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Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of Cryptic Cocktail Party, a show where we

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have a few drinks, share a few laughs, take a dive into the unknown. I'm your host Dave.

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And I'm, I'm Sarge. Hi. Fucking nailed it. Yeah. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm Sarge.

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That is Sarge. Also, he, for those of you who don't know, Sarge has a very storied past. He is

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apparently one of the founding members of Wham! Along with, was it George Mike,

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was it George Michael? No. George Michael and the other guy. Who? And the other guy. Did the other

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guy ever have like a career? We never bothered to learn his name, you know? He was really just

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window dressing for George Michael. I guess if he did have his own career afterwards, we wouldn't

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be calling him the other guy from Wham! Exactly. Exactly. And I was the, I was the hype man. So I

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didn't have a lot to do because I didn't rap. So I was mostly, I was mostly backstage just going,

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you guys are doing great. Just about two thumbs up from the side. Yeah. Awesome crew neck sweatshirt,

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George. You, you were, you were the face of the early eighties. Yeah. All right. So yeah. He paid

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me and fluorescent watches. I don't, they didn't last. I don't know how to respond to that. It's

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fine. It's fine. I didn't really know where to go with that afterwards. We're killing it today,

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dude. Sorry. Yeah. We're nailing it. We have a phenomenal, we have what I would describe as

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a pretty good episode today. I think it might be a little bit shorter than what we normally do.

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But before we dive into all that nonsense, how you doing, Sarge? I know you went to, you went to

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night two of Metallica. I went to night two of Metallica. I saw, I saw, I went to night one and

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night two, but we talked about that in the last one. So for night two, it was Metallica, but they

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were being opened up for by ice nine kills. Excellent Kurt Vonnegut reference. And then

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five finger donkey punch, I think it's called something. Yeah. Something like that. You know,

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you know, not to listen to a band. If, if one of the members of the band is wearing a motocross

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shirt with the logo of the band on it, they are the monster energy of rock music. So I declined

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to see them. There was a lightning storm that, that took place. So we mostly stayed in the parking lot

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underneath an aluminum tent rather than seeing five finger death punch. If that gives you any

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inkling as to how I feel about that band. I would rather get fucking electrocuted alive. Yes. Yes.

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Yes, please. So, um, you know, just crushing Gansett's with my, with my bro. Um, and my,

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my actual brother, uh, who's I, yeah, he, uh, he is also a fan of cryptids. He has a Hawaiian

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shirt with big foot on it. Dude, my buddy just got a Hawaiian shirt. Yeah. I'm thinking I need

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to up my game as here I am rocking tank tops all day. Like a Sarge. I gotta say, dude,

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are you feeling trapped because dude, you're fucking trapped.

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You know, the worst part is I don't do anything with my traps. It's, it's because when I was a

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little kid, I had a paper route and I was very lazy. And so I used to put all of my newspapers

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in, in the bag and then just switch shoulders as the excruciating pain dude, is that what would

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build up? Is that why I have, cause I don't work out. This is the only reason I have big traps.

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I did the same thing. I had to paper out with the bag for Foster's daily Democrat out of Dover,

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New Hampshire. Oh, there you go. I was delivering the Patriot ledger out of Quincy, Massachusetts

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and the Quincy son. I delivered, I was a two, two prong assault on the news. Um, but anyway, so,

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we got away from music for a moment, but let's go back to Metallica for a bit. I got an awesome

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t-shirt. I haven't worn it yet. Um, because it's a black t-shirt. It's been about 4,000 degrees

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every day here in Boston. Um, but Metallica did a great job. I feel like the song selection for

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night two was better than night one, but night one, I feel like they had a little bit more energy.

