Hey everybody.
Welcome back to another episode of cryptic cocktail party.
We have a few drinks, share a few laughs, take a dive into the unknown.
I'm your host Dave.
Joined as always by my wonderful cohost Sarge.
How you doing Sarge?
Woo.
The whales versus Vancouver.
You seem distracted.
Jeremy we told somebody that you were coming on and they immediately gave us a quote from
the wrong person from all rats.
That's hilarious.
That's a, yeah, that's not, that wasn't me, but it's still a funny, funny line.
It's still a funny line.
It's the same movie.
So you're in the ballpark.
Yeah.
And you're in the scene at least.
Just don't call me Brendan Fraser and we're good.
Yeah.
And I'll make sure not to, not to use any Ben Affleck quotes.
So the other voice you're hearing, if you don't already know is Jeremy London.
What's going on man?
What's up kids?
What's up boys and girls?
Early, early day drinkers.
Yeah.
Well, I mean it's Sunday.
I won't be imbibing.
I don't drink, but I, yeah, I, I would thoroughly enjoy watching you guys.
Just go downhill.
Methodically.
It is a slow kind of curve.
Yeah.
Watch you just start like a little bit of a slurring.
Yeah.
It's not gonna start to fall asleep eventually, but yeah, I tend to do that to people anyway.
So, oh, there you go.
We're in a, we're in new England.
Well, I'm in new England.
Dave's not, Dave's in Pennsylvania, but up here we're expecting some snow.
So the way you prepare for snow is everyone goes to Walmart and buys bread and milk for
no reason.
Yeah.
Because you don't like, you buy milk even when you don't usually buy milk.
I don't know why people do it.
Well, it's like toilet paper for, you know, when there was a pandemic or any other kind
of scary enough people straight go for the toilet paper.
It's the creepiest, weirdest thing ever.
Milk and I gotta say milk and bread makes more sense than toilet.
Right, right.
Because you can use, you can use bread as toilet paper if you ask.
Yes, exactly.
That's what I'm saying.
You can't eat toilet paper.
Exactly.
You can't eat toilet paper.
Right.
It is not recommended.
Right.
It's like there's food and beer, but there's no beer and food.
Yeah.
Well, no.
So after you, after you, you buy all of your supplies, you go to the Packy, which is what
we call a liquor store.
And then you buy as much alcohol as you can carry.
And then you just start drinking and you stop drinking when the storm ends.
I think that's a thoroughly irresponsible decision.
Sensible thing, sensible thing to do if, you know, you don't, you don't, you don't want
to be present during any of it, but you know, I get it.
I get it.
I mean, you will go outside in the middle of the night to shovel while drunk.
Well, you know, it makes you tough.
It makes you.
Yeah, exactly.
All right, gentlemen, I think I got a pretty good story for you guys today.
Jeremy, are you are you like a cryptids aliens conspiracy kind of guy?
Like, is that something you dive into?
Yes.
You know, George Yosoukalis has actually become a friend of mine.
You know, yes and no.
I have seen things, though, you know, I really have, man.
I've seen ghosts and I saw what can only be described as a UFORUAP because it's nothing
I've ever seen or could even describe.
But I've experienced some things you and I briefly talked about that on the Citizens
Guide episode we did.
Yeah.
So there's something else there, not to mention you look up in the stars and how can we possibly
not?
How can we possibly the only ones here now as far as cryptids on the you know, the Big
Foot and all that stuff, I feel like we would have found that by now.
I just feel like we would have found it.
You know, bones or something.
That's actually the standing position of the show is that Big Foot doesn't.
Bigfoot's not.
It's just not.
We can hunt down the most like, you know, like exotic animal on this planet.
Go to the middle of the middle of the fucking, you know, South American rainforest and find,
you know, some little monkey that's like this big, you know, but you can't find a giant
monkey in the United States where we don't really have monkeys that run along.
It's aliens.
Aliens drop them for covert missions and then they come back and pick them up.
Obviously.
They could they could also be interdimensional too.
So don't forget that one.
They're all like Chewbacca.
Exactly.
They come down with a weird looking crossbow.
I would like to think that all of the Big Feets out there, whatever you call them, all
have spaceships and that they fly them really well and that they're actually the pilots
of them.
That that would be a much more entertaining story.
And they wear cloaking devices.
So that's why all their pictures are blurry.
There's just as much a likelihood of this being true as there is of there actually being
a Big Foot on this planet.
You're 100%.
Yeah, we would have found it.
But we still talk about it because it's weird.
I love it.
These people are weird.
Luckily today we're not we're not going to be talking about cryptids.
I actually chose something a little bit stranger than that.
So today we're going to be going to Hokkaido, Japan, specifically the city of Katami, which
when translated into English means seeing abundant joy, which I really like.
I think that's cute.
Cute name for a town.
I like that.
Yeah.
I also like that Japan has mascots for everything.
You do.
They don't have a mascot for this because it would be fucking nightmarish.
But Japan has great Japan has some really good eerie like there's some crazy eerie things
over in Japan, though.
They really do.
Like, yeah.
So this is going to be good.
I'm looking forward to this.
