You are now listening to cryptid cocktail party
Welcome back, everyone, to another episode of
Cryptic Cocktail Party, a show where we have
a few drinks, share a few laughs, take a dive
into the unknown. I'm your host, Dave. Joined,
as always, by my wonderful co -host, Sarge. How's
it going, Sarge? Hey, I'm doing good. Dave, do
you have any idea how much protein I have to
eat? No, but anything could be a protein shake
if you comment it, so I really don't. What's
the answer here? What are we looking for? It's
like 140 grams of protein. That is an ungodly
amount of food. That's a lot. I'm on this new
medication. It's helping me lose a bit of the
weight and controlling some other things in my
body. And I got to tell you, man, it's too much
protein. Never thought I'd say that, but I am
so sick of it. Oh, is pooping hard now or something?
I feel like that would. no no no it's just so
so like i've been working out for like four years
straight and i don't want to lose all the muscle
i gained while working out and so i have to eat
enough protein to maintain that and i'm getting
to the point where i just if i see another fucking
chicken breast i'm gonna kill someone all right
so you're doing good then yeah doing great kicking
ass taking names patriots are in the super bowl
can't complain Hell yeah. Fucking Pats, dude.
Fucking against the Hawks. Fucking Pats, kid.
Fucking, bro, Bledsoe, dude. Dude, fucking Belichick.
I don't know anyone on the Pats now, so I just
go to Bledsoe immediately. Drake May, baby. Drake
May. Sure. He is the new prodigal son. Not prodigal
son. That wouldn't work. He's the new golden
boy. Okay. After Tom Brady left us to go to Florida
like a fucking dick. Eh, whatever. I heard he's
a piece of shit anyways. He is a piece of shit,
yeah. I have first -hand accounts of it because
I was there when he was a piece of shit in person.
Okay. Well, then there you go. I don't know where
to go from here. I don't want to get sued for
defamation, so that's as far as I'm going. Gotcha,
gotcha. All right, well, I'm glad you're doing
good. I got a very lovely package in the mail
the other day from this company called Vine Cult.
They do cryptid -themed Bloody Mary mixes and
cocktail stuff. Oh, I'm sorry. Bloody Mary's?
Sign me the fuck up. So I got Blood of the Chupacabra
Bloody Mary cocktail mix. And then I also got...
Okay, there we go. And then I got Blood of the
Cone Reet. I don't know what that is, but I'll
drink his blood. I don't give a fuck. We could
do an episode on it. Yeah, for people that don't
know, I'm a huge fan of Bloody Marys. It's like
one of my favorites. I love them. Yeah, whenever
I go out for breakfast, even not even breakfast,
I'll drink them any time of day. But I always
get them. But it comes with like this little
one shot for like a Michelada. Oh, which is what
I'm drinking right now, but I'm drinking the
trailer version. Yeah, so that's what I'm drinking
right now. I mixed it with the Ganset. I haven't
tried it yet. I was going to save the inaugural.
inaugural inaugural sure uh sip for the show
uh it's been sitting for a minute i hope it's
still good i'm sure it's gonna be fine oh yeah
dude oh yeah yeah that's good that's good i so
i guess the name of that is i'm gonna butcher
it uh cerveza and gray i don't know she sent
me how to say it i'm just gonna play what she
said Cerve Sangre. There you go. Cerve Sangre.
Cerve Sangre. But it's really good. I like it.
I can't wait to try the other ones. Do I get
one? I don't know. Do you? This is weak sauce,
man. No, I'm just kidding. I also got a message.
It was in my request folder. So I didn't see
it until last night. But I immediately responded
with, yes, I'm 100 % in. Oh, so you're going
to get one too? yeah i was actually going to
tell you about it so well i don't know if i'm
going to get it because she hasn't responded
to me or or he i don't know who they are um but
i did not get a response but hopefully they're
not like well i already talked to dave so fuck
you sad sucks to suck nerd i mean you know what
it looks really good though and i love chelatas
so in micheladas i'm the guy so i'm in now i
just gotta i gotta go buy some vodka now Yeah.
Yeah. That's the thing. I just don't want to
buy a whole bottle of Vodka because I'll only
drink it for this. And then once these are gone,
I won't touch it. Yeah. Well, that's okay. I'll
just keep ordering more of it. Gotcha. So definitely
check out Vine Call. I'll put a link to their
Instagram and stuff in the episode description.
But yeah, that was cool. It was pretty cool.
It comes in a really cool box. It comes with
a letter and a scroll. Who doesn't love a good
scroll, dude? It's really sick. I'll post pictures
and stuff of it, but I'm going to fucking drink
this. Anyway, Sarge, are you ready to dive in?
