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Welcome to Passion and Purpose with Pamela, celebrating all things woman.

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I'm Dr. Pamela Hardy-Shepard here to ignite inspiration through conversations at a spot

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like women's power and their journeys.

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Let's share our light, our stories, and create a space of celebration for every woman.

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Here's to embracing our womanhood together.

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Welcome to our inspiring podcast series where today we have the privilege of introducing

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Cheryl Rogers, a multifaceted personality whose life and career are as dynamic as they

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are impactful.

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Cheryl isn't just a dedicated wife, mother, sister, friend, cherished by all who know her.

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She's also a seasoned professional with 20 over 20 years of experience in C-suite level

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executive support.

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Her proficiency in navigating a fast-paced environment, an exceptional organization,

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organizational and leadership, and interpersonal skills set her apart in the field.

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Cheryl's commitment to exceptional customer service, her drive to embrace challenges,

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and her unherald ability to multitask effectively while paying meticulous attention to detail.

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She's resourceful in spearheading and completing projects and shines as an enthusiastic team

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member and leader, inspiring the best in everyone around her.

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Adding to her impressive portfolio, Cheryl is also a passionate podcaster, hosting the

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much loved show all about the experiences.

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And I'm so excited for this.

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Created by her mother's motto, live your life to the fullest, her podcast is a vibrant

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space for exploring how networking, supporting others in their dreams and goals, and collaborating

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can make the world a better, better place.

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Cheryl's philosophy is creating meaningful partnerships through networking, offering

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support, fostering collaborations.

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She believes in staying connected and that she does, ladies and gentlemen.

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As connection is the key to building community that uplifts and empowers her show all about

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the experience isn't just a podcast, it's a journey into the heart of what fuels us

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as individuals and as a community.

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So get ready to dive into a world of inspiration, insight, connection, and with Mrs. Cheryl Rogers,

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she leads us through an enriching pathways of all about fixed Cheryl.

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Oh, Pamela, thank you so much.

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It is an absolute honor to be here and just be holding passion and purpose with Pamela

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and I am so excited to be a part of your journey.

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So thank you so much for allowing me to come on your platform.

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It is such an honor to have you here.

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This is the woman that has taught me so much.

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It is without her, I don't think I really could have done this.

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So I'm looking at the guru and the guru is saying, okay, you're doing okay, but she is

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the expert and we are just so honored to have you here.

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We love you.

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You just, oh my goodness, I don't think I even did you justice in, you know, reading

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this introduction because you were so much more than that.

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So if you will tell us a little more about you and when you've come and just bring us

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forward because people need to hear that.

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Well, I will start off with saying this.

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One of the things that you said in the introduction, which I want to thank you for is that, you

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know, it's about connectivity and I can remember many years ago when our paths crossed and I

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have been forever changed by that.

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And we just first and foremost say that and the connections that you form with people

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are really something that you, you can't come in contact with someone and exchange of energy

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and not take something with you and also leave something with that person.

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And so that's why it's very important when you do have connections with folks that they're

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meaningful, that they're authentic and that they're purposeful.

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And I can definitely say that those three things are highlighted in our relationship

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and our connection from the very start.

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And I take that to heart with me.

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Another thing that you mentioned was my mother.

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My mother, I carry with me every single day and especially since I've lost her, it's

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even more impactful and meaningful.

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And I do live much like you, my life with purpose.

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And so it's important for me as I'm living in my purpose is also to honor our parents,

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our ancestors, and I feel like because of the folks that I align myself with, I can definitely

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do that and be purposeful and make sure that my legacy is leaving something for those who

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are coming behind me.

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And I'll start off with saying this panel with one of the things that I remember, I have

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a lot of panelisms, but one of the things that I remember most that you shared with

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me is that you lift as you climb.

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And that was one of the most impactful things that you could have ever given to me as a

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mentee and then also a little sister and a friend is because it made me realize that

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there was power in my journey and that I am a leader.

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You showed me that I'm a leader.

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More often than not, I feel like a lot of times as we're on our path and we're not fully

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seasoned, if you will, or have come into our full season, that we think that we are not

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able to lead.

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And actually your journey and your mistakes that you make, you are a leader because people

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are watching you.

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They're watching to see how you fail and how you recover from those failures.

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And each failure, I feel like only can lead to a success.

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As long as you take that and you use it as a teaching and learning tool and in recognizing

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that it's not just your teaching and learning tool, it's for everyone that's around you

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and that's watching you, that's rooting you on and those that are hating on you too.

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So, you know, there's lessons to be learned in everything.

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And I will say this is that every experience that I have had and will have, it formulates

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this pathway for me in which that I am learning to be a better person.

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And not only that, but again, lifting as I climb.

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And there's something to be said about making sure that you beautify the things that are

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around you.

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And I say that, you know, it's easy.

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I don't know.

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And you and I know this when you can walk in a room with energy and let's say you woke

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up as they would say on the wrong side of the bed and you come into work and everybody

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is kind of full throttle.

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It's a Thursday, I call it Friday Eve and you come in and someone's like, Hey, Cheryl.

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And I'm like, Hey, immediately you deflate a room.

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Well, even if I am feeling that way, I make it very purposeful and I come in with intention

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and like, you know what, whatever is going on here, I got to leave at the door because

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I feel like it's important to be impactful on those that are around me.

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And hopefully I can feed off of that great energy that they have and continue to blossom

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throughout the day and shed those other things, right?

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But you have to do that with intention and with purpose.

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And I know that you started off like, where is this going?

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Well, this, this is who I am.

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I've learned to embody that through again, the people that I align myself with and you

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have got to be one of the most passionate, positive people that I've ever had in my life

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and I'm so thankful for that.

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And so that's a little bit about myself when I am being very intentional about how I move

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and who I connect myself with and learn from.

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And I feel like this journey of all about the experience is about learning.

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It's about learning and loving and making sure that you leave a positive impact on the

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world and obviously you can't leave it the same way you came then, but that's the intent.

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Why would you want anything to just be status quo and you know the norm?

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You want to leave an impression, you know, here.

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And so I thank you even in this moment for giving me that opportunity to share a little

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bit of myself, but also gain something and every time we connect, I gain something.

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So I'll just say that.

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I want to go back to something that, that you were saying, you were saying so many things.

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They're so powerful what you say Cheryl.

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And I, you know, I'm going to say this.

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We went to Iowa one year and most people have no clue about how, when you talked about walking

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into a room, how you can deflate it.

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Well, the one thing, you know, like, yeah, I'm fine or whatever people tend to do.

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But the thing about you is you walk in a room and you uplift it.

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You know everybody in the room, everybody, they just cling to you because of the energy

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that and the vibe that you present in a room.

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And I, one time we were in Iowa and I have to tell this story and I was sitting back

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and I was watching Cheryl and I said to her, you know how to walk, work, work a room.

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And most people take that in maybe a negative context and I need to be clear.

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She knows from the president of the university to some people who might be the janitor or

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a little child, she meets them where they are.

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She remembers their name, everything about them.

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And people love that because when you talk about them, they say, wow, she really cares

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about me instead of talking about self.

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She could go across the room, around the room and people just gravitate toward her because

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of what she presents.

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She has always been a leader.

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She always has leadership skills.

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She is a friend to everybody, to the little children, to the big adults who are supposed

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to be grown but sometimes are not.

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Guiding them.

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I mean, it isn't just about me and being a mentor.

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She mentored me.

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So it is a give and take.

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There's things that Cheryl taught me that I was off on a tangent about.

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When I first came to that place, she sat me straight.

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She guided me.

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She put bumpers around me and made me feel like this is where you're supposed to be.

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And in kind, when you see that somebody else has skills and a skill set that they know

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they have, but they're not quite sure about how they're going to play out, it is your

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task to point it out.

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So I just wanted to add that because you are a gift.

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You are more than a gift.

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You're a jewel, a diamond, whatever the most amazing gem there is.

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That is who you are.

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So tell us a little more about you.

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Where did you come from?

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How did you get to be these Cheryl Rogers?

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Absolutely.

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Well, I hail from East Oakland, California, and I rep that every opportunity that I get.

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Definitely what we call home, we carry with us, right?

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And I carry East Oakland in my heart.

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And anybody that's from the city of Oakland, you not only claim Oakland, but you claim

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your set, which is East Oakland for me.

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And I'm very proud of coming from Oakland.

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I know a lot of times you'll hear some negative things, and that's any place in the country

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or in the state of California.

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But I am very proud to come from humble beginnings.

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I come from a family full of women and lots of love.

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And I liken not only my journey, but who I am, is because of the strong women and men

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that are in my life.

