recording.
Alright man, let's get to it you know.
How we doing?
Doing good.
Do we like introduce ourselves?
Is that how you start a podcast?
I guess, I mean it's our first episode.
Yeah, nobody knows who we are except for the...
My mom.
I'm John.
My name is Kyler.
It's weird.
It is, yeah.
People call me Donny.
Don't ever call me Kyler again.
I figured you'd call yourself Kyler.
I don't know who suggested that idea but it was stupid.
It was your mom.
Idiot.
Hey, hey.
Love you mom.
I thought she wasn't going to listen to this because we're going to say the curse words.
I play on a swear word profusely.
I don't know about profusely but I'm not going to avoid it.
Fuck.
Did you say thug?
I said fuck but yeah, I enunciated very poorly.
Okay, for real.
I'm not a good quality for a podcast host.
Sure.
I'm not a good quality.
Well, fun fact.
I ordered an Oxcord because it's 10 years ago.
I need that stuff.
I ordered one and two came.
Oh, yeah.
Shout out to Jeff Bezos for that.
My man, Jeff Bezos.
Have you ever heard that song?
Who's that guy?
He does like the...
The comedian guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jeff Bezos.
You know what I'm talking about?
Yeah, about like eating kids or something.
Yeah, just Jeff being a monster.
Yeah, dude.
You think Jeff Bezos planned to be a supervillain?
And is that like, it just happened?
I don't think you planned to be a supervillain.
Was he just a dork that wanted to sell books?
I don't think you can be a dork and get powerful and not be a supervillain.
That's true because you're a boy.
Exactly.
Was Jeff Bezos a boy?
Was he a cool guy?
Jeff Bezos had male pattern baldness and was a bookseller.
Jeff Bezos was...
Jeff Bezos was a boy.
Yeah, that's fair.
Dude, you're slinging books from his parents' garage.
Jeff Bezos was a boy.
Relentlessly, in high school.
I mean, most people hate Jeff Bezos because of the things he does.
I also hate Jeff Bezos, but I hate Jeff Bezos because I want to be Jeff Bezos.
I want Jeff Bezos.
Do they hate Jeff Bezos for what he does or for what he doesn't do?
They're like, he should rebuild the rainforest.
That's fair.
And then he's like, no, I'm taking my yacht to Italy.
Yeah.
I'm...
Jeff...
Sheating on my wife.
Not cool.
Not cool, Jeff.
I'm all sitting there like in our 1000 square foot houses that we can't afford.
Like, Jeff, you bastard.
I'm not trying to be like a Jeff sympathizer.
It's like he's got too much money.
But it's still, I want it.
If I was in Jeff Bezos shoes, I would be doing the exact same thing.
And you're lying to yourself if you say like, I would dedicate my life to rebuilding like
the Amazon rainforest.
No, you wouldn't.
You would be on that yacht in Italy with Jess, clinking $10,000 champagne bottles.
Who the hell's Jess?
Jeff?
I think you said with Jess.
I might have.
I don't know.
Because then you got the other billionaires like Bill Gates, also a supervillain, just
even Dorkier, just continued to be a Dork into adulthood.
We're all mad at Jeff.
He's like, he went to space in a cowboy hat.
Can you believe it?
Like, yeah.
It is awesome.
Okay.
I'm going to go to the video of them coming back and him just being like, just ignoring
William Shatner.
Super fucked up.
William Shatner is trying to like paint this big picture of the universe and how awe inspiring
it was.
And Jeff Bezos like sprays him with fucking champagne.
Like, yeah, recovering alcoholic alcohol.
Well, is it his job to know that?
No, I didn't know.
He invited him to space.
Why he should know something about him.
Obviously he had interest in him going there.
He's going to space.
Obviously a rincata Kirk would do to space.
It's not your response.
He wasn't even thinking like, I'm a huge William Shatner fan.
He was like, dude, who do we go to space with?
Oh, Captain Kirk and also Michael Myers.
But that's another story for another time.
The mask Michael Myers.
It's William Shatner mask.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
The bleached William Shatner mask.
Yeah.
Which is, makes it so much more terrifying.
Yeah, I guess.
Anyways, like, you don't think like, I'm a big William Shatner fan.
You think like, oh, yeah, the space guy.
Well, yeah, you think of Star Trek.
That's the thing.
Yeah.
Or that he used to be in like a medical show or something.
I don't know.
My parents watched it when I was younger and every episode ended with William Shatner smoking
a cigar somewhere outside.
And I remember as a child, I hated it.
It made me mad.
I don't want to watch this.
This is boring.
I would probably enjoy the show now.
But I do remember that.
Also William Shatner is like in his 90s.
Yeah.
And he's just doing that.
He's just going to space casually.
I would, I would venture to say when you're old and you're, you're, you're, you're, you're
joints and your bones have just been rubbing for years.
Zero gravity's got to feel great.
I guess.
Yeah.
If I was 90, I guess if I, I don't know, I feel like on one hand at that age, I'd be
like, sure, might as well.
What's, you know, near the end.
What's the other hand?
It's like, I am so frail.
Can I handle the Gs?
Well, what's the worst thing that happens?
You die.
It's coming.
It is looming around the corner.
Yeah.
But is that the way you want to go?
You want to die with like family around or horrifically and instantly.
I want to die in a fucking spaceship.
Which I guess a spaceship would probably be horrifically and instantly.
No, I think the, the guys who, in the Challenger explosion, I think they were all still alive
until they hit the ground.
No.
Pretty sure.
That's awful.
I don't know how to verify that.
I don't recall who told me that.
I just know that I've been heard that before.
Oh yeah.
We have a computer.
The miracles of modern technology.
Keep talking.
I'll tell you all the girls.
Uh, you know, when I was at the gas station earlier today, I was getting gas from a way
out of work.
And then there was this dude, he had a, not like a new, but a fairly nice Camaro with
the car running, windows rolled down, music playing, phone sitting on the little phone
stand of the dash, and he was nowhere to be found.
And like this guy has more faith in humanity than I ever could.
Thanks for.
Alright.
Uh, space safety magazine.com.
That seems reliable.
They sound reliable.
Yep.
Dick Scooby.
We're reading.
Keep talking, keep talking about that guy.
Read and read.
Yeah.
So I was just in there getting gas.
There was a crazy redneck woman trying to use the ATM and it was not working for her.
You know how it goes.
You got to push at least two buttons.
So she was just, she was struggling with that.
Let me tell you that right now.
Um, yeah.
The article did us no good.
Well, all right then.
You know, uh, the only thing we can deduct from this is they died.
They did.
They did die.
Don't know when.
We'll find that out in a way today.
That is, that is for sure.
Yep.
So I guess the lesson here is falling from space does, does kill you.
Unless you're that dude, the Red Bull guy who jumped into space.
Yeah.
Into like a net.
Yeah, dude.
Not me.
Nope.
Metal.
No, sir.
That's not a chance.
That sounds like the worst thing ever.
And well, the easiest way to die.
Imagine being that guy like, first of all, you're a skydiver.
So you already know the only hobby this guy has is skydiving.
The only thing he talks about parties is skydiving.
And then he goes and he goes to the largest skydiver.
He was going to mention that one thing for every party.
Oh, here comes, here comes Dwayne.
She's going to talk about his world record today is skydive again.
At some point that day, he had to have listened to freefall by Tom Petty, right?
I guess.
I'm following.
If I was going to break the world record for freefall, I would listen to freefall.
I would do the major Tom to ground control song as I'm flying through the air.
That would be my skydiving song.
I don't know that song.
I'm not going to sing it.
Okay.
I saw what you were trying to do there.
I'm not singing.
Who's it by?
Major?
No, it's the song is called like major Tom.
It's by David Bowie, I think space ID.
Yeah, that's the one.
Should we listen to it or no?
Yes, I did.
Okay.
I feel like I might have heard this.
I don't know.
I don't want to do a lot of David Bowie.
I'm sure to pick up something.
Yeah, you can kind of hear in the background.
This is, it's got like a 10 minute intro, man.
Just get skipping.
I don't know a lot of David Bowie, but the David Bowie songs I've heard are their
bangers.
I think the only day I know this David Bowie song and just dance, which I believe is David
Bowie.
You don't know a star man.
No, we can't just listen to David Bowie.
We can't just listen to music the entire time, especially when you can't actually hear the
music in the mics.
They might be able to kind of hear it.
Yeah.
Is he in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?
If he is good for him, I guess, you know, who's not in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
No, Donnie.
Who is it?
David and Ozzy Osbourne, Pantera, The Offspring, Faith No More, just to name a few, just the
ones I can remember off the top of my head.
I don't know what the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is doing, right?
David Bowie was inducted in 1996.
Sorry, keep ranting.
They have like, give me a celebrity who's in Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Willie Nelson.
Willie Nelson's in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Willie Nelson got inducted yesterday.
I just want to point that out.
That's one of the first things we talked about on our podcast.
Yes, this is.
Congratulations.
Also, the podcast is named The Partage Over.
We haven't mentioned that yet.
I think it needs to be addressed.
That's a Willie Nelson reference.
That is a Willie Nelson reference.
I didn't know that until I Googled it.
It might have been his first record.
Anyway, circling back to Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Ozzy Osbourne is not in there, but Dolly Parton is.
Yeah, that's fucked.
I can see the argument for Willie because he's done rock stuff.
Not like hard rock, but like...
Yeah, Willie Nelson's a cultural icon.
What he was doing in the 70s was pretty rock, on par with rock at the time.
Not anymore, really.
But Ozzy Osbourne and Black Sabbath and all the things that he has done, like one of the
first big heavy metal things, like heavy metal bands, heavy metal movements.
Ozzy Osbourne was there for it.
Never been inducted in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
And that is crap.
Yeah, that's a snub.
You know who else is it?
Iron Maiden.
One of the biggest.
Again, phenomenal musicians.
