Welcome to Quizzed Cocktail Party, the only show
where booze and cryptids collide in a battle
of wits, memory, and maybe shame. Tonight, our
brave contestant has spent the past year and
a half sitting right here listening to tales
of monsters, UFOs, hauntings, and some of the
weirdest shit the world has to offer. He's heard
stories of telepathic seals, bottomless holes,
demon dolls, and creatures that shouldn't even
exist, but... Did he actually pay attention,
or was he just nodding along, thinking about
beer? Our contestant tonight is none other than
my co -host, my partner in podcast crime, and
the man whose knowledge we're about to put to
the ultimate test. Give it up for Sarge! Thank
you, everyone. Thank you. How are we feeling
today, Sarge? We feeling, uh... You feeling smart?
First of all, Sarge, how's it going? Where are
you from? I feel attacked, Dave. I'm from Massachusetts.
Okay, alright. Land of Pukwudgies. Trademark,
Lorne Coleman. Welcome to Quizzed Cocktail Party.
This is a show where I'm going to ask Sarge,
my co -host, if you've been paying attention
for the past two years. Oh, no. Are you feeling
good about this? You were not expecting this,
were you? I was not. I told you you were going
to hate me for this. The minute the music came
up and it wasn't our soundtrack, I knew I was
in trouble. Here we are. The thing is, I do pay
attention, but I have no short -term memory whatsoever.
So as soon as we're done recording, I forget
the day even happened. Well, this should be a
lot of fun. I came up with this idea, and I was
like, I think it would be really funny. I don't
know. This could be a huge flop. I have no idea,
because we're not talking about a crypto. Oh,
I think it's going to be hilarious. Yeah, but
like I said in that wonderful intro, you've been
sitting across from me. For almost two years
now. And I've been telling you these stories
while you've just been cracking jokes, drinking
beers, going, huh, that's weird. But the question
is, how has any of it actually sunk in? Have
you truly absorbed any of the cryptid paranormal
chaos that we've unleashed together? Or has it
all just kind of gone in one ear and out the
other? You know what I have absorbed is a lot
of Narragansett beer, our sponsor. Please drink
it. To answer your question, I'm sure that I've
retained some of it. Okay, that's fair. Well,
we're going to put that to the test. Yes, we
are. But before we do that, how you doing, bud?
What's going on? What's new? Not much. I had
a great couple of weeks off, then we came back
for an episode, and then we took another week
off because it's Labor Day. Hell yeah. And you
can't work on Labor Day. That's fucked up. Who
would we be if we worked on Labor Day? Exactly.
We'd be shills for the corporate machine. Oh,
I'm glad you're doing good. You're rested up.
How about you? How are you doing? I'm good. I
went to Liberty Weekend. We went up to New Hampshire,
and it was nice. We had to introduce our dogs
to my mother -in -law's dogs to make sure that
when we go to Japan in October, they don't fucking
kill each other. It's 50 -50 on whether or not
that will happen. But, you know. It's better
than zero. Better than zero. And that's all you
can really hope for. Yeah, yeah. It was good.
Saw my friend's band play at a show. I took my
first shrooms. Uh -oh. Pretty good. Not going
to lie. Didn't hate it. I heard they were good.
Everything looked like it was an 8K. I didn't
see anything crazy, but everything just looked
so sharp and crisp. I tried to explain it to
someone who wasn't tripping that I was with.
that everything looked like Borderlands, but
not cel -shaded. I couldn't figure out how to
describe what it was. But it was great. I had
a good time. But yeah, that's all I did. It was
good. That's eventful. That's a lot. Yeah, good
Labor Day weekend. I think we both kind of crushed
it. All right, Sarge. Are you ready? Requested
comment. Yeah. All right, you want to know the
rules? The rules are pretty simple. Okay, okay.
And feel free, anyone listening, to play along.
We're going to turn this into kind of like a
drinking game, I guess. So the rules are, I'm
not going to make you chug a beer or a shotgun
or anything like that. It's basically, you take
a sip every time you get a question wrong. You
stall or hesitate too long before answering.
Oh, that's fucked up. You completely forget we
even did the episode that I'm asking you about.
Or you start explaining an answer and then talk
yourself into the wrong one. I think that one
might happen. That's going to happen a lot. I'm
going to get very drunk during this episode.
And if anyone listening wants to play along,
you can just follow the same rules as Sarge.
