You are now listening to Cryptid Cocktail Party
Welcome back, everyone, to another episode of
Cryptic Cocktail Party, a show where we have
a few drinks, share a few laughs, take a dive
into the unknown. I'm your host, Dave, joined
as always by my wonderful co -host, Sarge. How's
it going, Sarge? Woo! I'm doing terrible. I've
got Kelly Clarkson's Since You've Been Gone stuck
in my head, and I hate it. That's a great song.
What do you mean? I know, I hate it so much.
Well, I'm sorry, that's the only rough thing
you're going through right now. Yeah, that's
the only thing. That's it, nothing. And today...
Ladies and gentlemen, we have a very special
guest. We have the voice behind our theme song.
We are joined today by Dipper Satterfeld, the
vocalist of Killed by a Yeti. What's going on,
man? Dipper! What's up? Thanks for having me.
Look at my cool trick, guys. I brought this for
you. Oh, I appreciate that. That's so good. I
really appreciate it. For those of you not watching,
he pulled off his entire hand and reattached
it. But, yeah, man, how's it going? It's been
a long time coming, I feel like. I feel like
we've talked about it. We attempted to do one
before, but I was way too hammered to do it.
What's going on? What's new? How's life? Life's
great. Thanks for having me. I love you guys.
I liked all the weird shit you talk about because
I'm a weird dude. I'm glad I got to do your intro.
It's the new EP drop, which that has it on it.
And I swear to God, if another fucking headphone
pops out of my head, I'm going to lose it. Yeah,
no, thanks for letting us write the song for
you guys. Thanks for letting us be a part of
your world. And thanks for being on our EP. We
got to put that song on the EP. So it's history
of the world. And I feel like you guys talk about
history. Weird history. Weird cryptid, weird
Bigfoot. Ding dong history, but you know. Thanks
for letting us be a part of your history. Yeah,
look at that. Worlds coming together, worlds
colliding, as Power Man 5000 would say. This
is what it's like when worlds collide. Very good,
very good. But yeah, no, thank you for doing
it for us. People seem to enjoy it. We had a
couple people who found this show and they're
like, I was skeptical, but then the intro hit
and I was like, I'm all in. That makes my day.
That makes my fucking day. I had a lot of fun
doing that intro because I was like, i was watching
you guys and i was like what do they talk about
and i was like well i can't make the song too
long but i know they definitely talk about drinking
and then some weird cryptid things and then they
want to party with the queer cryptid things but
then sometimes they don't want to party with
the weird cryptid things because they're weird
and they probably hurt you yeah i mean there's
some that i i don't want to be a part of but
there's others where i'm like you know what i
bet this cryptid like let's hang out i don't
want to me but i want to hang out with it I feel
like the Flatwoods Monster would definitely be
like one of those party dudes. He's like, I look
stupid. I was like, I'm glowing, dude. Look at
me. We're at a rave already. Flatwoods Monster
gets white girl wasted. You just know. You just
know. They're fun, but they're sloppy. Like,
you know. Flatwoods Monster is White Claw all
day. Yeah, they're going to be lighting cigarettes
backwards. Fucking. Yeah. They drink the rosé
flavored White Claw. At the end of the night,
they're shouting at the friends, you don't know
me. You don't know what I've been through. Yeah.
There's like, Jessica, Jessica, where are you?
It's going to be a lot of that, I feel like.
Misty 120s for sure. Oh, that's a good old lady
cigarette, I feel like. Virginia Slims? Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Virginia Slims, definitely. Or American
Spirits. That's a dude who's had a rough life.
Yeah, it takes nine hours to smoke just one of
those things. Jesus Christ. American spirits
are definitely the cigarette of a guy who has
been off heroin for about six months. Oh, easily.
Yeah. All right, guys. Well, Dipper, I already
know the answer to this, but we ask everyone
who comes on, are you a cryptids aliens conspiracy
guy or what? Oh, hell yes. I'm more on the side
of like, I know it's not real, but I want it
to be real. Yes. That's where I float on this.