Phenomenal.
I can't speak on how best-selling they are, but they're fantastic.
They're icons.
And they're getting robbed, you know?
You wrote on the mid-1950s.
Sorry, we're talking about the parties over now.
According to 1966.
I wasn't even alive back then.
Be side of Makeway for a Better Man.
I might have that record, actually.
Really?
I'm walking into it.
We should mount them on the wall somewhere.
That'd be cool.
Yeah, I got nothing more for that.
I'm not just going to talk about what I know in the whole time.
But yeah, that's the name of our podcast.
Yeah, you are right.
All the snubs in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is disastrous.
We talked about this via Snapchat a little bit yesterday.
And this is things I've read.
I obviously wasn't in the decision-making.
But from what I understand, they're putting rocky country people in.
Hank Williams, Johnny Cash have been in.
I think they were the inaugural class.
They deserve it.
Johnny Cash, especially.
Johnny Cash called it the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Yeah, absolutely.
But Willie and Dolly, I think Willie deserves it more than Dolly.
No disrespect.
But they're obviously doing that just to bring in foot traffic and try and bring more people
to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
I agree.
And I think that's counterintuitive not putting Ozzy Osbourne, Iron Maiden, all those guys
in because the actual Rock fans want them in there.
And maybe you'd go to Cleveland and check it out if they were in there.
But they're not.
They put country music stars in instead.
You can use the computer too.
I'm not trying to bash on the people who are in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame by any means.
I just, I got to wonder like, run DMC.
What did they really contribute to Rock and Roll specifically?
You know?
I can tell you I know their name.
It's tricky.
Okay.
Yeah, sure.
There's a lot of musicians in there that I got a question.
I'm not questioning their contribution to music, but it is the Rock and Roll Hall of
Fame.
NWA was inducted in 2016 at two Rock in 2017.
I don't disagree with those though because is there a rap Hall of Fame?
They got to go somewhere.
I'm sure they do.
But if you're going to be the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, take care of the Rock and Roll
before you expand to the other genres.
I guess.
If you want to open it up and just be the music Hall of Fame, then go be the music Hall
of Fame, but don't be the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
I don't know.
I can see NWA and who else did you say?
Poc.
Tupac.
Guys like them being inducted over the country guys.
Most of them.
Like Johnny Cash is an exception.
But like those guys are more Rock and Roll than Willie Nelson or Deli Parton.
So I can see them being in.
Or they Rock and Roll like Rock and Roll Rock and Roll.
Not necessarily, but they're more on par.
And like I get it in the early days of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, it was like the
very, very, very classic rock like the 1960s era rock like Chuck Berry, you know?
So like legend.
But like Rock gave birth to metal.
The new rock is now pretty much all metal.
You got a couple of rock bands here and there, but like.
But on the other hand, rock also, it kind of split.
You got metal and you got hip hop.
Hip hop became rap.
So it's just, it's really a sub genre.
Country music is not.
There is like the rock ability, rock countries type stuff.
That's more like kid rock.
Not the people they're putting in now.
Is kid rock in the whole thing?
One way to find out.
They pull it up, Jamie.
Don't do that.
Okay.
Is that copyright and capacity?
I have no idea.
Luckily nobody's going to hear this.
It's very, very true.
Hi, Lisa.
Hi, mom.
What were you doing kid rock?
Kid rock, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Yeah.
I'm a big kid rock fan.
I got to say controversial.
Sure.
White trash probably raises.
Oh, for sure.
But like bang and music.
Inducted Bob Seger into the Hall of Fame.
Did he really?
I like Bob Seger.
Not pulling up, we got cheap trick, Bob Seger, Aerosmith.
It does not look like kid rock in the Hall of Fame.
Well, yeah.
Going to say that's a marketing.
It's a marketing.
Got to say that's probably okay.
You know, I'm not a huge kid rock fan.
I like some of his music.
I think he's talented.
He just needs to shut up sometimes, you know, very outspoken on a lot of issues that kid
rock probably doesn't need to be talking about.
I agree.
The Bud Light thing.
He shot a case of Bud Light.
He's like, you're a shithead.
And then like a week later he was drinking Bud Light at his bar.
Like, you know, people are looking at you all the time.
Hang on now.
Hang on.
I'm not saying they're related, but kid rock shot Bud Light and then the Bud Light
stock plummeted.
Now, could that have some other things to do with the Bud Light stock plummeting?
Yes.
But we can't deny that kid rock shot Bud Light and then Bud Light stock plummeted.
I think there's definitely a correlation.
Don't they call him like Redneck Jesus?
Oh, yes, they do.
Yeah.
So the Rednecks like kid rock.
They do.
They do indeed.
I've heard his like restaurant is really actually a really good restaurant.
The Nashville one.
I have no idea.
He has one in Detroit, right?
I have no idea.
I think he has one in Detroit.
For what I hear, it's fantastic food.
When musicians do a restaurant, it's I feel like it's hit or miss.
Either it's their idea and it doesn't turn out that great or it's a chef that's like,
I need to stick.
I need something.
I'm going to go get kid rock.
I'm going to go get Garth Brooks.
It doesn't go to the book of the restaurant.
He's opening one in Nashville.
I believe.
So that's just going to be all dead bodies then.
Yeah, dude.
He's keeping the dead bodies in the basement.
That makes sense.
Yeah.
So don't order ground beef from Garth Brooks restaurant.
Correct.
If you're wondering about that, watch episode one of Bob's Burgers where they delve into
burger joints serving human flesh.
I have not watched episode one of Bob's Burgers.
Clearly I'm missing out.
It's a great show.
I've watched Bob's Burgers.
I don't think I've seen the first episode.
I rewatched it the other day.
Otherwise, I would not have remembered that.
I don't think there's a lot more cannibalism in there than I thought there was.
Well, they don't actually.
I know the premise of the show was cannibals.
The bit.
But I didn't know they actually.
Is Bob a cannibal?
Canonically, is Bob a cannibal?
No, no, no.
One of the kids told their second grade class at show and tell, we use human meat from the
crematorium next door and then they got inspected by a health inspector.
And that's the whole thing of the first episode.
Well, wasn't that like the original premise for the show is that they were stealing human
meat from the crematorium next door?
I don't think so.
That actually is a rhetorical question.
I know the answer.
It was that really.
Yes.
That's what they were going to make the show.
Why?
I don't know.
I think it sounds like fucked up.
I think it's funny.
I got a P. Are you going to talk to yourself?
I'm not going to talk to myself.
We're pausing.
Okay, we're back.
All right.
I thought about this while I was peeing, which is weird, but I told the guy that we bought
the intro and outro music from that we would give him a shout out.
So let me look up his information real quick.
And to be fair, he was very, very helpful, made a fantastic intro and outro.
Highly recommend to our one to five listeners.
Yeah.
He, he was very, very easy to work with.
Definitely recommend.
We sent several drafts to him from, he was very cooperative each time, right?
No, no issues.
Yeah.
He sent him for a lot of tweaks and he did it.
His name is Brandon bowling on Reddit user underscore banjo underscore, excuse me, user
forward slash banjo underscore wookie Instagram at bowling for banjos.
That's B O L I N G for banjos.
And that's it.
But yeah, he's a cool guy.
He's fun to work with.
Yeah.
Did good stuff.
Yeah.
It worked out that somebody else made it for shout out to you, Brent Brandon.
Yeah, Brandon.
Shout out to you, Brandon.
You were a, uh, quite a guy when we make an Instagram page for this guy for the podcast,
we will follow you.
Yeah.
I told him we'd shout him out on like social media and stuff to start.
So love that.
Because it honestly phenomenal, phenomenal intro and outro.
Yeah.
I really had to tell that came out.
Yeah.
I enjoyed it.
Didn't upbeat.
There's a banjo in it.
We both fuck with the banjo.
We do fuck with banjos.
Have never fucked banjos, but we do.
We do enjoy them as for sure.
Thanks for clarifying.
Yes.
What were we talking about?
Uh, Bosburgers being about cannibals.
Well, let's not talk about that anymore.
All right.
Seems like a pretty spent topic.
Um, just talking about actual candles.
I know a lot about them, like a weird amount, like a socially inappropriate amount about
real candles.
Well, put it out there.
All right.
So let's, you know what?
No.
No, I'm not going to be the guy that talks about cannibals for a weird long time.
Like just like you're not going to talk about Willie Nelson.
I'm not going to talk about people who eat like people.
I never said I would not be talking about Willie Nelson.
I will.
I just will try to make it not the focus.
That's not the focus of the podcast.
But uh, yeah, I mean, we covered the Rock and Roll Hall fame.
Speaking of Willie, I am outraged.
Speaking of Willie, when is Willie birthday?
April 29th.
Oh, I thought it was later in the year.
Why did I think it was coming up?
I mean, that's like five months away.
I suppose six months away.
You should know we get up seeing we drunk.
That's why I was asking.
I, I make it.
Sammy came over for last time this year.
It was fun.
Your house.
Yeah.
Oh, that's nice.
Yeah.
It was a good time.
Speaking of the, uh, his 90th birthday party is going to be airing on CBS on the 17th of
December.
Oh, why?
Why?
I don't know.
This is when they decided to release it.
They did the concert.
I was like, Oh hell yeah, I'm going.
And then there are all right, $800 for the back row.
And I was like, Oh, never mind.
I'm poor.
Really?
Yeah.
It was crazy expensive.
I mean, there is a lot of big names.
Snoop Dogg, George straight, Chris Stapleton, lots of people decided I couldn't do that.
And then they did a theater release.
Me and Molly went to that.
It was a lot of fun.
It was us and an old couple were the only three people in the theater in Jacksonville.
So that was cool.
It was basically a private showing.
The old lady afterwards, I mean, like 50s, not super old, but she went up to Molly and
was like, that was super cool.
Wasn't it?
Definitely thought Molly was the one into Willie Nelson.
