WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.339 You are now listening to Cryptid Cocktail Party. 00:00:40.550 --> 00:00:42.609 Welcome back, everyone, to another episode of 00:00:42.609 --> 00:00:44.070 Cryptic Cocktail Party, a show where we have 00:00:44.070 --> 00:00:45.810 a few drinks, share a few laughs, take a dive 00:00:45.810 --> 00:00:48.310 into the unknown. I am your host, Dave. I am 00:00:48.310 --> 00:00:51.210 not joined by Sarge today, but instead, I have 00:00:51.210 --> 00:00:53.590 a very special guest. I am joined today by fan 00:00:53.590 --> 00:00:55.670 favorite, Colby Clark. How's it going, buddy? 00:00:56.289 --> 00:00:59.350 Ooh, I'm doing good, buddy. Thank you for having 00:00:59.350 --> 00:01:01.810 me on. Yeah, not a problem, man. Love you, Sarge. 00:01:02.149 --> 00:01:07.900 Yeah. I hope you're having fun adventures. Actually, 00:01:08.140 --> 00:01:09.719 I think he's on an adventure. I think he's up 00:01:09.719 --> 00:01:11.560 in New Hampshire hiking or something like that. 00:01:11.680 --> 00:01:16.319 I really don't know. He's just at the DMV? Maybe. 00:01:16.459 --> 00:01:19.980 I don't know. On a Sunday. I'm so glad you're 00:01:19.980 --> 00:01:21.560 here, man. It's been a long time since you've 00:01:21.560 --> 00:01:25.760 been on. Yeah, it has been. I know. How long 00:01:25.760 --> 00:01:29.359 are we thinking? In terms of episodes, how many 00:01:29.359 --> 00:01:32.379 have you done so far? In terms of episodes, it's 00:01:32.379 --> 00:01:36.049 a lot. Yeah. I know. You probably haven't been 00:01:36.049 --> 00:01:37.810 on. It's been over a year since you've been on 00:01:37.810 --> 00:01:45.010 Colby. Too long. Too long. Too long. Way too 00:01:45.010 --> 00:01:46.769 long. So what's been up? What's going on with 00:01:46.769 --> 00:01:48.510 you? Anything new? Anything fun? Anything exciting? 00:01:50.209 --> 00:01:55.709 I mean, played a very sick show at Henneker Brewing. 00:01:56.370 --> 00:02:00.450 I got our logo on a fucking beer, which is very 00:02:00.450 --> 00:02:05.420 cool. Hell yeah. Yeah. other than that um we 00:02:05.420 --> 00:02:09.639 do have my band lanterns has a a new a new drop 00:02:09.639 --> 00:02:13.340 coming soon um which i think you're gonna like 00:02:13.340 --> 00:02:17.099 um and maybe the the listeners of cryptic cocktail 00:02:17.099 --> 00:02:21.979 would like so that's that's it yeah maybe whatever 00:02:21.979 --> 00:02:24.199 dude you know maybe first of all now's not the 00:02:24.199 --> 00:02:26.319 time to plug your shit all right that's way to 00:02:26.319 --> 00:02:30.909 the end so early you fucking self -serving bastard 00:02:30.909 --> 00:02:32.870 all right i get you in front of an audience and 00:02:32.870 --> 00:02:35.129 you're just like it's all about me baby that's 00:02:35.129 --> 00:02:37.990 what i've been up to though i guess um hanging 00:02:37.990 --> 00:02:41.370 out with my wife she's lovely i love that i love 00:02:41.370 --> 00:02:43.969 that what have you been up to oh you know uh 00:02:43.969 --> 00:02:48.669 this i'm going to japan so this is my last episode 00:02:48.669 --> 00:02:51.289 before i go to japan i'll be gone for like three 00:02:51.289 --> 00:02:55.229 weeks so very cool Yeah, it's not bad. Very, 00:02:55.229 --> 00:02:56.889 very fucking cool. It's not bad. It's going to 00:02:56.889 --> 00:02:59.409 be fun. No. I'm going to get fucking hammered. 00:03:00.810 --> 00:03:03.169 Yeah. In Japan. You should. I'm going to be a 00:03:03.169 --> 00:03:05.650 problem. Are you going to do sake bombs? I don't 00:03:05.650 --> 00:03:07.229 know. I don't think that's a Japanese thing. 00:03:07.330 --> 00:03:09.590 I think that's like an American thing that we 00:03:09.590 --> 00:03:14.569 took. Like we just did that. 100%. Definitely 00:03:14.569 --> 00:03:17.349 American thing. We bang on the table and they're 00:03:17.349 --> 00:03:20.629 like, shh. Yeah. Quiet. I feel like that's not. 00:03:20.650 --> 00:03:22.210 Why are you so loud? Yeah, I don't think that's 00:03:22.210 --> 00:03:26.310 a thing. they do but yeah no i'll uh it'll be 00:03:26.310 --> 00:03:29.729 fine yeah i mean i'm sure you got some awesome 00:03:29.729 --> 00:03:32.689 shit planned i'm sure your wife is super excited 00:03:32.689 --> 00:03:35.930 ali's taking care of most of all the this is 00:03:35.930 --> 00:03:38.870 like her like she's all gung -ho about it she's 00:03:38.870 --> 00:03:40.530 taking care of most of the stuff that we're gonna 00:03:40.530 --> 00:03:44.030 do i i only had only had two things i wanted 00:03:44.030 --> 00:03:46.490 to do one of them we might not do it because 00:03:46.490 --> 00:03:48.569 it turns out it's way far away from everything 00:03:48.569 --> 00:03:52.129 that we're like where we're staying so but yeah 00:03:52.129 --> 00:03:55.770 you know Yep. It's going to be fun. Just don't 00:03:55.770 --> 00:03:58.469 worry about it. All right. That was the same 00:03:58.469 --> 00:04:00.310 thing that happened to me when we wanted to do 00:04:00.310 --> 00:04:06.090 Twin Peaks stuff. Well. We didn't do any Twin 00:04:06.090 --> 00:04:11.129 Peaks stuff. Well, Colby, this is kind of Twin 00:04:11.129 --> 00:04:15.310 Peaky's in a way, this episode. Not really at 00:04:15.310 --> 00:04:21.399 all. The old bait and switch. You've been to 00:04:21.399 --> 00:04:23.639 the great state of Washington, right? I have, 00:04:23.879 --> 00:04:26.560 yes. Yeah, that's where Twin Peaks takes place, 00:04:26.560 --> 00:04:32.879 right? Yes and no. Yes, they did some filming 00:04:32.879 --> 00:04:34.839 there. I didn't mean film. But then apparently 00:04:34.839 --> 00:04:37.040 it happened somewhere else. Does it take place 00:04:37.040 --> 00:04:43.300 there or no? In the make -believe land of Twin 00:04:43.300 --> 00:04:47.970 Peaks. I don't know, actually. I'm a terrible 00:04:47.970 --> 00:04:53.269 fan. Let's say for this episode that it does. 00:04:53.829 --> 00:05:00.290 Well, today we're going to be heading to the 00:05:00.290 --> 00:05:05.490 state of Washington. Cool. All right. What do 00:05:05.490 --> 00:05:08.569 we got going on out there? All right, so summertime 00:05:08.569 --> 00:05:10.769 on Mount St. Helens. You're familiar with Mount 00:05:10.769 --> 00:05:14.920 St. Helens, correct? It's a mountain. Named after 00:05:14.920 --> 00:05:18.439 St. Helens. God damn it. All right. So somewhere 00:05:18.439 --> 00:05:21.019 on Mount St. Helens, the trails and woods are 00:05:21.019 --> 00:05:23.300 packed with hikers, campers, and families taking 00:05:23.300 --> 00:05:25.360 in the mountain air. You know, you got beautiful 00:05:25.360 --> 00:05:28.480 views, wind through the trees, the birds overhead. 