WEBVTT 00:00:10.059 --> 00:00:12.699 Hello, anesthesia enthusiasts, and welcome to Style 00:00:12.699 --> 00:00:16.140 Points. I'm John Crow. On this episode, we're 00:00:16.140 --> 00:00:18.539 talking to my friend and colleague, Dr. Yusuf 00:00:18.539 --> 00:00:23.800 Razlan. Let's just jump right in. This was kind 00:00:23.800 --> 00:00:27.940 of emotional for me going through all this past 00:00:27.940 --> 00:00:32.000 stuff. It brought back a whole lot of memories. 00:00:32.140 --> 00:00:36.600 I'm sure when I sent you the questions and you 00:00:36.600 --> 00:00:37.840 were reading through it, it probably brought 00:00:37.840 --> 00:00:44.119 back a lot of stuff for you, too. yeah so i guess 00:00:44.119 --> 00:00:48.380 i know that we've talked about it before but 00:00:48.380 --> 00:00:52.479 i it's always good to get perspective from someone 00:00:52.479 --> 00:00:57.759 else that was closely involved um because i mean 00:00:57.759 --> 00:01:00.179 i obviously know my perspective my family my 00:01:00.179 --> 00:01:04.959 wife but um i don't know i don't really have 00:01:04.959 --> 00:01:07.920 a lot of opportunities to sit and like talk openly 00:01:08.640 --> 00:01:11.859 about other people and kind of their outlook 00:01:11.859 --> 00:01:15.340 on it and how they saw how that like kind of 00:01:15.340 --> 00:01:18.560 what they felt and their emotions that were happening 00:01:18.560 --> 00:01:23.319 through something like that um i don't know it's 00:01:23.319 --> 00:01:25.099 kind of selfishly i've just been so worried about 00:01:25.099 --> 00:01:31.159 uh myself from that perspective and just like 00:01:31.159 --> 00:01:34.519 healing mentally sure i'm pretty much i think 00:01:34.519 --> 00:01:37.000 i'm pretty much like i don't know it's a thing 00:01:37.000 --> 00:01:39.659 of the past at this point and there's a lot of 00:01:39.659 --> 00:01:42.180 lessons i've i took from it and i'm definitely 00:01:42.180 --> 00:01:47.939 different from before that versus now but can't 00:01:47.939 --> 00:01:50.780 imagine how you wouldn't be i know yeah so i 00:01:50.780 --> 00:01:55.819 mean yeah i mean every once in a while there's 00:01:55.819 --> 00:02:01.379 like just like residual like just days where 00:02:01.379 --> 00:02:05.459 i i don't know if i'm particularly thinking about 00:02:05.459 --> 00:02:08.719 it but like it's kind of hard to describe it 00:02:08.719 --> 00:02:15.259 you just uh i guess well we can we can pick up 00:02:15.259 --> 00:02:17.659 i can i can yeah start going over some of this 00:02:17.659 --> 00:02:22.759 stuff sure actually start you know no yeah it's 00:02:22.759 --> 00:02:27.550 good now i'm warmed up yeah good Today's episode 00:02:27.550 --> 00:02:29.729 is particularly meaningful for me as I have the 00:02:29.729 --> 00:02:32.210 privilege of sitting down with Dr. Yusuf Razlan, 00:02:32.330 --> 00:02:34.610 who's a pediatric anesthesiologist at Cincinnati 00:02:34.610 --> 00:02:37.710 Children's Hospital. Yusuf isn't just a former 00:02:37.710 --> 00:02:39.930 resident of mine, he's my friend and somebody 00:02:39.930 --> 00:02:43.689 whose journey changed my life too. In March of 00:02:43.689 --> 00:02:46.830 2022, Yusuf experienced a sudden cardiac arrest 00:02:46.830 --> 00:02:48.710 while playing basketball and was admitted to 00:02:48.710 --> 00:02:52.030 UC Hospital. Yusuf, I'm really honored to have 00:02:52.030 --> 00:02:54.610 you here. It means a lot. I'm happy to be here. 00:02:57.039 --> 00:03:02.159 So let's back up quite a bit. Sure. You were 00:03:02.159 --> 00:03:06.400 my resident. Halfway into residency, I found 00:03:06.400 --> 00:03:10.360 out that you had a cardiac condition that I didn't 00:03:10.360 --> 00:03:12.659 really know that much about. You were born with 00:03:12.659 --> 00:03:15.419 transposition of the great vessels. Tell me about 00:03:15.419 --> 00:03:17.659 that. Yeah. So before that, I'll even go back 00:03:17.659 --> 00:03:20.560 even further. Excellent. When I was a fourth 00:03:20.560 --> 00:03:22.680 year medical student, I always bring this story 00:03:22.680 --> 00:03:25.879 up because John Crow had a bigger part in my 00:03:25.879 --> 00:03:28.180 coming to this residency program than he knows. 00:03:29.020 --> 00:03:32.699 Because I did a, what do they call it when you 00:03:32.699 --> 00:03:34.780 come back? Like a second look. Like a second 00:03:34.780 --> 00:03:37.599 look. Because at the time I wasn't able to rotate. 00:03:37.759 --> 00:03:40.099 It was before COVID, so I could still do a rotation 00:03:40.099 --> 00:03:42.580 and like, I don't know, do those things. But 00:03:42.580 --> 00:03:44.460 I did a second look because I liked the program 00:03:44.460 --> 00:03:46.840 in my interview. I was with a resident that day, 00:03:46.860 --> 00:03:49.039 and it was John's first year as an attending. 00:03:49.259 --> 00:03:51.699 Oh, wow. And he was super nice to me, and he 00:03:51.699 --> 00:03:53.759 was really nice to Zach Sazanski, who was the 00:03:53.759 --> 00:03:55.840 resident that he was working with at the time. 00:03:56.039 --> 00:03:59.500 And it was just good vibes. So, yeah, I don't 00:03:59.500 --> 00:04:03.620 even remember your question. You were born with 00:04:03.620 --> 00:04:06.180 transpositions from the great vessels. What was 00:04:06.180 --> 00:04:09.280 that like for you growing up? How did that affect 00:04:09.280 --> 00:04:13.740 your life? Yeah. So growing up, I was born with 00:04:13.740 --> 00:04:17.529 L -transposition. And I won't go into the details 00:04:17.529 --> 00:04:21.829 of that. But basically, I was born in congestive 00:04:21.829 --> 00:04:25.410 heart failure. And they typically try to wait 00:04:25.410 --> 00:04:28.389 to repair these procedures or to repair these 00:04:28.389 --> 00:04:31.129 conditions when there's like a survivable shunt. 00:04:31.250 --> 00:04:34.509 So I had a VSD at the time. So I was mixing appropriately 00:04:34.509 --> 00:04:37.430 from an oxygenation standpoint. So they let me 00:04:37.430 --> 00:04:40.769 grow for about 18 months. And they were continuously 00:04:40.769 --> 00:04:44.040 medically optimizing me. until I got to the point 00:04:44.040 --> 00:04:46.579 where I was on a really high digoxin load and 00:04:46.579 --> 00:04:50.120 I was on Lasix as an 18 month old baby. And then 00:04:50.120 --> 00:04:52.500 they, my parents and the doctors decided it was 00:04:52.500 --> 00:04:55.379 time to have a corrective surgery. I had a ascending 00:04:55.379 --> 00:05:00.399 Rostelli procedure where basically they, my right 00:05:00.399 --> 00:05:03.339 side of the heart functions as my left and vice 00:05:03.339 --> 00:05:12.269 versa. So yeah, growing up, I Went to the cardiologist 00:05:12.269 --> 00:05:15.350 every six months, had a ton of imaging done all 00:05:15.350 --> 00:05:17.730 the time just to make sure that my gradients 00:05:17.730 --> 00:05:21.310 were good between my my neo valves and my and 00:05:21.310 --> 00:05:23.610 my ventricles weren't getting overly thickened 00:05:23.610 --> 00:05:26.709 and making sure that I wasn't having any shunting 00:05:26.709 --> 00:05:30.089 in any inappropriate direction, making sure I 00:05:30.089 --> 00:05:31.910 didn't have any leaks or anything like that. 00:05:32.769 --> 00:05:37.569 And then when I was 14, I had a conduit. So when 00:05:37.569 --> 00:05:40.199 I was a baby, I had a conduit placed. an rv to 00:05:40.199 --> 00:05:42.220 pa conduit place that became really stenosis 00:05:42.220 --> 00:05:46.079 when i was 14 i got um i got that conduit replaced 00:05:46.079 --> 00:05:49.540 uh and i did it back at the original institution 00:05:49.540 --> 00:05:51.800 that did my surgery back in boston i did it at 00:05:51.800 --> 00:05:57.759 boston children's um and then uh yeah that bought 00:05:57.759 --> 00:06:03.060 me another i don't know that was 2007 all the 00:06:03.060 --> 00:06:06.620 way till 2019. And then I started getting stenosis 00:06:06.620 --> 00:06:08.540 again, but this time they've come along, they 00:06:08.540 --> 00:06:10.459 came a long way with like catheterization procedures 00:06:10.459 --> 00:06:14.040 and stuff like that had, uh, had a stent placed 00:06:14.040 --> 00:06:16.980 through that conduit and they placed a valve 00:06:16.980 --> 00:06:20.360 to prevent more backflow. And it really, that 00:06:20.360 --> 00:06:23.939 actually, that procedure alone changed my, like 00:06:23.939 --> 00:06:26.579 totally changed my life. My exercise tolerance 00:06:26.579 --> 00:06:31.310 went way up and, uh, things were great. So in 00:06:31.310 --> 00:06:34.149 2019, when I had that procedure, I remember I 00:06:34.149 --> 00:06:36.589 submitted my rank list for residency. And the 00:06:36.589 --> 00:06:39.029 next day I had that procedure. Oh, wow. Yeah. 00:06:39.110 --> 00:06:41.709 And then I matched. And then I did two and a 00:06:41.709 --> 00:06:44.170 half years of residency. And then, yeah, like 00:06:44.170 --> 00:06:47.370 John said, I never had any sort of conduction 00:06:47.370 --> 00:06:50.589 issues. I always had some ectopic beats. And 00:06:50.589 --> 00:06:54.129 I would go into arrhythmias that was noted on, 00:06:54.250 --> 00:06:57.810 like, I would wear heart monitors sometimes within 00:06:57.810 --> 00:07:02.100 those six -month appointments. But I never really 00:07:02.100 --> 00:07:05.540 had anything that needed to be treated. I'm one 00:07:05.540 --> 00:07:08.139 of very few people that have my procedure with 00:07:08.139 --> 00:07:11.519 the specific correction. So for lack of a better 00:07:11.519 --> 00:07:13.939 term, I'm kind of a guinea pig that's like walking 00:07:13.939 --> 00:07:15.279 around. And I know there's me and some other 00:07:15.279 --> 00:07:18.160 person out there that have very similar trajectories. 00:07:19.480 --> 00:07:22.300 Weren't you one of the first people to have that 00:07:22.300 --> 00:07:24.959 type of repair? It's a Japanese repair. So the 00:07:24.959 --> 00:07:27.699 Japanese came up with this specific repair for 00:07:27.699 --> 00:07:31.490 my... congenital issue um and i was one of the 00:07:31.490 --> 00:07:33.189 first few people in this country to actually 00:07:33.189 --> 00:07:36.389 have it done for my l transposition that i have 00:07:36.389 --> 00:07:43.430 uh so yeah i um like i said i'm kind of like 00:07:43.430 --> 00:07:48.009 a walking guinea pig with this and um never had 00:07:48.009 --> 00:07:50.810 any conduction abnormalities or anything like 00:07:50.810 --> 00:07:54.540 that other than the occasional ectopic beats, 00:07:54.740 --> 00:07:58.240 maybe a couple of runs of some ventricular arrhythmias 00:07:58.240 --> 00:08:00.680 that I could feel and I would know that, okay, 00:08:00.699 --> 00:08:03.600 maybe I should take it easy. Nothing that really 00:08:03.600 --> 00:08:06.839 prompted any of my cardiologists to really pursue. 