To part two of weather weapons. Yes. I've been
waiting all week for this. I'm very, I, there's
not a lot going on in my life. Um, and so this,
this is really what I needed. Gotcha. Well, I
just need a good, stupid conspiracy theory. Well,
last week we talked about, um, like we covered
chemtrails, harps, space lasers, and how some
people claim that floods and storms are being
used to control people, land elections. All you
remember, you remember all that stuff. Yeah,
yeah, got it. Yeah, and for those of you who
may have missed last week's part one, or if this
is the first episode you're hearing from us,
sorry. Yeah, you should go back and listen to
the first one. Yeah, here's like a little short
recap for you guys. Essentially, some people
believe that the sky is poisoned, the weather
is remote controlled, and Star Wars is real.
I think that pretty much sums it up. nicely but
if you yeah that's that's basically the gist
of it yeah if you need more context just pause
this go listen to part one and then come back
and listen to this one yeah so part two here's
what we're gonna do we're gonna take all those
claims and tell you how all of them just completely
fall apart the second you apply any sort of physics
logic or common sense behind them goddamn physics
always getting in the way yeah why because it's
fun and that's what we're here we're grade a
party poopers that's what we do uh but it but
if you if you think again if this is your if
you don't know what we're talking about i will
give like a brief breakdown for each conspiracy
before we start talking shit about okay uh all
right so before we begin in earnest i mentioned
briefly last week the conspiracy that not only
can quote unquote they control the wepper but
they can kind of just make it go away in the
form of droughts and i promised you that i would
touch on that this episode so before we before
we dive into what we covered last week let's
just do that real quick so The ideas or claims
behind droughts being used as a weapon is basically
that rain is being intentionally withheld for
the same reasons as all other weather weapon
conspiracies. But again, those reasons depend
on who you're talking to. But a big part of the
conspiracy revolves around cloud seeding, which
we covered last episode. The belief is that governments
or corporations. Seed clouds everywhere else,
stealing the rain before it can reach the drought
-stricken area to starve the region, force farmers
off their lands, collapse food production, and
make property cheaper for developers. This theory
shows up a lot in farming communities during
prolonged dry spells. Farmers will accuse those
liberal cities because there's one thing cities
love, it's rain. Especially here when all the
fucking rain gutters are... filled with trash
and it just floods your streets. Yeah. So of
course we're going to steal all of that from
you. And there's nothing people who actively
chose to live in a city want more than flat farmland.
Yeah. We can't get enough of it. That's great.
States will accuse neighboring states and countries
will even accuse other countries of stealing
their weather. For instance, China has been accused
on multiple occasions of drying out India, which
is true. And you can look that up. Apparently
China does have like, They're not even secretive
about their quote -unquote weather control operations.
In more extreme versions, droughts are used for
population control. If you dry out an area long
enough, people will either die or leave on their
own. It's a sound conspiracy. I mean, water makes
the food grow. Food feeds the people. It's a
circle of life. Very Lion King type shit. Right.
So whoever can control the rain kind of controls
everything. But here's where it kind of falls
apart. Gotcha. Okay. You can't turn off rain.
Weather doesn't work like that. Yeah. And that's
going to be a recurring theme you're going to
see throughout this episode. Droughts are the
result of a... bunch of shit working simultaneously
ocean temperatures jet streams atmospheric pressure
systems all operating on a planetary scale now
cloud seeding does exist like we mentioned in
part one but it doesn't create rain out of nothing
it only slightly increases the chance in clouds
that already exist and even then it's super localized
and isn't really that reliable if there's no
clouds there's no rain seeded or not plus clouds
don't obey They don't? Yeah, there's no passport
check for clouds. There's no ice checkpoint.
Once moisture is in the atmosphere, it kind of
just goes wherever physics decides to take it.
And if creating and controlling droughts at scale
were possible, it wouldn't be subtle. Entire
regions being dried out on command would require
energy coordination and precision beyond... anything
we as humans could pull off and if there and
it would like there would be so much evidence
of it that we wouldn't even be able to hide it
like you would see massive permanent infrastructure
designed specifically to alter atmospheric pressure
across entire regions and you're probably thinking
like well what about harp no like this would
have to be so much bigger. Like think of it this
way. Like harp is a dive bar venue to whatever
this would be is Madison square garden. Okay.
