WEBVTT

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Hey everyone, Dave here with another Interdimensional

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Swap for you guys. This week, I am super excited

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to bring you an episode of one of my favorite

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podcasts, The Cool Parents Podcast. It's not

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a parenting podcast, so don't worry about that.

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It's actually hosted by two of, I guess you would

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call, my lifelong friends, Curtis and Justin,

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both of which who have been a guest on our show

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before. Curtis was on our Murfreesboro Mud Monster

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episode, I believe. No, the Enfield Monster episode.

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and Justin was on, I want to say, the UFOs in

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the Wild West and Black Eyed Kids. So if you

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haven't heard those episodes, definitely check

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them out after you check this out. It's a super

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fun podcast, very funny. It's definitely a preferred

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sense of humor type of podcast, but trust me,

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it's really fucking good. And hey, even if you

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listen to this and you're not a fan of the podcast,

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definitely check out their band, also called

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Cool Parents. easily one of the best bands I've

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ever heard in my entire life. I don't even know

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how to describe it. Maybe Blink -182, Alkaline

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Trio, Lillington's kind of Weezer all mashed

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into one kind of vibe. But they got songs about

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Bigfoot, vampires, ghosts. So it's definitely

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a lot of fun. So here it is. I'll stop talking

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now. Cool parents with their episode, Rippin'

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Dicks and Drinkin' Gravy. jesus christ what a

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good thought Today's episode of the Cool Parents

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Podcast is brought to you by Rigatoni. Welcome,

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one and all. I've been eating a lot of pasta.

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Chickpea pasta. I got a bunch of it. It's cheap.

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Yeah. Oh, yeah, I've had that. It's all protein.

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Tastes good. Protein plus. Barilla. That's right.

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From Barilla. Yeah, make a little sauce and pour

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it on it. Make a little fucking sauce. Meatball.

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It's not a gravy. It's a sauce. Make a fucking

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meatball. I won't. Make a fucking hot dog meatball.

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Yeah, yeah. Make a meatball out of hot dogs.

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I'm keeping quiet here. Welcome to the Cool Parents

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Podcast. I'm Curtis Charles. I'm Meatball Boy.

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Meatball Boy. Yeah. Okay. Meatball. Yeah, I think

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the world's finally ready for Meatball Boy. That's

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right. After all these years of training. I can't

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believe it hasn't been done yet. Meatball. Meatball.

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Meatball. It's a good word. Meatball. Meatball.

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I like the way it feels. Yeah. You get like your

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mouth's full of puke. Exploding. Meatball. Meatball.

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Meatball. Yeah, fill them full of air. Meatball.

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Meatball. Meatball. This is good radio here.

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Welcome to the show, one and all, ladies and

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gentlemen. We've got a good one for you today.

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It's going to be an all -timer. You think? I

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know so. Don't put pressure on it. It's not just

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on you. Don't put pressure. No, I'm very confident

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in what I have as well, for sure. For show meat.

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Okay. I brought the best - It's funny you should

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say meat. Prized meat. What? Meatball. Meatball.

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All right, we got to stop. We got to stop. Here

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it comes. People don't want to hear us say meatball

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a million times. You know what they do want to

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hear? A couple people do. You know what they

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do want to hear, though? Yeah. Yeah. All these

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segments that we are going to do, like our main

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event tonight is going to be a little Tumbleweed

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Earth action. All right. If you've been waiting

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with bated breath for the synopsis of the future

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award -winning film, Tumbleweed Earth, that we're

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making, it's already been funded and we filmed

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it. It's coming to Netflix. One of these days.

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Exclusive. Yeah. So we're going to talk about

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that later. It involves a big tumbleweed. It

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stars Nick Offerman. It does? Yeah. Yeah, okay.

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He plays like a Teddy Roosevelt type. Okay, yeah.

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Okay, we'll get there. You know what I mean?

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We'll get there. That's a good... Keep that in

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mind. Yeah! Tell him what I'm doing. I can hear...

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He's doing finger guns. But I can hear him saying,

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yep! But I'm doing it with both hands, you know?

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I know. One at a time. You're like, you know,

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what's his name there? That's me spinning my

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guns. Smith Wesson. Buck. We've also got, I believe

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you've got poem. Yeah, yeah, I do. Yeah, so everybody

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loves a good poem from Justy Boy. My mouth is

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dry. Wow. And I blame that all on Big Papi. Hey,

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Big Papi. Big Papi makes cannabis products now.

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I wouldn't know nothing about that. He does.

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Big Papi, David Ortiz. Big fucking Papi. I think

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it's a sin. Big fucking Papi, David. Have you

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seen this, Papi? Huge. Big. Big as they get.

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You know what else I got? What else? Have you

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read these documents? All right. That's all I'm

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going to say. All right, Chris. Chris. Come on,

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Chris. I think I can get it down. I got to get

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real close to the microphone. Yeah. So I'll hear

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it right in my ears, you know? Come on. Come

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on now, Chris. Got to hear the lip. You're going

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to be hearing from Jesse Ventura later, too.

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But you want to start with the poem? Yeah. Okay.

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Go ahead. I have a new poem. I'll be ready. Do

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you need any sounds, music? How about a little

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sizzling, like a pot? You know, like a little

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sauce. Oh, a sizzle sound. Okay. Yeah, like a

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light boil. You know what I mean? Unlike those

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boils on Lemmy's face. A light boil. Sizzling

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meat. Not meat. No, no. Not that. That's a greasy

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meat, Fire. No, I don't want meat. It's not meat.

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Well, it is meat, but it's not meat. It's a meatball.

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How do you know? Why would you think something

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like that? Is that sizzling meatball? I'm not

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talking about a meatball. We're not cooking the

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meatball. The meatball's sitting in a pot of

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sauce. Oh, okay. So I need the sauce. The sound

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of sauce. The sound of sauce. Let's see what

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sauce. Sauce sounds. Sauce sound loop. I bet

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there's one. I bet there's sauce simmering for

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seven hours straight. See? Alliteration. That's

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what gets the clicks. Is that a sauce? Maybe.

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That's whatever you want it to be. What is it?

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Is that a goddamn dead fucking meat cooking again?

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Shut it off! Sorry. Give me the sauce. You give

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me what I need. That sounds like a goddamn steak

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to me. How about this? Moaning woman sounds for

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10 hours. Yeah. Does this work? Yeah, yeah, that's

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good. Let's see where it climaxes here. No, it

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doesn't. Okay. What do you want? Give me the

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sauce. Sauce sound. Sauce simmering. Sauce no

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ketchup sound effect. Sauce no ketchup sound

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effect. Sauce no ketchup. That's not it. That's

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going to distract from my poem. But I do like

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it. I like the idea. It's got to be perfect,

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all right? Hot tub? Yeah. Or just like simmering,

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you know? It's fine. Just general simmering.

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But it's got to be liquid. That'll do, yeah.

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That's not too wet. No, it's too much. The jets

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are on. It's the bubbles. Hot bubbles. I hear

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a little meatball in there. All right. All right.

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You can just pull the steak, but no. All right.

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Can you turn it down in the mix a little bit?

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A little lower in the mix, please. All right.

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Are you ready to learn something today? Me? Yeah.

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This one's, it's, you know. Now I just feel like

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we're sitting in the tub. Yeah. Smoking cigars.

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Yeah. Is that cool with you? Is that the kind

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of... I feel like we're sitting and we're just

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a couple of meatballs sitting inside a fucking...

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A big pot. Just a vat of marinara. Yeah, just

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at a light boil, you know? Yeah, I'm selling

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a meatball and I'm at a light boil. Yeah. I'm

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full of sauce. I'm ready. That's what I'm saying.

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Give me the sauce. This is my new poem. It's

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called... What it means to be a meatball. Okay.

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In the kitchen, inside a pot of gravy, I lay.

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Just another meaningless meatball in complete

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disarray. I think about life with a heavy heart

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as I wait to fulfill my culinary part. Am I just

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a ball of meat? Destined to be a delicious treat?

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Is there more to me? Do I have a soul? Or am

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I destined to die on a fat man's roll? I float

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in the sauce and attempt to meditate, but I cannot

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help but fixate on the thought of being eight.

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Yeah. Maybe I'll be dissected while I lie helpless

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on a plate. Either way, my future's not looking

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too great. Floating and rolling, I catch a glimpse

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of my reflection. Staring back at me, a meatball

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with no goals or direction. Suddenly, clarity,

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a complete mental overhaul. Maybe I should be

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grateful for ever being a meatball at all. There

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are worse ways to go than face down on a dish.

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You can be murdered in a well or even get squished.

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As I roll my last rolls in a boiling red sea,

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I accept it's time to pay the piper and face

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my destiny. What does it mean to be a meatball,

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my friend? A scrumptious delight until the bitter

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end. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought

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they were going to get. But you can't change

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the past and you can't live with regrets. If

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you work hard and you're kind, amazing things

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will hit. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to

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become some Italian guy's shit. Meatball. Meatball.

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That's what it means to be a meatball. What do

00:12:52.480 --> 00:12:55.159
you think of that one? That was good. This feels

00:12:55.159 --> 00:12:57.740
like a hot tub, so I'm going to get out. All

00:12:57.740 --> 00:13:03.460
right. But absolutely another banger. You think?

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Yeah. I worked hard on it. I was up until 2 in

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the morning writing that last night. I was laughing.

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I got those words down. I'm going to write children's

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books. I'm going to do it. I had a fuck in there,

00:13:16.500 --> 00:13:18.340
too, and I took it out. I chose to take it out.

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A fuck? A fuck. A fuck? Yeah, I'm going clean

00:13:21.379 --> 00:13:24.539
with my poetry now. Just like Will Smith. Except

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I said shit. Well, that's okay. They'll still

00:13:28.659 --> 00:13:33.519
put you on Kidz Bop. Yeah. So. You know. Cosby

00:13:33.519 --> 00:13:41.879
said shit. So. He was clean. Yeah. Yeah, I guess.

00:13:44.489 --> 00:13:47.009
Okay. Well, I'll tell you what it means to be

00:13:47.009 --> 00:13:49.769
a meatball. That's how you be your own meatball.

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I was a meatball. I was a frog man. I was a meatball

00:13:54.909 --> 00:13:58.710
man. And I was a Navy SEAL and a fighter. I tell

00:13:58.710 --> 00:14:01.870
it like it is. Like it is. The people like me

00:14:01.870 --> 00:14:06.490
because I'm honest. Honest. I'm honest. Honest.

00:14:07.330 --> 00:14:12.200
Honest. Well, Jesse, the body Ventura. Professional

00:14:12.200 --> 00:14:15.399
wrestler turned mayor turned governor. I served

00:14:15.399 --> 00:14:20.000
my country as a governor and as a frog man. What

00:14:20.000 --> 00:14:22.879
did you ever do? Look, if I couldn't make the

00:14:22.879 --> 00:14:25.759
shot, there's no way Oswald could have done it.

00:14:26.759 --> 00:14:30.440
Yeah. So basically that's him. He's now a conspiracy

00:14:30.440 --> 00:14:36.039
theorist. But like, not the bad kind. The kind

00:14:36.039 --> 00:14:38.620
of harmless kind mostly. And I agree with him

00:14:38.620 --> 00:14:40.820
a lot of the time. I agree with him. Yeah. I

00:14:40.820 --> 00:14:43.279
agree with him, even though it's a little, a

00:14:43.279 --> 00:14:46.299
little bit whacked out. Yeah. His delivery is

00:14:46.299 --> 00:14:49.120
leaves. Well, no, it's, it's great. It's perfect.

00:14:49.360 --> 00:14:51.860
Yeah. No, he got a vote. He got a single vote

00:14:51.860 --> 00:14:54.860
in New Hampshire in that primary. Yeah. And I

00:14:54.860 --> 00:14:57.299
want to know what it was. Cause I, I didn't do

00:14:57.299 --> 00:15:00.820
it. You didn't do it. No, I didn't go. I didn't

00:15:00.820 --> 00:15:02.440
go at all. I'll be honest with you. I didn't.

00:15:02.440 --> 00:15:04.620
It was a joke this time. It really was. It really

00:15:04.620 --> 00:15:07.980
meant nothing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like it legitimately

00:15:07.980 --> 00:15:12.019
meant nothing. Yeah. The DNC was like, no. You

00:15:12.019 --> 00:15:14.200
wouldn't have voted for Nikki Haley? Of course,

00:15:14.320 --> 00:15:17.000
yeah, I did that. No, they wouldn't let me because

00:15:17.000 --> 00:15:20.559
I'm registered as a communist. Oh. I'm registered

00:15:20.559 --> 00:15:23.399
as a lib. I want to unregister. I'm just not

00:15:23.399 --> 00:15:24.940
going to. I don't want to do jury duty again.