00:05:29.040 --> 00:05:32.019 It's pretty peaceful. It's so peaceful that the 00:05:32.019 --> 00:05:34.379 wonder of it all almost makes you forget that 00:05:34.379 --> 00:05:36.300 you're standing on top of a violent, unpredictable 00:05:36.300 --> 00:05:39.060 force of nature that in the 80s decimated everything 00:05:39.060 --> 00:05:42.160 in a 30 -mile radius of it. And that is kind 00:05:42.160 --> 00:05:44.439 of the wonder of nature. It just makes you forget 00:05:44.439 --> 00:05:46.399 that you're standing on a ticking time bomb. 00:05:46.540 --> 00:05:51.740 Beauty and chaos. But before the eruption, before 00:05:51.740 --> 00:05:54.379 the movie Dante's Peak, heck, even before 9 -11, 00:05:54.600 --> 00:05:56.939 there was another story tied to this mountain, 00:05:57.019 --> 00:06:00.120 one that turned a quiet stretch of what? Your 00:06:00.120 --> 00:06:06.199 face. I mean, I just, I'm not sure of the timeline 00:06:06.199 --> 00:06:10.480 between when Dante's Peak came out and 9 -11, 00:06:10.579 --> 00:06:16.589 but when 9 -11 came out. but i'm gonna i'm gonna 00:06:16.589 --> 00:06:21.769 revert to you the timeline expert and i i take 00:06:21.769 --> 00:06:25.329 back the face i made yeah there um yeah but before 00:06:25.329 --> 00:06:27.310 all that there was another story tied to this 00:06:27.310 --> 00:06:29.209 mountain one that turned a quiet stretch of forest 00:06:29.209 --> 00:06:32.189 into a place where many were too scared to even 00:06:32.189 --> 00:06:36.529 enter because back in the summer of 1924 five 00:06:36.529 --> 00:06:38.769 miners claimed that they were attacked in the 00:06:38.769 --> 00:06:44.949 woods and miners isn't like hold on Yeah. Well, 00:06:45.110 --> 00:06:49.949 they're probably both underage and mining, I 00:06:49.949 --> 00:06:55.610 would imagine. Yeah, so five miners claimed they 00:06:55.610 --> 00:06:57.389 were attacked in the woods, not by men or by 00:06:57.389 --> 00:06:59.370 bears, but something else entirely. Something 00:06:59.370 --> 00:07:01.569 they said came out of the trees in the dead of 00:07:01.569 --> 00:07:04.790 night, and they were pissed. This week, Colby, 00:07:04.870 --> 00:07:07.870 we're going to be covering the story of the Ape 00:07:07.870 --> 00:07:10.569 Canyon attack. I assume you're not familiar with 00:07:10.569 --> 00:07:14.459 this at all. I am not. I try to not familiarize 00:07:14.459 --> 00:07:17.720 myself with anything before I come on to this 00:07:17.720 --> 00:07:20.079 show. Yeah, that's fair. Because it makes it 00:07:20.079 --> 00:07:22.259 a better experience. So no, I've never heard 00:07:22.259 --> 00:07:24.560 of this. Okay. It sounds wild. So in the summer 00:07:24.560 --> 00:07:28.540 of 1924, a crew of five gold prospectors, Fred 00:07:28.540 --> 00:07:33.439 Beck, Marion Hank Smith. Hank's son Roy, Gabe 00:07:33.439 --> 00:07:37.019 Lefevre, LeFarve? LeFever? I don't know. And 00:07:37.019 --> 00:07:39.600 John Peterson set out deep into the wilderness 00:07:39.600 --> 00:07:41.639 of Mount St. Helens to stake their claim near 00:07:41.639 --> 00:07:45.800 a small rise known as Pummy Butte, about eight 00:07:45.800 --> 00:07:51.620 miles from Spirit Lake. Pummy Butte. Pummy Butte, 00:07:51.759 --> 00:07:55.439 baby. I mean, if Jeff Beck and Brett Favre want 00:07:55.439 --> 00:07:57.379 to go on an adventure, who are we to stop them, 00:07:57.420 --> 00:08:00.680 you know? That's where he comes up with all his 00:08:00.680 --> 00:08:02.759 best material. I just love that this dude's named 00:08:02.759 --> 00:08:06.740 Marion Smith, but he goes by Hank. Nowhere in 00:08:06.740 --> 00:08:13.040 that name would you get the nicknames Hank. Very 00:08:13.040 --> 00:08:17.560 progressive of him. I like that. So once they 00:08:17.560 --> 00:08:19.899 set up shop and named their claim, they dubbed 00:08:19.899 --> 00:08:23.079 it the Vander White Mine. And for the first few 00:08:23.079 --> 00:08:25.399 days, everything was normal. Then things started 00:08:25.399 --> 00:08:30.000 to get a little bit not normal. At night, the 00:08:30.000 --> 00:08:32.179 men started hearing what they described as a 00:08:32.179 --> 00:08:35.200 shrill, peculiar whistling echoing across the 00:08:35.200 --> 00:08:37.480 ridges. It wasn't the wind, and it didn't sound 00:08:37.480 --> 00:08:39.320 like any bird or animal that they could identify. 00:08:39.639 --> 00:08:41.559 I mean, these dudes are like rugged -ass fucking 00:08:41.559 --> 00:08:43.919 mountain men. They probably had a good idea of 00:08:43.919 --> 00:08:46.779 what animals were around. You know what I mean? 00:08:46.840 --> 00:08:48.700 They should probably be able to identify them. 00:08:50.659 --> 00:08:52.919 Marianne the woodsman. Marianne the woodsman. 00:08:54.279 --> 00:08:58.169 She knows. she's heard a bird yeah uh then came 00:08:58.169 --> 00:09:00.490 the heavy thuds almost rhythmic like something 00:09:00.490 --> 00:09:02.710 goes out in the darkness just fucking cranking 00:09:02.710 --> 00:09:07.330 the talk dude no it's uh it was more like something 00:09:07.330 --> 00:09:08.769 like pounding on his chest like kind of like 00:09:08.769 --> 00:09:11.570 how a gorilla does or matthew mcconaughey yeah 00:09:11.570 --> 00:09:15.929 uh you know what i'm talking about what those 00:09:15.929 --> 00:09:21.389 those car commercials yes could you imagine oh 00:09:21.389 --> 00:09:25.450 he'd be bigger than life so So it's not great. 00:09:25.690 --> 00:09:29.090 So that's what their nights were like. Then in 00:09:29.090 --> 00:09:30.570 the morning, they started finding footprints 00:09:30.570 --> 00:09:33.230 around their little cabin. And these were like 00:09:33.230 --> 00:09:36.470 enormous human -like prints. They were 14 inches 00:09:36.470 --> 00:09:38.730 long and sunk deep into the soil. But they were 00:09:38.730 --> 00:09:40.649 way too big to be a man's. They were too flat 00:09:40.649 --> 00:09:43.509 to be a bear's. And they were spaced way too 00:09:43.509 --> 00:09:47.070 far apart for anything, really, unless you're 00:09:47.070 --> 00:09:49.750 on stilts or something. So it was like a human 00:09:49.750 --> 00:09:53.610 -sized foot, but the span that they were walking 00:09:53.610 --> 00:09:56.070 was really far? Yeah. Is that what we're talking 00:09:56.070 --> 00:09:58.570 about? The footprint was 14 inches long, which 00:09:58.570 --> 00:10:00.210 is way bigger than a human, unless you're Shaq, 00:10:00.289 --> 00:10:04.970 I think. Right. Yeah. But they were spaced very 00:10:04.970 --> 00:10:10.769 far apart. 