WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.339 You are now listening to Cryptid Cocktail Party 00:00:39.719 --> 00:00:41.520 Welcome back, everyone, to another episode of 00:00:41.520 --> 00:00:42.960 Cryptic Cocktail Party, a show where we have 00:00:42.960 --> 00:00:44.700 a few drinks, share a few laughs, take a dive 00:00:44.700 --> 00:00:46.439 into the unknown. I'm your host, Dave, joined 00:00:46.439 --> 00:00:48.759 as always by my wonderful co -host, Sarge. How's 00:00:48.759 --> 00:00:51.659 it going, Sarge? Woo! I'm doing terrible. I've 00:00:51.659 --> 00:00:54.460 got Kelly Clarkson's Since You've Been Gone stuck 00:00:54.460 --> 00:00:56.799 in my head, and I hate it. That's a great song. 00:00:57.320 --> 00:00:59.579 What do you mean? I know, I hate it so much. 00:00:59.759 --> 00:01:01.619 Well, I'm sorry, that's the only rough thing 00:01:01.619 --> 00:01:03.979 you're going through right now. Yeah, that's 00:01:03.979 --> 00:01:07.859 the only thing. That's it, nothing. And today... 00:01:08.699 --> 00:01:09.959 Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special 00:01:09.959 --> 00:01:11.840 guest. We have the voice behind our theme song. 00:01:11.980 --> 00:01:13.920 We are joined today by Dipper Satterfeld, the 00:01:13.920 --> 00:01:16.620 vocalist of Killed by a Yeti. What's going on, 00:01:16.659 --> 00:01:19.400 man? Dipper! What's up? Thanks for having me. 00:01:19.480 --> 00:01:21.439 Look at my cool trick, guys. I brought this for 00:01:21.439 --> 00:01:23.799 you. Oh, I appreciate that. That's so good. I 00:01:23.799 --> 00:01:26.879 really appreciate it. For those of you not watching, 00:01:27.019 --> 00:01:30.340 he pulled off his entire hand and reattached 00:01:30.340 --> 00:01:34.750 it. But, yeah, man, how's it going? It's been 00:01:34.750 --> 00:01:36.450 a long time coming, I feel like. I feel like 00:01:36.450 --> 00:01:37.810 we've talked about it. We attempted to do one 00:01:37.810 --> 00:01:41.269 before, but I was way too hammered to do it. 00:01:42.010 --> 00:01:44.310 What's going on? What's new? How's life? Life's 00:01:44.310 --> 00:01:45.969 great. Thanks for having me. I love you guys. 00:01:46.150 --> 00:01:48.069 I liked all the weird shit you talk about because 00:01:48.069 --> 00:01:50.400 I'm a weird dude. I'm glad I got to do your intro. 00:01:50.719 --> 00:01:54.200 It's the new EP drop, which that has it on it. 00:01:54.299 --> 00:01:56.019 And I swear to God, if another fucking headphone 00:01:56.019 --> 00:01:59.819 pops out of my head, I'm going to lose it. Yeah, 00:01:59.920 --> 00:02:01.439 no, thanks for letting us write the song for 00:02:01.439 --> 00:02:03.340 you guys. Thanks for letting us be a part of 00:02:03.340 --> 00:02:05.340 your world. And thanks for being on our EP. We 00:02:05.340 --> 00:02:08.419 got to put that song on the EP. So it's history 00:02:08.419 --> 00:02:10.539 of the world. And I feel like you guys talk about 00:02:10.539 --> 00:02:14.379 history. Weird history. Weird cryptid, weird 00:02:14.379 --> 00:02:17.930 Bigfoot. Ding dong history, but you know. Thanks 00:02:17.930 --> 00:02:20.349 for letting us be a part of your history. Yeah, 00:02:20.430 --> 00:02:22.310 look at that. Worlds coming together, worlds 00:02:22.310 --> 00:02:26.349 colliding, as Power Man 5000 would say. This 00:02:26.349 --> 00:02:28.150 is what it's like when worlds collide. Very good, 00:02:28.210 --> 00:02:31.210 very good. But yeah, no, thank you for doing 00:02:31.210 --> 00:02:34.270 it for us. People seem to enjoy it. We had a 00:02:34.270 --> 00:02:35.629 couple people who found this show and they're 00:02:35.629 --> 00:02:37.250 like, I was skeptical, but then the intro hit 00:02:37.250 --> 00:02:41.689 and I was like, I'm all in. That makes my day. 00:02:41.750 --> 00:02:43.310 That makes my fucking day. I had a lot of fun 00:02:43.310 --> 00:02:45.750 doing that intro because I was like, i was watching 00:02:45.750 --> 00:02:47.129 you guys and i was like what do they talk about 00:02:47.129 --> 00:02:48.830 and i was like well i can't make the song too 00:02:48.830 --> 00:02:51.250 long but i know they definitely talk about drinking 00:02:51.250 --> 00:02:54.750 and then some weird cryptid things and then they 00:02:54.750 --> 00:02:56.530 want to party with the queer cryptid things but 00:02:56.530 --> 00:02:58.069 then sometimes they don't want to party with 00:02:58.069 --> 00:02:59.610 the weird cryptid things because they're weird 00:02:59.610 --> 00:03:01.969 and they probably hurt you yeah i mean there's 00:03:01.969 --> 00:03:04.169 some that i i don't want to be a part of but 00:03:04.169 --> 00:03:06.009 there's others where i'm like you know what i 00:03:06.009 --> 00:03:10.710 bet this cryptid like let's hang out i don't 00:03:10.710 --> 00:03:13.060 want to me but i want to hang out with it I feel 00:03:13.060 --> 00:03:14.680 like the Flatwoods Monster would definitely be 00:03:14.680 --> 00:03:16.280 like one of those party dudes. He's like, I look 00:03:16.280 --> 00:03:18.939 stupid. I was like, I'm glowing, dude. Look at 00:03:18.939 --> 00:03:20.659 me. We're at a rave already. Flatwoods Monster 00:03:20.659 --> 00:03:22.960 gets white girl wasted. You just know. You just 00:03:22.960 --> 00:03:25.800 know. They're fun, but they're sloppy. Like, 00:03:25.800 --> 00:03:29.740 you know. Flatwoods Monster is White Claw all 00:03:29.740 --> 00:03:31.580 day. Yeah, they're going to be lighting cigarettes 00:03:31.580 --> 00:03:34.979 backwards. Fucking. Yeah. They drink the rosé 00:03:34.979 --> 00:03:37.430 flavored White Claw. At the end of the night, 00:03:37.469 --> 00:03:38.710 they're shouting at the friends, you don't know 00:03:38.710 --> 00:03:40.949 me. You don't know what I've been through. Yeah. 00:03:41.050 --> 00:03:44.150 There's like, Jessica, Jessica, where are you? 00:03:44.289 --> 00:03:46.090 It's going to be a lot of that, I feel like. 00:03:46.650 --> 00:03:50.430 Misty 120s for sure. Oh, that's a good old lady 00:03:50.430 --> 00:03:53.550 cigarette, I feel like. Virginia Slims? Yeah. 00:03:53.750 --> 00:03:56.210 Oh, yeah. Virginia Slims, definitely. Or American 00:03:56.210 --> 00:04:00.030 Spirits. That's a dude who's had a rough life. 00:04:00.330 --> 00:04:02.889 Yeah, it takes nine hours to smoke just one of 00:04:02.889 --> 00:04:05.289 those things. Jesus Christ. American spirits 00:04:05.289 --> 00:04:08.289 are definitely the cigarette of a guy who has 00:04:08.289 --> 00:04:11.530 been off heroin for about six months. Oh, easily. 