WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.339 You are now listening to Cryptid Cocktail Party. 00:00:40.189 --> 00:00:42.250 Welcome back, everyone, to another episode of 00:00:42.250 --> 00:00:43.869 Cryptic Cocktail Party, a show where we have 00:00:43.869 --> 00:00:45.890 a few drinks, share a few laughs, take a dive 00:00:45.890 --> 00:00:47.750 into the unknown. I'm your host, Dave, joined 00:00:47.750 --> 00:00:51.009 as always by my wonderful co -host, Sarge the 00:00:51.009 --> 00:00:53.789 Destroyer. How's it going, handsome? Hello. Hello, 00:00:53.950 --> 00:00:57.530 everyone. How are we? Is that to me or to the 00:00:57.530 --> 00:01:01.570 audience? Or both? To you and the audience, but 00:01:01.570 --> 00:01:04.329 I know the audience can't respond, so you need 00:01:04.329 --> 00:01:06.769 to respond for them. I'm going to assume we're 00:01:06.769 --> 00:01:09.519 all doing good. It's a Monday. I think so. This 00:01:09.519 --> 00:01:11.540 comes out on Mondays. Mondays aren't the best 00:01:11.540 --> 00:01:14.480 days, I guess. It's the beginning of the work 00:01:14.480 --> 00:01:17.340 week. But currently, as of right now, in the 00:01:17.340 --> 00:01:20.099 state I am in on Sunday, I'm doing pretty good. 00:01:20.180 --> 00:01:21.959 It's kind of rainy out, kind of shitty, kind 00:01:21.959 --> 00:01:26.340 of cold. This is a typical fall day. But I think 00:01:26.340 --> 00:01:29.379 that kind of sets the mood for this episode and 00:01:29.379 --> 00:01:32.519 how it's going to go. But I'm good. I can't complain. 00:01:33.140 --> 00:01:37.969 My body is finally... adjusted to not only the 00:01:37.969 --> 00:01:41.629 jet lag coming back from japan which was followed 00:01:41.629 --> 00:01:45.409 immediately by daylight savings time oh yeah 00:01:45.409 --> 00:01:48.909 yeah so that was brutal i think i think i'm good 00:01:48.909 --> 00:01:51.849 physically mentally what is japan is that like 00:01:51.849 --> 00:01:59.349 20 hours no it's uh let's well uh 13 i think 00:02:00.719 --> 00:02:07.620 So much less than 20 hours. Okay. Far less. Understood. 00:02:08.680 --> 00:02:12.599 Let's put it this way. When we came back, we 00:02:12.599 --> 00:02:18.479 caught our flight from Tokyo at 5 p .m. on a 00:02:18.479 --> 00:02:25.699 Thursday. When I landed back in the United States, 00:02:25.780 --> 00:02:36.360 it was 5 p .m. On Thursday. Which will really 00:02:36.360 --> 00:02:39.080 fuck you up if you don't really expect it. That's 00:02:39.080 --> 00:02:42.099 messed up. Yeah. All right. To be fair, we landed 00:02:42.099 --> 00:02:44.479 at 5 p .m. on Thursday in Canada, and then we 00:02:44.479 --> 00:02:46.740 went to Boston from there. But still, either 00:02:46.740 --> 00:02:51.479 way, it still sucked. It was not great. Flight 00:02:51.479 --> 00:02:52.860 was better than I thought it was going to be. 00:02:53.900 --> 00:02:56.680 I don't really know. I mean, it sucked. Don't 00:02:56.680 --> 00:03:00.189 get me wrong. I made the mistake. of using my 00:03:00.189 --> 00:03:04.370 tray table as a headrest to sleep. Big mistake. 00:03:04.750 --> 00:03:06.409 Oh, yeah, because first of all, I can't sleep 00:03:06.409 --> 00:03:09.569 on planes. I can't sleep in moving vehicles, 00:03:09.849 --> 00:03:11.629 cars, anything like that. Yeah, I'm not great 00:03:11.629 --> 00:03:14.650 at it either. So I was able to nod off a few 00:03:14.650 --> 00:03:16.250 times, but every time I sat up, I could just 00:03:16.250 --> 00:03:21.009 hear my spine. It sounded like a bendy straw 00:03:21.009 --> 00:03:24.870 from McDonald's if you pull it real fast. I was 00:03:24.870 --> 00:03:29.169 like, oh, fuck, this is not great. When I flew 00:03:29.169 --> 00:03:32.270 home from Italy, I had leg room. I had an aisle. 00:03:32.409 --> 00:03:36.650 I had the exit row. Hell yeah, dude. So I was 00:03:36.650 --> 00:03:40.349 able to spread my legs out. Fortunately, there 00:03:40.349 --> 00:03:43.550 was an infant right next to me. Weirdly well 00:03:43.550 --> 00:03:47.069 -behaved infant, but two morons behind me who 00:03:47.069 --> 00:03:49.770 couldn't stop making fun quips like they were 00:03:49.770 --> 00:03:51.849 in an episode of the Gilmore Girls, and I just 00:03:51.849 --> 00:03:54.860 wanted to murder them. yeah yeah like i had my 00:03:54.860 --> 00:03:57.000 headphones in and i could still hear these two 00:03:57.000 --> 00:04:00.740 fucking phoebes just jabbering on about nonsense 00:04:00.740 --> 00:04:06.800 uh i mean i yeah leave that uh leave that kind 00:04:06.800 --> 00:04:09.900 of witty banter to to the professionals yeah 00:04:09.900 --> 00:04:12.240 we don't need it no one wants that we're all 00:04:12.240 --> 00:04:14.979 coming home from vacation shut the fuck up yeah 00:04:14.979 --> 00:04:18.920 luckily i was just glad that the flight there 00:04:18.920 --> 00:04:22.279 and the flight back everyone was kind enough 00:04:22.279 --> 00:04:24.980 to not open any of their windows it was pitch 00:04:24.980 --> 00:04:27.360 black in that plane the entire time i loved every 00:04:27.360 --> 00:04:31.139 second of it because i swear to god if yeah that's 00:04:31.139 --> 00:04:33.980 the best yeah because it just even one window 00:04:33.980 --> 00:04:36.079 just floods the cabin with light and i'm like 00:04:36.079 --> 00:04:39.480 fuck you i'm trying to watch ted lasso on this 00:04:39.480 --> 00:04:43.339 tiny screen shut your shit you piece of fucking 00:04:43.339 --> 00:04:47.740 assholes i actually slept i i do have to say 00:04:47.740 --> 00:04:51.139 i slept on the way out to italy because The plane 00:04:51.139 --> 00:04:55.600 was virtually empty. And so we got, like, this 00:04:55.600 --> 00:04:58.240 is a giant plane flying across the Atlantic. 00:04:58.439 --> 00:05:01.519 Yeah. And we had whole rows empty, so we could 00:05:01.519 --> 00:05:03.660 just lay down and go to sleep. So I actually 00:05:03.660 --> 00:05:05.459 did sleep on the way out. On the way home, I 00:05:05.459 --> 00:05:09.680 was fucked. That's awesome. I'm sure the people 00:05:09.680 --> 00:05:11.560 don't care about us jet -setting across the world. 00:05:12.720 --> 00:05:16.879 Yeah, right. Anyways, how's your mundane life 00:05:16.879 --> 00:05:19.959 going, you fucking plebes? Just kidding. Yeah. 00:05:20.519 --> 00:05:23.379 What's going on, you bunch of poors? I'm just 00:05:23.379 --> 00:05:26.019 kidding. I'm poor, too. Yeah. Yeah, probably 00:05:26.019 --> 00:05:27.399 not the best climate to be talking about how 00:05:27.399 --> 00:05:29.939 we're just fucking going around the world. Well, 00:05:30.680 --> 00:05:32.939 I mean, now nobody's flying, so. Yeah, that's 00:05:32.939 --> 00:05:38.420 fair. All right, let's move on from our traveled 00:05:38.420 --> 00:05:40.800 lives. Let's talk about something we can all 00:05:40.800 --> 00:05:44.139 appreciate. Horrifying creatures from Japan. 00:05:44.569 --> 00:05:47.529 Yeah. Oh, so this is a bad one. No one's going 00:05:47.529 --> 00:05:55.529 to like this. But yeah, good transition. You 00:05:55.529 --> 00:05:57.310 know Jeffrey Epstein? This is worse somehow. 