you are now listening to cryptid cocktail party
Welcome back, everyone, to another episode of
Cryptic Cocktail Party, a show where we have
a few drinks, share a few laughs, take a dive
into the unknown. I'm your host, Dave, joined
as always by my wonderful co -host, Sarge. How's
it going, Sarge? Fucking amazing. Yeah? Yeah,
I'm going to see Pantera next weekend. Oh, awesome.
Make sure you take a bunch of videos of him giving
Nazi salutes. a good time yeah all right look
look i'm not actually going to see pantera i'm
going to see amana marth they just happen to
be opening for pantera all right that's valid
still not a great look when you've done some
nazi salutes and you're gonna have a swedish
band open for you are you gonna drive there are
you going to uh walk and uh we got a very special
guest today we're joined by the dadman himself
uh wesley pipes aka pipes buffet what's going
on man Hey, I'm going to see Clips next weekend.
I'm extremely excited. Hey, kid, I threw my vape.
Get it for me. One of the benefits of having
a child. Oh, my God. Exactly. They always get
your vape for you. I saw Ghost on Monday. Oh,
hell yeah. On Monday. Fuck, dude. Yeah. I can't
go. Yeah, I was not happy about it either. And
they played at the garden. And you couldn't have
your fucking phone on you. They were stupid and
had people there that would unlock your phone
in designated areas. So I just went there and
they unlocked it for me. And because Ghost is
really popular with like 12 -year -olds, she
was just inundated with children. So I just walked
by her without locking my phone up again. Whoa,
so a show at a venue the size of the Garden and
they are able to pull off locking the phones?
Yeah, they make you put it in this stupid little
baggie, right? And I don't like to be told what
to do. Which is weird, because I was in the military
for a while. But also, you're a veteran, so obviously
I feel like that comes with the territory. So
I snuck in my vape, and I also did not allow
them to lock up my phone permanently. I literally,
they locked my phone, I went up the escalator,
went to the phone area where they could unlock
it. I unlocked my phone, took it out of the pouch,
and then locked the pouch and put that in my
pocket, and then put my phone in my other pocket.
Wait, so goat? It's like, fuck you guys, you
can't tell me what to do. Fuck you, I won't do
what you tell me, I'm 43! I'm sorry. I was just
going to say, I didn't know you were in the military,
so I want to say this is not stolen valor. I
actually did kill a bunch of teenagers a few
decades ago. Oh, it looks like we have something
in common. I'm just kidding. I didn't do that.
I didn't. I promise. Well, there goes the algorithm
fooling. This one's getting pulled. Wesley, we've
known each other for going on... You can call
me Johnny. You can call me whatever. You can
call me what you always call me. That's fine,
too. I don't care. No last names. No birthdown.
No social security numbers. But we've known each
other for what? Going on 20, 25 years? I was
just telling Sarge here that I used to buy you
alcohol before you were of age. Oh, yeah. We
used to slam Sparks underneath the stairs of
the Brick House. Mad Dog 2020, dude. Orange Jubilee,
though. Best flavor. No other flavor. Sparks
was only out for six months, wasn't it? Before
people were dying? I vividly remember Sparks.
It was the Four Loko of our generation. It was
great. I can actually still... The taste was
the most malty, malt, licorice beverage taste
I could... I feel like it was like chewable,
Flintstones chewable vitamins. Yeah, it kind
of had that medicinal taste to it. Liquid -tasted
chewable. Yeah, yeah, you could actually chew
it. Yeah. It was kind of fucked up. All right,
John, so quick question. We ask this to all our
guests before we start the episode, but I've
known you for a bit. You've always been into
these kinds of conspiracies, maybe not cryptids,
but definitely aliens, that type of shit for
a while, right? Actually, I'm actually rocking
my death head moth. gauges for yeah brother you
know in solidarity um so yeah not so much the
cryptids i i pretty much checked out on that
when i saw mothman prophecies and like the thing
flew through the car and i was like all right
this is bogus but um yeah i mean since since
i got on the internet at age like 13 um i've
been huge into into all the cool conspiracies
and paranormal stuff and Hell yeah, man. Well,
I think I got a pretty good one for you today.
This actually ties into, you were in a band a
while back in New Hampshire called MJ12, which
stands for Majestic 12. This kind of actually
ties into that briefly at the end, so I think
you'll get a kick out of it. That is an awesome
band name, by the way. Yeah. It was characterized
with the Roman numeral, so it's MJ -XII. Yeah,
that's awesome. It was pretty sick. It was pretty
fun. It was great. Yeah. All right. So you guys
ready to dive into this? Like I said, this is
very information heavy, so it's mostly story,
but feel free to interject at any point with
whatever you got. Hey, I'm just happy that now
that I'm sober, you don't have to worry about
me nodding out, bouncing my head off the desk
while you're rambling on about whatever the fuck.
Be honest, man, it wouldn't be the first time
that somebody did that. Yeah, this might get
a little boring at some points, and I'm sorry,
but all the information is relevant, I swear.
We'll keep it spicy. It'll be fine. We'll keep
it spicy. All right, so in 1965, the U .S. government
participated in what some might consider the
worst foreign exchange program ever imagined.
Twelve military personnel were plucked from existence
and sent on a classified mission involving aliens.
deep space travel, and conditions so brutal that
it's a miracle anyone made it out alive. For
decades, this mission was kept in the dark from
the public, and that is until the mid -2000s
when one brave whistleblower brought to light,
dragging the secret space program out from the
shadows. This week, gentlemen, we're going to
be discussing something called Project Serpo.
Is that something either of you guys have ever
heard of? I am familiar with this. Not probably
the level you're going to go into, but yeah.
It's on like the periphery of my knowledge. Okay.
Yeah. I don't know a hundred percent if I, if
I recognize it sounds very familiar to me is
I guess what I'm trying to say. I'm pretty sure
I know what this is. Isn't that the one, the
one with, uh, with Al Pacino, right? Where he's
like the detective. Yeah. And he wore the poncho
and the funny hat. Yeah. Yeah. Operation. Yeah.
And Charlie from, uh, it's always sunny in Philadelphia.
did that as well on an episode. Yeah, yeah. Project
Serpico. That's what we're talking about today.
Yeah, exactly. That's what I thought you said.
All right. So the origins of Project Serpo, like
any good secret space program community, traces
all the way back to 1947 and the crash at Roswell.
But according to those involved in Project Serpo,
what we were told about the incident at Roswell,
well, some things may have been left out of the
official story, like the fact that there wasn't
just one, but two distinct crash sites. the first
being the one near Corona, New Mexico. That's
the crash site we all know and love and refer
to as the Roswell crash. There, the military
recovered wreckage from the downed craft, a bunch
of dead aliens, and, most notably, one survivor.
