't want to get out of bed.
Imagine if all you had to do is roll out a bed at 745 change.
Put your clothes on.
Just work.
I like to think that you have to pick places that people aren't to materialize.
Otherwise, it'll just be super uncomfortable.
You would try to do it in a bathroom stall.
So it'd be convincing.
But somebody's in there and you didn't know it.
You just, oh shit.
Just blip in, blip out real quick.
Nobody's going to believe it.
It's like, oh, what just happened?
You just blip in the stall next to them so they could see you through the crack walking
out and they're like, what was that?
What was that?
I'm serious.
Donnike was in the bathroom with me in the stall for like a half a second.
He just showed up, yelled whoops and then appeared in this stall next to me.
I don't know what it was.
Uh-oh.
He just popped up and said balls and then left.
I don't know what was going on, man.
I think that'd be a kick-ass super power, man.
And like, oh damn, this fucking, who's that guy?
Oh him?
Yeah, him.
George Strait.
His concert tickets are like $800 a piece for like shit seats.
Don't have to pay.
Sorry.
Show it backstage.
Grab my arm.
It's basically like Apparadian and Harry Potter except not nauseating.
I don't remember what that is.
It's when you like double-door grab my sleeve and then they zip somewhere.
They turn into liquid for a second.
Then sometimes you die because you do it wrong.
You can't do it wrong if you just appear.
That's true.
So you could just be anywhere.
Like I want to go to this concert.
I'm not going to pay.
I don't want to go through security.
I'm inside.
And like think all the time you waste on the TSA.
Exactly.
Do I have to fly again?
Yeah.
Do I have all the money in the world because I reach into my left pocket all the time obviously.
You could fly.
I don't need to buy a private jet.
That's true.
I can just dip.
So tax-wise, what's going to happen when you're just pulling 20s out of your pocket all day
long, hundreds out of your pocket all day long?
Well.
Like the IRS is going to wise up to what's going on.
Not when I buy a laundromat.
Got him.
A laundromat and a damn.
A car wash.
A car wash and you know, lots of cash, what's it called?
Cash soluble, cash fluid, businesses like that.
It's like, wow, he just happens to have the most successful car wash in the United States
and he lives in a town of 300 people.
Get this.
They paid only hundreds.
Big tipper over there, huh?
Wow.
Yeah.
Well, actually you get the $100 car wash.
It's just, I hose your car off.
$100.
You actually do it wearing the sumo thong.
That's what makes it worth $100.
Correct.
Yeah.
It's about the experience.
Yeah, exactly.
I play you a quick guitar riff.
Yeah.
I see no issues.
Well, if you're going to do that, you might as well just say that you're getting a ton
of cash only shows for your guitar career.
I can do that too.
One cash only show where I rank in $400 million every year.
Exactly.
I can't see any way that could possibly go wrong.
I don't see any issues.
No.
You heard Esquire's top five women of all time list came out.
I'm not sure how recent it is.
I see it on, on like the TikTok the other day.
I did not see that.
Is Taylor Swift in there?
No, but it was-
Well, then it's fucking wrong.
It was a horrific list.
It was so bad.
Top 10 or top five?
I think it's top 10.
Where's the backspace there?
I don't know where it is.
10 women of all time.
Okay.
Well, 75 actually, I was mistaken, but it was like, you know, get it.
Oh, okay.
We're both using the mouse at the same time.
This whole laptop technology is crazy.
Oh hell yeah.
Maryland entertainment.
Okay.
There's nothing.
What's going on here?
View gallery.
This is when we have to click through.
Who's this?
I have no idea.
Okay.
Savo.
You want control?
You want me to go?
Go for it.
Like from the Bible?
I suppose.
All right.
Hebrew queen and heroin prevented a genocide, then turned around and slaughtered the would-be
killers set an example.
Joan of Arc.
Sure.
I can get behind it.
Died stoically, sainted rightfully.
Wasn't she-
Is she a saint?
What?
By the Catholic church, wasn't she?
I don't know.
I do believe she-
I found out recently, if you die a martyr for the Catholic church, they just immediately
saint you.
Like, no questions.
Apparently there was some guy, some priest back in the day that like had a bunch of illegitimate
children with the women in the town and they killed him.
And he was like, I was a piece of shit, but I love the Catholic church.
And they're like, all right, he's the saint.
What's he the saint of?
I don't know.
Illegitimate fathers?
I don't know.
Illegitimate fathers?
Don't tell me, maybe.
Lizzie V1 led a people, saved a nation, governed wisely, respected globally.
That's not true.
I don't respect what Queen Elizabeth I at all.
I thought it said whiskey.
I respect Queen Elizabeth II.
I don't know much about this Queen Elizabeth.
Queen Lizzie I, not a fan.
I know that she was not very nice to Barnabas Sackett in the Sackett books by Louis O'More.
So all my homies hate Lizzie V1.
My third wish would actually be to go back in time and only slap her real quick.
Interesting.
Time travel would be a cool one too.
It would be.
That would be fucking awesome.
Just imagine, I could go back in time for like five minutes and decimate an entire country
just by breathing.
They can't handle that shit.
If I blew vape in their face, they would all die.
Their heads would explode.
Sackett would be, yeah, I could fuck with that.
All time though.
Baby on her back for a thousand miles.
I mean that's impressive.
That could be an M&M song.
All time?
Where's she at?
Number five.
Everybody knows Sackett DeWille.
Name one other Native American that everybody knows.
Female Native American that everybody knows.
I'm not trying to discredit it.
Other than Elizabeth Warren.
That was funny.
I'm not trying to discredit it.
I'm just saying top five all time.
Top 75.
No, well no, she is number five.
Oh really?
Yeah.
Oh, we're going backwards on the list?
I thought we were going from top to bottom.
I think we're going backwards.
Interesting.
Very well.
Maybe I'm mistaken.
I could very probably be mistaken.
So after some careful consideration, we realized we were in fact going through the list backwards.
These are the bottom of the 75, which makes a little more sense.
That being said, now that I've gone through and skimmed through the entire list, Sackett
DeWille is wildly underrated.
Push her to the top.
Marie Curie being at the bottom, that is a fucking snub.
Yeah, that's an abomination.
That's bullshit.
I wouldn't say that I'm particularly a feminist, but I think this list is full of shit.
Anyways, let's just get to it.