She is incorrect.
I'm the one with the weird obsession.
Was Willie back in the day with Willie quite the, quite the charmer?
Yeah.
He's had like four wives, I assume so.
That doesn't mean anything.
I know tons of just horrible, horrible guys who have had like four wives.
But he's Willie Nelson.
He's cool.
Nobody's like Willie Nelson.
That guy sucks.
That's why he has all those wives to be clear.
X wives, not like, not like he has multiple current.
I'm not trying to bad talk.
Willie Nelson.
Yes.
I'm a fan boy.
Um, yeah, I think the religion allows multiple wives.
That Mormons probably a charmer.
Yeah.
Mormons.
I think Muslims also think Muslims also, but like Mormons, it's like old order Mormons.
Like it's not really a thing anymore.
There's like small groups that still do it because they're weird from what I understand.
It's not like the norm, you know?
I only know one Mormon.
He's a cool guy though.
I know a couple Mormons are really nice.
As long as they're not knocking on your door, like trying to give you the, what's the, there's
this, uh, there's this Mormons family that lives down my street.
Okay.
And like no matter what, they keep fucking, they're knocking on my door all day long over
and over again.
Donnie, Donnie, please stop throwing rocks at our house.
I'm like, no, no, I will not.
As is your God given right?
Nothing wrong with throwing a few rocks.
My neighbors suck.
They're the worst.
There's, it's, it's an old lady and she's really nice, but she's just filing crackheads
in and out, which there is an ample supply in Jacksonville.
I live next to a park.
So there's a lot there.
They sleep in the tubes and she's just like, Oh, I just kicked a couple, a couple of meth
users out.
Would you like to?
Would you like to come hang out?
And they're like, yes, I would.
And then they bring like 15 dogs and like a prostitute is the, uh, is the lady still
running around?
The lady is still running.
Oh, good.
Good.
The lady is a small condensed muscular, muscular dog that is horrifying.
It's Tara.
Yes.
I really can't describe her in detail.
Johnny, want to cover this one?
Lady is like if Arnold Schwarzenegger was a dog, we're talking like seventies Arnold,
not, not modern.
Not like Arnold Schwarzenegger, like in personality, Arnold Schwarzenegger in physique.
Yeah.
Think like, uh, Charles Manson in personality.
I don't know about that.
I'd say more like, who's an angry MMA guy?
Cause those guys are just like, they're more.
Conor McGregor.
He, okay.
Okay.
Conor McGregor.
Conor McGregor in personality.
She is the dog equivalent of Conor McGregor.
She hasn't actually, uh, she's an attack.
She never tried to maul me, but she was thinking about it.
Yeah.
I'm not going to, I'm not trying to sit here.
We like, I have accidentally shit talked like eight people in the 25 minutes we've been
doing this.
I am not trying to shit talk Conor McGregor.
He could beat me three ways to Sunday, but yeah, she's like, she'll get very in your
face and then not do anything.
Conor McGregor wouldn't do that.
He would just kick my ass.
Conor McGregor would in fact throw a, uh, what's it called?
A parking bumper three or bus window?
A fist.
He would throw a fist.
Um,
What was it an ass track?
I can't remember.
He threw something through.
Did this happen?
Yeah.
Good for him.
He's like, I'm going to try it again.
Uh, well they just, uh, they just unbanned steroids.
What for the UFC?
What?
Yeah.
No, they're no longer testing for steroids.
So are they not testing or did they like change their requirements?
I feel like it wouldn't allow that.
I think they're just not testing for it at all.
I listened to a lot of Joe Rogan.
I feel like that would have came up.
Did you, are you tracking the UFC and WWE are owned by the same people now?
I know.
I did not know that.
I was like, I was watching the same like middle Eastern equity group.
Oh, well, that's pretty cool.
So like there could be crossovers now, which is cool.
Dude, I was watching WWE the other day.
I think I was telling you about this when it first happened, but like, um, some loser
who I've never heard of before was in the ring with Pat McAfee, right?
What?
Yeah.
The guy that stands up for a podcast.
The, uh, former Colts kicker.
Yes, sir.
Punter.
Whatever.
I mean, I heard me tell him the wrong position.
He would beat me and he would do a very good job.
He would kill you and talk about how great Aaron Rogers is.
Yeah.
You'd shit on me on a show.
Anyways, uh, Pat McAfee was in there and also patent.
I was watching Pat McAfee highlights the other day.
He was kind of a stud back in the day.
He's a fucking unit, dude.
There's a reason he was able to build a podcast the way he was.
It's because he was a, an exciting, like no punter has been exciting before.
Yeah, but he does suck though.
I think we're missing that.
He sucks.
I like that.
Do you really?
I don't, I don't watch his show because it's kind of the same thing every time.
I watch his show every day during lunch because it's on the TV right next to where I sit.
That's fair.
I find him interesting.
I don't enjoy his show.
Maybe if I was watching it with actual audio and not just heavily delayed subtitles, I
would enjoy it more.
He kind of looks like a douche, but he does indeed look like a douche.
I'd talk to Pat McAfee.
I'd hang out with him.
If he wore like a nice, a nice polo and a sweater vest, I probably wouldn't think anything
about, I think anything of it, but he just wears that same shitty wife beater.
Yeah.
I don't know why that decision was made.
I don't know either.
I was at, I was killing it on the stair stepper today.
Hell yeah.
30 minutes on that thing.
I was drenched in sweat.
It was fucking disgusting.
Building that ass.
But, uh, okay.
Um, all right.
Guess I'm the weird one.
Pat McAfee popped up on ESPN and he was wearing like, like a tux or some shit for college football
game day.
He was just there talking.
It's like, what, what are you?
You're supposed to be like kind of buff but chubby and a wife beater.
What is this?
It had like the frills.
It looked like an 80s prom thing.
I don't know.
If I saw Pat McAfee out in town, I would not recognize him at all unless he was wear
recognizable, unless he was wearing that black wife beater.
If I saw, if I saw Pat McAfee in jeans and a T-shirt, I'll be like, huh, that's an in
shape middle-aged man.
If I saw Pat McAfee at a wife beater, I'd be like, holy shit.
That's Pat McAfee.
I don't know.
I'm not like trying to hit on Pat McAfee.
He's like a pretty handsome guy.
I think I'd recognize him.
Pat McAfee is, he's a good looking guy.
He's a good looking dude.
He's quite muscular.
He's got the hair, his jawline.
Yeah.
Like he's a, he's a dude.
I think I would recognize Pat McAfee.
I mean, I do a double take, but I'd be like, hey, are you Pat McAfee?
And he'd say yes and like punch me in the throat or something.
He'd be like, hi, that's Pat McAfee.
Cool.
And he's like FaceTime Aaron Rodgers and they would both call me a loser.
I don't know.
He's got to be a bummer being a super recognizable celebrity.
Or like, we're going to find out soon when this podcast takes off.
Yeah.
They're going to hear us talking over the phone and be like, are you the guys?
We're like, yeah, we are.
Over the phone.
What are you talking about?
Well, they can't see our faces.
Well, they will.
We just didn't take the time to figure out the stuff that's that we have a camera.
It's not a good one.
It's from like, I don't know.
It looks like they probably first produced it like 2016, but it will be video.
Most prolific podcasters are comedians.
Are we going to start doing comedy?
I think we should brand this as a comedy podcast for sure.
Because like, again, everybody asked when we tell them that we're doing the podcast,
or at least for me, they're like, okay, what's your topic?
Yeah.
That was my first thought.
You told me you want to do a podcast.
Yeah.
I don't have a topic because I am a layman.
I have no expertise in anything.
And the things I do have knowledge in aren't interesting.
So this is just kind of kind of be a shooting the shit, having fun being funny, trying to
be funny podcast.
So I think we need to brand it as comedy.
If you want to start doing comedy, we should do that.
There's a comedy called in Wilmington.
They have nobody that's ever there.
Really?
So I feel like it wouldn't be that hard to get an open mic spot.
I think if I was like 30% funnier, I think I could have gone pro.
But here's the thing though.
Like you listen to all these comedy podcasts and these guys are in their 30s or 40s or
50s and they all talk about how they bombed for a long time in their 20s.
I think that's how you do it.
You have to get the reps unless you guys that get the reps and continue to do it and are
persistent with it.
What's that really over here?
What do you do?
Which one?
Pete Davidson.
He caught on immediately because he had like the one funny thing.
Like, your dad is dead.
You're a fucking...
I love Pete Davidson.
I think he's funny.
I don't find him very funny.
That's fair.
I've been a fan of Pete Davidson's live.
I'll tell you.
I don't know if he writes them.
Every time Pete Davidson does a song on SNL, I love it.
Pete Davidson stand up.
Pete Davidson in general.
Not a fan.
I think Pete Davidson talking like just off cuff.
I enjoy that.
It's funny.
If he's doing like his comedy, I don't love it that much.
Like there's some snippets that are funny.
Like the roast of Charlie Sheen, he was hilarious.
That makes sense.
He's done lots of drugs.
Charlie Sheen has done lots of drugs.
I'm sure he can relate.
Yeah.
Like if there was some awkward red guy getting roasted, I could probably dish out some pretty
sick insults.
I've heard them.
Like, sometimes...
I love the kind of kind of roasts.
I think roast humor is some of the best stuff out there.
And like some guys get up there and they just suck.
They're not funny.
They're not good roasts.
Some guys get up there and they're just fucking brutal to the point.
You're like, oh, should I...
Like even I'm like, man, should I laugh at this?
That's fair.
You know, like I have seen good roasts and I've seen bad roasts and I would speak to
them but I don't remember which were which.
So I will not.
Ann Coulter, the political commentator, she went on...
She did one of the roasts.
Gotta say she was much more of a roasted...
Much more roasted than a roaster.
That's fair.
I don't know who that is.
We're gonna look her up.
Gee, she looks like a scarecrow.