00:08:07.259 --> 00:08:09.339 They always brought up the idea of maybe getting 00:08:09.339 --> 00:08:12.040 a pacemaker and a defibrillator at some point, 00:08:12.100 --> 00:08:16.560 but I never really expressed the symptoms that 00:08:16.560 --> 00:08:20.220 concern them. For people who don't know Yusuf 00:08:20.220 --> 00:08:23.350 that might be listening, Yusuf? for all intents 00:08:23.350 --> 00:08:26.269 and purposes, looks like a normal, maybe above 00:08:26.269 --> 00:08:28.310 average in terms of the looks department guy 00:08:28.310 --> 00:08:32.409 that you wouldn't ever suspect has anything like 00:08:32.409 --> 00:08:35.470 this going on. He's well -developed, plenty of 00:08:35.470 --> 00:08:40.389 muscle mass. He plays sports, right? It's sort 00:08:40.389 --> 00:08:43.830 of remarkable. And when I found out that you 00:08:43.830 --> 00:08:48.129 had that very serious heart condition sometime 00:08:48.129 --> 00:08:50.629 during residency, I was really pretty surprised. 00:08:51.470 --> 00:08:54.710 And you just sort of seem to shrug it off when 00:08:54.710 --> 00:08:58.269 you talk about it. Try not to let it define me. 00:08:58.309 --> 00:09:00.750 I know it sounds kind of cliche, but I don't 00:09:00.750 --> 00:09:03.250 know. I've, I've, there have been situations 00:09:03.250 --> 00:09:07.009 in my life where it has been a halting point. 00:09:07.110 --> 00:09:10.309 Like for example, like when I was in middle school, 00:09:10.370 --> 00:09:14.809 I couldn't play basketball because like the basketball 00:09:14.809 --> 00:09:17.269 team, the workouts required, I couldn't, basically 00:09:17.269 --> 00:09:19.830 anytime I just can't keep up. So from a cardiovascular 00:09:19.830 --> 00:09:22.309 standpoint, I'm a little bit more limited in 00:09:22.309 --> 00:09:24.710 terms of endurance. So anytime that really comes 00:09:24.710 --> 00:09:27.870 up, but honestly, my parents and my family has 00:09:27.870 --> 00:09:29.710 done such a good job of like helping me pivot 00:09:29.710 --> 00:09:31.909 from those situations. And honestly, that's what 00:09:31.909 --> 00:09:34.289 I feel like. That's why I'm here. Like it's directed 00:09:34.289 --> 00:09:36.809 me to the friend groups that I have. And it's 00:09:36.809 --> 00:09:39.809 directed me to like being surrounded by people 00:09:39.809 --> 00:09:42.490 that like have boasted me up from an academic 00:09:42.490 --> 00:09:45.889 standpoint. So everything happens for a reason. 00:09:45.929 --> 00:09:48.269 And this condition hasn't really defined me. 00:09:48.350 --> 00:09:51.379 It hadn't defined me until. The last two or three 00:09:51.379 --> 00:09:53.980 years, it actually and when I say it defines 00:09:53.980 --> 00:09:56.860 me now, I don't mean it negatively. I mean, it's 00:09:56.860 --> 00:09:59.740 just like a I don't know. It was kind of like 00:09:59.740 --> 00:10:02.419 a reality check of like you have this and you 00:10:02.419 --> 00:10:05.940 have to respect it a lot more than I was previously. 00:10:06.179 --> 00:10:12.539 So, yeah, I appreciate the compliment. So you 00:10:12.539 --> 00:10:16.299 grew up with a medical parent. Is that right? 00:10:16.399 --> 00:10:20.440 Yeah. My dad is a cardiac anesthesiologist. Do 00:10:20.440 --> 00:10:23.519 you think that that made a difference in terms 00:10:23.519 --> 00:10:28.840 of how you were raised or how he projected the 00:10:28.840 --> 00:10:31.919 future for you? Or do you think that that's what 00:10:31.919 --> 00:10:34.940 made you trend towards anesthesia? What's your 00:10:34.940 --> 00:10:37.559 thought about that? If I told you that my dad 00:10:37.559 --> 00:10:40.659 was a first -generation guy from Syria that's 00:10:40.659 --> 00:10:43.840 a doctor, used to be a surgeon, came here, changed 00:10:43.840 --> 00:10:47.200 his career trajectory, just as a foreign medical 00:10:47.200 --> 00:10:49.830 grad, he went through that whole process. And 00:10:49.830 --> 00:10:51.210 that's where he ended up. You would think that 00:10:51.210 --> 00:10:55.789 I was like pressured or like was expected of 00:10:55.789 --> 00:10:57.629 these things. But my parents are wonderful people 00:10:57.629 --> 00:11:01.009 and they never expected anything of me. So I 00:11:01.009 --> 00:11:03.029 would say that I was influenced by my parents 00:11:03.029 --> 00:11:05.230 in the sense that like my dad is an amazing person 00:11:05.230 --> 00:11:08.529 and watching him work as hard as he did growing 00:11:08.529 --> 00:11:11.690 up, having a sick kid like me during his residency 00:11:11.690 --> 00:11:15.269 and still going through and doing what I need, 00:11:15.330 --> 00:11:18.129 like get like. Getting through his training while 00:11:18.129 --> 00:11:20.730 providing me with what I need as a child with 00:11:20.730 --> 00:11:24.049 a congenital anomaly while also raising my two 00:11:24.049 --> 00:11:28.250 brothers as well. Seeing him, he was I mean, 00:11:28.269 --> 00:11:30.049 sometimes he was late, but he was at all of our 00:11:30.049 --> 00:11:34.730 games. He was always home for dinner. We would 00:11:34.730 --> 00:11:36.929 visit him at work and he was always like awake 00:11:36.929 --> 00:11:40.230 and happy for us to be there. So for all the 00:11:40.230 --> 00:11:42.950 reasons that you wouldn't expect, I think that 00:11:42.950 --> 00:11:46.539 that is more of their influence as. like my dad 00:11:46.539 --> 00:11:49.919 i should say is as a medical parent but never 00:11:49.919 --> 00:11:52.320 from an expectation standpoint like they just 00:11:52.320 --> 00:11:55.320 motivated me to be my to be the best i could 00:11:55.320 --> 00:11:59.379 be and um i don't know i just like succeed my 00:11:59.379 --> 00:12:01.379 success comes from just wanting to make them 00:12:01.379 --> 00:12:05.820 proud so having met your dad at a couple of different 00:12:05.820 --> 00:12:09.559 occasions uh literally the i think worst and 00:12:09.559 --> 00:12:13.000 best scenarios yeah both when you were in the 00:12:13.000 --> 00:12:18.629 icu sedated after your illness or during your 00:12:18.629 --> 00:12:21.309 illness. And then also later at your wedding, 00:12:21.450 --> 00:12:23.610 I really got to see him in a couple of different 00:12:23.610 --> 00:12:26.129 scenarios. And he, I would agree with you. I 00:12:26.129 --> 00:12:28.470 think that he's a remarkable guy. Yeah. Very 00:12:28.470 --> 00:12:31.429 inspiring. He's very grounded. He's very grounded. 00:12:31.509 --> 00:12:34.450 He's very respectful of his surroundings. Like 00:12:34.450 --> 00:12:36.970 he's, so just skip ahead a little bit. When I 00:12:36.970 --> 00:12:40.250 was really sick in the ICU, my dad is a very 00:12:40.250 --> 00:12:43.509 smart guy. My dad like trained. Did his cardiac 00:12:43.509 --> 00:12:45.629 fellowship at the Cleveland Clinic. He's been 00:12:45.629 --> 00:12:47.909 working at the VA in Cleveland doing cardiac 00:12:47.909 --> 00:12:52.230 anesthesia for like 20 years. And I don't know 00:12:52.230 --> 00:12:56.309 what it's like to be a parent as a doctor of 00:12:56.309 --> 00:13:00.649 a really sick kid. But I'm sure you have opinions 00:13:00.649 --> 00:13:03.350 when things are not particularly going well and 00:13:03.350 --> 00:13:05.789 you want to know information. But this is even 00:13:05.789 --> 00:13:08.549 something my wife mentioned that he was just 00:13:08.549 --> 00:13:14.169 so grounded and so respectful. just left it up 00:13:14.169 --> 00:13:19.230 to them to do what's best for me so that just 00:13:19.230 --> 00:13:21.230 doesn't surprise me at all when i heard that 00:13:21.230 --> 00:13:23.990 from him he's he's a religious guy he's we're 00:13:23.990 --> 00:13:26.629 muslim and he's he's very much like a believer 00:13:26.629 --> 00:13:31.190 in like god knows god's god's got whatever happens 00:13:31.190 --> 00:13:35.090 god's got it so i think that's a big foundation 00:13:35.090 --> 00:13:38.509 to that but yeah he's a he's like a wonderful 00:13:38.509 --> 00:13:42.740 man yeah for sure having met him i was very impressed 00:13:42.740 --> 00:13:46.379 with his demeanor and how he seemed to have everything 00:13:46.379 --> 00:13:50.820 totally under control calm the whole time yeah 00:13:50.820 --> 00:13:57.600 so i i would echo what you have to say um let's 00:13:57.600 --> 00:14:01.820 go to march 27th sure um What do you remember 00:14:01.820 --> 00:14:03.820 of that day? Do you remember that day at all? 00:14:03.960 --> 00:14:07.100 So the day of my arrest, so I do remember March 00:14:07.100 --> 00:14:09.679 27th because the day of my arrest was the 28th. 00:14:09.679 --> 00:14:11.620 And the reason I remember that is because it's 00:14:11.620 --> 00:14:13.799 my mom's birthday. Oh, wow. Yeah, isn't that 00:14:13.799 --> 00:14:18.600 funny? But yeah, March 27th, at the time I was 00:14:18.600 --> 00:14:21.120 a CA2, which means I was in my third year of 00:14:21.120 --> 00:14:24.419 residency, second to last year of training before 00:14:24.419 --> 00:14:29.769 I get my anesthesia certification. I was rotating 00:14:29.769 --> 00:14:31.570 at Cincinnati Children's, which is something 00:14:31.570 --> 00:14:33.490 that we all do as residents to get our pediatric 00:14:33.490 --> 00:14:36.389 numbers. You had, in fact, just asked me for 00:14:36.389 --> 00:14:39.269 a letter of recommendation for pediatric anesthesia 00:14:39.269 --> 00:14:41.990 fellowship. So, yeah, I it didn't take me long 00:14:41.990 --> 00:14:45.230 in my rotation there to know that this is what 00:14:45.230 --> 00:14:48.129 I want to do. And, yeah, I had started like going 00:14:48.129 --> 00:14:50.070 through the motions of like putting an application 00:14:50.070 --> 00:14:53.870 together and getting things organized. But basically. 