1 00:00:00,560 --> 00:00:02,720 Hey everyone real quick before the episode begins 2 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:08,580 I just want to say thank you so much for all your support and you know sharing the content sharing the posts 3 00:00:08,580 --> 00:00:10,400 It really means a lot to us 4 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:14,720 With that said real quick if you guys don't mind it'd be really awesome 5 00:00:14,760 --> 00:00:22,400 If you guys could go rate and review the show either on Spotify or Apple both places are where most people 6 00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:28,060 Find the show so if you could just take a second do that it really helps us out gets the show 7 00:00:28,060 --> 00:00:30,580 you know into more ears and 8 00:00:31,660 --> 00:00:37,820 Just kind of helps push it in the algorithm. I don't even know if either of those things have an algorithm don't care whatever 9 00:00:38,380 --> 00:00:43,300 If you could please just rate and review the show wherever you can it really helps us out 10 00:00:43,980 --> 00:00:45,980 And if you don't like the show 11 00:00:46,140 --> 00:00:48,140 You know rate and review it anyways 12 00:00:48,180 --> 00:00:49,940 just 13 00:00:49,940 --> 00:00:55,060 Whatever and also if you can support us through patreon it really helps us out 14 00:00:55,060 --> 00:00:57,300 It's five dollars a month right now 15 00:00:57,300 --> 00:01:03,940 We're kind of lacking on actually like doing anything for it, but just in general it just helps us out 16 00:01:04,740 --> 00:01:08,780 We have a goal of hopefully one day being able to record in the same room 17 00:01:08,780 --> 00:01:12,100 Which we have never done which would be fucking awesome, but also 18 00:01:12,660 --> 00:01:14,660 Helping us get to different 19 00:01:15,220 --> 00:01:21,140 You know cryptid festivals whatever just you know help us get out there and meet some of you guys 20 00:01:21,140 --> 00:01:25,500 So it really helps five dollars a month. Maybe we'll do different tiers 21 00:01:25,500 --> 00:01:29,020 I feel like five dollars a month isn't enough to really you know 22 00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:36,580 Do it you know it's a lot for people who don't have a lot right now because inflation is wild 23 00:01:37,300 --> 00:01:39,300 But it just just you know 24 00:01:39,620 --> 00:01:42,100 You do what you can if not you know whatever 25 00:01:42,900 --> 00:01:44,340 anyways 26 00:01:44,340 --> 00:01:51,340 Enjoy the show 27 00:02:08,580 --> 00:02:10,580 You need to find this royalty-free brand 28 00:02:10,580 --> 00:02:12,580 Make 29 00:02:13,260 --> 00:02:15,260 Lyrics to that song 30 00:02:15,580 --> 00:02:21,280 Everybody welcome back to another episode of cryptic cocktail party a show where we have a few drinks share a few laughs take a dive 31 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:26,260 Into the unknown I'm your host Dave, and I'm joined as always by Sarge the Destroyer aka 32 00:02:27,380 --> 00:02:35,180 What is this liberal liberal Satanist baby eater and I am Dave your Sigma male podcast hosts parentheses God tear 33 00:02:35,180 --> 00:02:40,260 Hello everyone hello, I I am I am sick 34 00:02:40,260 --> 00:02:43,140 I had a fever this morning, but I drank a Red Bull 35 00:02:43,140 --> 00:02:49,620 So we're ready to do this and then after I'm gonna take a nap well as a sigma male podcaster parentheses 36 00:02:50,140 --> 00:02:51,540 God dear 37 00:02:51,540 --> 00:02:55,140 It's all in your mind man. All right. This is all yeah, it's all it's all mental gymnastics 38 00:02:55,140 --> 00:02:59,780 You got a fucking just stand up. Don't be afraid. Don't don't go to any woke liberal doctors 39 00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:03,140 Don't take any fucking sort of medication because medication is a 40 00:03:03,140 --> 00:03:05,380 fucking sort of medication because medication 41 00:03:08,220 --> 00:03:14,580 Just invested enough in crypto I would feel better exactly that's what it is exactly so I have a new coin coming out 42 00:03:14,580 --> 00:03:16,580 It's called derp coin and what it is 43 00:03:19,020 --> 00:03:24,020 Supported fully by Logan Paul. Yeah, it's definitely not a pump and dump so if anyone wants to invest I'll need 44 00:03:25,460 --> 00:03:26,900 $700,000 45 00:03:26,900 --> 00:03:31,940 That's just to get in the ground floor. Yeah. Yeah, and then there's a companion NFT of 46 00:03:31,940 --> 00:03:35,020 conservative talking heads in 47 00:03:36,780 --> 00:03:39,940 In their backyards trying to suntan the gooches 48 00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:45,340 Yes, I was gonna say so it starts out as that but then it evolves into just pictures of buttholes 49 00:03:46,060 --> 00:03:47,420 not like 50 00:03:47,420 --> 00:03:54,020 Like super close conservative buttholes. They're conservative buttholes though. So it's it's not gay because they're conservative 51 00:03:54,020 --> 00:03:58,620 Yeah, I don't want to this fucking this alphabet army butthole going around. All right, this is all about 52 00:03:58,620 --> 00:04:05,380 This mail is manly books. Yeah, you speaking of manly butts. Did you guys hear the news? 53 00:04:06,900 --> 00:04:13,940 You hear the news about the about grinder essentially almost crashing. Yes during the RNC. Oh, I love it so much 54 00:04:13,940 --> 00:04:19,700 There's a guy there's a I think it was a youtuber a tik tok