00:04:12.050 --> 00:04:15.729 Yeah. All right, guys. Well, Dipper, I already 00:04:15.729 --> 00:04:18.009 know the answer to this, but we ask everyone 00:04:18.009 --> 00:04:21.050 who comes on, are you a cryptids aliens conspiracy 00:04:21.050 --> 00:04:25.990 guy or what? Oh, hell yes. I'm more on the side 00:04:25.990 --> 00:04:28.889 of like, I know it's not real, but I want it 00:04:28.889 --> 00:04:32.430 to be real. Yes. That's where I float on this. 00:04:32.490 --> 00:04:36.230 That's us. I'm like, if Bigfoot was real, that'd 00:04:36.230 --> 00:04:38.649 be cool as fuck, and I would be all aboard. You 00:04:38.649 --> 00:04:41.670 give me a real video of Bigfoot smoking a joint 00:04:41.670 --> 00:04:44.329 in the middle of the woods, I'm sold. But now 00:04:44.329 --> 00:04:47.430 AI is making it real hard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 00:04:47.870 --> 00:04:51.870 AI kind of ruins a lot of this. I've been watching 00:04:51.870 --> 00:04:55.069 those AI Bigfoot videos, and the first two were 00:04:55.069 --> 00:04:57.740 kind of funny. But now I'm just like, look, man, 00:04:57.860 --> 00:04:59.959 you and I both know that's a fucking gorilla. 00:05:01.100 --> 00:05:05.339 Knock it off. Well, Dipper, I'm glad that your 00:05:05.339 --> 00:05:08.199 stance on the topic is pretty much the show's 00:05:08.199 --> 00:05:09.800 stance. I feel like we've had since the beginning 00:05:09.800 --> 00:05:11.839 is that, you know, we want them to be some of 00:05:11.839 --> 00:05:13.519 them, you know, maybe I do believe, but that's 00:05:13.519 --> 00:05:15.579 just more wishful thinking. But yeah, for the 00:05:15.579 --> 00:05:17.220 most part, I want them to be real, even though 00:05:17.220 --> 00:05:21.560 let's be honest, some of it's kind of iffy. And 00:05:21.560 --> 00:05:26.990 today's story is no different. All right, you 00:05:26.990 --> 00:05:28.930 guys ready to dive into this? Let's do it. Let's 00:05:28.930 --> 00:05:31.290 fucking go. So we're going to go back in time 00:05:31.290 --> 00:05:34.069 a bit. We do that from time to time. So we're 00:05:34.069 --> 00:05:37.649 going to head back into the late 1950s. So this 00:05:37.649 --> 00:05:38.930 is pretty much during the height of the Cold 00:05:38.930 --> 00:05:41.769 War tensions and the UFO hysteria. Now, back 00:05:41.769 --> 00:05:44.810 then, there were a ton of UFO and alien visitation 00:05:44.810 --> 00:05:47.550 stories. But there was one story that has always 00:05:47.550 --> 00:05:50.689 fascinated me, and I've tried to write this episode 00:05:50.689 --> 00:05:52.910 so many fucking times, and I could just never 00:05:52.910 --> 00:05:56.189 get it right. But I think today, I finally nailed 00:05:56.189 --> 00:05:59.149 it. Or at best, it's just a rambly, jumbled mess, 00:05:59.230 --> 00:06:00.550 and that's something that we will all have to 00:06:00.550 --> 00:06:02.449 figure out together as we take this journey. 00:06:03.129 --> 00:06:05.550 Now, the reason today's topic, at least for me, 00:06:05.649 --> 00:06:07.329 is rad as hell is because it's not like your 00:06:07.329 --> 00:06:10.579 average alien encounter. There was no lights 00:06:10.579 --> 00:06:13.639 in the sky. No one was abducted or harmed. Livestock 00:06:13.639 --> 00:06:16.579 wasn't fucking mutilated to shit. What's different 00:06:16.579 --> 00:06:18.399 about this story is that it takes place in offices, 00:06:18.879 --> 00:06:21.939 briefing rooms, and it's entirely in secrecy 00:06:21.939 --> 00:06:25.480 inside the Pentagon. In a nutshell, the story 00:06:25.480 --> 00:06:27.779 goes that a literal, not -from -this -world alien 00:06:27.779 --> 00:06:30.579 lived and worked among top U .S. officials for 00:06:30.579 --> 00:06:33.839 three years inside the Pentagon. He offered peace. 00:06:34.459 --> 00:06:36.579 warned of a nuclear war, and carried technology 00:06:36.579 --> 00:06:39.019 far beyond anything we could have imagined at 00:06:39.019 --> 00:06:41.319 the time. So today, gentlemen, we are going to 00:06:41.319 --> 00:06:44.199 be covering the extraterrestrial known as Valiant 00:06:44.199 --> 00:06:46.500 Thor. Are you guys familiar with Valiant Thor? 00:06:46.720 --> 00:06:49.579 Yes! I fucking love that band, by the way. Fucking 00:06:49.579 --> 00:06:52.680 love Valiant Thor. Yeah? Good band. Yes. Good 00:06:52.680 --> 00:06:57.180 band. I briefly know the story, so... It's been 00:06:57.180 --> 00:06:59.079 a long time since I've talked about Valiant Thor. 00:06:59.259 --> 00:07:02.910 Yeah, I'm not completely up to date. But I do 00:07:02.910 --> 00:07:05.550 remember Valiant Thor. Okay, so the reason why 00:07:05.550 --> 00:07:08.209 this episode was hard to write is because the 00:07:08.209 --> 00:07:11.310 story is a jumbled mess. So I had to do my best 00:07:11.310 --> 00:07:14.410 to try and put it in somewhat chronological order 00:07:14.410 --> 00:07:16.850 without leaving out too many details because 00:07:16.850 --> 00:07:19.110 that's easy to do and also very hard to do at 00:07:19.110 --> 00:07:22.009 the same time. But before we dive into the lore 00:07:22.009 --> 00:07:24.990 of Valiant Thor, unintentional bars just then, 00:07:25.149 --> 00:07:28.589 it's important to understand where all this came 00:07:28.589 --> 00:07:32.000 from. The entire legend of Valiant Thor begins 00:07:32.000 --> 00:07:35.000 and ends with just one man. His name was Dr. 00:07:35.199 --> 00:07:39.980 Frank E. Stranges. So Dr. Frank was a Pentecostal 00:07:39.980 --> 00:07:43.139 minister, a UFO lecturer, and the founder of 00:07:43.139 --> 00:07:45.399 something called the National Investigations 00:07:45.399 --> 00:07:48.860 Committee on Unidentified Flying Objects. Rolls 00:07:48.860 --> 00:07:51.319 off the tongue. Yeah, definitely. What a mouthful, 00:07:51.339 --> 00:07:58.259 dude. So in 1967... Dr. Frank self -published 00:07:58.259 --> 00:08:00.620 a book titled Stranger at the Pentagon, and pretty 00:08:00.620 --> 00:08:02.519 much everything the world knows about Valiant 00:08:02.519 --> 00:08:05.360 Thor comes from the pages of that book. In it, 00:08:05.379 --> 00:08:07.699 Dr. Frank claimed that he met Thor personally, 00:08:07.740 --> 00:08:10.399 face -to -face, and according to him, the introduction 00:08:10.399 --> 00:08:12.759 was set up by a government employee named Nancy 00:08:12.759 --> 00:08:15.399 Warren, who brought him into a secure area of 00:08:15.399 --> 00:08:17.920 the Pentagon not long after Thor had made contact 00:08:17.920 --> 00:08:20.259 with more senior officials, which we'll get into 00:08:20.259 --> 00:08:23.240 later. Now from there, Dr. Frank claimed the 00:08:23.240 --> 00:08:26.790 two pretty much became... best friends. He described 00:08:26.790 --> 00:08:30.069 Thor as highly intelligent, soft -spoken, deeply 00:08:30.069 --> 00:08:32.230 concerned about the future of Earth, and committed 00:08:32.230 --> 00:08:34.490 to helping humanity find a better path forward. 00:08:34.990 --> 00:08:37.429 And for the rest of his life, Dr. Frank spoke 00:08:37.429 --> 00:08:40.309 very publicly about these conversations. He did 00:08:40.309 --> 00:08:43.750 so during sermons, lectures, interviews. Pretty 00:08:43.750 --> 00:08:46.690 much he just talked about it to anyone who would 00:08:46.690 --> 00:08:49.669 listen to him. But he never wavered from his 00:08:49.669 --> 00:08:53.389 account. Even when he was masturbating. Giving 00:08:53.389 --> 00:08:55.570 himself a stranger at the Pentagon. You know 00:08:55.570 --> 00:08:58.169 what I mean? No, dude, they broed down together. 