Hey, everybody.
Welcome back to another episode of Cryptic Cocktail Party, a show where we have a few
things to share.
If you laugh, take a dive into the unknown.
I'm your host, Dave, and joined as always by the wonderfully.
The Sarge.
How's it going, bud?
The wonderfully apparel Sarge and my Mothman, my Mothman tag top.
I told you I went to brunch this morning and then my words aren't coming out of my face
correctly.
Yeah, isn't word and it's fine.
It's whatever you it's I mean, I kind of need it to do the show, but it will.
Cross that bridge and get there.
How you doing, bud?
You looking good.
Love the shirt.
Love the hat.
Thank you.
My dog decided to join me for this episode.
Oh, she's just going to periodically lick me to get attention.
Oh, excuse me.
Yes, ma'am.
Thank you.
She's if I'm not paying enough attention, she puts her paw on me like, hello.
Oh, my.
Stupid.
My dog does the same exact thing.
If you stop petting it, it just fucking buries its face into your hand until you give it
pets again.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
She's a she's a needy girl.
Yeah, what's what's new?
What's going on?
How's life?
Life's good.
I'm busy, you know, busy with with managing children and my job.
Yeah.
And also, you know, writing scripts for Citizens Guide, which I forgot I hate doing.
I hate writing scripts.
I'm going to do it.
I love writing scripts, but I also hate it.
The problem is, like, I gather as much information as possible.
And then when I look at it all, I'm like, oh, I have so many directions to head.
Yeah.
And I always like grab a giant topic and I'm like, oh, yeah, I can easily handle this.
And then I get in the weeds and I just start searching for stuff.
And it eventually just gets to a point where I'm like, OK, I need to cut out 90 percent
of this.
I got to niche it down.
Niche it down.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's exactly it.
That's exactly it.
But I see I run into that same problem because I thought when I started this series on Mel's
Hole, that would be a one and done.
I thought like, you know, we're just going to fucking tell this.
And then it was now we're on what episode three, the final chapter of Mel's Hole.
And even then I had to leave a bunch of shit out.
Nothing like super serious.
But I understand where you're coming from when you try to dive into it.
I don't think you realize.
Yeah, I just don't think you realized how deep Mel's Hole is.
All right.
So do you remember where we last left off with Mel's Hole?
Yeah, I remember there was another hole.
Yeah.
So last we left off, Mel had just lost pretty much everything, his land, his money, his
back teeth.
And all of this was a result of making a deal with the government to lease his property
to them.
And then in return, he had to sign an NDA and was told to leave the country and never
return.
He moved to Australia for a couple of years, but decided fuck it.
I want to go home, which resulted in all of the above happening.
He then went on Coast to Coast AM again after three years of radio silence.
And while on that broadcast, he told Art Bell and the audience about the existence of a
second bottomless pit that a Native American tribe in Nevada had asked him to come investigate.
So that's where we were.
That's where we left off.
Does all that sound right?
Got it.
Okay.
It sounds, it sounds absolutely right.
I forgot about the fact that it was a Native American tribe, but I do remember there being
a new hole in Nevada.
Yeah, there's another hole.
I do remember that part.
So and I remember how much joy it gave me that I was imagining a guy named Mel running
around Las Vegas talking about the government stealing his teeth.
He was no, that happened in San Francisco.
Right.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
Because I feel like if you're going to, if you're going to be the kind of person who's
going to talk about the government stealing your teeth, you really can only do that in
a place that is known for psychedelic drugs.
Yeah.
There's, there's a few places in America where you can run around screaming about the government
taking your teeth and people would be like, that's par for the course for where I am.
Yeah.
A lot of places that won't fly.
Cambridge, Massachusetts, San Francisco, New York City.
Yeah.
I can't think of, oh, maybe Florida.
Like all of Florida, no specific city in Florida.
It's just, yeah, no, the whole state really.
Yeah.
No.
So, uh, so except in Florida, you know, it's not the government, you know, it was meth.
Exactly.
So, yeah, so nobody, that was, that was the blue crystals you smoked.
Yeah.
