WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.200 You are now listening to cryptid cocktail party 00:00:40.310 --> 00:00:42.289 Welcome back, everyone, to another episode of 00:00:42.289 --> 00:00:43.770 Cryptic Cocktail Party, a show where we have 00:00:43.770 --> 00:00:45.469 a few drinks, share a few laughs, take a dive 00:00:45.469 --> 00:00:47.549 into the unknown. I'm your host, Dave. Joined, 00:00:47.549 --> 00:00:50.250 as always, by my wonderful co -host, Sarge. How's 00:00:50.250 --> 00:00:52.250 it going, Sarge? What the fuck is up, y 'all? 00:00:52.729 --> 00:00:54.729 Yeah, how you doing, bud? You looking good, as 00:00:54.729 --> 00:00:57.649 always. Oh, thank you very much. I had boxing 00:00:57.649 --> 00:00:59.810 today. Yeah, did you beat the shit out of your 00:00:59.810 --> 00:01:04.209 kid? No, no, they don't allow that, which is 00:01:04.209 --> 00:01:08.939 weird, because it is Massachusetts, but... I 00:01:08.939 --> 00:01:12.299 did punch my boxing coach a little harder than 00:01:12.299 --> 00:01:16.579 he or I were expecting. So he said I did a good 00:01:16.579 --> 00:01:19.200 job. Well, hey, that's high praise coming from 00:01:19.200 --> 00:01:21.700 someone. Yeah. You know, I'm coming from someone 00:01:21.700 --> 00:01:25.819 who is wildly uncoordinated. Apparently, I do 00:01:25.819 --> 00:01:29.659 have a slight edge in what I like to call Irish 00:01:29.659 --> 00:01:32.840 karate, which is just boxing. Oh, not hitting 00:01:32.840 --> 00:01:35.939 your kid full. Sorry to get in the face. No, 00:01:35.959 --> 00:01:40.400 that's Irish jujitsu, obviously. Just kidding, 00:01:40.480 --> 00:01:42.739 friends in Ireland. We know you're actually normal 00:01:42.739 --> 00:01:45.079 people. Yeah, well, I'm glad you're doing good. 00:01:45.340 --> 00:01:47.500 I'm glad. Yeah, how are you? Oh, wait, Dave. 00:01:47.620 --> 00:01:49.799 So I know this is an audio medium. So for those 00:01:49.799 --> 00:01:52.760 of you who are listening at home, I'm sorry. 00:01:53.599 --> 00:01:57.079 Look. Oh, shit. That's a picture of me. Yeah, 00:01:57.180 --> 00:01:58.780 you're right there on my mantle, buddy. I'm in 00:01:58.780 --> 00:02:01.760 a place of honor. I love that. I feel honored. 00:02:01.780 --> 00:02:05.099 I feel honored to have a spot in your home. What 00:02:05.099 --> 00:02:06.939 I really like is that when business meetings 00:02:06.939 --> 00:02:09.340 happen at this computer during the week, everybody 00:02:09.340 --> 00:02:11.080 on the meeting can see that. They get to see 00:02:11.080 --> 00:02:14.879 my glorious mug. Yeah. I love it. The Pope of 00:02:14.879 --> 00:02:17.520 aviators. Yeah. Yours is hanging up. You can't 00:02:17.520 --> 00:02:20.259 see it. It's over here. That's right. I'm always 00:02:20.259 --> 00:02:24.240 watching over you. Exactly. This constant judging 00:02:24.240 --> 00:02:31.360 look. The shame I feel. Yeah. Shame I feel. Yeah. 00:02:31.659 --> 00:02:34.520 That's true. We both feel it. I'm doing good. 00:02:35.939 --> 00:02:37.219 Yesterday was Valentine's Day. I had a pretty 00:02:37.219 --> 00:02:41.120 good Valentine's Day. We did a ramen tour of 00:02:41.120 --> 00:02:43.400 Philly. We just went to a bunch of different 00:02:43.400 --> 00:02:46.400 ramen places. That sounds amazing. I would do 00:02:46.400 --> 00:02:48.639 that by myself on Valentine's Day. It was really 00:02:48.639 --> 00:02:50.060 cool. I had a really good time. I walked around 00:02:50.060 --> 00:02:54.060 Chinatown. Chinatown and Philly is fucking awesome. 00:02:54.379 --> 00:02:55.800 It's one of the funnest places in the world. 00:02:56.020 --> 00:02:59.879 It was a good time. Besides that, I don't know. 00:02:59.979 --> 00:03:04.810 I'm doing good. We got some stiff reviews over 00:03:04.810 --> 00:03:08.229 the last week. Yeah. I was going to get to that. 00:03:08.849 --> 00:03:11.189 Okay. I'll let you get to it then. Well, I was 00:03:11.189 --> 00:03:13.710 going to say, it turns out our weather weapon 00:03:13.710 --> 00:03:18.330 series, big hit. People love it. They do love 00:03:18.330 --> 00:03:20.889 it. They do love it. You know what? They were 00:03:20.889 --> 00:03:24.129 highly critical, but it's only because they liked 00:03:24.129 --> 00:03:25.990 it. Exactly. They just wanted to keep us on our 00:03:25.990 --> 00:03:28.289 toes. My favorite is the one where they demanded 00:03:28.289 --> 00:03:32.830 we take the episode down now. Yeah. Do they work 00:03:32.830 --> 00:03:34.770 for YouTube? I don't know. They were very, they 00:03:34.770 --> 00:03:37.409 were very upset. And my question is when has 00:03:37.409 --> 00:03:40.870 that ever worked? When has demanding just a random 00:03:40.870 --> 00:03:43.150 citizen demanding you take something down? When 00:03:43.150 --> 00:03:46.710 does that ever actually work? If anything, that 00:03:46.710 --> 00:03:48.969 would inspire me to put it in more places. Yeah. 00:03:49.050 --> 00:03:51.949 I also, because of all the wonderful feedback 00:03:51.949 --> 00:03:54.090 we got from our weather, I almost did a part 00:03:54.090 --> 00:03:56.759 of three today. That would have been great. I 00:03:56.759 --> 00:03:59.000 almost did it. I would have been so happy about 00:03:59.000 --> 00:04:02.379 that. No, but instead, I did something a little 00:04:02.379 --> 00:04:03.699 different this week. Not a little different. 00:04:03.780 --> 00:04:05.500 We've done a bunch of these. We're doing another 00:04:05.500 --> 00:04:11.020 redo episode. Okay. It's a story that when I 00:04:11.020 --> 00:04:13.900 did it the first time, I liked it. I thought 00:04:13.900 --> 00:04:17.379 it was good. The guest I had for it, very half 00:04:17.379 --> 00:04:20.579 -hearted in it. Okay. So the episode isn't that 00:04:20.579 --> 00:04:23.060 great, but also after rereading the original 00:04:23.060 --> 00:04:25.740 script. I don't know how anyone listened to it. 00:04:25.819 --> 00:04:28.180 It was a jumbled mess. It was fucking terrible. 