00:08:58.269 --> 00:09:00.730 They were giving each other handjobs. Some Dutch 00:09:00.730 --> 00:09:03.389 rudder action? That's what it was. Nice. So, 00:09:03.429 --> 00:09:07.389 according to the good doctor, Valiant Thor's 00:09:07.389 --> 00:09:10.769 ship, named Victor I, pretty unimaginative for 00:09:10.769 --> 00:09:13.090 a ship, I feel like. Yeah, disappointing name. 00:09:13.289 --> 00:09:15.509 Yeah, touched down in a field just outside of 00:09:15.509 --> 00:09:19.799 Alexandria, Virginia on March 16th, 1957. The 00:09:19.799 --> 00:09:21.539 local authorities were first to respond to the 00:09:21.539 --> 00:09:23.600 site. Now they were expecting to see like a downed 00:09:23.600 --> 00:09:26.159 craft, like alien bodies just fucking strewn 00:09:26.159 --> 00:09:29.720 about. But instead they found just a dude standing 00:09:29.720 --> 00:09:33.019 very calmly besides a landed craft. That's going 00:09:33.019 --> 00:09:35.740 to be the name of my alien movie. Just a dude. 00:09:36.159 --> 00:09:38.539 I feel like you stand there like this too. Like 00:09:38.539 --> 00:09:40.360 posing, like he's hard styling on the ground. 00:09:41.840 --> 00:09:44.279 With a name like Valiant Thor, he definitely 00:09:44.279 --> 00:09:46.519 puts his hand to his chin when he talks to you. 00:09:46.620 --> 00:09:50.820 Oh, for sure. Now, he told the authorities he 00:09:50.820 --> 00:09:53.559 meant no harm and immediately requested an audience 00:09:53.559 --> 00:09:56.759 with the president, and his request was granted. 00:09:56.860 --> 00:09:58.860 They were just like, sure thing, bud. Fucking 00:09:58.860 --> 00:10:02.460 follow us. That guy that we're constantly trying 00:10:02.460 --> 00:10:05.220 to stop from getting assassinated, please come 00:10:05.220 --> 00:10:07.899 and meet him by yourself. Do you have any, like, 00:10:07.919 --> 00:10:10.059 weird alien germs on your body, too? Like, you 00:10:10.059 --> 00:10:12.480 know, should we call us for concern? Like, we 00:10:12.480 --> 00:10:15.039 don't. know anything about you you're from space 00:10:15.039 --> 00:10:17.620 there's a radiation dog like what's up this kind 00:10:17.620 --> 00:10:19.620 of sounds like how our current administration 00:10:19.620 --> 00:10:22.700 handles everything no the first thing they would 00:10:22.700 --> 00:10:26.120 do is shoot it yeah and then move move on from 00:10:26.120 --> 00:10:29.200 there and then chop him up dry out his skin turn 00:10:29.200 --> 00:10:32.779 it into dust and then dj t jr is just gonna snort 00:10:32.779 --> 00:10:36.830 it jesus christ Just doing lines of aliens in 00:10:36.830 --> 00:10:40.210 the back. Hey man, didn't people used to do that 00:10:40.210 --> 00:10:42.149 with like Egyptian mummies back in the day? Yes, 00:10:42.149 --> 00:10:46.330 yeah. Really? Yeah, they would take mummies from 00:10:46.330 --> 00:10:48.370 Egypt and they would grind them up and like drink 00:10:48.370 --> 00:10:50.070 it in teas and shit like that. I don't remember 00:10:50.070 --> 00:10:51.889 what they said. What the fuck is wrong with people? 00:10:52.210 --> 00:10:54.509 It's comforting to know that humanity has always 00:10:54.509 --> 00:11:00.309 been full of fucking morons. Yes, it is. So Thor, 00:11:00.549 --> 00:11:02.850 he was taken to Washington and brought directly 00:11:02.850 --> 00:11:05.480 to the Pentagon. There he met with high -ranking 00:11:05.480 --> 00:11:08.899 officials, Dr. Frank for some reason, and then 00:11:08.899 --> 00:11:11.139 was eventually introduced to both President Eisenhower 00:11:11.139 --> 00:11:14.299 and Vice President Nixon. And they loved the 00:11:14.299 --> 00:11:16.419 guy. I mean, who wouldn't? Thor was described 00:11:16.419 --> 00:11:18.720 as completely human in appearance. He was tall, 00:11:18.940 --> 00:11:22.960 tan, athletic build, had neatly styled brown 00:11:22.960 --> 00:11:26.200 hair. Dr. Frank described him as, quote -unquote, 00:11:26.299 --> 00:11:31.509 inhumanly handsome. Sounds like Dr. Frank had 00:11:31.509 --> 00:11:34.889 a little bit of a crush. Yeah, Thor spoke perfect 00:11:34.889 --> 00:11:37.190 English, he wore a fitted suit, and it was said 00:11:37.190 --> 00:11:39.169 that he carried himself more like a diplomat 00:11:39.169 --> 00:11:42.350 than an alien emissary. But despite being normal 00:11:42.350 --> 00:11:45.850 on a surface level, while simultaneously being 00:11:45.850 --> 00:11:47.570 the hottest dude on Earth at the time, there 00:11:47.570 --> 00:11:50.129 were some details that set him apart. Thor was 00:11:50.129 --> 00:11:53.980 said to have an IQ of over 1 ,200. He had a lifespan 00:11:53.980 --> 00:11:57.759 of 500 years. But in later accounts, more wild 00:11:57.759 --> 00:11:59.539 traits were added. Shit like he had like six 00:11:59.539 --> 00:12:02.220 fingers on each hand. He had an oversized heart. 00:12:02.299 --> 00:12:05.379 Or my favorite is that he just had a single giant 00:12:05.379 --> 00:12:09.080 lung and no belly button, which I think is way 00:12:09.080 --> 00:12:13.159 fun. That's pretty fun. I would also love that 00:12:13.159 --> 00:12:16.120 if he only had like one giant nipple. It looks 00:12:16.120 --> 00:12:18.240 like a personal pizza right in the middle. I 00:12:18.240 --> 00:12:20.659 mean, who knows? That could be added later on. 00:12:20.700 --> 00:12:24.340 This story goes into some crazy directions. Yeah, 00:12:24.360 --> 00:12:26.539 but anyways, he told officials that he came from 00:12:26.539 --> 00:12:29.100 Venus. Now you're probably thinking, Venus? You 00:12:29.100 --> 00:12:31.460 mean the wildly inhospitable scorched hell planet 00:12:31.460 --> 00:12:33.059 with a surface temperature hotter than Mercury 00:12:33.059 --> 00:12:34.820 due to the immense crushing air pressure that's 00:12:34.820 --> 00:12:37.399 92 times out of Earth? That Venus? Actually, 00:12:37.440 --> 00:12:39.720 I was just thinking of the rhyme. The boys are 00:12:39.720 --> 00:12:42.879 from Mars and women are from Venus. I went completely 00:12:42.879 --> 00:12:45.759 different. I was thinking about the razor. You're 00:12:45.759 --> 00:12:50.080 my Venus. You're my fire. You're my desire. Good 00:12:50.080 --> 00:12:53.120 Bananarama reference. Nice work. It's his finest, 00:12:53.299 --> 00:12:56.500 actually. But it's neither of those guys, okay? 00:12:56.720 --> 00:12:59.720 It's the planet. But luckily, Thor didn't have 00:12:59.720 --> 00:13:01.340 to worry about any of the stuff I mentioned above 00:13:01.340 --> 00:13:04.000 because he was part of a subterranean civilization 00:13:04.000 --> 00:13:06.879 deep beneath the planet's surface. So, you know, 00:13:06.919 --> 00:13:10.539 awesome. Now... According to Dr. Frank, Thor's 00:13:10.539 --> 00:13:13.240 visit had a clear purpose. It was to warn humanity 00:13:13.240 --> 00:13:15.419 of the path it was on and to offer technological, 00:13:15.659 --> 00:13:18.700 social, and spiritual alternatives, and a strong 00:13:18.700 --> 00:13:21.399 emphasis on abandoning war and putting a stop 00:13:21.399 --> 00:13:24.700 to the use and manufacturing of nuclear weapons. 