Hey everybody!
Welcome back to another episode of Cryptic Cocktail Party, a show where we have a few
jokes, share a few laughs, take a dive into the unknown.
I'm your host Dave and today I'm joined by possibly bestselling author, Sarge the Destroyer.
What's going on man?
Hell, I am not a bestselling author.
I'm very disappointed.
Kind of.
But I'm also very excited because I'm the number two bestselling author.
So in terms of comedy, that's probably the best position I could be in.
So thank you for making me number two.
No, that was so cool.
I, like a moron, had been preparing all week for this release, right?
And then I was like, I'm going to go hike a waterfall.
And in my head it was like, this is only going to take four hours.
Only.
And it took much longer than that, as it usually does.
And so I came back to Civilization and my phone just kept exploding with all of these
notifications and I was like, oh, you know what?
You know what you shouldn't do on the day your book releases?
Go on a hike where you have no cell phone service.
So I apologize to all the people who message me and I didn't respond for four hours.
I appreciate all of you.
I love you all very much.
This was the craziest thing ever.
I'm hoping you enjoy it.
I just want to reiterate, I literally did not make a dime off of any of the sales because
the price, the introductory price was just to get people to purchase it so you could
have something to take out your frustrations on.
So I hope you enjoy it.
I know you got your copy.
I did.
And I got my copy.
And what I was thinking is maybe at some point, maybe I'll do a TikTok live where we can just
color our friends at Narragansett said maybe we could do a coloring party at the brewery,
which would be fun.
Yeah.
If we can get that together, I'll definitely try and make my way up there for that.
For sure.
Yeah.
I mean, you could crash at my house.
You could just, I'll put up a tent in the yard.
Hey, dude, you know, it's weird.
My dog is a big cuddler, so you'll have something warm next to you.
That's for sure.
I kind of, I kind of miss camping.
I mean, not really, but like I used to do in New Hampshire all the time and ever since
moving to the big city.
I'm a big, I'm a big camper.
Actually, I know it, I know it seems weird because I, I sound like I wouldn't know how
to operate most fire pits without gasoline.
See, that's the only thing I know how to do while camping.
I can, I can start a fire like it's no one's business.
Yeah, exactly.
I can start.
I'm good at fires.
Yeah.
I'm good at cooking on a fire.
I'm an expert on cooking on just open flame, but also I'm actually an accomplished backwards
camper by accomplished.
I mean, I'm an Eagle Scout.
That's right.
Motherfuckers.
When you thought side, but I am an Eagle Scout, believe it or not.
I'd never made it past Cub.
You can only imagine the torture that I put my poor Scout master through that poor man
because he had me during puberty and I was already really resistant to authority.
But then I was in the woods with a knife, you know?
So but I, I love camping.
It's like one of my favorite things to do.
I like to go up like Veterans Day weekend when it's freezing cold in New Hampshire, because
there's nobody there.
You could play a music as loud as you want and you're basically just drinking to stay
alive because if you stop drinking, your blood will freeze.
Yeah, that's pretty much it.
We used to do that in Wake up in Wakefield, New Hampshire, but there was an access road
that led up to the top of like a, I don't know, I think it was a quarry.
Basically we camped on a cliff and there was no one around.
Just get fucked up.
Listen to music.
We used to steal our friends dad's DeWalt's like construction radio.
Perfect.
They had an iPod dock on it back when iPods were like docked on things.
Yeah, no, I know exactly what you're talking about because I also had something like that.
I had this like weird clamshell of indestructibility.
It took like 16 AA batteries.
Probably not that many, but an absurd amount.
Like you had to buy two packs.
Too many.
This one ran off of like a, cause it was like DeWalt.
If you had a DeWalt screw drive, like screw gun.
Oh, the little batteries.
One of the batteries that stick into it.
They just, we just stole a couple of those.
And then we would pack not enough water, too much beer.
Never.
Always, always too much beer.
I remember I used to go hiking with this one guy.
We were really good, not hiking.
We'd go camping with, he was a really good friend and he would always, we would always
have plenty of beer.
And then for breakfast, he would always give us apples and just insisted that we needed
fiber.
