You know what your intro music kind of reminds me of like uh like Queens of the Stone Age or uh or Eagles of Death Metal? Yeah.
Hey everybody welcome back to another episode of Cryptic Cocktail Party, a show where we have a few drinks, share a few laughs, take a dive into the unknown. I'm your host Dave and today I'm joined by new co-host Sarge the Destroyer. Hey! What's going on buddy? Surprise! Here I am. Yeah you are. Uh nothing much, nothing much. I was drinking last night and eating expensive seafood in Boston and uh just enjoying my city and then uh yeah well you know how it is you're from a colonial city.
I am from a colony. I'm a descendant of a colonizer. Yes that is true.
Alright well maybe we don't want to talk about that. Um essentially like people are. If you live in New England you are probably related to someone who landed here that wasn't supposed to be here. That's just fair to say. Weirdly enough luckily I'm not. I am related to a guy who fought on the right side of the Civil War so I'm proud of that. Hey yo.
Uh Irish guy came right to America immediately joined up fought in the uh US the Union Navy um and then my dad's side of the family they're all Norwegians so I mean they did all their colonizing in Europe. True. We you know no one cares about that. Yeah no no but uh I'm glad you're here man.
Uh this I think yeah I think from glad to be here the show should be a lot more fun. I've had a couple of duds as guests you know and I think having a consistent person with me makes it easier for me and also the guests you know it's more comfortable you know what I mean.
Oh shit the pressure's on. Oh yeah don't fuck this up. Uh but yeah. I won't I'll do my best. I guess so we might have to come up with a new intro or something like that. We'll figure that out later or you know. We'll figure it out. Yeah but uh. In in honor of today I brought out Lego Bigfoot.
Oh shit I didn't know they made that's just Chewbacca come on. No it's it's like looking I have a leg I have eight Lego Chewbacca's okay Lego Bigfoot is special he comes with a camera. Now why does he have the camera. Because he's taking pictures of you. Oh. Because to Lego Bigfoot you're fucking weird. You know I never thought okay all right. You said that I never thought about what like we seem like to like like cryptids. It's like you ever see you've seen the movie uh Tucker and Dale versus evil.
Yes. You know how like they're trying to be the good guys but everyone sees them as the bad guys. Like I wonder if that's exactly I wonder if that's what it's like for like a Bigfoot or like a Chewbacca. Like they're just you know they're just trying to find their way home they're just trying to get some berries out in the bush and we're just like what the fuck. Exactly. It's got to be something like that. Chewbacca was like hey man I'm just trying to suck in a goat. Yeah. Why you got a harsh from a buzz. That's. You let vampire bats do it. I was gonna make a real crass statement but I just had to hold back. I feel like.
There's so many ways you can go with that. I was gonna say that's also most of most of the population of Louisiana. But then I held back. They're not trying to suck. But anyways you know what. Let's do something new today. Let's get into it. Let's do something new. I'm just going to you know just just a nice breaker for the audience. Sarge what's something that's made you smile today. Oh I so I went to I went out to breakfast at this place called the 60's
Diner and they have they have these placemats with things from the 60's on it. Is this like one of those things ones where it's like it's like they fit the vibe of like the era. All right cool. Yeah. Yeah. And like all the food is kind of from the era but they play all 60's music which like I grew up. My dad was a big oldies fan. You know he's born in the 50's. So he really came of age in the late 60's early 70's. So I always liked the oldies. So you know they're playing all these music but then you've
got these placemats and it's got like one of them's got scenes from movies from the 1960's and one's got bands from the 1960's and you and you like got to pick you know figure out what they all are and then you scan the QR code and it tells you the answers. And I got all the bands right.
I was very proud of that. I got most of the movies right and then I saw the cars one and I'll be honest with you I love cars to look at but if you were to ask me anything about a car I could tell you where the wheels are and that's about it.
Dude that's about yeah that tracks. My dad's big into cars but I like my car is fucking right now the battery it just dies for no reason. Oh good. That's helpful. All right. You ready to fucking dive into this man.