Like, does that make sense? Like the scale of
it would have to be so fucking big that you,
you wouldn't be able to deny that that's what
it's used for. Like people quote unquote can
do with harp. If that makes sense. Okay. So Dave,
I'm sorry. What you're saying is The government
is not coordinated enough to do something like
this. What's crazy is that you're going to see
this. Maybe not. I mean, for any of these to
be real, it'd have to be world government type
coordination. Like we, as like one country, especially
our country isn't coordinated enough to do anything,
let alone create drought. So localized that it
displaces farmers. Okay. All right. Yeah. You're
talking crazy. I know. i've been hearing about
one world government since the 90s i know it's
real i mean it kind of is but not in the way
that we think it is plus with this you would
see like consistent repeatable drought patterns
that start and stop cleanly instead we see droughts
drag on unpredictably for years and meteorologists
across the world would notice they'd be seeing
stuff that doesn't match any known weather model
but they're being silenced by them. Whoever them,
whoever them is at this point, they, they're
doing it. Yeah. Uh, plus this is gonna, this
kind of applies to all conspiracies we're going
to cover, but there would be leaks in a shit
ton of them because there would be too many people
involved. I looked it up in a large scale conspiracy
involving 2 ,500 people would only last five
years before it got exposed and people started
talking like the moon landing would have had
to involve. at minimum 411 ,000 people. And that
would have been exposed in less than two years.
Like this theory, we need so many people to pull
off that you're lucky if it lasts one to two
before people started running their mouths. I
don't want to get super into politics because
frankly, we're all fucking tired of it, but there
is no better example of what you just said than
the Epstein files. Sure. Like a perfect example.
you're gonna elaborate well i mean here's the
thing all of that information is now public knowledge
right i mean what's wasn't heavily redacted we
think we know who's behind the redaction gotcha
gotcha yeah um but like but just think about
it like if there were a giant global ring dedicated
to doing horrible things it would require so
many people that eventually the information would
get out which is why Jeffrey Epstein got put
in prison which is why so many people were asking
for and then suddenly there's victims speaking
out there's a huge tranche of documents that
is just available for you to go look at like
what blows my mind is that the people who believe
these conspiracy theories are just like no one's
going to talk about because they're worried they
might die. And it's like, guy, our country has
done so many stupid things that we know about
like things that are so embarrassing. You wouldn't
want to repeat them. Yeah. And we did it. So
what makes you think that they're like, no, no,
no, this one, we really can't tell anyone. You
guys, you know, it's well, first of all, what
you're forgetting is that the FC files is just
a liberal democratic hoax. Second of all, I've
been thinking about the FC files a lot. And what
blows my mind is that this is going to sound
fucking crazy. Is that QAnon and Alex Jones was
right. They just got the side wrong. Yeah, exactly.
Right about the wrong thing. it's like my mom
and dad used to say all the time right church
wrong pew yeah like it's it's because like you
you ever just sit back and think like are these
conspiracy like what are these conspiracy theorists
are right and then it turned out they kind of
were but but right about the wildly wrong thing
yeah oh it's so good uh but yeah anyway so okay
sorry i just like i can spirit this is what this
is my thing with conspiracy theories like i get
so turned up because i'm like Dude, we know that
the CIA was giving LSD to hookers to give to
their johns, literally because they wrote it
down, because we're that stupid. Do you really
think no one wrote anything down about a big,
like, come on. That sounds like a great time.
You're getting a little extra bang for your buck,
if you ask me. Or you're killing yourself, which
happened a couple of times. Yeah, whatever. But
yeah, so anyway, so conspiracies of this size.
Across all the ones we're going to cover today,
especially with droughts and like weather control,
it wouldn't last very long before people started
talking out. And I don't mean like anonymous
posts. I'm talking like full on whistleblowers
globally from agriculture departments, weather
agencies, water authorities, airlines, international
climate organizations, just thousands of people
all sitting on the same secret. It's not going
to last as long as you think it would. And if
droughts were a weapon, they would look like
it. And we would know pretty quick. All right.
So now that we've covered droughts, let's move
on to what we initially covered, starting with
chemtrails. So as a refresher, the claim is that
the long white trails you see behind planes are
not condensation, but chemicals being sprayed
into the atmosphere and not by super secret government
aircraft, but just regular ass commercial planes.
And those chemicals can be anything from mine
control agents, population control agents, all
the way to bioweapons and climate altering substances.
As for their purpose, well, It could be to weaken
our immune system, lower fertility, or for our
purposes, prepare the atmosphere for weather
manipulation. Basically, the shadow organizations
behind chemtrails, and you can kind of choose
whichever one you want at this point, they seed
the sky with whatever magical compound they use,
and then they use HAARP to activate it and control
it. Does that make sense? I'm with you. Yeah,
so chemtrails aren't the weapon. It kind of just
primes the weapon. Right. Here's the thing. So
those trails are actually called contrails, which
is short for condensation trails. It's just water
vapors. It's hot, like moist exhaust from jet
engines. It hits extremely cold air while cruising
altitude and freezes in dice crystals. That's
what they want you to think. Well, that's what
it is. Now, whether they disappear quickly or
hang around for a bit, it depends on a few conditions
like temperature and humidity. High humidity
means the condensation sticks around longer and
it spreads out, which can create the hazy skies,
which these people love to freak out about. And
as for the grid patterns that you see sometimes,
the ones that the conspiracy theorists like to
show as proof of a coordinated attack against
the population, that's just flight patterns.