You just drink with Sarge. Or, bonus, if I sigh
and then say Jesus Christ Sarge at any point
during the show. I feel like that happens more
often. Don't drink if that happens, because then
you will definitely get drunk. So that's it.
It's not complicated. There's no real score.
I'm not going to fucking hold you against it.
But yeah, so you didn't know this was coming,
but today, so you didn't have any time to prepare.
And I only chose episodes that you were on. None.
So there's going to be no episodes that, like,
when we did the interdimensional swaps, anything
before you. There's also nothing I don't think
about any episodes that you did alone without
me. Son of a bitch. Those would be the ones I
would know. Well, yeah, that's why I didn't do
it. I almost included them, but I didn't. But
we got a little warm -up round. This one has
no, there's no, like, no pressure. You don't
have to. This is just to get an idea of how the
game's going to go. Okay? Okay. All right. Are
you ready? Yes. All right. Question one. The
legendary Polybius arcade cabinet supposedly
caused bizarre effects in players back in the
early 80s. Which of the following was not one
of the reported side effects? A, nightmares.
B, memory loss. C, seizures. D, sudden overwhelming
urge to vomit and shit at the same time. A vomit
and shit. I would have remembered that. I would
have made a joke. Question two. In Oakville,
Washington, people got sick after mysterious
jelly -like blobs rained down from the sky. One
early theory was that the blobs were pulverized
jellyfish. True or false? That's false. Eat shit.
Really? I don't remember that being pulverized
jellyfish. Shit. I was so confident, too. I was
like, no way. Obviously, I know this. All right,
so this is the last warm -up question. You're
kind of getting a feel for it. Okay. All right,
so during the Robot Flower episodes, we came
up with ridiculous sports team names for the
alien robot invaders. Can you name one of those
teams? Yeah, the Fighting Petunias. Yes! All
right, so that's the warm -up. From here on out,
every wrong answer counts. So that means every...
So you got to follow the rules from now, all
right? Okay. Okay. Question one. In the Mel's
Hole saga, shady government agents showed up
and confiscated almost everything Mel owned.
Which of these items did they not take from him?
Was it A, his land, B, his money, C, his back
teeth, or D, his dog? Back teeth. Fuck. Fuck.
You don't remember them taking his teeth? I thought
they... It doesn't matter because I was wrong,
but I thought that, like, he said they didn't
get the thing in my back teeth. Like, I don't
know. No, they... This is going great. This is
going better than I thought it was going to go.
I mean, not for you. For me, I'm having a blast.
All right, so... I don't think you understand
the frustration when I don't know something.
All right, question two. All right, so this one's
from our Origins of Friday the 13th episode.
According to the lore explored in this episode,
Friday the 13th was historically associated with
witches holding massive group rituals. True or
false? True. False. It's tied more to the superstition
and events like the Knights Templar arrests.
There was nothing to do with witches, nothing
like that. Okay, well, hold on. All right. Because
one of the arguments was that the Knights Templar
were performing occult rituals and stepping on
crosses. Well, no, but when they arrested all
of them en masse in one day, that was... Oh,
no, no. I know I'm wrong. I'm just saying that
was my mindset. I mean, that's what the Pope
said or whoever said, I think. Yeah. They were
doing. The Fair of France. I guess it was the...
I'll give you half credit for that one. All right.
All right. I'll take it. I'm going to need it.
Question three. This comes from our Gurning Man
of Glasgow episode. Oh, I hated this one. The
Gurning Man became infamous for terrifying women
late at night. In one particularly disturbing
encounter, what was he doing at the foot of a
woman's bed? Was it A, whispering hello over
and over, B, rubbing his chest like a total fucking
creep, C, eating cold haggis straight from the
package, or D, doing jumping jacks completely
naked? Oh, he was rubbing his chest. He was erotically
rubbing his chest. Haggis comes in a package?
I figured it was just handed to you like in the
bloody hands of a tired butcher. It's like they
give it to you like it's a fucking lay as soon
as you land. We should get off the plane to Scotland.
Oh, fuck. That'd be so good. Just a bunch of
men in kilts slinging haggis over your neck.
Question four. This is from the Atlanta Blood
House episode. In 1987, a family discovered mysterious
blood all over their home. What was especially
strange about the source of the blood, according
to investigators? Was it A, it matched a missing
person's DNA? B, it came from a pig's carcass
stored in the basement? C, it was human blood,
but investigators couldn't determine whose it
was? Or D, it mysteriously vanished after drying?