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And that's probably because they didn't start playing night two until nine 30, because of the

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lightning and donkey punches that happened on stage before them. Um, so, you know, it's probably

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past their bedtime. Lars probably had a down a couple of insurers before he could get out on

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stage, but that's okay. Cause most of the audience did too. So we're all in the same boat. Yeah. I

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was going to say that's a, I can only imagine the crap, but, uh, but my, uh, my, my brother and, uh,

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good friend of the show, Justin Furtak, they were, uh, they're both there for night two too. I asked,

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I only asked Justin, I was like, how was five for your death punch? His only responsible was

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awful. And then I haven't heard from him since then. So the thing about five finger death punch,

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we were talking about this in the, in the parking lot. Um, the music isn't really the problem.

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It is the lead singer and his terrible lyrics. Yeah. It's also the, just a pandering nonsense.

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Like none of them were in the military, but they're just full red. They're all waving flags.

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It's yeah, it's too, it's butt rock for sure. It's a, what's the, what's the thing that the

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fucking right wing hate the virtue signaling? That's what it is. Is that what it is? Like,

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it's like, yeah, it's, it's, yeah, it's virtue signaling in the wrong direction.

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And then I also love that the lead singer often gets so drunk that he forgets his dad didn't die.

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Like, you know, you've got a drinking problem when you think your dad died. I remember one night,

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he's like, yeah, my dad died a couple of days ago. And then the next day they had an interview

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with his dad and his dad's like, uh, no, maybe he means like, like emotionally, like he emotionally

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died. I don't know because the lead singer of five finger death. I don't know that the,

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that the lead singer of five finger death punch is capable of that kind of philosophical depth.

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You know what I mean? I don't think that he is, I don't think that he's aware of philosophy

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in any, in any way he he's not subtle as I guess what I'm trying to say. Well, ice nine kills.

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Sorry, this isn't a music podcast, but we're, I'm going to say this real quick. We're going to talk

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about it because music is part of our lives. Ice nine kills are actually, they just got into some

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like kind of like weird kind of a controversy, I guess they, they were looking for extras for

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their upcoming music video or something like that. And instead of just being like every other metal

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or hardcore band being like, you know, we need extra show up to this place at this time. If you

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can get in cool, whatever they were charging like $600 a person to like be, that's not how being an

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extra works. Nope. But then it's like, you get to spend time with the band and like, you get like a

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poster or something like that. Like, yeah, you get that anyways. Like you're going to be in the same,

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I don't know, but yeah, they got a lot of fear. Ice nine kills, $600 is not enough

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to make you want to be. It's not, it's yeah. You would have to pay me more than $600 to want it.

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Cause like the music, I'll be honest, I don't know much about the band, but you do know that if they're

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opening for five finger death punch, they're probably not, you know what I mean? I just think

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kills isn't terrible. They're like, they're like, it's like horror metal. Like everything they do is

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horror thing. Yeah. Which I mean, I'm fine with that. Yeah. It's not cool. It's not like,

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it's not like the misfits are like creeper, like horror. Yeah. It's try it. It's very,

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they don't deserve the $600 per person. No. And I could be inflating that number. I have no idea.

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But even charging anything to be an extra in your music video is kind of like, they're one of the

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biggest. I mean, like if it was like a live show and they were making a music video of the live show,

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I could see maybe charging everybody 50 bucks. Yeah. Like, like it's like, you're using your,

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you got. Like if it was like a full show, like, you know what I mean? Like a full set

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and they're doing like live shots. I don't know. It's dumb. Like I knew that they weren't

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important to Metallica by the fact that there were no ice nine kills t-shirts in the merch area

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whatsoever. It was wild. There was like two five finger death punch t-shirts and then

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55 Metallica t-shirts. Like they were more Pantera t-shirts. I'm sorry. That's fine. I'm

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often a tangent. You never, I've never once what derail conversations that I'm having with myself.

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All I gotta say is that tangents are definitely not your brand. I don't know where this came from.

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It's definitely not par for the course for

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anytime you're in front of a microphone or a camera. Uh, Sarge, if I had a

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dollar for every time my therapist said we have derailed anyways, aliens, they're weird, right?