I'm sure most of you know, listening, that air
traffic, especially commercial air traffic, follow
what are essentially invisible highways. in the
sky so when multiple planes cross through routes
at similar altitudes you're going to get those
grid lines there's no coordination except between
our nation's greatest unsung heroes the flight
traffic controllers and it's just physics and
traffic that's really all it is and another thing
to think about too when it comes to this is we
actually uh when i was getting my undergrad we
studied airlines uh briefly just to look at profit
margins and things like that yeah Airplanes make
money when people buy tickets to get on the plane.
But the thing about planes is that they can't
be too heavy or they fall out of the fucking
sky. That doesn't sound right. In order for an
airline to make any sort of money off of a flight,
the plane has to be better than like 80 % full.
They don't even start making money until the
plane is about 80 % full because you got fuel
costs, you've got to pay the pilots and everybody
who gets the plane off the ground. Do you really
think that any business in the United States
of America is going to be like, no, no, no, no,
we're going to leave this incredibly expensive
airplane empty so that we can fill it with liquid
chemicals that we're going to spray into the
atmosphere? Oh, no, no, no, Sarge, you're getting
it wrong. For a government paycheck? No, Sarge,
you're getting it all wrong. There are people
on the plane. They don't fill the cabin of the
plane with shit. There's a good chance that either
one of us have been on a plane while we've been
chem -channeling people. So here's the other
problem. People are fucking heavy. But also,
all of the shit we bring with us, also fucking
heavy. I pack pretty light. Where are you going
to? Okay. You are not. I am a fucking nightmare
for an airline. I bring at least two bags. Gotcha.
But where are you going to put the amount of
chemicals you would need to make it all the way
across the fucking sky? Where do those chemicals
go? I don't know. Why don't you not worry about
it? How's that? All right. Okay. You know what?
You solved it. I'm good. Yeah. That was all I
needed. Well, do you want to talk logistics?
I do want to talk logistics because fucking help
me out. So for the Chemtrail conspiracy to work,
here's what you would need. One, you would need
every major airline involved. You would need
tens of thousands of pilots knowingly spraying
chemicals onto the population below. Ground crews
loading secret substances. onto the plane without
anyone knowing you would need international coordination
and you would need absolutely zero whistleblowers,
which again, we've already decided that's not
going to happen. And by whistleblowers, I don't
mean like a dude on YouTube. I mean, pilots,
mechanics, engineers, regulators, inspectors,
all of them having to keep their mouth shuts
for pretty much forever, but also, all right.
So spraying chemicals from 35 ,000 feet is just
a straight up bad way to affect people on the
ground. The wind would disperse most of it. So
like the concentration hitting the ground would
be uneven and mostly useless by the time anything
reached us. Plus there would be some pretty hard
evidence besides just pictures of the sky. Yeah.
Like there would be samples, environmental data,
like some sort of hard number, but there isn't.
I mean, besides what we're already doing to the
environment, but that's fine. Whatever. Yeah.
Yeah. That's perfectly acceptable. Yeah. So if
chemtrails were supposed to be the delivery system,
where does that leave HAARP? Because remember,
the claim was that chemtrails prepare the atmosphere
so that HAARP, a .k .a. the High Frequency Active
Auroral Research Program, the research site in
Alaska that just looks as ominous as the conspiracy
surrounding it. It really doesn't look good.
Yeah, so that's supposed to take over once the
chemtrails do their job. And it can control a
whole bunch of different things. heat the atmosphere,
move pressure systems around, steer hurricanes,
trigger earthquakes, fuck with human brainwaves,
and depending on the day, it may open some sort
of portal or you could talk to aliens. Who knows?
I'm signed up for that. I want that. You want
that? Yeah. Imagine the shit that aliens could
tell us. Done. They'd be like, hey, remember
all the dumb shit that you guys are doing right
now? We did it too, and that's why we all have
to live in a spaceship now. Because our whole
planet is on fire because we're idiots. So you're
saying the only reason aliens would talk to us
is because they're warning us about what they
already did to their planet? I'm like 100 % sure
if aliens have come to Earth, it's because they
broke their planet. That's a good theory. I don't
disagree with that. But yeah, so let's go back
to Harp real quick. So the idea is that Harp...