Yeah. I was going to tell you something that made me smile but I think we this is it. I don't think I have no what made you smile. No I wouldn't. We're sharing. I need to know. All right. So real quick. So I watched a lot of documentaries before I go to bed. Like I think I was talking about how I have to have the TV on and stuff like that. Yeah. So I watched documentaries and I started watching this one. It's like an archaeology series. It's like every episode they're just like digging up shit and one was on this.
One of them is on it's like Roman stuff and you're on Tick Tock. You remember the whole like yeah was your man's Roman Empire or whatever. Exactly. I literally my wife asked me that one time was like I've never once to this day on my day to day ever thought about the Roman Empire. That is a further. I don't really don't give it a moment. Not even a little bit. But last night I started watching like secret archaeology or whatever of the Roman Empire.
And I'm sure I don't know if a lot of people knows but they made it all the way to fucking Britain. They were like yeah they were huge. And there's this wall that's like the furthest ever the Roman Empire ever got. And there's a huge wall that goes through like the.
It's like Hadrian's Wall right. Yeah the British countryside and it separated the Rome from like the Germanic states or whatever like. And there's this one just the nerdiest white dude. And I can't I have it muted so I just have subtitles. I don't know what he sounds like but I imagine it's he sounds like every nerd you've ever ever met in your entire life. Yeah. And he was walking the walls like and here we have.
Sorry it makes me laugh to think about. In the wall is a carved out penis. It's just oh yeah. Just a dick. Not even surprised not even remotely surprised. Those people are fascinated with dicks. Just a dick carved in the wall. And it wasn't like carved into it like they chipped around it. So it's like it's like out like it's like.
They didn't just like chisel like the outline of one they like made like a full 3D dick on this wall. And the guy's like and here we have a phallus. Now the phallus represents good luck and all this stuff. And he's going about how the phallus means like protection and good luck and all this stuff. And I was like I know he believes that but I just want to be like dude you're at a wall.
Where it's just a bunch of dudes that are manned to this wall in the middle of fucking nowhere. I'm going to. Yep. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that this is just graffiti and some guy was like yo I chiseled this dick into a wall. Check this shit out.
Hey hey Maximus look what I did. Look what I did. There's a dick. But dude he was so he was like so he's like he kept calling it a phallus. Like come on man. Like we're all adults here. Just call it what it is. Someone carved a dick into a wall. You're making a bigger thing out of it than it has to be. And yeah it's just a dick in a wall. To me that just made me it made me laugh so hard. As a veteran I can tell you you go into any.
Porta potty on a military installation and there is a lot of good luck in there. That's what I'm saying. Like that's what I'm saying. Like just everywhere. Anywhere where there's a bunch of dudes especially miles from civilization they're going to draw a dick on something. They're not going to not do that. It's 100 percent true. In it's a lot of good luck.
That's what I'm saying. Like that's what I'm saying. Like just everywhere. Anywhere where there's a bunch of dudes especially miles from civilization they're going to draw a dick on something. They're not going to not do that. It's 100 percent true. In Iraq there was a fighter jet on this one base. I was on Al-Assad air base for about two months near the end of my deployment because that's what we were flying out of. We used to fly out of Kuwait and they started flying people out of Al-Assad. So I'm on Al-Assad. There's this old
derelict fighter jet. And when you get up close to the fighter jet you just see hundreds of dicks drawn with Sharpies on this Iraqi fighter jet. I mean that's pretty good. And I was like this is the most American thing I've ever seen in my entire life. Oh yeah. Like this is what American men do. But now you know that it's actually Roman men as well. And it's good luck. It's for protection and safety and all this stuff. All right Sarge let's get back on top of that.
Now I told you earlier this week that I had that I had a good episode and I and it's funny it's goofy it's going to be silly. I lied. So no. So in this is like the baby eating monster about. So in. So in in researching the fun goofy one I stumbled across this and it's a little it's a little darker. Not as fun but I think I think it's good. OK.