14 inches. I feel like that's a nominal 00:10:10.769 --> 00:10:14.009 distance. That's not too far. For a footprint 00:10:14.009 --> 00:10:19.379 from heel to toe? What if I was running? I'm 00:10:19.379 --> 00:10:21.419 not saying the 14 inches between the footprints. 00:10:21.519 --> 00:10:24.360 I'm saying the foot itself is 14 inches long. 00:10:25.899 --> 00:10:30.480 Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm with you. All 00:10:30.480 --> 00:10:35.539 right. Yeah. Yeah. So now armed with this information. 00:10:35.580 --> 00:10:41.980 I got 10 and a half. Oh, I got 11. What? Yeah. 00:10:43.309 --> 00:10:46.350 That's crazy. I have big feet for my height. 00:10:46.429 --> 00:10:51.029 I have hobbit feet. So this is a great example. 00:10:51.309 --> 00:10:56.230 This is a great example of how tracking can go 00:10:56.230 --> 00:10:59.029 wrong. Yeah, but also, you know, it just means 00:10:59.029 --> 00:11:00.970 I'm fucking hogged out, dude. You know what big 00:11:00.970 --> 00:11:04.490 feet mean, dude? I know what size socks you got. 00:11:06.610 --> 00:11:09.929 Could you imagine? One of them hobbit penises? 00:11:12.519 --> 00:11:14.259 That's why they needed to make it back to the 00:11:14.259 --> 00:11:19.440 Shire. Colby, you're making these faces. Remember, 00:11:19.580 --> 00:11:22.279 this is an audio medium. No one can see the faces 00:11:22.279 --> 00:11:25.340 you're making. Don't you... You don't do the... 00:11:25.340 --> 00:11:27.539 The clips? You want me to clip? Now you want 00:11:27.539 --> 00:11:29.899 me to clip, right? Fucking goddammit. Again, 00:11:30.139 --> 00:11:33.860 self -serving. I mean, can you just put together 00:11:33.860 --> 00:11:41.250 a compilation of me nodding a bunch? i got my 00:11:41.250 --> 00:11:44.490 downfall on podcasts is i feel like people hear 00:11:44.490 --> 00:11:49.750 me nodding all right let's get back to the story 00:11:49.750 --> 00:11:52.529 all right so yeah so they were they were big 00:11:52.529 --> 00:11:56.549 too big too flat to be a bear spaced way too 00:11:56.549 --> 00:12:00.870 far apart for any thing normally uh so now armed 00:12:00.870 --> 00:12:02.750 with this information the men did two things 00:12:02.750 --> 00:12:05.470 one they just laughed it off because that's what 00:12:05.470 --> 00:12:07.700 you do when you're a group of dudes in the middle 00:12:07.700 --> 00:12:08.980 of nowhere and you're trying to act like you 00:12:08.980 --> 00:12:11.120 aren't pants -shittingly terrified, and two, 00:12:11.419 --> 00:12:13.960 started carrying their rifles with them everywhere 00:12:13.960 --> 00:12:16.519 because that is also what you do when you're 00:12:16.519 --> 00:12:17.919 in the middle of nowhere and you actually are 00:12:17.919 --> 00:12:20.539 pants -shittingly terrified. Yeah, I'm going 00:12:20.539 --> 00:12:21.840 to go to the bathroom real quick, but I'm going 00:12:21.840 --> 00:12:25.500 to take my rifle fully loaded with me when I 00:12:25.500 --> 00:12:27.059 go to the bathroom. Yeah, that's pretty much 00:12:27.059 --> 00:12:28.820 how it went down. Not for any particular reason. 00:12:28.899 --> 00:12:31.399 Yeah, I know. You never know, dude. I mean, there's 00:12:31.399 --> 00:12:35.440 clearly not bears here. Just because. maybe maybe 00:12:35.440 --> 00:12:38.779 if there is but i'm not scared yeah no and uh 00:12:38.779 --> 00:12:41.039 and it just keeps getting worse each night like 00:12:41.039 --> 00:12:43.100 the noises got louder and closer and then to 00:12:43.100 --> 00:12:46.200 make things even worse than that uh the whistling 00:12:46.200 --> 00:12:49.480 started to like overlap like one coming from 00:12:49.480 --> 00:12:52.399 the ridge to the east another was answering from 00:12:52.399 --> 00:12:54.360 the west and now they're starting to realize 00:12:54.360 --> 00:12:58.659 that whatever is out there it's not alone so 00:12:58.659 --> 00:13:01.279 now the tension and fear is at an all -time high 00:13:01.279 --> 00:13:04.370 like they were jumpy They started sleeping with 00:13:04.370 --> 00:13:06.850 their rifles instead of just carrying around 00:13:06.850 --> 00:13:08.929 with them during the day. And then one morning, 00:13:08.970 --> 00:13:11.450 while Fred, Beck, and Hank were out getting water 00:13:11.450 --> 00:13:15.129 from a nearby spring, shit got real. Now, across 00:13:15.129 --> 00:13:17.450 the small canyon from them, standing next to 00:13:17.450 --> 00:13:19.929 a pine tree, was a massive, upright creature. 00:13:20.350 --> 00:13:23.289 Dark hair, broad shoulders, and close to seven 00:13:23.289 --> 00:13:26.909 feet tall. And it was just fucking eyeing them, 00:13:26.929 --> 00:13:30.129 like staring straight at them. Beck and Smith... 00:13:30.589 --> 00:13:33.210 Beck and Smith froze for a moment. Then Hank 00:13:33.210 --> 00:13:36.929 did the reasonable thing and fired three shots 00:13:36.929 --> 00:13:42.309 at the thing. Right. As they do. Right? That's 00:13:42.309 --> 00:13:46.809 what I'm saying. As we always do. No, Beck swore 00:13:46.809 --> 00:13:49.669 that he hit it, but instead of going down, it 00:13:49.669 --> 00:13:51.929 just kind of ducked behind a tree, did a little 00:13:51.929 --> 00:13:55.070 peekaboo type situation, and then it just fucked 00:13:55.070 --> 00:13:58.509 off back into the forest. The two men, now terrified, 00:13:59.320 --> 00:14:02.100 admittedly terrified, not just pretending they 00:14:02.100 --> 00:14:03.919 aren't, decided that they should probably do 00:14:03.919 --> 00:14:06.139 the same and hightailed it back to camp, white 00:14:06.139 --> 00:14:09.480 as ghosts, rifles still in hand. And when they 00:14:09.480 --> 00:14:11.720 got back, they told the others what had happened, 00:14:11.779 --> 00:14:15.320 and everyone agreed that come morning, they should 00:14:15.320 --> 00:14:19.440 probably get up on out of there. But, you know. 00:14:19.980 --> 00:14:22.960 Hightail it. Yeah. Now, would it ever be that 00:14:22.960 --> 00:14:26.100 simple? Not if it was a good cryptic cocktail 00:14:26.100 --> 00:14:32.940 episode. Hell nah. So that night, the miners 00:14:32.940 --> 00:14:34.980 bunkered down in their little shitty cabin for 00:14:34.980 --> 00:14:36.600 what they thought was going to be their last 00:14:36.600 --> 00:14:39.379 night on the mountain. Nobody was really sleeping. 