WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.339 You are now listening to Cryptid Cocktail Party. 00:00:40.480 --> 00:00:42.579 Welcome back, everyone, to another episode of 00:00:42.579 --> 00:00:44.060 Cryptic Cocktail Party, a show where we have 00:00:44.060 --> 00:00:45.960 a few drinks, share a few laughs, take a dive 00:00:45.960 --> 00:00:49.039 into the unknown. I, your triumphant host, have 00:00:49.039 --> 00:00:52.320 returned. And today I am joined not only by my 00:00:52.320 --> 00:00:55.700 good friend Sarge, but also the Believing the 00:00:55.700 --> 00:00:57.539 Bizarre Boys, Tyler and Charlie. How's it going, 00:00:57.659 --> 00:00:59.799 guys? Good. Thanks for having us. Yeah, we're 00:00:59.799 --> 00:01:02.140 doing really good. So much energy. I feel it. 00:01:02.159 --> 00:01:04.359 It's great. Your intro music just makes me think 00:01:04.359 --> 00:01:06.959 of it's the music our bassist at the time wanted 00:01:06.959 --> 00:01:09.079 us to probably play that we just couldn't do. 00:01:09.599 --> 00:01:13.140 No, we weren't screamers. Anyway, I feel a little 00:01:13.140 --> 00:01:14.980 left out because I'm not vaping. I wish I kind 00:01:14.980 --> 00:01:18.840 of was. Secondhand smoke is only secondhand cool, 00:01:18.959 --> 00:01:22.000 bro. You can hold our candle up to you if you 00:01:22.000 --> 00:01:23.840 want to feel cool like you got some over there. 00:01:24.040 --> 00:01:26.480 You guys can see our candle. What scent is it, 00:01:26.540 --> 00:01:31.459 Charlie? Chocolate muffin. Ooh. coffee mousse 00:01:31.459 --> 00:01:34.540 coffee it's like yeah it's probably just coffee 00:01:34.540 --> 00:01:36.840 but it's like cafe i'll tell you right now you 00:01:36.840 --> 00:01:39.000 put chocolate muffin and coffee mousse in the 00:01:39.000 --> 00:01:41.920 same room i'm not gonna know the difference i 00:01:41.920 --> 00:01:44.120 i don't love this angle on me because like you 00:01:44.120 --> 00:01:46.620 can see i you can see my one nipple just like 00:01:46.620 --> 00:01:50.299 your one what dimple oh i thought you said nipple 00:01:50.299 --> 00:01:53.879 yeah that's what i heard too i guess i've never 00:01:53.879 --> 00:01:57.400 looked at you before oh and sarge how are you 00:01:57.400 --> 00:02:01.629 doing you uh You look worse for wear. Yeah. Concussed, 00:02:01.629 --> 00:02:03.989 Dave. Concussed. No, I'm just kidding. I'm not 00:02:03.989 --> 00:02:05.870 concussed, but I did smash my head off a very 00:02:05.870 --> 00:02:09.710 elegant couch in Sicily. So that was entertaining. 00:02:09.949 --> 00:02:12.009 And I'm also dealing with a little bit of a cold 00:02:12.009 --> 00:02:14.349 because I caught some kind of plague on one of 00:02:14.349 --> 00:02:16.810 the many flights that I had to take. But I'll 00:02:16.810 --> 00:02:21.310 tell you, amazing, amazing place to be. And if 00:02:21.310 --> 00:02:23.789 you like gin and tonic, apparently Sicily is 00:02:23.789 --> 00:02:25.689 the place to go because it is like the most popular 00:02:25.689 --> 00:02:28.009 thing next to wine. Did you break the couch? 00:02:29.609 --> 00:02:31.710 Weirdly enough, I did not break the couch. I'm 00:02:31.710 --> 00:02:33.610 trying to figure out what it's made of because 00:02:33.610 --> 00:02:36.430 I'm 250 pounds of just great meat. You know what 00:02:36.430 --> 00:02:38.069 I mean? You need to get sponsored by that couch 00:02:38.069 --> 00:02:42.289 and turn this into an ad. I know. Or a PSA. One 00:02:42.289 --> 00:02:47.629 of the two. Go to Jordan's Furniture. Indestructible 00:02:47.629 --> 00:02:52.569 couch. I have to go before I hit the couch. The 00:02:52.569 --> 00:02:54.610 couch didn't knock me out. That's really the 00:02:54.610 --> 00:02:56.330 only thing I've got going for me. Just broke 00:02:56.330 --> 00:02:59.150 your face's fall. True. But also, if you were 00:02:59.150 --> 00:03:02.069 knocked out pre -falling, that means you couldn't 00:03:02.069 --> 00:03:04.569 brace yourself. So that couch took all of it. 00:03:04.629 --> 00:03:06.810 All your face. Yeah. The whole thing. Were the 00:03:06.810 --> 00:03:09.889 glasses on? Yeah. Weirdly enough, the glasses 00:03:09.889 --> 00:03:11.870 didn't break either. Dude, another sponsorship. 00:03:11.990 --> 00:03:17.810 I just woke up in a pool of my own blood and 00:03:17.810 --> 00:03:21.490 everyone was screaming. Well. We didn't come 00:03:21.490 --> 00:03:23.849 back from a trip. We've just been in Ohio. Well, 00:03:23.969 --> 00:03:25.990 we did just come back from Kansas. Oh, so there 00:03:25.990 --> 00:03:28.050 you go. We were on a trip. There you go. Kansas 00:03:28.050 --> 00:03:31.210 is much different than Sicily or Japan. That's 00:03:31.210 --> 00:03:36.110 true. That's true. All right, guys. Well, I appreciate 00:03:36.110 --> 00:03:39.110 you guys coming on. Like you said, I was also 00:03:39.110 --> 00:03:43.469 on a trip to Japan. And I got a little inspired 00:03:43.469 --> 00:03:45.310 by my trip. And by that, I mean I bought a bunch 00:03:45.310 --> 00:03:48.090 of books about stuff. And I feel like for the 00:03:48.090 --> 00:03:50.270 foreseeable future, a lot of these episodes are 00:03:50.270 --> 00:03:53.830 going to be about japan so yes i guess my question 00:03:53.830 --> 00:03:56.009 to you guys before we go into the episode itself 00:03:56.009 --> 00:03:58.949 obviously you guys are cryptid guys you're paranormal 00:03:58.949 --> 00:04:03.409 guys you're but are you guys yokai guys yes you 00:04:03.409 --> 00:04:09.189 know this yokai you're a form of noodle i mean 00:04:09.189 --> 00:04:11.210 it can be i'm sure there is a yokai that is a 00:04:11.210 --> 00:04:13.849 form of noodle They seem to be made out of anything 00:04:13.849 --> 00:04:15.889 and everywhere. But today we're going to be discussing 00:04:15.889 --> 00:04:18.430 one of Japan's most famous and enduring supernatural 00:04:18.430 --> 00:04:21.189 figures. It's a yokai that kind of blurs the 00:04:21.189 --> 00:04:23.209 line between like a god, a monster, and just 00:04:23.209 --> 00:04:26.149 a straight up dickhead. This week, we're going 00:04:26.149 --> 00:04:28.189 to be covering everyone's favorite butthole boy, 00:04:28.449 --> 00:04:30.709 the kappa. Are you guys familiar with the kappa? 00:04:30.730 --> 00:04:32.170 Is that the one where in the butt is the eye 00:04:32.170 --> 00:04:34.250 hole where they like bend over? You know what 00:04:34.250 --> 00:04:35.970 I'm talking about. Yeah, that's not that. I know 00:04:35.970 --> 00:04:37.810 the one you're talking about too, actually. That's 00:04:37.810 --> 00:04:40.370 the one. Yeah, different butthole. This is a 00:04:40.370 --> 00:04:45.310 different butthole boy. So, like I said, the 00:04:45.310 --> 00:04:48.290 kappa, or river child, is what it translates 00:04:48.290 --> 00:04:50.550 to, is one of Japan's oldest and most famous 00:04:50.550 --> 00:04:52.730 yokai and has been haunting Japanese rivers, 00:04:52.850 --> 00:04:55.709 ponds, and lakes for centuries. In the oldest 00:04:55.709 --> 00:04:58.829 version, they weren't like the cute, goofy, cucumber 00:04:58.829 --> 00:05:01.389 -loving guys we see today used to sell beer and 00:05:01.389 --> 00:05:03.990 kitchenware. And it kind of went through a few 00:05:03.990 --> 00:05:06.050 different evolutionary changes over the years. 