00:15:25.139 --> 00:15:26.840
I don't want to take that risk. Have you done

00:15:26.840 --> 00:15:30.019
it? Yeah, I did it once. Was it sick? No. What

00:15:30.019 --> 00:15:33.220
was the case? I don't know. I wasn't listening.

00:15:34.379 --> 00:15:36.799
I'm the worst person to be on that jury. You

00:15:36.799 --> 00:15:38.940
probably could have told him that and got out

00:15:38.940 --> 00:15:41.480
of it. I told the judge, I don't care. I just

00:15:41.480 --> 00:15:43.980
don't. I can't care. And I know I'm supposed

00:15:43.980 --> 00:15:46.659
to, but I just can't. I'm not going to listen.

00:15:47.299 --> 00:15:49.500
I'm not going to want to be there. I'm going

00:15:49.500 --> 00:15:53.419
to be thinking about fucking bubble yum the entire

00:15:53.419 --> 00:15:56.960
time that grape flavor. I'm thinking, where does

00:15:56.960 --> 00:16:02.690
that come from? Where do they get that? That

00:16:02.690 --> 00:16:06.490
powder. The bubble powder? Yeah. Yeah. How do

00:16:06.490 --> 00:16:09.330
they make the gum purple? You know what I mean?

00:16:09.470 --> 00:16:12.389
How do they? Frogs. How do they do it? It's an

00:16:12.389 --> 00:16:16.649
amino acid secreted by frogs. So anyway, that's

00:16:16.649 --> 00:16:17.909
what I would have been thinking about during

00:16:17.909 --> 00:16:20.990
jury. So anyway. I claimed financial hardship

00:16:20.990 --> 00:16:25.190
and they said, oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Look, I

00:16:25.190 --> 00:16:28.090
was a frog man. I was delivering pizzas at the

00:16:28.090 --> 00:16:31.470
time for weeksies. Have you read these documents?

00:16:31.710 --> 00:16:36.350
Have you read this receipt? Well, anyway, basically

00:16:36.350 --> 00:16:38.690
what I'm getting at here, Jesse the Body Ventura

00:16:38.690 --> 00:16:40.950
has a lot to say, but it's even better when it's

00:16:40.950 --> 00:16:44.409
out of context. Yeah. So I removed the context

00:16:44.409 --> 00:16:49.230
from interviews and I got a new one. I took out

00:16:49.230 --> 00:16:51.830
all the context and just left the parts that

00:16:51.830 --> 00:16:54.850
really, really mattered. And then. stuck all

00:16:54.850 --> 00:16:58.009
those clips together with no distinction or context

00:16:58.009 --> 00:17:01.110
so here's what we got this is a there was an

00:17:01.110 --> 00:17:04.109
interview oh and the funny thing is this is not

00:17:04.109 --> 00:17:06.029
the same interview where he talked about the

00:17:06.029 --> 00:17:10.569
gray whales and electricity yeah but it's the

00:17:10.569 --> 00:17:13.490
stone cold podcast that's right yeah but he says

00:17:13.490 --> 00:17:16.670
the same shit yeah he always does i was going

00:17:16.670 --> 00:17:19.089
through it and it was like an hour -long interview

00:17:19.089 --> 00:17:22.809
yeah is this new it's a new one uh when was it

00:17:22.809 --> 00:17:25.410
let me check I listened to one in the car the

00:17:25.410 --> 00:17:28.490
other day. It was him arguing with some newscaster

00:17:28.490 --> 00:17:32.089
about the Kennedy assassination. And he said

00:17:32.089 --> 00:17:35.730
that, too. If I couldn't make the shot, there's

00:17:35.730 --> 00:17:40.710
no way Oswald could have done it. So this Ventura

00:17:40.710 --> 00:17:46.210
interview. Huh? I shook Fidel Castro's hand.

00:17:46.309 --> 00:17:48.849
I looked him in the eye, man to man. I said,

00:17:48.869 --> 00:17:58.579
Cuba's nice. fidel walked over to my table and

00:17:58.579 --> 00:18:02.160
extended his hand in friendship but i accepted

00:18:02.160 --> 00:18:06.240
it on behalf of the united states of america

00:18:06.240 --> 00:18:08.660
and i'm proud to have been a friend of fidel

00:18:08.660 --> 00:18:15.099
castro even when it was unpopular he was a good

00:18:15.099 --> 00:18:18.500
man he did a another interview i saw recently

00:18:18.500 --> 00:18:22.660
that was like that i legitimately like hit hard

00:18:23.180 --> 00:18:25.880
Cause it was about like just how much he loves

00:18:25.880 --> 00:18:30.859
his wife and, uh, how, cause he was like campaigning

00:18:30.859 --> 00:18:34.940
for marijuana. Yeah. Or if he puts out a fucking

00:18:34.940 --> 00:18:37.420
weed strain. Oh my God. I'm getting that. I'm

00:18:37.420 --> 00:18:40.779
getting that. Exclusively. Yeah. It'd be called

00:18:40.779 --> 00:18:43.700
these documents. Have you had, have you read

00:18:43.700 --> 00:18:46.319
these documents? This one's called the Declaration

00:18:46.319 --> 00:18:52.039
of Independence. Burn it down. Let's start fresh.

00:18:52.960 --> 00:18:56.960
That document was written over 200 years ago.

00:18:59.539 --> 00:19:02.099
There's a title of one of his things here. It's

00:19:02.099 --> 00:19:04.920
called 63 Documents the Government Doesn't Want

00:19:04.920 --> 00:19:08.460
You to Read. And that's the name of his book,

00:19:08.519 --> 00:19:20.269
actually. Oh, shit. But yeah, he's like, cannabis

00:19:20.269 --> 00:19:23.410
saved my wife's life and therefore saved my life.

00:19:23.589 --> 00:19:27.230
And she hasn't had a seizure since. Not one.

00:19:27.710 --> 00:19:31.869
She took the prescription medication and had

00:19:31.869 --> 00:19:34.650
seizures. And we worked out every day and I had

00:19:34.650 --> 00:19:38.250
her hanging upside down like a bat. Get the oxygen

00:19:38.250 --> 00:19:41.450
back to her brain so she could recover more better.

00:19:43.980 --> 00:19:48.960
And with cannabis, she's been seizure -free for

00:19:48.960 --> 00:19:53.920
three years. No, the one that I chopped and screwed

00:19:53.920 --> 00:19:56.180
a little bit, I didn't screw, I just chopped.

00:19:56.420 --> 00:19:59.460
It's from five months ago. Okay. And it's with

00:19:59.460 --> 00:20:02.619
Graham Bensinger, or Bensinger, I'm not sure.

00:20:02.920 --> 00:20:06.519
I guess he's a sports journalist of some kind.

00:20:06.779 --> 00:20:09.759
Okay. But of course, almost none of this is about

00:20:09.759 --> 00:20:13.200
sports. Okay, let's see, let's hear it, let's

00:20:13.200 --> 00:20:15.099
hear it. When they ask you what you're qualified

00:20:15.099 --> 00:20:20.180
to do as a Navy SEAL or frogman, I'm qualified

00:20:20.180 --> 00:20:23.940
for diving, demolition, and parachuting. Hand

00:20:23.940 --> 00:20:27.420
me my unemployment check. You run to run. You

00:20:27.420 --> 00:20:31.099
run to chow. You run everywhere you go. And I

00:20:31.099 --> 00:20:33.279
ended up at the end of the day with about four

00:20:33.279 --> 00:20:36.519
big flapping blisters on my hands because they

00:20:36.519 --> 00:20:38.380
weren't toughened. I'd just come from A school.

00:20:38.890 --> 00:20:40.609
And he looked at all of us and says, okay, which

00:20:40.609 --> 00:20:43.650
one of you pukes has flappers? He grabbed every

00:20:43.650 --> 00:20:46.049
flapper and ripped them off. So I had to stand

00:20:46.049 --> 00:20:48.549
in front of the class and rip off my own flappers.

00:20:49.369 --> 00:20:51.630
He looked at me and says, now get back in line,

00:20:51.710 --> 00:20:54.109
you big dummy. And then along came this young

00:20:54.109 --> 00:20:57.009
guy called the Louisville Lip. I remember when

00:20:57.009 --> 00:20:59.049
he was going to fight List and nobody picked

00:20:59.049 --> 00:21:02.609
Cassius to win except me. It was one of the best

00:21:02.609 --> 00:21:05.609
days of my life. What did you guys do during

00:21:05.609 --> 00:21:09.079
that day? Hung out. I was governor. Harvey walked

00:21:09.079 --> 00:21:12.680
in with a big box, and he set it down on my governor

00:21:12.680 --> 00:21:15.220
-elect desk. They would have given him a pat

00:21:15.220 --> 00:21:19.640
job. Mohammed's down on his back. Gorgeous Georgia,

00:21:19.779 --> 00:21:22.859
one of them guys, was at it. No third party's

00:21:22.859 --> 00:21:25.519
been allowed to debate since I won. They asked

00:21:25.519 --> 00:21:28.500
me about the IRRRB. Well, nobody down here in

00:21:28.500 --> 00:21:31.339
the city is going to know what the hell the IRRRB

00:21:31.339 --> 00:21:33.259
is. I didn't know. I said, I don't even know

00:21:33.259 --> 00:21:35.980
what it is. Did you know I never used a prepared

00:21:35.980 --> 00:21:39.160
speech my entire run for governor? That's how

00:21:39.160 --> 00:21:41.579
come if I run for president, if they let me in

00:21:41.579 --> 00:21:44.519
the debates, I'd win that too. Bold talk, isn't

00:21:44.519 --> 00:21:48.000
it? If they got the freaking guts to let me in

00:21:48.000 --> 00:21:50.640
a debate, I'll come in and destroy their two

00:21:50.640 --> 00:21:53.240
candidates and steal the election in November.

00:21:53.240 --> 00:21:56.940
Can you pause it? I want that so badly. For him

00:21:56.940 --> 00:21:59.259
to destroy the candidates and take over the...

00:21:59.259 --> 00:22:02.500
I just want him to run as a third party and I

00:22:02.500 --> 00:22:05.339
want him to find a way to get into the... No,

00:22:05.420 --> 00:22:08.359
to get into the debates. Oh, oh, okay. Because

00:22:08.359 --> 00:22:12.500
Jesse Ventura steamrolling Donald Trump. It would

00:22:12.500 --> 00:22:13.759
be the funniest thing. It would be so funny.

00:22:13.799 --> 00:22:18.700
And they would never be able to play him off.

00:22:19.220 --> 00:22:22.039
They'd have to mute his mic. Yeah. Because he

00:22:22.039 --> 00:22:24.220
just would talk right over them over the time

00:22:24.220 --> 00:22:28.400
limit and shit. Yeah. He wins by being louder.

00:22:29.720 --> 00:22:32.980
But I'm honest. Good Minnesota. Would you like

00:22:32.980 --> 00:22:38.720
to be president? No. I don't distinguish between

00:22:38.720 --> 00:22:41.119
the two parties because there is no difference.

00:22:41.680 --> 00:22:44.799
after you were elected? They're both owned by

00:22:44.799 --> 00:22:47.660
the same corporate ownership. I wish they'd require

00:22:47.660 --> 00:22:50.299
anyone running for president to wear a NASCAR

00:22:50.299 --> 00:22:54.119
suit with patches dictating who owns them. If

00:22:54.119 --> 00:22:57.079
Jesse Ventura runs for president, there won't

00:22:57.079 --> 00:22:59.839
be a patch on the suit. It'll be clear white.