video somebody at the RNC 55 00:04:20,580 --> 00:04:27,860 On grinder just flipping through profile after profile of dudes that are like within a certain geographic location 56 00:04:27,860 --> 00:04:29,860 it just it 57 00:04:30,660 --> 00:04:37,260 It just makes me so happy. I just want to know like there's no way like they'd have to like, alright 58 00:04:38,140 --> 00:04:40,140 So come out boys live your best life 59 00:04:40,500 --> 00:04:48,060 But like if you're like a senator or whatever Republican senator who's like voting against like gay rights and all this stuff when you make a secret 60 00:04:48,540 --> 00:04:51,700 grinder profile or you they're clearly not using their like own 61 00:04:52,620 --> 00:04:54,900 Name and picture, right? There's no way cuz like 62 00:04:54,900 --> 00:04:58,740 No, I didn't show any pictures. So then when you go to like meet 63 00:04:59,380 --> 00:05:01,740 That your date for the night or whatever 64 00:05:02,020 --> 00:05:06,780 They're gonna be like hey, aren't you fucking that guy that like wants to like make sure all my friends are dead 65 00:05:06,780 --> 00:05:09,120 But there's no aren't you Matt Gaetz? 66 00:05:10,700 --> 00:05:11,820 Dude 67 00:05:11,820 --> 00:05:14,980 That guy's eyebrows during the RNC. I don't 68 00:05:15,620 --> 00:05:22,660 He's looked just shocked the entire time. He's got he made he made a choice. He's got a lot of work done 69 00:05:22,660 --> 00:05:24,660 if he looks like 70 00:05:25,620 --> 00:05:28,820 Did you ever see that horror movie with D Snyder where? 71 00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:34,400 No, I didn't I forget what to me. He just looked like Siegfried and Roy 72 00:05:34,900 --> 00:05:41,360 Yeah, I saw a tweet that was like he's he's one life partner and a Bengal tiger away from having a show in Vegas 73 00:05:46,660 --> 00:05:50,500 I was like, that's the most spot-on shit I've ever heard in my entire life. Oh 74 00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:56,580 But anyway, Sarge, how are you doing buddy? You're looking good. You're not feeling good, but you're looking good. I'm doing alright 75 00:05:56,580 --> 00:06:00,340 I'm doing alright. Yeah, it was an exciting weekend last weekend 76 00:06:01,580 --> 00:06:05,860 Lots going on. I will I will preempt to preempt this by saying the shirt 77 00:06:05,860 --> 00:06:10,500 I'm wearing I did not buy because of what happened. I already owned this shirt and I had no idea 78 00:06:11,740 --> 00:06:16,540 I feel like I have to bring it up. I don't condone political violence unless it's like 79 00:06:16,540 --> 00:06:23,220 Warranted but it's okay to punch a Nazi, but try not to shoot them. Yeah, you know, that's not the right way to do things 80 00:06:23,820 --> 00:06:29,380 So this shirt is a ripoff of misfits shirt from JFK. Don't worry about it. I'm sorry 81 00:06:29,380 --> 00:06:31,380 I wore it. I didn't realize 82 00:06:38,380 --> 00:06:41,900 I got a I got a comment on tik-tok from some guy who was like 83 00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:46,500 Liberals trying to take away our Second Amendment rights when they're not trying to assassinate the president 84 00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:48,500 and I was thinking to myself like 85 00:06:48,500 --> 00:06:53,860 Wait, I thought we were supposed to be scared of guns now. We're using them. I don't understand how that works 86 00:06:53,860 --> 00:06:58,060 Yeah, so you guys said we didn't like guns, but now now we're gonna use them 87 00:06:58,060 --> 00:07:01,860 I love also shooting guns is hands down one of the funnest things like in New Hampshire 88 00:07:01,860 --> 00:07:05,260 We used to go to a sand dude and set up a bunch of spray paint cans 89 00:07:05,780 --> 00:07:07,780 And yeah, shoot him with shotguns 90 00:07:07,780 --> 00:07:11,500 And yeah, shoot him with shotguns shooting guns is awesome 91 00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:16,220 It's so much by their logic like we're the biggest weenies and wussies in the world yet 92 00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:23,860 We tried to shoot a guy but also, you know that kid was a registered Republican 93 00:07:24,340 --> 00:07:25,660 Yeah 94 00:07:25,660 --> 00:07:29,980 Yeah, crazy is crazy. It doesn't matter like it just follows the long trail 95 00:07:31,380 --> 00:07:36,900 Which is almost exclusively crazy white men trying to shoot American presidents 96 00:07:36,900 --> 00:07:43,060 There's only one woman in history who tried to kill an American president and that was one of Charles Manson's 97 00:07:43,740 --> 00:07:48,260 Followers squeaky from squeaky not gonna lie squeaky out of all those followers 98 00:07:48,980 --> 00:07:53,860 She can get it. She until she shaved her head once she shaved her head. Then she started to look a little bit 99 00:07:54,860 --> 00:07:57,680 Not okay. I keep rubbing my fucking tits 100 00:07:58,380 --> 00:08:03,040 And I don't know why I think it's because that's the last time I mentioned squeaky from around you 101 00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:06,820 No, this is we were all hot and bothered. This is a separate thought. Okay? 102 00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:12,820 The other day I was I was hunched we were in New Hampshire and it's fucking hot as shit up there last weekend 103 00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:19,900 And I was like leaning forward and I realized like I have tits now and like I never understood boob sweat and now I'm like 104 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:22,940 Fuck, you know, it's a thing. It's not ideal. It's a thing 105 00:08:23,380 --> 00:08:29,620 But anyways moving along I get it at the gym when I'm when I'm working out I get the that's why I don't wear cotton 106 00:08:29,620 --> 00:08:33,460 Any more because it holds the moisture. I've got to wear wool 107 00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:36,020 Yeah, yeah 108 00:08:36,020 --> 00:08:42,420 Will keep you warm even a wool wool hair shirt. That's right. That's some that's some New Hampshire knowledge right there 109 00:08:42,420 --> 00:08:47,660 What if you will keeps you you gotta wear the wool? Yeah. No, I know that's why do you think? 