Um, so, so even though it was a native American tribe that had invited Mel to come investigate
this secondary hole, uh, the native Americans don't show up in the story at all.
I don't know where, why he said it was, it actually wasn't located on an Indian reservation.
It was actually located on public land used by the Basques, which thanks to one of my
sources for the series, it's a, the Y files on YouTube.
I learned that the Basques are an ethnic group that hails from a small region located in
between Spain and France.
Yeah.
And in the 1800 settled in a few places in the United States, one of them being Nevada.
Apparently they became like sheep herders.
Like that's what they use this land in Nevada for.
I had no idea.
I didn't know the Basques was a thing, but I saw it.
I'm glad they picked a desert to graze sheep.
That's right.
But also again, rare sand sheep, again, native Americans do not show up in the story whatsoever.
I don't know who contacted him, but also I want to know why anyone like why they contacted
Mel like he's an expert on holes.
All he did was throw trash down it and then get his back teeth removed by the government.
Like why they reached out to this man to be like, Hey, do you want to come investigate?
Like do research in this hole?
Like who is he to be the authority on?
What would make me happy is if everything he threw in his hole back home just kind of
shot up through this hole.
Like, Hey Mel, come get your fucking shit.
Yeah.
The Basque people are like, well, we called you because we have some of your mail.
Yeah.
Apparently someone's been trying to reach you about extending your warranty.
So when Mel, hold on, I got to, I got to silence my bird.
She is, she is, I can see her like popping up on the screen.
She's triggering my audio.
I don't think anybody wants to listen to her sing.
So when Mel arrived at the hole, he was told by the Basque that the hole had actually been
there as long as their people had inhabited the land and that it was considered sacred
to them.
So about like roughly like 150, 200 years, you know, uh, so they put the hole on a pedestal
pretty much.
Yeah.
So the hole was the same diameter as Mel's.
So like nine feet, but, uh, where Mel's was, had like a stone retaining wall that went
down 15 feet or so, the secondary hole had a metal ring around the outer edge and was
lined with metal as far down as the eye could see.
The metal also didn't make a sound when struck.
There was no like, uh, reverberation or like resonance tone.
Like say Mel dropped a tool on it.
He said, and that like the impact was silent.
There was nothing, not even an echo kind of like how you couldn't, there was no echo in
Mel's hole.
The other difference was that the pit in Nevada was radiating heat, which I mean, to me that
doesn't sound weird at all because it is like a metal hole in the middle of Nevada.
Like it's going to get hot.
Yeah.
But whatever.
So I like that Mel just randomly dropped a tool down there.
Like he probably has like a whole toolbox.
He's like, nah, I'm using my dropping tools.
Well, he did throw lifesavers.
I mean, it tracks, but yeah, anything he can.
So, so now that Mel is there, he's at the hole.
It's time to do some experimenting.
The first test performed by Mel and the Basque people was they took two buckets of ice.
One of one was a control bucket that they left up on the surface and the other they
tied to a thousand feet of rope and lowered it down into the hole.
Now once the bucket of ice that they kept on the surface had to completely melted, they
pulled the second bucket out of the pit and to no one's shock, because this is a crazy
story, the ice in the bucket hadn't melted at all.
But something even weirder happened.
It wasn't cold to the touch or even wet.
It was described as feeling like, like chunks of salt almost.
So they, they tried to melt it over a fire and it just fucking burst into flames.
Just the way they described it is it reminded me of, you know, when you get like a pooh
pooh platter at a Chinese food restaurant and they have that weird gelatin in the middle
that they set on fire.
It reminded me of something like that.
It's like that.
But they said, they said that this burned for months, months at it.
Like it just didn't go out.
Like it was like, I don't know.
So they did this experiment like several times.
They were sending buckets of ice.
They did several times.
They were sending buckets.
I mean, at some point they're just trying to start like a fire for dinner, you know?
Yeah, pretty much.
They just kept sending buckets of ice down one after another.
Now, two thirds of the time the ice would melt normally, but the other third of the
time it would return into the, pretty much just like what they, they pretty much discovered
a renewable and sustainable source of energy that they didn't tell anyone about.
