You are now listening to Cryptid Cocktail Party.
Welcome back, everyone, to another episode of
Cryptic Cocktail Party, a show where we have
a few drinks, share a few laughs, take a dive
into the unknown. I'm your host, Dave, joined
as always by my wonderful co -host, Sarge the
Destroyer. How's it going, handsome? Hello. Hello,
everyone. How are we? Is that to me or to the
audience? Or both? To you and the audience, but
I know the audience can't respond, so you need
to respond for them. I'm going to assume we're
all doing good. It's a Monday. I think so. This
comes out on Mondays. Mondays aren't the best
days, I guess. It's the beginning of the work
week. But currently, as of right now, in the
state I am in on Sunday, I'm doing pretty good.
It's kind of rainy out, kind of shitty, kind
of cold. This is a typical fall day. But I think
that kind of sets the mood for this episode and
how it's going to go. But I'm good. I can't complain.
My body is finally... adjusted to not only the
jet lag coming back from japan which was followed
immediately by daylight savings time oh yeah
yeah so that was brutal i think i think i'm good
physically mentally what is japan is that like
20 hours no it's uh let's well uh 13 i think
So much less than 20 hours. Okay. Far less. Understood.
Let's put it this way. When we came back, we
caught our flight from Tokyo at 5 p .m. on a
Thursday. When I landed back in the United States,
it was 5 p .m. On Thursday. Which will really
fuck you up if you don't really expect it. That's
messed up. Yeah. All right. To be fair, we landed
at 5 p .m. on Thursday in Canada, and then we
went to Boston from there. But still, either
way, it still sucked. It was not great. Flight
was better than I thought it was going to be.
I don't really know. I mean, it sucked. Don't
get me wrong. I made the mistake. of using my
tray table as a headrest to sleep. Big mistake.
Oh, yeah, because first of all, I can't sleep
on planes. I can't sleep in moving vehicles,
cars, anything like that. Yeah, I'm not great
at it either. So I was able to nod off a few
times, but every time I sat up, I could just
hear my spine. It sounded like a bendy straw
from McDonald's if you pull it real fast. I was
like, oh, fuck, this is not great. When I flew
home from Italy, I had leg room. I had an aisle.
I had the exit row. Hell yeah, dude. So I was
able to spread my legs out. Fortunately, there
was an infant right next to me. Weirdly well
-behaved infant, but two morons behind me who
couldn't stop making fun quips like they were
in an episode of the Gilmore Girls, and I just
wanted to murder them. yeah yeah like i had my
headphones in and i could still hear these two
fucking phoebes just jabbering on about nonsense
uh i mean i yeah leave that uh leave that kind
of witty banter to to the professionals yeah
we don't need it no one wants that we're all
coming home from vacation shut the fuck up yeah
luckily i was just glad that the flight there
and the flight back everyone was kind enough
to not open any of their windows it was pitch
black in that plane the entire time i loved every
second of it because i swear to god if yeah that's
the best yeah because it just even one window
just floods the cabin with light and i'm like
fuck you i'm trying to watch ted lasso on this
tiny screen shut your shit you piece of fucking
assholes i actually slept i i do have to say
i slept on the way out to italy because The plane
was virtually empty. And so we got, like, this
is a giant plane flying across the Atlantic.
Yeah. And we had whole rows empty, so we could
just lay down and go to sleep. So I actually
did sleep on the way out. On the way home, I
was fucked. That's awesome. I'm sure the people
don't care about us jet -setting across the world.
Yeah, right. Anyways, how's your mundane life
going, you fucking plebes? Just kidding. Yeah.
What's going on, you bunch of poors? I'm just
kidding. I'm poor, too. Yeah. Yeah, probably
not the best climate to be talking about how
we're just fucking going around the world. Well,
I mean, now nobody's flying, so. Yeah, that's
fair. All right, let's move on from our traveled
lives. Let's talk about something we can all
appreciate. Horrifying creatures from Japan.