I was like, why?
I have had so much beer.
There is no way I'm going to be backed up.
Everything's coming out in about 30 seconds.
But also like, is he insisted on eating apples?
Is it like sober you up or does it like?
No, no, it literally, his exact wordage was we need fiber.
Okay, get some fucking Triscuits or like a fucking.
Yeah.
I was like, okay, man.
I didn't challenge him.
It was like the only thing he asked of me.
He would like bankroll the whole operation.
So I'm like, all right, buddy, like, because like I had the camping know how.
Did he at least like offer like to like slice them up with peanut butter or anything like
that?
Oh yeah.
No, I mean, like it was, it was like a production.
Okay.
So he wasn't just, just talking apples at you like eat the fucking apples.
He just insisted on apples every time.
And I was like, all right, man, I whatever that makes you happy.
But yeah, so that happened.
Also I met our friends down at the Narragansett Brewery in Providence.
How was that?
Holy cow, man.
Everyone there is the nicest people I've ever met.
I got this cool ass shirt.
If you look in the back, it's Jaws.
Oh yeah.
Cause they're celebrating like it's the anniversary of Jaws.
Yeah.
So I got to meet Cam and a few other folks and we had so many ideas and hopefully they
remember them because I had had a couple of beers.
So I was just throwing shit at the wall.
But I was very excited.
I was very excited to be there.
Everybody there was so nice.
It was a very cool place.
There was, it was actually really busy.
I actually had to pay to park in the, in the parking lot next to the brewery because all
the free spots at the brewery were completely packed up.
Yeah.
So July 3rd, I went down there.
I met with Cam and a few other folks and we had a blast.
That's fucking awesome, man.
Yeah.
And I had amazing beer.
They, it was like a watermelon shandy that you can't get in Massachusetts because Massachusetts
is a bunch of dicks when it comes to Narragansett.
It's hard to get the good stuff up here.
Like I mean, it's all good, but like, it's hard to get like all the different flavors.
Like they have this badass IPA that I really liked.
Yeah.
Like there's a bunch of beers that people don't know they make and it's wild.
Like they have so many variety, cause the people, they just think they have Dell's Shandy
and they have the lager, but there's like a bunch of other stuff.
Dell's Shandy is hands down my favorite beer ever created.
Like that is the summer drink of summer drinks.
Like.
Yep.
Fourth of July.
That's all I drank.
I, I like started drinking around two in the afternoon and it was just Dell's Shandy the
whole day.
But they also make this amazing hard iced tea.
Oh, I did not know that.
And I fucking read that now.
A million times better than Mike's or what is it?
What is the hard iced tea that you can get?
I don't even know.
Cause I don't drink it, but it's a twisted, twisted tea.
I had twisted tea like years and years ago when I was like just turned 21 and didn't
know.
Yeah.
So I think hard iced tea is slightly carbonated and it tastes like.
That's what just the tea is missing.
It's missing that slight.
I feel like that's.
Yeah.
Okay.
Sorry, we got a little bit.
We got a bit of.
Yes.
We need to go over today.
This is.
Fucking love wholesome content.
This is a message from a listener to the show, Matthew, also known as bulk detonator on Instagram.
All he sent us a very, very sweet message.
That kind of got me a little emotional.
It says you and Sarge are the best podcast I've heard in a long time.
My friend is a huge cryptid fan and I've always had a passing interest.
That was sorry.
That has grown thanks to him and the ridiculous conversations we have.
It's exactly like this show as two new England guys.
It's also awesome to see local guys doing stuff like this.
The Dover demon had me fucking dying, dude.
The buckle brush made me laugh so frigging hard.
I spilled my strawberry quick.
Best podcast ever.
I also like to give a big thanks to both of you for being such fucking awesome allies
to the LGBTQ plus community.
It not only helps us in the community feel supported, but you guys kind of normalize
being an ally for, well, you know, those kinds of guys who want to be allies, but still have
a lot of weirdness to work out about being gay and such good people with a rough upbringing.
Please keep this show going.
It's wicked funny kid.
So thank you, Matthew.
That was very sweet of you.