00:05:58.470 --> 00:06:00.930 For some, depending on what you fear, it might 00:06:00.930 --> 00:06:02.689 be a lot worse. This creature's also on the list. 00:06:04.310 --> 00:06:09.730 It is kind of a sexual predator in a sense, but 00:06:09.730 --> 00:06:12.509 not in the same way like the Kappa was. It's 00:06:12.509 --> 00:06:16.670 not like... It's not reaching into your butthole 00:06:16.670 --> 00:06:19.350 to steal your soul. No, it's not reaching into 00:06:19.350 --> 00:06:26.250 that boy's soul to pay the troll toll. So last 00:06:26.250 --> 00:06:29.949 week I had said that for the foreseeable future, 00:06:30.170 --> 00:06:33.889 most if not all episodes from here until the 00:06:33.889 --> 00:06:36.129 new year, or maybe even past that, will more 00:06:36.129 --> 00:06:38.350 than likely be based around the yokai of Japan. 00:06:38.709 --> 00:06:40.670 Worth it. Yeah, I'd just gotten back last week 00:06:40.670 --> 00:06:45.569 and I... I got inspired, Sarge, okay? But I feel 00:06:45.569 --> 00:06:48.129 like on our Kappa episode with Believing the 00:06:48.129 --> 00:06:51.050 Bizarre Boys, I kind of just threw you and the 00:06:51.050 --> 00:06:53.569 listeners into the world of yokai without really 00:06:53.569 --> 00:06:56.310 going over what that word means, like what it 00:06:56.310 --> 00:06:59.509 entails. Yeah. As I mentioned last episode, I 00:06:59.509 --> 00:07:01.410 thought I was having a stroke because you were 00:07:01.410 --> 00:07:04.149 all saying words that you all understood. And 00:07:04.149 --> 00:07:05.769 I didn't understand any of them. And I was like, 00:07:05.790 --> 00:07:07.550 is there something wrong with me? Should I know 00:07:07.550 --> 00:07:10.230 this stuff? I just got really excited to be back. 00:07:10.329 --> 00:07:14.209 And I kind of jumped the gun on explaining these 00:07:14.209 --> 00:07:15.829 things to you. Or like what the plans for the 00:07:15.829 --> 00:07:20.069 show were without any warning. So, Yo -Kai, we've 00:07:20.069 --> 00:07:22.149 covered a couple on the show in the past. Like 00:07:22.149 --> 00:07:24.670 before your time, I did an episode on the... 00:07:24.990 --> 00:07:27.670 gashadakuru which is a 90 foot tall skeleton 00:07:27.670 --> 00:07:30.050 made from the bones of famine victims and fallen 00:07:30.050 --> 00:07:32.750 soldiers and it drinks the blood of its victims 00:07:32.750 --> 00:07:36.509 uh kind of like a human gogurt kind of scenario 00:07:36.509 --> 00:07:44.449 and uh and you and i you and i we discussed in 00:07:44.449 --> 00:07:47.629 our ghost moms episode the legend of oia uh i 00:07:47.629 --> 00:07:48.790 think that's how i pronounce it it's the woman 00:07:48.790 --> 00:07:51.110 whose disfigured face haunts you by popping out 00:07:51.110 --> 00:07:53.860 when you least expect it like behind lampshades 00:07:53.860 --> 00:07:55.759 and toilets and shit like that right right right 00:07:55.759 --> 00:07:57.480 right like right out of the toilet bowl yeah 00:07:57.480 --> 00:07:59.699 and now more recently we covered the kappa but 00:07:59.699 --> 00:08:01.920 i feel like it's my responsibility to you and 00:08:01.920 --> 00:08:05.180 the listeners to give you a little more definition 00:08:05.180 --> 00:08:08.060 to the word yokai so that way you'll have a bit 00:08:08.060 --> 00:08:10.300 more context as we move along with this series 00:08:10.300 --> 00:08:13.199 that we're doing so you with me so far yeah i'm 00:08:13.199 --> 00:08:15.939 i'm i'm firing on all cylinders so what is a 00:08:15.939 --> 00:08:18.620 yokai well when most people hear the word yokai 00:08:18.620 --> 00:08:20.879 they immediately think scary monster or demon 00:08:20.879 --> 00:08:24.089 that wants to kill me in the weirdest way imaginable 00:08:24.089 --> 00:08:26.629 which i mean yeah sometimes absolutely that is 00:08:26.629 --> 00:08:29.129 the case but the term is actually way broader 00:08:29.129 --> 00:08:33.210 than that yokai oh excuse me oh this fucking 00:08:33.210 --> 00:08:39.490 this beer is not agreeing with me oh my god Yo 00:08:39.490 --> 00:08:42.289 -kai, in the most simplest of terms, means supernatural 00:08:42.289 --> 00:08:45.490 beings slash phenomena. So not just monsters, 00:08:45.690 --> 00:08:48.309 you know, it includes ghosts, spirits, shapeshifters, 00:08:48.409 --> 00:08:51.350 animated objects, nature entities, local gods, 00:08:51.549 --> 00:08:54.169 and just all like the general unexplained shit 00:08:54.169 --> 00:08:56.509 that freaks people out in Japan. I like the concept 00:08:56.509 --> 00:08:59.389 of local gods, like Steve, the god of getting 00:08:59.389 --> 00:09:04.159 your street plowed after a snowfall. Growing 00:09:04.159 --> 00:09:06.059 up in New England, we all had a Steve and he 00:09:06.059 --> 00:09:10.419 was always technically a god to all of us. Yeah. 00:09:10.700 --> 00:09:15.240 And you appeased him with like, you know, a pie. 00:09:15.519 --> 00:09:17.779 Yeah. Or you give him a sixer of whatever his 00:09:17.779 --> 00:09:21.019 favorite beer is. Yeah. Yeah. It depends on your 00:09:21.019 --> 00:09:24.700 parents. Yeah. That's your offering to the god 00:09:24.700 --> 00:09:32.720 of Steve. The word yokai is made up of the kanji 00:09:32.720 --> 00:09:35.519 yo, which pretty much just means like strange, 00:09:35.620 --> 00:09:38.519 bewitching, and uncanny, and kai, which means 00:09:38.519 --> 00:09:41.840 mysterious or suspicious. So together, it roughly 00:09:41.840 --> 00:09:44.539 means, and I think this is right, mysterious, 00:09:44.559 --> 00:09:47.440 uncanny, otherworldly beings or occurrences. 00:09:47.899 --> 00:09:50.539 Okay. Now, the yokai aren't always the villains. 00:09:50.720 --> 00:09:54.779 They can be, but, you know, they're usually the... 00:09:55.320 --> 00:09:57.299 Again, it's a broad term. So they can be funny, 00:09:57.399 --> 00:10:00.919 helpful, violent, horny, or just sometimes they're 00:10:00.919 --> 00:10:03.059 just like dudes minding their own business in 00:10:03.059 --> 00:10:07.480 the forest. Now, while there's no like real universal 00:10:07.480 --> 00:10:10.860 system to categorize them, the different types 00:10:10.860 --> 00:10:13.379 of yokai are most commonly broken down into four 00:10:13.379 --> 00:10:17.879 big subcategories. You got the yuri or the onri, 00:10:18.059 --> 00:10:20.139 which are your ghosts and spirit types, which 00:10:20.139 --> 00:10:26.179 include the oiya, which we covered. Or the Okiku, 00:10:26.340 --> 00:10:29.399 which is a ghost in a well that counts plates 00:10:29.399 --> 00:10:31.840 and will come for you if you interrupt her spooky 00:10:31.840 --> 00:10:36.159 math. Then you got the Shapeshifters or the Bakamoto 00:10:36.159 --> 00:10:39.139 or Henge, I think is how it's pronounced. This 00:10:39.139 --> 00:10:41.500 one's pretty straightforward. It's animals or 00:10:41.500 --> 00:10:44.519 beings that can transform. It's Shapeshifters. 00:10:44.580 --> 00:10:46.840 We all know what they are. Next, you got the 00:10:46.840 --> 00:10:50.779 Nature Spirits, a .k .a. the Tsuchigami or Mononoke. 