WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.200 You are now listening to cryptid cocktail party 00:00:41.020 --> 00:00:43.079 Welcome back, everyone, to another episode of 00:00:43.079 --> 00:00:44.479 Cryptic Cocktail Party, a show where we have 00:00:44.479 --> 00:00:46.399 a few drinks, share a few laughs, take a dive 00:00:46.399 --> 00:00:48.259 into the unknown. I'm your host, Dave, joined 00:00:48.259 --> 00:00:50.960 as always by my wonderful co -host, Sarge. How's 00:00:50.960 --> 00:00:53.600 it going, Sarge? Pretty fucking good, man. Yeah? 00:00:53.920 --> 00:00:57.420 Summer's here. Dude, it's... Yeah. I'm fucking 00:00:57.420 --> 00:00:59.200 dying, dude. I'm sweating. Just stewing in my 00:00:59.200 --> 00:01:01.380 own juices. Yeah, I've been sitting in this office. 00:01:01.560 --> 00:01:03.600 Well, luckily I had the windows open. There's 00:01:03.600 --> 00:01:06.579 a nice breeze coming through. Not here. No, it's 00:01:06.579 --> 00:01:08.599 just hot all the way around. No, I just had to 00:01:08.599 --> 00:01:12.510 close my door and now I'm fucking... dying thankfully 00:01:12.510 --> 00:01:15.909 thankfully I'm very excited to be in the basement 00:01:15.909 --> 00:01:18.750 today where it's cold in the beginning of the 00:01:18.750 --> 00:01:21.069 summer my basement is awesome because it's freezing 00:01:21.069 --> 00:01:24.810 cold the unfortunate thing is my asshole kids 00:01:24.810 --> 00:01:26.269 like to go out in the yard and leave the door 00:01:26.269 --> 00:01:28.730 open and so they let the cold out even though 00:01:28.730 --> 00:01:30.750 it's just a basement so it's naturally cold yeah 00:01:30.750 --> 00:01:33.730 I love my children normally but in the summertime 00:01:33.730 --> 00:01:37.120 it's a heated battle between us now when You 00:01:37.120 --> 00:01:39.719 go outside to yell at them. Do you do the quintessential 00:01:39.719 --> 00:01:42.140 New England parent thing? Oh, yeah. Where you're 00:01:42.140 --> 00:01:45.239 like, what are you raising a fucking barn? Yeah, 00:01:45.319 --> 00:01:47.920 yeah. And I'm like, hey, knock it off, you fucking 00:01:47.920 --> 00:01:51.719 chuckle fucks. You dubba. No, I don't call my 00:01:51.719 --> 00:01:54.299 kid fucks. I call them knuckleheads because that's 00:01:54.299 --> 00:01:55.659 what you call your kids when you're from New 00:01:55.659 --> 00:02:00.200 England. I was called dubba. A dub. Dubba? Yeah, 00:02:00.299 --> 00:02:03.319 it's a main thing, I think. Okay. And then I 00:02:03.319 --> 00:02:05.760 never got called a knucklehead. No, knucklehead 00:02:05.760 --> 00:02:08.520 is very, it's a very Boston insult. Little shit. 00:02:08.599 --> 00:02:11.960 That was a big one. I don't think that's true. 00:02:12.060 --> 00:02:15.500 We do, you little bastard. Yeah, I think that's 00:02:15.500 --> 00:02:18.240 just New England in general. Yeah, but that's 00:02:18.240 --> 00:02:20.900 more like when my kid really gets in a good burn 00:02:20.900 --> 00:02:23.319 on me and there's just no way I can recover from 00:02:23.319 --> 00:02:26.240 it. Ooh, that's the worst. You little bastard. 00:02:26.439 --> 00:02:29.979 Yeah, yeah. Oh, well, I'm glad you're doing good. 00:02:30.039 --> 00:02:31.979 I'm glad we're both suffering in this heat. You 00:02:31.979 --> 00:02:34.750 seem to be suffering less than I. Yeah, well, 00:02:34.810 --> 00:02:37.009 that's because I'm wearing less clothes. That's 00:02:37.009 --> 00:02:40.469 true. I don't know. T -shirt felt right today. 00:02:40.530 --> 00:02:43.250 I don't know why. I'm one step away from rocking 00:02:43.250 --> 00:02:45.050 the Henry Rollins, if I'm being honest. Just 00:02:45.050 --> 00:02:47.469 fucking basketball shorts and no other clothing. 00:02:47.710 --> 00:02:49.969 I mean, it's a good look. If you can pull it 00:02:49.969 --> 00:02:52.349 off. For him, it's a good look. For me, it's 00:02:52.349 --> 00:02:57.449 not great. I mean, you got nice shoulders. Yeah, 00:02:57.469 --> 00:02:59.370 that's about it, though. Everything else, just 00:02:59.370 --> 00:03:02.150 saggy mess. No, I hear you. All right, well. 00:03:02.669 --> 00:03:06.569 I don't know how to segue into... Well, I think 00:03:06.569 --> 00:03:09.210 we were talking about my decrepit body, so let's 00:03:09.210 --> 00:03:12.250 talk about decrepit bodies of cattle. Yeah, we're 00:03:12.250 --> 00:03:13.830 going to be talking about cattle mutilation today. 00:03:14.469 --> 00:03:18.150 Woo! So how familiar are you with cattle mutilation? 00:03:18.729 --> 00:03:20.849 Oh, I mean, it's not a hobby or anything, but 00:03:20.849 --> 00:03:25.469 I have heard about it. It's the most death metal 00:03:25.469 --> 00:03:28.889 sounding phenomena. I think that's why cattle 00:03:28.889 --> 00:03:31.569 decapitation is a band. Yeah, cattle decapitation 00:03:31.569 --> 00:03:35.110 is such a good band, too. So that's all you know 00:03:35.110 --> 00:03:37.370 about it, is that it just sounds brutal? No, 00:03:37.370 --> 00:03:40.030 no, no. This is something that I am morbidly 00:03:40.030 --> 00:03:42.310 fascinated with and have been so for a long time. 00:03:42.509 --> 00:03:47.289 I walk back and forth between, is this actual 00:03:47.289 --> 00:03:50.409 cattle decapitation or cattle, I'm sorry, mutilation, 00:03:50.469 --> 00:03:54.090 or is it like just the cow fucking died? Yeah. 00:03:54.490 --> 00:03:57.469 And then animals got a hold of it. I don't know, 00:03:57.490 --> 00:04:00.210 man. I'm not ready to call it one way or another. 00:04:00.409 --> 00:04:02.090 All right. Well, maybe, I mean, we're not going 00:04:02.090 --> 00:04:04.250 to solve it. Let's be honest. Of course not. 00:04:04.530 --> 00:04:06.650 No. According to that one reviewer, we're just 00:04:06.650 --> 00:04:08.949 going to laugh at it. We're just going to yuck 00:04:08.949 --> 00:04:11.750 it up, dude. Yeah. Which is what, I mean, what 00:04:11.750 --> 00:04:15.610 do you expect? From this show? Not much. Right. 00:04:15.729 --> 00:04:19.350 Right. All right. Well, for those of you listening, 00:04:19.589 --> 00:04:22.430 you can probably ask it yourselves. what is cat 00:04:22.430 --> 00:04:24.490 mutilation but to be honest if you're listening 00:04:24.490 --> 00:04:26.250 to the show you probably have some vague idea 00:04:26.250 --> 00:04:28.850 of what it is since you're here or you might 00:04:28.850 --> 00:04:31.490 be doing it on in your spare time yeah no judge 00:04:31.490 --> 00:04:33.689 but for those of you that are new here it may 00:04:33.689 --> 00:04:38.370 not be well versed in ufo paranormal animal murder 00:04:38.370 --> 00:04:41.329 uh here's here's like a quick breakdown of what 00:04:41.329 --> 00:04:44.709 it is so cat mutilation isn't just dead cows 00:04:45.709 --> 00:04:48.209 Cows and animals die on ranches all the time, 00:04:48.250 --> 00:04:50.449 either from disease, predators, old age, whatever. 00:04:50.550 --> 00:04:52.470 I don't really know how cows die. I just assume 00:04:52.470 --> 00:04:54.430 they live forever until you slaughter them for 00:04:54.430 --> 00:04:56.889 beef. Yeah, until you turn them into steak. Delicious, 00:04:57.370 --> 00:05:01.269 delicious steak. There's a whole slew of reasons 00:05:01.269 --> 00:05:04.870 as to why animals die. Over time, the animal 00:05:04.870 --> 00:05:08.110 rots. Scavengers get into them. Coyotes go in 00:05:08.110 --> 00:05:10.040 and start... chewing on their buttholes it's 00:05:10.040 --> 00:05:12.319 not yeah it's weird that that's what they do 00:05:12.319 --> 00:05:14.500 but like i understand why they do it because 00:05:14.500 --> 00:05:17.019 that's where all the soft tissue is but yeah 00:05:17.019 --> 00:05:19.279 that's also a butthole you know what i mean it's 00:05:19.279 --> 00:05:22.379 gross but it's it's normal right what isn't normal 00:05:22.379 --> 00:05:25.300 is finding your livestock dead with no sign of 00:05:25.300 --> 00:05:27.680 the struggle free of disease with body parts 00:05:27.680 --> 00:05:30.730 like tongues eyes ears udders dicks and balls, 00:05:31.050 --> 00:05:33.170 buttholes, and other soft fleshy bits removed 00:05:33.170 --> 00:05:36.129 with surgeon -like precision with little to no 00:05:36.129 --> 00:05:38.209 blood in or around the carcass. And to make it 00:05:38.209 --> 00:05:40.730 even more puzzling, there's usually zero evidence 00:05:40.730 --> 00:05:42.829 as to who or what could have been responsible. 