00:23:00.059 --> 00:23:02.980
I imagine some of my opponents wouldn't have

00:23:02.980 --> 00:23:06.380
enough suit. to put the patches on. They may

00:23:06.380 --> 00:23:09.019
have to have a subordinate wear one, too, so

00:23:09.019 --> 00:23:11.299
they could get all the patches on. There's no

00:23:11.299 --> 00:23:14.240
strings over Jesse Ventura. No puppet master

00:23:14.240 --> 00:23:17.079
on me. That's not true. During the campaign,

00:23:17.400 --> 00:23:20.720
she contacted Mono and didn't know it. And it

00:23:20.720 --> 00:23:23.660
evolved into chronic fatigue syndrome, which

00:23:23.660 --> 00:23:26.299
is real. I couldn't even get these cowards to

00:23:26.299 --> 00:23:29.240
vote it on the floor. How were you able to convince

00:23:29.240 --> 00:23:33.440
the Bush administration to let... Minnesota trade

00:23:33.440 --> 00:23:38.559
with Cuba? I don't know. I think I'm the only

00:23:38.559 --> 00:23:42.019
elected official who can say while elected met

00:23:42.019 --> 00:23:45.559
with Fidel Castro. Oh boy, is America great.

00:23:45.759 --> 00:23:48.859
We give you two, one more than Fidel. You know,

00:23:48.920 --> 00:23:50.519
you might as well give it because our two are

00:23:50.519 --> 00:23:53.240
the same. So you might as well just get Fidel.

00:23:53.660 --> 00:23:56.500
You know, same thing. Home of the brave, land

00:23:56.500 --> 00:23:59.700
of the free, right? Okay, I'll tell you a quick

00:23:59.700 --> 00:24:02.289
story. that I've never told, I don't think, publicly.

00:24:02.650 --> 00:24:06.529
He looked around, he whispered, Cuba. I said,

00:24:06.569 --> 00:24:10.450
okay. He said it was an inside job. He said Oswald

00:24:10.450 --> 00:24:14.549
couldn't make the shots. Oswald couldn't make

00:24:14.549 --> 00:24:17.710
the shots and it was an inside job. I think a

00:24:17.710 --> 00:24:20.450
coup d 'etat took place. He loves coup d 'etat.

00:24:20.569 --> 00:24:22.529
Had John Kennedy lived, there would have been

00:24:22.529 --> 00:24:26.009
no Vietnam War. Imagine that. I've read every

00:24:26.009 --> 00:24:28.329
book on it. The Warren Commission's a farce.

00:24:28.809 --> 00:24:31.789
That's been proven. Kennedy was killed. They

00:24:31.789 --> 00:24:34.190
were doing it through Pope John. He died of cancer.

00:24:34.329 --> 00:24:37.009
And Khrushchev was a coup d 'etat happened in

00:24:37.009 --> 00:24:40.289
Russia. My country does a lot of things that

00:24:40.289 --> 00:24:42.690
if people paid attention to, they wouldn't find

00:24:42.690 --> 00:24:46.289
it so wonderful. Now, do you see why mainstream

00:24:46.289 --> 00:24:52.269
media don't like Jesse Ventura? Chris Kyle, deadliest

00:24:52.269 --> 00:24:55.380
sniper. of American history, author of American

00:24:55.380 --> 00:24:57.980
Sniper, the best -selling book, which became...

00:24:57.980 --> 00:25:01.220
Is he the deadliest sniper in American history?

00:25:01.680 --> 00:25:05.119
Okay, well, that's how he's regarded. No, no,

00:25:05.119 --> 00:25:07.460
that's what he alleges. Well, I was in Mexico

00:25:07.460 --> 00:25:10.059
off the grid, so I couldn't react to it. I heard

00:25:10.059 --> 00:25:12.839
about it from an email from my son. He didn't

00:25:12.839 --> 00:25:16.359
have the honor. He didn't have this hero from

00:25:16.359 --> 00:25:18.900
the war, didn't have the courage to tell the

00:25:18.900 --> 00:25:22.039
truth. And he's not a hero. You know why? He's

00:25:22.039 --> 00:25:26.519
a backstabbing liar. He whored the trident for

00:25:26.519 --> 00:25:29.319
money and fame. He took an old timer like me

00:25:29.319 --> 00:25:31.579
and threw me under the bus so he could get money.

00:25:31.839 --> 00:25:35.579
And the point is, he's not a hero. You know why

00:25:35.579 --> 00:25:38.299
he's not a hero? Because heroes have to have

00:25:38.299 --> 00:25:41.519
honor. You have to have honor to be a hero. A

00:25:41.519 --> 00:25:45.440
liar has no honor. Follow me? It was like a jet

00:25:45.440 --> 00:25:48.319
or a rocket going into space. You have to have

00:25:48.319 --> 00:25:51.160
a booster. A booster that gets you to space,

00:25:51.299 --> 00:25:53.519
and then once you're in space, you can orbit.

00:25:53.960 --> 00:25:57.200
I was the booster rocket. See, I think this attack

00:25:57.200 --> 00:26:00.339
could well be bigger than Kyle. If I'm involved

00:26:00.339 --> 00:26:02.920
in a court case like this, I can't run for office,

00:26:03.039 --> 00:26:06.089
can I? It would be the equivalent of me throwing

00:26:06.089 --> 00:26:12.029
a WW2 frogman under the bus. That's a good one.

00:26:12.109 --> 00:26:14.650
Well, the SEALs like to pride themselves that

00:26:14.650 --> 00:26:17.970
they've never left a body behind. They have now

00:26:17.970 --> 00:26:22.529
me. I bear no grudge against Vince. You used

00:26:22.529 --> 00:26:24.930
to, though, didn't you? No. I don't take crap

00:26:24.930 --> 00:26:27.109
from no one. I'm an individual, and I didn't

00:26:27.109 --> 00:26:30.390
even take crap from him. Special Forces, 6 '4",

00:26:30.390 --> 00:26:32.769
250. I fit it perfect, and I had the background

00:26:32.769 --> 00:26:35.920
for it. And I chewed tobacco, which was in the

00:26:35.920 --> 00:26:37.859
script. They asked me, can you chew tobacco?

00:26:38.259 --> 00:26:40.880
And I pulled out my Copenhagen and Redman. I

00:26:40.880 --> 00:26:45.200
said, I've been chewing for 20 years. Damn proud

00:26:45.200 --> 00:26:48.500
to be chewing. Makes Cambodia look like Kansas.

00:26:48.900 --> 00:26:51.960
We were the real veterans of the platoon who

00:26:51.960 --> 00:26:54.359
had, he was Army, I was Navy. Arnold would look

00:26:54.359 --> 00:26:57.319
Sven. We better get up earlier. Look at Jesse

00:26:57.319 --> 00:26:59.619
Dabati's in here. Who knows how long he's been

00:26:59.619 --> 00:27:02.519
in here. We had some great builds on the show.

00:27:03.069 --> 00:27:05.710
I mean, you got Mr. Olympia Schwarzenegger, the

00:27:05.710 --> 00:27:08.829
best built man in the world. Jesse the Body Ventura.

00:27:08.950 --> 00:27:13.230
Carl Weathers, Apollo Creed. Great build. Sonny

00:27:13.230 --> 00:27:16.329
Landham, great build. You got all these bodies

00:27:16.329 --> 00:27:19.650
down there. Well, we don't look like we look

00:27:19.650 --> 00:27:24.430
by laying around. I don't do the internet. So

00:27:24.430 --> 00:27:27.230
guess who has to do the internet for me? I don't

00:27:27.230 --> 00:27:31.539
send emails. I've never owned a cell phone. And

00:27:31.539 --> 00:27:37.140
now it's my life's mission not to. I live off

00:27:37.140 --> 00:27:40.160
the grid. I live an hour from pavement and an

00:27:40.160 --> 00:27:42.740
hour from electricity. I have everything you

00:27:42.740 --> 00:27:46.059
have electric -wise because I'm completely solar.

00:27:46.160 --> 00:27:48.859
I live off the sun. Other than doing my off -the

00:27:48.859 --> 00:27:51.720
-grid show, which we do from various locations

00:27:51.720 --> 00:27:55.049
so that the... Drones won't find me and kill

00:27:55.049 --> 00:27:57.410
me. Because, you know, today, if you speak ill

00:27:57.410 --> 00:28:00.509
about United States government and policy, we

00:28:00.509 --> 00:28:04.049
will kill you without a trial with a drone. We've

00:28:04.049 --> 00:28:06.789
done it before and certainly will do it again.

00:28:06.970 --> 00:28:10.309
Holy shit. Does that not concern you that our

00:28:10.309 --> 00:28:13.690
government kills people without a trial, its

00:28:13.690 --> 00:28:16.730
own citizens? But we're doing it, aren't we?

00:28:17.390 --> 00:28:21.069
Isn't that unconstitutional? I describe it as

00:28:21.069 --> 00:28:23.839
flushing out your brain. People often ask me,

00:28:23.940 --> 00:28:26.720
what can you do in Mexico that you can't do here?

00:28:26.720 --> 00:28:28.839
Here it comes. I'll tell you one thing I've done

00:28:28.839 --> 00:28:31.920
there that you can't do here. I've gone to a

00:28:31.920 --> 00:28:36.579
lagoon. Yes. Some Mexican guides. I've gone out

00:28:36.579 --> 00:28:39.220
in the lagoon and I physically touched gray whales

00:28:39.220 --> 00:28:42.579
in the wild and stuck my hands in their mouths

00:28:42.579 --> 00:28:47.420
from a boat. From a boat. Can't do that here.

00:28:48.089 --> 00:28:50.789
They love to have their gums scratched. I got

00:28:50.789 --> 00:28:53.089
into a water fight with them where they'd spray

00:28:53.089 --> 00:28:56.069
me with the blowhole and I'd throw water on them.

00:28:56.569 --> 00:28:59.450
And I've looked into their eyes. The mental image

00:28:59.450 --> 00:29:02.150
I'm getting of this. I know. What do you do?

00:29:02.210 --> 00:29:05.130
Clearly, they communicate. How would they know

00:29:05.130 --> 00:29:08.230
it's safe? How would they know in this one little

00:29:08.230 --> 00:29:11.410
lagoon in Mexico you can interact with these

00:29:11.410 --> 00:29:14.269
humans that they're forced to live with because

00:29:14.269 --> 00:29:16.910
they need our air? Remember, they're not fish.

00:29:17.150 --> 00:29:20.109
I have metal in my body, and when I go to an

00:29:20.109 --> 00:29:22.809
airport, I'm treated like a criminal. What jury

00:29:22.809 --> 00:29:25.670
is going to go against me? I've been a mayor.

00:29:25.950 --> 00:29:28.849
I've been a governor. I'm an honorably discharged

00:29:28.849 --> 00:29:32.730
Navy veteran. That's why they fear me. Whoa.

00:29:33.309 --> 00:29:36.109
Wow. Turned into a Darth Vader at the end there

00:29:36.109 --> 00:29:39.589
a little bit. Turned into a Darth. Yeah, that

00:29:39.589 --> 00:29:42.930
was beautiful. And that's just recent. And then

00:29:42.930 --> 00:29:45.720
come to think about... Whenever it was the last

00:29:45.720 --> 00:29:47.519
time when he was talking about the gray whales,

00:29:47.720 --> 00:29:50.660
it was at least a couple of years ago. Yeah.

00:29:51.000 --> 00:29:54.700
So he's still running those same stories. If

00:29:54.700 --> 00:29:57.059
it comes up, it comes up, right? Well, he makes

00:29:57.059 --> 00:30:01.359
it come up whenever he can. Yeah, I live down

00:30:01.359 --> 00:30:05.960
in the Baja. I really like the part where he

00:30:05.960 --> 00:30:09.920
said, He's a backstabbing liar. He whored the

00:30:09.920 --> 00:30:13.500
Trident. He whored the Trident. That was my favorite

00:30:13.500 --> 00:30:16.140
part. Don't whore the trident. You never want

00:30:16.140 --> 00:30:20.180
to hoard the trident. Whore. No, hoard. Think

00:30:20.180 --> 00:30:23.359
about it. Then he would have said whore did.

00:30:23.759 --> 00:30:31.380
Nope. Think about it. Okay. So that's the document

00:30:31.380 --> 00:30:34.279
for the week. I hope you liked it. I hope you

00:30:34.279 --> 00:30:37.519
learned something because I sure did. Okay. Here's

00:30:37.519 --> 00:30:41.039
the thing. Okay. Yeah. We're going to do a little

00:30:41.039 --> 00:30:44.279
tumbleweed earth action. Yeah. How does that

00:30:44.279 --> 00:30:49.380
make you feel? Yeah. Yep. Yep. Yeah. We're going

00:30:49.380 --> 00:30:51.859
to pitch a movie. So. We're going to pitch a

00:30:51.859 --> 00:30:53.940
movie about tumbleweed earth where the earth

00:30:53.940 --> 00:30:59.319
gets engulfed by a giant tumbleweed. Yeah. And

00:30:59.319 --> 00:31:03.460
it replaces the atmosphere with tumbleweed. Yeah.