It better be good.
I promise it will be.
No pressure.
Katami is also known for its yearly ice flows.
It produces an abundance of peppermint candies that it's well known for.
It's also well known for the sport of curling, which I fucking love.
Like that sport is top notch.
I love curling.
I don't fully understand it, but for some reason, it's like super hypnotic to watch.
Like just that the fucking.
Oh, yeah.
The brush.
I don't know either, but it makes me so happy to watch him do it because to me, there's
nothing more Canadian than vigorously cleaning ice.
You're not wrong.
It's definitely a pastime.
Well, if you go like, you know, now like that equipment they use actually kind of makes
sense when you see it.
But like if you go back like 20 years and see what they were using, they were like literally
using like straw brooms.
They're like, yeah, I'm like, how is that actually doing anything?
They just had a Wolverine tied to a stick.
Pretty much.
All right, Japan.
So where are we again in Japan?
We're in Katami, the city of Katami.
Now, well, all these seem like super awesome things to be known for.
There's something else that Katami can call its own, and that is that it is home to and
I have said this several times on the show, but this time I really mean it.
One of the wildest alien abduction stories that we have ever covered.
Like it's kind of gross.
It's weird.
Has some crazy twists and turns.
So are you guys ready to dive into it?
I would expect nothing less from a country that has vending machines full of used women's
underwear.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Yeah, no, it's gotta be twisted.
I mean, my brother went to Japan and he said that like on every subway, all of the older
men are just sitting there on their phones watching porn in public on the subway.
Like that's just, they're very dressed, nice, very polite, very, but they're all watching
porn anyway.
See, that's the same thing that you would find anywhere on the MBTA, but except for
the dress nice part.
Yeah.
It's a guy wearing basketball shorts and like a Adidas track jacket.
Yeah.
These guys got the, they look like businessmen, you know, and they are probably, they're just,
that's, I guess it's just weird.
Anyway, so I digress again.
Sorry.
All right.
So in the year of our Lord, 1974, a 28 year old vegetable farmer, Yoshiro Fujiwara, which
I'm just going to call Yoshi from now on, cause that is an aggressive babe to try and
say over and over again.
He was just living his life.
He spent his days tending his crops and his nights resting up to spend another day tending
to his crops.
He's like a real blue collar kind of guy.
And like, he didn't give into like flights of fancy.
He doesn't really believe in ghosts or aliens or you know, monsters, anything like that,
just real salt of the earth kind of guy.
But on April 6th of that year in the early hours of the morning, that all changed.
So at around 3 a.m. Yoshi's dog started barking uncontrollably.
So before Yoshi even had a chance to try and like calm his dog down, there was a loud pounding
on his front door, exhausted and probably super pissed.
Like now that he has to get up, he goes and opens the door to see what's causing all the
ruckus.
And when he opens the door, he's ready, pretty much ready to give whoever was out there just
a piece of his mind, like, fuck you.
Why you at my house?
But what greeted him wasn't a neighbor or the cops or even a human standing on his doorstep
was a creature whose appearance could only be described as, quote unquote, defying logic.
It was it was roughly they were polite and they rung the bell.
And so they get some credit right off the top.
Are they not?
They not.
They knocked.
But what happens next?
They don't deserve anything.
So it was it was roughly three feet tall and is wearing what seemed to be like a clear
vinyl suit.
You know, those clear raincoats that you could see through kind of wearing something like
that.
His head was bulbous and octopus like with downward slanting eyes, a wide grinning mouth
and a single V shaped slit where its nostrils should be.
I hate all of us.
Yeah, it's one of the grays.
No, it's worse.
It stood on what I guess two legs.
I get pretty much what it is is its torso.
If you can call it that, it's just like a fleshy lump.
And then coming off of it were four starfish like limbs that ended in a rounded nub.
So like two legs and two arms, I guess.
Now the skin beneath the clear suit was brown, bumpy and coated in some sort of slime.
And it was also dotted with blue and yellow scab like spots like they weren't on the skin.
Like it was like a color is like these are like lesions on its skin.
Now on its head, it wore like a blue cone like helmet thing with like a little antenna
on top that emitted bursts of visible electricity that like rippled across this body.
So it's like an electrified.
This is like Marvin the Martian just showed up with like a leprosy.
It's not ideal.
Marvin the Martian with radiation poisoning.
Yeah, Marvin got too close to the radio.
Just imagine like being awoken at 3 a.m. and opening your front door like you're still
sleepy and that's the first thing you see.
Like that would ruin anyone's day almost immediately.
I think it was just it would change everything, wouldn't it?
Oh fair.
Like you answer the door and there's a fucking anime villain waiting for you.
You're like looking around for Bugs Bunny and like Yosei Nishimura.
What am I?
Please help me.
Why are you wet?
Before Yoshi could fully process what he was saying, because I mean, that's a lot to take
in when you're abruptly woken up at 3 a.m.
The entity raised one of its starfish arms and an intense and unbearably hot orange beam
of light filled Yoshi's house.
Now Yoshi's terrified at this point.
He's shitting bricks.
So he ran back to his bedroom and I assume hid under the covers.
