1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:25,840 Hey everybody! 2 00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:29,000 Welcome back to another episode of Cryptic Cocktail Party, a show where we have a few 3 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,280 jokes, share a few laughs, take a dive into the unknown. 4 00:00:31,280 --> 00:00:37,320 I'm your host Dave and today I'm joined by possibly bestselling author, Sarge the Destroyer. 5 00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:38,680 What's going on man? 6 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:41,640 Hell, I am not a bestselling author. 7 00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:42,640 I'm very disappointed. 8 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:43,640 Kind of. 9 00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:48,920 But I'm also very excited because I'm the number two bestselling author. 10 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:54,000 So in terms of comedy, that's probably the best position I could be in. 11 00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,680 So thank you for making me number two. 12 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,720 No, that was so cool. 13 00:00:59,720 --> 00:01:05,520 I, like a moron, had been preparing all week for this release, right? 14 00:01:05,520 --> 00:01:09,440 And then I was like, I'm going to go hike a waterfall. 15 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:13,040 And in my head it was like, this is only going to take four hours. 16 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:14,040 Only. 17 00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:20,000 And it took much longer than that, as it usually does. 18 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:25,440 And so I came back to Civilization and my phone just kept exploding with all of these 19 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:27,440 notifications and I was like, oh, you know what? 20 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:29,840 You know what you shouldn't do on the day your book releases? 21 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:33,360 Go on a hike where you have no cell phone service. 22 00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:39,400 So I apologize to all the people who message me and I didn't respond for four hours. 23 00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,080 I appreciate all of you. 24 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:42,640 I love you all very much. 25 00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:44,200 This was the craziest thing ever. 26 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:46,040 I'm hoping you enjoy it. 27 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:52,200 I just want to reiterate, I literally did not make a dime off of any of the sales because 28 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:57,960 the price, the introductory price was just to get people to purchase it so you could 29 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:00,400 have something to take out your frustrations on. 30 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:01,480 So I hope you enjoy it. 31 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:03,600 I know you got your copy. 32 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:05,240 I did. 33 00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:06,240 And I got my copy. 34 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:13,240 And what I was thinking is maybe at some point, maybe I'll do a TikTok live where we can just 35 00:02:13,240 --> 00:02:18,240 color our friends at Narragansett said maybe we could do a coloring party at the brewery, 36 00:02:18,240 --> 00:02:19,240 which would be fun. 37 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:20,240 Yeah. 38 00:02:20,240 --> 00:02:22,120 If we can get that together, I'll definitely try and make my way up there for that. 39 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:23,120 For sure. 40 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:24,120 Yeah. 41 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:25,120 I mean, you could crash at my house. 42 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:26,120 You could just, I'll put up a tent in the yard. 43 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:29,120 Hey, dude, you know, it's weird. 44 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:33,200 My dog is a big cuddler, so you'll have something warm next to you. 45 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:34,200 That's for sure. 46 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:35,760 I kind of, I kind of miss camping. 47 00:02:35,760 --> 00:02:39,640 I mean, not really, but like I used to do in New Hampshire all the time and ever since 48 00:02:39,640 --> 00:02:42,960 moving to the big city. 49 00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:44,720 I'm a big, I'm a big camper. 50 00:02:44,720 --> 00:02:50,440 Actually, I know it, I know it seems weird because I, I sound like I wouldn't know how 51 00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:56,040 to operate most fire pits without gasoline. 52 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:58,240 See, that's the only thing I know how to do while camping. 53 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:00,600 I can, I can start a fire like it's no one's business. 54 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:01,600 Yeah, exactly. 55 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:02,600 I can start. 56 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:03,600 I'm good at fires. 57 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:04,600 Yeah. 58 00:03:04,600 --> 00:03:06,440 I'm good at cooking on a fire. 59 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:12,200 I'm an expert on cooking on just open flame, but also I'm actually an accomplished backwards 60 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:14,120 camper by accomplished. 61 00:03:14,120 --> 00:03:15,720 I mean, I'm an Eagle Scout. 62 00:03:15,720 --> 00:03:16,720 That's right. 63 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:17,720 Motherfuckers. 64 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:21,520 When you thought side, but I am an Eagle Scout, believe it or not. 65 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:23,160 I'd never made it past Cub. 66 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:28,560 You can only imagine the torture that I put my poor Scout master through that poor man 67 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:34,760 because he had me during puberty and I was already really resistant to authority. 68 00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:37,960 But then I was in the woods with a knife, you know? 69 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:41,840 So but I, I love camping. 70 00:03:41,840 --> 00:03:43,040 It's like one of my favorite things to do. 71 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:47,440 I like to go up like Veterans Day weekend when it's freezing cold in New Hampshire, because 72 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:48,440 there's nobody there. 73 00:03:48,440 --> 00:03:52,160 You could play a music as loud as you want and you're basically just drinking to stay 74 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:55,560 alive because if you stop drinking, your blood will freeze. 75 00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:56,880 Yeah, that's pretty much it. 76 00:03:56,880 --> 00:04:01,600 We used to do that in Wake up in Wakefield, New Hampshire, but there was an access road 77 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:05,720 that led up to the top of like a, I don't know, I think it was a quarry. 78 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:09,880 Basically we camped on a cliff and there was no one around. 79 00:04:09,880 --> 00:04:11,400 Just get fucked up. 80 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:12,400 Listen to music. 81 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:19,200 We used to steal our friends dad's DeWalt's like construction radio. 82 00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:20,200 Perfect. 83 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:25,280 They had an iPod dock on it back when iPods were like docked on things. 84 00:04:25,280 --> 00:04:30,200 Yeah, no, I know exactly what you're talking about because I also had something like that. 85 00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:35,520 I had this like weird clamshell of indestructibility. 86 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:38,420 It took like 16 AA batteries. 87 00:04:38,420 --> 00:04:40,040 Probably not that many, but an absurd amount. 88 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:41,200 Like you had to buy two packs. 89 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:42,200 Too many. 90 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:46,120 This one ran off of like a, cause it was like DeWalt. 91 00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:48,480 If you had a DeWalt screw drive, like screw gun. 92 00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:49,480 Oh, the little batteries. 93 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:51,480 One of the batteries that stick into it. 94 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:53,320 They just, we just stole a couple of those. 95 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:57,200 And then we would pack not enough water, too much beer. 96 00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:58,200 Never. 97 00:04:58,200 --> 00:04:59,760 Always, always too much beer. 98 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:02,040 I remember I used to go hiking with this one guy. 99 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:04,480 We were really good, not hiking. 100 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:09,760 We'd go camping with, he was a really good friend and he would always, we would always 101 00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:11,400 have plenty of beer. 102 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:17,120 And then for breakfast, he would always give us apples and just insisted that we needed 103 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:19,280 fiber. 