So two thirds of the time it came back water.
And two percent of the time they pulled up a dry martini.
Dude, you don't.
On the rocks.
Just wait.
So after doing this experiment and getting somewhat consistent results, one of the bravest
and or stupidest of the Basque men was like, fuck it, I'll go into the hole.
To this, everyone replied, absolutely fucking not.
So they said they settled on lowering a sheep down instead.
Not great, but better than a dude, I guess.
Now less expensive.
So Sarge, this story is already pretty wild, but it's at this point where shit goes off
the rails.
And if you don't already have your skeptics hat on, I'm going to suggest that you fucking
strap in.
I'm always wearing my skeptics hat because I don't know if you're prepared for what happens
next.
So, oh, man, now, very excited.
If you remember back to the first episode in this series, I told you that animals do
not fuck with bottomless pits like nature just wants nothing to do with them at all.
And this sheep that was like chosen to be there, I guess, literal, like sacrificial lamb for
the name of science was no different.
So they had put the sheep in a crate and the closer it got to the hole, the more it tried
to fight its way out of the crate.
In the end, its escaped attempts were unsuccessful and they lowered the sheep's crate down to
a thousand feet.
Now once it reached that depth, the sheep just stopped moving.
There was no nothing was wasn't trying to resist nothing.
So they kind of just let it marinate in the hole for about like 30 minutes.
And then once the half hour was up, they lifted it out.
The crate was unchanged, but the sheep was dead, obviously.
So the back, so the Basques being shepherds took the animal out of the crate to perform
a quick autopsy on it.
The sheep on the outside looked fine, like no signs of trauma.
Like it wasn't like anything like that.
And it was healthy when it went in.
So they wanted to figure out what happened.
Well, when they cut into the sheep, the first thing they noticed is that it seems as though
the sheep had been cooked from the inside and taking up the cavity where all the organs
would be was a massive tumor.
Now this tumor quote unquote started to move.
So they cut the tumor open and inside was what Mel described as a fetal seal with the
eyes of a human attached to the tumor by an umbilical cord.
They then watched as the creature crawled its way to the edge of the table as if it
was trying to make its way back to the hole.
And Mel being the kind man that he is decided to pick it up and bring it to the edge of
the hole.
He said that it was slimy and that the slime that was producing smelled like ozone.
And then after placing the fetal seal with human eyes near the edge of the hole, it just
kind of sat there observing and studying the men almost.
And then the men in the steel seal just kind of stared at each other for a few hours before
the creature gave one last knowing look to Mel and then fucking swan dived headfirst
back into the hole.
You look upset.
I just you weren't ready for that.
Were you at all?
Nope.
I don't know what I was expecting, but you still surprised me.
I just want to do a quick rundown here.
Drop a sheep in the hole.
Sheep's in the hole.
Pull it out.
Sheep's dead on the inside.
Dead because it's been cooked from the inside out.
Fucking like a.
You find a tumor that's.
Yeah.
And the tumor is like gyrating, so they cut open the tumor and pull out a seal.
Mel proceeds after watching.
Hold on.
Wait, hold on.
A seal with human eyes.
Human eyes.
Right.
I'm sorry.
My mistake.
So then Mel, seeing all of this happen and knowing that whatever was in that hole killed
the sheep, he picked it up.
Yeah.
Both hands and carried it like a baby and then stared at it.
He didn't eat it into the hole like a normal human being.
No, he placed it gently.
This guy's throwing wrenches, lifesavers, refrigerators, anything he can in the hole,
but he finds a living demon seal.
Yeah.
Satan seal.
And he's like, let me just gently carry this little fella that killed this sheep like a
horrible parasite.
Let me touch it.
Yeah.
Even though I don't know that it, you know, maybe it's contagious.
Maybe I'll get, you know, at best cancer.
Let me just carry it over to the edge of this weird hole and watch it.
And then we're going to make eye contact for a couple of hours, like a weird fucking sci-fi
romance novel.
Yeah.