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And I started off mentioning my mom, and you have the opportunity to meet and know my mother

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as well.

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And when I tell you I carry that lady with me right here, I wake up thinking about her.

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I talk about her throughout the day, and she's definitely one of the last people that I think

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about.

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And I carry that with me because she imparted so much wisdom to me, not just as a mother,

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but again, watching someone through their successes and their failures.

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And she would always say she wasn't a traditional mom.

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She didn't know how to cook.

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She burned down to the kitchen.

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She did all of the things that she could do that were well within her, you know, wheelhouse.

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But what she taught me is to beat to your own drum, to be confident, and to make sure

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that when you're doing something, you do it with intention, but also you do it for the

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greater good.

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And when I think about someone who had nothing but an altruistic spirit about them, that

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was my mother.

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She started a community medical van.

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And as a young child through our church, my grandfather transformed an RV into a medical

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unit, much like what we see today.

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And this was in the heart of Oakland, and it started off with going out and doing blood

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pressure checks and screenings.

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And she made it a point that us girls were there because she wanted us to give back to

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our communities.

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Charity starts at home.

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And also to recognize that no matter who you come in contact with, and this is speaking

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to what you said earlier about whether it's the president or the janitor, you treat people

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with kindness and respect, because when you do that, the expectation is that they're going

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to give it back to you.

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And not everybody will.

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But when you demonstrate that, they may not see that in themselves, like you were saying,

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but you give them the opportunity to recognize that I am a person of value, and I deserve

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to be treated with respect and loved.

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And you go from there.

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Sometimes you have to act the part before you fully embody it.

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And so being in those kind of situations where obviously I have the protection of my church

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family and my family around me.

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But what it taught me was is that even in some of the most precarious situations you

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can be in, and if you're there with true intention and love to help and serve, then you're going

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to gain something and someone, again, is going to gain something from you.

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The other thing is I am a educated person, I'd like to say.

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I absolutely have been encouraged by you and so many of my life to pursue not only a higher

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education and I can tell a story I will definitely go into about when you're feeling discouraged

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and having someone around you, even if they're not physically there in the room with you,

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to regain that momentum and push forward.

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But my mother also deemed that it was important to have an education.

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She would always say, you're going to leave my house with integrity and you're going to

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leave my house educated.

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And those are things that you carry with you and no one can take.

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So that was really important.

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It's definitely at my core.

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I can tell you that I have had in gaining higher education.

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I didn't go the traditional route.

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I graduated by a Victorian from my high school, but I didn't go straight to college.

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I took a year to kind of take classes at a local community college.

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I decided I was going to work my first big girl job in Berkeley, California at Pioneer

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Electronics as a receptionist.

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And back then I was making $18 an hour in 1993.

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So I was just like, I was making good money.

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And I was just like, hey, this is it.

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This is easy.

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I get to connect with people.

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I get to learn a little bit more about things I'm into, which I was really into music, even

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though I cannot sing or hold a note.

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And just really consort with what I thought at the time.

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I'm certain that they were the elite in the electronics world.

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And I soon found out that that was not necessarily my calling, but what I did recognize is that

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there was power in connectivity and really making sure that when you are connecting with

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people, you have to listen and recognize that they have something to share that you in turn

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can take and put your own spin on it.

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It may result in you starting a business of your own or a podcast of your own to be able

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to share those experiences.

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But beyond that, I also recognize that this was not my last stop.

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And every time that I've gotten somewhere where I've gotten comfortable, that was something

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else that my mother told me.

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And I think you reminded me of too.

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That is not when you get comfortable, it's time to move because there's always that next

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level that next step and there's that next opportunity to connect with people.

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So education, my educational journey, I have acquired my MBA.

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And I did that while Pamela and I were working together at a university that I'll say will

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remain nameless.

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And the reason why I say that is even though I gained education from there, it was the

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connections to the people who supported me that have really been the true heroes and

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a part of my degree process.

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And so Pamela, I worked in the same school of education, if you will, and I supported

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her.

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And in doing so, there were times that she would be on travel or teaching or just not

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in the office in general, and I would face challenges.

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And she offered her office as a safe space for me to go into whether I was trying to

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finish assignments on my lunch because I'm a little bit of a procrastinator.

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Or if I had hit a wall and recognized that, well, today is not that day.

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And did I want to share that phase with the folks that we were working with.

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And sometimes through your journeys, there's tears that are shed.

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And so her office was a safe space for me to shed those tears in private, recollect myself,

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look at her degrees on the wall and said, she did it and I know that I can.

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That's super impactful because there were times that, you know, I faced so many challenges.

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I lost my mom during the quest and getting my MBA and there were times that I wanted

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to give up.

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And Pamela was a constant reminder, no, ma'am, you will not give up.

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You will continue, not only because that was my journey and it was my destiny, but I made

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a promise.

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I made a promise to my mother and she reminded me of that.

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And I made a promise to myself.

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And so as difficult as things got, it was important for me to have that space and that

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support and you offered that for me during those.

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And I don't know how many, if you recognize how many times I went into your office, you

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probably saw the tears stains on your desk.

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I used your office a lot.

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And it also, again, gave me a quiet space to make sure that I was doing my assignments

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and when I needed assistance where, you know, we all hit a wall and I'm like, what am I

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not doing?

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And you encouraged me to go to my instructors and professors and say, what can I do to get

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past this?

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And that's in life.

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It's the same concept.

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When you get to that plateau or you hit that wall, you have to reach out to your village

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and your tribe and say, I need help and not be afraid to ask for it.

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So that is my journey in education, which also leads me to the connections again, no

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matter where you're at, whether you're at church, you're at school, work, you can be

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anywhere, the grocery store.

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Pamela will tell you, I never meet a stranger and it's true.

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And it stems from that home, that home training and that home.

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I used to be painfully shy, believe it or not, and you probably wouldn't do this now,

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but my grandmother encouraged me, don't come back home unless you've met five new people

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and you know new stuff about them.

295
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Now would you do that in today's A&A?

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Just call stranger danger and say no.

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But what I loved about that is that it made me reach out to other students in school,

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even if I knew I was down to only got four people today.

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I knew that she was going to ask me.

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And I knew that I had accountability in letting her know who I met and what I learned new

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about them.

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And so that helped me come out of my shell, but I guess I continue to carry that with

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me because I've been in several places where I know absolutely no one.

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And it can be an intimidating when you walk in the room.

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And a lot of times when you walk in the room and look like me and you're the only person

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that looks like yourself, I make it a point that that is not going to be the barrier.

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I'm going to go out and I'm going to make connections.

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I'm going to draw from people and I'm going to leave a little bit of Cheryl with them

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as well.

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And for sure, you leave a lot of Cheryl with them.

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You leave a lot of Cheryl with them.

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I mean, you are, you just have a way about yourself in the way that you see the world,

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the way you perceive things, the way that you, you attempt to tell someone something.

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You are encouraging people, your voice, your tone, your mannerisms, you're all in.

315
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And people know you are listening to them.

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And the way that you encourage is the way that they can receive it, not the way that

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you want to give it.

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You have studied people enough, you listen to them like you said earlier, and you give

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them the feedback, the way that they can receive it.

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And that is a gift, everybody.

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That is a gift.

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That communication is such a gift and the way it's effective because you know where people

323
00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:54,520
have gone in so many different directions, so many things have happened to them in their

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life.

325
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And they will let you know.

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They tell you in a multiplicity of ways.

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And Cheryl always listens and she listened and then she would give it.

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And I'm going to give an example and this is, makes me look really bad, but I'm just

329
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going to tell the truth here.

330
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I was dating my husband, my present husband.

331
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And as a single woman, you have to take care of everything yourself.

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You don't have a safety net.

333
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So it was raining and I had a flat tire.

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Now my husband, who I was dating at the time, lived in one area and I lived in the other.

335
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Now on my insurance or AAA, you have the people come out and fix your tire.

336
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And I couldn't understand why he was so frustrated and I was talking to Cheryl and he's your

337
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boyfriend and you can say what you said, but it made me have to take a step back and say,

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oh, and it was just that simple and minute.

339
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So if you would share what you shared with me, because it was so powerful people and

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you don't want to miss this.

341
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You don't want to miss.

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Well, first and foremost, I understand being an independent woman myself.

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I have been raised that you don't wait for someone else to assist you jump right in.

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And like you said, you've been single.

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You and I mean, let me tell you this, Pamela can do just about anything.

346
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I haven't come across anything that she's not capable of doing.

347
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So that's number one.

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Number two, which is so funny.