That's us. I'm like, if Bigfoot was real, that'd
be cool as fuck, and I would be all aboard. You
give me a real video of Bigfoot smoking a joint
in the middle of the woods, I'm sold. But now
AI is making it real hard. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
AI kind of ruins a lot of this. I've been watching
those AI Bigfoot videos, and the first two were
kind of funny. But now I'm just like, look, man,
you and I both know that's a fucking gorilla.
Knock it off. Well, Dipper, I'm glad that your
stance on the topic is pretty much the show's
stance. I feel like we've had since the beginning
is that, you know, we want them to be some of
them, you know, maybe I do believe, but that's
just more wishful thinking. But yeah, for the
most part, I want them to be real, even though
let's be honest, some of it's kind of iffy. And
today's story is no different. All right, you
guys ready to dive into this? Let's do it. Let's
fucking go. So we're going to go back in time
a bit. We do that from time to time. So we're
going to head back into the late 1950s. So this
is pretty much during the height of the Cold
War tensions and the UFO hysteria. Now, back
then, there were a ton of UFO and alien visitation
stories. But there was one story that has always
fascinated me, and I've tried to write this episode
so many fucking times, and I could just never
get it right. But I think today, I finally nailed
it. Or at best, it's just a rambly, jumbled mess,
and that's something that we will all have to
figure out together as we take this journey.
Now, the reason today's topic, at least for me,
is rad as hell is because it's not like your
average alien encounter. There was no lights
in the sky. No one was abducted or harmed. Livestock
wasn't fucking mutilated to shit. What's different
about this story is that it takes place in offices,
briefing rooms, and it's entirely in secrecy
inside the Pentagon. In a nutshell, the story
goes that a literal, not -from -this -world alien
lived and worked among top U .S. officials for
three years inside the Pentagon. He offered peace.
warned of a nuclear war, and carried technology
far beyond anything we could have imagined at
the time. So today, gentlemen, we are going to
be covering the extraterrestrial known as Valiant
Thor. Are you guys familiar with Valiant Thor?
Yes! I fucking love that band, by the way. Fucking
love Valiant Thor. Yeah? Good band. Yes. Good
band. I briefly know the story, so... It's been
a long time since I've talked about Valiant Thor.
Yeah, I'm not completely up to date. But I do
remember Valiant Thor. Okay, so the reason why
this episode was hard to write is because the
story is a jumbled mess. So I had to do my best
to try and put it in somewhat chronological order
without leaving out too many details because
that's easy to do and also very hard to do at
the same time. But before we dive into the lore
of Valiant Thor, unintentional bars just then,
it's important to understand where all this came
from. The entire legend of Valiant Thor begins
and ends with just one man. His name was Dr.
Frank E. Stranges. So Dr. Frank was a Pentecostal
minister, a UFO lecturer, and the founder of
something called the National Investigations
Committee on Unidentified Flying Objects. Rolls
off the tongue. Yeah, definitely. What a mouthful,
dude. So in 1967... Dr. Frank self -published
a book titled Stranger at the Pentagon, and pretty
much everything the world knows about Valiant
Thor comes from the pages of that book. In it,
Dr. Frank claimed that he met Thor personally,
face -to -face, and according to him, the introduction
was set up by a government employee named Nancy
Warren, who brought him into a secure area of
the Pentagon not long after Thor had made contact
with more senior officials, which we'll get into
later. Now from there, Dr. Frank claimed the
two pretty much became... best friends. He described
Thor as highly intelligent, soft -spoken, deeply
concerned about the future of Earth, and committed
to helping humanity find a better path forward.
And for the rest of his life, Dr. Frank spoke
very publicly about these conversations. He did
so during sermons, lectures, interviews. Pretty
much he just talked about it to anyone who would
listen to him. But he never wavered from his
account. Even when he was masturbating. Giving
himself a stranger at the Pentagon. You know
what I mean? No, dude, they broed down together.
