Congregation, please be seated and open your
prayer guides to the book of Revelations, Psalm
69. Welcome to the Christian Cocktail Party,
where faith meets fun, and every conversation
is mixed with a little bit of grace and a whole
lot of love. I'm Brother Sarge. And I'm Brother
Maynard. And we're your hosts for this lively
gathering of believers, seekers, and anyone looking
to explore the beauty of Christianity in a fresh,
casual way. That's right, Father Maynard. Each
week, we'll bring you a spirited discussion,
sometimes deep, sometimes lighthearted, but always
centered around the good news of Jesus and how
it applies to our everyday lives. And don't worry,
we'll have a cocktail ready for every occasion.
whether it's a classic conversation or a modern
twist on faith. So grab your favorite drink,
pull up a chair, and join the party. Let's dive
in. Welcome to Christian Cocktail Party. Okay,
that's enough of that. April Fool's, everyone.
We're still heathens in good standing. Welcome
to Cryptid Cocktail Party. This is a show where
we do not do any research on Jesus because we
prefer to learn about creatures that might actually
exist. With me today... are my best friends and
actual neighbors, Maynard and Laura, because
Dave is on a pilgrimage somewhere learning about
dinosaurs. Maynard, Laura, how are we doing?
Honored to be here and take Dave's place for
that little joke. That was fun. I've never been
called Father Maynard, so that could probably
not be a thing. Father Maynard, you have the
voice for it. So that works. Yes, I could give
a hell of a sermon, I'm sure. Right. And anyone
that might have listened to our very old podcast,
Misguided Musings, you also had the abhorrent
sexual appetite to go with it. Oh, wow. Yeah,
Misguided Musings. There's a name I have not
heard in a long time. Don't search the internet
for that. Yeah, please don't. Yeah. Laura, how
are you doing? I'm doing good. Doing great. It's
been a while since I've been behind a microphone.
It has been. It has been, but it probably won't
be much longer. But we'll get to that. So the
reason I invited you here today is my fellow
Appalachian enthusiast. I figured there was no
better topic to discuss than the deep, dark Appalachia
region and some of the lesser known creatures
who call it home. But first, I thought it would
be appropriate to talk a little bit about the
history of the region of Appalachia. And the
mountains who share the same name. First of all,
there is no wrong way to pronounce Appalachia.
Or Appalachia. The pronunciation really just
depends on how far north or south you are. Exactly,
yeah. So people up north call it Appalachia.
People down south call it Appalachia. And there
was a linguist. who has a YouTube channel whose
name I forget, and I watched like a whole video
on the pronunciation. And essentially, that's
what he said. You know, it's really more of a
regional dialect thing than a pronunciation issue.
So anyway, since they share the name, let's start
there. The word Appalachia is derived from the
Appalachian Native American tribe. Interestingly,
Appalachie... were only found on the panhandle
of Florida. However, Spanish explorers used this
name to define the region and later the mountain
range to the northeast, the Appalachian Mountains.
The Appalachian were affiliated with the Muskegon
language, though that tribe was gone before the
language could be thoroughly studied and classified,
so very little information remains about the
Appalachian tribe. Here's what little we do know
about them. They had kind of established towns
as opposed to being a nomadic people. They had
a dual system of government, like a lot of Native
American tribes where they had a war chief during
times of conflict and a peace chief during times
of tranquility. The leadership of the tribe was
gained through heredity. However, unlike European
kings and queens, the Apalachee tribes, they
determined heredity via matrilineality. I hope
I said that right. That's a really big word.
That was huge. Yeah. Matrilineality. I said it
right. It's a rough one. Or through the lineage
of the mother. That's what it means. Oh, good.
I like that. I think it's pretty cool. One more
satisfying note is that the Apalachee kicked
some serious conquistador ass. The Spanish claim
that the Apalachee arrows were strong enough
to break through chain mail. The natives often
targeted the horses rather than the rider. The
Spanish and Apalachee eventually maintained an
uneasy truce. After the British acquired Florida,
the remaining Apalachee were moved to either
Mexico or Cuba. There are most certainly some
who maintain the Apalachee heritage in the U
.S. today, but there are no recognized tribes.
How are we doing so far? I got it. I learned
a lot today so far. Yeah, yeah. I'm a nerd, so
unfortunately this is what you guys are going
to have to deal with. Now, where is Apalachee?
So the Apalachee region is... rural eastern region
in the United States that is known for its distinct
culture landscape landscape and industry coal
mining and logging this region contains all a
part of the 13 US states so it's all of West
Virginia and then part of Alabama Georgia Kentucky
Maryland Mississippi New York North Carolina
Ohio Pennsylvania South Carolina Tennessee and
Virginia This region was not called Appalachia
until the 1890s. Almost as soon as the region
was identified, journalists started doing what
journalists do best, stoking fear and derision.