00:14:39.539 --> 00:14:40.919 They're just kind of laying there waiting for 00:14:40.919 --> 00:14:42.659 the first sign of dawn so they could grab their 00:14:42.659 --> 00:14:45.220 shit and get the fuck out of there. Then sometime 00:14:45.220 --> 00:14:49.759 around midnight, boom, just a fucking massive 00:14:49.759 --> 00:14:52.240 crash shook the whole cabin. Something gets slammed 00:14:52.240 --> 00:14:55.440 into the outer wall so hard that it knocked the 00:14:55.440 --> 00:14:58.019 chinking from between the logs. Now, for like 00:14:58.019 --> 00:15:00.460 a split second, the men thought it must have 00:15:00.460 --> 00:15:02.539 been like a fallen tree, like something fell 00:15:02.539 --> 00:15:04.980 onto the cabin or fucking the mountain was erupting. 00:15:04.980 --> 00:15:07.960 I don't know. That is until another massive crash 00:15:07.960 --> 00:15:10.779 hit from the opposite side. Then another just 00:15:10.779 --> 00:15:13.960 fucking boom, boom, boom. Then the cabin started 00:15:13.960 --> 00:15:16.700 just getting absolutely pelted with rocks. Big 00:15:16.700 --> 00:15:19.639 ones, too, like fist size and bigger. They were 00:15:19.639 --> 00:15:21.960 hitting the roof, bouncing off the walls from. 00:15:22.379 --> 00:15:24.840 every direction and it was relentless beck said 00:15:24.840 --> 00:15:27.100 later on that it was like being caught in the 00:15:27.100 --> 00:15:33.759 middle of a war zone yeah yeah they were they 00:15:33.759 --> 00:15:37.080 they they might have been right i mean you got 00:15:37.080 --> 00:15:39.639 these two creatures trying to have a conversation 00:15:39.639 --> 00:15:42.519 they're yelling slurs they're they're mad at 00:15:42.519 --> 00:15:45.759 each other they're pissed oh and then these people 00:15:45.759 --> 00:15:48.000 right in the middle of it right and they're they're 00:15:48.000 --> 00:15:49.840 picking up their transmissions and then they're 00:15:49.840 --> 00:15:52.200 like you know what fuck these guys do you think 00:15:52.200 --> 00:15:53.899 that we're gonna have an all -out war do you 00:15:53.899 --> 00:15:56.100 think maybe these dudes were caught in the middle 00:15:56.100 --> 00:16:01.019 of like a bigfoot like gang war like like a like 00:16:01.019 --> 00:16:04.019 a turf battle bigfoot brawl a bigfoot brawl yeah 00:16:04.019 --> 00:16:07.960 hell yeah dude a bigfoot brawl i don't know I 00:16:07.960 --> 00:16:09.340 mean, it could have been. I mean, it's not what 00:16:09.340 --> 00:16:14.080 happened, but I like the concept of... You're 00:16:14.080 --> 00:16:15.940 not right. These dudes just catching strays. 00:16:15.940 --> 00:16:21.759 But I appreciate your... Your imagination on 00:16:21.759 --> 00:16:24.940 the subject. I mean, it could be. Maybe they 00:16:24.940 --> 00:16:28.379 teamed up to fight the... I don't know. But anyways, 00:16:28.460 --> 00:16:30.120 when the men looked through the gaps in the logs 00:16:30.120 --> 00:16:33.100 to see who or what was causing all the hubbub, 00:16:33.220 --> 00:16:36.960 they saw what could only be described as... not 00:16:36.960 --> 00:16:39.879 great just these just these fucking absolute 00:16:39.879 --> 00:16:42.539 massive shapes moving in the moonlight there 00:16:42.539 --> 00:16:46.840 were four maybe five of them just massive upright 00:16:46.840 --> 00:16:49.159 silhouettes covered in hair and built like fucking 00:16:49.159 --> 00:16:52.480 refrigerators and they were fast like they were 00:16:52.480 --> 00:16:54.980 just like they were just like spinning like circling 00:16:54.980 --> 00:16:57.399 the cabin just howling pounding at the walls 00:16:57.399 --> 00:17:00.659 throwing rocks so the men grabbed their rifles 00:17:00.659 --> 00:17:03.500 and just started firing through any window gap 00:17:03.500 --> 00:17:06.059 or hole they could find But it didn't stop the 00:17:06.059 --> 00:17:08.920 attack. If anything, it just pissed these things 00:17:08.920 --> 00:17:12.680 off. One of the creatures then climbed up onto 00:17:12.680 --> 00:17:15.339 the roof and just started stomping and jumping 00:17:15.339 --> 00:17:18.180 like it was trying to cave it in. So Beck and 00:17:18.180 --> 00:17:22.200 Smith, they aimed straight up and just fired 00:17:22.200 --> 00:17:24.200 up through the ceiling. And whatever was up there 00:17:24.200 --> 00:17:27.400 let out a loud roar and rolled off the roof with 00:17:27.400 --> 00:17:29.700 a thud. But that didn't deter the other three 00:17:29.700 --> 00:17:36.839 or four. Fuck you, Harry Santa. You bitch. Get 00:17:36.839 --> 00:17:41.099 off my roof. But yeah, it didn't slow the other 00:17:41.099 --> 00:17:43.440 ones down because now they were pounding on the 00:17:43.440 --> 00:17:45.779 door so hard that the hinges were starting to 00:17:45.779 --> 00:17:50.539 break away. So now Roy Smith, Gabe LeFevre, however 00:17:50.539 --> 00:17:53.019 you want to pronounce it, and John Peterson were 00:17:53.019 --> 00:17:55.440 piled up against the door while Beck and Hank 00:17:55.440 --> 00:17:58.319 were ripping boards off their bunks to try and 00:17:58.319 --> 00:18:02.400 reinforce it. Then, out of fucking nowhere, One 00:18:02.400 --> 00:18:05.460 of the squatches just fucking punches a hole 00:18:05.460 --> 00:18:09.720 straight through the wall. Just fucking knocks 00:18:09.720 --> 00:18:12.500 a huge chunk of log loose. And through the hole 00:18:12.500 --> 00:18:15.059 came this massive hairy arm. And it's just like 00:18:15.059 --> 00:18:19.579 blindly reaching, trying to grab anything. Then, 00:18:19.579 --> 00:18:22.400 unfortunately, it got its fingers around the 00:18:22.400 --> 00:18:25.660 handle of an axe that was propped up against 00:18:25.660 --> 00:18:29.670 the wall. Of course it did. They left it perfectly 00:18:29.670 --> 00:18:34.609 right there for Harry Hawaiian Punch Man to fucking... 00:18:34.609 --> 00:18:39.910 Now he's armed with weapons. Yeah, well, it started... 