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Yeah. Yeah. I love them. Now, Sarge, oh yeah. We're just diving right in by the

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yeah. No, that's fine. So it's probably best to surprise me. Yeah. When you picture,

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like when you think of an alien, like description, and I don't mean like from movies. I mean like

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whatever, like what do you, like what do you picture when you hear about an alien abduction

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and can't like, what do you picture the alien looking like? I always, I always envision them

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as, as like either green or grays. Like, you know, the big eyes, tiny mouth, two nostrils,

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light bulb shaped head, you know? Yeah. That's all I ever picture. Yeah. So, so for like,

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for the most part you're like, yeah, like you picture like a three to four foot tall,

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like gray little man, like a big head and black eyes. That's like, like the typical alien

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description, pretty standard, out of the mill alien type shit. No. This little guy right here.

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This one. Yeah. It looks, yeah. This little fella. Just like that. Or like when like you go to like

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your stoner friend's house in high school and he has like a black light poster with like a peace

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sign on it. Yes. Exactly. That's it. Now we as a show have covered several different alien

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encounters and all of them have been pretty fucking weird because we aren't ones to waste your time.

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Like we're not going to just talk about alien. Yeah. But this week's topic, alien grays are not

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exciting. Yeah. But this week's topic is definitely up there amongst like the, like Pascagoula

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aliens or like the Bozak Kalmans of the world when it comes to weird one-off alien sightings.

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This week, Sarge, we are heading once again to the nightmare fueled area known as the Pacific

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Northwest to the town of Newport, Oregon, to talk about an encounter that we're going to be talking

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about. Oregon to talk about an encounter with the entities known as the Newport Stumps. Are you

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familiar with the Newport Stumps? Your face says it all. I'm going to say no. That would be an

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amazing band name if everyone in the band had amputee. It was like an amputee.

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So can I just make a comment before we go on? I'm going to do it anyway.

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Whether I get permission or not, because this needs to be said. What is it with the top,

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with the Northern corners of our country? I don't know. It's all a nightmare. New England

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and the Pacific Northwest are the two weirdest fucking places on earth, or at least in America.

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Like, I don't believe in like ley lines or anything like that, but yeah, but it is kind of just like

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across that one, like direction. That's just super fucked up. Yeah. But so, so just like with all

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these stories, Newport is a small seaside town with a current population of about 11,000.

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From pictures, it kind of, it kind of looks just like a, like it belongs more like New England than

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on the West Coast. It's got like cute little lighthouses, beaches. You can go visit the state

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park there, which is aptly named the Devil's Punch Bowl. No, thank you. I mean, it's cute. Besides

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that, the only notable thing about the town that I could find is that David Ogden Steers is from

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there. And for those of you unfamiliar with his work, he was Major Winchester in the show Mash.

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And if you are a listener, that's not in your late forties. He voiced Cogsworth in Beauty and the

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Beast. He was also Dr. Joomba Jukuba, I think in Lilo and Stitch, and was also the voice of

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Kamaji in Spirited Away. So that's kind of cool. But besides that, yeah, I like them. Yeah. But

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anyways, Newport seems pretty cool. Again, it's just kind of like a, like a small little seaside

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town. Seems oddly familiar in vibes to places that I've visited up and down the New England coast. So

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good job, guys. Or whatever. Yeah, nice work. One thing about this place that I have never

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experienced in New England, and I hope I never do, is what was experienced by 16-year-old Kathy

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Reeves and her friend on the night of April 5th, 1966. All right. Sorry. I'm really dragging this

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out and I apologize, but this is a short episode. So I'm trying to like pad the runtime.

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It's okay. We're talking about the 60s, the swinging 60s, where there was a lot of arm hair,

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armpit hair, and people dancing in mud, if I recall. I think that's-

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Which I don't, because I wasn't there. That's like the one thing.