This surviving entity was immediately taken into
custody because if there's one thing Americans
won't tolerate, even in the 40s, it's illegal
aliens. They were kind enough at least to give
this one a name. This one was designated EBE
-1, which stands for Extraterrestrial Biological
Entity 1. We know him commonly as Hulk Hogan,
though. R .I .P. R .I .P. Rest in power, King.
Oh, yeah. He was described as being small, humanoid,
and frail -looking with brownish skin and large
black eyes. He wasn't hostile. So Mick Jagger.
All right, go on. Sorry. No, wait. I think Keith
Richards is a small one. Yeah. Yeah, they're
all pretty frail, though. They are British. They're
all pretty nightmarish. So EBE -1, he wasn't
hostile. He was actually really calm, cooperative,
and he kind of seemed like an all -around chill
dude once he was able to communicate with his
captors. Once in custody, he was relocated to
Los Alamos National Laboratory where he lived
under the care of various scientists and military
personnel. Then two years later, in 1949, that's
when the second crash site was discovered. This
was near Polona Peak. I don't know where that
is. I'm assuming it's also still in New Mexico.
There they found additional wreckage and six
more alien bodies, all of which was recovered
and transported to various secret military labs.
So now between both sites, the U .S. had now
collected two damaged crafts, a shitload of dead
aliens, and one living being, being EBE -1. who
was quickly becoming a very valuable source of
information. Through a combination of hand signals,
object identification, and eventually some rudimentary
English, EBE -1 was able to share information
about his species, their culture, and their technology.
He also explained how some of the recovered alien
equipment worked, including the communication
systems, which he used to transmit a signal to
his home world. later identified as a planet
in the Zeta Reticuli system roughly 39 light
years away. And this laid the groundwork for
the future meet and greet between his people
and ours. Now, can I just interrupt you for just
a second? So this is really interesting that
you mentioned Zeta Reticuli because of Betty
and Bonnie Hill, who also claim to be visited
by aliens from the Zeta Reticuli. Exeter, New
Hampshire zone. That's right. I actually went,
every time I go, there's an area that I like
to go camping and hiking up that way. And every
time I go, I always stop at the gas station that's
got that cool. Yeah. Have you been to the UFO
festival they have there? It's awesome. I went
a while back. It's pretty cool. I'm sorry to
derail things, but I thought Zeta Reticula was
just an interesting thing to call out. Pertinent.
Especially. Given we got two folks from New Hampshire,
we need to celebrate Betty and Barney Hill as
well. But also what I'm hearing from you, Sarge,
is that Zeta Reticuli may be considered part
of UFO mythology. Agreed. Keep that in mind.
No spoilers, but keep that in mind. You know,
when you mentioned that they were trading technology
back and forth, for a second, just a brief second,
I was like, maybe they explained why they keep
sticking shit up our butts. No. And before you
go on, Dave, Sartre just mentioned something
that I actually wanted to touch on right off
the bat, and he jogged my memory on it. My ADD
is off the charts, so I'm just all over the place.
But on the subject of spoilers, just please,
can we make sure there's no Marvel spoilers during
this part? Yeah, thanks. I just, you know. Yeah,
no. Now, E .B. Ewan remained in U .S. custody
until he sadly passed away in 1952 from an illness
that doctors couldn't identify or treat, which
is a bummer. He seemed like a really cool dude,
and I was really hoping that he could have stuck
around for the whole thing. So RIP EBE1. This
one's for you. Let's have just a brief moment
of silence for. I'm going to drink to your patter
writer, Dave, because that guy is off the chain.
That's a classic patter. But guys, don't fret.
His death was not in vain. Twelve years after
the passing of EBE -1, the communication link
that he helped establish paid off. In April of
1964, after years of intermittent contact, a
face -to -face meeting between U .S. officials
and EBE species, known now as the Ebbins, finally
took place. Now, according to, quote -unquote,
Project Serpo Material, this meeting took place
at a remote site near Alamogordo, New Mexico,
at a prearranged and... very heavily controlled
landing site. So here's how that whole thing
went down. So an Edmund spacecraft descended,
they recovered the remains of their fallen crew
members, and then initiated a formal exchange
of information. Luckily, the Edmunds brought
with them some sort of translation device. They
didn't actually describe what it was or how it
worked, but basically it allowed for limited
but pretty effective communication, kind of.
It allowed both sides to establish a basic mutual
understanding of each other. This first direct
encounter pretty much, it was just like confirming
what EBE had already told us. The Ebons were
from Zeta Reticuli, possessed advanced spacefaring
technology, and had an interest in establishing
peace relations with humanity. What followed
next, though, was the negotiation of what some
might consider a bit of an unprecedented agreement,
that being an interstellar exchange program.
And negotiations must have been... fairly quick
because by 1965 roughly like a year later after
the initial meeting all the plans were finalized
so the plan was was that 12 americans 10 men
two women were selected to travel to the ebbins
home planet and in return one ebbin would remain
on earth as a diplomatic liaison now i haven't
read the art of the deal but i feel like it's
like a raw deal Yeah, I feel like we got... That
does not sound like a good trade -off, right?
I recognize that America is not known for its
math skills, but we do have to recognize that
12 is more than one. Yes, but also at the same
time, the first Eben to be on Earth died within
five years. And that Eben grew up to be Brittany
Griner. Sorry, that's a pretty heavy reference
that might go over the head. I don't know if
your audience is, but... Oh, our audience. They're
everyone. I don't know, man. You told me to behave.
This is me behaving. I'm keeping it classic.
No, you're doing great. I know. So the 12 selected
individuals, obviously they were all military,
Air Force, Army, and Navy, and they were carefully
chosen for their skills, like their backgrounds,
their psychological profiles. The group included
scientists, medical officers, linguists, pilots,
and security personnel. And before their departure,
they underwent six months of intensive training
in a whole slew of fields like astronomy, alien
language basics, and survival in unknown environments.
Their identities were completely erased from
official records, which I learned through this.
This is a process known as being sheep dipped,
I guess is what it's called. Yeah. Don't they
do that in West Virginia? Hunter S. Thompson
used to talk about that a lot, actually. And
their families were given cover stories, some
of which included false death notifications to
explain them just disappearing out of thin air.
Then, in July of 1965, it was time to saddle
up. The 12 -person team boarded an Evans spacecraft
at the Nevada testing site. And with them, they
brought supplies like food, water, weapons, scientific
instruments, and communications gear, all for
what was intended to be a 10 -year mission. And
with that, the ship took off, bound for a planet
39 light years away. So 39 light years is pretty
far, I would say, I think. I'm not a scientist.