00:10:51.220 --> 00:10:53.679 These are creatures or entities tied to rivers, 00:10:54.299 --> 00:10:56.399 Mountains, forests. This is like the category 00:10:56.399 --> 00:11:00.320 that the Kappa would fall into. Okay, yeah. And 00:11:00.320 --> 00:11:04.100 lastly, you have the possessed slash animated 00:11:04.100 --> 00:11:11.000 objects or the Tsukumogami. I swear to God, I 00:11:11.000 --> 00:11:12.519 did look up how to pronounce these. I'm just 00:11:12.519 --> 00:11:15.840 bad at remembering things. These are my favorite 00:11:15.840 --> 00:11:18.039 because it's just wild. Basically, they're just 00:11:18.039 --> 00:11:20.759 regular household items that, when ignored, come 00:11:20.759 --> 00:11:28.389 alive after 100 years. Examples. Do you ever 00:11:28.389 --> 00:11:30.769 get the impression that in Japan, everyone's 00:11:30.769 --> 00:11:34.190 just really bored? Yeah. No, it's a hundred percent. 00:11:34.230 --> 00:11:36.730 Like they just come up with like a ghost that 00:11:36.730 --> 00:11:39.190 lives in your well and counts plates. Why? Why 00:11:39.190 --> 00:11:41.870 are the plates in the well to begin with? Well, 00:11:41.929 --> 00:11:45.350 you got to think this is all like, this is, this 00:11:45.350 --> 00:11:49.159 is all ancient as shit. and it's kind of like 00:11:49.159 --> 00:11:51.980 how it's like to me i don't know if this is true 00:11:51.980 --> 00:11:54.399 but this is how i kind of think about it it's 00:11:54.399 --> 00:11:58.620 kind of like how all ancient civilizations kind 00:11:58.620 --> 00:12:00.919 of had like an explanation for things that they 00:12:00.919 --> 00:12:03.399 couldn't under explain because they didn't have 00:12:03.399 --> 00:12:06.419 science yeah you know i mean either that or right 00:12:06.419 --> 00:12:08.559 right right okay either that or they're really 00:12:08.559 --> 00:12:11.840 just all cautionary tales every most yokai are 00:12:11.840 --> 00:12:15.299 cautionary tales through and through i am jealous 00:12:16.120 --> 00:12:18.059 Like, I wish I came from a place where there 00:12:18.059 --> 00:12:19.779 was, like, a ghost that lived in a well rather 00:12:19.779 --> 00:12:23.779 than coming from a society where, like, you have 00:12:23.779 --> 00:12:26.559 to behave yourself or a guy who got nailed to 00:12:26.559 --> 00:12:30.919 a lowercase t will send you down to hell. I'd 00:12:30.919 --> 00:12:34.059 rather the plate ghost myself. Well, we can still... 00:12:34.059 --> 00:12:37.120 These things still exist. You can still believe 00:12:37.120 --> 00:12:38.860 in them. Yeah, I think I'm going to do that. 00:12:38.919 --> 00:12:41.059 I'm going to just choose to believe in yokai. 00:12:41.769 --> 00:12:44.509 I mean, why not? Fuck it. So yeah, so we got 00:12:44.509 --> 00:12:47.370 the Tsukumogami. It's no less absurd than an 00:12:47.370 --> 00:12:50.850 entire Bible. It's really not. Now, can I give 00:12:50.850 --> 00:12:54.629 you these examples now? Yeah, I'm sorry. It's 00:12:54.629 --> 00:12:58.549 okay. So we got the Tsukumogami, which again, 00:12:58.610 --> 00:13:00.529 these are household items that when you ignore 00:13:00.529 --> 00:13:02.889 them come alive after 100 years, but you're going 00:13:02.889 --> 00:13:04.799 to be dead by then. So it doesn't really matter. 00:13:04.940 --> 00:13:07.799 But examples of this would be the chochin obaki, 00:13:08.000 --> 00:13:10.759 which are lanterns that grow faces and just scream 00:13:10.759 --> 00:13:16.159 at you. Or my personal favorite is the karakasa 00:13:16.159 --> 00:13:19.700 obaki, which is a hopping one -eyed umbrella 00:13:19.700 --> 00:13:22.320 with a long -ass tongue. And it's probably horny. 00:13:22.340 --> 00:13:24.139 I don't really know that much about it. I just 00:13:24.139 --> 00:13:27.200 like the imagery of it. So, yeah. So yokai doesn't 00:13:27.200 --> 00:13:30.379 just mean scary monster. It's a catch -all term 00:13:30.379 --> 00:13:32.639 for any sort of supernatural weirdness in Japan. 00:13:33.899 --> 00:13:36.980 Kind of like the Oswong. That kind of like... 00:13:36.980 --> 00:13:40.340 Does that make sense? Yeah. All right. Yeah, 00:13:40.379 --> 00:13:45.919 it's like if Tim Burton made a country. You're 00:13:45.919 --> 00:13:49.240 just thinking... Yeah, sure. We'll go with that. 00:13:49.320 --> 00:13:53.039 I'm sure that's not offensive. Maybe. I don't 00:13:53.039 --> 00:13:56.039 think it is. I mean, he's really creative. That's 00:13:56.039 --> 00:13:59.629 true. Except for, didn't you do that one Planet 00:13:59.629 --> 00:14:02.690 of the Apes movie, and it was really bad? Yeah, 00:14:02.730 --> 00:14:05.450 we pretend that didn't happen, is what we do. 00:14:07.990 --> 00:14:11.590 All right, so now you kind of have a general 00:14:11.590 --> 00:14:14.009 understanding of what yokai are, what they represent, 00:14:14.389 --> 00:14:16.629 their definitions, and kind of how to break them 00:14:16.629 --> 00:14:19.009 down. All right, so now with that all out of 00:14:19.009 --> 00:14:21.450 the way, are you ready to dive into this week's 00:14:21.450 --> 00:14:24.419 episode? Yeah, yeah, I'm actually really excited. 00:14:24.519 --> 00:14:26.740 I'm hoping this time we get to hear about like 00:14:26.740 --> 00:14:29.320 an appliance that becomes personified because 00:14:29.320 --> 00:14:32.419 that actually sounds really fun. Oh, no, this 00:14:32.419 --> 00:14:33.740 is a full -on nightmare. You're going to hate 00:14:33.740 --> 00:14:37.440 every second of this fucking story. So our story 00:14:37.440 --> 00:14:40.860 begins. Thanks, I hate it. Our story begins in 00:14:40.860 --> 00:14:43.159 the mountains of Izu. Tucked away in its cedar 00:14:43.159 --> 00:14:46.480 forest sits Joran Falls. Now, travelers describe 00:14:46.480 --> 00:14:49.779 the area as beautiful, but feeling... unusually 00:14:49.779 --> 00:14:51.600 still which is kind of weird for a spot where 00:14:51.600 --> 00:14:54.320 there's a fucking waterfall usually they're pretty 00:14:54.320 --> 00:14:58.580 torrented um yeah they describe it like almost 00:14:58.580 --> 00:15:02.200 as like watchful as if like the landscape knows 00:15:02.200 --> 00:15:04.059 you're there and is waiting to see kind of like 00:15:04.059 --> 00:15:06.700 what you do now for centuries locals regarded 00:15:06.700 --> 00:15:09.220 the falls with with a sense of like wariness 00:15:09.220 --> 00:15:11.220 people seem to vanish there pretty frequently 00:15:11.220 --> 00:15:13.379 or at least enough that it pretty much became 00:15:13.379 --> 00:15:16.299 a tradition to like warn people about it which 00:15:16.299 --> 00:15:19.809 i guess is often enough um One of those warnings 00:15:19.809 --> 00:15:22.149 was a story of a young lumberjack who stopped 00:15:22.149 --> 00:15:25.529 at the fall to take a rest. I get it. Chopping 00:15:25.529 --> 00:15:27.190 wood sucks. You need a break here and there. 