00:04:29.560 --> 00:04:31.519 Dude, you were still figuring shit out. It's 00:04:31.519 --> 00:04:33.639 all good. It has everything that I know that 00:04:33.639 --> 00:04:36.579 you'll love in a story. It doesn't have a real 00:04:36.579 --> 00:04:40.259 end to it, and I still didn't write one. I kind 00:04:40.259 --> 00:04:45.500 of left the script not as it was, but I kind 00:04:45.500 --> 00:04:49.300 of beefed it up, made it more readable and understandable. 00:04:50.920 --> 00:04:53.600 sentences that work good. Well, of course I'm 00:04:53.600 --> 00:04:55.560 paraphrasing here, but I do believe the quote 00:04:55.560 --> 00:04:58.839 is something along the lines of great scripts 00:04:58.839 --> 00:05:01.519 are never finished. They're just abandoned much 00:05:01.519 --> 00:05:04.279 like your children. I don't know if that's the 00:05:04.279 --> 00:05:05.899 case for this, but anyways, so we're going to 00:05:05.899 --> 00:05:08.259 be redoing the van meter visitor. Is that something 00:05:08.259 --> 00:05:10.959 you're familiar with? No, no, you're unfamiliar, 00:05:11.300 --> 00:05:13.879 unfamiliar, unfamiliar. You're going to love 00:05:13.879 --> 00:05:16.259 this episode. Okay. I can already guarantee you. 00:05:16.259 --> 00:05:18.680 All right. So this story takes place in van meter, 00:05:18.759 --> 00:05:21.540 Iowa. Hence the name, the Van Meter Visitor in 00:05:21.540 --> 00:05:25.060 the fall of 1903. So Van Meter at this time was 00:05:25.060 --> 00:05:27.540 like a small coal mining town. Still could be 00:05:27.540 --> 00:05:32.139 for all I know. I did not look into it, but I'm 00:05:32.139 --> 00:05:33.399 sure you can picture like what I mean. It's got 00:05:33.399 --> 00:05:37.420 dirt roads or more accurately dirt road, a couple 00:05:37.420 --> 00:05:40.800 of telegraph telephone poles, water troughs for 00:05:40.800 --> 00:05:43.360 your horses. And at night it gets real dark, 00:05:43.399 --> 00:05:45.560 real fast. It's like the kind of darkness where 00:05:45.560 --> 00:05:47.360 if you see a light outside your window at 1 a 00:05:47.360 --> 00:05:50.240 .m. Your brain doesn't go, must be a car or something. 00:05:50.240 --> 00:05:52.540 It goes, well, that's fucking new and probably 00:05:52.540 --> 00:05:55.519 concerning. Yeah. Yeah, it's problematic. Yeah. 00:05:55.779 --> 00:05:58.519 And over the course of roughly five nights, September 00:05:58.519 --> 00:06:01.939 29th through October 3rd, 1903, that's exactly 00:06:01.939 --> 00:06:04.480 what happened to several respectable men in town 00:06:04.480 --> 00:06:06.660 who all reported seeing something that absolutely 00:06:06.660 --> 00:06:09.160 should not have existed. What they described 00:06:09.160 --> 00:06:12.209 was an eight to nine foot tall humanoid. massive, 00:06:12.269 --> 00:06:15.470 smooth, bat -like wings, a blunt horn sticking 00:06:15.470 --> 00:06:17.910 out of its head, and from the tip of that horn 00:06:17.910 --> 00:06:20.870 would shoot bright white beams of light, the 00:06:20.870 --> 00:06:23.509 witnesses said, that temporarily blinded them. 00:06:23.550 --> 00:06:25.730 Basically, it's a pterodactyl with a built -in 00:06:25.730 --> 00:06:29.790 headlamp. I was thinking Baron Trump. He might 00:06:29.790 --> 00:06:32.290 have a horn. I don't know. I think he just hides 00:06:32.290 --> 00:06:34.850 it under the part of his hair. So you're not 00:06:34.850 --> 00:06:37.769 familiar with this creature at all? No, it sounds 00:06:37.769 --> 00:06:42.259 hilarious. It is pretty good. Okay. I love the 00:06:42.259 --> 00:06:44.560 bat wings. That's my favorite part. Yeah. And, 00:06:44.620 --> 00:06:47.319 and also in this detail is consistent across 00:06:47.319 --> 00:06:50.220 a couple of accounts. It smelled horrific. Like, 00:06:50.220 --> 00:06:52.879 like what exactly? I don't know. It was just 00:06:52.879 --> 00:06:56.259 universally agreed that it smelled bad. And you 00:06:56.259 --> 00:06:58.319 know, something has to smell real bad for people 00:06:58.319 --> 00:07:01.759 in 1903, Iowa to be like, it stinks. Yeah. You 00:07:01.759 --> 00:07:03.540 know what I mean? Not because they're dirty people, 00:07:03.620 --> 00:07:06.120 but because it's like the 1903, you know, not 00:07:06.120 --> 00:07:08.620 a lot of sewers, not a lot of sewers, not a lot 00:07:08.620 --> 00:07:11.699 of. regular bathing i would assume yeah probably 00:07:11.699 --> 00:07:14.639 a lot of outhouse situations yeah that's always 00:07:14.639 --> 00:07:16.160 the one thing like when you watch like a period 00:07:16.160 --> 00:07:18.980 piece movie or tv show like that takes place 00:07:18.980 --> 00:07:22.939 in like 1903 or earlier is like people like going 00:07:22.939 --> 00:07:24.920 down on each other i'm like bro yeah it's like 00:07:24.920 --> 00:07:30.459 don't don't go in there that was that's any sex 00:07:30.459 --> 00:07:32.480 scene that happens in a period piece i'm just 00:07:32.480 --> 00:07:36.560 like that must smell so fucking bad oh yeah And 00:07:36.560 --> 00:07:39.040 there's probably so much hair. Oh, God, dude. 00:07:39.339 --> 00:07:41.939 Loads of it. Yeah. You got to, like, bushwhack 00:07:41.939 --> 00:07:46.079 to find your way to anything down there. You 00:07:46.079 --> 00:07:48.360 need to bring a campaign hat and a machete. Yeah, 00:07:48.379 --> 00:07:51.379 do something. All right. So let's get into some 00:07:51.379 --> 00:07:53.699 of these stories. Like, what happened here? So 00:07:53.699 --> 00:07:57.360 on September 29th, 1903, at around 1 a .m., local 00:07:57.360 --> 00:08:00.500 businessman U .G. Griffith was awoken by a bright 00:08:00.500 --> 00:08:02.660 light shining directly into his bedroom window. 