So given the relative poverty and isolation of
the people of Appalachia, they became easy targets
for stories about incest, feuds, moonshine, crime,
and superstition. Though this practice has waned
over the decades, old stereotypes linger on.
You might be curious as to why Appalachia has
so much poverty. And, well, in short, it's due
to fucking capitalism, as usual. So the region
was seen as a massive logging camp, essentially,
with a coal mine underneath it. So businesses
came in, bought up all the resources, exploited
the workers, and then fucked off when all the
money dried up. While the residents were left
with pollution, raging coal fires like in Centralia,
and virtually no other sustained industry. so
by the 1960s due to efforts by the appalachian
regional commission appalachia slowly caught
up to the rest of the u .s somewhat but still
lags behind the rest of the country in a number
of economic indicators okay so what about the
mountains well it's interesting because appalachia
was named after the appalachian mountains which
was named by the spanish for a tribe that spent
no time in the mountains The Appalachians are
a range of mountains that run through 16 U .S.
states, Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts,
Connecticut, Rhode Island, Pennsylvania, Maryland,
West Virginia, Virginia, Kentucky, North Carolina,
Tennessee, Georgia, and Alabama. So they run
through three countries, the United States and
Canada, which would make sense, but a third country
is France, strangely enough, but only because
they hold some overseas territorial land south
of Newfoundland. The Appalachians were part of
a larger mountain range called the Central Pangean
Range, making them some of the oldest mountains
in existence. When the supercontinent of Pangea
split up, we kept the Appalachians while the
United Kingdom got the Cairngorm Mountains in
Scotland, the Pennines in England, and Snowdonia
in Wales. The Atlas Mountains in Africa are also
remnants from the Central Pangean Range. Yeah,
it's kind of crazy. I was going to say that the
mountain range in Scotland is exactly the same
as the Appalachian Mountains because they were
once the same thing and they were apart. Yeah,
so when Pangaea split up, it kind of split right
down the middle of the range, so the range kind
of got dragged over to Europe and Africa, which
is just fascinating to me. I never even considered
that, so I love that. So, given their lineage,
the Appalachian Mountains are believed to be
nearly 500 million years old, making them older
than the first trees by 100 million years and
close to the same age as the earliest shark species.
So, while not the oldest mountains in existence,
they're pretty close. Okay, so why is all this
relevant? Why did I make you listen to all that?
Well, because I'm incapable of telling a story
without knowing as much as I can, and now you
have to suffer. Consider yourselves lucky that
I remembered that this is supposed to be a 30
-minute podcast while I was writing this. What
do you think so far? You did a good job. And
we're used, we're used to your dumping knowledge
on us. So that's why we sit quietly and we wait
until it's our turn. So no, but it's really interesting.
It's a painful addiction that I, I'm compelled
to dump as much information as possible. But
it's just, I, I was like thinking to myself as
I'm like looking up stories from the Appalachia
area and I'm like, Why do they call it this?
And then that sent me down a whole landslide
where I just couldn't stop myself. You're like,
well, I can't leave this out. Well, I did learn
something. I didn't know the whole Pangea thing
and how the mountains were the same. So that
was really interesting. Yeah. I learned something.
It's really cool. Weirdly enough, I also discovered
that the Blue Ridge Mountains are actually older.
They're about like 1 .5 billion years old. Wow.
Wow. Yeah, weird, right? Because I was like,
well, where do the Appalachian Mountains stack
up versus the other mountain ranges in terms
of age? And we're not even in the top 10. That's
crazy. Yeah. Okay, so now if you've been watching
Instagram Reels lately, you already know how
ubiquitous the haunting folklore of Appalachia
has become. Between cryptids, ghosts, and disembodied
whistles, these old -ass mountains are teeming
with spooky shit. In our last episode, we covered
the Appalachian phenomena of the not -deer. But
there are a lot of lesser -known creatures, and
we're going to cover a few of them today. Starting
off with haints. That's H -A -I -N -T -S. Haints.
Have you guys ever heard of this? No, I haint.
It sounds like a disease. It sounds like a skin
rash. I got the haint. I got a mean case of the
haint. I feel like we could rename it. The haint
sounds like you have a heat rash on your taint.
