Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of Cryptic Cocktail Party, a show where we
have a few drinks, share a few laughs, take a dive into the unknown. I'm your host Dave.
And I'm, I'm Sarge. Hi. Fucking nailed it. Yeah. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm Sarge.
That is Sarge. Also, he, for those of you who don't know, Sarge has a very storied past. He is
apparently one of the founding members of Wham! Along with, was it George Mike,
was it George Michael? No. George Michael and the other guy. Who? And the other guy. Did the other
guy ever have like a career? We never bothered to learn his name, you know? He was really just
window dressing for George Michael. I guess if he did have his own career afterwards, we wouldn't
be calling him the other guy from Wham! Exactly. Exactly. And I was the, I was the hype man. So I
didn't have a lot to do because I didn't rap. So I was mostly, I was mostly backstage just going,
you guys are doing great. Just about two thumbs up from the side. Yeah. Awesome crew neck sweatshirt,
George. You, you were, you were the face of the early eighties. Yeah. All right. So yeah. He paid
me and fluorescent watches. I don't, they didn't last. I don't know how to respond to that. It's
fine. It's fine. I didn't really know where to go with that afterwards. We're killing it today,
dude. Sorry. Yeah. We're nailing it. We have a phenomenal, we have what I would describe as
a pretty good episode today. I think it might be a little bit shorter than what we normally do.
But before we dive into all that nonsense, how you doing, Sarge? I know you went to, you went to
night two of Metallica. I went to night two of Metallica. I saw, I saw, I went to night one and
night two, but we talked about that in the last one. So for night two, it was Metallica, but they
were being opened up for by ice nine kills. Excellent Kurt Vonnegut reference. And then
five finger donkey punch, I think it's called something. Yeah. Something like that. You know,
you know, not to listen to a band. If, if one of the members of the band is wearing a motocross
shirt with the logo of the band on it, they are the monster energy of rock music. So I declined
to see them. There was a lightning storm that, that took place. So we mostly stayed in the parking lot
underneath an aluminum tent rather than seeing five finger death punch. If that gives you any
inkling as to how I feel about that band. I would rather get fucking electrocuted alive. Yes. Yes.
Yes, please. So, um, you know, just crushing Gansett's with my, with my bro. Um, and my,
my actual brother, uh, who's I, yeah, he, uh, he is also a fan of cryptids. He has a Hawaiian
shirt with big foot on it. Dude, my buddy just got a Hawaiian shirt. Yeah. I'm thinking I need
to up my game as here I am rocking tank tops all day. Like a Sarge. I gotta say, dude,
are you feeling trapped because dude, you're fucking trapped.
You know, the worst part is I don't do anything with my traps. It's, it's because when I was a
little kid, I had a paper route and I was very lazy. And so I used to put all of my newspapers
in, in the bag and then just switch shoulders as the excruciating pain dude, is that what would
build up? Is that why I have, cause I don't work out. This is the only reason I have big traps.
I did the same thing. I had to paper out with the bag for Foster's daily Democrat out of Dover,
New Hampshire. Oh, there you go. I was delivering the Patriot ledger out of Quincy, Massachusetts
and the Quincy son. I delivered, I was a two, two prong assault on the news. Um, but anyway, so,
we got away from music for a moment, but let's go back to Metallica for a bit. I got an awesome
t-shirt. I haven't worn it yet. Um, because it's a black t-shirt. It's been about 4,000 degrees
every day here in Boston. Um, but Metallica did a great job. I feel like the song selection for
night two was better than night one, but night one, I feel like they had a little bit more energy.
And that's probably because they didn't start playing night two until nine 30, because of the
lightning and donkey punches that happened on stage before them. Um, so, you know, it's probably
past their bedtime. Lars probably had a down a couple of insurers before he could get out on
stage, but that's okay. Cause most of the audience did too. So we're all in the same boat. Yeah. I
was going to say that's a, I can only imagine the crap, but, uh, but my, uh, my, my brother and, uh,
good friend of the show, Justin Furtak, they were, uh, they're both there for night two too. I asked,
I only asked Justin, I was like, how was five for your death punch? His only responsible was
awful. And then I haven't heard from him since then. So the thing about five finger death punch,
we were talking about this in the, in the parking lot. Um, the music isn't really the problem.
It is the lead singer and his terrible lyrics. Yeah. It's also the, just a pandering nonsense.