349
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She was just like, well, even if I couldn't change the tire, I know how to pick up the

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phone and call AAA.

351
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And what I've learned and I've learned this not only through watching my mom through trial

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and error, because my mom would kill me for even mentioning this.

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God rest her soul.

354
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She was married three times as well.

355
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And she's like, and I used to call her Jean Mitchell McNeil Miller Lindsey.

356
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I wanted to go all the names.

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But I say that to say she was just like, you know, you have to allow men to be protectors

358
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and and to serve.

359
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And, you know, he was on his fast track to not just being your boyfriend, but your fiance.

360
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:20,680
And he is such a wonderful gentleman and he's a protector just by nature.

361
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It's in his nature.

362
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And so I understood his frustration because this is another thing.

363
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Like you, you learn through other people.

364
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I am too.

365
00:27:29,360 --> 00:27:34,080
The same woman where I want to do things and I got this, I don't need your help.

366
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But you I learned through my own marriage that you have to allow people to be there

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for you.

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And it's okay, even though you may know how to do something, it's okay to allow someone

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to assist you or help you or even show you how to do it more effectively or efficiently

370
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or greater than that to just care for you.

371
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And so in that moment, he was trying to care for her.

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And she was just like, but I can do it myself.

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And I called and I was just like, what he's trying to tell you is that he loves you and

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he wanted to care for you and be there for you.

375
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And the thought of you being stranded or in a position where you were left vulnerable

376
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or needed help is unnerving to anybody that loves you, but especially your man.

377
00:28:22,080 --> 00:28:25,360
And so I was like, and she was like, but I can do it myself.

378
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And I said, I too could have done it myself.

379
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But sometimes you have to allow, especially the people who love us in that one to protect

380
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us, that space and that opportunity, because they know that we can handle it too.

381
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But sometimes it's not about what we can do.

382
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It's about what we can allow people to do for us.

383
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And that's that exchange of energy and love and care.

384
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:55,360
And so in that moment, I was just like little sister talking to a big sister and she's like,

385
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I hear you.

386
00:28:56,960 --> 00:29:02,600
And I heard myself and it was a reminder to me as well, because I have a tendency to,

387
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:08,440
you know, backtracking, be like, I got this, but it was a reminder to myself that how important

388
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:13,760
it is to allow not only the people who love us, but that most important person, your partner,

389
00:29:13,760 --> 00:29:17,640
your spouse to be there for you in those moments.

390
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:19,280
And so it's that give and take.

391
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That is, oh my goodness, that is so powerful.

392
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And the other part about that is, ladies and gentlemen, it is from whence you've come,

393
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if you've been in a relationship that you had to do those things and you had to figure

394
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:37,120
it out, it takes someone else to kind of point it out.

395
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And you have to surround yourself with people that are actually going to help lift you.

396
00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:48,800
And it's not like, well, I don't have anything to say to her or whatever.

397
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:54,240
And it doesn't matter how much education somebody thinks they have, you can have all the education,

398
00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:58,320
but not know some really important things.

399
00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:05,240
And so I listened to Cheryl because I'm this single woman, she's a married woman.

400
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:06,240
She's a married woman.

401
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:10,280
It doesn't mean that I wasn't married before and I'm not even going to go there.

402
00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:16,600
But the point is, is that she's seen something and I presented it to her and she told me

403
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:19,880
the truth in the way that I could receive it.

404
00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:26,480
And so you want to make sure that your circle is going to be someone who will tell you the

405
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:28,440
truth in the way that you can receive it.

406
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:31,080
And sometimes you have to peel it back like an onion.

407
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:37,480
But the point is, she did not like defer it to, well, that's her thing.

408
00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:40,520
No, she told me the truth and I'm grateful for that.

409
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:45,520
Tell us some more, Cheryl, about who you are.

410
00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:51,160
Your wisdom of your mother has instilled a lot in you and I see it.

411
00:30:51,160 --> 00:30:58,680
Our mothers have a profound effect on us and from whence we've come, how we were raised.

412
00:30:58,680 --> 00:31:00,720
And so tell us some more about you.

413
00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:02,760
Well, you know, it's interesting.

414
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:05,840
I mean, just let's talk about motherhood.

415
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:07,560
I was a young mother.

416
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:15,400
I got married at 19, had my daughter who's now 27 at 21.

417
00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:19,480
And you know, it's motherhood you don't have.

418
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:23,480
There's not a book or a guide or what have you.

419
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:25,840
Your guide is through trial and error.

420
00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:32,520
It's through connecting with other mothers and women that can impart wisdom to you.

421
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:40,520
It's about being humble, being a mother will humble you like nobody's business.

422
00:31:40,520 --> 00:31:46,720
Again, you know, tapping into your tribe, there's been times that I've come to Pamela

423
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:52,200
and I'm like, you know, especially during the teenage years and you're like, wow.

424
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:56,560
And then, you know, the first thing, you know, your mother used to always tell you, you will

425
00:31:56,560 --> 00:32:00,280
have a moment.

426
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:04,320
This is going to come full circle and it's so true.

427
00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:05,320
It's so true.

428
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:06,760
You never turn off that worry.

429
00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:09,480
You never turn off that love.

430
00:32:09,480 --> 00:32:11,560
I don't care what they do.

431
00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:12,560
You never turn it off.

432
00:32:12,560 --> 00:32:18,480
I mean, you can be extremely disappointed and then you can also be extremely elated

433
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:21,680
and proud and you know, you can't tell me anything.

434
00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:23,200
Nobody's kid is better than mine.

435
00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:27,960
You know, you can walk with your chest out and everything.

436
00:32:27,960 --> 00:32:30,800
And it is definitely a humbling experience.

437
00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:35,840
I felt like I learned so much through my children.

438
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:41,600
I appreciate it when you when I had children, which I'll give a little shout out.

439
00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:50,320
Ashley is my daughter and Justin, my son, both adults now and college educated.

440
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:55,200
My youngest is just entering into college, but very proud of them.

441
00:32:55,200 --> 00:33:00,640
You know, my mom used to tell me the best part of being our mother and I didn't know

442
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:06,040
how to take this at first, but now I understand was when I made her a great mother and I was

443
00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:07,520
just like, well, what about us?

444
00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:08,520
What am I?

445
00:33:08,520 --> 00:33:09,520
Chop liver?

446
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:14,280
And she was just like, no, because what it showed me was that I was she goes, I always

447
00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:19,160
question whether or not I was a good mother to you girls, but it showed me that I am a

448
00:33:19,160 --> 00:33:26,800
great mother because my mothering in you through failures and successes have created amazing

449
00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:31,640
mothers and who you all are and rearing my grandchildren.

450
00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:33,840
And you know, she got all the best parts of the grandkids.

451
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:35,160
She got to love on them.

452
00:33:35,160 --> 00:33:38,640
But I will say this, she would get off in those butts too.

453
00:33:38,640 --> 00:33:45,160
But you know, what I loved about that was that I have something to look forward to when

454
00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:48,160
I become a grandmother, hopefully not too soon.

455
00:33:48,160 --> 00:33:51,840
But you know, I know it's destiny, it's going to come.

456
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:59,560
But when I say that, I look forward to that because that'll be an indicator of how well

457
00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:07,160
I've parented my children and I love being a mother.

458
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:08,160
I do.

459
00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:14,920
And I'd like to say, you know, I do cook, I do clean and I do the traditional mom stuff,

460
00:34:14,920 --> 00:34:21,520
but I also have gotten to a place where I think as we have progressed, you know, in

461
00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:24,080
each generation is different.

462
00:34:24,080 --> 00:34:28,920
And this is something you've taught me is about being transparent and allowing them

463
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:33,280
to see us fail, allowing them to celebrate us and our successes.

464
00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:35,920
So my kids, we're a military family.

465
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:36,920
We are a unit.

466
00:34:36,920 --> 00:34:42,840
We like we, we, we travel in packs and we are together all the time.

467
00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:45,320
They're my little best friends.

468
00:34:45,320 --> 00:34:49,880
They're my little nemesis too, because I was like, these kids, you know, your parent,

469
00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:52,520
you know, kids can be very trying to you.

470
00:34:52,520 --> 00:35:01,280
But they're also a reminder of why I work as hard as I do, why the challenges that I

471
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:04,760
face, I must overcome.

472
00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:12,720
And also why it's important for them to see me fail and succeed.

473
00:35:12,720 --> 00:35:19,600
And I say fail forward because in every failure that I've had, it has pushed me maybe in a

474
00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:25,360
slightly newer or different direction, but it's always on that path to success.

475
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:26,720
And that's my destiny.