110 00:08:48,100 --> 00:08:50,340 Everyone from the Northeast wears flannel. That's right 111 00:08:50,340 --> 00:08:56,400 Yeah, you know and the and the in the Pacific in Northwest as well. Everyone calls us hipsters, but it's like dude 112 00:08:56,400 --> 00:09:01,000 You don't understand flannel is like the best thing to ever come out of anything ever 113 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:06,760 In New Hampshire, you can just wear a flannel and a jean jacket in the middle of winter and you're warm as fuck 114 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:14,600 Yeah, it's soft. It's comfortable and it's warm. So yeah, maybe you're maybe you're maybe you should be a hipster 115 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:17,120 If you want to stay alive in wintertime 116 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:22,760 True, but I feel like hipsters they were plaid which isn't flannel, but it looks like flannel 117 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:24,920 You know, right? 118 00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:27,360 Right. I think yeah, but well 119 00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:32,840 Fabric hold on. I say correct me if I'm wrong. I think flannel is the fabric the print is yes, but 120 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:41,320 Yes flannel is notorious for being plaid right right, but they're mutually they can be mutually exclusive. Yeah, what are we doing right now? 121 00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:44,680 You can have a plug. I don't I don't know we got off on a weird tangent 122 00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:54,240 How did we get from a presidential assassination to flannel shirts because hipsters anyway, please please don't try and kill former presidents 123 00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:59,000 Or current president. I was gonna say caveat and also it's gonna make things worse 124 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:03,200 For those of us who for those of us who are you know? 125 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:12,280 Tired of old white people being the ones who make the decisions. Let's just try not to shoot him. All right, avoid it. Yeah 126 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:15,160 Never ends. Well, it never ends. Well 127 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:23,600 Except for John Hinckley jr. He's just strolling around DC. Totally fine, dude, Johnny no longer in prison 128 00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:29,680 He's fucking crushing it right now. He has a Spotify. He's putting out music and it's actually not bad 129 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:36,880 I'm so confused as to that weird turn of events when I'm in 1980. He was trying to impress Jodie Foster 130 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:40,520 Here we are in in 2024 and he's 131 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:45,160 Just king of the world and now Jodie Jodie Foster is impressed. So 132 00:10:45,720 --> 00:10:52,000 Congratulations, he wasn't trying to impress any Jodie Foster. He was trying to impress like 14 year old 133 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:56,880 Yeah, that also adds a layer of grossness to the whole situation. It's not ideal 134 00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:04,560 Anyways, so Sarge. Yeah today. I have an episode for you and I decided I figured since in my absence last week 135 00:11:04,560 --> 00:11:10,800 Which wasn't voluntary. I had to go take care of some things but to make it up to you. I wrote this episode 136 00:11:11,360 --> 00:11:14,160 Just for you. I'm so excited and 137 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:16,640 I 138 00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:18,080 Get I'm so ready. I told you before the episode 139 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:24,080 Because I wanted you to know this for a fact that what I'm about to tell you is a hundred percent real from a news article that I had found 140 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,080 Okay, so 141 00:11:26,560 --> 00:11:34,560 Whatever your thoughts are. I'm so excited. I cannot wait. All right. So today we are gonna travel to the great white north specifically Newfoundland 142 00:11:34,560 --> 00:11:42,560 Okay, for those who for those of you don't know Newfoundland is a large island located in the Canadian province of Newfoundland and Labrador 143 00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:44,560 