Like none of them were in the military, but they're just full red. They're all waving flags.
It's yeah, it's too, it's butt rock for sure. It's a, what's the, what's the thing that the
fucking right wing hate the virtue signaling? That's what it is. Is that what it is? Like,
it's like, yeah, it's, it's, yeah, it's virtue signaling in the wrong direction.
And then I also love that the lead singer often gets so drunk that he forgets his dad didn't die.
Like, you know, you've got a drinking problem when you think your dad died. I remember one night,
he's like, yeah, my dad died a couple of days ago. And then the next day they had an interview
with his dad and his dad's like, uh, no, maybe he means like, like emotionally, like he emotionally
died. I don't know because the lead singer of five finger death. I don't know that the,
that the lead singer of five finger death punch is capable of that kind of philosophical depth.
You know what I mean? I don't think that he is, I don't think that he's aware of philosophy
in any, in any way he he's not subtle as I guess what I'm trying to say. Well, ice nine kills.
Sorry, this isn't a music podcast, but we're, I'm going to say this real quick. We're going to talk
about it because music is part of our lives. Ice nine kills are actually, they just got into some
like kind of like weird kind of a controversy, I guess they, they were looking for extras for
their upcoming music video or something like that. And instead of just being like every other metal
or hardcore band being like, you know, we need extra show up to this place at this time. If you
can get in cool, whatever they were charging like $600 a person to like be, that's not how being an
extra works. Nope. But then it's like, you get to spend time with the band and like, you get like a
poster or something like that. Like, yeah, you get that anyways. Like you're going to be in the same,
I don't know, but yeah, they got a lot of fear. Ice nine kills, $600 is not enough
to make you want to be. It's not, it's yeah. You would have to pay me more than $600 to want it.
Cause like the music, I'll be honest, I don't know much about the band, but you do know that if they're
opening for five finger death punch, they're probably not, you know what I mean? I just think
kills isn't terrible. They're like, they're like, it's like horror metal. Like everything they do is
horror thing. Yeah. Which I mean, I'm fine with that. Yeah. It's not cool. It's not like,
it's not like the misfits are like creeper, like horror. Yeah. It's try it. It's very,
they don't deserve the $600 per person. No. And I could be inflating that number. I have no idea.
But even charging anything to be an extra in your music video is kind of like, they're one of the
biggest. I mean, like if it was like a live show and they were making a music video of the live show,
I could see maybe charging everybody 50 bucks. Yeah. Like, like it's like, you're using your,
you got. Like if it was like a full show, like, you know what I mean? Like a full set
and they're doing like live shots. I don't know. It's dumb. Like I knew that they weren't
important to Metallica by the fact that there were no ice nine kills t-shirts in the merch area
whatsoever. It was wild. There was like two five finger death punch t-shirts and then
55 Metallica t-shirts. Like they were more Pantera t-shirts. I'm sorry. That's fine. I'm
often a tangent. You never, I've never once what derail conversations that I'm having with myself.
All I gotta say is that tangents are definitely not your brand. I don't know where this came from.
It's definitely not par for the course for
anytime you're in front of a microphone or a camera. Uh, Sarge, if I had a
dollar for every time my therapist said we have derailed anyways, aliens, they're weird, right?
Yeah. Yeah. I love them. Now, Sarge, oh yeah. We're just diving right in by the
yeah. No, that's fine. So it's probably best to surprise me. Yeah. When you picture,
like when you think of an alien, like description, and I don't mean like from movies. I mean like
whatever, like what do you, like what do you picture when you hear about an alien abduction
and can't like, what do you picture the alien looking like? I always, I always envision them
as, as like either green or grays. Like, you know, the big eyes, tiny mouth, two nostrils,
light bulb shaped head, you know? Yeah. That's all I ever picture. Yeah. So, so for like,
for the most part you're like, yeah, like you picture like a three to four foot tall,
like gray little man, like a big head and black eyes. That's like, like the typical alien
description, pretty standard, out of the mill alien type shit. No. This little guy right here.
This one. Yeah. It looks, yeah. This little fella. Just like that. Or like when like you go to like
your stoner friend's house in high school and he has like a black light poster with like a peace
sign on it. Yes. Exactly. That's it. Now we as a show have covered several different alien
encounters and all of them have been pretty fucking weird because we aren't ones to waste your time.