476
00:35:26,720 --> 00:35:32,320
I feel like that there is, if you keep getting up and you keep pushing forward, that's your

477
00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:36,120
journey, but it's also an indicator of your success as well.

478
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:41,520
So I feel very confident in allowing my children to see that.

479
00:35:41,520 --> 00:35:45,840
The other thing is, is being married.

480
00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:52,080
It's been 30 plus years that he and I have been together.

481
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:58,400
We will be married in, what is it, 2025 will be 30 years.

482
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:04,920
And the important thing about that is marriage is not easy, but when you are committed and

483
00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:10,520
you are committed to being committed, you know, a lot of times people ask me, how did

484
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:12,520
you, what is the secret?

485
00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:16,840
The secret is, you know, people say, you probably never go to bed mat.

486
00:36:16,840 --> 00:36:21,000
If I never went to bed mad, I would have beds like Louis Vuitton under my eyes.

487
00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:23,320
No, that is not the case.

488
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:26,920
Sometimes you just got to refresh yourself and come back with a third head and say,

489
00:36:26,920 --> 00:36:32,240
we're going to attack this head on tomorrow after I've had some sleep or a glass of wine.

490
00:36:32,240 --> 00:36:36,840
I don't know what are the both or are all of it, but I will say it's being committed

491
00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:38,720
to being committed.

492
00:36:38,720 --> 00:36:43,880
And sometimes our children serve as those reminders too, because they are the culmination

493
00:36:43,880 --> 00:36:50,960
of us coming together in love and recognizing that we have little people or little adult

494
00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:56,800
people that are looking at us and looking to set the example.

495
00:36:56,800 --> 00:37:01,520
And it's not a perfect process, but it's an important journey.

496
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:07,040
And when it's, you know, cloaked in love, that's even better.

497
00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:12,920
But when it's cloaked in commitment, because you, you have ebbs and flows, trust me, you

498
00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:18,280
love and you fall in and out of love, you fall in and out of like, and you know, one

499
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:23,680
thing that the pandemic taught me, I was just like, I like you.

500
00:37:23,680 --> 00:37:24,680
Wow.

501
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:27,520
Because we spent a lot of time together.

502
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:32,480
But what I love, it was like a reset button because we were spending so much time together

503
00:37:32,480 --> 00:37:34,680
in your in confined spaces.

504
00:37:34,680 --> 00:37:40,600
You find ways either to find more space or you find ways to come together.

505
00:37:40,600 --> 00:37:46,360
And so if that meant coming together for meals or because, you know, we were only connected

506
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:52,360
to the world through, you know, a mediums like this zoom teams, FaceTime, picking up

507
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:57,320
the telephone, writing a letter, you know, I don't know how I was going to get out there,

508
00:37:57,320 --> 00:38:02,160
you know, you had to go when the street was clear to go drop it into the mailbox because

509
00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:03,920
you didn't know what was happening.

510
00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:10,560
But what that also did was that fear that we all experience during the pandemic also

511
00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:17,760
made you realize that you appreciated your family and things that were typically we would

512
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:25,360
deal is very petty, but took a high, you know, precedence at, you know, before the pandemic.

513
00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:26,840
Now you look at your life.

514
00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:28,480
This is nothing.

515
00:38:28,480 --> 00:38:34,560
I need to tap into what's important and these people that are in front of me or what's important.

516
00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:38,600
And also the people who you weren't able to be in front of because you took that.

517
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:43,680
You can also take those things for granted in reaching out and having that connectivity

518
00:38:43,680 --> 00:38:49,560
through those mediums, there were people that I lost during the pandemic that I couldn't

519
00:38:49,560 --> 00:38:56,600
even my aunt that I'm named after she passed away due to complications from cancer and

520
00:38:56,600 --> 00:39:04,240
COVID, but I wasn't able to properly give the traditional send us that we do in our

521
00:39:04,240 --> 00:39:09,080
culture and our traditions and that was very hard to deal with.

522
00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:14,520
And so tapping into your, your core in your center, which is my family and my husband

523
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:23,520
and my children, it allowed me to really recenter myself and recognize that there are greater

524
00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:30,320
things and love is important, but it's also important to let people know how you feel

525
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:31,320
about them.

526
00:39:31,320 --> 00:39:34,800
Like they say, give them their flowers while they're here.

527
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:37,160
And that was really evident.

528
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:41,920
So it was definitely something that brought us closer together.

529
00:39:41,920 --> 00:39:49,200
I love that you share that because I think my question would be, excuse my voice here.

530
00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:50,200
Excuse me.

531
00:39:50,200 --> 00:39:51,200
Excuse me.

532
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:59,280
My question would be to you for someone who doesn't have a husband or children, what would

533
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:01,320
you say to them?

534
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:04,120
What would you encourage them to do?

535
00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:05,200
Certainly.

536
00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:07,400
Um, much the same.

537
00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:12,480
I mean, the husband that that's one relationship, children, your relationship with your children

538
00:40:12,480 --> 00:40:14,480
is another relationship.

539
00:40:14,480 --> 00:40:22,520
Your, your friends, your mentors, you know, friends that you consider family, your family,

540
00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:27,760
those are all important relationships that you have to nurture.

541
00:40:27,760 --> 00:40:33,240
You know, it's, it's, it's nothing like to pick up the phone and get a text from someone.

542
00:40:33,240 --> 00:40:38,480
I know when I get a text from you, it's like, it lightens my day.

543
00:40:38,480 --> 00:40:43,760
It makes me realize that, you know what, even if I can't, you know, when we get on the phone,

544
00:40:43,760 --> 00:40:45,760
I love to have a marathon.

545
00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:47,480
I can look up and it'll be three hours.

546
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:49,680
I was like, where did the time go?

547
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:51,360
But it happens, right?

548
00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:56,360
But it's like, I'm not always able to do that, whether it's because of family obligations

549
00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:59,520
or work or trouble or whatever the case may be.

550
00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:03,080
But it's important sometimes, even if you just drop somewhere, I mean, we have technology,

551
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:06,840
a text and say, Hey, I'm thinking about you or, Hey, I saw this today.

552
00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:09,040
It made me think of you.

553
00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:16,880
That little thing can be such a huge impactful moment for someone in their lives.

554
00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:21,560
There's been times, Pamela, that you have sent me a text message and you said, I just

555
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:26,160
have a feeling and I just want to let you know that I love you and I'm here and I hope

556
00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:27,160
you're doing good.

557
00:41:27,160 --> 00:41:31,200
And you don't, and you'll say, you always say, don't worry about getting back to me.

558
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:35,080
I just want you to know I'm thinking about you and I'm like, and I'll sit there and I

559
00:41:35,080 --> 00:41:40,840
have to take a moment for myself because it's less like, I've been so caught up in all the

560
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:44,480
things that I'm doing that I'm like, wow.

561
00:41:44,480 --> 00:41:48,720
And then I'll take a moment to be like, I know I have to respond to you.

562
00:41:48,720 --> 00:41:53,640
And it sometimes is not in the time that I want it to, but I make it a point to make

563
00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:59,200
sure that I get back because it meant something to me that you connected.

564
00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:04,200
Because if you're a single person and you're dating and you can allow yourself to date

565
00:42:04,200 --> 00:42:10,480
multiple people, I say that connect, let them know that, you know, whether it's this one

566
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:14,320
thing that you're thinking about this person or another for another, let them know.

567
00:42:14,320 --> 00:42:19,360
I think a lot of times I hear a lot of my single friends say, I don't want to give too

568
00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:20,360
much of myself.

569
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:24,200
Well, if the end goal is to get to the point where you are giving of yourself to that one

570
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:29,840
person, you have to, going back to connectivity, connect with people and let them know exactly

571
00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:31,480
how you feel.

572
00:42:31,480 --> 00:42:35,800
I feel like we've always been told, don't show all your cards.

573
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:36,800
And I get that.

574
00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:38,920
There are things that you should keep private.

575
00:42:38,920 --> 00:42:42,720
But what you shouldn't keep private is how someone makes you feel.

576
00:42:42,720 --> 00:42:49,120
And I think, Pamela, you have always been a proponent of quoting Maya Angelou when she

577
00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:56,040
said, you know, you won't necessarily remember what someone said, but you will absolutely

578
00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:57,560
remember how they made you feel.

579
00:42:57,560 --> 00:43:02,240
And I know I didn't quote that right, but the sentiment is still the same.

580
00:43:02,240 --> 00:43:10,800
And in that, you have to, we have to stand, get from behind these facades of, well, you

581
00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:12,960
know, I'm not going to show you who I truly am.

