You can hear me, but you can't hear the music?
Yeah, how am I supposed to get hyped up with no music?
And whatever. Anyways, hey everybody. Hey everybody. Welcome back to another episode of Cryptic Cocktail Party. I'm your host Dave.
I'm Saj! Hi! We're still working on it. I'm Saj the Destroyer from the internet.
We're off to a rough start. Yeah, anyways, how you doing buddy? You looking good?
I'm good. I'm good. I'm doing phenomenal. I'm taking my sons to Legoland out in Goshen, New York tomorrow.
That's going to be a fun drive. Four hours through Connecticut.
Hey man, I have to do it all the time to go back to New Hampshire. So it's not too too bad.
You know Connecticut is... Oh yeah, but the problem is you have to drive through Pennsylvania.
Well, I don't have to drive through... All right, if I was on like the Pittsburgh end, that would suck.
But like I'm two minutes and I'm in Jersey and then I'm like a half hour from there I'm in New York and then like an hour or so I'm in Connecticut.
Like once I hit Connecticut, I know I'm at like almost a halfway point to New Hampshire.
Mostly because the traffic in Connecticut is way worse somehow than New York and Massachusetts.
I think it's just because they all suck at being humans in general there. So, but I always wanted to go to Legoland.
But are you going to like Legoland like the theme park or like Legoland like just like the store?
No, it's a theme park.
Okay. Now...
Yeah, it's a theme park. It's got... The best part is when you get in the elevator, it plays disco music as it goes up.
And there's like a disco ball and like the lights flash. It's... I don't know why.
It activates something in my brain that immediately makes me 10 years old again.
All right. See, I've always wanted to go to Legoland, but I've always been on the impression that you can't go if you don't have a child.
I believe that's the case.
Yeah, they do do do do. They do do like an adults only like night.
Yeah, they do. They do an adults only night. Yep.
But it's like once every like few months and it's always like in the middle of the weekday.
Like I can't...
Well, yeah.
Like I'm not going to fucking like... Because I would kill to go to Legoland.
I remember going... Off topic. I went... When I was a kid, we went to Germany because my grandparents live there.
And we went to K'nex Land, not going to lie. Not as cool as fucking...
Not as cool.
Not as cool as Legoland.
Close.
Yeah. Wait, can you be taking your kids places? Doesn't want to have COVID.
Like, isn't he fucking sick?
Oh, no, no. He's good now.
Okay. All right. Yeah. I mean, COVID doesn't last... COVID's not like old COVID. This is new COVID.
New COVID takes like two days to get over and then you're fine. It's like a cold.
Gotcha. Gotcha. All right. I just...
But yeah, that sounds awesome, man. A bit...
Yeah, I'm excited.
Have you been before?
Oh, yeah. Yeah. We went when it first opened for my son's 10th birthday. Now it's his 13th birthday.
Is this like a welcome to puberty kind of like special occasion? Like in a few years,
you're not going to want to do this. So let's get it over with.
Oh, no. In this family, he will always want to do this because my whole house
is surrounded by Legos, as you can see.
Oh, yeah.
So like, it's a whole thing. And for those of you listening, just know that I just showed a badass
Lego collection. My entire room down here, it's 360 degrees of Legos. You can't look somewhere
without seeing them. Yeah. Which makes it very hard when I'm working for me to have like serious
HR type conversations when I'm also looking at three different Lego Millennium Falcons.
Yeah, that's, you know...
I mean, I'm at that point, too, where I'm literally trying to figure out what stuff to get rid of.
It's like trying to pick which one of your kids is your favorite.
Yeah. But I mean, that's I feel like that's easier said than done.
Yeah. So, but yeah, so we're going to Legoland and I'm going to be a giant child for basically two
days. Going down on Monday and then coming back on Tuesday.
Well, if you see any cool fucking like cryptid Lego minis, fucking scoop some up and send them
my way. I'll fucking, I'll then use a few a few ducats for that.
You got it.
Well, that's cool. That's a pretty good bright spot for your week. I got a really good
I got a bright little bright spot that I came across today. So we live.
Yeah. We live pretty close to not pretty close. We live like pretty much right beside 95 in Philly.
And they just redid underneath like the entire length of where we live. It's
like all parking underneath it. Like they made it like an actual usable space and not just
under a bridge, which you know what I mean? But because of that, there is kind of like not a
homeless problem, which I mean, it doesn't mean it's a problem, but someone put a sign made out
of plywood and bolted it to a stop sign that says, oh, I love it. Take your drugs and sex and trash
with you. And then it gives a, and then it gives a list of things that, oh, and also inside of all
the O's and take your drugs and trash with you. And like the dotting of the eyes are all smiley
faces. So I don't know if this is an adult or a child, but on it, it says, it gives a list of
things they want you to take with you when you leave underneath that 95 needles, caps, crack jars,
baggies, glass dicks, blunt, blunt guts, condoms, new and used with two exclamation points. And then
a smiley face, like a smiley face underneath it. Now I, I, I pose to you this question. What is a
glass dick? My first thought was like a crack pipe. My wife, my wife said, you know, maybe,
maybe it's a dildo. I was like, first of all, glass dildos cost like way more than just regular
silicone dildos. So then no one's leaving those bad. And then we both came to the conclusion that
maybe this person who made this sign doesn't know anything about drugs. And they think that
like the, like just a regular weed bowl, cause it kind of looks like a dick.