Like we're not going to just talk about alien. Yeah. But this week's topic, alien grays are not
exciting. Yeah. But this week's topic is definitely up there amongst like the, like Pascagoula
aliens or like the Bozak Kalmans of the world when it comes to weird one-off alien sightings.
This week, Sarge, we are heading once again to the nightmare fueled area known as the Pacific
Northwest to the town of Newport, Oregon, to talk about an encounter that we're going to be talking
about. Oregon to talk about an encounter with the entities known as the Newport Stumps. Are you
familiar with the Newport Stumps? Your face says it all. I'm going to say no. That would be an
amazing band name if everyone in the band had amputee. It was like an amputee.
So can I just make a comment before we go on? I'm going to do it anyway.
Whether I get permission or not, because this needs to be said. What is it with the top,
with the Northern corners of our country? I don't know. It's all a nightmare. New England
and the Pacific Northwest are the two weirdest fucking places on earth, or at least in America.
Like, I don't believe in like ley lines or anything like that, but yeah, but it is kind of just like
across that one, like direction. That's just super fucked up. Yeah. But so, so just like with all
these stories, Newport is a small seaside town with a current population of about 11,000.
From pictures, it kind of, it kind of looks just like a, like it belongs more like New England than
on the West Coast. It's got like cute little lighthouses, beaches. You can go visit the state
park there, which is aptly named the Devil's Punch Bowl. No, thank you. I mean, it's cute. Besides
that, the only notable thing about the town that I could find is that David Ogden Steers is from
there. And for those of you unfamiliar with his work, he was Major Winchester in the show Mash.
And if you are a listener, that's not in your late forties. He voiced Cogsworth in Beauty and the
Beast. He was also Dr. Joomba Jukuba, I think in Lilo and Stitch, and was also the voice of
Kamaji in Spirited Away. So that's kind of cool. But besides that, yeah, I like them. Yeah. But
anyways, Newport seems pretty cool. Again, it's just kind of like a, like a small little seaside
town. Seems oddly familiar in vibes to places that I've visited up and down the New England coast. So
good job, guys. Or whatever. Yeah, nice work. One thing about this place that I have never
experienced in New England, and I hope I never do, is what was experienced by 16-year-old Kathy
Reeves and her friend on the night of April 5th, 1966. All right. Sorry. I'm really dragging this
out and I apologize, but this is a short episode. So I'm trying to like pad the runtime.
It's okay. We're talking about the 60s, the swinging 60s, where there was a lot of arm hair,
armpit hair, and people dancing in mud, if I recall. I think that's-
Which I don't, because I wasn't there. That's like the one thing.
The one time. The Vietnam War. That's the help. So there you go. That was the thing that happened
back then. Richard Nixon. Oh. And LBJ. Just swinging his dick out all the time. I could go forever. I
know a lot about history. No, I'm sorry. I'm getting, I'm getting sidetracked. I'm sidetracking
myself again. Okay. Well, are you ready to dive in? Cause I'm going to, I'm about to start this story.
I'm ready to dive in. I want to go dive into the devil's punch bowl. So on the nine question,
Kathy- Sounds like a euphemism for buttholes. Now that I think about it. I was, I almost made that
joke, but I let it slide. You know, I was almost there. I didn't. I was right back. Sounds like a
sex act. So I walked in the room and these weirdos were doing the devil's punch bowl.
Took me weeks to clean that up. I almost just fucking joked. So on the night question, Kathy and her
unnamed friend were walking back to Kathy's house when they got a weird sense that they were being
watched from the darkness. The pair turned around to see what they described as a light from a
flashlight, but like dim as if someone was trying to conceal the light when the girls had turned
around. And they were like, Oh, I'm going to go back to my house. And they were like, Oh, I'm
going to go back to my house. And they were like, Oh, I'm going to go back to my house. And the
girls had turned around. Now, Kathy and her friend both assumed that it was probably a
neighborhood boy trying to prank and scare them, which fellas hear me out. Pro tip. The worst
prank you could play on a pair of young women walking down the road at night is to silently
stalk them down the road just outside of the edge of darkness. Not a good idea. Yeah. Maybe in the
night. Not a good idea. No, but the two girls, the two girls did what any pair of young women
should do when they think they're being followed. And this is a pro tip to the ladies. They started
picking up large rocks from the side of the road and just hocking them towards the tip of light.
