Welcome to Passion and Purpose with Pamela, celebrating all things woman.
I'm Dr. Pamela Hardy-Shepard here to ignite inspiration through conversations at a spot
like women's power and their journeys.
Let's share our light, our stories, and create a space of celebration for every woman.
Here's to embracing our womanhood together.
Welcome to our inspiring podcast series where today we have the privilege of introducing
Cheryl Rogers, a multifaceted personality whose life and career are as dynamic as they
are impactful.
Cheryl isn't just a dedicated wife, mother, sister, friend, cherished by all who know her.
She's also a seasoned professional with 20 over 20 years of experience in C-suite level
executive support.
Her proficiency in navigating a fast-paced environment, an exceptional organization,
organizational and leadership, and interpersonal skills set her apart in the field.
Cheryl's commitment to exceptional customer service, her drive to embrace challenges,
and her unherald ability to multitask effectively while paying meticulous attention to detail.
She's resourceful in spearheading and completing projects and shines as an enthusiastic team
member and leader, inspiring the best in everyone around her.
Adding to her impressive portfolio, Cheryl is also a passionate podcaster, hosting the
much loved show all about the experiences.
And I'm so excited for this.
Created by her mother's motto, live your life to the fullest, her podcast is a vibrant
space for exploring how networking, supporting others in their dreams and goals, and collaborating
can make the world a better, better place.
Cheryl's philosophy is creating meaningful partnerships through networking, offering
support, fostering collaborations.
She believes in staying connected and that she does, ladies and gentlemen.
As connection is the key to building community that uplifts and empowers her show all about
the experience isn't just a podcast, it's a journey into the heart of what fuels us
as individuals and as a community.
So get ready to dive into a world of inspiration, insight, connection, and with Mrs. Cheryl Rogers,
she leads us through an enriching pathways of all about fixed Cheryl.
Oh, Pamela, thank you so much.
It is an absolute honor to be here and just be holding passion and purpose with Pamela
and I am so excited to be a part of your journey.
So thank you so much for allowing me to come on your platform.
It is such an honor to have you here.
This is the woman that has taught me so much.
It is without her, I don't think I really could have done this.
So I'm looking at the guru and the guru is saying, okay, you're doing okay, but she is
the expert and we are just so honored to have you here.
We love you.
You just, oh my goodness, I don't think I even did you justice in, you know, reading
this introduction because you were so much more than that.
So if you will tell us a little more about you and when you've come and just bring us
forward because people need to hear that.
Well, I will start off with saying this.
One of the things that you said in the introduction, which I want to thank you for is that, you
know, it's about connectivity and I can remember many years ago when our paths crossed and I
have been forever changed by that.
And we just first and foremost say that and the connections that you form with people
are really something that you, you can't come in contact with someone and exchange of energy
and not take something with you and also leave something with that person.
And so that's why it's very important when you do have connections with folks that they're
meaningful, that they're authentic and that they're purposeful.
And I can definitely say that those three things are highlighted in our relationship
and our connection from the very start.
And I take that to heart with me.
Another thing that you mentioned was my mother.
My mother, I carry with me every single day and especially since I've lost her, it's
even more impactful and meaningful.
And I do live much like you, my life with purpose.
And so it's important for me as I'm living in my purpose is also to honor our parents,
our ancestors, and I feel like because of the folks that I align myself with, I can definitely
do that and be purposeful and make sure that my legacy is leaving something for those who
are coming behind me.
And I'll start off with saying this panel with one of the things that I remember, I have
a lot of panelisms, but one of the things that I remember most that you shared with
me is that you lift as you climb.
And that was one of the most impactful things that you could have ever given to me as a
mentee and then also a little sister and a friend is because it made me realize that
there was power in my journey and that I am a leader.
You showed me that I'm a leader.
More often than not, I feel like a lot of times as we're on our path and we're not fully
seasoned, if you will, or have come into our full season, that we think that we are not
able to lead.
And actually your journey and your mistakes that you make, you are a leader because people
are watching you.
They're watching to see how you fail and how you recover from those failures.
And each failure, I feel like only can lead to a success.
As long as you take that and you use it as a teaching and learning tool and in recognizing
that it's not just your teaching and learning tool, it's for everyone that's around you
and that's watching you, that's rooting you on and those that are hating on you too.
So, you know, there's lessons to be learned in everything.
And I will say this is that every experience that I have had and will have, it formulates
this pathway for me in which that I am learning to be a better person.
And not only that, but again, lifting as I climb.
And there's something to be said about making sure that you beautify the things that are
around you.
And I say that, you know, it's easy.
I don't know.
And you and I know this when you can walk in a room with energy and let's say you woke
up as they would say on the wrong side of the bed and you come into work and everybody
is kind of full throttle.
It's a Thursday, I call it Friday Eve and you come in and someone's like, Hey, Cheryl.
And I'm like, Hey, immediately you deflate a room.
Well, even if I am feeling that way, I make it very purposeful and I come in with intention
and like, you know what, whatever is going on here, I got to leave at the door because
I feel like it's important to be impactful on those that are around me.
And hopefully I can feed off of that great energy that they have and continue to blossom
throughout the day and shed those other things, right?
But you have to do that with intention and with purpose.
And I know that you started off like, where is this going?
Well, this, this is who I am.
I've learned to embody that through again, the people that I align myself with and you
have got to be one of the most passionate, positive people that I've ever had in my life
and I'm so thankful for that.
And so that's a little bit about myself when I am being very intentional about how I move
and who I connect myself with and learn from.