00:31:03.599 --> 00:31:06.359
It gets bigger than the whole earth. Sucks up

00:31:06.359 --> 00:31:08.759
all of the ocean. Sucks up the whole earth and

00:31:08.759 --> 00:31:12.359
then. 100 years later into the future yeah the

00:31:12.359 --> 00:31:15.240
mutant children that are there we're gonna figure

00:31:15.240 --> 00:31:18.039
it out i've got i wrote down the ideas that i've

00:31:18.039 --> 00:31:20.480
had i'm thinking like the mutants like kind of

00:31:20.480 --> 00:31:24.359
like like the bat you know and batman yeah the

00:31:24.359 --> 00:31:29.279
yeah future future mutant yeah bald head that's

00:31:29.279 --> 00:31:32.759
a good band name spike chains yeah yeah post

00:31:32.759 --> 00:31:36.880
-apocalyptic like kind of no it's a choice it's

00:31:36.880 --> 00:31:39.450
a gang It's a gang, right. Right, right, right.

00:31:39.569 --> 00:31:41.589
But it is kind of apocalyptic, right? Don't you

00:31:41.589 --> 00:31:44.089
think? No. Because tumbleweed everywhere. No,

00:31:44.109 --> 00:31:47.809
it's just a new norm, you know? Yes, yeah. But

00:31:47.809 --> 00:31:49.630
it blocks out the sun, which does fuck things

00:31:49.630 --> 00:31:53.289
up. Right. But we adapt. We adapt, yeah. We adapt.

00:31:53.450 --> 00:31:56.450
Life finds a way. You think it'd be cold in there,

00:31:56.529 --> 00:31:58.289
or you think it'd be warm? It'd probably be warm

00:31:58.289 --> 00:32:02.950
after the oceans get drunk up. Yeah. Don't drink

00:32:02.950 --> 00:32:06.450
the ocean dry, son. That's the thing. Water shortage.

00:32:08.049 --> 00:32:12.230
Yes. Even saltwater gets all drunk up. You could

00:32:12.230 --> 00:32:15.089
drink saltwater. Yeah, I know. He could. It's

00:32:15.089 --> 00:32:18.890
fine. Why not? It's good enough for fists. What's

00:32:18.890 --> 00:32:21.049
the worst that could happen? Here's some ideas

00:32:21.049 --> 00:32:25.190
that I got. Former bounty hunter, okay? Forced

00:32:25.190 --> 00:32:27.670
out of retirement when a mysterious figure emerges

00:32:27.670 --> 00:32:31.210
from the heart of the tumbleweed. This figure

00:32:31.210 --> 00:32:33.650
possesses knowledge that could change the course

00:32:33.650 --> 00:32:36.690
of humanity. The bounty hunter reluctantly takes

00:32:36.690 --> 00:32:39.589
on the task of tracking them down, facing personal

00:32:39.589 --> 00:32:43.230
demons and old demons, all while trying to decipher

00:32:43.230 --> 00:32:46.349
the secrets hidden within the rolling mass that

00:32:46.349 --> 00:32:49.809
swallowed the world. Did you write that? Yeah.

00:32:50.109 --> 00:32:53.410
You did? Yeah. You like that? I wasn't sure if

00:32:53.410 --> 00:32:55.049
it was you or an AI. I just wanted to make sure

00:32:55.049 --> 00:32:56.869
we get the proper credit. Oh, no. That was all

00:32:56.869 --> 00:32:59.970
me, baby. Yeah. That's good. That's nice. We

00:32:59.970 --> 00:33:04.400
got a... I hate it. Next idea. Okay, next idea.

00:33:05.400 --> 00:33:09.440
In a forgotten city. Can't fucking stand it.

00:33:10.940 --> 00:33:14.640
Buried beneath the tumbleweeds. Yeah. We've got

00:33:14.640 --> 00:33:19.680
a group of survivors. Mutant children. Yeah,

00:33:19.700 --> 00:33:23.099
they could be mutant children. They have sort

00:33:23.099 --> 00:33:27.180
of like a Thunderdome kind of event that they

00:33:27.180 --> 00:33:30.960
do, but it's just a tumbleweed rodeo, and they

00:33:30.960 --> 00:33:33.390
do it. Periodically, it's almost like a Hunger

00:33:33.390 --> 00:33:37.710
Games sort of event where all the cowboys have

00:33:37.710 --> 00:33:42.089
to compete and navigate through tumbleweed mazes

00:33:42.089 --> 00:33:47.569
and navigating around traps, fending off mutated

00:33:47.569 --> 00:33:50.650
creatures. So mutants have got to be in there.

00:33:50.950 --> 00:33:54.589
All right. Totalitarian government. So it's not

00:33:54.589 --> 00:33:59.730
really about the earth being a tumbleweed. It's

00:33:59.730 --> 00:34:01.849
already happened. Yeah, it's 100 years in the

00:34:01.849 --> 00:34:05.349
future. Right, right. But every movie sets, you

00:34:05.349 --> 00:34:07.349
know, it's like the Twilight Zone entrance. You

00:34:07.349 --> 00:34:09.510
know what I mean? How he sets it up. Oh, right,

00:34:09.730 --> 00:34:11.909
right, right, right. We could do an anthology

00:34:11.909 --> 00:34:15.050
series, you know? Stories from within the tumbleweed.

00:34:15.289 --> 00:34:18.510
Yeah, tumbleweed earth. Tumbleweed earth. Yeah,

00:34:18.630 --> 00:34:22.150
it's an anthology series. Yeah, yeah, okay. I

00:34:22.150 --> 00:34:26.090
follow you. Yeah, we should get someone on the

00:34:26.090 --> 00:34:29.670
line to draw this up. Yeah. Yeah, we'll make

00:34:29.670 --> 00:34:31.889
a Tumbleweed Earth comic book. Yeah, that's what

00:34:31.889 --> 00:34:33.449
I'm saying. We'll do that instead. Probably be

00:34:33.449 --> 00:34:36.250
easier. Yeah. I was thinking of it, maybe animated

00:34:36.250 --> 00:34:38.989
anyway. It's going to be real expensive. We'll

00:34:38.989 --> 00:34:42.230
get the money. All right. We also, there's this

00:34:42.230 --> 00:34:46.449
possibility, a cowboy, he finds a... I like it.

00:34:46.570 --> 00:34:50.250
I like it. He discovers an ancient musical instrument

00:34:50.250 --> 00:34:54.090
buried within the Tumbleweed. All right. As he

00:34:54.090 --> 00:34:58.019
plays the haunting melodies. The tumbleweed seems

00:34:58.019 --> 00:35:02.880
to respond. Ooh. Revealing hidden pathways of

00:35:02.880 --> 00:35:07.239
endormant technologies. The ancient musical instrument

00:35:07.239 --> 00:35:10.320
is a conduit for communicating with a race of

00:35:10.320 --> 00:35:13.880
extraterrestrial beings that reside within the

00:35:13.880 --> 00:35:17.079
tumbleweed. Ooh, all right. So we got aliens

00:35:17.079 --> 00:35:20.119
and cowboys, okay? And we can fit mutants in

00:35:20.119 --> 00:35:22.639
there. Yeah, oh, mutants too. Mutant children

00:35:22.639 --> 00:35:25.780
sidekicks. Mutant kids, yeah. Mutant children.

00:35:26.179 --> 00:35:29.940
Sidekicks. They're feral. Feral children. It's

00:35:29.940 --> 00:35:32.739
a choice. It's just their gang. There's more

00:35:32.739 --> 00:35:36.059
about this alien species, too. All right. As

00:35:36.059 --> 00:35:38.900
the cowboys play their new magic instrument that

00:35:38.900 --> 00:35:43.260
they found, the alien within the tumbleweed tell

00:35:43.260 --> 00:35:46.639
them that they plan on using the planet Earth

00:35:46.639 --> 00:35:51.559
as an intergalactic spaceship. All right, yeah.

00:35:52.250 --> 00:35:54.710
They're basically going to make this tumbleweed

00:35:54.710 --> 00:35:59.909
earth into a tumbleweed in the galactic proportion.

00:36:00.730 --> 00:36:07.190
Big. You feel me? Tumbleweed galaxy? Yeah. So

00:36:07.190 --> 00:36:08.949
then, yeah, then we got conflict because then

00:36:08.949 --> 00:36:10.929
the cowboys, they're going to have to decide

00:36:10.929 --> 00:36:13.349
if they're going to just let it happen and join

00:36:13.349 --> 00:36:16.010
forces with the aliens in the tumbleweed. Yeah.

00:36:16.269 --> 00:36:19.369
Or they're going to have to rise up and take

00:36:19.369 --> 00:36:22.429
them out. Nope. How about this one? Not that

00:36:22.429 --> 00:36:25.409
one. How about this one? How about this one?

00:36:25.590 --> 00:36:30.130
All right. There is a legendary oasis at the

00:36:30.130 --> 00:36:35.570
Prime Meridian. Oh! Yep. Which itself turns out

00:36:35.570 --> 00:36:39.730
to be a sentient entity. It's a wise and ancient

00:36:39.730 --> 00:36:42.130
being that communicates with the cowboys through

00:36:42.130 --> 00:36:46.050
cryptic visions. To reach the oasis, the cowboys

00:36:46.050 --> 00:36:48.489
must decipher the strange dreams and riddles

00:36:48.489 --> 00:36:52.130
that it sends to them. Yeah, all right. So they've

00:36:52.130 --> 00:36:54.829
got dream visitors. Yeah. And maybe one of them's

00:36:54.829 --> 00:36:57.449
got like a mutant child or something. Yeah. There's

00:36:57.449 --> 00:37:00.750
a mutant child. Sidekick. They see a cryptic

00:37:00.750 --> 00:37:03.750
vision of a. We need a sloth, you know. Yeah.

00:37:03.750 --> 00:37:06.090
Of a mutant child. No, but there's more than

00:37:06.090 --> 00:37:10.630
one. There's a whole like, you know. Yeah. Gang

00:37:10.630 --> 00:37:13.989
of mutated. It's the norm. Yeah. After the tumble,

00:37:13.989 --> 00:37:16.309
we take over and the sun was. They got mutated.

00:37:16.679 --> 00:37:19.239
yeah it's just spontaneously mutated it's evolution

00:37:19.239 --> 00:37:22.579
too much sand it's evolution you know yeah you're

00:37:22.579 --> 00:37:25.579
right they've evolved that we've adapted to the

00:37:25.579 --> 00:37:28.099
tumbleweed because people have different qualities

00:37:28.099 --> 00:37:30.280
now that tumbleweed took over you know oh yeah

00:37:30.280 --> 00:37:32.380
yeah we're 100 years in the future people have

00:37:32.380 --> 00:37:34.820
started to change quite a bit change and now

00:37:34.820 --> 00:37:37.719
that the nine feet tall is how they're born right

00:37:37.719 --> 00:37:41.559
no that's too tall six seven feet no that's too

00:37:41.559 --> 00:37:44.190
much of a budget same size You don't want to

00:37:44.190 --> 00:37:48.869
be an avatar? Smaller. Big. Yeah. I got one more.

00:37:49.130 --> 00:37:52.750
A historian's research unveils a secret society

00:37:52.750 --> 00:37:56.650
of time -traveling tumbleweed gardeners who accidentally

00:37:56.650 --> 00:37:59.409
unleashed the giant tumbleweed that took over

00:37:59.409 --> 00:38:02.809
the world while trying to cultivate a perfect

00:38:02.809 --> 00:38:06.309
garden across different eras. Now the cowboys

00:38:06.309 --> 00:38:08.510
must navigate through time -traveling tumbleweed

00:38:08.510 --> 00:38:12.159
pockets and wormholes. Ah, Prime Meridian. Encountering

00:38:12.159 --> 00:38:14.900
eccentric visions of historical figures and dealing

00:38:14.900 --> 00:38:17.420
with the consequences of the gardeners' whimsical

00:38:17.420 --> 00:38:24.860
experiments, such as Pangea. That's just what

00:38:24.860 --> 00:38:27.780
I thought that was about. It's a new Pangea that's

00:38:27.780 --> 00:38:30.719
created. Because these gardeners were wrangling

00:38:30.719 --> 00:38:35.440
their tumbleweeds and them boys so hard that

00:38:35.440 --> 00:38:38.059
all the continents drifted back into a Pangea.