They were giving each other handjobs. Some Dutch
rudder action? That's what it was. Nice. So,
according to the good doctor, Valiant Thor's
ship, named Victor I, pretty unimaginative for
a ship, I feel like. Yeah, disappointing name.
Yeah, touched down in a field just outside of
Alexandria, Virginia on March 16th, 1957. The
local authorities were first to respond to the
site. Now they were expecting to see like a downed
craft, like alien bodies just fucking strewn
about. But instead they found just a dude standing
very calmly besides a landed craft. That's going
to be the name of my alien movie. Just a dude.
I feel like you stand there like this too. Like
posing, like he's hard styling on the ground.
With a name like Valiant Thor, he definitely
puts his hand to his chin when he talks to you.
Oh, for sure. Now, he told the authorities he
meant no harm and immediately requested an audience
with the president, and his request was granted.
They were just like, sure thing, bud. Fucking
follow us. That guy that we're constantly trying
to stop from getting assassinated, please come
and meet him by yourself. Do you have any, like,
weird alien germs on your body, too? Like, you
know, should we call us for concern? Like, we
don't. know anything about you you're from space
there's a radiation dog like what's up this kind
of sounds like how our current administration
handles everything no the first thing they would
do is shoot it yeah and then move move on from
there and then chop him up dry out his skin turn
it into dust and then dj t jr is just gonna snort
it jesus christ Just doing lines of aliens in
the back. Hey man, didn't people used to do that
with like Egyptian mummies back in the day? Yes,
yeah. Really? Yeah, they would take mummies from
Egypt and they would grind them up and like drink
it in teas and shit like that. I don't remember
what they said. What the fuck is wrong with people?
It's comforting to know that humanity has always
been full of fucking morons. Yes, it is. So Thor,
he was taken to Washington and brought directly
to the Pentagon. There he met with high -ranking
officials, Dr. Frank for some reason, and then
was eventually introduced to both President Eisenhower
and Vice President Nixon. And they loved the
guy. I mean, who wouldn't? Thor was described
as completely human in appearance. He was tall,
tan, athletic build, had neatly styled brown
hair. Dr. Frank described him as, quote -unquote,
inhumanly handsome. Sounds like Dr. Frank had
a little bit of a crush. Yeah, Thor spoke perfect
English, he wore a fitted suit, and it was said
that he carried himself more like a diplomat
than an alien emissary. But despite being normal
on a surface level, while simultaneously being
the hottest dude on Earth at the time, there
were some details that set him apart. Thor was
said to have an IQ of over 1 ,200. He had a lifespan
of 500 years. But in later accounts, more wild
traits were added. Shit like he had like six
fingers on each hand. He had an oversized heart.
Or my favorite is that he just had a single giant
lung and no belly button, which I think is way
fun. That's pretty fun. I would also love that
if he only had like one giant nipple. It looks
like a personal pizza right in the middle. I
mean, who knows? That could be added later on.
This story goes into some crazy directions. Yeah,
but anyways, he told officials that he came from
Venus. Now you're probably thinking, Venus? You
mean the wildly inhospitable scorched hell planet
with a surface temperature hotter than Mercury
due to the immense crushing air pressure that's
92 times out of Earth? That Venus? Actually,
I was just thinking of the rhyme. The boys are
from Mars and women are from Venus. I went completely
different. I was thinking about the razor. You're
my Venus. You're my fire. You're my desire. Good
Bananarama reference. Nice work. It's his finest,
actually. But it's neither of those guys, okay?
It's the planet. But luckily, Thor didn't have
to worry about any of the stuff I mentioned above
because he was part of a subterranean civilization
deep beneath the planet's surface. So, you know,
awesome. Now... According to Dr. Frank, Thor's
visit had a clear purpose. It was to warn humanity
of the path it was on and to offer technological,
social, and spiritual alternatives, and a strong
emphasis on abandoning war and putting a stop
to the use and manufacturing of nuclear weapons.