And I feel like this journey of all about the experience is about learning.
It's about learning and loving and making sure that you leave a positive impact on the
world and obviously you can't leave it the same way you came then, but that's the intent.
Why would you want anything to just be status quo and you know the norm?
You want to leave an impression, you know, here.
And so I thank you even in this moment for giving me that opportunity to share a little
bit of myself, but also gain something and every time we connect, I gain something.
So I'll just say that.
I want to go back to something that, that you were saying, you were saying so many things.
They're so powerful what you say Cheryl.
And I, you know, I'm going to say this.
We went to Iowa one year and most people have no clue about how, when you talked about walking
into a room, how you can deflate it.
Well, the one thing, you know, like, yeah, I'm fine or whatever people tend to do.
But the thing about you is you walk in a room and you uplift it.
You know everybody in the room, everybody, they just cling to you because of the energy
that and the vibe that you present in a room.
And I, one time we were in Iowa and I have to tell this story and I was sitting back
and I was watching Cheryl and I said to her, you know how to walk, work, work a room.
And most people take that in maybe a negative context and I need to be clear.
She knows from the president of the university to some people who might be the janitor or
a little child, she meets them where they are.
She remembers their name, everything about them.
And people love that because when you talk about them, they say, wow, she really cares
about me instead of talking about self.
She could go across the room, around the room and people just gravitate toward her because
of what she presents.
She has always been a leader.
She always has leadership skills.
She is a friend to everybody, to the little children, to the big adults who are supposed
to be grown but sometimes are not.
Guiding them.
I mean, it isn't just about me and being a mentor.
She mentored me.
So it is a give and take.
There's things that Cheryl taught me that I was off on a tangent about.
When I first came to that place, she sat me straight.
She guided me.
She put bumpers around me and made me feel like this is where you're supposed to be.
And in kind, when you see that somebody else has skills and a skill set that they know
they have, but they're not quite sure about how they're going to play out, it is your
task to point it out.
So I just wanted to add that because you are a gift.
You are more than a gift.
You're a jewel, a diamond, whatever the most amazing gem there is.
That is who you are.
So tell us a little more about you.
Where did you come from?
How did you get to be these Cheryl Rogers?
Absolutely.
Well, I hail from East Oakland, California, and I rep that every opportunity that I get.
Definitely what we call home, we carry with us, right?
And I carry East Oakland in my heart.
And anybody that's from the city of Oakland, you not only claim Oakland, but you claim
your set, which is East Oakland for me.
And I'm very proud of coming from Oakland.
I know a lot of times you'll hear some negative things, and that's any place in the country
or in the state of California.
But I am very proud to come from humble beginnings.
I come from a family full of women and lots of love.
And I liken not only my journey, but who I am, is because of the strong women and men
that are in my life.
And I started off mentioning my mom, and you have the opportunity to meet and know my mother
as well.
And when I tell you I carry that lady with me right here, I wake up thinking about her.
I talk about her throughout the day, and she's definitely one of the last people that I think
about.
And I carry that with me because she imparted so much wisdom to me, not just as a mother,
but again, watching someone through their successes and their failures.
And she would always say she wasn't a traditional mom.
She didn't know how to cook.
She burned down to the kitchen.
She did all of the things that she could do that were well within her, you know, wheelhouse.
But what she taught me is to beat to your own drum, to be confident, and to make sure
that when you're doing something, you do it with intention, but also you do it for the
greater good.
And when I think about someone who had nothing but an altruistic spirit about them, that
was my mother.
She started a community medical van.
And as a young child through our church, my grandfather transformed an RV into a medical
unit, much like what we see today.
And this was in the heart of Oakland, and it started off with going out and doing blood
pressure checks and screenings.
And she made it a point that us girls were there because she wanted us to give back to
our communities.
Charity starts at home.
And also to recognize that no matter who you come in contact with, and this is speaking
to what you said earlier about whether it's the president or the janitor, you treat people
with kindness and respect, because when you do that, the expectation is that they're going
to give it back to you.
And not everybody will.
But when you demonstrate that, they may not see that in themselves, like you were saying,
but you give them the opportunity to recognize that I am a person of value, and I deserve
to be treated with respect and loved.
And you go from there.
Sometimes you have to act the part before you fully embody it.
And so being in those kind of situations where obviously I have the protection of my church
family and my family around me.
But what it taught me was is that even in some of the most precarious situations you
can be in, and if you're there with true intention and love to help and serve, then you're going
to gain something and someone, again, is going to gain something from you.
The other thing is I am a educated person, I'd like to say.
I absolutely have been encouraged by you and so many of my life to pursue not only a higher
education and I can tell a story I will definitely go into about when you're feeling discouraged
and having someone around you, even if they're not physically there in the room with you,
to regain that momentum and push forward.
But my mother also deemed that it was important to have an education.
She would always say, you're going to leave my house with integrity and you're going to
leave my house educated.
And those are things that you carry with you and no one can take.
So that was really important.
It's definitely at my core.
I can tell you that I have had in gaining higher education.
I didn't go the traditional route.
I graduated by a Victorian from my high school, but I didn't go straight to college.
I took a year to kind of take classes at a local community college.
I decided I was going to work my first big girl job in Berkeley, California at Pioneer
Electronics as a receptionist.
And back then I was making $18 an hour in 1993.
So I was just like, I was making good money.
And I was just like, hey, this is it.
This is easy.
I get to connect with people.
I get to learn a little bit more about things I'm into, which I was really into music, even
though I cannot sing or hold a note.
And just really consort with what I thought at the time.