Sends massive amounts of electromagnetic energy
into the sky, destabilizing the atmosphere, and
then just kind of nudges weather systems wherever
the operators want them to go. And who are these
operators? Well, Sarge, I want you to think of
a shadowy organization. The UN. Whatever one
you're thinking. That's it. That's the one. That's
it. Yeah, sure. We'll go with that. It's always
the fucking UN. Yeah. I mean, it could be any
of those things. And just like the believers
of all the chemtrail stuff, people that believe
the HAARP conspiracy hold the idea that HAARP
doesn't just study the upper parts of our atmosphere,
it controls it. And if you can control that,
you can control everything below it. Climate,
storms, and people. Does that make sense? Yeah.
I'm tracking. Here's the problem. So HAARP doesn't
operate anywhere near where weather actually
happens. So weather forms in the troposphere,
the absolute... bottom of our atmosphere that's
where that's where weather kind of lives harp
studies the ionosphere which is way higher up
like hundreds of miles above the earth that's
where like the auroras form and radio waves bounce
around and ship those two layers of our atmosphere
don't talk to each other in a way that this conspiracy
would be possible that makes sense yeah plus
the amount of energy like a single hurricane
releases is more than All of the world's power
plants combined like hurricanes are powered by
ocean heat pressure systems and the literal rotation
of the fucking planet. So or or God, depending
on what you believe. Fair. So harps output. But
how much energy does it put it out? It's enough
to like slightly disturb a tiny patch of the
ionosphere for a very short period of time. Like
if harp could actually create storms like hurricanes
and earthquakes, the amount of energy it would
need, like would have decimated Alaska as soon
as you tried to turn it off. The heat signature
alone from something producing that much energy
would be visible from fucking Mars. Dude, Alaska
would just be fucking gone. Like, yeah, you know,
you know, like all the, all the. Fucking theories
and stuff like people were so afraid about when
they turned on the large hydron collider, like
all the things that they thought were going to
happen. It would have been kind of that, but
real. If it had enough energy to do what we're
saying it does, like it would just would have
fucking exploded. I'll be honest with you as
I was pretty young when they did that. And I
had a friend who was like a big conspiracy theorist
and he was telling me about it. And he's like,
we don't know what's going to happen. It could
open up a black hole that'll swallow the whole
planet. and I so this kid's really he was I thought
he was very smart and so I was like oh no the
end is coming yeah and then when nothing happened
I was like is everyone I know a fucking moron
like I'm a moron yeah so I know that but I'm
like is he just like a level above me on the
moron scale? Like, is he just a little bit smarter
than I am, but still a moron. I'm going to go.
And that's kind of when conspiracy theories all
sort of collapsed for me. Gotcha. It just took
that one instance of being like, that's all I
needed. So it's like, wait a minute. So, yeah.
So Alaska would be gone. Cause in reality, harp
just looks and sounds spooky and people are scared
of science. They don't understand. They just
hear antenna array shooting energy into the ionosphere
and just go, well, that can't be good. I'm still
scared of magnets. Hey, man, how do they work?
I don't know how they work. Is my food safe in
the fridge behind all those magnets? I don't
know. Microplastics. Okay. But hey, Sarge, speaking
of storms, specifically hurricanes, they kind
of seem to be like the go -to thing to really
like fuck with people. Like, yeah, in conspiracy
brains, hurricanes are basically like the guided
missiles of weather weapons. Now, this idea went
pretty mainstream after hurricanes Helena and
Milton, but it's been around for forever. anytime
like a hurricane suddenly strengthens changes
directions hovers over one area for just a little
too long or hits right before something important
like say a presidential election yeah the uh
the explanation isn't that nature is just unpredictable
as fuck it's weather control and it's controlled
either by harp which again Nah. Or some sort
of satellite or classified system the controllers
can heat up the ocean with to strengthen a storm,
alter pressure systems to redirect them, slow
or speed them up, or even create them outright.
And once they can control them, you can basically
do whatever you want with them. The sky's the
limit. Oh, hey. Sky's the limit. Literally. That's
a good one. Here's the reality, though. You know
what we gotta do is we gotta make a shirt that
says, Contrails, the sky's the limit. I kind
of like that. But here's the reality, though,
Sarge. Hurricanes are one of the least controllable
forces on the fucking Earth. Again, it's powered
by the oceans and the literal rotation of the
fucking planet. No one single piece of technology
or even like an entire country or two's worth
could touch a hurricane. So what you're saying
is if we shot nuclear missiles into a hurricane,
it would not stop them? No. Not even a little
bit. Someone better tell the president. No, storms
getting stronger isn't some great mystery. When
storms pass over very warm ocean water, they
get stronger. And wouldn't you know it, the oceans
are getting warmer, so storms are going to get
stronger and stronger. It's almost like people
have been warning us about this for like decades
now. Yeah, I seem to recall hearing something
about that in fucking first grade. Yeah, it's
crazy, right? But who knows? Like 38 years ago.