Like, do you think they mean that? But also who's leaving behind glass bowls again,
far more expensive than just make you getting a pen, like a pen and some tin foil. Like.
That is amazing. I don't know. The sign made my day. It was one of the funniest. I knew,
I knew a woman who had a pink bowl. It was like a light pink bowl and it was shaped like a dick.
Yeah. I mean, I've seen. The bowl part was in the balls. Yeah. And then of course you.
I mean, I've, I've, I've seen those before, but just, but I'd need to know what a glass
dick is. And also the fact that I'm guessing it's just the pipe. It's just some unsophisticated
Rube who's like, you suck it on that pipe. It's a dick. But also I walk underneath that
this all the time. I've never seen whatever the fuck they're talking about. I mean,
I've seen needles, but I live in the city. That is going to be needles no matter where you are.
And it's not like, it's not like a pile. Like, it's not like a, I mean, it's not,
it's not like a fucking hazmat situation where like you need, do you know what I mean? Like
you see it. I mean, also you're under a bridge. Like what are you expecting down there?
True. It's not fucking Narnia.
And I'm a big fan of being underneath bridges. I like when I was in my youth and I was like,
super punks, I'd go down on bridges, spray paint, fucking get drunk. I, I'm a big fan of hanging out
under bridges. Yeah. And most people you meet under there, super nice. Are they addicted to
heroin? Probably, but that's maybe, you know what I mean? But like, whatever. Never had a bad
experience under a bridge. Now, obviously I can't speak for everyone because there's been a lot of
terrible things that happened under a bridge, but fucking leave these people alone. There was that
guy in Florida, I believe we had his face eaten off. I think he was under a bridge. No, that was
on top of a bridge. That was like on like on top of the bridge. Okay. Sorry. They got helicopter
footage of that bath salts guy. Are you sure? I really thought he was like coming out from
underneath the bridge. No, you can walk in on the sidewalk. We watched you. You could watch it.
I watched, I mean, I watched it, but it was a long time ago. It was back when the internet was fun
and you could still watch stuff like that. Yeah. Speaking of the internet, uh,
you ready to, uh, dive into today's topic? Oh yeah, that's right. We're, we're podcast.
Yeah, I know. I forget sometimes too. Yeah, me too. All right. So today we're going to be going to
the land between the lakes. Are you familiar with the land between the lakes?
I've heard of it, but I also have been playing a lot of Elden Ring. So it could be, it might be
fun like conflating the two. Yeah. All right. So the land between the lakes is a 171,000 acre
recreational area that sits in both Kentucky and Tennessee between Lake Barkley and the Kentucky
lake. Uh, altogether, it consists of more than 300 miles of shoreline, 200 miles of walking trails,
and just like endless acres of unbroken forest. It's a spot where locals and tourists alike go
camping, fishing, or, or partake in the more popular activity there. Bird watching. Apparently
the land between the lakes or LBL for short, uh, is apparently the most popular inland birding area
in the Eastern United States with over 250 species of birds observed there since 1963.
I thought you, I added that in there because I know you're a bird lover. You have one who
makes guest appearances on the show very frequently. You don't, let's, uh, let's just spell that myth
right now. Um, my daughter is a bird lover. And you take care of the bird. So you love the bird.
I got her two birds thinking this would help her learn some responsibility and, and relax a little
bit. And then I found out that she was allergic to birds. Is that a thing? Yes. I guess, I guess so.
That's something you can't find out until you're like pretty much in contact with a bird until you
have one in your house that you have invested money in. And then me being the sucker that I am, I can't,
I don't feel right going back to the pet store and being like, take these. So I took on these two birds.
Okay. And now one of them who I think might be the Highlander because I've had it for like
well over five years at this point. Yeah. Birds live forever, dude. So I like this bird. Okay.
Because I've lived with it for five years. Gotcha. But I don't like all birds because they shit on
stuff and I hate that. Yeah. So I'll just go to your nest and squeeze one out and grow a tail right
above your heads. So just to reiterate, Sarge, bird lover. I figured you would love that.