00:05:07.240 --> 00:05:10.199 before we get into what the kappa is how it behaves 00:05:10.199 --> 00:05:12.019 and all that stuff i figured we'd do like a brief 00:05:12.019 --> 00:05:15.040 history of the evolution of the kappa and before 00:05:15.040 --> 00:05:17.339 we dive into this like before we do any sort 00:05:17.339 --> 00:05:22.120 of like i guess folklore stuff i don't know shit 00:05:22.120 --> 00:05:24.839 about japan japanese culture or like their belief 00:05:24.839 --> 00:05:27.079 system so i tried to like make sure this is like 00:05:27.079 --> 00:05:30.000 as accurate as possible and if i get anything 00:05:30.000 --> 00:05:32.259 wrong or if i mispronounce something i apologize 00:05:32.259 --> 00:05:35.379 to anyone who would be offended by it. So Dave, 00:05:35.480 --> 00:05:37.879 I'm glad you prefaced that because while you 00:05:37.879 --> 00:05:40.339 were talking, I thought I did have a concussion 00:05:40.339 --> 00:05:42.339 because you were talking about a cucumber boy 00:05:42.339 --> 00:05:44.800 and there were buttholes involved. Well, no, 00:05:44.860 --> 00:05:46.959 those are all just like, everybody knew what 00:05:46.959 --> 00:05:49.759 it was. And I was like, yeah, I thought it was 00:05:49.759 --> 00:05:55.740 the other butthole guy. Yeah. Can you just tell 00:05:55.740 --> 00:05:57.819 me about the cute? Cause I'm now I want to know. 00:05:57.879 --> 00:06:00.509 I love cucumbers. I want to know. Can I eat this 00:06:00.509 --> 00:06:02.089 monster? We're going to get there. He's not a 00:06:02.089 --> 00:06:04.889 cucumber boy. He's a butthole boy. He loves cucumbers 00:06:04.889 --> 00:06:06.709 as well. So we're talking about cucumbers and 00:06:06.709 --> 00:06:09.810 buttholes. Those things do go hand in hand. Sarge, 00:06:09.810 --> 00:06:11.610 you'll know what the kappa is as soon as I start 00:06:11.610 --> 00:06:14.029 describing it. I promise. It's the most recognizable 00:06:14.029 --> 00:06:16.490 thing. Do you know about this, Charlie? Oh, yeah. 00:06:16.529 --> 00:06:18.529 We talked about this, actually. Okay. We did 00:06:18.529 --> 00:06:20.810 mention this. What was the guy in Greek? Was 00:06:20.810 --> 00:06:23.550 his name Kappa? Or was it Cap? What? He was on 00:06:23.550 --> 00:06:26.089 ABC Family. I have no idea. What show? Greek? 00:06:26.129 --> 00:06:28.850 I never saw that. What? Never mind. You may continue. 00:06:28.990 --> 00:06:32.790 I have a concussion now. The story of the Kappa 00:06:32.790 --> 00:06:36.310 begins with Japan's ancient water gods. Way before 00:06:36.310 --> 00:06:38.870 the Kappa became a mischievous little shit, the 00:06:38.870 --> 00:06:42.730 Kappa's ancestors were Suijin. They were deities 00:06:42.730 --> 00:06:44.970 believed to govern the rivers, ponds, and even 00:06:44.970 --> 00:06:47.449 rainfall. And the people of Japan feared and 00:06:47.449 --> 00:06:49.610 revered them in equal measure because back in 00:06:49.610 --> 00:06:52.699 ancient Japan... Water meant life. Rice farming 00:06:52.699 --> 00:06:54.800 called for constant irrigation, and rivers that 00:06:54.800 --> 00:06:56.939 blessed you one season could drown your fields 00:06:56.939 --> 00:06:59.240 the next or dry it out completely. So to keep 00:06:59.240 --> 00:07:01.620 those spirits appeased, farmers would leave offerings 00:07:01.620 --> 00:07:04.079 along the banks, and fishermen would perform 00:07:04.079 --> 00:07:06.379 purification rites before casting their nets. 00:07:06.560 --> 00:07:09.259 To the people, the water wasn't just some geographical 00:07:09.259 --> 00:07:12.199 feature. It was alive and very easily angered, 00:07:12.199 --> 00:07:14.519 so if you disrespected it, it would fuck your 00:07:14.519 --> 00:07:18.250 whole shit up. By the medieval period, The animistic 00:07:18.250 --> 00:07:20.490 reverence started to blend with Chinese and Buddhist 00:07:20.490 --> 00:07:23.170 ideas about like river spirits and karmic punishment 00:07:23.170 --> 00:07:25.850 and stuff like that. And in these stories, drowned 00:07:25.850 --> 00:07:28.790 souls or unclean spirits turned into vengeful 00:07:28.790 --> 00:07:31.230 water demons that would drag the living underwater. 00:07:31.709 --> 00:07:34.430 And it's this mix of ideologies that birthed 00:07:34.430 --> 00:07:37.829 early versions of the Kawatara or river boy, 00:07:37.990 --> 00:07:41.209 a part divine, part horrifying nightmare entity 00:07:41.209 --> 00:07:43.790 that would punish those that polluted, fished 00:07:43.790 --> 00:07:46.189 irresponsibly, or played too close to the water's 00:07:46.189 --> 00:07:49.470 edge. And parents, of course, jumped at the chance 00:07:49.470 --> 00:07:51.430 to weaponize the myth as a kind of supernatural 00:07:51.430 --> 00:07:54.670 PSA, telling their kids like, hey, stay away 00:07:54.670 --> 00:07:56.730 from the river or the Kappa will straight up 00:07:56.730 --> 00:08:00.529 eviscerate you. Then as Japan entered the Edo 00:08:00.529 --> 00:08:04.610 period between 1603 and 1868, the Kappa kind 00:08:04.610 --> 00:08:07.649 of evolved again. The country cities were booming, 00:08:07.889 --> 00:08:10.250 literacy was spreading, and the yokai of old 00:08:10.250 --> 00:08:12.810 started turning from like whispered superstitions 00:08:12.810 --> 00:08:16.060 to mainstream entertainment. Woodblock artists 00:08:16.060 --> 00:08:19.459 like Toriyama Sakin began cataloging them in 00:08:19.459 --> 00:08:21.740 illustrated compendiums like the illustrated 00:08:21.740 --> 00:08:24.339 Night Parade of the Hundred Demons. And it's 00:08:24.339 --> 00:08:27.500 here that the Kappa shed its divine aura, like 00:08:27.500 --> 00:08:31.000 it wasn't a religious thing anymore, and took 00:08:31.000 --> 00:08:33.240 on the traits that we kind of know and love for 00:08:33.240 --> 00:08:35.730 it now. just like a squat little water imp with 00:08:35.730 --> 00:08:38.049 a water bowl head, and a personality that was 00:08:38.049 --> 00:08:40.690 somehow rude, curious, and comically polite all 00:08:40.690 --> 00:08:42.850 at the same time, turning it from a feared child 00:08:42.850 --> 00:08:46.610 snatcher into more like a mischievous country 00:08:46.610 --> 00:08:51.509 bumpkin. See, I love that. I want to meet that 00:08:51.509 --> 00:08:55.809 one. Yeah? I love that for him. I'll be gentle 00:08:55.809 --> 00:08:57.950 with the rivers just so I can hang out with this 00:08:57.950 --> 00:09:03.100 guy. How are you guys feeling so far? I don't 00:09:03.100 --> 00:09:05.019 know if I want to meet them. What are they sacrificing 00:09:05.019 --> 00:09:08.940 by the water? Just like children. Please rain 00:09:08.940 --> 00:09:11.279 this year. The crops need it. Send out Jordan. 00:09:11.820 --> 00:09:15.179 I don't think they were sacrificing. They were 00:09:15.179 --> 00:09:18.399 just leaving it offerings. I have no idea what 00:09:18.399 --> 00:09:20.440 the offerings were. Yeah, there's just that one 00:09:20.440 --> 00:09:22.200 person to get the memo. They're like, here's 00:09:22.200 --> 00:09:26.690 some candy. Here's some food and water. Well, 00:09:26.769 --> 00:09:29.409 you guys didn't say what to bring to the offering. 