Yeah. Oh, so this is a bad one. No one's going
to like this. But yeah, good transition. You
know Jeffrey Epstein? This is worse somehow.
For some, depending on what you fear, it might
be a lot worse. This creature's also on the list.
It is kind of a sexual predator in a sense, but
not in the same way like the Kappa was. It's
not like... It's not reaching into your butthole
to steal your soul. No, it's not reaching into
that boy's soul to pay the troll toll. So last
week I had said that for the foreseeable future,
most if not all episodes from here until the
new year, or maybe even past that, will more
than likely be based around the yokai of Japan.
Worth it. Yeah, I'd just gotten back last week
and I... I got inspired, Sarge, okay? But I feel
like on our Kappa episode with Believing the
Bizarre Boys, I kind of just threw you and the
listeners into the world of yokai without really
going over what that word means, like what it
entails. Yeah. As I mentioned last episode, I
thought I was having a stroke because you were
all saying words that you all understood. And
I didn't understand any of them. And I was like,
is there something wrong with me? Should I know
this stuff? I just got really excited to be back.
And I kind of jumped the gun on explaining these
things to you. Or like what the plans for the
show were without any warning. So, Yo -Kai, we've
covered a couple on the show in the past. Like
before your time, I did an episode on the...
gashadakuru which is a 90 foot tall skeleton
made from the bones of famine victims and fallen
soldiers and it drinks the blood of its victims
uh kind of like a human gogurt kind of scenario
and uh and you and i you and i we discussed in
our ghost moms episode the legend of oia uh i
think that's how i pronounce it it's the woman
whose disfigured face haunts you by popping out
when you least expect it like behind lampshades
and toilets and shit like that right right right
right like right out of the toilet bowl yeah
and now more recently we covered the kappa but
i feel like it's my responsibility to you and
the listeners to give you a little more definition
to the word yokai so that way you'll have a bit
more context as we move along with this series
that we're doing so you with me so far yeah i'm
i'm i'm firing on all cylinders so what is a
yokai well when most people hear the word yokai
they immediately think scary monster or demon
that wants to kill me in the weirdest way imaginable
which i mean yeah sometimes absolutely that is
the case but the term is actually way broader
than that yokai oh excuse me oh this fucking
this beer is not agreeing with me oh my god Yo
-kai, in the most simplest of terms, means supernatural
beings slash phenomena. So not just monsters,
you know, it includes ghosts, spirits, shapeshifters,
animated objects, nature entities, local gods,
and just all like the general unexplained shit
that freaks people out in Japan. I like the concept
of local gods, like Steve, the god of getting
your street plowed after a snowfall. Growing
up in New England, we all had a Steve and he
was always technically a god to all of us. Yeah.
And you appeased him with like, you know, a pie.
Yeah. Or you give him a sixer of whatever his
favorite beer is. Yeah. Yeah. It depends on your
parents. Yeah. That's your offering to the god
of Steve. The word yokai is made up of the kanji
yo, which pretty much just means like strange,
bewitching, and uncanny, and kai, which means
mysterious or suspicious. So together, it roughly
means, and I think this is right, mysterious,
uncanny, otherworldly beings or occurrences.
Okay. Now, the yokai aren't always the villains.
They can be, but, you know, they're usually the...
Again, it's a broad term. So they can be funny,
helpful, violent, horny, or just sometimes they're
just like dudes minding their own business in
the forest. Now, while there's no like real universal
system to categorize them, the different types
of yokai are most commonly broken down into four
big subcategories. You got the yuri or the onri,
which are your ghosts and spirit types, which
include the oiya, which we covered. Or the Okiku,
which is a ghost in a well that counts plates
and will come for you if you interrupt her spooky
math. Then you got the Shapeshifters or the Bakamoto
or Henge, I think is how it's pronounced. This
one's pretty straightforward. It's animals or
beings that can transform. It's Shapeshifters.