00:08:02.759 --> 00:08:05.089 Now, remember. Electricity in small towns like 00:08:05.089 --> 00:08:08.310 Van Meter in 1903 is still relatively new if 00:08:08.310 --> 00:08:10.910 it existed at all. It was like a 12 -year -old 00:08:10.910 --> 00:08:14.930 kid on a bicycle. Streetlights are very rare. 00:08:15.149 --> 00:08:17.990 Headlights don't exist yet. So if you see a focused 00:08:17.990 --> 00:08:20.329 beam of light blasting into your window, that's 00:08:20.329 --> 00:08:22.730 not normal. It's like borderline supernatural. 00:08:23.350 --> 00:08:25.790 For a split second, I can guarantee you that 00:08:25.790 --> 00:08:27.829 this dude thought he was being raptured. For 00:08:27.829 --> 00:08:31.240 like a minute. Either that or he's like, did 00:08:31.240 --> 00:08:33.700 I build my house on train tracks again? Yeah, 00:08:33.759 --> 00:08:35.840 for like a split second, this dude was probably 00:08:35.840 --> 00:08:38.580 freaking out. I would. Yeah, but in the end, 00:08:38.600 --> 00:08:40.799 he just got annoyed and he was like understandably 00:08:40.799 --> 00:08:44.080 annoyed. He assumed someone is screwing around 00:08:44.080 --> 00:08:46.500 with some kind of spotlight. So he goes outside 00:08:46.500 --> 00:08:49.039 to confront whoever is behind it. Instead, he 00:08:49.039 --> 00:08:51.820 sees the light isn't just some dickhead fucking 00:08:51.820 --> 00:08:54.019 with them, but it's actually attached to something. 00:08:54.460 --> 00:08:57.000 massive he then watches whatever it was leap 00:08:57.000 --> 00:08:59.799 from one roof to another across the street not 00:08:59.799 --> 00:09:03.659 like glide or fly but jump from one roof to across 00:09:03.659 --> 00:09:06.360 the street yeah and this is like 1903 so the 00:09:06.360 --> 00:09:09.059 houses are pretty far yeah i'm guessing yeah 00:09:09.820 --> 00:09:12.100 Then the light and whatever it was attached to 00:09:12.100 --> 00:09:14.080 took off and disappeared into the night. So that's 00:09:14.080 --> 00:09:16.620 the first sighting. The very next night, around 00:09:16.620 --> 00:09:20.139 1230 a .m., town physician Dr. Alcott wakes up 00:09:20.139 --> 00:09:22.039 in the back room of his office under the same 00:09:22.039 --> 00:09:24.360 circumstances as the first, a bright light shining 00:09:24.360 --> 00:09:27.019 directly onto his face through the window. So 00:09:27.019 --> 00:09:30.059 the good doctor decides, fuck this. I'm tired. 00:09:30.259 --> 00:09:33.100 It's late. I don't have time for whatever witchcraft 00:09:33.100 --> 00:09:36.120 or wizardry is going on. So he grabs his gun 00:09:36.120 --> 00:09:38.720 because it's 1903 and that was the go -to solution 00:09:38.720 --> 00:09:41.059 for basically anything. That's how doctors solved 00:09:41.059 --> 00:09:43.240 a lot of problems back then. Yeah, that and cocaine. 00:09:46.320 --> 00:09:49.019 Oh, you've got a cold? Well, do this cocaine 00:09:49.019 --> 00:09:50.879 to get the ghosts out of your blood. Yeah, so 00:09:50.879 --> 00:09:55.559 he grabs his gun and he goes outside. He approaches 00:09:55.559 --> 00:09:58.320 the source of the light. and sees what he describes 00:09:58.320 --> 00:10:01.220 as a humanoid figure with smooth bat -like wings 00:10:01.220 --> 00:10:03.460 and a blunt horn protruding from its head. That 00:10:03.460 --> 00:10:05.740 horn is the source of the light. This is where 00:10:05.740 --> 00:10:08.340 we get the actual description of the creature. 00:10:08.500 --> 00:10:10.799 It was from the second sighting. He raises his 00:10:10.799 --> 00:10:13.919 revolver and fires five shots at it, which didn't 00:10:13.919 --> 00:10:16.960 do shit. So he's like, sorry, my bad. And then 00:10:16.960 --> 00:10:19.860 slowly retreats back inside. Does he know if 00:10:19.860 --> 00:10:23.440 the bullets hit it? I think so. I don't know. 00:10:23.620 --> 00:10:27.889 Okay. The only reason I ask is that, like, handguns, 00:10:27.889 --> 00:10:30.429 not, not the greatest when it comes to aiming, 00:10:30.549 --> 00:10:32.450 you know, they're, they're pretty accurate up 00:10:32.450 --> 00:10:35.190 to a certain point, but there's like a lot of 00:10:35.190 --> 00:10:38.190 distance. Yeah. You're probably not going to 00:10:38.190 --> 00:10:39.350 hit what you're shooting at. Yeah. I don't know 00:10:39.350 --> 00:10:40.909 how close he got to it, but also things pretty 00:10:40.909 --> 00:10:43.509 big. Yeah. It's not like a, I feel like it's 00:10:43.509 --> 00:10:46.570 a hard target to miss. Right. So that's a good 00:10:46.570 --> 00:10:49.409 point. I mean, but I also don't know. I mean, 00:10:49.470 --> 00:10:51.350 if he was close enough to see that it had like 00:10:51.350 --> 00:10:54.330 a blunt horn on its head and that actually, that 00:10:54.330 --> 00:10:57.610 thought kind of, is rolling around in my brain 00:10:57.610 --> 00:10:59.429 right now like what does he mean by blunt is 00:10:59.429 --> 00:11:02.129 it like a shot glass basically like yeah the 00:11:02.129 --> 00:11:04.370 way i kind of think is like a like a rhino horn 00:11:04.370 --> 00:11:07.769 but like the tip cut off yeah yeah that's weird 00:11:07.769 --> 00:11:09.470 yeah but also it'd be hard to miss that it had 00:11:09.470 --> 00:11:11.269 a horn even if it was dark out because again 00:11:11.269 --> 00:11:14.070 it's this it fucking shoots light you can't miss 00:11:14.070 --> 00:11:17.529 it like hellboy's horns right yeah kind of that's 00:11:17.529 --> 00:11:19.889 that's kind of what i was thinking yeah yeah 00:11:19.889 --> 00:11:22.769 so he shoots at it doesn't do shit so he goes 00:11:22.769 --> 00:11:24.509 back inside and then this thing just kind of 00:11:24.509 --> 00:11:26.809 fucks off into the night I would do the exact 00:11:26.809 --> 00:11:31.309 same thing, so I'm with you, Doc. And then October 00:11:31.309 --> 00:11:33.750 1st rolls around and enter Peter Dunn. He's a 00:11:33.750 --> 00:11:35.929 bank cashier who believes that this whole thing 00:11:35.929 --> 00:11:39.509 is just an elaborate hoax. He thinks that it's 00:11:39.509 --> 00:11:41.889 possibly burgers trying to distract the town 00:11:41.889 --> 00:11:45.250 from some sort of high -stakes robbery, which 00:11:45.250 --> 00:11:50.169 honestly, this would have been a pretty rad prequel 00:11:50.169 --> 00:11:53.129 for Ocean's Eleven. Just a team of heisters. 