I'd say I'm like a textbook feminist.
We're going to go through and skim through, hit the highlights.
You said that, so I'm going to go off it now.
Like feminism in definition is like just being equal, like men and women being equal.
I can fuck with that.
I got no issues with that.
Who is Dorothea Lange?
Do you know?
No, I don't.
She showed us the truth.
Eleanor Roosevelt.
Go back.
She showed us the truth.
That is the most grand.
Showed us the truth.
Yeah, they have a massive grammar issue.
Who's the truth?
Do you think this list would be about a woman?
I don't know.
Probably.
Eleanor Roosevelt.
Yeah, she was a real one.
Co-president of the United States.
Okay, let's calm down with that there, bud.
I don't think that's true.
Billie Holiday.
I don't know who that is.
I thought Billie Holiday was a man.
Makes us men feel, okay, so this is written by a man.
That's where I would make way more sense because I'm like, this is not a very feminist list
in any capacity.
Also, who the fuck let a man decide the top 75 women of all time?
What the fuck is a shitheal?
I don't know, but apparently Billie Holiday makes men feel like one.
Sure.
Okay.
I don't know who that is.
Catherine Hepburn?
Audrey.
I don't know who that is.
Audrey.
One half of Hepburn, the Tracy, blah, blah.
I'm going to say she's an actress and she is deemed a better woman than Zach Adewaia
and that's horseshit.
That's some bullshit.
Yep.
Flannery O'Connor.
Scaring the schmalt out of Southern literature for being, is she a whore right there?
Marilyn Monroe.
She's like universally known.
I can give you that one.
No, not Marilyn Monroe.
The other one, the sacred one.
The one in The Misfits.
The Misfits was composed of entirely men.
I should know.
I had their logo tattooed on my arm.
I'm so confused.
So am I.
Do you have their logo?
Let me see.
Why do you have that?
Because I'm a big Misfits fan.
You just really like men?
I like those five men in particular, yeah.
Interesting.
Maybe this is a different Misfits?
Perhaps.
She looks old, so like older than the Misfits old, you know?
I don't know the Misfits, but sure.
The Supremes.
Is that a soul group, I assume?
I assume, yeah.
Music?
Gloria Steinem?
No idea.
Wait, wait, wait.
I don't know.
Going undercover as a Playboy bunny.
What?
Okay.
Sure.
Nina Simone?
I like Nina Simone.
I think she has some wonderful songs.
I don't know her.
You're missing out, my friend.
Oh, crap.
You should.
Aretha Franklin?
I like Aretha Franklin.
Should be her.
Very talented woman.
Should be her.
Not how the second J'Wheel though.
It's bullshit.
She's in the bottom 20.
That's snubbed.
The Bond Girl.
I feel like the Bond Girl should not have made the list.
That's not fair.
They don't even give her a name.
20 to 40 years old, sexually experienced, loves bikinis, good with firearms.
Yeah, this list was made by a dude, 100%.
Catherine Ross.
In The Graduate.
The Graduate.
Not even Catherine Ross.
Catherine Ross' role in The Graduate.
And Bancroft in The Graduate.
Jane Fonda.
Why are you putting their roles?
Lady Gaga before Lady Gaga.
Stupid.
I feel like this is a foolishness.
Did she wear a meat suit?
Probably not.
Janis Joplin.
I don't care about that one.
Don't know who that is.
The least American American actress.
Okay.
Don't know who that is.
Julia Child.
Julia Child, fucks.
Oh yeah.
Have you heard her?
Have you heard her voice?
No.
I recently started getting Julia Child videos in my For You page for whatever.
That's weird.
And she sounds like this.
It's hilarious to listen to.
But she gives some sound cooking advice.
You know what I've been getting a lot in the For You page?
Horrible, horrible car accidents.
I'm not sure what's going on with that.
Awesome.
That's good.
I'm just scrolling through it.
I'm like, hee hee, meme, hee hee, meme.
And then there's like a person being flung from their car and hit by a semi.
And I'm like, that ruined my day.
Mine is mostly just DJ Khaled yelling nonsense.
So, time to bring out the whole ocean.
If I had it my way, the whole ocean would not include whales.
Time to get rid of the whales.
Sybil Sheppard, I don't know who that is.
I've heard the name.
I don't know who it is.
The Last Picture Show.
Yoko Onobu.
Down vote.
The Dallas Cowboys Chewieaters.
From 72 to 73, why would they?
Only those.
They set the standard.
Shut up.
Susan Sarandon?
I don't know who she is, but I know the name.
No.
I don't know how to pronounce that.
Nope.
Keep on scrolling.
Toni Morrison?
I would have guessed that that was a guy.
Dolly Parton, hell yeah.
Bea Arthur?
Bea Arthur refused to acknowledge she was in the Marine Corps when later asked about it.
So, that's boo for me.
She was in the Marine Corps?
She was.
Down vote.
And when she asked about it later, she said she was not.
She tried to deny it.
Boo.
Not cool, Bea.
Was she actually in the Marine Corps?
Yes, she was.
How do you know?
Oh, there's pictures of her.
Golda Mir?
Respect.
That tells me nothing.
Oh, yes.
Karen Allen?
Don't know.
Goldie Hawn?
Don't know her.
Either she played somebody in the military or was in the military, it would appear.
Oh, or she's just wearing a silly hat.
Well, she's got like rank and stuff.
I think that's an Army uniform.
Oh, weird.
That could be wrong.
Beverly D'Angelo?
No idea.
Indira Gandhi?
Is that Gandhi's wife?
Why doesn't it tell us who any of these people are?
Joanne Jett?
I feel like.
Is it Joanne or Joan?
I have no idea, actually.
It might be Joan.
Looks like Joanne is Joan, I think.
Oh, very well.
I don't know who she is.
Do you know her?
You seem like you're going to say something.
I know the song.
I love Rock and Roll.
Oh, that's her?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh.
Again, I would have thought that was a guy.
Really?
You heard that high pitched voice and you were like, oh.
Well, I guess.
It was the 80s.
That was like the thing.
Fair enough.
You sound like a man.
Well, hang on.
There's a whole verse in that song where she sees a boy sitting by the record machine
and she's like, he's going to be with me.
And you're like, this is a dude.
The 80s were notorious for their acceptance of homosexuals.