Sounds like a bunch of woke liberal nonsense
if you ask me, but hey. It's not my, you know,
it's not mine. This is what he was talking about.
Well, you can tell they clearly heeded his advice
immediately because we haven't had a war since.
Never. There's never been bombs dropped. There
hasn't been mass casualties. Everywhere there
hasn't been, you know, famine because of the
wars. Nothing like that. Nothing. And no country
has ever lost a nuclear weapon. Nope. Just goes
to show Valiant Thor really did his job. Well,
we'll get to it. Don't worry about that. Now,
Thor claimed that he represented some kind of
interplanetary council, sometimes described as
the High Council. Other times, he was part of
a larger galactic council. It's not really important
because it's all the same. Their goal was to
help guide younger civilizations away from self
-destruction. And in the late 1950s, Earth was
pretty close. We were right on the cusp of just...
nuclear holocaust so yeah we weren't doing great
yeah we made we made a lot of mistakes we're
totally doing great right now too no way better
now way better yeah but luckily thor he came
with solutions he brought along some pretty sick
toys um a couple of these devices like the composite
energy device they were capable of generating
limitless clean energy they required no fuel
and produced no waste which is pretty cool but
not as sick as a device that allowed for instant
material replication This device could create
clothes, food, supplies, pretty much anything
you wanted without having to use up Earth's natural
resources. It's kind of like that thing from
Star Trek where you can just press a button and
food appears. Nice. Yeah, pretty cool. But there
was a catch. None of this technology would be
shared unless humanity agreed to a few conditions.
Worldwide cooperation, peace, and spiritual unity.
As Dr. Frank put it, Thor wasn't just offering
tools, he was offering a shift in human consciousness.
And this weird spiritual aspect runs deep in
the story of Valiant Thor, because according
to Dr. Frank, Thor spoke often about God and
praised the continuous presence of Christ's teaching
on Earth. Yeah, it sounds like Dr. Frank had
no agenda whatsoever. Well, for Frank, who came
from a religious background, this was proof that
Thor was the real deal, because fucking sure,
why not? So following his initial meeting with
U .S. leadership, like I said, Valiant Thor was
granted special access to the Pentagon, not just
as a guest, but as a tenant. So from 1957 to
1960, Thor lived in a secure area of the Pentagon
as kind of like an alien liaison. He had his
own fully furnished apartment and office, held
regular meetings with high ranking officials,
including the military, government scientists
and members of Eisenhower's inner circle. Some
accounts claim that he made appearances at the
UN and spoke with international diplomats about
peace and cooperation. But while he was a hit
with some, not everyone welcomed his presence.
So before we move on to the hardships this man
had to face, how are we feeling so far about
Valiant Thor? I think he's great. He's like an
alien James Bond. Just a man about town. I picture
him as Fabio in one of those romance novels.
That's how I picture him inside my head. He's
just sitting there. The doctor's just staring
at him, his hair's blown in the wind. He's like,
you know, he's like, I'm a good Christian boy,
but this man just, ooh, he gives me the vapors.
Like, this is what I'm taking from this. I think
this is a love story. Dr. Frank has immediately
ruined all credibility with me because his only
criteria for whether Valiant Thor was actually
a believable space alien was, well, he believed
in Jesus, so he's got my vote. I mean... that's
all it should take for me I always pictured Valiant
Thor as like a Don Draper from Mad Men like I
think that's like that's how I picture him but
not but not as savage like not a fucking monster
at the same time but just as hogged out as oh
yeah oh definitely Valiant Thor has got a I feel
like the redacted parts of this story are just
describing how big his ding dong were and they
had to take that out like we gotta really gotta
take this part out yeah and of course valiant
thor's doing the power moves like using it to
like press the buttons on the elevator all right
so his prehensile weenie jesus christ all right
so yeah like like i said some people loved him
some people didn't care for him uh like While
Eisenhower was open to the ideas that Thor had
presented, others in the government were less
cool with the idea. Military and intelligence
officials pushed back against Thor's proposal,
saying they were unrealistic, dangerous, and
threatening to the existing power structure.