104 00:05:19,280 --> 00:05:22,280 I was like, why? 105 00:05:22,280 --> 00:05:24,920 I have had so much beer. 106 00:05:24,920 --> 00:05:27,960 There is no way I'm going to be backed up. 107 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:29,920 Everything's coming out in about 30 seconds. 108 00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:32,120 But also like, is he insisted on eating apples? 109 00:05:32,120 --> 00:05:34,720 Is it like sober you up or does it like? 110 00:05:34,720 --> 00:05:39,560 No, no, it literally, his exact wordage was we need fiber. 111 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:42,480 Okay, get some fucking Triscuits or like a fucking. 112 00:05:42,480 --> 00:05:43,480 Yeah. 113 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:45,000 I was like, okay, man. 114 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,000 I didn't challenge him. 115 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,000 It was like the only thing he asked of me. 116 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:50,080 He would like bankroll the whole operation. 117 00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:54,360 So I'm like, all right, buddy, like, because like I had the camping know how. 118 00:05:54,360 --> 00:05:57,600 Did he at least like offer like to like slice them up with peanut butter or anything like 119 00:05:57,600 --> 00:05:58,600 that? 120 00:05:58,600 --> 00:05:59,600 Oh yeah. 121 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:00,840 No, I mean, like it was, it was like a production. 122 00:06:00,840 --> 00:06:01,840 Okay. 123 00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:05,840 So he wasn't just, just talking apples at you like eat the fucking apples. 124 00:06:05,840 --> 00:06:07,840 He just insisted on apples every time. 125 00:06:07,840 --> 00:06:12,560 And I was like, all right, man, I whatever that makes you happy. 126 00:06:12,560 --> 00:06:14,560 But yeah, so that happened. 127 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:18,360 Also I met our friends down at the Narragansett Brewery in Providence. 128 00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:19,360 How was that? 129 00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:20,800 Holy cow, man. 130 00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,240 Everyone there is the nicest people I've ever met. 131 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:25,020 I got this cool ass shirt. 132 00:06:25,020 --> 00:06:27,480 If you look in the back, it's Jaws. 133 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:28,480 Oh yeah. 134 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:31,600 Cause they're celebrating like it's the anniversary of Jaws. 135 00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:32,600 Yeah. 136 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:39,200 So I got to meet Cam and a few other folks and we had so many ideas and hopefully they 137 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,800 remember them because I had had a couple of beers. 138 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,800 So I was just throwing shit at the wall. 139 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:46,520 But I was very excited. 140 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:48,100 I was very excited to be there. 141 00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:49,100 Everybody there was so nice. 142 00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:50,100 It was a very cool place. 143 00:06:50,100 --> 00:06:51,880 There was, it was actually really busy. 144 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:57,840 I actually had to pay to park in the, in the parking lot next to the brewery because all 145 00:06:57,840 --> 00:07:01,760 the free spots at the brewery were completely packed up. 146 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:02,760 Yeah. 147 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:04,120 So July 3rd, I went down there. 148 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:06,840 I met with Cam and a few other folks and we had a blast. 149 00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:08,920 That's fucking awesome, man. 150 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:09,920 Yeah. 151 00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:10,920 And I had amazing beer. 152 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:15,480 They, it was like a watermelon shandy that you can't get in Massachusetts because Massachusetts 153 00:07:15,480 --> 00:07:20,000 is a bunch of dicks when it comes to Narragansett. 154 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:21,840 It's hard to get the good stuff up here. 155 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:25,880 Like I mean, it's all good, but like, it's hard to get like all the different flavors. 156 00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:28,200 Like they have this badass IPA that I really liked. 157 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:29,200 Yeah. 158 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,960 Like there's a bunch of beers that people don't know they make and it's wild. 159 00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:35,760 Like they have so many variety, cause the people, they just think they have Dell's Shandy 160 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:39,640 and they have the lager, but there's like a bunch of other stuff. 161 00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:42,120 Dell's Shandy is hands down my favorite beer ever created. 162 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,560 Like that is the summer drink of summer drinks. 163 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:45,560 Like. 164 00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:46,560 Yep. 165 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:47,560 Fourth of July. 166 00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:48,560 That's all I drank. 167 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:54,480 I, I like started drinking around two in the afternoon and it was just Dell's Shandy the 168 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:56,160 whole day. 169 00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:59,760 But they also make this amazing hard iced tea. 170 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:01,300 Oh, I did not know that. 171 00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:03,080 And I fucking read that now. 172 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:06,680 A million times better than Mike's or what is it? 173 00:08:06,680 --> 00:08:08,400 What is the hard iced tea that you can get? 174 00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:09,400 I don't even know. 175 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:12,360 Cause I don't drink it, but it's a twisted, twisted tea. 176 00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:18,880 I had twisted tea like years and years ago when I was like just turned 21 and didn't 177 00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:19,880 know. 178 00:08:19,880 --> 00:08:20,880 Yeah. 179 00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:21,880 Yeah. 180 00:08:21,880 --> 00:08:27,360 So I think hard iced tea is slightly carbonated and it tastes like. 181 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:28,600 That's what just the tea is missing. 182 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:29,600 It's missing that slight. 183 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:30,600 I feel like that's. 184 00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:31,600 Yeah. 185 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:32,600 Okay. 186 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:33,600 Sorry, we got a little bit. 187 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,600 We got a bit of. 188 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:40,480 Yes. 189 00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:41,840 We need to go over today. 190 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:42,840 This is. 191 00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:43,840 Fucking love wholesome content. 192 00:08:43,840 --> 00:08:49,400 This is a message from a listener to the show, Matthew, also known as bulk detonator on Instagram. 193 00:08:49,400 --> 00:08:52,600 All he sent us a very, very sweet message. 194 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:53,840 That kind of got me a little emotional. 195 00:08:53,840 --> 00:08:57,520 It says you and Sarge are the best podcast I've heard in a long time. 196 00:08:57,520 --> 00:09:00,620 My friend is a huge cryptid fan and I've always had a passing interest. 197 00:09:00,620 --> 00:09:02,040 That was sorry. 198 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:06,460 That has grown thanks to him and the ridiculous conversations we have. 199 00:09:06,460 --> 00:09:09,560 It's exactly like this show as two new England guys. 200 00:09:09,560 --> 00:09:12,020 It's also awesome to see local guys doing stuff like this. 201 00:09:12,020 --> 00:09:14,140 The Dover demon had me fucking dying, dude. 202 00:09:14,140 --> 00:09:16,720 The buckle brush made me laugh so frigging hard. 203 00:09:16,720 --> 00:09:19,180 I spilled my strawberry quick. 204 00:09:19,180 --> 00:09:21,640 Best podcast ever. 205 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:25,520 I also like to give a big thanks to both of you for being such fucking awesome allies 206 00:09:25,520 --> 00:09:27,880 to the LGBTQ plus community. 207 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:31,200 It not only helps us in the community feel supported, but you guys kind of normalize 208 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:36,040 being an ally for, well, you know, those kinds of guys who want to be allies, but still have 209 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:42,600 a lot of weirdness to work out about being gay and such good people with a rough upbringing. 210 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:43,720 Please keep this show going. 211 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,160 It's wicked funny kid. 212 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:46,160 So thank you, Matthew. 213 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:47,360 That was very sweet of you. 214 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:51,360 So Matt actually sent me a message as well. 215 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:53,940 And it was it was largely the same thing. 