00:05:42.930 --> 00:05:45.449 Most, if not every time, there's no footprints, 00:05:45.870 --> 00:05:48.470 tracks, like anything leading to or from the 00:05:48.470 --> 00:05:51.189 animal. It's definitely weird. You know, like 00:05:51.189 --> 00:05:53.709 one day your cattle's healthy, happy, grazing 00:05:53.709 --> 00:05:55.490 on grass, and the next morning you find it with 00:05:55.490 --> 00:05:57.029 half its face and butthole missing. It's not 00:05:57.029 --> 00:06:01.279 great. No, no, it's not great. And since the 00:06:01.279 --> 00:06:03.980 60s and 70s, reports of this happening have been 00:06:03.980 --> 00:06:07.000 documented all across the country with no explanation 00:06:07.000 --> 00:06:10.980 as to who or what is the cause. So some claim 00:06:10.980 --> 00:06:13.360 the culprit is aliens. Others seem to think it 00:06:13.360 --> 00:06:16.160 could be like a chupacabra type thing. Others 00:06:16.160 --> 00:06:18.920 think it's the government. I don't know. Like 00:06:18.920 --> 00:06:20.720 I said, we're not going to be the ones to solve 00:06:20.720 --> 00:06:23.839 it. But I figured we'll do our best, I guess. 00:06:23.899 --> 00:06:26.759 We'll give at least our own. interpretation of 00:06:26.759 --> 00:06:29.060 what's going on yeah i got i gotta say though 00:06:29.060 --> 00:06:32.060 i love the fact that people will shoehorn the 00:06:32.060 --> 00:06:34.759 united states government into any weird nefarious 00:06:34.759 --> 00:06:38.120 doings what could they possibly be getting out 00:06:38.120 --> 00:06:40.459 of playing with a cow's butthole hear me out 00:06:40.459 --> 00:06:42.620 all right so we'll get we'll get into the theories 00:06:42.620 --> 00:06:45.819 like that at the end but honestly i lean more 00:06:45.819 --> 00:06:48.339 towards government intervention than i do towards 00:06:48.339 --> 00:06:50.860 the aliens yeah okay not for any like there's 00:06:50.860 --> 00:06:53.079 no there's no real hard evidence that made me 00:06:53.079 --> 00:06:56.129 like go that's it but It just makes sense. Anyway, 00:06:56.129 --> 00:06:58.050 we're getting ahead of ourselves. All right. 00:06:58.089 --> 00:07:01.790 You ready to dive in to cattle mutilations? I 00:07:01.790 --> 00:07:04.069 don't know that that's the right term for this. 00:07:07.069 --> 00:07:10.269 We're going to dive butthole first into cattle 00:07:10.269 --> 00:07:15.709 mutilations. All right. So this whole thing really 00:07:15.709 --> 00:07:19.490 kicked off with a case out of... Alamosa, Colorado. 00:07:19.889 --> 00:07:21.550 I think that's how you pronounce it. In September 00:07:21.550 --> 00:07:24.410 of 1967. Yeah, I think Colorado is correct. Fuck 00:07:24.410 --> 00:07:30.509 off. Sorry. So the case that really kicked this 00:07:30.509 --> 00:07:33.129 whole thing off happened in September of 1967. 00:07:33.430 --> 00:07:35.910 And it wasn't even a cow. It was a horse. It 00:07:35.910 --> 00:07:38.370 was a three -year -old Appaloosa mare with the 00:07:38.370 --> 00:07:40.990 nickname Snippy belonging to a woman named Nellie 00:07:40.990 --> 00:07:43.269 Lewis. Crazy that a horse woman would have... 00:07:43.480 --> 00:07:45.360 The name of a horse. Nellie's a horse name, right? 00:07:45.480 --> 00:07:47.600 Nellie is a horse name. Okay. Now, according 00:07:47.600 --> 00:07:49.819 to reports, Snippy disappeared from a ranch in 00:07:49.819 --> 00:07:52.199 the San Luis Valley area and was later found 00:07:52.199 --> 00:07:55.000 dead a short distance away. When the body was 00:07:55.000 --> 00:07:57.139 discovered, the flesh had been stripped from 00:07:57.139 --> 00:08:00.060 its neck and head with what witnesses described 00:08:00.060 --> 00:08:02.459 as quote -unquote unusually clean cuts. Now, 00:08:02.480 --> 00:08:04.819 if you saw the picture of this thing, it's fucking 00:08:04.819 --> 00:08:06.500 wild. I'll post it on the Instagram, but literally 00:08:06.500 --> 00:08:10.959 from the neck up is just bone. It's gnarly as 00:08:10.959 --> 00:08:14.980 fuck. I don't like that. Maybe don't post it 00:08:14.980 --> 00:08:16.360 on the Instagram. I feel like you're going to 00:08:16.360 --> 00:08:19.060 get some weird fans after that. I'm going to 00:08:19.060 --> 00:08:21.120 tag PETA in it. It's going to be a whole thing. 00:08:21.439 --> 00:08:24.579 Excellent. Now, witnesses also reported a strange 00:08:24.579 --> 00:08:26.899 chemical or medicinal -like smell around the 00:08:26.899 --> 00:08:29.199 body, as well as no visible tracks leading to 00:08:29.199 --> 00:08:31.720 or from the carcass. And almost immediately... 00:08:32.250 --> 00:08:35.009 people started connecting the case to UFOs. Like, 00:08:35.049 --> 00:08:38.009 the media jumped in on it. UFO researchers jumped 00:08:38.009 --> 00:08:40.330 in on it. And before you knew it, this random 00:08:40.330 --> 00:08:43.590 dead horse in a field in Colorado became national 00:08:43.590 --> 00:08:46.129 news with headlines saying shit like, quote, 00:08:46.250 --> 00:08:49.470 radioactive surgeon from outer space, end quote. 00:08:49.950 --> 00:08:52.629 It's bad journalism, but it's sick as hell. That's 00:08:52.629 --> 00:08:56.429 a good headline. Radioactive surgeon. From outer 00:08:56.429 --> 00:09:00.289 space, yeah. It sounds like... a B movie. It 00:09:00.289 --> 00:09:01.950 sounds like a plan nine from outer space. Like 00:09:01.950 --> 00:09:04.269 it sounds like that. It sounds like a title to 00:09:04.269 --> 00:09:06.769 a bad horror movie. I don't know. I think it 00:09:06.769 --> 00:09:09.450 sounds like the working title to a radio, a radio 00:09:09.450 --> 00:09:11.750 head album, radioactive surgeon from outer space. 00:09:12.090 --> 00:09:14.509 Yeah. All right. Or a Primus album. We could 00:09:14.509 --> 00:09:17.029 go either way. I feel like you could go either 00:09:17.029 --> 00:09:20.490 way. I like a butthole surfers song. Hey, there's 00:09:20.490 --> 00:09:22.470 enough butthole talk in this. We don't need to 00:09:22.470 --> 00:09:25.370 add extra ones. I think it's an appropriate band 00:09:25.370 --> 00:09:29.580 reference. Fair is valid. Now, as these things 00:09:29.580 --> 00:09:33.519 tend to go, as the story spread, people started 00:09:33.519 --> 00:09:36.019 adding their own weird details to it. Shit like 00:09:36.019 --> 00:09:38.279 there was scorch marks near the body, radiation, 00:09:38.620 --> 00:09:41.480 UFO sightings in the area, either before or after. 00:09:41.500 --> 00:09:44.000 Pretty much any and all sort of like weird details 00:09:44.000 --> 00:09:46.139 that anyone could possibly attach to the story 00:09:46.139 --> 00:09:49.049 eventually. They did. I mean, the radioactive 00:09:49.049 --> 00:09:51.389 part makes a lot of sense. Because if there's 00:09:51.389 --> 00:09:53.450 anything I know about American farmers, they 00:09:53.450 --> 00:09:55.889 have a Geiger counter always within arm's reach. 