No, no, no. Oh, fuck. Not going to scrap the episode with, with all it has to offer the LBL
land between the lakes. I'm going to call it LBL from now on because saying land between the lakes is
aggressive. It's a tongue twister. However, LBL sounds like a weird fundamentalist version of like
the Mormon faith, but the LBL has now become the focal point of the region's now $600 million
tourism industry. And the area was also once designated a UNESCO biosphere reserve. And I say
once was because the Trump administration withdrew it from the program in 2017. But in this lush area,
a seemingly untapped nature, something more ominous may have made its home today, Sarge. We're going
to be covering the beast of LBL and the land between the lakes massacre. Is this something that
you might be familiar with? Do you think? No, no, no, I'm interested, but I do want to provide
some context as to why Trump eliminated that bio biosphere. It was because it might be oil
there or something designation. He heard that birds were migratory and then just immediately
assumed they were all coming from Mexico. So I mean, are they not? I mean, they have vice
over the winter. I don't want any migrant birds. They're the worst. Now in this area, there's always
been talk of supernatural ship hauntings, Native American curses, mysterious orb like lights that
hung around graves and over the waters. And these were presumed to be the spirits of those who graves
were flooded. Oh yeah. So it's like a Bridgewater triangle situation. Well, kind of. So the land
between the lakes was originally called the land between the rivers until the government came and
made a bunch of dams. And then the government, the army Corps of engineers, usually they send out.
Yeah. They were kind of, but the government was like eminent domain or whatever, and just kicked
a bunch of people out of their homes. Entire towns ended up under the water. So, so there's a bunch
of graves and like homes and shit underneath the water. So that's what they think. These lights
that were above the water are. Yeah. According to one source I read, there are at least 250
family graveyards scattered throughout the surrounding forests, as well as underwater,
as well as as well as countless revolutionary and civil war grave sites and just a ton of like
native American graves and holy sites now lost to the lakes and also the dense forest that no one's
allowed to be in because it's a protected area. So it makes sense that there's some sort of like
supernatural tomfoolery afoot, I guess is the best self don't go swimming there. Yeah. There's like
entire towns that are just under this lake or both these lakes. But ghost orbs and bog witches,
which is another thing that was rumored to have been lurking in the woods, aren't what we're here
to discuss. The creature that strikes fear into the hearts of those that live and play in the area
is known as the beast of LBL. It's described as being a wolf like creature that stands on his
hind legs. It stands over seven feet tall with long course hair covering its entire body. Its head is
massive. It wears a short sleeve white button down shirt, a black tie, and it keeps asking you if you
want to go to church with it. Its head is massive and wolf like with an extra long snout with
unnaturally sharp teeth. Like apparently the incisors on this thing are fucking like,
like saber tooth almost, but like fits in the mouth. It's fucked up. Like unnaturally sharp
teeth, like like scalpels. I don't know, dude. It's just what it said, bro. I don't know. Well,
look, I'm, I'm trying to paint a picture of my mind. All right. I don't think they're like serrated
or like razor sharp, but I mean like pointy sharp, like, I don't know. All right. Sharp
and then a dog's teeth. Yes. Uh, it's, it's arms are long, but muscular ending in huge hands with
long spindly fingers and sharp pony claws that could cut down any livestock in like one fell swoop.
So we're talking like Kellyanne Conway right now. Pretty much. It's, uh, it's feet are like that of
a man's, but the tracks that leaves behind are kind of unusual. It leaves behind like the barefoot
impression of a man's foot, but where the toes are, it looks as though they're padded, like a
paw print almost. Okay. It's howl is something even like the most seasoned of outdoorsmen know
that when, like when you hear it, you just get the fuck out. It was described as an unnatural
guttural sounds of painful hunger and agony. So that's not great. Okay. Uh, uh, so the beast of
LBL is what the cryptic community would classify in these days as a dog man dog. Men are like pretty
hot, quote unquote hot in the community right now for some reason. And it's cause of all the erotica
on Amazon. Yeah. I did see one called nodded by the dog man. And I thought that was one of the
funniest fucking things. Oh God. Oh God. It's, which implies that it has the penis of a dog and
a nod. Okay. I'm glad we're all just to be on the same page here. Uh, yeah. Yeah. Unfortunately,
I know what that means. I wish I didn't, you know? Yeah. Now I'm going to be, I'll be the first to
say it just like big foot. I'm not convinced at all that the dog man is real. Okay. I'm just going
to flat out say it. I don't believe in the dog man, but this story rules. So I'm just going to
tell it cause I think let's go with it. Just go with it. Legends of the beast of LBL. Like they aren't
new. It's been around for at the very least a hundred years or so, obviously again, it's gaining
popularity now because everything is a dog man or a werewolf or something fucking stupid.
Naturally, but it's probably been around longer. I mean, just like big foot. I'm sure the native
Americans had like their own lore about it. Yeah. Uh, you know, like stories passed down from family
member to family member, town to town. You know how oral traditions go. Yeah. And with each new
encounter or story, the tales were like updated and changed to reflect the, the changes, I guess.