Because while Thor was advocating for a global
disarmament initiative, he wanted the U .S. to
lead by example and be the first to dismantle
its nuclear arsenal. And he also wanted them
to form a new council to promote international
peace, which... obviously the U .S. military
intelligence would be against. They're not. Yeah.
Also, Nixon kept calling him a space N -word.
Unbelievable. Jesus Christ. That's such a racist.
I don't know if I should leave that in or not.
Nixon, famous for saying the N -word. That's
true. He's just quoting history. That's true.
But despite all that, for a moment there, the
idea was actually considered, but in the end,
spoiler alert, it... Obviously didn't happen.
And after three years with little progress made
and mounting opposition from within the U .S.
government, Valiant Thor pretty much said, well,
I'm going to head out. So on March 16th, 1960,
exactly three years after his arrival, he returned
to Victor I and just fucking dipped. He didn't
tell anyone or say anything. It was just pretty
much a classic Irish goodbye. He just left without
a trace. And he took his glorious space needle
with him. But even though Valiant Thor may have
left Earth in the 1960s, the story doesn't end
there. In the decades that followed, his legend
grew and gets... Real fucking weird. What began
initially as a contained narrative, like an alien
visitor from Venus on a diplomatic mission, somehow
expanded into something far wilder. By the 1970s
and 80s, Thor's story got absorbed into New Age
UFO mythology, which is basically a kind of belief
system where aliens, they're not just like jetting
around in spaceships and fucking with livestock,
but they're actually guiding our consciousness
through dreams, vibrations, and just, you know,
good vibes, dude. Fucking... Just so chill. Yeah,
yeah. I love bullshit too, so I'm all about it.
I got this crystal. I got this crystal. It's
pretty much that. Sardew said it would heal me.
Yeah. The biggest shift from this came with the
rise of something called the Ashtar Command.
It's a group of so -called benevolent extraterrestrials
who, according to believers, are telepathically
guiding humanity through some kind of spiritual
awakening. And in this rebranding, Valiant Thor
was no longer just a one -time envoy. He was
now a high -ranking cosmic commander in a vast
galactic alliance. And then from there, things
start getting really weird. Channelers began
direct contact, like saying they had direct contact
with Thor. A woman named Valanna said she was
his daughter, like literally, and acted as his
communication vessel. Others published messages
they said were dictated by Thor himself. They
warned of Earth's changings, called on people
to raise their quote -unquote vibrational frequencies,
and also promised divine evacuations if shit
ever hit the fan. Kind of like that cult we talked
about that one time, the Seekers or whatever.
It's basically that. Thor's identity became kind
of fluid. He wasn't just the fuckable Venusian
with an energy device anymore. He was like a
cosmic figure, an ascended master, a spiritual
guardian, a spokesperson for divine order in
the universe. But then it gets even wilder because
in the recent years, self -published books, which
you know are just fucking amazing, and channeled
materials have introduced new characters into
the mythos, most notably Commander Zarkon Thor,
Valiant's dad. Oh, God. Who shares his wisdom
via blog posts and fringe paperback novels. I
think my favorite part is that he went to his
dad, not his son. Yeah, no. Not like the next
generation. They went back a generation. Yeah.
Other texts claim to have been written by Thor
himself or they're like relayed transmissions
from his crew. Titles like Words of My Venusian
Father and These Archon Principles. Blend scripture,
space opera, and self -help jargon into one sprawling
giant cosmic mythology. How we feeling about...
How we doing? I'm mad, Dave. I'm real mad. Why?