We all know what they are. Next, you got the
Nature Spirits, a .k .a. the Tsuchigami or Mononoke.
These are creatures or entities tied to rivers,
Mountains, forests. This is like the category
that the Kappa would fall into. Okay, yeah. And
lastly, you have the possessed slash animated
objects or the Tsukumogami. I swear to God, I
did look up how to pronounce these. I'm just
bad at remembering things. These are my favorite
because it's just wild. Basically, they're just
regular household items that, when ignored, come
alive after 100 years. Examples. Do you ever
get the impression that in Japan, everyone's
just really bored? Yeah. No, it's a hundred percent.
Like they just come up with like a ghost that
lives in your well and counts plates. Why? Why
are the plates in the well to begin with? Well,
you got to think this is all like, this is, this
is all ancient as shit. and it's kind of like
how it's like to me i don't know if this is true
but this is how i kind of think about it it's
kind of like how all ancient civilizations kind
of had like an explanation for things that they
couldn't under explain because they didn't have
science yeah you know i mean either that or right
right right okay either that or they're really
just all cautionary tales every most yokai are
cautionary tales through and through i am jealous
Like, I wish I came from a place where there
was, like, a ghost that lived in a well rather
than coming from a society where, like, you have
to behave yourself or a guy who got nailed to
a lowercase t will send you down to hell. I'd
rather the plate ghost myself. Well, we can still...
These things still exist. You can still believe
in them. Yeah, I think I'm going to do that.
I'm going to just choose to believe in yokai.
I mean, why not? Fuck it. So yeah, so we got
the Tsukumogami. It's no less absurd than an
entire Bible. It's really not. Now, can I give
you these examples now? Yeah, I'm sorry. It's
okay. So we got the Tsukumogami, which again,
these are household items that when you ignore
them come alive after 100 years, but you're going
to be dead by then. So it doesn't really matter.
But examples of this would be the chochin obaki,
which are lanterns that grow faces and just scream
at you. Or my personal favorite is the karakasa
obaki, which is a hopping one -eyed umbrella
with a long -ass tongue. And it's probably horny.
I don't really know that much about it. I just
like the imagery of it. So, yeah. So yokai doesn't
just mean scary monster. It's a catch -all term
for any sort of supernatural weirdness in Japan.
Kind of like the Oswong. That kind of like...
Does that make sense? Yeah. All right. Yeah,
it's like if Tim Burton made a country. You're
just thinking... Yeah, sure. We'll go with that.
I'm sure that's not offensive. Maybe. I don't
think it is. I mean, he's really creative. That's
true. Except for, didn't you do that one Planet
of the Apes movie, and it was really bad? Yeah,
we pretend that didn't happen, is what we do.
All right, so now you kind of have a general
understanding of what yokai are, what they represent,
their definitions, and kind of how to break them
down. All right, so now with that all out of
the way, are you ready to dive into this week's
episode? Yeah, yeah, I'm actually really excited.
I'm hoping this time we get to hear about like
an appliance that becomes personified because
that actually sounds really fun. Oh, no, this
is a full -on nightmare. You're going to hate
every second of this fucking story. So our story
begins. Thanks, I hate it. Our story begins in
the mountains of Izu. Tucked away in its cedar
forest sits Joran Falls. Now, travelers describe
the area as beautiful, but feeling... unusually
still which is kind of weird for a spot where
there's a fucking waterfall usually they're pretty
torrented um yeah they describe it like almost
as like watchful as if like the landscape knows
you're there and is waiting to see kind of like
what you do now for centuries locals regarded
the falls with with a sense of like wariness
people seem to vanish there pretty frequently
or at least enough that it pretty much became
a tradition to like warn people about it which
i guess is often enough um One of those warnings
was a story of a young lumberjack who stopped
at the fall to take a rest. I get it. Chopping
wood sucks. You need a break here and there.