Uh, some people told the story as the beast being a native American shaman who uses powers for evil
and was killed in his wolf state. And now roams the area is kind of just like one last like, fuck you
to like, yeah, the area, uh, others claim it was a cursed or disease man that at night turned into
a werewolf basically. And that curse like continued down his bloodline, like to this day, you know,
it's just like a continuation of that. And then like others just claim it's like straight up,
just like the devil or whatever. It's just like demons. Um, turns out it's a guy who just cooks
meth in the woods. Yeah. And uh, settings of the beast continue obviously to this day, mostly it
coming out, killing some pigs and cows and shit, whatever horses. Uh, one dude said that he was
cleaning his horse stables or something one night and the beast kind of like side jumped out of one
of the stalls with its arms spread out. Like it was going to grab him like a, like, I'm going to get
you. But, uh, but it just, it just screamed at him and then ran past him out of the barn.
And the man who told this story also admitted that he quote unquote, what his overalls. So
that's kind of funny. This is not the first time that we've heard of somebody who made poopies
when they saw a monster and every time I hear it, I love it. It just, it adds so much to the story,
but the story that caught my eye is a story that has, is a story that has no official police record,
no media coverage. And the source for this is an article written by a gas station employee named
Jan Peterson, who heard the story from two cops that came into their store at 3 AM and also claims
there is a coverup. And that's why there's blackout on information. So process that information,
however you want. It's wild because even knowing all of this, there's documentaries made about this
story. There are multiple episodes. There's probably full podcasts dedicated to this story.
And they know this, they know that this is, this is the only source. Absolutely amazing. So the
story goes that one night in the mid 1980s, Jan Peterson was working the graveyard shift at a gas
station when two officers came in looking shaken, terrified, and just all around like visibly upset.
One of them even looked like he was going to like puke. Oh, so like normal cops. Yeah. So the cops
come in, get some coffees and some waters and went outside and sat on the curb. Since there were no
other customers, Jan decided to step outside and see what was going on or maybe help ease their minds
or whatever. Just friendly small township. Uh, they, she even offered some roll aides to the man who
looked like, uh, so he's going to puke. And apparently in her words with his shaking hand,
he took them and put them in his mouth. It's, but I love it. Yeah. Uh, they sat in silence until one
of the officers for some reason decided to go into great detail about their active murder investigation
that they just came from. Random gas station employee. Now you got an honest face. Let me
tell you about all the secrets from this investigation. Yeah. Now her telling of it reads like a creative
writing prompt. So instead of me reading all of it and trying to put it into my own words, I'm just
going to read to you what she wrote because one, yes, please. I'm lazy as fuck. And two, it's just
way funnier. So now you gotta read it. Yeah. So this is what she says that they told her.
Okay. Are you ready for this? I'm ready. Let's go. They had, they had gotten the call to help
with an investigation at one of the many rural campgrounds down in LBL. The tour season was
about to start in a few weeks. So the usual, also by the way, I'm reading this off of a blog that
has like one of those old, like, like the color of the font and the color of the background are so
aggressive to the eyes that reading this is very hard. What is it like black background with red or
green font? It's yeah. Uh, it's actually like neon yellow. Now the tour season was about to start in
a few weeks. So as usual, there were some early arrivals that had come to claim prime camping
spots before the areas were overrun with tents, campers and travel trailers. The sun was setting
low. I don't know how she got all this information because this is way too much. The sun was setting
low in the sky when they arrived at the scene. Several other office official vehicles were
already there and there are many more to come as they would see, you find out many coming from
other counties and a few coming all the way from another state. Several of these, several of these
to come were corners from different counties. One corner vehicle was already present as well as an
ambulance, which would prove useless as there was no one to save. The victims were all dead,
quite dead, completely, totally and thoroughly deceased.
A young married couple that had come to take it easy for a few days were the first to discover
the ghastly scene. Neither one of them wanted to stay behind while the other went for help. So they
both nervously traveled to the nearest town, Grand Rivers and called the authorities. They did not
return to LBL. They merely gave the arriving of officer directions to the area of discovery and
rented a local hotel room. With the sun going down, it got dark pretty fast. So there was a
flurry of floodlights from the cruisers being pointed in all directions, along with the excited
movements of $50 flashlights being held by nervous restless hands, searching the trees, the grounds,
the leaves, the shadows. You can tell that this woman, this was her time to shine. She was like,
I have always wanted to be a writer and now I'm finally here. There was a parked motor home at
the site, its frame being lit by a campfire close by a fire that had almost went out on its own,
but had been rekindled by the new crowd of men in uniform so that they could have more light.
The front and back doors of the home were open. One of the doors hanging by one hinge in a crooked
slant through the windows, they could see zigzag movements of luminosity as the beams from flash
lights search the interior. Bloody hand prints slid down the thin metal walls close to the front
door and more bloody hand prints could be seen the length, the length towards the back door.
There are images dancing eerily in the firelight, like some ancient tribal symbols.
