You are now listening to Cryptid Cocktail Party
Welcome back, everyone, to another episode of
Cryptic Cocktail Party, a show where we have
a few drinks, share a few laughs, take a dive
into the unknown. I am your host, Dave, joined
as always by my wonderful co -host, Sarge. How's
it going, Sarge? I'm doing fucking fantastic,
everyone. I talked about professional wrestling
for the last two hours. Hell yeah, dude. Yeah,
local neighborhood block party. Though I am separated
from my spouse, we decided to... co -parent the
party i guess uh so the whole party to grill
everyone um yeah good times good times i cooked
uh talked to my neighbors about metal and professional
wrestling i don't know a lot about professional
wrestling i want to be clear i've got nothing
against professional wrestling i just i'm a grown
-up so i don't follow it but Which is weird because
most people I know who are, it's mostly grownups
I know that follow it. I don't think I know any
kids nowadays who are like fucking, well, I guess
John Cena, but everyone loves John Cena. The
thing is for me, like, I appreciate what it is.
I know it's hard fucking work. I know, although
it's like staged and all that shit, like it still
does horrible things to your body, which explains
why so many professional wrestlers pass away
long before their time. I was actually a big
fan of Iron Sheik. And he and I did communicate
through DMs on Twitter, believe it or not. And
Sergeant Slaughter, who was my favorite. I wouldn't
say that wrestling is staged. I would say the
outcomes are predetermined. Yeah, that's a better
way to say it. You're right. Because these dudes
still get hurt. They still get fucked up. And
things do change in the middle of a match. So
it's not fair to say it's staged. Anyway, long
story short, we talked a lot about the Montreal
Screwjob and how much all of us hated Hulk Hogan,
and that was about it. And then I came down to
record this lovely episode. Hell yeah, dude.
Dave, how are you? I'm good. I'm good. I'm good.
We spent most of this weekend, we're going to
Japan, so we spent most of this weekend just
trying to get our affairs in order. I'm so goddamn
jealous. I like that you're treating a trip to
Japan as if you're probably going to die. Well,
I mean... I need to get my affairs in order.
There's been a lot of plain news this year. Are
you going to Japan to fight the Yakuza? I'm just
trying to figure out what your concerns might
be. I didn't mean like affairs in order. We're
not writing up our will. I just meant like...
Like, I had to get, like, fucking toiletries
and shit like that. Oh, yeah. No. Honestly, kind
of the same thing when you think about it. Yeah,
yeah. No, but I'm good. I'm good. It's been,
you know, I got nothing going on this week. I
mean, that is exciting, though. Packing for a
trip is fun. Yeah, I mean, I still got, like,
three weeks, but, you know, better get it out
of the way now. I've already been searching for
co -hosts, so. Hell yeah, dude. I expect nothing
but great things. Well, yeah. I got to do it
big if you're going to be gone for two weeks.
I got to come up with a two -parter. I'm excited
to see what you come up with. It's probably going
to disappoint you, but I'm going to try. And
that's the important thing. You know what? That's
all anyone can ever ask of you. Exactly. It's
just that you try, man. I'm going to ask for
so much help. there's gonna be so many people
in my life they're gonna be like oh fuck dave's
going away just just bring on talkers that's
what i do people who can talk you know you just
say your words and then they'll just keep it
going for you it seems to work out just fine
yeah all right so today sarge i have an episode
for you and i'm not even gonna do what i normally
do which is like say a bunch of words and then
reveal what we're going to be talking about because
this is going to be a little bit of a longer
episode. So I'm just going to tell you what we're
talking about. Okay. Today, we are talking about
something that you probably know a decent amount.
This seems like it'd be right up your alley.
Today, we're going to talk about the Georgia
Guidestones. Yes. Fuck yeah. Hard as a rock.
Let's go. So you're familiar then, I take it.
I'm very familiar with the Georgia Guidestones.
Okay, so what do you know about them? Okay, tell
me. Okay, yeah, no, that's good that you asked
that question while I was shouting to interrupt
you. I am not 100 % familiar with their purpose.
I got much more familiar with the fact that people
from QAnon didn't like them, and that made me
endlessly happy. Yeah, and QAnon pops up. Once
or twice in the story. Not like anything crazy,
but I do mention them because, as you said...
Well, that's because a QAnon person... You know
what? Actually, I'm going to hold off just in
case you cover this in the end. I don't cover
much in QAnon, just that they didn't care for
whatever was happening here. And then blew them
up. I do cover that. Well, I mean, that's the
best. Please cut that part out. No, I'm going
to keep that in. Well, that happened in 2020,
2022. Everyone should know by now, if you even
are remotely familiar with this, you know what
happened in the end, right? Yeah. Yeah. All right.