And then, you know, the seal, after taking in the entire crowd, memorizing all their
faces so it can come back and impregnate the rest of them.
It feels like, well, didn't even think about it.
See you later.
I was taking stock.
I didn't even think.
Yeah.
And then watching them like, oh man, are these guys going to hurt me?
The seal was like, oh man, I wonder how big his butthole is.
You know, he was definitely memorizing faces, but the way they described it is that before
it leaped into the hole, it like did one of those like turned around, gave like a knowing
like, like one of those like things like a, we understand each other and then dove into
the hole.
No.
See what happened is the seal actually looked at Mel and gave him a wink like tonight, you.
And then jumped in the hole.
So like, see you later.
I'll be inside you.
So don't resist.
So it's funny that you said that at the very least this thing could cause cancer.
What if I told you that the opposite was true?
Now, one thing I didn't mention was that before Mel had made his way to Nevada, he had been
diagnosed with advanced esophageal cancer and was told by the doctors that he had only
six months left to live.
But after, is it possible that the cancer took Mel's back teeth and he just misunderstood
the situation either way after having a staring contest with pretty much the baby from a racer
head for a few hours, he was cancer free.
The baby seal cured his cancer.
Unfortunately it was after this revelation that the show with the coast to coast, they
ran out of airtime.
So Mel agrees to come back on for another interview and give an update.
And he does just a few months later, he comes back on coast to coast.
You remember the burning bucket of ice?
You just talked about it.
In this episode of coast to coast, he tells a story about one of the Basque men took it
back to his cabin to use like as a heating source, because why wouldn't you?
It's like an infinite, you know, well he put it in a stove and I'm assuming he put it in
a wood stove and not like his oven.
Either way, he said that it burned for several months.
The only downside is that it made the air in his cabin like crazy dry and no matter
what he did, he couldn't get moisture to stay.
Skin was always dry.
He was constantly thirsty.
If you boil his water, all the steam would just get sucked into the stove, which if you
ever had a wood stove, that's just what happens.
I feel like I don't know.
Maybe this is worse, but it just sounds like the man has a wood stove.
But then one day the stove crashed straight through the floor of his cabin and into the
ground, but the ice was still burning and keeping him warm.
So he just patched up the floor and left a little hole for the heat to rise up into his
cabin.
None anyway concerned about the open flame underneath his house in a wood stove that
just crashed to the floor.
No, no, just just kind of fucking built around it, cut a little hole so the heat come up
through it.
Call it that dude.
It's called it's called ingenuity.
All right.
He's saving he's saving money and making money at the same time.
Now until the heat with nowhere to go eventually ignites his floor and burns down the cabin.
That's not how science works.
Oh no.
Oh no, my friend.
Let me tell you a little story.
When I was overseas, we had a fire pit and we used to have like campfires at night.
We would take like pressure treated wood, which you know, you're not supposed to burn,
but not really.
Wow, given that the Iraqis were burning tires to stay warm, I figured pressure treated wood
would be OK.
I'd rather breathe in pressure treated wood than fucking rubber fumes.
Yeah.
So all you had to do was hold a match to the wood and it would immediately immediately catch
fire.
You didn't need kindling or paper or anything.
Yeah, because it was so dry there.
Oh, also that makes sense.
Yeah, it would just it would just catch fire because it was so dry.
So I'm thinking this genius was like, I've got this unlimited source of heat that is
never going to relent and also is drying out everything.
Yeah.
Let me just throw it.
Leave it.
Let me just build a little fence around it.
Yeah.
Well, brilliant.
I mean, your theory is pretty much accurate because a few weeks later, he returns home
and finds his cabin completely collapsed and pretty much dust at this point and now has
to move in with his brother.
Now, a few weeks after that, he goes back to where his cabin once was and finds that
the ice in the side of the stove is still burning and the stove is now five feet into
the ground.
The only thing weird about this is that the hole that it was making was perfectly round
and smooth.
It was pretty much creating another bottomless pit.
So this is how the holes happen.
So unable to get the stove out by hand, they had to bring in heavy machinery like a crane
to get the thing out of the ground to prevent it from going any further.