I don't know, but that's what I would have done.
I guess like one of those like if they can't see me, I can't see them.
We're good.
Unfortunately that didn't work for all Yoshi because through his window he could see a
craft hovering about 70 feet above the ground in a nearby field.
The craft was small, about five feet high and 26 feet in diameter and was emitting orange
rays of light.
Then suddenly Yoshi felt a warm gust of air at his feet and then some invisible force
started pulling him towards the window out of his house and into the craft.
Now to make it just a little weirder, he wasn't being pulled into like a hatch or a door on
the craft.
He's being like absorbed through the hall.
Like you know, like when the flash can like he can like vibrate so fast that he can go
through things.
It's kind of like that.
It feels like an episode of an anime show or something.
I'm waiting for five smaller crafts to come together to form one large robot.
What was that thing from Power Rangers where they all melded together to make the one big
robot?
That's it.
Transform.
I'm old so I'm thinking of Voltron.
Yeah Voltron and the Gobots, all those guys.
That's funny.
So he's getting sucked into the hall like absorbed into the skin of the craft.
Yeah like he just he just went through it.
Like he didn't go through a door or hatch just just like right through.
Now once inside, Yoshi found himself in a blue parallelepiped shaped room, which I found
out is a room where all the walls are parallelograms.
I had to look it up because I didn't know what that meant.
What the actual fuck?
Yeah I don't know.
Now the walls were covered in lamp like structures, air vents and what appeared to be a sign with
writing that looked vaguely Japanese, but was pretty much unreadable.
The air was very thick with like a nauseating scent, but before he even had a chance to
really get his bearings, he was once again face to face with not one but two of those
little octopus fellas.
Now Yoshi panicked and tried to stand up, but despite despite them being, you know,
just small little guys, they had surprising strength.
They were holding Yoshi down as he tried to get away.
Well, you know, them being the nice people, they did reassure him telepathically that
quote no danger, we promise to release you close to your home end quote.
So that's, you know, this has the makings of a really kinky tentacle point.
It all just ties back to anime.
That's really all it does.
Extremely strong.
Like this is a hentai for sure.
Extremely strong tentacle bearing creatures holding you down on a table.
I mean, it seems like he was just incredibly aware the whole time.
There's a lot of, yeah, that's a lot of details to remember for these.
Situations are usually far more, you know, sort of revealed through hypnosis later trauma.
You had to lock it away.
Yeah.
Oh, definitely repress the hell out of this.
Genuinely locked away for a bit.
Yeah.
Wow.
Holy cow.
It's inside me.
So are they, did the probes come out?
This guy, they're telling him he's okay, but then what'd they do?
No.
So what happened next is that they tried to reassure him, but he wasn't hearing any of
that.
Like he didn't want to know what was going to come next.
So he mustered all of his strength and he broke free from these little jelly fucks.
And then he stumbled his way through a partially open hatch.
Fortunately for him, or just by the grace of God something, when he jumped out of the
hatch, he only fell like 10 feet off the ground.
Like they didn't really go anywhere.
I would like to think also that he used karate on them.
Can we at least say he used karate on them?
So I'm thinking of like the opening to the Mr. Bean TV show where he just slaps onto
the ground in a beam of light.
Pretty much.
I mean, like even though it's 10 feet, like that still sucks.
Like falling 10 feet.
That would hurt.
That would hurt really, really bad.
Like you don't break anything.
Yeah.
I just feel bad for the guy.
The fall wouldn't be the problem.
It would be the stop.
Yeah, exactly.
The end of the fall would be the problem.
And then imagine like he's in his pajamas, you know, he's in his underwear, whatever
he gets up and he's like, Oh God.
And then he starts like hobbling back to his little house.
So, so, so I need to hear the rest of this.
This is crazy.
So as soon as he hit the ground, he's I'm sure just full of adrenaline.
So he scrambled to his feet and he ran to a nearby house.
When the homeowners finally opened their doors, they found Yoshi standing there pale, wide
eyed and visibly shaken.
The neighbors took him in and once inside, I assume he like looked at a clock or something.
He realized that his experience had lasted about an hour and a half, but for him it only
felt like a matter of minutes.
Now after Yoshi regained some sense of calm, which I mean, I don't know how, I'd be done
how much he would calm down after that, but he must've like somehow just like mellowed
out for just a minute.
He made the two mile trek back to his house.
Apparently they'd gone over two miles.
So that's crazy.
I don't know.
That's an important detail.
That's a long walk.
Yeah.
Eh, not really.
I think I would need, I would need to walk that much at least after something like that
happened.
I would need to take a good long sobering walk.
Yeah.
I might take up cigarettes again just to get the side of my system.
I would be making some stops along the way.
Pardon me.
Do you have any heroin?
I could probably get some eyeballs because I need to do a lot of forgetting.
I need to be doing a lot of forgetting.
Pardon me.
Good sir.
Do you have any meth?
I just had an experience.
What, me?
I feel like that would make, I feel like meth would make an alien abduction way worse.
You would remember way more than you want to, I bet.
That's a good point.
You're right.
You would definitely use karate.
Yeah.