00:11:53.769 --> 00:11:55.450 Doing whatever. That would be amazing. Yeah. 00:11:55.649 --> 00:11:58.610 I actually, I want to just call back quickly. 00:11:58.769 --> 00:12:00.570 I don't know if you caught it, but you said the 00:12:00.570 --> 00:12:04.029 word burgers instead of burglars. And so for 00:12:04.029 --> 00:12:05.929 a second, I was thinking like Mayor McCheese 00:12:05.929 --> 00:12:08.549 had his hand in this. Or maybe there was just 00:12:08.549 --> 00:12:10.350 some German dudes there and that was just their 00:12:10.350 --> 00:12:14.029 last name. I was like, burgers? Is this a 1903 00:12:14.029 --> 00:12:15.769 word I don't know? You thought Mayor McCheese 00:12:15.769 --> 00:12:18.970 and not Hamburglar? Well, yeah, because Mayor 00:12:18.970 --> 00:12:21.389 McCheese is a burger, whereas Hamburglar is just 00:12:21.389 --> 00:12:25.009 stealing burgers. I don't know. Whatever. He 00:12:25.009 --> 00:12:26.970 could be doing it in conjunction. You know, why 00:12:26.970 --> 00:12:29.190 don't you not call me out on my mumble mouth, 00:12:29.330 --> 00:12:31.629 all right? Okay? Making me look like a dum -dum. 00:12:31.789 --> 00:12:33.769 I'm not trying to make you look like a dum -dum. 00:12:33.789 --> 00:12:36.110 I'm trying to express the joy that I felt for 00:12:36.110 --> 00:12:39.330 a brief moment when I imagined a bunch of clandestine 00:12:39.330 --> 00:12:45.830 cheeseburgers running amok. Well, that's an entirely 00:12:45.830 --> 00:12:47.409 separate episode. We'll get to that eventually. 00:12:48.649 --> 00:12:52.340 Another yokai, I'm sure. For sure, probably. 00:12:52.679 --> 00:12:54.480 Yeah, there's got to be a cheeseburger yokai 00:12:54.480 --> 00:12:59.679 and it's like super American. So yeah, so Peter 00:12:59.679 --> 00:13:02.919 Dunn, the bank teller, he thinks that this is 00:13:02.919 --> 00:13:05.259 burglars, not burgers, trying to distract the 00:13:05.259 --> 00:13:07.879 town, which would have been pretty cool. That 00:13:07.879 --> 00:13:09.799 would have been great. Yeah, so what he does 00:13:09.799 --> 00:13:12.019 is he camps out in the bank overnight and at 00:13:12.019 --> 00:13:14.120 around 1 a .m. he hears what he describes as 00:13:14.120 --> 00:13:16.879 gargling or like a strangled gasping sound coming 00:13:16.879 --> 00:13:19.399 from outside. He opens the door to investigate 00:13:19.399 --> 00:13:22.379 and is immediately blinded by the horn light, 00:13:22.580 --> 00:13:24.159 which I mean serves him right. Because if he 00:13:24.159 --> 00:13:26.220 truly believed that this was a bunch of robbers, 00:13:26.279 --> 00:13:29.019 why go investigate a distraction? You're staying 00:13:29.019 --> 00:13:35.399 in a bank at night trying to catch burglars committing 00:13:35.399 --> 00:13:39.159 crimes. Yes. And your thought is, let me open 00:13:39.159 --> 00:13:42.960 the door to this secured bank. That's an accident 00:13:42.960 --> 00:13:45.600 to confront burglars. That's what I'm saying. 00:13:45.960 --> 00:13:47.559 That's what I'm saying. Like, why would you? 00:13:47.960 --> 00:13:51.659 Why would you fall for such a clear distraction? 00:13:51.919 --> 00:13:54.580 If you thought that this was burglars, why would 00:13:54.580 --> 00:13:56.059 you leave? Like, why would you go outside? You 00:13:56.059 --> 00:13:57.960 were going to come inside and then you fucking 00:13:57.960 --> 00:14:00.879 blast them away. Absolute moron. Yeah. You could 00:14:00.879 --> 00:14:04.580 have done a home alone thing. And it would have 00:14:04.580 --> 00:14:07.080 been great. Oh, there was so many other options 00:14:07.080 --> 00:14:10.659 than just, let me go investigate this sound real 00:14:10.659 --> 00:14:13.720 quick. Let me open the locked door to the bank 00:14:13.720 --> 00:14:16.720 to investigate what I think are burglars. Yeah. 00:14:18.140 --> 00:14:20.279 So he's blinded by the light. When his vision 00:14:20.279 --> 00:14:22.460 clears, he sees the creature and does what everyone 00:14:22.460 --> 00:14:26.000 else in this moment seems to be doing, and that 00:14:26.000 --> 00:14:27.759 is he starts unloading rounds into this motherfucker. 00:14:28.080 --> 00:14:30.080 Oh, he did have a weapon. He did. Of course he 00:14:30.080 --> 00:14:33.379 does. He's guarding a bank. But again, it does 00:14:33.379 --> 00:14:37.159 nothing at all, and it just kind of fucks off. 00:14:37.360 --> 00:14:40.500 Now, either on the same night or the next, reports 00:14:40.500 --> 00:14:43.190 kind of vary. what it was, but hardware merchant 00:14:43.190 --> 00:14:46.509 OV white wakes up to the same, like rasping noises 00:14:46.509 --> 00:14:48.769 outside of the store. He looks out his window 00:14:48.769 --> 00:14:50.950 and he sees the creature perched up on a telegraph 00:14:50.950 --> 00:14:57.509 pole. So he shoots it. It's kind of a running 00:14:57.509 --> 00:14:59.990 theme for this episode. The most American story. 