Now the Basque...
Is this like a reverse version of ice nine?
Kinda, yeah.
It's just...just wait.
Perpetually creating holes.
Pretty much.
Now the Basque also told Mel that the fetal seal with human eyes often visited them and
they felt that it was a benevolent presence and for them, it was a very spiritual experience.
Brightly colored birds had started circling the hole and they also discovered that the
birds were somehow immune to bullets because if you know one thing about Americans, if
something is weird, the first thing you gotta do is try and fucking murder it.
But also like they said it was a spiritual experiment.
Why the fuck are they trying to kill the birds?
Because I mean that is literally the most American thing you could do.
Like, oh my God, I feel the presence of the Lord.
Let me shoot at it.
So they also believe that the divine seal was communicating with them via radio with
a series of clicks and beeps and said that they can totally understand it.
The Basque said that the creature warned that the ice was extremely dangerous and if it
fell into the wrong hands, it could straight up end the world.
So that's cool.
Yeah.
No, that makes total sense.
Yeah.
Now at this point, Arbel is like, hell yeah, and asks if there's any recordings of this
language, any photos of the whole of the seal and Mel's like, oh yeah, dude, I got fucking
plenty of evidence.
Don't you fucking worry about it.
Tell you what, Arbel, I'm going to go to Nevada.
I'll gather all the evidence you need and share it with you and all your listeners.
So with this, Mel hangs up and is never heard from again.
He doesn't return any of Arbel's calls or messages and eventually his phone line is
disconnected.
So after five years and leaving us with more questions than answers, this is how the story
of Mel's hole ends.
I'm really, that's it.
I'm really sad.
It's very anti-climactic.
Because there needs to be more.
That's it.
I like how, I like how Art Bel just yes-handed this guy into death.
Probably.
He's probably dead.
The guy probably fell into the hole.
He was like trying to get a selfie and then just slip backwards.
I'm going to be a hundred percent honest with you.
I don't think there was ever a hole.
Oh no, no, none of this is real.
This is insane.
It is insane.
And there's a few problems with Mel's story.
I didn't write any of this down, but I'm going to go off memory.
First of all, the first problem is, is that remember the whole Tara, whatever website,
like the first Google Earth that.
So apparently that was real for like a minute.
And then they, then there was a patch like an up, cause they had just launched the website.
They updated a patch.
Okay.
That whole area became unblocked out.
And if you go to Google Earth now where that same area was, it was never blocked out to
begin with.
So strike one, strike two.
Okay.
A hole of any sort of depth that deep into the earth structurally could not exist.
I mean, is it, if it's paranormal, maybe, but I mean, let's be honest, that can't be
real.
Come on.
But I mean, I don't.
Also the metal around the other hole, like who put it there?
Somebody had to put the metal there.
Yeah.
It's all just made up gobbledygook, but it's a great fucking story.
I was invested the entire time.
I like how Art Bell hook line and sinker was just like, yes, yes, this is real.
I don't know if Art Bell was like that though, because Art Bell, if anything, he, he did
give a lot of like, he, he gave a lot of leeway to his callers.
Like he, but I think it was cause he knew that it was captivating radio.
I don't think he actually believed a lot of the, I don't think he believed a lot of the
stuff that people told him.
I remember one time Art Bell, was it Art Bell or George Norrie?
One of them was duped into some guy called in pretending to be Gordon Friedman from Half
Life, the video game and pretty much, and pretty much, pretty much described the entire
plot of Half Life one and two to him.
And our bell was just the entire time.
She was like, Oh wow, that's portal technology.
That's what, like, you know what I mean?
Like he just full on went with it.
So he, I think he just knew that it was good radio.
I don't think he believed any of this, but I do like that he, he gave those people a
platform, which is also kind of bad because he gave those people a fucking platform.
Yeah, but I mean, like at the same time, it's kind of harmless.
It's not like, it's not like Alex Jones where he's giving these people a platform.
Then they're going on to threaten victims of violent crime.
True.
These people are just harmless lunatics.