00:14:56.200 --> 00:14:59.440 So are we going into the story of that day and 00:14:59.440 --> 00:15:02.000 what I remember? Tell me what happened. Yeah, 00:15:02.019 --> 00:15:05.539 so obviously some of it is a little bit gray. 00:15:06.100 --> 00:15:08.759 The 27th was just a normal day. I was working. 00:15:09.200 --> 00:15:12.360 I was sick. I had a cold. Turns out I actually 00:15:12.360 --> 00:15:14.299 had the flu. Didn't really think much of it. 00:15:14.399 --> 00:15:17.019 I wasn't super symptomatic or anything like that. 00:15:17.779 --> 00:15:23.320 Started feeling better on the 28th. Went to work. 00:15:23.340 --> 00:15:26.340 Had a normal day. Very busy day. i only know 00:15:26.340 --> 00:15:28.519 that from looking through old texts of like texting 00:15:28.519 --> 00:15:30.879 my attending like hey we're going to pick up 00:15:30.879 --> 00:15:32.580 it was like one of those ent days where you do 00:15:32.580 --> 00:15:35.539 like 10 cases and you're just doing high turnover 00:15:35.539 --> 00:15:40.460 i don't remember any of it uh but um i remember 00:15:40.460 --> 00:15:43.559 i was feeling better and like john said i'm i'm 00:15:43.559 --> 00:15:45.700 a pretty fit guy i like to be active at least 00:15:45.700 --> 00:15:48.220 three or four times a week and i at the time 00:15:48.220 --> 00:15:50.039 i was playing a lot of basketball at the uc rec 00:15:50.039 --> 00:15:54.759 center and um told my wife like i'm feeling better 00:15:54.759 --> 00:15:58.259 i've been kind of cagey at home um i think it 00:15:58.259 --> 00:16:02.240 was a monday uh and i i decided like i'm just 00:16:02.240 --> 00:16:04.419 gonna go try it out i'm gonna go play some basketball 00:16:04.419 --> 00:16:07.259 at the rec center so got off work around 4 30 00:16:07.259 --> 00:16:11.440 uh called my wife we we facetimed while i was 00:16:11.440 --> 00:16:16.419 walking into the gym and then um from what i'm 00:16:16.419 --> 00:16:20.659 told i only lasted about five minutes before 00:16:20.659 --> 00:16:24.360 i I told one of the undergrads that I didn't 00:16:24.360 --> 00:16:26.419 feel good, like something's wrong, like I could 00:16:26.419 --> 00:16:28.340 feel something was wrong, whether that be I was 00:16:28.340 --> 00:16:31.799 like nauseous or if I was feeling like palpitations 00:16:31.799 --> 00:16:33.679 that wouldn't stop. I don't know. I don't know 00:16:33.679 --> 00:16:36.460 what I was feeling. But basically, the look on 00:16:36.460 --> 00:16:38.460 my face scared this kid to the point where he 00:16:38.460 --> 00:16:42.179 like stopped the game, booked it to the lifeguard 00:16:42.179 --> 00:16:46.039 station and told them that something was really 00:16:46.039 --> 00:16:49.039 wrong. And then basically it was just like a 00:16:49.039 --> 00:16:52.840 code red, like everybody's. Coming, I guess technically 00:16:52.840 --> 00:16:55.200 it's a code blue, but everyone's, everyone's 00:16:55.200 --> 00:16:58.500 running to the court. Everything's stopped. Um, 00:16:58.659 --> 00:17:01.980 at that point I'm, I've, I've arrested, I'm, 00:17:01.980 --> 00:17:04.779 I'm in a shockable rhythm. I'm, I'm pulseless. 00:17:05.180 --> 00:17:08.319 Uh, they do 10 minutes. So lucky for me, it was 00:17:08.319 --> 00:17:11.579 like five, five 30 shift change. So there was 00:17:11.579 --> 00:17:14.119 a million lifeguards there. All of their staff 00:17:14.119 --> 00:17:16.779 and managers were there. So they were, they were 00:17:16.779 --> 00:17:20.980 running a, like a full code situation. um called 00:17:20.980 --> 00:17:24.200 an ambulance i i needed 10 minutes of chest compressions 00:17:24.200 --> 00:17:28.220 and um i was shocked multiple times before they 00:17:28.220 --> 00:17:31.039 before ems arrived i think by the time ems arrived 00:17:31.039 --> 00:17:34.940 i was um i was my heart was beating again i was 00:17:34.940 --> 00:17:39.720 back um but um i don't know anything after that 00:17:39.720 --> 00:17:41.579 i don't know what my mental status was like i 00:17:41.579 --> 00:17:43.680 don't know what my if i was intubated i don't 00:17:43.680 --> 00:17:45.279 know what was going on i just know that they 00:17:45.279 --> 00:17:47.240 packed me in the ambulance and took me about 00:17:47.240 --> 00:17:49.299 a mile and a half down the road back to work 00:17:49.869 --> 00:17:55.890 At UC, I had and it's so crazy now because I 00:17:55.890 --> 00:17:59.130 think about I have such a vivid image of it because 00:17:59.130 --> 00:18:02.390 I mean, this is where I worked. Right. So I know 00:18:02.390 --> 00:18:04.289 exactly what it's like. They put me in the shrew 00:18:04.289 --> 00:18:08.890 and they did the assessment, stripped me naked. 00:18:09.049 --> 00:18:14.809 I'm sure they I guess they didn't they weren't 00:18:14.809 --> 00:18:18.349 sure about my neurologic exam. Cause I don't, 00:18:18.349 --> 00:18:20.369 I don't know if I was showing anything or whatever, 00:18:20.470 --> 00:18:22.789 but they, they, they put me down and tubed me, 00:18:22.849 --> 00:18:26.829 put a breathing tube in. I actually do remember 00:18:26.829 --> 00:18:29.150 a little bit about this. You were apparently 00:18:29.150 --> 00:18:33.250 fighting a lot at the time and that's why they 00:18:33.250 --> 00:18:38.130 intubated you. Okay. It's because you're in a, 00:18:38.230 --> 00:18:40.730 of course you wouldn't have any memory of this, 00:18:40.789 --> 00:18:44.009 but you were kind of swinging. Yeah. Uh, so one 00:18:44.009 --> 00:18:46.450 of my friends in the ER, I, now that you mentioned 00:18:46.450 --> 00:18:49.559 it, I do. I do remember that, uh, her, she was 00:18:49.559 --> 00:18:51.240 the one who intubated me. One of my good friends, 00:18:51.359 --> 00:18:54.420 she like, I texted her like months later. Cause 00:18:54.420 --> 00:18:57.180 I'd heard that she was there. Uh, and we worked 00:18:57.180 --> 00:18:58.859 as interns together. Like when you're working 00:18:58.859 --> 00:19:00.599 in the ER as an intern, you spend a lot of time 00:19:00.599 --> 00:19:01.960 with them and you become friends with some of 00:19:01.960 --> 00:19:05.000 them. Um, and she was so happy. She, she, uh, 00:19:05.079 --> 00:19:08.220 shot me a text and well, I texted her actually 00:19:08.220 --> 00:19:11.140 to, to thank her. And then we talked for a while, 00:19:11.180 --> 00:19:13.279 but she, she told me what kind of what happened. 00:19:13.339 --> 00:19:17.259 That's kind of how I have this, um, image but 00:19:17.259 --> 00:19:21.440 uh yeah so from there uh i went to the cardiac 00:19:21.440 --> 00:19:26.539 icu um intubated when i was fighting and when 00:19:26.539 --> 00:19:30.619 i was coding i i vomited and i aspirated so i 00:19:30.619 --> 00:19:32.640 had a pretty significant aspiration pneumonia 00:19:32.640 --> 00:19:36.380 um to the point where it wasn't getting better 00:19:36.380 --> 00:19:42.140 after uh about four or five days i was i wasn't 00:19:42.140 --> 00:19:45.990 oxygenating um I was ventilating, not oxygenating. 00:19:46.569 --> 00:19:49.809 And, um, I was requiring like ARDS treatment. 00:19:49.910 --> 00:19:53.589 Like I was paralyzed. They, um, had to prone 00:19:53.589 --> 00:19:55.809 me multiple, like several days for several days, 00:19:55.869 --> 00:19:58.410 just to, just to prevent me from having to go 00:19:58.410 --> 00:20:04.190 on ECMO. And then, uh, as soon as like the ECMO 00:20:04.190 --> 00:20:06.990 conversation started happening, that's when, 00:20:06.990 --> 00:20:10.410 um, I turned a corner about a week after I was 00:20:10.410 --> 00:20:18.490 in the ICU. Um, But yeah, I got better and eventually 00:20:18.490 --> 00:20:22.109 progressed to like them weaning my sedation and 00:20:22.109 --> 00:20:26.630 got X. I remember them weaning my sedation and 00:20:26.630 --> 00:20:28.910 talking to me. We can talk a little bit about 00:20:28.910 --> 00:20:31.049 like what I remember from all of this, from like 00:20:31.049 --> 00:20:32.910 being in the ICU specifically, because that's 00:20:32.910 --> 00:20:36.950 a whole story in itself. But yeah, it got to 00:20:36.950 --> 00:20:41.930 about on April 5th and then I was discharged. 00:20:42.490 --> 00:20:46.289 from directly from the icu on april 7th so which 00:20:46.289 --> 00:20:48.950 is my birthday funny enough but i don't remember 00:20:48.950 --> 00:20:52.190 that yeah so um one of the toxic things about 00:20:52.190 --> 00:20:54.809 being in medicine and being a patient is that 00:20:54.809 --> 00:20:56.690 you know exactly what you need to do to get the 00:20:56.690 --> 00:20:59.609 hell out of the icu so i knew the i like that's 00:20:59.609 --> 00:21:01.950 the icu we rotate in so i know the icu checklist 00:21:01.950 --> 00:21:05.450 so i knew that i had to i had to go to the bathroom 00:21:05.450 --> 00:21:09.789 i had to um walk around work with physical therapy 00:21:09.789 --> 00:21:12.920 occupational therapy basically show that i'm 00:21:12.920 --> 00:21:16.539 like no longer sedated my mental status is good 00:21:16.539 --> 00:21:19.259 i'm able to function i knew that i needed like 00:21:19.259 --> 00:21:21.099 some sort of device placed and it wasn't going 00:21:21.099 --> 00:21:24.119 to get done at uc so i knew i needed the life 00:21:24.119 --> 00:21:27.759 vest so i i like really like pushed on getting 00:21:27.759 --> 00:21:29.599 because i just wanted to get out of there i was 00:21:29.599 --> 00:21:32.480 so like people were coming into my room like 00:21:32.480 --> 00:21:34.640 all out of love because people were happy i was 00:21:34.640 --> 00:21:37.259 doing better but uh all these nurses that i know 00:21:37.259 --> 00:21:40.579 are like working i mean it's all in good faith 00:21:40.579 --> 00:21:43.500 but it's uncomfortable like to be in a room i 00:21:43.500 --> 00:21:46.920 know exactly what room i'm in and i know exactly 00:21:46.920 --> 00:21:49.839 the team that's like rounding on me and i was 00:21:49.839 --> 00:21:52.480 just ready to go so i got discharged with a life 00:21:52.480 --> 00:21:56.039 vest like two days after i got extubated tell 00:21:56.039 --> 00:21:59.200 me what a life fest is so a life vest is kind 00:21:59.200 --> 00:22:01.519 of a bridge therapy or it's like a destination 00:22:01.519 --> 00:22:05.940 therapy therapy for people who need a defibrillator 00:22:05.940 --> 00:22:08.019 of some sort so if you're somebody who's not 00:22:08.019 --> 00:22:11.680 um a candidate for like an icd or an internal 00:22:11.680 --> 00:22:14.099 cardiac defibrillator some people will just wear 00:22:14.099 --> 00:22:18.460 a life vest forever um or if you're me and you 00:22:18.460 --> 00:22:20.099 know you're going to get a defibrillator but 00:22:20.099 --> 00:22:22.140 at a later date because you need to like work 00:22:22.140 --> 00:22:24.140 out the kinks for me the kinks were that i needed 00:22:24.140 --> 00:22:27.740 to um get it done at children's because of my 00:22:27.740 --> 00:22:30.460 anatomy it's very complex and they and they know 00:22:30.460 --> 00:22:34.140 better than they do here um so i would i took 00:22:34.140 --> 00:22:37.799 this vest home um and i And I had it for about 00:22:37.799 --> 00:22:40.940 a day and a half until my dad called me and he 00:22:40.940 --> 00:22:42.740 just said, I really don't feel good about you 00:22:42.740 --> 00:22:45.319 just like being home with this vest that may 00:22:45.319 --> 00:22:49.099 or may not work. So I'm like, what happened was 00:22:49.099 --> 00:22:51.599 we coordinated and I just like went and got directly 00:22:51.599 --> 00:22:54.480 admitted to children's in the cardiology department. 