582
00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:16,600
Well, how do you expect someone to get to know who you are if you're not willing to

583
00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:22,880
show them who you are and show them that authentic person that you are?

584
00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:28,480
There's something that you said about authenticity and showing people, you know, a lot of times

585
00:43:28,480 --> 00:43:31,480
we look at social media.

586
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:34,680
And I always say this, yes, I'm going to post, I'm going to try to post the best picture

587
00:43:34,680 --> 00:43:36,640
I have of myself.

588
00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:40,240
I'm going to share with you the great things that I'm doing, but that's a highlight role

589
00:43:40,240 --> 00:43:41,400
of my life.

590
00:43:41,400 --> 00:43:47,200
I'm also using my podcast to show you, because it's all about all of the experiences, you

591
00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:53,880
know, when I've had a rough day or how I've overcome something that I've been going through,

592
00:43:53,880 --> 00:43:57,800
whether it's been health or something that I'm working through, like I shared earlier

593
00:43:57,800 --> 00:44:04,000
with school and just trying to reset myself and recognizing that I may have hit this wall,

594
00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:08,080
but you know what, through sometimes talking and getting this out, there may be someone

595
00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:14,160
that talks back to you or that you're talking to inadvertently and not knowing that your

596
00:44:14,160 --> 00:44:17,160
journey that you're sharing is going to help them.

597
00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:23,480
So I would encourage single folks come from behind your wall that you've put up or even,

598
00:44:23,480 --> 00:44:26,320
I forget what the name of the show where the neighbor would have the half wall and all

599
00:44:26,320 --> 00:44:30,520
you saw was this part of his face, show all of you.

600
00:44:30,520 --> 00:44:33,280
There's something to be said, we're whole people.

601
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:38,120
And if you cannot be your whole self with the person that you ultimately want to spend

602
00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:41,840
your life with, what's the point?

603
00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:42,840
What is the point?

604
00:44:42,840 --> 00:44:49,560
And that is so powerful because that person may be not the one for you.

605
00:44:49,560 --> 00:44:54,640
And the other part is just like being a woman.

606
00:44:54,640 --> 00:45:00,840
You know, I look at you and I see you are just beautiful, you're beautiful inside out.

607
00:45:00,840 --> 00:45:02,120
And let's just be real.

608
00:45:02,120 --> 00:45:04,040
You are beautiful inside and out.

609
00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:09,760
And my mother used to say, I think there's a saying about, oh, well, it just went out

610
00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:16,840
of my head, but it was basically looks are fleeting and ugly as to the bone is basically

611
00:45:16,840 --> 00:45:19,680
you pretty is as pretty does.

612
00:45:19,680 --> 00:45:25,520
You can be the most beautiful stunning woman and just have a nasty attitude.

613
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:32,280
And I guess with women, there's, you know, it's like we give so much of ourselves.

614
00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:41,440
And I just want to ask you how you stay so beautiful, so pulled together.

615
00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:44,960
What people are always asked you, what is your secret?

616
00:45:44,960 --> 00:45:48,440
I mean, you have this phenomenal style.

617
00:45:48,440 --> 00:45:54,840
And so what is it that you're doing that the rest of us need to hear about?

618
00:45:54,840 --> 00:45:58,320
What is it because you've taught me a lot of things too.

619
00:45:58,320 --> 00:46:04,720
So I just want to say that share us because, you know, we get into our little, what do

620
00:46:04,720 --> 00:46:07,520
you want to say, like, you know, little funk.

621
00:46:07,520 --> 00:46:08,520
Yeah.

622
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:09,520
Yeah.

623
00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:10,520
Share that.

624
00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:15,120
It's definitely it lends to what you just said.

625
00:46:15,120 --> 00:46:16,720
It starts from the inside out.

626
00:46:16,720 --> 00:46:22,160
And if you don't feel good inside and we don't always, you know, I've gone through belts

627
00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:26,080
of depression, I've dealt with all like extreme loss.

628
00:46:26,080 --> 00:46:31,320
I've gone through, you know, just not in general feeling good about myself.

629
00:46:31,320 --> 00:46:34,120
You know, I definitely have some weight I need to lose.

630
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:38,040
And there's all these different things that internally are going on.

631
00:46:38,040 --> 00:46:44,120
But at the end of the day, and my mom used to say this, it's like you can change the

632
00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:45,880
things on the outside, right?

633
00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:51,400
You I can do my hair, put on a little makeup, get my nails done.

634
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:55,040
You can do all of those things outwardly and you'll feel good.

635
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:56,160
You can look like what I'm driving.

636
00:46:56,160 --> 00:46:59,520
I love looking down at my nails, you know, that kind of thing.

637
00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:04,920
But when you feel good inside, all of this is just superficial, right?

638
00:47:04,920 --> 00:47:08,560
And so I make it my I'm intentional.

639
00:47:08,560 --> 00:47:10,520
I'll say this.

640
00:47:10,520 --> 00:47:13,200
I'm intentional about being happy.

641
00:47:13,200 --> 00:47:18,000
And even when I'm facing a lot of different things, sometimes it's that forced thing where

642
00:47:18,000 --> 00:47:24,320
you're smiling, just because, like I said earlier, I don't want to do that transfer of emotions

643
00:47:24,320 --> 00:47:27,000
just because I'm not in the greatest space right now.

644
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:32,280
I don't think that I owe it to everybody else to make them put them in that same funky mood.

645
00:47:32,280 --> 00:47:37,240
And so sometimes because I'm trying to be selfless and not putting that off on someone

646
00:47:37,240 --> 00:47:44,120
else, it allows me to then, as you would say, kind of fake the funk, push through and be

647
00:47:44,120 --> 00:47:51,000
intentional about how I connect with someone or what I'm going to do, how I plan my day.

648
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:56,680
And what ends up happening is, is when you're leading with that intent to be intentionally

649
00:47:56,680 --> 00:47:59,080
happy, guess what happens?

650
00:47:59,080 --> 00:48:00,080
It happens.

651
00:48:00,080 --> 00:48:04,880
You become happy, you connect with someone and it may not be a complete thing.

652
00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:08,280
Someone may say, you know what, you don't really seem like yourself.

653
00:48:08,280 --> 00:48:12,240
And in that moment, you can decide to share, you know, like, yeah, I'm not having such a

654
00:48:12,240 --> 00:48:13,240
great day.

655
00:48:13,240 --> 00:48:15,160
But what's going on?

656
00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:19,640
And if it's someone that you can trust and share with, then maybe giving that exchange

657
00:48:19,640 --> 00:48:24,240
and letting them know where you're at and they can impart something to you, or just

658
00:48:24,240 --> 00:48:29,360
the release of being able to get that off of your chest, it makes you feel lighter.

659
00:48:29,360 --> 00:48:34,760
I don't know about you, but I always feel so much better when I'm able to talk about

660
00:48:34,760 --> 00:48:40,560
something and I might not have complete clarity about the situation, but at least I'm talking

661
00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:44,960
about it, I'm not just stuck in this mindset of what am I going to do?

662
00:48:44,960 --> 00:48:45,960
What am I going to do?

663
00:48:45,960 --> 00:48:50,560
This, you know, this impending kind of want to say doom, but it does feel like that sometimes.

664
00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:56,320
Like it's just this impending doom and you just feel like you're stuck in this rut.

665
00:48:56,320 --> 00:49:01,760
And I'm very, again, intentional about I'm waking up and today will be a good day.

666
00:49:01,760 --> 00:49:04,840
Even if yesterday wasn't today will, it's a new day.

667
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:06,720
God woke me up this morning.

668
00:49:06,720 --> 00:49:12,520
He made sure that I'm talking to you and Pamela and it's a good day.

669
00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:18,320
And my thing is this, is that I always say this on my podcast is you got to check in.

670
00:49:18,320 --> 00:49:24,520
Not only, you know, you and I are very much where moms, we're caregivers, we take care

671
00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:28,640
of people, but the one person you have to care for is yourself.

672
00:49:28,640 --> 00:49:33,320
Even on the airplane, they tell you, put your mask on before you put it on anybody else.

673
00:49:33,320 --> 00:49:38,440
Because if you don't, if you can't breathe, how can you breathe life into someone else?

674
00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:41,720
And it goes back to this analogy.

675
00:49:41,720 --> 00:49:48,480
I like to say you can give people, I, and I deplete myself a lot.

676
00:49:48,480 --> 00:49:52,040
You take a cup, you fill up your cup.

677
00:49:52,040 --> 00:49:56,680
If you keep pouring out of your cup into other people's cups, at some point, your cup is not

678
00:49:56,680 --> 00:49:58,720
going to only be half empty.