So Matt actually sent me a message as well.
And it was it was largely the same thing.
And I just, Matt, I appreciate you.
And God damn, Matt.
Yeah.
Did you see his beard?
He did this awesome braid.
No, I saw one where he had like some stars in it.
It looks fucking awesome.
All I know is that his nails are always on fucking point.
He's always got mad.
Got some bad ass nails.
I've actually noticed that that's become like a really big thing just in general.
Yeah.
I was at McDonald's the other day and this this kid serving the food had nice and nails
than most of the women that I work with.
And I was like, how do you do that?
Will you work at McDonald's?
Like that's that's a talent.
Also Matt.
So anyway, Matt.
Oh yeah.
Go ahead.
You say first.
I'll say Matthew.
You speak first.
Matthew has been sending me at least once a day videos of him blowing up stuff and I
can't.
What the fuck, Matt?
Why am I being left out?
I don't think he doesn't know that you're not in the on the Instagram, but I'll let
him know.
But yeah.
So thank you, Matt, for the nice kind words.
Thank you for the demolition videos because I enjoy watching.
Listen, Matt, one of my primary weapons in Iraq was the Mark 19 automatic launcher.
So please send me anything in everything you blow up because that would make me so happy.
But Matt, thank you for thank you for that message.
Seriously, it absolutely makes my day.
Yeah, absolutely love it.
Definitely made me feel things when I read it for sure.
All right.
So we have an episode to go over.
Are you ready?
We do.
I noticed I need I actually I need a Narragansett.
I need to go get a Narragansett.
All right.
Well, then I'll wait for you to come back.
And it's my bad for not having some on deck.
I'm just stupid right now.
Be right back.
Hi, neighbor.
You have a beautiful singing voice.
And it died.
I'm going to keep that in there.
I'm going to put like a little one of those little punishment.
It's my punishment for you not singing.
All right.
So before we start recording, a little bit of a technical difficulty.
And as you were leaving to rejoin, you notice the name of the studio that I had come up
with.
I'm not going to say it out loud, but I love it.
Do you I mean, do you want to say it out loud?
Well, I mean, I feel like it would be like another term for the Shroud of Turin, you
know, like Shroud of Turin to God's Kumbrak.
So it's a it's a little weird.
It's not going to be a cryptid or something like that.
But we are going to head back to some familiar territory.
Today we're going to be traveling to the great state of Washington.
Now, lots of big things have come out of this state is the birthplace of grunge bands like
Soundgarden, Pearl Jam, Mudhoney and most famously Nirvana.
It's also the birthplace of America's greatest patriot, Drew Bledsoe.
He was he was born in Ellensburg, Washington, which, if you remember, is right around where
Mel's Hole is located.
But now I'm starting to see now I'm starting to see it.
Now I know why he just disappeared in 2001.
Exactly.
It wasn't because some young hotshot rookie just fucking took over for him while he was
injured.
But but it's not all awesome.
Washington state is also home to some of the worst corporations known to man.
You got Starbucks, which is famous for union busting and taking the Christ out of Christmas.
It was founded in Washington in 1971.
And I'm mad at him about one of those things.
Amazon, known for being just all around the worst, was founded in Bellevue, Washington
in 1994.
Also, Sarge's supernormal dot com directs you straight to Amazon where you can buy his
new coloring book.
It's my deal with the devil.
But at the same time, I think my book might put Amazon out of business.
So I'm OK with that.
So it's also trying to radicalize people one coloring book at a time.
It's also home to Boeing, a company who just does not care if any of their planes stay
in the sky.
It was founded there in 1916, but besides awesome music, greedy CEOs and strange holes,
Washington state is where the small town of Oakville is located, which is where our story
takes place.
See, Oakville isn't a very extraordinary town.
It's little it's in the middle of fucking nowhere.
And when I say that, I mean, like it is nowhere.
The current population is 700 people.
And the most famous person to come out of there is a paleontologist, which is cool.
But I mean, it's nothing to really write about.
But there is one notable exception as to why this town has seen some media coverage, even
getting its own segment on unsolved mysteries.