Believe it or not, I don't know all of the words that I love Rock and Roll and I do not
go over them often.
It's like I don't even know you anymore.
Also, there's a part of the song where he says the boy says he's 17.
She's like, eh, who cares?
So not okay with that, Joan.
The fuck, Joan.
Not cool.
Meryl Streep.
Hell yeah.
I fucking Meryl Streep.
Don't know who that is.
Nope.
Cher.
Okay.
Sharon Stone.
Don't know who that is.
She's the chick who flashed a pussy on Basic Instinct.
She's got a strong name.
She does.
Shirley Jackson.
She looks like she did something important.
You know, the lottery.
The lottery is like the Hunger Games is a short story.
Good for you, Shirley.
Princess Diana.
Hell yeah.
Cheryl Teagues.
Don't know who that is.
Nothing.
Madonna.
I feel like she should be this high on the list.
We're entering the top 20 now.
They're also shitting on modern Madonna.
That seems weird.
Yeah.
1985 Madonna, not 2010 Madonna.
This is a kind of a shit list.
Who wrote this list?
We're going to find them and we're going to drop a bunch of bricks on them when they
send them to New York.
Joan Didion.
No idea.
Nope.
Joyce Brothers.
Nope.
Gong Li.
First actual Chinese movie star we were exposed to.
Means nothing to me.
Chrissy Hind.
Nope.
I know the name Joan Rivers.
I don't know what she did.
She did a bunch of plastic surgery now.
She was a comedian.
Good for her.
Yeah.
Tina Turner.
She covered that song that.
I can't think of it.
I feel stupid now.
We're moving on.
Don't know who that is, but by the looks of it, I would say she runs.
Basketball team.
Why is she?
As dominant as the Yukon basketball team.
What does that mean?
I assume she was a sprinter.
It looks like she's ready to sprint in that picture.
Why don't they just tell us who these people are?
Yeah, this is a shit list.
Esquire, you suck.
Cattarina Witt.
No idea.
Nothing.
Manon O'Ryder.
I'm surprised she's this high, but yeah.
Yeah.
She's a stranger things though.
Yeah.
Janet Jackson.
We all saw her boobs on TV.
We did.
I think she's mostly just Michael Jackson's sister.
Yep.
I'd agree.
Liz Fair, don't know who that is.
She kind of looks like Hillary Duff.
She does.
Fiona Apple.
That's a fake name.
Yeah.
Madeleine Albright.
First female secretary of state.
That's something important and noteworthy.
Yeah.
That one's correctly placed.
She should be higher, if anything.
Kim Basinger.
No idea.
Hope Sandoval.
Nope.
Is she from?
That means nothing to me.
She looks like she's from the United States.
Yeah.
She's nothing to me.
She looks like she's from the Mamas and the Papas, but I might be wrong.
Angelina Jolie.
I disagree with that.
Angelina Jolie is more than 50 slides ahead of Sacagawea.
I have no love nor hate for Angelina Jolie.
I don't get the hype.
She's all right.
Jennifer Aniston.
Probably too high, but I fuck with it.
Friends for life, baby.
After giving into all this Brad Pitt nonsense, what does that mean?
I feel like this is an old list.
This has got to be.
Serena Williams.
She's a fucking strong, powerful woman.
No woman will ever be as dominant.
That's a weird thing to say.
That is actually not a cool thing to say, I don't think.
I agree with the placement, though.
She fucking has, and I believe continues to rock the sports world.
She's a unit.
I agree with that one.
What a bummer for Venus, though.
She's always being Serena Williams' sister.
I mean, she's the second best female tennis player of all time.
No one gives a shit about second.
Who was the second guy to climb out of her wrist?
I don't know who the first guy to climb out of her wrist was.
You suck.
Who was it?
Alistair Crowley.
He keeps drooling.
Is that Ozzy Osbourne?
Never mind.
It's a tangent.
Britney Spears.
That is fucked up.
That's high placement, yeah.
Katie Couric.
Eh, OK.
I mean.
Don't know who that is.
Such a small, such a force until people started feeling sorry for her.
She a newscaster?
I think so.
She's like an investigative journalist.
I think she's a journalist.
I think so.
She's like an investigative journalist.
I think she actually did legit stuff.
Interesting.
Judy Blume.
I mean, you know, she's very, she's very influential.
Is she a writer?
Yeah.
I don't know that name.
I don't know her.
A lot of childhoods.
Sure.
Kelly Clarkson.
The best for wasting the history of pop music.
What an audacious statement.
I disagree with that.
I don't hate Kelly Clarkson, but above fucking Madeleine Albright.
Yeah.
Above Serena Williams.
Yeah.
Fucked up.
Jessica Rabbit.
That's her.
That is actually a cartoon rabbit.
Yep.
Oh no.
She's a cartoon chick.
Was not a rabbit.
She was a rabbit.
I don't think so.
Why would they call her Jessica Rabbit if she was a person?
I think it's just her name.
I'm like, if your name was fucking Donnie kitty cat.
That's actually my legal name.
Yes.
I had it legally changed because.
Donnie pussy cat.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's fucking stupid.
Michelle Obama.
I can agree with that one.
Well, hang on.
Why is it that, who was it?
Nancy Reagan was the other vice president?
Not a vice president.
First lady.
She was called the co-president.
Michelle Obama is just a running mate.
I don't know.
It was Roosevelt.
Yeah.
I went on Roosevelt.
What kind of.
I don't know.
Also, she's not, she wasn't a running mate.
She was the wife of a running.
All she really did was ruin school lunches.
That is true.
I don't fuck with that.
I think she was a good first lady.
I don't fuck with what she did to school lunches because school lunches used to be the shit
and they're like, actually you can have three carrots.
You fucking idiot.
And then we all got fat anyways.
Gave you a cheese stick and a chocolate milk and they're like, you're good.
Go to gym class.
Yeah.
It was like 10 in the afternoon.
Fucking great.
Yeah.
Asshole.
Anyways, scrolling right along.
Hillary Clinton is number one.
Her only caption is indispensable.
Again, I think Madeleine Albright should be higher.
Yeah.
I can go with Madeleine Albright at one.
I disagree with Hillary being there.
A lot of things we're not going to get into, but Knox on the record, you know?
You know what blows my mind?
That we just went through that entire list.
Yeah.
Well, that too.