00:15:01.149 --> 00:15:03.110 It's right up there with when the natives fought 00:15:03.110 --> 00:15:06.210 the Sasquatch, but this time it fires back and 00:15:06.210 --> 00:15:08.830 it releases like a powerful noxious odor towards 00:15:08.830 --> 00:15:13.190 them. No. It just farted. It was a nervous fart. 00:15:13.649 --> 00:15:17.429 That's what happens. Yeah. We all get it. It 00:15:17.429 --> 00:15:19.830 happens. Yeah. When I'm in a terrifying situation, 00:15:20.129 --> 00:15:22.789 sometimes it just kind of. You just fart. It 00:15:22.789 --> 00:15:24.789 just happens. Yeah. It's either that or a boner. 00:15:24.789 --> 00:15:32.850 It depends on where the fear is at. Or you get 00:15:32.850 --> 00:15:36.970 the rare fear boner slash fart combo. Yeah. Yeah. 00:15:37.009 --> 00:15:39.389 Which is not a comp. I mean, it's a good deterrent. 00:15:39.720 --> 00:15:44.159 For any robber. Any would -be mugger. Because 00:15:44.159 --> 00:15:47.019 you're so confused about what's coming. Is he 00:15:47.019 --> 00:15:48.980 going to poop? Are we going to have sex? What's 00:15:48.980 --> 00:15:51.220 happening? Got to keep him gassing. Keep him 00:15:51.220 --> 00:15:54.700 on their toes. Meanwhile, you got to keep him 00:15:54.700 --> 00:16:01.799 gassing. Now, around this time, minors in Van 00:16:01.799 --> 00:16:03.820 Meter, and I mean that as in like people that 00:16:03.820 --> 00:16:08.059 go underground to dig resources. This is going 00:16:08.059 --> 00:16:10.940 to be a Chris Hansen episode for a second. Yeah. 00:16:11.620 --> 00:16:15.539 Miners is in like hard hats and pickaxes, not 00:16:15.539 --> 00:16:19.320 the ones that the elite seem to prefer and have 00:16:19.320 --> 00:16:21.679 no repercussions over their preference of them. 00:16:21.820 --> 00:16:23.419 Dave, why don't you take a seat right over there? 00:16:24.779 --> 00:16:26.940 had reportedly been hearing strange noises coming 00:16:26.940 --> 00:16:29.419 from the local coal mine. Again, Van Meter was 00:16:29.419 --> 00:16:32.779 a mining town. One account described the sounds 00:16:32.779 --> 00:16:35.700 as, quote, like Satan and a regiment of imps 00:16:35.700 --> 00:16:38.279 coming forth for battle, which is metal as fuck. 00:16:38.940 --> 00:16:42.379 That's oddly beautiful coming from a coal miner. 00:16:42.539 --> 00:16:45.879 Yeah, it's kind of poetic. And the mine manager 00:16:45.879 --> 00:16:48.039 at the time, J .L. Platt, reportedly said that 00:16:48.039 --> 00:16:50.019 he had also witnessed something coming out from 00:16:50.019 --> 00:16:52.340 the shaft. Now, here's where reporting gets slightly 00:16:52.340 --> 00:16:54.929 inconsistent. Some accounts say one creature, 00:16:55.029 --> 00:16:57.250 others say two. The second one's smaller than 00:16:57.250 --> 00:16:59.190 the first, but the description stayed consistent. 00:16:59.330 --> 00:17:01.330 Wings, horns, lights, you know what it looks 00:17:01.330 --> 00:17:04.890 like. So, Platt does what any good company man 00:17:04.890 --> 00:17:08.650 would do and organizes a posse. Because if you 00:17:08.650 --> 00:17:11.029 are a mining town in 1903 and a glowing wing 00:17:11.029 --> 00:17:13.589 thing crawls out of your shaft, you gather men 00:17:13.589 --> 00:17:16.349 with rifles. It's like 1903 policy. Honestly, 00:17:17.170 --> 00:17:19.890 my favorite part. Also, can we just quickly talk 00:17:19.890 --> 00:17:21.900 about everybody's names? Oh, they're all great. 00:17:22.019 --> 00:17:23.660 They're all 19 or three names. They're all great. 00:17:23.900 --> 00:17:27.259 They all sound like somebody who lost a lot of 00:17:27.259 --> 00:17:29.660 money when the stock market crashed in 1929. 00:17:29.859 --> 00:17:34.140 Yeah. They're all that era. Fancy as fuck. Well, 00:17:34.200 --> 00:17:36.299 yeah, these were all, like I said, there's no, 00:17:36.420 --> 00:17:38.960 what's crazy about this story is that there's 00:17:38.960 --> 00:17:41.900 no like regular man who saw this thing apparently. 00:17:42.160 --> 00:17:46.319 Right. It's like, it's doctors, bank. tell like 00:17:46.319 --> 00:17:49.440 it's all like upstanding citizens like it's kind 00:17:49.440 --> 00:17:54.000 of crazy uh yeah so before dawn a group of armstown 00:17:54.000 --> 00:17:56.579 folks uh gathered outside the mine and waited 00:17:56.579 --> 00:17:58.700 when the creature or creatures returned to the 00:17:58.700 --> 00:18:01.960 shaft they just fucking unloaded on this thing 00:18:01.960 --> 00:18:05.839 one newspaper one newspaper reported that the 00:18:05.839 --> 00:18:08.019 barrage of gunfire was heavy enough to quote 00:18:08.019 --> 00:18:10.859 unquote have sunk the spanish fleet that's how 00:18:10.859 --> 00:18:13.859 many bullets We're flying around at this thing, 00:18:14.000 --> 00:18:17.039 which is just phenomenal early 1900s journalism. 00:18:17.799 --> 00:18:20.200 And once again, according to the reports, there 00:18:20.200 --> 00:18:23.019 was no visible damage to the creatures. The creatures, 00:18:23.039 --> 00:18:25.579 they just kind of shrieked, released that same 00:18:25.579 --> 00:18:30.819 fart smell again, and then retreated back down 00:18:30.819 --> 00:18:32.339 into the mine. And once the creatures were back 00:18:32.339 --> 00:18:36.180 down in the depths, the solution... They just 00:18:36.180 --> 00:18:39.460 bricked up the entrance. They didn't pursue it. 00:18:39.500 --> 00:18:41.559 They didn't investigate any further. They just 00:18:41.559 --> 00:18:44.720 collectively decided that's the end of that and 00:18:44.720 --> 00:18:46.539 then sealed it up. Just lock him in there with 00:18:46.539 --> 00:18:48.920 his farts and let him deal with himself. They 00:18:48.920 --> 00:18:50.839 just did what they do at the end of horror movies. 