I feel anger building. I'm with Sarge on this
one. This is like a fucking... This is Gwyneth
Paltrow just on a whole new level, dude. This
is my vagina candle, but on a big scale. This
is the most Malibu bullshit I have ever heard
in my entire life. Yeah, it's not great. The
first half was fine. Yeah. You know, well, it's
not going to get any better. No. I thought you
were going to give me hope. No. No, it's important
to note that none of this came from Dr. Frank.
Like all this New Age bullshit. These were all
later additions that were built on top of his
original story and are now being shaped by whatever
spiritual or metaphysical trend happens to pick
it up next. So now, Thor has gone from Cold War
anti -nuke activist to a full -on cosmic archetype.
He's pretty much a catch -all figure for whatever
message some weird New Age guru or cult leader
wants to deliver. Which is a bummer, because
on the surface, the story of Valiant Thor, or
at least like Dr. Frank's version, is a... It's
like the perfect Cold War era sci -fi parable.
Like a humanoid alien warns the world not to
destroy itself, offers some miracles, gets stonewalled
by bureaucracy, and leaves in quiet disappointment.
It would be a really cool story if it actually
happened, you know? What? What if Valiant Thor
was like, yo, get rid of your nukes, and then
I'll show you all this cool shit, and he's like,
gotcha, bitch, and then he destroys everybody.
You know what I'm saying? He's saying what you
want to hear. He's like, I believe in God. Look
how handsome I am. I'm a good -looking dude.
He's trying to use kindness to get through people,
but we're all assholes, so we're like, fuck you,
dude. We don't trust you. I think that's what
happened. To be fair, he does kind of give off
the vibe of what the Antichrist is supposed to
be. Like a handsome, charismatic world peace
bringer. So maybe we were right to not fuck with
this dude. We were like, you know what? No thanks,
but... Yeah, it all sounds great, but no. But
I mean, let's be real. I, as well as you guys
know, none of this happened. Yeah, of course
not. There's no way that anyone could... pretend
to believe in jesus just to get into a position
of power that has never happened in the united
states never that's never once you know i i always
hear that like people use religion for good you
know to help yeah the community and their their
fellow brothers i never heard it for war or profiteering
or anything like that yeah no and you can see
that throughout the history of the world and
especially the united states every time someone
says I live my entire life by the Bible. And
then they get into power. They only do good things.
Yeah, great things. Yeah, they've never subjugated.
They've never had tiny hands. They've never subjugated
sexual orientation or gender expression. They've
never done anything bad to black people. All
right, we're starting to get real preachy here,
guys. Let's move on. Let's get on with the aliens.
Jesus Christ. I'm saying they never did it, Dave.
I'm saying it never happened. All right, we're
moving on now. Well, the story of Valiant Thor
is a fun story. When you start to pull up the
threads, the whole thing kind of unravels pretty
fast. There are no documents, no photos, no witnesses
from inside the Pentagon, no meeting records,
no logs, nothing. I feel like if a literal alien
diplomat lived in the Pentagon for a full three
years, there would have been some record or security
slip up somewhere, but nothing. That's what they
want you to think. Yeah, nothing's even hinted
at in declassified files, but it is the Pentagon,
so maybe. It could be, like, they didn't have
signal chat back then, so leaks from there. Now
who's preaching, Dave? Now who's preaching? Oh,
mine was 10 seconds. Yours was four minutes.
Okay, I got an idea. I'm going to run for president.
The only reason I want to be president is to
see the government secrets. I'll become president,
and then I'll come on the show, and then I'll
divulge every secret that ever happened, and
we'll find out if Valiant 4 is real. That didn't
work out great for Kennedy, so I don't know if
you want to try that. I'm willing to put my life
on the line to tell you if Valium 4 was real
or not. I support this. I support it too. There's
no evidence that this happened. Then there's
Dr. Frank Stranges himself. While he was a minister
and a UFO lecturer, some of his claims were pretty
sus, the deeper you dig. He said he held top
secret clearance, which, I mean, why? He was
a ufologist and a priest. That makes no sense.