Interesting.
Yeah.
You wanted to dog on a specific celebrity, is this gonna be her?
If I wanted to dog or I did want to dog.
Like talk shit.
I mean, I don't really know much about her.
I know she looks like a scarecrow and she wasn't very good.
Is she Republican?
I believe so.
Yep, she looks like the normal Republican lady.
Skinny blonde, probably angry about something.
She wasn't very funny.
You know who was surprisingly funny?
Was Peyton Manning on the Comedy Center roast.
Oh, so?
Like he didn't have the same natural delivery that a standup comedian did, but his jokes
were pretty well thought through.
They were pretty funny.
They landed pretty well.
I gotta assume Peyton Manning is a pretty smart guy.
Well, you seen that cranium?
Brother.
He looks like he was genetically engineered to be like untie-be-eyeable.
You know what I'm saying?
He got the old double brain.
He looks like that Star Wars character who's got two foreheads.
You know what I'm talking about?
Kionty Moody.
You fucking nerd.
Let's see if we're talking about the same guy.
I think that's his name.
Yeah, that's the guy.
Kionty Moody looks like Peyton Manning.
Now Google Star Wars big head guy.
I think he's just going to pull up the same guy.
Yeah, I'm curious.
Or it's going to pull up the guys that made the clones.
No, they were big neck guys.
That's true.
Yeah, they had long necks.
They were like giraffes.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, there are multiple big head guys.
Not really.
They just got-
That guy's not even from Star Wars.
Isn't that Star Trek?
I have no idea.
But yeah.
Okay.
Yeah, Peyton Manning looks like Kionty Moody.
Yeah, Peyton Manning's got a-
The thing we talked about.
Got a noggin.
Yeah.
You'd be-
If that man headbutted you, you might die.
He looks like he is born to brick boards with his forehead.
Fucking karate master.
Yeah, I don't even know, man.
But I believe that Peyton Manning would have some funny jokes.
There's got to be a lot going on in that brain.
I feel like he'd be able to connect some dots pretty quick.
He read NFL defenses for 20 years.
He can tell a joke.
I believe that.
Yeah, Peyton Manning, he did a great job.
You know who didn't?
Who didn't?
The fucking Eli Manning.
That guy was like the most mid quarterback ever.
And they were like, all right.
It's been nine years.
Here's the playoffs.
Okay, I'll just win a Super Bowl.
Just take a couple.
If it weren't for the Mannings.
I'll beat Tom Brady twice.
Yeah, if it weren't for the Mannings, would Tom Brady have ever not won a Super Bowl?
Honestly, no.
Tom Brady beat Peyton Manning a lot, if I remember correctly.
Yeah, pretty regularly.
So Peyton Manning didn't deter him that much.
He definitely did a couple times.
Peyton Manning won a Super Bowl.
That meant he had to get past Tom Brady and the Patriots.
But Eli was his kryptonite for whatever reason.
Inexplicably.
Peyton, fucking sorry.
Eli Manning was like, all right, I'm playing Tom Brady.
Let me channel all of my family's energy and not suck today.
Also, both times, didn't they come back?
Yeah.
If there was the Plexiglas Burrus catch, which is just insanity, the helmet catch.
And I think there was a similar thing the second time.
And they barely won both times, but he beat him twice in the Super Bowl.
You beat the best quarterback twice in the big game.
However, don't get it confused.
You are not the best quarterback.
He's one of the greats though.
Like that puts him up there.
That doesn't put him on the Mount Rushmore, but that puts him up there.
I think Tom Brady, like on the actual NFL best players list, I think they have Tom Brady's
number two right behind Jerry Rice.
Oh, you mean like the official list?
Yeah.
Like the one published by the NFL?
Yeah, I know in like 2015, Jerry Rice was number one.
I don't know anymore.
I'm sure they've read down it by now.
I'm sure, but I don't even know who would possibly compare.
The Tom Brady?
The Jerry Rice.
I think Tom Brady's better than Jerry Rice.
I mean, I was like, separate positions, obviously.
The two best in their positions arguably.
But I think Tom Brady just the rings.
That's the only part.
And he did it.
There was always the question of is it Belichick or is it Brady and then Brady left and he
won another Super Bowl and the Patriots went to shit.
I think that settles that argument.
Like obviously they were very good together.
Yeah.
But I think it was Brady.
I'm not trying to be a Tom Brady sympathizer.
I hate him because he was so good and I'm a Packers fan.
Again, he's a Jeff Bezos.
You hate him because you ain't no.
Exactly.
He's the best.
He's the best there is.
I'm an Aaron Rodgers fan through and through.
Not really none of these with the Jets.
I've been watching Aaron Rodgers since I was nine years old.
Tom Brady is a better quarterback.
What's it like having a quarterback to watch and enjoy?
I wouldn't know.
We have Jordan Love now.
I don't know.
If you look at the comparison, Aaron Rodgers had the best receiving core in the NFL his
work a year.
Jordan Love has the youngest in the NFL his work a year.
There's stark differences.
So it's really hard to see if he's going to be the guy.
I have mixed feelings about it and I'm not going to talk about it all day.
So that's the end of that conversation.
All right.
So you, I think this is why podcasts have a thing in general.
These awkward silences.
Yeah.
But I mean, we just got to work through that.
We got to figure out our flow.
That's why we're not trying to do guess episode one.
We're trying to figure out how we're going to bounce back and forth.
Can we agree that once we really get our flow down, we kind of just delete this episode?
No, I don't think so.
It's just going to stay up there.
Everyone's just going to see our raw uncut shit.
Shitness.
Okay.
All right.
I really don't know the answer to that.
I listened to it a little bit.
I wouldn't call it like, I wouldn't say I'm a Joe Rogan fan, but I got no issues with
the podcast.
They're very long and I usually don't enjoy the guests.
That's fair.
I, uh, in high school, I listened to Joe Rogan a bit and then he got anti-COVID and I was
like, ah, I protect the people.
I can't listen to that.
And recently I started listening to him again, like beginning of this year, ish, December,
I don't know, um, I was going somewhere.
I completely forgot.
Um, what were we talking about?
First episode of podcast, how they suck.
Oh yeah.
I've watched his first episode because I was like, I got nothing to do.
I'll watch it.
And it's like him just ranting to himself accidentally hitting filters on whatever program
he was using.
There's like bubbles like coming up on the screen and shit.
Hell yeah, Joe.
It can be bad.
And we just got to own it.
Like what am I going to be like, this is how fucking bad we were and now we're good.
This is how bad we were.
We're still bad.
But not as bad.
We just, we suck a little less.
The audio test we did earlier today was definitely funnier than anything that we said now.
Yes.
That sucks.
Yeah.
That is a real bummer.
That's tough.
It's like the pressure's on now that we know that we're going to publish this and it's just
not good.
We'll get there though.
We'll get there.
Just start being funny.
Stay tuned.
You'll be glad someday when you can say, I've been listening since the first episode and
people will look at you and be like, cool.
What do you want to fucking prize?
And you'll be like, nope, just wanted to tell you that.
People was into the first episode.
Shout out to my mom, maybe our wives.
That's a hard maybe.
Yeah.
For the second two.
My mom will definitely listen.
She's been asking about it.
But my dad might too.
He's retired.
I don't know though.
Did you find out?
As it work mentioned one to listen to it.
I don't know if that's the case.
I really need to up the schizophrenic ranting to really keep the tone that I said at work.
Yeah.
I'm kind of torn on that because we're going to create Twitter, Instagram, Facebook for
the podcast and just try and aggressively advertise it without paying of course because
we're broke.
But I don't know if I want to put it on my own Facebook.
Oh, absolutely not.
No, no, no.
I post just bullshit all day just retweeting vulgar memes.
And I don't think I want to put this out there.
I'm afraid.
You think I want my 10th grade Spanish teacher knowing this is what it's come to?
That's fair.
Yeah, no.
It's absolutely not going to happen.
I might do it.
I don't know.
I think if we get any traction, like even a couple hundred listens.
Then I would.
Yeah, yeah.
But like I'm afraid right now.
I'm alone and afraid.
When I have six listens, it's not going to be like my whole personality is pushing this
podcast.
Like, no, no, no.
I'll do that from the spam accounts.
I also hate it when people do that.
And they're like, oh, I listened to my new podcast.
It's so good.
And then you listen.
It's like really bad.
You remember the sound cloud generated?
I guess like, yeah.
Everyone was like, dude, listen to my sound cloud.
You pull it up and it's like some shitty beat that they made on what's called Garage Band
on their iPad.
Yeah.
And you're like, oh, this is horrible.
Wow.
We were all looking to you to get us out the hood and clearly we were staying here for
quite some time.
You got out.
I got to pee again.
You want to talk?
You want to pause?
What are you going to do with this, man?
It's not going to stop.
Pause the fucking.
And we're back.
But anyway, I'm going to circle back to the WWE we mentioned earlier.
So Pat McAfee is in there and he's just getting shit on left and right.
And then the fucking lights go off and the music turns up and who walks out?
Dwayne The Rock Johnson.
Interesting.
Dwayne The Rock Johnson has been retired for years.
He comes back like semi-off.
Well, yes.
Yeah.
This is like his, oh, no, it's only like his second return.
Really?
I think so.
I think he's in the, uh, the match with John Cena.
And yeah, I think that's the last time I can remember at least.
I gotta assume that when the Rock comes back or John Cena or Hulk Hogan or any of those
guys, it's like, hey, we'll give you a bajillion dollars.
Oh yeah.
Occasionally they're like, no, I got a thing that week.
Can you imagine if normal sports did that?
Like here comes Brett Farr.
Yeah, I did like imagine.
Running out for the Rams.
You're watching the NBA finals, right?
LeBron James tears his ACL.
And then you just hear.
And fat old Michael Jordan runs out there and the crowd is going crazy.
Everyone at Lakers team is like, oh, what is this?