But to give you an idea of just how far away,
like, it would take Voyager 1. which travels
at a speed of around 38 ,000 miles per hour,
roughly 685 ,000 years to get there. But that's
human technology. The Evans, they possessed a
propulsion system that allowed them to cover
the distance in under a year. They said it took
them roughly like nine months to get there. Now,
what that propulsion system was is unclear. Some
say it's antimatter energy or some sort of space
warping or wormhole type shit. But in the end,
it doesn't really matter, whatever it was. The
ship moved at approximately 40 times the speed
of light, which is way beyond anything Earth
scientists could even fully comprehend. That's
insane. As for the human crew on the ship, they
experienced a wide range of physical effects
during the trip. They didn't float in zero gravity,
which means the ship was generating its own gravity.
They were able to walk, sleep, exercise during
the trip, so that's nice. The journey wasn't
without its challenges, though. Several team
members reported persistent dizziness, disorientation,
and recurring headaches. Symptoms that were probably
caused by the fact that they were traveling 12
billion miles a second in an alien craft suited
for their environment. Or somebody swapped their
tang out for blue dolphins, if you know what
I'm saying. Remember that from Bad Boys 2? They
had the blue dolphins. Yeah, I know. I got you.
I got you. Great movie. Great movie. Just so
you know, for those Americans that are listening
to the show, 39 light years is a little over
400 trillion football fields. Oh. Okay. You're
welcome. I appreciate that. Were you listening
to anything after that or were you just looking
that up the entire time? No, I was doing the
math. Gotcha. All right. That's what people,
that's what like. Most people probably walk away
from this. They'll be like, ah, check this out.
That's a great factoid. That's a deal closer
at a bar. You drop that fact, you're closing
the deal. That's the art of the deal, baby. Something
the fucking Americans apparently can't figure
out what that is. Bring it back. Look at that,
man. Right? I like that. Now, as far as the crew's
accommodations on the ship. The Americans had
sleeping quarters, food storage areas, and space
to store all their equipment and supplies. They
also began the process of adapting to ebb and
food while traveling by gradually mixing it in
with their food to try and help minimize digestive
shock when they got there. Spoiler alert. Non
-Marvel spoiler alert. It didn't happen. Now,
by early 1966, the ship finally entered the Zeta
Reticuli system. Now, as they approached their
destination, the team observed a binary star
system. That means two suns, for those of you
who might be unfamiliar with that term. And for
those of you conservatives, don't worry. There's
no pronouns involved, you fucking mongoloids.
Yeah, I had a bathroom joke on deck, but you
beat me to it. Well, sorry. He's a bathroom joke,
too, because I kind of want to know, like, How
did the food affect him when it came to pooping?
Oh, don't worry. We're going to get there. Oh,
that's in here? I'm very excited. We'll cover
that in detail. You just lit up the... I'm going
to talk about shit very soon here, guys. Dude,
I told you that this episode is very information
heavy. So any questions you might have will probably
be answered as we go down. Sarge, to go back
to what you were saying, even though it is a
binary star system, there are still genders.
There was one slightly larger sun, that is the
male sun. It is larger and more yellow. Pronouns
are he, him. The smaller one is the female, and
that is orange. I also made that up. They're
just two different suns. There's no genders.
I just wanted to say that. Ben Shapiro has something
he'd like to say. So they saw the two suns kind
of like Tatooine style, I guess. And then they
finally saw the planet that would be their home
for the next few years, a planet that they would
come to call Serpo. So Serpo kind of sucks. It's
just a super harsh environment. So being a binary
star system. The only fast food chain is Hardee's.
But it sucks because even though it's a binary
SAR system, it's not like Tatooine where they're
both in the sky at the same time. It's just in
constant sunlight. Oh, so perpetual daylight?
And it's oppressive sunlight. And the temperature
is exceeding up to 110 degrees in most regions.
And even with protective gear, the brightness
caused severe eye strain and several members
suffered. from acute sunburn, some getting even
second -degree burns within hours of arrival.
Not great. It's kind of like, what was that movie
with Vin Diesel, Pitch Black? It's like that,
but if it never turned dark. Okay. Yeah, it's
like 30 Days of Night with Josh Hartnett if it
was 30 days, 30 ,000 light -year days of light.
Exactly. 400 trillion football fields of light.
Dave, I'm assuming you're going to tell me this
will be answered, but like right off the jump,
I'm like, why this being, you know, that they
swapped with, isn't this the type of pertinent
information you think you'd want to like, Hey,
not only do you have to adjust to the dietary
issues and such, but like, it's going to be fucking
hot. You know, what was challenging is that sunglasses
weren't invented until the 1980s. And so that
was really challenging for them. Imagine that
you're going to another planet that you know
is a place you've never been before and not packing
sunscreen or sunglasses. It was also before they
made that sunscreen song, too, so no one really
knew the benefits of it. That's true. You're
right. Yeah, valid, valid. No, I think they knew.
I mean, they had to have known they had to get
used to the food because they did say that they
started mixing their food. Like, while on the
ship with their MREs to, like, kind of get used
to it. They should have been hitting the tanning
bed, though, as well. Yeah. Agreed. Yeah, as
far as that, I have no idea how, like, they said
they had protective gear. What that was, I don't
know. Maybe, like, a sun shirt for, like, fat
kids when they go into a pool. It was one of
those, like, big floppy hats that middle -aged
women wear when they guard you. Yeah, I don't
know what that was. They had a pair of scissors
so they could make all their outfits sleeveless.
Yeah. I genuinely don't know what their preparation
was. That wasn't in the quote -unquote leaked
information. But there was also the atmosphere
of Serpo, which also sucked. It was breathable,
but it was much thinner than Earth's, causing
shortness of breath, fatigue, and elevated heart
rates. And it took several months before most
of them were able to acclimate just to that.
And then there were the digestive issues. They
were almost immediate. The team had brought about
two years worth of food from Earth, but the long
-term goal was to transition to ebb and food
sources. But early attempts to do so resulted
in widespread gastrointestinal issues. Nausea,
cramps, and chronic diarrhea hit everyone fast
and hard to the point where a lot of them were
almost dehydrated on a daily basis because you're
combining that with also the oppressive heat.