679
00:49:58,720 --> 00:50:00,840
It might go empty completely.

680
00:50:00,840 --> 00:50:02,760
How can you continue to pour into others?

681
00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:04,880
If you have nothing in your cup.

682
00:50:04,880 --> 00:50:12,720
So the idea is you keep pouring into your cup and your overflow pours into others.

683
00:50:12,720 --> 00:50:16,120
Because if you can't take care of you, you can't take care of others.

684
00:50:16,120 --> 00:50:17,120
Powerful.

685
00:50:17,120 --> 00:50:18,120
Yes.

686
00:50:18,120 --> 00:50:20,120
I love that analogy.

687
00:50:20,120 --> 00:50:24,360
I always say you cannot give from an empty vessel.

688
00:50:24,360 --> 00:50:25,360
You cannot.

689
00:50:25,360 --> 00:50:30,080
And women, we are notorious of pouring.

690
00:50:30,080 --> 00:50:31,960
It's just like a checkbook.

691
00:50:31,960 --> 00:50:35,080
You know, we keep, there are no deposits.

692
00:50:35,080 --> 00:50:39,920
There's a lot of things going out and pretty soon we're zero and we wonder how did we get

693
00:50:39,920 --> 00:50:40,920
there?

694
00:50:40,920 --> 00:50:44,800
And so I know, you know, we can talk forever, guys.

695
00:50:44,800 --> 00:50:51,120
I, you know, there are so many things I want to ask Cheryl, but I need to be cognizant

696
00:50:51,120 --> 00:50:57,080
because I need to tell you, she got on here at 6.30 in the morning because she's flying

697
00:50:57,080 --> 00:50:58,080
out today.

698
00:50:58,080 --> 00:51:06,120
And, you know, it shows you how important this is and how she wanted to come on here

699
00:51:06,120 --> 00:51:08,440
when she could do anything else.

700
00:51:08,440 --> 00:51:10,560
This woman is always traveling.

701
00:51:10,560 --> 00:51:14,440
She's always meeting people going places and she has her own podcast.

702
00:51:14,440 --> 00:51:21,840
So I am so honored that she even took the moment, the time, the hour or two to come

703
00:51:21,840 --> 00:51:22,840
on here.

704
00:51:22,840 --> 00:51:24,840
There's something to be said.

705
00:51:24,840 --> 00:51:30,800
And the last thing I would love for you to talk about Cheryl, and then I promise I won't

706
00:51:30,800 --> 00:51:32,280
ask any more questions.

707
00:51:32,280 --> 00:51:33,280
You're fine.

708
00:51:33,280 --> 00:51:36,320
I'm here for it all.

709
00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:38,160
Your circle.

710
00:51:38,160 --> 00:51:42,640
How important is your circle around you?

711
00:51:42,640 --> 00:51:48,920
And tell us a little bit because I know a lot of times we have people in our lives and

712
00:51:48,920 --> 00:51:51,680
I don't want to share this real quick.

713
00:51:51,680 --> 00:51:58,400
I went to Jamaica one year to a program called Sisters Jammin' in Jamaica.

714
00:51:58,400 --> 00:52:05,000
And the author, DeBriana Jackson-Gamby, she said something so powerful and I have continued

715
00:52:05,000 --> 00:52:06,480
to say it.

716
00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:13,400
We allow people on the front seat of our vehicle that really need to be on public transportation.

717
00:52:13,400 --> 00:52:15,640
It doesn't mean you don't love them.

718
00:52:15,640 --> 00:52:16,640
It does not.

719
00:52:16,640 --> 00:52:20,960
But everybody doesn't deserve to sit on the front seat of your car.

720
00:52:20,960 --> 00:52:25,240
And I always imagine this convertible and we're flying down the street, right?

721
00:52:25,240 --> 00:52:28,600
And that person sitting on the front seat of the car, you love them.

722
00:52:28,600 --> 00:52:35,920
You give them the money to get on public transportation because if they're not intentionally

723
00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:43,000
being in your life as a support, as to lift you up, and they're tearing you down like,

724
00:52:43,000 --> 00:52:44,560
oh, you've gained some weight.

725
00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:46,400
I mean, how does that help you?

726
00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:47,720
It doesn't help you.

727
00:52:47,720 --> 00:52:49,320
Or making wisecracks.

728
00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:56,160
So the circle for me is one of the most important things, especially for a woman.

729
00:52:56,160 --> 00:52:59,760
And if you could just talk about that a little while.

730
00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:00,760
Absolutely.

731
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:01,760
I appreciate it.

732
00:53:01,760 --> 00:53:04,280
I have learned so much.

733
00:53:04,280 --> 00:53:10,800
I appreciate, even in the intro, when you were talking about just how I connect.

734
00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:13,200
And it's interesting.

735
00:53:13,200 --> 00:53:17,760
I know how I lead with intention, but it's when you hear it from other people.

736
00:53:17,760 --> 00:53:22,120
My mom used to always say, it's not what they say when you're in the room.

737
00:53:22,120 --> 00:53:24,520
It's what they say when you're out of the room.

738
00:53:24,520 --> 00:53:32,080
And I feel good when I hear people saying, oh, I heard about you and this, that, and

739
00:53:32,080 --> 00:53:33,080
the third.

740
00:53:33,080 --> 00:53:40,240
And it makes me feel good because it makes me realize that the journey that I am on is

741
00:53:40,240 --> 00:53:46,200
definitely in leading with intention is being recognized and felt by those that are around

742
00:53:46,200 --> 00:53:47,200
me.

743
00:53:47,200 --> 00:53:52,600
And with regards to my circle, I've learned a lot in the, I want to say in the last five

744
00:53:52,600 --> 00:53:58,560
years, especially, I've had people sitting on my front seat, sitting in the back seat,

745
00:53:58,560 --> 00:54:03,040
and even sitting in the tailgate that had no business being there.

746
00:54:03,040 --> 00:54:08,760
And the interesting thing is, it's like, you know, when people show you who they are, believe

747
00:54:08,760 --> 00:54:10,480
them the first time.

748
00:54:10,480 --> 00:54:14,880
And even though I've heard that and it's been a mantra, sometimes we're not willing to accept

749
00:54:14,880 --> 00:54:20,960
it all the time because you want to believe that this person doesn't mean harm by you

750
00:54:20,960 --> 00:54:26,280
or that they, maybe you're just going, we give excuses, you know.

751
00:54:26,280 --> 00:54:34,720
And I've learned that the excuses that I continue to allow and allow these people to come into

752
00:54:34,720 --> 00:54:43,600
my space and cause disruptions are those same people that when I do have those failures

753
00:54:43,600 --> 00:54:49,200
or, you know, are looking or praying for your demise and you'd be surprised, these people

754
00:54:49,200 --> 00:54:54,640
will be there and like they're, they're, you know, a wolf in sheep's clothing, rooting

755
00:54:54,640 --> 00:54:57,520
you online and you're like, I am so lucky to have you.

756
00:54:57,520 --> 00:54:59,600
I've got all these people around me.

757
00:54:59,600 --> 00:55:00,840
They love me.

758
00:55:00,840 --> 00:55:04,840
And then when you find out that they don't, it can be devastating.

759
00:55:04,840 --> 00:55:06,680
It can be absolutely devastating.

760
00:55:06,680 --> 00:55:13,880
And so what I've learned is through some, definitely a lot of trial and a lot of error

761
00:55:13,880 --> 00:55:21,120
is that excuse me, it's important for you to be very cognizant of who's in your circle.

762
00:55:21,120 --> 00:55:27,960
And even when they have proven or they're showing some improvement does not necessarily

763
00:55:27,960 --> 00:55:30,040
mean that they still belong there.

764
00:55:30,040 --> 00:55:35,400
You can then upgrade them from bus fare to a bus pass and not allow them to sit in that

765
00:55:35,400 --> 00:55:40,640
front seat with you because some people are there simply for the ride.

766
00:55:40,640 --> 00:55:46,680
And even I don't operate from that space, but others do.

767
00:55:46,680 --> 00:55:51,760
And so, you know, even I think I started off with saying that, you know, even through your

768
00:55:51,760 --> 00:55:56,560
success and failures, you teach people, but you also teach people how to treat you.

769
00:55:56,560 --> 00:56:01,360
And if you continue to allow people to come and sit there rusty dusties in your front

770
00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:06,880
seat and they're like, well, she doesn't respect herself because she's allowing me back in.

771
00:56:06,880 --> 00:56:10,960
And I've already shown her that, yeah, I don't really care about you, but let me just come

772
00:56:10,960 --> 00:56:12,760
over and be nice right now.