I'm certain that they were the elite in the electronics world.
And I soon found out that that was not necessarily my calling, but what I did recognize is that
there was power in connectivity and really making sure that when you are connecting with
people, you have to listen and recognize that they have something to share that you in turn
can take and put your own spin on it.
It may result in you starting a business of your own or a podcast of your own to be able
to share those experiences.
But beyond that, I also recognize that this was not my last stop.
And every time that I've gotten somewhere where I've gotten comfortable, that was something
else that my mother told me.
And I think you reminded me of too.
That is not when you get comfortable, it's time to move because there's always that next
level that next step and there's that next opportunity to connect with people.
So education, my educational journey, I have acquired my MBA.
And I did that while Pamela and I were working together at a university that I'll say will
remain nameless.
And the reason why I say that is even though I gained education from there, it was the
connections to the people who supported me that have really been the true heroes and
a part of my degree process.
And so Pamela, I worked in the same school of education, if you will, and I supported
her.
And in doing so, there were times that she would be on travel or teaching or just not
in the office in general, and I would face challenges.
And she offered her office as a safe space for me to go into whether I was trying to
finish assignments on my lunch because I'm a little bit of a procrastinator.
Or if I had hit a wall and recognized that, well, today is not that day.
And did I want to share that phase with the folks that we were working with.
And sometimes through your journeys, there's tears that are shed.
And so her office was a safe space for me to shed those tears in private, recollect myself,
look at her degrees on the wall and said, she did it and I know that I can.
That's super impactful because there were times that, you know, I faced so many challenges.
I lost my mom during the quest and getting my MBA and there were times that I wanted
to give up.
And Pamela was a constant reminder, no, ma'am, you will not give up.
You will continue, not only because that was my journey and it was my destiny, but I made
a promise.
I made a promise to my mother and she reminded me of that.
And I made a promise to myself.
And so as difficult as things got, it was important for me to have that space and that
support and you offered that for me during those.
And I don't know how many, if you recognize how many times I went into your office, you
probably saw the tears stains on your desk.
I used your office a lot.
And it also, again, gave me a quiet space to make sure that I was doing my assignments
and when I needed assistance where, you know, we all hit a wall and I'm like, what am I
not doing?
And you encouraged me to go to my instructors and professors and say, what can I do to get
past this?
And that's in life.
It's the same concept.
When you get to that plateau or you hit that wall, you have to reach out to your village
and your tribe and say, I need help and not be afraid to ask for it.
So that is my journey in education, which also leads me to the connections again, no
matter where you're at, whether you're at church, you're at school, work, you can be
anywhere, the grocery store.
Pamela will tell you, I never meet a stranger and it's true.
And it stems from that home, that home training and that home.
I used to be painfully shy, believe it or not, and you probably wouldn't do this now,
but my grandmother encouraged me, don't come back home unless you've met five new people
and you know new stuff about them.
Now would you do that in today's A&A?
Just call stranger danger and say no.
But what I loved about that is that it made me reach out to other students in school,
even if I knew I was down to only got four people today.
I knew that she was going to ask me.
And I knew that I had accountability in letting her know who I met and what I learned new
about them.
And so that helped me come out of my shell, but I guess I continue to carry that with
me because I've been in several places where I know absolutely no one.
And it can be an intimidating when you walk in the room.
And a lot of times when you walk in the room and look like me and you're the only person
that looks like yourself, I make it a point that that is not going to be the barrier.
I'm going to go out and I'm going to make connections.
I'm going to draw from people and I'm going to leave a little bit of Cheryl with them
as well.
And for sure, you leave a lot of Cheryl with them.
You leave a lot of Cheryl with them.
I mean, you are, you just have a way about yourself in the way that you see the world,
the way you perceive things, the way that you, you attempt to tell someone something.
You are encouraging people, your voice, your tone, your mannerisms, you're all in.
And people know you are listening to them.
And the way that you encourage is the way that they can receive it, not the way that
you want to give it.
You have studied people enough, you listen to them like you said earlier, and you give
them the feedback, the way that they can receive it.
And that is a gift, everybody.
That is a gift.
That communication is such a gift and the way it's effective because you know where people
have gone in so many different directions, so many things have happened to them in their
life.
And they will let you know.
They tell you in a multiplicity of ways.
And Cheryl always listens and she listened and then she would give it.
And I'm going to give an example and this is, makes me look really bad, but I'm just
going to tell the truth here.
I was dating my husband, my present husband.
And as a single woman, you have to take care of everything yourself.
You don't have a safety net.
So it was raining and I had a flat tire.
Now my husband, who I was dating at the time, lived in one area and I lived in the other.
Now on my insurance or AAA, you have the people come out and fix your tire.
And I couldn't understand why he was so frustrated and I was talking to Cheryl and he's your
boyfriend and you can say what you said, but it made me have to take a step back and say,
oh, and it was just that simple and minute.
So if you would share what you shared with me, because it was so powerful people and
you don't want to miss this.
You don't want to miss.
Well, first and foremost, I understand being an independent woman myself.
I have been raised that you don't wait for someone else to assist you jump right in.
And like you said, you've been single.
You and I mean, let me tell you this, Pamela can do just about anything.
I haven't come across anything that she's not capable of doing.
So that's number one.
Number two, which is so funny.
She was just like, well, even if I couldn't change the tire, I know how to pick up the
phone and call AAA.
And what I've learned and I've learned this not only through watching my mom through trial
and error, because my mom would kill me for even mentioning this.
God rest her soul.
She was married three times as well.