C, human blood. Look at you, bud. You're killing
it. You're doing better than I thought. It's
weird that I got the most recent episode wrong.
Like the more recent episodes, I think, are the
ones that I've been getting wrong. Or maybe my
memory is really that broken. You got the Polybius
one, right? That's our most recent one. Oh, yeah.
No, you're right. So I think the human blood
one stuck in my head because I was like, these
people are on the hook for murder. Can't find
a body, but we're pretty sure it's a person.
Yeah. All right. Question five. This one's from
our Annabelle debunked episode. Nice. Lou claimed
that the cursed doll Annabelle tried to kill
him by doing what during a sleep paralysis episode?
Was it A, choking him, B, whispering threats
in his ear, C, writing kill Lou in blood on the
wall, or D, slowly moving closer to him while
humming a lullaby? Choking him. I... Neato gang.
All right. I couldn't imagine if it was D, slowly
moving closer while humming a lullaby. While
you're dealing with sleep paralysis and the thing's
just slowly inching towards you. That's worse
than being choked out, I feel like. I feel like
that would instill me with existential dread.
The other one's like, that's like physical fear,
I feel like. Yeah, but then you have to deal
with the shame that you were almost murdered
by a doll. By Raggedy Ann. I mean, none of those
scenarios are good. And in all those scenarios,
that doll is trying to fucking kill you. Oh,
yeah. All right. Question six. This question
comes from the Mormon Bigfoot episode, if you
remember that one. Oh, shit. One of my favorites.
How many total toes were counted in the tracks
of the so -called Mormon Bigfoot? I'll give you
plus or minus two. Total as in like, okay. Not
per Bigfoot, but like all together. Yeah. Fuck.
I don't know. 32. Got 16 toes a foot. No, that's
what I was trying to figure out. Like how many,
because I think it was six per foot, six toes
per foot. Oh, I'll give you that one because
the answer is 14 toes. But since you said six
toes per foot, that's 12. I gave you a plus or
minus two. Yeah. Yeah. So I'll give you, all
right. I was off by two. Good job. You get that
one. I thought you meant like when they were
looking at the tracks and I'm like, how the fuck
am I supposed to know how many toes they saw?
I was trying to figure out, was it per Bigfoot?
Yeah, it's like foot. Yeah, you're good. Okay.
All right. Question seven. This is from our Lake
Baikal Swimmers episode. Do you recall this one?
Nope. No? All right. I'm in trouble. Divers in
Lake Baikal, Russia reported encountering mysterious
humanoid creatures underwater. Now, these creatures
were described as being covered in glowing white
hair. True or false? True. Your pause on that
made me start to second guess myself. It's called
dramatic tension. Real quick, I was editing this
and Sarge actually got this one wrong. So I didn't
mean to hit the correct button. They were not
covered in fur or glowing light. They were actually
wearing like metallic wetsuits or some shit like
that. So sorry, Sarge. Sucks to suck. If you're
playing along, you got to drink. All right, question
eight. This is from our Macaulay and Bembe episode
with Nash. Macaulay and Bembe is often described
as resembling what modern, well, what animal?
An elephant, a rhinoceros, a brontosaurus, a
really ugly horse. Brontosaurus, hands down.
You did it. I'm so proud of you, bud. You're
doing pretty good. You're doing pretty good.
I'm doing much better than I thought I would.
Much better. All right. So that's all there is
for round one. You did great. There's multiple
rounds? God damn it. I honestly was not keeping
track of how many you got right or wrong. Neither
was I. Hopefully, if you're listening, start
the episode over and please. Keep score. We had
like nine questions, I think, and I answered.
We had eight questions, and I think I answered
five correctly and three wrong. Sure, we'll go
with that. But round two is going to be, they're
not going to be like crazy hard, but they're
going to be a little harder. Oh, okay. I think
you've been doing good so far. I think you can
muscle your way through this one. I want to bat
500 in this round. All right, so round two. Question
one. This comes from our Project Pegasus episode
part two. Okay. All right. So according to whistleblowers,
what bizarre activity allegedly took place on
Mars through the secret Project Pegasus time
travel program? Was it A, Starbucks on Olympus
Mons? B, children sent to interact with Martian
dinosaurs. C, a VIP golf course for government
officials. Or D, Elvis living in a space pyramid.