But he also said that he sat in on meetings with
defense officials who... by the time Thor supposedly
arrived, had already been dead for years. And
some of the names he used in his book, like F
.F. Forstall, which is likely a misspelling of
James Forstall, didn't line up with reality.
I'm sorry, how do you misspell James by two Fs?
Well, it's because these kinds of mistakes make
it seem as though he wasn't writing from experience,
but from memory. You know what I mean? Sorry,
I can't remember all the details. We'll just
call him FF because that's such a normal name
that I always see. Yeah. I mean, back then everyone
had initials for their names, dude. That's true.
F. Murray Abraham. Amazing actor. Others who
have come forward to confirm parts of the story,
but those don't hold. Much better. A famous amongst
believers is Harley Andrew Bird. He claimed to
be a Pentagon insider and the nephew of Admiral
Richard Bird, who, for those of you who don't
know, was the dude who claimed he flew into the
hollow Earth through a hole near the North Pole.
Fuck yeah. But his background is murky at best,
and there is zero proof he ever held a government
position. And honestly, he's probably not even
Admiral Bird's nephew, if we're going to get
down to it. No, he's Larry Bird's, like, slow
cousin. And then there's Venus. Even in the 1950s,
astronomers knew Venus was not habitable. Its
surface is a volcanic pressure cooker with a
carbon dioxide atmosphere and clouds of sulfuric
acid. It's about as close to hell as a planet
can get. And Thor's explanation that his people
lived underground to avoid the surface is, sure,
fine. It makes sense and not easy to disprove.
I'll give him some leeway on that claim, even
though it's complete bullshit. How the fuck did
you get to the surface? How the fuck did they
get to the surface to get under it? It's over
time. Also, I want to know. So, okay. You lived
on Venus. Advanced society under the ground.
Not only do you need to come up with a vehicle
that can make it through the extremely toxic
atmosphere of Venus, which you can't really see
because you have to live underground, but then
your ship is going to exit. Venus' very thick,
dangerous atmosphere, and then survive in space.
I'm sorry, that's challenging to me to believe.
What is he, fucking Goku? Like, this is my question
that I have here. The ship is powered by hydrochloric
acid rain. You guys cut out for a second there,
so I have no idea what you ranted about, but
I'm going to go with yeah, hell yeah, dude. Long
story, it was brilliant. When you edit, you'll
figure it out. Okay. But also, there's the story.
I'm just going to move on. You just said okay
as in like when my kid tries to convince me to
let him drink a beer. I'm like, okay, still you
have to wait. But also there's the fact that
the story of Valiant Thor is just a beat for
beat ripoff of the film The Day the Earth Stood
Still, which hit theaters in 1951, six years
before Thor's arrival. In the movie, a human
-looking alien named Klaatu arrives in D .C.,
warns of Earth's self -destruction, and urges
world peace. He even stays under government supervision.
So the similarities aren't subtle by any means.
Klaatu Varada Nikto. Yes. So there's no credible
evidence that Valiant Thor ever existed. At best,
this is a Cold War contact detail told by one
man, expanded by others, and over time morphed
into something closer like modern New Age mythology.
But the story persists. It's been like 70 years
since Thor was said to have shown up in Virginia,
but his name still shows up in UFO documentaries,
blogs, weird new age spiritual guides, and conspiracy
forums. Valiant Thor is more of a symbol now,
more than anything, a symbol that sits somewhere
between alien savior and cosmic therapist, showing
up not to conquer, but to help. So it's kind
of easy, I guess, to see why it stuck around.