Not great. The Evans did try to help through
modified food prep, and they even tried to synthesize
more Earth -like foods, but it still took almost
a year before they could eat their food without
having full -on prolapses from shitting themselves
so much. That's how aggressive it was. Look,
I don't want to be disrespectful, but at the
same time, all of the hardships you're currently
describing were the things I experienced when
I went to Iraq. Literally all of it. I was going
to say, it sounds like par for the course when
all you have to eat is hearty. But even right
down to the gastrointestinal distress. It's such
a great phrase, too. Gastrointestinal distress
really rolls off the tongue. That's actually
the name that Taco Bell chose for their house
band. I was going to say, it sounds like a gore
grind band, and one that I would see on a regular
basis if they played live. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Liv
Moss. Here's some baby wipes. No, as far as living
arrangements, they were fine. The Evans initially
provided like temporary housing near where they
had landed, which was near the equator, which
was also the hottest fucking region of the planet
at about 110 plus degrees Fahrenheit. It was
nothing special. They were just like little.
basic structures uh they were climate controlled
and they were a place to like escape the harsh
sunlight but within the first year they were
able to work with the evans to build a more permanent
base up north where it was less of like a scorched
hellscape i think it said like the temperatures
there range between like 80 and 90 which is like
better it's not too bad but it's yeah but consistent
you know what i mean yeah and it was a dry heat
you know what i mean it's a dry heat I love when
people say that, and it's like, you know what?
It's still fucking hot. Oh, it's awful. You're
still going to sweat. You're going to hate your
life, regardless of whether it's dry or wet.
Yeah. I remember I went to Vegas, and that's
a dry heat, and it sucks because there's no,
you can't escape it. It's a dry heat because
there's no clouds. Yeah, it feels like you're
walking into an oven. Evan sounds like it fucking
sucks. It's not great. It's not ideal for anyone
involved. It sounds a lot like Orlando, to be
honest. Less humid, though. But despite all the
shitting and sunburns, Serpo was pretty peaceful.
Was that in your friggin' write -up there? You
wrote that down. Despite all the shitting and
sunburns. Actually, I do need to interject here.
When I got overseas, I tried Iraqi food for the
first time, and it was a mistake. And it happened
to be during a heat wave that I had tried this
Iraqi food, a heat wave in October, by the way.
Oh, yeah. And we didn't have bathrooms on our
base. We just had porta potties. And I got to
tell you, you learn a lot about yourself as a
man when you have to shit in a porta potty in
110 degree heat. You immediately start sweating.
You walk into the pool. You haven't even pulled
your pants down yet and you're already sweating.
This is what I've been hearing from my kid because
he's at summer camp right now. We've been having
little streaks of these 100 degree days and they
have one port -o -potty there and it's like 100
first through fifth graders. He's just like...
I don't think he's had a bowel movement in 9
or 10 days, I'll be honest. he's he's a smart
boy yeah i'm like dude that used to be me but
at least i was like high on dope at least i had
a good like other side of the coin you had a
good reason to not be shitting yeah yeah so basically
so basically what i'm hearing is that sarge your
kid and everyone who went to woodstock 99 have
all experienced porta potties on 110 degree days
that's what Punishment. All right, so I'm going
to get back to this now. You guys ready? So despite
all the shitting and sunburns, Serpo was pretty
peaceful. There it is again. Go on. The Edmonds
were super welcoming. They assisted with acclimation,
provided medical support when needed. There was
no signs of, like, hostility or them being, like,
territorial. If anything, they were, like, genuinely
invested. Pretty much, yeah. Oh, dude, this turns
into a woke liberal night, like, hellscape. You
just wait. So you're saying I can't say the R
word. Did we go over this? No. Okay. Yeah. I
remember now. But I did make you a promise where
I will bleep out three random words that you
say to make you look like an asshole. Well, as
long as you don't bleep out, I'll be fine. I've
never heard that slur before, so I'm impressed.
Yeah, I learned it in Orlando. They've got all
sorts of fucked up stuff. It doesn't surprise
me. But yeah, the Edmonds, if anything, they
were genuinely invested in the success of the
exchange program, and they freely offered up
any resources or guidance they could. And during
the initial acclimation phase, the American team...
maintained structure and routine. The mission
commander oversaw daily operations, assigned
roles, and made sure that detailed logs were
kept. The team recorded environmental data, surveyed
the surrounding terrain, and documented the ebb
and customs and technology. Do you guys want
to learn what they learned? Yeah, of course.
Yeah. Don't all get so excited. Jesus Christ.
I am excited. I know this is going to be like
a choose -your -own -adventure type deal. I'm
here for it. All right, well, you pretty much
know all there is to know about the planet. It's
hot, constant suns blazing down. The breathable
but super thin atmosphere. And as far as, like,
water, there weren't any oceans or anything like
that. There were some shallow lakes, small rivers,
and all their drinking and, like, usable water
came from wells and, like, underground rivers
that were, like, super clean, apparently. Like,
you didn't need to filter them at all. You could
just drink it straight from the ground. Vegetation
was pretty much the type of shit you would find
in a desert, scrub bush, cacti. die -like plants
and uh all their crops were like tuber bearing
like they think like carrots yams potatoes yeah
okay yeah and uh the evans grew them on on like
communal farms animal life existed but it wasn't
like super diverse like it was just kind of like
the same all over kind of like you were playing
like uh you're kind of like living in hampshire
that too yeah Yeah, I have played No Man's Sky.
Just raccoons, skunks, and possums. Yeah. Okay.
You get a whole state dedicated to them. You
get the occasional fisher cat. Come on. Yeah.
Yeah, I don't know. I think those guys are border
hoppers, I'll be honest. It did say that there
was a group of big lizard -type creatures that
the ebbins... They somehow turned into like,
kind of like how we use horses to like plow fields
and shit like that. That was the only thing that
said that sounded actually kind of cool, but
all this is kind of like boring. So culturally,
the Edmonds were highly structured and peaceful.
Their society had no currency, no crime, and
no apparent class division. Sounds pretty woke,
pretty liberal. Resources were shared communally,
and each individual was assigned a role in their
society based on aptitude that was determined
at an early age. Local distribution centers provided
all necessities like food, tools, and clothing,
and there was no concept of private ownership.
Every citizen contributed through work, whether
in agriculture, engineering, education, or whatever.
As far as governance... That was handled by a
central quote -unquote council of governors,
which is a group of elders who made decisions
by consensus. There were no elections, no political
factions, or any observed conflict within those
things. The decision of the council was followed
without resistance. I'll be honest, I would put
up with the shitting and the heat for this. So
this is like Cambridge, Massachusetts. It's like
Venezuela. It sounds fucking awesome. Welcome
to hot Vermont. Yeah. I mean, yeah, it sounds
great. If Vermont had been moved to Arizona.
Yeah, that actually sounds terrible when you
put it that way. Yeah, a lot of farmer's markets.