No, it was the kids and the dinosaurs. Yes. However,
Elvis was a close second. All right, this one
I kept in. Just because it's fun. You're going
to know the answer to this right away. True or
false? The Fresno Nightcrawlers are famous for
looking like tall, pale, floating pairs of pants
walking around at night. True. And we need pantsers.
Trademark. My girl, Amanda. I kept that one in
there just because it was fun. All right. After
writing these out, I realized that you weren't
on this episode, but were you? No, I don't think
you were. I don't know. I probably wasn't. I
don't know. I don't remember. But anyways, this
comes from the Vegetable Man episode. Nope, I
was there. I was on this one. Were you on that
one? I couldn't remember if it was you or my
cousin or if it was both of you. It was probably
both of us, I think. All right. So question three
from the Vegetable Man episode. The vegetable
man was said to have what bizarre feature that
terrified witnesses? Was it A, it could photosynthesize
sunlight through its skin? B, it made people
crave salads uncontrollably? C, it injected victims
with needle -like fingers? Or D, it spoke only
in screaming vegetable puns? Needle -like fingers?
You didn't sound too confident. I'm not. Because
all I could remember was his glistening thighs
that they kept describing. That's a different
thing. Oh, then I wasn't on this episode, but
I'm going to say needle -like fingers anyway.
Hell yeah, man. Yes! All right, all right. That's
good. You got it even without being on the episode.
You see, man, you're killing it. I have my moments.
All right, question four. This comes from our
Flatwoods Monster episode. The Flatwoods Monster
is often depicted wearing what strange, almost
regal piece of attire? This is an open -ended
question. I'm not going to give you any choices.
A crown. No, but I'll let you try again. You're
kind of close. You're kind of close. A cloak.
A tiara. A stovepipe top hat. You know what?
You got further away from it, so I'm going to
say no. A regal cape. Was it a cape? No, it had
like a spade -shaped hood almost kind of thing.
Oh, goddammit. Yeah. Goddammit. I'm sorry, man.
You can't win them all. No, you can't. You got
so... You were closer with crown, and then you
moved to a stovepipe hat. I love it. Well, if
you don't think a stovepipe hat is regal, then
you have not seen Abraham Lincoln. No, that's
valid. That's all I'm going to say about that.
Valid. Valid. All right. Question five. This
comes from the Allagash Abductions episode. So
in the Allagash Abduction case, what were the
group of men doing when they first encountered
the UFO? Was it A, night fishing, B, camping
and roasting marshmallows, C, streaking through
the woods on mushrooms, D, playing Dungeons and
Dragons in a tent? They were definitely night
fishing. Night fishing? Yeah. Final answer? Yep.
You sure? Oh yeah, 100 % confident. Because I
remember thinking to myself, you fucking idiots.
Why? Of course the aliens are going to take you.
You're out in the middle of a lake. You're pretty
much, you're literally a sitting duck at that
point. Yeah, you're asking for it. Are you going
to swim away? Good luck. All right. I also left
this one in here for you just to give you kind
of a little easy one. True or false, according
to Appalachian folklore, mimics are supernatural
entities that copy voices and appearances to
lure victims. True. 100 % true. 100 % true, baby.
You would know. You wrote the episode. All right.
Okay. This one's a little harder. It comes from
our Toynbee Tiles episode. Okay. About how many
confirmed tiles have been documented? Oh, that's
really tough. I'm definitely going to get this
wrong. I want to say 12, but that can't be right.
I feel like there's way more. I'll give you three
guesses. Not including the one you just said.
Okay, good. 64, 30. And over 100. Fine, I'll
give it to you. Was it over 100? The correct
answer is around 130. Oh, Jesus Christ, that
dude was... As soon as I said 12, I was like,
wait a minute. Maybe in like the greater Philadelphia,
maybe like in Philadelphia itself. In one square
block. But remember, he went around the world,
dude. He was in fucking South America and shit.
I remember in that episode, there was the theory
that he was just dropping it out of his car and
people were driving over it. I don't think that's
the theory. I think that's exactly how he did
it. That's pretty good. It could be. Either that
or he has a good road crew. He doesn't work for
the city of Philadelphia, I'll tell you that
much. Ay, fucking burn. Got him. Ayo. Got him.
All right. This is question eight, and it is
the last question of round two. Okay. Oh, shit.