00:09:56.149 --> 00:09:57.730 Well, the ranchers aren't. It's the fucking UFO 00:09:57.730 --> 00:10:00.230 researchers and motherfuckers. I don't know, 00:10:00.269 --> 00:10:04.789 dude. They might. Dude, the 60s and 70s, where 00:10:04.789 --> 00:10:07.429 they fucking testing all the nuclear bombs. I'll 00:10:07.429 --> 00:10:10.009 probably have one on me at some point. You know 00:10:10.009 --> 00:10:13.250 what I mean? that's true you actually make an 00:10:13.250 --> 00:10:15.190 excellent point i retract that statement yeah 00:10:15.190 --> 00:10:17.730 and it but it's with this like the template for 00:10:17.730 --> 00:10:20.929 cattle mutilations was kind of born like the 00:10:20.929 --> 00:10:22.769 case of snippy the horse it basically became 00:10:22.769 --> 00:10:26.350 like the roswell of cattle mutilations and by 00:10:26.350 --> 00:10:28.690 the early 70s reports of cattle mutilation started 00:10:28.690 --> 00:10:31.389 popping up all over the country with kansas becoming 00:10:31.389 --> 00:10:34.490 one of the first like major hot spots in 1973 00:10:35.559 --> 00:10:37.659 authorities in north central kansas were investigating 00:10:37.659 --> 00:10:39.840 dozens of strange cattle deaths with the same 00:10:39.840 --> 00:10:42.139 types of mutilations missing sex organs surgical 00:10:42.139 --> 00:10:44.940 like wounds and the standard little to no blood 00:10:44.940 --> 00:10:47.759 around the carcass and the local newspapers they 00:10:47.759 --> 00:10:49.879 started grouping all these reports together as 00:10:49.879 --> 00:10:52.580 like part of some sort of like larger mystery 00:10:52.580 --> 00:10:54.740 which of course started to build a bit of a panic 00:10:54.740 --> 00:10:57.600 in the rancher communities farmers started checking 00:10:57.600 --> 00:11:00.259 on their livestock constantly ranchers organized 00:11:00.259 --> 00:11:02.360 night watches some of them even started sleeping 00:11:02.360 --> 00:11:06.850 outside with their rifles because You know, just 00:11:06.850 --> 00:11:08.950 to... What? What do you got to say? All right. 00:11:08.990 --> 00:11:11.129 All right. Here's the thing. Yep. If there's 00:11:11.129 --> 00:11:14.370 space creatures, right, and they can come down 00:11:14.370 --> 00:11:17.250 from the sky and mutilate your cow. Yeah. Fuck 00:11:17.250 --> 00:11:19.690 them right up. I feel like you with a rifle, 00:11:19.909 --> 00:11:24.129 you're just more things for them to dissect. 00:11:25.289 --> 00:11:29.289 Ah. Right? Like, I don't know that aliens are 00:11:29.289 --> 00:11:31.529 going to be real afraid of bullets. Well, I don't 00:11:31.529 --> 00:11:34.440 know what the... correlation causation is between 00:11:34.440 --> 00:11:37.860 like cattle mutilations, ranchers sleeping outside. 00:11:37.940 --> 00:11:40.080 And then also like anal probing. Like, I don't 00:11:40.080 --> 00:11:42.899 know where that Venn diagram comes together. 00:11:42.919 --> 00:11:45.559 Just looking for a good time. I didn't, I didn't 00:11:45.559 --> 00:11:49.240 look. So right now we're just dealing with ranchers 00:11:49.240 --> 00:11:52.559 wanting to shoot aliens. Lots of rural dudes 00:11:52.559 --> 00:11:55.200 sleeping face down. I get it. Yeah. Good for 00:11:55.200 --> 00:11:57.799 them. And, uh, whatever blows your hair back, 00:11:57.799 --> 00:12:02.610 man. But as more reports started coming out from 00:12:02.610 --> 00:12:05.830 like Nebraska, Iowa, more from Colorado, the 00:12:05.830 --> 00:12:09.110 story started to get even wilder. Alongside the 00:12:09.110 --> 00:12:10.769 dead cattle, people started reporting strange 00:12:10.769 --> 00:12:13.250 lights in the sky, unidentified black helicopters 00:12:13.250 --> 00:12:15.570 flying low over ranches at night, and bright 00:12:15.570 --> 00:12:17.409 spotlights sweeping across the fields and the 00:12:17.409 --> 00:12:19.889 cattle. And this is where the whole mutilation 00:12:19.889 --> 00:12:23.009 thing starts turning into like full -blown red 00:12:23.009 --> 00:12:25.830 -blooded American conspiracy folklore. Because 00:12:25.830 --> 00:12:28.929 no one could agree what the fuck was going on. 00:12:30.080 --> 00:12:32.279 Some people thought it was UFOs. Others thought 00:12:32.279 --> 00:12:34.659 it was some secret government operation. And 00:12:34.659 --> 00:12:37.779 some, not many, but some, thought maybe it was 00:12:37.779 --> 00:12:40.460 satanic cultists roaming around rural America 00:12:40.460 --> 00:12:43.360 harvesting cow parts for some reason. Fuck's 00:12:43.360 --> 00:12:45.840 sake. We're going to dive into that deeper. Don't 00:12:45.840 --> 00:12:48.000 you worry. It's fucking always the Satanists. 00:12:48.340 --> 00:12:51.960 Now, in the middle of all that, you got local 00:12:51.960 --> 00:12:54.320 law enforcement just trying to figure out. Like 00:12:54.320 --> 00:12:56.039 what is going on? Is this actually, you know, 00:12:56.100 --> 00:12:57.559 is this actually some sort of like organized 00:12:57.559 --> 00:13:00.139 killing spree or just a bunch of scared ranchers 00:13:00.139 --> 00:13:02.639 feeding off each other's and the media's paranoia? 00:13:03.860 --> 00:13:07.200 It's safe to say by the mid seventies, this was 00:13:07.200 --> 00:13:10.200 like a real genuine, like regional panic across 00:13:10.200 --> 00:13:12.519 like a huge part of the country. Yeah. Yeah. 00:13:12.600 --> 00:13:14.700 Reports were coming in from all over the place 00:13:14.700 --> 00:13:16.460 now. And depending on who you ask at the time, 00:13:16.559 --> 00:13:19.460 there were hundreds, if not thousands of cases 00:13:19.460 --> 00:13:22.039 and they were taken very seriously, which makes 00:13:22.039 --> 00:13:24.200 sense. Cattle's like a. That's a lot of money. 00:13:24.320 --> 00:13:26.759 Like, yeah. Oh yeah. You're fucking with almost 00:13:26.759 --> 00:13:29.759 like an entire state's like GDP. Like, you know 00:13:29.759 --> 00:13:31.740 what I mean? Yeah. Like I joke about it, but 00:13:31.740 --> 00:13:34.059 I honestly do not blame the ranches for sleeping 00:13:34.059 --> 00:13:36.159 out in the field with guns. Cause like, if it 00:13:36.159 --> 00:13:39.740 is a Satanist, those pale fucking dorks are just 00:13:39.740 --> 00:13:43.419 going to get lit up. Get their shit blown smooth 00:13:43.419 --> 00:13:46.440 off. Yeah. And if it's, if it's the government, 00:13:46.519 --> 00:13:48.899 you just be like, oh, all right. Well, I'm going 00:13:48.899 --> 00:13:51.340 to leave then. If it's the government. Exercise 00:13:51.340 --> 00:13:52.700 your Second Amendment rights. That's what they're 00:13:52.700 --> 00:13:55.720 for, right? That's all I'm saying. I feel like 00:13:55.720 --> 00:13:58.539 their Second Amendment equipment is going to 00:13:58.539 --> 00:14:00.919 be better than yours. In the 60s and 70s? I mean, 00:14:00.940 --> 00:14:04.740 not by much. Yeah, that's true. We'd have drones 00:14:04.740 --> 00:14:08.019 back. We'd have heat vision fucking... You got 00:14:08.019 --> 00:14:10.179 farmers that are just like wiring their cows 00:14:10.179 --> 00:14:14.879 up with fucking dynamite. Go for it, buddy. Made 00:14:14.879 --> 00:14:18.059 my day. Just suicide bombing their own cattle. 00:14:18.909 --> 00:14:21.730 All right. And the plus side is it's all cooked 00:14:21.730 --> 00:14:23.889 afterwards. You can just eat it. Oh, fuck. That's 00:14:23.889 --> 00:14:27.710 good. I like that. Just covered in dynamite and 00:14:27.710 --> 00:14:29.990 barbecue sauce. Yeah, but everything tastes better 00:14:29.990 --> 00:14:32.250 with gunpowder on it. Come on. Right. I know 00:14:32.250 --> 00:14:35.309 that. Yeah, so cattle, big money. They're taking 00:14:35.309 --> 00:14:38.230 this very seriously. Local law enforcement was 00:14:38.230 --> 00:14:40.210 investigating. State agencies were getting involved. 