00:13:25.080 --> 00:13:26.659 Sounds like a bunch of woke liberal nonsense 00:13:26.659 --> 00:13:29.659 if you ask me, but hey. It's not my, you know, 00:13:29.679 --> 00:13:31.980 it's not mine. This is what he was talking about. 00:13:32.159 --> 00:13:34.340 Well, you can tell they clearly heeded his advice 00:13:34.340 --> 00:13:36.539 immediately because we haven't had a war since. 00:13:37.080 --> 00:13:40.059 Never. There's never been bombs dropped. There 00:13:40.059 --> 00:13:42.279 hasn't been mass casualties. Everywhere there 00:13:42.279 --> 00:13:44.220 hasn't been, you know, famine because of the 00:13:44.220 --> 00:13:46.559 wars. Nothing like that. Nothing. And no country 00:13:46.559 --> 00:13:50.059 has ever lost a nuclear weapon. Nope. Just goes 00:13:50.059 --> 00:13:53.450 to show Valiant Thor really did his job. Well, 00:13:53.490 --> 00:13:55.269 we'll get to it. Don't worry about that. Now, 00:13:55.269 --> 00:14:01.309 Thor claimed that he represented some kind of 00:14:01.309 --> 00:14:04.789 interplanetary council, sometimes described as 00:14:04.789 --> 00:14:07.210 the High Council. Other times, he was part of 00:14:07.210 --> 00:14:09.929 a larger galactic council. It's not really important 00:14:09.929 --> 00:14:12.850 because it's all the same. Their goal was to 00:14:12.850 --> 00:14:15.210 help guide younger civilizations away from self 00:14:15.210 --> 00:14:17.909 -destruction. And in the late 1950s, Earth was 00:14:17.909 --> 00:14:20.309 pretty close. We were right on the cusp of just... 00:14:20.570 --> 00:14:23.210 nuclear holocaust so yeah we weren't doing great 00:14:23.210 --> 00:14:25.649 yeah we made we made a lot of mistakes we're 00:14:25.649 --> 00:14:29.049 totally doing great right now too no way better 00:14:29.049 --> 00:14:32.590 now way better yeah but luckily thor he came 00:14:32.590 --> 00:14:34.610 with solutions he brought along some pretty sick 00:14:34.610 --> 00:14:37.830 toys um a couple of these devices like the composite 00:14:37.830 --> 00:14:40.210 energy device they were capable of generating 00:14:40.210 --> 00:14:43.330 limitless clean energy they required no fuel 00:14:43.330 --> 00:14:45.490 and produced no waste which is pretty cool but 00:14:45.490 --> 00:14:47.830 not as sick as a device that allowed for instant 00:14:47.830 --> 00:14:50.860 material replication This device could create 00:14:50.860 --> 00:14:52.980 clothes, food, supplies, pretty much anything 00:14:52.980 --> 00:14:55.320 you wanted without having to use up Earth's natural 00:14:55.320 --> 00:14:57.039 resources. It's kind of like that thing from 00:14:57.039 --> 00:14:58.919 Star Trek where you can just press a button and 00:14:58.919 --> 00:15:02.480 food appears. Nice. Yeah, pretty cool. But there 00:15:02.480 --> 00:15:05.159 was a catch. None of this technology would be 00:15:05.159 --> 00:15:07.759 shared unless humanity agreed to a few conditions. 00:15:08.659 --> 00:15:12.279 Worldwide cooperation, peace, and spiritual unity. 00:15:12.419 --> 00:15:15.419 As Dr. Frank put it, Thor wasn't just offering 00:15:15.419 --> 00:15:18.679 tools, he was offering a shift in human consciousness. 00:15:19.519 --> 00:15:21.919 And this weird spiritual aspect runs deep in 00:15:21.919 --> 00:15:23.840 the story of Valiant Thor, because according 00:15:23.840 --> 00:15:27.100 to Dr. Frank, Thor spoke often about God and 00:15:27.100 --> 00:15:29.779 praised the continuous presence of Christ's teaching 00:15:29.779 --> 00:15:33.039 on Earth. Yeah, it sounds like Dr. Frank had 00:15:33.039 --> 00:15:36.080 no agenda whatsoever. Well, for Frank, who came 00:15:36.080 --> 00:15:38.539 from a religious background, this was proof that 00:15:38.539 --> 00:15:41.120 Thor was the real deal, because fucking sure, 00:15:41.259 --> 00:15:46.029 why not? So following his initial meeting with 00:15:46.029 --> 00:15:48.029 U .S. leadership, like I said, Valiant Thor was 00:15:48.029 --> 00:15:50.990 granted special access to the Pentagon, not just 00:15:50.990 --> 00:15:53.950 as a guest, but as a tenant. So from 1957 to 00:15:53.950 --> 00:15:56.710 1960, Thor lived in a secure area of the Pentagon 00:15:56.710 --> 00:15:59.350 as kind of like an alien liaison. He had his 00:15:59.350 --> 00:16:01.950 own fully furnished apartment and office, held 00:16:01.950 --> 00:16:03.909 regular meetings with high ranking officials, 00:16:04.110 --> 00:16:06.330 including the military, government scientists 00:16:06.330 --> 00:16:09.210 and members of Eisenhower's inner circle. Some 00:16:09.210 --> 00:16:11.289 accounts claim that he made appearances at the 00:16:11.289 --> 00:16:13.909 UN and spoke with international diplomats about 00:16:13.909 --> 00:16:16.409 peace and cooperation. But while he was a hit 00:16:16.409 --> 00:16:18.710 with some, not everyone welcomed his presence. 00:16:18.769 --> 00:16:21.210 So before we move on to the hardships this man 00:16:21.210 --> 00:16:23.750 had to face, how are we feeling so far about 00:16:23.750 --> 00:16:27.750 Valiant Thor? I think he's great. He's like an 00:16:27.750 --> 00:16:33.080 alien James Bond. Just a man about town. I picture 00:16:33.080 --> 00:16:35.259 him as Fabio in one of those romance novels. 00:16:35.460 --> 00:16:38.539 That's how I picture him inside my head. He's 00:16:38.539 --> 00:16:40.970 just sitting there. The doctor's just staring 00:16:40.970 --> 00:16:42.529 at him, his hair's blown in the wind. He's like, 00:16:42.610 --> 00:16:44.490 you know, he's like, I'm a good Christian boy, 00:16:44.590 --> 00:16:48.110 but this man just, ooh, he gives me the vapors. 00:16:48.149 --> 00:16:50.389 Like, this is what I'm taking from this. I think 00:16:50.389 --> 00:16:52.370 this is a love story. Dr. Frank has immediately 00:16:52.370 --> 00:16:55.210 ruined all credibility with me because his only 00:16:55.210 --> 00:16:59.470 criteria for whether Valiant Thor was actually 00:16:59.470 --> 00:17:02.529 a believable space alien was, well, he believed 00:17:02.529 --> 00:17:06.009 in Jesus, so he's got my vote. I mean... that's 00:17:06.009 --> 00:17:08.569 all it should take for me I always pictured Valiant 00:17:08.569 --> 00:17:12.170 Thor as like a Don Draper from Mad Men like I 00:17:12.170 --> 00:17:14.150 think that's like that's how I picture him but 00:17:14.150 --> 00:17:16.730 not but not as savage like not a fucking monster 00:17:16.730 --> 00:17:20.990 at the same time but just as hogged out as oh 00:17:20.990 --> 00:17:25.890 yeah oh definitely Valiant Thor has got a I feel 00:17:25.890 --> 00:17:27.930 like the redacted parts of this story are just 00:17:28.380 --> 00:17:30.460 describing how big his ding dong were and they 00:17:30.460 --> 00:17:31.920 had to take that out like we gotta really gotta 00:17:31.920 --> 00:17:33.720 take this part out yeah and of course valiant 00:17:33.720 --> 00:17:35.980 thor's doing the power moves like using it to 00:17:35.980 --> 00:17:40.660 like press the buttons on the elevator all right 00:17:40.660 --> 00:17:45.339 so his prehensile weenie jesus christ all right 00:17:45.339 --> 00:17:48.380 so yeah like like i said some people loved him 00:17:48.380 --> 00:17:50.640 some people didn't care for him uh like While 00:17:50.640 --> 00:17:52.759 Eisenhower was open to the ideas that Thor had 00:17:52.759 --> 00:17:54.519 presented, others in the government were less 00:17:54.519 --> 00:17:57.480 cool with the idea. Military and intelligence 00:17:57.480 --> 00:17:59.720 officials pushed back against Thor's proposal, 00:18:00.079 --> 00:18:02.720 saying they were unrealistic, dangerous, and 00:18:02.720 --> 00:18:05.079 threatening to the existing power structure. 