So let's dive in. So the story of the Guidestones
begins in June of 1979, when a man using the
obviously fake name of R .C. Christian walked
into the Elberton Granite Finishing Company.
With what some would call a rather batshit idea.
I like that he named himself after the off -brand
version of cola and the off -brand version of
Judaism. So he walked into this granite company
and he told the then company president, Joe Fenley,
that he represented, quote, a small group of
loyal Americans who wanted to commission a monument
from them. Just a simple multi -part granite
structure that would act as a calendar, a compass,
and a message to humanity in the event of some
sort of looming global catastrophe. Easy peasy.
Should take no time at all. Lemon squeezy. Yeah.
But after hearing RC's idea pitch, Joe immediately
was like, this dude's fucking with me. Like,
he has to be fucking with me. Like, he assumed
RC was either crazy or this was some sort of
prank. So Joe was like, oh yeah dude we can totally
do that and he just quoted him some ridiculously
high price like just to like try and get this
guy out of his shop but rc was like fucking done
deal dude let's do this thing so to which i'm
sure joe was like fuck like he's like i gotta
do this now but at the same time he's probably
like fucking this is gonna be a huge payday yeah
so yeah So over the next year or so, Joe worked
alongside RC on what would later come to be known
as America's Stonehenge. Christian provided detailed
blueprints as well as a scale model of the monument.
At the same time, RC and his group quietly bought
up a five acre plot of land on a hill just outside
of town with the help of a local banker named
Wyatt Martin, who handled all like the financial
side of things for the quote unquote group that
he was part of. I have no idea. Yeah. So with
the plan set and the location secured. the constructions
of the stone went on in secrecy. No one knew
that these were being built. Even the people
that were working on it just knew that something
was being made. It was like fucking how H .H.
Holmes built his murder castle. He just kept
firing people after they installed shit. Yeah,
I don't know if that's what happened, but even
the workers didn't truly understand what was
going on. Gotcha. When the construction of the
Guidestones was completed, they held an unveiling
ceremony on March 22nd, 1980. A local congressman
gave a speech. A statement was read from the
anonymous sponsors that said that their ideas
should quote -unquote stand on their own merits.
It is mind -blowing to me that they managed to
get a congressman to sign on to give a speech
just based on the fact that these Guidestones
make no fucking sense. Are you sure they don't?
i'm 100 positive that they are not christian
and that's what would scare away most congressmen
like if it was a giant granite cross okay you're
definitely getting a congressman from georgia
to talk about it that's fair yeah um yeah i don't
know how i mean it was the 80s i feel it must
have been a campaign year yeah right so the dude's
like i'll just show up any give me a hundred
bucks and i'm there he's like i need the tinfoil
hat vote so so with all that out of the way and
with hundreds of people in attendance they unveiled
the stones and the locals were shocked to say
the least because because the georgia guy stones
are pretty much unlike anything else anyone has
ever seen before for one right The monument is
massive. It consists of four massive upright
granite slabs that surrounded a central pillar
with a huge capstone set right on top. It stands
nearly 20 feet tall and weighed all together
at almost 240 ,000 pounds. So almost a quarter
million pounds of granite was used to make this
fucking thing. But it wasn't just like the massive
size and scale of the guy's stones that had people
a little sketched out. I mean, Americans, we
fucking love big things. trucks you know like
so i don't think that i don't think the size
was the issue uh it was more what was carved
into it the message that rc and his mysterious
backers wanted to convey so carved into the face
of the giant slabs were 10 rules written in eight
different languages english spanish swahili hindi
arabic chinese and russian And across the top
capstone, another message was written in four
ancient scripts, Babylonian, Classical Greek,
Sanskrit, and Egyptian hieroglyphics. Now, the
first rule that was written on it, and this one
really kind of sets the tone. And for some, it
immediately raised some eyebrows. And this rule
was that, quote, maintain humanity under 500
million in perpetual balance with nature. It's
important to note that when the Guidestones went
up in 1980, the world's population was 4 .4 billion.
So right out the gate, people were like, what
the fuck does that mean? They want us to kill
off 90 % of the planet? Wouldn't be the worst
idea ever, you know? But it's a bad idea. Yeah,
but don't worry. The second rule... That didn't
help calm anyone's nerves either. The second
rule was don't talk about the Georgia Guidestones.
It said guide reproduction wisely, improving
fitness and diversity. So if you're smart and
know a thing or two about history, that just
kind of sounds like eugenics, but in fancier
clothes. It's nice. It's nice to know that eugenics
was never truly forgotten about. Yeah, so not
a great start to your list of rules, or any list,
really. Nope, kind of problematic. Yeah. The
rest of the list, though, is a bit on the tamer
side, I guess. They read, Unite humanity with
a living new language. Rule passion, faith, tradition,
and all things with tempered reason. Protect
people and nations with fair laws and courts.