All right. Well you seem bummed out. I'll make the best of it. It'll be fun. I mean no no I'll just make the best of it. Yeah it'll be fine. But also you might learn something. I'll find I'll find a way to make everyone laugh. Yeah I mean oh no it'll be fine. All right. So OK. Many cultures around the world have some sort of like monster or beast and it serves as sort of like a cautionary tale for children to not not get close to like the water's edge unsupervised or something like that. I feel like most folkloric stories are just cautionary tales kind of like urban legends like Lovers Lane type shit. Like in the
big in Japan you have the Yokai that's known as the Kappa. He's like a nightmare Ninja Turtle. He has three buttholes I learned. And so I love it. It's because he gets real stinky and he tries to like either warn people off or just like spartan on people. I really don't know. But he's also like a reptilian skunk. Yeah pretty much. He's been known to act in ways such as like looking up women's kimonos. They just like childish shit all the way up to kidnapping children and drowning them rape and eat.
Eating human flesh. So it's the dichotomy there. It's really weird. You also got the bunyip from Australia that makes its home in the swamps and creeks and water holes of southern Australia. They prowl the land at night to hunt for women and children.
You also got things like like sirens cracking. There's a lot of like water cautionary tales out there. But there was one folklore creature that I found like I said in researching another one that I'm not going to tell you what I was researching because I'm going to save that for later. It's a good one.
But this one's like way more wildly interesting and that is the mermaid like creature of Inuit folklore, the Kalu Pollock. Are you familiar?
No no no. Hell yeah. This is fascinating. All right. So Sarge when you picture a mermaid what do you like what do you see like the first image that comes to mind. What do you see when you picture a mermaid.
Well it's like you know the redheaded mermaid from Disney folklore.
Yeah like Disney folklore.
Ladies with seashell.
Talking seagull, talking crab, talking fish. Yeah.
The lady with seashell bra. You know a cartoon woman that I'm uncomfortably attracted to as a second grader you know.
The normal uncomfortable Disney experience.
That's cool man. That's now. All right. Here's what I want you to do. Picture like the exact opposite of that. And that's what we're going to be talking about today. So the.
So it's like Ursula the sea witch.
No. It's dude. All right. So the Kalu Pollock is not what we would describe as a fuckable half human half fish mermaid.
Is this closer to like the Fiji mermaid, the terrifying P.T. Barnum thing.
It's more like if you remember the old Greg sketch. It's more like if like the old Greg sketch was written by H.P. Lovecraft. So.
So before I go into like too much detail right up top I just want to say that when I cover these types of topics and by that I mean like the folklore of indigenous peoples.
I always want to say first and foremost that the Kuala Polak is not a cryptid and it is a very like real thing in their belief structure and system.
And while I'm not an authority on native cultures and I'm going to assume you're not as well. Absolutely. I always do my best to try and get everything as true as possible.
And while you know we'll be cracking jokes and talking shit like this whole episode I do try to cover it with the utmost respect.
And if there's anything that I do get wrong or cover something that maybe us whites had appropriated in some way and I'm like pushing that instead.
Please let us know and we'll do our best to make any corrections along the way. So.
Yeah I certainly don't want to I don't want to like diminish or or or mock their culture.
No. Unless it has three buttholes. Dude.
Three buttholes I mean you're kind of asking for it.
So I mean I was I was trying to give that little like disclaimer like I did it when we did the Wendigo same thing with the skin walker like I am no authority and I try to get my my like my sources from like actual Inuit sources native sources.
Yeah. No obviously that might not happen every time but it is what it is. So like I said if anyone has any.
No I'm glad I'm glad you do it because it would be worse if we just came steamrolling into this thing like look at these. Look what these jackasses believe.
No. And I know because like I had a big problem with the skin walker the way it's portrayed by us whites and I called out a lot of people in the episode that I did it on. So they got real mad about it.