00:14:40.389 --> 00:14:42.610 Even politicians started paying attention to 00:14:42.610 --> 00:14:45.820 some of these cases. Colorado Senator Floyd Haskell 00:14:45.820 --> 00:14:48.840 eventually contacted the FBI because ranchers 00:14:48.840 --> 00:14:50.940 were becoming, in his words, quote unquote, concerned 00:14:50.940 --> 00:14:54.399 and frightened. And yeah, I get it. You're living 00:14:54.399 --> 00:14:56.059 on an isolated ranch in the middle of fucking 00:14:56.059 --> 00:14:59.299 nowhere. Your animals are dying with pieces surgically 00:14:59.299 --> 00:15:01.179 removed with no signs of struggle or evidence 00:15:01.179 --> 00:15:03.059 of people coming on and off your land. I can 00:15:03.059 --> 00:15:07.279 see how that could lead to some paranoia in some 00:15:07.279 --> 00:15:08.480 of these rural communities. It makes sense. I 00:15:08.480 --> 00:15:12.519 don't. So far, all reasonable responses. Yeah. 00:15:12.740 --> 00:15:16.480 I mean, you add in the reports of UFOs, unmarked 00:15:16.480 --> 00:15:18.320 black helicopters, and unknown aircraft shooting 00:15:18.320 --> 00:15:21.620 your fields at the spot. It's definitely a recipe. 00:15:21.860 --> 00:15:23.500 A recipe for what? I don't know, but it's not 00:15:23.500 --> 00:15:26.320 good. It's going to cause some sort of panic. 00:15:26.840 --> 00:15:29.539 I'm sure also the fact that newspapers and national 00:15:29.539 --> 00:15:31.879 media outlets were covering it as irresponsibly 00:15:31.879 --> 00:15:34.720 as they could. Oh, of course. As well as UFO 00:15:34.720 --> 00:15:36.960 researchers flooding into any and all affected 00:15:36.960 --> 00:15:38.840 areas probably didn't help any of that at all. 00:15:39.039 --> 00:15:41.240 And plus, like now, all of a sudden you've got 00:15:41.240 --> 00:15:43.200 these tiny ranch towns in the middle of nowhere 00:15:43.200 --> 00:15:45.460 with. terrified ranchers sleeping in the fields 00:15:45.460 --> 00:15:48.940 with guns. Yeah, like heavily armed places. Yeah. 00:15:49.120 --> 00:15:51.820 And the reporters are just like, let's rile these 00:15:51.820 --> 00:15:53.580 bumpkins up. Yeah, and now you have a whole bunch 00:15:53.580 --> 00:15:55.519 of assholes coming in because now their small 00:15:55.519 --> 00:15:57.440 town is a paranormal hospital. I'm sure that's 00:15:57.440 --> 00:15:59.440 not helping any of the paranoia or anything like 00:15:59.440 --> 00:16:02.480 that. But thanks to all this absolute chaos, 00:16:02.580 --> 00:16:04.740 we do get one of the most important figures in 00:16:04.740 --> 00:16:06.639 the entire cattle mutilation story, and that 00:16:06.639 --> 00:16:09.720 is Gabe Valdez. Are you familiar with Gabe Valdez? 00:16:09.799 --> 00:16:14.440 Probably not. The name sounds familiar, but I 00:16:14.440 --> 00:16:16.500 think I'm just mixing them up with the guy who 00:16:16.500 --> 00:16:19.639 did the Fresno Night Crawlers. So probably not. 00:16:19.720 --> 00:16:24.340 Probably not. Now, so Gabe Valdez was a law enforcement 00:16:24.340 --> 00:16:26.480 officer with the New Mexico State Police who 00:16:26.480 --> 00:16:29.559 came from a ranching family near Dulce, New Mexico. 00:16:29.860 --> 00:16:33.600 Uh -oh. We all know what Dulce is. Yeah. And 00:16:33.600 --> 00:16:35.580 this also just happened to be one of the biggest 00:16:35.580 --> 00:16:39.769 mutilation hotspots. So lucky him. Valdez investigated 00:16:39.769 --> 00:16:42.389 dozens of reported mutilation cases around Dolce, 00:16:42.409 --> 00:16:44.570 New Mexico throughout the 1970s and became one 00:16:44.570 --> 00:16:46.629 of the biggest law enforcement figures associated 00:16:46.629 --> 00:16:50.090 with the mystery. And why is that? Well, it's 00:16:50.090 --> 00:16:53.190 because unlike most investigators who just completely 00:16:53.190 --> 00:16:55.350 poo -pooed the cases and were like, I'm not even 00:16:55.350 --> 00:16:57.669 going to touch it, Valdez openly admitted that 00:16:57.669 --> 00:16:59.870 at least some of these cases were genuinely weird 00:16:59.870 --> 00:17:03.250 as fuck. Now, he didn't outright come out and 00:17:03.250 --> 00:17:04.930 say it was aliens or anything. In fact, he actually 00:17:04.930 --> 00:17:06.750 leaned more toward the idea that whoever was 00:17:06.750 --> 00:17:10.079 behind it at least some of these incidents were 00:17:10.079 --> 00:17:13.200 probably human and not extraterrestrials. And 00:17:13.200 --> 00:17:15.359 his evidence for this, and this is according 00:17:15.359 --> 00:17:18.380 to him, was that a tranquilizer -type drug had 00:17:18.380 --> 00:17:20.000 been found in some of the mutilated animals, 00:17:20.059 --> 00:17:26.700 specifically the drug chlorpromazine. I don't 00:17:26.700 --> 00:17:29.220 know. I tried to look up it. Chlorpromazine. 00:17:29.359 --> 00:17:33.230 Hey. Hey, close enough. Close enough. I think 00:17:33.230 --> 00:17:35.390 I've seen it written down and I've never said 00:17:35.390 --> 00:17:37.890 it out loud. So which is an actual, it is like 00:17:37.890 --> 00:17:40.289 an actual like animal sedative, I guess. And, 00:17:40.289 --> 00:17:42.950 uh, this discovery only fueled conspiracy theorists 00:17:42.950 --> 00:17:44.910 more because remember this is Dulce, New Mexico. 00:17:45.130 --> 00:17:47.890 Uh, it's a place that already has a ton of UFO 00:17:47.890 --> 00:17:50.190 and like secret military lore surrounding it. 00:17:50.250 --> 00:17:52.650 So naturally people started tying the mutilation 00:17:52.650 --> 00:17:54.930 stories into conspiracies about like underground 00:17:54.930 --> 00:17:57.910 alien bases and secret human alien cooperation 00:17:57.910 --> 00:18:00.690 and all that jazz. So thanks Gabe for making. 00:18:01.409 --> 00:18:03.430 Already insufferable people more unsufferable. 00:18:04.029 --> 00:18:05.730 Thanks for making it worse for the rest of us, 00:18:05.750 --> 00:18:09.990 bud. Yeah. Dude, he made it way worse and way 00:18:09.990 --> 00:18:12.470 weirder a few years later when he said, quote, 00:18:12.569 --> 00:18:15.769 it's solved. I know who did it. And then refused 00:18:15.769 --> 00:18:18.069 to elaborate, which is just insane behavior. 00:18:19.710 --> 00:18:26.049 What? Why? Yeah. Early trolling behavior. Yeah, 00:18:26.049 --> 00:18:27.569 because now everyone's arguing about like, what 00:18:27.569 --> 00:18:29.589 the fuck do you mean you solved it? And then 00:18:29.589 --> 00:18:32.289 just. He just no elaboration. Did he think it 00:18:32.289 --> 00:18:35.269 was the government, alien, or military drug companies? 00:18:35.450 --> 00:18:38.210 Give us something, anything. But he never did. 00:18:38.390 --> 00:18:40.930 And honestly, I respect it. He's just a weird 00:18:40.930 --> 00:18:47.890 local kid. Just a dude talking shit. Now, reports 00:18:47.890 --> 00:18:50.269 of cattle mutilations continued through the 70s 00:18:50.269 --> 00:18:53.369 and 80s, but we would be here for nine hours 00:18:53.369 --> 00:18:56.529 if we covered every dead cow that popped up in 00:18:56.529 --> 00:18:58.930 America. So we're just going to kind of yada, 00:18:58.930 --> 00:19:01.259 yada, yada. Right past all that, to talk about 00:19:01.259 --> 00:19:05.779 one of the most infamous paranormal locations 00:19:05.779 --> 00:19:09.079 in the country, Skinwalker Ranch. Oh, Christ. 00:19:11.700 --> 00:19:15.880 What? It's just becoming buzzword central. Yeah. 00:19:17.720 --> 00:19:20.759 Satanists, Skinwalker Ranch, aliens, black helicopters. 00:19:21.220 --> 00:19:22.559 Yeah, dude, I gotta get that fucking... You start 00:19:22.559 --> 00:19:24.380 talking about Ruby Ridge and I fucking quit. 00:19:24.579 --> 00:19:26.420 No, dude, I gotta get that fucking SEO in here, 00:19:26.500 --> 00:19:28.160 dude. I gotta make sure people find this fucking 00:19:28.160 --> 00:19:30.920 episode. Make sure you toss out some Waco, too, 00:19:31.000 --> 00:19:33.180 so we get all the weirdos. So, for those of you 00:19:33.180 --> 00:19:34.920 who don't know what Skinwalker Ranch... Skinwalker 00:19:34.920 --> 00:19:36.900 Ranch is a place that somehow has managed to 00:19:36.900 --> 00:19:39.380 combine UFOs, cryptids, ghosts, interdimensional 00:19:39.380 --> 00:19:41.480 bullshit, and of course... Mutilated cattle. 