Just cacti fruit. Celebrating cultures that don't
even exist in your state. Yeah. It's going to
be great. Las Vegas, now more white people with
threads. The Edmonds also practiced a form of
religion centered around some sort of supreme
being. It wasn't really described in detail.
It was Jerry Garcia. Every settlement had a place
of worship where daily rituals were observed.
education was centralized the children were raised
collectively and assigned this sounds so much
like a hippie commune it is why it also sounds
like we sound exactly like hot vermont we learn
nothing from this trip though clearly is what
i'm gathering as well go on we never do we we
did an episode on valiant thor and like he did
a bunch of these like hey guys come on like maybe
you should not do it and they're like yeah fuck
you alien What do you know? Richard Nixon's president.
Get out of here. So the children were raised
collectively and they were assigned educational
paths based on their abilities. And once trained,
Evans remained in that field for life. Did they
have homeschooling there? I mean, it kind of
sounds like it. It sounds like they just kind
of all gathered in one place and someone taught
them. But either way, the human team, they noted
that the Evans children developed super quickly.
They were self -sufficient at a very young age,
and they were super intelligent, and the average
ebb and IQ was estimated to be around 165. I
don't know shit about IQs, and I don't know if
that's high or not. That's pretty high, yeah.
The average human IQ, if I understand correctly,
is in the 100 range. Okay. Sure. Well, I'm going
to go with you on this one. I think Adam Sandler
brought that average down considerably, though.
As for how the Evans communicated, it was a blend
of spoken language and like empathic cues. The
Evan language was tonal and difficult for the
Americans like team to learn. But over several
years, they had compiled a full English to Evan
dictionary. And by the end of the stay, communication
became pretty fluid. Like they were able to like.
They didn't need a translator, nothing like that.
These fucking overachievers. The Americans are
up and they're like, when we're here, you'll
speak our language, guys. In English, please.
I can't believe we're on this planet with all
these foreigners. It's crazy. I like that even
in the 60s, Americans didn't travel well. We
never have, dude. I mean, look at the way we
got to America to begin with. That wouldn't be
considered traveling well. I'm sorry you don't
speak English, you fucking peasants. Right. All
these fucking foreigners, dude. Fuck. Now, the
team was granted full access to anything and
anywhere they wanted to go. They traveled to
various villages, industrial facilities, research
outposts. The team was also provided a small
anti -gravity craft that the American pilots
learned to pilot. And they were able to explore
the planet's surface, collect samples. Pretty
much, yeah. Sick. Well, you know it's not a Tesla.
It wouldn't have made it. No, I would have blown
the fuck out of it. They were also exposed to
broader interstellar networks that the Evans
participated in. According to them, the Evans,
they were in contact with nine of them. Like
Spike TV? Pretty much, yeah. A Thousand Ways
to Die, that kind of stuff. The Man Show. Yeah,
yeah. Now, according to the Evans, they were
in contact with nine other star systems. They
even got to meet representatives from other extraterrestrial
species, but details on the interactions were
limited. So it's pretty safe to say that over
the 13 years they were there, the Americans became,
oh yeah, it was supposed to be 10 years, they
were there for 13. Little longer than what it
was supposed to be. The Americans became part
of like the ebb and whirl. They weren't just
observers, but they were now fully integrated
into the alien civilization. But despite the
team's ability to adapt to the environment and
society. The mission was actually pretty rough
at times. The prolonged exposure to the planet's
conditions, the isolation from Earth, and just
the sheer psychological weight of living among
an alien species for over a decade created what
some would call significant challenges, so to
say. Of the original 12 members, two died in
the first few years of the mission. According
to the quote -unquote documents released by the
whistleblower, one of the team members died from
a pulmonary embolism not long after the group's
arrival. The second succumbed due to injuries
sustained during an outing, but details on what
exactly happened to them is unclear. Some say
he fucked himself up on some terrain. Others
say an animal attacked him. I don't really know.
He just shit out all of his internal organs.
That is likely as well. Gastrointestinal distress
rears its ugly head again. Yeah. So mental strain
was another serious issue among the crew. Even
though they were highly trained and psychologically
screened, nothing could have really prepared
them for the realities of life on like an alien
world. The constant sunlight, the alien culture,
the food, and the total absence of like the normal
societal structures that we are used to. It all
kind of wore on them. One member had to be relieved
of duties for several months due to a psychological
breakdown, and another attempted to isolate himself
from both the team and the Evans and lived in
near total isolation for over a year. I mean,
I would have done that shit anyway. Yeah, right?
Sounds like a good way to go. Time perception
was also a major problem. Serpo had a 43 -hour
day, and you combine that with the fact that
there was never, like, a true night. It made
standard Earth timekeeping pretty much impossible,
and everyone's, like, circadian rhythms just
went to shit. I don't know how much research
you did, but can I ask, like, do you know how
they know the difference between being a 43 -hour
day? Like, how do you know it was a new day?
Well, just rotation of the Earth. No, no, no.
They weren't on Earth, David. How did the people
on the planet know? I don't know. They fucking,
they're scientists and shit, dude. Not like from
outside the planet. I have no idea. Science?
Well, I'm just saying, like, you know, was there,
like, did one of the suns get really low in the
sky? Like, I was just trying to figure it out.
I would assume so. Fuck me for asking questions.
There's just, like, one day there. It's just
one day. Just... It's 43 hours. That's all I
know. Okay. Good? All right. Okay. So without
a strict routine, some members... 43 hours. So
if they made that Ed Norton movie, there would
be called the 44th hour. Fuck you, John. Pretty
deep cut. Sorry about that. So without a strict
routine, some members of the team lost track
of days, weeks, even months. Their physical health
deteriorated over time as well. Remember, this
bitch has two sons, so the background radiation
on Serpo was pretty high. Not enough to immediately
kill you, but over time it did fuck them up.
By the end of the mission, several of the teams
showed signs of radiation illness, cellular damage,
weakened immune systems, and unexplained internal
conditions. Radiation illness? That's like, what
did they have to listen to? Imagine Dragons?
No, it's brain damage, bro. It's brain damage.
Wait, sorry, he brought up Imagine Dragons. I
gotta talk about this. I was once featured in
an article including the lead singer of Imagine
Dragons as he read mean tweets about him, including
one of mine. Oh my, that's incredible. Sorry
about closing the deal line. That's amazing.
The tweet was, hey, this is a really good song.
Oh no, what was it? I think it was something
like This is a really good song is probably something
Imagine Dragons has never heard. And then right
after they posted my tweet, they had a thing
from him where he talked about how hard it was.