Let all nations rule internally, resolving external
disputes in a world court. Avoid petty laws and
useless officials. Balance personal rights with
social duties. Prize truth, beauty, love, seeking
harmony with the infinite. And be not a cancer
on the earth. Leave room for nature. Leave room
for nature. You gotta repeat the last bit for
emphasis, I guess. It's nice to know that everyone
ignored these stones immediately. And on the
top of the monument, on the capstone, it read,
let these be guidestones to an age of reason.
But even though the list started out pretty heavy
handed, some of these ideas could be interpreted
as environmentalism or like just global cooperation.
And some people thought that it sounded pretty
utopian. I mean, besides the first two, the rest
are I kind of fuck with, you know? Yeah. But
to most everyone else. They didn't see this as
a message of hope. They saw this more as like
a warning or even worse as a threat. And at the
unveiling, locals started to just openly speculate
as to what the fuck this all meant. People were
asking out loud how you could possibly get down
to 500 million people without something horrific
happening. Like, were these advocating for mass
murder, genocide, forced sterilization? Even
a local preacher at the ceremony? He declared
that the stones were quote for sun worshipers,
cult worship and devil worship at quotes. Ah,
gotcha. Yeah. I think they threw the devil and
the sun together in the same group. I mean, are
they not one in the same? I mean, depending on
where you live. Yeah. Yeah. So the monument hadn't
even been up for 24 hours and it was already
causing trouble. And it only gets worse from
here because since day one. The Georgia Guidestones
were like fucking catnip for conspiracy theorists.
The anonymous sponsors, the cryptic messages
about population control and global unity. These
things were basically like built to get into
people's heads. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.
Yeah, of course. Yeah. So how are we feeling
so far about the Georgia Guidestones? I feel
like if I was going to play a prank on morons,
I would do the exact same thing just to watch
them get all wound up. That's fair. Now. The
first thing that caught people's attention, besides
all the New World Order stuff, was the name of
the man who commissioned the stones, R .C. Christian.
Again, it was obviously a fake name, and conspiracy
theorists rather quickly decided it had to be
a nod to Christian Rosencruz, the mythical founder
of the Rosicrucians, a secret mystical society
that dates all the way back to the 1600s. And
this quote -unquote discovery... uh kicked off
one of the earliest earliest theories about the
stones and that is that the guy's stones weren't
just some like eccentric art project but the
work of a hidden occult brotherhood trying to
steer humanity into a new age a new world order
if you will uh yeah that that makes sense for
conspiracy theorists so for me when i hear the
name rc christian uh and that rc christian was
responsible for a bunch of rocks with nonsense
on them my first thought would be dickhead just
total dickhead not like conspiracy theory from
the rosicrucians just this guy's a dickhead that's
that's what we're going with yeah that that's
how i would feel gotcha gotcha uh yeah and then
uh and then came the rumors about wealthy elites
Because obviously, of course, for years, people
were claiming that Ted Turner, the founder of
Mary Jane Fonda, was the one who funded the Guidestones.
I mean, which if we're being honest, totally
fair. Ted Turner was very vocal about population
control and environmental issues. So to make
this leap wasn't like super crazy. You know what
I mean? He did. He did obviously deny it. And
there was obviously no proof that he did it.
I get where they were coming from. And as the
years went on, the Guidestones became a key piece
of New World Order lore. That was a tongue twister.
Especially in the 1980s and 90s. This is around
the time that conspiracy legend and professional
suicide by copper, Bill Cooper, got involved.
Now... Bill Cooper, real bad at avoiding dying.
Now, Bill Cooper saw the Guidestones as a literal
warning from the elites claiming that they wanted
to cut the world population down to half a billion
and rule over the survivors. And how would they
cut the population down by that much, you might
be asking? Fucking frogs? Who knows, dude. The
hows and whys change almost... constantly with
these conspiracy types. It's pretty much whatever
the flavor of the day is, is how you're going
to die or how the globalists are going to kill
you. And then this is the plan they're going
to use. It's never the how and why don't matter.
It's the end goal with these guys. I love that
their whole argument for most of the things that
these secret societies do is, well, they have
to tell you what they're doing. Why? If I was
going to... If I was going to come up with a
plan to convince our entire society across the
globe, across this flat earth of ours, some geniuses,
to kill them all, you know, to stop making humanity
a thing. I'm not going to be like, but I'm going
to leave a little clue just in case. That's not
how shit works, you morons. But you got to signal
to the other conspiracists. around the world
what you're up to so that way they know to follow
online. Gotcha. I don't know, dude. It doesn't
really matter how or why. Yeah, because they
don't have phones. The only way that they can
signal the other group is to put up 20 -foot
stones in Georgia. Yeah. No, that makes sense.