No, there you go. Sounds like a cousin of the
gout. I'm glad that we could go in that direction
on this podcast. Oh, yeah. No, this podcast is
no different. You know, I got a little thrown
off at the beginning there, and I'm just like,
oh, I'm not going to say anything. No, we have
no language standards. We can say what we want
here. So it is believed that the term haint originates
from the Gulagichi people. Have you guys heard
of these people? Gulagichi? Yeah, these guys,
these are fascinating people. This is another
rabbit hole I went down that I had to restrict
myself to like one paragraph on. The Gulagichi
people are a group of people who are descendants
from slaves from Angola. And largely just Central
Africa in general, but apparently predominantly
Angola. These people are especially unique because
they lived in relative isolation from white people
on rural plantations, thus maintaining a lot
of Central African cultural customs. Their language
is known as Geechee, a form of Creole, and you
can learn a lot more about these folks by searching
their name, but a lot of my information came
from the Gulagichi Corridor website. So that's
Gulagichi Corridor. If you search that and Google
their website, it's like one of the first ones
that come up. Okay, so now that we've talked
about their name, let's talk about what they
are. According to folklore, a haint is a malevolent
spirit of ghosts. They are thought to bring harm
or misfortune, according to literally every source
I checked, based on the information that I found.
A haint doesn't really have a particular description.
Much like the concept of ghosts, haints seem
to take many forms, and they're likely more characterized
by the effect that they have on future events,
rather than the form that they take when they
appear. So to paraphrase in the immortal words
of Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart, I don't
know what a haint is, but I'll know it when I
experience some bad luck three days later. Oh,
interesting. Okay. Yeah. So one website called
The Mountain Laurel contained a story that was
passed down, and I figured this was an excellent
way to illustrate my point. This comes from,
the story comes from Thomas Jeff Willis, who
lived in the foothills in a place called Willis
Gap in Kentucky. And this is a direct quote from
Tom's grandson, Glenn Worrell. Jeff was up in
the mountain. He saw a man on the bank. The man
was acting strangely and trying to scare him.
As the man came toward him, Jeff thought this
was his brother, Ellis. So Jeff told him, stop
or I'll shoot. To his brother. Which isn't really
helping the reputation that the Appalachian people
have gotten. I'm going to shoot my brother. That
was my brother. Stop or I'll shoot. Yeah, the
man didn't stop, so Jeff drew his gun and shot
up in the air. When the shot rang out, the man
disappeared into thin air. Jeff went home again,
scared terribly. When he got there, his brother
Ellis was asleep in bed. So Jeff woke him and
asked him why he was trying to scare him, and
Ellis said he didn't know what Jeff was talking
about. Three days later, Ellis took sick and
all of a sudden died. Whoa. Crazy, right? So
that's kind of the vibe we're getting from haints,
apparently, is that they're kind of an omen.
So they've often been referred to as just southern
ghosts, but if you're familiar with ghost stories
from the south, these stories don't really end
up with future calamities. If anything, a haint
seems closer to a banshee in that encounter because
it often leads to misfortune. Much like if you
hear a banshee's call, a family member is likely
to pass away. Yikes. What does a banshee sound
like? Is it screeching? I think it's wailing,
isn't it? Is it wailing? Yeah, I'm pretty sure
it's wailing. I could be wrong, but I think banshees
kind of howl and wail like they're crying, which
is similar. I think we talked about it in the
La Llorona episode where we talked about women
in white crying. Oh, that's right. Yeah, and
near water. No, I was just thinking of all the
conservation land behind our house. In the summer,
we hear lots of... Last summer, it was fisher
cats, so now I'm kind of scared. Yeah, right?
So it's interesting that you mentioned water
because according to the folklore, haints are
afraid of water. Oh, interesting. Yeah, and this
is so well known that houses have doors, window
shutters, and even porches painted blue to confuse
the haints. Oh, I love that. To keep them out
of the house. Yeah. This is so common that...
that the paint company Sherwin -Williams even
created a paint color called Haint Blue. Seriously?
Really? Yeah, it's like a really light, kind
of pretty periwinkle blue color. Oh my gosh.
And I guess in South Carolina, you'll see a lot
of houses, especially in like Charlestown, that
have that like light blue color. You're looking
it up? Yeah, I'm looking it up. Yeah, you'll
see it's really, really pretty. Well, I'm a designer
and I went to art school, so anything about color
and... histories of color is really cool. Yeah.
What you'll see is you'll see like porches trimmed
in it. And then the ceilings of the porches are
painted in that blue color. Yeah. And then the
window shutters, the doors, and I forget what
else, but yeah, really, really pretty kind of
a cool idea. I love that, that, that style kind
of created a, or I'm sorry, that folklore created
a style. I think that's really interesting. Very
cool. All right. So, uh, what do you guys think?