Dude, that guy is such a. My favorite quote from
him, and I don't know if you get it, but like
Imagine Dragons, you got to talk about it. He
gave some interview years back where he's like,
you know, we're here for the kids. And like,
I never want like, you know, for our music, I
never want any kid to ever be bullied because
they listen to Imagine Dragons. It's like, dude,
what? That's exclusively what's going to happen.
Yeah, that's what's going to happen. Kids are
really dying because of this band. God. When
every song is one drum and a bunch of shouting,
like, it's your own fault. Yeah, that's valid.
All right. All right, so back to how this fucking
planet ruined these people's lives. Right. Imagine
Dragons toured there. Imagine Dragons is actually
timeless, literally. There'll never not be a
punchline. All right. So they're all getting
fucked up by the sun. The radiation is causing
their insides to turn to goo. Two of the surviving
members who returned to Earth reportedly developed
cancer within a decade. Others suffered from
chronic fatigue, organ dysfunction, and neurological
issues. And then, gentlemen, to make things worse,
EBE2, the Eben representative who stayed on Earth,
he died while the team was still on Serpo. which,
thankfully, the Edmonds understood. How did he
die? Fucking old age. Vigorous anal probing.
How did he die? What did he tell the other kids
at the alien school that he was an Imagine Dragons
fan? Moment of silence for EBE2, all right? All
right, it's enough of that. Thankfully, though,
the Edmonds understood that shit happens, and
it didn't start like an intergalactic crisis,
so that's good. Like, that's okay, guys. Did
he die of natural causes? I think so. It didn't
say. I'm going to assume he just died the same
way the other one did, which is probably a disease
that he got from Earth, like smallpox or some
shit like that. Either that or he tried to score
in Baltimore, you know? Yeah, he's just all fucks.
Yo, that's an actual awful move. I know somebody
who... Anyway, go on. All right. So, yeah, so
by the time the mission was nearing its end,
morale had splintered. Some were eager to return
home, while others had grown pretty deeply connected
to the Edmund Society and seriously considered
staying. Now, ultimately, in 1978, 13 years after
they left Earth, two members of the team were
dead. Two decided to stay behind, and the remaining
eight of the original 12 returned to Earth. They
were returned via Edmund Craft to the same Nevada
site that they had departed from. obviously older,
physically worn, and psychologically changed.
Now, according to quote -unquote leaked documents,
their physical condition was generally stable.
There were obvious signs of long -term strain,
and like I said, several of them were showing
signs of radiation exposure. And then they were
immediately taken to a classified military facility
where they were subjected to intensive debriefing
and a very lengthy quarantine process. Medical
evaluations were conducted over the course of
months, including physical, psychological and
neurological assessments. And their testimonies
were recorded in detail, including thousands
of pages of handwritten notes, maps, sketches
and environmental data from Serpo. Each member
was debriefed individually and then as a group,
while military scientists collected and analyzed
like biological and technological samples brought
back. They found that some of the recovery materials
were so advanced that they couldn't be reverse
engineered, while others just degraded or failed
under Earth's atmosphere. As far as the crew's
reintegration into human society... It was pretty
rough. They had been gone for 13 years, like
the whole world changed. But also, if you'll
remember, many of the crew had been declared
dead or missing during classified operations,
quote unquote. So everyone in their lives had
moved on. Family, friends, colleagues, they just.
were no longer around. And even worse than that,
they came back and were sounding like a bunch
of commies, pinko b****es. Yeah. Even worse.
Right, this is the worst time to come back to,
like the height of the Cold War. They're just
like, hey man. I'm going to Venezuela. Have you
heard about communal living, bro? I'm moving
to Vermont. Oh, this has to tie into the McCarthy
stuff somehow. I'm sure. Yeah. So they, I missed
it. Did you say how many survived initially?
They all came back, right? So two died and eight
came home. Two stayed on, am I right? Yeah, so
two stayed on the planet. Two died, two stayed,
only eight came back. So it was only eight of
them that came back. But the eight came back
and people were like, who are you guys? Well,
so they were given new identities. They were
given pensions. And obviously like very. And
they all formed the band Fish. Yeah, Dave, you've
really brushed over the most critical issue with
radiation sickening is jamming. Bro, could you
imagine if Fish was just one big psyop, dude?
It tracks. Nobody wants to listen to a 20 -minute
jam session. That's what it is. Yeah. All right,
so they're given new identities, pensions, and
they were given very strict orders to shut the
fuck up about what they had done and where they
had been. That didn't help. Most, if not all,
that returned struggled with depression, isolation,
and deteriorating health. As for the two who
decided to stay on Serpo, they were never heard
from again. According to an Eben communication
received years later, they had fully integrated
into Eben society and they were thriving, but
who really knows? They had a bunch of fucked
up kids. Dude, I didn't even think about it.
They had inner bread. I genuinely didn't even
think about the fucking interbreed. I mean, you
gotta get that nut. I mean, what else? I mean,
maybe that's how you explain why the girl from
The Queen's Gambit has eyes that look like aliens.
Yeah, well, that's also where Ted Cruz came from,
so... Failure all around. So, officially, obviously...
There's no public record of Project Serpo that
exists. The DOD and the Air Force have never
acknowledged the project, and no documentation
has ever been declassified. Now, it should come
as no surprise that all the information that
exists, the logs, the reports, the personnel
files, comes exclusively from anonymous leaks
on the internet from a source using the very
creative alias, Anonymous. Well, I say we get
one more week of this Epstein stuff and they're
going to release that info. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Well,
I mean, they already said they're going to release
concrete evidence that aliens exist. It's crazy
on that. Like, I was reading in threads like
12 hours before that announcement, people making
that joke, being like, they're going to literally
announce aliens. And then. Yeah, because that's
exactly what's going to happen. So yeah, so in
late 2005, Project Serpo blew up in conspiracy
circles when a series of anonymous emails started
popping up on a private UFO discussion list.
It's basically like an invite -only email group
for researchers, former military and UFO enthusiasts.
And it was moderated by a guy named Victor Martinez,
a former government employee. Now, the sender
of the emails... Anonymous claimed to be a retired
senior defense intelligence agency official and
began dropping detailed information about a top
secret human alien exchange program that had
allegedly allegedly been buried since the 1970s.
And this program would grow up to be the T app.
The emails contained elaborate timelines, details
of the Serpo mission, stats of the planet, crew
biographies. Ebbing societal structure is all
that kind of bullshit. With all this information,
it didn't take long for the story to blow up
online. So UFO forums, conspiracy blogs, and
early paranormal podcasts all latched onto the
story. There's even like a crude... crude official
-looking website, Serpo .org. That was created...
Serpo .geocities .org. It's all green text on
black background. It's just an angel fire site.