00:09:29.549 --> 00:09:31.549 I brought this one. I didn't have a chance to 00:09:31.549 --> 00:09:33.330 stop by the store. His grades are real bad this 00:09:33.330 --> 00:09:36.269 year. Yeah, he's super slow, so it's probably 00:09:36.269 --> 00:09:40.269 best we get rid of him. I know they used to get 00:09:40.269 --> 00:09:42.610 rid of their old people in the Okihara forest, 00:09:42.730 --> 00:09:46.309 so it's not unperceivable that they would just 00:09:46.309 --> 00:09:48.409 get rid of the kids they didn't. I'm going to 00:09:48.409 --> 00:09:51.309 back off this. I got you kids a little shit. 00:09:51.659 --> 00:09:55.259 You want good rice, feed them to the Kappa. You 00:09:55.259 --> 00:09:57.799 know, that's what it is. I agree. I agree. Good 00:09:57.799 --> 00:10:00.639 rice. And different regions had their own takes 00:10:00.639 --> 00:10:03.299 on the Kappa. Like in Eastern Japan, the name 00:10:03.299 --> 00:10:05.659 Kappa became pretty much the standard. While 00:10:05.659 --> 00:10:09.080 in Western Japan, it went by Kawataro or Gawappa 00:10:09.080 --> 00:10:13.799 or Enko. Enko means like monkey, river monkey. 00:10:14.259 --> 00:10:18.899 I like that better. AKA Kappa, AKA Gawappa. Yeah. 00:10:18.940 --> 00:10:24.000 AKA. um turtle dude so some were hairy some were 00:10:24.000 --> 00:10:26.240 amphibian others were just absolute nightmare 00:10:26.240 --> 00:10:28.480 fuel but they all shared the same like traits 00:10:28.480 --> 00:10:31.159 that make a kappa a kappa they lived in the rivers 00:10:31.159 --> 00:10:33.419 and will fucking kill you if you aren't careful 00:10:33.419 --> 00:10:36.059 so who pissed off the kappa in 2011 because that 00:10:36.059 --> 00:10:38.779 was when the tsunami hit right there was one 00:10:38.779 --> 00:10:41.580 fucking real angry kappa hold on i think that's 00:10:41.580 --> 00:10:43.899 a different monster i don't know if they control 00:10:43.899 --> 00:10:46.360 the ocean as well yeah no this is more just like 00:10:50.849 --> 00:10:54.129 So now that we know a little bit about the history 00:10:54.129 --> 00:10:56.289 of this thing, let's talk about the kappa itself. 00:10:56.830 --> 00:11:01.129 Now, physically, this thing fucking sucks. Like 00:11:01.129 --> 00:11:03.149 I said, descriptions vary from region to region, 00:11:03.350 --> 00:11:05.309 but the broad strokes are pretty consistent. 00:11:05.730 --> 00:11:08.529 It's roughly the size of a 10 -year -old. It's 00:11:08.529 --> 00:11:11.009 got skin that's blue or green, and it's covered 00:11:11.009 --> 00:11:14.590 in a layer of slime and just reeks of fish. Its 00:11:14.590 --> 00:11:19.500 body is humanoid, but like... Bad. It has webbed 00:11:19.500 --> 00:11:26.620 hands and feet. Scales are like thin leathery 00:11:26.620 --> 00:11:28.879 skin, depending on who's telling the story, and 00:11:28.879 --> 00:11:30.840 a hard turtle shell on its back that it said 00:11:30.840 --> 00:11:33.879 to shield from arrows and blades. Some older 00:11:33.879 --> 00:11:36.000 accounts from Western Japan say that it was hairier, 00:11:36.019 --> 00:11:38.220 more like a drowned monkey, while the Eastern 00:11:38.220 --> 00:11:40.720 Kappa was more reptilian. Either way. It's not 00:11:40.720 --> 00:11:42.340 something you want brushing against your leg 00:11:42.340 --> 00:11:45.039 while you're wading in a river. I prefer the 00:11:45.039 --> 00:11:47.879 Eastern model. Is that the turtle? Yeah. Yeah, 00:11:47.960 --> 00:11:50.139 the turtle boy. Turtle one's way better. Yeah, 00:11:50.159 --> 00:11:52.820 I'm less threatened by a turtle. Yeah, yeah. 00:11:53.200 --> 00:11:57.039 Then a dead monkey. Yeah. A dead river monkey. 00:11:57.139 --> 00:11:59.879 Like, river monkey sounds like a terrifying creature. 00:11:59.879 --> 00:12:01.820 It's like a mix between an otter and a chimp. 00:12:02.100 --> 00:12:04.879 Yeah. It feels more aggressive, too. That'd be 00:12:04.879 --> 00:12:07.200 like the Kushtaka, right? Kind of? Yeah, kind 00:12:07.200 --> 00:12:11.200 of. I feel like the turtle's like... We're chill. 00:12:11.360 --> 00:12:13.840 It's a turtle. You think like Finding Nemo? Yeah, 00:12:13.840 --> 00:12:17.480 but also Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Where's 00:12:17.480 --> 00:12:24.559 your offering, bro? Well, you guys are saying 00:12:24.559 --> 00:12:29.980 that, but there's this thing. I mean, I don't 00:12:29.980 --> 00:12:31.220 want to run into any of these, right? I thought 00:12:31.220 --> 00:12:32.759 we were just picking like the best case scenario. 00:12:33.200 --> 00:12:35.799 Yeah. Best case scenario, probably the turtle. 00:12:35.840 --> 00:12:39.129 I agree. But this thing looks kind of like a 00:12:39.129 --> 00:12:41.610 cross between a human and a turtle, like with 00:12:41.610 --> 00:12:43.490 a long beak -like mouth, and it's filled with 00:12:43.490 --> 00:12:46.710 razor -sharp teeth made for tearing fish or occasionally 00:12:46.710 --> 00:12:49.889 the fleshy bits of an unspecting child. But the 00:12:49.889 --> 00:12:51.889 feature that truly makes the kappa the kappa 00:12:51.889 --> 00:12:54.509 is the sara. That's the shallow, bowl -shaped 00:12:54.509 --> 00:12:57.370 dent on the top of its head. Now, this dish holds 00:12:57.370 --> 00:12:59.289 a small pool of water, and it's said to be the 00:12:59.289 --> 00:13:01.429 source of the kappa's life force. So as long 00:13:01.429 --> 00:13:05.049 as water remains in the bowl... The kappa is 00:13:05.049 --> 00:13:08.730 supernaturally strong, and if it spills it, it 00:13:08.730 --> 00:13:11.289 just crumples into a pile, drained of all its 00:13:11.289 --> 00:13:13.610 powers until it can re -up its head water. This 00:13:13.610 --> 00:13:16.590 is why you'll sometimes see depictions of kappas 00:13:16.590 --> 00:13:18.909 bowing all awkward -like. It's because it's trying 00:13:18.909 --> 00:13:21.370 not to spill out its skull juice. And it's this 00:13:21.370 --> 00:13:23.389 trait that has become its undoing, because if 00:13:23.389 --> 00:13:26.210 you bow to a kappa, its politeness forces it 00:13:26.210 --> 00:13:29.129 to bow back, and it dumps out its own power. 00:13:30.019 --> 00:13:34.639 That's very Japanese. Lower bow. Lower. If you 00:13:34.639 --> 00:13:37.480 get killed by the Kappa, you're a fucking idiot. 00:13:38.559 --> 00:13:40.600 Well, all of them are kids, right? So they don't 00:13:40.600 --> 00:13:42.340 know anything. They're not polite. They're not 00:13:42.340 --> 00:13:45.320 polite. But kids have slingshots. He deserves 00:13:45.320 --> 00:13:47.700 it. I feel like the slingshot would be like the 00:13:47.700 --> 00:13:49.840 natural because you like knock its head. Does 00:13:49.840 --> 00:13:51.519 Joey have a slingshot? No, but he's also not 00:13:51.519 --> 00:13:54.480 10 yet. I feel like you slingshot its head like 00:13:54.480 --> 00:13:55.860 the kids from It. You know what I mean? Like 00:13:55.860 --> 00:13:59.990 knock its head and spill it. It seems like such 00:13:59.990 --> 00:14:04.549 a terribly, terribly bad weakness. Yeah. But 00:14:04.549 --> 00:14:06.049 the thing is, that's when it's outside of water. 00:14:06.129 --> 00:14:08.870 Inside of water, no matter what, it'll fuck your 00:14:08.870 --> 00:14:10.830 whole day up. Inside of water, the cap is good 00:14:10.830 --> 00:14:13.610 to go. I'm just thinking outside, so just don't 00:14:13.610 --> 00:14:17.929 go in the water. And if you encounter this guy, 00:14:18.149 --> 00:14:21.169 just bow and you're good. Yeah, pretty much. 00:14:21.250 --> 00:14:24.690 Bow and then spike his head bowl. Right? Just 00:14:24.690 --> 00:14:26.950 get him fucked up. Put a little fireball in there. 