This comes from our Ghost Moms episode, the one
we did for Mother's Day. I don't know if you
remember that one at all. Okay. One of the spirits
covered in this episode, the Rasulca. is a type
of ghost from which country's folklore? A, Russia,
B, Japan, C, Ireland, or D, Brazil? I'm going
to say Brazil. You're going to say Brazil? Yeah.
Fuck. Japan. It had to be Japan. The audience
did not like that one. It had to be Japan then.
Russia. What? Russia. Fucking Russia. Rusalka
sounds very Russian. You never know. That's fair.
All right. So you made it through round one and
round two fairly unscathed, I feel like. I feel
you got more right than wrong. That's the plan
the whole time. That's the plan going into any
sort of test, I assume, right? Is get more right
than wrong? Yeah. I'm shooting for 70s the whole
way across. I think that's the average so far.
That's pretty good. All right. So are you ready
for round three? Going into round three, where's
your mind at? Let's get a little insight into
the player. I think for round three, I'm fucked.
You think so? With my overflow from the previous
rounds, with my wins from the previous rounds,
I think I'm going to get away with a 500 average.
Okay. That's all right. Okay. We'll see. Oh,
just so you know. uh, there's no like repeating,
like you're not going to get a question from
Polybius from round one and then another one
in round two. I made sure to do like, Oh yeah,
no, I figured that wasn't going to happen. Okay.
So you can't rely on previous episodes or previous
questions to get you through this. Yeah. All
right. But I did make sure to use that Mel's
hole was counted as each episode. So there's
three Mel's hole questions. So maybe, Oh yeah.
Uh, and speaking of which, Round three, question
one. During one of Mel's more disturbing experiments,
he pulled up something no one was prepared for.
What was it? Was it A, a telepathic fetus seal
with sad human eyes that emerged from the hole?
B, a heavy black eye? The confidence. Do you
want to hear the other ones, or are you good?
I think we're good. I want to hear them. You
put in the effort. I want to know what the other
options are. B was a heavy black object giving
off a low hum. C, the partially preserved remains
of a strange animal. Or D, a length of rope tied
into intricate, unfamiliar knots. No, it had
to be A. God damn. You guys think I don't pay
attention. I mostly do. Well, to be fair, the
Mel's holes episodes, I think were some of our
funnest episodes we've ever done. And it's kind
of hard to forget some of those jokes and shit
that we made. So the fetus seal sad human eyes.
I could, I could never forget that. It's too
good. You can't forget it. Yeah. Cause I just
kept thinking of the Sarah McLaughlin song. oh
shit I forgot I have a laugh track this entire
I should have been using it say that again one
more time I kept thinking about the Sarah McLaughlin
song it's a very weak laugh such underwhelming
laughter is that not three people who remember
the ASPCA commercial We're in 2025. No one knows
who the fuck Sarah McLachlan is. I know. I chose
the sad laugh. Not the sad, but the weaker one
because I thought it would be way funnier. But
it doesn't work if we're both laughing over it
hysterically while it's just ha ha ha ha ha ha.
All right. Question two. This is from our Valiant
Thor episode. This is probably an easier one.
True or false? Valiant Thor supposedly lived
inside the Pentagon for three years while advising
the U .S. government on alien matters. True.
Yeah, that was too easy. All right. You had a
badass little sex apartment. You and that guy
were going at it. Question three. This is from
our Seekers UFO Doomsday Cult episode. Okay.
When the world didn't end on the predicted date,
the Seekers didn't admit defeat. Instead, they
claimed what? A. The prophecy was misread and
the end was still coming, just a different date.
B. Their faith prevented the apocalypse saving
the world. C. The aliens demanded a cash offering
to reschedule the event. D. Everyone who doubted
them would now be abducted immediately. B. B?
Yeah. It was B. I feel like at one point, though,
they did do A, and that's why I put A, because
I feel like no matter what, that cognitive dissonance
is just going to fuck you. Yeah. I mean, honestly,
in any cult, it's either going to be A or B.
Yeah. And then it'll eventually lead to F, suicide.
Skipping over E entirely. Yeah, no. E's are pointless
at that point. All right. Question four. This
is from the nameless thing of 50 Berkeley Square
episode. The one with the sailors. Yep. Y 'all
remember that one. Name of my erotic novel. What
happened to the maid who encountered the creature
in 50 Berkeley Square? Oh, shit. I feel like
she went crazy. Did she just go crazy? I don't
know. Did she? Yeah. I'm going to say that. I
feel like she went insane. She went insane? Yeah.