00:19:41.619 --> 00:19:43.940 Pretty much every topic we've ever talked about 00:19:43.940 --> 00:19:47.839 on this show happens on this fucking ranch. Yeah. 00:19:48.099 --> 00:19:50.460 And the connection between cattle mutilation 00:19:50.460 --> 00:19:53.279 and Skinwalker Ranch began... In the 90s, when 00:19:53.279 --> 00:19:55.400 a family named the Shermans bought the property 00:19:55.400 --> 00:19:58.079 out there, I think it's in Utah, so I don't care. 00:19:58.599 --> 00:20:00.880 And they almost immediately started claiming 00:20:00.880 --> 00:20:03.519 a bunch of weird shit was happening there. According 00:20:03.519 --> 00:20:05.180 to them, they were seeing strange lights and 00:20:05.180 --> 00:20:07.000 UFOs around the property at night. And along 00:20:07.000 --> 00:20:08.779 with that, claiming that livestock was either 00:20:08.779 --> 00:20:10.980 found dead and mutilated or just straight up 00:20:10.980 --> 00:20:14.200 vanished completely. And the Shermans, they believe 00:20:14.200 --> 00:20:16.299 that the sightings and the livestock deaths slash 00:20:16.299 --> 00:20:19.720 disappearances were directly. connected in some 00:20:19.720 --> 00:20:23.160 way now whether any of this is actually paranormal 00:20:23.160 --> 00:20:26.339 is obviously heavily debated like most claims 00:20:26.339 --> 00:20:28.640 that come from skinwalker ranch but the story 00:20:28.640 --> 00:20:30.779 spread fast and skinwalker ranch basically became 00:20:30.779 --> 00:20:33.880 like the modern evolution of cattle mutilation 00:20:33.880 --> 00:20:36.640 folklore because unlike the cases in like the 00:20:36.640 --> 00:20:38.819 70s and 80s where the story spread mostly like 00:20:38.819 --> 00:20:40.960 newspapers and people going like ufo conventions 00:20:40.960 --> 00:20:43.779 and talking shit Skinwalker Ranch blew up right 00:20:43.779 --> 00:20:45.980 as paranormal television and the internet culture 00:20:45.980 --> 00:20:47.579 around these kind of things were starting to 00:20:47.579 --> 00:20:52.180 take off. So this is why we mostly remember the 00:20:52.180 --> 00:20:56.720 cattle mutilation things from the 90s. Because 00:20:56.720 --> 00:20:58.160 I remember from the 90s. I don't remember anything 00:20:58.160 --> 00:21:00.119 before that, but I remember hearing about it. 00:21:00.480 --> 00:21:04.079 Right. Now, as we all know, the ranch was eventually 00:21:04.079 --> 00:21:06.799 purchased by billionaire Robert Bigelow, who 00:21:06.799 --> 00:21:09.599 founded the National Institute for Discovery 00:21:09.599 --> 00:21:12.359 Science, a .k .a. NIDS, to investigate paranormal 00:21:12.359 --> 00:21:14.660 claims on the property. He did eventually sell 00:21:14.660 --> 00:21:18.440 it in 2016 to real estate mogul Brendan Fugel 00:21:18.440 --> 00:21:21.960 to focus on aerospace projects as well as concerns 00:21:21.960 --> 00:21:24.839 over the quote -unquote hitchhiker effects, which 00:21:24.839 --> 00:21:27.759 is the phenomenon where entities follow paranormal 00:21:27.759 --> 00:21:34.900 investigators home. Oh, God. Yeah. Now, researchers 00:21:34.900 --> 00:21:37.039 have been monitoring the ranch for years, investigating 00:21:37.039 --> 00:21:39.319 everything from glowing orbs and giant wolf encounters 00:21:39.319 --> 00:21:42.039 to UFO sightings and livestock deaths on the 00:21:42.039 --> 00:21:44.660 property. And despite all the stories, investigations 00:21:44.660 --> 00:21:48.759 and seven seasons of a dog shit TV show, no one 00:21:48.759 --> 00:21:51.299 has ever stupid. No one's ever really been able 00:21:51.299 --> 00:21:54.240 to produce any solid evidence explaining, you 00:21:54.240 --> 00:21:58.200 know, what's going on. But it's still happening 00:21:58.200 --> 00:22:00.299 to this day. One of the biggest modern examples 00:22:00.299 --> 00:22:02.940 of cattle mutilation happened in Texas in 2023, 00:22:03.279 --> 00:22:05.680 where multiple cattle were found dead across 00:22:05.680 --> 00:22:07.900 several counties with injuries almost identical 00:22:07.900 --> 00:22:10.160 to the ones that were reported in the 70s. You 00:22:10.160 --> 00:22:12.859 got tongues removed, clean cuts around the mouth 00:22:12.859 --> 00:22:15.519 and jaw. In some cases, the B -hole, V -hole, 00:22:15.519 --> 00:22:22.920 and or the dick and balls were removed. I got 00:22:22.920 --> 00:22:25.579 you with that one, didn't I? I have never heard 00:22:25.579 --> 00:22:33.660 the term B -hole before. It's a literal alphabet 00:22:33.660 --> 00:22:39.359 soup of genitals. Yeah, it was good. Yeah, and 00:22:39.359 --> 00:22:42.059 again, very little, if any, visible blood around 00:22:42.059 --> 00:22:44.119 the carcass with no obvious signs of struggle. 00:22:44.980 --> 00:22:47.859 No footprints, no tire tracks, nothing like that. 00:22:48.500 --> 00:22:50.579 Now, of course, this caused the internet to completely 00:22:50.579 --> 00:22:53.440 lose its collective shit. Social media immediately 00:22:53.440 --> 00:22:55.700 started to fill up with theories about aliens, 00:22:55.980 --> 00:22:58.819 secret government experience, the usual. bullshit 00:22:58.819 --> 00:23:01.839 basically the same stories people were telling 00:23:01.839 --> 00:23:04.640 in like the 70s and 80s just on tiktok now or 00:23:04.640 --> 00:23:07.539 facebook or whatever yeah um but texas wasn't 00:23:07.539 --> 00:23:10.700 the only place oregon has had several high profile 00:23:10.700 --> 00:23:12.859 mutilation cases in the past few years involving 00:23:12.859 --> 00:23:16.140 bulls and cattle with all the classic mutilation 00:23:16.140 --> 00:23:20.039 things and yet despite all the advances in forensic 00:23:20.039 --> 00:23:23.460 science we still really haven't managed to figure 00:23:23.460 --> 00:23:25.920 it all out. And while there are some perfectly 00:23:25.920 --> 00:23:27.920 rational explanations for a majority of these 00:23:27.920 --> 00:23:30.279 cases, I'm sure there are a bunch that genuinely, 00:23:30.460 --> 00:23:35.579 you know, don't add up. Which brings us to theories. 00:23:36.140 --> 00:23:39.019 Sarge, here we go. Now, do you have any theories? 00:23:40.960 --> 00:23:45.059 I'm going to go with I still feel good about 00:23:45.059 --> 00:23:47.420 aliens. That's the one you're going to go with? 00:23:47.950 --> 00:23:50.809 yeah i mean it's it's not a it's not a great 00:23:50.809 --> 00:23:53.849 theory but the others are just too dumb all right 00:23:53.849 --> 00:23:56.390 well let's start with the obvious one then let's 00:23:56.390 --> 00:23:58.930 start with aliens so the ufo alien connection 00:23:58.930 --> 00:24:01.799 like i said Started pretty much immediately after 00:24:01.799 --> 00:24:04.980 the snippy case back in the late 60s. And the 00:24:04.980 --> 00:24:07.160 theory is basically that extraterrestrials are 00:24:07.160 --> 00:24:09.539 harvesting biological material from livestock 00:24:09.539 --> 00:24:12.359 for research or experimentation. And depending 00:24:12.359 --> 00:24:15.119 on who you ask, the reasons range from like disease 00:24:15.119 --> 00:24:18.599 monitoring and genetic experimentation to environmental 00:24:18.599 --> 00:24:21.160 testing, as long as hybrid programs. I don't 00:24:21.160 --> 00:24:23.579 know. I didn't dive too much into hybrid, but 00:24:23.579 --> 00:24:25.359 they're trying to make half alien, half cows, 00:24:25.500 --> 00:24:27.420 right? I think they're trying to make man cows. 00:24:27.940 --> 00:24:30.589 Okay. And one of the biggest names associated 00:24:30.589 --> 00:24:33.430 with this theory is Linda Moulton Howe. She made 00:24:33.430 --> 00:24:37.410 an Emmy award winning documentary in the 80s 00:24:37.410 --> 00:24:40.549 called A Strange Harvest. And it pretty much 00:24:40.549 --> 00:24:42.930 popularized the idea that the mutilations were 00:24:42.930 --> 00:24:45.009 connected to aliens. I think I have actually 00:24:45.009 --> 00:24:47.210 seen this. Yeah, it's