Which I thought were two separate things, but apparently it's 144 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:46,560 one 145 00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:54,320 One so but anyways, it's always it. Yeah, it's like way the fault. I didn't know like it. This is like Arctic Circle shit now 146 00:11:55,120 --> 00:12:01,280 Well, the island of Newfoundland is only about 30% of the province's landmass. It holds over 90% of the population 147 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:07,200 And 60% of that population lives on the small southeastern Avalon Peninsula 148 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:13,680 It's it's a cool place. There's lots to do if you like doing like cold shit, which we're from New England 149 00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:19,920 So we kind of always have to do cold shit. Yeah, it's not it's not a matter of like it's a matter of survival. Yeah 150 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:25,360 But there's a lot of like archaeological sites and whale watching trips, but 151 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:29,040 There's one place on the island that really piqued my interest 152 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:35,200 See I was scouring some of the cryptid subreddits and I like to do this from time to time just to get like inspiration 153 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:40,720 Yeah, and I came across a news article someone had posted from the Vancouver Sun dated December 9th 154 00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:47,780 1950 now this is just a year after Newfoundland had officially joined like the Union of Canada, which I didn't realize they would 155 00:12:48,340 --> 00:12:50,340 That's like really recently and I had no idea 156 00:12:50,900 --> 00:12:51,940 um 157 00:12:51,940 --> 00:12:57,140 but the head the headline of this article before they were just uh before they were just like a 158 00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:00,420 Like a club kind pretty much. Yeah 159 00:13:01,460 --> 00:13:04,260 But yeah, sarge. All right. So the headline 160 00:13:05,060 --> 00:13:07,060 the headline of this article 161 00:13:07,060 --> 00:13:10,740 in huge large black font simply read 162 00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:13,700 the dildo monster 163 00:13:14,180 --> 00:13:21,460 So today sarge just as a little treat for you. We're going to be covering the dildo monster of dildo pond 164 00:13:22,980 --> 00:13:24,980 Dildo pond 165 00:13:28,020 --> 00:13:30,180 One can only imagine what filled it 166 00:13:30,180 --> 00:13:35,140 I'm not sure if you can see it. I'm not sure if you can see it. I'm not sure if you can see it 167 00:13:37,140 --> 00:13:44,900 Again this is just for you, baby. All right, so so dildo monster. That's another name for Matt gates actually 168 00:13:47,700 --> 00:13:54,500 So dildo pond is six miles long and is located about a quarter mile from dildo harbor in Trinity Bay 169 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:57,300 I do gotta say all jokes aside 170 00:13:58,020 --> 00:14:05,140 If your pond is six miles long, that's a lake and I did I did look up like the difference between like a lake 171 00:14:05,140 --> 00:14:07,140 and a pond and uh 172 00:14:08,260 --> 00:14:13,780 It's the difference between like a lake and a pond that there is no like real difference, I guess 173 00:14:14,580 --> 00:14:18,660 Um, but to me it's like that quote about pornography where it's like 174 00:14:18,660 --> 00:14:24,740 I don't know how to define a lake, but I know one when I see one kind of thing 175 00:14:27,220 --> 00:14:30,040 I think that's actually the same definition for dildos 176 00:14:33,620 --> 00:14:37,000 It's like abraham lincoln once said anything's a dildo if you're brave enough 177 00:14:40,420 --> 00:14:42,260 All right 178 00:14:42,260 --> 00:14:45,780 Anywho, uh along the bank of dildo pond is already 179 00:14:45,780 --> 00:14:53,300 Along the bank of dildo pond is blaketown. It's a small settlement of about 60 homes and four different saw mills 180 00:14:53,780 --> 00:14:54,660 uh 181 00:14:54,660 --> 00:15:00,980 Also many many satisfied women, but also all this information is coming from this single news article 182 00:15:01,460 --> 00:15:06,340 Uh, and it was written in 1950. So how true this is today like 70 years later. I have no idea 183 00:15:07,060 --> 00:15:10,520 But all this information is think about it as coming from the 1950s 184 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:15,800 1950s, okay, does that make sense? Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah 185 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:23,320 But the article goes on to say that out of blaketown's roughly 300 residents 15 of them who were quote-unquote 186 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,120 adults of unquestioned integrity 187 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:33,000 Have claimed that they have seen the monster and that they are willing to go before a judge and swear an affidavit that they've seen 188 00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:38,360 Dildosis, which is the name the newspaper suggested that it be called 189 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:41,160 the monster of the world's most descriptions 190 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:47,320 most descriptions of the monster are pretty much the same when it comes like to the dildo monster, which 191 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:52,600 When it comes to lake monsters is kind of like weird because most people who see lake monsters are usually 192 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:54,280 either 193 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:57,800 A plesiosaur dildo shaped. Yeah, or they're dildo shaped like a snake 194 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:04,200 Slippery snags very veiny they say it's roughly 50 feet long 195 00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:12,200 With the head being about three feet long and shaped like an eels with quote bulging frog-like eyes about the size of a water glass 196 00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:16,680 The neck is about five pleasure. The neck is about five feet long 197 00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:21,960 And is slim compared to the body that is said to be the size of a rum cask 198 00:16:22,520 --> 00:16:25,160 Witnesses also say that the tail of dildo 199 00:16:26,180 --> 00:16:27,560 dildosis 200 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:32,120 Can't even say it is shaped like this is never getting on tiktok by the way 201 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:34,920 I know it's shaped like the tail of an airplane 202 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:37,400 Uh, it said that it uses to swim 203 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:43,800 with its head out of the water and quote unquote moving steadily at a great rate of speed with 204 00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:48,520 Without the undulations of a water snake the name of my sex tape 205 00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:58,680 Now the people of blaketown and others in the area claim that dildo pond was once teeming with salmon and trout 206 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:05,240 But their numbers have dwindled due down to like almost zero ever since the first sighting of dildosis roughly 60 years ago 207 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:09,400 That's 60 years ago from 1950. So that's 130 years 208 00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:11,080 ago 209 00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:16,840 Local time, okay, whatever wherever we are now. It's 130 years from now, but 60 years from 1950 210 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,320 So like the 1890s. Yeah 211 00:17:19,940 --> 00:17:21,940 Dildosis was born 212 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:24,860 Dildosis was born in the 1890s 213 00:17:24,860 --> 00:17:29,600 Uh, so yeah, so in 1890 back then it was just called hysteria fixer 214 00:17:35,820 --> 00:17:42,300 So in 1890 when a norwegian man named nielsen, uh, he set up a uh, 215 00:17:43,580 --> 00:17:45,580 Uh, what's the word i'm looking for? 216 00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:47,740 experimental 217 00:17:47,740 --> 00:17:50,160 He set up an experimental fish hatchery 218 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:55,920 Uh as well as a small flock of ducks on one of dildo ponds lakes. Uh, he claims that one 219 00:17:57,360 --> 00:17:58,720 One dawn 220 00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:05,760 The monster quote unquote appeared to him and upon seeing this monster and serpent all slick and glistening with its bulbous head 221 00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:09,380 Uh, he and his ducks got the hell out of it immediately 222 00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:17,040 Ever since then the monster made his presence known but in small interview intervals like just the tip just for a second 223 00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:19,760 Just see how it feels 224 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:26,960 But it seemed to like only appear to fishermen and hunters and only when they were alone 225 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:30,160 So for the longest time 226 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,400 It's very discreet dildo it's fair yeah, uh 227 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:39,360 For the longest time people just wrote their stories off and attributed the sidings to quote unquote 228 00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:44,000 The potency of new flinden newfoundland rum than to fact 229 00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:46,660 Uh, that was until 1945 230 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:51,120 It started showing up regularly and not just like lone huntsmen 231 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:59,040 It would appear just yards from the shore of blaketown. It began quote unquote regarding regarding them with a very hungry look in its eyes 232 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:04,080 The villagers are convinced that since it seems to have eaten all the fish in the lake over the years 233 00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:07,440 It's now contemplating whether or not it can eat the townsfolk 234 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,800 How are you feeling right now? You good? I 235 