00:18:50.960 --> 00:18:53.619 They just sealed it away and just prayed that 00:18:53.619 --> 00:18:55.920 it didn't come back. It's being investigated 00:18:55.920 --> 00:19:02.240 by top men. Top men. But I mean, it seemed to 00:19:02.240 --> 00:19:07.380 have worked. The sightings stopped. Okay. Yeah. 00:19:07.460 --> 00:19:10.559 I mean, that did work. That did work. The one 00:19:10.559 --> 00:19:13.220 thing that I don't think they accounted for, 00:19:13.279 --> 00:19:15.640 though, is that you just sealed off the mine. 00:19:16.000 --> 00:19:20.440 Your town is a mining town. What are you going 00:19:20.440 --> 00:19:23.059 to do? Well, it's probably why we've never heard 00:19:23.059 --> 00:19:24.799 of this town before, and we probably won't ever 00:19:24.799 --> 00:19:26.619 hear about it again. Yeah. I don't even know 00:19:26.619 --> 00:19:30.240 if it still exists. It's still there, I think. 00:19:30.299 --> 00:19:34.819 They probably had to do another business. Maybe 00:19:34.819 --> 00:19:36.559 they just started, maybe they went into business 00:19:36.559 --> 00:19:41.599 selling the first fart sprays. Maybe. I mean, 00:19:41.640 --> 00:19:44.599 we'll get into some theories, but that's the 00:19:44.599 --> 00:19:46.299 story of the Van Meter Visitor. It's not a lot, 00:19:46.339 --> 00:19:49.380 but there's a lot of firing at things in it. 00:19:50.079 --> 00:19:52.339 Honestly, what I like is the defense mechanism 00:19:52.339 --> 00:19:57.259 of the putrid fart smell. Yeah. Because I can't 00:19:57.259 --> 00:19:59.920 think of many things that are grosser than when 00:19:59.920 --> 00:20:02.019 you're walking around somewhere and you walk 00:20:02.019 --> 00:20:04.779 through someone's fart cloud. Oh, yeah. Like 00:20:04.779 --> 00:20:07.500 when it's your fart, it's like gross, but not 00:20:07.500 --> 00:20:09.579 the worst thing in the world. When it's someone 00:20:09.579 --> 00:20:13.099 else's, they might as well have just farted directly 00:20:13.099 --> 00:20:15.519 in your mouth. It's the most disgusting thing 00:20:15.519 --> 00:20:18.000 in the world. This happens in my gym. There's 00:20:18.000 --> 00:20:20.259 like a phantom farter. And I'm pretty sure this 00:20:20.259 --> 00:20:24.839 guy's got like some kind of parasite. Because 00:20:24.839 --> 00:20:28.900 it'll just, the smell will fill the entire gym. 00:20:28.940 --> 00:20:31.259 And it's not a small gym. It will fill the entire 00:20:31.259 --> 00:20:35.200 building. Oh God. I think he might have, he might 00:20:35.200 --> 00:20:38.059 need medical attention. Yeah. Or maybe I'll tell 00:20:38.059 --> 00:20:40.759 you what, I won't follow him into a mind. Maybe, 00:20:40.799 --> 00:20:43.160 maybe he's like a vegan. I feel like vegan farts 00:20:43.160 --> 00:20:44.700 are always the worst. It smells like a barn. 00:20:44.900 --> 00:20:48.339 Yeah. It's all vegetables. Yeah. No, no shade 00:20:48.339 --> 00:20:51.859 to vegans. You guys are doing great. But your 00:20:51.859 --> 00:20:57.740 farts are some of the most atrocious. It's like, 00:20:57.819 --> 00:21:01.440 it's like a, like a dirty barn. Let's all be 00:21:01.440 --> 00:21:02.880 honest with ourselves. You can't deny it. Or 00:21:02.880 --> 00:21:04.720 you can deny it. You know what? Write me an email, 00:21:04.900 --> 00:21:07.579 crypticcocktail at gmail .com. Yeah, maybe we're 00:21:07.579 --> 00:21:09.299 wrong. Maybe we're wrong. But I don't think we 00:21:09.299 --> 00:21:12.779 are. I think that makes sense. Yeah. But yeah, 00:21:12.779 --> 00:21:14.279 so there you have it. That's the story. Now, 00:21:14.279 --> 00:21:16.680 do you have any theories as to what this thing 00:21:16.680 --> 00:21:22.119 could be? You know, I'm at a loss here because 00:21:22.119 --> 00:21:25.279 I have never heard of a creature that emits light 00:21:25.279 --> 00:21:28.740 from a blunt horn on its head. I don't think 00:21:28.740 --> 00:21:31.740 anyone has. I think this is it. I think this 00:21:31.740 --> 00:21:33.460 is the only time. Yeah, no, I mean, that's what 00:21:33.460 --> 00:21:36.640 I mean. I guess we're just going to go with the 00:21:36.640 --> 00:21:40.319 old standby of interdimensional creature. Honestly, 00:21:40.420 --> 00:21:43.420 I didn't even think about that. I didn't even 00:21:43.420 --> 00:21:46.619 cross my mind. Nephilim. It was the Nephilim. 00:21:47.579 --> 00:21:50.240 You know what? We almost got there. We almost. 00:21:51.180 --> 00:21:53.880 Yeah. So, I mean, it could have been a hoax, 00:21:53.900 --> 00:21:56.640 possibly. But if it was, it involved multiple 00:21:56.640 --> 00:21:59.359 prominent men. repeatedly firing guns into the 00:21:59.359 --> 00:22:01.960 night and then in stilts like that would have 00:22:01.960 --> 00:22:04.759 had to been stilts involved in some kind of mechanism 00:22:04.759 --> 00:22:07.839 to make the wings yeah it had to been a lot i 00:22:07.839 --> 00:22:09.920 mean like and then they doubled down publicly 00:22:09.920 --> 00:22:12.700 in like newspapers like that's a lot of commitment 00:22:12.700 --> 00:22:15.940 from prominent men just for like a small town 00:22:15.940 --> 00:22:19.960 prank yeah like like i don't think a lot of prominent 00:22:19.960 --> 00:22:22.799 men are gonna be like you know we gotta do we 00:22:22.799 --> 00:22:26.180 gotta come up with a bad guy Yeah. The other 00:22:26.180 --> 00:22:29.000 option is that it's mass hysteria. Possibly. 00:22:29.200 --> 00:22:32.180 But it's only affecting the most prominent guys 00:22:32.180 --> 00:22:35.660 in the town? I guess. You know, maybe it could 00:22:35.660 --> 00:22:38.480 have been a misidentified animal. Large birds 00:22:38.480 --> 00:22:42.359 can look pretty fucking scary at night. Yeah, 00:22:42.400 --> 00:22:45.680 but a bird that's more than six feet tall? Yeah. 00:22:45.980 --> 00:22:48.720 Well, there's that fucking... There's like a 00:22:48.720 --> 00:22:51.480 crane. Our crane's pretty big. Or a stork. What's 00:22:51.480 --> 00:22:54.559 the one that the top mothman was? Oh, could be 00:22:54.559 --> 00:22:58.500 a stork, I guess. I mean, pelicans are pretty 00:22:58.500 --> 00:23:00.160 big, but they're not that big. They're also not 00:23:00.160 --> 00:23:04.500 in Iowa. They're pretty far away. Well, you're 00:23:04.500 --> 00:23:07.420 really limited in my options here. I'm sorry. 