The government stole my back teeth.
I found a deep hole in the ground.
There's some odd Spanish folk here who are going to put a sheep in there.
I met it.
I met a special seal.
He did a God seal.
You were not expecting that seal.
No, no, no.
I was not.
I was completely fucking shocked by the seal.
Frankly, I, I wish this were true.
Oh yeah.
I wish.
And that's what kills me about a lot of these stories is like, there's a part of me that
really wishes it were true and that like, there's just this crazy hole that you can
throw anything into and it never comes back.
Yeah.
You never hear it hit the ground.
There's weird slippery seals in there, beautiful birds that you can't kill for some reason.
The government wants to stop you.
I just love that they attempted to kill the birds.
Oh yeah.
They're like, this is a whole, like, this is like a spiritual transformative like experience
we're having fucking kill these birds.
Yeah.
Immediately.
Like first react.
Like why?
You know how it works too.
Like they saw the birds and this one guy was like, those are beautiful.
Honey, get my rifle.
Yeah.
It wasn't even like, there wasn't a discussion.
Everyone just knew they were going to shoot at them.
Yeah.
Like, like, like, like there's no, I don't, I don't know if the basket or in tribes or
whatever, but like there was no like elder to be like, don't fucking shoot these birds.
Like everyone's just like in agreement.
Like these, they gotta go where they can't have this.
They're like, Hey, they're, they're shitting on my Volvo.
Just for the wind.
Yeah.
And adjust for the wind.
Yeah.
You're going to need a scope.
You got to lead the birds.
They're going to, you know,
Oh, but yeah, but there you have it, man.
That is, that is the story of Mel's hole.
I wish it wasn't so anticlimactic and maybe, you know, eventually Mel will come back, but
it's been years at this point, so I don't think he will.
But what do you, I mean, what do you think?
The only thing that would have made this story better is if after meeting the seal, his teeth
grew back.
It wasn't enough for the cancer to go away.
Yeah.
I mean, cancer, that's kind of awesome, but I think it would have also been really fascinating
if like he also regenerated his teeth.
True.
But also now thinking about it, maybe it was just a dude who had cancer and like he like
was like hallucinating or something like that.
Maybe he got cancer.
He knew it was the end of the road and he's like, I'm just going to start doing peyote
and call coast to coast AM.
But that would explain like, you know, the, the loss of time, the, the IV in his arm,
maybe it was from chemo or something like that.
Yeah.
And he never went to Australia.
He was just in a hospital and had an Australian doctor.
But maybe his family was like, oh, there's a really good oncology department in this
hospital in Australia.
Let's fuck.
Okay.
Yeah, that's fair.
It could have been a whole thing.
And then he just fucking either due to the radiation or the cancer, something like he
just forgot why he was there.
I was like, I got to go back to the States.
And then I like to believe he was just taking psychedelics this whole time.
I mean, that's also a possibility.
Like he's just having the most fascinating life.
Yeah.
Not realizing like he's Mr. Magoo, like just doesn't see any of the things happening around
him and is just traveling through life, tripping balls.
Everyone to him is looks like a muppet pretty much.
Everything's just magical and wonderful.
Yeah, exactly.
It's perfect.
I don't know, in my head, when when when they when I first learned about the the seal with
human eyes, my first thought was like a fetal version of like Justin Long in that movie
Tusk.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, God.
As much as I hate that movie, I watched it once and immediately like never watch it again.
That's there's a lot of movies out there that you really only need to watch once.
Yeah, that's definitely one of them like Requiem for a Dream.
Yeah, I only needed that one time.
Yeah.
Bummer of a movie list.
That's a good personality test, though, too.
Like if you ask somebody, you know how many times they've seen Shinla's list, if their
answer is greater than one, they're not someone you want to be around all the time.
Yeah, no, because you get the point.
Yeah, you only need it one the one time.
We all get the vibes.
But yeah, that's it.
That's the end of the episode.
It was a shorter episode than normal, but it needed to happen.
Needed to happen to to really round out this story.
A lot.
There was a lot in that episode, though.
There was.