Did she just do something lame like quit? No,
she was literally scared to death. Oh. Oh, I
didn't go far enough. Yeah, you were close. You
were close, but no cigar. All right, question
five. I'm going to stop telling you what episodes
they're from. I just have to guess at that point?
Yep. The earliest known recorded case of spontaneous
human combustion dates back to what century?
Oh, God damn it. Century? Fuck my life. I don't
know. I feel like it was Roman times, but I don't
know what century it was. Dave, if I was good
at numbers, I wouldn't be doing this. That's
valid. You know, I'd be doing a numbers job.
It definitely dates back to Roman times, so I
don't know. When the fuck... Rome's still there.
Rome exists now. Roman Empire. You know, when
they had like gladiators and shit, not just good
pizza and the Pope. I'm going to be honest. I
don't know what time period that was, but I'm
going to say no. The 17th century. What? No way.
1600s. 1600s was one of the earliest known recorded
cases. I'll accept my loss here, but you might
want to look that up because I'm pretty confident
they said the earliest known cases went back
to Roman times. Maybe they... But this is, like,
recorded. Well, I mean, we wouldn't have known
about it had they not recorded it back then either,
so... Fuck off. All right. I'll look it up. I'll
look it up. Okay. I entirely accept that I could
be 100 % wrong here, so it's not like I'm testing
you. Hey, yeah, exactly. You know what? Fuck
you. I'm testing you. You're not testing me.
I'm asking the questions here. All right? fucking
watcher you're talking to, man. I have control
of the buzzer. They already said I was wrong.
Alright, this is what I have to tell you the
episode because this question makes no sense
if I don't. It's from the Red Ghost episode.
Do you remember the Red Ghost? Sure. Yeah, alright.
Well, witnesses didn't just see a terrifying
creature. They saw what horrifying detail on
its back? A rotting human corpse tied to it?
A bundle of weapons strapped with rawhide, a
mangled deer carcass still bleeding, or dozens
of bones lashed together like a saddle? I'm going
to say rotting human corpse. That was the most
familiar of the answers. Yeah, the red ghost
was like the demon camel. Remember the... Oh,
you said Red Ghost. Well, it's called the Red
Ghost. And I did all that research on camels
across the United States and Australia. It was
the name of the... It's called the Red Ghost.
Yeah. No, that's my bad. That's my bad for not
remembering, given that I actually did research
on camels. See, even that wouldn't have helped.
I could have done episodes. I should have included
more episodes than you did. You might not have
remembered. Yeah, just say the one with the orange
Yeti that had tentacles, and I'll remember what
the episode was. All right, you ready for question
seven? Yeah, let's do it. All right. During the
Vietnam War, U .S. soldiers using night vision
goggles reported seeing what horrifying sight
in the jungle? Was it A, gargoyle -like creatures
moving through the trees, B, transparent humanoids
like heat mirages, C, oversized mouths full of
fangs emerging from the shadows. Or D, skinless
figures crawling on all fours. Gargoyles, definitely
A. And I just, so, I love this because I was
trolling through YouTube, like I do, because
I watch YouTube videos while I'm doing my day
job. Yeah. And this fucking goon, this absolute...
pile of knobs tried to tell everybody in his
audience that that was a real thing uncritically
was just like experimental night vision in Vietnam
and I wanted to hit him with a shovel so bad
I was so angry I was like do like the smallest
amount of research you fucking idiot find out
who this was and let's invite him on the show
So I can blow up his spot? Yeah. I wouldn't even
have to talk for that episode. It would just
be him going... I would ask the question, he
would answer, and then it would just be 15 minutes
of you being like, you're a fucking idiot. Dude,
I was so mad. I was like, how dare you? I've
always wondered why we don't do that. This is
like the largest collection of veterans in the
history of the world. You could like in the history
of the United States is the largest collection
of veterans in our lifetime that you have at
your disposal. And you're just going to uncritically
be like, yeah, they had night vision in Vietnam
and it was super small and easy to wear in your
head. Yeah. You fucking idiot. I've always wondered
why we haven't done more of that is where we
just invite like full on paranormal cryptid conspiracy
grifters onto the show. under the guise of like
an actual like interview and then well after
this episode i don't know if that's gonna be
possible they're not gonna hear it they'll be
fine most most that's true they never they would
never listen to an episode here's what i found
out most guests you get on a podcast they've
never listened to your show before and they're
not gonna listen to it after so because most
people i mean not the guests we have they're
pretty cool i mean i don't think they've ever
listened to our show maybe i mean nash probably
has but i mean for the most part they're just
here to promote whatever they're doing yeah so
but also like if anyone invites me onto their
podcast i'm going to uncritically be like yes
i'm going to take one look at their social media
to make sure they're not nazis and then i'm just
going to go with the flow I actually, because
it's fun. Yeah. I mean, but I'll, I'll listen.