00:22:54.660 --> 00:22:57.140 Right. And I just sat there for two weeks, got 00:22:57.140 --> 00:23:01.279 my diagnostic cath, uh, with, um, the electrophysiology 00:23:01.279 --> 00:23:03.960 folks there. And then once they've, once they, 00:23:03.980 --> 00:23:07.619 they, they tried to like, uh, figure out where 00:23:07.619 --> 00:23:10.259 this arrhythmia came from but they really couldn't 00:23:10.259 --> 00:23:12.079 figure it out which is kind of like unsettling 00:23:12.079 --> 00:23:16.059 for me sure uh but they were able to um reproduce 00:23:16.059 --> 00:23:19.880 it and um they were able to shock me out of it 00:23:19.880 --> 00:23:22.960 in the cath lab which kind of shows that like 00:23:22.960 --> 00:23:24.940 okay that means that like this defibrillator 00:23:24.940 --> 00:23:29.519 that i have now um can probably Help me if this 00:23:29.519 --> 00:23:31.700 comes up again. Right. More than likely, I should 00:23:31.700 --> 00:23:34.720 say. And then it has the pacer function, too. 00:23:34.920 --> 00:23:37.440 So. Right. I've had it for about almost three 00:23:37.440 --> 00:23:42.400 years now. So, yeah. Wow. Yeah. I will tell you 00:23:42.400 --> 00:23:45.500 the story of how I learned what happened to you 00:23:45.500 --> 00:23:50.920 is I came in to work that next morning and Mark 00:23:50.920 --> 00:23:54.240 Cassidy came up to me and he said, hey, did you 00:23:54.240 --> 00:23:57.779 hear Yusuf had a code? And I was like, oh, all 00:23:57.779 --> 00:24:01.160 right. It's like, what happened to the patient? 00:24:02.480 --> 00:24:05.319 Because I thought he was just telling me that 00:24:05.319 --> 00:24:09.200 one of my residents had run a code or that something 00:24:09.200 --> 00:24:11.859 had happened, which happens from time to time 00:24:11.859 --> 00:24:15.039 to anesthesia residents. They will run codes 00:24:15.039 --> 00:24:19.019 from time to time. I had no concept through that 00:24:19.019 --> 00:24:22.160 whole conversation that it was actually you who 00:24:22.160 --> 00:24:27.579 had coded. And then... And he told me that. I 00:24:27.579 --> 00:24:28.920 was like, oh, I guess I'll just check in with 00:24:28.920 --> 00:24:31.359 Yusuf later and make sure he's doing all right. 00:24:32.140 --> 00:24:35.460 And I didn't think much more of it. And then 00:24:35.460 --> 00:24:37.480 as more and more people started saying, hey, 00:24:37.519 --> 00:24:38.880 did you hear what happened to Yusuf? I was like, 00:24:39.000 --> 00:24:42.180 whoa, what are we talking about here? And then 00:24:42.180 --> 00:24:44.880 it wasn't until later that I found out that it 00:24:44.880 --> 00:24:53.339 was actually you. I have the email from Friedrich. 00:24:54.009 --> 00:24:58.630 that he sent out on 328. I haven't even seen 00:24:58.630 --> 00:25:01.730 this email before. Dear colleagues, as most of 00:25:01.730 --> 00:25:03.910 you are probably aware by now, a resident member 00:25:03.910 --> 00:25:07.009 of our UC anesthesiology family, Dr. Yusuf Razlan, 00:25:07.089 --> 00:25:09.450 was admitted to the UC CVICU last evening after 00:25:09.450 --> 00:25:11.410 suffering a cardiac arrest while playing basketball 00:25:11.410 --> 00:25:15.670 and undergoing ACLS in the out -of -hospital 00:25:15.670 --> 00:25:18.269 setting. What's not mentioned, by the way, as 00:25:18.269 --> 00:25:22.380 a brief pause in this email is that ACLS in the 00:25:22.380 --> 00:25:24.460 out -of -hospital setting has an approximately 00:25:24.460 --> 00:25:30.400 10 % survival rate. Back to the email. Doctors 00:25:30.400 --> 00:25:33.160 Wojciechowski, Bailey, Joseph, Satoris, and Howershock 00:25:33.160 --> 00:25:35.500 have been in contact with Yusuf's parents, and 00:25:35.500 --> 00:25:37.339 while they allowed this medical information to 00:25:37.339 --> 00:25:38.920 be shared with the department, I would implore 00:25:38.920 --> 00:25:41.160 all of you to please respect Yusuf's privacy 00:25:41.160 --> 00:25:43.099 in the days ahead. For now, please rest assured 00:25:43.099 --> 00:25:44.500 that our friend and colleague is in the best 00:25:44.500 --> 00:25:46.779 possible hands, and we will keep you updated 00:25:46.779 --> 00:25:49.440 as the situation progresses and as his parents 00:25:49.440 --> 00:25:53.400 permit. There were actually a lot of emails that 00:25:53.400 --> 00:25:58.759 went out saying, do not go to the CVICU. They 00:25:58.759 --> 00:26:03.880 had people that were specifically watching and 00:26:03.880 --> 00:26:06.420 trying to make sure to give you the maximum amount 00:26:06.420 --> 00:26:11.779 of privacy. And the resident who was up in the 00:26:11.779 --> 00:26:15.299 CVICU at the time, that was a tough assignment 00:26:15.299 --> 00:26:20.259 because they really... knew more about what was 00:26:20.259 --> 00:26:23.420 going on with your care but because of HIPAA 00:26:23.420 --> 00:26:25.839 and everything else couldn't share it was it 00:26:25.839 --> 00:26:28.680 Connor it was yeah I remember we we talked a 00:26:28.680 --> 00:26:31.140 lot about it because I I mean like I I have access 00:26:31.140 --> 00:26:33.859 to my notes right like I have my chart so I I 00:26:33.859 --> 00:26:36.839 I saw there was a couple days or in a couple 00:26:36.839 --> 00:26:39.079 he was on nights a few like a few of the nights 00:26:39.079 --> 00:26:41.440 that I was there and he would write like progress 00:26:41.440 --> 00:26:44.160 notes because it's his assignment like I'm I'm 00:26:44.160 --> 00:26:48.369 their patient so yeah I really empathize with 00:26:48.369 --> 00:26:53.049 him on that. There was another email that gave 00:26:53.049 --> 00:26:57.869 the program directors permission to provide daily 00:26:57.869 --> 00:27:01.890 updates. And they said that somebody will touch 00:27:01.890 --> 00:27:04.329 base with a daytime or nighttime intensivist 00:27:04.329 --> 00:27:06.269 each day to obtain information for an update 00:27:06.269 --> 00:27:08.069 and send out an email to the residents and faculty 00:27:08.069 --> 00:27:11.730 to streamline communication. Because for a long 00:27:11.730 --> 00:27:15.549 period of time, that is all anybody could talk 00:27:15.549 --> 00:27:18.400 about. And when people would say, hey, how are 00:27:18.400 --> 00:27:20.579 you doing? Everybody knew that was in reference 00:27:20.579 --> 00:27:24.039 to like, how are you processing this? I remember 00:27:24.039 --> 00:27:28.680 when the residents started finding out about 00:27:28.680 --> 00:27:30.420 this, everybody was still in the operating room. 00:27:30.980 --> 00:27:34.660 And there was a concerted effort to get all of 00:27:34.660 --> 00:27:37.700 the residents out of all of the ORs. And it was 00:27:37.700 --> 00:27:40.319 actually amazing that we were able to relieve 00:27:40.319 --> 00:27:44.980 everyone very quickly, thanks to... Our CRNA 00:27:44.980 --> 00:27:46.819 colleagues who understood the gravity of the 00:27:46.819 --> 00:27:50.119 situation and were very helpful. But we got all 00:27:50.119 --> 00:27:54.099 of the residents out and in the resident lounge 00:27:54.099 --> 00:27:58.819 and we all just kind of sat there and tried to 00:27:58.819 --> 00:28:01.259 be a community together. Yeah. It's great. Yeah. 00:28:01.319 --> 00:28:04.680 I mean, you guys made me like posters and I still 00:28:04.680 --> 00:28:06.940 have all that stuff. I can't, I can't see. Yeah, 00:28:07.039 --> 00:28:09.619 that's it. You just pulled it up on his email. 00:28:10.319 --> 00:28:13.839 Yeah. Yes. I still have that. I can't, I can't 00:28:13.839 --> 00:28:16.380 like ever get rid of it. I don't think my cats 00:28:16.380 --> 00:28:18.140 have kind of torn it up a little bit, but it's 00:28:18.140 --> 00:28:21.700 like, I don't know. I still have it. And I still 00:28:21.700 --> 00:28:24.599 like see it every, like pretty much every day. 00:28:24.740 --> 00:28:27.519 Oh really? Yeah. I just have it like in my room. 00:28:27.660 --> 00:28:31.579 Like, uh, it's up, it's behind a bookshelf, but 00:28:31.579 --> 00:28:34.259 I can see like, I can see it there. Cause I just 00:28:34.259 --> 00:28:36.420 can't get, I can't like get myself to get rid 00:28:36.420 --> 00:28:39.339 of it. I don't know why. Yeah. Yeah. I imagine. 