00:18:39.910 --> 00:18:43.289 It started pulling the axe through the hole, 00:18:43.430 --> 00:18:45.829 but Beck was like, well, no, you can't have an 00:18:45.829 --> 00:18:48.250 axe -wielding Bigfoot out there. So he grabs 00:18:48.250 --> 00:18:52.309 the other end and had a bit of a little... tug 00:18:52.309 --> 00:18:54.589 of war session for a minute before finally ripping 00:18:54.589 --> 00:18:56.769 it free from the thing's grasp and as soon as 00:18:56.769 --> 00:18:59.789 that happens hank runs over and then just starts 00:18:59.789 --> 00:19:02.390 fucking shooting point blank into the opening 00:19:02.390 --> 00:19:08.150 yeah hank's kind of a badass yeah yeah you gotta 00:19:08.150 --> 00:19:11.210 jump into action and that was the time i mean 00:19:11.210 --> 00:19:13.690 you got an opening take your shot shooter's gotta 00:19:13.690 --> 00:19:19.880 shoot exactly now on the other side the creature 00:19:19.880 --> 00:19:22.740 that was on the receiving end of the shots let 00:19:22.740 --> 00:19:26.660 out this like high -pitched cry then yanked its 00:19:26.660 --> 00:19:28.160 arm back through the hole which is understandable 00:19:28.160 --> 00:19:32.680 i get it and this kept up for hours like every 00:19:32.680 --> 00:19:35.099 minute there was another barrage of rocks that 00:19:35.099 --> 00:19:37.180 would hit or something would slam into the walls 00:19:37.180 --> 00:19:40.059 the door and the men just stood their ground 00:19:40.059 --> 00:19:41.940 and returned fire whenever they caught a glimpse 00:19:41.940 --> 00:19:46.160 of their eyes shining in the darkness now at 00:19:46.160 --> 00:19:49.910 one point In a weird moment of, I don't know, 00:19:49.990 --> 00:19:53.869 desperation, loss of sanity maybe, Hank just 00:19:53.869 --> 00:19:58.309 started singing. I don't know if it was something 00:19:58.309 --> 00:20:02.890 he was improvising or if this was an actual song, 00:20:03.089 --> 00:20:07.109 but the lyrics were, if you leave us alone, we 00:20:07.109 --> 00:20:09.569 will leave you alone, and we'll all go home in 00:20:09.569 --> 00:20:15.269 the morning. Oh, it's so good. What an improv 00:20:15.269 --> 00:20:19.930 line. You think he just had that locked and loaded? 00:20:20.089 --> 00:20:22.890 Or you think he was just like, I got to make 00:20:22.890 --> 00:20:26.329 something up right now? I don't know if he was 00:20:26.329 --> 00:20:29.410 trying to calm himself down or if he was trying 00:20:29.410 --> 00:20:33.769 to calm down the Bigfoots. If he was trying to 00:20:33.769 --> 00:20:37.630 lull them into... Or maybe the best defense is 00:20:37.630 --> 00:20:42.230 confusion. Maybe just stun them long enough with 00:20:42.230 --> 00:20:43.950 your singing so you could fucking open fire on 00:20:43.950 --> 00:20:47.470 them. Yeah, maybe that could be it. I don't know, 00:20:47.509 --> 00:20:51.009 but I'm sure you're not expecting this. It works. 00:20:51.970 --> 00:20:55.049 The pounding, the rocks, the attempted roof collapse, 00:20:55.150 --> 00:20:57.730 like it all stopped as soon as he started singing 00:20:57.730 --> 00:21:02.039 songs. I mean, if it didn't work. do you think 00:21:02.039 --> 00:21:03.940 it would be such a crucial part of the story? 00:21:04.079 --> 00:21:05.960 That would be amazing if like halfway through 00:21:05.960 --> 00:21:07.900 the story was like, and this dude started singing 00:21:07.900 --> 00:21:10.720 and then they got crushed. Well, I think it would 00:21:10.720 --> 00:21:13.619 be a very essential part of the story if he started 00:21:13.619 --> 00:21:16.240 singing the song and then he was the only one 00:21:16.240 --> 00:21:19.059 that got murdered almost immediately by a Bigfoot. 00:21:19.099 --> 00:21:27.640 Yeah. Yeah. Start singing. They're like, oh, 00:21:27.680 --> 00:21:30.880 what is that horrible sound? Kill it. Kill it 00:21:30.880 --> 00:21:34.480 more than we were trying to kill it before. They 00:21:34.480 --> 00:21:37.299 bring in other Bigfoots. It's no longer four. 00:21:37.359 --> 00:21:39.599 It's like 16 now, and they just fucking quarter 00:21:39.599 --> 00:21:44.720 him. Bring in the reinforcements. This guy has 00:21:44.720 --> 00:21:51.240 a terrible singing voice. But even though everything 00:21:51.240 --> 00:21:53.200 had stopped, the men didn't let their guard down 00:21:53.200 --> 00:21:56.099 for a second. understandable like they just stayed 00:21:56.099 --> 00:21:58.359 put guns at the ready just waiting for first 00:21:58.359 --> 00:22:00.319 light so they could get the fuck out of there 00:22:00.319 --> 00:22:02.920 now when the sun finally cracked over the horizon 00:22:02.920 --> 00:22:07.259 the forest was dead quiet like they they sat 00:22:07.259 --> 00:22:08.740 there for a minute and just stared at the door 00:22:08.740 --> 00:22:10.519 they were probably expecting like another fist 00:22:10.519 --> 00:22:12.619 to come through it or something but when nothing 00:22:12.619 --> 00:22:15.200 happened and all seemed clear they unbarred the 00:22:15.200 --> 00:22:19.440 door and stepped out the cabin looked like shit 00:22:20.089 --> 00:22:22.670 There were rocks scattered all around. The walls 00:22:22.670 --> 00:22:24.990 were dented to shit. There was holes all in it. 00:22:25.069 --> 00:22:27.910 And there was just like chaos all around. Then 00:22:27.910 --> 00:22:30.829 Beck noticed something moving across the canyon. 00:22:30.970 --> 00:22:33.329 About 80 yards away, standing right on the edge 00:22:33.329 --> 00:22:36.309 of a cliff, was one of the creatures just watching 00:22:36.309 --> 00:22:39.730 them. Now Beck, not one to hesitate, raised his 00:22:39.730 --> 00:22:43.539 rifle, fired three shots. The creature staggered 00:22:43.539 --> 00:22:45.940 backwards and then just tumbled straight off 00:22:45.940 --> 00:22:48.660 the ledge and dropped nearly 400 feet into the 00:22:48.660 --> 00:22:51.400 ravine. And with that, they were like, all right, 00:22:51.420 --> 00:22:54.460 fuck that. They grabbed what they could and just 00:22:54.460 --> 00:22:57.519 got the fuck off the mountain, which is probably 00:22:57.519 --> 00:22:59.900 the smartest move they've made so far. I wonder 00:22:59.900 --> 00:23:04.339 how long that time period was between when all 00:23:04.339 --> 00:23:07.740 of the chaos stopped and then this creature just 00:23:07.740 --> 00:23:11.009 decided, you know what? I'm going to go do hot 00:23:11.009 --> 00:23:12.970 yoga on the side of this cliff, and I'm going 00:23:12.970 --> 00:23:15.970 to just chill out for a little bit. And then 00:23:15.970 --> 00:23:18.269 all of a sudden, he finishes his workout, and 00:23:18.269 --> 00:23:20.529 he stands up and just bop, bop, bop. And then 00:23:20.529 --> 00:23:26.009 he falls 400 feet into a ravine. You went so 00:23:26.009 --> 00:23:29.269 hard up until that, and then you just got clapped 00:23:29.269 --> 00:23:33.789 a couple times. I don't know. But imagine, what 00:23:33.789 --> 00:23:39.069 if he wasn't even part of it? That's better. 