So he set down his axe, and because gravity is
decidedly not your friend, it slipped into the
pool below. Now, before he could fish it out,
the most beautiful woman he had ever seen rises
from the mist. She returns his axe to him and
only asks one thing in return. Tell no one. And
he agrees. Now, days go by, and he's true to
his word, but as is tradition, he got hammered
and started flapping his big dumb mouth and told
pretty much the whole village what had happened
by the falls. The next morning, he was found
in his bed just the most dead. Fucking idiot.
No wounds, no struggle, just politely removed
from existence. The locals started whispering
about what could have done this, but they already
knew. The woman this young man met, at the falls
she wasn't human she was a juragumo are you familiar
with this i'm assuming no absolutely not you're
correct okay you want to take a guess at what
it is it's not great um you know i feel like
anytime i would guess in a situation like this
it would just be somewhat racially offensive
not on purpose but just As a matter of course.
So I'm going to hold my tongue. Well, no, hold
on. Now I want you to flush that wood. Because
here's the thing. This is a culture that I have
no understanding of. I'm fascinated by everything
you bring up. But I don't want to try and assume
because I don't know a lot about this culture.
So maybe I would say something. That would be
offensive without me meaning for it to be offensive,
but I'm too stupid to know what I said was offensive.
So I can't apologize for it until I find out.
So it's better if I just shut, shut up and not
offend anyone in Japan. All right. So let me
tell you what it is because right now I'm really
digging this whole thing. Yeah. I actually really
like all of this stuff, but I don't want to fuck
it up by being a white American. So the Jirigamo
is a fucking nightmare. She would fall into the
category of shapeshifting yokai. Now, in its
disguised form, the Jirigamo appears as a beautiful
young woman, elegant, well -dressed, composed.
Her clothing and demeanor usually reflecting
the taste of the era. A formal kimono, refined
speech, graceful posture. Nothing about her seems
threatening, which I guess is kind of the point.
Now, her true form, however, not great. When
revealed, she is what could only be described
as a giant fucking spider with the torso or head
of a human fused onto the body. And to make it
worse, in Edo period illustrations, she's surrounded
by swarms of smaller, sometimes fire -breathing
spiders, which suggests that she might have command
over spiders as well. Sort of like an arachnid
queen, if you will. Now, obviously, being a giant...
shed sized spider she could immobilize or straight
up kill a human pretty easily she's got like
thick spidery limbs strong silk venom to paralyze
its victims before feeding which we'll get into
in more detail later but sarge it doesn't end
there more elaborate folklore give her additional
abilities not only can she shapeshift from pennywise's
true form to a beautiful woman she can shapeshift
into anything a friend family member a mother
carrying an infant and she can also conjure up
false surroundings uh anything to lower the guard
of her intended target yeah it sucks it's not
great and because of her ability to appear as
fully human she rarely announces herself through
force. She relies fully on seduction, conversation,
or hospitality to draw people into her territory,
which could be anything from a house in the woods,
or a remote pool, or even just a quiet room.
Only when it's too late does the illusion fade
and the human form slips, revealing the nightmarish
spider -human hybrid thing beneath. This is awesome.
Now, once she has you in her lair, home, whatever
you want to call it, well, that sucks because
she's going to eat you. And it's just as shitty
as you would think. First, what she does, she
injects you with her venom as any good spider
would, not killing you, just paralyzing you because
you will be alive for most of this. Now, once
paralyzed, you'll be wrapped up in a lovely silk
wrap while she leisurely sucks out both your
innards. and life force, leaving only a hollowed
-out husk. So like me on a Monday. Pretty much,
yeah. Other stories say sometimes she doesn't
even eat you. Instead, what she does, she plants
eggs inside the still -living victim, and her
young, once they hatch, will feast on you instead.