Where did he come from?
I need tears off his tracksuit.
What was that little fanfare you did?
What was that?
Is that the breath?
That's the Bulls theme song.
Oh, I didn't know that.
Okay.
Yeah.
It was a very bad rendition of it.
But yeah, well, he just tears off his tracksuit and there's his Lakers jersey underneath.
And he's like, we ready to win this or what?
Oh, yeah.
Or like, what else would it be?
I don't pay attention to the watch.
That's really the only example I could think of.
We are bad hosts.
Hey, it's our first episode.
We're doing our best.
Be nice to ourselves.
Mom, I hope you've made it this far.
At this point, just do me a favor, turn the volume down really quietly and let the podcast
finish up because we need to stream.
I feel like the more beers I'm drinking, I'm on beer number three right now.
The more I feel comfortable with this.
I did just do sober October though.
So the beers are hitting harder than they did a month and a half ago.
Did you do it?
No.
I don't drink a lot anymore.
Yeah, I don't.
I just have a, I got these little Kamen Jack can margaritas and I can't get enough of
them things.
I find it really funny that your wife drinks bushlight and you drink Kamen Jack margaritas.
I'm not hating on you.
I'm just saying it's entertaining.
Like, if it hadn't been for the men Jimmy Buffett, RIP the King, I would never have
fucking, I would never have discovered that I love margaritas.
I would just continue to drink the same Jameson and Hennessy for years.
And if it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't have found out that I just fucking hate beer.
But if it hadn't been, I do not enjoy beer.
Why are you drinking beer?
Because you offered me one.
I'm sure we got liquor or something.
It's a beverage, you know, like, but like getting beer, getting like going out, just chilling,
drinking like 30 beers.
That's not fun.
I know I'll drink a couple.
I'm not like a beer's like fucking pound on them every night kind of guy.
Like a West Virginia.
We both know and love.
But like, I'll drink a few.
I'll enjoy them.
You know, if we're going, if we're going like to the pool hall, I'll drink a couple beers.
But I prefer tequila.
Tequila is my drink of choice.
Like if I'm going, if I'm out to drink and have a good time, I don't want to have beer.
I want beer nowhere near me.
The only time I want beer is when I'm dropping whiskey into it.
I'm doing that on the birthday.
You you do it.
Like Friday, but like, I've never had a boiler maker also.
I'm excited for that.
They're very good.
You bring the whiskey.
I'll get the beer.
Cool.
I don't know.
Beer for me is like, I'll drink a couple shots and then I'll sustain with beer if I'm like
going out, going out.
If I'm just trying to be casual, I'll just drink beers.
I'll drink Miller lights or bush lights or whatever they got on tap usually Miller because
bushes never on tap unless you're in the Midwest.
But I don't like, I enjoy beer.
I'm not like a beer aficionado.
I drink the cheapest beer I can or like the weird Oktoberfest beers from Germany.
I also enjoy, but those are actually very good.
Yeah, they're delicious.
I think you're more just of a dark beer guy, like an artisan beer type, not like IPA, but
like a decent beer with actual flavor.
I guess that's what it really was.
Never really branched out in the beer genre.
I drink my coronas and I'm like, these aren't bad.
And then I drink it like a, like a Bud Light and I'm like, wow, this is shit.
Bud Light is the worst beer.
I don't say that because of the controversy.
I just hate Bud Light.
Have you had Guinness?
I've had Guinness.
Guinness is delicious.
I think Guinness tastes like almost like an undertone of chocolate.
I do enjoy Guinness quite a bit.
I think you're, you're Irish.
You're probably an Irish beer guy.
Is it just more Irish beers?
Is that how it works?
You come out of the womb and they're like, get this kid a whiskey.
Not necessarily, but I mean like, I feel, I don't know.
Again, I have no expertise.
I'm just talking out of my ass, but I feel like you could be a little more hardwired
towards things like my mom loves old country music.
I just so happened to become obsessed with old country music the second I heard it.
Stuff like that, you know?
I guess.
Like you come from a long line of Irish beer drinkers.
No shit.
Stuff that's made in, I don't know, where's, in Hauser, Michigan, you like this stuff
from Ireland.
It makes sense.
Can you imagine being genetically inclined, just like something really weird, super upsetting
stuff?
Cheese.
Yeah, sure.
Imagine being like a nine year old cheese snob.
I think you tried to take that to a dark place.
No, no, I wasn't trying.
I was trying to think of something.
That's fair.
I thought it was a variety because I probably would have thought of the drug stuff.
Oh, you're drinking.
You're eating cheddar jack?
I'm a good guy.
What is that?
American cheese?
No, no, no, no, no.
Like, well, I do just eat your ham sandwich, Timmy.
Fuck.
Fucking food.
You're starving children in Africa.
That never made any sense to me, man.
Africa?
What is it doing there?
No, like, there are starving kids in Africa.
Yeah, why was that every mom's excuse to why you should eat your food?
And we got the internet and it was like, yeah, they just, I'm a fucking boy.
It's not my fault.
Am I going to send this sandwich to Africa because I don't want to eat it?
Exactly.
That's the reason I'm fat is because my babysitter forced me to eat every bite before I could
get up.
It's like, I'm fault.
No, you're not finished your food.
Like, we're not in the depression anymore, Nancy.
I don't have to finish my sandwich.
There are kids in Africa starving right now.
Like so bummer.
What do you want me to do about it?
You think they want this happy and sandwich, dude?
You know who should be doing something about it?
Is that damn Jeff Bezos?
Circle him back.
You know what we do is put something about it.
Is this the adult?
Not me.
I am six.
Well, we're adults now.
Well, yeah, like, I'm still not going to do anything about it, but it's like, you know,
in my budget, I have $9.
I could send that to Africa.
I don't know what they're going to do with it, though.
That's my concern.
And then like, I don't want them to have my $9.
I could buy, I don't know, a cookie with that.
We got what we got.
We'll send them food.
We give them food.
And you know what they do?
They blackhawk down us.
What?
I'm not a military movie guy.
That was what that's what blackhawk down.
Like, that's why we were there is because we were giving them food and they really,
yeah, we were giving them food.
And then they like killed the guys, right?
Yeah.
And then they were like, we are actually going to hold all this food for just us.
Everyone else can starve.
And we were like, wait, who?
Is that like a terrorist organization?
Yeah, it was some Somalian, Somalian warlord.
And we were like, no, please, please give out the food.
And he was like, no.
And then they killed a bunch of people.
And I think we killed a bunch of them back.
Classic.
Yeah.
Classic warlords.
Just had his 30th anniversary, actually, the occurrence.
The warlord?
Oh, okay.
Is that a Tom Hanks movie?
No, I'm thinking of saving Private.
In fact, we had that same warlord who we were there to kill and depose so we could feed
the people.
His son was a...
They definitely just heard that?
No, we are not.
Was a Marine.
The United States Marine?
Yes, sir.
What?
I said the M word, not the other one.
The M word.
Yeah, we could say Marine.
We're both Marines.
His son was a Marine.
And after he got out of the Marine Corps, his dad had just been killed.
So he went back to Somalia and he took over where his dad left off.
Is he still alive?
I have no idea.
We don't talk much these days.
Let's get him on the podcast.
Hey, man, we're both active duty.
Was he enlisted or an officer?
I got to assume he was enlisted.
I got to assume he was an officer.
When I think Somalia and warlord, I don't think like this guy is sitting in his son
to college.
When I think Somalia and warlord, I think somebody that was better for their kids.
So they're going to send them to college.
Maybe that's what it was.
What's his name?
I don't know.
You seem to know a lot about the guy.
His name is like fucking kombucha ala sam.
Like, I'm sorry.
I can't remember how to spell it.
U.S.
Marins.
We also referenced the Marine Corps birthday.
Somebody's going to figure this out.
If you just Google Black Hawk down, it'll come up with the link to the guy they were
trying to kill.
Old Suhan Fara.
Ideed.
Yeah, Ideed was the guy.
Yes.
Ideed.
Hussan Fara.
Ideed.
Hussain?
Hussain.
Hussain Fara.
Ideed.
Mic's stepped out.
Let's see.
He was a corporal.
Let's go, baby.
Fucking boot.
He was in for eight years.
Jesus.
It was the 80s, man.
Yeah, it was a different time.
It was a different base.
We wouldn't know.
Back at my core.
Let's get off that topic.
No more talking about that.
What are we doing now?
Donnie, pull that up.
We're going to have to edit some of this out.
We got to edit so much this out.
Not so much.
A lot of this is unusable in awkward silence.
It's okay.
We got to edit the dead space out.
Yeah.
I think we're doing all right.
For our first podcast, a lot of people don't even put theirs up, so I can't hang compared
to.
I can think we're doing all right.
We can work with this.
I would say so.
If this is our starting point, I think we can go pretty far.
Give us six months.
We'll be doing well if we continue to do the Wednesday, Saturday that we're planning.
We're trying to push out Monday, Friday, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
If we could just think of throughout the week, think of three or four things to bring
up a conversation.
We could probably milk a salad.
I don't even know if we need to bring... I don't like the idea of it being scripted.
I'd like it just to be off the cuff, things come up, we talk about it.
If there's things you want to talk about, bring it up.
Unfortunately, the problem that we have is whenever I walk in the door excited to talk
about something, I don't like, okay, let's wait until the mics are set up and the sound
is all tuned.
You just immediately talk about it?
I'm like, immediately, dude.
That's why most of the things that we talked about before we started the podcast were more
interesting than anything we've talked about.
All we need to do is walk in and immediately, no words spoken, we set up, and then we get
going.
Exactly.
Because when I got something funny to say, or I've got something I'm excited to talk
about, I'm not waiting for you guys.
I don't give a shit about the listeners.
I do.
I care about the listeners.
You talked to my mom right then.
I also care about the listener.
You talk about my mom.
You are the best.