00:15:27.429 --> 00:15:30.850 So he set down his axe, and because gravity is 00:15:30.850 --> 00:15:33.750 decidedly not your friend, it slipped into the 00:15:33.750 --> 00:15:35.909 pool below. Now, before he could fish it out, 00:15:35.970 --> 00:15:38.629 the most beautiful woman he had ever seen rises 00:15:38.629 --> 00:15:41.409 from the mist. She returns his axe to him and 00:15:41.409 --> 00:15:45.730 only asks one thing in return. Tell no one. And 00:15:45.730 --> 00:15:48.919 he agrees. Now, days go by, and he's true to 00:15:48.919 --> 00:15:52.059 his word, but as is tradition, he got hammered 00:15:52.059 --> 00:15:53.980 and started flapping his big dumb mouth and told 00:15:53.980 --> 00:15:55.740 pretty much the whole village what had happened 00:15:55.740 --> 00:15:58.600 by the falls. The next morning, he was found 00:15:58.600 --> 00:16:05.500 in his bed just the most dead. Fucking idiot. 00:16:05.840 --> 00:16:09.320 No wounds, no struggle, just politely removed 00:16:09.320 --> 00:16:12.559 from existence. The locals started whispering 00:16:12.559 --> 00:16:14.899 about what could have done this, but they already 00:16:14.899 --> 00:16:17.860 knew. The woman this young man met, at the falls 00:16:17.860 --> 00:16:23.159 she wasn't human she was a juragumo are you familiar 00:16:23.159 --> 00:16:27.519 with this i'm assuming no absolutely not you're 00:16:27.519 --> 00:16:30.039 correct okay you want to take a guess at what 00:16:30.039 --> 00:16:35.360 it is it's not great um you know i feel like 00:16:35.360 --> 00:16:37.700 anytime i would guess in a situation like this 00:16:37.700 --> 00:16:40.059 it would just be somewhat racially offensive 00:16:40.059 --> 00:16:43.490 not on purpose but just As a matter of course. 00:16:43.610 --> 00:16:45.629 So I'm going to hold my tongue. Well, no, hold 00:16:45.629 --> 00:16:49.649 on. Now I want you to flush that wood. Because 00:16:49.649 --> 00:16:52.909 here's the thing. This is a culture that I have 00:16:52.909 --> 00:16:55.950 no understanding of. I'm fascinated by everything 00:16:55.950 --> 00:16:59.289 you bring up. But I don't want to try and assume 00:16:59.289 --> 00:17:01.269 because I don't know a lot about this culture. 00:17:01.669 --> 00:17:05.339 So maybe I would say something. That would be 00:17:05.339 --> 00:17:08.819 offensive without me meaning for it to be offensive, 00:17:08.920 --> 00:17:11.579 but I'm too stupid to know what I said was offensive. 00:17:11.700 --> 00:17:14.839 So I can't apologize for it until I find out. 00:17:15.019 --> 00:17:19.079 So it's better if I just shut, shut up and not 00:17:19.079 --> 00:17:21.160 offend anyone in Japan. All right. So let me 00:17:21.160 --> 00:17:24.920 tell you what it is because right now I'm really 00:17:24.920 --> 00:17:27.180 digging this whole thing. Yeah. I actually really 00:17:27.180 --> 00:17:29.720 like all of this stuff, but I don't want to fuck 00:17:29.720 --> 00:17:33.259 it up by being a white American. So the Jirigamo 00:17:33.259 --> 00:17:35.779 is a fucking nightmare. She would fall into the 00:17:35.779 --> 00:17:38.839 category of shapeshifting yokai. Now, in its 00:17:38.839 --> 00:17:42.880 disguised form, the Jirigamo appears as a beautiful 00:17:42.880 --> 00:17:45.420 young woman, elegant, well -dressed, composed. 00:17:45.619 --> 00:17:47.799 Her clothing and demeanor usually reflecting 00:17:47.799 --> 00:17:50.960 the taste of the era. A formal kimono, refined 00:17:50.960 --> 00:17:54.680 speech, graceful posture. Nothing about her seems 00:17:54.680 --> 00:17:56.680 threatening, which I guess is kind of the point. 00:17:56.839 --> 00:18:01.799 Now, her true form, however, not great. When 00:18:01.799 --> 00:18:03.960 revealed, she is what could only be described 00:18:03.960 --> 00:18:07.519 as a giant fucking spider with the torso or head 00:18:07.519 --> 00:18:12.579 of a human fused onto the body. And to make it 00:18:12.579 --> 00:18:16.440 worse, in Edo period illustrations, she's surrounded 00:18:16.440 --> 00:18:19.839 by swarms of smaller, sometimes fire -breathing 00:18:19.839 --> 00:18:22.799 spiders, which suggests that she might have command 00:18:22.799 --> 00:18:25.920 over spiders as well. Sort of like an arachnid 00:18:25.920 --> 00:18:30.000 queen, if you will. Now, obviously, being a giant... 00:18:30.269 --> 00:18:33.630 shed sized spider she could immobilize or straight 00:18:33.630 --> 00:18:36.210 up kill a human pretty easily she's got like 00:18:36.210 --> 00:18:39.990 thick spidery limbs strong silk venom to paralyze 00:18:39.990 --> 00:18:42.470 its victims before feeding which we'll get into 00:18:42.470 --> 00:18:46.130 in more detail later but sarge it doesn't end 00:18:46.130 --> 00:18:48.890 there more elaborate folklore give her additional 00:18:48.890 --> 00:18:54.109 abilities not only can she shapeshift from pennywise's 00:18:54.109 --> 00:18:56.950 true form to a beautiful woman she can shapeshift 00:18:56.950 --> 00:19:01.190 into anything a friend family member a mother 00:19:01.190 --> 00:19:03.849 carrying an infant and she can also conjure up 00:19:03.849 --> 00:19:08.750 false surroundings uh anything to lower the guard 00:19:08.750 --> 00:19:11.869 of her intended target yeah it sucks it's not 00:19:11.869 --> 00:19:15.710 great and because of her ability to appear as 00:19:15.710 --> 00:19:18.880 fully human she rarely announces herself through 00:19:18.880 --> 00:19:21.940 force. She relies fully on seduction, conversation, 00:19:22.319 --> 00:19:24.779 or hospitality to draw people into her territory, 00:19:25.019 --> 00:19:27.220 which could be anything from a house in the woods, 00:19:27.380 --> 00:19:30.319 or a remote pool, or even just a quiet room. 00:19:31.299 --> 00:19:34.160 Only when it's too late does the illusion fade 00:19:34.160 --> 00:19:37.480 and the human form slips, revealing the nightmarish 00:19:37.480 --> 00:19:41.960 spider -human hybrid thing beneath. This is awesome. 00:19:44.150 --> 00:19:46.849 Now, once she has you in her lair, home, whatever 00:19:46.849 --> 00:19:49.150 you want to call it, well, that sucks because 00:19:49.150 --> 00:19:52.069 she's going to eat you. And it's just as shitty 00:19:52.069 --> 00:19:55.230 as you would think. First, what she does, she 00:19:55.230 --> 00:19:58.109 injects you with her venom as any good spider 00:19:58.109 --> 00:20:01.470 would, not killing you, just paralyzing you because 00:20:01.470 --> 00:20:06.230 you will be alive for most of this. Now, once 00:20:06.230 --> 00:20:09.230 paralyzed, you'll be wrapped up in a lovely silk 00:20:09.230 --> 00:20:11.710 wrap while she leisurely sucks out both your 00:20:11.710 --> 00:20:14.680 innards. and life force, leaving only a hollowed 00:20:14.680 --> 00:20:19.380 -out husk. So like me on a Monday. Pretty much, 00:20:19.500 --> 00:20:23.940 yeah. Other stories say sometimes she doesn't 00:20:23.940 --> 00:20:28.559 even eat you. Instead, what she does, she plants 00:20:28.559 --> 00:20:32.460 eggs inside the still -living victim, and her 00:20:32.460 --> 00:20:35.960 young, once they hatch, will feast on you instead. 