That makes way more sense than just calling somebody
and being like, send a telegram. Well, it's like
that. Are you writing down a criminal conspiracy?
yeah putting it on 20 foot stones yeah but but
again with these types it doesn't really matter
how or why they just know it's gonna happen uh
bill cooper even claimed that he knew the deadline
for this mass genocide may 5th 2000 so kind of
missed the mark on that one missed the mark bill
yeah but i don't think bill made it that far
anyway so i don't think he did no um But it didn't
matter that none of his predictions came true.
The narrative stuck and the Georgia Guidestones
became the smoking gun for anyone who believed
the world was secretly run by a shadowy cabal
plotting global domination. And as the 2000s
rolled around and Bill Cooper's doomsday prophecy
came and went, the internet had supercharged
conspiracy culture and the Guidestones went from
just like a weird roadside curiosity that you
would take a picture of with a Kodak disposable
camera to a full -blown symbol of evil. This
is also around the time that some of the loudest
voices in conspiracy circles latched on and really
spread this paranoia far and wide. Most notably,
Temu Bill Cooper and King Dipshit Alex Jones.
He became one of the Guidestones' biggest hype
men. In 2008, in his masterpiece of a documentary
entitled Endgame, He went to the Guidestones
and in typical Alex Jones fashion, just ranted
and raved about how the monument was proof of
a globalist plot to kill off most of humanity.
Can we all just agree that Alex Jones is like,
what would happen if triglycerides were a person?
Yeah. He is high cholesterol, the guy. Yeah,
that's why he's so red all the time. His blood
is just trying to break free from his veins at
all times. Now, for Alex, the first rule, the
keeping the population under 500 million one,
that wasn't just a metaphor. He took that to
heart. And once COVID happened, he tied the pandemic
to the Guidestones, claiming that the virus was
part of a globalist depopulation scheme to bring
in a new world order slash one world government.
whatever the fuck he was ranting about at the
time. Oh, Alex, I wish. That's not what happened,
though. Now, after the bombing of the stones
in 2022, which we'll get to in a bit, Jones went
on air and said he didn't officially support
bombing historical landmarks, but then added,
quote, at an animal level, I like seeing this
edifice to world government get bombed, end quote.
Basically saying, like, hey, don't blow it up,
but also, blow it up, you guys. Yeah, you fucking,
you crushed it. Now, let me eat this entire London
broil by myself. But Alex wasn't the only one
talking shit on the stones. There was also Alex's
good friend, Mark Dice, who was another conspiracy
theory shitbag who, fun fact, back in 2005 would
write under the pseudonym John Connor because
he's a massive fucking tool bag. Back then, he
demanded that the Guidestones be, quote, smashed
into a million pieces. And his reasoning for
wanting this. had done was because the stones
had quote deep satanic origins oh okay okay yeah
uh dice believed as many other conspiracy theorists
did and still do that rc christian was part of
a luciferian worshiping secret society hell -bent
on global domination because you know how i know
he's an idiot how luciferian was a word he used
i mean you know well yeah they're not smart they
see lucifer and it's like It's the stupidest
shit I've ever heard in my entire life. Yeah.
We're not, we're not, we're not working with
the top brass here. All right. No, we're not.
No, we're not working with rocket scientists.
We're working with like rocket smellers, like
people who would find a rocket and then just
sniff it to know where it came from. It smells
like hot dogs. And by 2020, the rhetoric about
the Stones had gone pretty much mainstream. Georgia
Congresswoman and Mickey Rourke look alike. Marjorie
Taylor Greene, someone who's never met a conspiracy
theory that she didn't like, spoke to Alex Jones
on his show about the Guidestones and said that
they were a left wing plan for population control.
Okay. And painted the fight about what the stones
meant as a literal battle between good and evil.
You know what has nothing to do with population
control? The bill that she voted for that reduces
Medicaid for like everyone. That's fine. That's
going to have no effect on the population. But
these rocks, these five rocks that we found in
Georgia, real bad. They're not great. They're
not good rocks. And then there was Candace Taylor,
a Republican candidate for Georgia governor in
2022. Oh, I love her. I remember we got into
it on Twitter. We had some moments together.
She responded to me once. Oh, God. Well, she
made the demolition of the Guidestones part of
her official campaign platform. She even drafted
an executive order number 10. promising to tear
down what she referred to as, again, quote -unquote,
a Luciferian monument. I drafted an executive
tweet suggesting that her family tree was actually
just a wreath. Well, luckily for her, she didn't
really have to do shit because that same year
they were blown up, and she was pretty stoked
about it. She said it was God himself who struck
them down. No, she didn't really say that. Her
actual words were, God is God all by himself.