00:38:38.440 --> 00:38:41.639
Yeah. So those are the ideas. I was leaning toward

00:38:41.639 --> 00:38:43.780
the Prime Meridian. Yeah, Prime Meridian, I believe.

00:38:43.860 --> 00:38:47.719
There's a legendary oasis at the Prime Meridian,

00:38:47.820 --> 00:38:51.900
which is a sentient entity that sends dreams

00:38:51.900 --> 00:38:55.360
to the cowboys. Yeah. I listened to Sebastian

00:38:55.360 --> 00:38:59.280
Bach on a podcast the other day, and I don't

00:38:59.280 --> 00:39:03.159
know why I like that guy, but I do. Really? Yeah,

00:39:03.159 --> 00:39:07.019
man! I haven't. I haven't even thought about

00:39:07.019 --> 00:39:09.780
that guy since like, I don't know, 10 years ago

00:39:09.780 --> 00:39:12.119
at least. Yeah, he's great. We're going to get

00:39:12.119 --> 00:39:13.500
him back. We're going to get him in this movie.

00:39:14.059 --> 00:39:15.860
We're going to get Sebastian Bach? Fuck yeah.

00:39:16.099 --> 00:39:17.960
He's got a new song out. Is he going to do the

00:39:17.960 --> 00:39:26.500
soundtrack? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, man. I was partying.

00:39:31.559 --> 00:39:44.309
All right. Oh, yeah. Oh, this sounds like Tumbleweed

00:39:44.309 --> 00:40:00.889
Earth. That's hard, man. All right. Yeah, man.

00:40:01.130 --> 00:40:06.090
That's my new song. There he is. Sebastian Bach.

00:40:06.610 --> 00:40:09.869
Yeah. Not the other one. Right. The other one.

00:40:10.300 --> 00:40:16.420
The better one. Okay. So what's the dream that

00:40:16.420 --> 00:40:18.460
they're going to have that's going to send them

00:40:18.460 --> 00:40:21.340
on their way to... Well, let's come up with characters

00:40:21.340 --> 00:40:23.579
first. Yeah, set the scene here. What do we got?

00:40:23.679 --> 00:40:25.860
We got some characters. Now, what's going on

00:40:25.860 --> 00:40:29.820
here? There's a legend around about town that

00:40:29.820 --> 00:40:36.280
there's a beautiful oasis down at the Prime Meridian.

00:40:36.559 --> 00:40:39.920
Yeah. What was formerly known as the Prime Meridian.

00:40:40.400 --> 00:40:44.980
Right. Right. There's no more ocean. Right. Tumbleweed

00:40:44.980 --> 00:40:48.300
drank all up. Yeah, that whole thing's gone.

00:40:49.079 --> 00:40:52.800
The whole damn thing. Prime Meridian is no more.

00:40:53.139 --> 00:41:01.099
Right. But we still use it for maps. Right. Well,

00:41:01.139 --> 00:41:04.340
it's a town, right? One of them's a cowboy. Right.

00:41:04.539 --> 00:41:05.960
Right. And one of them's... Is it a Nick Offerman?

00:41:06.469 --> 00:41:09.969
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Yeah. No.

00:41:11.190 --> 00:41:14.269
Yeah. No, I'm thinking more. I mean, it's like

00:41:14.269 --> 00:41:16.969
a Jeff Bridges kind of cowboy, but not Jeff Bridges.

00:41:17.030 --> 00:41:21.730
Yeah. You are not LeBeef. Yeah. Who'd be a good

00:41:21.730 --> 00:41:24.670
cowboy? It doesn't matter. Jeff Bridges. Yeah.

00:41:24.769 --> 00:41:27.010
Yeah. Yeah. Jeff Bridges is fine. I mean, he

00:41:27.010 --> 00:41:31.349
did RIPD, didn't he? Yeah. Was that him? I don't

00:41:31.349 --> 00:41:33.960
know. I think it was. I think it was that. So.

00:41:34.360 --> 00:41:38.880
So, yeah, so. Who's the main feller? Is it a

00:41:38.880 --> 00:41:42.780
feller? Yeah, the cowboy. He's our main player.

00:41:43.119 --> 00:41:46.320
Yeah, he's the baddest man in town. But he's

00:41:46.320 --> 00:41:49.000
got a drinking problem a little bit. He loves

00:41:49.000 --> 00:41:52.559
whiskey. Yeah, he's a good man, but he's flawed.

00:41:53.260 --> 00:41:56.619
He's a hard drinker, hard partier. Yeah. And

00:41:56.619 --> 00:41:59.199
he's also a heavy hitter. He is a very heavy

00:41:59.199 --> 00:42:02.780
hitter. He can pack a punch. He can. He's a scrappy

00:42:02.780 --> 00:42:05.320
fuck. That's right. He'll rip out your dick.

00:42:05.519 --> 00:42:10.940
So we find him inside the saloon. Yep. Ripping

00:42:10.940 --> 00:42:16.219
off a dick. Yeah, yeah. He's a dick ripper. Smoking

00:42:16.219 --> 00:42:18.940
cigarettes. So wait, wait. We got to set this

00:42:18.940 --> 00:42:20.539
scene. He'll rip your dick off. He's not above

00:42:20.539 --> 00:42:25.000
it. Right. He's not even going to put his cigarette

00:42:25.000 --> 00:42:27.039
down. He's just going to rage in there and fucking

00:42:27.039 --> 00:42:30.079
rip it off. Yeah. It'll rip your dick right off.

00:42:30.320 --> 00:42:34.559
Yeah. He grabs it like even if there's jeans,

00:42:34.699 --> 00:42:36.619
he just grabs the fucking. Oh, yeah. The venom

00:42:36.619 --> 00:42:39.219
comes with it. Yeah. He's so fucking aggressive

00:42:39.219 --> 00:42:42.599
about it. Yeah. There's friction burns. Right.

00:42:42.900 --> 00:42:46.920
It instantly cauterizes the wound. Yeah. So no

00:42:46.920 --> 00:42:49.219
more dick. Never again will you have a dick.

00:42:54.420 --> 00:42:58.639
Oh, that's his thing. I got it. That's his thing.

00:42:58.679 --> 00:43:02.300
While he's giving his speech, you know, before

00:43:02.300 --> 00:43:04.619
he beats the guy's ass. Can his name be Tango?

00:43:04.920 --> 00:43:08.360
Sure. Okay. Yeah, absolutely. I'd be offended

00:43:08.360 --> 00:43:10.780
if it wasn't. His whole thing is while he's giving

00:43:10.780 --> 00:43:13.280
his speech, he's like a pickpocket. He's pulling

00:43:13.280 --> 00:43:15.159
the zipper down and pulling the dick out for

00:43:15.159 --> 00:43:17.989
when the moment comes. What's his speech? What

00:43:17.989 --> 00:43:19.889
speech is he giving? He gives a speech before

00:43:19.889 --> 00:43:22.289
he kicks someone's ass. Oh, right. Every time.

00:43:22.409 --> 00:43:26.489
Yeah, yeah. And it always ends with, are you

00:43:26.489 --> 00:43:29.210
sure you want to do this, son? No, no. With him,

00:43:29.210 --> 00:43:31.550
it's, you sure you want to get your dick ripped

00:43:31.550 --> 00:43:36.210
off by tango? You sure you want to tango with

00:43:36.210 --> 00:43:42.599
tango? It takes two to tango. Yep. I've always

00:43:42.599 --> 00:43:47.800
been known to be a bit of a dick ripper. My day.

00:43:49.099 --> 00:43:53.340
Yep. I ripped a couple of dicks in my time. You

00:43:53.340 --> 00:43:57.840
rip one feller's dick off. Something they hold

00:43:57.840 --> 00:44:07.619
against you till the end of time. You know who

00:44:07.619 --> 00:44:14.179
it is? Jesse Ventura. I've been known to rip

00:44:14.179 --> 00:44:20.199
a cock off. He'll do it. He'll do it for cheap.

00:44:20.280 --> 00:44:23.039
I've ripped the dick off. I don't know. I see

00:44:23.039 --> 00:44:26.619
him as more of like a... He's in it. Yeah, he's

00:44:26.619 --> 00:44:29.500
in it. I know he's in it. But I see him as like

00:44:29.500 --> 00:44:32.179
a saloon owner. Yeah. Like he'll whoop some ass,

00:44:32.380 --> 00:44:37.599
but he owns a saloon. And his name's Rick. Hank.

00:44:37.800 --> 00:44:41.170
Hank. Yeah, he can play Hank. Yeah. I brought

00:44:41.170 --> 00:44:43.969
my own tobacco to the set. Yeah. All right. All

00:44:43.969 --> 00:44:45.130
right. Yeah. I don't want to get too far off

00:44:45.130 --> 00:44:48.369
of Ventura. He'll rip your dick right off. Yeah.

00:44:48.429 --> 00:44:50.730
He'll give you a speech. Don't fall for the speech.

00:44:50.889 --> 00:44:52.610
Yeah. That's all I'm going to tell you. Yeah.

00:44:53.010 --> 00:44:56.610
Your dick will be ripe for the picking. He does

00:44:56.610 --> 00:44:59.929
it. Like, he does it. Yeah. He commits. He rips

00:44:59.929 --> 00:45:02.969
the dick off. He takes them out like a pickpocket.

00:45:03.309 --> 00:45:06.809
Yeah. Like a dick pocket. Yeah. He's a dick pocket.

00:45:07.659 --> 00:45:12.340
Yeah. He's a private dick too. Yeah. No, no,

00:45:12.340 --> 00:45:15.019
he's a cowboy. Right. But okay. So what is like,

00:45:15.099 --> 00:45:16.639
what is the time? We're going to explain like

00:45:16.639 --> 00:45:18.420
what the tumbleweed earth kind of looks like.

00:45:18.420 --> 00:45:21.099
Right. I imagine it. I assume it's dark all the

00:45:21.099 --> 00:45:24.400
time. Yes. I imagine it is like dark Western.

00:45:24.719 --> 00:45:27.639
Yeah. Cause I see dunes where like where there

00:45:27.639 --> 00:45:30.159
was streets, but there's electricity. There is

00:45:30.159 --> 00:45:33.619
electricity from the sun. Okay. Yeah. Oh yeah.

00:45:33.659 --> 00:45:36.150
That made that. Yeah. outside of the tumbleweed

00:45:36.150 --> 00:45:40.369
yeah the the people have found a way they sent

00:45:40.369 --> 00:45:42.730
some people up there oh no they're burning coal

00:45:42.730 --> 00:45:44.550
oh they're burning coal yeah they're burning

00:45:44.550 --> 00:45:46.909
coal all right yeah we're back to we're back

00:45:46.909 --> 00:45:49.250
to coal yeah and the tumbleweed just keeps all

00:45:49.250 --> 00:45:52.630
that all that good uh carbon monoxide in all

00:45:52.630 --> 00:45:55.929
right All that good smoke. It's always smoky

00:45:55.929 --> 00:45:58.130
outside. Yeah, all right, yeah. Yeah, always

00:45:58.130 --> 00:46:01.510
smoky. And dusty. And dusty. And the ocean's

00:46:01.510 --> 00:46:04.150
dried up. It's just a great big dust bowl inside

00:46:04.150 --> 00:46:07.269
the tumbleweed earth, right? Yep, yep. It's a

00:46:07.269 --> 00:46:09.949
big old dust bowl, but a little bit more modern.

00:46:10.190 --> 00:46:12.750
All right. We've adapted. You know, people have

00:46:12.750 --> 00:46:18.690
adapted. Right, right. And there's a Thunderdome.

00:46:19.050 --> 00:46:21.590
You know what would be another funny thing, too,

00:46:21.650 --> 00:46:24.380
is... One of the ways that people have adapted

00:46:24.380 --> 00:46:26.320
is there's so much sand blowing around all the

00:46:26.320 --> 00:46:30.159
time and dust. You go inside somebody's house,

00:46:30.199 --> 00:46:32.239
you think it's one level, and then it just goes

00:46:32.239 --> 00:46:34.159
down a bunch. It turns out the rest of the house

00:46:34.159 --> 00:46:36.159
is just covered in sand. It's like fucking big

00:46:36.159 --> 00:46:42.039
skyscraper houses. Oh, okay. I get it. Yeah.