00:20:36.319 --> 00:20:40.190 It's not great. and according to some accounts 00:20:40.190 --> 00:20:43.529 after feeding it's the worst after feeding she 00:20:43.529 --> 00:20:46.250 secretes some sort of venom or acid to dissolve 00:20:46.250 --> 00:20:49.410 your corpse or remember those fire breathing 00:20:49.410 --> 00:20:51.630 spiders she may or may not be in control of yeah 00:20:51.630 --> 00:20:54.609 they come in and they uh they burn your corpse 00:20:54.609 --> 00:20:57.069 to ash ensuring your body is never found which 00:20:57.069 --> 00:21:00.349 is uh which is why that story from up top like 00:21:00.349 --> 00:21:02.250 the people that went vanishing by the falls without 00:21:02.250 --> 00:21:05.000 a trace that could be the reason why maybe I 00:21:05.000 --> 00:21:06.940 don't really know. You seem like you have a lot 00:21:06.940 --> 00:21:08.579 of emotions right now. Do you, would you like 00:21:08.579 --> 00:21:10.319 to get some of those out? I mean, I like it. 00:21:11.160 --> 00:21:17.099 Yeah. Yeah. I love this actually. So I've been 00:21:17.099 --> 00:21:20.619 really fascinated with the parasitic wasp community. 00:21:21.460 --> 00:21:25.740 Okay. In how they like inject, they, they like 00:21:25.740 --> 00:21:29.220 inject their eggs into creatures and then those 00:21:29.220 --> 00:21:32.660 creatures then become manipulated by them. And 00:21:32.660 --> 00:21:36.539 do things to make it easier for the eggs to eat 00:21:36.539 --> 00:21:41.680 the animal from the inside out. Like it's just 00:21:41.680 --> 00:21:44.519 a very fascinating concept to me. Obviously horrifying. 00:21:44.759 --> 00:21:46.740 I'm not like, oh, this sounds great. I'd like 00:21:46.740 --> 00:21:49.039 this to happen to me. But it's just fascinating 00:21:49.039 --> 00:21:53.000 to learn about. And like the bacteria or no, 00:21:53.039 --> 00:21:56.089 it's a fungus that infects ants. And it makes 00:21:56.089 --> 00:21:58.190 them crawl to the top of a leaf so birds will 00:21:58.190 --> 00:22:01.170 eat them and shit them out so that their seeds 00:22:01.170 --> 00:22:03.450 will get spread further. No, I know. So this 00:22:03.450 --> 00:22:08.609 is great. This is so cool. Is it? Yeah, I mean, 00:22:08.670 --> 00:22:10.650 like, I don't want it to happen to me. You know, 00:22:10.670 --> 00:22:12.730 but it's this guy's own fault for fucking talking 00:22:12.730 --> 00:22:16.690 about it. Let this be a lesson to all you woodchoppers 00:22:16.690 --> 00:22:18.430 out there. You're out in the woods cutting wood 00:22:18.430 --> 00:22:21.109 and you drop your axe in a pool. And a beautiful 00:22:21.109 --> 00:22:22.789 woman gives it back to you and says, don't talk 00:22:22.789 --> 00:22:26.490 about it. You don't fucking talk about it. Sarge, 00:22:26.509 --> 00:22:28.349 I think you already got kind of like the gist 00:22:28.349 --> 00:22:34.230 of what this story kind of is cautionary -ing 00:22:34.230 --> 00:22:39.289 about, maybe? I mean, I get it. I watch The Sopranos. 00:22:39.289 --> 00:22:42.190 You don't talk about shit. I will say, I'm glad 00:22:42.190 --> 00:22:44.450 you're enjoying this because as someone who has 00:22:44.450 --> 00:22:49.140 a deep, deep fear of spiders, this is... My worst 00:22:49.140 --> 00:22:51.200 nightmare. I hate everything about this. And 00:22:51.200 --> 00:22:53.839 if I could... Oh, yeah. No, I'm terrified of 00:22:53.839 --> 00:22:56.119 spiders. I'm terrified of them, too. Yeah, if 00:22:56.119 --> 00:22:57.440 I could do this all over again, I probably would 00:22:57.440 --> 00:23:00.240 have chosen the hopping umbrella with the one 00:23:00.240 --> 00:23:03.819 eye and the tongue. The Tim Burton umbrella? 00:23:04.160 --> 00:23:09.799 Yeah. Now, the Juragumo shows up periodically 00:23:09.799 --> 00:23:12.960 throughout Edo period storytelling, usually as 00:23:12.960 --> 00:23:14.779 a lesson in what happens when beauty, wilderness, 00:23:15.019 --> 00:23:17.839 and hubris intersect. And more often than not, 00:23:18.940 --> 00:23:21.980 These stories, they seem to follow like a familiar 00:23:21.980 --> 00:23:24.420 arc throughout as most good cautionary tales 00:23:24.420 --> 00:23:27.160 do. It's usually a lone traveler causes paths 00:23:27.160 --> 00:23:30.900 with a mysterious but sexy lady. Their fascination 00:23:30.900 --> 00:23:33.619 overpowers their caution. And by the time she's 00:23:33.619 --> 00:23:35.759 tongue deep in your guts and not in a fun way, 00:23:35.940 --> 00:23:42.799 it's too late. All right. But, but not all lesson. 00:23:42.900 --> 00:23:44.660 Anytime you see a beautiful woman when you're 00:23:44.660 --> 00:23:48.680 hiking, she's probably bad. Sarge, you're getting 00:23:48.680 --> 00:23:51.180 it. I love this. You're getting this whole thing. 00:23:51.440 --> 00:23:54.039 Yeah. But not all stories end with you getting 00:23:54.039 --> 00:23:57.240 tongue -fucked by a spider lady. I got a couple 00:23:57.240 --> 00:23:59.380 of the more enduring encounters with the Jirgumo 00:23:59.380 --> 00:24:01.539 to share with you. One of the more well -known 00:24:01.539 --> 00:24:04.000 stories of an encounter with her is that of a 00:24:04.000 --> 00:24:06.799 young samurai who was assigned to the night watch 00:24:06.799 --> 00:24:09.720 of a remote estate. Now, around midnight... he 00:24:09.720 --> 00:24:12.380 notices a young woman approaching, pale, elegant, 00:24:12.640 --> 00:24:15.299 definitely not a spider, and carrying a baby 00:24:15.299 --> 00:24:19.079 wrapped in cloth. The woman begged the samurai 00:24:19.079 --> 00:24:20.960 to hold her child, explaining that she needed 00:24:20.960 --> 00:24:23.759 help, but only for a moment. Now, the samurai, 00:24:23.880 --> 00:24:25.799 he's not buying it. Something about the whole 00:24:25.799 --> 00:24:30.019 situation seems off, so he refuses, but the woman 00:24:30.019 --> 00:24:32.700 keeps pressing him. The samurai, again, is like, 00:24:32.779 --> 00:24:35.200 no. Get out of here. He's basically acting like 00:24:35.200 --> 00:24:37.420 a glorified bouncer at this point. He's like, 00:24:37.539 --> 00:24:40.359 just move along, lady. Yeah, just put the baby 00:24:40.359 --> 00:24:42.240 on the ground, you fucking jackass. Yeah, but 00:24:42.240 --> 00:24:45.000 she keeps insisting and continues towards the 00:24:45.000 --> 00:24:47.660 guard. Now, the samurai, again, sensing that 00:24:47.660 --> 00:24:50.180 something isn't quite right, draws his sword 00:24:50.180 --> 00:24:52.819 and slashes her. And that's when the illusion 00:24:52.819 --> 00:24:55.480 just full -on breaks down. She lets out a loud, 00:24:55.559 --> 00:24:58.160 inhuman shriek and takes off, scrambling up the 00:24:58.160 --> 00:25:01.930 walls and into the rafters. So the next morning 00:25:01.930 --> 00:25:04.190 at first light, the samurai and the other guards, 00:25:04.309 --> 00:25:07.250 they searched the building. And somewhere in 00:25:07.250 --> 00:25:09.509 the attic, they discover not the remains of a 00:25:09.509 --> 00:25:12.990 young woman, but a massive dead spider. Now, 00:25:12.990 --> 00:25:15.930 they don't just find that. They found that she's 00:25:15.930 --> 00:25:20.410 surrounded by the, I guess, withered remains 00:25:20.410 --> 00:25:24.089 of dozens of missing townspeople, half eaten 