216 00:09:53,940 --> 00:09:57,120 And I just, Matt, I appreciate you. 217 00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:58,680 And God damn, Matt. 218 00:09:58,680 --> 00:09:59,680 Yeah. 219 00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:01,160 Did you see his beard? 220 00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:03,280 He did this awesome braid. 221 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:06,880 No, I saw one where he had like some stars in it. 222 00:10:06,880 --> 00:10:07,880 It looks fucking awesome. 223 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:11,160 All I know is that his nails are always on fucking point. 224 00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:14,160 He's always got mad. 225 00:10:14,160 --> 00:10:15,480 Got some bad ass nails. 226 00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:19,600 I've actually noticed that that's become like a really big thing just in general. 227 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:20,600 Yeah. 228 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:27,960 I was at McDonald's the other day and this this kid serving the food had nice and nails 229 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:31,160 than most of the women that I work with. 230 00:10:31,160 --> 00:10:32,880 And I was like, how do you do that? 231 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:34,200 Will you work at McDonald's? 232 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,720 Like that's that's a talent. 233 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:37,720 Also Matt. 234 00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:38,720 So anyway, Matt. 235 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:39,720 Oh yeah. 236 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:40,720 Go ahead. 237 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:41,720 You say first. 238 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:42,720 I'll say Matthew. 239 00:10:42,720 --> 00:10:43,720 You speak first. 240 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:49,160 Matthew has been sending me at least once a day videos of him blowing up stuff and I 241 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:50,160 can't. 242 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,160 What the fuck, Matt? 243 00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:54,800 Why am I being left out? 244 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:58,720 I don't think he doesn't know that you're not in the on the Instagram, but I'll let 245 00:10:58,720 --> 00:10:59,720 him know. 246 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:00,720 But yeah. 247 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:02,920 So thank you, Matt, for the nice kind words. 248 00:11:02,920 --> 00:11:07,880 Thank you for the demolition videos because I enjoy watching. 249 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:13,160 Listen, Matt, one of my primary weapons in Iraq was the Mark 19 automatic launcher. 250 00:11:13,160 --> 00:11:21,600 So please send me anything in everything you blow up because that would make me so happy. 251 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,600 But Matt, thank you for thank you for that message. 252 00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,040 Seriously, it absolutely makes my day. 253 00:11:26,040 --> 00:11:28,440 Yeah, absolutely love it. 254 00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:30,200 Definitely made me feel things when I read it for sure. 255 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:31,200 All right. 256 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:32,200 So we have an episode to go over. 257 00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:33,200 Are you ready? 258 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:34,200 We do. 259 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:37,160 I noticed I need I actually I need a Narragansett. 260 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:38,560 I need to go get a Narragansett. 261 00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:39,560 All right. 262 00:11:39,560 --> 00:11:40,560 Well, then I'll wait for you to come back. 263 00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:43,600 And it's my bad for not having some on deck. 264 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:44,920 I'm just stupid right now. 265 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:45,920 Be right back. 266 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:46,920 Hi, neighbor. 267 00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:47,920 You have a beautiful singing voice. 268 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:53,320 And it died. 269 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:54,320 I'm going to keep that in there. 270 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:56,600 I'm going to put like a little one of those little punishment. 271 00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:59,080 It's my punishment for you not singing. 272 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:00,080 All right. 273 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:03,480 So before we start recording, a little bit of a technical difficulty. 274 00:12:03,480 --> 00:12:09,080 And as you were leaving to rejoin, you notice the name of the studio that I had come up 275 00:12:09,080 --> 00:12:10,680 with. 276 00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:13,200 I'm not going to say it out loud, but I love it. 277 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,280 Do you I mean, do you want to say it out loud? 278 00:12:15,280 --> 00:12:20,120 Well, I mean, I feel like it would be like another term for the Shroud of Turin, you 279 00:12:20,120 --> 00:12:24,760 know, like Shroud of Turin to God's Kumbrak. 280 00:12:24,760 --> 00:12:28,120 So it's a it's a little weird. 281 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:30,680 It's not going to be a cryptid or something like that. 282 00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:33,680 But we are going to head back to some familiar territory. 283 00:12:33,680 --> 00:12:37,280 Today we're going to be traveling to the great state of Washington. 284 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:40,880 Now, lots of big things have come out of this state is the birthplace of grunge bands like 285 00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:44,880 Soundgarden, Pearl Jam, Mudhoney and most famously Nirvana. 286 00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:51,280 It's also the birthplace of America's greatest patriot, Drew Bledsoe. 287 00:12:51,280 --> 00:12:57,200 He was he was born in Ellensburg, Washington, which, if you remember, is right around where 288 00:12:57,200 --> 00:12:59,840 Mel's Hole is located. 289 00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:03,320 But now I'm starting to see now I'm starting to see it. 290 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:06,280 Now I know why he just disappeared in 2001. 291 00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:07,280 Exactly. 292 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:12,880 It wasn't because some young hotshot rookie just fucking took over for him while he was 293 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:13,880 injured. 294 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,440 But but it's not all awesome. 295 00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:19,120 Washington state is also home to some of the worst corporations known to man. 296 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:23,720 You got Starbucks, which is famous for union busting and taking the Christ out of Christmas. 297 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:27,560 It was founded in Washington in 1971. 298 00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:30,400 And I'm mad at him about one of those things. 299 00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:35,720 Amazon, known for being just all around the worst, was founded in Bellevue, Washington 300 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:36,960 in 1994. 301 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:41,160 Also, Sarge's supernormal dot com directs you straight to Amazon where you can buy his 302 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:44,200 new coloring book. 303 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:45,720 It's my deal with the devil. 304 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:50,040 But at the same time, I think my book might put Amazon out of business. 305 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:51,040 So I'm OK with that. 306 00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:56,200 So it's also trying to radicalize people one coloring book at a time. 307 00:13:56,200 --> 00:14:00,800 It's also home to Boeing, a company who just does not care if any of their planes stay 308 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:01,800 in the sky. 309 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:07,800 It was founded there in 1916, but besides awesome music, greedy CEOs and strange holes, 310 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:12,120 Washington state is where the small town of Oakville is located, which is where our story 311 00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:13,120 takes place. 312 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:18,200 See, Oakville isn't a very extraordinary town. 313 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,080 It's little it's in the middle of fucking nowhere. 314 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:23,520 And when I say that, I mean, like it is nowhere. 315 00:14:23,520 --> 00:14:26,760 The current population is 700 people. 316 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:31,020 And the most famous person to come out of there is a paleontologist, which is cool. 317 00:14:31,020 --> 00:14:34,500 But I mean, it's nothing to really write about. 318 00:14:34,500 --> 00:14:38,940 But there is one notable exception as to why this town has seen some media coverage, even 319 00:14:38,940 --> 00:14:41,760 getting its own segment on unsolved mysteries. 320 00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:47,380 And that is because in the summer of 1994, a translucent gelatinous substance rained 321 00:14:47,380 --> 00:14:50,400 down over the town that has been dubbed the Oakville blobs. 