00:28:39.400 --> 00:28:42.769 So I remember the residents making it. putting 00:28:42.769 --> 00:28:45.690 stuff on it i put a little gold star on it yeah 00:28:45.690 --> 00:28:48.569 like when it was i know yeah i i remember graduating 00:28:48.569 --> 00:28:53.509 from residency and um i don't remember who it 00:28:53.509 --> 00:28:55.109 was it might have been houston or he was bragging 00:28:55.109 --> 00:28:57.410 about like how he had two gold stars and like 00:28:57.410 --> 00:28:59.410 i was like i have one he's like it's not on your 00:28:59.410 --> 00:29:02.769 badge you say i know but i i have one it's there 00:29:02.769 --> 00:29:09.599 somewhere so yeah wow i i remember being really 00:29:09.599 --> 00:29:12.839 torn up about it and the thing that we always 00:29:12.839 --> 00:29:15.359 shared a passion for was our basketball teams 00:29:15.359 --> 00:29:17.799 having done my residency in oklahoma city i'm 00:29:17.799 --> 00:29:21.839 a big okc thunder fan and uh yusuf always has 00:29:21.839 --> 00:29:25.579 been a big calves fan right and the way that 00:29:25.579 --> 00:29:30.839 i um helped process some of my feelings about 00:29:30.839 --> 00:29:34.440 all this is normally every day i wear a okc thunder 00:29:34.440 --> 00:29:40.750 themed scrub cap but i purchased and wore a Cleveland 00:29:40.750 --> 00:29:47.769 Cavaliers scrub cap for a long time telling myself 00:29:47.769 --> 00:29:51.009 that once you got better I'd give you that hat 00:29:51.009 --> 00:29:53.670 I still wear it do you really all the time especially 00:29:53.670 --> 00:29:55.309 this year because we've been winning so much 00:29:55.309 --> 00:29:57.130 yeah I mean it's a great time no I still wear 00:29:57.130 --> 00:29:59.910 it I think about you every time it was very sentimental 00:29:59.910 --> 00:30:03.970 and I appreciated it wow yeah man I didn't I 00:30:03.970 --> 00:30:05.470 still next time I wear it I'll wear it this week 00:30:05.470 --> 00:30:08.799 because We're still winning 15 in a row. So I'll 00:30:08.799 --> 00:30:10.380 send you a picture. I still wear it every day 00:30:10.380 --> 00:30:13.819 for the most part. Well, when our teams inevitably 00:30:13.819 --> 00:30:17.279 meet in the finals and you lose by just one game, 00:30:17.420 --> 00:30:21.920 it'll be very sad. Yeah, we'll see about that. 00:30:22.819 --> 00:30:24.940 That's going to be great. I hope that happens. 00:30:25.180 --> 00:30:30.920 Me too, actually. Part of why I'm secondarily 00:30:30.920 --> 00:30:33.940 a Cavs fan, although I'm primarily and will always 00:30:33.940 --> 00:30:37.680 be a Thunder fan. um is purely because of you 00:30:37.680 --> 00:30:41.960 yeah uh totally just being a fan of you made 00:30:41.960 --> 00:30:44.720 me more of a calves fan thanks man yeah it's 00:30:44.720 --> 00:30:48.740 the same goes for oklahoma city even though they 00:30:48.740 --> 00:30:51.180 were always likable they're both small market 00:30:51.180 --> 00:30:53.440 teams that you can't help but root for you know 00:30:53.440 --> 00:30:57.019 i agree it just speaks to good management anyway 00:30:57.019 --> 00:30:59.259 i don't want to turn this into a basketball podcast 00:30:59.259 --> 00:31:02.039 although we certainly could yeah we could probably 00:31:02.039 --> 00:31:06.130 talk for another hour about that Um, let's talk 00:31:06.130 --> 00:31:09.190 about you being in the ICU. Let's go back to 00:31:09.190 --> 00:31:12.230 that timeframe and what you remember. Yeah. So 00:31:12.230 --> 00:31:15.730 you were mentioning something earlier about how 00:31:15.730 --> 00:31:18.390 you were feeling and processing and some of the 00:31:18.390 --> 00:31:22.029 emotions that you felt. Tell me more about what 00:31:22.029 --> 00:31:25.049 you were remembering. Yeah. So I guess one of 00:31:25.049 --> 00:31:27.130 my issues when I was in the ICU was that they 00:31:27.130 --> 00:31:28.910 were having a really hard time with sedation. 00:31:29.309 --> 00:31:34.940 Right. I started having some like, uh, propofol 00:31:34.940 --> 00:31:38.279 i think it was like resembling resemblance of 00:31:38.279 --> 00:31:41.119 propofol infusion syndrome so p started turning 00:31:41.119 --> 00:31:44.880 green um like from like my heart started getting 00:31:44.880 --> 00:31:48.559 a little sad um so then they started to have 00:31:48.559 --> 00:31:50.940 to switch to like other things like more like 00:31:50.940 --> 00:31:55.920 opioid focused and like um like benzos and ketamine 00:31:55.920 --> 00:32:01.980 and i just um My dreams when I was out, like 00:32:01.980 --> 00:32:04.440 I thought I thought I was dead. Like I like I 00:32:04.440 --> 00:32:08.380 had the conscious thought of like this. Like 00:32:08.380 --> 00:32:10.099 I was so comfortable, like I was never uncomfortable. 00:32:10.660 --> 00:32:15.160 I was very relaxed. But but my dreams were so 00:32:15.160 --> 00:32:18.339 weird that I just was convinced like I must something's 00:32:18.339 --> 00:32:21.579 something happened. Something's like I had the 00:32:21.579 --> 00:32:24.259 conscious thought of like, this is weird. Like 00:32:24.259 --> 00:32:27.460 I don't feel anything, but I'm like making thoughts 00:32:27.460 --> 00:32:32.950 and I'm. Yeah, exactly. It's weird. But it wasn't 00:32:32.950 --> 00:32:35.730 until they started like weaning some sedation 00:32:35.730 --> 00:32:38.410 once I started getting a little bit better just 00:32:38.410 --> 00:32:41.509 to like assess my neuro status that I can almost 00:32:41.509 --> 00:32:44.369 mostly I can I can mostly compare it to like 00:32:44.369 --> 00:32:47.529 being underwater. Really? Yeah. So like I'm open. 00:32:47.589 --> 00:32:49.690 I'm trying to open my I can open my eyes a little 00:32:49.690 --> 00:32:51.970 bit, but it's just like as if you're opening 00:32:51.970 --> 00:32:53.849 your eyes underwater because they're putting 00:32:53.849 --> 00:32:55.930 like stuff in your eyes to keep sure to keep 00:32:55.930 --> 00:32:57.630 them moist and prevent you from getting like 00:32:57.630 --> 00:33:01.700 a. like a corneal abrasion or like, uh, I don't 00:33:01.700 --> 00:33:03.500 know. I'm trying to think of like opto terms, 00:33:03.579 --> 00:33:08.259 but, um, like dryness and stuff like that. Um, 00:33:08.539 --> 00:33:13.000 and then, uh, just like the muffled hearing and 00:33:13.000 --> 00:33:15.319 like familiar voices, like my mom and my wife 00:33:15.319 --> 00:33:17.700 talking to me and Suzanne, I remember hearing 00:33:17.700 --> 00:33:21.019 Suzanne's voice and I was just like, what, this 00:33:21.019 --> 00:33:23.319 is just a weird dream. Like, but I'm comfortable 00:33:23.319 --> 00:33:25.220 because I know these voices and these are like, 00:33:25.710 --> 00:33:28.950 Like my mom and my wife, like those are my comfort 00:33:28.950 --> 00:33:32.529 voices. You know what I mean? And then it was 00:33:32.529 --> 00:33:37.309 that day, like April 4th, the day before I got 00:33:37.309 --> 00:33:39.369 extubated, I was still too weak because I was 00:33:39.369 --> 00:33:41.910 paralyzed for a while. Right. But they were able 00:33:41.910 --> 00:33:44.710 to wean my sedation. I didn't pass my RISB score, 00:33:44.849 --> 00:33:46.329 so they couldn't get the tube out. But I was 00:33:46.329 --> 00:33:50.410 able to like communicate and like say like to 00:33:50.410 --> 00:33:52.349 yes, no questions. I was trying to talk through 00:33:52.349 --> 00:33:55.490 my tube. Couldn't. I was too weak to write. But 00:33:55.490 --> 00:33:59.170 I kind of had like a grasp, like I'm in a hospital. 00:33:59.849 --> 00:34:01.529 I'm surrounding like my brothers are in this 00:34:01.529 --> 00:34:03.390 room. Like, where the hell am I in Atlanta? Like, 00:34:03.450 --> 00:34:06.710 where am I? My brother, he was training in Atlanta 00:34:06.710 --> 00:34:09.449 at the time. And then my brother who lived in 00:34:09.449 --> 00:34:11.230 Seattle was there. And I was like, this is weird. 00:34:11.510 --> 00:34:17.449 Like, I'm sure I'm dreaming. But then I kind 00:34:17.449 --> 00:34:20.750 of like Suzanne told me everything. And it was 00:34:20.750 --> 00:34:22.630 still like a dream to me at that point. Like, 00:34:22.710 --> 00:34:26.349 oh, you're. You're at UC. You had this happen. 00:34:26.469 --> 00:34:30.110 You were playing basketball. And, like, I was, 00:34:30.110 --> 00:34:32.010 like, joking with everybody because I didn't 00:34:32.010 --> 00:34:34.989 realize the gravity, like, what had actually 00:34:34.989 --> 00:34:37.110 happened because I'm still out of it. I can't 00:34:37.110 --> 00:34:39.530 really move. Like, I don't really understand. 00:34:39.710 --> 00:34:42.469 Like, I have my brothers here. I have my buddy 00:34:42.469 --> 00:34:44.650 Ish, who is, like, an IM resident. He was in 00:34:44.650 --> 00:34:47.570 there. And another buddy of mine was there. John 00:34:47.570 --> 00:34:50.150 Kane was there. And it was just such a random 00:34:50.150 --> 00:34:52.050 group of people that I was like, what the hell 00:34:52.050 --> 00:34:55.159 is going on? Um, and I remember it very vividly. 00:34:55.420 --> 00:34:59.239 And then, um, I guess they like increased my 00:34:59.239 --> 00:35:01.739 sedation for that night. Cause I, I went, I was 00:35:01.739 --> 00:35:05.000 out. And then the next day, um, I just remember 00:35:05.000 --> 00:35:08.179 one of the respiratory therapists pulled my tube 00:35:08.179 --> 00:35:11.880 and I was, I was just in a K hole for like two 00:35:11.880 --> 00:35:14.179 days, like a ketamine hole. I was having really, 00:35:14.280 --> 00:35:18.340 really bad, uh, Once everything wore off and 00:35:18.340 --> 00:35:20.420 it was just the ketamine that was still there, 00:35:20.500 --> 00:35:23.320 probably ketamine and benzos, I was having some 00:35:23.320 --> 00:35:27.780 really crazy dreams, really crazy visions. I 00:35:27.780 --> 00:35:30.400 was seeing things. I was hearing things. And 00:35:30.400 --> 00:35:32.760 that took a day and a half. I didn't sleep a 00:35:32.760 --> 00:35:37.679 wink. Tortured my nurses. Tortured my wife. I'm 00:35:37.679 --> 00:35:40.380 sure. But they all knew that's not me. So when 00:35:40.380 --> 00:35:42.280 I look back and I think about, wow, how terrible 00:35:42.280 --> 00:35:46.860 I was to everybody, they all know me. So, and 00:35:46.860 --> 00:35:48.739 I went back and thank them all and gave them 00:35:48.739 --> 00:35:52.900 all big hugs and, but yeah, then I got some clarity 00:35:52.900 --> 00:35:56.099 and then I was out of there. Like in a day I 00:35:56.099 --> 00:35:58.119 did everything. I was like, went to the bathroom, 00:35:58.360 --> 00:36:01.639 walked around, uh, organized cardiac rehab at 00:36:01.639 --> 00:36:04.019 home, got my life vest, called the life vest 00:36:04.019 --> 00:36:07.380 people myself. Really? I swear. Yep. Called them 00:36:07.380 --> 00:36:09.280 myself. The best part is that everyone thought 00:36:09.280 --> 00:36:11.320 I was in a K hole the next day. I would, I like 00:36:11.320 --> 00:36:13.059 had, I'd kind of shooken it for the most part. 00:36:13.139 --> 00:36:15.920 Sure. Called them myself. The lady showed up 00:36:15.920 --> 00:36:19.139 at like 6 a .m. Nobody knew that she came, but 00:36:19.139 --> 00:36:21.960 I did. I got fitted and everything. And they 00:36:21.960 --> 00:36:23.500 came and rounded on me that morning. And I was 00:36:23.500 --> 00:36:27.000 like, yeah, the life vest. People came and everyone's 00:36:27.000 --> 00:36:29.019 like, they didn't believe you. Oh no. You said 00:36:29.019 --> 00:36:31.659 like seeing things. And I was like, no, it was 00:36:31.659 --> 00:36:34.139 like a nice blonde lady came and she fit it in 00:36:34.139 --> 00:36:36.539 there. Just like, that was probably your nurse. 