That includes striking down satanic guidestones.
That's what she actually said, which is worse.
Yeah, it's as if drool actually became words.
Yeah, and she wasn't the only one super hyped
on domestic terrorism. QAnon groups and far -right
forums went bonkers after the bombing. Some of
them saw it as a sign that the so -called cabal
was losing power. Others insisted that the destruction
was divine justice, saying that the stones simply
didn't fit into the new America that God was
about to create. And one of the more popular
QAnon accounts declared that, quote, Babylon
is literally falling, which I can't not read
as, OMG, you guys, Babylon is literally falling.
So basically, the people who supported destroying
the Guidestones are literally anyone who may
have... potentially spilled rockstar energy drink
on a bible yeah anyone who could say that happened
is probably someone who wants to blow the stones
up yeah it's also the same people that probably
stormed the capitol on january 6th yeah yeah
america's worst but uh but the bombing wasn't
the first time people had like attempted to deface
the stones for years they were tagged and written
on like any public piece of anything But it wasn't
really until the New World Order paranoia among
some of the dumber members of our society started
boiling over in the late 2000s that it started
to get uglier, weirder, and dumber. In 2008,
someone under the cover of darkness went all
in and hit the stones to spray paint and wrote
these scrawling, massive slogans across them.
The most infamous read, quote, Death to the New
World Order. And this was the first major defacement
of the Guidestones. that made national headlines.
And the timing wasn't a coincidence. 2008 was
a time of peak financial chaos. Alex Jones was
really hitting his stride back then. And anti
-globalist paranoia, among certain circles, was
pretty much everywhere. Ironically, the person
who did it was probably somebody who referred
to themselves as a king and their girlfriend
as a queen, but none of them owned any property.
It could be. Or maybe they were just really big
into WCW at the time. I mean, just really big
Sting fans. Fuck you, Hunter Hearst Helmsley.
So after this, county officials responded by
installing security cameras, but that didn't
do shit. In 2014, Vandal struck again, this time
leaving cryptic messages like, quote, I am ISIS,
goddess of love. which nobody knew what that
meant. Were they talking about the actual Egyptian
goddess or the terrorist group? See, this is
what happens when crazy meets crazy. Yeah, either
way, people didn't care for it. You don't even
know who to root for in that situation. Do I
root for the person who thinks that ISIS, the
goddess, not the terrorist organization? Do I
root for the moron who spent this much money
to write shit on four large rocks? Yeah, I don't
know. But alongside the graffiti were occult
symbols and bizarre markings that freaked everyone
out enough that they got the FBI involved. And
around the same time, people noticed something
even weirder happening with the guy's stones.
A perfectly cut granite cube mysteriously showed
up on top of one of the stones engraved with
the number 2014. Nobody had any idea how it got
there or what it meant. One day it wasn't there,
and then the next it was. Some conspiracy theorists
said it was a countdown to the apocalypse. Others
thought it was a clue to something put there
by the group behind the monument. Eventually,
and I assume to avoid idiots being idiots, authorities
just removed the cube. I love that they found
a number and went like, this is a countdown to
the end. I feel like there's other numbers involved.
No. No. Is it really a countdown or just a warning
that the end is coming? The end is coming on
2014 is very different from this is a countdown
to the end. Well, you know, with numerology,
two plus zero plus one plus four equals seven.
There are seven deadly sins. I almost had it
going. We'll get there. But over the years, there
were also endless rumors about this site. People
claim that witches held ceremonies there, that
cults sacrificed animals under the full moon.
And at one point, someone claimed they found
blood on the stones. Now, I'm sure most of this
was just like small town shit talking mixed with
like internet creepypasta conspiracy nonsense.
But it made the Guidestones feel more sinister
to those already primed by people like Cooper,
Jones, and Green to see them as evil. Still,
for all the shit -talking going on, no one had
ever seriously tried to damage the structure
itself, or if they did, it wasn't good enough.
Because remember, this thing was made of nearly
a quarter million pounds of solid granite, and
it was built to survive, theoretically, an apocalyptic
disaster. But that all changed on July 6th, 2022,
when someone decided to to take conspiracy brain
-fueled action. At about 4 a .m., security cameras
at the site captured a flash of light and a car
speeding away. One of the massive slabs, the
one inscribed in Swahili and Hindi, was completely
obliterated by a massive explosion. The capstone
was blown completely off the top and the remaining
pillars remained standing, but now dangerously
unstable. The explosion was so large and powerful
that people miles away reported feeling the ground
shake. Yeah. Later that same day, officials decided
the whole thing has to come down for like safety
reasons. And by that evening, heavy machinery
reduced what was left to rubble. A monument that
had survived 40 years was just gone in a single
day. The Georgia Bureau of Investigation said
whoever did this act of vandalism used a pretty
heavy duty IED. And security footage at the site
showed a suspect approaching the stones, leaving
the bomb, and then leaving in a silver sedan.