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:15,920 I just I need to know why they called this town dildo 236 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:18,640 I looked into it. I mean this lake 237 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:20,960 well, there's there no there is a 238 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:24,400 town called dildo we're just talking about blaketown which is on the other side of 239 00:19:25,840 --> 00:19:31,760 Right, but I need to know why they were like, hey, this is a huge body of water. Let's call it dildo 240 00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:40,160 So I did find out that the like what is the the origin of dildo is that it's a part of a it originally was part of a boat 241 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:43,760 Kind of thing it would it's uh, something that would hold the oar 242 00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:48,880 Like in the back of the boat kind of like the to steer like the tiller almost. Yeah 243 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:51,760 Okay, it was called that that thing was called a dildo 244 00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:54,480 so 245 00:19:54,480 --> 00:20:00,640 Now we know that's apt that that's okay. Yeah, so now we know that okay now I feel a little bit better 246 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:05,360 It doesn't mean I was I was really I was really shook. I was like why? 247 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,200 Why that name why not that name? 248 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:14,480 Hmm, ah because it's like other names 249 00:20:15,760 --> 00:20:18,240 That you could use a lot of other names that you could use 250 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:23,360 Besides one for a synthetic penis. I don't know if dildo was around confused 251 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:25,600 Was the word dildo around even back then? I don't even know 252 00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:30,720 I didn't look into the etymology of the word dildo, but I'm guessing i'm guessing the the name 253 00:20:31,760 --> 00:20:33,520 for the 254 00:20:33,520 --> 00:20:34,880 pleasure device 255 00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:38,080 Uh was based off the shape of the handle of the tiller 256 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,840 I would assume that moves the rudder that makes sense. Yeah now 257 00:20:42,560 --> 00:20:44,160 a uh 258 00:20:44,160 --> 00:20:48,260 A more recent sighting of the creature by recent. I mean, I mean within the 1950s 259 00:20:48,260 --> 00:20:54,820 scape was seen by a man named norman mercer who the newspaper dubbed the quote 260 00:20:55,220 --> 00:21:00,580 Most quoted authority and quote a sane and sober 41 year old sawmill owner 261 00:21:01,380 --> 00:21:07,060 Said that he was standing on the bank of the pond outside his sawmill when he heard the churning of water 262 00:21:07,380 --> 00:21:09,940 He looked in the direction of the noise and said he saw quote 263 00:21:10,740 --> 00:21:15,460 The water swirling and splashing and there was a monster approaching the bank end quote 264 00:21:15,460 --> 00:21:19,300 He then shouted for his brother and two workers to come see what he was seeing 265 00:21:19,460 --> 00:21:21,860 This is how a lot of gay porn starts out i'm thinking 266 00:21:22,500 --> 00:21:24,500 What he was seeing was a long 267 00:21:24,820 --> 00:21:25,860 thick 268 00:21:25,860 --> 00:21:27,460 monster 269 00:21:27,460 --> 00:21:29,460 Of a dildosis coming at them 270 00:21:29,940 --> 00:21:35,300 Uh, he went on to tell the newspaper quote the monster paid no attention to us and came within a few feet of our logs 271 00:21:35,300 --> 00:21:39,620 Before turning and swimming away. He said as it turned to leave it lashed the water 272 00:21:39,620 --> 00:21:45,540 Turning it into a boiling foam and then 10 foot logs a foot in diameter were tossed 273 00:21:46,180 --> 00:21:48,180 On end and thrown about like matchsticks 274 00:21:51,140 --> 00:21:55,780 So like I said, uh the town folks are concerned, uh, not this dude he seems fine 275 00:21:55,860 --> 00:21:58,660 It didn't even fuck with him, but others are totally fine with it 276 00:21:58,740 --> 00:21:58,980 Yeah 277 00:21:58,980 --> 00:22:04,660 But others are worried as to whether or not this thing will in time find a way to wriggle itself out of the water 278 00:22:04,740 --> 00:22:06,500 And start preying on the villagers 279 00:22:06,500 --> 00:22:11,460 They also want to know just how the fuck there came to be a monster in dildo pond. Uh, well 280 00:22:12,180 --> 00:22:16,020 As always when weird shit like this happens in a small area some scientists 281 00:22:16,420 --> 00:22:18,660 Came to town in hopes of like studying the creature 282 00:22:19,060 --> 00:22:25,060 They theorized that it must have come up one of the brooks that connected connected dildo pond to trinity bay 283 00:22:25,620 --> 00:22:27,300 And that when quote 284 00:22:27,300 --> 00:22:29,060 It was a little wriggler 285 00:22:29,060 --> 00:22:37,540 It then stuffed itself on so many fat dildo salmon that it couldn't get back to the sea. I know you want to laugh 286 00:22:37,620 --> 00:22:38,980 Just do it 287 00:22:38,980 --> 00:22:40,500 i'm just 288 00:22:40,500 --> 00:22:44,980 The person who wrote