00:46:42.159 --> 00:46:44.599
It's just buried underneath. Didn't they do that

00:46:44.599 --> 00:46:47.760
in Inception or some shit? No. Or was it AI,

00:46:47.860 --> 00:46:50.239
artificial intelligence? Look, it's a bad idea.

00:46:50.260 --> 00:46:53.179
Dude Ba? Look, it's a bad idea. Dude Ba? I just

00:46:53.179 --> 00:46:54.639
thought about it. Oh, we could get Dude Ba on

00:46:54.639 --> 00:46:57.800
this, though. Yeah. He's playing Gigolo Joe again.

00:46:58.219 --> 00:47:02.320
Dude Ba. Okay. He's back. I don't... It's a shared

00:47:02.320 --> 00:47:04.599
universe with AI, artificial intelligence by

00:47:04.599 --> 00:47:06.699
Steven Spielberg. I haven't seen that. I only

00:47:06.699 --> 00:47:09.699
saw... Oh, I saw it once. Stanley Kubrick. I

00:47:09.699 --> 00:47:12.719
was a young man. Some of it holds up, but it's

00:47:12.719 --> 00:47:15.920
mostly not good. Okay. But I think they did a

00:47:15.920 --> 00:47:18.690
house thing in there. skyscraper houses all right

00:47:18.690 --> 00:47:21.650
well fucking scrap it then fuck i'm just saying

00:47:21.650 --> 00:47:24.269
i wasn't saying that that's scrap it we can do

00:47:24.269 --> 00:47:27.769
it just scrap it we can do it scrap it i'm not

00:47:27.769 --> 00:47:30.630
gonna every house is not just on stilts yeah

00:47:30.630 --> 00:47:37.789
but they're tiny tiny stilts okay yeah yeah there's

00:47:37.789 --> 00:47:40.750
one room cubes right and they're burning coal

00:47:40.750 --> 00:47:45.239
yeah of course burning coal all day Yeah, the

00:47:45.239 --> 00:47:48.699
factories are back. It is also the times of the

00:47:48.699 --> 00:47:52.719
factories. Right. Again. Again. Yeah. All comes

00:47:52.719 --> 00:47:56.500
back around. Okay. Factories, cowboys. We got

00:47:56.500 --> 00:47:59.960
Tango. Mutants, maybe. Oh, we're going to get

00:47:59.960 --> 00:48:03.960
to the mutants. We got Tango. Yep. We got Hank.

00:48:04.280 --> 00:48:06.880
We got Hank, yep. Is Hank coming along? Yeah,

00:48:06.940 --> 00:48:09.119
he's coming along. Yeah, he's coming. Yeah. Tango

00:48:09.119 --> 00:48:11.400
and Hank. I'm going to take notes. Hold on. Yeah,

00:48:11.440 --> 00:48:15.519
Tango and Hank. Me and my buddy Tango rummaging

00:48:15.519 --> 00:48:26.019
the tumbleweed, searching for documents. I couldn't

00:48:26.019 --> 00:48:27.659
get the last word out. I was going to say treasure.

00:48:29.320 --> 00:48:32.300
This is my friend and business partner, Tango.

00:48:32.940 --> 00:48:35.679
Tango and Hank. Tango and Hank. Sounds good.

00:48:35.920 --> 00:48:38.980
It's iconic. Yeah. Who else is going to be on?

00:48:39.059 --> 00:48:41.210
We know we need a mutant. Oh yeah, it's going

00:48:41.210 --> 00:48:42.849
to be a mutant child. It's going to be a mutant

00:48:42.849 --> 00:48:48.150
child named Stitz. Nope. Slug. Nope. Closer,

00:48:48.269 --> 00:48:53.170
closer. Worm? No. Sorry, we need a backstory

00:48:53.170 --> 00:48:55.110
for the mutant child and then we come up with

00:48:55.110 --> 00:48:59.889
a name. He goes by Grits. Grits are... No, we

00:48:59.889 --> 00:49:02.570
need a story for the mutant child. He's Gravy

00:49:02.570 --> 00:49:05.130
Child. It'll come to us. He's Gravy Child. It'll

00:49:05.130 --> 00:49:07.150
come to us. Why do you have to name him right

00:49:07.150 --> 00:49:09.489
now? He's a gravy boy. Why don't we figure out

00:49:09.489 --> 00:49:11.789
who to flesh out? He's giving gravy to me, and

00:49:11.789 --> 00:49:14.610
I need to... Well, flesh out his character. Maybe

00:49:14.610 --> 00:49:16.829
you meet him, and he starts out as a gravy boy.

00:49:16.909 --> 00:49:18.130
That's what he's doing for work. He's a gravy

00:49:18.130 --> 00:49:20.070
boy. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Shining shoes

00:49:20.070 --> 00:49:22.429
and bringing gravy. Brewing gravy. Everybody

00:49:22.429 --> 00:49:26.090
drinks gravy. Yes, exactly. Inside that tumbleweed

00:49:26.090 --> 00:49:29.889
earth. Yeah. Yep, out of canteens. He's a gravy

00:49:29.889 --> 00:49:32.809
boy. Yeah. That's not his name, though. No, he's

00:49:32.809 --> 00:49:35.400
a gravy farmer. Right, because there's no more

00:49:35.400 --> 00:49:37.780
farms because of the ocean. Right, so they farm

00:49:37.780 --> 00:49:42.619
gravy. They farm gravy. Yeah. Okay, I like that.

00:49:42.760 --> 00:49:46.239
They farm gravy. There's rivers of gravy. Yeah.

00:49:46.820 --> 00:49:50.139
Naturally occurring. Yeah. But they're underground.

00:49:50.599 --> 00:49:54.420
They got to mine them. Sure. So they got to do

00:49:54.420 --> 00:49:57.880
a lot of fracking. Yeah. It's sci -fi. Yeah.

00:49:57.900 --> 00:50:00.480
It's science fiction. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Maybe

00:50:00.480 --> 00:50:03.639
not the rivers of gravy. That's too much. We've

00:50:03.639 --> 00:50:06.219
got Meat Child. Maybe not enough. Meat Child?

00:50:06.400 --> 00:50:11.920
That's the meat boy? I don't know. Rip Child.

00:50:16.800 --> 00:50:19.820
What's the technology of the time? Was it steampunk?

00:50:19.900 --> 00:50:23.079
No, we're running coal. We're rolling coal. Whatever

00:50:23.079 --> 00:50:26.579
his name is, Jesse Ventura's character calls

00:50:26.579 --> 00:50:32.480
him pungent. Because he smells pungent. Sleet.

00:50:32.889 --> 00:50:35.329
I'm stuck on this. Well, I wanted to flesh out

00:50:35.329 --> 00:50:38.050
what the character is. Why is he a mutant child?

00:50:38.489 --> 00:50:43.750
He was mutated. Yeah. The children now, this

00:50:43.750 --> 00:50:46.070
is the first generation that has no son whatsoever.

00:50:46.530 --> 00:50:48.489
Right. And there was some sort of a radiation.

00:50:49.090 --> 00:50:52.570
Right. So there have been human, you know, people

00:50:52.570 --> 00:50:56.010
have adapted to better survive, to survive the

00:50:56.010 --> 00:50:58.230
tumbleweed earth. Yeah. You know what I mean?

00:50:58.349 --> 00:51:01.150
Yeah. Right. So, you know, our older characters.

00:51:01.469 --> 00:51:03.389
They've evolved quickly. They have a different

00:51:03.389 --> 00:51:05.489
set of skills, you know what I mean? Different

00:51:05.489 --> 00:51:09.929
set of mutated freak features. Freak features,

00:51:10.030 --> 00:51:13.590
right. But the children, first ones born with

00:51:13.590 --> 00:51:16.550
no son whatsoever. Right, 100 years. That makes

00:51:16.550 --> 00:51:19.070
sense. Yeah. From now on, they're going to look

00:51:19.070 --> 00:51:21.710
like these mutants. Yeah. Which are kind of lumpier.

00:51:22.130 --> 00:51:28.010
Yeah. Smaller. They look like Quasimodos. Yeah.

00:51:30.329 --> 00:51:35.289
No. We need sloths. We need sloths. I imagine

00:51:35.289 --> 00:51:38.610
like Smeagol's. Smeagol's? Yeah. Like, you know,

00:51:38.650 --> 00:51:44.170
like a box on all fours and shit. Sure. Yeah.

00:51:44.250 --> 00:51:47.090
Claws around. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. I like

00:51:47.090 --> 00:51:49.769
that. Yeah. Like they're humanoid in stature.

00:51:50.070 --> 00:51:53.590
Yeah, but they look kind of like that, but they

00:51:53.590 --> 00:51:57.250
act like Donnie from the Wild Thornberries. There's

00:51:57.250 --> 00:52:02.170
no words. They just go. And we have Flea do the

00:52:02.170 --> 00:52:04.329
voice, you know? Wow. Okay. So they're really

00:52:04.329 --> 00:52:07.969
fat. But this is a Western world. Huh? You said

00:52:07.969 --> 00:52:11.889
they're fat? Fast. Oh, fast. Oh, yeah. Things

00:52:11.889 --> 00:52:16.210
move a little slower around here. Right. Right?

00:52:16.590 --> 00:52:19.050
Yeah. I guess they only do the Donnie thing when

00:52:19.050 --> 00:52:20.670
they're in Berserker mode. Oh, I know what it

00:52:20.670 --> 00:52:23.829
is. I got it. I got it. They only say one thing.

00:52:24.070 --> 00:52:29.719
What's that? Yep. so that just like they'll be

00:52:29.719 --> 00:52:32.059
around and you'll hear them like from a distance

00:52:32.059 --> 00:52:34.559
just like every once in a while it's just yep

00:52:34.559 --> 00:52:40.360
from down the street yeah yeah all right sure

00:52:40.360 --> 00:52:44.159
and sometimes they get real worked up and they're

00:52:44.159 --> 00:52:48.980
like yeah i like it and sometimes they're just

00:52:48.980 --> 00:52:52.440
really like but they understand what you're saying

00:52:52.989 --> 00:52:55.070
Oh, yeah, yeah. You missed it. They're like Chewbacca's

00:52:55.070 --> 00:52:57.929
in that way. You missed it. What? Understand.

00:52:59.070 --> 00:53:04.809
Dang. So that's Creature. He doesn't have a name

00:53:04.809 --> 00:53:13.230
for now. Was it right? Thomas. The Thomas. The

00:53:13.230 --> 00:53:20.030
Thomas. The Thomas. Yeah, the Thomas. And then

00:53:20.030 --> 00:53:23.400
we need another one. Another character? Yeah.

00:53:23.659 --> 00:53:26.940
We need a gal in there, right? Yeah. She's a

00:53:26.940 --> 00:53:31.119
rodeo clown. Oh. I mean, she could also be a

00:53:31.119 --> 00:53:39.199
cowboy. She's a gravy girl. She brews the gravy.

00:53:39.539 --> 00:53:45.000
What if? What about this? Here's an idea. Goths.

00:53:45.000 --> 00:53:47.679
The Goths. They're still around. They're a group.

00:53:47.840 --> 00:53:51.369
Okay. Because the sun went away. Oh, yeah. Okay,

00:53:51.389 --> 00:53:53.610
yeah. So the Goths came out. How about everyone's

00:53:53.610 --> 00:53:55.530
a Goth except for the Cowboys? There's Cowboys

00:53:55.530 --> 00:53:59.349
and Goths and aliens, maybe. No. No. Cowboys

00:53:59.349 --> 00:54:03.769
and Goths. Yeah. Are they at odds? Do they coexist?

00:54:04.590 --> 00:54:10.269
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they coexist, but it's like

00:54:10.269 --> 00:54:12.429
Democrats and Republicans. You know what I mean?

00:54:12.489 --> 00:54:16.630
Just a different set of... Ideals. Ideals. But

00:54:16.630 --> 00:54:21.690
they can coexist. With the Goths. For now. Yeah.

00:54:21.869 --> 00:54:25.949
Wow. Okay. I like that. So we got a Goth. Yeah.

00:54:26.190 --> 00:54:32.750
Her name's Larry. She doesn't tell us her name.