We'll definitely say he used karate.
Now no one else in the area had reported seeing anything unusual that night, but according
to one UFO investigator who looked into the case, a middle schooler who lived near Yoshi
named Ryuki Fujita claims she had seen a bright light outside of her window around the time
of his abduction, but no, she didn't like go up to see what it was.
So who knows?
Now this alone is a pretty cool story if it ended here, but I'm not in the business of
wasting your time.
You know, more.
This shit gets fucking, this shit gets wild.
Oh God.
Oh, this is so meaningful.
You tell me it shows up in a baseball game and it turns out for like the Yokohama giants
or something.
Dude, three of them stack, three of them get into like a trench coat and they show up.
Sir, your stab is on the counter.
This knock sounded higher on the door than the last knock.
That can't be the aliens.
So Jeremy's not far off in a sense.
So please don't mention Joe Mark's glasses with the mustache.
So the next day, less than 24 hours after his abduction, Yoshi began experience severe
pain in his ears and a burning sensation in his fingertips.
He soon fell into a trance like state and started drawing strange hieroglyphs that neither
he nor anyone else could decipher, claiming that he was compelled to do so by some unseen
force.
Then a booming voice in his head issued a command.
It said quote, when the disc lands on the mountain, you will come and board by yourself.
And on April 8th, he did just that.
Yoshi and two of his buddies, names unknown, climbed up Nikoro mountain.
And before reaching the summit, Yoshi told his friends like, you just hang back for a
bit and he hiked the rest of the way to the top by himself.
There the craft awaited him and he board willingly.
Now whether it was actually willingly or if he was compelled to do so by them somehow,
I don't really know.
But what happens next is probably like, it's probably the opposite of what you think is
going to happen.
They just wanted a buddy to joyride with.
They just wanted to fucking cruise the solar system and just vibe with this dude.
So the beings flume around the moon, then twice around the earth.
And then just an hour and a half later, just drop them back off on the top of the mountain.
I mean, he did immediately collapse afterwards.
I've smoked that strain of weed before too, Yoshi.
Sure you did, Yoshi.
Sure, Yoshi.
Sure, bud.
You sure you're a vegetable farmer, pal?
Yeah, sure, Yoshi.
No, sure, buddy.
Fucking took him for a ride.
Yeah.
So they dropped them back off on the mountain afterwards.
He immediately collapses.
I'm going to guess it was probably due to exhaustion rather than something nefarious.
Dudes had a busy 24 hours.
Yeah, for sure.
This would do that to you.
Yeah.
I'm sure once the adrenaline wore off, he was just done.
He was cooked.
He's like, I'm just done.
Now, luckily for Yoshi though, his two friends, they hadn't immediately fucked off and they
were able to come back and get him and bring him back home.
Now according to Yoshi, it took several days for him to recover after his second trip with
his new starfish friends.
But during his recovery, he discovered that he had developed psychic abilities.
He wasn't only able to communicate with the little jelly dudes, but also had telekinetic
abilities as well and could bend like small pieces of metal like spoons and shit with
his mind.
Now once Yoshi had fully recovered from his intergalactic burn run, the entities returned
on April 13th, 1974 and invited him to go on one final trip.
Now this time they flew past Mars, checked out that big ass storm that's going on on
Jupiter like the eye of Jupiter.
And then for their final stop, they took the craft down onto Saturn's moon Titan.
There one of the little beings got off the ship, picked up a rock and gave it to Yoshi
as like a little souvenir, like something to remember them by.
That was super sweet.
Yeah.
They just literally just wanted to hang out with someone.
You guys sound like bros.
Yeah.
Get in Yoshi.
We're doing butt stuff.
No, we're not doing that.
Sorry, Char.
You got to hang out.
You won't remember all of this.
You're going to remember every inch.
Oh God.
That's bummed me out.
No, I think this is probably the sweetest alien abduction story I've ever heard in my
life.
Yeah.
Because he's gross, disgusting aliens.
I want this to be so true.
I want this to be true.
Yeah.
I want this to be true.
Yeah.
These disgusting aliens just wanted a companion.
Yeah.
So I guess this is a good, this is before we continue, I guess this is a good point.
I'd like to ask this.
Jeremy, how are we feeling so far about this story?
Like where are you at with what's going on?
Oh, there's absolutely no way any of this happened, but I love that somebody, somebody
had such a wonderful moment of whatever the hell, you know, apparently, what is it?
When you're, when you're sleep, what is it?
Sleep paralysis.
It's the best case of sleep paralysis I've ever heard.
It could be way worse.
Yeah.
It could be way worse.
I mean, it sounds like an episode of like the Simpsons or something.
You know what I mean?
Like this doesn't sound, like this sounds too fun to be true.
Like, you know what I mean?
Like, I just want it to be true.
You know?
Oh yeah.
It needs to be true because it makes me so happy that I don't care if it's a lie.
Yeah.
He apologizes for using karate on them.
Like that's like, that's like one of the scenes they're like, oh, and he's like, oh, and
by the way, like when you guys showed up, like I didn't mean to fuck you guys up.
The aliens like, you punched me right in the scabs.