00:23:39.549 --> 00:23:43.930 yeah he's just waking up along with the rest 00:23:43.930 --> 00:23:45.690 of the forest and he's like all right time to 00:23:45.690 --> 00:23:48.450 you know just look out over the ravine oh there's 00:23:48.450 --> 00:23:53.789 such a great he was the guy when the squatches 00:23:53.789 --> 00:23:57.009 held their town meeting who was like no i'm all 00:23:57.009 --> 00:24:00.069 about peace man let's not go after these guys 00:24:00.069 --> 00:24:02.470 maybe they're really nice and they're like no 00:24:02.470 --> 00:24:05.930 fuck you dude we're gonna kick their ass and 00:24:05.930 --> 00:24:09.779 then He was in his hot yoga session, and he was 00:24:09.779 --> 00:24:12.880 like, ah, peace and love, and then just got fucking 00:24:12.880 --> 00:24:15.460 clapped off the side of a ravine. He was the 00:24:15.460 --> 00:24:17.380 voice of reason in all of it, and he was actually 00:24:17.380 --> 00:24:19.740 going out onto the cliffside to make sure that 00:24:19.740 --> 00:24:25.299 the campers were still alive. He sees them come 00:24:25.299 --> 00:24:28.980 out, sighs a breath of relief, and then immediately 00:24:28.980 --> 00:24:32.339 just gets popped three times. That sucks, dude. 00:24:32.380 --> 00:24:38.170 You guys okay? So, yeah, so they murked that 00:24:38.170 --> 00:24:40.430 dude, and then they got off the mountain, and 00:24:40.430 --> 00:24:42.569 they hiked as fast and as quietly as they could 00:24:42.569 --> 00:24:44.690 until they hit Spirit Lake, where there's like 00:24:44.690 --> 00:24:47.529 a ranger station there. So they barged in there 00:24:47.529 --> 00:24:50.289 fucking dirty, exhausted, probably looking absolutely 00:24:50.289 --> 00:24:52.650 insane, and they told the rangers everything. 00:24:53.210 --> 00:24:55.569 The pounding, the rock throwing, the glowing 00:24:55.569 --> 00:24:58.990 eyes, the arm through the wall. The men called 00:24:58.990 --> 00:25:00.809 whatever was attacking them mountain devils, 00:25:00.809 --> 00:25:03.190 which, not going to lie, makes you sound insane 00:25:03.190 --> 00:25:06.859 no matter what, I feel like. Yeah. It's not a 00:25:06.859 --> 00:25:10.099 great, yeah. Now, the ranger, to his credit, 00:25:10.240 --> 00:25:14.900 he did listen and wrote it all down, but he didn't 00:25:14.900 --> 00:25:19.000 buy it. But he did admit that the men were clearly 00:25:19.000 --> 00:25:21.480 terrified, and whatever they had seen, it sure 00:25:21.480 --> 00:25:24.660 did spook them. When the men finally made it 00:25:24.660 --> 00:25:26.460 back down to Kelso, which is where they're originally 00:25:26.460 --> 00:25:29.779 from, word had already spread, like within days. 00:25:30.000 --> 00:25:33.589 The newspapers had headlines like, Fight with 00:25:33.589 --> 00:25:36.450 big apes reported by minors from the Oregonian 00:25:36.450 --> 00:25:38.650 and others that read guerrilla men terrorize 00:25:38.650 --> 00:25:42.069 gold claim and mountain devils bombard prospector's 00:25:42.069 --> 00:25:45.730 cabin. All pretty good headlines, if you ask 00:25:45.730 --> 00:25:50.710 me. Yeah, word travels fast. Son of a bitch. 00:25:50.950 --> 00:25:52.509 And with all this media attention happening, 00:25:52.630 --> 00:25:55.599 this is where... You know, you get the normal 00:25:55.599 --> 00:25:57.940 fun that begins. You got reporters, curiosity 00:25:57.940 --> 00:26:00.079 seekers, and would -be monster hunters flooded 00:26:00.079 --> 00:26:03.059 Mount St. Helens wilderness. Some were packing 00:26:03.059 --> 00:26:06.460 rifles. Some brought elephant guns because apparently 00:26:06.460 --> 00:26:09.740 you need, like, safari -level firepower to bring 00:26:09.740 --> 00:26:14.799 down a fucking Bigfoot. I mean, if they had heard 00:26:14.799 --> 00:26:19.660 about them firing just regular shots at these 00:26:19.660 --> 00:26:21.500 things and they weren't getting taken down, I 00:26:21.500 --> 00:26:25.630 think that's logical. We need more firepower. 00:26:25.769 --> 00:26:29.809 That's pretty valid. Yeah, the papers dub this 00:26:29.809 --> 00:26:34.509 the Great Ape Hunt of 1924. And apparently like 00:26:34.509 --> 00:26:36.710 a dude from England even showed up for all this. 00:26:36.829 --> 00:26:38.950 So it became like an international thing, I guess. 00:26:38.970 --> 00:26:42.450 So that's fun. Now, spoiler alert, no one shot 00:26:42.450 --> 00:26:45.710 a Bigfoot, which is a bummer. But one cool thing 00:26:45.710 --> 00:26:47.869 to come from the attack is that the canyon where 00:26:47.869 --> 00:26:50.990 the men made their stand against the evil Sasquatches. 00:26:51.819 --> 00:26:55.579 is now officially known as Ape Canyon. It got 00:26:55.579 --> 00:26:58.019 its name because of this incident, which is pretty 00:26:58.019 --> 00:27:01.299 cool, I guess. Very cool. Yeah. Absolutely. I 00:27:01.299 --> 00:27:05.440 mean, why name anything after, you know, I don't 00:27:05.440 --> 00:27:07.160 know, some fucking politician when you can name 00:27:07.160 --> 00:27:10.460 it after a fucking cool ape extravaganza that 00:27:10.460 --> 00:27:12.859 happened where people almost died. That's way 00:27:12.859 --> 00:27:16.180 cooler. Right? Now, at the same time that the 00:27:16.180 --> 00:27:18.420 news broke about the attack in the papers and 00:27:18.420 --> 00:27:20.240 everyone decided to go into the woods looking 00:27:20.240 --> 00:27:23.779 for Bigfoot, Ranger William Welch and John Huffman 00:27:23.779 --> 00:27:26.220 hiked up to the site to investigate. Now, they 00:27:26.220 --> 00:27:28.319 found the cabin where the attack had supposedly 00:27:28.319 --> 00:27:31.259 been, and it was a little battered, and it was 00:27:31.259 --> 00:27:34.240 clearly abandoned in a hurry, but not the war 00:27:34.240 --> 00:27:36.400 zone that the men in the papers made it out to 00:27:36.400 --> 00:27:38.839 be. Like, they found, you know, a couple of rocks. 00:27:39.079 --> 00:27:41.440 They found some footprints, but nothing crazy. 