The chemist who I can't think of her name right now because we read her.
Marie Curie.
Yeah.
She was like the bottom 10.
Yeah.
That's fucked up.
Out like.
Fucking sack of joeia.
Yeah.
And then the child on her back.
Exactly.
Who wrote this list?
We're going to send him hate mail.
Fucking dickhead.
It was you.
It was not me.
My list would be way better than that.
Oh cool.
This is from 2016.
Oh, that makes sense why they put Hillary at the top.
They were trying to garner support.
I can't find an author, which makes sense.
If I wrote this, I wouldn't put my name on it either.
Pause and find it.
We're back.
Apparently, the pig actually listens to our podcast.
Does he really?
I sent it to him a couple of weeks ago.
He never said anything.
He messaged me today and was like, hey, I meant to tell you.
I really like your podcast.
It's really fun to listen to you guys.
One of my friends the other day sent me a video of him at four in the morning, what I
believe to be absolutely stoned, just laughing his head off at our podcast.
I think that's a beautiful thing.
That's a good compliment.
It really is.
One of the best you could have.
It really is.
I don't know if it's warranted, but it's appreciated.
We're not particularly funny, but I'm glad we are when you're high.
Whoever you are.
Hey, if we could just get the high demographic to listen to us.
We'd be chocked.
Fine by me.
What is this?
Okay.
So like Matthew Perry.
So not best men of all time, but we can say manliest men.
You know what I mean?
Sure.
Who your top manliest men in spirit of that article you just read.
You start.
Number one, Brock, motherfucking Lesnar.
Dude is a unit D1 collegiate wrestler.
Only person to be in UFC, WWE and Madden games.
What do you mean by, was he in Madden?
When?
When he was a single season for the Vikings.
What do you mean by manly?
Are we saying like, like the type of dude who I don't know is big, has beard, eats a
lot of meat.
So just looks like the stereotypical man.
Not even looks like just like looks like is, I would say like is manly more than looks
manly.
Who's your, who's your big Chuck Norris Chuck Norris.
Yeah.
I would say John Cena, but I was going to say early 2000s John Cena, which is not true
because he looked like a cholo and now he looks like a dork wearing suits.
I think he's a really good guy though.
I'm not, I'm not trying to talk down about him.
He's just had two weird looks about him.
Yeah.
You remember the whole like freestyle rapper, John Cena.
Yeah when he wore like the jean shorts that went halfway down his calf and that was a
little odd.
He was wearing tops with gold chains.
It was weird.
It was a weird time to be a wrestling fan.
You know that.
Hmm.
I don't know.
I think Bear Grylls probably going to be on there.
Bear Grylls is a manly motherfucker.
A little weird about drinking urine all the time, but besides that manly manly dude.
I guess.
I suppose.
I don't know.
I should, you, I would have preferred a, a little buildup to this.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't realize we were going to hop into this.
I could agree with Bear Grylls.
He was in like the SAS too, which I think is pretty cool.
The what?
SAS.
British special operations.
Okay.
Yeah.
You don't know the SAS?
No, I appreciate that you thought that saying it again would make me know what it is.
I'm sorry.
Sorry bud.
Buddy.
Hmm.
I think Johnny Cash is pretty manly in his prime.
Johnny Cash is a manly dude.
Yeah.
Is it three?
Yeah.
I would say the rock, but he's kind of too pretty.
He would kick my ass.
Say that to the rocks face.
I don't think the rock would do anything.
He'd just be like, Hey, fuck off.
Yeah.
If he just like, if he just, if he'd rip my head off, that'd be bad publicity.
He seems like a really nice guy.
Yeah.
I don't mean anything bad against him.
He's just, he's a good looking guy.
He just nails you with people's elbow.
He's not gruff.
He's just fucking enormous.
You know?
Yeah.
He looks like he moisturizes.
I think it's funny that like as the rocks got more successful, he just, he seems like
a really good dude, but you get like that early WWE Dwayne Johnson.
Fuck you bitch.
Shut up bitch.
The rocks gonna put you in your place.
And then like, you know, we see him now and he's like petting puppies and stuff like that.
Being a good dad.
We're like, Oh wow.
It's like the more popular he gets, the larger he gets.
Right?
He's like mammoth of a man.
He's a big ass dude in the nineties and he looks like a moose now.
I mean that in a good way.
Dude, Dwayne.
He's enormous.
Dwayne Johnson might legitimately be bulletproof.
I can see it.
Like he's just so dense and thick.
You think I could cross him with a bear?
You're going to need at least three bears to take down that man.
That's fair.
The guy that sings Freebirds got to be on that list too.
Mm hmm.
Fucking.
I think the guy that plays guitar on Freebird also needs to make the list.
Just a chubby guy with a beard.
Fucking awesome.
What are their names?
What about, um, Arnold Schwarzenegger?
I feel like he makes the list, you know?
I don't know.
Why wouldn't he make your list?
Same reason the rock wouldn't.
It looks like he moisturizes.
I've never thought I'm going to be a fucking man today.
I've got to make sure I throw my lotion on.
Well he's like.
Do I lotion?
Yes.
And I'm not throwing myself in the top five manliest men.
I am.
No, he's like a.
Fucking that guy, dude.
Oh, that's a man.
Hell yeah.
So is that Lynyrd Skynyrd singer?
That was the original singer.
I'm sure he's dead now.
Well, yeah.
Aren't they all dead?
I think there's one that's still alive.
I think he's still in the van.
Good for him, man.
Hanging in there.
I think it's one of the Van Zants.
I could be wrong.
What were you saying?
He's like the cool old guy.
Classy though, you know what I mean?
Who?
Arnold.
Yeah, I would throw a modern Arnold in there, but you say Arnold, I think like 70s Arnold.
What was going on in the 70s?
He was just fucking enormous.
The bodybuilder.
Yeah, yeah.
He looked moisturized.
Well, I'm sure he did.
Yeah, I imagine you go to a bodybuilding competition and you just have like ashy elbows and just
really bad skin acne all over your chest.
Like it probably wouldn't do you any good.
Yeah.
Modern Arnold.
I'll throw it in there.
I've been given some pretty serious thoughts entering a bodybuilding competition.
Just oil yourself up.
No, no, no, not even, dude.
Not even.
Tell me more.
Just me.
Just show up.
Yeah.
I don't shave.