Bro, who taught this person to write? I don't know. Hold on. Adam and Bill, also she gave these
people names to protect their identities. So Adam and Bill are the two cops. Adam and Bill did not
even want to imagine what was inside the motor home, but then again, they would soon find out
that it wasn't what was inside, but what was outside that would change their lives forever.
There was already crime scene tape placed in numerous scattered parts of the area.
The little white flags on metal stakes stuck into the ground marking evidence. Evidence of ripped
clothing, bodies and body parts separated by limbs, a pile of bowels, pieces of loose flesh clinging
to muscle tissue. What used to be three bodies that just hours before had been a happy family
on a happy vacation to create happy memories. But now there were just three distinct buttocks.
Is a father, a mother and a young son. The happiness was gone, destroyed by a psychotic madman
or was it men? A murderous rage had taken place. Once so abhorrently appalling that there were a
few witnesses to the scene that had kept their composure or held their recently eaten dinners
down. At first sight, the victims appeared to be butchered by some unnameable weapon, possibly an
axe or a chainsaw. Upon further inspection by the first arriving coroner, the wounds on the bodies
were determined not to have been caused by a sharp instrument but rather by some piercing well-defined
claws. In other words, by some keen mordently long incisors. Wildcat, bear, wolves? The coroner shook
his head in baffled disagreement with each guest from the officers. The claw marks, for instance,
on the back of the father's corpse was distinctly made by four long claws with a smaller digit like
a thumb on the side. A span wider than a man's print, wider and different than bears marks,
with deeply deliberate gouges in the flesh. Rake marks from an angry unknown source trying to grab
its prey that was no doubt trying to escape. The wildcat and wolf's theory was dismissed as an
as the open wound marks were apparently made by a more grandiose animal source. The marks were much
larger than any mountain lion, wolf or coyote. Whatever did it had a larger snout and more
sizable teeth. There was also indications of the larger areas of the cadavers, a bite marks where
the flesh, meat and bone had been yanked away from the body. Like a human who bites into an apple and
leaves the impression of his bite and teeth marks. So there so were the open wounds on these
individuals. Bears, well they aren't native to the area but who knows maybe a grizzly did sneak in
some way but that was far-fetched. He would have had to have traveled several states and crossed
several rivers to even get close to this part of Kentucky. Everyone present was betting on the
quote-unquote bear hypothesis anyway and no one even thought of anything, sorry this is so hard
to read, even thought of so poorly written of anything else to be the cause of such a savage
attack. A bear, it had to be a bear. From the back door of the motor home an officer stepped down
slowly holding in his hands some type of garment, a dress, a small dress that would have fit a small
girl of around five years old. He informed the onlookers that there was more little girls clothing
packed inside the coach. Oh yeah they only found the bodies of the mom, the dad, the son so that's
what. Okay. This meant that there was a missing person or an absent body, a member of the family.
They all prayed she was still alive somehow, hiding somewhere. A new search began. As time went by
additional law enforcement employees arrived as well as a few volunteer rescue squad members.
Groups were spread out in assigned areas to examine and explore. Another coroner arrived to
assist in the identification of and cause of death and much later a third one showed up. This one
from a nearby state. All types of samples were placed in plastic bags marked as evidence and
carefully stowed away. As they were packaging up what appeared to be one of the father's arms,
one of the doctors noticed something wrapped between the dead fingers. Some tweezers slowly
untangled a clump of long gray and brown hairs. This too was placed in the bag and marked and put
away to be analyzed at a lab later. From somewhere in the woods about 50 yards from the campfire,
a scream was heard. A man's shriek that turned into a long wail and then to whimpering. As others
arrived they could see the gleam of several flashlights that the cop was holding. Several
flashlights that the cop was holding. He was holding three flashlights. What the fuck. As
others arrived they could see, they could see, oh they could see by the gleam of several flashlights
that the cop was holding his hat in one hand and his light in the other. There was blood on his face,
the front of his shirt and on the brim of his hat. More blood could be seen dripping on him.
It was coming from above, high in the trees. The flashlight swung searching for the source of the
mysterious bleeding. A very small hand could be seen dangling down from a tree limb way up high
as well as a slender lifeless leg that still had a white sock still on the foot. The missing child
had been located. It had been Adam that the blood had trickled upon, hitting his hat first, making
him look up and then feeling the thick cold fluid sprinkling down his face and sliding down to his
neatly buttoned shirt. It had been Adam that screamed. The little girl had apparently been
carried up the tree and leisurely eaten upon while carefully laid across the large tree branch.
More of the same long gray and brown hairs were found sticking in the bark and the tree nearby
near her body. How are you doing so far, Sarge? I feel like I should check in on you.
The writing in this is so bad that it's hard to pay attention. Like when she was like,
it could have been a bear, but it had to have traveled across three states in a number of
rivers. I mean, by that logic, it could have been a lion that just had to get in a boat.