You're talking about my mom.
Kyler.
Yeah.
Sorry.
I'll be your mom.
Look at Lisa.
Shout out to Lisa for the Bose headphones Kyler's wearing.
What?
I think that's the first time I've called you Kyler in my life.
We're going to scrap that right now.
My name is Donnie.
We can go back and edit my voice in saying Donnie in the very beginning.
Now let's keep it.
Do you use Donnie from now on?
Okay.
That works for me too.
I have a, trying to make this like a cool little podcast studio room, right?
I have a race car door that's going to be hung right over there.
That's pretty cool.
Is it from Kyle?
It is from Kyle's dad.
Very, very cool.
Rob.
Race car car is dead.
I'm very excited about that.
I've had it for a long time.
I just never had anywhere to hang it now.
Is this the thing that's in your mom's basement?
Correct.
Very cool.
It is now in your pod.
Oh, well, it's in my wife's pod.
Yes.
Yin-Yang potato, potato.
Yes, yes, yes.
Tomato, tomato.
Scooby-Doo-Boo.
Don't bring out the meot.
DJ Khaled, let's talk about that guy for a minute here, man.
I would love to get him on here.
Well, yeah, I would love to get on literally anyone with even the most mile of the following.
That's fair.
Yeah, I'm a fan of DJ Khaled.
I did not three months ago.
If you'd asked me that, I'd be like, I don't know.
He's the best music.
That's all I know.
We don't best music.
Like he's just uncuffed, unmedicated.
He gets to say what he wants.
I want that for myself.
Is he a Kanye?
No, he's not that.
He's not racist.
He's not a bad guy.
He's just out there screaming about shellfish.
He's not racist yet.
Don't bring out the lobster.
I think it's funny.
Every time there's an incident with Israel Palace, which is a regular occurrence, people
are like, DJ Khaled hasn't commented on it at all.
He's a Palestinian family.
And DJ Khaled's out here, he's like, I call him a cappuccino.
And they're like, this man, we need his political commentary right now.
Don't bring out the cappuccino.
Somebody brings him an actual cappuccino.
Oh, I was talking about the car.
A cappuccino.
And what might this be?
That is a water.
This is the guy that you want geopolitical commentary from.
This is the guy.
I agree with him.
We need it.
We need Khan.
No, we need Khaled's input.
Is he Palestinian?
I think he's Palestinian.
Is he?
Does he know what he's saying?
Or is he just yelling?
I don't know.
I mean, I've never met the guy.
Don't bring out the whole ocean.
I go to the whole ocean, the whole ocean in there.
We're like, yeah, that sure is a lot of fish.
What do they call him?
And like, at home, is it DJ or is it Khaled?
I feel like it's probably Khaled, but I don't know.
I mean, me and DJ Khaled haven't talked recently.
Maybe he's like, it's DJ to you.
Unless you're in with him.
I do know that Drake sent him toilets and they were very nice.
I saw that video.
Okay.
Yeah.
I don't know.
That's an important Khaled point.
That's part of the war.
You know what though?
You know what?
Like what?
If someone sent me like a nice nice nice toilet as a gift, I would be like, that's a little
weird, but like, this is awesome.
Like I'd be happy, but I'd also be kind of confused and upset because like now I have
to figure out how to install this.
I'm not paying somebody to do it.
I assume if you send someone toilet, you also pay for the install.
I suppose.
But what if they don't?
Like, here's this $4,000 toilet.
It's like, well, I have a $4,000 toilet and I'm a $20 guy.
Obviously it's getting installed.
Maybe it's not getting, maybe it's going to sit in the garage for a few weeks until I
can like build up the money to, I'm not, I'm not going to install it and break it.
I'm not going to be the guy who breaks your $4,000 toilet gift.
Yes, you are $4,000 toilet.
What's going to happen the next time you come over to my house and you're like, hey, I was
in there taking a, taking a pee.
Where's a $4,000 toilet I got you?
And I'm like, yeah, I broke it.
Sorry.
I shattered it on receiving.
Like $4,000 toilet.
I'm not going to be that guy.
I'm going to, I'm going to pay money to have it installed because it's a nice toilet.
A nice toilet goes a long way.
Yep.
Can I, can I talk about something that upsets me?
You can go for it.
Like, well, hang on.
Is this going to get super intense?
No.
No, no, no.
This is kind of back to the Jeff Bezos thing with rich people.
Rich people get rich people gifts from their rich friends.
I want rich friends to give me rich gifts because I'm not a rich person.
I want rich people things.
But I have poor friends.
They give me poor people gifts and I am very grateful for them because it means they thought
about me and they cared about me and they thought you would like this.
And I appreciate it.
But if I could, you know, it's either a mug or like, I don't know, like a fucking Xbox.
I don't know what rich people get for gifts.
No fucking, an old wine.
That'd be way cooler.
I'm still grateful for the gifts people give me, but I want rich people gifts.
I've been going to the beach a lot lately with my wife and daughter and yeah, we've
been like, there's a bunch of old people there and like, judging from the area we're at,
they probably have money.
So I'm thinking we start like, start smoothing some old, old beachgoers.
Hey, Winkley.
Yeah, like, you know what, just, you know what massive binding moment just happened for all
beachgoers?
What?
Jimmy Buffett passed.
RIP the King.
I was on the beach when I found out Jimmy Buffett passed.
I was working at the beach.
And um, yeah, dude, pouring out for Jimmy.
I did.
I put out a little bit of my water.
I didn't have a lot of water, so that meant a lot to me.
The water on the beach is not safe to drink.
Bad news.
I have to be.
You fucking suck.
Thanks.
And we're back.
Fuck you.
What are we talking about?
We're talking about Jimmy Buffett and how is the travesty that he died?
Wasting away again.
Like, you know, the last line in the Big Lebowski is, it feels good knowing he's out there,
taking it easy for all us sinners.
And man, just waking up in the morning, knowing that Jimmy Buffett's not out.
Like there's one less guy out there.
Taking it easy.
Yeah.
So like here I am, waking up at five, just stressed and angry.
Not taking it easy.
Exactly.
Should be taking it easy.
I should be taking it easy.
For all us sinners out there.
I like where your head's at.
They're a big dog.
You like that I repeat the things that came out of your mouth?
Exactly.
I need somebody to do that for me more often.
That's politics these days.
Like, oh, you said the thing I said?
Good.
Not trying to get political.
But uh, let's talk about guns.
Wait a minute.
It's really sad that Jimmy Buffett died.
It really is.
He was only like what, 70 years?
Yeah.
He died of skin cancer, which I think is about as Jimmy Buffett as it gets.
Yeah, that makes sense.
And he died surrounded by friends, family, music, and dogs, which I really don't think
you can ask for more than that.
It's phenomenal.
Also, the posthumous music is weirdly good.
Like my dog bubbles up.
Bubbles up is phenomenal.
I've been listening to a lot of bubbles up there.
Yeah, it's like number three on my Spotify.
Must play, replay, whatever it's called.
Anyways, obviously like I was mentioning earlier, I'm going to exploit his death to gain social
standing among wealthy beachgoers.
As you should.
What would Jimmy would have wanted?
Yeah.
Jimmy was definitely born poor, right?
Yeah, Jimmy said it, man.
I've done a bit of smuggling and I've smoked or I've sold my share of grass.
So like Jimmy would appreciate me hustling my way to the top, you know.
I made enough money to buy Miami, but I pissed it away so fast.
What a fucking poet.
Dude.
Bob Dylan, God of God damn, Nobel literature prize, whatever it was.
Jimmy Buffett, all he got was a billion dollars.
It's not fair.
Justice for Jimmy.
I am currently drinking out of a Margaritaville glass that I accidentally bought for like
$25.
Quick story on that.
It's not going to be funny because I don't know how to comedically time things.
But me and my wife were in Nashville at Margaritaville at Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville.
And I said, Hey, I'd like this Margaritaville, but can I get it blended?
And she said, Well, that just means it's in the blender.
Yeah, that sounds fine.
Assuming that meant they're going to throw some ice and some liquor and some sweet stuff
in there and blend it up, right?
Incorrect.
That means they're going to put ice and liquor and sweet stuff into something that somewhat
resembles a blender.
And then they're going to give it to me for an extra $25.
It does look blender-esque.
And now you get this phenomenal story for the rest of your life about how Margaritaville
and Nashville, Tennessee scammed you.
That story sucked.
Nobody's going to enjoy that.
Well, if you learned how to tell it better, they would.
That's fair.
Help.
Somebody get me on the line with Bert Kreischer.
He'll help me.
Bert Kreischer would tell that story.
He would like, well, no, Bert Kreischer wouldn't tell that story.
Bert Kreischer would tell a story that vaguely resembles that story.
And then they make a network special about it in a movie.
And then somewhere along the way, he would get like attacked by pirates and he would
have no choice but to fight them off with like a gal in a whale blubber and like wearing
nothing but a man-thong.
That would be the Bert Kreischer version of that story.
Yeah, that's fair.
So really, maybe that's what we're doing wrong.
Instead of just like, we're not over-dramatizing everything.
Yeah, maybe it's just telling our stories.
We just need to lie.
Are you calling Bert Kreischer a liar?
That's not a strong way to start this.
I know that there was a whole Netflix movie about how the machine skit wasn't a lie because
he was, in fact, kidnapped by the actual corruption of the officers in question in that movie.
Actually?
No.
It was a movie about him being kidnapped by the Russian mobsters from his machine story.
Now I got a question.
Was that a documentary?
Or was it perhaps just a Netflix special?
You mean the movie with him and Mark Hamill?
Yes, that's the one I'm referring to.
I think it was Moser Pretend.
Have you seen it?
I've seen Moser.
I turned it off, have it through, because it wasn't very good.
It was okay.
It was a one watch for me.
I like Bert Kreischer a lot.
His material is hilarious.
Yeah, Bert Kreischer's funny.