For some people, there's something comforting
about the idea that at our lowest moment, someone
was looking out for us. that when we were on
the brink of a full nuclear holocaust, help was
offered. The idea that the universe isn't indifferent,
but involved. Valiant Thor is a part of a long
tradition of stories where the otherworldly shows
up with a message that we already know, we just
don't want to hear it. The message that peace
is possible, but not without sacrifice. Technology
can save us, but not if we stay the same. But
most importantly, if we blow ourselves up, it
won't be because no one warned us. And that's
what makes this story last. Not because it's
true, God no, but because it feels like it should
have been. And that is the story of Valiant Thor.
How we feeling? I'm sad he's not real. Fuck Valiant
Thor. I still love the band, but that... No,
he's a good dude. I just hate everybody who added
on to it and made it fucking worse. Yeah, could
you just leave the story alone? Like, we don't
need to throw crystals into anything, Becky.
I like that. The beginning part wasn't bad, you
know. Dr. Frank -N -Furter. I know that's not
his name, but that's what I'm going to call him.
He just comes off as a fucking weird dude. He's
just a weird dude to me. I'm such a positive
person in real life, but I have negative aspects
on everything. When you die, you just die. I
kind of feel bad for Dr. Frank's though. Dr.
Frank Stranges, excuse me, because he came up
with this cool story and whatever. He was just
trying to... push his own weird fucking pentecostal
agenda but then all these other assholes these
unimaginative fucks were like i'm not smart enough
to come up with something on my own so i'm gonna
steal this crazy story and then make you buy
crystals it's like chiropractor bullshit i think
it was bad yeah but just like you said i felt
like after after the second When the second part
came through, I felt like there was this propaganda
to sell you something or buy into some sort of
New Age religion that's bullshit because then
eventually you'll drink the Kool -Aid and get
on the ship with Xenu. Well, is that not what
all New Ages... Yeah, all New Age religions are
bullshit. It's either a money grab or a cult.
There's no in -between. If you're telling me
you can fix my vibrations, you're a fucking idiot.
All right, so that's it. That's the end of the
episode. We're having some technical difficulties,
so... Better to end it now. Before we sign off,
Debra, do you have anything you want to plug?
Anything you want to talk about before we go?
Yeah, we just dropped a new EP called History
of the World and the intro song's on it for you
guys and then we talk about the time the CIA
faked a vampire attack when Kentucky had a meat
raid incident where it just rained meat in the
1800s when they put animals on trial. The Kentucky
meat showers? You covered that? One of my favorite
fucking stories. we wrote a song about it and
it's my favorite song off the fucking album it's
called the kentucky meat incident i'm i'm very
excited i have a t -shirt that says i survived
the kentucky meat showers yes that's one of my
fucking favorite stories and that is a song and
then the last one is about the people who danced
till they died so like in the 1819 france the
dance yeah yep so we got we covered all those
and then and july 5th we'll be in california
playing a benefit show for cancer so we're gonna
raise money for fight cancer because fuck cancer
Yeah, fuck cancer. Hell yeah, dude. Nice work.
I was going to say, if you guys want me to come
back, please have me back on this fucking show.
I love you guys so much, and I like talking about
weird shit with you dudes. I love you. Hopefully
next time we'll have a better recording set up.
Yeah, there won't be any lag. That's not glitchy
and fucking... All right. Sarge, is there anything
you want to plug before we sign off? Just your
butt, buddy. Okay. All right. All right. If you
want to follow us on Instagram, you can follow
us at Cryptic Cocktail, TikTok, Cryptic Cocktail
Party. I guess real quick, Dipper, where can
they find you guys on the internet? I'm on TikTok
at Dipper Satterfield. Instagram, Dipper Sasquatchfield.
And then follow us at Kill By A Yeti. We're on
all streaming platforms and social media. So
I just use Instagram and TikTok. i make weird
videos oh yeah man i guess with that out of the
way dipper do you want to say goodbye and i love
you to the audience i do uh bye everybody thank
you for listening and i love you with all my
heart all of it i love you so much i'm proud
of everything you've done and i hope you have
a great day thanks for listening