322 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,280 Are you familiar with the Oakville blobs? 323 00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:57,440 I'm not familiar that it was from Oakville, but I knew raining blobs was a thing. 324 00:14:57,440 --> 00:14:58,440 Yeah. 325 00:14:58,440 --> 00:14:59,440 And I'm very excited. 326 00:14:59,440 --> 00:15:03,480 So rain in Washington state isn't out of the ordinary. 327 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,960 It rains a fucking shit ton there. 328 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:11,520 On average, it rains something like 149 days out of the year, according to the bad guy 329 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:16,680 from another stakeout who replaced Robert Stack as the host of Unsolved Mysteries. 330 00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:19,680 So so. 331 00:15:19,680 --> 00:15:32,680 The best part is you didn't even say his name. 332 00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:35,560 You just named the most obscure movie. 333 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:36,560 What do you mean? 334 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:37,560 That movie is phenomenal. 335 00:15:37,560 --> 00:15:38,560 Come on. 336 00:15:38,560 --> 00:15:41,640 Is another stakeout the one that had Rosie O'Donnell in it? 337 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:42,640 Yeah. 338 00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:43,640 Yeah, it's got. 339 00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:44,640 Yep. 340 00:15:44,640 --> 00:15:45,640 Yep. 341 00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:49,080 Emilio Estevez, Richard Dreyfus and Rosie O'Donnell. 342 00:15:49,080 --> 00:15:53,120 And actually, that movie, Another Stakeout, has my favorite line in it. 343 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:55,080 And Richard Dreyfus is like playing an old man. 344 00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:56,720 He's like, don't go yet. 345 00:15:56,720 --> 00:16:00,960 You could watch me eat. 346 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:01,960 Underrated movie. 347 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,680 But also, that's the only thing that I can remember. 348 00:16:03,680 --> 00:16:04,680 Underrated. 349 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:08,120 The new guy, the guy from Unsolved Mysteries B again. 350 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:09,120 That's fine. 351 00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:10,120 I can't. 352 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:11,440 I can't remember either. 353 00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:16,000 So when torrential rain started falling in the early morning of August 7th, 1994, no 354 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,800 one really gave a shit. 355 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:22,880 That is until people started to notice that what was actually falling from the sky wasn't 356 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:28,360 water but some sort of jelly like goo, no bigger than a grain of rice. 357 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:33,480 And it wasn't like mixed in with like your normal run of the mill boilerplate rain. 358 00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:36,040 It was more like snow or hail in the daytime. 359 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:40,400 Like the morning after it stopped raining, you could see it covering like the grass and 360 00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:41,720 rooftops. 361 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:46,660 One resident, Doddy Hearn, described it like, quote, hail laying on top of the wood box 362 00:16:46,660 --> 00:16:48,400 and everywhere else, end quote. 363 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:52,760 And while on patrol, police officer David Lacey recalled that around 3 a.m., the blob 364 00:16:52,760 --> 00:16:55,440 started hitting the windshield of his patrol car. 365 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:59,080 And that, quote, we turned our windshield wipers on and it just started smearing to 366 00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:01,920 the point where we could almost see, not see. 367 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:05,880 We both looked at each other and we said, geez, this isn't right. 368 00:17:05,880 --> 00:17:07,960 I mean, we're out in the middle of nowhere, basically. 369 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:09,720 And where did this come from? 370 00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:11,380 End quote. 371 00:17:11,380 --> 00:17:14,480 He then told Unsolved Mysteries that he pulled into a gas station. 372 00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:21,600 I'm assuming the only one in town so that he could, quote, unquote, de-goo his windshield. 373 00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:22,600 Luckily he was smart. 374 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,720 Oh, I love it. 375 00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:29,520 Luckily he was smart and put on some gloves before he started playing around with this 376 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:31,520 unknown sky goo. 377 00:17:31,520 --> 00:17:34,700 And he said that it felt like if you had jello in your hands and you could like squish it 378 00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:36,200 around in your fingers. 379 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:40,040 Like you do, like you do when you just grab a fistful of jello and squeeze. 380 00:17:40,040 --> 00:17:41,760 Yeah, you don't do that. 381 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:42,760 Yeah. 382 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:44,680 It's a nasty manhood, it's fine. 383 00:17:44,680 --> 00:17:46,400 But this was just the beginning. 384 00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:47,960 Over the next month, it would rain down. 385 00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:51,880 God come five more times over an area spanning 20 square miles. 386 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:55,880 Now, sorry, she might be wondering, well, what's the big deal? 387 00:17:55,880 --> 00:17:58,600 Just a little mystery goo falling from the heavens. 388 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,680 A little goo never hurt nobody, right? 389 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:01,680 Wrong. 390 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:02,680 I mean, it depends. 391 00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:03,680 It depends. 392 00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:05,600 Some goo, some goo. 393 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:06,880 It definitely hurts people. 394 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:09,200 There's laws about that now. 395 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:11,960 Well, later that afternoon. 396 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:12,960 I'm just stating a fact. 397 00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:13,960 I wasn't being gross. 398 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:14,960 No, I get. 399 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:15,960 Yeah. 400 00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:25,080 So later that afternoon, Officer Lacey suddenly become became like aggressively ill. 401 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:29,400 He could barely breathe, was violently sick, almost to the point of his entire body just 402 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:30,800 shutting down. 403 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:35,200 Now across town, Doddy Hearn, the woman who said it looks like hail, she was in worse 404 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:36,200 shape. 405 00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,120 She had also touched the blobs. 406 00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:41,120 But unlike Officer Lacey, she wasn't wearing any gloves. 407 00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:44,480 And she said that she started feeling dizzy at first, kind of like a bad case of vertigo 408 00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:49,880 that just kept getting worse and worse and worse, causing her to become extremely nauseous. 409 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:56,040 An hour later, her daughter, Sunny Barcliffe, would find Doddy sprawled out on her bathroom 410 00:18:56,040 --> 00:19:02,400 floor, cold, drenched in sweat, vomit just fucking everywhere and unable to move because 411 00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:05,400 her vertigo was so bad that her vision was almost non-existent. 412 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:11,440 So it sounds like they all got a bad case of gooneria. 413 00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:14,440 Goddamn it. 414 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:16,600 This poor woman almost died. 415 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:17,840 And that's the best you could come up with. 416 00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:18,840 Come on, man. 417 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:19,840 Oh, man. 418 00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:25,200 That's what happens when God gives you an STD. 419 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:30,040 So Doddy ended up spending three days in the hospital. 420 00:19:30,040 --> 00:19:32,640 Oh, oh, I didn't know it was that bad. 421 00:19:32,640 --> 00:19:38,760 She was diagnosed with a severe inner ear infection. 422 00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:42,720 And over the next few weeks and five more blah brains later, almost the entire town 423 00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:47,600 would get sick, with dozens being admitted to the hospital for flu and inner ear infection 424 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:48,600 symptoms. 