No big deal. Yeah. As for them changing direction.
Well, hurricanes don't follow a straight line.
They never have. They move at the whim of surrounding
pressure systems. Like, you know, that old saying,
like if a butterfly flaps its wings in the rainforest,
it could change the weather halfway, half a world
away. Yeah, that's that's kind of true with hurricanes,
like small shifts early on turn into big changes
days later. And that's why, like a hurricane's
forecast is like a cone. It's not like lines.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That you can change with a
black Sharpie. Yeah. And again, you can't do
that. And again, the energy scale to try and
control one of these fuckers is not possible.
A mature hurricane releases more energy every
single day than multiple nuclear bombs. Like
you're trying to steer one. We require resources
on a scale that just don't exist. Right. The
butterfly effect. Great, great scientific theory.
Terrible Ashton Kutcher movie. True. It wasn't.
It was fine. Ethan Supley, though, was phenomenal
in that film. I don't remember it that well.
I remember... That's because it was bad. The
only thing I remember is at one point he fucking
slammed his hand down on one of those receipt
pin things. That's all I remember. Yeah. I've
always had a problem with those things, so that
scene really brought it all home for me. And
then I also remember the... Him in the womb strangling
himself with his own umbilical cord. Oh, maybe
I did forget some of that movie. I think there's
like two or three endings, I think. And that
was one of the alternate endings. It was like
he fucking strangles himself in the womb with
his umbilical cord and kills himself. Makes a
lot of sense. Babies are well known for their
sentience in the womb. Remember, when he goes
back, he remembers everything. Yeah, but I feel
like a baby's not going to be like, oh, let me
grab this rope. But he's not a baby. He's himself
in the head of a baby. I'm still feeling like
I would be wildly disoriented inside a womb.
Whatever, dude. So anyway, space lasers? Right?
Space lasers. Yeah, apparently hurricanes weren't
scary enough, so conspiracy theorists were like,
yeah, well, what if it was lasers and on land?
Maybe. Right? You know, could be. They made a
whole movie about it called Real Genius. Phenomenal
film. I have no idea what that is. One of the
greatest Val Kilmer films ever made. You need
to watch it. It is hilarious. It still stands
up. The humor still stands up. That is a crazy
sentence to say. It's got Uncle Rico in it from
Napoleon Dynamite. He plays Laszlo, who is a
guy who lives in the closet of one of the other
guys, and he's got this crazy fucking lab in
the steam tunnels of this car. You've got to
watch the movie. You've got to watch it. It's
just amazing. Okay, yeah, we'll get on. So anyways,
space lasers. Space lasers. The idea here is
that the really big and really destructive wildfires
aren't caused by drought, most likely from a
weather weapon, or wind or climate conditions,
but are started intentionally. uh by energy weapons
space lasers satellite beams or just some sort
of high -tech death ray that's parked in our
orbit who knows uh people would claim that the
wildfires started too fast the burn patterns
looked unnatural some objects will melt while
others like wouldn't melt and that certain homes
were left standing while others burned down therefore
must be lasers yeah yeah this uh it's gotta be
this theory took off after the 2018 campfires
in uh california thanks to muppet turned real
girl marjorie taylor green when she went on facebook
it's starting budding cyclops marjorie taylor
green when she went on facebook and started talking
shit about lasers and blue beams of light and
then got even more traction in 2023 when the
hawaii wildfires with some crazy conspiracies
attached to this one there's so many like the
lasers spared rich neighborhoods and that the
color blue kept you safe it's all dumb but uh
yeah the truth is the millions of children that
are missing when it turned out there was like
one kid missing yeah i had a whole conversation
with somebody that like i actually thought was
like normal on tiktok no the dm's just like it
was like a like somebody you could easily diagnose
this person with a mental illness if you followed
the trail of our conversation Cause it just got
crazier and crazier. And every time, like I presented
evidence, it would be like, that's what they
want you to think. I was like, Oh my God. I mean,
it is what they want me to think. And you live
in my state. I'm terrified of you. Oh God. Uh,
but yeah, so it's all dumb, but the truth is,
is way dumber in the sense that you would have
to be dumb to not know that this is the truth.
If that makes sense. Yes. Um, yeah. Wildfires
don't burn evenly. Like it depends on like wind
direction and speed, the availability of, fuel,
moisture levels. And if it hits a building, what's
the building made out of? Like fire won't burn
down brick and cement, but it'll fuck up wooden
drywall. So a house surviving next to a destroyed
one is super common. Plus ember showers can skip
entire blocks and ignite shit down the road and
skip some shit in between. And if you have a
metal roof, that's even better. You know why?