00:23:09.099 --> 00:23:12.220 I mean, like, I can't think of one bird that 00:23:12.220 --> 00:23:15.460 is so unreasonably large that someone would mistake 00:23:15.460 --> 00:23:19.519 it for a person. Oh, herring. Heron? Heron. Herons. 00:23:19.519 --> 00:23:21.380 Like a great blue heron. They're pretty tall, 00:23:21.460 --> 00:23:24.220 but I don't think they're tall enough. And where 00:23:24.220 --> 00:23:25.599 would the light be coming from? That's what I 00:23:25.599 --> 00:23:28.839 was going to say. But most birds don't have beams 00:23:28.839 --> 00:23:31.339 of light shooting from their skulls. Or maybe 00:23:31.339 --> 00:23:33.720 some kid just captured one and then like stuck 00:23:33.720 --> 00:23:36.819 a lantern on its head. Yeah, maybe. And he's 00:23:36.819 --> 00:23:38.960 just dying laughing in the bushes as all these 00:23:38.960 --> 00:23:41.099 people are trying to shoot at it. Yeah. The only 00:23:41.099 --> 00:23:43.019 thing, I mean, the only possible explanation, 00:23:43.259 --> 00:23:46.579 there's two. One, it was like just newspapers 00:23:46.579 --> 00:23:49.660 embellishing shit. Like in the early 1900s, fucking 00:23:49.660 --> 00:23:51.759 people love that shit. And they kind of just 00:23:51.759 --> 00:23:55.519 made stuff up. Yeah. See the Spanish American 00:23:55.519 --> 00:23:59.279 war for details. Hearst wasn't exactly the most 00:23:59.279 --> 00:24:02.599 honorable guy in the world. Yeah. But my theory 00:24:02.599 --> 00:24:06.680 is that I think the mine, I think they struck 00:24:06.680 --> 00:24:09.019 something in the mind and it was like, like a 00:24:09.019 --> 00:24:12.940 gas leak. Like the smell people hallucinating. 00:24:13.799 --> 00:24:16.680 That's definitely a good theory. I agree. I think 00:24:16.680 --> 00:24:18.440 that's, I think that's mostly like the smell 00:24:18.440 --> 00:24:20.359 was probably maybe sulfur or some sort of natural 00:24:20.359 --> 00:24:23.269 gas. And the town was just a little too close 00:24:23.269 --> 00:24:25.230 to the mines and the mine shafts. And it was 00:24:25.230 --> 00:24:27.869 just kind of like given like a Silent Hill type 00:24:27.869 --> 00:24:31.210 scenario. Yeah. And like the whole time they're 00:24:31.210 --> 00:24:33.190 seeing this creature and shooting at it thinking 00:24:33.190 --> 00:24:35.190 it's a monster. And it's really just the sheriff 00:24:35.190 --> 00:24:36.710 holding up a flashlight. Like, what are you guys 00:24:36.710 --> 00:24:38.690 doing? Yeah. The only thing I think of is that 00:24:38.690 --> 00:24:42.210 if it was like a hoax and it was perpetrated 00:24:42.210 --> 00:24:46.289 by like the most prominent men in society, is 00:24:46.289 --> 00:24:49.690 that. there is like some sort of corporate sabotage 00:24:49.690 --> 00:24:52.009 to try and fuck with the mining company to get 00:24:52.009 --> 00:24:55.029 like something out of it. I don't know what, 00:24:55.089 --> 00:24:58.150 I don't know why, but if it was a hoax and it 00:24:58.150 --> 00:25:00.750 was done by these people, there had to be some 00:25:00.750 --> 00:25:03.970 sort of monetary reasoning behind course. Like, 00:25:03.990 --> 00:25:05.849 I mean, maybe they were trying to get like the 00:25:05.849 --> 00:25:08.009 town to shut down or whatever. That could be 00:25:08.009 --> 00:25:11.369 it. Yeah. Like they could have been like proposition 00:25:11.369 --> 00:25:14.789 by another mining company. To like fuck with 00:25:14.789 --> 00:25:17.250 whoever was there now, get them out so that the 00:25:17.250 --> 00:25:18.930 other people can come in and buy the mine and 00:25:18.930 --> 00:25:21.789 then take that. Yeah. Because, you know, you 00:25:21.789 --> 00:25:24.250 lower the value of the mine because everyone 00:25:24.250 --> 00:25:27.490 went crazy. Yeah. And apparently there's a boarded 00:25:27.490 --> 00:25:30.430 up pterodactyl. Yeah. And if you're a prominent 00:25:30.430 --> 00:25:34.410 member of society, the best way to get good property 00:25:34.410 --> 00:25:38.430 would be to make it really cheap, lower the property 00:25:38.430 --> 00:25:40.630 value by having everybody move out. No one wants 00:25:40.630 --> 00:25:42.109 to live in the town. Then you buy it all up. 00:25:42.130 --> 00:25:45.079 You develop it. Yeah, that's Bob's your uncle. 00:25:45.640 --> 00:25:47.839 That's your millionaire. For me, that's that's 00:25:47.839 --> 00:25:50.579 if it was a hoax, that's what it is. But I honestly 00:25:50.579 --> 00:25:55.259 just think that. Yes, I didn't want to say it, 00:25:55.259 --> 00:25:58.359 but because I feel like that's a cop out for 00:25:58.359 --> 00:26:00.920 a lot of like cryptic side. I mean, I don't necessarily 00:26:00.920 --> 00:26:03.380 think it's a cop out. I think it's entirely possible 00:26:03.380 --> 00:26:06.910 that. You know, it could be something like that. 00:26:06.970 --> 00:26:09.390 I mean, how many times was there a hysteria in 00:26:09.390 --> 00:26:11.230 Europe that turned out to be something close 00:26:11.230 --> 00:26:13.890 to ergot poisoning? You know, you got like the 00:26:13.890 --> 00:26:16.430 dancing plague and fucking all that. Right. So 00:26:16.430 --> 00:26:19.410 it could very easily have been something like 00:26:19.410 --> 00:26:21.089 that. I mean, I don't know how that would work. 00:26:21.130 --> 00:26:24.680 I don't know. I've never heard of. any swamp 00:26:24.680 --> 00:26:27.299 gas that makes you hallucinate. I don't mean 00:26:27.299 --> 00:26:28.980 like swamp gas. I mean like if there's like a 00:26:28.980 --> 00:26:31.019 natural gas leak from the mine, like they hit 00:26:31.019 --> 00:26:32.880 a vein or something. No, I'm just using swamp 00:26:32.880 --> 00:26:35.640 gas as a stand -in. Yeah, no, I got you. Mine 00:26:35.640 --> 00:26:41.579 gas. But yeah, like that to me is the most reasonable 00:26:41.579 --> 00:26:44.799 thing. But we did not touch on the fact that 00:26:44.799 --> 00:26:46.819 it could have been Nephilim. It could have been 00:26:46.819 --> 00:26:49.559 an interdimensional. Interdimensional creature. 