Listen, man, I'm not used to you going, oh, the scabs.
My lesions burst open.
Oh, good lord, yeah.
Now you're getting into real anime.
That's real anime.
Like that's actual anime.
I feel like we do a lot of these episodes where we know that it's probably not true,
but me and Sarge always decide that it is true just because it's such a good-
I want it to be true.
Yeah, exactly.
It's always that.
Like my higher reasoning skills tell me, no, there's no way this happened.
But I don't care.
I want it to be true.
And so it's going to be true for me.
But for the same reason that I don't believe in like, you know, like the stories in the
Bible and stuff like that that were written three and four hundred years after, you know,
anybody they're all, it's like the game of, you know, of telephone in a classroom.
You can't tell a story around, you know, 15 kids and it doesn't change, you know, not
to mention, you know, 15 centuries of trying to tell a story or whatever.
But, you know, it's just, you know, there was never a time when people were more magical
than they are now.
There was never a time when they were-
Exactly.
Especially back whenever people lived in caves and clay huts and shit.
There's no way that they were more advanced than we are.
Maybe they were extremely intelligent because they were able to do some amazing things.
But they weren't mad.
There was never a time in our existence when people were magical.
There just wasn't, there was never real wizards.
There was never a real, you know, like there just was.
I just don't believe that that was actually a thing.
I don't want to correct you, but have you ever seen David Blaine because-
You should see what he can do with a deck of cards.
He's magical.
Yoshi can now bend spoons.
So I mean-
Yep.
That's true.
So could Yuri Geller until they found out later that it was all bullshit.
Now, Dave, tell me why Yoshi's story is true.
Because now I need to know that this is true.
Why is it true?
Yes, it's true.
Give me more.
I'm about to break your heart.
So once back on earth, the rock that he was gifted by the little starfish men, he had
to analyze hoping for proof of his experience, but the tests revealed it to be a piece of
stalactite from like a local cave in the region.
Now-
I hate you.
I'm so sorry.
That dude DMT will make you do some crazy things.
No, Yoshi at this point was already getting ridiculed because he's going around telling
people that he flew around the sun a bunch of times with the starfish people, but not
only by those in the community, but eventually the press got wind of all of this.
So now he's getting it from like all angles.
So one would think, like with others who experienced extraterrestrial encounters, he'd become sort
of like a recluse trying to avoid any further public scrutiny.
Not our boy Yoshi.
No, he went in the opposite direction.
Like a sandwich made with chicken instead of bread, motherfucker doubled down.
All right.
Are you ready for this?
Yes.
Go Yoshi.
So even though the Saran wrap starfish never came back, he continued to claim he was still
in almost constant contact with them.
He also began to refer to himself as the spokesperson for the quote unquote summon call space union
or SAM call for short.
He did not elaborate on who and or what would be summoned or why one would need to call
upon them.
Like what's the reason is don't seem super ominous.
He even claimed that he was able to focus his psychic abilities, which allowed him to
trans teleport over immense distances, claiming he could teleport to a star 250 million light
years away in just six minutes, which if you can teleport, that seems like a long time.
Yeah, it's a really long six minutes is a long way to go for teleportation.
That's a long time.
I think what happened here is that Yoshi's mushrooms didn't wear off.
I think what happened here is that Yoshi, I think all drugs do are tapped.
They open up channels in our brain that are already there.
And unfortunately, some people, those channels just open up and that's they unfortunately,
you know, delusional psychosis, split personality.
That's whenever all kinds of things happen where people are genuinely seeing things that
we can't see, but they're seeing it and experiencing it.
Yeah, not to get too true crime podcasty, but he's fucking absolutely right.
I mean, there's so many serial killers that like started doing drugs and then drinking
blood from people because they thought their organs were disappearing.
So it does make a lot of sense.
Well, you think that, you know, I mean, there I never understood homeless people that like,
you know, I would see in LA shouting at themselves in a window, right?
Like having conversations with themselves.
I'm like, what the hell?
And then I did mushrooms and then I was like, oh, okay.
Nevermind.
You're living in your liver to stay inside you.
Don't you see?
Yeah, you can see things that aren't there that aren't happening.
Like you can see a tree talking to you, but it's not really talking to you.
I've taken acid where my face, I looked in a mirror and my face jumped off of my head
down onto the table and started talking to me.
I saw that.
That sounds fucking awful.
I would really have every second of that.
It didn't really happen.
It was so stressful.
Stressful?
Yeah, I would say so.
That's like downplaying that.
The panic I would feel.
The way you said that it was just like, great.
Now my face is talking to me.
Great.
My brain tricking me because the chemistry in my brain was triggered so much.
So that that channel opened up in our brain.
All of our brains are, all of that stuff is in all of us.
What door gets open?
What channel gets open?
It also could also be like, maybe it's not like a mental psychosis or even drugs.
He lived his life as a mundane vegetable farmer every day in a small city in Japan.
You know what I mean?
Maybe he was like, I'm fucking done with this.
Bored.
Maybe he thought it was a good idea.
Maybe he just snapped.
Yeah, or like he could have just been like, you know, maybe he's like, he saw a fucking
pro.