00:14:26.990 --> 00:14:30.029 See what he does there? Then he becomes real 00:14:30.029 --> 00:14:32.710 strong and starts listening to Kid Rock. Yeah. 00:14:34.529 --> 00:14:38.289 You want to avoid that at all costs. Yeah. Found 00:14:38.289 --> 00:14:41.429 a new worst case scenario. He's texting his ex. 00:14:41.610 --> 00:14:46.230 He became a hillbilly. But don't worry, guys. 00:14:46.370 --> 00:14:50.230 It's anatomy only gets worse from here. Old Edo 00:14:50.230 --> 00:14:53.669 period field guides to yokai say that the kappa 00:14:53.669 --> 00:14:56.610 has three buttholes, allowing it to fart three 00:14:56.610 --> 00:14:59.429 times harder and louder than a human. There is 00:14:59.429 --> 00:15:02.269 a whole bunch of texts from the 18th and 19th 00:15:02.269 --> 00:15:04.230 century. Did my kid invent this? Are you just 00:15:04.230 --> 00:15:06.470 communicating with my son at this point? Because 00:15:06.470 --> 00:15:09.210 it sounds like something he would invent. I wish. 00:15:09.470 --> 00:15:12.710 Three buttholes. Amazing. Three buttholes. I 00:15:12.710 --> 00:15:15.679 want to talk about anatomy for a second. Is it 00:15:15.679 --> 00:15:18.460 like in a row or like a side force kind of thing? 00:15:19.980 --> 00:15:24.399 Yeah. Does it look like the menu option on Google? 00:15:24.580 --> 00:15:26.240 Yeah. Yeah. Or is it like a jet engine where 00:15:26.240 --> 00:15:28.740 they're like, focus. I'm going to be honest with 00:15:28.740 --> 00:15:32.200 you. I didn't look up Google searches of the 00:15:32.200 --> 00:15:34.820 Kappa's. You never thought about it. That's the 00:15:34.820 --> 00:15:37.409 problem. It makes me think of like. In, you know, 00:15:37.409 --> 00:15:39.289 demonic stuff where you hear, like, three knocks. 00:15:40.389 --> 00:15:43.070 You hear three farts, three toots, and, you know. 00:15:43.330 --> 00:15:46.009 Three toots. I always assume they're, like, in 00:15:46.009 --> 00:15:48.809 a vertical line. Like, up, like, this is, like, 00:15:49.110 --> 00:15:51.169 that. I feel like, or maybe it's a triangle, 00:15:51.190 --> 00:15:53.129 like, the Predators, like. I think the triangle. 00:15:53.370 --> 00:15:55.850 Triangle is probably the most ergonomical. What 00:15:55.850 --> 00:15:58.710 you have to do is you have to find a Kappa toilet 00:15:58.710 --> 00:16:01.250 and see if it's, like, long. You know, like, 00:16:01.250 --> 00:16:04.980 which way it's long. Elongated. Yeah, if it's 00:16:04.980 --> 00:16:06.700 really wide, then you know they're probably in 00:16:06.700 --> 00:16:08.580 a row this way. You know what I mean? I will 00:16:08.580 --> 00:16:13.360 say, there is a version of a Kappa toilet coming 00:16:13.360 --> 00:16:18.580 up, so... There we go. There we go. So there's 00:16:18.580 --> 00:16:20.960 a whole bunch of texts from the 18th and 19th 00:16:20.960 --> 00:16:23.500 century, and they go into pretty vivid detail 00:16:23.500 --> 00:16:26.240 about the Kappa's extraordinary flatulent capabilities, 00:16:26.320 --> 00:16:30.240 describing farts so loud that they would echo 00:16:30.240 --> 00:16:33.279 across valleys. And speaking of buttholes... 00:16:33.710 --> 00:16:36.090 Buried somewhere deep inside the Kappa, as well 00:16:36.090 --> 00:16:38.509 as humans, is a small glowing orb called the 00:16:38.509 --> 00:16:42.330 Shirakodama, or the Buttball. And the Kappa is 00:16:42.330 --> 00:16:45.330 obsessed with it, both its own and yours, but 00:16:45.330 --> 00:16:49.129 we'll talk about that more soon. Now, for something 00:16:49.129 --> 00:16:50.929 that looks like a rejected Ninja Turtle, the 00:16:50.929 --> 00:16:52.990 Kappa has a somewhat complicated personality. 00:16:53.129 --> 00:16:55.269 Depending on the story, it's either a prankster, 00:16:55.409 --> 00:16:58.049 a sex pest, or just a straight -up murderer. 00:16:58.129 --> 00:17:00.960 Sometimes all three, if the story's good. Now, 00:17:01.019 --> 00:17:03.840 Kappa spend most of their time in rivers, ponds, 00:17:03.899 --> 00:17:06.299 or irrigation canals lurking just below the surface. 00:17:06.480 --> 00:17:09.420 Now, in water, they're super fast, crazy agile, 00:17:09.599 --> 00:17:12.400 and almost impossible to catch. On land, not 00:17:12.400 --> 00:17:15.059 so much. They're awkward and clumsy, and they 00:17:15.059 --> 00:17:17.160 basically stumble around like a drunk uncle at 00:17:17.160 --> 00:17:19.000 a Little League game, which is probably why they 00:17:19.000 --> 00:17:20.880 try to litter you to the water's edge rather 00:17:20.880 --> 00:17:23.920 than attempt to come out and get you. As far 00:17:23.920 --> 00:17:25.839 as what they like to get up to in their free 00:17:25.839 --> 00:17:28.279 time, when they aren't crop -dusting the riverbanks 00:17:28.279 --> 00:17:30.440 with their excessive amount of buttholes, Well, 00:17:30.500 --> 00:17:33.160 their idea of a good time has some range. It 00:17:33.160 --> 00:17:35.740 goes from harmless mischief like stealing crops, 00:17:36.000 --> 00:17:38.559 peeking under women's kimonos, and scaring livestock 00:17:38.559 --> 00:17:41.579 just for a laugh, all the way to sexual assault 00:17:41.579 --> 00:17:44.640 and murder. It's a pretty wide spectrum of what 00:17:44.640 --> 00:17:45.339 they like to get out to. Yeah, it's basically 00:17:45.339 --> 00:17:54.400 indie dick. But if you want to get on their good 00:17:54.400 --> 00:17:56.640 side and avoid being fucked with at all, all 00:17:56.640 --> 00:17:58.519 you got to do is give the little guy his favorite 00:17:58.519 --> 00:18:02.440 snack. A cucumber. Kappa go feral for them. It's 00:18:02.440 --> 00:18:05.140 like Kappa crack. All over TikTok right now. 00:18:05.539 --> 00:18:09.259 Cucumber salads. Cucumber salads? Yeah, yeah. 00:18:09.400 --> 00:18:11.279 Is that popping on TikTok? Yeah, I guess I'm 00:18:11.279 --> 00:18:13.420 talking about it, right? I have no idea. The 00:18:13.420 --> 00:18:17.460 young man with the cucumber salad. This is what 00:18:17.460 --> 00:18:19.980 you need for the cucumber salad. Oh, I know what 00:18:19.980 --> 00:18:22.319 you're talking about. I do know what you're talking 00:18:22.319 --> 00:18:24.160 about. And it has like peanut butter in it or 00:18:24.160 --> 00:18:26.619 some shit like that. Depends, yeah. Depends what 00:18:26.619 --> 00:18:28.720 it is. It sounds great. Cucumber salad is also 00:18:28.720 --> 00:18:30.599 another word for like a party where there's too 00:18:30.599 --> 00:18:35.619 many dudes. Is it? I've not heard that. I think 00:18:35.619 --> 00:18:38.160 you just made it up. Yeah. I did just make it 00:18:38.160 --> 00:18:40.140 up. I've heard sausage party. I mean, yeah, I 00:18:40.140 --> 00:18:43.220 see it. I will say one of the best things I had 00:18:43.220 --> 00:18:46.000 to eat in Japan was literally just a cucumber 00:18:46.000 --> 00:18:49.779 on a stick that was brined in salt water. That 00:18:49.779 --> 00:18:53.230 sounds amazing. Dude, it was so good. Dude, when 00:18:53.230 --> 00:18:54.950 it's like a million degrees out and it's fucking 00:18:54.950 --> 00:18:57.710 sweltering, that nice cold cucumber. It sounds 00:18:57.710 --> 00:19:00.430 refreshing. It was so good. And if you're walking 00:19:00.430 --> 00:19:01.809 around, you don't feel like shit after eating 00:19:01.809 --> 00:19:03.970 it. The whole inspiration for this whole thing, 00:19:04.049 --> 00:19:06.250 just like, what the fuck did you get into over 00:19:06.250 --> 00:19:09.029 there? And it was a cucumber and a stick. Cucumber 00:19:09.029 --> 00:19:12.250 and a stick, pretty much. What is in the water 00:19:12.250 --> 00:19:14.529 in Japan that makes them make up these things 00:19:14.529 --> 00:19:20.839 in the water? Sake. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I did look 00:19:20.839 --> 00:19:23.359 up the Kappa's butthole, by the way. It looks 00:19:23.359 --> 00:19:26.740 like a traditional butt. So my assumption is 00:19:26.740 --> 00:19:30.079 that it's three up and down. Up and down? Yeah. 00:19:30.119 --> 00:19:32.700 That makes sense. They like Franklin the Turtle 00:19:32.700 --> 00:19:34.500 just like a bashing head. That's what I'm seeing, 00:19:34.559 --> 00:19:38.880 right? Yeah? Yeah, that's pretty much what it 00:19:38.880 --> 00:19:43.670 is. But anyways, back to the cucumber. So yeah, 00:19:43.710 --> 00:19:46.170 so they love these things. And then villages 00:19:46.170 --> 00:19:49.430 often use cucumbers as like peace offerings and 00:19:49.430 --> 00:19:51.549 would carve their family's name into the skin 00:19:51.549 --> 00:19:53.089 of the cucumber and then they would toss them 00:19:53.089 --> 00:19:55.650 into the rivers. That way the capo would remember 00:19:55.650 --> 00:19:59.470 who like not to drown. Gotcha. Flip side, flip 00:19:59.470 --> 00:20:02.650 side. If you eat a cucumber and then go swimming. 00:20:03.309 --> 00:20:05.589 the kappa will smell it on you and will kill 00:20:05.589 --> 00:20:07.789 you and will get to that cucumber one way or 00:20:07.789 --> 00:20:11.069 another so my dog's kappa just got this dude's 00:20:11.069 --> 00:20:13.009 head and water drowning he's like wait wait wait 00:20:13.009 --> 00:20:17.210 are you are you the simpsons boy oh shit oh god 00:20:17.210 --> 00:20:19.289 you yeah you guys gave me my bad i love your 00:20:19.289 --> 00:20:21.190 names in this scenario very white little boys 00:20:21.190 --> 00:20:23.930 well i'm not gonna be stereotypical and just 00:20:23.930 --> 00:20:30.319 list some well okay Sasuke. Suzuki. Toyota. Are 00:20:30.319 --> 00:20:32.400 you the Hyundai's boy? Is that what you want 00:20:32.400 --> 00:20:36.259 from me, Charlie? To me. But when they're not 00:20:36.259 --> 00:20:38.480 rating vegetable patches or disemboweling you 00:20:38.480 --> 00:20:41.000 because you have residual cucumber stink. The 00:20:41.000 --> 00:20:45.680 Kappa also loves sumo wrestling. Travelers, farmers, 00:20:45.940 --> 00:20:47.920 fishermen, anyone just minding their own business 00:20:47.920 --> 00:20:50.019 would be challenged out of nowhere by these slimy 00:20:50.019 --> 00:20:52.059 little fucks, and they insist on the match happening 00:20:52.059 --> 00:20:54.440 right then and there. And these little bastards 00:20:54.440 --> 00:20:58.220 are strong, mean, and they fight dirty. Your 00:20:58.220 --> 00:21:01.539 only defense, really, is to bow before the match 00:21:01.539 --> 00:21:04.710 begins. Kappa are painfully polite. they have 00:21:04.710 --> 00:21:06.910 almost like a compulsive sense of manners for 00:21:06.910 --> 00:21:09.250 some reason. So they will bow back. And the deeper 00:21:09.250 --> 00:21:11.869 you bow, the deeper they bow, spilling water 00:21:11.869 --> 00:21:15.309 from their soft spot. And that causes them to 00:21:15.309 --> 00:21:17.069 lose all their... It's a goofy as hell weakness, 00:21:17.210 --> 00:21:19.630 but it's one of the few reasons anyone in these 00:21:19.630 --> 00:21:23.130 stories ever live, like, to tell the tale. I 00:21:23.130 --> 00:21:26.130 feel like the Capra has a weird grasp on manners, 00:21:26.210 --> 00:21:27.970 though, because, like, where I come from, it's 00:21:27.970 --> 00:21:31.789 rude to tackle someone or drown people. Yeah, 00:21:31.890 --> 00:21:34.190 it's... It's a flawed creature, to say the least. 00:21:34.390 --> 00:21:37.750 Yeah. When I was a rotund little boy, that was 00:21:37.750 --> 00:21:39.589 one of my plans, was to be a sumo wrestler in 00:21:39.589 --> 00:21:42.170 Japan. Because I heard they got to eat and fight, 00:21:42.230 --> 00:21:44.029 and I was like, that sounds great. It does sound 00:21:44.029 --> 00:21:48.029 great. Anyways. But the creature's most feared 00:21:48.029 --> 00:21:50.630 behavior is its obsession with the Shirakodama, 00:21:50.869 --> 00:21:53.650 a mythical orb said to contain a person's soul 00:21:53.650 --> 00:21:56.529 or life force. The thing is, is that the Kappa 00:21:56.529 --> 00:21:59.130 believes it's located in your ass, and it's not 00:21:59.130 --> 00:22:01.960 gentle about how it goes about getting it. Some 00:22:01.960 --> 00:22:04.420 stories say the Kappa kills you by drowning and 00:22:04.420 --> 00:22:07.240 then retrieves the Shirakodama after. Others 00:22:07.240 --> 00:22:09.519 say it just goes for it and you end up a flesh 00:22:09.519 --> 00:22:11.559 puppet with the Kappa's arm elbow deep in your 00:22:11.559 --> 00:22:14.660 colon. While other stories say it sucks the orb 00:22:14.660 --> 00:22:16.700 straight out of your butt like a human straw. 00:22:17.180 --> 00:22:20.099 So, about to call Olivia Benson. Law and order. 00:22:20.319 --> 00:22:25.559 Dun -dun. There's a new colonoscopy doctor in 00:22:25.559 --> 00:22:31.759 Kappa. Dr. Kappa? All right. She takes new appointments 00:22:31.759 --> 00:22:35.680 every day. All I can think of is one over -enthusiastic 00:22:35.680 --> 00:22:38.180 neighborhood guy who just goes down to the river 00:22:38.180 --> 00:22:40.740 every day and bends over and he's like, whoops. 00:22:41.500 --> 00:22:45.079 He eats a cucumber. He's ready for it. Hey, Kappa. 00:22:46.599 --> 00:22:49.579 So it's not great, but again, it gets worse. 00:22:50.299 --> 00:22:53.900 Like I said, Kappa are just outright sexual predators. 00:22:54.180 --> 00:22:56.480 They are said to assault women who come too close 00:22:56.480 --> 00:22:59.269 to the bank, dragging them into the water. to 00:22:59.269 --> 00:23:00.869 have their way with them before killing them. 00:23:00.990 --> 00:23:03.750 In some rarer stories, the victim survives, only 00:23:03.750 --> 00:23:05.869 to give birth months later to a half -human, 00:23:05.950 --> 00:23:08.670 half -kappa baby that is usually abandoned or 00:23:08.670 --> 00:23:10.730 worse, just like thrown back into the river. 00:23:10.789 --> 00:23:12.829 They don't live very long. You've got to put 00:23:12.829 --> 00:23:14.529 that down. They're basically the Trump family. 00:23:14.829 --> 00:23:18.809 Yeah. And if that weren't enough, kappa are also 00:23:18.809 --> 00:23:21.829 known to haunt your toilet. In some regions, 00:23:21.890 --> 00:23:24.750 they lurk beneath old wooden outhouses, reaching 00:23:24.750 --> 00:23:27.509 up to grab the butts of unsuspecting shitters. 00:23:28.039 --> 00:23:30.059 Sometimes it's just a perverted prank. Other 00:23:30.059 --> 00:23:32.240 times it is an attempt to yank out your butt 00:23:32.240 --> 00:23:35.400 soul wall. That's a new fear unlock right there. 