And that is because in the summer of 1994, a translucent gelatinous substance rained
down over the town that has been dubbed the Oakville blobs.
Are you familiar with the Oakville blobs?
I'm not familiar that it was from Oakville, but I knew raining blobs was a thing.
Yeah.
And I'm very excited.
So rain in Washington state isn't out of the ordinary.
It rains a fucking shit ton there.
On average, it rains something like 149 days out of the year, according to the bad guy
from another stakeout who replaced Robert Stack as the host of Unsolved Mysteries.
So so.
The best part is you didn't even say his name.
You just named the most obscure movie.
What do you mean?
That movie is phenomenal.
Come on.
Is another stakeout the one that had Rosie O'Donnell in it?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's got.
Yep.
Emilio Estevez, Richard Dreyfus and Rosie O'Donnell.
And actually, that movie, Another Stakeout, has my favorite line in it.
And Richard Dreyfus is like playing an old man.
He's like, don't go yet.
You could watch me eat.
Underrated movie.
But also, that's the only thing that I can remember.
Underrated.
The new guy, the guy from Unsolved Mysteries B again.
That's fine.
I can't.
I can't remember either.
So when torrential rain started falling in the early morning of August 7th, 1994, no
one really gave a shit.
That is until people started to notice that what was actually falling from the sky wasn't
water but some sort of jelly like goo, no bigger than a grain of rice.
And it wasn't like mixed in with like your normal run of the mill boilerplate rain.
It was more like snow or hail in the daytime.
Like the morning after it stopped raining, you could see it covering like the grass and
rooftops.
One resident, Doddy Hearn, described it like, quote, hail laying on top of the wood box
and everywhere else, end quote.
And while on patrol, police officer David Lacey recalled that around 3 a.m., the blob
started hitting the windshield of his patrol car.
And that, quote, we turned our windshield wipers on and it just started smearing to
the point where we could almost see, not see.
We both looked at each other and we said, geez, this isn't right.
I mean, we're out in the middle of nowhere, basically.
And where did this come from?
End quote.
He then told Unsolved Mysteries that he pulled into a gas station.
I'm assuming the only one in town so that he could, quote, unquote, de-goo his windshield.
Luckily he was smart.
Oh, I love it.
Luckily he was smart and put on some gloves before he started playing around with this
unknown sky goo.
And he said that it felt like if you had jello in your hands and you could like squish it
around in your fingers.
Like you do, like you do when you just grab a fistful of jello and squeeze.
Yeah, you don't do that.
Yeah.
It's a nasty manhood, it's fine.
But this was just the beginning.
Over the next month, it would rain down.
God come five more times over an area spanning 20 square miles.
Now, sorry, she might be wondering, well, what's the big deal?
Just a little mystery goo falling from the heavens.
A little goo never hurt nobody, right?
Wrong.
I mean, it depends.
It depends.
Some goo, some goo.
It definitely hurts people.
There's laws about that now.
Well, later that afternoon.
I'm just stating a fact.
I wasn't being gross.
No, I get.
Yeah.
So later that afternoon, Officer Lacey suddenly become became like aggressively ill.
He could barely breathe, was violently sick, almost to the point of his entire body just
shutting down.
Now across town, Doddy Hearn, the woman who said it looks like hail, she was in worse
shape.
She had also touched the blobs.
But unlike Officer Lacey, she wasn't wearing any gloves.
And she said that she started feeling dizzy at first, kind of like a bad case of vertigo
that just kept getting worse and worse and worse, causing her to become extremely nauseous.
An hour later, her daughter, Sunny Barcliffe, would find Doddy sprawled out on her bathroom
floor, cold, drenched in sweat, vomit just fucking everywhere and unable to move because
her vertigo was so bad that her vision was almost non-existent.
So it sounds like they all got a bad case of gooneria.
Goddamn it.
This poor woman almost died.
And that's the best you could come up with.
Come on, man.
Oh, man.
That's what happens when God gives you an STD.
So Doddy ended up spending three days in the hospital.
Oh, oh, I didn't know it was that bad.
She was diagnosed with a severe inner ear infection.