00:18:05.599 --> 00:18:08.279 Because while Thor was advocating for a global 00:18:08.279 --> 00:18:11.279 disarmament initiative, he wanted the U .S. to 00:18:11.279 --> 00:18:13.680 lead by example and be the first to dismantle 00:18:13.680 --> 00:18:15.799 its nuclear arsenal. And he also wanted them 00:18:15.799 --> 00:18:17.740 to form a new council to promote international 00:18:17.740 --> 00:18:20.269 peace, which... obviously the U .S. military 00:18:20.269 --> 00:18:22.950 intelligence would be against. They're not. Yeah. 00:18:23.369 --> 00:18:26.329 Also, Nixon kept calling him a space N -word. 00:18:26.470 --> 00:18:28.329 Unbelievable. Jesus Christ. That's such a racist. 00:18:30.769 --> 00:18:32.250 I don't know if I should leave that in or not. 00:18:33.549 --> 00:18:36.730 Nixon, famous for saying the N -word. That's 00:18:36.730 --> 00:18:39.869 true. He's just quoting history. That's true. 00:18:40.769 --> 00:18:43.369 But despite all that, for a moment there, the 00:18:43.369 --> 00:18:46.170 idea was actually considered, but in the end, 00:18:46.190 --> 00:18:48.690 spoiler alert, it... Obviously didn't happen. 00:18:49.430 --> 00:18:52.150 And after three years with little progress made 00:18:52.150 --> 00:18:54.190 and mounting opposition from within the U .S. 00:18:54.190 --> 00:18:55.910 government, Valiant Thor pretty much said, well, 00:18:56.009 --> 00:18:59.650 I'm going to head out. So on March 16th, 1960, 00:19:00.069 --> 00:19:03.069 exactly three years after his arrival, he returned 00:19:03.069 --> 00:19:05.630 to Victor I and just fucking dipped. He didn't 00:19:05.630 --> 00:19:07.809 tell anyone or say anything. It was just pretty 00:19:07.809 --> 00:19:10.450 much a classic Irish goodbye. He just left without 00:19:10.450 --> 00:19:12.829 a trace. And he took his glorious space needle 00:19:12.829 --> 00:19:19.339 with him. But even though Valiant Thor may have 00:19:19.339 --> 00:19:22.640 left Earth in the 1960s, the story doesn't end 00:19:22.640 --> 00:19:24.759 there. In the decades that followed, his legend 00:19:24.759 --> 00:19:27.859 grew and gets... Real fucking weird. What began 00:19:27.859 --> 00:19:30.599 initially as a contained narrative, like an alien 00:19:30.599 --> 00:19:33.019 visitor from Venus on a diplomatic mission, somehow 00:19:33.019 --> 00:19:37.700 expanded into something far wilder. By the 1970s 00:19:37.700 --> 00:19:40.200 and 80s, Thor's story got absorbed into New Age 00:19:40.200 --> 00:19:43.119 UFO mythology, which is basically a kind of belief 00:19:43.119 --> 00:19:45.619 system where aliens, they're not just like jetting 00:19:45.619 --> 00:19:47.259 around in spaceships and fucking with livestock, 00:19:47.500 --> 00:19:49.460 but they're actually guiding our consciousness 00:19:49.460 --> 00:19:52.119 through dreams, vibrations, and just, you know, 00:19:52.119 --> 00:19:55.960 good vibes, dude. Fucking... Just so chill. Yeah, 00:19:56.000 --> 00:19:58.279 yeah. I love bullshit too, so I'm all about it. 00:19:58.279 --> 00:20:00.900 I got this crystal. I got this crystal. It's 00:20:00.900 --> 00:20:03.240 pretty much that. Sardew said it would heal me. 00:20:04.400 --> 00:20:07.380 Yeah. The biggest shift from this came with the 00:20:07.380 --> 00:20:09.440 rise of something called the Ashtar Command. 00:20:09.700 --> 00:20:12.740 It's a group of so -called benevolent extraterrestrials 00:20:12.740 --> 00:20:15.480 who, according to believers, are telepathically 00:20:15.480 --> 00:20:17.599 guiding humanity through some kind of spiritual 00:20:17.599 --> 00:20:20.740 awakening. And in this rebranding, Valiant Thor 00:20:20.740 --> 00:20:23.440 was no longer just a one -time envoy. He was 00:20:23.440 --> 00:20:26.359 now a high -ranking cosmic commander in a vast 00:20:26.359 --> 00:20:29.339 galactic alliance. And then from there, things 00:20:29.339 --> 00:20:32.539 start getting really weird. Channelers began 00:20:32.539 --> 00:20:35.180 direct contact, like saying they had direct contact 00:20:35.180 --> 00:20:38.119 with Thor. A woman named Valanna said she was 00:20:38.119 --> 00:20:41.079 his daughter, like literally, and acted as his 00:20:41.079 --> 00:20:44.079 communication vessel. Others published messages 00:20:44.079 --> 00:20:48.660 they said were dictated by Thor himself. They 00:20:48.660 --> 00:20:51.460 warned of Earth's changings, called on people 00:20:51.460 --> 00:20:53.559 to raise their quote -unquote vibrational frequencies, 00:20:53.960 --> 00:20:57.500 and also promised divine evacuations if shit 00:20:57.500 --> 00:20:59.220 ever hit the fan. Kind of like that cult we talked 00:20:59.220 --> 00:21:00.960 about that one time, the Seekers or whatever. 00:21:01.279 --> 00:21:06.420 It's basically that. Thor's identity became kind 00:21:06.420 --> 00:21:08.839 of fluid. He wasn't just the fuckable Venusian 00:21:08.839 --> 00:21:11.920 with an energy device anymore. He was like a 00:21:11.920 --> 00:21:14.579 cosmic figure, an ascended master, a spiritual 00:21:14.579 --> 00:21:17.079 guardian, a spokesperson for divine order in 00:21:17.079 --> 00:21:20.359 the universe. But then it gets even wilder because 00:21:20.359 --> 00:21:23.400 in the recent years, self -published books, which 00:21:23.400 --> 00:21:25.619 you know are just fucking amazing, and channeled 00:21:25.619 --> 00:21:27.740 materials have introduced new characters into 00:21:27.740 --> 00:21:31.220 the mythos, most notably Commander Zarkon Thor, 00:21:31.480 --> 00:21:35.660 Valiant's dad. Oh, God. Who shares his wisdom 00:21:35.660 --> 00:21:41.299 via blog posts and fringe paperback novels. I 00:21:41.299 --> 00:21:44.180 think my favorite part is that he went to his 00:21:44.180 --> 00:21:46.980 dad, not his son. Yeah, no. Not like the next 00:21:46.980 --> 00:21:49.940 generation. They went back a generation. Yeah. 00:21:50.599 --> 00:21:53.099 Other texts claim to have been written by Thor 00:21:53.099 --> 00:21:55.460 himself or they're like relayed transmissions 00:21:55.460 --> 00:21:58.680 from his crew. Titles like Words of My Venusian 00:21:58.680 --> 00:22:01.880 Father and These Archon Principles. Blend scripture, 00:22:02.240 --> 00:22:05.140 space opera, and self -help jargon into one sprawling 00:22:05.140 --> 00:22:08.859 giant cosmic mythology. How we feeling about... 