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The one time. The Vietnam War. That's the help. So there you go. That was the thing that happened

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back then. Richard Nixon. Oh. And LBJ. Just swinging his dick out all the time. I could go forever. I

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know a lot about history. No, I'm sorry. I'm getting, I'm getting sidetracked. I'm sidetracking

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myself again. Okay. Well, are you ready to dive in? Cause I'm going to, I'm about to start this story.

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I'm ready to dive in. I want to go dive into the devil's punch bowl. So on the nine question,

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Kathy- Sounds like a euphemism for buttholes. Now that I think about it. I was, I almost made that

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joke, but I let it slide. You know, I was almost there. I didn't. I was right back. Sounds like a

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sex act. So I walked in the room and these weirdos were doing the devil's punch bowl.

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Took me weeks to clean that up. I almost just fucking joked. So on the night question, Kathy and her

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unnamed friend were walking back to Kathy's house when they got a weird sense that they were being

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watched from the darkness. The pair turned around to see what they described as a light from a

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flashlight, but like dim as if someone was trying to conceal the light when the girls had turned

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around. And they were like, Oh, I'm going to go back to my house. And they were like, Oh, I'm

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going to go back to my house. And they were like, Oh, I'm going to go back to my house. And the

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girls had turned around. Now, Kathy and her friend both assumed that it was probably a

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neighborhood boy trying to prank and scare them, which fellas hear me out. Pro tip. The worst

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prank you could play on a pair of young women walking down the road at night is to silently

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stalk them down the road just outside of the edge of darkness. Not a good idea. Yeah. Maybe in the

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night. Not a good idea. No, but the two girls, the two girls did what any pair of young women

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should do when they think they're being followed. And this is a pro tip to the ladies. They started

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picking up large rocks from the side of the road and just hocking them towards the tip of light.

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And presumptively, whoever was out there in the darkness holding satellite. Now, the downside,

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Sarge, to not seeing whoever it was in the darkness is that you might not know if that who

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is a what, because once they started pelting whatever it was out there in the darkness,

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the dim light went out. And then just an array of wildly more intense light beams were switched on,

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just engulfing these two girls in light like they were like a fucking Skrillex concert. Now,

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now once their eyes, good reference. Now, once their eyes adjusted from the impromptu

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planetarium laser light show, the friends claim that they saw what they described as, quote,

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an indistinct dome shaped object, whatever the fuck that means, just sat down on the road just

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behind them. They said it was a dome in the road. Yeah. And they said it was about, quote, as high

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as a room, which again doesn't really help with scale because rooms are wildly different sizes,

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but whatever. And this dome, maybe they only have one kind of room in Newport,

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maybe like every house built in the cookie cutter homes or something like that.

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But it's exactly seven feet tall. Yeah. Like fuck dude. They give me something,

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but also there's 16. I don't, I'm not going to knock them for it. That's fair. But the dome

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like quote unquote craft was surrounded by lights and smoke, which made it look as though like,

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like it's this thing, it looked like this thing was like on fire. Now the girls seeing this were

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no longer as brave as they were when they assumed it was just a possible predator,

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socking them through the woods. Apparently, apparently having everything, you know about

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the world and known universe just immediately shattered right in front of you really freaks a

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person out. So they said, fuck this and attempted to flee as fast as they could. I would. That's

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fair. Yeah. Now, as they ran down the street and turned the corner, like any thought of them being

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in the clear of this craft or what was piloting the craft were immediately gone. Cutting across

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their path through a field that led back to the dome craft were three alien entities that, and I,

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this description was used by cryptopia.us, so I'm going to use it here. It says three alien entities

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that quote nearly shattered the teens already precarious notion of reality end quote.

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Where are you at? So they all look like Steve Bannon.

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But I mean, just from that quote alone, what, what do you think these entities, these aliens look like?