And she's like, and I used to call her Jean Mitchell McNeil Miller Lindsey.
I wanted to go all the names.
But I say that to say she was just like, you know, you have to allow men to be protectors
and and to serve.
And, you know, he was on his fast track to not just being your boyfriend, but your fiance.
And he is such a wonderful gentleman and he's a protector just by nature.
It's in his nature.
And so I understood his frustration because this is another thing.
Like you, you learn through other people.
I am too.
The same woman where I want to do things and I got this, I don't need your help.
But you I learned through my own marriage that you have to allow people to be there
for you.
And it's okay, even though you may know how to do something, it's okay to allow someone
to assist you or help you or even show you how to do it more effectively or efficiently
or greater than that to just care for you.
And so in that moment, he was trying to care for her.
And she was just like, but I can do it myself.
And I called and I was just like, what he's trying to tell you is that he loves you and
he wanted to care for you and be there for you.
And the thought of you being stranded or in a position where you were left vulnerable
or needed help is unnerving to anybody that loves you, but especially your man.
And so I was like, and she was like, but I can do it myself.
And I said, I too could have done it myself.
But sometimes you have to allow, especially the people who love us in that one to protect
us, that space and that opportunity, because they know that we can handle it too.
But sometimes it's not about what we can do.
It's about what we can allow people to do for us.
And that's that exchange of energy and love and care.
And so in that moment, I was just like little sister talking to a big sister and she's like,
I hear you.
And I heard myself and it was a reminder to me as well, because I have a tendency to,
you know, backtracking, be like, I got this, but it was a reminder to myself that how important
it is to allow not only the people who love us, but that most important person, your partner,
your spouse to be there for you in those moments.
And so it's that give and take.
That is, oh my goodness, that is so powerful.
And the other part about that is, ladies and gentlemen, it is from whence you've come,
if you've been in a relationship that you had to do those things and you had to figure
it out, it takes someone else to kind of point it out.
And you have to surround yourself with people that are actually going to help lift you.
And it's not like, well, I don't have anything to say to her or whatever.
And it doesn't matter how much education somebody thinks they have, you can have all the education,
but not know some really important things.
And so I listened to Cheryl because I'm this single woman, she's a married woman.
She's a married woman.
It doesn't mean that I wasn't married before and I'm not even going to go there.
But the point is, is that she's seen something and I presented it to her and she told me
the truth in the way that I could receive it.
And so you want to make sure that your circle is going to be someone who will tell you the
truth in the way that you can receive it.
And sometimes you have to peel it back like an onion.
But the point is, she did not like defer it to, well, that's her thing.
No, she told me the truth and I'm grateful for that.
Tell us some more, Cheryl, about who you are.
Your wisdom of your mother has instilled a lot in you and I see it.
Our mothers have a profound effect on us and from whence we've come, how we were raised.
And so tell us some more about you.
Well, you know, it's interesting.
I mean, just let's talk about motherhood.
I was a young mother.
I got married at 19, had my daughter who's now 27 at 21.
And you know, it's motherhood you don't have.
There's not a book or a guide or what have you.
Your guide is through trial and error.
It's through connecting with other mothers and women that can impart wisdom to you.
It's about being humble, being a mother will humble you like nobody's business.
Again, you know, tapping into your tribe, there's been times that I've come to Pamela
and I'm like, you know, especially during the teenage years and you're like, wow.
And then, you know, the first thing, you know, your mother used to always tell you, you will
have a moment.
This is going to come full circle and it's so true.
It's so true.
You never turn off that worry.
You never turn off that love.
I don't care what they do.
You never turn it off.
I mean, you can be extremely disappointed and then you can also be extremely elated
and proud and you know, you can't tell me anything.
Nobody's kid is better than mine.
You know, you can walk with your chest out and everything.
And it is definitely a humbling experience.
I felt like I learned so much through my children.
I appreciate it when you when I had children, which I'll give a little shout out.
Ashley is my daughter and Justin, my son, both adults now and college educated.
My youngest is just entering into college, but very proud of them.
You know, my mom used to tell me the best part of being our mother and I didn't know
how to take this at first, but now I understand was when I made her a great mother and I was
just like, well, what about us?
What am I?
Chop liver?
And she was just like, no, because what it showed me was that I was she goes, I always
question whether or not I was a good mother to you girls, but it showed me that I am a
great mother because my mothering in you through failures and successes have created amazing
mothers and who you all are and rearing my grandchildren.
And you know, she got all the best parts of the grandkids.
She got to love on them.
But I will say this, she would get off in those butts too.
But you know, what I loved about that was that I have something to look forward to when
I become a grandmother, hopefully not too soon.
But you know, I know it's destiny, it's going to come.
But when I say that, I look forward to that because that'll be an indicator of how well
I've parented my children and I love being a mother.
I do.
And I'd like to say, you know, I do cook, I do clean and I do the traditional mom stuff,
but I also have gotten to a place where I think as we have progressed, you know, in
each generation is different.
And this is something you've taught me is about being transparent and allowing them
to see us fail, allowing them to celebrate us and our successes.
So my kids, we're a military family.
We are a unit.
We like we, we, we travel in packs and we are together all the time.
They're my little best friends.
They're my little nemesis too, because I was like, these kids, you know, your parent,
you know, kids can be very trying to you.
But they're also a reminder of why I work as hard as I do, why the challenges that I
face, I must overcome.
And also why it's important for them to see me fail and succeed.
And I say fail forward because in every failure that I've had, it has pushed me maybe in a
slightly newer or different direction, but it's always on that path to success.