Haints? Like if we think like, do we believe
in them or are they possible? Do we think are
they possible? Oh, I think for sure. Yeah, I
think for sure. You know, especially, you know,
if it's an omen, you know, just the rich historical,
you know, very, you know, the culture of the
people of Appalachia. Yeah. The folklore kind
of around the world also ties into that. When
we talk about La Llorona and we talk about Banshees.
And ladies in white and other cultures, I think
a haint is just another version of that. Mm -hmm.
For sure. I also love the entomology of the word.
Did I say that right? Etymology or entomology?
I messed it up. We got you. We got you. You smell
what I'm stepping in. So apparently haint is
believed to be a Creole version because that's
what the Gullah Geechee speak is like a form
of Creole. Apparently, haint is their version
of the word haunt. But back then, a haunt was
some malevolent spirit, not just what they did.
So it was a noun and a verb. Yeah. It's a weird
word still. It is a weird word. I think, you
know, I hear haint and I think saint. So like
a hateful saint. I don't know. That's kind of
weird. That was my immediate. A vengeful saint.
I'm like a saint that used to be good but now
is bad and knows all. I don't know. But haunt
and haint, yeah, especially with the accents,
you know, different regional accents. It's like
a saint to turn heel. It's just a guy in a robe,
but he's also got devil horns. All right. So
what was interesting about this is I heard about
haints. All I could really find was a lot of
people talking about the fact that they exist,
but no one really had a lot of great stories
about it. So I was like Googling and Googling.
And that's when I came across our next creature.
It's called the white fang. Fang? Fang. So the
white, T -H -A -N -G, fang. That sounds like
something you'd buy at a convenience store in
a rural Alabama. It's got like 20 % alcohol,
malt liquor. Really strong liquor. It's like
a popsicle that you get, like one of those alcoholic
popsicles. Oh. It's just got lightning bolts
on it. It's like white cherry flavor. White cherry
lightning flavor. It's the best one. It's just
moonshine and gasoline. There you go. All right.
So according to who you talk to, the white fang
is either a species of Sasquatch or a totally
different creature. Some have described it as
walking on all fours, while others say it walks
upright. The most consistent description, much
like the modern Republican Party, this thing
is just very white. I couldn't resist. Sightings
of the White Fang go back to the early 1900s
and are mostly isolated to Tennessee and Alabama.
However, according to Leslie Morgan from the
radio station WRKQ, the White Fang has been spotted
in a place called Hainton Holler. Hainton Holler?
Is it a town? It's really like a test of my ability
to pronounce regional dialects in places I'm
not from. So it's Hainton. I'm guessing it should
be Hainting, which would be haunting if you went
all the way through it. Hainton Holler in Kentucky.
Okay. So look at that. Haints found their way
into this one, too. Hainton Holler is an area
off Kentucky Highway 3115 in Cumberland County,
and it seems to be very similar to the Bridgewater
Triangle. Oh, we know that. Yeah, trademarked
by Lauren Coleman. Don't sue me. But yes, the
Bridgewater Triangle. People have reported seeing
strange lights, headless horsemen, a Native American
woman walking with a white trapper for some reason.
And of course, the White Fang. In Hate and Holler,
every time I say the White Fang, I'm expecting
there to be like just a guitar riff. So in Hate
and Holler, the White Fang apparently walks on
all fours. has a haunting scream, and climbs
trees. Like the white thang in Alabama and Tennessee,
some people say white thang walks upright sometimes,
too. Physical descriptions vary across accounts,
with some people saying that white thang doesn't
have eyes or ears. Others say it's basically
just an albino bigfoot standing at about six
foot nine inches with red eyes. Oh. Yeah. So
it's like if an albino bunny rabbit turned into
a gorilla. Is it... Wait, it's gorilla size?
Yeah, it's like six foot... Well, no, it's bigger
than a gorilla because it's like six foot nine.
It sounds like Grandpa got, you know, a hold
of moonshine and went running in the woods. I
don't think that's a... He's just old and hairy,
man. Don't worry about it. What's that white
thing over there? That's just Grandpa. He just
wants to play some basketball. No, other... He's
six foot nine, so... It's just Grandpa. He's
got a mean hook shot. He's just throwing down.
So some people have jumped onto the trend of
associating Bigfoot with aliens by saying that
White Fang is an alien hybrid because strange
lights appear near White Fang's sightings and
they disappear at the same time. Almost everyone
agrees that White Fang doesn't attack people,
but his scream is actually what scares people.