00:26:49.859 --> 00:26:51.559 Yeah. Which is why they couldn't get photos. 00:26:51.640 --> 00:26:54.660 It was blurry. By natural, just by natural. Just 00:26:54.660 --> 00:26:59.440 by nature. Yeah. Natural sources. Yeah. You hate 00:26:59.440 --> 00:27:03.519 to see it happen. You hate to see it. Or it could 00:27:03.519 --> 00:27:06.779 have been chemtrails. Yeah. Or maybe they came 00:27:06.779 --> 00:27:09.539 up with this story to distract everyone from 00:27:09.539 --> 00:27:11.640 the Epstein files. First recorded instance. You 00:27:11.640 --> 00:27:14.440 know, this is preemptive. They knew something 00:27:14.440 --> 00:27:15.779 like this would happen in the future. They knew 00:27:15.779 --> 00:27:18.720 it was coming. They knew that the Epstein files 00:27:18.720 --> 00:27:21.279 were going to get released. And they were like. 00:27:21.789 --> 00:27:24.269 We need to come up with something quick to get 00:27:24.269 --> 00:27:28.029 them off the scent, a distraction who's in 2026. 00:27:28.109 --> 00:27:29.430 They're going to be talking about a van meter 00:27:29.430 --> 00:27:32.029 visitor. And that's exactly, that's what it is. 00:27:32.089 --> 00:27:34.109 You know what? I think we solved it. They were 00:27:34.109 --> 00:27:35.950 like, why are we, why are we trying to get ahead 00:27:35.950 --> 00:27:37.730 of how far ahead of this? Do you want to get 00:27:37.730 --> 00:27:41.990 123 years? Yeah, we, I think we got to the bottom 00:27:41.990 --> 00:27:44.390 of this. This is clearly what's going on. It's 00:27:44.390 --> 00:27:52.880 deep state liberal hoax to distract. It was a 00:27:52.880 --> 00:27:55.960 trans drag queen and they're trying to hide it. 00:27:56.119 --> 00:28:00.720 Fuck. Unbelievable. The things these liberals 00:28:00.720 --> 00:28:06.059 will do to draw attention away from their own 00:28:06.059 --> 00:28:08.559 failings. Meanwhile, they'll look at these files. 00:28:08.720 --> 00:28:11.460 The Dow's up over 500 ,000 million points. The 00:28:11.460 --> 00:28:14.920 Dow's the highest it's ever been. The highest 00:28:14.920 --> 00:28:17.339 it's ever been. You know what? You're not even 00:28:17.339 --> 00:28:19.579 a real lawyer. All right. Right. Okay. Yeah. 00:28:19.920 --> 00:28:24.380 I'm a real lawyer because I have the Barbie and 00:28:24.380 --> 00:28:27.640 I dressed like it. Exactly. All right. Sorry. 00:28:27.680 --> 00:28:29.380 So that's the episode. It's not a long story. 00:28:29.480 --> 00:28:31.880 It's not a good. It's a fun story. It's a fun 00:28:31.880 --> 00:28:34.160 story, but it's a little shorter. There's not 00:28:34.160 --> 00:28:36.019 a lot to go off of, obviously, as you can tell 00:28:36.019 --> 00:28:38.900 by the length of this episode. But it's fun. 00:28:39.019 --> 00:28:41.380 I'm glad I got to do it with you because I figured 00:28:41.380 --> 00:28:44.460 you would appreciate it. Yeah. Well, I'm going 00:28:44.460 --> 00:28:48.569 to be gone next week. You are. And I apologize 00:28:48.569 --> 00:28:53.170 in advance, but I do have to go to work in another 00:28:53.170 --> 00:28:55.450 state for a while or another place, actually. 00:28:55.490 --> 00:28:57.089 I'm going to Puerto Rico. I'm very excited. Yeah. 00:28:57.269 --> 00:28:59.750 Oh, actually, I'll tell you off air. It's fine. 00:29:00.009 --> 00:29:03.390 Okay. All right. Sorry. So that's the episode. 00:29:03.450 --> 00:29:05.490 Thank you so much for listening, everyone. Is 00:29:05.490 --> 00:29:07.809 there anything you want to plug or say before 00:29:07.809 --> 00:29:10.890 I do my whole spiel? No. No, I'm good right now. 00:29:10.970 --> 00:29:13.190 You can follow me on TikTok, Sarge the Destroyer, 00:29:13.190 --> 00:29:16.640 or Instagram. Don't bother following me on Twitter. 00:29:16.740 --> 00:29:19.000 I am not going to get the notification. I only 00:29:19.000 --> 00:29:23.660 use that to say mean things to people who suck. 00:29:24.680 --> 00:29:28.759 Hell yeah. I pick on the government. And you 00:29:28.759 --> 00:29:32.440 can follow us on Instagram at Cryptic Cocktail. 00:29:32.480 --> 00:29:33.980 Follow us on TikTok, Cryptic Cocktail Party. 00:29:34.859 --> 00:29:36.619 Leave us a five -star rating or review wherever 00:29:36.619 --> 00:29:39.980 you can. It really helps the show. It really 00:29:39.980 --> 00:29:43.599 helps the show. Yes, please. So please. Please 00:29:43.599 --> 00:29:47.839 help us. Please. We want to be mildly successful 00:29:47.839 --> 00:29:54.640 at this. It's moderate. Moderately successful. 00:29:55.259 --> 00:29:58.579 Pardon me. I think that's all I got. Shirts are 00:29:58.579 --> 00:30:02.720 ordered. I'm so excited for those. I cannot wait. 00:30:02.839 --> 00:30:04.400 It's about a two to three week turnaround for 00:30:04.400 --> 00:30:05.779 them to make the shirts and get them to me. Then 00:30:05.779 --> 00:30:08.420 after that, it's just me getting them to you 00:30:08.420 --> 00:30:11.900 guys. I think that's it. With that out of the 00:30:11.900 --> 00:30:13.319 way, Sarge, you want to say goodbye and I love 00:30:13.319 --> 00:30:17.390 you to the audience? Yes. Audience goodbye. And 00:30:17.390 --> 00:30:17.809 I love you.