And that's my destiny.
I feel like that there is, if you keep getting up and you keep pushing forward, that's your
journey, but it's also an indicator of your success as well.
So I feel very confident in allowing my children to see that.
The other thing is, is being married.
It's been 30 plus years that he and I have been together.
We will be married in, what is it, 2025 will be 30 years.
And the important thing about that is marriage is not easy, but when you are committed and
you are committed to being committed, you know, a lot of times people ask me, how did
you, what is the secret?
The secret is, you know, people say, you probably never go to bed mat.
If I never went to bed mad, I would have beds like Louis Vuitton under my eyes.
No, that is not the case.
Sometimes you just got to refresh yourself and come back with a third head and say,
we're going to attack this head on tomorrow after I've had some sleep or a glass of wine.
I don't know what are the both or are all of it, but I will say it's being committed
to being committed.
And sometimes our children serve as those reminders too, because they are the culmination
of us coming together in love and recognizing that we have little people or little adult
people that are looking at us and looking to set the example.
And it's not a perfect process, but it's an important journey.
And when it's, you know, cloaked in love, that's even better.
But when it's cloaked in commitment, because you, you have ebbs and flows, trust me, you
love and you fall in and out of love, you fall in and out of like, and you know, one
thing that the pandemic taught me, I was just like, I like you.
Wow.
Because we spent a lot of time together.
But what I love, it was like a reset button because we were spending so much time together
in your in confined spaces.
You find ways either to find more space or you find ways to come together.
And so if that meant coming together for meals or because, you know, we were only connected
to the world through, you know, a mediums like this zoom teams, FaceTime, picking up
the telephone, writing a letter, you know, I don't know how I was going to get out there,
you know, you had to go when the street was clear to go drop it into the mailbox because
you didn't know what was happening.
But what that also did was that fear that we all experience during the pandemic also
made you realize that you appreciated your family and things that were typically we would
deal is very petty, but took a high, you know, precedence at, you know, before the pandemic.
Now you look at your life.
This is nothing.
I need to tap into what's important and these people that are in front of me or what's important.
And also the people who you weren't able to be in front of because you took that.
You can also take those things for granted in reaching out and having that connectivity
through those mediums, there were people that I lost during the pandemic that I couldn't
even my aunt that I'm named after she passed away due to complications from cancer and
COVID, but I wasn't able to properly give the traditional send us that we do in our
culture and our traditions and that was very hard to deal with.
And so tapping into your, your core in your center, which is my family and my husband
and my children, it allowed me to really recenter myself and recognize that there are greater
things and love is important, but it's also important to let people know how you feel
about them.
Like they say, give them their flowers while they're here.
And that was really evident.
So it was definitely something that brought us closer together.
I love that you share that because I think my question would be, excuse my voice here.
Excuse me.
My question would be to you for someone who doesn't have a husband or children, what would
you say to them?
What would you encourage them to do?
Certainly.
Um, much the same.
I mean, the husband that that's one relationship, children, your relationship with your children
is another relationship.
Your, your friends, your mentors, you know, friends that you consider family, your family,
those are all important relationships that you have to nurture.
You know, it's, it's, it's nothing like to pick up the phone and get a text from someone.
I know when I get a text from you, it's like, it lightens my day.
It makes me realize that, you know what, even if I can't, you know, when we get on the phone,
I love to have a marathon.
I can look up and it'll be three hours.
I was like, where did the time go?
But it happens, right?
But it's like, I'm not always able to do that, whether it's because of family obligations
or work or trouble or whatever the case may be.
But it's important sometimes, even if you just drop somewhere, I mean, we have technology,
a text and say, Hey, I'm thinking about you or, Hey, I saw this today.
It made me think of you.
That little thing can be such a huge impactful moment for someone in their lives.
There's been times, Pamela, that you have sent me a text message and you said, I just
have a feeling and I just want to let you know that I love you and I'm here and I hope
you're doing good.
And you don't, and you'll say, you always say, don't worry about getting back to me.
I just want you to know I'm thinking about you and I'm like, and I'll sit there and I
have to take a moment for myself because it's less like, I've been so caught up in all the
things that I'm doing that I'm like, wow.
And then I'll take a moment to be like, I know I have to respond to you.
And it sometimes is not in the time that I want it to, but I make it a point to make
sure that I get back because it meant something to me that you connected.
Because if you're a single person and you're dating and you can allow yourself to date
multiple people, I say that connect, let them know that, you know, whether it's this one
thing that you're thinking about this person or another for another, let them know.
I think a lot of times I hear a lot of my single friends say, I don't want to give too
much of myself.
Well, if the end goal is to get to the point where you are giving of yourself to that one
person, you have to, going back to connectivity, connect with people and let them know exactly
how you feel.
I feel like we've always been told, don't show all your cards.
And I get that.
There are things that you should keep private.
But what you shouldn't keep private is how someone makes you feel.
And I think, Pamela, you have always been a proponent of quoting Maya Angelou when she
said, you know, you won't necessarily remember what someone said, but you will absolutely
remember how they made you feel.
And I know I didn't quote that right, but the sentiment is still the same.
And in that, you have to, we have to stand, get from behind these facades of, well, you
know, I'm not going to show you who I truly am.
Well, how do you expect someone to get to know who you are if you're not willing to
show them who you are and show them that authentic person that you are?
There's something that you said about authenticity and showing people, you know, a lot of times
we look at social media.
And I always say this, yes, I'm going to post, I'm going to try to post the best picture
I have of myself.