It's not great. and according to some accounts
after feeding it's the worst after feeding she
secretes some sort of venom or acid to dissolve
your corpse or remember those fire breathing
spiders she may or may not be in control of yeah
they come in and they uh they burn your corpse
to ash ensuring your body is never found which
is uh which is why that story from up top like
the people that went vanishing by the falls without
a trace that could be the reason why maybe I
don't really know. You seem like you have a lot
of emotions right now. Do you, would you like
to get some of those out? I mean, I like it.
Yeah. Yeah. I love this actually. So I've been
really fascinated with the parasitic wasp community.
Okay. In how they like inject, they, they like
inject their eggs into creatures and then those
creatures then become manipulated by them. And
do things to make it easier for the eggs to eat
the animal from the inside out. Like it's just
a very fascinating concept to me. Obviously horrifying.
I'm not like, oh, this sounds great. I'd like
this to happen to me. But it's just fascinating
to learn about. And like the bacteria or no,
it's a fungus that infects ants. And it makes
them crawl to the top of a leaf so birds will
eat them and shit them out so that their seeds
will get spread further. No, I know. So this
is great. This is so cool. Is it? Yeah, I mean,
like, I don't want it to happen to me. You know,
but it's this guy's own fault for fucking talking
about it. Let this be a lesson to all you woodchoppers
out there. You're out in the woods cutting wood
and you drop your axe in a pool. And a beautiful
woman gives it back to you and says, don't talk
about it. You don't fucking talk about it. Sarge,
I think you already got kind of like the gist
of what this story kind of is cautionary -ing
about, maybe? I mean, I get it. I watch The Sopranos.
You don't talk about shit. I will say, I'm glad
you're enjoying this because as someone who has
a deep, deep fear of spiders, this is... My worst
nightmare. I hate everything about this. And
if I could... Oh, yeah. No, I'm terrified of
spiders. I'm terrified of them, too. Yeah, if
I could do this all over again, I probably would
have chosen the hopping umbrella with the one
eye and the tongue. The Tim Burton umbrella?
Yeah. Now, the Juragumo shows up periodically
throughout Edo period storytelling, usually as
a lesson in what happens when beauty, wilderness,
and hubris intersect. And more often than not,
These stories, they seem to follow like a familiar
arc throughout as most good cautionary tales
do. It's usually a lone traveler causes paths
with a mysterious but sexy lady. Their fascination
overpowers their caution. And by the time she's
tongue deep in your guts and not in a fun way,
it's too late. All right. But, but not all lesson.
Anytime you see a beautiful woman when you're
hiking, she's probably bad. Sarge, you're getting
it. I love this. You're getting this whole thing.
Yeah. But not all stories end with you getting
tongue -fucked by a spider lady. I got a couple
of the more enduring encounters with the Jirgumo
to share with you. One of the more well -known
stories of an encounter with her is that of a
young samurai who was assigned to the night watch
of a remote estate. Now, around midnight... he
notices a young woman approaching, pale, elegant,
definitely not a spider, and carrying a baby
wrapped in cloth. The woman begged the samurai
to hold her child, explaining that she needed
help, but only for a moment. Now, the samurai,
he's not buying it. Something about the whole
situation seems off, so he refuses, but the woman
keeps pressing him. The samurai, again, is like,
no. Get out of here. He's basically acting like
a glorified bouncer at this point. He's like,
just move along, lady. Yeah, just put the baby
on the ground, you fucking jackass. Yeah, but
she keeps insisting and continues towards the
guard. Now, the samurai, again, sensing that
something isn't quite right, draws his sword
and slashes her. And that's when the illusion
just full -on breaks down. She lets out a loud,
inhuman shriek and takes off, scrambling up the
walls and into the rafters. So the next morning
at first light, the samurai and the other guards,
they searched the building. And somewhere in
the attic, they discover not the remains of a
young woman, but a massive dead spider. Now,
they don't just find that. They found that she's
surrounded by the, I guess, withered remains
of dozens of missing townspeople, half eaten
and wrapped in silk. Oh, God. Another famous
story comes to us from far to the north in what
is now Sendai, where there is a deep pool called
the Kashukabuchi. I think I pronounced that right,
Kashukabuchi? Well, sure. It's also known as
the Clever Abyss. Now, the story goes that a
man was walking by the ravine when suddenly he
feels something thin and sticky wind around his
leg. Thinking it's nothing more than a vine he
got tangled in, he reaches down to get it off,
but when he touches it, he realizes... Nope,
this is a big -ass thread of spider silk. So
thinking fast, the man reaches for his knife
and cuts the thread and then ties the severed
end to a nearby tree stump. Then, not even like
a heartbeat later, the tree stump is ripped from
the ground and yanked straight into the water
as if it weighed nothing. The man took this as
a pretty clear sign. Probably should get the
hell out of here. And as he was running away,
he heard a woman's voice call out, Kashikoi,
Kashikoi, which translates to... Clever, clever.