Can you imagine if Bigfoot saw aliens before
we did? Maybe Bigfoot and aliens existed independent
of each other. and just decided to team up they're
like hey you're blurry on film we're blurry on
film let's work together they don't believe we
exist let's show them exactly so what do you
think albino sasquatch alien hybrid or its own
thing i want it to be an alien hybrid but it's
probably its own thing i'm sticking with grandpa
i think it's driving i really like the grandpa
idea that it's just this super tall old man with
white body hair Yeah, he's just like a hairy
old, you know, yeah. And when he gets enough
moonshine in him, he climbs trees. Yeah, and
I'm sure his eyes get red and bloodshot and probably
spouts off a bunch of gibberish. You're like,
all right, Grandpa, just stay outside tonight.
You need to cool off. Well, yeah, I mean, have
you ever seen like old people who kind of have
like red around their eyes? Yeah, like old crotchety.
You're just like, all right. Yeah, he's just
grumpy. It's a thing. It's like not like he's
all skin and bones now and hair. Oh, there is
one thing. So almost everyone agrees that White
Fang doesn't attack. It's not a violent creature.
But its scream is what scares people. So maybe
Grandpa's also just, like, hard of hearing? Yeah,
it's true. What? I don't want to come home. What?
I'm sleeping out here. Okay, so we have talked
about White Fang. We've talked about Haint's.
Now we're going to get into my personal favorite,
Mimics. So this thing is all the rage. Yeah,
Mimics. Okay. This thing is all the rage on Instagram.
You can't watch Reels. Oh, it's all the rage,
huh? Yeah, you can't watch Reels without it.
Oh, you can't watch the Reels, huh? What's happening
right now? I'm mimicking you. Wow, okay, never
mind, sorry. I am so slow. Okay, so not to be
confused with the Native American Wendigo, which
is its own... separate entity the appellation
mimic is harder to describe none of the sources
i encountered described its physicality but all
of them describe the encounters mimics apparently
replicate all kinds of sounds from running water
laughter and even the voices of loved ones I
found a cool story from a TikTok. A woman named
Jen and her husband went camping with their dog
in a remote area. This was as told by Distractify.
I tried to click on the TikTok video, wouldn't
let me watch it. So Distractify picked up the
story and published it. Jen and her husband were
camping with their dog in a remote area, which
is typical for the Appalachia area. They expected
primitive and private conditions, and that's
what they got. However, Jen explains in the TikTok
video she didn't expect to cut the trip so early.
They sped away the same day they arrived at their
site, and here's why. Her husband was cooking
at their campsite, and she walked into the woods
to make poopies. Well, it says go to the bathroom,
but I'm guessing she was just going to fire one
out real quick. Well, it's campfire food, so.
Yeah, she's going to make room. It's fine. It's
difficult. But that's when the mimic started.
It's actually when she's going to the bathroom.
Jen says in the video that when she was in the
woods, she heard meow, meow, which is an inside
joke that she and her husband sometimes say to
each other, I guess. When she turned around,
no one was there, and she says it couldn't have
been her husband playing the prank on her. It
doesn't say why it couldn't have been him, but
that's what she said. But I'm guessing she probably
ran pretty far away because she had to make poops,
so that's why it couldn't have been him. She's
not going to want to talk about that. This is
a quote from Jen. So it's his voice saying our
thing, but it's like a really monotone voice.
Jen explains in the video. But it was so loud,
it was directly behind me. In order for me to
hear my husband, he's over there by the campsite,
he would have had to yell. After she explained
the situation to her husband, they decided to
pack up and leave. And this is the extra creepy
part. Jen said in the video that they packed
up their gear to leave and then heard something
in the woods. surrounding them, like kind of
circling around them. Yeah. And there certainly
wasn't an animal, Jen says, and when her back
was turned helping the dog into the car, when
they finally got to the car, she heard something
or someone run really fast up behind her and
stop short right before it reached her. When
she turned around, nothing was there. Crazy,
right? Yeah, that last part's crazy. Yeah. So
I'm not normally somebody who just kind of blindly
believes these stories. But as someone who's
spent a lot of time in these woods, not necessarily
in the Appalachia region, I've only camped there
a few times, but just spent time in the Appalachian
Range, it's not the weirdest story I've ever
heard from someone who's gone camping. No, it
isn't. I've also spent a lot of time up there.
I think the most time I spent was a day and a
half by myself without seeing anybody. in the
middle of the woods, and you do hear things.
Yeah, yeah, you absolutely do. Because it's so
quiet, because, you know, there's no, like, sounds
of civilization. I think your brain just can't
process, you know, the sound of nature. Right.