Despite there being video evidence, no one has
ever been arrested and the bomber's identity
remains a mystery. So now, the local officials
are pissed. The DA promised that if they ever
found the person responsible, he was going to
throw the book at them and reminded whoever did
this that because the county owned the monument,
it was gifted to them, the destruction technically
counted as destroying public property, which
is a felony with the potential for a 20 -year
sentence. And it wasn't just the authorities
that were pissed. The locals were too. The Guidestones
were a major tourist attraction. It brought in
tens of thousands of people to this little rural
area every year. And even people who may not
have loved the message were still kind of proud
of it in a way. It's craftsmanship. It's mystery.
Now they're just left with an empty field and
a pile of rubble. But like I mentioned earlier,
not everyone was pissed. Of course not. My retail
agreement is probably doing fucking weird pull
-ups to celebrate. Yeah. And to no one's surprise,
because we're dealing with lunatics, not everyone
agreed on what had really happened. Some conspiracy
theorists said it was a false. Before you continue
on, Dave, I just got to say, I don't know that
I'm sad that the Guidestones were destroyed,
but I'm sad that the morons won't be satisfied
that they were destroyed. That makes me more
sad, I think. Because they're going to be like,
oh, it was an inside job. The government did
it to tell us that we should not have more babies.
These morons. Oh, my God. Yeah, pretty much.
Some conspiracy theorists said it was a false
flag that the elitists. I hate that I'm right.
That the elites destroyed their own monument
to hide evidence. Again, it had been there for
over 40 years. What evidence, you fucking idiots?
What evidence are we hiding? They're five granite
stones. They're 20 feet tall. What evidence were
we trying to hide, you fucking morons? We'll
never know because it was destroyed. Sorry. That's
where the Epstein tapes went. Now we know. The
files were in the stones, dude. Fuck. Damn, maybe
it is a cover -up. Fuck, are they right? Shit.
You know what happened is underneath the capstone,
Ghislaine Maxwell's name. Well, so they said,
so there was a conspiracy. I didn't leave it
in here because it was just too much, but there's
theories that there was a time capsule under
the stones that held something. I don't know
fucking what it was, but obviously when they
dug it up, they didn't find one because obviously.
Because the Jews. Surprisingly, I tried to keep
out the Jewish stuff for this one. I feel like
they have a hard enough time as it is. Were they
included, though? Of course, dude. Of course.
Come on. Just wanted to make sure. What do you
mean? It's a fucking conspiracy theory fueled
by Bill Cooper and Alex Jones, obviously. Of
course. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Globalists. oh
yeah sorry um but yeah so they said it was a
uh a false flag to destroy evidence again they've
been there for 40 years they also said it was
it was uh done to frame conspiracy theorists
to make them look crazy and dangerous so you
know guys you don't need any help yeah you don't
need any help so so with them finally being gone
and the idiots mostly satisfied What were the
Guidestones really? We know they aren't what
dipshits like Alex say, and when you strip away
all the satanic panic, internet diatribes, and
Bill Cooper predictions, the truth about the
stones is pretty tame. Everything anyone has
been able to figure out about the stones point
to this being a passion project of a very small
group of private citizens. R .C. came to Alberton
in 1979 with a vision for a monument that was
rooted in the very real fears of the time. This
was the tail end of the Cold War. It was a time
when people were very genuinely worried about
nuclear annihilation, population, environmental
collapse, basically just society crumbling into
chaos. This was like the beginning of acid rain,
too, I think, when they were talking about acid
rain and like the effect it was going to have
on society. Hmm. I do remember feeling like that
was going to be a bigger problem. Yeah. But the
Guidestones were meant to be more of a message
to whoever survived this hypothetical doomsday.
The infamous keep humanity under 500 million
wasn't meant as like, hey, let's kill off 90
% of the population. It was more like, hey, if
civilization collapses, maybe don't rebuild to
the point of 8 billion people and destroy the
planet again. Stop making so many. But to be
fair. That is a wild thing to put on a monument
with no context, so I get why people might have
been a little freaked out. Yeah. As for the rest
of the rules, honestly pretty reasonable when
read plainly. Protect people with fair laws,
avoid useless officials, balance rights with
responsibility, live in harmony with nature,
and don't be a cancer on the earth. And the line
about a living new language is saying, like,
hey, if we start over, maybe it would help if
we could... Talk to each other. Either that or
it's just somebody who was really mad about Telemundo.