Which is how it got its namesake. Now, locals
took that. I like that she just gave up after
that. She's like, all right. Just take this tree
stump. That's fine. I think she was impressed.
Locals took the witty retort as a sign that the
Juragumo respected the man's quick thinking.
I'm sure this is probably the only time someone
has done that to her. I'd be impressed, too.
That's pretty funny. You'd be like, ah, come
on, man. Yeah. Now, later, shrines and small
torii gates were put up around the area, not
to, like, banish her, but to appease her, just
to, you know, stay on her good side, I guess.
Yeah. Like you do. Before we move on, how are
we feeling so far about this nightmare? I'm really
feeling better and better. I know you said this
is the worst, and I get it, because spiders are
terrifying, but... I kind of respect the game
that if you're smarter than her or you outsmart
her, she's like, all right, you can go. Yeah.
Well, I mean, in that second one, the first one,
he just fucking slashed her with a katana. Well,
it's her own fault. She was really pressing him
about this fucking baby. Yeah. I don't want to
see your baby. I don't want to carry it. I don't
want to touch it. In different tellings of that
samurai story, he accepts the baby and is holding
it, and he realizes that it's... unnaturally
heavy and also very cold and when he opens it
and when he like takes the cloth out from over
its face it's just a bunch of spiders and he
gets covered in spiders oh i don't like that
story yeah it's not great oh i hate that one
don't i'm glad you didn't tell me that one well
i mean i technically just did so It still ends
the same. No, but I mean, don't go into any further
detail because I found a ball at Daddy Longlegs
one time and it bothered me for weeks. Yeah,
it's not great. I also didn't describe it for
your sake. Thank you. I appreciate it. But beneath
all the hypnotic beauty and the Cronenberg -esque
body horror, stories of the Juragumo. Like all
good folklore, we're built to teach a lesson.
Cautionary tales about desire, judgment, and
the trouble dudes tend to get into when they
think with their dicks instead of their head.
And historically, her name said the quiet part
out loud. In the early days, the most common
spelling of Juragumo literally translated to
prostitute spider. So, not subtle. Just that
she's hot, she's dangerous, and she will absolutely
ruin your life. Over time, her name was rewritten
with different characters to now mean entangled
bride, which sounds more poetic, but still kind
of gives off the same vibe. Like her entire shtick
is just weaponizing attraction. She targets young
men using beauty to relax them before sucking
them dry. Again, not in a fun way. And the moral
of this being that if you meet a mysterious 10
out of 10 woman alone in the absolute middle
of nowhere, just don't be an idiot. That's...
Yeah. pretty much do not talk to her yeah because
nothing good will come from your conversation
yeah the these stories also serve to reinforce
like social warnings like beautiful strangers
especially ones that are down to fuck might be
hiding danger they reflected society's anxieties
about sex especially with sex workers who were
both desired and considered risky at that time
and even if the stories weren't literally about
prostitution like the symbolism is Pretty loud
and clear. Yeah, right on the nose, honestly.
You get entangled in their web of desire. But
these stories aren't just warnings about getting
some strange from a literal nightmare of mine.