this knew immediately what they were doing. This is a quote they quoted this motherfucker 289 00:22:45,700 --> 00:22:47,700 This is a scientist said that 290 00:22:49,620 --> 00:22:54,420 So, you know, oh no that I could see I could see how the scientists had no idea that what they were saying is sexual 291 00:22:54,420 --> 00:22:59,860 They're just they're just saying the most accurate words to describe what is happening. Meanwhile, the reporter 292 00:23:00,580 --> 00:23:05,620 Is crying tears of joy? Yeah, but the thing is like all that makes sense 293 00:23:06,180 --> 00:23:12,980 Like you mean like a small creature made its way to like a lake and it ate all the native species and now it's like fuck 294 00:23:12,980 --> 00:23:16,580 What am I gonna do? Maybe i'll eat the villagers. But as always with small 295 00:23:17,300 --> 00:23:22,820 Industry towns the people who live there said fuck you scientists and your woke literal book book 296 00:23:22,820 --> 00:23:24,820 and your woke literal book book learning 297 00:23:26,740 --> 00:23:29,620 You know, like their rational theories and lab coats instead 298 00:23:30,100 --> 00:23:36,100 Most of them believe that nielsen the dude who first saw the monster and had they experimental like fish hatchery and the ducks and shit 299 00:23:36,100 --> 00:23:37,220 like that 300 00:23:37,220 --> 00:23:40,520 Uh was actually doing frankenstein like experiments 301 00:23:42,340 --> 00:23:46,660 Okay claiming that i'm in claiming that one of his hobbies according to their parents 302 00:23:46,660 --> 00:23:53,060 Uh was experimenting with crossing of various types of fish eggs and spawn and in this case he quote 303 00:23:53,380 --> 00:23:57,380 Produced more than he bargained for but didn't have the courage to claim his monster 304 00:23:57,780 --> 00:24:00,500 Now, I mean that's what happens when you stick your dick in the salmon 305 00:24:01,140 --> 00:24:03,140 Sometimes you get a dildo monster 306 00:24:03,220 --> 00:24:03,540 Yeah 307 00:24:03,540 --> 00:24:08,660 Now 60 years later the inhabitants of blaketown are wondering if having failed to destroy its creator 308 00:24:09,060 --> 00:24:12,260 If it intends to start on them. There you go sarge 309 00:24:12,260 --> 00:24:16,740 Which that is the entire story of the dildo monster of dildo pond 310 00:24:17,380 --> 00:24:22,020 This this is the only thing I could find about it is this one article which I will link 311 00:24:22,900 --> 00:24:24,900 in the episode description so 312 00:24:25,140 --> 00:24:27,140 Anyone could find it 313 00:24:27,140 --> 00:24:29,620 But there it is. What do you how how are you? 314 00:24:32,740 --> 00:24:39,540 I have to go to this place dildo. I need to see dildo lake. So there's like a dildo 315 00:24:39,540 --> 00:24:42,580 Brewery there's like a dildo brewery 316 00:24:43,940 --> 00:24:45,940 And they got like, okay 317 00:24:46,340 --> 00:24:50,100 I I kind of need to go to but like is it called dildo brewery? 318 00:24:50,660 --> 00:24:54,580 Yes, the beer is dildo dildo beer. How much does it cost to ship to america? 319 00:24:55,460 --> 00:24:59,060 I know that if I don't know how much it costs, but I know that if you spend 320 00:24:59,700 --> 00:25:03,220 150 or more on their website, it's free shipping to the u.s 321 00:25:03,220 --> 00:25:05,780 But I mean you can get it shipped no matter what I need it 322 00:25:05,780 --> 00:25:07,780 I need I don't even know how much it costs 323 00:25:07,780 --> 00:25:13,140 I need it. I need I don't even care what I buy i'll get 25 t-shirts. Yeah, let's do it 324 00:25:15,140 --> 00:25:20,500 I want to support them. I want to support my local small business even if it's not local to me. Yeah. No, I get you 325 00:25:21,060 --> 00:25:25,380 Uh, but yeah, but there you have it. That is the story of this is the dildo monster 326 00:25:26,660 --> 00:25:31,300 I think this is my favorite story that we've covered so far. I didn't think there was anything that could top 327 00:25:31,940 --> 00:25:35,220 The little flower aliens, but this really did it for me 328 00:25:35,220 --> 00:25:38,820 The dildo monster scratched an itch. Yeah. Yeah 329 00:25:41,780 --> 00:25:46,420 They have a tendency to scratch itches where you know, you don't normally you can't normally get there so 330 00:25:46,980 --> 00:25:49,380 I think they have a calming effect. Yeah 331 00:25:50,420 --> 00:25:51,700 Oh fuck 332 00:25:51,700 --> 00:25:54,260 But yeah, but that was for you. Wow, this one's for you 333 00:25:55,140 --> 00:25:59,940 Thank you for that was that was that was a journey. It was good. That was a journey 334 00:26:00,340 --> 00:26:04,180 I'm so excited about this whole episode. I had a whole other thing planned for this 335 00:26:04,180 --> 00:26:08,980 But as I was like scrolling through reddit and I saw this and I was like, oh my fucking god, dude 336 00:26:09,460 --> 00:26:15,620 The dildo monster. Yeah as it always happens you start you start researching one thing and it turns into something else 337 00:26:17,220 --> 00:26:19,620 Oh man, that makes me so happy. That was amazing 338 00:26:20,180 --> 00:26:24,420 Well sarge, I appreciate you. Hey, we should um, oh shit. Do we have that idea? 339 00:26:24,740 --> 00:26:30,020 We had that idea that idea we were gonna ask people to send us their stories. Yeah. Yeah. Did you get one? 340 00:26:30,020 --> 00:26:34,100 Because I didn't get no I didn't we because we never did it. Oh, yeah, because I never posted about it 341 