And presumptively, whoever was out there in the darkness holding satellite. Now, the downside,
Sarge, to not seeing whoever it was in the darkness is that you might not know if that who
is a what, because once they started pelting whatever it was out there in the darkness,
the dim light went out. And then just an array of wildly more intense light beams were switched on,
just engulfing these two girls in light like they were like a fucking Skrillex concert. Now,
now once their eyes, good reference. Now, once their eyes adjusted from the impromptu
planetarium laser light show, the friends claim that they saw what they described as, quote,
an indistinct dome shaped object, whatever the fuck that means, just sat down on the road just
behind them. They said it was a dome in the road. Yeah. And they said it was about, quote, as high
as a room, which again doesn't really help with scale because rooms are wildly different sizes,
but whatever. And this dome, maybe they only have one kind of room in Newport,
maybe like every house built in the cookie cutter homes or something like that.
But it's exactly seven feet tall. Yeah. Like fuck dude. They give me something,
but also there's 16. I don't, I'm not going to knock them for it. That's fair. But the dome
like quote unquote craft was surrounded by lights and smoke, which made it look as though like,
like it's this thing, it looked like this thing was like on fire. Now the girls seeing this were
no longer as brave as they were when they assumed it was just a possible predator,
socking them through the woods. Apparently, apparently having everything, you know about
the world and known universe just immediately shattered right in front of you really freaks a
person out. So they said, fuck this and attempted to flee as fast as they could. I would. That's
fair. Yeah. Now, as they ran down the street and turned the corner, like any thought of them being
in the clear of this craft or what was piloting the craft were immediately gone. Cutting across
their path through a field that led back to the dome craft were three alien entities that, and I,
this description was used by cryptopia.us, so I'm going to use it here. It says three alien entities
that quote nearly shattered the teens already precarious notion of reality end quote.
Where are you at? So they all look like Steve Bannon.
But I mean, just from that quote alone, what, what do you think these entities, these aliens look like?
Cause that's a pretty wild way to describe them. They, it shattered their precarious notion of
reality. The only, the, like I can't, and again, this is because, you know, I watch a lot of horror
movies. I read a lot of cryptid stories. I can't think of anything that would like,
I can't think of anything that would like shatter. Well, I guess like in person, maybe if I saw like
three men wearing like Wham t-shirts, there's no way three men together in a group like Wham,
like if one of them liked it, I could see that. But if like all three were wearing matching Wham
t-shirt, not matching, they have to be, they were matching. It's like a joke, but if they're all
different ones or like, no, genuinely, if I saw like Steve Bannon, Stephen Miller,
and Mike Pence walking towards me, that would probably, if I didn't know who they were at first,
like if I just saw for the first time that day, cause I'd be like, look, two goblins and ventriloquist
dummy. This is uncomfortable. You basically described what it would look like if a person
was melting in three different stages. You got like Mike, Stephen Miller actually looks like the
Nazi whose face melts in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Mike Pence is the, is the beginning stage.
It's like a wax. Yeah. He's the prototype. Bannon is the end stage. I feel like. Yeah.
And then you got Miller. You finally settled. Yeah. It looks like you're looking at a time-lapse
photo of someone just, just melting like a human candle. Yeah. Like the hair melts off first. That
explains Stephen Miller. I mean, am I wrong? Am I? No, not at all. Not at all. That's pretty apt.
That's a fair assessment. For those of you who don't know what Stephen Miller looks like,
just picture a neck blowing a very ugly bubble. Like those frogs that just like, well, you're not
close at all, Sarge. I hate to break it to you. No, that's fair. Kathy described. That's my
nightmare. That's not their nightmare. I get it. No, Kathy described these aliens as headless,
armless little tree stumps that scuttled along on spider-like appendages that resembled,
quote unquote, tap roots. She also described them as wearing multicolored outfits that included
basically all of the colors. You got orange, blue, white, yellow, and watermelon colored,
which I think the word she was looking for is green, but I get it. Like, so they were,
so they were all wearing Wham costumes. Yeah. Like if you just saw it, like picture that you,
like you just saw a real life end from Lord of the Rings wearing the technicolor dream coat.