He saw a program where somebody got rich off of one of these stories and he got, he was
out there, you know, in the cold and the muck up to his waist for cabbage, cabbage, you
know, he's like, fuck this.
I'm going to get abducted by aliens.
That's going to be really good.
Yeah, I don't really blame him when I think about it that way because like, you know,
if I'm a farmer in 1970s small town Japan, I'm probably going to take my show on the
road.
I need something better.
Yeah.
He read, he read the, the, the dude that, you know, is responsible for all the ancient
alien stuff that, you know, that Dutch dude, they read that or whatever, you know, probably
and he was like, Oh man, I need to come up with one of these stories.
He said that guy sold how many books?
Oh yeah.
Fuck this cabbage farming shit.
So the, the, the teleportation, the psychic abilities, that's not even like the coolest
thing that he's able to do now.
He's now able to prevent natural disasters like earthquakes and volcanic eruptions.
Now working out in Japan.
Yeah.
So how is he able to stop natural disasters like volcanoes?
You may be asking.
Well, Yoshi has access to not one, not two, but three UFOs stating quote, I have three
UFOs for activities and usually I hide the barrier for activities.
That's just greedy.
The guy thinks he's like Jay Z of like alien.
Like he's like, I got one's not enough.
His episode of cribs is just like these, these are my UFOs.
This one's murdered out.
It's black on black.
Just a shitty little shack.
And then he's got these three.
Yeah.
We all realize Yoshi is so full of shit.
Nah, dude, he's baller as fuck.
One of his UFO is just a giant spinner.
I think Yoshi.
Yeah.
All right.
Back to Yoshi.
All right.
So Yoshi, we now know that he has not one, not two, but three UFOs that he just has for
activities.
Now he claims that these UFOs allow him to travel inside the hollow earth.
Oh, thank God.
Did he at least say that when we was up there scouting around in space that the earth was
round?
Please at least tell me that.
At least it's a round hollow earth.
It's round, but it's hollow.
Now he can go inside the hollow earth and he can prevent the flow of magma by shoving
rocks inside the volcano's inner channels.
Now unclear if he, if he moved the rocks with like his mind or with UFO technology, it's
also unclear on how he prevented earthquakes.
Like the volcanoes I kind of get if you're blocking magma.
Kind of, but I don't understand how you stop an earthquake, but either way.
I mean, he kind of dropped the ball in 2004, 2011.
I'm starting to get dumb.
The story progresses.
I feel like my IQ is lowering.
Please continue.
I don't need all these rains.
Those please continue.
So this is the part of the episode where we salute you Yoshi.
Thank you for preventing an unspecified number of earthquakes and volcanic eruptions.
Yeah.
I mean, when you see the ones that did happen and you think like, man, you could be dead
by now.
I think it's a Fukushima power plant.
Yeah.
They didn't, they haven't, I think they would bet.
He probably stopped like Yellowstone.
Maybe he was dead.
He was already 30 in 1980.
So maybe he didn't like make it.
Maybe, maybe.
Anyways, but that's it.
That's, that's all there is to know about Yoshi and his, there's no real conclusion.
I think that's all we need to know.
Yeah.
This is a roller coaster.
I went from love and death to love and death to love and death to love and death to love
and death to love and death to love and death to love and death to love and death to love
and death to love and death to love and death to.
And loving Yoshi in his story, to thinking he's a dickhead.
He's got a piece of shit.
Yeah, he's got a piece of shit.
They got stupid, but I'll tell you, it is fun.
And I would love to believe that it's true.
It's a fun story.
It is a fun story.
I've never heard this one.
I've seen this seems like there's probably a reason.
Um, but it does, it does feel like it, just a, it feels like an app, an anime, like an
episode of yeah.
It's like a, it's like a manga that went off course.
Yeah.
If anything, this is a filler episode of Anatomy.
It's not the main story.
This is the filler episode.
No, it's not the main story.
This is just like a side quest.
Well, it's like a cultural thing.
It's like when you go to, say, if you watch ghost hunting videos, which I now I just think
are just all mostly so dumb, wherever you go, whatever spirit is there regionally is
the one that always shows up.
So if you're in the Middle East, the ghost always shows up in fire, right?
Fire always shows up.
It's like a djinn or something like that.
The djinn always show up in fire and they're all these completely black little creatures
with long hair.
They can tell somebody was just painted black and they act weird.
But in Japan, it's always the white faced girl with the black eyes and the black hair.
And so the fact that the culture defines the entity is more reason for me to believe more
than not that it's not true and that it's, you know, I mean, maybe the ghosts are landlocked
though.
I mean, you know, the same reason we don't have giraffes here in America, but are they
just so uncreative that they just do the exact same thing that the last Damon did or the
last ghost did?
Like none of them have any originality.
Like, it's like, I'm, I can't wait to die and be a ghost so I can be a pale faced girl
with black eyes and black hair.
I mean, I wouldn't mind being that ghost.
Right.
I mean, if you're going to be one, if you're going to be one, you want to be the one with
the head down and the long hair and you want to like twitch around, make people uncomfortable.