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Cause that's a pretty wild way to describe them. They, it shattered their precarious notion of

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reality. The only, the, like I can't, and again, this is because, you know, I watch a lot of horror

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movies. I read a lot of cryptid stories. I can't think of anything that would like,

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I can't think of anything that would like shatter. Well, I guess like in person, maybe if I saw like

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three men wearing like Wham t-shirts, there's no way three men together in a group like Wham,

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like if one of them liked it, I could see that. But if like all three were wearing matching Wham

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t-shirt, not matching, they have to be, they were matching. It's like a joke, but if they're all

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different ones or like, no, genuinely, if I saw like Steve Bannon, Stephen Miller,

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and Mike Pence walking towards me, that would probably, if I didn't know who they were at first,

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like if I just saw for the first time that day, cause I'd be like, look, two goblins and ventriloquist

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dummy. This is uncomfortable. You basically described what it would look like if a person

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was melting in three different stages. You got like Mike, Stephen Miller actually looks like the

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Nazi whose face melts in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Mike Pence is the, is the beginning stage.

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It's like a wax. Yeah. He's the prototype. Bannon is the end stage. I feel like. Yeah.

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And then you got Miller. You finally settled. Yeah. It looks like you're looking at a time-lapse

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photo of someone just, just melting like a human candle. Yeah. Like the hair melts off first. That

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explains Stephen Miller. I mean, am I wrong? Am I? No, not at all. Not at all. That's pretty apt.

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That's a fair assessment. For those of you who don't know what Stephen Miller looks like,

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just picture a neck blowing a very ugly bubble. Like those frogs that just like, well, you're not

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close at all, Sarge. I hate to break it to you. No, that's fair. Kathy described. That's my

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nightmare. That's not their nightmare. I get it. No, Kathy described these aliens as headless,

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armless little tree stumps that scuttled along on spider-like appendages that resembled,

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quote unquote, tap roots. She also described them as wearing multicolored outfits that included

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basically all of the colors. You got orange, blue, white, yellow, and watermelon colored,

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which I think the word she was looking for is green, but I get it. Like, so they were,

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so they were all wearing Wham costumes. Yeah. Like if you just saw it, like picture that you,

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like you just saw a real life end from Lord of the Rings wearing the technicolor dream coat.

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If I saw that, like I'd forget all of my twenties. Like if I saw some,

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Oh man. No, I love that they're headless and armless. Yeah. They literally look like just

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tree stumps. Like imagine Rob Morphe, I forgot how to pronounce his last name, Rob Morphe. I think

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it is from the Kryptonaut podcast. He described it as, remember in Beetlejuice when all the

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sculptures come to life and there was one that had like the fucking like legs. It's like that,

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but instead of the head, like being on the front, it was like in the middle. So it was like a tree

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stump on like fucking, it looks like it. I don't know if you, I don't know if you've played Elden

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Ring, but this, this has given me Elden Ring vibes. No, I don't have the, I feel like this is a villain

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in Elden Ring. I don't have the patience for Souls types games. I can't do it. I couldn't even get

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through Jedi Fallen. I don't either. I threw my, my, yeah, I threw my Xbox controller across the

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room the other day because I was so goddamn furious with that game. Yeah. I can't, it's, I hate it.

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You know, we'll, we'll do a separate thing about this. Yeah. No, it's too much. Yeah. It's too much

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because if we start talking about it, we're both going to talk about things that make us mad about

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that game. Yeah. So stunned by what they were seeing, obviously the girls could only stand

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there as they watched as the silent, but quick spider Groots made their way across the fields

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and out of sight towards the craft. Now, once they were able to somewhat gather themselves,

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they did what either of us would do. They fucking screamed into the night and booked it to the safety

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of the Reeves home. Yeah. Now it wasn't long before rumors started going around town about the young

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girls encounter, you know, like UFO researchers, the press, and just your average curiosity seeker

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started making their way to the town. And even like, we're going to Kathy Reeves home, like

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camping out in front of it to possibly catch a glimpse or get like the next big scoop on these

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stump, like aliens, which is, I don't, I never understood that. Like you see this all the time,

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like, like a UFO lands or an alien encounter happens. And then people go to the town to try

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and see it again. And it's like, they're not going to come back. Like they did the thing. Like,

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what do you, what do you hope? Yeah. It's very, I live in a town in Massachusetts that has,

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it's no long, they're closing it down, but for a long time, there was a large

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maximum security prison here. And anytime I would tell people I live in this town, they'd be like,

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Oh, you got the prison there. And I'm like, well, yeah, this is a safe place to be. Because when

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you escape jail, you don't stay in the town where the jail is, you leave the town. Yeah. So the other

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towns around me are the ones that should be worried. I'm good. They're not coming to my house.