00:23:37.059 --> 00:23:40.220 Cappy got me. That's their glory hole. Leonardo 00:23:40.220 --> 00:23:43.380 took a really dark turn after college. After 00:23:43.380 --> 00:23:46.460 the band broke up, Leonardo went a different 00:23:46.460 --> 00:23:49.839 way. He's just waiting in outhouses with his 00:23:49.839 --> 00:23:52.839 arm right there. Can I actually tell real quick 00:23:52.839 --> 00:23:55.319 just a horrifying situation when I was in basic 00:23:55.319 --> 00:24:00.630 training. We were out in the field near the end 00:24:00.630 --> 00:24:03.789 of our training, and there's an outhouse, for 00:24:03.789 --> 00:24:06.670 lack of a better word. And it's just a wooden 00:24:06.670 --> 00:24:11.509 plank with three holes in it. For the kappa. 00:24:12.029 --> 00:24:15.789 Yeah. And you hold on for as long as you can, 00:24:15.849 --> 00:24:19.349 because you don't want to have to poop with no 00:24:19.349 --> 00:24:21.190 privacy, right? And then you finally get to a 00:24:21.190 --> 00:24:23.609 point where you just got to bear down and make 00:24:23.609 --> 00:24:27.339 it happen. Yeah. And so I used this toilet. um 00:24:27.339 --> 00:24:32.220 with two of my best friends and uh we just didn't 00:24:32.220 --> 00:24:33.700 look make eye contact you know what i mean you 00:24:33.700 --> 00:24:38.059 hold hands all three of us were attacked by some 00:24:38.059 --> 00:24:43.839 kind of insect on our butts oh god and one of 00:24:43.839 --> 00:24:48.319 us got um mercer oh right above his butthole 00:24:48.750 --> 00:24:50.470 Oh, my goodness. That's not good. Thankfully, 00:24:50.470 --> 00:24:52.390 I didn't get that. I just got like a really, 00:24:52.509 --> 00:24:54.910 like a big mosquito bite, essentially. That's 00:24:54.910 --> 00:24:56.730 like that flesh -eating disease, right, Marissa? 00:24:57.430 --> 00:25:01.509 Yeah, it's like an infection. It's like the next 00:25:01.509 --> 00:25:04.809 step after, I forget what it is. I don't know. 00:25:05.029 --> 00:25:07.130 Where did you have your basic training? Was it 00:25:07.130 --> 00:25:10.549 in hell? Close. It was in Fort Leonard Wood, 00:25:10.670 --> 00:25:15.250 Missouri, which is basically hell. Horse flies. 00:25:15.950 --> 00:25:19.829 are like flying bullets and they will attack 00:25:19.829 --> 00:25:22.630 you for no reason. And black snakes everywhere, 00:25:22.809 --> 00:25:26.430 all kinds of feral rodents, plus meth. The place 00:25:26.430 --> 00:25:30.509 is insane. Shout out Missouri. Sounds kind of 00:25:30.509 --> 00:25:33.690 awesome. They know. I have never told that story 00:25:33.690 --> 00:25:35.769 to somebody from Missouri and then be like, no, 00:25:35.849 --> 00:25:38.789 wait a minute. They're always like, yeah, no, 00:25:38.869 --> 00:25:42.710 I get it. I get it. Well, I'm sorry about your 00:25:42.710 --> 00:25:44.710 friend's butt and your butt, I guess. Me too. 00:25:45.119 --> 00:25:48.420 Yeah. I got lucky. I just had an itchy butt. 00:25:48.460 --> 00:25:50.480 This poor guy. He had to go to the fucking doctor 00:25:50.480 --> 00:25:52.039 and everything. Well, at least he can get his 00:25:52.039 --> 00:25:54.279 soul ripped out through his asshole. That's, 00:25:54.279 --> 00:25:56.519 you know. He kind of did. He kind of did. Maybe 00:25:56.519 --> 00:25:58.519 he was just in the mosquito with bad aim. Maybe 00:25:58.519 --> 00:26:00.559 that was the case. He was trying to get to the 00:26:00.559 --> 00:26:04.319 butthole. Maybe. But Kappas, they aren't just 00:26:04.319 --> 00:26:07.279 all murderous sexual deviants who challenge unsuspecting 00:26:07.279 --> 00:26:10.420 people to impromptu sumo matches. Sometimes when 00:26:10.420 --> 00:26:12.960 leveraged, they will do some good. Like in one 00:26:12.960 --> 00:26:16.509 story. A farmer catches a kappa trying to drown 00:26:16.509 --> 00:26:19.690 his cow. Dick move, obviously. Yeah, that's fucked 00:26:19.690 --> 00:26:22.049 up. So the farmer lunges at the kappa, grabs 00:26:22.049 --> 00:26:24.890 it by its arm, but the slick little ship slips 00:26:24.890 --> 00:26:28.049 away, but not before its arm pops right off in 00:26:28.049 --> 00:26:30.490 the farmer's hand. Jesus Christ. Later that night, 00:26:30.529 --> 00:26:32.529 the one -armed kappa shows up at the farmer's 00:26:32.529 --> 00:26:34.450 door crying and begging for its arm back and 00:26:34.450 --> 00:26:37.359 swears to repay him if he returns it. So the 00:26:37.359 --> 00:26:39.740 farmer agrees, but only if the creature promises 00:26:39.740 --> 00:26:42.000 to never harm the village again and to teach 00:26:42.000 --> 00:26:44.599 him the Kappa's healing secrets. So the Kappa, 00:26:44.680 --> 00:26:46.779 true to its word, gives the farmer the knowledge 00:26:46.779 --> 00:26:49.480 of bone setting and herbal medicine before taking 00:26:49.480 --> 00:26:51.960 its arm and vanishing into the darkness. So not 00:26:51.960 --> 00:26:54.839 all bad stuff that he does. Sometimes if you 00:26:54.839 --> 00:26:57.259 steal an arm from him, he'll show you how to 00:26:57.259 --> 00:26:59.700 set a bone or something. Yeah. You just got to 00:26:59.700 --> 00:27:01.519 rip its arm off and then you can get some good 00:27:01.519 --> 00:27:05.140 stuff. Yeah. Wow. So yeah, not all bad. I guess 00:27:05.140 --> 00:27:08.329 somewhere like along the line, like the kappa 00:27:08.329 --> 00:27:10.650 stopped being just like the butt -grabbing menace 00:27:10.650 --> 00:27:13.369 of every riverside horror story and the creature's 00:27:13.369 --> 00:27:15.990 image started to like soften the same monster 00:27:15.990 --> 00:27:17.849 that was once accused of ripping out buttholes 00:27:17.849 --> 00:27:20.730 was gradually recast as like a river guardian 00:27:20.730 --> 00:27:23.789 still unpredictable but not nearly as malevolent 00:27:23.789 --> 00:27:27.289 in many rural towns people still pray to suiko 00:27:27.289 --> 00:27:29.980 sama The Waterlord, which is essentially like 00:27:29.980 --> 00:27:33.319 the divine version of a Kappa. So farmers ask 00:27:33.319 --> 00:27:35.859 for good irrigation, fishermen for calm currents, 00:27:35.920 --> 00:27:38.099 and parents for their children to stay safe near 00:27:38.099 --> 00:27:41.259 the water. And today, the line between like superstition 00:27:41.259 --> 00:27:43.940 and heritage is kind of thin. Like whether people 00:27:43.940 --> 00:27:46.700 see the Kappa as a god, a demon, or just a good 00:27:46.700 --> 00:27:50.609 story depends on who you talk to. But even after 00:27:50.609 --> 00:27:54.210 Japan's rivers were tamed with concrete and floodgates, 00:27:54.470 --> 00:27:56.950 the Kappa never really disappeared. It just ended 00:27:56.950 --> 00:28:00.289 up adapting further. So today, the Kappa sits 00:28:00.289 --> 00:28:03.529 somewhere between mascot and myth. It's a little 00:28:03.529 --> 00:28:05.930 greener, a little cuter, and with a lot less 00:28:05.930 --> 00:28:10.329 of the whole stealing your butt soul. By the 00:28:10.329 --> 00:28:12.890 20th century, artists and storytellers had turned 00:28:12.890 --> 00:28:15.250 the once lethal river demon into just a goofy 00:28:15.250 --> 00:28:19.269 little guy. Manga legend Shigeru Mizuki gave 00:28:19.269 --> 00:28:21.509 the Kappa a bit of like an image rehab, turning 00:28:21.509 --> 00:28:24.009 it into a misunderstood yokai who just wants 00:28:24.009 --> 00:28:26.950 friends and the occasional cucumber snack. And 00:28:26.950 --> 00:28:28.950 after that, it was pretty much like open season. 