And so you're kind of thrown off, and you start
to hear things, like water will sound different,
bugs will sound louder. Right. That kind of stuff,
so. And sometimes when you hear water, you think
it's, like, right there, and it turns out that
it's much further out. Yep. Especially water,
it could sound like voices. It could sound like
animals, depending on what it's hitting, like
if it's a waterfall. Right. Yeah, even like an
animal, like a squirrel walking in the leaves
of the woods. And when you're talking to people
who are with you, even that can be distorted
a little bit. The sound is really muffled. You
hear all kinds of stuff. So that part doesn't
surprise me too much. However, I've also talked
to a lot of very... Uh, no -nonsense people,
people who don't bullshit. You know, people who
don't, who've never told me a ghost story before.
Even those people have told me similar type stories
being in the woods. Hearing just really strange
things that nobody hears when they're out in
the woods. I find these mimic stories to be a
little bit more compelling. But now we're going
to talk about some stuff that I think is just
outright bullshit. So get ready. There is a lot
of these fucking videos on Instagram. We've got
reels and reels of people of this, particularly
this one woman. I'm not going to say her name
because I don't want to shutter her account because
she's an asshole. Because she says some of the
dumbest shit I've ever heard in my life. And
she has these videos, which would be creepy if
I didn't know this area kind of well. She's got
people who are in like houses or in like apartments.
And she calls it Appalachia. And like, yeah,
OK, people do live out in these places. But like.
It's the woods that are creepy. It's not your
house, you fucking weirdos. Well, I don't know,
but yeah. It depends on the house. She has this
one video where it's a dog that comes up to the
window on their house and is scratching on the
window. Not a window, a glass door. And the dog's
scratching on the glass door, and they're like,
but my dog is in the house. And it's like, well,
okay, dummy, maybe you left a fucking window
open. If that looks like your dog... and your
dog is not sitting in the camera shot like prove
to me that that's not your dog trying to break
into the house like maybe it's your neighbor's
dog and you're just a dumb bastard but some of
the other videos that i so i talked about that
video a little bit on my last episode but what
i didn't talk about were the videos they have
of people knocking on doors and saying creepy
shit and so it's it's supposed to be like the
voice of a loved one or the voice of a friend,
because that's what these mimics supposedly do
is they, you know, obviously mimic people in
your life. That's why this story kind of rung
out to me, the first story I talked about, because
that's exactly what mimics are supposed to do.
We don't know what they are, we don't know what
they do, but we do know that, you know, one of
the ways they kind of get you is by mimicking
the voice of a loved one. But these videos are
super creepy because, you know, it's someone
kind of like, I don't want to say aggressively
knocking, but rapidly knocking on the door. If
you know what I mean, like they're not pounding
on it, but they're knocking really fast. And
then they're just saying kind of the same thing
over and over again. Like, you know, come on,
Beth, it's me. Open the door or something like
that. But the problem that I'm having with these
videos that I'm watching on Instagram is like,
why are you posting this video on Instagram and
not say giving it to the police? Like we you
might that might be, you know, a mimic or it
could be like your messed up neighbor. That's
the first thing I would think is somebody trying
to trespass. It's somebody who's on drugs who
wants to come in and rob me. And that's scary.
That's still fucking scary. But to say shotgun
and you go up to the door, you don't grab your
cell phone and take a freaking video. That's
what I would do. Exactly. Or you take that video
and then you call the police so that you have
evidence when the police get there. Right. I
don't know. These videos annoy the shit out of
me. And this woman always says, don't go into
Appalachia at night by yourself. And I'm like,
fuck you. I have lived here my whole life. I
have never been scared to go into the woods at
night. In fact, knowing all the creepy shit that
I know about the woods that I cannot explain,
I would still rather go into the woods at night
than say Boston at night. It's true. Yeah. Yeah.
Honestly. Or Springfield, Massachusetts at night.
You know, there's no other people in there except
other crazy people who want to be in the woods.
And they're just like you. Yeah. Like having
no people around. It's so rare for there to be
actual criminals in the woods committing crimes
like they would be in like like the Blue Hills
area of Massachusetts where, you know, you can
walk for a mile in any direction and hit civilization.
Exactly. But nobody's going to the fucking Alpine
zone of the White Mountains to commit a crime.
No, it's just it's just a bunch of hippies that
are high on weed enjoying the stars. Be like,
dude, look at this. So great. Also, people on
the Appalachian Trail, if they happen to come
across someone being like hurt, I would be much
more worried for the criminal at that point because
no one protects their own like hikers. Exactly.
So don't be afraid of going hiking at night.