00:22:08.859 --> 00:22:12.700 How we doing? I'm mad, Dave. I'm real mad. Why? 00:22:12.839 --> 00:22:16.799 I feel anger building. I'm with Sarge on this 00:22:16.799 --> 00:22:20.819 one. This is like a fucking... This is Gwyneth 00:22:20.819 --> 00:22:24.000 Paltrow just on a whole new level, dude. This 00:22:24.000 --> 00:22:27.960 is my vagina candle, but on a big scale. This 00:22:27.960 --> 00:22:30.339 is the most Malibu bullshit I have ever heard 00:22:30.339 --> 00:22:32.119 in my entire life. Yeah, it's not great. The 00:22:32.119 --> 00:22:36.359 first half was fine. Yeah. You know, well, it's 00:22:36.359 --> 00:22:39.220 not going to get any better. No. I thought you 00:22:39.220 --> 00:22:41.700 were going to give me hope. No. No, it's important 00:22:41.700 --> 00:22:44.059 to note that none of this came from Dr. Frank. 00:22:44.539 --> 00:22:46.799 Like all this New Age bullshit. These were all 00:22:46.799 --> 00:22:48.700 later additions that were built on top of his 00:22:48.700 --> 00:22:51.640 original story and are now being shaped by whatever 00:22:51.640 --> 00:22:54.460 spiritual or metaphysical trend happens to pick 00:22:54.460 --> 00:22:58.160 it up next. So now, Thor has gone from Cold War 00:22:58.160 --> 00:23:01.400 anti -nuke activist to a full -on cosmic archetype. 00:23:01.519 --> 00:23:03.500 He's pretty much a catch -all figure for whatever 00:23:03.500 --> 00:23:05.900 message some weird New Age guru or cult leader 00:23:05.900 --> 00:23:07.619 wants to deliver. Which is a bummer, because 00:23:07.619 --> 00:23:10.220 on the surface, the story of Valiant Thor, or 00:23:10.220 --> 00:23:13.799 at least like Dr. Frank's version, is a... It's 00:23:13.799 --> 00:23:16.759 like the perfect Cold War era sci -fi parable. 00:23:16.839 --> 00:23:19.480 Like a humanoid alien warns the world not to 00:23:19.480 --> 00:23:22.119 destroy itself, offers some miracles, gets stonewalled 00:23:22.119 --> 00:23:24.259 by bureaucracy, and leaves in quiet disappointment. 00:23:24.640 --> 00:23:27.900 It would be a really cool story if it actually 00:23:27.900 --> 00:23:31.809 happened, you know? What? What if Valiant Thor 00:23:31.809 --> 00:23:33.890 was like, yo, get rid of your nukes, and then 00:23:33.890 --> 00:23:35.670 I'll show you all this cool shit, and he's like, 00:23:35.730 --> 00:23:37.529 gotcha, bitch, and then he destroys everybody. 00:23:37.970 --> 00:23:41.609 You know what I'm saying? He's saying what you 00:23:41.609 --> 00:23:43.809 want to hear. He's like, I believe in God. Look 00:23:43.809 --> 00:23:45.910 how handsome I am. I'm a good -looking dude. 00:23:46.150 --> 00:23:48.769 He's trying to use kindness to get through people, 00:23:48.829 --> 00:23:50.490 but we're all assholes, so we're like, fuck you, 00:23:50.609 --> 00:23:53.099 dude. We don't trust you. I think that's what 00:23:53.099 --> 00:23:55.259 happened. To be fair, he does kind of give off 00:23:55.259 --> 00:23:57.839 the vibe of what the Antichrist is supposed to 00:23:57.839 --> 00:24:01.039 be. Like a handsome, charismatic world peace 00:24:01.039 --> 00:24:03.700 bringer. So maybe we were right to not fuck with 00:24:03.700 --> 00:24:06.700 this dude. We were like, you know what? No thanks, 00:24:06.880 --> 00:24:10.920 but... Yeah, it all sounds great, but no. But 00:24:10.920 --> 00:24:13.640 I mean, let's be real. I, as well as you guys 00:24:13.640 --> 00:24:16.380 know, none of this happened. Yeah, of course 00:24:16.380 --> 00:24:20.440 not. There's no way that anyone could... pretend 00:24:20.440 --> 00:24:23.619 to believe in jesus just to get into a position 00:24:23.619 --> 00:24:26.500 of power that has never happened in the united 00:24:26.500 --> 00:24:30.720 states never that's never once you know i i always 00:24:30.720 --> 00:24:32.980 hear that like people use religion for good you 00:24:32.980 --> 00:24:35.460 know to help yeah the community and their their 00:24:35.460 --> 00:24:38.500 fellow brothers i never heard it for war or profiteering 00:24:38.500 --> 00:24:41.420 or anything like that yeah no and you can see 00:24:41.420 --> 00:24:43.779 that throughout the history of the world and 00:24:43.779 --> 00:24:47.240 especially the united states every time someone 00:24:47.240 --> 00:24:52.380 says I live my entire life by the Bible. And 00:24:52.380 --> 00:24:54.539 then they get into power. They only do good things. 00:24:54.680 --> 00:24:58.140 Yeah, great things. Yeah, they've never subjugated. 00:24:58.339 --> 00:25:02.619 They've never had tiny hands. They've never subjugated 00:25:02.619 --> 00:25:06.440 sexual orientation or gender expression. They've 00:25:06.440 --> 00:25:07.720 never done anything bad to black people. All 00:25:07.720 --> 00:25:08.960 right, we're starting to get real preachy here, 00:25:08.960 --> 00:25:10.680 guys. Let's move on. Let's get on with the aliens. 00:25:10.880 --> 00:25:12.880 Jesus Christ. I'm saying they never did it, Dave. 00:25:13.019 --> 00:25:15.079 I'm saying it never happened. All right, we're 00:25:15.079 --> 00:25:18.170 moving on now. Well, the story of Valiant Thor 00:25:18.170 --> 00:25:22.029 is a fun story. When you start to pull up the 00:25:22.029 --> 00:25:24.009 threads, the whole thing kind of unravels pretty 00:25:24.009 --> 00:25:27.809 fast. There are no documents, no photos, no witnesses 00:25:27.809 --> 00:25:30.049 from inside the Pentagon, no meeting records, 00:25:30.269 --> 00:25:33.410 no logs, nothing. I feel like if a literal alien 00:25:33.410 --> 00:25:35.650 diplomat lived in the Pentagon for a full three 00:25:35.650 --> 00:25:37.809 years, there would have been some record or security 00:25:37.809 --> 00:25:40.789 slip up somewhere, but nothing. That's what they 00:25:40.789 --> 00:25:43.230 want you to think. Yeah, nothing's even hinted 00:25:43.230 --> 00:25:45.430 at in declassified files, but it is the Pentagon, 00:25:45.630 --> 00:25:48.220 so maybe. It could be, like, they didn't have 00:25:48.220 --> 00:25:53.160 signal chat back then, so leaks from there. Now 00:25:53.160 --> 00:25:56.059 who's preaching, Dave? Now who's preaching? Oh, 00:25:56.079 --> 00:25:57.900 mine was 10 seconds. Yours was four minutes. 00:25:58.619 --> 00:26:00.740 Okay, I got an idea. I'm going to run for president. 00:26:00.900 --> 00:26:02.880 The only reason I want to be president is to 00:26:02.880 --> 00:26:05.259 see the government secrets. I'll become president, 00:26:05.339 --> 00:26:07.039 and then I'll come on the show, and then I'll 00:26:07.039 --> 00:26:08.980 divulge every secret that ever happened, and 00:26:08.980 --> 00:26:11.000 we'll find out if Valiant 4 is real. That didn't 00:26:11.000 --> 00:26:12.700 work out great for Kennedy, so I don't know if 00:26:12.700 --> 00:26:15.250 you want to try that. I'm willing to put my life 00:26:15.250 --> 00:26:17.309 on the line to tell you if Valium 4 was real 00:26:17.309 --> 00:26:22.710 or not. I support this. I support it too. There's 00:26:22.710 --> 00:26:24.990 no evidence that this happened. Then there's 00:26:24.990 --> 00:26:28.230 Dr. Frank Stranges himself. While he was a minister 00:26:28.230 --> 00:26:30.609 and a UFO lecturer, some of his claims were pretty 00:26:30.609 --> 00:26:33.470 sus, the deeper you dig. He said he held top 00:26:33.470 --> 00:26:36.069 secret clearance, which, I mean, why? He was 00:26:36.069 --> 00:26:38.170 a ufologist and a priest. That makes no sense. 