Sure. Yeah, like, why is there, why do I gotta
press one for Spanish? I don't think that's what,
I don't think that's what it is. But I mean,
I get where you're coming from. Frankly, as just
a human being, I would be perfectly okay with
abandoning English and just accepting a new language.
If everyone spoke it so we could just all talk
to each other. Yeah, that's pretty much what
they're saying. They just want one living language.
Exactly. Yeah, if society collapses. It makes
things so much easier. Like a normal good idea.
Yeah. Exactly. Of course, that's against Jesus.
Well, yeah, he wouldn't want that. There's also
zero proof of any secret society involvement.
Law enforcement researchers and groups like the
ADL have repeatedly said that there's nothing
connecting the stones to Satanists, Freemasons,
the Illuminati, nothing like that. In reality,
the Georgia Guidestones are more like a philosophical
art project, just like a weird, expensive piece
of social commentary. Unfortunately, by being
vague and them being anonymous, they pretty much
invited this type of stuff to happen because
in the end, a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, because
in the end, the monument didn't fall to natural
decay or a changing world. It was destroyed by
the very paranoia that it inspired. A creation
that was meant to guide humanity through disaster
instead became a symbol of mistrust, hatred,
and conspiracy -fueled rage. And that's kind
of like the irony of the Guidestones. A monument
built to last for a millennia was destroyed by
the one thing that it sought to save, which was
humanity. So, yeah. Built by morons, taken down
by morons. Yeah, but there you go, Sarge. That
is the story of the Georgia Guidestones from
conception to end. How are we feeling? I love
this story because personally, I love that the
Guidestones existed, not just because of the
message, because frankly, like you said, really
just like relatively good advice. Yeah, it's
nothing nefarious. But I love that relatively
good advice terrified stupid people so much that
they had built entire political campaigns around
destroying it. Like, nothing says I'm a fucking
moron more than when a stone says, hey, maybe
next time we do civilization, we all just say
the same words so we know what each other's talking
about. I don't think that was the one that really
got them. I think it was the other ones, but
I get what you're saying. Well, the other reason
I think they're mad is because they're afraid
that if we start culling the herd, we're going
to start going after the dumb people. And that
is square in their demographic. That's valid.
That's fair. Yeah. When we go around at the end
of the world and we're like, okay, what can you
do for society? Well, I'm a nuclear physicist.
I think we could get a nuclear power plant going
really soon. Okay, what do you do? Oh, I teach
languages. I can teach everybody the same language
so that we can all communicate much more easily.
Okay, great. You should stick around. What do
you do? Well, I know the Bible. I was reading
it. I know it. Okay. Do me a favor. See that
cliff over there? You should just keep walking
straight towards it and go over it. Sarge, are
you proposing death by Wile E. Coyote? Yes. Yes,
I am. All right. No, I'm not proposing death
by Wile E. Coyote. I'm proposing life by Wile
E. Coyote and just allow whatever consequences
happen. to happen gotcha gotcha but anyways back
to the actual i'm gonna paint roads on the sides
of walls and ask dumb people to run towards those
roads gotcha all right all right but you're good
this is you're good with this story you know
no notes i i honestly i have no notes it's a
monument built by jackasses to i don't think
it was built by jackasses i i I fuck with RC
Christian and his group of weird anonymous people.
I think it's funny. Here's my problem with the
whole thing. No, this is like the 1980s version
of when, remember when all those mysterious monoliths
just started popping up out of nowhere? That's
this, and I love this. This is like 1980s conspiracy
trolling. No, I love it, dude. It's great. If
it was done for trolling, then I respect it.
But I have a sneaking suspicion that everyone
involved in this project all the way down was
just deadly serious about what they were doing.
This is going to save the world. I mean, honestly,
they could. I mean, not save the world. Obviously,
the world would have to end for these rules to
come into play. Did you ever see the movie Deep
Impact? Yes. Love that movie. Remember at the
end when the kid's just talking about how like,
hey, maybe we should all live in like teepees
and shit like that. Yeah. He's basically just
talking about the Georgia Guidestones. his his
whole thing about how humanity should live after
is the georgia guidestones is it not it pretty
much no no i completely agree so here's my thing
and and maybe i'm just not great at articulating
this i recognize that the georgia guidestones
are a great idea because the way you're articulating
it is that you want to uh throw people off a
cliff also that so i'll say this the guidestones
are very cool Unfortunately, some people ruin
cool things. See, that's all you had to say.