fine. Pretty sure. Yeah. 00:24:47.430 --> 00:24:49.829 And some of the evidence they point to is obviously 00:24:49.829 --> 00:24:52.130 like the surgical precision that they were cutting 00:24:52.130 --> 00:24:55.400 out. they're trying to say like the wounds were 00:24:55.400 --> 00:24:57.460 cauterized as it was being cut. That's why there's 00:24:57.460 --> 00:25:00.640 no blood. There's a whole slew of things. None 00:25:00.640 --> 00:25:03.599 of them really, I'm just going to say this one 00:25:03.599 --> 00:25:08.039 doesn't do it for me. Yeah. Okay. Well, I mean, 00:25:08.059 --> 00:25:12.940 I struggle with, I struggle with it because all 00:25:12.940 --> 00:25:16.599 of this is so stupid, but at the same time it's 00:25:16.599 --> 00:25:21.460 happening and it's, I don't think. based on what 00:25:21.460 --> 00:25:23.519 i've seen through the evidence that's available 00:25:23.519 --> 00:25:26.980 and the analysis that's available it's just not 00:25:26.980 --> 00:25:29.059 convincing that every one of these cows died 00:25:29.059 --> 00:25:31.579 naturally i think a lot of them did die naturally 00:25:31.579 --> 00:25:36.140 and were just victims of predation but some of 00:25:36.140 --> 00:25:39.279 them i just it it's a little too weird you know 00:25:39.279 --> 00:25:42.880 i mean because they're i mean i don't i don't 00:25:42.880 --> 00:25:46.119 know like i don't buy into like there was radiation 00:25:46.119 --> 00:25:48.220 it's like well you don't know that dude you're 00:25:48.220 --> 00:25:49.740 coming into you're coming where the cow died 00:25:49.740 --> 00:25:52.519 like six days later you just you i don't trust 00:25:52.519 --> 00:25:55.980 you know how to use a gyro whatsoever right there's 00:25:55.980 --> 00:25:57.720 background radiation there's natural radiation 00:25:57.720 --> 00:26:00.640 and i don't know that i really trust like a guy 00:26:00.640 --> 00:26:03.559 who searches for ufos for a living telling me 00:26:03.559 --> 00:26:06.680 whether a cut is surgical or not that's true 00:26:06.680 --> 00:26:09.920 i like what do you know about surgery bro no 00:26:09.920 --> 00:26:12.440 offense like you might be an expert in astrophysics 00:26:12.440 --> 00:26:14.579 but i don't think you're also a surgeon yeah 00:26:14.579 --> 00:26:16.940 but also like when they when like shows like 00:26:17.399 --> 00:26:18.859 skinwalker ranch or whatever they bring in like 00:26:18.859 --> 00:26:20.859 a veterinarian or some fucking bullshit like 00:26:20.859 --> 00:26:22.799 that and they have them like look at it it's 00:26:22.799 --> 00:26:24.500 like first of all you're probably paying that 00:26:24.500 --> 00:26:27.319 veterinarian a billion dollars and they're gonna 00:26:27.319 --> 00:26:29.640 say whatever the fuck you want them to on television 00:26:29.640 --> 00:26:31.680 i don't know and why do they only bring in one 00:26:31.680 --> 00:26:34.140 veterinarian like if i was gonna try and figure 00:26:34.140 --> 00:26:36.779 out what happened i'm not gonna bring in one 00:26:36.779 --> 00:26:39.519 veterinarian well there has to be i mean you're 00:26:39.519 --> 00:26:40.980 in cattle country there's got to be a ton of 00:26:40.980 --> 00:26:43.359 them bring in like 10 veterinarians i want to 00:26:43.359 --> 00:26:45.700 hear them all talking And then bring in like 00:26:45.700 --> 00:26:47.859 some, some natural, like some biologists, some 00:26:47.859 --> 00:26:50.920 naturalists, like people who study wild animals. 00:26:50.980 --> 00:26:52.680 Cause I want to know what their thoughts are. 00:26:53.720 --> 00:26:58.380 I want a consensus. God damn it. Four out of 00:26:58.380 --> 00:27:00.579 five veterinarians agree. This is not aliens. 00:27:03.420 --> 00:27:05.460 See, that's the thing. They find the one who, 00:27:05.539 --> 00:27:08.519 yeah, that's all it is. They just find the person 00:27:08.519 --> 00:27:09.940 who's going to tell it. Like, I don't trust any 00:27:09.940 --> 00:27:12.390 of that, but yeah. I don't know. Another theory 00:27:12.390 --> 00:27:14.650 we danced around is, of course, government conspiracy. 00:27:14.849 --> 00:27:17.109 Very Cold War era type shit. Because remember, 00:27:17.210 --> 00:27:20.809 this all started in the 60s and 70s. Basically, 00:27:20.829 --> 00:27:23.150 some people believe that mutilations are connected 00:27:23.150 --> 00:27:24.990 to secret programs involving pretty much the 00:27:24.990 --> 00:27:28.490 same thing that the aliens are doing, but terrestrial, 00:27:28.509 --> 00:27:31.430 like here on Earth. Radiation monitoring, disease 00:27:31.430 --> 00:27:34.650 testing, biological... You know the drill. And 00:27:34.650 --> 00:27:36.170 this one makes sense considering a lot of the 00:27:36.170 --> 00:27:38.069 reports happened in remote Western states that 00:27:38.069 --> 00:27:40.750 already have strong connections to or were associated 00:27:40.750 --> 00:27:43.789 with military testing, like nuclear sites and 00:27:43.789 --> 00:27:46.950 UFO shit. Then you add in the reported sightings 00:27:46.950 --> 00:27:49.130 like black helicopters. This one kind of makes 00:27:49.130 --> 00:27:52.450 sense to me just because of where it is. And 00:27:52.450 --> 00:27:55.549 again, it was cold. Some of these were around 00:27:55.549 --> 00:27:57.309 areas where they were doing nuclear testing. 00:27:57.529 --> 00:27:59.529 You know what I mean? I don't know, man. Here's 00:27:59.529 --> 00:28:01.710 my thought on this. Hear me out. I'm not saying 00:28:01.710 --> 00:28:06.160 they're doing fucking... Sex experiments. No, 00:28:06.160 --> 00:28:08.660 right, right, right. But hear me out. The United 00:28:08.660 --> 00:28:10.880 States government has a vast amount of resources. 00:28:11.799 --> 00:28:15.039 Why would we go to some random field where we 00:28:15.039 --> 00:28:17.059 could, you know, where the government could easily 00:28:17.059 --> 00:28:20.299 be seen by anybody who happens to be in the area? 00:28:20.440 --> 00:28:23.200 Why wouldn't they just take a shitload of cows 00:28:23.200 --> 00:28:27.180 to some like military installation where they 00:28:27.180 --> 00:28:30.160 can be monitored in a controlled setting and 00:28:30.160 --> 00:28:34.180 then no one. can witness what weird shit they're 00:28:34.180 --> 00:28:36.259 going to do to me. Like why go pick a random 00:28:36.259 --> 00:28:39.980 cow when you could like literally control what 00:28:39.980 --> 00:28:42.099 kind of cow it is. So like you'd have consistency 00:28:42.099 --> 00:28:44.420 in your testing. Like it just doesn't make any 00:28:44.420 --> 00:28:48.640 sense. Like we have so much money. Why wouldn't 00:28:48.640 --> 00:28:52.440 you just do it on area 51? Like why would you 00:28:52.440 --> 00:28:55.440 go to like some guy's field in Colorado? Let 00:28:55.440 --> 00:28:58.059 me counter with this. We also have a bunch of 00:28:58.059 --> 00:29:00.589 oil deposits. Why do we go? Why did we take over 00:29:00.589 --> 00:29:05.289 Venezuela? Oh, I can answer that. Dementia. A 00:29:05.289 --> 00:29:08.369 president has dementia. And he keeps doing dumb 00:29:08.369 --> 00:29:11.769 things. America is known for not using the resources 00:29:11.769 --> 00:29:14.009 we have, but going to take them from other people. 