And over the next few weeks and five more blah brains later, almost the entire town
would get sick, with dozens being admitted to the hospital for flu and inner ear infection
symptoms.
And this wasn't just like your common flu where you're sick for a week and then you're
fine.
Like these symptoms lasted between seven weeks to almost three months in some cases.
Even worse, even worse, several cats and dogs that came into contact with the blobs also
got sick and tragically passed away.
Like a lot of animals died from this.
Oh, it sounds like they all got long goovid.
I'm mildly ashamed of that one.
I quit.
This is going to be our last episode.
Too soon?
Is it too soon?
This episode is over.
It's been a fun ride, everyone.
Well, good night, everybody.
So question, was it the blobs causing everyone to become sick or is this just like a case
of small town?
Everyone's just like up everyone else's ass.
So sickness kind of just runs rampant through town.
Well, we don't know.
But luckily, Doddy's daughter, Sonny, collected samples of the gelatinous material and brought
it to the hospital to be tested.
And this raised way more questions than it answered.
For one.
Yeah.
The doctor was like, why is it in your mouth?
She's like, normally where I store this.
God damn.
All right.
So for one, I didn't even know where I was going with that.
I was just like, she would like open her mouth, tuck her tongue out.
Just a cum joke.
This is my my goo collection procedure.
So, well, you went porn with it.
I was thinking like catching snowflakes on your tongue, maybe catch some goo.
Oh, yeah.
OK, no.
Now I see where you're driving at.
OK, yeah.
That was my bad.
So it raised more questions than it answered.
For one, the lab tech discovered that one, no idea what the fuck this is.
And two, that it contained.
I hate I'm going to say this because you're just going to make it worse.
Is that is that it contained human white blood cells?
Yes.
Oh, I'm not even going to I'm going to let it go.
I'm just going to let it go.
All right.
So realizing this might be a little out of.
Also, the sperm count was very low.
Realizing this might be a little out of his league, he sent the sample off to Mike McDowell
at the Washington State Department of Health.
There it was discovered that the sample was full of two different types of bacteria, one
of which and it smelled like chlorine, which is weird.
One of the one of the bacteria discovered is found in the human digestive system.
So fuck this is another Mel's whole situation that I open up a whole can of worms here that's
just going to make you remember that story when we were kids when they said, like Rod
Stewart had swallowed so much he had to have his stomach pumped.
So you heard that about little Kim and Wu Tang Clan.
Yeah.
And at some point, somebody said about Gwen Stefani, too.
It's a persistent rumor.
They just keep changing the name with every generation.
But I guess it originally started out with Rod Stewart and his assistant did it, apparently.
Oh, OK.
Yeah.
So is that it?
Yeah.
No, I just you know, the minute you mentioned digestion.
Fuck me.
All right.
So armed with this new information, it's really like God's bukkake is what you're saying.
You're right.
I should have named the studio a little bit better.
So armed with this new information, Sonny, Doddy's daughter thought, OK, well, maybe
it's like human waste dropped from an airplane because that happens.
I've seen Joe Dirt.
Yeah.
So she so she reached out to the FAA to be like, you know, our town is not your fucking
toilet.
What the fuck are you doing?
But that theory was immediately ruled out because FAA regulations state that all human
waste once it's in the airplane is to be dyed blue.
So it couldn't be that because whatever this stuff was, it was like crystal clear.
So at this point in the story, we're going to add it to a year passing since the last
time the heavens splooged all over this small town.
Wait, I'm sorry.
What year was this again?
Ninety four.
So now we're in ninety five.
So like so like fucking it's fucking Crystal Pepsi.
That's what did it.
It's Crystal Pepsi.
This is I remember the Van Halen video.
It's like a fucked up like viral marketing plan and they just really dropped the ball
on it.
Do you remember, do you remember the Crystal Pepsi commercials?
It was like Van Halen's right now was playing the whole time.
It was like this epic commercial for the worst beverage in history.
So gross.
They tried to bring it back and it did not.
It was not any better.
It was non-alcoholic Zima.
It was the worst on earth.
Yeah, it was.
That's all I would actually rather take God's Bukaki than Crystal Pepsi.
Well, I mean, if you move to Oakville, Washington, you might get your chance.