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Well, yeah. So like same thing with the aliens. Like these aliens, if they're scurrying, they don't

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want to be around these. They're not coming back. No. Why would they come back with, especially with

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all the reporters and cameras and shit. It's very rare that you see like an alien, like a UFO

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encounter or something like that come back to the same spot. Like, I mean, there are times,

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like there's that dude who kept getting abducted by aliens so that they could have sex and he painted

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pictures of them. The guy in Brazil. You know, the guy I'm talking about. He like paints pictures.

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His story is my favorite. Yeah. We're going to do. We're going to cover him. We're going to do a whole.

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Oh yeah. We're going to do a whole. It's going to be like a multi-parter episode for that guy,

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because there's a lot going on. But yeah, that was like one of the first induction stories that I

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read. And I was like, Oh no, this is just a fetish. This isn't a real. I need one of his. This guy's

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just getting really turned on by telling this story. I need, if anyone out there has one of his

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paintings and they're willing to sell it to me and or gift it because you love me. Yeah.

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Fucking please dude. I need one so bad. But like, yeah, I on the other hand would prefer not to have

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erotica, but thank you. Oh God. But no, we like, I never understood the whole swarming an area. Like

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I get it. If you're like part of like Mufon or like Napro or something, you're like, you're an alien,

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and like you, you're going to do like an investigation, like go to the site and like scan

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for radiation or whatever. But if you're just a dude, go showing up to some fucking poor

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teenagers house in hopes that these stump monsters are going to come back, like not that you missed

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your window. Like you're, you're trying too hard, man. But yeah, but there was no such glory to be

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found. Like the only one who caught a glimpse of anything was an officer named deputy rice,

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who according to the book, and before I say the name of this book, I gotta say, if you're writing

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a book about alien encounters, because every single book is an, the titles work on your titles. They

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don't have to be this long. Uh, this one is called, uh, according to the book, extraordinary

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encounters in I, in encyclopedia of extraterrestrials and other worldly beings. Deputy rice saw some

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lights over the brief home and then that was it. So, okay. Yeah. But that's really it. So at least

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we have, we have a, uh, one source outside of these three young, what was it? Two young ladies.

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Yeah. Well, this is after the fact, cause you know, this is, he saw these strange,

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yeah, right, right, right, right. But then it could have been fucking anything, dude. It's the sixties.

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Like, yeah, it could have been, as I mentioned, Jimmy Carter said that he thought he saw UFOs

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and all the people that were with him that day were like, ah, no, I don't think, I don't think

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that was it. Yeah. Might've been like a street light. Yeah. So all I gotta say is that whoever

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wrote extraordinary encounters in encyclopedia of extraterrestrials and other worldly beings. One,

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no one cares about this. And two fucking tone it the fuck down. Yeah. There's too many ease in your

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title. When your title of your book looks like an eye chart, you've gone too far. But that's really

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it. After that, the Newport stumps were never seen again, or at the very least like not reported to

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have been seen again. But who knows? Maybe they're like camouflaging themselves in the forest amongst

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the trees, which now if I ever go to the Pacific Northwest and I'm like hiking, if I ever get a

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stump, if I sit on a stump, I'm going to be like, uh, please don't get up. Yeah. Like what if I'm

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just like sitting on their face and they were like, what if that's the thing that I was like,

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Oh man, I'm hungry for. Probably not aliens, not understanding human culture. They must all sit on

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these stumps. Yeah. Let's get out there. But they have a Sarge. That is the tail of the Newport

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stumps. Little short, little short of an episode. It was just a fun little thing. I mean, I, I,

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I love this because I like, I'm going to imagine that like all the little pieces, the tendrils

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of the stumps were just little legs. So just like skittering along. That's what it was.