00:26:34,980 --> 00:26:39,220 Things got things got away from me this week. So no no things are busy. It's fine. It's fine 342 00:26:39,380 --> 00:26:41,780 That's why I didn't say that's why I hadn't said anything yet 343 00:26:41,780 --> 00:26:48,420 But we need you guys out there in the world to send us your stories your dildo monsters 344 00:26:48,740 --> 00:26:51,060 We want to talk about your dildos, please 345 00:26:51,620 --> 00:26:53,620 I mean other things 346 00:26:53,620 --> 00:26:59,380 I feel like maybe I should a horrible way to work that. Yeah, let's rewind. Let's take it back a bit 347 00:26:59,380 --> 00:27:00,900 Let's rewind 348 00:27:00,900 --> 00:27:02,900 We want your supernatural 349 00:27:03,140 --> 00:27:06,820 Cryptid stories. Oh, I was gonna say I don't have to be about dildos 350 00:27:07,380 --> 00:27:10,500 Oh, I don't want to know because we don't know what they're doing 351 00:27:10,580 --> 00:27:14,180 I think we need to get somebody's into diaper play. I don't want to have to describe that 352 00:27:14,660 --> 00:27:16,660 I feel like we want two different things 353 00:27:19,620 --> 00:27:24,980 All right, so we'll go we'll go start just saying what we want from you is uh your paranormal stories 354 00:27:24,980 --> 00:27:32,580 Please email us cryptic cocktail at gmail.com send either of us a dm. Uh, sorry to destroyer or cryptic cocktail doesn't matter 355 00:27:33,300 --> 00:27:38,420 Uh, you know keep it brief. Don't I don't want like to do a whole episode on just one story, but you know, just 356 00:27:39,140 --> 00:27:40,260 Yeah, right 357 00:27:40,260 --> 00:27:46,340 But i'll do a dramatic reading of it. Yeah, whatever do a dramatic reading whatever the character limit of a dm is go with that 358 00:27:46,580 --> 00:27:51,060 Yeah, and maybe separate paragraphs for me because my brain is slow 359 00:27:51,060 --> 00:27:56,180 So I separate my scripts into paragraphs that don't make sense for paragraph breaks 360 00:27:56,820 --> 00:28:01,860 I just it's easier to read if it's not like all one long fucking thing 361 00:28:02,340 --> 00:28:07,620 Also get your comic book sajah supernormal.com 9.99. Can't beat that with a 362 00:28:08,740 --> 00:28:10,580 sack full of 363 00:28:10,580 --> 00:28:16,020 Wild badges. Oh, he's got one too. Yeah, you didn't you didn't even bother to say you can't beat that with a 10-foot dildo 364 00:28:16,100 --> 00:28:17,780 Come on, man. You're really 365 00:28:17,780 --> 00:28:21,060 Really missing listen. We we really 366 00:28:21,300 --> 00:28:26,500 Slung a lot of dildos around true. And so i'm trying to i'm trying to scale it back 367 00:28:30,740 --> 00:28:36,260 So by sarge's uh comic comic book and now you got me doing coloring coloring book see now 368 00:28:36,340 --> 00:28:40,440 Now I got you saying it's coloring book. It's uh, sajah supernormal.com 369 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:44,740 9.99 can't beat that with a 10-foot dildo. See there you go. That's better 370 00:28:44,740 --> 00:28:48,020 I'm gonna edit everything else before this out and just go with that one. Uh 371 00:28:48,980 --> 00:28:52,660 I mean if you had a 10-foot dildo, you could beat a lot of stuff actually. Yeah 372 00:28:53,140 --> 00:28:55,140 um, let's see 373 00:28:55,540 --> 00:29:00,580 Follow sarge and all of his social medias. You can find them in the link in our episode description episode 374 00:29:01,140 --> 00:29:04,260 Instagram, uh, you can also find them just by googling sarge the destroyer 375 00:29:04,260 --> 00:29:10,680 He's pretty much the only one as far as I know if you want to follow us on instagram. It's uh at cryptic cocktail 376 00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:15,640 And I think that's pretty much all I got uh, you can support the page. Yeah, it's five dollars a month 377 00:29:16,200 --> 00:29:20,440 Maybe I think it's fine drinking arrogance at beer. Yeah, and also drinking arrogance at beer also 378 00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:24,760 So you see you can't see this but I have a bookshelf that is right here 379 00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:28,040 If you have stickers or anything like that 380 00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:34,840 Like if you have like a band or any sort of like something you want to promote i'm going to fill this all the stickers 381 00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:38,040 So that way when we start doing like full episodes on youtube 382 00:29:38,040 --> 00:29:40,040 They can see all your stuff 383 00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:45,240 How's that? Does that sound good? You know what I mean? Like I like it. Yeah, it's like free promotion for you 384 00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:49,480 All right, we gotta get you a dildo brewery sticker. Oh my god, dude 385 00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:54,040 I'll buy 150 dollars worth of those just to get free shipping. Yeah, absolutely 386 00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:57,080 All right, everyone. Thank you so much for listening 387 00:29:57,400 --> 00:29:59,400 Uh, and with that sarge 388 00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:08,300 Uh, and with that sarge, do you want to say goodbye and I love you to the audience. Goodbye everyone. I love you i'll see you next week 389 00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:31,480 You