I'm going to share with you the great things that I'm doing, but that's a highlight role
of my life.
I'm also using my podcast to show you, because it's all about all of the experiences, you
know, when I've had a rough day or how I've overcome something that I've been going through,
whether it's been health or something that I'm working through, like I shared earlier
with school and just trying to reset myself and recognizing that I may have hit this wall,
but you know what, through sometimes talking and getting this out, there may be someone
that talks back to you or that you're talking to inadvertently and not knowing that your
journey that you're sharing is going to help them.
So I would encourage single folks come from behind your wall that you've put up or even,
I forget what the name of the show where the neighbor would have the half wall and all
you saw was this part of his face, show all of you.
There's something to be said, we're whole people.
And if you cannot be your whole self with the person that you ultimately want to spend
your life with, what's the point?
What is the point?
And that is so powerful because that person may be not the one for you.
And the other part is just like being a woman.
You know, I look at you and I see you are just beautiful, you're beautiful inside out.
And let's just be real.
You are beautiful inside and out.
And my mother used to say, I think there's a saying about, oh, well, it just went out
of my head, but it was basically looks are fleeting and ugly as to the bone is basically
you pretty is as pretty does.
You can be the most beautiful stunning woman and just have a nasty attitude.
And I guess with women, there's, you know, it's like we give so much of ourselves.
And I just want to ask you how you stay so beautiful, so pulled together.
What people are always asked you, what is your secret?
I mean, you have this phenomenal style.
And so what is it that you're doing that the rest of us need to hear about?
What is it because you've taught me a lot of things too.
So I just want to say that share us because, you know, we get into our little, what do
you want to say, like, you know, little funk.
Yeah.
Share that.
It's definitely it lends to what you just said.
It starts from the inside out.
And if you don't feel good inside and we don't always, you know, I've gone through belts
of depression, I've dealt with all like extreme loss.
I've gone through, you know, just not in general feeling good about myself.
You know, I definitely have some weight I need to lose.
And there's all these different things that internally are going on.
But at the end of the day, and my mom used to say this, it's like you can change the
things on the outside, right?
You I can do my hair, put on a little makeup, get my nails done.
You can do all of those things outwardly and you'll feel good.
You can look like what I'm driving.
I love looking down at my nails, you know, that kind of thing.
But when you feel good inside, all of this is just superficial, right?
And so I make it my I'm intentional.
I'll say this.
I'm intentional about being happy.
And even when I'm facing a lot of different things, sometimes it's that forced thing where
you're smiling, just because, like I said earlier, I don't want to do that transfer of emotions
just because I'm not in the greatest space right now.
I don't think that I owe it to everybody else to make them put them in that same funky mood.
And so sometimes because I'm trying to be selfless and not putting that off on someone
else, it allows me to then, as you would say, kind of fake the funk, push through and be
intentional about how I connect with someone or what I'm going to do, how I plan my day.
And what ends up happening is, is when you're leading with that intent to be intentionally
happy, guess what happens?
It happens.
You become happy, you connect with someone and it may not be a complete thing.
Someone may say, you know what, you don't really seem like yourself.
And in that moment, you can decide to share, you know, like, yeah, I'm not having such a
great day.
But what's going on?
And if it's someone that you can trust and share with, then maybe giving that exchange
and letting them know where you're at and they can impart something to you, or just
the release of being able to get that off of your chest, it makes you feel lighter.
I don't know about you, but I always feel so much better when I'm able to talk about
something and I might not have complete clarity about the situation, but at least I'm talking
about it, I'm not just stuck in this mindset of what am I going to do?
What am I going to do?
This, you know, this impending kind of want to say doom, but it does feel like that sometimes.
Like it's just this impending doom and you just feel like you're stuck in this rut.
And I'm very, again, intentional about I'm waking up and today will be a good day.
Even if yesterday wasn't today will, it's a new day.
God woke me up this morning.
He made sure that I'm talking to you and Pamela and it's a good day.
And my thing is this, is that I always say this on my podcast is you got to check in.
Not only, you know, you and I are very much where moms, we're caregivers, we take care
of people, but the one person you have to care for is yourself.
Even on the airplane, they tell you, put your mask on before you put it on anybody else.
Because if you don't, if you can't breathe, how can you breathe life into someone else?
And it goes back to this analogy.
I like to say you can give people, I, and I deplete myself a lot.
You take a cup, you fill up your cup.
If you keep pouring out of your cup into other people's cups, at some point, your cup is not
going to only be half empty.
It might go empty completely.
How can you continue to pour into others?
If you have nothing in your cup.
So the idea is you keep pouring into your cup and your overflow pours into others.
Because if you can't take care of you, you can't take care of others.
Powerful.
Yes.
I love that analogy.
I always say you cannot give from an empty vessel.
You cannot.
And women, we are notorious of pouring.
It's just like a checkbook.
You know, we keep, there are no deposits.
There's a lot of things going out and pretty soon we're zero and we wonder how did we get
there?
And so I know, you know, we can talk forever, guys.
I, you know, there are so many things I want to ask Cheryl, but I need to be cognizant
because I need to tell you, she got on here at 6.30 in the morning because she's flying
out today.
And, you know, it shows you how important this is and how she wanted to come on here
when she could do anything else.
This woman is always traveling.
She's always meeting people going places and she has her own podcast.
So I am so honored that she even took the moment, the time, the hour or two to come
on here.
There's something to be said.
And the last thing I would love for you to talk about Cheryl, and then I promise I won't
ask any more questions.
You're fine.
I'm here for it all.
Your circle.
How important is your circle around you?