You gotta listen to it, but most people don't.
So I feel like, well, yeah, that's what I'm saying
is like, I take a look at their social media
first before I agree to it. And then I listened
before I go on the show. Yeah. So why don't we
just start getting these people on the show?
I think it'd be really funny. And because I might
have an aneurysm, the episodes will be 15 minutes
long because either they'll storm off or you
will die. Nothing good is going to come from
it. It's going to be fine. Oh, God. It'll be
good for us. I think it'll be really funny. Let's
start with Lorne Coleman. No, I can't. That's
true. I couldn't either. I couldn't even pretend.
We would start with a Bridgewater Triangle story
and we'd all go downhill from there. And then
we'd talk about fucking, what was it? Bigfoot
Palooza or whatever the fuck. Good old Rob Crean.
The greatest story ever told. Oh, goddamn. Okay.
All right. All right. Yeah, so find out who the
Night Vision Goggle guy is and I'll reach out
to him. All right. Okay. Question eight. Last
question of round three. The Mad Gasser struck
terror by spraying gas into homes using what
makeshift delivery system? A long rubber tube
connected to a pressurized canister. B, a hand
-pumped incesticide sprayer. C, a cracked garden
hose held together with cloth and tape. Or D,
an old perfume bottle filled with toxic fumes.
Long rubber tube, pressurized canister. That's
what I think. Pretty confident. Yes! Mad Gasser,
a Saskatoon. So here's... I found out it's Mattoon,
but also it's not Mattoon, it's Matten. We got
wildly corrected on that after that episode,
and I never... The Mad Gasser of Matten? Yeah,
turns out... That's no fun. Mad Gasser of Mattoon
is way better. Yeah, if there's two T's and two
O's, that's a Mattoon, if I've ever heard one.
Yeah, knock it off. To be fair, though, we're
from an area where there's a place called Lemonster,
clearly spelt Leo Minster. Yeah. So who are we
in Worcester? Yeah. Who are we to fucking in,
in reading what we call it? Reading. Cause we're
assholes. Yeah. It's reading. Obviously. Yeah.
All right, Sarge. Haverhill. Haverhill. Yeah.
We just hate language. It's, it's all right,
Sarge. Final question. Final question. All right.
I'm not going to give you any choices. So you're
going to have to kind of remember it. Now, remember,
this is the episode that won us an award. Fuck.
Okay. This is the reason why we are an award
-winning podcast. It's this episode right here
on the Colu Pollock. All right. Okay. According
to... You don't remember this episode at all,
do you? Your face. All right, so... The thing
is, I don't remember names of anything. That's
fine. According to Inuit folklore, the Kalapalak
lures children to the water's edge. What unique
feature helps it sneak up without being detected?
Now, if you need a lifeline, I will give you
the multiple choice. Oh, yeah. No, I'm going
to need a lifeline on this one. I'd fuck it up
otherwise. A. Its skin blends perfectly with
sea ice, making it nearly invisible. B. It moves
completely silently, leaving no ripples in the
water. C. It hums a song that hypnotizes children
into following it. D. It can breathe both above
and below water, stalking from either side. B.
I'm a ride or die on B. You're right on B? Yep.
Balls. To be fair, this was kind of a trick question.
But also not really because you had a 50 -50
shot. It was A and C. How did I fuck up that
bad? A and C. I really thought it was, well,
I mean. You could have gotten. I really thought
it was B. You could have gotten. I was hardcore
on B. You could have gotten. 50 -50, man. You
could have gotten... I don't know how you did
that. You chose so wrong. Hold on, what was B
again? B was it moves completely silently leaving
no ripples in the water. Yeah, no. I'm still
wrong. I didn't shed any light on it. I don't
know if for some reason I thought that. I don't
know why I thought that. Oh, you're good. um
except my winning record though i at least got
more right than i did wrong this is true the
uh the one thing i will say is that uh you should
remember the kalu palak episode you should remember
because that was the one where i kept trying
to post reels about it and tiktoks and it kept
getting banned because we were talking about
how uh andrew tate tough guy macho men should
listen to the song and follow them to the ocean
I don't know if you remember that at all. To
be fair, literally every episode, there's at
least one reel that gets banned. That's true.