You know why, Dave? Why? Because wind is also
part of weather and wildly unpredictable. No.
Yeah. It's almost like they've been foisted by
their own petard. We're just going to have to
agree to disagree, Sarge. Plus, satellites don't
have the power needed to start large -scale fires
from space. That would require a lot of energy,
and you would see it. It would be noticed. You'd
see a beam of light coming down. Plus, every
space tracking system on Earth would notice this.
Yes. Also true. And if space lasers were starting
fires, ignition points would be precise, the
patterns would be consistent, and the only evidence
for them wouldn't rely on Twitter screenshots
and just vibes. But more often than not, these
fires are started by dry conditions and some
asshole throwing a cigarette out the window.
Yeah, or some dickhead trying to cook his SpaghettiOs
in the forest for no reason. Yeah, like there's
no weapon. It's just fire doing what fire does.
Okay. So you got any questions, concerns, comments
so far? I kind of hammered through these, I feel
like. I mean, here's the thing. It doesn't matter
how in -depth or how shallow you go with explaining
and debunking these conspiracy theories. Because
before you even finished the first sentence,
there was somebody out there who had a rebuttal
for everything you said. For sure. I know. I
know. I know. You can't talk to them, but I mean,
that's fine. I'll talk to them. I'll listen to
them. And then later, I'll be like, you guys
are not going to believe this fucking idiot I
just talked to. I'll humor them and then talk
immediate shit to anyone. Because the things
they believe are stupid and unreasonable. I'm
going to turn into a conspiracy theory, but you
know how they just kind of talk at you for like...
I'm going to be that, but it's going to be me
roasting you to someone else. Whether they want
to hear it or not, I'm going to be talking shit
about you so fucking hard to every unwitting
pawn that comes across my fucking way. So now
that we've run through droughts, chemtrails,
harp, and lasers, and why it's literally not
possible for any of these things to happen, the
question remains, why do so many people believe
in the whole... Whether weapon conspiracy. Well,
it's the same reason people believe in any conspiracy
theory, or at least the reason I think they believe
in conspiracies. And that is that they can't
handle randomness. Yeah. Does that make sense?
Believing that these disasters were created by
whoever with the intent to cause harm to whoever
gives them something more like a hurricane or
a fire with no villain or like a motive behind
it. It feels pointless and cruel to them. But
if someone did it. Then you can spin that and
it gives like disasters intent, a motive and
a bad guy, even though they don't all agree on
who that bad guy is. So they believe that there's
some level of control even when it appears to
be random chaos. Yeah. Like once you have that
bad guy, you've got, I don't want to call it,
I wrote it down. So I don't want to call it comfort,
but like a kind of comfort, like being angry
at someone is easier than feeling helpless. Right.
And I think there's another, there's another
side to it too. I agree with you. I think largely
that's, that's why a lot of people, they find
comfort in conspiracy theories, but I think there's
another, another piece of it too. I think people
really enjoy being on the inside, like having
special knowledge. Yeah. They want to feel smarter
than everyone else. Yeah. You know, when you're
the kind of person who's like, You know, life
hasn't gone your way. Things aren't great for
you. And, you know, you haven't figured a lot
of stuff out. Like reading and. Yeah. Yeah. But
like when someone comes to you and they're like,
oh, my gosh, this is what we think is going on.
But I'll let you in on a secret. This is what's
really going on. That gives you an edge because
you're like, look at all these sheep. They don't
fucking know what I know. Yeah. And honestly,
as somebody who. loves to debunk conspiracy theories
i feel like i almost fall into that trap too
where i now have the special you know what i
mean yeah and so i have to like keep reminding
myself that as smart as i might be in some things
i'm still the fucking idiot who one time left
his keys in the freezer you know like remind
yourself periodically that you've done some really
tragically stupid things And then think, do I
know more than all the scientists on earth? Probably
not, but also probably not. You didn't make leaving
your keys in your freezer, your entire personality.
So yeah, you can really are the leaving your
keys in the freezer. Like you can like say that,
like, yeah, I've done some dumb things. I got
to kind of remember that to stay humble. But
again, you didn't make that your whole personality.
Like these people do with their conspiracy theories.
Oh yeah. Like one of them was a shaman. You know
what I mean? Like that dude went whole hog into
his conspiracy. You know what's funny? He's like
gone in the other direction now too. Yeah. Wildly
anti -Trump. Well, probably because he was in
jail for a minute. I have no idea. But also,
it's not like the people who believe in weather
weapons only believe in weather weapons. No,
of course not. Conspiracy theories are like Pokemon.