00:25:24.089 --> 00:25:27.299 and wrapped in silk. Oh, God. Another famous 00:25:27.299 --> 00:25:30.839 story comes to us from far to the north in what 00:25:30.839 --> 00:25:34.140 is now Sendai, where there is a deep pool called 00:25:34.140 --> 00:25:37.420 the Kashukabuchi. I think I pronounced that right, 00:25:37.500 --> 00:25:40.640 Kashukabuchi? Well, sure. It's also known as 00:25:40.640 --> 00:25:43.160 the Clever Abyss. Now, the story goes that a 00:25:43.160 --> 00:25:45.400 man was walking by the ravine when suddenly he 00:25:45.400 --> 00:25:47.839 feels something thin and sticky wind around his 00:25:47.839 --> 00:25:50.200 leg. Thinking it's nothing more than a vine he 00:25:50.200 --> 00:25:52.420 got tangled in, he reaches down to get it off, 00:25:52.460 --> 00:25:55.079 but when he touches it, he realizes... Nope, 00:25:55.099 --> 00:25:58.200 this is a big -ass thread of spider silk. So 00:25:58.200 --> 00:26:00.539 thinking fast, the man reaches for his knife 00:26:00.539 --> 00:26:02.900 and cuts the thread and then ties the severed 00:26:02.900 --> 00:26:05.839 end to a nearby tree stump. Then, not even like 00:26:05.839 --> 00:26:08.339 a heartbeat later, the tree stump is ripped from 00:26:08.339 --> 00:26:10.319 the ground and yanked straight into the water 00:26:10.319 --> 00:26:13.640 as if it weighed nothing. The man took this as 00:26:13.640 --> 00:26:16.059 a pretty clear sign. Probably should get the 00:26:16.059 --> 00:26:18.319 hell out of here. And as he was running away, 00:26:18.480 --> 00:26:21.259 he heard a woman's voice call out, Kashikoi, 00:26:21.299 --> 00:26:24.519 Kashikoi, which translates to... Clever, clever. 00:26:26.519 --> 00:26:33.299 Which is how it got its namesake. Now, locals 00:26:33.299 --> 00:26:35.220 took that. I like that she just gave up after 00:26:35.220 --> 00:26:37.740 that. She's like, all right. Just take this tree 00:26:37.740 --> 00:26:39.640 stump. That's fine. I think she was impressed. 00:26:40.079 --> 00:26:42.759 Locals took the witty retort as a sign that the 00:26:42.759 --> 00:26:45.000 Juragumo respected the man's quick thinking. 00:26:45.160 --> 00:26:48.079 I'm sure this is probably the only time someone 00:26:48.079 --> 00:26:51.339 has done that to her. I'd be impressed, too. 00:26:51.460 --> 00:26:54.500 That's pretty funny. You'd be like, ah, come 00:26:54.500 --> 00:26:58.539 on, man. Yeah. Now, later, shrines and small 00:26:58.539 --> 00:27:00.759 torii gates were put up around the area, not 00:27:00.759 --> 00:27:03.900 to, like, banish her, but to appease her, just 00:27:03.900 --> 00:27:06.680 to, you know, stay on her good side, I guess. 00:27:08.680 --> 00:27:12.059 Yeah. Like you do. Before we move on, how are 00:27:12.059 --> 00:27:15.960 we feeling so far about this nightmare? I'm really 00:27:15.960 --> 00:27:17.660 feeling better and better. I know you said this 00:27:17.660 --> 00:27:19.940 is the worst, and I get it, because spiders are 00:27:19.940 --> 00:27:23.289 terrifying, but... I kind of respect the game 00:27:23.289 --> 00:27:25.829 that if you're smarter than her or you outsmart 00:27:25.829 --> 00:27:27.769 her, she's like, all right, you can go. Yeah. 00:27:28.369 --> 00:27:31.349 Well, I mean, in that second one, the first one, 00:27:31.410 --> 00:27:35.569 he just fucking slashed her with a katana. Well, 00:27:35.589 --> 00:27:37.569 it's her own fault. She was really pressing him 00:27:37.569 --> 00:27:40.130 about this fucking baby. Yeah. I don't want to 00:27:40.130 --> 00:27:41.910 see your baby. I don't want to carry it. I don't 00:27:41.910 --> 00:27:43.990 want to touch it. In different tellings of that 00:27:43.990 --> 00:27:47.470 samurai story, he accepts the baby and is holding 00:27:47.470 --> 00:27:50.319 it, and he realizes that it's... unnaturally 00:27:50.319 --> 00:27:53.319 heavy and also very cold and when he opens it 00:27:53.319 --> 00:27:56.519 and when he like takes the cloth out from over 00:27:56.519 --> 00:27:58.819 its face it's just a bunch of spiders and he 00:27:58.819 --> 00:28:01.500 gets covered in spiders oh i don't like that 00:28:01.500 --> 00:28:05.500 story yeah it's not great oh i hate that one 00:28:05.500 --> 00:28:07.519 don't i'm glad you didn't tell me that one well 00:28:07.519 --> 00:28:10.980 i mean i technically just did so It still ends 00:28:10.980 --> 00:28:13.619 the same. No, but I mean, don't go into any further 00:28:13.619 --> 00:28:16.819 detail because I found a ball at Daddy Longlegs 00:28:16.819 --> 00:28:19.019 one time and it bothered me for weeks. Yeah, 00:28:19.039 --> 00:28:24.299 it's not great. I also didn't describe it for 00:28:24.299 --> 00:28:27.440 your sake. Thank you. I appreciate it. But beneath 00:28:27.440 --> 00:28:30.359 all the hypnotic beauty and the Cronenberg -esque 00:28:30.359 --> 00:28:34.079 body horror, stories of the Juragumo. Like all 00:28:34.079 --> 00:28:35.900 good folklore, we're built to teach a lesson. 00:28:36.099 --> 00:28:38.799 Cautionary tales about desire, judgment, and 00:28:38.799 --> 00:28:40.920 the trouble dudes tend to get into when they 00:28:40.920 --> 00:28:42.440 think with their dicks instead of their head. 00:28:42.559 --> 00:28:45.759 And historically, her name said the quiet part 00:28:45.759 --> 00:28:47.900 out loud. In the early days, the most common 00:28:47.900 --> 00:28:50.779 spelling of Juragumo literally translated to 00:28:50.779 --> 00:28:58.940 prostitute spider. So, not subtle. Just that 00:28:58.940 --> 00:29:01.279 she's hot, she's dangerous, and she will absolutely 00:29:01.279 --> 00:29:04.720 ruin your life. Over time, her name was rewritten 00:29:04.720 --> 00:29:07.059 with different characters to now mean entangled 00:29:07.059 --> 00:29:10.220 bride, which sounds more poetic, but still kind 00:29:10.220 --> 00:29:12.920 of gives off the same vibe. Like her entire shtick 00:29:12.920 --> 00:29:17.200 is just weaponizing attraction. She targets young 00:29:17.200 --> 00:29:19.700 men using beauty to relax them before sucking 00:29:19.700 --> 00:29:22.680 them dry. Again, not in a fun way. And the moral 00:29:22.680 --> 00:29:25.319 of this being that if you meet a mysterious 10 00:29:25.319 --> 00:29:27.799 out of 10 woman alone in the absolute middle 00:29:27.799 --> 00:29:30.240 of nowhere, just don't be an idiot. That's... 00:29:30.240 --> 00:29:35.380 Yeah. pretty much do not talk to her yeah because 00:29:35.380 --> 00:29:37.220 nothing good will come from your conversation 00:29:37.220 --> 00:29:40.319 yeah the these stories also serve to reinforce 00:29:40.319 --> 00:29:43.039 like social warnings like beautiful strangers 00:29:43.039 --> 00:29:46.299 especially ones that are down to fuck might be 00:29:46.299 --> 00:29:49.420 hiding danger they reflected society's anxieties 00:29:49.420 --> 00:29:52.160 about sex especially with sex workers who were 00:29:52.160 --> 00:29:54.720 both desired and considered risky at that time 00:29:54.720 --> 00:29:58.019 and even if the stories weren't literally about 00:29:58.019 --> 00:30:01.750 prostitution like the symbolism is Pretty loud 00:30:01.750 --> 00:30:03.589 and clear. Yeah, right on the nose, honestly. 