Like, are you fucking kidding? Yeah, it's not, it's not well, it's not well written.
That's not it. She's like, oh, the dad severed arm and he has dead fingers.
There was hair. Well, yeah, we know the fingers are dead because it's not attached to a person
anymore. You fucking clown. This sounds like the worst Reddit creepy pasta I've ever read.
Like, I'm sorry, guys. I know you don't know me from anyone. You don't know why I am this mad,
but I am a creative writing minor. 90 percent of my degrees came from my ability to write a sentence
coherently. And I'm not like an expert in grammar, but I know that like you don't need to say half
the shit this person was saying. Like every other sentence is a redundancy built on the first on the
previous sentence. Well, yeah, but here's the thing. This is this is what this is word for word. What
the cops told her they. Yeah, exactly. It is word for word. The cops are like it was a cold,
dark, sultry night. What are you talking about? It's a cold, dark, sultry. Yeah, don't worry about
it. But anyways, after seven hours, most of the officers were sent away as a new team of investigators
arrived. They were told not to talk to any one of the incident, especially not the media. I am sure
that besides Adam and Bill, there were others who had to confess what they saw that night. If in fact,
this whole event ever really happened, witnesses that had to divulge the awful secret of this,
that atrocious, the atrocious discovery at one of the campgrounds at LBL. About a month after sitting
outside with about a month. Oh, OK. About a month after sitting outside with Adam and Bill that
night, they stopped in again during one of my midnight shifts. They're both rather quiet,
more serious in nature, not like before the incident where they would get around while
drinking their sodas and eating a snack or two. They had both aged in some odd way. Streaks of
gray that had not been there before highlighted both of their heads of hair. Their faces had
lines of worry and showed signs of stress. I would see them again and again many times afterwards.
But on this particular evening, they informed me that they got word about some of the lab tests
that were taken that dreadful night. The tests on the saliva taken from the from the bite marks and
from the hair found on the man's fingers in the in the tree bark came back with an unknown species
origin. The closest animal that they could compare it to was that of Canis lupus, a wolf.
It's just full on jerk off motion. Thing is, this story, super compelling. I love the idea. I love
everything about it except for the writing has completely ruined it for me. Now I don't even care.
Now I hope everyone's dead. Yeah. But but that's I mean, and this goes on, but that's that's the
story of the massacre of at a lab between the lakes. She just go on to say that whether Adam
and Bill had played an elaborate hoax on me, I'll never really know for sure. But their sincerity
and fear painted a picture of truth in their eyes and actions. And then she goes on to say there
were several more stories that I've heard about this werewolf over and I'll be out, but I'm not going
to fucking read any of that because I don't care. Yeah. I really hope she doesn't write any more
stories because it would take forever for her to be like a guy got killed by an undisclosed bear
like wolf like creature. Yeah. It would be 25 paragraphs and she would have 13 13 different
sentences to describe how old somebody looked. Yeah. She does. She does say that you will never
read about this in the papers or hear about it on the news or get a confession from any law enforcement
official or man of office. The media will say it's a bunch of hoo ha or just prank, silly stories,
urban legends, lies, tall tales and such. This is that's weirdly convenient because they told her
right away. This is tourism country and that means millions of dollars to the area. So you can't scare
off business. Can you? And by the way, that's a great place to end this. I'm only halfway down
the page of the article. She already says everything she needed to say and she just keeps going. So,
Oh God. Yeah. But wow. Yeah. There you have it. You find this on Reddit? No, no, this is on
dude. If you Google massacre of land between the lakes or whatever, like you'll find like a full on
documentary by small town monsters who was the most incredible fucking asshole bullshit that I can
think of. And I've called them out before, especially when they called fucking the,
they called the Ruger, a skinwalker and all they, they're just bad all around. They promote,
they promote a bunch of native American legends as like, they just steal them. Yeah. It's bad.
But yeah, there's like, this is like a heavily believed in thing in the cryptic community. Like
they, they believe that this happened because it's gotten so muddied over the, because the
original post no longer exists. This, I took this from someone who found it, was able to save it
and then post it on the, it's actually a phantasmonsters.com the same one where I got
the, the mantis man stories from that explains the over describing of the muscly arms of this
creature. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. But there you have it. So yeah, what do you, what do you,
what do you think? But writing aside, yeah, writing aside, I'm not, I'm not going to harp on it
anymore. My anger has subsided. Yeah. Focusing on like the story itself, like how we, how we feeling?
I mean, I like it. I like it, but I think, I think what's missing is just the, the, we got like the
one story about the police. Yeah. I would have, and I'm going to just have to look it up myself,
but I want to see like what other people have said, like what, what other people have seen,
is there any consistency to the description of it? I mean, but I find it very interesting.
Like the description of the beast. Yeah. Yeah. It's all consistent across the board. But I mean,
if you, if you, if you grew up in this area, you know, with a description, you could easily make
up the story. I want to find it. I just don't want to get eaten by it. You know what I mean?