00:29:14.490 --> 00:29:17.349 That is true. So why does that have to stop? 00:29:17.470 --> 00:29:22.309 Why does that stop with cows? It just seems so 00:29:22.309 --> 00:29:27.210 absurd to me that like we have so many different 00:29:28.430 --> 00:29:32.349 animal testing facilities already yeah why would 00:29:32.349 --> 00:29:35.269 we go out to like a random field where you can't 00:29:35.269 --> 00:29:39.569 control almost any of the conditions well like 00:29:39.569 --> 00:29:41.269 you're not going to learn anything valuable by 00:29:41.269 --> 00:29:43.670 doing that i mean yeah but also you gotta think 00:29:43.670 --> 00:29:45.990 like ranches are huge like i'm sure they're not 00:29:45.990 --> 00:29:48.990 going to the barn next to the house to get the 00:29:48.990 --> 00:29:50.930 cow like they're these are probably the outlier 00:29:50.930 --> 00:29:54.750 cows that are just like way way out there like 00:29:54.750 --> 00:29:57.309 they're not like coming up to the house I would 00:29:57.309 --> 00:29:59.089 assume. Yeah, but again, why go through all that 00:29:59.089 --> 00:30:01.269 work? Because you have to fuel up the choppers 00:30:01.269 --> 00:30:03.109 to get out there. Dude, I don't know. All right. 00:30:03.170 --> 00:30:06.049 This one kind of made sense. This was more rational. 00:30:06.329 --> 00:30:09.069 But now I don't know. Sorry. It's aliens. God 00:30:09.069 --> 00:30:13.789 damn it. All right. It's like super pale, gothy 00:30:13.789 --> 00:30:16.630 Satanists. Well, hey, speaking of which, some 00:30:16.630 --> 00:30:20.410 theories. You got some people say it could have 00:30:20.410 --> 00:30:22.150 been satanic cultists. Now, to be fair, this 00:30:22.150 --> 00:30:24.829 theory wasn't a long -lived one. Yeah, it's pretty 00:30:24.829 --> 00:30:27.309 dumb. It's a dumb theory. It only really exploded 00:30:27.309 --> 00:30:30.089 during the first satanic panic of the 80s when 00:30:30.089 --> 00:30:32.150 every weird thing that happened in America at 00:30:32.150 --> 00:30:34.930 the time was blamed on Satanist. And just like 00:30:34.930 --> 00:30:37.990 everything else blamed on Satanist in the 80s, 00:30:38.009 --> 00:30:40.589 there's no reason given as to why or how they 00:30:40.589 --> 00:30:42.950 were doing this. And just like everything blamed 00:30:42.950 --> 00:30:45.170 on them, there's no evidence. It's just kind 00:30:45.170 --> 00:30:48.349 of vibes, dude. Yeah. Well, I mean, if there's 00:30:48.349 --> 00:30:50.890 one thing we all know about Satan, he wants the 00:30:50.890 --> 00:30:52.910 B -hole, the V -hole, and the dick and balls. 00:30:53.589 --> 00:30:57.579 He needs them. and then other theories or explanations 00:30:57.579 --> 00:31:00.859 people have are things like chupacabras skinwalkers 00:31:00.859 --> 00:31:03.160 interdimensional predators pretty much any weird 00:31:03.160 --> 00:31:06.279 creature people can think of got roped in like 00:31:06.279 --> 00:31:09.240 to the lore especially after skinwalker ranch 00:31:09.240 --> 00:31:12.000 entered the chat because at that point the topic 00:31:12.000 --> 00:31:14.599 pretty much became like a paranormal stew where 00:31:14.599 --> 00:31:16.599 anything weird could just get thrown into the 00:31:16.599 --> 00:31:18.930 pot And it's like, and at that point where like 00:31:18.930 --> 00:31:21.349 you're either fully bought in or you hear someone 00:31:21.349 --> 00:31:23.450 trying to explain it all to you and you roll 00:31:23.450 --> 00:31:25.170 your eyes so hard and fast, you blow your brains 00:31:25.170 --> 00:31:28.329 out the back of your skull. Really? This might 00:31:28.329 --> 00:31:30.769 actually shock some listeners, but I am far more 00:31:30.769 --> 00:31:34.269 inclined to believe that this is like some weird 00:31:34.269 --> 00:31:36.509 animal behavior that we just don't understand 00:31:36.509 --> 00:31:38.849 yet than I am to believe that it's the government. 00:31:39.650 --> 00:31:41.390 Okay, fine. I get it. Does the government do 00:31:41.390 --> 00:31:42.990 a surge? I take back what I said that that could 00:31:42.990 --> 00:31:44.930 be plausible. Hey, look, I don't want to yuck 00:31:44.930 --> 00:31:48.109 your yum. Yeah. There's a good reason. You made 00:31:48.109 --> 00:31:50.089 good points as to why the government might be 00:31:50.089 --> 00:31:51.990 doing it. I didn't make any points. I just don't 00:31:51.990 --> 00:31:54.769 trust our government to do anything and not get 00:31:54.769 --> 00:31:57.269 caught. That's true. They're too stupid. But, 00:31:57.289 --> 00:31:59.130 I mean, they're also very brazen. Yeah. That's 00:31:59.130 --> 00:32:01.829 why they keep getting caught. Yeah. All right. 00:32:03.930 --> 00:32:06.190 And then, of course, there's the skeptics that 00:32:06.190 --> 00:32:07.769 think there's nothing paranormal at all and it's 00:32:07.769 --> 00:32:11.210 just nature being nature because when an animal 00:32:11.210 --> 00:32:14.119 dies... Out in the open, scavengers will usually 00:32:14.119 --> 00:32:16.019 go for the fleshy bits first. Eyes, tongues, 00:32:16.099 --> 00:32:19.880 lips, butthole, you know. And because skin shrinks 00:32:19.880 --> 00:32:22.480 and tightens as a carcass decomposes, natural 00:32:22.480 --> 00:32:24.720 damage, like for instance, a coyote just going 00:32:24.720 --> 00:32:29.420 absolutely apeshit on your dick and balls. Those 00:32:29.420 --> 00:32:33.859 wounds can end up looking weirdly clean or surgical 00:32:33.859 --> 00:32:36.680 after a while because the skin kind of becomes 00:32:36.680 --> 00:32:40.230 leathery. evens out okay does that make sense 00:32:40.230 --> 00:32:42.730 and yeah yeah no i didn't even think about that 00:32:42.730 --> 00:32:44.710 and as it kind of leathers i don't know how you 00:32:44.710 --> 00:32:46.369 what you would describe it as but it does kind 00:32:46.369 --> 00:32:48.410 of give a carterized edge because it's dried 00:32:48.410 --> 00:32:51.670 out and it's been sitting in the sun yeah but 00:32:51.670 --> 00:32:53.230 pretty much basically what i'm saying is that 00:32:53.230 --> 00:32:55.430 a dead cow can start to look pretty fucking weird 00:32:55.430 --> 00:32:57.130 after it's been sitting in a field for a few 00:32:57.130 --> 00:32:59.170 days just getting its shit absolutely ripped 00:32:59.170 --> 00:33:01.609 apart by birds and bugs and shit and the other 00:33:01.609 --> 00:33:03.509 thing that i think people should think about 00:33:03.509 --> 00:33:05.809 because i was thinking about the blood aspect 00:33:05.809 --> 00:33:09.710 of it and I think a lot of us, because we watch 00:33:09.710 --> 00:33:12.609 movies and TV, you know, somebody gets shot and 00:33:12.609 --> 00:33:14.650 they die and there's blood still coming out. 00:33:15.190 --> 00:33:16.970 It doesn't really happen because there's nothing 00:33:16.970 --> 00:33:19.170 pumping the blood out of your body. Yeah, once 00:33:19.170 --> 00:33:21.589 it's dead, it's just kind of pooled. I mean, 00:33:21.630 --> 00:33:23.269 it would eventually pool to whatever side you're 00:33:23.269 --> 00:33:26.369 laying on. Exactly. So if the cow's laying on 00:33:26.369 --> 00:33:29.329 its side, right, and then the blood's all pooled, 00:33:29.329 --> 00:33:33.549 you know, and it's a big body. Yeah. And then 00:33:33.549 --> 00:33:35.049 an animal eats its butthole, like you're not 00:33:35.049 --> 00:33:37.119 going to have a spray of blood everywhere. Yeah, 00:33:37.119 --> 00:33:38.940 and it could be that the cow died naturally, 00:33:39.019 --> 00:33:41.359 so there was no initial wound. So there's no 00:33:41.359 --> 00:33:44.420 blood. And then after a while, the blood settled. 00:33:44.559 --> 00:33:46.220 And then as they're getting torn apart, there's 00:33:46.220 --> 00:33:48.539 no blood in the veins. There's no, it's just 00:33:48.539 --> 00:33:51.299 all in one. So if it's being eaten from the side 00:33:51.299 --> 00:33:53.359 that's not on the ground, you're not going to 00:33:53.359 --> 00:33:55.740 see any. That's why it always said little to 00:33:55.740 --> 00:33:58.339 no blood. Didn't say there was. Yeah. There was 00:33:58.339 --> 00:34:02.440 always some, but little. Now, I don't know. Like 00:34:02.440 --> 00:34:04.420 I said, we're not going to figure it out. we're 00:34:04.420 --> 00:34:07.140 not we're not but i am i this is like one of 00:34:07.140 --> 00:34:09.480 the ones that i'm still inclined to believe something 00:34:09.480 --> 00:34:13.860 fucking weird is happening yeah now whether cattle 00:34:13.860 --> 00:34:16.099 mutilations are the works of aliens the government 00:34:16.099 --> 00:34:17.940 scavengers are just the result of like a bunch 00:34:17.940 --> 00:34:20.739 of scared farmers feeding into each other's paranoia 00:34:20.739 --> 00:34:22.960 i don't know and truthfully i don't want to know 00:34:22.960 --> 00:34:25.739 mostly because i don't care but also Like not 00:34:25.739 --> 00:34:27.860 knowing is way more fun than whatever the real 00:34:27.860 --> 00:34:29.619 answer probably is, which is probably natural. 