Just be smart about it. If you're good at hiking
and you have experience, you're fine. Don't listen
to people who say, don't go in there. There might
be a mimic. The mimic's probably just high. I
think I've only actually been scared of hiking
at night once. And it was this past year. And
it was out in Arizona. Because I saw two tarantulas.
Oh, yeah. No, that's scary as fuck. No, thank
you. And I was like, oh. I'm like, what is that?
And I got really close, like this close. I'm
like, holy fuck. I didn't mean to swear, but
yeah. You can swear all you want. I swear all
the time. Two tarantulas. And I walked maybe
about a half mile. I'm like, I'm going to go
back now. Yeah, I'd be fucking terrified of the
bugs out hiking in the west. Hiking out here,
yeah, we got like brown recluse. They're pretty
scary, but they don't want anything to do with
you. They're going to hide from you. We got rattlesnakes.
Yeah, rattlesnakes. I was like, I think these
belong in Petco in the cage. Yeah, and fisher
cats are just little guys. They sound scary,
but they don't want anything to do with you.
i don't really think that we have any animals
that you necessarily need to be afraid of unless
they're rabid in that case yeah yeah of course
or you're a toddler in which case you want to
avoid coyotes and like turkey yeah if they can
pick you up then yeah you should be scared so
anyway so i know what like i've debunked or not
debunked but i know that i've like cast a lot
of shade on mimics this is the one thing that
like kind of rings true for me I'm not necessarily
somebody who would completely dispel somebody
saying they encountered a mimic in the woods
because I've heard enough stories from people
who hike in these mountains all the time that
they've either experienced like what you said,
Laura, like some kind of weird just sound anomaly
or something else maybe. What do you think, Maynard?
I'm agreeing with you with kind of along the
lines of what you said. I think, you know, it's
happened enough where... If I went into the woods,
I might not be surprised if it happened, and
I wouldn't have any explanation for it. But at
the same time, I also wouldn't be immediately
terrified. Could it also be something where,
because of the environment that you're in, being
so isolated and not having sound around you and
everything, where it's something that you're...
brain does to you? Well, that's what Laura was
saying. Oh, of course, yeah. I've experienced
that. I just mean in general, like, kind of like
sensory deprivation, like that sort of stuff.
That's exactly what it is. Absolutely, yeah.
And I have experienced that. I've gone on hikes
where I haven't... Yeah. I've gone on hikes where
I haven't seen anybody. And so you... It's not
like a full -blown hallucination, but you certainly
hear things that you realize couldn't possibly
be there. But also the echoes are weird because
just the shape of the mountains are weird. Yeah,
I mean, there's echoes, but there's also, you
know, you're so used to the static and the energy
of, like, civilization. And when you're out there,
it's not there. And when it's really quiet, like,
you get that buzz in your ears. You know when
it's really quiet? Yeah. Your ears kind of sort
of make that sound, that vibration. It's like
you even get that. So it's just, who knows what
you hear out there. And there's a lot of critters.
There's a lot of critters out there, too. Oh,
absolutely. Black bears and things like that.
And there's a lot of animals that make weird
noises. Yeah, so for that one story where she
heard something running up behind her, those
animals, like when you're out in the woods, they
actually, they're like, oh, look, there's a trail.
It's not just for people. Yeah. The animals are
like, oh, look, I don't have to go through all
the brush. I can just walk down this trail. Yeah,
I've absolutely experienced that, too. People
see moose do that all the time. Up in the White
Mountains, it's moose. There's stories about
it all the time. Like, oh, there's a moose behind
me. And people would have to stay off the trail
for half an hour until the moose decided to move
on. And with all the leaf litter on the ground,
because we don't really allow forest fires in...
I don't mean to say that people are allowing
forest fires, but as human beings, we do a lot
to avoid forest fires. So leaf litter tends to
collect a lot more in our forests than they did,
let's say, 200 years ago. So... When you hear
an animal, a small animal coming towards you,
it doesn't sound like a small animal because
it's kicking up a shitload of leaves. Oh, squirrels
are so loud. A squirrel. Yes. They are loud out
there. But then you'll also hear things like
a beaver slapping its tail on the water. Like,
that's fucking loud. Mm -hmm. Because there's
nothing else to drown out the noise. And woodpeckers
and, yeah, everything. Oh, yeah, the woodpeckers
too. Holy shit. So, but... But regardless, I've
had enough experiences in the woods where I know
I couldn't possibly say, no, this has never happened.
It never will happen. Whatever. Let's face it.
The Appalachian Mountains are fucking creepy.