425 00:19:48,600 --> 00:19:53,400 And this wasn't just like your common flu where you're sick for a week and then you're 426 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:54,400 fine. 427 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:59,360 Like these symptoms lasted between seven weeks to almost three months in some cases. 428 00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:06,560 Even worse, even worse, several cats and dogs that came into contact with the blobs also 429 00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:08,240 got sick and tragically passed away. 430 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,480 Like a lot of animals died from this. 431 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:16,000 Oh, it sounds like they all got long goovid. 432 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:20,960 I'm mildly ashamed of that one. 433 00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:21,960 I quit. 434 00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:22,960 This is going to be our last episode. 435 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:23,960 Too soon? 436 00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:24,960 Is it too soon? 437 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:25,960 This episode is over. 438 00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:31,680 It's been a fun ride, everyone. 439 00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:35,240 Well, good night, everybody. 440 00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:41,120 So question, was it the blobs causing everyone to become sick or is this just like a case 441 00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:43,240 of small town? 442 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:45,720 Everyone's just like up everyone else's ass. 443 00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:49,400 So sickness kind of just runs rampant through town. 444 00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,920 Well, we don't know. 445 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:55,240 But luckily, Doddy's daughter, Sonny, collected samples of the gelatinous material and brought 446 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,320 it to the hospital to be tested. 447 00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:00,080 And this raised way more questions than it answered. 448 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:01,080 For one. 449 00:21:01,080 --> 00:21:02,080 Yeah. 450 00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:04,520 The doctor was like, why is it in your mouth? 451 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:09,640 She's like, normally where I store this. 452 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:10,640 God damn. 453 00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:11,640 All right. 454 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:16,160 So for one, I didn't even know where I was going with that. 455 00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:19,760 I was just like, she would like open her mouth, tuck her tongue out. 456 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:21,400 Just a cum joke. 457 00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:25,600 This is my my goo collection procedure. 458 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:28,480 So, well, you went porn with it. 459 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:33,040 I was thinking like catching snowflakes on your tongue, maybe catch some goo. 460 00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,040 Oh, yeah. 461 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,040 OK, no. 462 00:21:35,040 --> 00:21:36,040 Now I see where you're driving at. 463 00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:37,040 Now I see where you're driving at. 464 00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:38,040 OK, yeah. 465 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:39,040 That was my bad. 466 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:40,600 So it raised more questions than it answered. 467 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:45,840 For one, the lab tech discovered that one, no idea what the fuck this is. 468 00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,200 And two, that it contained. 469 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:49,520 I hate I'm going to say this because you're just going to make it worse. 470 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:54,200 Is that is that it contained human white blood cells? 471 00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:57,200 Yes. 472 00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:03,000 Oh, I'm not even going to I'm going to let it go. 473 00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:04,000 I'm just going to let it go. 474 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:05,000 All right. 475 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:06,960 So realizing this might be a little out of. 476 00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:11,200 Also, the sperm count was very low. 477 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,640 Realizing this might be a little out of his league, he sent the sample off to Mike McDowell 478 00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:18,160 at the Washington State Department of Health. 479 00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:22,400 There it was discovered that the sample was full of two different types of bacteria, one 480 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:28,520 of which and it smelled like chlorine, which is weird. 481 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:34,880 One of the one of the bacteria discovered is found in the human digestive system. 482 00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:41,640 So fuck this is another Mel's whole situation that I open up a whole can of worms here that's 483 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:52,040 just going to make you remember that story when we were kids when they said, like Rod 484 00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:55,280 Stewart had swallowed so much he had to have his stomach pumped. 485 00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:58,240 So you heard that about little Kim and Wu Tang Clan. 486 00:22:58,240 --> 00:22:59,240 Yeah. 487 00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:01,360 And at some point, somebody said about Gwen Stefani, too. 488 00:23:01,360 --> 00:23:02,600 It's a persistent rumor. 489 00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:05,360 They just keep changing the name with every generation. 490 00:23:05,360 --> 00:23:09,760 But I guess it originally started out with Rod Stewart and his assistant did it, apparently. 491 00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:10,760 Oh, OK. 492 00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:11,760 Yeah. 493 00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:12,760 So is that it? 494 00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:13,760 Yeah. 495 00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:19,040 No, I just you know, the minute you mentioned digestion. 496 00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:20,040 Fuck me. 497 00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:21,200 All right. 498 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:25,920 So armed with this new information, it's really like God's bukkake is what you're saying. 499 00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:26,920 You're right. 500 00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:34,040 I should have named the studio a little bit better. 501 00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:38,280 So armed with this new information, Sonny, Doddy's daughter thought, OK, well, maybe 502 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:41,880 it's like human waste dropped from an airplane because that happens. 503 00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:42,880 I've seen Joe Dirt. 504 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:43,880 Yeah. 505 00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:48,360 So she so she reached out to the FAA to be like, you know, our town is not your fucking 506 00:23:48,360 --> 00:23:49,360 toilet. 507 00:23:49,360 --> 00:23:50,960 What the fuck are you doing? 508 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:55,060 But that theory was immediately ruled out because FAA regulations state that all human 509 00:23:55,060 --> 00:23:59,120 waste once it's in the airplane is to be dyed blue. 510 00:23:59,120 --> 00:24:04,720 So it couldn't be that because whatever this stuff was, it was like crystal clear. 511 00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:09,940 So at this point in the story, we're going to add it to a year passing since the last 512 00:24:09,940 --> 00:24:13,760 time the heavens splooged all over this small town. 513 00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:14,760 Wait, I'm sorry. 514 00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:15,760 What year was this again? 515 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:16,760 Ninety four. 516 00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:17,760 So now we're in ninety five. 517 00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:20,100 So like so like fucking it's fucking Crystal Pepsi. 518 00:24:20,100 --> 00:24:24,240 That's what did it. 519 00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:25,240 It's Crystal Pepsi. 520 00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,520 This is I remember the Van Halen video. 521 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:32,120 It's like a fucked up like viral marketing plan and they just really dropped the ball 522 00:24:32,120 --> 00:24:33,120 on it. 523 00:24:33,120 --> 00:24:36,240 Do you remember, do you remember the Crystal Pepsi commercials? 524 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:39,080 It was like Van Halen's right now was playing the whole time. 525 00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:43,040 It was like this epic commercial for the worst beverage in history. 526 00:24:43,040 --> 00:24:44,040 So gross. 527 00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:45,120 They tried to bring it back and it did not. 528 00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:46,800 It was not any better. 