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And they're all multicolored and dressed like they're going to a rave.

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Yeah. I don't understand. I don't understand why they all had the same, like

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they're the uniforms or whatever they described. It just looks like a patchwork quilt. Like,

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yeah, like, yeah, I love like alien stories in general, especially when you get like an alien

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story where like, you can tell that the aliens from the story were trying to fit in somehow.

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Like, I just like to believe that the aliens in this story were just wearing costumes. They were

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like, this is what people around this place wear. Let's just wear this and they'll never notice that

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we're tree stumps. Yeah. They, they, no attempt to hide the fact that they look wildly different as

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far as like by all like biological. Like, no, what's really, what really will define us as human is

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the patchwork clothing. I do. Yeah. Yes. Now I like it. And frankly, like, I feel like the 60s was

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a great time for aliens to come to earth because so many people would do an LSD that no one's going

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to believe you. But also I didn't think about the fact that it was the 60s and now I'm trying to,

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now I'm in my head, I'm picturing how like hippies dress and it's, it's like cross-punks, but colorful.

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So like everything was patch, everything was patchwork, but instead of tight, it was baggy.

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Like they are wearing multicolor. Yeah. Like instead of filthy denim vests, they were wearing

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filthy denim vests that were colorful. Yeah. Like, like I said, the only way I, the way I pictured

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it was the Technicolor dream coat. And I think that that's probably the best way to describe it.

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I love it. It was good. I want, I want them, I want these little stump guys to come back.

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You can hang out in my yard. My dog won't bother you, but I'm not going to sit on you. Yeah. No,

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she's, she's a dainty chick. She won't do that. She has her own area of the yard. That's her toilet.

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She keeps it contained. You can't spoil the rest of the yard. Yeah. Yeah. Oh shit. All right, Sarge,

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well that is the episode. The Stumps, the Newport Stumps. The Newport Stumps, which is

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definitely a good name for a band. It's not bad, but that's why I also named the studio. It's not

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a bad band name. That's why, that's why I named the studio Newport Regular 100s.

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Cause yeah, you don't want the 120s. You don't want the skinny ones. No, you know,

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the slims Virginia slumps. All right. Yeah. So I had a buddy whose mom used to smoke Misty,

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Misty 120 slims. Yeah. Yeah. And they were like, I don't even, they were like toothpicks.

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They looked like the candy cigarettes that we would buy when we went up to China, Maine.

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There was a candy store. She used to keep them in the freezer. Oh, well I did that too. When I,

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when I used to smoke cigarettes, I put my cart into cigarettes in the freezer. I don't think it

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does anything. I don't understand why it does not. It does not help. It dries them out if anything.

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Well, it is what it is. All right. So do you got anything you want to plug before we,

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before we sign off? Yeah, I got to listen to story. Oh shit. I forgot about it. It's a short one.

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It's a short one. I literally already forgot it. You told me this before the episode.

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So I'm not going to lie. I had a few drinks, I had a few drinks before writing this,

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which is why it's all over the place. So I'm kind of feeling good. Okay. So my buddy Donald

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sent me this story. It's kind of a dark story to be honest, but it's certainly, um,

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it's a dark story. It's a dark story. So he says when he was eight or nine,

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his dad was murdered by his friend. Okay. Just right out the gate, right out the gate. Like

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he didn't, he didn't even, yeah, this is such a tough story. I like, didn't even know what to say.