I just always said that if I'm going to be, if I'm going to be a ghost, I just want to
haunt a place that has like a really good, uh, like TV and cable set up so I can watch
some good shit while I'm haunting the place.
Or at least a good sound system.
Yeah.
Good sound system.
Yeah.
Like the
I'll haunt you guys in a minute, but the Mr. Plow Simpsons episode is on.
So it's kind of my jam.
Okay.
I've seen that one.
I don't know if I've seen that.
Mr. Plow, it's a good episode.
Yeah.
Don't worry about it.
Anyway, so I guess, I guess we're just going to breeze past that Sarge, whatever that was,
but uh,
Linda, Linda Ronstadt's in it.
That's all I'm saying.
Okay.
Well, anyway, so I'm going to start with you, Jeremy thoughts, questions, concerns, comments,
anything you want to talk about this episode?
I just, yeah, you know, I mean, I wanted it so bad to be true, right?
I mean, it started off when you started doubling down is when it kind of got off the rails.
I feel like, yeah, you know, I think that it's like almost like that he does protest
too much kind of thing.
Like if he would have just left it alone, it would have been easier to digest.
But because he felt like he had to keep adding dumb fuel to the dumb fire, it just kind of
just kept getting more dumb.
Yeah.
And so he basically delegitimize himself by feeling like he had to overcook it, by overcook,
overcooking it.
The ego, the narcissism, you know what I mean?
Like so the, it makes me, so the somebody that, that with that type of hubris, uh, is
capable, somebody that's capable of making up the backend part of that story is capable
of making up the front end part of that story.
Yeah.
But I mean, it could also be like, maybe he did experience something and then he was like,
well, now this is my meal ticket.
Now I have to make it even more crazy because like no one's going to just buy the story
of a dude who has abducted and then just dropped on top of a mountain.
I mean, they probably could, but like if you make it way more Fanta, like Fanta fizzle,
what are the words?
Fantastic.
Sure.
That word is way more interesting though.
That was a much better words.
It was aggressive.
You know, maybe he was thinking like, I gotta make this way more fascinating, way more like
crazy for to try and get a bigger buck out of it.
It could be that maybe he did see a too close to the sun.
Like literally.
Yeah, he did.
But, but only in the one that goes close to the sun, he's got three.
One of them goes under the water.
That's true.
One's just for the ladies.
One just has spinners in it.
It's like a nice couches inside.
Exhibit came in fucking pimps UFO.
Hey man, I heard you like spaceship.
So I made you spaceship a spaceship.
Yeah, something like that.
All right.
So how are you feeling?
You got thoughts, questions, concerns?
I am heartbroken at the turn it took because I was ready to just believe that there was
some lonely aliens that found a lonely farmer.
Still as old as time, you know, a buddy caught movie, but instead of cops, the aliens and
a guy.
And then he just doubled down and he was like, let's go to space a couple of times.
He should have left well enough alone.
Like the rock thing, like just, just, just keeping your house.
Don't get analyzed and just say that it was a rock.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
I think what happened is he got really high and thought all this happened, found a rock
where he thought he was on Titan and then when they told him it wasn't that he was like,
oh, it must have been all the drugs I did better double down.
So no one thinks I'm on drugs.
He also could be like epileptic and have these weird seizures where he has bizarre brain
electric activity that could be passed out on top of the mountain too.
But then one, another thing I don't buy though is that the friends just let him go.
And then all of a sudden he came back with this crazy story.
Like give me a break.
They waited an hour and a half.
They're like, we're going to wait here for you while you go visit with your alien friends.
You don't have to prove it.
We believe you.
Which she did friends that they weren't like, take us with you.
Yeah.
They're like, prove it.
Well he did prove it.
He brought back the rock.
So they basically went out to the caves.
They went out to the caves and he went into the cave, got some, brought it out and said,
you're not never going to believe what happened.
And they're like, you're right.
Maybe there was like a methane leak in the cave.
So like while he was in there, he was like bringing it in.
He didn't have his canary with him and there was no way to tell.
He didn't realize.
Yeah.
They didn't realize.
Maybe that's the thing the whole time.
Maybe he just had like a gas leak in his house and he didn't realize it.
And so he was going, you know, cause there's this great story about this guy who kept finding
post-it notes around his house and he literally thought his house was haunted.
But because out of nowhere, all these post-it notes would always be showing up and he didn't
know where they were coming from.
And it turned out that it was a, was it carbon monoxide or carbon dioxide?
Yeah.
It was carbon monoxide.
Yeah.
It was carbon monoxide.
It was like being slowly poisoned with carbon monoxide.
Yeah.
And he wasn't remembering and recalling it.
Yeah.
Hold on.
Isn't that just the plot to the movie, the others with Nicole Kidman?
Isn't that?
No, no, no.
This is, so this is different.
That's kind of, that's, that's kind of what.
No, no, no.
This is different because it was on Reddit.
But I don't care if it's true.
It's a great story.
So, so there's a lot of, so when you think about all of the things that it possibly could
be, other than actual scabby alien starfish showing up.
Yeah.
He's a farmer.
I'm sure he's working with like pesticides, manures, things like that.