If I saw that, like I'd forget all of my twenties. Like if I saw some,
Oh man. No, I love that they're headless and armless. Yeah. They literally look like just
tree stumps. Like imagine Rob Morphe, I forgot how to pronounce his last name, Rob Morphe. I think
it is from the Kryptonaut podcast. He described it as, remember in Beetlejuice when all the
sculptures come to life and there was one that had like the fucking like legs. It's like that,
but instead of the head, like being on the front, it was like in the middle. So it was like a tree
stump on like fucking, it looks like it. I don't know if you, I don't know if you've played Elden
Ring, but this, this has given me Elden Ring vibes. No, I don't have the, I feel like this is a villain
in Elden Ring. I don't have the patience for Souls types games. I can't do it. I couldn't even get
through Jedi Fallen. I don't either. I threw my, my, yeah, I threw my Xbox controller across the
room the other day because I was so goddamn furious with that game. Yeah. I can't, it's, I hate it.
You know, we'll, we'll do a separate thing about this. Yeah. No, it's too much. Yeah. It's too much
because if we start talking about it, we're both going to talk about things that make us mad about
that game. Yeah. So stunned by what they were seeing, obviously the girls could only stand
there as they watched as the silent, but quick spider Groots made their way across the fields
and out of sight towards the craft. Now, once they were able to somewhat gather themselves,
they did what either of us would do. They fucking screamed into the night and booked it to the safety
of the Reeves home. Yeah. Now it wasn't long before rumors started going around town about the young
girls encounter, you know, like UFO researchers, the press, and just your average curiosity seeker
started making their way to the town. And even like, we're going to Kathy Reeves home, like
camping out in front of it to possibly catch a glimpse or get like the next big scoop on these
stump, like aliens, which is, I don't, I never understood that. Like you see this all the time,
like, like a UFO lands or an alien encounter happens. And then people go to the town to try
and see it again. And it's like, they're not going to come back. Like they did the thing. Like,
what do you, what do you hope? Yeah. It's very, I live in a town in Massachusetts that has,
it's no long, they're closing it down, but for a long time, there was a large
maximum security prison here. And anytime I would tell people I live in this town, they'd be like,
Oh, you got the prison there. And I'm like, well, yeah, this is a safe place to be. Because when
you escape jail, you don't stay in the town where the jail is, you leave the town. Yeah. So the other
towns around me are the ones that should be worried. I'm good. They're not coming to my house.
Well, yeah. So like same thing with the aliens. Like these aliens, if they're scurrying, they don't
want to be around these. They're not coming back. No. Why would they come back with, especially with
all the reporters and cameras and shit. It's very rare that you see like an alien, like a UFO
encounter or something like that come back to the same spot. Like, I mean, there are times,
like there's that dude who kept getting abducted by aliens so that they could have sex and he painted
pictures of them. The guy in Brazil. You know, the guy I'm talking about. He like paints pictures.
His story is my favorite. Yeah. We're going to do. We're going to cover him. We're going to do a whole.
Oh yeah. We're going to do a whole. It's going to be like a multi-parter episode for that guy,
because there's a lot going on. But yeah, that was like one of the first induction stories that I
read. And I was like, Oh no, this is just a fetish. This isn't a real. I need one of his. This guy's
just getting really turned on by telling this story. I need, if anyone out there has one of his
paintings and they're willing to sell it to me and or gift it because you love me. Yeah.
Fucking please dude. I need one so bad. But like, yeah, I on the other hand would prefer not to have
erotica, but thank you. Oh God. But no, we like, I never understood the whole swarming an area. Like
I get it. If you're like part of like Mufon or like Napro or something, you're like, you're an alien,
and like you, you're going to do like an investigation, like go to the site and like scan
for radiation or whatever. But if you're just a dude, go showing up to some fucking poor
teenagers house in hopes that these stump monsters are going to come back, like not that you missed
your window. Like you're, you're trying too hard, man. But yeah, but there was no such glory to be
found. Like the only one who caught a glimpse of anything was an officer named deputy rice,
who according to the book, and before I say the name of this book, I gotta say, if you're writing
a book about alien encounters, because every single book is an, the titles work on your titles. They
don't have to be this long. Uh, this one is called, uh, according to the book, extraordinary
encounters in I, in encyclopedia of extraterrestrials and other worldly beings. Deputy rice saw some
lights over the brief home and then that was it. So, okay. Yeah. But that's really it. So at least
we have, we have a, uh, one source outside of these three young, what was it? Two young ladies.