And tell us a little bit because I know a lot of times we have people in our lives and
I don't want to share this real quick.
I went to Jamaica one year to a program called Sisters Jammin' in Jamaica.
And the author, DeBriana Jackson-Gamby, she said something so powerful and I have continued
to say it.
We allow people on the front seat of our vehicle that really need to be on public transportation.
It doesn't mean you don't love them.
It does not.
But everybody doesn't deserve to sit on the front seat of your car.
And I always imagine this convertible and we're flying down the street, right?
And that person sitting on the front seat of the car, you love them.
You give them the money to get on public transportation because if they're not intentionally
being in your life as a support, as to lift you up, and they're tearing you down like,
oh, you've gained some weight.
I mean, how does that help you?
It doesn't help you.
Or making wisecracks.
So the circle for me is one of the most important things, especially for a woman.
And if you could just talk about that a little while.
Absolutely.
I appreciate it.
I have learned so much.
I appreciate, even in the intro, when you were talking about just how I connect.
And it's interesting.
I know how I lead with intention, but it's when you hear it from other people.
My mom used to always say, it's not what they say when you're in the room.
It's what they say when you're out of the room.
And I feel good when I hear people saying, oh, I heard about you and this, that, and
the third.
And it makes me feel good because it makes me realize that the journey that I am on is
definitely in leading with intention is being recognized and felt by those that are around
me.
And with regards to my circle, I've learned a lot in the, I want to say in the last five
years, especially, I've had people sitting on my front seat, sitting in the back seat,
and even sitting in the tailgate that had no business being there.
And the interesting thing is, it's like, you know, when people show you who they are, believe
them the first time.
And even though I've heard that and it's been a mantra, sometimes we're not willing to accept
it all the time because you want to believe that this person doesn't mean harm by you
or that they, maybe you're just going, we give excuses, you know.
And I've learned that the excuses that I continue to allow and allow these people to come into
my space and cause disruptions are those same people that when I do have those failures
or, you know, are looking or praying for your demise and you'd be surprised, these people
will be there and like they're, they're, you know, a wolf in sheep's clothing, rooting
you online and you're like, I am so lucky to have you.
I've got all these people around me.
They love me.
And then when you find out that they don't, it can be devastating.
It can be absolutely devastating.
And so what I've learned is through some, definitely a lot of trial and a lot of error
is that excuse me, it's important for you to be very cognizant of who's in your circle.
And even when they have proven or they're showing some improvement does not necessarily
mean that they still belong there.
You can then upgrade them from bus fare to a bus pass and not allow them to sit in that
front seat with you because some people are there simply for the ride.
And even I don't operate from that space, but others do.
And so, you know, even I think I started off with saying that, you know, even through your
success and failures, you teach people, but you also teach people how to treat you.
And if you continue to allow people to come and sit there rusty dusties in your front
seat and they're like, well, she doesn't respect herself because she's allowing me back in.
And I've already shown her that, yeah, I don't really care about you, but let me just come
over and be nice right now.
And then, oh, Cheryl will ingratiate me back into her circle.
Sometimes the best thing that you can do for yourself is say, I'm intrigued them.
I think someone that you and I both know I won't say her name, but treat them like they're
a hot stove.
And, you know, I recognize that hot stoves can offer a heat to bake bread and to cook
your food, but doesn't that mean that you want to put your hand on it and touch it and burn
yourself?
And so without protection, and my protection is keeping you at a distance.
And so with that being said, recognizing that you can still be impactful in someone's life,
but don't have to have them in your circle.
You can also still show someone, by example, you know, your journey that you're on, you
can impart wisdom if they come and ask you for advice.
And I say, let them ask you, don't offer it to them, let them ask you for that and share
that, but also don't feel like you have to be the person that hand walks them.
Because my journey hasn't always been that I've been hand walked somewhere.
You'll get through trial and error and figuring that out and recognizing that some people
just want to be there when you're at the finish line and they didn't hand you any water.
They didn't put any money towards your sponsorships or anything like that.
They want to be there for the celebration.
And in order to be part of my celebration, I want to know that whether you have offered
words of encouragement, whether you have been there to hand me a meal or be a shoulder to
cry on or just simply, when I say be there, be there in from a distance, but praying for
me and recognizing that, you know what, this little girl was on a journey here and she
needs my encouragement, my prayers.
That's it.
But not everybody, like you said, deserves a seat in it, even at your table.
Because I would encourage people when you see people showing red flags and people say
red flags, any flag, I'm looking at it.
Any color flag that you see, you have to look at that and say, unless it's the white flag,
saying, hey, I'm here to in support and help or we all need help.
That's one thing.
But when you see people who are waving flags and you're like, well, why would you do that?
We are as people, not just women, but when we have this intuitive nature and you know
when you get the hairs on the back of your neck that stands up or you get that feeling
in your stomach or something that causes you to take pause, there's a reason for that.
And don't explain it away.
And I'll say this just to jump on that too.
It's the same thing with your health.
I've had many health issues and I've had what they call warning signs and I've ignored
it.
Oh, I'm distressed or, oh, you know, I'm going through this and it just caused my stomach
to hurt.
Listen to those signs, whether it's in relationships or it's your body.
It's your body is telling you for a reason.
Well said.
And it's so true because we're notorious about it.
You put everybody else first.
And you said so many wonderful things.
I am not going to add to it.
You know, it was so well said and I sound like I repeat myself.
I do that because of being a professor.
You repeat, you repeat, you repeat because you want to ensure that people heard the message
or the words that you just chose to use.