00:36:36.780 --> 00:36:38.599 I was like, no, my nurse was a black lady. Like 00:36:38.599 --> 00:36:42.699 totally. And then, and then the best is that 00:36:42.699 --> 00:36:44.800 they dropped a note in the chart. And then I 00:36:44.800 --> 00:36:47.980 think everybody realized like, okay, I think 00:36:47.980 --> 00:36:50.619 he's, I think he's back to himself. And yeah. 00:36:50.719 --> 00:36:57.420 Wow. I remember. um i i had the privilege of 00:36:57.420 --> 00:37:00.159 coming to visit you a few times i i was part 00:37:00.159 --> 00:37:05.340 of the effort with the kudos committee to collect 00:37:05.340 --> 00:37:09.659 a lot of people really cared and wanted to send 00:37:09.659 --> 00:37:14.480 notes to you and to your family and we set up 00:37:14.480 --> 00:37:18.400 an email address that's normally just for people 00:37:18.400 --> 00:37:22.400 to send compliments to each other uh called the 00:37:22.880 --> 00:37:28.280 kudos uh email but we repurposed it so that people 00:37:28.280 --> 00:37:31.880 could send messages to you and your family and 00:37:31.880 --> 00:37:37.480 we we got hundreds of people who typed brief 00:37:37.480 --> 00:37:40.739 notes to you or sometimes longer notes and uh 00:37:40.739 --> 00:37:43.639 i was fortunate to be able to come and deliver 00:37:43.639 --> 00:37:48.260 those uh having gotten permission yeah um to 00:37:48.260 --> 00:37:51.539 your family and i i remember giving those to 00:37:51.539 --> 00:37:55.719 you and every time I went and saw you briefly 00:37:55.719 --> 00:37:58.480 and kind of got to tap you on the shoulder and 00:37:58.480 --> 00:38:02.139 told you I loved you. Um, Alexander was always 00:38:02.139 --> 00:38:04.679 there. She was there every single time. I don't 00:38:04.679 --> 00:38:07.480 think she actually. No, never left, never left. 00:38:07.679 --> 00:38:10.460 Uh, so yeah, she was a, she was a resident at 00:38:10.460 --> 00:38:14.099 the time herself and thankfully her program was 00:38:14.099 --> 00:38:15.820 super understanding, but she was here for five 00:38:15.820 --> 00:38:19.099 weeks. Her program, which isn't in Ohio. No, 00:38:19.159 --> 00:38:22.090 she trained in Florida. um just kind of went 00:38:22.090 --> 00:38:25.010 on a hiatus they were super understanding thankfully 00:38:25.010 --> 00:38:27.130 she's like she was a really good resident and 00:38:27.130 --> 00:38:29.929 she was she always passed her exams always did 00:38:29.929 --> 00:38:31.909 well always like picked up for other people so 00:38:31.909 --> 00:38:33.809 obviously people had no problem picking up for 00:38:33.809 --> 00:38:38.070 her right um and i'm i'm i mean we're both so 00:38:38.070 --> 00:38:40.610 close with everyone there we were anyway back 00:38:40.610 --> 00:38:43.369 when we were she was training um they were all 00:38:43.369 --> 00:38:46.750 good friends of mine too so it was hard for everybody 00:38:46.750 --> 00:38:50.360 um Not just like my family, but like all my friends 00:38:50.360 --> 00:38:54.659 here, all of her friends. Uh, so yeah, she was, 00:38:54.699 --> 00:38:57.420 she never left my side. We had gotten engaged 00:38:57.420 --> 00:39:00.360 like a year before that. And then we had like 00:39:00.360 --> 00:39:03.579 our, uh, like our Muslim wedding, uh, maybe like 00:39:03.579 --> 00:39:06.940 three or four months before that. And yeah, she 00:39:06.940 --> 00:39:09.119 was like pretty much my wife at that point. Right. 00:39:09.260 --> 00:39:13.059 From my, from my perspective, we hadn't had like 00:39:13.059 --> 00:39:17.719 a big traditional wedding, but yeah. Well, you 00:39:17.719 --> 00:39:20.460 did have a big traditional wedding later, which 00:39:20.460 --> 00:39:22.360 was a really great time, by the way. It was one 00:39:22.360 --> 00:39:23.679 of the best ones I've had. Yeah, best day of 00:39:23.679 --> 00:39:27.880 my life. So a lot of times people don't know 00:39:27.880 --> 00:39:30.800 what to say or how to respond to somebody after 00:39:30.800 --> 00:39:33.280 they've had a big traumatic event like you've 00:39:33.280 --> 00:39:37.380 had. So what was helpful or maybe not helpful 00:39:37.380 --> 00:39:40.039 to you in your interactions with people afterwards? 00:39:40.199 --> 00:39:42.739 I know we talked about how it doesn't define 00:39:42.739 --> 00:39:46.030 you. But what advice would you give to people 00:39:46.030 --> 00:39:51.989 who are wanting to help in these sorts of scenarios? 00:39:52.250 --> 00:39:55.929 Yeah. I think this is a good question because 00:39:55.929 --> 00:39:58.269 this is something I unpacked a lot in therapy. 00:40:01.130 --> 00:40:05.230 And I had to really reel it back because one 00:40:05.230 --> 00:40:07.929 thing that I noted was that when people were 00:40:07.929 --> 00:40:09.969 trying to talk to me and show their gratitude 00:40:09.969 --> 00:40:15.159 for me and... Um, just talk about it, which I 00:40:15.159 --> 00:40:16.920 don't have a problem talking about it. Sure. 00:40:17.079 --> 00:40:20.099 Um, everyone's trauma is different. You know, 00:40:20.119 --> 00:40:23.480 everyone has bad things that happen to them in 00:40:23.480 --> 00:40:27.719 life and traumatic events. And, uh, like the 00:40:27.719 --> 00:40:32.079 severity is subjective, but, um, I learned a 00:40:32.079 --> 00:40:35.559 lot about empathy through this. Just, uh, one 00:40:35.559 --> 00:40:38.159 thing that I, that I've learned that I don't 00:40:38.159 --> 00:40:41.440 do anymore, uh, just as a person. i don't try 00:40:41.440 --> 00:40:44.400 to compare someone else's trauma to my own like 00:40:44.400 --> 00:40:46.139 a lot of times people would tell me like stories 00:40:46.139 --> 00:40:47.699 that happened to them when they were trying to 00:40:47.699 --> 00:40:50.340 like empathize with me and that's just like trump 00:40:50.340 --> 00:40:53.239 that like i i used it used to i used to feel 00:40:53.239 --> 00:40:55.639 more sad after that because like people don't 00:40:55.639 --> 00:40:57.840 realize you're trying to like have a have a common 00:40:57.840 --> 00:41:00.000 bridge with the with with someone that you're 00:41:00.000 --> 00:41:02.340 trying to talk to but all you're necessarily 00:41:02.340 --> 00:41:05.019 doing is just like offloading your trauma onto 00:41:05.019 --> 00:41:09.730 somebody else um and like I really, it took me 00:41:09.730 --> 00:41:14.949 a lot of time to, um, and a lot of guidance to 00:41:14.949 --> 00:41:16.849 just realize that it's all in good intention. 00:41:16.929 --> 00:41:18.829 Like people don't know, like, how do you talk 00:41:18.829 --> 00:41:21.730 to somebody who's died before? Like, that's how 00:41:21.730 --> 00:41:23.769 I, like, how do you, how do you like have that 00:41:23.769 --> 00:41:26.170 conversation? You know? So I think it was all 00:41:26.170 --> 00:41:31.329 just out of like people's genuity. Um, but I 00:41:31.329 --> 00:41:36.090 would say like, everyone's got their own issues 00:41:36.090 --> 00:41:39.559 and trauma that, um, It's just not it wasn't 00:41:39.559 --> 00:41:42.559 healthy for me to hear other people's situational. 00:41:42.780 --> 00:41:48.579 Sure. Like situations, I guess. Just just having 00:41:48.579 --> 00:41:50.820 people tell me, like, I'm glad you're OK. That 00:41:50.820 --> 00:41:52.860 was like the most when people like I would bump 00:41:52.860 --> 00:41:55.500 into I bumped into people in the hospital every 00:41:55.500 --> 00:41:58.440 freaking day for like six months. People that 00:41:58.440 --> 00:42:01.300 I didn't I didn't see their face. So like every 00:42:01.300 --> 00:42:04.480 time your first interaction is like a big emotional 00:42:04.480 --> 00:42:07.760 like, oh, my God, I'm so. like you know like 00:42:07.760 --> 00:42:09.460 you you won't see somebody for like six months 00:42:09.460 --> 00:42:11.860 and then you see them and then you haven't you 00:42:11.860 --> 00:42:14.019 haven't thought about this day and so long and 00:42:14.019 --> 00:42:16.380 then they then you just talk about it yeah they 00:42:16.380 --> 00:42:18.880 just talk about it and the best interactions 00:42:18.880 --> 00:42:20.960 that i had were just like brief that were like 00:42:20.960 --> 00:42:25.840 i'm glad you're okay um so i don't know anytime 00:42:25.840 --> 00:42:28.980 that i hear tragic news or like somebody's going 00:42:28.980 --> 00:42:31.519 through something i keep it brief and i just 00:42:31.519 --> 00:42:34.659 let them know that i'm thinking about them And 00:42:34.659 --> 00:42:36.639 I don't try to belabor it unless they want to 00:42:36.639 --> 00:42:40.739 talk. Like I'm, I'm happy to talk anytime. Um, 00:42:40.900 --> 00:42:44.320 but, uh, I don't know, sometimes, especially 00:42:44.320 --> 00:42:46.699 if we weren't close before. Sure. It was hard 00:42:46.699 --> 00:42:49.039 to have those conversations with people. Um, 00:42:49.039 --> 00:42:55.039 but yeah. So let's go less than a year after 00:42:55.039 --> 00:42:57.539 your event. It's January, 2023. You're watching 00:42:57.539 --> 00:43:00.260 Monday night football. Yeah. Uh, DeMar Hamlin 00:43:00.260 --> 00:43:03.400 collapses on the field. What's what's. going 00:43:03.400 --> 00:43:07.679 through your mind what are you thinking so oh 00:43:07.679 --> 00:43:13.420 yeah uh it was just a it was just like a bird's 00:43:13.420 --> 00:43:16.280 eye view of something like it was very eerie 00:43:16.280 --> 00:43:18.800 for me i mean it was eerie for everybody but 00:43:18.800 --> 00:43:23.199 um for me specifically like that moment within 00:43:23.199 --> 00:43:25.559 five minutes i've got probably like 15 text messages 00:43:25.559 --> 00:43:27.340 from different people like are you watching this 00:43:27.340 --> 00:43:32.559 game my mom called me my wife called me um And 00:43:32.559 --> 00:43:35.619 then I'm looking at it and I knew like when they 00:43:35.619 --> 00:43:37.420 go to commercial like that and there's a big 00:43:37.420 --> 00:43:41.059 crowd of people. I was sitting with my roommate 00:43:41.059 --> 00:43:42.400 at the time and I just said, I think they're 00:43:42.400 --> 00:43:45.719 doing chest compressions on this young man. And 00:43:45.719 --> 00:43:49.659 lo and behold, like they get back, the tone of 00:43:49.659 --> 00:43:52.880 the game is super somber. People are crying on 00:43:52.880 --> 00:43:55.019 the field and I just. kind of knew what was going 00:43:55.019 --> 00:43:58.980 on um my mom called me crying she's just like 00:43:58.980 --> 00:44:00.719 this is what happened this is like i'm getting 00:44:00.719 --> 00:44:04.059 like really my mom got really traumatized um 00:44:04.059 --> 00:44:07.099 i imagine there's a big ptsd component so then 00:44:07.099 --> 00:44:09.099 for me it was just like having a different perspective 00:44:09.099 --> 00:44:11.440 on the whole thing because like for me when i 00:44:11.440 --> 00:44:15.360 had my arrest i was fine i was asleep in the 00:44:15.360 --> 00:44:17.519 icu i don't remember anything i just woke up 00:44:17.519 --> 00:44:20.699 i had some rib pain because i cracked some ribs 00:44:20.699 --> 00:44:24.590 but otherwise like It was all just emotional 00:44:24.590 --> 00:44:28.690 and mostly just like supporting my family and 00:44:28.690 --> 00:44:31.730 my wife emotionally. But now I'm like seeing 00:44:31.730 --> 00:44:33.929 it from the other end of like, this is really 00:44:33.929 --> 00:44:36.670 happening. And this person's mom is watching 00:44:36.670 --> 00:44:39.110 this. And if he's got a partner, she's watching 00:44:39.110 --> 00:44:44.889 this. And yeah, it was just a different perspective 00:44:44.889 --> 00:44:51.849 for sure. So tell me a little bit more. How you 00:44:51.849 --> 00:44:53.650 got involved with that situation afterwards? 00:44:53.769 --> 00:44:56.889 Sure. So Damar was here at UC for about a week. 00:44:57.530 --> 00:45:01.489 I don't know, maybe less than a week. I kept 00:45:01.489 --> 00:45:06.289 my distance. I was like, you know, keeping tabs. 00:45:06.489 --> 00:45:10.389 But in the back of my mind, I knew like this 00:45:10.389 --> 00:45:14.150 guy got immediate CPR, which is the most important. 00:45:14.210 --> 00:45:16.949 When you have an out of hospital cardiac arrest, 00:45:17.110 --> 00:45:20.869 the most important thing is witnessed. And like, 00:45:20.869 --> 00:45:23.289 like very limited downtime before compression 00:45:23.289 --> 00:45:26.150 start. So I knew that they were doing compressions. 00:45:26.150 --> 00:45:28.730 I knew they secured his airway. I knew that, 00:45:28.730 --> 00:45:32.150 um, I didn't know, I shouldn't say that, but 00:45:32.150 --> 00:45:33.789 like, I felt pretty confident, like this guy's 00:45:33.789 --> 00:45:36.650 going to be okay. Like, I think he got here. 00:45:37.230 --> 00:45:41.429 Um, and he's, it was just so similar to me. It 00:45:41.429 --> 00:45:44.030 was so similar, like witnessed arrest, immediate 00:45:44.030 --> 00:45:48.760 compressions, uh, got him here. Got him settled 00:45:48.760 --> 00:45:50.820 in the ICU. They're doing all the things for 00:45:50.820 --> 00:45:56.900 him. So my my my view of it was like a little 00:45:56.900 --> 00:45:58.480 bit less morbid than everyone else, I think, 00:45:58.519 --> 00:46:00.119 because I just kind of had this feeling like 00:46:00.119 --> 00:46:03.579 I think this guy's going to be OK. And you're 00:46:03.579 --> 00:46:05.639 seeing all the news cameras and people and everything's 00:46:05.639 --> 00:46:08.199 like very sad for like days. It was like all 00:46:08.199 --> 00:46:10.159 the news, all the sports news, everything, all 00:46:10.159 --> 00:46:12.840 my notifications on my phone, Twitter, whatever. 00:46:12.980 --> 00:46:15.139 Sure. And I just had like a different perspective 00:46:15.139 --> 00:46:17.099 of it, of just like. I think this guy's going 00:46:17.099 --> 00:46:20.579 to be okay. And then you start hearing things 00:46:20.579 --> 00:46:23.599 around the hospital, you know, like he's doing 00:46:23.599 --> 00:46:26.559 better and things are going in the right direction 00:46:26.559 --> 00:46:30.940 and blah, blah, blah. And then my, I think it 00:46:30.940 --> 00:46:33.780 was my mom. She, she made the nudge. My mom made 00:46:33.780 --> 00:46:37.519 this comment of like, you know, I didn't really 00:46:37.519 --> 00:46:40.300 have anybody at the hospital to kind of tell 00:46:40.300 --> 00:46:43.360 me everything was going to be okay. Like people 00:46:43.360 --> 00:46:47.179 told me that all the time, but. like nobody that 00:46:47.179 --> 00:46:50.079 nobody credible like you know like nobody like 00:46:50.079 --> 00:46:52.420 other than like yeah you have doctors and stuff 00:46:52.420 --> 00:46:54.579 like that but nobody nobody who's like gone through 00:46:54.579 --> 00:46:57.559 something as eerily similar within in a in a 00:46:57.559 --> 00:47:00.380 vicinity like as being in the same city in the 00:47:00.380 --> 00:47:03.139 same hospital same similar situation i mean i 00:47:03.139 --> 00:47:06.380 have my congenital stuff and he's otherwise from 00:47:06.380 --> 00:47:08.340 what i know otherwise healthy that just having 00:47:08.340 --> 00:47:11.460 this random thing but um we're both like young 00:47:11.460 --> 00:47:14.769 men that like this really was unexpected right 00:47:14.769 --> 00:47:19.510 uh doing things that we love to do and like it 00:47:19.510 --> 00:47:21.309 totally just changes your perspective of like 00:47:21.309 --> 00:47:26.309 what do i do after this like i can i work like 00:47:26.309 --> 00:47:29.230 immediately after i got um out of the hospital 00:47:29.230 --> 00:47:32.110 like the question of like can i drive that was 00:47:32.110 --> 00:47:35.690 a big that was huge like i couldn't drive for 00:47:35.690 --> 00:47:37.670 six months after my arrest like from the date 00:47:37.670 --> 00:47:40.510 of my arrest so like that was life -altering 00:47:40.510 --> 00:47:43.420 but like i had there was an end date to it so 00:47:43.420 --> 00:47:46.000 like but i didn't know that so there was like 00:47:46.000 --> 00:47:48.820 a lot of depression leading up to like i can't 00:47:48.820 --> 00:47:50.659 drive nobody's had this conversation with me 00:47:50.659 --> 00:47:53.820 can i be in an operating room by myself like 00:47:53.820 --> 00:47:55.679 is that legal like what are like what does this 00:47:55.679 --> 00:47:58.320 mean am i done i don't have disability insurance 00:47:58.320 --> 00:48:00.719 i don't have this that like everything kind of 00:48:00.719 --> 00:48:04.039 just like clobbers you at once um and i think 00:48:04.039 --> 00:48:09.119 that um having somebody like myself to go and 00:48:09.119 --> 00:48:12.710 talk to my mom And tell her, like, it's going 00:48:12.710 --> 00:48:15.610 to be okay. And I know that because this literally 00:48:15.610 --> 00:48:19.550 just happened to me. So I had to jump through 00:48:19.550 --> 00:48:21.590 some hoops to get there. Basically, I just broke 00:48:21.590 --> 00:48:24.289 all the rules. And I just went because everyone 00:48:24.289 --> 00:48:27.929 told me no. Because it was pretty lock and key 00:48:27.929 --> 00:48:30.170 in the ICU. And I figured, you know what, this 00:48:30.170 --> 00:48:34.150 department will have my back. So I kind of ignored 00:48:34.150 --> 00:48:37.269 permission and I just went. And I just walked 00:48:37.269 --> 00:48:40.510 into his room. Um, when I knew it was appropriate 00:48:40.510 --> 00:48:44.230 and, uh, just kind of when I went in my street 00:48:44.230 --> 00:48:46.690 clothes, just so that I wouldn't give this illusion 00:48:46.690 --> 00:48:48.369 that like, I'm a doctor coming to update you 00:48:48.369 --> 00:48:50.489 or anything. I just wanted to go in there. I 00:48:50.489 --> 00:48:52.989 quickly like introduced myself and said, I'm 00:48:52.989 --> 00:48:55.690 here as a doctor here, but I'm also just here 00:48:55.690 --> 00:48:59.030 as a friend. Um, and it was like 7 PM. So everything 00:48:59.030 --> 00:49:01.730 was chill. Nobody was rounding. Nobody was like 00:49:01.730 --> 00:49:04.989 doing anything. And we did, I just sat in his 00:49:04.989 --> 00:49:06.590 room for like 15 minutes and we talked about 00:49:06.590 --> 00:49:09.989 it. Um, his parents were there and they were 00:49:09.989 --> 00:49:12.369 really appreciative. And he asked me for my contact 00:49:12.369 --> 00:49:16.610 information just to talk. Uh, cause like they 00:49:16.610 --> 00:49:18.590 were like, if, when I walked in that room, it 00:49:18.590 --> 00:49:20.349 was like deer in headlights. People don't realize 00:49:20.349 --> 00:49:22.590 like, yeah, this guy's a pro athlete, but he's 00:49:22.590 --> 00:49:27.250 a kid. Right. And, um, like every, every time 00:49:27.250 --> 00:49:29.070 someone comes in the room, when you're in that 00:49:29.070 --> 00:49:34.469 situation is like, uh, you don't know what's, 00:49:34.469 --> 00:49:37.599 what they're going to tell you. So. um we just 00:49:37.599 --> 00:49:41.039 became friends uh and then i don't know i got 00:49:41.039 --> 00:49:42.440 his number i was like he's never gonna text me 00:49:42.440 --> 00:49:44.800 it's fine like i just i'm glad i was able to 00:49:44.800 --> 00:49:47.519 like get like say something to him and hopefully 00:49:47.519 --> 00:49:50.000 i helped like i had something i felt like i had 00:49:50.000 --> 00:49:53.179 something to give that was um productive and 00:49:53.179 --> 00:49:55.199 that was a little bit different from maybe what 00:49:55.199 --> 00:49:58.199 they've been experiencing this week and it turns 00:49:58.199 --> 00:50:00.679 out i made a big difference for that guy uh and 00:50:00.679 --> 00:50:04.460 his family i like they know me by name Um, he's 00:50:04.460 --> 00:50:07.079 mentioned me multiple times, um, when it comes 00:50:07.079 --> 00:50:09.860 to his like recovery and stuff like that. Uh, 00:50:09.900 --> 00:50:11.760 we still chat every once in a while, just catch 00:50:11.760 --> 00:50:16.380 up, nothing crazy. Um, but I feel like I made 00:50:16.380 --> 00:50:19.519 a good impact on somebody from like something 00:50:19.519 --> 