That's all it is. This was created to... All
the paragraphs are in the shape of a UFO. So
this was created to archive the drops. It's like
an earlier and way nerdier version of QAnon.
There'd be drops so often, and it'd be archived
on a site. But for many in the UFO community,
this was like the holy grail of UFO information.
But this is where it gets good. A man by the
name of Richard C. Doughty, a former Air Force
Office of Special Investigations agent, infamous
for his role in disinformation campaigns during
the 1980s, was eventually linked to all this
material. Dottie had previously been involved
in the Paul Benowitz case, where he fed false
alien intel to a civilian research, leading him
to have a mental breakdown. God damn it. He was
also tied to the infamous Majestic 12 documents,
which were a set of allegedly leaked government
memos that claimed a secret group was managing
extraterrestrial contact and is widely considered
to be a hoax. In fact, MJ -12 is believed by
many to be one of the most elaborate disinformation
operations in UFO history. So, Dottie's connection
to Serpo only deepened people's suspicion that
the entire saga might be a calculated fabrication
or psychological operation, or as the kids call
it, a psyop. Now, Dottie has never confirmed
or denied his involvement in Serpo because fucking
why would he? Yeah, of course. But he has danced
around it in interviews for years, and the Serpo
leaks had all the hallmarks of a good conspiracy.
Anonymous government insiders, dead scientists,
black budget programs, and aliens who were just
a little too cooperative with the U .S. government.
Still, UFO researchers are split on it. Some
hailed it as one of the most credible whistleblower
dumps ever. Others, including respected figures
in the field like Stanton Friedman, dismissed
it whole hog saying that it's just a part of
a long tradition of government psyops and ufo
mythology being used to confuse distract and
entertain that comes back to the ufo ufo mythology
thing i was saying the zeta reticuli thing like
it's already been established in multiple abduction
cases so why not use it here right sarge you're
not paying attention at all i'm really mad about
this to be honest with you i'm kind of pissed
off this motherfucker i this this This was an
exciting fucking story, and this goddamn douchebag
ruined it. Well, he didn't ruin it. He created
it. Well, that's what I mean. He fucking ruined
it by creating it, the son of a bitch. Yeah,
but, like, a really good government scythe, like,
they'll, like, you know, this guy's known to
have a bunch of proven scythes, but, like, one
of them's gotta be true, because that's, like,
the ultimate dupe. So, like, this could be that
one. I guess. I mean, I get what you're saying.
To be honest, this actually plays in... Oh, I'm
sorry, go ahead. No, I'm just saying I get it.
You could put this information out and people
would just assume it's a psyop because everything
else has been a psyop. Right. I get it, yeah.
But also, fuck that guy. So this actually plays
into a theory that I've had for a long... Well,
it wasn't my theory, but one that I agreed with
for a long time. It's that... The government
would rather you believe this was aliens than
to actually tell you what it really was, which
is like some, you know, fucking high -tech military
equipment. But this is nothing of that. Like,
there's no... Well, no, they're just perpetuating
it. I guess. Like, this is the kind of shit that
the people who go and hang out at Area 51 and
take photographs fall for head over heels. And
so when they're like, oh, you know, I... believed
in this and then you're like well i kind of made
it up and then they're like oh okay and then
everyone's like oh this guy's full of shit because
he believed that everyone went to another planet
and into bread with aliens this one is like it's
like extra extraordinary as far as like the different
levels to it like going there people getting
integrated in the culture just the whole like
travel back and like them coming back i mean
that's all um that's pretty awesome I want to
believe. I feel like it. I want to believe it
too because it's so cool. It's really cool. I
just feel like there's too much information.
You know what I mean? Like there's too many details
where it sounds like it's like when you're lying
and you add too many details. But see, that's
what I'm saying. Let's play devil's advocate
on that. You know, that is a classic like psyop
tactic, too, though. Like when people start catching
on to stuff, you release all the information.
So people like, well, this is so ridiculous.
Like it can't be true. But I mean, there's the
I mean, maybe I'm giving too much credit to the
government. To everyone? Yeah. No, I mean, this
is pretty awesome, but ridiculous. But also,
I didn't do any research. Was there anything
going on in 2005 where we needed to distract
people from? Yeah. What? The Iraq and Afghan
war. Yeah, but that was 2001. Wasn't that when
suddenly Susan got canceled? Oh, fuck, dude.
Nailed it. One of Elizabeth shoe's finest moments,
but I mean like not everyone was like, but not
everyone was into it. Like, like the UFO, the,
the, the UFO community was split. Like no, like
they were like, there was a lot of inconsistencies,
like skeptics pointed out major inconsistencies
and like all the data that came out, like the
math wasn't checking out the. ebon calendar system
was like contradictory astronomers questioned
serpos orbit and radiation exposure and then
a ton of like the linguistic and biological claims
didn't align with any known science but i mean
it's alien so i guess maybe it wouldn't a lot
of critics also noted that many of the stories
beats sounded eerily similar to 60s and 70s era
sci -fi like the day the earth stood still stranger
in a strange land and even Close Encounters,
which very notably involved kind of like a similar
exchange program at the end of the film. Well,
those movies were obviously based on the events
that happened. I mean, I did watch the movie
Paul, and I did know that E .T. was found. I'm
so sorry. I am genuinely sorry. But still, with
all the scrutiny, like the legend. it just didn't
die like forums books and documentaries continue
to reference serpo the tale is now part of the
modern ufo mythos right up there with roswell
mj12 and area 51 so whether it was a genuine
leak or a psyop or just one of the most elaborate
pieces of collaborative storytelling in ufo history
project serpo has endured and now i'm here telling
you guys about it so there you have it that is
the story of project serpo how are we feeling
about it John, we'll start with you and then
we'll go to Sarge. John. I love it. I mean, this
is one of those. So, I mean, I have always been
into I feel like all the best conspiracies fall
into kind of two categories of, you know, plausible.
And and there's like, wow, this makes sense on
so many levels. You want to believe it. And then
there's the ones I love where they're like absolutely
ludicrous, but so detailed and so much going
on where it's like. absolutely still fascinating
and worth researching and diving into and this
is one i'm 100 gonna go do a deep dive on even
though you know it's fairly ludicrous but like
there's so many layers to it um yeah that you
gotta respect the hustle there's and there's
a lot there's a lot of details that are left
out like there's full -on like biographies of
each person that was involved in the program
their names like all that stuff like so what
happened to them is there any uh they were given
new identities and then they're just did they
get like epstein or no no uh as far as i know
i know that in 2002 i think like four of them
were still alive and by the time that this dropped
i think only like one was still around so 2005
but i mean like that's just the dude dropping
the information says so i have no idea um But
yeah, there's a lot of shit to look into. Like
I said, I put in all the relevant information.