They got to collect them all. These people will
just keep racking up conspiracy theories. Also,
I think the Q shaman really turned against Trump
because tariffs made blue paint very expensive.
Can't paint his face anymore. He's got to get
a second job. These conspiracy theories, they
already came into this conspiracy with the mindset
of no one is telling the truth. So it probably
didn't take much convincing from whichever outrage
merchant they first heard it from to get them
to believe in it. Because once any trust you
have in reality is gone. any explanation is possible.
Like, and that's, that's like the real danger
here. Like no, no, not secret weather weapons
or hurricanes or space lasers. It's what happens
when people stop believing in reality and what
is real, because once everything is a lie, anything
can then be true. Yeah. So, and I also think
we're conditioned from an early age. To believe
in things whole cloth, like who hasn't been raised
in a somewhat religious environment? You know,
it's a small population of Americans who didn't
grow up in a religious household in one way or
another. Right. I didn't at all. It was awesome.
Yeah. You're a lucky guy. My kids are growing
up in a non -religious environment now, but I
grew up in one. And I think, honestly, it taught
me not to question things for a long time. Yeah,
I guess that makes sense. I don't know. You know,
I asked my parents questions about things that
didn't make sense in the Bible, i .e. a fucking
talking donkey. And they're like, I'll question
God. Yeah. But now I was also the kind of guy
who didn't question other dumb shit, like a black
hole opening up because two fucking atoms collided.
Oh, I forgot that donkey from Shrek was biblically
accurate. But like and then, you know, you get
the school system. You know, teachers are just
throwing information at you and they're so under
pressure to get you to understand a concept so
they can move on to the next one. Yeah. That
critical thinking really hasn't been pushed.
And I'm not saying that that every school is
teaching kids the wrong thing, but I'm saying
like we're telling kids when a person in authority
tells you something, it's true. But that authority,
we don't recognize that authority in everybody.
So we meet somebody who's charismatic and seems
like they know what they're talking about. We're
going to defer to them even when they're a fucking
moron. Yeah. And that's what makes a good grifter.
Exactly. Exactly. All right, Sarge. Well, there
you have it. That is Weather Weapons Part 2.
The debunk, I guess you want to call it. I loved
it. How are you feeling? You feeling good? it
gives me life. Did I miss anything? I don't know
if I did. I mean, I feel like I'm sure, I'm sure
there are little things in there that, you know,
you know what, leave it, leave a comment. Tell
us what we missed on Instagram. Let us know.
I would love to know what we missed so that we
can talk about that. Cause I, you know, as much
as I get mad about conspiracy theories, I still
love to learn about them or debunk. I'm still
learning about QAnon, even though, you know,
it's fucking nonsense now. It's nonsense, but
also they were right about a lot of things. Just
the wrong guy. All right, bud. So that's it.
That's Weather Weapons Part 2. Thank everyone
for listening. And again, if you got any rebuttals
to my debunks or anything, just fucking send
us a message. Send us an email. CryptoCocktail
at gmail .com. Instagram, wherever. I don't care.
We want to know if you believe in chemtrails
so that we can... publicly ridicule you. So please
leave your name and address. I'm not going to
dox you, but we will come to your house and make
fun of you. We're going to be drinking Bloody
Marys on your front lawn. Yeah, we're going to
be doing the opposite of what the Westboro Baptist
did instead of like protesting your house with
mean signs. They're going to be mean, but it's
just going to be mean specifically at you. It'll
be fun. All right, bud. Well, before we sign
off, is there anything you want to plug before
we... Go Pats. This will be tomorrow. Either
go Pats or son of a bitch. See you next year.
If you want to follow Sarge, you can find all
of his socials on our Instagram at Crypto Cocktail.
You can find us at TikTok Crypto Cocktail Party.
Plug our friends. Who? The Bloody Mary people.
I already did. Let's do it again. The second
one. Be sure to go follow Vine Cult. Definitely
try out their Bloody Mary mixes. The Michelada
was really good. I finished it before we even
finished this episode, which isn't a long episode,
so there you go. Our t -shirts are done pre -orders.
We finished that. I'm going to get everything
tallied up and then send them off to the printers.
I think if my math is correct, again, which I
don't think it is, but it's close. after the
cost of shirts and shipping and all that stuff,
I think we raised somewhere between like two
and $3 ,000 for that's awesome. The defending
our neighbors fund. So thank you everyone. And
thank you to everyone involved for making that
possible. It's, it's pretty awesome. Yeah. And
please be patient again. I'm just one person
who will be shipping these out. So it was going
to take me, but you'll get them. I promise that
out of the way. Sorry. Do you want to say goodbye
to love you to the audience? Hey everybody. Goodbye.
Fuck ice, and I love you.