They are also a warning about how nature can
be beautiful but kill you without hesitation.
Waterfalls are gorgeous, but they're also slippery
as hell. Forests are peaceful and very easy to
die alone in. So by personifying natural danger
as a hot woman that can seduce you with beauty
and then kill you, the folklore makes the invisible
risks more tangible. Like you just got to respect
nature or it will kill you. So in short, I guess,
yeah, beauty can kill. And the stories of the
Jurugumo, just make sure you don't forget that.
If that makes sense. Right, right. I think there
could be like a modern version that we can do
with Mount Washington. Hear me out. So every
year around this time of year, there's at least
one news story about some fucking chuckleheads
who thought, oh, I'll go climb Mount Washington.
It's only 5 ,000 feet. It can't possibly kill
me. No. And then they die. And a bunch of people
have to go rescue their stupid fucking corpse
because they were too stupid to recognize that
this is the one mountain in the entire United
States that is the most dangerous place to climb.
Not because it's particularly high off the ground
or particularly treacherous to get up to. But
once you get past a certain area, for some reason,
the weather just decides. It's not your day to
survive. And so people are constantly dying.
Well, aren't, isn't like some of like the strongest
winds and also coldest temperatures recorded
on earth on top of about Washington. Yeah. I
don't know about the coldest temperatures, but
I know for a fact that the fastest wind speed
ever recorded on this planet was recorded at
the top of Mount Washington. Yeah. What I mean,
what I mean, it's not fun. Listen, Sarge, listen,
if my car can climb out Washington and get a
bumper sticker, why can't I climb out Washington
and get a bumper sticker? All right. I think
I think I deserved it. Yeah, no, that's true.
If your Honda Accord can make it up there, you
certainly can. So, Sarge, you're probably wondering
where where is this lady now? I don't mean like
in physical proximity to you. I just mean like
in as far as like in today's modern world, like
standing. I'm guessing that she is an all -female
K -pop band. Dude, I wish. I wish. I love K -pop
Demon Hunter so much. Dude, that movie was great.
That movie was fucking awesome. I was really
surprised because I normally don't like that
kind of stuff, but I loved it. Yeah, but it was
the same animation studio as Spider -Verse, so
it makes sense. It was great. Anyway, so Jirigumo.
Where does she stand today in the modern world?
Well, today she's still lurking around, not so
much behind waterfalls waiting to liquefy horny
dudes, but she's there. Maybe not a name, but
an archetype at least. Like the anime Demon Slayer
has a mother spider demon, which is clearly inspired
by her imagery. Same for the villain Black Maria
in One Piece, who transforms into a giant spider
woman hybrid thing. Outside of media, she's become
a favorite in tattoo culture as a representation
of the duality of beauty and danger. And just
to blur the line between legend and reality,
the very real world spider known as Trichonophila
clavata, which is a very large golden yellow
orb weaver in Japan, is nicknamed the Joro spider.
And I hate it. I saw a bunch of these while walking
through shrines and shit like that. And you don't
notice them until they're right in fucking front
of you. And it sucked. And I hated it. And I
will burn that fucking whole country down because
of that one spider. It sucks. I hate it so much.
And the worst is that you're like, oh, look at
this cool fucking thing in the woods. And you
go to take a picture of it. You're like, oh,
I can't go into the woods because I will get
murdered by this thing. They're actually not
very dangerous. But anyways, I just got out of
a rant. Dude, they were everywhere. And I was
so bummed out. See, I feel bad for you because
like, at least with me, like I can look at a
spider and be like, oh, that's really cool. I'm
not, I won't touch it because the feeling of
spider webs and spiders themselves on my skin
makes me want to throw up. But I like to look
at them from a distance. Hold on, Sarge. In the
same way that I feel like a lot of people like
to look at like a car wreck, you know? Yeah,
no, I get it. It horrifies you, but you like
to see it. Yeah. All right, Sarge. Well, there
you have it. That is the story of the prostitute
spider, a .k .a. You know what I'm trying to
say. Spider's a whore. Yeah. How are you feeling?