00:28:29.230 --> 00:28:31.289 All of a sudden, the Kappa was popping up in 00:28:31.289 --> 00:28:33.430 cartoons, commercials, children's books. There's 00:28:33.430 --> 00:28:36.890 a brewery in Kyoto called Kitsukura Sake, and 00:28:36.890 --> 00:28:39.089 they made the creature its mascot in the 50s 00:28:39.089 --> 00:28:41.430 using like a happy little Kappa family to sell 00:28:41.430 --> 00:28:44.269 its booze. And from there, the ball just kept 00:28:44.269 --> 00:28:47.930 rolling. The 1968 monster movie, Yokai Monsters, 00:28:49.180 --> 00:28:52.359 Semicolon, spook warfare. Had a kappa teaming 00:28:52.359 --> 00:28:55.099 up with Japanese ghouls to fight off a Babylonian 00:28:55.099 --> 00:28:58.660 vampire. There's also a 2010 movie called Death 00:28:58.660 --> 00:29:00.759 Kappa, which is like a kaiju parody with like 00:29:00.759 --> 00:29:03.440 a Godzilla -sized kappa just decimating cities. 00:29:04.539 --> 00:29:10.140 Decimating assholes. Then on the cuter side, 00:29:10.319 --> 00:29:14.299 the anime movie Summer Days with Ku, Reimagine 00:29:14.299 --> 00:29:16.759 the Kappy, is just a lonely little creature that 00:29:16.759 --> 00:29:18.460 gets adopted by a human family. Kind of like 00:29:18.460 --> 00:29:21.240 an E .T. story. That's some shit I would watch. 00:29:21.619 --> 00:29:25.180 Yeah. I kind of want a kappa action figure now. 00:29:25.799 --> 00:29:28.880 Dude, I tried to find something like that. I 00:29:28.880 --> 00:29:30.380 could not find one. I probably wasn't looking 00:29:30.380 --> 00:29:31.920 in the right spots though. You know what I mean? 00:29:32.220 --> 00:29:34.299 Okay. I'm going to look it up. I'm going to see 00:29:34.299 --> 00:29:36.220 if I can find something on Amazon. I kind of 00:29:36.220 --> 00:29:39.740 need this. But we here in the West got in on 00:29:39.740 --> 00:29:41.940 it as well. When the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 00:29:41.940 --> 00:29:44.000 time traveled to feudal Japan in the third movie, 00:29:44.200 --> 00:29:46.750 the villagers in that movie thought. They were 00:29:46.750 --> 00:29:48.589 Kappa, which tracks. Makes sense. It's totally 00:29:48.589 --> 00:29:51.250 fair. Makes sense, yeah. They were within their 00:29:51.250 --> 00:29:55.029 rights. Exactly. And these days, you'll see Kappa 00:29:55.029 --> 00:29:57.829 statues near temples, rivers, train stations 00:29:57.829 --> 00:30:01.410 all over Japan. Some guard bridges, other advertise 00:30:01.410 --> 00:30:04.150 cucumber rolls, and plenty of them stand proudly 00:30:04.150 --> 00:30:06.549 outside water safety centers because apparently 00:30:06.549 --> 00:30:09.690 the best mascot for don't drown is the one guy 00:30:09.690 --> 00:30:11.329 who's really fucking good at drowning people. 00:30:12.710 --> 00:30:14.769 It's kind of like Chuck E. Cheese, right? Yeah. 00:30:15.509 --> 00:30:18.369 Like, don't eat bad pizza, but I know about bad 00:30:18.369 --> 00:30:22.289 pizza because I'm a rat. That's exactly what 00:30:22.289 --> 00:30:25.829 it is. Yeah, but there you have it. That's the 00:30:25.829 --> 00:30:28.269 Kappa. It's proof that folklore can kind of have 00:30:28.269 --> 00:30:30.769 a sense of humor and that even absolute monsters 00:30:30.769 --> 00:30:33.529 need a rebrand eventually. So from Drowning Kids 00:30:33.529 --> 00:30:36.869 to Hawk and Saki, it's safe to say that the Kappa 00:30:36.869 --> 00:30:39.849 has had one hell of a character arc. But there 00:30:39.849 --> 00:30:43.279 you go. That's a pretty... brief version of the 00:30:43.279 --> 00:30:45.119 Kappa story. How are you guys feeling so far? 00:30:45.319 --> 00:30:48.799 I love it. I love Japan. I love the Kappa. I've 00:30:48.799 --> 00:30:51.240 been a fan of the Kappa, a fan of his for a while. 00:30:51.859 --> 00:30:56.940 He's a good dude. Yeah. I love this so much. 00:30:58.319 --> 00:31:02.240 Like, this speaks to me. Just a mischievous little 00:31:02.240 --> 00:31:04.539 guy who's probably going to rip out your butthole, 00:31:04.619 --> 00:31:08.200 but will also sell you cucumber rolls. Yeah, 00:31:08.259 --> 00:31:11.539 that's exactly what it is. I like that his buttholes 00:31:11.539 --> 00:31:15.319 resemble the menu option on Google Chrome. That's 00:31:15.319 --> 00:31:17.579 pretty cool. Is that what it is? The three dots? 00:31:17.700 --> 00:31:19.900 Yeah, the three dots next to your little profile 00:31:19.900 --> 00:31:22.900 picture. Yeah. You find that when you delete 00:31:22.900 --> 00:31:25.539 your browsing history, which, based on the Kappa's 00:31:25.539 --> 00:31:27.680 lore, is probably something you want to do. It's 00:31:27.680 --> 00:31:29.920 crazy they thought so much time about his butthole, 00:31:30.000 --> 00:31:32.720 you know? Yeah. Well, I mean, it's not really 00:31:32.720 --> 00:31:35.099 that crazy. Like, you guys know what the Tanuki 00:31:35.099 --> 00:31:39.740 is in Japan? What is it? The tanuki is like a 00:31:39.740 --> 00:31:42.160 raccoon dog. Oh, the raccoon with the giant balls? 00:31:42.460 --> 00:31:45.140 It's got huge balls and it uses its scrotum to 00:31:45.140 --> 00:31:48.640 fly. I see Pompoko. Yeah, I feel like the three 00:31:48.640 --> 00:31:53.700 buttholes... Can we cover that one next? It just 00:31:53.700 --> 00:31:56.599 has the deepest voice. It's got Shaq's voice. 00:31:57.180 --> 00:31:59.500 It does look like a batwing when you stretch 00:31:59.500 --> 00:32:02.680 it out, so I get that. Yeah, but there's a whole 00:32:02.680 --> 00:32:08.059 anime about it. Maybe we will. Sorry, it's just 00:32:08.059 --> 00:32:11.200 for you. But there you have it. I got no more 00:32:11.200 --> 00:32:13.960 Kappa stuff for you. That's kind of all I got. 00:32:14.200 --> 00:32:15.500 I hope you guys enjoyed it. That's the kind of 00:32:15.500 --> 00:32:18.400 stuff that I imagine being just created as a 00:32:18.400 --> 00:32:20.519 warning for children not to go near water because 00:32:20.519 --> 00:32:22.599 they might drown. But then they just go more 00:32:22.599 --> 00:32:25.140 and more extreme with the cucumbers and the butt 00:32:25.140 --> 00:32:30.460 soul. This really was a yes and gone wrong. Or 00:32:30.460 --> 00:32:33.779 gone very well. Well, it's kind of like the... 00:32:35.710 --> 00:32:39.769 Canada and Alaska, like the Inuit people up there, 00:32:39.829 --> 00:32:41.970 they have the Kalupalik, which is kind of the 00:32:41.970 --> 00:32:45.609 same thing, only it's like a horror mom instead. 00:32:45.750 --> 00:32:47.789 But it's basically, yeah, it's basically just 00:32:47.789 --> 00:32:51.609 a cautionary tale of, you know, water is dangerous. 