I went through it, but there was a lot of information.
I have no complaints.
I tried to write it to the point where I couldn't where we couldn't make puns about any of it.
Well, you know, you're right.
This time Mel's hole was densely packed.
I changed the word hole to pit a lot of it because I was trying to cut down on the giggles.
You really filled out Mel's hole nicely.
I did.
All right.
Well, before we go, a couple of things.
I should have done this at the beginning of the episode, but we got a I got an update
from a form from a letter from a letter episode.
Christina from Big Big Philly.
We did an episode while back, not me and her, but on the fairies of Ireland and also the
Pukwudgies who are notorious for taking babies and changing them out with changelings.
I never found out what happened with the actual babies or with the changelings.
You said changelings, I thought you were just going to say change.
I'm like, they take your baby and leave you like a couple of pennies.
Like a fistful of fucking change.
No.
So but I never I never knew what happened with the babies after they were taken or what
happened with the changelings.
Like, do they grow up just as like a human?
Well, thanks to Christina from Big Big Philly.
This is what she had to say.
She said, I just listened to the Irish Fay episode.
You may have found this info already, but as a self appointed Philly fairy expert, here's
what I got.
Changelings are swapped out for the real babies because most fae love them mostly for their
cherubic sweet nature, but also sometimes to eat them.
The changelings usually the changelings they replace them with usually get sick and die
as quote unquote infants.
So they wouldn't necessarily grow up as fae in the human world.
The human counterpart, however, will live as a baby or child in the fairy world.
Sometimes the fae would give them back and just release them into the woods.
And this caused a lot of like quote unquote missing child that found safe and sound under
bizarre circumstances were blamed on the fae.
Some parents would take their sick babies into the woods in hopes that it was a changeling
and the fairies would take pity on them, slash swap them back.
So that's some clarification on that.
That to me sounds a little bit like an excuse for committing child abuse.
Pretty much.
My baby's sick.
I was going to throw it in the woods.
Yeah, there's a fairy that's going to fix it.
You guys will understand later on when the fairy comes back with the real baby eventually.
Yeah.
We found the coughs like did you baby?
No, no, we left in the woods because the fairies are going to make it better.
It's fine.
It's it was a changeling.
We want the real baby back.
So I just left the baby on a log and you know, a new one will be here soon.
So next up real quick before we head out, I just want to say that we have another up
another installment of wholesome content.
We got a very nice.
We got a very nice message from Fatality.
Dennis two, two, three, seven on Instagram said, just started listening this week.
And when I say I've been hours each day, I mean, so many hours.
This is honestly in my top three pods and I've been sending it to everyone.
So thank you very much, Danny.
I appreciate it very much.
I'm assuming appreciates it as well.
Danny, I love you.
But a hug, but uncomfortable hug.
No kissing.
Just maybe they could be kissing some light neck breaths.
Breath.
Yeah.
All right.
We'll rub our mustaches together like two toothbrushes.
Danny's a girl, but it's fine.
Oh, Danai.
Oops.
Apologies.
I believe this is now considered some kind of harassment.
Yeah.
So don't sue us.
We don't have any money.
So Danny is no longer a listener to the show.
Whoops.
Oh, shit.
All right.
Well, it's nice.
Well, it lasted.
Yeah.
Thank you everyone for listening.
This will be our last episode now.
Thank you, Sarge.
And
all right, Sarge, is there anything you want to plug?
Also, by the way, congratulations on the latest episode of Citizen's Guide.
That was such a blast to listen to.
Jeremy was fucking awesome.
He was hilarious.
Yeah.
Jeremy London's such a cool guy.
I've known him for a few years.
You know, only on Twitter.
I never met him in real life, but we've talked back and forth and engaged in flame wars with
weirdos.
He's just a genuinely nice guy.
Yeah.
It was such a fun episode.
I didn't expect him.
I did first of all, I didn't realize he grew up on like just like a farm child.
He had so many good stories about his youth.
He's like, yeah, diving into the river with jeans on.
I was like, dude, I fucking know exactly what you're talking about.
That's small town.