Yeah. Well, this is after the fact, cause you know, this is, he saw these strange,
yeah, right, right, right, right. But then it could have been fucking anything, dude. It's the sixties.
Like, yeah, it could have been, as I mentioned, Jimmy Carter said that he thought he saw UFOs
and all the people that were with him that day were like, ah, no, I don't think, I don't think
that was it. Yeah. Might've been like a street light. Yeah. So all I gotta say is that whoever
wrote extraordinary encounters in encyclopedia of extraterrestrials and other worldly beings. One,
no one cares about this. And two fucking tone it the fuck down. Yeah. There's too many ease in your
title. When your title of your book looks like an eye chart, you've gone too far. But that's really
it. After that, the Newport stumps were never seen again, or at the very least like not reported to
have been seen again. But who knows? Maybe they're like camouflaging themselves in the forest amongst
the trees, which now if I ever go to the Pacific Northwest and I'm like hiking, if I ever get a
stump, if I sit on a stump, I'm going to be like, uh, please don't get up. Yeah. Like what if I'm
just like sitting on their face and they were like, what if that's the thing that I was like,
Oh man, I'm hungry for. Probably not aliens, not understanding human culture. They must all sit on
these stumps. Yeah. Let's get out there. But they have a Sarge. That is the tail of the Newport
stumps. Little short, little short of an episode. It was just a fun little thing. I mean, I, I,
I love this because I like, I'm going to imagine that like all the little pieces, the tendrils
of the stumps were just little legs. So just like skittering along. That's what it was.
And they're all multicolored and dressed like they're going to a rave.
Yeah. I don't understand. I don't understand why they all had the same, like
they're the uniforms or whatever they described. It just looks like a patchwork quilt. Like,
yeah, like, yeah, I love like alien stories in general, especially when you get like an alien
story where like, you can tell that the aliens from the story were trying to fit in somehow.
Like, I just like to believe that the aliens in this story were just wearing costumes. They were
like, this is what people around this place wear. Let's just wear this and they'll never notice that
we're tree stumps. Yeah. They, they, no attempt to hide the fact that they look wildly different as
far as like by all like biological. Like, no, what's really, what really will define us as human is
the patchwork clothing. I do. Yeah. Yes. Now I like it. And frankly, like, I feel like the 60s was
a great time for aliens to come to earth because so many people would do an LSD that no one's going
to believe you. But also I didn't think about the fact that it was the 60s and now I'm trying to,
now I'm in my head, I'm picturing how like hippies dress and it's, it's like cross-punks, but colorful.
So like everything was patch, everything was patchwork, but instead of tight, it was baggy.
Like they are wearing multicolor. Yeah. Like instead of filthy denim vests, they were wearing
filthy denim vests that were colorful. Yeah. Like, like I said, the only way I, the way I pictured
it was the Technicolor dream coat. And I think that that's probably the best way to describe it.
I love it. It was good. I want, I want them, I want these little stump guys to come back.
You can hang out in my yard. My dog won't bother you, but I'm not going to sit on you. Yeah. No,
she's, she's a dainty chick. She won't do that. She has her own area of the yard. That's her toilet.
She keeps it contained. You can't spoil the rest of the yard. Yeah. Yeah. Oh shit. All right, Sarge,
well that is the episode. The Stumps, the Newport Stumps. The Newport Stumps, which is
definitely a good name for a band. It's not bad, but that's why I also named the studio. It's not
a bad band name. That's why, that's why I named the studio Newport Regular 100s.
Cause yeah, you don't want the 120s. You don't want the skinny ones. No, you know,
the slims Virginia slumps. All right. Yeah. So I had a buddy whose mom used to smoke Misty,
Misty 120 slims. Yeah. Yeah. And they were like, I don't even, they were like toothpicks.
They looked like the candy cigarettes that we would buy when we went up to China, Maine.
There was a candy store. She used to keep them in the freezer. Oh, well I did that too. When I,
when I used to smoke cigarettes, I put my cart into cigarettes in the freezer. I don't think it
does anything. I don't understand why it does not. It does not help. It dries them out if anything.
Well, it is what it is. All right. So do you got anything you want to plug before we,
before we sign off? Yeah, I got to listen to story. Oh shit. I forgot about it. It's a short one.
It's a short one. I literally already forgot it. You told me this before the episode.