Which is why we couldn't have great rock music
in the 80s because of the satanic panic and morons.
That's why I proposed throwing them off a cliff.
I wasn't saying that because I didn't like them.
I was saying that because they were a problem.
To be fair, we still had awesome rock music in
the 80s. We did. They just had parental advisory
logos on them. Which just made me buy more of
it. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. They're like,
hey, this is scary and bad. You shouldn't listen
to it. And I'm like, oh, okay, that's scary.
I'm going to get 10 of them. All right, bud.
That's our story for today. It was fun. I enjoyed
this one. I like these conspiracy ones. I really
like them, too. I'm actually very sad that the
Guidestones. were destroyed i've always wanted
to see them i think regardless of the intent
whether it was you know whatever reason the guidestones
were there i think it was a really fascinating
idea and it like kind of inspired a lot of like
imaginative thought and people really like kind
of either appreciated them or was scared of them
but regardless That's kind of what art is, right?
So I would have loved to see the Guidestones.
Yeah, that would have been super rad. And it
makes me want to create something that scares
dumb people so much that they want to blow that
up too. You know what I mean? I mean, all art
is meant to evoke emotion, so I mean... getting
your art blown up technically like the highest
form of flattery it really is right i really
think it is like my goal in life is to make something
that stupid people want to blow up because they're
scared of it because at its most basic form there
was nothing terrifying about those rocks no not
even close except for the words the people who
read them didn't understand I don't even think
it was the words themselves. I think they just
saw a bunch of different languages and their
brain fucking fried. Only one of these is in
English. They probably thought that the 10 were
in English and then there was like 16 other sets
of rules that they couldn't read. In America,
our rocks only speak in English. What are they
hiding behind that squiggly line? Bullshit on
this. Alright. we're getting close to an hour
let's wrap this up uh all right uh thank you
so much for listening everyone um i appreciate
it if you want to follow us follow us on instagram
cryptic cocktail tiktok cryptic cocktail party
follow my tiktok i'm having a lot of fun over
there oh my god dave your fucking tiktok is goddamn
hilarious i think i found my niche my two favorite
things about your tiktok is one you're picking
on dumb people but two You're picking on the
dumb people that are on our side that aren't
smart enough to watch an entire video. Dude,
I basically just figured out the perfect form
of engagement baiting. Oh, God, it's so good.
It's so good. Yeah, so it's occult underscore
Lunchables. I don't know where that came from.
I just made it up. So follow me there. Yeah,
leave us a rating and review. I keep thinking
about your videos and I just can't I have told
everyone at this block party to follow you just
because how hilarious they are and dude you can
make it's not even just like the right wing like
MAGA folks you can do it with fucking the alpha
wolf crowd like I got shit on lockdown the reactionaries
just the people who will watch your video but
not all the way to the end so they don't recognize
that it's a joke Oh, it's so good. It's amazing.
The amount of comment not found when I go to
try to reply to something because they clearly
finished the video after they commented. It's
so fucking funny to me. It's so good. All right.
So do you guys think you want to plug before
we sign off? No, I mean, follow my TikTok too.
It's not as good as Dave's, but I'm having a
good time with it. I'm starting to get back into
making videos. So Sarge the Destroyer on Instagram,
TikTok, the whole nine yards. whatever fucking
social media you follow go to Sarge the Destroyer
I apologize for showing up to this episode drunk
but in my defense we started an hour late and
I've been barbecuing for the last two hours straight
so yeah alright also drink Narragansett drink
Narragansett immediately or I'll fight you yeah
and if you're a basic bitch like me And you love
the taste of pumpkin. Uh, they got their new,
they got their, their pumpkin beer out now. It's
fucking great. I better go get some. Oh yeah.
And also, uh, the homie, uh, logo lore, uh, with
DA, he sent me some of his, uh, non -alcoholic,
uh, mixed beverages. I'm drinking the grandma
tonic right now. This isn't like a sponsorship
thing. I've just let you know that it's pretty
good. Uh, yeah. So yeah, check out no spirit.
They're pretty good. If you're not an alcoholic
like us, check out some no spirit. But they got
like a rum and coke one and a whiskey and coke
one. Like I said, I got the gin and tonic one.
It's pretty good. It's kind of like Sprite -y
instead of tonic -y, which I like because I already
drink my gin and tonics with Sprite instead of
tonic. Anyways, whatever. Yeah, tonic scrubs.
Don't drink it because there's no mosquitoes.
No, I mean, for real. That's what quinine is
in tonic for is to drive away mosquitoes. It
was a malaria defense. I don't know, dude. I
didn't know that. History with Saj. All right.
Do you want to say goodbye and I love you to
the audience? Guys, I love you and I'll be sober
next time. I promise.