773
00:56:12,760 --> 00:56:17,440
And then, oh, Cheryl will ingratiate me back into her circle.

774
00:56:17,440 --> 00:56:21,760
Sometimes the best thing that you can do for yourself is say, I'm intrigued them.

775
00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:26,840
I think someone that you and I both know I won't say her name, but treat them like they're

776
00:56:26,840 --> 00:56:27,840
a hot stove.

777
00:56:27,840 --> 00:56:33,840
And, you know, I recognize that hot stoves can offer a heat to bake bread and to cook

778
00:56:33,840 --> 00:56:38,440
your food, but doesn't that mean that you want to put your hand on it and touch it and burn

779
00:56:38,440 --> 00:56:39,440
yourself?

780
00:56:39,440 --> 00:56:44,200
And so without protection, and my protection is keeping you at a distance.

781
00:56:44,200 --> 00:56:50,000
And so with that being said, recognizing that you can still be impactful in someone's life,

782
00:56:50,000 --> 00:56:52,560
but don't have to have them in your circle.

783
00:56:52,560 --> 00:56:59,320
You can also still show someone, by example, you know, your journey that you're on, you

784
00:56:59,320 --> 00:57:03,080
can impart wisdom if they come and ask you for advice.

785
00:57:03,080 --> 00:57:09,160
And I say, let them ask you, don't offer it to them, let them ask you for that and share

786
00:57:09,160 --> 00:57:14,320
that, but also don't feel like you have to be the person that hand walks them.

787
00:57:14,320 --> 00:57:18,280
Because my journey hasn't always been that I've been hand walked somewhere.

788
00:57:18,280 --> 00:57:23,320
You'll get through trial and error and figuring that out and recognizing that some people

789
00:57:23,320 --> 00:57:28,480
just want to be there when you're at the finish line and they didn't hand you any water.

790
00:57:28,480 --> 00:57:33,640
They didn't put any money towards your sponsorships or anything like that.

791
00:57:33,640 --> 00:57:36,480
They want to be there for the celebration.

792
00:57:36,480 --> 00:57:42,520
And in order to be part of my celebration, I want to know that whether you have offered

793
00:57:42,520 --> 00:57:48,120
words of encouragement, whether you have been there to hand me a meal or be a shoulder to

794
00:57:48,120 --> 00:57:55,120
cry on or just simply, when I say be there, be there in from a distance, but praying for

795
00:57:55,120 --> 00:58:01,800
me and recognizing that, you know what, this little girl was on a journey here and she

796
00:58:01,800 --> 00:58:05,640
needs my encouragement, my prayers.

797
00:58:05,640 --> 00:58:06,720
That's it.

798
00:58:06,720 --> 00:58:13,120
But not everybody, like you said, deserves a seat in it, even at your table.

799
00:58:13,120 --> 00:58:20,120
Because I would encourage people when you see people showing red flags and people say

800
00:58:20,120 --> 00:58:23,280
red flags, any flag, I'm looking at it.

801
00:58:23,280 --> 00:58:27,680
Any color flag that you see, you have to look at that and say, unless it's the white flag,

802
00:58:27,680 --> 00:58:33,440
saying, hey, I'm here to in support and help or we all need help.

803
00:58:33,440 --> 00:58:34,560
That's one thing.

804
00:58:34,560 --> 00:58:39,160
But when you see people who are waving flags and you're like, well, why would you do that?

805
00:58:39,160 --> 00:58:46,000
We are as people, not just women, but when we have this intuitive nature and you know

806
00:58:46,000 --> 00:58:50,720
when you get the hairs on the back of your neck that stands up or you get that feeling

807
00:58:50,720 --> 00:58:56,200
in your stomach or something that causes you to take pause, there's a reason for that.

808
00:58:56,200 --> 00:58:57,680
And don't explain it away.

809
00:58:57,680 --> 00:59:01,200
And I'll say this just to jump on that too.

810
00:59:01,200 --> 00:59:02,480
It's the same thing with your health.

811
00:59:02,480 --> 00:59:07,840
I've had many health issues and I've had what they call warning signs and I've ignored

812
00:59:07,840 --> 00:59:08,840
it.

813
00:59:08,840 --> 00:59:13,040
Oh, I'm distressed or, oh, you know, I'm going through this and it just caused my stomach

814
00:59:13,040 --> 00:59:14,040
to hurt.

815
00:59:14,040 --> 00:59:18,760
Listen to those signs, whether it's in relationships or it's your body.

816
00:59:18,760 --> 00:59:25,440
It's your body is telling you for a reason.

817
00:59:25,440 --> 00:59:26,440
Well said.

818
00:59:26,440 --> 00:59:27,440
Well said.

819
00:59:27,440 --> 00:59:30,320
And it's so true because we're notorious about it.

820
00:59:30,320 --> 00:59:33,000
You put everybody else first.

821
00:59:33,000 --> 00:59:35,200
And you said so many wonderful things.

822
00:59:35,200 --> 00:59:37,560
I am not going to add to it.

823
00:59:37,560 --> 00:59:42,200
You know, it was so well said and I sound like I repeat myself.

824
00:59:42,200 --> 00:59:44,800
I do that because of being a professor.

825
00:59:44,800 --> 00:59:50,960
You repeat, you repeat, you repeat because you want to ensure that people heard the message

826
00:59:50,960 --> 00:59:54,320
or the words that you just chose to use.

827
00:59:54,320 --> 00:59:57,320
I just want us to thank Cheryl.

828
00:59:57,320 --> 01:00:03,120
We need to have her come back for our part too, most definitely, because there's so much

829
01:00:03,120 --> 01:00:07,360
to unpack and there's so much to be said.

830
01:00:07,360 --> 01:00:13,080
And I want to make sure that you, it will be in the show notes all about the experience.

831
01:00:13,080 --> 01:00:16,200
You need to listen to her podcast.

832
01:00:16,200 --> 01:00:19,440
She has some of the most incredible people.

833
01:00:19,440 --> 01:00:22,360
I mean, she's interviewing movie stars.

834
01:00:22,360 --> 01:00:26,000
That's where she is on that level.

835
01:00:26,000 --> 01:00:31,560
And I'm like the little, little kid riding the scooter and I'm okay about riding the

836
01:00:31,560 --> 01:00:33,360
scooter because you don't run first.

837
01:00:33,360 --> 01:00:35,160
You don't even get on the scooter.

838
01:00:35,160 --> 01:00:36,560
You, you, you crawl.

839
01:00:36,560 --> 01:00:37,560
You roll.

840
01:00:37,560 --> 01:00:41,760
Then you crawl, then you walk and then you get on the scooter, right?

841
01:00:41,760 --> 01:00:49,800
So if you could just share those things with us and just tell people about your podcast,

842
01:00:49,800 --> 01:00:51,480
it would absolutely.

843
01:00:51,480 --> 01:00:54,080
Thank you for giving me back that space to do so.

844
01:00:54,080 --> 01:01:02,080
So all about the experiences is a podcast that I started during the pandemic and it

845
01:01:02,080 --> 01:01:03,960
was a way for me.

846
01:01:03,960 --> 01:01:09,280
It was almost therapeutic a way for me to talk about things that I was going through.

847
01:01:09,280 --> 01:01:16,240
I launched the podcast with Pamela as my inaugural guest on June 10th, which is my mom's birthday

848
01:01:16,240 --> 01:01:18,760
and wanted to honor her in that way.

849
01:01:18,760 --> 01:01:22,600
And I know that she would be rooting me along the way.

850
01:01:22,600 --> 01:01:27,400
And again, I initially started it off just to talk about things that I was going through

851
01:01:27,400 --> 01:01:33,160
or things that I deemed interesting because in my day job, I'm an executive assistant

852
01:01:33,160 --> 01:01:34,960
and a corporate events manager.

853
01:01:34,960 --> 01:01:38,720
And in, in my job, I meet so many interesting people.

854
01:01:38,720 --> 01:01:46,600
I get to travel amazing places and have wonderful experiences and sometimes not great experiences.

855
01:01:46,600 --> 01:01:53,720
And so in the infancy of the podcast, you know, I would talk about all the wonderful

856
01:01:53,720 --> 01:01:54,960
people that I've met.

857
01:01:54,960 --> 01:02:02,400
But then when I realized that, you know, as we continue to go through the pandemic and

858
01:02:02,400 --> 01:02:08,600
other things that were socially in racial climate in the, in the world had been changing

859
01:02:08,600 --> 01:02:12,680
or landscape was changing, God bless me with that platform.