The movie was not a rewatch.
Yeah, the movie was a flop.
Love you, Bert.
Sorry.
We all take L's.
Shout out to you, Bert.
Yeah, I hear a whole new thing.
You know what wasn't an L, though?
Was the cabin.
The fuck is the cabin?
It's Bert Kreischer's TV show where he went to a cabin with a bunch of strangers.
Is that a porn?
No, no, no.
It was like, Bert Kreischer was like, dude, I have all these self-destructive habits.
I'm going to go to a cabin and relax.
He got to the cabin and he was like, wow, this sucks.
Let me call up all my famous friends and film it.
So he called all his famous friends and they were at the cabin.
They were just filming themselves goofing around, having a sheen in against, smoking,
drinking, throwing axes.
Saw Caitlyn Jenner throwing axes.
It was horrifying.
Interesting.
Yeah.
Wait, wait.
Yeah.
Right.
Caitlyn Jenner was on it.
Yeah.
Trans Caitlyn Jenner.
Yeah, that's correct.
Good for Bert.
Yeah.
That's cool.
Triathlon champion, Caitlyn Jenner.
It was a Decathlon champion.
Decathlon champion.
Come on, man.
Caitlyn Jenner.
I'm not trying to take anything away.
I was just surprised that you said that.
Yeah.
Take a picture again.
Again.
Kind of drunk.
Missed the button.
Who else was on the show?
Where can I find this show?
It's on Netflix.
You know what?
I have a cell phone here somewhere.
It's a mess of things.
Yeah, we're shotting out Bert Kreischer's show.
Mom, check it out.
If anybody else ever listens to this, I'm so sorry.
Bert Kreischer, whenever you inevitably hear about our show, you're welcome.
Bertie.
Don't forget about us.
We make it big.
Bert, if you could have us on.
Tom Segura, we already talked about Garth Brooks being a serial killer, so hook it up.
Tom, we're here for you.
Tommy boy.
We got Tom Segura also on the cabin.
Oh, Joey Diaz.
That dude's funny.
He's fucking hilarious.
Joey Diaz is the man.
His delivery is just unmatched.
He's just so mean.
It's phenomenal.
I love Joey Diaz.
He's like mean in a nice way.
It doesn't make sense.
Nikki Glaser, she's not very funny.
I don't know who that is.
Caitlyn Jenner, she had that show.
I think it's called Full Frontal with Nikki Glaser on County Central.
It wasn't very good.
When was this show made?
The cabin?
2020.
Really?
Yeah.
I think it was like a recurrent thing.
I think it was just a one-off.
Like a one-season thing.
That's cool.
Bobby Lee, he's that Korean guy.
I think he's Chinese.
Oh, no, he's got this skit about how...
There's a skit with him and Theo Vaughn about how he should know he's Korean and then at
the end he says he's Chinese.
No, he's got this skit about how his grandfather used to tell him about how horrible it was
when Chinese people tortured the Koreans.
Oh, very well.
I'm sure it was.
I don't actually know.
I'm not a huge fan.
That doesn't like him.
I don't know who Ms. Pat is.
Oh, she's hilarious.
Ms. Pat, she's funny.
Actually?
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I enjoy her stuff a lot.
Katie Cuoco from Big Bang.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And Joel McHale from Community.
Don't know him.
Why are we just listing the people on the show?
Are you asked?
I guess.
I said, here, let me pull it up.
Anyways...
This is why we need to move to NoFund once we have a TV set up.
Once we can pull things up faster...
Yeah.
Once it's not like 40 seconds of silence or one person talking about something.
All right, let's pull up the image for Duck.
Cricket.
Yep, there it is.
That is a duck.
Would you look at that?
Why'd we do that?
It's not something we should have done.
It's not something people want to listen to.
No, it's not.
We are not a good podcast.
We will get there.
Not yet.
We will get there.
And damn it, we will drag you along behind us along the way.
Bring you with us.
Yeah, I've given it some thought and I've got to say, cannot...
Not going to tell my family about this.
I'm telling my mom.
She already knows.
Yeah.
She sent the headphones for it.
Got to...
I'm going to keep this one a secret till it all blows up.
Oh, you know that really popular podcast?
Yeah, that's me.
Oh, yeah, we have videos.
So you already knew that.
Unless you probably haven't heard of it.
Are we going to drink every time we do this?
I think we have to.
I hold weight like a motherfucker.
So we're going to have to move to a no calorie liquor.
Fair enough.
And drink it slowly.
I got it.
Something I've been thinking about is tequila and pickles.
No calories there.
Well, that actually sounds horrible.
Dye.
I love pickles.
I love tequila.
And I drink pickles just on the tone.
Throwing tequila in there can't be that bad, right?
I'm going to circle back to earlier when I said dye.
I assume you dislike pickles, yeah?
That's correct, yeah.
So I'm throwing tequila in there.
When I was a kid, my parents used to put pickles in a bag and they would beat me with
that bag.
I don't believe that at all.
You're right.
I just made that up.
I don't know.
I feel like tequila and pickles just can't be that bad.
That could be my twice a week drink for the podcast.
And you want to do a podcast episode on Friday and Saturday next week?
A special edition for the birthday.
Oh!
Just get obscenely fucked up.
Well, hang on.
We should probably listen to that entire audio before we put it out there.
Oh, absolutely.
Yeah, I'm not.
We're not putting anything out unedited.
Very carefully.
Yeah.
Picking up what I'm throwing down.
Yeah, we say bad things.
But you and the family can come over.
Oh, that'd be nice.
They can hang out there.
We can podcast in here.
Here, a joyful child streams the background.
That's a nice.
I hope she doesn't make you.
It's terrifying.
It's like the walking dead out there, man.
Just the occasional slamming on a door.
Terrifying.
They're casually walking herself in my room.
Classic.
I think I want to get a grill.
I might ask my parents for a trigger for Christmas.
Yeah.
I don't know how to grill.
I don't either, but I like to learn.
I feel like that is just a small patch of concrete out there.
Grilling is just a skill that has a guy you need to have.
Yeah.
But nobody knows how.
You got to learn.
Exactly.
And you can't ask anyone for help.
You don't go in there and say, hey, get you out of grill.
You just learn.
You fail over and over again.
Back in the day, it was like you had to read a book.
Now you can watch YouTube, which is a godsend because I have crazy ADHD and I can't read
a...
I can read books if I'm really interested.
You know what I realized just recently?
I am wildly dyslexic.
And I'm swag.
I'm not really sure why life has never dawned on me before.
But like, I don't know how bad the average dyslexic has it, but dude, I had it horrible.
I was reading off serial numbers the other day, which is a lot of numbers.
And I was reading it off and reading it off.
And one of the dudes next to me, he looks over and he goes, you know, that was like nowhere
near the actual number.
Like you just took all those numbers and just rearranged them.
There is a one, a six, and nine, a five in there, but it's not in that order.
69, nice.
Oh my.
That sucks.
Yeah.
You can do something about that.
Really not a...
What can you do?
Read better?
I don't know.
I don't know why I hadn't thought of that.
Idiot.
Yeah, that's tough, especially to realize in your 20s.
Yeah.
Sucks.
Now I'm thinking back to all those times I was bad at math and it makes a lot of sense,
man.
That's fair.
I'm bad at math because I didn't want to do math, so I didn't.
I was like, hey, do this.
Math was the worst.
Shout out to Mrs. Holder.
You were a cunt.
I said no.
My math teachers were phenomenal people.
They were phenomenal humans.
They cared about me.
They wanted me to learn and I said absolutely not every time.
Something that I recently learned is that my sister who is still at the same high school
I used to go to, she'll go into classes and they'll be like, Donagie, Donagie, do you
have...
You have sisters?
And you're like, hey, do you have a brother?
Yeah.
Do you know what he did?
She's like, yeah.
The dildos?
It was the dildos, yeah.
Tell it.
Okay, so it's my senior year at high school, right?
What do you do your senior year at high school?
High school, right?
You throw a senior...
You're not throwing, but you do a senior prank, you know what I mean?
So you were like, oh, who's going to do it?
Because the year before, it's super lame.
They laid down in the hallways.
Lame.
Two years before that, they stacked hay bales in front of the parking lot.
Everybody's trapped inside.
That was funny.
Not for me, obviously.
Not for anyone who was driving.
For me, it was hilarious.
I couldn't drive.
I just walked past.
I was like, yeah, hay bales.
But we were like, dude, we got to do something big.
We got to make this count.
We got to make this one.
This has got to leave an impression.
And that it did.
So I'm asking around, and I'm like, who's going to do a senior prank this year?
And everybody's like, oh, I can't.
I have this prestigious college scholarship that if I get in trouble with my senior year,
I might lose it.
I can't throw that away.
Oh, sorry.
I'm going to West Point, stupid.
But boo.
Yeah.
So I'm sitting here like, well, someone's got to do it.
It needs to be me.
And I had seen this thing on iFunny where a couple of teenagers in high school had super
glued a four foot tall dildo to their floor.
The Moby Huge.
Yes, that's correct.
And obviously, I was like, that's what we're doing.
We're doing that exact thing.
Did something like Googling, the Moby Huge cost about $500.
So I thought to myself, all right, not doing that exact thing.
Nothing else.
Yep.
And I was like, well, we can do that, but smaller.
So we went to the store and we, because I just, I wanted to do that, but I wasn't going
to spend my money on it.
So I walked around just table to table in the lunchroom and I was like, you got any cash?
I can borrow for to go buy a fucking massive dildo.
A lot of people just gave me cash.
Like a little weird, but I guess we were in high school, right?
So who knows?
So like, first of all, I want to say, if you're trying to get away with something mischievous,
going table to table to everyone in your school, asking them for money to fund it, not a good
way to start.
Not a great look.
Yeah.
So like right there, you're looking a little bit incriminating.
Yeah.