I go out there long, white and hairy, not even remotely muscular.
I have like the, what's that?
I have like the, what's that, never going to give you up.
Never going to give you up.
I had that playing in the background while I'm doing my routine.
It's just a bunch of guys who take it really, really seriously.
And you.
And then there's me.
Yeah.
Please do it.
I'm standing up there in like a sparkly blue thong, flexing my tiny little arms.
Like, but the thing that I worried about is would the fellow bodybuilders, would they
see the humor in it or would they just hate me?
I think they would hate you.
It doesn't mean they'll do anything, but I think they would hate you.
Or they would just wide rage, like crush your skull.
That's actually the exact thing that I'm worried about.
I feel like it'd be kind of 50-50.
Some of them would be like, oh, that's funny.
And I'm going to be up here and be 350 pounds of pure muscle.
Yeah.
And the others would be like, I fucking fought to get here.
I'm going to kill him.
I've worked out 14 hours a day, every day since I was eight years old, and this fuck
just thinks he can walk on stage because he's.
Did that son of a bitch just Rick Romain?
I think you should do it.
And then I want to get like one of those tracksuits that I'm talking about that you would wear
in the back.
So you understand.
And it's like, you get some fake biceps.
I just look huge, man.
They're all genuinely scared.
Who is this dude?
I'm going to fucking wait.
And then I just peel it off and it's just.
Donnie.
All this.
Yeah.
Hey guys.
Let's go.
I'll get a crowd of like 150 people to come and just freak the fuck out when you walk
on stage.
If I do this, I need everyone that I've ever met just to lose their mind when I walk on
stage.
We can make it happen.
You let me know when.
Well, what do we got here?
Jacksonville bodybuilding comps?
Do we have any going on?
Check it out.
This whole little remote thing is super cool, man.
It kind of sucks.
And like, I don't think that I, you know how they do like the oil that makes you look like
skinny or like, you know, skinny, but like dark.
Yeah.
I don't use that at all.
Why not?
I think it'd be way funnier if you did use that.
I don't think like.
I think I want to look as like as unprepared as possible.
I don't know if there's an option to have the oil.
Is it required?
The lube.
The muscle lube.
I forgot to put Jacksonville, North Carolina.
That other Jacksonville sure is inconvenient.
Yeah.
Since it's like a nice town.
Yeah.
How do you click in this thing?
Okay.
We have mouse.
This is worse.
This is horrible.
How did I?
How did I get to Florida body building?
Everything good I said about your little keyboard.
I take it all back.
Oh, North Carolina NPC.
What is that?
I don't know.
Click on that.
Oh, this looks intense.
Baby, baby, baby.
This looks intense.
Charlotte is like.
I've obviously never entered a bodybuilding competition.
Is it something you can just slap your name on a sheet and show up?
Probably.
I don't know.
Clean it is not good.
Okay.
I've had one of their things once.
Somebody gave it to me and tasted like there's a piece of broccoli.
It was steamed broccoli and it tasted like to prepare it.
They dunked it in bleach and then threw it in the thing.
Oh, that's actually delicious.
So bad.
That's why I make my broccoli.
That checks out.
NPC rules.
Go to the rules.
Am I even allowed to?
What are they going to say?
You can't be skinny.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You're way too pacey and white.
Get the fuck out of here.
Come on, guys.
Take or like, is there a pre-stream or do you have to actually be muscular?
I don't think so.
Qualifications guidelines are as follows.
To enter all classes, you must have completed in place top five in an NPC level.
Okay.
So that's not what I'm looking for.
What?
That's obviously not what I'm looking for.
Ideally I'd like to find one where I can get like a people's or like a crowd favorite award
and I can just bring everyone that I've ever met in my life.
You think that's a thing?
I think so.
A crowd favorite award?
I think that's a thing, isn't it?
I don't know.
I don't spend a lot of time walking into bodybuilding.
No?
Believe it or not.
Really?
You look like you do.
I don't.
No.
I'm just gardening.
I know like the...
Gardening.
Yeah, I think that would be a lot of fun if I didn't get murdered by massive, massive
bodybuilders backstage.
No balls.
Also, if I were to do that and I were to go on stage with like a speedo, I would consume
so much Viagra right before.
Why?
To make everybody really uncomfortable.
That'd be really weird.
Is your wife and kid going to be there?
I don't...
I hate that.
No, no.
We're not digging the Viagra?
No.
Okay, well.
Please don't do that.
I'll just go cancel all my plans then.
Do you know you can just get Viagra like in the mail now?
Really?
Yeah.
There's a bunch of ads for it.
Like Hymns, I think, is one of the companies.
That's what my wife calls our dog and I hate it.
Why?
I don't know, man.
I don't know.
I'll be like, hey, can you go let the dog in?
Oh, it's Hymns outside?
No.
He is outside.
Hymns a good boy.
No, he is a good boy.
To be fair, I went to school with your wife and that might just be she doesn't know any
better.
Anyone want to elaborate on what that means?
Well, we had most classes together.
Oh, is she...
I don't know if English was her strong suit.
Oh yeah, it's like her third language.
I think it is.
Are you sure?
Pretty sure.
Huh.
Considering she doesn't speak any others, I don't know what the first two would be.
Got me a Walmart rain Mexican, bro.
She's like a Danny Phantom, except instead of half ghost, she's half Mexican.
These are all jokes.
I love my wife to death.
Don't hurt me.
I'm talking pure fucking shit.
Come at me.
No balls.
What were we talking about?
Bodybuilding competitions.
Oh yeah, and you wanted to have an erection for it for some reason.
I think it'd be a confidence booster.
Okay, why are you coughing?
That's a good question.
I don't know.
Something in the air.
You ever heard the story that Phil Collins watched somebody drown in the guy and then
before we wrote that song, he drowned a person.
No, no.
He was just out walking on the beach and he hurt like saw a guy drowning somebody and
he just watched him and then he wrote a song.
You know what I should do?
I should make a fucking banger.
Yeah.
And they say like he like found the guy who did the drowning and gave him a ticket to
the concert and had like the light shine on him right before the drum solo.
And he was like, I know what you did.
That feels pretend.
Yeah, it almost definitely is.
But it was a cool story.
People also say, and I haven't done no research into this.
They say that Billy Joel wrote Piano Man.