That's small town shit.
Yeah, that's something you do.
I always wore cutoffs, but I do recall swimming in denim, which was a bad idea.
But yeah, he's just a genuinely nice guy.
The next episode we've got coming out should be out Tuesday or Wednesday.
It is going to be about the flat earth.
So subscribe to the citizens guide to the super normal.
I've been wanting to do a flat earth episode for so long.
That's going to be real dumb.
That's a good one.
And that's actually what I was complaining about.
I found all this information and there's just so many different facets to it.
Well, there's different flat earths.
There's flat earth and then there's like dome earth and then there's like concave earth
and there's like pyramid earth, which is like another form of flat earth.
That's a new one.
I haven't heard that one.
I went down that rabbit hole once.
Never again, because I'm pretty sure I came out of it dumber than when I went into it.
And I'm already pretty fucking stupid.
For every hour you spend on flat earth, you lose 25 brain cells.
So yeah, it's a fascinating like concept, especially in how wonderfully wrong everything
is.
So, yeah, the script is.
But spoken with such authority that they think.
Oh, so much conviction.
And there's such smugness on their side.
Like we figured it out because I mean, the ground is flat, therefore the earth is flat.
It's like just because you don't understand stuff doesn't make it like I don't know how
a wireless charger works.
Yeah.
You know, but I know that it does work just because I don't understand it doesn't mean
it's fake.
Well, did you watch that documentary?
I hope you watched the documentary.
All flat earth is on Netflix where it's all.
No, I've watched a lot of flat earth documentaries.
I followed them around and at the very end, they tried to do like that laser level thing
where they're like across the Bob No Dell and they discovered it and it didn't line
up the way they thought it was.
Like they basically Jaren ism.
So that's a that's a guy named Jaren ism.
And then there's another guy named Bob No Dell who got like a extremely high powered
laser gyroscope.
Oh, and it went up in the air.
And he's like.
Well, I don't remember where where exactly they put it, but he was basically like if
the earth was round and rotating, we'd get a 15 degree per hour drift.
So when we turned on the level.
We got 15 degree per hour drift.
And so his explanation was that the level was wrong.
OK, all right.
It's so good.
So I won't I won't pick on Bob too much because he did pass away recently.
Oh, fuck that guy.
I'll be nice.
I talk shit on the show all the time, it's fine.
Well, I just feel bad that he died stupid.
You know, I was the guy that tried to build his own rocket.
No, no, no, no.
That's another guy who died stupid.
OK, there's so many.
There's so many.
There's a there was another guy that I watched.
He was like a huge conspiracy theorist, like firmly believed in the Mandela effect, being
like a government cyop, didn't believe in covid, thought it was it was a cyop.
And then you guessed it, he died from covid.
Yeah.
Hilarious.
I mean, frankly, those are the people I don't feel bad for because you had the ability to
take a vaccine.
You had the ability to protect yourself from it.
Oh, all the all the old you, which makes you an idiot.
All the options were there and they probably that's like that's like holding a gun to your
head and saying guns aren't real.
Yeah.
OK.
Those are guns on her people, bullets are people and then they fucking shoot.
Yeah.
Yep.
Yeah.
So he gets the Herman Cain award.
I don't feel bad for him.
But yeah.
So with all that misanthropy out of the way, everybody, I love you.
Except for Danny, that was platonic.
We're just friends.
Don't don't sue me.
Make sure to follow Sarge on all of the social media as you can find all those in the link
in our Instagram.
And if you want to follow our Instagram, it's at Crypto Cocktail.
Follow us on TikTok Crypto Cocktail Party.
We have a Patreon.
It's five dollars a month.
You get unedited video episodes.
Still working on some stuff to add to it.
It's five dollars a month.
Yeah, it's five dollars a month.
It might be a little bit.
Maybe I'll just make it here.
That's like three dollars a month.
But you don't you know, just to support the show.
If that's cheaper for you, I don't know.
We'll figure it out.
But with that, Sarge already said that he loves all of us, except for Danny.
It's platonic.
So worry about it.
It's a lot of sexual love.