So I'm not going to lie. I had a few drinks, I had a few drinks before writing this,
which is why it's all over the place. So I'm kind of feeling good. Okay. So my buddy Donald
sent me this story. It's kind of a dark story to be honest, but it's certainly, um,
it's a dark story. It's a dark story. So he says when he was eight or nine,
his dad was murdered by his friend. Okay. Just right out the gate, right out the gate. Like
he didn't, he didn't even, yeah, this is such a tough story. I like, didn't even know what to say.
All right. So it started over the beginning. All right. So when he was eight or nine, his dad was
murdered by his friend and his dad's girlfriend about a month or so after his funeral. Oh, so
his dad's friend and his dad's girlfriend murdered him. So a month or so after the funeral,
he moved to Ohio and he was left home alone by his mom. His mom was always out. And then his sister
was at his aunt's house all the time. And anyway, uh, he, his dad one night showed up as a full body
apparition and sat with him and explained everything that happened to him. But now he was in a better
place and he's safe and healthy and no longer in pain. And he's guess his dad stayed with him for
two hours and then he just vanished after he told him he loved him. Jesus Christ. Right. I was like,
I was like, how do you want me to change this at all? And he's like, no, just say it like that.
And I was like, okay, man. I feel like, so Don, Donald, thank you for the story. Um, sorry that
that happened to you. It's goddamn awful, but it's also kind of cool that your dad just came
and sat with you afterwards. Like that's closure that not a lot of people would get. That's kind
of amazing. I guess, but at the same time, like, fuck dude, we just, yeah, it's brutal. It's such a
brutal story. That is the opposite of wholesome content. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's wholesome in the
end because his dad came and told them everything was going to be okay. Not to make light of the
situation. And I really don't mean to, but he said he was healthy. Dude, you're dead, man.
That's the opposite. The most opposite of healthy you could ever. Well, I think, I think,
I think, I think Donald was saying, I'm sorry, I think he was kind of like, Hey, I feel good.
Now I feel okay. Now, you know, damn Jesus. What a terrible story though. That was a tough one.
Yeah, I mean, I felt so sad for him. I was like, this is so sad to me. All right. New rule. You're
your stories can't involve your parents being murdered, please. I don't think I can handle,
I'm laughing because I can't handle how fucking bummed I am. I co-sign that rule. I co-sign that
rule, but yeah, yeah, I was pretty, it messed me up for like a day afterwards because I was like,
trying to think about how to, and I was like, you know what? I'm just going to do it. Like he said,
just read it as it is. Well, thank you for your story. Yeah. If anyone else has a little story,
like a story they want to share with us, please do. You can either message Crypto Cocktail on
Instagram at Crypto Cocktail. You can DM Sarge at Sarge the Destroyer. Yeah, Sarge the Destroyer on
Instagram or TikTok. You can find me there. Yeah. Or you can email the show at CryptoCocktail.gmail.com.
Just trying to give a brief, try and not bum us out almost immediately. Yeah. Don't make me too
sad. Or if you don't hold back. Or if it is sad, just don't open up with my father was murdered.
Please. Yeah. You know, ease us into it. That was hard. That was a tough one. Yeah. Let's see.
Yeah. Follow us on Instagram. You know, leave a rating and review of the show. If you can't
please, that'd be awesome. Don't base it off of this episode. I feel like this episode is not our
best work. But if you like the show, just, you know, five stars on. This is a roller coaster of
an episode. That's for sure. Yeah. Really? Yeah. I got nothing else. Patreon, $5 a month if you want
to. That's cool. If not, whatever. And yeah. Oh, Sarge has a coloring book. You can go get his coloring
book. Yeah. SargesSuperNormal.com. You can get my coloring book, $9.99. I'm gonna get my coloring
book. $9.99. It's got like 50 pages that you can color on. Yeah. Have it on display. If you.
It's right behind. Oh, you have it on display. Oh, I do see it. Very fancy. Right behind my lava line.
This is what it looks like. The artwork is by Mr. Daniel. He's a buddy of mine. And he made this
to make it look like I was haunting your acid trip. But there's all kinds of fun stuff in here.
There's big foots and fighting petunias. There's all kinds of things. Yeah. So, uh,
SargesSuperNormal.com. All one word. Uh, get a coloring book in color away your fears as a nation
dip slowly into madness. So on both of those bummer, do you want to say goodbye and love into
the audience? Guys, everything's going to be okay. And I love you.