So like a year has passed since the last time like a rain goo.
But there's still no answer as to what these blobs of goo are or why everyone in town got
violently ill after they appeared.
Luckily, Sunny isn't one to give up and she'd actually she'd actually save some samples
in her freezer and sent them out for an independent testing to be done by Tim Davis at Amtesk
Laboratories.
She's running an amateur sperm bank in the house.
So wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
That's not the globs.
That was just some that I got earlier.
That was for another thing.
You're going to hate.
I already regret everything that's about to come after us.
So she sent him off to Tim Davis at Amtesk Laboratories where he discovered what he thought
was eukaryotic cells, which is a type of cell that is present in most animals, meaning that
you carry out.
Yeah, I know this.
I know this.
So from watching many young Earth creationist debates, I have weird hobbies.
So pretty much what this means, if you don't know, is that the blobs were either currently
or at one point alive.
And this cell is what was mistaken for the human white blood cells.
I think if I'm reading, this is the most unintentionally hilarious episode I know.
But even with this piece of information, there still wasn't into this day isn't any explanation
as to what the fuck it was.
But there are some theories.
None of them involve God's come.
That was.
Yeah, right.
Right.
So one theory is that the U.S. Navy was conducting live bombing run drills.
I knew semen were to blame.
I didn't even think about this.
But one theory is that the U.S. Navy was conducting live bombing run drills in the Pacific Ocean
off the coast of Washington.
And during those drills, they accidentally blew up a school of jellyfish.
The jellyfish chunks got shot up into the air, got caught in the current and floated
50 miles inland to their small town and rained down.
It's not the most wild theory.
They blessed Washington state with ropes of freedom.
Pretty much.
But it's not it's not the most wild.
I mean, animals get sucked up into the sky and rain down all the time.
Frogs, fish.
It happens.
The only problem with this theory that I Denver said, I promise you that I have is it happened
six times over a one month period.
I don't know how the sky or the oceans work at all.
But I think it's a little unlikely that it would continuously happen over a month period.
And that seems excessive.
That seems.
Yeah.
But the Air Force did confirm that they were conducting bombing runs over the Pacific.
So I don't know.
Theory two is star jelly or did I fuck this name?
Star astral jelly star star gel.
So star jelly isn't like a scientific name for this phenomenon.
But basically it's something that has been reported as far back as the 14th century and
has been linked to things like frog eggs, jelly fungus, masses of amoebas, things like
that, shit that would pop up like after a rainstorm.
I mean, frog eggs are pretty fucking gross.
Have you seen those?
Yeah, they're not ideal.
It's all bad.
It's like it's like sad tapioca.
Yeah, it's gross.
The only problem with this theory is that star jelly has never been actually witnessed
falling from the skies.
So this like Oakville until now.
Well, that would be like this would be the first since the 14th century.
So I don't know if we're going to go with that one.
Now, the final theory and my favorite is that the government was doing a test run of a new
biological weapon.
While the Air Force did say they were conducting bomb tests in the Pacific, some think it may
be a cover up.
Sunny told Unsolved Mysteries that they had a significant amount of military aircraft
flying over their home prior to the jelly rain and everyone else getting sick.
Her mother, Dottie, said that quote, every day almost we had slow flying bombers, helicopters,
all black and color.
And we kind of thought maybe it might have come from them.
End quote.
Another resident, Maurice Goble, I think I say pronounce I have no idea, said, quote,
they let off things in the air all the time here.
There's testing done all over the place.
There's lots of places that you can't go into, end quote, with another resident named Beverly
Roberts saying maybe we were we were a biological experiment of some kind, a small one, maybe
just to get people a little bit sick to find out, say, if an enemy did come over here with
a biological bomb or something and dropped it, maybe it was just a test run to see what
would happen.
Beverly, she makes this so they're just they're just trying to impregnate the world with its
with with our freedom.
I guess, but the thing about Beverly's quote that I love is that she she makes it sound
like she thinks the government did this for their own good.
Like, yeah, look, we almost murdered your whole town, but we did it so we could protect
you if another government were to come in and do it.