529 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:48,440 It was non-alcoholic Zima. 530 00:24:48,440 --> 00:24:49,800 It was the worst on earth. 531 00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:50,800 Yeah, it was. 532 00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:58,280 That's all I would actually rather take God's Bukaki than Crystal Pepsi. 533 00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:03,440 Well, I mean, if you move to Oakville, Washington, you might get your chance. 534 00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:08,080 So like a year has passed since the last time like a rain goo. 535 00:25:08,080 --> 00:25:13,560 But there's still no answer as to what these blobs of goo are or why everyone in town got 536 00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:15,640 violently ill after they appeared. 537 00:25:15,640 --> 00:25:21,600 Luckily, Sunny isn't one to give up and she'd actually she'd actually save some samples 538 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:31,120 in her freezer and sent them out for an independent testing to be done by Tim Davis at Amtesk 539 00:25:31,120 --> 00:25:32,120 Laboratories. 540 00:25:32,120 --> 00:25:36,960 She's running an amateur sperm bank in the house. 541 00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:39,040 So wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. 542 00:25:39,040 --> 00:25:40,400 That's not the globs. 543 00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:42,200 That was just some that I got earlier. 544 00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:44,160 That was for another thing. 545 00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:45,160 You're going to hate. 546 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:50,080 I already regret everything that's about to come after us. 547 00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:55,080 So she sent him off to Tim Davis at Amtesk Laboratories where he discovered what he thought 548 00:25:55,080 --> 00:26:00,920 was eukaryotic cells, which is a type of cell that is present in most animals, meaning that 549 00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:01,920 you carry out. 550 00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:02,920 Yeah, I know this. 551 00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:03,920 I know this. 552 00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:10,240 So from watching many young Earth creationist debates, I have weird hobbies. 553 00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:15,460 So pretty much what this means, if you don't know, is that the blobs were either currently 554 00:26:15,460 --> 00:26:18,240 or at one point alive. 555 00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:21,320 And this cell is what was mistaken for the human white blood cells. 556 00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:30,520 I think if I'm reading, this is the most unintentionally hilarious episode I know. 557 00:26:30,520 --> 00:26:35,360 But even with this piece of information, there still wasn't into this day isn't any explanation 558 00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:36,960 as to what the fuck it was. 559 00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:39,360 But there are some theories. 560 00:26:39,360 --> 00:26:41,640 None of them involve God's come. 561 00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:42,640 That was. 562 00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:43,640 Yeah, right. 563 00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:44,640 Right. 564 00:26:44,640 --> 00:26:51,760 So one theory is that the U.S. Navy was conducting live bombing run drills. 565 00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:54,320 I knew semen were to blame. 566 00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:58,640 I didn't even think about this. 567 00:26:58,640 --> 00:27:03,120 But one theory is that the U.S. Navy was conducting live bombing run drills in the Pacific Ocean 568 00:27:03,120 --> 00:27:04,680 off the coast of Washington. 569 00:27:04,680 --> 00:27:08,620 And during those drills, they accidentally blew up a school of jellyfish. 570 00:27:08,620 --> 00:27:13,040 The jellyfish chunks got shot up into the air, got caught in the current and floated 571 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:17,560 50 miles inland to their small town and rained down. 572 00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:19,120 It's not the most wild theory. 573 00:27:19,120 --> 00:27:22,000 They blessed Washington state with ropes of freedom. 574 00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:23,000 Pretty much. 575 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:25,520 But it's not it's not the most wild. 576 00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:28,960 I mean, animals get sucked up into the sky and rain down all the time. 577 00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:31,280 Frogs, fish. 578 00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:32,280 It happens. 579 00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:38,600 The only problem with this theory that I Denver said, I promise you that I have is it happened 580 00:27:38,600 --> 00:27:40,960 six times over a one month period. 581 00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:45,160 I don't know how the sky or the oceans work at all. 582 00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:51,880 But I think it's a little unlikely that it would continuously happen over a month period. 583 00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:53,200 And that seems excessive. 584 00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:54,200 That seems. 585 00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:55,200 Yeah. 586 00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:57,880 But the Air Force did confirm that they were conducting bombing runs over the Pacific. 587 00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:00,460 So I don't know. 588 00:28:00,460 --> 00:28:05,640 Theory two is star jelly or did I fuck this name? 589 00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:11,480 Star astral jelly star star gel. 590 00:28:11,480 --> 00:28:14,200 So star jelly isn't like a scientific name for this phenomenon. 591 00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:18,560 But basically it's something that has been reported as far back as the 14th century and 592 00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:23,560 has been linked to things like frog eggs, jelly fungus, masses of amoebas, things like 593 00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:26,320 that, shit that would pop up like after a rainstorm. 594 00:28:26,320 --> 00:28:29,560 I mean, frog eggs are pretty fucking gross. 595 00:28:29,560 --> 00:28:30,560 Have you seen those? 596 00:28:30,560 --> 00:28:31,560 Yeah, they're not ideal. 597 00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:32,560 It's all bad. 598 00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:34,960 It's like it's like sad tapioca. 599 00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:36,280 Yeah, it's gross. 600 00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:39,080 The only problem with this theory is that star jelly has never been actually witnessed 601 00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:40,760 falling from the skies. 602 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:42,720 So this like Oakville until now. 603 00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:47,120 Well, that would be like this would be the first since the 14th century. 604 00:28:47,120 --> 00:28:49,560 So I don't know if we're going to go with that one. 605 00:28:49,560 --> 00:28:54,400 Now, the final theory and my favorite is that the government was doing a test run of a new 606 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:56,640 biological weapon. 607 00:28:56,640 --> 00:29:00,200 While the Air Force did say they were conducting bomb tests in the Pacific, some think it may 608 00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:01,800 be a cover up. 609 00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:05,560 Sunny told Unsolved Mysteries that they had a significant amount of military aircraft 610 00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:09,840 flying over their home prior to the jelly rain and everyone else getting sick. 611 00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:16,360 Her mother, Dottie, said that quote, every day almost we had slow flying bombers, helicopters, 612 00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:17,360 all black and color. 613 00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:19,400 And we kind of thought maybe it might have come from them. 614 00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:20,560 End quote. 615 00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:24,660 Another resident, Maurice Goble, I think I say pronounce I have no idea, said, quote, 616 00:29:24,660 --> 00:29:26,840 they let off things in the air all the time here. 617 00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:28,280 There's testing done all over the place. 618 00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:33,840 There's lots of places that you can't go into, end quote, with another resident named Beverly 619 00:29:33,840 --> 00:29:39,420 Roberts saying maybe we were we were a biological experiment of some kind, a small one, maybe 620 00:29:39,420 --> 00:29:43,800 just to get people a little bit sick to find out, say, if an enemy did come over here with 621 00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:47,720 a biological bomb or something and dropped it, maybe it was just a test run to see what 622 00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:49,160 would happen. 623 00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:55,080 Beverly, she makes this so they're just they're just trying to impregnate the world with its 624 00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:56,360 with with our freedom. 625 00:29:56,360 --> 00:30:00,800 I guess, but the thing about Beverly's quote that I love is that she she makes it sound 626 00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:03,680 like she thinks the government did this for their own good. 627 00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:08,000 Like, yeah, look, we almost murdered your whole town, but we did it so we could protect 628 00:30:08,000 --> 00:30:10,840 you if another government were to come in and do it. 629 00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:16,080 They just wanted to see what would happen so that we they we can be better. 