00:27:41.559 --> 00:27:43.359 They didn't find any blood, no hair, and there 00:27:43.359 --> 00:27:45.380 was no body at the bottom of the canyon where 00:27:45.380 --> 00:27:47.940 Beck claimed that he shot one and it fell. You 00:27:47.940 --> 00:27:50.319 know, who knows? I'm going to need blood and 00:27:50.319 --> 00:27:52.619 hair. Maybe I'm going to need blood and hair. 00:27:54.079 --> 00:27:57.900 Well, there was none of that. But maybe the Bigfoots, 00:27:57.960 --> 00:28:02.359 maybe if one of them dies, they know and they 00:28:02.359 --> 00:28:06.359 hide the body. I don't know. Oh, yeah. That's 00:28:06.359 --> 00:28:12.400 just Bigfoot rule. Maybe. Hide the body. To the 00:28:12.400 --> 00:28:15.380 Rangers, it just looked like five men scared 00:28:15.380 --> 00:28:17.380 themselves into a frenzy and then just fucked 00:28:17.380 --> 00:28:22.329 off. There was no real evidence. Now, back home, 00:28:22.390 --> 00:28:24.509 the locals didn't buy it either. They figured 00:28:24.509 --> 00:28:26.529 that the men were just pussies and got spooked 00:28:26.529 --> 00:28:28.809 by a bear or they were pranked by locals that 00:28:28.809 --> 00:28:30.549 were just throwing rocks at them from the canyon. 00:28:30.930 --> 00:28:33.250 And they pretty much just got roasted about it 00:28:33.250 --> 00:28:35.910 in the papers and by local police. Also, it turns 00:28:35.910 --> 00:28:42.369 out that these five miners, they were like... 00:28:43.450 --> 00:28:46.670 what's the word spiritualists like they they 00:28:46.670 --> 00:28:49.190 were already they're a big believer in like paranormal 00:28:49.190 --> 00:28:52.589 like they did like seances and like weird shit 00:28:52.589 --> 00:28:56.569 like that so all right this is lining up i for 00:28:56.569 --> 00:28:59.670 a second i was thinking these motherfuckers were 00:28:59.670 --> 00:29:02.170 tripping right like they they drank a bunch of 00:29:02.170 --> 00:29:05.630 ayahuasca they did some crazy shit and they're 00:29:05.630 --> 00:29:09.009 like the apes the apes yeah so they were they 00:29:09.009 --> 00:29:11.289 were already kind of The locals were already 00:29:11.289 --> 00:29:13.750 primed to not believe their story when they got 00:29:13.750 --> 00:29:16.109 back because who the fuck knows what was going 00:29:16.109 --> 00:29:18.250 on. But, yeah, they did, like, seances. They 00:29:18.250 --> 00:29:23.609 did all these fucking ghost shit. So not the 00:29:23.609 --> 00:29:26.210 most credible witnesses or storytellers, I guess. 00:29:27.369 --> 00:29:29.450 But still, every witness said that the men looked 00:29:29.450 --> 00:29:31.490 genuinely terrified when they came back down 00:29:31.490 --> 00:29:33.089 the mountain. But, again, that could just be 00:29:33.089 --> 00:29:35.690 the fact that they were probably fucking tripping 00:29:35.690 --> 00:29:40.500 balls and just had a really bad trip. The boy 00:29:40.500 --> 00:29:43.220 on DMT who cried ape. You know what I'm saying? 00:29:47.279 --> 00:29:51.059 But even with the skepticism and jokes, the story 00:29:51.059 --> 00:29:53.019 of Ape Canyon is still talked about to this day. 00:29:53.539 --> 00:29:55.900 Fred Beck, the one who claimed he shot the one 00:29:55.900 --> 00:29:57.559 off the side of the cliff, he doubled down on 00:29:57.559 --> 00:29:59.599 what happened and he insisted until his death 00:29:59.599 --> 00:30:02.299 that it was all true. That something real attacked 00:30:02.299 --> 00:30:07.220 them up there. Now, in 1967... This is like 40 00:30:07.220 --> 00:30:09.839 -something years after the ordeal. Beck self 00:30:09.839 --> 00:30:14.259 -published a short book called I Fought the Ape 00:30:14.259 --> 00:30:20.519 Man of Mount St. Helens. It repeated the whole 00:30:20.519 --> 00:30:24.140 night in detail. Really on the nose. It repeated 00:30:24.140 --> 00:30:26.259 the whole night in detail, but with a new twist. 00:30:26.460 --> 00:30:30.619 Are you ready for this? Now, Beck suggested that 00:30:30.619 --> 00:30:33.380 the creatures weren't just physical animals, 00:30:33.519 --> 00:30:36.789 but possibly... interdimensional beings. He thought 00:30:36.789 --> 00:30:38.809 that they could move between planes of existence, 00:30:39.150 --> 00:30:42.950 part of a spiritual realm, he said, and that 00:30:42.950 --> 00:30:45.210 his group's shooting one might have triggered 00:30:45.210 --> 00:30:48.650 the assault. And if I'm not mistaken, this is 00:30:48.650 --> 00:30:51.829 where the whole Bigfoot is interdimensional stuff 00:30:51.829 --> 00:30:55.150 came from. It came from this encounter. Okay. 00:30:55.509 --> 00:30:59.369 I think this is the first mention of it. Cool. 00:30:59.630 --> 00:31:03.200 Then when Mount St. Helens erupted in 1980, uh 00:31:03.200 --> 00:31:05.940 ape canyon was buried under like layers of just 00:31:05.940 --> 00:31:09.940 ash and fucking rock and shit but in the years 00:31:09.940 --> 00:31:12.660 that followed cryptid hunters historians and 00:31:12.660 --> 00:31:15.700 true believers all went like looking for proof 00:31:15.700 --> 00:31:19.440 that the cabin ever even existed and in 2013 00:31:19.440 --> 00:31:23.240 a team led by bigfoot investigator mark mursell 00:31:23.240 --> 00:31:25.000 i think is how you pronounce his name i don't 00:31:25.000 --> 00:31:28.500 care uh claim they found it or what was left 00:31:28.500 --> 00:31:31.220 of it they found like some rusted nails uh broken 00:31:31.220 --> 00:31:34.200 stovepipe They found some spent rifle cartridges 00:31:34.200 --> 00:31:36.559 scattered amongst the dirt. It wasn't definitive 00:31:36.559 --> 00:31:39.839 proof of a monster devil's attack, but it was 00:31:39.839 --> 00:31:44.920 something. And today, hikers still trek through 00:31:44.920 --> 00:31:47.859 Ape Canyon, and people tell the story all the 00:31:47.859 --> 00:31:50.440 time. Now, whether you think the miners fought 00:31:50.440 --> 00:31:53.099 a family of Sasquatches or they got pranked by 00:31:53.099 --> 00:31:55.680 locals or hallucinated after too many nights 00:31:55.680 --> 00:31:58.900 in the woods, it's a fun story. I mean, I don't 00:31:58.900 --> 00:32:02.509 buy it, but it's fun. There you go, Colby. That 00:32:02.509 --> 00:32:05.410 is the story of the Battle of Ape Canyon, I guess. 00:32:05.569 --> 00:32:06.890 I don't know what you want to call it. How are 00:32:06.890 --> 00:32:11.730 we feeling about it? Yeah, pretty cool. I'm definitely 00:32:11.730 --> 00:32:18.029 leaning towards interdimensional. In any scenario, 00:32:18.109 --> 00:32:21.509 if we could just take it to the absolute millionth 00:32:21.509 --> 00:32:29.250 degree, it gets my pants tight. That's where 00:32:29.250 --> 00:32:30.930 we're going? You're going to go interdimensional? 