00:30:04.089 --> 00:30:07.410 You get entangled in their web of desire. But 00:30:07.410 --> 00:30:09.769 these stories aren't just warnings about getting 00:30:09.769 --> 00:30:11.829 some strange from a literal nightmare of mine. 00:30:11.990 --> 00:30:14.869 They are also a warning about how nature can 00:30:14.869 --> 00:30:17.089 be beautiful but kill you without hesitation. 00:30:18.059 --> 00:30:20.660 Waterfalls are gorgeous, but they're also slippery 00:30:20.660 --> 00:30:23.720 as hell. Forests are peaceful and very easy to 00:30:23.720 --> 00:30:27.279 die alone in. So by personifying natural danger 00:30:27.279 --> 00:30:30.339 as a hot woman that can seduce you with beauty 00:30:30.339 --> 00:30:33.119 and then kill you, the folklore makes the invisible 00:30:33.119 --> 00:30:35.839 risks more tangible. Like you just got to respect 00:30:35.839 --> 00:30:40.160 nature or it will kill you. So in short, I guess, 00:30:40.299 --> 00:30:43.500 yeah, beauty can kill. And the stories of the 00:30:43.500 --> 00:30:46.660 Jurugumo, just make sure you don't forget that. 00:30:47.519 --> 00:30:51.220 If that makes sense. Right, right. I think there 00:30:51.220 --> 00:30:54.880 could be like a modern version that we can do 00:30:54.880 --> 00:31:01.279 with Mount Washington. Hear me out. So every 00:31:01.279 --> 00:31:04.599 year around this time of year, there's at least 00:31:04.599 --> 00:31:07.079 one news story about some fucking chuckleheads 00:31:07.079 --> 00:31:10.700 who thought, oh, I'll go climb Mount Washington. 00:31:10.759 --> 00:31:14.059 It's only 5 ,000 feet. It can't possibly kill 00:31:14.059 --> 00:31:17.750 me. No. And then they die. And a bunch of people 00:31:17.750 --> 00:31:20.309 have to go rescue their stupid fucking corpse 00:31:20.309 --> 00:31:23.190 because they were too stupid to recognize that 00:31:23.190 --> 00:31:26.589 this is the one mountain in the entire United 00:31:26.589 --> 00:31:30.049 States that is the most dangerous place to climb. 00:31:30.170 --> 00:31:34.009 Not because it's particularly high off the ground 00:31:34.009 --> 00:31:37.450 or particularly treacherous to get up to. But 00:31:37.450 --> 00:31:41.769 once you get past a certain area, for some reason, 00:31:41.869 --> 00:31:45.500 the weather just decides. It's not your day to 00:31:45.500 --> 00:31:48.460 survive. And so people are constantly dying. 00:31:48.660 --> 00:31:50.720 Well, aren't, isn't like some of like the strongest 00:31:50.720 --> 00:31:52.799 winds and also coldest temperatures recorded 00:31:52.799 --> 00:31:56.720 on earth on top of about Washington. Yeah. I 00:31:56.720 --> 00:31:58.180 don't know about the coldest temperatures, but 00:31:58.180 --> 00:32:00.700 I know for a fact that the fastest wind speed 00:32:00.700 --> 00:32:03.480 ever recorded on this planet was recorded at 00:32:03.480 --> 00:32:06.460 the top of Mount Washington. Yeah. What I mean, 00:32:06.460 --> 00:32:09.759 what I mean, it's not fun. Listen, Sarge, listen, 00:32:09.960 --> 00:32:12.440 if my car can climb out Washington and get a 00:32:12.440 --> 00:32:15.160 bumper sticker, why can't I climb out Washington 00:32:15.160 --> 00:32:17.059 and get a bumper sticker? All right. I think 00:32:17.059 --> 00:32:19.359 I think I deserved it. Yeah, no, that's true. 00:32:20.000 --> 00:32:22.299 If your Honda Accord can make it up there, you 00:32:22.299 --> 00:32:24.400 certainly can. So, Sarge, you're probably wondering 00:32:24.400 --> 00:32:29.759 where where is this lady now? I don't mean like 00:32:29.759 --> 00:32:32.619 in physical proximity to you. I just mean like 00:32:32.619 --> 00:32:36.200 in as far as like in today's modern world, like 00:32:36.200 --> 00:32:41.539 standing. I'm guessing that she is an all -female 00:32:41.539 --> 00:32:47.720 K -pop band. Dude, I wish. I wish. I love K -pop 00:32:47.720 --> 00:32:50.920 Demon Hunter so much. Dude, that movie was great. 00:32:50.980 --> 00:32:53.339 That movie was fucking awesome. I was really 00:32:53.339 --> 00:32:55.079 surprised because I normally don't like that 00:32:55.079 --> 00:32:56.940 kind of stuff, but I loved it. Yeah, but it was 00:32:56.940 --> 00:32:59.700 the same animation studio as Spider -Verse, so 00:32:59.700 --> 00:33:03.359 it makes sense. It was great. Anyway, so Jirigumo. 00:33:04.089 --> 00:33:06.769 Where does she stand today in the modern world? 00:33:06.910 --> 00:33:09.109 Well, today she's still lurking around, not so 00:33:09.109 --> 00:33:11.670 much behind waterfalls waiting to liquefy horny 00:33:11.670 --> 00:33:16.569 dudes, but she's there. Maybe not a name, but 00:33:16.569 --> 00:33:19.750 an archetype at least. Like the anime Demon Slayer 00:33:19.750 --> 00:33:22.490 has a mother spider demon, which is clearly inspired 00:33:22.490 --> 00:33:26.289 by her imagery. Same for the villain Black Maria 00:33:26.289 --> 00:33:29.609 in One Piece, who transforms into a giant spider 00:33:29.609 --> 00:33:33.440 woman hybrid thing. Outside of media, she's become 00:33:33.440 --> 00:33:35.539 a favorite in tattoo culture as a representation 00:33:35.539 --> 00:33:38.519 of the duality of beauty and danger. And just 00:33:38.519 --> 00:33:40.440 to blur the line between legend and reality, 00:33:40.700 --> 00:33:46.680 the very real world spider known as Trichonophila 00:33:46.680 --> 00:33:50.720 clavata, which is a very large golden yellow 00:33:50.720 --> 00:33:53.940 orb weaver in Japan, is nicknamed the Joro spider. 00:33:54.180 --> 00:33:57.519 And I hate it. I saw a bunch of these while walking 00:33:57.519 --> 00:34:00.349 through shrines and shit like that. And you don't 00:34:00.349 --> 00:34:02.470 notice them until they're right in fucking front 00:34:02.470 --> 00:34:05.170 of you. And it sucked. And I hated it. And I 00:34:05.170 --> 00:34:07.269 will burn that fucking whole country down because 00:34:07.269 --> 00:34:09.909 of that one spider. It sucks. I hate it so much. 00:34:10.090 --> 00:34:12.789 And the worst is that you're like, oh, look at 00:34:12.789 --> 00:34:15.090 this cool fucking thing in the woods. And you 00:34:15.090 --> 00:34:16.650 go to take a picture of it. You're like, oh, 00:34:16.650 --> 00:34:18.030 I can't go into the woods because I will get 00:34:18.030 --> 00:34:19.849 murdered by this thing. They're actually not 00:34:19.849 --> 00:34:22.809 very dangerous. But anyways, I just got out of 00:34:22.809 --> 00:34:25.909 a rant. Dude, they were everywhere. And I was 00:34:25.909 --> 00:34:33.699 so bummed out. See, I feel bad for you because 00:34:33.699 --> 00:34:36.480 like, at least with me, like I can look at a 00:34:36.480 --> 00:34:39.079 spider and be like, oh, that's really cool. I'm 00:34:39.079 --> 00:34:41.800 not, I won't touch it because the feeling of 00:34:41.800 --> 00:34:44.699 spider webs and spiders themselves on my skin 00:34:44.699 --> 00:34:47.800 makes me want to throw up. But I like to look 00:34:47.800 --> 00:34:50.440 at them from a distance. Hold on, Sarge. In the 00:34:50.440 --> 00:34:52.119 same way that I feel like a lot of people like 00:34:52.119 --> 00:34:54.940 to look at like a car wreck, you know? Yeah, 00:34:54.960 --> 00:34:57.480 no, I get it. It horrifies you, but you like 00:34:57.480 --> 00:35:00.510 to see it. Yeah. All right, Sarge. Well, there 00:35:00.510 --> 00:35:04.929 you have it. That is the story of the prostitute 00:35:04.929 --> 00:35:09.349 spider, a .k .a. You know what I'm trying to 00:35:09.349 --> 00:35:13.010 say. Spider's a whore. Yeah. How are you feeling? 