630 00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:17,920 Thank you, government. 631 00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:21,560 But anyways, to this day, we don't know no idea what these things are. 632 00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:27,160 You might be asking yourself, well, science and technology has advanced so far in the 633 00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:28,160 last 30 years. 634 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:29,640 Why don't we just retest it? 635 00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:30,640 That's a very good question, Sarge. 636 00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:32,200 I'm glad you ask. 637 00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:33,200 We could if we would. 638 00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:39,000 I asked to all known samples of this blob have mysteriously gone missing in the Washington 639 00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:40,160 Department of Health. 640 00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:44,800 They have no records of the sample even ever being received by them. 641 00:30:44,800 --> 00:30:45,800 So damn it. 642 00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:46,800 So who knows? 643 00:30:46,800 --> 00:30:47,800 It could. 644 00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:50,960 But it also kind of makes the government conspiracy thing seem a little more credible. 645 00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:55,640 But we need to check that one lady's freezer and see if maybe she's got a couple of vials 646 00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:56,640 left. 647 00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:57,640 But holding out. 648 00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:00,400 But they have a search. 649 00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:03,360 That's the story of the Oakville blobs. 650 00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:09,880 Little despite my childish inability to take any of this seriously, I do have to say that 651 00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:17,520 I am not I'm not as skeptical of this as I as I normally am, because I do think weird 652 00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:19,560 shit falls from the sky all the time. 653 00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:21,360 For sure. 654 00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:25,520 We still struggle to fully understand why frogs fall from the sky. 655 00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:26,520 Yeah, it's like a budget. 656 00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:32,360 It could be like a wind, like a vortex, like not a vortex, but yeah, like a funnel or something. 657 00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:34,000 No one knows. 658 00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:38,840 I mean, were they able I forget, were they able to determine if those eukaryotic cells 659 00:31:38,840 --> 00:31:44,400 were like, were they able to decide what kind of animal they were? 660 00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:46,760 Were they just able to say it was a mammalian? 661 00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:47,760 Just able to say it was animal. 662 00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:49,120 They didn't say if it came from. 663 00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:50,120 But it's not 10 before. 664 00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:52,800 I don't know if they would have been able to. 665 00:31:52,800 --> 00:32:00,720 I mean, I think GPS, I feel like GPS became more prevalent in the early 90s. 666 00:32:00,720 --> 00:32:04,280 But I mean, it was still in its infancy, I think. 667 00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:07,560 So I don't I have no idea. 668 00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:09,600 Certainly not an expert in that field whatsoever. 669 00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:16,280 But I just to me, it doesn't it's not one of those things where I'm like, oh, that's 670 00:32:16,280 --> 00:32:17,280 fucking nuts. 671 00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:19,200 Whoever said that is high. 672 00:32:19,200 --> 00:32:26,560 My in my mind, besides the come jokes, I was trying to figure out like. 673 00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:28,160 What could have possibly created that? 674 00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:29,160 And I have no idea. 675 00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:30,840 I'm just I'm at a loss for words. 676 00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:36,480 I mean, the jellyfish thing to me seems probably the most accurate. 677 00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:39,880 But also, I mean, yeah, I don't know if I didn't see this theory, but I mean, it could 678 00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:47,100 also be like if there was I don't know what's in the area, but there could be like a chemical 679 00:32:47,100 --> 00:32:51,240 plant or something like that, like something got into the atmosphere mixed with the water, 680 00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:53,720 turned into a jelly and rained down. 681 00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:57,720 The only problem is like, what could they have possibly been working on that would have 682 00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:02,240 introduced to carry out excels, because those are like, I don't know how the sample was 683 00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:03,240 collected. 684 00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:05,920 She could have fucking like done one of these and like scooped it in with her. 685 00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:06,920 You know what I mean? 686 00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:08,920 Like she could have scooped it with her hand. 687 00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:12,600 Yeah, it could be like it could come from literally anywhere. 688 00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:13,600 Yeah, no, that's true. 689 00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:15,480 Yeah, that's a good point. 690 00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:20,080 We'll never know this is going to be frustrating as hell to me. 691 00:33:20,080 --> 00:33:21,080 It's already been 30 years. 692 00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:22,080 We have no idea. 693 00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:24,480 Yeah, we're never going to know because the samples are all gone. 694 00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:26,880 So we can't retest it. 695 00:33:26,880 --> 00:33:27,880 Thanks. 696 00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:32,440 And that's why the chain of custody is where the chain of custody when it comes to evidence 697 00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:33,440 is so important. 698 00:33:33,440 --> 00:33:37,040 Yeah, because like I said, the Department of Health, they have no records of even receiving 699 00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:38,400 it, let alone testing it. 700 00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:40,100 So I don't know. 701 00:33:40,100 --> 00:33:45,080 But are you trying to tell me that the dude who played fucking Nick Miller's dad and Dennis 702 00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:46,920 Farina, by the way, that's his name. 703 00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:47,920 I know. 704 00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:48,920 Yeah, I looked it up. 705 00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:51,600 I was going to call you were talking because I needed to know. 706 00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:58,720 Yeah, but I'm pretty sure that guy, he wouldn't lie to us, right? 707 00:33:58,720 --> 00:34:07,640 It's actually funny because I had a friend that I used to work with and we went to this 708 00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:09,200 like work event at a bar. 709 00:34:09,200 --> 00:34:12,800 So there was like everybody in the in the office. 710 00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:21,560 We were all in this bar and she's she's sitting at a table and she calls me over and I think 711 00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:23,080 it's going to be like something important. 712 00:34:23,080 --> 00:34:26,440 She's got like a very serious, like troubled look on her face. 713 00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:32,120 And the wall in the bar is covered with paintings of different celebrities. 714 00:34:32,120 --> 00:34:34,840 It was a fun club. 715 00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:39,840 We did have to we did have to pay to get in and they did give you handcuffs at the door. 716 00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:48,320 But no, she pointed to the wall and was like, is that is that the guy from Snatch? 717 00:34:48,320 --> 00:34:49,320 And I'm like, what? 718 00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:54,440 I'm like, yeah, why is the guy from Snatch on the same wall as like Frank Sinatra and 719 00:34:54,440 --> 00:34:56,080 Marilyn Monroe? 720 00:34:56,080 --> 00:35:01,440 Dennis Farina isn't exactly like the most well known guy in the world, but it was it 721 00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:02,600 was literally him. 722 00:35:02,600 --> 00:35:04,480 Like there was no mistaking it. 723 00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:09,000 But I mean, like he's not he might not be the best actor, but if when you see him, you 724 00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:10,000 know him. 725 00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:11,000 Yeah. 726 00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:12,000 But we were mystified. 727 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:17,120 Like why would you have Dennis Farina and not like Joey Pantalone or like Terry Elwes? 