00:54:33.070 --> 00:54:36.590
She's like Ally Sheedy. Oh, okay. The Goth with

00:54:36.590 --> 00:54:39.409
no name. That's perfect. But she's going to reveal

00:54:39.409 --> 00:54:44.150
it later on. Yeah. Once we build trust. The Goth

00:54:44.150 --> 00:54:48.670
with no name. She wears a poncho. It's like the

00:54:48.670 --> 00:54:52.650
man with no name, but she... So the mutant childs

00:54:52.650 --> 00:54:55.269
are Baby Yoda. Mm -hmm. That's where, that's,

00:54:55.269 --> 00:54:58.010
you know. Mm -hmm. All right. Yeah, he's a mutant.

00:54:58.309 --> 00:55:01.530
It's Baby Yoda. But he's cute. A cute mutant.

00:55:01.909 --> 00:55:08.889
Oh, it's Grogu. Okay. It's fucking Grogu. I love

00:55:08.889 --> 00:55:11.789
the goth with no name. I love that. Yeah, I do

00:55:11.789 --> 00:55:14.769
too. On tumbleweed earth. I kind of like this

00:55:14.769 --> 00:55:17.539
as like an animated thing, though. Yeah. Because

00:55:17.539 --> 00:55:19.260
then we can make her like a fucking Tim Burton

00:55:19.260 --> 00:55:24.219
character. It could be claymation. Yeah. That'd

00:55:24.219 --> 00:55:26.360
be pretty sick. We'll get Ryan Barry to do it.

00:55:26.539 --> 00:55:31.699
I don't know who that is. Oh, I do. He's my friend.

00:55:31.719 --> 00:55:33.760
He works on Shape Islands. He does claymation.

00:55:33.780 --> 00:55:35.940
He just did a McDonald's commercial for Christmas.

00:55:37.119 --> 00:55:39.719
Very cool. Okay, he'll do it. Yeah, he's going

00:55:39.719 --> 00:55:41.920
to do it. We'll sign him up. On the house. Yep.

00:55:43.130 --> 00:55:45.150
All right, so what are the characters going to

00:55:45.150 --> 00:55:48.050
get for their cryptic visions and their nighttime

00:55:48.050 --> 00:55:50.369
dreams that bring them all together to the same

00:55:50.369 --> 00:55:53.510
place to become a party that then must adventure

00:55:53.510 --> 00:55:58.090
to find the oasis at the prime meridian? Yeah,

00:55:58.130 --> 00:56:01.530
each night they share the same dream. Right,

00:56:01.570 --> 00:56:06.590
right. Yeah, each night it's coordinates. It's

00:56:06.590 --> 00:56:08.369
like each night is a different coordinate and

00:56:08.369 --> 00:56:10.789
they write it down in their dream book. It's

00:56:10.789 --> 00:56:13.809
common practice in this world. Dream books. Dream

00:56:13.809 --> 00:56:17.510
books, right. Dream book. If you don't have a

00:56:17.510 --> 00:56:20.849
dream, you're fined. Wow. That really makes you

00:56:20.849 --> 00:56:24.849
think. No, let's not go there. Too expensive.

00:56:26.710 --> 00:56:30.650
Too abstract. Yeah, they share a dream. They

00:56:30.650 --> 00:56:34.329
have the same dream. Yeah, a shared dream. A

00:56:34.329 --> 00:56:37.030
shared dream. And at the end of the dream is

00:56:37.030 --> 00:56:40.110
a number. It's coordinates and a handprint. Yeah.

00:56:40.650 --> 00:56:45.210
There's always a handprint. Yeah. I dreamed of

00:56:45.210 --> 00:56:48.070
a handprint. Flashes of geography when there

00:56:48.070 --> 00:56:52.090
was a sun. Right. Oh, my goodness, the oasis.

00:56:52.469 --> 00:56:56.789
It's just like the one hole in the tumbleweed.

00:56:56.889 --> 00:57:01.989
Yeah. That just shines down. Yeah. And then there's

00:57:01.989 --> 00:57:05.889
like a Christ figure. Yeah. Who emerges. Got

00:57:05.889 --> 00:57:07.969
to fight him. It doesn't emerge. It just kind

00:57:07.969 --> 00:57:10.889
of appears in the background. It's not clear.

00:57:11.289 --> 00:57:14.150
He's the next Jesus Christ, though. Yeah, pretty

00:57:14.150 --> 00:57:16.750
much. He's going to say, I did this. This is

00:57:16.750 --> 00:57:20.849
my hole in the tumbleweed. Maybe. In the dream.

00:57:21.070 --> 00:57:22.869
And we're going to have to whoop him in the ass.

00:57:23.969 --> 00:57:25.789
That's where we get to, right? That's where we're

00:57:25.789 --> 00:57:27.889
heading? That's where we're going. Right. That's

00:57:27.889 --> 00:57:31.510
the adventure. Yeah, this is part one. Yeah.

00:57:32.010 --> 00:57:34.309
Of a series. Obviously, the coordinates lead

00:57:34.309 --> 00:57:38.139
to the prime meridian. Yeah. Right. And they

00:57:38.139 --> 00:57:46.360
travel by vine. They swing like Tarzans. Yeah.

00:57:46.360 --> 00:57:50.079
Yeah, we got Tarzans, too. They're all Tarzans.

00:57:56.679 --> 00:57:59.619
They're all Tarzans. Yeah, that's part of the

00:57:59.619 --> 00:58:07.539
evolution. that's another branch like some people

00:58:07.539 --> 00:58:10.320
evolved into tarzan so there's tarzans goths

00:58:10.320 --> 00:58:15.300
and cowboys that's right and mutant children

00:58:15.300 --> 00:58:20.460
yeah wow we got a nice world built here yeah

00:58:20.460 --> 00:58:24.400
we could make an rpg We should. Yeah. I'd play

00:58:24.400 --> 00:58:27.300
it. We can make it on Unreal Engine. I was going

00:58:27.300 --> 00:58:31.860
to wonder. I was wondering last time, how the

00:58:31.860 --> 00:58:34.219
fuck do you even know what that is? Huh? How

00:58:34.219 --> 00:58:36.219
do you know about Unreal Engine 5 specifically?

00:58:36.460 --> 00:58:41.239
So what's basically happening here is you're

00:58:41.239 --> 00:58:44.199
underestimating me. Yeah. Yeah. Look, I know

00:58:44.199 --> 00:58:47.079
about things, okay? I know. Look, I know. I just

00:58:47.079 --> 00:58:49.199
didn't know you knew about that thing. And that

00:58:49.199 --> 00:58:53.690
just surprised me. I know about it. I have a

00:58:53.690 --> 00:58:55.949
customer who is making a game on Unreal Engine,

00:58:56.110 --> 00:58:59.250
and he just told me about it. What kind of game

00:58:59.250 --> 00:59:04.389
is he making? I don't know. I don't play games.

00:59:04.530 --> 00:59:07.170
No, I was. I was. I can't remember the name of

00:59:07.170 --> 00:59:09.349
the game that he compared it to, but it's like

00:59:09.349 --> 00:59:12.530
one of those big open world map things. He was

00:59:12.530 --> 00:59:15.050
just doing it for fun, fucking around. It was

00:59:15.050 --> 00:59:17.710
cool, though. He sent me some stuff. It's wild.

00:59:17.969 --> 00:59:21.090
Do you think he'll make the... Tumbleweed Earth

00:59:21.090 --> 00:59:24.590
game. And we'll see after his passion project's

00:59:24.590 --> 00:59:27.510
done, you know? No, his passion project is the

00:59:27.510 --> 00:59:29.510
Tumbleweed Earth game. No, it's not. Yeah. No.

00:59:30.210 --> 00:59:32.510
No, it is. No. They came to him in a dream. No,

00:59:32.530 --> 00:59:35.449
no, no, no, no. Yeah, we'll make it. We'll make

00:59:35.449 --> 00:59:39.750
it on Unreal Engine 5. Yeah. 6. Let's do 6. Be

00:59:39.750 --> 00:59:44.789
the first ones to do 6. Nope. So, we got a pretty

00:59:44.789 --> 00:59:49.050
good story going. Yeah. So, this is sort of,

00:59:49.400 --> 00:59:53.219
the quest yeah so they meet up at the first coordinate

00:59:53.219 --> 00:59:56.539
and they go on a quest they decide because they

00:59:56.539 --> 00:59:59.780
have another dream that says another set of coordinates

00:59:59.780 --> 01:00:02.340
and one of them's like that's the prime meridian

01:00:02.340 --> 01:00:04.780
well i mean we're gonna we're gonna get them

01:00:04.780 --> 01:00:07.239
there first we're gonna get them together you

01:00:07.239 --> 01:00:09.239
know what i mean right so what we do i don't

01:00:09.239 --> 01:00:12.000
know we we get a who i mean who would be the

01:00:12.000 --> 01:00:15.420
so the goth works at a graveyard digging graves

01:00:15.420 --> 01:00:18.900
and okay so yeah the god the The goth with no

01:00:18.900 --> 01:00:27.699
name. So the goth is the Snoopy. Yes. And the

01:00:27.699 --> 01:00:33.300
mean child is the Woodstock. Yes, yes. Perfect.

01:00:33.639 --> 01:00:36.000
And they dig graves. They dig graves. That's

01:00:36.000 --> 01:00:40.079
what they do. And they love it. Yes. And they

01:00:40.079 --> 01:00:44.150
clean stones. That's excellent. And then. Hank

01:00:44.150 --> 01:00:47.190
is the saloon owner. Yeah, he's the bartender

01:00:47.190 --> 01:00:51.190
where... He's honest. Yeah. Well, he's the bartender

01:00:51.190 --> 01:00:55.690
where fucking... Tango? Tango lives. He lives

01:00:55.690 --> 01:00:59.320
there. Tango lives above the bar? Yeah, he's

01:00:59.320 --> 01:01:01.900
going to cot upstairs. Yep, that's all he needs.

01:01:02.219 --> 01:01:04.460
He owns it. That's all he needs. And if you step

01:01:04.460 --> 01:01:07.400
anywhere near his bedroom door, he'll rip your

01:01:07.400 --> 01:01:10.260
dick right off. That's right, that's right. He

01:01:10.260 --> 01:01:12.440
didn't buy it. He's going to rip your dick off.

01:01:12.519 --> 01:01:16.139
He didn't purchase it. He acquired it. He had

01:01:16.139 --> 01:01:23.099
a dick ripping contest. He won his house in a

01:01:23.099 --> 01:01:29.070
dick ripping contest. Now that's the real Hunger

01:01:29.070 --> 01:01:30.590
Games. That's the story there. That's the Hunger

01:01:30.590 --> 01:01:32.909
Games right there. The dick ripping contest could

01:01:32.909 --> 01:01:35.750
be a whole spinoff. Right. It's a whole, you

01:01:35.750 --> 01:01:39.650
know. Oh, then we get the fucking dick rip gladiator.

01:01:43.949 --> 01:01:47.710
The goth with no name and the dick rip gladiator

01:01:47.710 --> 01:01:52.289
are very marketable. Yeah. And then Tango. The

01:01:52.289 --> 01:01:55.210
dick ripping gladiator. tango is the dick ripping

01:01:55.210 --> 01:02:01.710
gladiator no he's a cowboy and hank this is another

01:02:01.710 --> 01:02:03.849
story that we're not we're gonna get to the prime

01:02:03.849 --> 01:02:05.750
meridian yeah we gotta get him to the prime meridian

01:02:05.750 --> 01:02:09.010
it's he's like indiana jones tango yeah he's

01:02:09.010 --> 01:02:11.150
our indiana jones that's right that's right except

01:02:11.150 --> 01:02:14.170
way better because they'll rip your dick off

01:02:14.170 --> 01:02:18.130
right um he'll whip your dick off too he ain't

01:02:18.130 --> 01:02:21.500
afraid of snake he ain't afraid of snake No,

01:02:21.500 --> 01:02:24.079
no, no. He'll whip it right off. His belt is

01:02:24.079 --> 01:02:28.460
a live rattlesnake. And he'll whip you with it,

01:02:28.480 --> 01:02:32.199
and it will take your dick clean off. Yeah. Wow.

01:02:33.079 --> 01:02:35.940
If it's animated, we can do that. He can use

01:02:35.940 --> 01:02:41.920
a fucking snake as a whip. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

01:02:43.099 --> 01:02:46.880
Come on. That's what he says. Yeah. It's all

01:02:46.880 --> 01:02:49.579
right. Yeah. So how do they all come together?