Like 100%.
Like toxicology wise, he's probably not doing great.
You guys know about the dance.
Did you guys, did you guys ever hear about the dancing pandemic and like, I think it
was like a.
Yeah.
The France.
Yeah.
It could be something like that.
It could be something that, you know, seeps into his skin from the.
Yeah.
There was the dancing pandemic and then in Africa, I think there was also the laughing,
the laughing pant.
Yeah.
Everyone laughs themselves to death.
Well, that's it.
That's our episode.
Thank you so much for everyone who listened.
Thank you to Jeremy for coming on.
Thanks to Sarge for always being here.
Jeremy, before we go, is there anything that you want to plug?
You got anything going on?
Anything you want?
Oh man, I've got a movie called Boneface that's about to come out.
It is not a porn.
I promise you.
Well, damn.
No one's going to want to watch it now.
It's Slasher in the Woods.
You don't want to see me naked.
I'm 52.
I, it's a Slasher in the Woods kind of whodunit thing.
And I get to play the, you know, the sheriff sort of Sherlock Holmes role in it.
So that's kind of fun.
And also another movie on that you can get on Amazon called Open.
Sort of this fun kind of has a musical element to it.
You know, dramedy, dark comedy.
Sweet.
Like that.
And yeah, yeah.
Just, just finished a movie called The Neglected with Josh Duhamel and Dylan Sprouse.
Oh, hell yeah.
And yeah, it's the 30th anniversary this year of Mallrats.
So we're going to be doing some Mallrats events this year.
So my buddy, he's a big Kevin Smith fan.
He did want to ask, he wanted me to ask you if Mallrats 2 is actually still going forward.
It'll never happen.
Kevin announced it was going to happen when my son was six months old.
He announced it when my son was six months old.
My son's almost 11.
So I'm pretty sure it's not going to happen.
And not to mention, I think that since we lost Shannon, that's probably like a big,
yeah, that's true.
That's a big loss.
Might have been a part of the story that he doesn't know.
So, Sarge, is there anything you want to plug before we side off?
SargesSuperNormal.com for the coloring book.
If you're still interested, I know I've been beating this horse for quite a while, but
if you still haven't purchased it for $9.99, you can get it.
It's a lot of fun, a lot of pages for you to take out your frustrations on the current
administration that's probably going to last for the rest of our lives.
And then otherwise, TikTok's fucked off, but I'm still on Instagram.
It's back.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, I missed it.
I missed it.
It was like back when the big old Trump brought it back for you kids.
Yeah, I went on the spot and it had that notification saying like shut down.
Yeah.
And then I went on like two hours ago and it was right back to what it was.
Yeah, it's bananas.
It's not ideal.
I have no idea.
I felt so bad for that guy that we talked to.
You sent me, I felt so bad for him.
I was like, buddy, you can find me on other places.
I'll find you.
We'll still be friends, but I'm glad it's back because my my son, he does stop motion
animation with Lego.
Hell yeah.
His name is Mr. Emmett on TikTok.
He's got 30 followers.
Oh, that's my son will follow.
My son would like that.
Yeah, he was heartbroken yesterday.
So I'm going to I'm going to go and tell him as soon as we're done here because he's going
to be so excited.
Yeah.
So check out Jeremy's movies.
He's got a bunch coming out.
Check out Sarge's coloring book.
He's got the one coming out.
It's already out.
You can buy it right now.
You follow us.
You can follow us on Instagram at Crypto Cocktail.
Follow us on TikTok.
Maybe still at Crypto Cocktail Party.
It's a Patreon.
We just decided to do that.
If you if you're not feeling like you want to spend a bunch of money and you don't care
about bells and whistles, we have a tier.
It's only three dollars a month.
It's the friend of the show tier.
Three dollars just supports the show, helps us podcasting get expensive.
If you want some fancy stuff, we have a tier that's called the nerd tier.
It's seven dollars a month.
You're going to get unedited video episodes starting with this one today with Mr. Jeremy
London.
So you can watch me drink and vape in real time.
Yeah, it's going to be great.
It'll be unedited.
So whatever, you know, you don't hear in the audio version, you'll hear in this one.
You hear all of Sarge's parts, his belly rumbling, his belly rumbling.
So yeah, so consider consider supporting the show at a three or seven dollars.
It doesn't really matter, but you'll get some cool stuff here and there.
Bonus content, stuff like that.
And with that out of the way, normally at the end of the episode, I'll ask Sarge if
he wants to say goodbye and I love you to the audience.
But Jeremy, I feel like this episode would you like to say goodbye and I love you to
the audience?
Well, this is the thing.
It's been real.
Listen, it's not you.
It's me.
I've got a place where I have I have to move on so that you can be a better person.
I'm just bringing you down.
I'm just dragging you down.
I really am.
And if I just keep doing this, you guys will never ever get to you.
Whatever it is you're doing.
You never see your full potential.
No, you'll never see it because I'm just going to keep it going and going and dragging you
down.
Eventually, you're just going to get bitter.
If I ever need to break up with someone, I'm using that.
That was it.
It's not you.
It's me.
I felt empowered.
I got my better based.