They just are. They're old and creepy. Yep. But
that's the whole point. That's just grandpa getting
in his cuffs. That's probably my favorite of
the evening. I don't know if we're done yet,
but that's my favorite for the evening is the
white thing. No, we are done. We are done. We've
run the gamut of hates. That's so fun. White
Fang and Mimics. White Fang. I think my personal
favorite are the Mimics just for the craziness
of it and the relatability. But White Fang, I
mean, the idea of Grandpa just going out and
walking in the woods and everybody just thinking
it's a fucking monster is amazing to me. Oh,
it's Grandpa. No, it'd be interesting, like,
you know, for White Fang, if you had a cocktail
made out of, like, Make a cocktail recipe called
the white thing, but start with a white claw.
And then see what it would be, like white claw
plus what to make a white thing. A white claw
with a chilled shot of Sambuca, because chilled
Sambuca turns that milky white color. Oh, does
it? Yeah. Interesting. Yeah, I learned that when
I was bartending. That tastes a little odd. Yeah,
it would probably taste a little weird, but it's
worth it. You get your wasted. I don't drink
Sambuca anymore because of the one time I drank
too much of it. It's always because of the one
time with that stuff. Yeah. With a liqueur, there's
always a one time, and you'll never go back.
But anyway, that's our story. I love it. I'm
looking for more stuff. I actually just kind
of found a couple more things that I'd like to
talk about, too. So the next time Dave goes on
vacation, we're going to run wild with Appalachia.
This is normally the part of the show where we
say, does anybody have anything they'd like to
promote? So, anything you guys got? Look, I think
the three of us are going to get back together
very soon for some Citizen's Guide to the Supernormal
episodes. I have already started researching,
so yes, yes we are. Oh, good. Yes, I know you
said you had some wonderful ideas, so... I do.
We're going to cover some crazy government conspiracies.
Boy, oh boy. Like old school. Like old ones,
right? Not now. No, like we're going to talk
about 1960s stuff. We're going to talk about
fun, quaint conspiracies. Okay, yeah. Not things
that are actually happening now that the government
is lying about. Yeah, because I get enough of
that in my day -to -day, so I'd like to have
a change of pace. Let's go back in time. No,
we're going to go back to the wet and wild 50s,
60s, and 70s to talk about... Oh, so much stuff
back then. I don't want to give it away. No,
don't. You'll just have to listen, but I'm very
excited about what we've got coming up. Oh, cool.
All right. Yeah, the Citizen's Guide to the Supernormal.
Go check us out. Yeah, we have a lot of fun.
I can't wait. And now I'd be remiss if I didn't
talk about my sponsor, Narragansett. You beautiful
bastards. Yes. I couldn't wait anymore. I had
to break out the Del Shandy from Narragansett.
Oh, wow. So goddamn good. And weirdly enough,
you know how a lot of shandies kind of skimp
on the alcohol content? Yeah. This is 4 .7, which
is pretty good for a shandy. Normally a shandy
is between like 3 .5 and like 4. Oh, okay. Yeah,
they go legit half and half, but that one's...
Yeah, it tastes really good. It's really clean.
You can't go wrong with Dells. Yeah. But it's
Narragansett. Yeah, absolutely. That's kind of
interesting. That's a nice partnership. I like
that. Yeah, I love them. I had the Music City
one recently. Is that the Music City? That's
what it was, the IPA. Oh, yeah, yeah. Music City,
really good. Kind of hard to find up in Mass,
but definitely all over the place in Rhode Island.
That's where we were. Yeah, that makes sense.
That's where we were. We're in Rhode Island.
Yeah. Yeah, so if you got Narragansett near you,
you should grab it. It's a good domestic. I love
it. Also, Killed by a Yeti. Wow. Yeah. That's
the band, right? That's the band. They're the
ones who did our soundtrack. I'm sorry, not our
soundtrack, our theme song, our opening theme
song. Oh, that's awesome. And that's a great
shirt. Can you show it again? Yeah. Oh, that's
a cool graphic. I love that. Yeah, it's really
cool. They've got some really cool shirts here.
Check out their Instagram, Killed by a Yeti.
And then check out our Instagram at Cryptid Cocktail
Party. Find us. There's a link there that has
all of our socials and everything. And I think
that's all I got. So this is the other part of
the show where normally I would say how much
I love the audience. But if you guys would like
to, say I love you and goodbye to the audience.
Goodbye, audience. It was fun to be here, and
thank you for having us. And I love you. Yes,
you have to tell the audience you love it. I
love you so much. Love you guys. Is there a lot
of them? I love every single one of you. There
should be a good amount at this point. I don't
know how many, but I'm sure there's quite a few.
We're getting there.