Set up some trail cams. Let's make this happen. But I mean, it's just like, it's like every story
of anyone encountering the dog, man, it's always like, they always describe it as like, it's a
ferocious creature that upon sight will murder you and you know, whatever. But it's like every
story I've ever heard of the dog, man is like, I saw it. It looked at me growled and then ran away.
It's like, no one, like, you know what I mean? It's like, I've never heard a story like I was
attacked by it survived. And well, maybe with the family, the dog, man took a bite and was like,
I don't like the way this tastes. And now he runs away from people. Cause he's like,
Oh, broccoli. You know what I mean? Like you just don't taste good. So you're saying he's like,
he's curious, like a shark, like a shark, like humans aren't in their food chain, but they'll,
they'll take a bite. But then they'll spit you out. Like, yeah. Or maybe, or maybe like the family
just played baby shark too much in the, in the, in the dog, man was just like, all right, I'm done.
Well, this isn't, this isn't the mid 80s. So, so maybe they played some raffy. Oh, he was popular.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They could have done that. I don't know. Dogs are very sensitive to sound.
So maybe the dog heard that horrible music and decided to kill the whole family. Yeah. I just,
the dog dog, man, I don't, I don't buy it, dude. I mean, it's weird because I do believe in a lot
of weird shit. Do I believe in a lot of things that we talk about on the show? No. Are there some,
are there some things that I do? Hell yeah, man. Like I want them to be real. Yes. Do I believe
they're real? No. It's just like same thing with big foot and like any of the bigger quote unquote,
like bigger cryptids, like the sightings are never compelling. It's always just like, I saw it from a
distance, like at least with like the stuff that we cover, especially the more niche ones, like
flat was like, there was people face to face with it. It was a one-off thing. Like they didn't see
from a distance. They encountered a creature. They encountered something with this shit. It's like,
yeah, you know, I saw a wolf man. He was, yeah, what ruined the believability for me was the
terrible writing because my thought is this person was trying to write like a creepy pasta on Reddit.
They weren't actually trying to tell a real story, but even if like it was real and like don't add
like flavor, the flavor, like, yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like that's why I think it's fake. Like
it's fake. Like write what you remember, write down like what you can somewhat remember what they
exactly said. Like don't add like, you know what I mean? Like fucking all this flavor texts and also,
and again, the entire story that I told you was in the middle of this entire long fucking post. Like
just give me the details. Like don't add like. That's why I said at the beginning, this was
clearly her time to shine. Yeah. Like she needed to write this like super detailed, heavily described
flowery bullshit when she could have just been like, I knew these two cops and they told me about a
fucking wolf man that killed a bunch of people. Here's the details. Way more believable than
it was a dark night. There were many flashlights, $50 flashlights. Yeah. So this is, so this is,
this is the header of the article on phantoms and monsters. It says the article, the following
article is written by Jan Thompson and forwarded to me by my colleague, Ben Peveller of the NAFS,
the website where this article originally appeared was taken down by the author after she was deemed
a liar and a fraud. Oh, Yatsi. There you go. I'm not the only one. And then it says, uh, I'm not
going to go into the scenario considering the source of the accusation. The article has been
reprinted by others though. I cannot attest to the exact content. Those, those, those versions
presented Ben believes that Jan story is credible and he is from the area of the incident and has
talked to others who have met Jan, but not, but not the office. All right. Uh, I also want to give
credit to Barton Nunley, who brought this story to the public's attention in his documentary,
hunt the dog, man, high strangeness in Western Kentucky. And then again, there's also a small
town monsters documentary about it as well as countless episodes of podcasts, stuff like that.
Like, I mean, you can believe it if you want, but to me, this is just fucking great. It's not real.
It's it's bullshit. I really think it's like slender, man. It's a creepy pasta and this person
thought they were going to pull one over and it just, all of it smacks of nonsense. But the other
thing too, is that like, this is like the perfect, like you're this area already heavy heavily
believes in shit like this. You know what I mean? Like it's been around forever. So to write this,
to be from the area and then to have someone who's also from the area, part of like a fucking like
cryptid paranormal group, like kind of give you their backing even makes it more credible,
even though it's like clearly not like, yeah, but the, but the, the, the big red flag for me,
and which I don't understand how no one else, because I hate to say it, but the cryptic community
and the fucking conspiracy and like weird right wing, they all kind of mesh together at certain
points. So they don't care about the fact that the biggest red flag was when she started out with,
you won't find this in the newspaper. You won't find it in the media. There'll be no police records
of this because they want to keep it hush hush because it'll impact tourism. Yeah. That's the
biggest red flag. If you can't verify that this fucking happened, it didn't happen. There's no way.
Yeah. Also the media cannot wait to report things. Exactly. And you're telling me that like
Jan, not even like a firsthand witness. This is like a third hand witness. Like it's nonsense.