00:32:52.390 --> 00:32:55.009 Every major culture really has that, like La 00:32:55.009 --> 00:32:58.920 Liguerona. there's others you had the wolf man 00:32:58.920 --> 00:33:00.880 right is that what it was your mom told you oh 00:33:00.880 --> 00:33:03.819 no we had the coyote man coyote man because i 00:33:03.819 --> 00:33:07.039 where i grew up in my house there was like it 00:33:07.039 --> 00:33:09.779 was a suburb of cleveland and like outside like 00:33:09.779 --> 00:33:12.400 there was a bunch of like trees yeah uh we were 00:33:12.400 --> 00:33:15.200 surrounded by trees and my mom did not want me 00:33:15.200 --> 00:33:17.400 to play in these four these so she had to create 00:33:17.400 --> 00:33:19.660 something create her own fucking cryptid she's 00:33:19.660 --> 00:33:21.759 like don't go out there because the coyote man's 00:33:21.759 --> 00:33:25.339 out there and i was like what she's like yeah 00:33:25.339 --> 00:33:28.819 he um i think i assume on the spot she was like 00:33:28.819 --> 00:33:31.599 yeah he has the skin of a coyote and it has a 00:33:31.599 --> 00:33:34.440 stone hatchet and if you're out past when's the 00:33:34.440 --> 00:33:37.619 sun go down six he'll kill you that is false 00:33:37.619 --> 00:33:41.180 so stay in your fucking room best imagination 00:33:41.180 --> 00:33:45.480 yeah no she was uh she she was also she was also 00:33:45.480 --> 00:33:47.740 clowning her free time sometimes and she would 00:33:47.740 --> 00:33:50.740 go by fuck over the clown hell yeah dude yeah 00:33:50.740 --> 00:33:54.309 dude Can your mom come on the show? That would 00:33:54.309 --> 00:33:57.549 be so much fun. About 20 years ago, she could 00:33:57.549 --> 00:34:00.730 have. Oh, Jesus. I'm such a son of a bitch. That's 00:34:00.730 --> 00:34:04.450 good, man. She probably would have yelled at 00:34:04.450 --> 00:34:07.269 you guys. It's fine. Well, I'm going to log off. 00:34:08.969 --> 00:34:16.409 You don't know how. This is Kappa. Oh, I don't 00:34:16.409 --> 00:34:19.230 know how to use Kappa. You know, it's rough. 00:34:19.800 --> 00:34:24.219 But the thing about a lot of those other cautionary 00:34:24.219 --> 00:34:26.159 tales about water and shit like that, I feel 00:34:26.159 --> 00:34:29.079 like they never really delved into too much of 00:34:29.079 --> 00:34:31.159 the backstory because they just needed the monster. 00:34:31.320 --> 00:34:33.619 That's really all you needed. With the Kappa, 00:34:33.639 --> 00:34:35.739 they were like, yeah, but what if? Hear me out. 00:34:36.139 --> 00:34:38.880 It had a bunch of buttholes and its head was 00:34:38.880 --> 00:34:41.219 filled with water. And everyone's just like, 00:34:41.239 --> 00:34:43.820 I guess. I was like, wow, that's pretty interesting. 00:34:44.000 --> 00:34:45.579 Do you think this is something that's genuinely 00:34:45.579 --> 00:34:49.409 believed or is it a fun lore to talk about? I 00:34:49.409 --> 00:34:53.170 think in, well, it's not your culture. So I know 00:34:53.170 --> 00:34:54.989 you're, it's tough to like speak for another 00:34:54.989 --> 00:34:57.809 culture, but no, but your opinion, I, in my opinion, 00:34:57.809 --> 00:34:59.449 I think it's one of those things where it's like, 00:34:59.469 --> 00:35:03.590 it's not like crazy believed, but I mean, like, 00:35:03.650 --> 00:35:06.070 I think underneath it's like a, what it like, 00:35:06.090 --> 00:35:08.389 almost like an agnostic kind of approach to it. 00:35:08.409 --> 00:35:10.250 Like a, you know, I'm not going to speak ill 00:35:10.250 --> 00:35:12.389 of it because what if, but also isn't this a 00:35:12.389 --> 00:35:15.389 cute little guy? Yeah. I think it's probably 00:35:15.389 --> 00:35:18.519 close to like the hilled folk in Iceland. Yeah. 00:35:18.800 --> 00:35:21.139 I mean, I like some people think I'm crazy because 00:35:21.139 --> 00:35:23.380 I believe in fairies, but like, you know, they're 00:35:23.380 --> 00:35:26.000 there. Yeah. I don't really necessarily believe 00:35:26.000 --> 00:35:28.000 in Bloody Mary, but I also don't feel compelled 00:35:28.000 --> 00:35:30.360 to do it because there's that 1 % chance that 00:35:30.360 --> 00:35:32.119 you're going to get grabbed through the mirror. 00:35:32.199 --> 00:35:39.579 Same. Yeah. Never once. No way. Candyman. Candyman. 00:35:39.679 --> 00:35:41.199 Well, that's a movie. That's like, isn't that 00:35:41.199 --> 00:35:43.840 a thing too though? No, real thing. I think it's 00:35:43.840 --> 00:35:45.539 just, I don't know. I've never seen the movie 00:35:45.539 --> 00:35:49.230 guys. So. You should. Watch the original and 00:35:49.230 --> 00:35:51.050 the new one. They're both very good. I didn't 00:35:51.050 --> 00:35:52.550 love the new one as much, even though I love 00:35:52.550 --> 00:35:54.389 Jordan Peele, but the one with the bees and everything. 00:35:55.130 --> 00:35:58.829 Tony Todd is amazing. Tony Todd, I think, was 00:35:58.829 --> 00:36:02.949 in the second one. I mean, in the remake. Was 00:36:02.949 --> 00:36:05.750 he? As Candyman? For like a second, right? Yeah, 00:36:05.750 --> 00:36:07.909 no, he wasn't Candyman, I don't think, but he 00:36:07.909 --> 00:36:11.150 was in the remake. He had a cameo, I think. Yeah. 00:36:11.389 --> 00:36:13.610 I can't believe I've done this to us. He passed, 00:36:13.789 --> 00:36:16.670 I think. All right, guys. That's the end of the 00:36:16.670 --> 00:36:18.570 episode. I appreciate you guys coming. Do you 00:36:18.570 --> 00:36:20.469 guys have anything before we sign off that you 00:36:20.469 --> 00:36:23.710 want to plug, discuss, talk about? We're starting 00:36:23.710 --> 00:36:25.849 a new band. Random shit has nothing to do with 00:36:25.849 --> 00:36:29.309 the podcast. If you're interested in listening 00:36:29.309 --> 00:36:32.309 to Believe in the Bizarre, check us out. We're 00:36:32.309 --> 00:36:33.869 on all the podcast players. You know how to find 00:36:33.869 --> 00:36:36.329 a podcast because you're listening to this. Whatever 00:36:36.329 --> 00:36:38.170 you're listening on, you can search here if you 00:36:38.170 --> 00:36:40.909 want more. Appreciate you guys having us on. 00:36:40.969 --> 00:36:43.269 This is fun. Thank you. It was a good time. I 00:36:43.269 --> 00:36:46.840 wish it was longer. you know, I didn't have a 00:36:46.840 --> 00:36:49.079 lot of to go off. The thing is with the Kappa, 00:36:49.119 --> 00:36:51.300 like everyone knows what it is and it's everywhere, 00:36:51.420 --> 00:36:54.579 but there's not that many like stories about 00:36:54.579 --> 00:36:56.360 it. You know what I mean? There are, but they're 00:36:56.360 --> 00:37:00.599 all in English. Yeah. But no, it was, it was 00:37:00.599 --> 00:37:02.760 good. I'm glad you guys did this. It was a ton 00:37:02.760 --> 00:37:04.400 of fun. Sarge, you got anything you want to plug 00:37:04.400 --> 00:37:07.500 before we sign off? Yeah, there's a great furniture 00:37:07.500 --> 00:37:11.639 store that sells Italian couches. Also indestructible 00:37:11.639 --> 00:37:16.000 eyewear. No, just all the normal stuff. You can 00:37:16.000 --> 00:37:18.079 find me on social media. Just Google Sgt. Destroyer. 00:37:18.079 --> 00:37:21.480 I'm there. But listen to our podcast and please 00:37:21.480 --> 00:37:25.519 comment and like and share it and drink Narragansett 00:37:25.519 --> 00:37:29.679 beer because they are not responsible for my 00:37:29.679 --> 00:37:35.559 black eye. It feels like maybe they are. I'm 00:37:35.559 --> 00:37:38.380 legally obligated to make sure they don't get 00:37:38.380 --> 00:37:41.679 in trouble for that. Alright, so with that out 00:37:41.679 --> 00:37:43.860 of the way, Sarge usually says goodbye and I 00:37:43.860 --> 00:37:45.500 love you to the audience, but do you two want 00:37:45.500 --> 00:37:47.300 to do the honors of saying goodbye and I love 00:37:47.300 --> 00:37:49.360 you to the audience? I'll say goodbye. I'll say 00:37:49.360 --> 00:37:51.440 I love you. Goodbye, audience. I love you very 00:37:51.440 --> 00:37:51.699 much.