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All right. So it started over the beginning. All right. So when he was eight or nine, his dad was

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murdered by his friend and his dad's girlfriend about a month or so after his funeral. Oh, so

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his dad's friend and his dad's girlfriend murdered him. So a month or so after the funeral,

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he moved to Ohio and he was left home alone by his mom. His mom was always out. And then his sister

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was at his aunt's house all the time. And anyway, uh, he, his dad one night showed up as a full body

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apparition and sat with him and explained everything that happened to him. But now he was in a better

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place and he's safe and healthy and no longer in pain. And he's guess his dad stayed with him for

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two hours and then he just vanished after he told him he loved him. Jesus Christ. Right. I was like,

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I was like, how do you want me to change this at all? And he's like, no, just say it like that.

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And I was like, okay, man. I feel like, so Don, Donald, thank you for the story. Um, sorry that

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that happened to you. It's goddamn awful, but it's also kind of cool that your dad just came

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and sat with you afterwards. Like that's closure that not a lot of people would get. That's kind

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of amazing. I guess, but at the same time, like, fuck dude, we just, yeah, it's brutal. It's such a

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brutal story. That is the opposite of wholesome content. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's wholesome in the

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end because his dad came and told them everything was going to be okay. Not to make light of the

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situation. And I really don't mean to, but he said he was healthy. Dude, you're dead, man.

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That's the opposite. The most opposite of healthy you could ever. Well, I think, I think,

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I think, I think Donald was saying, I'm sorry, I think he was kind of like, Hey, I feel good.

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Now I feel okay. Now, you know, damn Jesus. What a terrible story though. That was a tough one.

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Yeah, I mean, I felt so sad for him. I was like, this is so sad to me. All right. New rule. You're

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your stories can't involve your parents being murdered, please. I don't think I can handle,

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I'm laughing because I can't handle how fucking bummed I am. I co-sign that rule. I co-sign that

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rule, but yeah, yeah, I was pretty, it messed me up for like a day afterwards because I was like,

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trying to think about how to, and I was like, you know what? I'm just going to do it. Like he said,

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just read it as it is. Well, thank you for your story. Yeah. If anyone else has a little story,

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like a story they want to share with us, please do. You can either message Crypto Cocktail on

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Instagram at Crypto Cocktail. You can DM Sarge at Sarge the Destroyer. Yeah, Sarge the Destroyer on

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Instagram or TikTok. You can find me there. Yeah. Or you can email the show at CryptoCocktail.gmail.com.

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Just trying to give a brief, try and not bum us out almost immediately. Yeah. Don't make me too

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sad. Or if you don't hold back. Or if it is sad, just don't open up with my father was murdered.

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Please. Yeah. You know, ease us into it. That was hard. That was a tough one. Yeah. Let's see.

360
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Yeah. Follow us on Instagram. You know, leave a rating and review of the show. If you can't

361
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:39,520
please, that'd be awesome. Don't base it off of this episode. I feel like this episode is not our

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best work. But if you like the show, just, you know, five stars on. This is a roller coaster of

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an episode. That's for sure. Yeah. Really? Yeah. I got nothing else. Patreon, $5 a month if you want

364
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to. That's cool. If not, whatever. And yeah. Oh, Sarge has a coloring book. You can go get his coloring

365
00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:08,080
book. Yeah. SargesSuperNormal.com. You can get my coloring book, $9.99. I'm gonna get my coloring

366
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book. $9.99. It's got like 50 pages that you can color on. Yeah. Have it on display. If you.

367
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It's right behind. Oh, you have it on display. Oh, I do see it. Very fancy. Right behind my lava line.

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This is what it looks like. The artwork is by Mr. Daniel. He's a buddy of mine. And he made this

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to make it look like I was haunting your acid trip. But there's all kinds of fun stuff in here.

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There's big foots and fighting petunias. There's all kinds of things. Yeah. So, uh,

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SargesSuperNormal.com. All one word. Uh, get a coloring book in color away your fears as a nation

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dip slowly into madness. So on both of those bummer, do you want to say goodbye and love into

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the audience? Guys, everything's going to be okay. And I love you.