00:35:13.130 --> 00:35:17.610 How are you liking this? I was feeling a lot 00:35:17.610 --> 00:35:20.329 better until I looked up the Joro spider. It's 00:35:20.329 --> 00:35:21.949 yellow and scary. I don't like it. It's not good. 00:35:22.849 --> 00:35:26.690 And they're so big. No, honestly, I love this 00:35:26.690 --> 00:35:29.500 story. This is the kind of shit I absolutely 00:35:29.500 --> 00:35:32.920 love about folklore, especially folklore from 00:35:32.920 --> 00:35:35.159 other countries, because I feel like the folklore 00:35:35.159 --> 00:35:40.480 here in America and in Western Europe, it's like 00:35:40.480 --> 00:35:43.519 folklore that we're exposed to on a regular basis 00:35:43.519 --> 00:35:46.079 in one way or another as children, so it doesn't 00:35:46.079 --> 00:35:48.619 really fuck with us as much. It doesn't hit as 00:35:48.619 --> 00:35:50.840 hard. When you hear folklore from other places 00:35:50.840 --> 00:35:54.880 in the world, then it's terrifying because you're 00:35:54.880 --> 00:35:58.230 not familiar with it. Yeah. I agree. Like this 00:35:58.230 --> 00:36:01.690 spider lady's fucking great. I love it. I love 00:36:01.690 --> 00:36:04.369 the idea that this is giant, horrifying spider 00:36:04.369 --> 00:36:06.829 that turns into a beautiful woman just to kill 00:36:06.829 --> 00:36:10.949 you. It does have a very, I made a passing joke, 00:36:11.070 --> 00:36:14.789 but it has a very Pennywise vibe to it, right? 00:36:15.250 --> 00:36:18.170 It really does. I wonder if Stephen King like 00:36:18.170 --> 00:36:20.750 knew a little bit about this when he wrote, like 00:36:20.750 --> 00:36:22.949 if he was inspired by this. Yeah, well, you know, 00:36:22.989 --> 00:36:24.730 the amount of cocaine he was doing, he was probably 00:36:24.730 --> 00:36:28.090 reading everything and anything like, Yeah, it's 00:36:28.090 --> 00:36:31.110 true. Yeah. He's probably doing a couple of books 00:36:31.110 --> 00:36:36.949 a day in between 400 lines a day, you know? Yeah. 00:36:37.170 --> 00:36:39.869 All right, Sarge. Well, that is today's episode. 00:36:40.010 --> 00:36:42.110 I hope you enjoyed it. I hope everyone listening 00:36:42.110 --> 00:36:45.969 enjoyed it. It's a good one, I think. I feel 00:36:45.969 --> 00:36:49.780 like. Bummed me out sufficiently. I'm sure bummed 00:36:49.780 --> 00:36:52.699 out a lot. I feel like I probably should have 00:36:52.699 --> 00:36:55.039 put like an arachnophobia warning at the beginning 00:36:55.039 --> 00:36:58.280 of it. But I feel like if I did that, you wouldn't 00:36:58.280 --> 00:37:01.639 have been as surprised as to what. Yeah, you 00:37:01.639 --> 00:37:04.300 wouldn't have appreciated the story. Yeah. Because 00:37:04.300 --> 00:37:06.300 I think it was a good story in general. I like 00:37:06.300 --> 00:37:08.000 it overall. I think it was great. It's a good 00:37:08.000 --> 00:37:10.960 story. All right. Well, it just makes me want 00:37:10.960 --> 00:37:12.719 to go to Japan. Every time we do this, I want 00:37:12.719 --> 00:37:14.539 to go to Japan more. For now, what I want from 00:37:14.539 --> 00:37:17.039 you, Sarge, is. You ready for this? You ready? 00:37:17.559 --> 00:37:19.079 Got anything you want to plug, baby? What do 00:37:19.079 --> 00:37:19.980 you want? What do you want? What do you want 00:37:19.980 --> 00:37:23.119 the people to know about you? Yeah. Um, I don't, 00:37:23.119 --> 00:37:24.659 I don't necessarily have anything to plug, but 00:37:24.659 --> 00:37:26.820 I do have like one more thing I want to throw 00:37:26.820 --> 00:37:29.500 out there to everybody. So I went to Rhode Island 00:37:29.500 --> 00:37:32.400 comic con this weekend. Hell yeah. I was a guest 00:37:32.400 --> 00:37:36.099 of the very, uh, lovely and always funny Jeremy 00:37:36.099 --> 00:37:41.059 London. He, uh, he invited me and, my, my daughter. 00:37:41.780 --> 00:37:45.000 Um, And so we went and I brought my sons because 00:37:45.000 --> 00:37:46.500 they wanted to go. And Maynard was there too, 00:37:46.599 --> 00:37:48.860 because he and I have collaborated with Jeremy 00:37:48.860 --> 00:37:51.960 in the past. And there was this massive line 00:37:51.960 --> 00:37:53.179 that wrapped all the way around the building. 00:37:53.260 --> 00:37:56.679 Jeremy's like, fuck that. Come to my hotel, which 00:37:56.679 --> 00:37:59.360 is connected to the venue. He walked us through 00:37:59.360 --> 00:38:01.420 like all these back rooms and everything. And 00:38:01.420 --> 00:38:03.679 then boom, we're right there on the floor, completely 00:38:03.679 --> 00:38:06.480 empty convention floor as everyone's still waiting 00:38:06.480 --> 00:38:09.739 in line to get in. That's amazing. Yeah. If you 00:38:09.739 --> 00:38:12.300 got any pictures. Had an amazing time. I do have 00:38:12.300 --> 00:38:15.059 one picture. I didn't go too crazy because he 00:38:15.059 --> 00:38:19.239 actually introduced me to some of my favorite 00:38:19.239 --> 00:38:23.340 TV show actors of all time. The cast of My Name 00:38:23.340 --> 00:38:26.239 is Earl. We need to get him back on the show. 00:38:26.500 --> 00:38:28.119 Yeah, absolutely. I'll shoot him a text. I'm 00:38:28.119 --> 00:38:29.559 actually going to see him on Tuesday. I'm taking 00:38:29.559 --> 00:38:31.340 him around Boston, giving him a little tour. 00:38:31.559 --> 00:38:33.159 Tell him if he comes to Philly soon to hit me 00:38:33.159 --> 00:38:35.019 up. We'll hang out. Yeah, we'll do. Absolutely. 00:38:35.099 --> 00:38:37.099 He only lives in Florida and he actually drove 00:38:37.099 --> 00:38:39.400 up here for this convention and then he's driving 00:38:39.400 --> 00:38:42.710 to upstate New York. Yeah, dude. He's a wild 00:38:42.710 --> 00:38:45.650 man. I love him. If you want to follow Sarge 00:38:45.650 --> 00:38:48.349 on social media, you can find him at Sarge the 00:38:48.349 --> 00:38:49.789 Destroyer on all platforms. Really good guy. 00:38:49.829 --> 00:38:51.750 Really funny guy. If you want to follow us, you 00:38:51.750 --> 00:38:53.550 can follow us on Instagram at Cryptic Cocktail, 00:38:53.590 --> 00:38:56.030 TikTok, Cryptic Cocktail Party. Please leave 00:38:56.030 --> 00:38:57.769 us a rating and review. It really helps. We actually 00:38:57.769 --> 00:38:59.590 got a couple in the past few days. Next week, 00:38:59.610 --> 00:39:03.050 I'll probably read a few, give a few shout outs. 00:39:04.630 --> 00:39:07.489 And I think that's it. With that out of the way, 00:39:07.530 --> 00:39:08.849 Sarge, you want to say goodbye and I love you 00:39:08.849 --> 00:39:11.320 to the audience? Goodbye, and I love you.