He was like sneaking around the bars because he was too famous to perform anywhere that
wasn't like an actual venue.
She was sneaking around the bars to play the piano and like I'm pretty sure that was his
first big song.
I had a friend that like very confidently told me like that, like this is the backstory
to Piano Man.
It's something about like the 70s.
I don't think that's true.
I would have met if he had written Down East or Alexa before Piano Man, I would totally
believe that was true.
But I don't think he did.
I don't think the Down East or Alexa gets the notoriety it deserves.
Down East or Alexa is a masterpiece.
Every time I hear it, I cry.
It's his best song.
That's all.
Released in 1973.
You know, it's a couple Williams.
Is it Wikipedia?
I didn't fucking put Piano Man.
What?
Yeah, that little mouse sucks, dude.
I think it was just the suggestion that comes up with Google every time.
He's only five foot five.
What a dork.
That checks out.
Tiny little man.
Piano Man more like the short man.
When did he get famous?
Well probably from early career.
Okay, so yeah, Piano Man will kick them off.
Appears to be one of the ones that kicked him off.
So that leads me to believe that he wasn't sneaking around playing the piano against
the will of his fucking record label or whatever.
Just to get the juices flying.
He would go like right before someone went on stage, he would kidnap their pianist.
Scalp them.
He shows up with the hair on.
Hey guys, you need a pianist?
And they're like, yeah, who are you?
I'm the piano man.
You don't ask questions.
For a song called the Piano Man, that dude with the harmonica will not shut up.
True.
If I'm writing a song called the Piano Man, I'm not starting off with a harmonica solo.
That's for damn sure.
It's a kick ass harmonica solo.
It is.
Everybody knows it.
Put it in the song harmonica man.
You want to make that song just wail on the harmonicas?
They said sing us a song.
You're the harmonica man.
Sing us a song so you can't play the harmonica anymore.
You're not very good at harmonica.
You want you to go away.
You just wrote a song about Bob Dylan.
Bob Dylan, he was a great lyricist, but I got to say as a singer, not great.
The singing's not even bad.
It's very unique and distinct, but the fucking harmonica is bad.
If you're listening to Bob Dylan with headphones that are loud and the harmonica comes on,
it hurts.
It's uncomfortable.
I listen to a lot of Bob Dylan.
I don't like him, but is he that bad?
Yeah.
Let me pull him up.
We're playing.
Okay.
All right.
We got Bob Dylan.
You ready?
Light it up.
I'm not hearing a lot of harmonica.
He plays the harmonica.
I can't play the harmonica while he's singing.
Oh, that's horrific.
That's like listening to a cat get massacred.
You can tell he's playing the right thing.
It's just not good.
To be fair though, he's playing the guitar and has the harmonica on the fucking little
harmonica holder around his neck.
I'm sure that's not easy.
Exactly.
Just don't fucking do it.
What the hell, Bob?
Find a dork to play the harmonica for you.
As we've learned recently, finding dorks is not that easy.
Finding a dork in the 60s was much easier than now.
Dorks back then were like, you know what?
I'm along for the ride.
Let's do it.
Nowadays, a dork is like actually one hour is going to be $800.
Then you had to find a dork and there were no Reddit forums where dorks were just lurking.
Yeah.
People just played instruments back then.
They didn't have fucking video games.
That's what they did.
Where do you go to find a person playing?
Did you try to drive around a bar?
You just drive around with your windows down looking for a bad harmonica and you're like,
that guy.
You play shitty harmonica?
I think in this scenario, he was looking for a good harmonica.
That's true.
I assume you would just go to a bar.
People would be playing music and stuff.
If you just walked into bars and yelled, hey, is anyone here to play X, Y, and Z instrument?
How quickly could you form a band?
I think if you did it, it depends on where you did it.
If you're doing Jacksonville, North Carolina, I think it'd be kind of tough.
If you didn't like fucking Austin, Texas or like New York or Los Angeles, I think it'd
be pretty easy.
I think the music scene in New York is not what it used to be, especially since they
started getting all those bricks right down.
That's fair.
Yeah.
It is tough to play instruments when you're completely closed into your establishment
by hordes of bricks outside.
It really does hinder the process.
Yeah.
Anyways.
I don't think it'd be that hard.
Here I think it'd be pretty tough.
Yeah.
How do you go about forming a band now?
We were in high school.
It was so easy.
He was like, you play an instrument?
Yeah, I play an instrument.
Oh, cool.
We all play instruments.
I think in high school it was mostly people whining about playing instruments.
You get together, it'd be awful.
Well, yeah, but that's what it's all about, man.
My metal band, Sulphur, we were horrific.
We were a bad man.
I don't know how you form a band now.
You want to form a band?
With the instruments we play?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's do it.
All right.
Yep.
I'll play the banjo and hit it with my melodic singing voice.
I know a person, one of my coworkers, plays the harmonica.
Really?
Supposedly very well.
Don't you play the harmonica as well?
I at one point could play the intro to Piano Man.
I no longer can.
It sits in my car though, just in case I ever get stuck in traffic.
Stuck in traffic and you're like...
Fucking wailing on the harmonica.
Holy shit, is Bob Dylan here?
Can you imagine you're stuck in traffic and some people with the harmonica behind you
just...
I thought about trying to harmonica train my horses.
You're going to hit a note and they all come running?
Give it a treat, harmonica.
Every time.
Eventually, I won't have to walk to the fucking back of the pasture.
I'll just wail on the harmonica and I'll be like, oh shit, treat time.
You remember in the Legend of Zelda video games how you play a note on your orcarina
and the horse come running?
Nope.
Okay.
I never played Zelda.
Loser.
Fantastic games though.
I hear they're good.
I just never played them.
I actually planned to get it from my Switch and then your old roommate stole it from me.
Well yeah, you'll have that.
On those big jumps.
Meg was reeling into Zelda for a while.
Oh yeah, I remember that.
Yeah.
Meg and Sammy.
Really?
Sammy doesn't strike me as a Zelda-er.
No, he's a big gamer.
Did you not know that?
What a creative way of saying loser.
That's fucking rude.
Hey man, you play video games.
I don't think it makes you a loser.
You suck.
Your wife plays video games.
No, she doesn't.
She used to.
Oh, not anymore.
I changed her.
I made her cool.
Did you change her or did she have to sell it?
Let's not dwell on the details.