They just wanted to see what would happen so that we they we can be better.
Thank you, government.
But anyways, to this day, we don't know no idea what these things are.
You might be asking yourself, well, science and technology has advanced so far in the
last 30 years.
Why don't we just retest it?
That's a very good question, Sarge.
I'm glad you ask.
We could if we would.
I asked to all known samples of this blob have mysteriously gone missing in the Washington
Department of Health.
They have no records of the sample even ever being received by them.
So damn it.
So who knows?
It could.
But it also kind of makes the government conspiracy thing seem a little more credible.
But we need to check that one lady's freezer and see if maybe she's got a couple of vials
left.
But holding out.
But they have a search.
That's the story of the Oakville blobs.
Little despite my childish inability to take any of this seriously, I do have to say that
I am not I'm not as skeptical of this as I as I normally am, because I do think weird
shit falls from the sky all the time.
For sure.
We still struggle to fully understand why frogs fall from the sky.
Yeah, it's like a budget.
It could be like a wind, like a vortex, like not a vortex, but yeah, like a funnel or something.
No one knows.
I mean, were they able I forget, were they able to determine if those eukaryotic cells
were like, were they able to decide what kind of animal they were?
Were they just able to say it was a mammalian?
Just able to say it was animal.
They didn't say if it came from.
But it's not 10 before.
I don't know if they would have been able to.
I mean, I think GPS, I feel like GPS became more prevalent in the early 90s.
But I mean, it was still in its infancy, I think.
So I don't I have no idea.
Certainly not an expert in that field whatsoever.
But I just to me, it doesn't it's not one of those things where I'm like, oh, that's
fucking nuts.
Whoever said that is high.
My in my mind, besides the come jokes, I was trying to figure out like.
What could have possibly created that?
And I have no idea.
I'm just I'm at a loss for words.
I mean, the jellyfish thing to me seems probably the most accurate.
But also, I mean, yeah, I don't know if I didn't see this theory, but I mean, it could
also be like if there was I don't know what's in the area, but there could be like a chemical
plant or something like that, like something got into the atmosphere mixed with the water,
turned into a jelly and rained down.
The only problem is like, what could they have possibly been working on that would have
introduced to carry out excels, because those are like, I don't know how the sample was
collected.
She could have fucking like done one of these and like scooped it in with her.
You know what I mean?
Like she could have scooped it with her hand.
Yeah, it could be like it could come from literally anywhere.
Yeah, no, that's true.
Yeah, that's a good point.
We'll never know this is going to be frustrating as hell to me.
It's already been 30 years.
We have no idea.
Yeah, we're never going to know because the samples are all gone.
So we can't retest it.
Thanks.
And that's why the chain of custody is where the chain of custody when it comes to evidence
is so important.
Yeah, because like I said, the Department of Health, they have no records of even receiving
it, let alone testing it.
So I don't know.
But are you trying to tell me that the dude who played fucking Nick Miller's dad and Dennis
Farina, by the way, that's his name.
I know.
Yeah, I looked it up.
I was going to call you were talking because I needed to know.
Yeah, but I'm pretty sure that guy, he wouldn't lie to us, right?
It's actually funny because I had a friend that I used to work with and we went to this
like work event at a bar.
So there was like everybody in the in the office.
We were all in this bar and she's she's sitting at a table and she calls me over and I think
it's going to be like something important.
She's got like a very serious, like troubled look on her face.
And the wall in the bar is covered with paintings of different celebrities.
It was a fun club.
We did have to we did have to pay to get in and they did give you handcuffs at the door.
But no, she pointed to the wall and was like, is that is that the guy from Snatch?
And I'm like, what?
I'm like, yeah, why is the guy from Snatch on the same wall as like Frank Sinatra and
Marilyn Monroe?
Dennis Farina isn't exactly like the most well known guy in the world, but it was it
was literally him.
Like there was no mistaking it.
But I mean, like he's not he might not be the best actor, but if when you see him, you
know him.
Yeah.
But we were mystified.
Like why would you have Dennis Farina and not like Joey Pantalone or like Terry Elwes?
Like why is this one character actor here, but you don't have any of the others?