00:26:38.329 --> 00:26:40.170 But he also said that he sat in on meetings with 00:26:40.170 --> 00:26:42.680 defense officials who... by the time Thor supposedly 00:26:42.680 --> 00:26:45.599 arrived, had already been dead for years. And 00:26:45.599 --> 00:26:47.599 some of the names he used in his book, like F 00:26:47.599 --> 00:26:49.660 .F. Forstall, which is likely a misspelling of 00:26:49.660 --> 00:26:51.920 James Forstall, didn't line up with reality. 00:26:52.440 --> 00:26:56.480 I'm sorry, how do you misspell James by two Fs? 00:26:56.680 --> 00:26:59.319 Well, it's because these kinds of mistakes make 00:26:59.319 --> 00:27:01.420 it seem as though he wasn't writing from experience, 00:27:01.519 --> 00:27:05.950 but from memory. You know what I mean? Sorry, 00:27:06.470 --> 00:27:08.089 I can't remember all the details. We'll just 00:27:08.089 --> 00:27:10.630 call him FF because that's such a normal name 00:27:10.630 --> 00:27:13.509 that I always see. Yeah. I mean, back then everyone 00:27:13.509 --> 00:27:15.670 had initials for their names, dude. That's true. 00:27:15.970 --> 00:27:18.890 F. Murray Abraham. Amazing actor. Others who 00:27:18.890 --> 00:27:20.910 have come forward to confirm parts of the story, 00:27:20.990 --> 00:27:24.289 but those don't hold. Much better. A famous amongst 00:27:24.289 --> 00:27:27.349 believers is Harley Andrew Bird. He claimed to 00:27:27.349 --> 00:27:29.990 be a Pentagon insider and the nephew of Admiral 00:27:29.990 --> 00:27:31.990 Richard Bird, who, for those of you who don't 00:27:31.990 --> 00:27:34.150 know, was the dude who claimed he flew into the 00:27:34.150 --> 00:27:36.269 hollow Earth through a hole near the North Pole. 00:27:36.789 --> 00:27:39.589 Fuck yeah. But his background is murky at best, 00:27:39.670 --> 00:27:42.029 and there is zero proof he ever held a government 00:27:42.029 --> 00:27:43.750 position. And honestly, he's probably not even 00:27:43.750 --> 00:27:45.829 Admiral Bird's nephew, if we're going to get 00:27:45.829 --> 00:27:49.269 down to it. No, he's Larry Bird's, like, slow 00:27:49.269 --> 00:27:55.779 cousin. And then there's Venus. Even in the 1950s, 00:27:55.779 --> 00:27:58.720 astronomers knew Venus was not habitable. Its 00:27:58.720 --> 00:28:01.720 surface is a volcanic pressure cooker with a 00:28:01.720 --> 00:28:04.099 carbon dioxide atmosphere and clouds of sulfuric 00:28:04.099 --> 00:28:06.420 acid. It's about as close to hell as a planet 00:28:06.420 --> 00:28:09.019 can get. And Thor's explanation that his people 00:28:09.019 --> 00:28:12.200 lived underground to avoid the surface is, sure, 00:28:12.240 --> 00:28:14.579 fine. It makes sense and not easy to disprove. 00:28:14.740 --> 00:28:17.420 I'll give him some leeway on that claim, even 00:28:17.420 --> 00:28:19.160 though it's complete bullshit. How the fuck did 00:28:19.160 --> 00:28:21.029 you get to the surface? How the fuck did they 00:28:21.029 --> 00:28:24.430 get to the surface to get under it? It's over 00:28:24.430 --> 00:28:30.190 time. Also, I want to know. So, okay. You lived 00:28:30.190 --> 00:28:33.950 on Venus. Advanced society under the ground. 00:28:34.049 --> 00:28:36.509 Not only do you need to come up with a vehicle 00:28:36.509 --> 00:28:40.029 that can make it through the extremely toxic 00:28:40.029 --> 00:28:44.369 atmosphere of Venus, which you can't really see 00:28:44.369 --> 00:28:47.089 because you have to live underground, but then 00:28:47.089 --> 00:28:50.670 your ship is going to exit. Venus' very thick, 00:28:50.829 --> 00:28:54.470 dangerous atmosphere, and then survive in space. 00:28:54.710 --> 00:28:57.509 I'm sorry, that's challenging to me to believe. 00:28:57.730 --> 00:29:01.269 What is he, fucking Goku? Like, this is my question 00:29:01.269 --> 00:29:05.490 that I have here. The ship is powered by hydrochloric 00:29:05.490 --> 00:29:07.390 acid rain. You guys cut out for a second there, 00:29:07.390 --> 00:29:08.710 so I have no idea what you ranted about, but 00:29:08.710 --> 00:29:10.470 I'm going to go with yeah, hell yeah, dude. Long 00:29:10.470 --> 00:29:12.849 story, it was brilliant. When you edit, you'll 00:29:12.849 --> 00:29:16.009 figure it out. Okay. But also, there's the story. 00:29:18.019 --> 00:29:20.279 I'm just going to move on. You just said okay 00:29:20.279 --> 00:29:22.900 as in like when my kid tries to convince me to 00:29:22.900 --> 00:29:26.720 let him drink a beer. I'm like, okay, still you 00:29:26.720 --> 00:29:30.460 have to wait. But also there's the fact that 00:29:30.460 --> 00:29:32.640 the story of Valiant Thor is just a beat for 00:29:32.640 --> 00:29:35.299 beat ripoff of the film The Day the Earth Stood 00:29:35.299 --> 00:29:38.339 Still, which hit theaters in 1951, six years 00:29:38.339 --> 00:29:41.829 before Thor's arrival. In the movie, a human 00:29:41.829 --> 00:29:44.289 -looking alien named Klaatu arrives in D .C., 00:29:44.289 --> 00:29:46.730 warns of Earth's self -destruction, and urges 00:29:46.730 --> 00:29:49.390 world peace. He even stays under government supervision. 00:29:49.789 --> 00:29:53.470 So the similarities aren't subtle by any means. 00:29:53.750 --> 00:29:58.829 Klaatu Varada Nikto. Yes. So there's no credible 00:29:58.829 --> 00:30:01.410 evidence that Valiant Thor ever existed. At best, 00:30:01.410 --> 00:30:03.809 this is a Cold War contact detail told by one 00:30:03.809 --> 00:30:06.650 man, expanded by others, and over time morphed 00:30:06.650 --> 00:30:08.930 into something closer like modern New Age mythology. 00:30:09.849 --> 00:30:12.369 But the story persists. It's been like 70 years 00:30:12.369 --> 00:30:14.269 since Thor was said to have shown up in Virginia, 00:30:14.450 --> 00:30:17.069 but his name still shows up in UFO documentaries, 00:30:17.450 --> 00:30:20.150 blogs, weird new age spiritual guides, and conspiracy 00:30:20.150 --> 00:30:23.369 forums. Valiant Thor is more of a symbol now, 00:30:23.450 --> 00:30:25.670 more than anything, a symbol that sits somewhere 00:30:25.670 --> 00:30:28.309 between alien savior and cosmic therapist, showing 00:30:28.309 --> 00:30:31.130 up not to conquer, but to help. So it's kind 00:30:31.130 --> 00:30:33.750 of easy, I guess, to see why it stuck around. 