How are you liking this? I was feeling a lot
better until I looked up the Joro spider. It's
yellow and scary. I don't like it. It's not good.
And they're so big. No, honestly, I love this
story. This is the kind of shit I absolutely
love about folklore, especially folklore from
other countries, because I feel like the folklore
here in America and in Western Europe, it's like
folklore that we're exposed to on a regular basis
in one way or another as children, so it doesn't
really fuck with us as much. It doesn't hit as
hard. When you hear folklore from other places
in the world, then it's terrifying because you're
not familiar with it. Yeah. I agree. Like this
spider lady's fucking great. I love it. I love
the idea that this is giant, horrifying spider
that turns into a beautiful woman just to kill
you. It does have a very, I made a passing joke,
but it has a very Pennywise vibe to it, right?
It really does. I wonder if Stephen King like
knew a little bit about this when he wrote, like
if he was inspired by this. Yeah, well, you know,
the amount of cocaine he was doing, he was probably
reading everything and anything like, Yeah, it's
true. Yeah. He's probably doing a couple of books
a day in between 400 lines a day, you know? Yeah.
All right, Sarge. Well, that is today's episode.
I hope you enjoyed it. I hope everyone listening
enjoyed it. It's a good one, I think. I feel
like. Bummed me out sufficiently. I'm sure bummed
out a lot. I feel like I probably should have
put like an arachnophobia warning at the beginning
of it. But I feel like if I did that, you wouldn't
have been as surprised as to what. Yeah, you
wouldn't have appreciated the story. Yeah. Because
I think it was a good story in general. I like
it overall. I think it was great. It's a good
story. All right. Well, it just makes me want
to go to Japan. Every time we do this, I want
to go to Japan more. For now, what I want from
you, Sarge, is. You ready for this? You ready?
Got anything you want to plug, baby? What do
you want? What do you want? What do you want
the people to know about you? Yeah. Um, I don't,
I don't necessarily have anything to plug, but
I do have like one more thing I want to throw
out there to everybody. So I went to Rhode Island
comic con this weekend. Hell yeah. I was a guest
of the very, uh, lovely and always funny Jeremy
London. He, uh, he invited me and, my, my daughter.
Um, And so we went and I brought my sons because
they wanted to go. And Maynard was there too,
because he and I have collaborated with Jeremy
in the past. And there was this massive line
that wrapped all the way around the building.
Jeremy's like, fuck that. Come to my hotel, which
is connected to the venue. He walked us through
like all these back rooms and everything. And
then boom, we're right there on the floor, completely
empty convention floor as everyone's still waiting
in line to get in. That's amazing. Yeah. If you
got any pictures. Had an amazing time. I do have
one picture. I didn't go too crazy because he
actually introduced me to some of my favorite
TV show actors of all time. The cast of My Name
is Earl. We need to get him back on the show.
Yeah, absolutely. I'll shoot him a text. I'm
actually going to see him on Tuesday. I'm taking
him around Boston, giving him a little tour.
Tell him if he comes to Philly soon to hit me
up. We'll hang out. Yeah, we'll do. Absolutely.
He only lives in Florida and he actually drove
up here for this convention and then he's driving
to upstate New York. Yeah, dude. He's a wild
man. I love him. If you want to follow Sarge
on social media, you can find him at Sarge the
Destroyer on all platforms. Really good guy.
Really funny guy. If you want to follow us, you
can follow us on Instagram at Cryptic Cocktail,
TikTok, Cryptic Cocktail Party. Please leave
us a rating and review. It really helps. We actually
got a couple in the past few days. Next week,
I'll probably read a few, give a few shout outs.
And I think that's it. With that out of the way,
Sarge, you want to say goodbye and I love you
to the audience? Goodbye, and I love you.