It just absolute nonsense. It just frustrates me because like shit like this, like this is why I
hate fucking dog man, big foot. And I hate all the new skin walker shit because like it just muddies
the water of just like what actually might actually be out there. But also, I don't know. I don't know
the history of the dog, man. Like, I don't know if this is like appropriation of like a Native
American thing. It probably fucking could be. And we're just probably we're just being super white
about it. And I don't want to do that. But who the fuck knows, man? I don't know. Yeah. The thing
that annoys me the most about it. And this is what triggered me to believe that it wasn't real was
just like you were saying, how descriptive she was about everything. Yeah. When you're telling
somebody else's story, you don't you don't add flourishes. Yeah. I've never been like I've never
witnessed something and then had to tell a friend about it and be like, yeah, man, dude, it was a
it was a cold and brisk autumn evening. Yeah. Sun was setting just below the horizon.
The amber unless you were trying to make a joke out of it. Like if you were trying to fuck around
to the end, that would make sense. Well, like, yeah, like don't don't like the guys were like,
yeah, it's like seven o'clock. We went to this trailer. A bunch of people died and she's like,
seven o'clock. The sun was just setting below the. Oh, no. My favorite part was this is this is where
it started for me when I when my bullshit meter went off. It was a very beginning when she's like,
the sun was setting low in the sky. Yeah. When does the sun set high in the sky? You fucking idiot.
When when once have you ever seen the sun set, you know, at noon? What if there's a mountain in the
way? Then it's setting high and it's still low. Not really. It's big mountain, Everest, big mountain.
Also, is Kentucky and is Kentucky and Tennessee? I think there's some mountains that way. There's
a lot of hills in Kentucky. I know for sure, but well, I think there might also be some mountains.
I didn't look this up, but like is is the the line between the lakes? It's got to be like kind of
that's like Appalachia kind of area, right? It's going to be our longest episode ever because
we're just going to fucking sit here and talk shit about this for so long.
I'm looking it up right now, but I feel like we don't ever break down the stories we're telling.
I think this is a good time to do it because this is clearly nonsense, but I just don't understand
how like if I Google massacre between the lakes, like you're going to get so many results and
they're all going to do like this run right here. This is from July 29th, 2024. OK, so it is part
of the Appalachian mountain range. Yeah, but if you Google the massacre of land between the lakes
or land between lakes massacre, you get a bunch of like stuff like new like stuff like from this year
talking about it and how like it's real. And again, the new like this article right here from 2024,
it says the newest entry about the LBL massacres entitled Dogman territory, werewolves in the land
between the lakes, which first of all, even though dog man's not real, it's not a werewolf. It's like
it's not a dude who turns into a wolf. It's just a fucking wolf man. Like I don't like it's like
how like they did the Rougarou like they said that like the Rougarou is a werewolf. It's not
huge. Yeah, they're just making more out of it than it needs than there needs to be.
Like a werewolf, you're cursed. You don't want to be a werewolf like a Rougarou. You want you become
like you actively seek out becoming that same thing with like the dog man. Like the dog man is
just a fucking dog man. I don't know. Anyway, Sarge. Yeah, we're getting we're just
two thumbs way down on the reality of this. Two thumbs way down.
This one. And if I had a third thumb, it would be three thumbs down for the writing.
Yeah. Oh, God. The writing was so bad. But anyways, this is uh, that's it. We're done.
All right, Sarge. So that's the episode. We did good. I think it's a long survive. It's a longer
one. It was dumb. It was really fucking stupid, but it was funny and I had a good time. Yeah.
People will appreciate it. Yeah. All right. Is there anything you want to plug? You want to
you want to promote anything? I know you still got your coloring book. Yep. Sarge is supernormal.com
still available. Nine ninety nine. Get your coloring book. Do it before the election because
hopefully after the election, it won't be necessary anymore. It'll probably be banned if the other guy
wins. And then you find me on the Internet. Just Google Sarge the Destroyer. I'm sure I'll show up
somewhere on something that you are participating in. Yeah. Be it YouTube, TikTok X, which is the
dumbest name for a website ever. So I'm still calling it Twitter, Instagram threads. I'm all
over the place. But follow me and buy my coloring book because it'll be fun. Yeah. You can find links
to all of his socials as well as where to buy the coloring book in the link in our bio on Instagram
at Crypto Cocktail. Also send more listener stories. Crypto Cocktail at Gmail dot com. You can
send him to either the email. You can send him to the Crypto Cocktail Instagram or you can send him
to Sarge on any of his socials. He's open and ready and willing for anything to come his way.
I am wide open. Yeah. Support us on Patreon. It's five dollars a month.
You know, we'll do some stuff maybe. Who knows? Let's do this. Besides that,
I got nothing else. Sarge, you want to say goodbye and I love you to the audience?
Hey, you guys, I love you. Thank you for listening.