00:30:33.890 --> 00:30:35.410 For some people, there's something comforting 00:30:35.410 --> 00:30:37.829 about the idea that at our lowest moment, someone 00:30:37.829 --> 00:30:39.819 was looking out for us. that when we were on 00:30:39.819 --> 00:30:42.039 the brink of a full nuclear holocaust, help was 00:30:42.039 --> 00:30:44.819 offered. The idea that the universe isn't indifferent, 00:30:45.099 --> 00:30:48.180 but involved. Valiant Thor is a part of a long 00:30:48.180 --> 00:30:51.200 tradition of stories where the otherworldly shows 00:30:51.200 --> 00:30:53.960 up with a message that we already know, we just 00:30:53.960 --> 00:30:56.279 don't want to hear it. The message that peace 00:30:56.279 --> 00:30:59.140 is possible, but not without sacrifice. Technology 00:30:59.140 --> 00:31:02.079 can save us, but not if we stay the same. But 00:31:02.079 --> 00:31:04.680 most importantly, if we blow ourselves up, it 00:31:04.680 --> 00:31:07.339 won't be because no one warned us. And that's 00:31:07.339 --> 00:31:09.480 what makes this story last. Not because it's 00:31:09.480 --> 00:31:13.039 true, God no, but because it feels like it should 00:31:13.039 --> 00:31:16.220 have been. And that is the story of Valiant Thor. 00:31:16.700 --> 00:31:19.460 How we feeling? I'm sad he's not real. Fuck Valiant 00:31:19.460 --> 00:31:22.039 Thor. I still love the band, but that... No, 00:31:22.099 --> 00:31:23.799 he's a good dude. I just hate everybody who added 00:31:23.799 --> 00:31:26.119 on to it and made it fucking worse. Yeah, could 00:31:26.119 --> 00:31:28.000 you just leave the story alone? Like, we don't 00:31:28.000 --> 00:31:30.839 need to throw crystals into anything, Becky. 00:31:31.140 --> 00:31:34.180 I like that. The beginning part wasn't bad, you 00:31:34.180 --> 00:31:36.759 know. Dr. Frank -N -Furter. I know that's not 00:31:36.759 --> 00:31:38.019 his name, but that's what I'm going to call him. 00:31:38.079 --> 00:31:40.599 He just comes off as a fucking weird dude. He's 00:31:40.599 --> 00:31:44.160 just a weird dude to me. I'm such a positive 00:31:44.160 --> 00:31:46.579 person in real life, but I have negative aspects 00:31:46.579 --> 00:31:50.799 on everything. When you die, you just die. I 00:31:50.799 --> 00:31:53.859 kind of feel bad for Dr. Frank's though. Dr. 00:31:54.000 --> 00:31:57.640 Frank Stranges, excuse me, because he came up 00:31:57.640 --> 00:32:00.420 with this cool story and whatever. He was just 00:32:00.420 --> 00:32:04.220 trying to... push his own weird fucking pentecostal 00:32:04.220 --> 00:32:07.799 agenda but then all these other assholes these 00:32:07.799 --> 00:32:11.099 unimaginative fucks were like i'm not smart enough 00:32:11.099 --> 00:32:13.680 to come up with something on my own so i'm gonna 00:32:13.680 --> 00:32:17.559 steal this crazy story and then make you buy 00:32:17.559 --> 00:32:20.759 crystals it's like chiropractor bullshit i think 00:32:20.759 --> 00:32:23.119 it was bad yeah but just like you said i felt 00:32:23.119 --> 00:32:26.140 like after after the second When the second part 00:32:26.140 --> 00:32:28.519 came through, I felt like there was this propaganda 00:32:28.519 --> 00:32:32.000 to sell you something or buy into some sort of 00:32:32.000 --> 00:32:34.559 New Age religion that's bullshit because then 00:32:34.559 --> 00:32:36.019 eventually you'll drink the Kool -Aid and get 00:32:36.019 --> 00:32:37.799 on the ship with Xenu. Well, is that not what 00:32:37.799 --> 00:32:40.920 all New Ages... Yeah, all New Age religions are 00:32:40.920 --> 00:32:42.779 bullshit. It's either a money grab or a cult. 00:32:42.920 --> 00:32:45.500 There's no in -between. If you're telling me 00:32:45.500 --> 00:32:48.019 you can fix my vibrations, you're a fucking idiot. 00:32:48.279 --> 00:32:49.960 All right, so that's it. That's the end of the 00:32:49.960 --> 00:32:53.079 episode. We're having some technical difficulties, 00:32:53.180 --> 00:32:57.869 so... Better to end it now. Before we sign off, 00:32:57.930 --> 00:32:59.329 Debra, do you have anything you want to plug? 00:32:59.470 --> 00:33:00.930 Anything you want to talk about before we go? 00:33:01.250 --> 00:33:03.250 Yeah, we just dropped a new EP called History 00:33:03.250 --> 00:33:06.849 of the World and the intro song's on it for you 00:33:06.849 --> 00:33:09.049 guys and then we talk about the time the CIA 00:33:09.049 --> 00:33:12.470 faked a vampire attack when Kentucky had a meat 00:33:12.470 --> 00:33:14.210 raid incident where it just rained meat in the 00:33:14.210 --> 00:33:16.549 1800s when they put animals on trial. The Kentucky 00:33:16.549 --> 00:33:19.230 meat showers? You covered that? One of my favorite 00:33:19.230 --> 00:33:21.759 fucking stories. we wrote a song about it and 00:33:21.759 --> 00:33:23.779 it's my favorite song off the fucking album it's 00:33:23.779 --> 00:33:25.740 called the kentucky meat incident i'm i'm very 00:33:25.740 --> 00:33:28.039 excited i have a t -shirt that says i survived 00:33:28.039 --> 00:33:31.680 the kentucky meat showers yes that's one of my 00:33:31.680 --> 00:33:33.559 fucking favorite stories and that is a song and 00:33:33.559 --> 00:33:35.519 then the last one is about the people who danced 00:33:35.519 --> 00:33:38.940 till they died so like in the 1819 france the 00:33:38.940 --> 00:33:41.920 dance yeah yep so we got we covered all those 00:33:41.920 --> 00:33:44.460 and then and july 5th we'll be in california 00:33:44.460 --> 00:33:46.380 playing a benefit show for cancer so we're gonna 00:33:46.380 --> 00:33:48.200 raise money for fight cancer because fuck cancer 00:33:48.650 --> 00:33:50.130 Yeah, fuck cancer. Hell yeah, dude. Nice work. 00:33:50.250 --> 00:33:51.430 I was going to say, if you guys want me to come 00:33:51.430 --> 00:33:53.369 back, please have me back on this fucking show. 00:33:53.529 --> 00:33:55.930 I love you guys so much, and I like talking about 00:33:55.930 --> 00:33:58.309 weird shit with you dudes. I love you. Hopefully 00:33:58.309 --> 00:34:00.950 next time we'll have a better recording set up. 00:34:00.990 --> 00:34:02.470 Yeah, there won't be any lag. That's not glitchy 00:34:02.470 --> 00:34:05.210 and fucking... All right. Sarge, is there anything 00:34:05.210 --> 00:34:07.789 you want to plug before we sign off? Just your 00:34:07.789 --> 00:34:14.010 butt, buddy. Okay. All right. All right. If you 00:34:14.010 --> 00:34:16.409 want to follow us on Instagram, you can follow 00:34:16.409 --> 00:34:18.449 us at Cryptic Cocktail, TikTok, Cryptic Cocktail 00:34:18.449 --> 00:34:22.409 Party. I guess real quick, Dipper, where can 00:34:22.409 --> 00:34:25.989 they find you guys on the internet? I'm on TikTok 00:34:25.989 --> 00:34:29.989 at Dipper Satterfield. Instagram, Dipper Sasquatchfield. 00:34:30.630 --> 00:34:32.869 And then follow us at Kill By A Yeti. We're on 00:34:32.869 --> 00:34:35.250 all streaming platforms and social media. So 00:34:35.250 --> 00:34:38.630 I just use Instagram and TikTok. i make weird 00:34:38.630 --> 00:34:40.969 videos oh yeah man i guess with that out of the 00:34:40.969 --> 00:34:43.010 way dipper do you want to say goodbye and i love 00:34:43.010 --> 00:34:45.929 you to the audience i do uh bye everybody thank 00:34:45.929 --> 00:34:48.349 you for listening and i love you with all my 00:34:48.349 --> 00:34:51.309 heart all of it i love you so much i'm proud 00:34:51.309 --> 00:34:52.969 of everything you've done and i hope you have 00:34:52.969 --> 00:34:54.210 a great day thanks for listening