I get content strikes almost constantly on TikTok.
I don't know why. We don't say anything that
crazy. You send it to me on a Monday, and I'm
checking emails and getting ready for the day,
and then I see a reel pop up, and by the time
I click on it, I'm like, oh, nope, already gone.
Yeah, I don't know what's going on. All right.
Well, there you have it. Quizzed cocktail party.
I think we did pretty good. I did so much better
than I thought I would. I'm so relieved. I don't
know if people are going to like this episode.
I did this mostly for us just because I thought
it was really funny. It is super funny. It's
really fun. Super fun. Yeah, but if anyone was
playing along, let us know how you did. You know,
if you were actually playing the drinking game.
Let us know how drunk you got. I don't think
you did. Yeah, send us drunk texts. I'm okay
with it. You did really well, so I don't know
if anyone even got a chance to drink, really.
But yeah, there you go. How are you feeling,
Sarge? I put you on the spot so fucking hard.
But it was so much fun. Do it again next year.
Let's do it again. All right. We'll do it once
a year, and then we'll do it for the episodes
of that year. Yeah, we'll do it. We'll do it
every episode after Labor Day. Yeah, you know
what? I think that's good. I love it. I think
that's fun. Yeah, this was so much fun. It was
a good episode to come back from a break from.
Just a little lighthearted, something fun. Just
a little torture. And the good news is I won't
remember. So you're going to surprise me again.
The best thing, too, is that I could probably
do this exact same test next year. Oh, yeah.
100%. I would probably get way more wrong at
that point. The only one I was like, there were
a couple that I was just a hundred percent like
the baby seal one. I knew that hands down. And
the fighting petunias was probably one of my
favorite things that we ever came up with. Yeah.
Cause those are some of our best episodes. Yeah.
I still want the sports jersey that says Fighting
Petunias. Yeah. I mean, I also like the Murfreesboro
Mud Monster jerseys, I think. Yeah, that was
a good one. That was good. That was a good one.
All right, champion. All right. We did good.
Everybody, I love you. And, you know, goodbye.
We're not done yet. I don't know. I thought you
were signaling me to just get it over with. No,
I was going to say, Sarge, as always, is there
anything you want to plug? Anything about the
episode that people are listening to know? Yeah.
I am sorry that America is a fucking nightmare
right now, and I feel like my coloring book has
attributed to it, but you can still download
it. Not download it. You can go to a website
and purchase it at Sarge's Supernormal. dot com
and it's a coloring book and it's fucking weird
as shit and there's all kinds of fun stuff to
do in there and if you don't like it I don't
know shove it up your butt $9 .99 can't beat
that with a sack of nickels we're getting cold
again might get snow soon you know within the
next couple of months nothing better in the world
than to hang out in your house and color offensive
things about the president I love we're gonna
get snow soon In a couple of months. Honestly,
I'm surprised if we get snow again ever. We're
going to get snow in, like, October. You don't
know. I don't know. It snowed on Halloween, like,
two years ago. Whatever. That was two years ago.
It's gotten progressively warmer every year since
then. We'll see what happens. All right. So,
yeah. So, Sardisupernormal .com. You can grab
his coloring book. You can follow him. Sardisdestroyer.
Pretty much every platform, if not every platform.
Yeah, you can just Google the name. I'm the only
idiot dumb enough to use Sarge the Destroyer.
You can follow us at Cryptic Cocktail on Instagram,
Cryptic Cocktail Party on TikTok. I think that's...
Oh, we got a Patreon. I'm going to revamp it.
Maybe it'll be revamped by the time this episode
comes out. It'll be more things offered, less
price point. thing yeah you guys we got to counter
inflation by going cheaper because we love you
um and leave us a rating and review that'd be
awesome leave us a leave us a rating and review
with your score from this game yes i think that'd
be pretty funny uh all right so comment on the
episode on reels like on instagram and tell us
what you got yeah so i guess now with that out
of the way sorry do you want to say goodbye and
i love you to the audience no i already said
it goodbye And I love you.