728 00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:22,360 Like why is this one character actor here, but you don't have any of the others? 729 00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:25,400 Maybe his dad owns the bar. 730 00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:26,400 That could be it. 731 00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:27,880 That could be it. 732 00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:31,600 So when you said when you said the guy who took over for Robert Stack, I immediately 733 00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:33,120 was like the guy from Snatch. 734 00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:36,960 I got to look this up. 735 00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:39,680 Not not the not the guy from another stakeout. 736 00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:41,800 That's the only thing that I can think of that him and that new girl. 737 00:35:41,800 --> 00:35:46,600 I remember I remembered him from Snatch because he says my favorite line ever in that movie 738 00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:48,560 when they're like, do you have anything to declare it? 739 00:35:48,560 --> 00:35:51,560 He's like, yeah, don't go to England. 740 00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:54,200 I mean, that's a great declaration. 741 00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:55,200 I'll take it. 742 00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:56,200 Oh, shit. 743 00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:57,200 All right, sorry. 744 00:35:57,200 --> 00:36:00,080 So that is the story of the Oakville blobs. 745 00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:02,920 Sorry for anyone listening who has an aversion to come jokes. 746 00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:05,160 This episode is going to be real hard to listen to. 747 00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:07,360 Because there were a lot of them. 748 00:36:07,360 --> 00:36:10,240 Yeah, we might need to put a disclaimer in the front. 749 00:36:10,240 --> 00:36:11,240 That's fine. 750 00:36:11,240 --> 00:36:16,320 If they can get through Mel's holes, they can get through this one. 751 00:36:16,320 --> 00:36:18,800 I think you don't like chlorine smells. 752 00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:19,800 Avoid this episode. 753 00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:20,800 All right. 754 00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:24,800 Is there anything you want to plug, Sarge, before we sign off for the day? 755 00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:25,800 Yes. 756 00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:29,160 Sarge's Super Normal Coloring and Activity book. 757 00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:34,440 If you go to sargesupernormal.com, it'll immediately take you to my page on Amazon where you can 758 00:36:34,440 --> 00:36:36,240 purchase this book. 759 00:36:36,240 --> 00:36:41,080 And the money does does not go to me, really. 760 00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:46,320 It pays the poor people that I put up that I put through untold amounts of abuse in creating 761 00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:47,320 it. 762 00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:49,960 But yeah, it's 999. 763 00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:55,360 It's coloring book is like 50 something pages of shit to do. 764 00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:56,360 It's like 96. 765 00:36:56,360 --> 00:36:57,360 There's a lot of shit. 766 00:36:57,360 --> 00:36:58,360 There's a big. 767 00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:05,240 There's 96, but I think it's just because the other side of the page has nothing on 768 00:37:05,240 --> 00:37:07,520 it so it doesn't bleed through and ruin it. 769 00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:11,240 I didn't realize it was. 770 00:37:11,240 --> 00:37:16,920 The cover art is done by my buddy Dan, who went through a lot of struggles and difficulties 771 00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:17,920 in life. 772 00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:20,440 And his artwork is what keeps him going. 773 00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:25,500 And yeah, it should just be a little bit of fun, something to help you relax. 774 00:37:25,500 --> 00:37:27,120 And it's like the cost of a six pack. 775 00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:29,800 So you should get it. 776 00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:32,600 Saja super normal dot com 999. 777 00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:36,720 And then send me your pictures if you did get this book and you colored it, please send 778 00:37:36,720 --> 00:37:37,720 them to me on Instagram. 779 00:37:37,720 --> 00:37:39,560 I would love to see that. 780 00:37:39,560 --> 00:37:41,800 And oh yeah. 781 00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:43,040 And listen to stories. 782 00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:44,600 Let's do listen to stories. 783 00:37:44,600 --> 00:37:51,560 So if if anyone listening, if you if you ever experienced anything that's creepy, strange, 784 00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:56,080 any high strangeness, ghosts, fucking cryptids, fucking alien, anything like that, send us 785 00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:59,000 you send us your listeners stories and we'll we'll read them on. 786 00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:00,840 I would love to hear your stories. 787 00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:04,920 Well, if we find a good one, if you send us a great story, we're going to read it. 788 00:38:04,920 --> 00:38:07,920 If you don't hear it right away, it might just be that we got a bunch of good ones and 789 00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:08,960 we'll read it. 790 00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:14,480 If you don't hear it at all, maybe we're scared of your story or the government stepped in 791 00:38:14,480 --> 00:38:16,640 and said, hey, you can't tell anyone about this. 792 00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:18,800 Or if it's really bad, we'll just read it and make fun of you. 793 00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:19,800 It's no big deal. 794 00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:20,800 Yeah, we'll do that, too. 795 00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:23,160 But yeah, please send us your stories. 796 00:38:23,160 --> 00:38:24,560 Send it to what is it? 797 00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:25,560 What's the email address? 798 00:38:25,560 --> 00:38:26,560 They should send it to you. 799 00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:29,320 Send it to a cryptic cocktail at Gmail dot com. 800 00:38:29,320 --> 00:38:30,760 There's a link to it in our Instagram. 801 00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:34,280 You can hit the email button or you can just send us a DM through there as well. 802 00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:36,600 Or you can any assarges socials, hit him up. 803 00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:37,600 Yeah, you can. 804 00:38:37,600 --> 00:38:40,440 You can DM me on TikTok or Instagram. 805 00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:41,440 Don't hit me up on Twitter. 806 00:38:41,440 --> 00:38:45,200 I never see those notifications because Elon Musk is a pile of shit. 807 00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:49,120 But anywhere else, I'm happy to read it. 808 00:38:49,120 --> 00:38:52,440 In fact, if you send it to me on Twitter, I can almost promise you I'm not going to 809 00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:53,440 read it. 810 00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:57,840 But if you send it to me on Instagram or TikTok, I will see the notification and I'll check 811 00:38:57,840 --> 00:38:58,840 it out. 812 00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:00,600 But yeah, send us your stories. 813 00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:01,600 We want to hear your stories. 814 00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:02,600 We want to read them. 815 00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:06,320 We want to, you know, tell everybody your story for you. 816 00:39:06,320 --> 00:39:08,320 Yeah, because we think that'd be fun. 817 00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:10,520 So yeah, so do that. 818 00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:14,760 And if you need to find us anywhere, you can find Crypto Cocktail on Instagram, Crypto 819 00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:16,760 Cocktail, TikTok, Crypto Cocktail Party. 820 00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:18,280 You can find Sarge. 821 00:39:18,280 --> 00:39:24,640 Type in Sarge the Destroyer anywhere and you'll find him. 822 00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:25,640 He's like a plague. 823 00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:28,360 It's just everywhere. 824 00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:31,840 And if you just want to tell us how we're doing, that'll work, too. 825 00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:33,520 Just hit us up. 826 00:39:33,520 --> 00:39:40,880 And I'm happy to read any comments, constructive or congratulatory, either way. 827 00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:48,080 If you want to join the wholesome content crew, just send us a message saying nice things 828 00:39:48,080 --> 00:39:53,640 about us or leave us a review on Apple and I'll read it out from there. 829 00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:54,640 Whatever you want. 830 00:39:54,640 --> 00:39:55,640 Yeah, it doesn't matter. 831 00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:58,000 All right, Sarge, do you want to say goodbye and I love you to everyone? 832 00:39:58,000 --> 00:39:59,000 I love you guys. 833 00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:00,000 Thanks for making me number two. 834 00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:27,000 Mwah.