860
01:02:12,680 --> 01:02:20,960
And I felt like I deemed it necessary to also cover topics that were very impactful and

861
01:02:20,960 --> 01:02:25,880
intentional about things that were going on affecting not only me, but my community.

862
01:02:25,880 --> 01:02:32,600
I'm also a military veteran and served in the United States Navy.

863
01:02:32,600 --> 01:02:37,240
My husband is also, he's a retired Navy vet as well.

864
01:02:37,240 --> 01:02:43,880
And it's like, these were things that were not only impacting our military, you know,

865
01:02:43,880 --> 01:02:48,200
community, but also I am African American.

866
01:02:48,200 --> 01:02:54,960
Our community was being decimated by violence and, you know, different health concerns and

867
01:02:54,960 --> 01:02:55,960
things like that.

868
01:02:55,960 --> 01:03:00,600
And these were things that I wanted to bring to the forefront to talk about.

869
01:03:00,600 --> 01:03:05,320
It's not always necessarily a feel good piece, but what I will say is it's going to be packaged

870
01:03:05,320 --> 01:03:10,160
in there and let you know that there are resources that are available for all of these different

871
01:03:10,160 --> 01:03:13,200
things that we're talking about.

872
01:03:13,200 --> 01:03:19,400
I have been blessed to have amazing people that have reached out to me, which I feel

873
01:03:19,400 --> 01:03:24,920
like what you said, you know, in its infancy and you crawl before you walk and hop on that

874
01:03:24,920 --> 01:03:33,320
scooter, but have had some really amazing folks that are on the big screen come up.

875
01:03:33,320 --> 01:03:40,720
And what I've learned from them, they came to me to be on my platform, but they're human

876
01:03:40,720 --> 01:03:49,240
just like me and they have a story to tell and their journey of failures and successes

877
01:03:49,240 --> 01:03:54,200
is just something that they can share and offer inspiration to others.

878
01:03:54,200 --> 01:04:03,680
The other thing is, is that the podcast has also lent to people inviting me places because

879
01:04:03,680 --> 01:04:05,440
you never know who's listening.

880
01:04:05,440 --> 01:04:10,560
I'm telling you, you never know who's listening and they invite you to come places because

881
01:04:10,560 --> 01:04:14,080
they want to be a part of your journey.

882
01:04:14,080 --> 01:04:18,160
And in sitting on that front seat or in the back seat or what have you and I'm here for

883
01:04:18,160 --> 01:04:27,520
it, as long as they're bringing that positivity that they can impart to my listeners and viewers.

884
01:04:27,520 --> 01:04:33,600
You can find me on All About The Experiences on Instagram.

885
01:04:33,600 --> 01:04:39,040
That thing that used to be called Twitter that's now X, it's called Creating Xperia

886
01:04:39,040 --> 01:04:40,040
One.

887
01:04:40,040 --> 01:04:41,280
I don't know how I ended up with that.

888
01:04:41,280 --> 01:04:46,760
It was early on, but also on Facebook, All About The Experiences.

889
01:04:46,760 --> 01:04:50,640
And I also have a website, AllAboutTheExperiences.com.

890
01:04:50,640 --> 01:04:57,360
And if you just want to reach out to me and give me some content or you're interested in

891
01:04:57,360 --> 01:05:03,720
coming on my platform, you can reach me at Cheryl at AllAboutTheExperiences.com.

892
01:05:03,720 --> 01:05:10,520
And I feel like this world is made up of so many amazing people that have stories to tell

893
01:05:10,520 --> 01:05:13,480
and wisdom to impart.

894
01:05:13,480 --> 01:05:17,360
And I think we started off with saying that the folks that you come in contact with, not

895
01:05:17,360 --> 01:05:21,800
only do you want to leave something with them, but you want to take something with you that

896
01:05:21,800 --> 01:05:29,080
can be positive and impactful and really change the fabric in what we call is this amazing

897
01:05:29,080 --> 01:05:30,080
world.

898
01:05:30,080 --> 01:05:37,160
And I have a dear friend of mine that she always says, I'm a global citizen.

899
01:05:37,160 --> 01:05:39,680
I'm not just here.

900
01:05:39,680 --> 01:05:44,520
You know, I'm here to make an impact, but I'm here to make an impact not just on my

901
01:05:44,520 --> 01:05:48,000
little nucleus here, but for it to be felt.

902
01:05:48,000 --> 01:05:58,040
And it starts on platforms like this when you're able to reach larger than your nucleus.

903
01:05:58,040 --> 01:06:04,440
And so, Pamela, I want to send a big thank you to you for allowing me this time and this

904
01:06:04,440 --> 01:06:06,600
space to be on your platform.

905
01:06:06,600 --> 01:06:08,800
I know we talked about it.

906
01:06:08,800 --> 01:06:14,600
You have been such an amazing mentor to me.

907
01:06:14,600 --> 01:06:16,840
You are a big sister to me.

908
01:06:16,840 --> 01:06:19,240
You're a dear friend.

909
01:06:19,240 --> 01:06:24,200
And you're that person that has just been a constant.

910
01:06:24,200 --> 01:06:26,200
And I always want on my front seat.

911
01:06:26,200 --> 01:06:29,880
So thank you for allowing me this space.

912
01:06:29,880 --> 01:06:33,040
And I look forward to seeing this platform grow.

913
01:06:33,040 --> 01:06:41,120
You are amazing, incredibly easy to talk to and everything that you impart in that when

914
01:06:41,120 --> 01:06:44,640
you touch me and others, they are forever changed.

915
01:06:44,640 --> 01:06:47,320
And I am forever changed by your friendship.

916
01:06:47,320 --> 01:06:49,320
Oh my goodness.

917
01:06:49,320 --> 01:06:55,720
I almost have no words because she chokes me up.

918
01:06:55,720 --> 01:07:00,640
It's like, I just want to thank you, Cheryl.

919
01:07:00,640 --> 01:07:07,360
I mean, you could be doing anything and people need to know that as much gratitude that I

920
01:07:07,360 --> 01:07:16,360
possibly can evoke and tell you, I am so pleased that you took the time to come on here because

921
01:07:16,360 --> 01:07:18,440
you could say, I don't have time for that.

922
01:07:18,440 --> 01:07:21,240
But that isn't Cheryl, everyone.

923
01:07:21,240 --> 01:07:28,280
And I want you to go look at her podcast and look at the people that she has had on there.

924
01:07:28,280 --> 01:07:32,160
And she'll give me the information, I will put it in the show notes, but you can hear

925
01:07:32,160 --> 01:07:34,360
this, we will put the links in there.

926
01:07:34,360 --> 01:07:39,840
But I just want to say thank you for who you are.

927
01:07:39,840 --> 01:07:45,000
And for the things that you do, you change lives every day.

928
01:07:45,000 --> 01:07:46,440
Every day you change lives.

929
01:07:46,440 --> 01:07:49,320
And I just want to thank you for coming on.

930
01:07:49,320 --> 01:07:52,760
Thank you for being here today.

931
01:07:52,760 --> 01:07:58,880
I don't think I can barely talk, my voice is gone.

932
01:07:58,880 --> 01:08:00,480
Excuse me.

933
01:08:00,480 --> 01:08:08,240
So everyone, I'll probably just say to you, go to her website, go to her all about the

934
01:08:08,240 --> 01:08:11,800
experiences because it is all about the experiences.

935
01:08:11,800 --> 01:08:12,800
It really is.

936
01:08:12,800 --> 01:08:18,160
And we just thank you for being here today and thank you for taking your time out.

937
01:08:18,160 --> 01:08:19,680
I love you, Cheryl.

938
01:08:19,680 --> 01:08:21,360
You're a blessing in there.

939
01:08:21,360 --> 01:08:25,960
And so everyone, we thank you and we will see you soon.

940
01:08:25,960 --> 01:08:29,200
Thank you all for joining us today on passion and purpose.

941
01:08:29,200 --> 01:08:31,400
It's been wonderful to connect with you.

942
01:08:31,400 --> 01:08:36,720
And I hope you found our conversation as enlightening and inspiring as I have a huge thanks to our

943
01:08:36,720 --> 01:08:41,960
guests who contributed to the discussion and share their experiences and insights.

944
01:08:41,960 --> 01:08:46,920
Your stories are the heartbeat of this podcast and it's a joy to explore our passions and

945
01:08:46,920 --> 01:08:48,280
purpose together.

946
01:08:48,280 --> 01:08:52,120
I'm Pamela, reminding you to live with passion and purpose.

947
01:08:52,120 --> 01:09:20,480
Until next time, take care and keep reaching for your dreams.