But I ended up getting, I got like $300.
So couldn't go, that's more money than I made the entirety of high school.
I guess it's more about you than me.
That's not actually true.
That was pretend.
Yeah.
I didn't make like $300.
So I, and I wasn't going to do it.
I wasn't going to do it.
And then I was with one of my buddies and he was like, you're just going to steal all
that money.
And I'm like, yeah.
And he's like, you do kid, you can't just steal it.
Oh, come on, come on, come on.
Like let's go, let's go down to the weird fucking BDSM sex stores by one.
Like that's a weird thing to say to another straight guy.
What's by a dildo?
Yeah.
And I'm like, okay, sure, you know what?
You've convinced me.
I am 18 and retard.
Stupid.
We'll edit that.
Interesting.
Yeah.
I am like, I am 18 and I'm a foolish guy.
So I go and I, I walk into the weird little BDSM sex store and they're like, hey, how
can I help you couple?
Uh, sir, I'm like, what's up?
I walk up to the chick.
I think I've read the account who is not that much older than me.
So this is a really weird exchange.
If it had been like an old lady, I wouldn't have thought nothing about it, but she was
like, she had to be like 19, 20 max.
I'm like, hey, where are the dildos?
And she's like, uh, they're in that corner.
Was it in your hometown?
Yes.
That's, that's weird.
Yeah.
I know.
So I go and I just grab all of them.
Did you tell her it was for a prank?
Okay.
I'm getting it.
So I grabbed all of them and she's sitting there ringing me up.
She's like, what, um, what are you planning on doing with all of these?
And I'm like, this is for my senior prank in high school.
I gotta do this, this, this.
Oh, that's so much fun.
And I'm like, yeah, I have a, I have a whole adult telling me this is a good idea.
Now I know it's a good idea for future reference kids.
The cashier, the BDSM sex stores, probably not the person to take life.
It's from.
Was it Spencer's?
No, it was not Spencer's.
It was called a surrealist.
Interesting.
Is it still there?
I think so.
Shout out to Surrealist.
Fort Wayne.
Yeah.
Fort Wayne, Indiana.
I almost had Texas.
We, uh, I wouldn't be wearing it today without you.
That's for sure.
Um, but I went out there and we cracked them all open in the parking lot.
Me and my buddy had a dildo fight in the parking lot.
Surrealist, I'm sure they loved.
Cracking open some, uh, lukewarm dildos with the boys.
You know it brother.
Um, we, we did lose like two on the way back home because we were just,
slinging our cars.
They passed.
That's fair.
Yeah.
But we had just like 30, 30 fucking dildos in my truck.
So I go into school the next day and I'm like, there's no way I can do this all myself.
So I go to the other seniors and I'm like, Hey, I need help.
I got a fuck ton of sex toys and then going to glue themselves to the walls and they were
like, no, we are not going to do this.
We refuse to take part in this.
Uh, you are a fool.
You will be caught and you will be punished.
I'm like, you're all wrong.
I will get away with this scot-free and nothing bad will ever come from this.
Did they mention that you started super awesome podcasts like six years later?
Yeah, dude, they had no clue.
If they could see me now, idiots, they would look at their college degrees and look back
at me and probably laugh.
Not a good way.
Anyways, so.
Crafts and debt.
Suckers.
Yeah.
Enjoy your full ride.
Lindsay, whatever your name was.
Laughs and no debt.
I was wrong.
Yeah.
Anyways, so I went out to all my senior boys and none of them were down except for like
one other dude who did end up snitching on me when he got caught.
Let's see.
Okay.
Six nine.
So I couldn't find anybody.
I couldn't find anybody.
I went to my boy who I got the dillows with and he was like, he was a, what's the, what's
the grade below senior?
Junior.
I was a junior and I was like, I need your help.
And he's like, I got you, bro.
So he rounds up a bunch of fucking freshmen, which completely defeats the purpose of senior
prank.
But like, you know, at this point of life, you know what?
I'm still the mastermind here is still the senior prick.
So I go and I distribute all these dillows to my various, my various plants and we got
these things all over school.
It is glorious, man.
Like we, we had this in economics class.
We had like what, like, you know how they had the, the panel rooms you can pop off.
Yep.
Yeah.
One of the ceilings didn't have a panel.
It was just missing.
So we just suctioned, comes it up there.
You're talking about the ones that you can just like throw pencils into, right?
Yeah.
Okay.
So what was there?
What did you suction it to?
What do you mean?
It's like the, the pipes in the ceiling.
So like the panel is just gone.
We just fucking stick it on the ceiling and it's just sitting there and it's sitting there.
And there's condensation on the pipe.
Interesting.
And then for a while it just falls and smacks the right economic teacher in the head.
I don't know if I actually hit him in the head, but like it did fall all around him
while he was teaching.
And that made me, that made me happy.
We like, we talked to many guitars and stuff like that.
Like they were, they were, they were all over the place and they were well hidden.
Why did your school have guitars?
We had a music classroom.
We had guitars?
Well.
We played like flute and shit in school.
I don't know.
You went to a cooler school than I did.
Yeah.
I went to a school not in the middle of nowhere.
That's fair.
It was Indiana, a real estate.
I was a real estate.
It's way cooler than Indiana.
It doesn't take a whole lot if you get cooler than Indiana.
Crime.
Unrelated.
Anyways, so, so I, we, we, I left for the day because I only had like two classes in
my senior year and I was left for the day and I was like, I did it.
I got, I'd made it scut free.
I had uncought, nothing could possibly go wrong.
Sure.
And then I got home from work and my mom was looking at me like, why did school call?
I'm like, who, who knows?
It could be any number of reasons why the school would be calling.
They're like, uh-huh.
Let's go.
I'm cool.
You want, we gotta go, we gotta go talk to the principal.
You coming?
Like, I don't really have a choice, do I?
She was like, no, no you don't.
So we went down there and I've maintained my innocence the entire time.
It turned out they did have a video of me slapping a dill on my principal's car.
I didn't realize there were cameras in the parking lot.
Did you superglue it to the car?
No, no, no.
I just stuck it on the BDS, the BMW logo.
The BDS, what's the issue then?
Well, I mean, because I obviously was affiliated with the, the mass dill-dilling.
There was, there was lots of vandalism.
Supposed to have had that.
Yeah.
And, but I'm sitting outside, I'm sitting outside, I'm sitting outside.
They're, they're in like this conference room talking to my, talking to my parents.
Maintaining my innocence.
Maintaining my innocence, there was, like I said, a video.
So, kind of got hard to maintain after a minute there.
But like, after they finished talking, they pulled me inside.
They sent me down at the end of the conference table and he slaps this Walmart bag full of dills on the table.
And he's like, we know that you brought 14 of these into the school.
And I'm like, yeah.
Yeah, I did.
Only 14, you got me.
You didn't look at the guitars that we have because we're at a big city school.
You guys caught me.
I brought in 14 of these.
No need to look any farther.
It was only me.
How many did you actually bring in?
30.
No, no, no, we did lose two.
It's a 28.
Interesting.
Were you in the car in Okinawa when the pig got real uncomfortable that we bought pocket
pushes and we're waving them around in his face?
No.
As we were drunkenly driving back from the thrift store?
To be clear, we did not condone drunk driving, but no, I didn't.
No, he was sober.
Oh, okay.
That's why he was uncomfortable.
He was not drunk.
Oh, that makes more sense now.
That's right.
We do not condone drunk driving.
Bad.
Who was it?
Ruiz.
I used to put sex toys in all his shoes.
Really?
As I'm saying, I've had quite a bit of genaggage involving sex toys.
That's kind of weird.
Actually, though, I feel like Ruiz would be a good first guess because he talks a lot
and it's easy to make fun of him.
I feel like he'd be good to get him.
Shoot that man a tech.
Well, hang on.
He's going to use a certain word that we can't condone the use of.
Ruiz got to know that.
Okay.
And if he uses it a lot, we just won't use the other stuff.
Stab him.
It could just be a practice episode.
Yeah, that works.
That works.
Shoot him a text.
I mean, we're not doing it right now.
We got to get a third mic, a third stand.
We should probably text him right now so that he can respond in six to eight weeks.
That's fair.
That's a good text.
So that was my thing.
I think they recently found one like two years ago.
And I was wondering about that a while back.
Like, huh?
If they're still being found, am I still guilty?
Could I still be charged with a crime?
They're coming for you.
They totally could be.
I committed quite a bit of shenanigans.
Good luck proving into it.
It's only the one video.
But yeah.
That was my story.
It still gets brought up to this day, apparently, when my sister goes to a new class in school.
So it's tough.
It's tough for her.
It doesn't affect me at all.
I've only eyes out of the country.
That's fair.
That's good for you.
That's fun.
You are in the country.
I had a great time.
That's fair.
You want another beer?
No, I'm good.
Very well.
Can I do it again?
Yes.
As you should.
That's a good story.
You will tell that more and you will get better at it down the road.
We need to figure out something to deaden this table because you hear that?
It reverbs a lot.
We got to figure something out for that.
Honestly, a moving blanket.
What?
A moving blanket.
Or even like a rubber mat.
You just want to like clamp it down on the table?
Yeah.
That's fair.
Yeah.
That would work.
Let's play with that.
It's not bad most of the time, but I set a glass down and you hear it.
Yeah, a lot of...
I don't know how badly it will come out in the post, but I hear it a lot in the headphones.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shall we call it a day?
Wrap it up?
I suppose we do.
Well, you know what?
Was this a banger episode?
No.
No, it was not.
But was it the worst?
It's a good start.
Yeah, it's not the worst first episode anyone's ever had.
There's worse places to start.
Exactly.
And you know what?
The important thing is there's going to be more than three episodes.
So...
At least four.
At least four, maybe even five.
We'll see.
Really?
Okay.
Thanks for listening, mom.
And anybody else out there?
See you next time.
See you next time, guys.