00:50:22.719 terrible that happened to me. Um, you don't really 00:50:22.719 --> 00:50:24.320 like have that outlook when you're going through 00:50:24.320 --> 00:50:27.500 it. Um, so like when I was able to like help 00:50:27.500 --> 00:50:30.400 somebody that went through something so similar 00:50:30.400 --> 00:50:34.840 to myself, it like, helped me too because i was 00:50:34.840 --> 00:50:36.699 i was in a funk like at that time i was still 00:50:36.699 --> 00:50:38.800 i mean i had just started driving at that point 00:50:38.800 --> 00:50:41.900 right but um i was like taking an uber to work 00:50:41.900 --> 00:50:44.840 every day and i couldn't get groceries i couldn't 00:50:44.840 --> 00:50:46.940 like go to the gym i couldn't do anything because 00:50:46.940 --> 00:50:50.119 it's like i gotta pay for this and like i don't 00:50:50.119 --> 00:50:52.099 want to deal with all that and it's just like 00:50:52.099 --> 00:50:55.179 you get into like a depression and sure i don't 00:50:55.179 --> 00:50:57.940 know yeah so uh that was like an uplifting thing 00:50:57.940 --> 00:50:59.539 for me that kind of helped me get through the 00:50:59.539 --> 00:51:01.239 rest of my residency honestly because that was 00:51:01.239 --> 00:51:05.670 like the home stretch Yeah. Yeah. Somehow. And 00:51:05.670 --> 00:51:08.929 this I think was the craziest part of the whole 00:51:08.929 --> 00:51:11.650 thing. You still somehow graduated on time. Yeah. 00:51:12.269 --> 00:51:16.650 I only missed about a month of work. Yeah. Maybe 00:51:16.650 --> 00:51:19.730 like five weeks, but I don't know. I was going 00:51:19.730 --> 00:51:22.369 nuts. I was at home. I was feeling okay. I was 00:51:22.369 --> 00:51:24.070 going on long walks. I wasn't really getting 00:51:24.070 --> 00:51:26.949 super winded. Uh, the only thing that was like 00:51:26.949 --> 00:51:29.070 painful was like my incision from when they put 00:51:29.070 --> 00:51:31.610 the defibrillator in, but that was. That was 00:51:31.610 --> 00:51:34.269 like the only limiting factor. And I got back 00:51:34.269 --> 00:51:36.530 to work and I worked, I think I was with Sajan 00:51:36.530 --> 00:51:39.730 for a week, one of my co -residents. And he's 00:51:39.730 --> 00:51:41.750 like, I don't know why I'm here. You're good. 00:51:42.190 --> 00:51:46.010 I talked to him a lot, actually, just to check 00:51:46.010 --> 00:51:48.590 on how you were doing. And then I think I remember 00:51:48.590 --> 00:51:51.269 I worked with you one of those very first days. 00:51:51.369 --> 00:51:56.530 Yeah. I gave you one of my quizzes. That was 00:51:56.530 --> 00:51:58.550 when I knew you were neurologically intact. That's 00:51:58.550 --> 00:52:00.960 when you aced one of my... tougher quizzes yeah 00:52:00.960 --> 00:52:04.119 it's like wow okay well i guess he's all he's 00:52:04.119 --> 00:52:06.639 all set yeah i mean they did a good they they 00:52:06.639 --> 00:52:10.239 were good to me they they a bunch like for up 00:52:10.239 --> 00:52:12.119 and i think i don't think i took a call shift 00:52:12.119 --> 00:52:17.239 it was months like people were just i didn't 00:52:17.239 --> 00:52:19.119 even ask for that people were just like taking 00:52:19.119 --> 00:52:23.219 them um people were just looking out for me and 00:52:23.219 --> 00:52:26.179 then i finally had to say like i can work Like 00:52:26.179 --> 00:52:28.119 I can work on a Saturday guys. Like you don't 00:52:28.119 --> 00:52:30.039 have to, I can sleep at this hospital. It's fine. 00:52:30.820 --> 00:52:34.519 Um, but yeah, it was like true. Like the, the 00:52:34.519 --> 00:52:37.699 community here was amazing, especially like just 00:52:37.699 --> 00:52:40.179 within the department. I mean, I knew, I knew 00:52:40.179 --> 00:52:42.079 I like, this was my family away from home. I'm 00:52:42.079 --> 00:52:46.059 not from here. Right. Like, um, so like this 00:52:46.059 --> 00:52:47.860 was my family before that event. And then it 00:52:47.860 --> 00:52:52.420 just got even more solidified for sure. Well, 00:52:52.480 --> 00:52:54.739 at the end of these, I usually ask people what 00:52:54.739 --> 00:52:57.320 their style points, points of personal preference 00:52:57.320 --> 00:53:02.079 in the OR that have helped them succeed through 00:53:02.079 --> 00:53:05.139 their careers are. And I want to ask you sort 00:53:05.139 --> 00:53:07.500 of the same question, but obviously with a little 00:53:07.500 --> 00:53:09.380 bit of a different flavor based on everything 00:53:09.380 --> 00:53:12.880 that you went through. What style points do you 00:53:12.880 --> 00:53:16.059 have to offer for us based on your whole experience? 00:53:18.559 --> 00:53:23.340 Let's see how I can tie this. I think. And ultimately, 00:53:23.619 --> 00:53:31.480 when I, I don't know, I think the thing that 00:53:31.480 --> 00:53:33.679 I preach and practice the most is just respect. 00:53:34.300 --> 00:53:38.860 And I think that having like a, like such a grounding 00:53:38.860 --> 00:53:43.500 experience. And like, I always tell people, the 00:53:43.500 --> 00:53:46.079 thing that happened to me that impacted me the 00:53:46.079 --> 00:53:49.039 most was the impact that this event had on just 00:53:49.039 --> 00:53:51.840 my perspective on life. Just like the. Like I 00:53:51.840 --> 00:53:55.119 went from like being a medical student to a resident. 00:53:55.199 --> 00:53:57.139 Like I need to do this. I need to do that. I 00:53:57.139 --> 00:54:00.059 need to do this fellowship. I have to do this 00:54:00.059 --> 00:54:02.519 research and I'm behind on this, that, the other. 00:54:02.800 --> 00:54:04.840 And then this happened to me. And then I, and 00:54:04.840 --> 00:54:06.760 then just like everything became a bird's eye 00:54:06.760 --> 00:54:10.800 view. Like the perspective totally changed. Like 00:54:10.800 --> 00:54:16.610 family first. Like I hadn't, I, I don't, I. I 00:54:16.610 --> 00:54:18.750 thought that everything was good with my family, 00:54:18.809 --> 00:54:20.989 but I realized I had gotten such tunnel vision, 00:54:21.130 --> 00:54:24.630 like being in residency and like just pursuing 00:54:24.630 --> 00:54:28.650 my goals and my relationship. And like, I just 00:54:28.650 --> 00:54:34.849 had no like, um, big picture ability. So what 00:54:34.849 --> 00:54:37.269 came with that was just like loving everybody 00:54:37.269 --> 00:54:41.250 around me and just having respect for everybody. 00:54:41.929 --> 00:54:45.090 Um, And I just preach that in the OR. I'm so 00:54:45.090 --> 00:54:48.010 nice. I try to be. I'm being really facetious 00:54:48.010 --> 00:54:50.289 right now. But I try to be so nice to everybody 00:54:50.289 --> 00:54:54.849 that I work with. And as far as I know, my reputation 00:54:54.849 --> 00:54:58.230 with the people I work with at my job, I only 00:54:58.230 --> 00:55:00.690 get good feedback because of just how respectful 00:55:00.690 --> 00:55:04.289 I am to the nurse that's orienting in the room, 00:55:04.630 --> 00:55:08.010 the circulating nurse in the OR, the surgeons, 00:55:08.170 --> 00:55:12.300 the fellows, the medical students. I treat everybody 00:55:12.300 --> 00:55:16.619 exactly the same. There's no ego from the anesthesia 00:55:16.619 --> 00:55:20.340 side of things in the room that I work in. And 00:55:20.340 --> 00:55:23.679 it's just good vibes. And that just makes the 00:55:23.679 --> 00:55:25.719 day better for everybody. Even when you have 00:55:25.719 --> 00:55:29.719 a really sick kid, if you're just positive and 00:55:29.719 --> 00:55:33.119 you just wear it on your sleeve that everything's 00:55:33.119 --> 00:55:35.059 going to be okay, and even if things aren't going 00:55:35.059 --> 00:55:40.250 great, if you just try to... try to get through 00:55:40.250 --> 00:55:43.929 it and don't get stressed and just know that 00:55:43.929 --> 00:55:45.989 everybody has a job and that they're doing their 00:55:45.989 --> 00:55:48.510 job to the best of their ability, uh, without 00:55:48.510 --> 00:55:50.389 like upsetting people in the room. That's, those 00:55:50.389 --> 00:55:52.369 are my style points than the way that I practice. 00:55:53.230 --> 00:55:55.869 Um, I've only been in attending for about six 00:55:55.869 --> 00:55:58.409 months, but I've just gotten a lot of feedback 00:55:58.409 --> 00:56:03.690 of when things are hitting the fan. Uh, like 00:56:03.690 --> 00:56:07.469 Yusuf is like, has a finger on the pulse and 00:56:07.469 --> 00:56:11.119 knows like, who to call. And that just comes 00:56:11.119 --> 00:56:13.900 from being calm and being respectful and not 00:56:13.900 --> 00:56:15.559 trying to do other people's job and trusting 00:56:15.559 --> 00:56:18.159 other people and just having that respect. And 00:56:18.159 --> 00:56:20.559 I, I like to think that I was like that before 00:56:20.559 --> 00:56:23.679 this event, but it definitely, I definitely started 00:56:23.679 --> 00:56:27.599 being more mindful of it for sure. From everything 00:56:27.599 --> 00:56:32.400 that I know and have talked to other people about, 00:56:32.460 --> 00:56:36.760 those are straight facts. So I can confirm all 00:56:36.760 --> 00:56:39.420 of those things. I appreciate it. Thank you so 00:56:39.420 --> 00:56:41.860 much for joining us. And I really appreciate 00:56:41.860 --> 00:56:47.119 you coming here. Yeah, man. It's an honor. Thanks 00:56:47.119 --> 00:56:49.500 for listening to this month's episode of Style 00:56:49.500 --> 00:56:53.219 Points. As a reminder, every episode is 100 % 00:56:53.219 --> 00:56:56.260 organic, ethically sourced, farm to table, and 00:56:56.260 --> 00:56:58.760 free of artificial preservatives or additives, 00:56:58.800 --> 00:57:01.800 just like the Cleveland Cavaliers. It's my birthday 00:57:01.800 --> 00:57:04.159 this month. If you can't think of anything to 00:57:04.159 --> 00:57:06.519 get me, please consider leaving a five -star 00:57:06.519 --> 00:57:09.619 review or even better, a comment. That is what 00:57:09.619 --> 00:57:12.079 will help the mysterious algorithm find other 00:57:12.079 --> 00:57:13.860 people that might be interested in listening. 00:57:14.300 --> 00:57:18.139 As always, feel free to email me at stylepointspodcast 00:57:18.139 --> 00:57:22.639 at gmail .com. Take a deep breath. Open your 00:57:22.639 --> 00:57:24.320 eyes. We're all done.