01:02:50.119 --> 01:02:52.820
It's got to be at the saloon. What brings the

01:02:52.820 --> 01:02:55.559
goth and the... The goth can go to the saloon

01:02:55.559 --> 01:03:00.760
sometimes to get spirits. Okay. Oh, or maybe

01:03:00.760 --> 01:03:03.300
it's haunted. The saloon is haunted. Oh, no.

01:03:04.179 --> 01:03:07.559
This is Western. It's not haunt. It's not ghost.

01:03:07.559 --> 01:03:09.360
There are a lot of haunted Westerns. No, it's

01:03:09.360 --> 01:03:13.699
not ghost. It's not ghost. Okay, no ghost. It's

01:03:13.699 --> 01:03:18.579
too far. What the fuck are you... This is too

01:03:18.579 --> 01:03:22.920
busy, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, well,

01:03:22.980 --> 01:03:26.360
where do they meet? Is the Thomas, is the goth

01:03:26.360 --> 01:03:29.219
friends with the Thomas? The Thomas is the Woodstock.

01:03:29.280 --> 01:03:31.000
That's the boy. That's the mutant boy. Right.

01:03:31.019 --> 01:03:33.980
Do they like live together? Yeah. Does the goth

01:03:33.980 --> 01:03:36.460
live with the Thomas? Yeah. Brother, you find

01:03:36.460 --> 01:03:40.260
out later they might be related. Oh, okay. Yeah.

01:03:40.460 --> 01:03:43.880
So it's like an Addams Family dynamic. Kinda.

01:03:44.380 --> 01:03:49.659
Okay. But I think of the mutant boy more as a

01:03:49.659 --> 01:03:54.199
Woodsock. Woodsock, yeah. He's more of a bird

01:03:54.199 --> 01:04:03.480
type. He's a bird man. He's not a bird. No, he's

01:04:03.480 --> 01:04:08.199
a bird man. No, no. He's a Tony Hawk. Yeah, I

01:04:08.199 --> 01:04:12.559
don't know. Okay. So maybe the Thomas. could

01:04:12.559 --> 01:04:15.320
get the goth to the bar for summer to the saloon

01:04:15.320 --> 01:04:17.360
i mean they're all they're all having the shared

01:04:17.360 --> 01:04:21.159
dreams right right yeah the dream could show

01:04:21.159 --> 01:04:24.320
the saloon one of the coordinates or something

01:04:24.320 --> 01:04:26.820
yeah the first coordinates of the saloon maybe

01:04:26.820 --> 01:04:29.420
well no that wouldn't work because the coordinates

01:04:29.420 --> 01:04:32.340
in the end are yeah it doesn't work well they

01:04:32.340 --> 01:04:35.300
get new coordinates they keep dreaming they use

01:04:35.300 --> 01:04:36.960
the first one and then they have another dream

01:04:36.960 --> 01:04:39.960
and it tells them where the next one is Yeah,

01:04:39.980 --> 01:04:42.139
oh yeah, okay, so they have the same dream until

01:04:42.139 --> 01:04:43.780
they meet, and then they all have a different

01:04:43.780 --> 01:04:48.739
shared dream. Right, exactly. There it is. Yeah.

01:04:49.519 --> 01:04:53.280
It's not busy at all. No, no problem. No, it's

01:04:53.280 --> 01:04:56.099
perfect. Yeah, that's a good start. That's good.

01:04:56.440 --> 01:04:59.820
Yeah. I'd watch it. Sure. I'd watch the shit

01:04:59.820 --> 01:05:02.139
out of Tumbleweed Earth. Yeah. There's a lot

01:05:02.139 --> 01:05:04.639
more that can be done with it. I'd draw it up.

01:05:04.980 --> 01:05:08.179
Everybody drinks gravy is my favorite part. Yeah.

01:05:08.679 --> 01:05:10.900
That's their sustenance. I like that. I really

01:05:10.900 --> 01:05:14.039
love that. There's something so good about a

01:05:14.039 --> 01:05:16.960
dick ripper. Yeah. Just somebody who rips dicks.

01:05:17.320 --> 01:05:19.820
Drinking fucking, yeah. Drinking gravy and ripping

01:05:19.820 --> 01:05:26.559
dicks. And I'm all out of gravy. Oh, man. No,

01:05:26.619 --> 01:05:28.440
he just does both for the love of the game. Yeah,

01:05:28.440 --> 01:05:30.360
yeah. He likes to do them both at the same time

01:05:30.360 --> 01:05:33.000
if he can. Yeah, he also has a snake whip. Yeah.

01:05:33.300 --> 01:05:35.880
There's a goth. Yeah. And there's a... Who doesn't

01:05:35.880 --> 01:05:38.519
speak. Right. She's like an Ally Sheedy. Yeah.

01:05:38.599 --> 01:05:40.500
She doesn't have a name, but she does wear a

01:05:40.500 --> 01:05:42.880
poncho like the man with no name. Like a Clint

01:05:42.880 --> 01:05:46.179
Eastwood. It's a shawl. Okay. But it's cut the

01:05:46.179 --> 01:05:48.099
same way. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it evokes the

01:05:48.099 --> 01:05:50.579
image of the poncho. But it's technically a shawl.

01:05:50.719 --> 01:05:55.179
Yeah. Shawl. Shawl. Wow. She might have cat eyes

01:05:55.179 --> 01:05:59.260
too. What? What does that mean? The eyes of a

01:05:59.260 --> 01:06:06.800
cat. What? Why not? You know? Why not? Yeah,

01:06:06.920 --> 01:06:09.440
if it's Tim Burton kind of thing. It's claymation.

01:06:09.679 --> 01:06:16.559
Yeah. So, the eye of a cat and the paw of a monkey.

01:06:17.099 --> 01:06:21.099
Right. Yeah, yeah. That's Tumbleweed Earth. Kinda.

01:06:21.280 --> 01:06:23.940
That's the beginnings. Tumbleweed awakening.

01:06:24.500 --> 01:06:28.559
I like it. Yeah, me too. We're world building

01:06:28.559 --> 01:06:32.659
over here. So, that's it. That's all we got.

01:06:32.860 --> 01:06:36.340
You got anything else? Yeah. You want to talk

01:06:36.340 --> 01:06:42.780
some shit? Yeah. Go ahead. What am I fired up

01:06:42.780 --> 01:06:45.579
about? I'm fired up about a couple things, but

01:06:45.579 --> 01:06:47.219
I don't want to talk about those things, you

01:06:47.219 --> 01:06:51.199
know? I'll say this, all right? If you're coming

01:06:51.199 --> 01:06:53.960
to get a haircut, you got to wash your hair first,

01:06:54.320 --> 01:06:57.639
all right? If you can, if it's a possibility.

01:06:57.900 --> 01:06:59.699
If you're going to get a haircut, don't. It's

01:06:59.699 --> 01:07:01.780
always a possibility if you have hair. The three

01:07:01.780 --> 01:07:05.670
days before, you know? Three days before? Yeah.

01:07:05.789 --> 01:07:07.989
Don't go three days without showering before.

01:07:08.289 --> 01:07:10.909
Don't do that ever. I know. Let alone when you're

01:07:10.909 --> 01:07:11.809
going to. I get that. We get that sometimes.

01:07:12.710 --> 01:07:14.969
Greasy. You got to wash. You got to wash yourself.

01:07:15.349 --> 01:07:17.210
You got to wash it. You don't have to shampoo

01:07:17.210 --> 01:07:19.650
it, but you know, get it wet a little bit. Don't

01:07:19.650 --> 01:07:22.130
flatten it with that hat. Yeah. That's what I'm

01:07:22.130 --> 01:07:24.849
saying. I always just shampoo it. Yeah? Yeah,

01:07:24.889 --> 01:07:26.570
because otherwise it gets greasy and I hate it

01:07:26.570 --> 01:07:30.010
and it sticks. It's sticky. It gives you zits.

01:07:30.389 --> 01:07:35.929
Fuck that. Not me. Not me. I'm going to get a

01:07:35.929 --> 01:07:38.369
flat top. Yeah? Yeah, I want to look like Surfer

01:07:38.369 --> 01:07:42.590
Sting. You going to be like Eraserhead? No. No,

01:07:42.610 --> 01:07:46.010
not like that. That's too tall. I can't do that.

01:07:46.070 --> 01:07:49.190
That's too much hair. Yeah. So that's it. Thanks

01:07:49.190 --> 01:07:51.369
for listening to the podcast, everybody. Yep.

01:07:51.530 --> 01:07:54.789
If you got something to say, hit us up on Instagram.

01:07:55.789 --> 01:07:57.730
Yeah, if you got the stones. Yeah, what is it?

01:07:57.849 --> 01:08:00.670
If you got the grit. It's Cool Parents Worldwide.

01:08:01.449 --> 01:08:06.250
Also, follow us on TikTok, which is... TikTok,

01:08:06.369 --> 01:08:11.090
you mean? Is that what it is? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

01:08:11.250 --> 01:08:13.909
What is it? Oh, is it cool underscore parents?

01:08:13.909 --> 01:08:18.310
Yeah. Yeah, yeah. TikTok. TikTok. And... Say

01:08:18.310 --> 01:08:20.829
it like a grown man, you know? Give us... TikTok.

01:08:21.229 --> 01:08:24.229
Give us... Not like a fucking baby. TikTok? Yeah.

01:08:24.289 --> 01:08:28.050
What's our website? Coolparents .co. And finally,

01:08:28.210 --> 01:08:31.500
leave us a rating and a review. Yeah. If you

01:08:31.500 --> 01:08:33.979
dare. If you wish. If you please. No, just do

01:08:33.979 --> 01:08:36.060
it. If you got this fucking stones. Pretty please,

01:08:36.220 --> 01:08:40.460
do it. Give us a low rating. I don't care what

01:08:40.460 --> 01:08:43.960
you do. Just give us a... It's 4 .5 right now

01:08:43.960 --> 01:08:47.920
on Spotify. I want it lower. All right? Yeah.

01:08:48.380 --> 01:08:50.720
Okay. Let us know what you think, too. Let it

01:08:50.720 --> 01:08:54.579
rip. Just be honest. I'd rather you be honest

01:08:54.579 --> 01:08:56.479
than tell me I'm doing something good when I'm

01:08:56.479 --> 01:08:58.659
not doing something good. There's a good chance

01:08:58.659 --> 01:09:01.390
I'll rip your dick off, though. This is a possibility.

01:09:01.789 --> 01:09:06.350
Yeah. So also if you want to. I was a scuba diver

01:09:06.350 --> 01:09:11.069
and I was a dick ripper in the U .S. Navy. So

01:09:11.069 --> 01:09:17.010
our Patreon is how you can support us if you

01:09:17.010 --> 01:09:20.170
want even more content too. Bunch of shit on

01:09:20.170 --> 01:09:24.850
there. It's only $3. Easy. Three bucks. Or five.

01:09:25.149 --> 01:09:28.819
Or five if you nasty. sometimes five that's patreon

01:09:28.819 --> 01:09:32.840
.com slash cool parents appreciate you uh and

01:09:32.840 --> 01:09:35.579
we'll see you next next time yeah but look don't

01:09:35.579 --> 01:09:37.500
don't feel like you have to because i don't need

01:09:37.500 --> 01:09:41.140
your fucking charity all right right you know

01:09:41.140 --> 01:09:44.220
yeah i don't need it no i know nobody's questioning

01:09:44.220 --> 01:09:46.920
that but i wouldn't i wouldn't say you got nothing

01:09:46.920 --> 01:09:49.859
to prove i wouldn't say no i know if you wanted

01:09:49.859 --> 01:09:52.439
to give it to me you know what i mean yeah sometimes

01:09:52.439 --> 01:09:56.979
it goes to good things like food Her number two

01:09:56.979 --> 01:09:58.819
pencils. I forgot what the fuck we're talking

01:09:58.819 --> 01:10:01.300
about, to be honest. The Patreon money. Oh, yeah.

01:10:01.420 --> 01:10:04.180
Right. Yeah. I'm saying I don't need your charity,

01:10:04.260 --> 01:10:09.060
but I like it. Yeah, it does help. Yeah. Helps

01:10:09.060 --> 01:10:14.239
me. Mm -hmm. So thanks for listening to the Cool

01:10:14.239 --> 01:10:19.260
Parents Podcast. I'm Curtis Charles. I'm Meatball

01:10:19.260 --> 01:10:25.119
Boy. Meatball Boy. Meatball. Meatball. Busted

01:10:25.119 --> 01:10:27.029
Meatball. FLEP THE WORLD!