00:32:31.529 --> 00:32:34.569 Yeah, I mean, because the only other route is 00:32:34.569 --> 00:32:38.009 to say, honestly, until the end of the story, 00:32:38.049 --> 00:32:40.549 I didn't even think that some locals were pranking 00:32:40.549 --> 00:32:43.809 them. And they're just like, you know, these 00:32:43.809 --> 00:32:46.869 fucking hippies, let's throw rocks at them. But 00:32:46.869 --> 00:32:50.650 even if that's the case of it, locals pranking 00:32:50.650 --> 00:32:56.660 them, that means that Beck shot two dudes. He's 00:32:56.660 --> 00:33:03.960 like two counts of attempted murder. Beck's a 00:33:03.960 --> 00:33:08.500 psychopath, dude. Yeah, which also holds some 00:33:08.500 --> 00:33:12.099 pretty cool weight in my eyes. A dude should 00:33:12.099 --> 00:33:17.500 be arrested. Yeah. But it could go either way. 00:33:17.599 --> 00:33:22.319 I like both extremes. I'm sure it was somewhere 00:33:22.319 --> 00:33:28.299 in the middle, logically. My sci -fi mind, you 00:33:28.299 --> 00:33:30.220 know, wants it to be something interdimensional. 00:33:30.400 --> 00:33:34.900 I feel like it's probably a combination of they, 00:33:35.019 --> 00:33:37.380 since they were like spiritualists, they probably 00:33:37.380 --> 00:33:41.900 fucking did some weird trippy shit and then locals 00:33:41.900 --> 00:33:44.559 pranked them. It was like a simultaneous thing. 00:33:45.039 --> 00:33:48.660 Oh. You know what I mean? Yeah, that makes sense. 00:33:48.779 --> 00:33:50.799 They were probably tripping balls trying to talk 00:33:50.799 --> 00:33:54.420 to fucking, I don't know, whoever spirit. Or 00:33:54.420 --> 00:33:57.940 whatever. And then the locals were like, fuck 00:33:57.940 --> 00:34:03.099 these dudes. And then just, you know? To me, 00:34:03.119 --> 00:34:05.579 that's way funnier. And then they said, it's 00:34:05.579 --> 00:34:08.440 the apes. It's apes. It's interdimensional apes. 00:34:08.460 --> 00:34:11.159 I know it. I fucking know it. Can I just say 00:34:11.159 --> 00:34:14.539 that naming your book, I Fought the Ape Man of 00:34:14.539 --> 00:34:18.460 Mount St. Helens is so fucking good. Yeah. It's 00:34:18.460 --> 00:34:23.119 so fucking funny, dude. Goddamn. But he's negating 00:34:23.119 --> 00:34:28.539 all of the other, and honestly, shame on you 00:34:28.539 --> 00:34:32.960 for assuming this ape's gender. What if it was 00:34:32.960 --> 00:34:38.519 a bunch of ape women? Or maybe they're sexless 00:34:38.519 --> 00:34:43.000 interdimensional travelers. They're all asexual 00:34:43.000 --> 00:34:47.420 hairy beings. Fuck you, Marianne. That was a 00:34:47.420 --> 00:34:50.349 different person, wasn't it? No, yeah, Beck and 00:34:50.349 --> 00:34:53.969 Marianne were different. Beck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:34:54.389 --> 00:34:57.389 Hell yeah. And then he went on to, you know, 00:34:57.389 --> 00:35:03.869 just write a bunch of good indie music. Oh, shit. 00:35:04.050 --> 00:35:06.250 All right, Colby. Well, that's my story. That's 00:35:06.250 --> 00:35:11.010 all I got. That's it. So you're going... That's 00:35:11.010 --> 00:35:13.170 a great story. Thank you for putting that together. 00:35:13.550 --> 00:35:17.519 Well, so... The last time, not the last time, 00:35:17.559 --> 00:35:18.800 but one of the last times you were on, we did 00:35:18.800 --> 00:35:21.300 the Hopkinsville Goblins, which is one of my 00:35:21.300 --> 00:35:23.059 favorite episodes. I don't know if you remember 00:35:23.059 --> 00:35:25.460 that, where a bunch of little goblins attacked 00:35:25.460 --> 00:35:28.079 that cabin and the family just started fire. 00:35:28.199 --> 00:35:31.719 It's basically the same story, but with big foots. 00:35:31.880 --> 00:35:34.760 That's why as soon as people start firing, I'm 00:35:34.760 --> 00:35:38.599 like, yes, naturally. We fire at shit we don't 00:35:38.599 --> 00:35:41.380 know. Absolutely. Yeah. As Americans, our one 00:35:41.380 --> 00:35:44.820 thing is that if we don't understand it. just 00:35:44.820 --> 00:35:49.019 fucking shoot it dude shoot it shoot it shoot 00:35:49.019 --> 00:35:53.940 first ask questions later i don't care if it's 00:35:53.940 --> 00:35:56.739 a gobbler or a squatch it's going down exactly 00:35:56.739 --> 00:36:01.380 uh all right bud um yeah uh is there anything 00:36:01.380 --> 00:36:06.099 um i said that's the story i'm gonna i'm gonna 00:36:06.099 --> 00:36:07.820 do my thing and then you can plug your thing 00:36:07.820 --> 00:36:11.039 and then we'll end the episode hell yeah um if 00:36:11.039 --> 00:36:12.500 you want to follow us on instagram you can follow 00:36:12.500 --> 00:36:15.519 us at cryptic cocktail follow us on tiktok cryptic 00:36:15.519 --> 00:36:18.500 cocktail party leave us a five -star rating and 00:36:18.500 --> 00:36:22.400 review wherever you can and um yeah colby what 00:36:22.400 --> 00:36:25.340 do you got going on bud um well you can follow 00:36:25.340 --> 00:36:30.300 uh my band lanterns on spotify we got some social 00:36:30.300 --> 00:36:34.900 medias doing some weird shit on TikTok because 00:36:34.900 --> 00:36:40.699 we're old as fuck. And maybe, you know, catch 00:36:40.699 --> 00:36:46.800 a local show. Other than that, yeah, that's what 00:36:46.800 --> 00:36:50.380 I got. And to be fair, it's not spelled lanterns. 00:36:50.380 --> 00:36:54.539 It's lanterns, but with no vowels. Yeah, we don't 00:36:54.539 --> 00:36:56.960 fuck with vowels. So if you fuck with vowels, 00:36:57.440 --> 00:37:00.739 see you later. We'll fucking see you later, guy. 00:37:00.860 --> 00:37:05.420 So it's L -N -T -R -N -S. Send the vowels packing. 00:37:06.300 --> 00:37:09.219 Get him out of here. All right. So with that 00:37:09.219 --> 00:37:11.559 out of the way, do you want to say goodbye? Sarge 00:37:11.559 --> 00:37:13.000 normally says goodbye and I love you to the audience, 00:37:13.099 --> 00:37:14.739 but I figured I'd let you take the reins on this 00:37:14.739 --> 00:37:18.300 one. He says I love you? Yeah, he says goodbye 00:37:18.300 --> 00:37:20.800 and I love you to the audience. So do you want 00:37:20.800 --> 00:37:26.480 to do it? I also, I mean, I love you all. That's 00:37:26.480 --> 00:37:29.460 very sweet, Sarge. Love you, Sarge. Love you, 00:37:29.500 --> 00:37:33.920 audience. And go have fun. Go find a creature.