There's a lot of, I'm not going to say irrelevant
information. A lot of gastrointestinal distress.
Yeah, there was a lot of pooping, dude. So much
poop. That shit must have smelled real bad. Oh,
man. No, this is a great one. I love a good,
like, the... like the storytelling arc on this
is great because some of the great conspiracy
i love are based around just like a small like
tidbit that people build on but this like is
presented to us already with this lore which
is awesome well i mean like there's like we always
say on the show like we don't believe a lot of
the conspiracy theories but every good conspiracy
theory has like that one kernel of truth where
when you find that one kernel of truth, you're
like, well, what else about this could be true?
Right. I don't know what about this could be.
I mean, the one kernel of truth is that there
was a Roswell incident, whether it was a crash
or not. And there was probably a kernel involved.
Fair. At least a lieutenant colonel. Or also
in all the amounts of fucking diarrhea happening,
there was one kernel of something. I will say
like the one other thing that stood out to me
on that note about like, the kernel or like,
where's cause with a story like this, you wonder
if it was fabricated, like what was the ultimate
purpose of it? Um, and I thought it was interesting
the way that this, uh, alien society is basically
portrayed like a communist socialist, uh, type
society, especially back in the time we're talking
about. Yeah. Cold war heavy era. Yeah. So it's
almost like, was this supposed to be some sort
of like, uh, warning story uh that that just
somebody spun out of control and like lost the
plot on or but like that part's interesting to
me too but why wouldn't you release it like why
wouldn't you leak quote -unquote the information
during the time of the cold war like in the 80s
like after it had already supposedly ended like
why wait till 2005 to do it like i don't think
there was a huge communist uprising at that time.
Well, they didn't have email. They were waiting
for email to be invented, so Anonymous could
drop those emails. Well, wait, wasn't email invented
by the government in the 80s? Or the internet?
Right? You're talking about Al Gore, right? Yeah,
a series of tubes. That's all it was. Yeah. No,
it's just a series of tubes, guy. So, the thing
that I find interesting about this is... in this
story they've actually made this place that is
essentially a hellscape yeah surprisingly progressive
i feel like they weren't super negative about
how progressive it was they were just like oh
they lived like this but it was super hot i'm
like well you know i could deal with i'm not
gonna lie i feel like if i lived in a perpetual
hellscape that's probably the best way to do
it because i feel like if you went on your own
you would die immediately exactly i would live
in a in a in a overheated hellscape if there
was like decentralized government and affordable
health care i mean that's a fair trade -off for
me i will say the one refreshing thing about
this sorry is that i've done a lot of conspiracies
on this show and like secret space program shit
but this one turned into like a pretty wholesome
like communistic maybe not communist but like
a good society that everyone helps each other
when i did hollow earth that turned into nazis
in the third episode yeah we did a three -parter
and i mean i made the mistake of writing all
three parts section by section like researching
one section before you didn't know where you
were ending up dude oh man yeah that gets really
uh dark Yeah, so Hollow Earth turns into just
a bunch of Nazis. So I'm glad this didn't turn
out to be that because I would have had to scrap
the whole thing and that would have been bad
or just played into it. Whatever. It doesn't
matter. I mean, you can't get far in the conspiracy
space without hitting a couple of Nazis. I know.
I'm sure if I dug deeper into this, there would
be some sort of like blood libel, adrenochrome,
something or other. It's probably another another
race that these aliens deal with that happen
to have a lot of gold coins in a banking system.
You know, it didn't go into banking. Thank Christ.
I don't know anything about. Well, no, I said
there's no money. It was all just like kind of
got it. So, yeah, right. And the interspecies
children that were bred on that planet went out
to establish the Federal Reserve. That's what
it was. That's exactly what it was. All right,
guys. Uh, yeah. So that's the end of the episode.
I think we nailed it. I think we killed it. Yeah.
Um, so, uh, I guess with all that out of the
way, uh, John, do you got anything you want to
plug anything you want to? Yeah, I definitely,
I just, I just say a couple of quick words. Um,
obviously I'm on here as your homie and a conspiracy
enthusiast, but, um, uh, for anyone else who's
on the internet, I do run a meme page. It's probably,
um, i've been told by people who knows it's probably
the best meme page um and it's the greatest one
in history yeah it's on instagram um at pipes
buffet uh so check it out like follow subscribe
turn your notifications on uh and uh give us
that's what they do these days right the the
twitchers or whatever they call them they The
Twitchers. Streamies. Streamies. Logan Paulus.
Yeah. I actually just shared a meme that you
had on your page of Jesus reaching into water.
Oh, dude. Did that fall on the toilet again?
Did that fall on the toilet again? Dude, that's
literally one of my favorites that I ever have
made. It's so stupid. It's so stupid. Yeah, and
I've been really turning up on that page. What
sucks is... So I got 477 days clean today, which
is awesome. And I've got a lot more. Yeah. Awesome.
Honestly, like prior to this, I probably had
about a week. Like this is not exaggeration.
Seven to 10 days of clean time since I was 19.
So it's great. Unfortunately for the meme page,
though. Um, I got my stuff together and the page
has been up like eight years and the algorithm
hates me. So I'm like pumping out fire, but nobody
sees it, but I just, I don't even care cause
it's fun for me. So yeah, follow the page and
then, um, shout out my kid who's, uh, I'm going
to make, listen to this later. So shout at him,
shout out my boo. And, um, yeah, I got, I got
nothing. I got nothing to plug. Awesome, man.
Yeah. Sorry. Do you got anything you want to
say before we sign off? No, no. You know, the
coloring book's still out there, but I mean,
at this point, it's just perpetuating a miserable
cycle. Might make another one about the Epstein
files. There you go. We'll see. Other than that,
you can find me on the interwebs. If you just
Google Sarge the Destroyer, you'll find one of
my social medias, because no one else is dumb
enough to use Sarge the Destroyer as their fucking
name on the internet. Is that it? We're good?
Yeah? I love it. An embarrassing joke that became
my internet personality. If you want to follow
us on Instagram, you can follow us at Crypto
Cocktail. Follow us on TikTok, Crypto Cocktail
Party. We've got a Patreon. There's a couple
tiers. You can choose to give us money. I think
with that, John, normally Sarge says goodbye
and I love you to the audience, but would you
like to do the honors of saying goodbye and I
love you to the audience? I'll say goodbye, but
I don't know who the fuck I'm talking to. I'm
not going to say I love you. I only say that
to two people in my life. Sarge can handle that.
Sarge, you want to say something? I love you,
and I want to put my fingers in your mouth. God
damn it. I could have said that.