I just want us to thank Cheryl.
We need to have her come back for our part too, most definitely, because there's so much
to unpack and there's so much to be said.
And I want to make sure that you, it will be in the show notes all about the experience.
You need to listen to her podcast.
She has some of the most incredible people.
I mean, she's interviewing movie stars.
That's where she is on that level.
And I'm like the little, little kid riding the scooter and I'm okay about riding the
scooter because you don't run first.
You don't even get on the scooter.
You, you, you crawl.
You roll.
Then you crawl, then you walk and then you get on the scooter, right?
So if you could just share those things with us and just tell people about your podcast,
it would absolutely.
Thank you for giving me back that space to do so.
So all about the experiences is a podcast that I started during the pandemic and it
was a way for me.
It was almost therapeutic a way for me to talk about things that I was going through.
I launched the podcast with Pamela as my inaugural guest on June 10th, which is my mom's birthday
and wanted to honor her in that way.
And I know that she would be rooting me along the way.
And again, I initially started it off just to talk about things that I was going through
or things that I deemed interesting because in my day job, I'm an executive assistant
and a corporate events manager.
And in, in my job, I meet so many interesting people.
I get to travel amazing places and have wonderful experiences and sometimes not great experiences.
And so in the infancy of the podcast, you know, I would talk about all the wonderful
people that I've met.
But then when I realized that, you know, as we continue to go through the pandemic and
other things that were socially in racial climate in the, in the world had been changing
or landscape was changing, God bless me with that platform.
And I felt like I deemed it necessary to also cover topics that were very impactful and
intentional about things that were going on affecting not only me, but my community.
I'm also a military veteran and served in the United States Navy.
My husband is also, he's a retired Navy vet as well.
And it's like, these were things that were not only impacting our military, you know,
community, but also I am African American.
Our community was being decimated by violence and, you know, different health concerns and
things like that.
And these were things that I wanted to bring to the forefront to talk about.
It's not always necessarily a feel good piece, but what I will say is it's going to be packaged
in there and let you know that there are resources that are available for all of these different
things that we're talking about.
I have been blessed to have amazing people that have reached out to me, which I feel
like what you said, you know, in its infancy and you crawl before you walk and hop on that
scooter, but have had some really amazing folks that are on the big screen come up.
And what I've learned from them, they came to me to be on my platform, but they're human
just like me and they have a story to tell and their journey of failures and successes
is just something that they can share and offer inspiration to others.
The other thing is, is that the podcast has also lent to people inviting me places because
you never know who's listening.
I'm telling you, you never know who's listening and they invite you to come places because
they want to be a part of your journey.
And in sitting on that front seat or in the back seat or what have you and I'm here for
it, as long as they're bringing that positivity that they can impart to my listeners and viewers.
You can find me on All About The Experiences on Instagram.
That thing that used to be called Twitter that's now X, it's called Creating Xperia
One.
I don't know how I ended up with that.
It was early on, but also on Facebook, All About The Experiences.
And I also have a website, AllAboutTheExperiences.com.
And if you just want to reach out to me and give me some content or you're interested in
coming on my platform, you can reach me at Cheryl at AllAboutTheExperiences.com.
And I feel like this world is made up of so many amazing people that have stories to tell
and wisdom to impart.
And I think we started off with saying that the folks that you come in contact with, not
only do you want to leave something with them, but you want to take something with you that
can be positive and impactful and really change the fabric in what we call is this amazing
world.
And I have a dear friend of mine that she always says, I'm a global citizen.
I'm not just here.
You know, I'm here to make an impact, but I'm here to make an impact not just on my
little nucleus here, but for it to be felt.
And it starts on platforms like this when you're able to reach larger than your nucleus.
And so, Pamela, I want to send a big thank you to you for allowing me this time and this
space to be on your platform.
I know we talked about it.
You have been such an amazing mentor to me.
You are a big sister to me.
You're a dear friend.
And you're that person that has just been a constant.
And I always want on my front seat.
So thank you for allowing me this space.
And I look forward to seeing this platform grow.
You are amazing, incredibly easy to talk to and everything that you impart in that when
you touch me and others, they are forever changed.
And I am forever changed by your friendship.
Oh my goodness.
I almost have no words because she chokes me up.
It's like, I just want to thank you, Cheryl.
I mean, you could be doing anything and people need to know that as much gratitude that I
possibly can evoke and tell you, I am so pleased that you took the time to come on here because
you could say, I don't have time for that.
But that isn't Cheryl, everyone.
And I want you to go look at her podcast and look at the people that she has had on there.
And she'll give me the information, I will put it in the show notes, but you can hear
this, we will put the links in there.
But I just want to say thank you for who you are.
And for the things that you do, you change lives every day.
Every day you change lives.
And I just want to thank you for coming on.
Thank you for being here today.
I don't think I can barely talk, my voice is gone.
Excuse me.
So everyone, I'll probably just say to you, go to her website, go to her all about the
experiences because it is all about the experiences.
It really is.
And we just thank you for being here today and thank you for taking your time out.
I love you, Cheryl.
You're a blessing in there.
And so everyone, we thank you and we will see you soon.
Thank you all for joining us today on passion and purpose.
It's been wonderful to connect with you.
And I hope you found our conversation as enlightening and inspiring as I have a huge thanks to our
guests who contributed to the discussion and share their experiences and insights.
Your stories are the heartbeat of this podcast and it's a joy to explore our passions and
purpose together.
I'm Pamela, reminding you to live with passion and purpose.
Until next time, take care and keep reaching for your dreams.