Maybe his dad owns the bar.
That could be it.
So when you said when you said the guy who took over for Robert Stack, I immediately
was like the guy from Snatch.
I got to look this up.
Not not the not the guy from another stakeout.
That's the only thing that I can think of that him and that new girl.
I remember I remembered him from Snatch because he says my favorite line ever in that movie
when they're like, do you have anything to declare it?
He's like, yeah, don't go to England.
I mean, that's a great declaration.
I'll take it.
Oh, shit.
All right, sorry.
So that is the story of the Oakville blobs.
Sorry for anyone listening who has an aversion to come jokes.
This episode is going to be real hard to listen to.
Because there were a lot of them.
Yeah, we might need to put a disclaimer in the front.
That's fine.
If they can get through Mel's holes, they can get through this one.
I think you don't like chlorine smells.
Avoid this episode.
All right.
Is there anything you want to plug, Sarge, before we sign off for the day?
Yes.
Sarge's Super Normal Coloring and Activity book.
If you go to sargesupernormal.com, it'll immediately take you to my page on Amazon where you can
purchase this book.
And the money does does not go to me, really.
It pays the poor people that I put up that I put through untold amounts of abuse in creating
it.
But yeah, it's 999.
It's coloring book is like 50 something pages of shit to do.
It's like 96.
There's a lot of shit.
There's a big.
There's 96, but I think it's just because the other side of the page has nothing on
it so it doesn't bleed through and ruin it.
I didn't realize it was.
The cover art is done by my buddy Dan, who went through a lot of struggles and difficulties
in life.
And his artwork is what keeps him going.
And yeah, it should just be a little bit of fun, something to help you relax.
And it's like the cost of a six pack.
So you should get it.
Saja super normal dot com 999.
And then send me your pictures if you did get this book and you colored it, please send
them to me on Instagram.
I would love to see that.
And oh yeah.
And listen to stories.
Let's do listen to stories.
So if if anyone listening, if you if you ever experienced anything that's creepy, strange,
any high strangeness, ghosts, fucking cryptids, fucking alien, anything like that, send us
you send us your listeners stories and we'll we'll read them on.
I would love to hear your stories.
Well, if we find a good one, if you send us a great story, we're going to read it.
If you don't hear it right away, it might just be that we got a bunch of good ones and
we'll read it.
If you don't hear it at all, maybe we're scared of your story or the government stepped in
and said, hey, you can't tell anyone about this.
Or if it's really bad, we'll just read it and make fun of you.
It's no big deal.
Yeah, we'll do that, too.
But yeah, please send us your stories.
Send it to what is it?
What's the email address?
They should send it to you.
Send it to a cryptic cocktail at Gmail dot com.
There's a link to it in our Instagram.
You can hit the email button or you can just send us a DM through there as well.
Or you can any assarges socials, hit him up.
Yeah, you can.
You can DM me on TikTok or Instagram.
Don't hit me up on Twitter.
I never see those notifications because Elon Musk is a pile of shit.
But anywhere else, I'm happy to read it.
In fact, if you send it to me on Twitter, I can almost promise you I'm not going to
read it.
But if you send it to me on Instagram or TikTok, I will see the notification and I'll check
it out.
But yeah, send us your stories.
We want to hear your stories.
We want to read them.
We want to, you know, tell everybody your story for you.
Yeah, because we think that'd be fun.
So yeah, so do that.
And if you need to find us anywhere, you can find Crypto Cocktail on Instagram, Crypto
Cocktail, TikTok, Crypto Cocktail Party.
You can find Sarge.
Type in Sarge the Destroyer anywhere and you'll find him.
He's like a plague.
It's just everywhere.
And if you just want to tell us how we're doing, that'll work, too.
Just hit us up.
And I'm happy to read any comments, constructive or congratulatory, either way.
If you want to join the wholesome content crew, just send us a message saying nice things
about us or leave us a review on Apple and I'll read it out from there.
Whatever you want.
Yeah, it doesn't matter.
All right, Sarge, do you want to say goodbye and I love you to everyone?
I love you guys.
Thanks for making me number two.
Mwah.