The important thing is that she doesn't like to play video games.
I bet she will.
That being said, whenever GTA 6 drops, I'll be buying a console.
I think I'm going to record like this from now on.
Oh okay, yeah.
You look like that video DMX where he's yelling into the mic that's just hanging from the
ceiling.
Yeah.
You look like a 1950s announcer.
Is that a thing that they did?
When they were announcing boxing matches and the thing would lower from the ceiling and
they're like, oh, in this corner we have in the red corner, Caller Deage.
He is not using the usual lube for his muscles today because he does not have any.
We will see how things go for him.
Whenever I enter my bodybuilding competition, I really want you to be the announcer for
me.
Well, the podcast has to take off so that I can get the announcing gig.
Good point.
So we really got to double down on the marketing, but I will absolutely do that.
I will announce everybody else normal and then I'll talk like this for you.
And next on stage we have Lou Ferrigno.
Front of a bicep.
The back thing.
Thank you Lou.
Go away.
Caller Deage.
I'm going to be the announcer.
Caller Deage, oh my goodness.
That's exactly what I want.
Yeah fuck with it.
We just got to take off so I can walk in and kick somebody out of their job of announcing
things.
Hey you, what are your qualifications?
I was a professional bodybuilder for eight and a half years.
I wouldn't want to be otherwise.
No, not impressed, not impressed.
I have a podcast in my spare bedroom.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
I didn't know.
Take my job.
You heard the party's over?
No, I haven't.
Okay, well that's a bummer.
Oh my cool people listen to it you fucking idiot.
Back in the gym with your tiny ass calves he's like oh.
Yeah.
Don't bodybuilders usually have actually pretty chiseled calves?
Calves are like an notoriously hard muscle group to develop.
I don't know why I'm not a bodybuilder.
I don't know any of that shit but like you know a small calf is a big insecurity.
I work with this guy and he's a pretty strong cat but he has tiny little calves.
Tiny tiny little calves.
Not to toot my own horn but genetically I have pretty large calves.
Yeah your father has some large calves too.
As do the men on my mom's side of the family so.
Oh you just got all the calf jeans huh?
It's fucking raining in for me.
Oh yeah dude.
Do I develop them at all?
No I do not but they look alright.
I think having massive calves might be a bigger flex than having massive forearms.
Nah.
Like imagine you're walking around the park with your kids and your jerseys and you've
just got circular calves.
That'd be impressive.
I have a family member on my mother's side whose calves are just wickedly impressive.
I don't think he works his calves.
He might run but it looks like there's a softball in there.
That's terrifying.
That is what I want for my calves.
Like when does that kick in for me?
Do I have those genetics and how do I get them going?
Because that'd be fucking great.
I never understood it because like I don't know bodybuilder dudes who have like me looking
calves and then I just know like us suburban dad of four who are just boulders hanging
from his thighs and I'm like how did you do this?
I think it might be the New Balances.
I think so.
I'd be having the New Balances.
Let me see them calves.
My calves?
Yeah let me see them.
You've seen my calves.
I'm not looking at them currently.
Let me see them.
Those are actually some pretty nice calves.
No homo.
You have complimented me on them recently.
Have I really?
Yeah.
When you were staying here.
Oh well.
Duh.
I don't remember doing that but idiot.
It's the last compliment I got.
Of course I remembered it.
It's been 18 years.
I did work my calves in Yuma though.
It's one of the worst muscles to work.
Your calves are sore the next day and make fucking everything hard.
They're like super easy to cramp.
It's like oh I'm out of bed and I'm in pain already.
You know?
I had a wicked calf day yesterday.
Imagine you're like somebody's limping around.
They're like hey dude you okay?
What happened?
Oh yeah calf day bro.
I would laugh in them face.
I had calves brother.
I think the only thing you can really do in that situation is poke them in the eye and
then run away because they're not going to chase you.
Their calves are sore.
True, true.
Unless their calves are just so powerful that they can chase you faster.
Did you think about that?
Well I think if I got really really raw calves just hurting brother I could outrun them.
I think if I got poked in the eye I could chase anybody down.
I could fucking I could get Usain Bolt if I got poked in the fucking eye.
Dude I was playing with my daughter today man.
She just spun around and I caught a heel straight to the eye and it was painful dude.
A little baby spin kick.
Yeah it doesn't sound good.
Were you like fucking spinning her like a pizza?
Oh no I was kneeling down and she was standing on the couch and she was just dancing being
a baby and shit.
It was super cute.
Sure.
And then just boom.
She like chucked Norris meat.
Solid eyeball contact there.
It was horrible.
Leveled me.
Interesting.
I was cleaning my horse's foot out the other day.
That's the thing you have to do.
Cool.
Get the dirt out and she kicked me in the back of the knee.
Full force.
At least it wasn't the kneecap.
That's true.
It was at least the bendy part.
It was like right here like right under the bend.
On the top of the calf.
It was painful.
Yeah.
Is that a bummer?
Yes.
But could it have been way worse?
Absolutely.
There's like three or four places besides that I would not want to be kicked in.
Yeah that's more than that actually.
I mean like given the option I would choose not to be kicked by a horse don't get me wrong.
But if I had to be kicked by a horse right in a joint would be the bendy part of the
joint I should say.
It's one of the best places.
It was the little horse though thankfully.
Not the like 1200 pound one.
Yeah.
Not the one that's larger than every other horse there.
That horse is a unit.
Yeah dude she's fucking huge.
She is like right at the line of being qualified as a draft horse.
What does that mean?
Draft horses are like you know like the Clydesdales and shit.
The enormous horses that's a draft horse.
Oh cool.
I thought a Clydesdale had to be a Clydesdale.
I thought it was a breed.
Yeah Clydesdale is a breed of draft horse.
Draft horses just means they're enormous.
Gotcha.
What makes a draft horse special?
The giant.
That's it?
Yeah.
I mean like back in the day they were super useful because they're huge.
Yeah I'm sure but like now what do you do with them?
I mean like a larger person it's going to be easier for a draft horse to support you
than you know like a quarter horse that's small and built for speed.
What is that thing?
That's a draft horse.
That thing looks wow.
Dude you could drive a car with that thing.
It would break the car.
Yeah.
Some of these things are fucking huge.
And then you get into you know mules or donkey horse hybrid.
You cross them with the draft horse you get a mammoth mule.