00:34:29.760 --> 00:34:31.280 Yeah, I don't want to know the real answer. I 00:34:31.280 --> 00:34:33.300 just want to believe that something fucking weird 00:34:33.300 --> 00:34:36.000 happens out there. Yeah, and it's way more fun 00:34:36.000 --> 00:34:37.900 that way. So I'm just going to pretend that it's 00:34:37.900 --> 00:34:40.280 either the aliens or the government. You know, 00:34:40.280 --> 00:34:44.519 fuck it. I'm going satanic cultist. With the 00:34:44.519 --> 00:34:48.219 worst one. That's what I'm going with. Some like 00:34:48.219 --> 00:34:51.840 weird dork named Damien. Yeah, and you know that's 00:34:51.840 --> 00:34:54.630 not his real name. no no his real name is like 00:34:54.630 --> 00:34:59.170 kevin yeah keith yeah who knows steve all right 00:34:59.170 --> 00:35:01.150 but uh but there you have it stars that is uh 00:35:01.150 --> 00:35:04.550 cattle mutilations i it's just i wanted to do 00:35:04.550 --> 00:35:07.210 this episode because it's so creepy man i don't 00:35:07.210 --> 00:35:09.409 even care if it's natural because if you go out 00:35:09.409 --> 00:35:11.489 and you find a cow that's been fucking chopped 00:35:11.489 --> 00:35:17.289 up it's just so like jarring right like it's 00:35:17.289 --> 00:35:19.369 gotta be jarring was the word that i was gonna 00:35:19.369 --> 00:35:24.639 use too it definitely is jarring but yeah especially 00:35:24.639 --> 00:35:28.019 because like cows are such like sweet docile 00:35:28.019 --> 00:35:30.500 looking animals like yeah like bulls will beat 00:35:30.500 --> 00:35:32.760 the shit out of you but like when they're just 00:35:32.760 --> 00:35:35.559 out there alone they still look kind of adorable 00:35:35.559 --> 00:35:37.679 right except they got horns like they're just 00:35:37.679 --> 00:35:40.659 cute animals and so when you see them in such 00:35:40.659 --> 00:35:44.099 a horrible situation it's like it fucks with 00:35:44.099 --> 00:35:46.070 you Like I've seen the pictures and it's like, 00:35:46.090 --> 00:35:48.690 it's, you can't get the images out of your head. 00:35:48.750 --> 00:35:50.829 It's horrifying. Yeah. I don't fuck with horses 00:35:50.829 --> 00:35:52.409 though. So snippy, you could, I don't care about 00:35:52.409 --> 00:35:55.690 that horse. I'm glad that horse is dead. The 00:35:55.690 --> 00:35:58.309 cows, I love horses. I'm all about it. I hate 00:35:58.309 --> 00:36:01.469 horses. Horses are terrifying. They have black 00:36:01.469 --> 00:36:03.150 dolls. They fucking do that thing where they 00:36:03.150 --> 00:36:04.809 look at you at the corner of their eye. And then 00:36:04.809 --> 00:36:06.969 you just see the white fucking horses creeping 00:36:06.969 --> 00:36:08.849 man. See, to me, I think that's entertaining 00:36:08.849 --> 00:36:11.579 as hell. I would never walk behind a horse. I 00:36:11.579 --> 00:36:13.519 would never walk anywhere near a horse. Fuck 00:36:13.519 --> 00:36:16.300 horses. I'm glad that horse is dead. And if anyone 00:36:16.300 --> 00:36:19.280 has any problems with that, you can email me 00:36:19.280 --> 00:36:21.139 at crypticcocktail at gmail .com and let me know. 00:36:21.360 --> 00:36:23.619 Don't email Saj the Destroyer because I agree 00:36:23.619 --> 00:36:26.320 with you. Horses are adorable. And Dave is clearly 00:36:26.320 --> 00:36:29.699 a sociopath. No. Horses. First of all, I have 00:36:29.699 --> 00:36:32.320 a theory that horses are aliens. I'm not going 00:36:32.320 --> 00:36:34.280 to get into it now, but horses aren't real. Well, 00:36:34.320 --> 00:36:36.159 they're real, but they're not terrestrial. How's 00:36:36.159 --> 00:36:39.059 that? Anyways. I don't know where I was going. 00:36:39.719 --> 00:36:44.340 Oh. Glad the horse is dead. Sad the cows. I fuck 00:36:44.340 --> 00:36:47.019 with cows hard. I think they're very sweet. They're 00:36:47.019 --> 00:36:49.599 very gentle. They have those big brown cow eyes. 00:36:49.860 --> 00:36:52.199 I will say one thing that ruined horses for me 00:36:52.199 --> 00:36:54.539 though is when I found out that they're just 00:36:54.539 --> 00:36:59.739 walking on one toe. Hate that. I hate it. I don't 00:36:59.739 --> 00:37:02.000 know who decided to tell us all about that but 00:37:02.000 --> 00:37:04.260 you can go fuck yourself. That's disgusting and 00:37:04.260 --> 00:37:07.159 I hate it. How dare you ruin that for me. You're 00:37:07.159 --> 00:37:10.940 not helping me. like them any better so i guess 00:37:10.940 --> 00:37:14.260 yeah awful awful fucking situation there i saw 00:37:14.260 --> 00:37:16.860 like a diagram and i was like this is horrible 00:37:16.860 --> 00:37:21.239 what's wrong with you why did you show me this 00:37:21.239 --> 00:37:24.239 uh you know evolution's fucking gross dude no 00:37:24.239 --> 00:37:27.179 one no one likes it it's bad um anybody anybody 00:37:27.179 --> 00:37:29.519 who thinks god doesn't make mistakes has never 00:37:29.519 --> 00:37:32.400 seen them like having to clean a horse's hooves 00:37:32.400 --> 00:37:39.699 all right So disgusting. All right. Uh, but that's 00:37:39.699 --> 00:37:41.719 it. I hope you enjoyed it. I hope it was a good 00:37:41.719 --> 00:37:45.199 episode. It was fun. Yeah, this is, this is like, 00:37:45.219 --> 00:37:47.780 this is one that I definitely, I go down the 00:37:47.780 --> 00:37:49.940 rabbit hole on periodically. Yeah, it was a, 00:37:49.940 --> 00:37:53.199 it was a fun one. Um, thank you so much for listening 00:37:53.199 --> 00:37:55.159 everyone. Uh, if you have any questions, comments 00:37:55.159 --> 00:37:57.079 or concerns regarding either my take on horses 00:37:57.079 --> 00:38:00.639 or just take on horses or, you know, anything 00:38:00.639 --> 00:38:03.280 about this episode, the frequent use of the word 00:38:03.280 --> 00:38:07.909 butthole. uh you can leave send us an email cryptic 00:38:07.909 --> 00:38:10.630 cocktail gmail .com or you could uh shoot us 00:38:10.630 --> 00:38:13.909 a text or call us on the hotline 321 -300 -5606 00:38:13.909 --> 00:38:17.130 um or you can send us a dm follow us on instagram 00:38:17.130 --> 00:38:19.250 cryptic cocktail cryptic cocktail party or tiktok 00:38:19.250 --> 00:38:21.809 cryptic cocktail party or you're gonna say sorry 00:38:21.809 --> 00:38:24.150 sorry i cut you off i was gonna say uh also tell 00:38:24.150 --> 00:38:27.929 us how you feel in the comments about vhole Should 00:38:27.929 --> 00:38:30.630 we keep going or just bury that one and never 00:38:30.630 --> 00:38:32.010 use it again? No, that one's great. I'm going 00:38:32.010 --> 00:38:34.590 to somehow shoehorn that into every episode we 00:38:34.590 --> 00:38:37.090 do from going forward. I will say it's better 00:38:37.090 --> 00:38:39.730 than South Mouth. Oh, sorry. I'm editing that 00:38:39.730 --> 00:38:46.650 out. All right. With that, leave us a five -star 00:38:46.650 --> 00:38:49.190 rating review. I don't know if you want to after. 00:38:49.250 --> 00:38:55.329 We're not getting to five stars after that. Either 00:38:55.329 --> 00:38:58.170 on Apple or Spotify. I think that's all I got. 00:38:58.369 --> 00:39:00.230 Is there anything you want to plug before we 00:39:00.230 --> 00:39:04.250 sign off? No, I'm good. Thank you. You're welcome. 00:39:04.929 --> 00:39:06.409 And I love you. Goodbye.