Is this the mammoth mule?
8,000 pounds?
This is the horse you were docking at.
What the hell?
Oh it's actually called a mammoth mule?
Yeah.
Well that is a large mule.
Did you see that fucker?
I mean it's no 8,000 pounds like the Barnabas horse or whatever that was.
Barnabas?
What is that?
Brabant?
That's a big fucker dude.
8,000 oh strength 8,000 pounds.
I thought it weighed 8,000 pounds.
I was genuinely scared.
Yeah that'd be a meaty boy.
It's a fucking six ton horse.
Four ton horse I'm sorry.
That would be terrifying.
Horses are cool.
Horses are fun.
Horses are cool man.
They're like you know every now and then they'll kick you in the head and you'll die.
Not often.
Not if you have like a well trained horse.
Not often enough.
Are they like dogs?
What do you mean?
They're not.
They're actually a different type of animal.
Yes.
Yeah.
But like can you breed like an attack horse?
I don't fucking know.
A guard horse?
I don't know shit about horses.
If we want to do a horse episode we've got to get the old lady in here.
Imagine you're like you're falling asleep.
You live in a shitty neighborhood and outside your house you hear.
And you hear some dudes.
Oh shit.
Like you look out the window and some folks being chased off your lawn by a.
2000 pound horse.
That would be cool.
It runs like he runs a little bit too slow and gets kicked in the dome.
We could try to breed that.
Yeah man.
Like are there aggressive horse breeds?
I doubt it.
Shire horse?
That surprised me because you think Shire or you think little people.
Because of that guy.
Yeah.
JRS Holken.
The man.
The myth.
The legend.
The goat.
I mean how big that is.
That's a large horse.
Oh yeah.
These fuckers.
That thing is smaller than Sienna.
When I was a kid I lived in a real Amish area and I used to walk to Dollar General and
I walked the sidewalk and there would be this little Amish fool riding his shuttled pony
on his little cart and we used to foot race and he would always win because he had a fucking
horse.
I'd be walking and I was here coming up behind me.
I would look back and there was this little Amish kid and I'd look at him and he'd look
at me and I would just take off and he would take off too and he would always win.
There's Amish and Fort Wayne.
I mean like not Fort Wayne but we lived in Grable.
You see these fucking mini donkeys?
That's a cute little thing.
That's cute as shit.
You bet your ass I'm going to get a mini donkey one day.
Get over here you little ass.
I see what you did there.
I really like large large dogs.
I'm not a big horse guy but just give me like a 300 pound dog.
Unless it turns on me because I will have no fighting chance against that mammoth creature.
Oh fooey.
I was referring to a donkey when I was talking about a mule.
I feel foolish now.
If I said donkey earlier I meant mule probably.
You mean mule if you said donkey?
Yeah that.
I don't know.
I digress.
We've been talking about horses for too long for people that don't know anything about
horses.
I don't know shit about horses.
I'm having a great time.
Interesting.
Did we ever respond to Tolk?
Nope.
We need to?
I think we should just downvote his other comment too.
Respond to him.
Respond to him and then we will downvote all of the comments.
Including our own?
Yeah.
Our own.
So we hit up Tolkin fan.
We said we just want to talk about politics and opinions.
Would you like to hear what he has to say?
That was pretty much the...
Say he or they?
Because we still don't know a gender.
That's a good point.
I just said you.
I didn't say he to him.
Or he to that.
Very cool.
Real quick.
What's a stupid song lyric that gets you?
That was on Reddit when I pulled it up.
I don't know if I know any off the top of my head.
I do think, I've made this recommendation to you previously in American Badass, when
Kid Rock says, what did he say?
You can get with rock or you can suck my dick?
You can roll with rock or suck my dick.
You can roll with rock or you can suck my dick.
Why wouldn't he say you can roll with rock or you can suck my cock?
Because it rhymes.
I have no idea.
You have to take that off of Robert.
Yeah, I'll talk to him, dude.
Head him up.
I will.
I'll let him know.
Cool.
What about you?
In the song Soul Sister by Train, he says, I'm so gangster, I'm so thug.
Yeah.
Yeah, I've thought about this before.
Now, not a big Train fan, but no, you're fucking not.
No, you're not.
Shut up.
Is that a reference to something?
What?
No, you're not.
No, you're fucking not.
Shut up.
No, I'm so gangster, I'm so thug.
I don't think so.
Is it the song by Train?
Yep.
I didn't know that.
Okay.
Yeah.
I thought you were referencing I'm so gangster, I'm so thug by somebody named Train.
No, no, the band.
We're getting deeper.
The band Train.
That's the Hey Soul Sister people?
Yeah.
Okay.
Now we're on the same page.
Some of the least gangster and thug individuals in the world, actually.
You know that?
Mm hmm.
I'm sorry.
I would love to find out that Train is out there extorting local businesses and whacking
fools.
I feel like they're not.
It could be though.
I have a sinking suspicion.
Maybe, just maybe.
They're dorks?
The guy who plays the ukulele.
It's, yeah, it goes, ah, ah, ah.
Probably not a hardened killer.
Who knows?
Maybe Train will get caught up in a young thug style Rico case and that would be just
the funniest shit I've ever heard of in my life.
But I feel like it's not the case.
Could we pull the puppet strings and make that happen somehow?
We're going to start doing heinous madness and be like, we're going to drive by, roll
in the window, hey soul sister.
While wearing masks of Train.
You've been trained.
We podcast all of it.
Nobody knows until 30 years from now somebody happens to listen to that episode.
Wait a minute.
I say we go for it.
I can see no possible way this could go wrong.
No, no issues.
Until like the FBI knocks on our door.
Are you the Train boys?
We're like, oh shit, oh shit, no, no, no, no, no.
How'd you know?
Well, we had our RAV4 license plate matches.
Shit.
We thought of everything.
Damn it.
I put a thing on the back that said I do not consent to photography.
That's how that works, right?
Yeah, dude.
Obviously.
I'm going to throw that out there one more time.
Joy chestnut fight me.
I'll throw that out there every couple of episodes.
I also just keep it with the spirit.
Jimmy Buffett rest in peace.
Facts.
Rest in peace, Jimmy Buffett.
All right, P. All right, you ready to wrap this up?
Yes, sir.
Cool.
Thanks, guys.
Bye, guys.