No they don't even fuck it. They didn't even acknowledge it. So it's whatever. So you're ready. You ready to dive in.
Yeah let's do it. Let's do it. I'm ready.
All right. So the Kala Pollock is a terrifying creature that lives and hunts in the freezing Arctic waters of Alaska and northern Canada is described as having long dark entangled hair that kind of resembles seaweed.
It's got fins that protrude from their heads backs and limbs with webbed feet and so it's like Glenn Danzig.
Yeah pretty much. Minus the devil though. And I don't think as Jack. I think they're a little they're a little fair.
And also I'm pretty sure Henry Rollins would be cool with these guys because he's clearly not cool with Danzig.
Their hands have very long and very sharp claws which they use to capture and mull its prey.
It smells like sulfur and its skin is a pale green that is said to be scaly bumpy and sometimes slimy which.
All right. So I don't know. I don't know how anyone would know that like the slimy part because from what I've read and what we're about to cover if you're close enough to have touched this thing and find out that its skin is slimy you're dead.
And that does and that's done. It's over. That detail dies with you and no one will ever find out about it.
If that makes sense. I'm sure it's kind of one of those things where like you know it's part of the it's part of like just the descriptive factor of it to make it more intimidating.
Like I'm sure you know a lot of that is oral tradition you know being passed down. I feel I could be wrong.
I muted myself. No I'm saying you're getting ahead of yourself. Oh OK. I'm going to shut up then. You know I want you to I want you to be silent this whole episode to the very end.
OK. I'm just kidding. All right. But that detail whisper the slimy detail that would die with you. I feel like you can't you can look at something and see it's wet but you won't know if it's slimy.
Does it difference between wet and slimy I feel like. Is that why I disagree. Is that ignorant to say. I feel like you know I don't think it's ignorant to say but like if I like looking at Justin Bieber I feel like he's slimy.
Yeah. I feel like there's a slickness to his skin. No but he's slimy in a way that is more his personality than his actual physical being like.
Well I mean I feel like he probably smells like that like you know that liquid in the bottom of an empty dumpster. OK. Yeah. It's like greenish and it smells like hot death. I feel like that's what Justin Bieber's skin feels like.
OK. He's he's he's greasy. Yeah. Yeah I feel like he's very slippery like you like you couldn't. It would be hard to arrest him because he would score him out of it because he's just covered in lard. Yeah he's like he's like it's not lard it's just you know it's just a little bit of a slimy thing.
No it's like it's like every state fair when they have like the if you if you can wrangle this pig you get the pig. But they exactly exactly. He's a greased pig. Yeah exactly. So but it was speaking of dying at the hands of a monster.
According to the Inuit legends you'll know when a Kalu Pollock is near because it looks like a low ethereal like humming sound and I couldn't find any examples of it because no one's ever recorded it obviously.
No it said that this hum is like a warning kind of like a rattlesnakes rattle. And if you hear it you and anybody else that's on the beach needs to fucking skedaddle like ASAP. Now if you decide to ignore the warning thinking you're a big tough alpha male fucking Andrew Tate listener kind of guy.
That fucking it's all I gotta say is it sucks to suck man because you will immediately be snatched by the Kalu Pollock sharp as fuck claws and dragged into the water so quick that you won't even realize you're in the water until you're dead.
You know honestly if I think I think if you're an authority on anything involving Andrew Tate and I want you to ignore that warning and approach this creature full full throated. Don't be afraid. Just go up and talk to a whole hog.
Just put your whole fucking chest into it. I want you I want you to encounter this thing and and make friends you know offer it a handshake.
Well I think so what it is I think a lot of these I mean this might be speaking out of turn because I feel like these these creatures probably don't have genders but I'm going to assume that most of them since they have long dark hair they're probably of the female persuasion.
So if you're Andrew Tate listener what you got to do is you got to you got to assert your dominance and you got to gaslight you got to gaslight these creatures until they fall in love with you.
Now for the most part most most in you would adults they know better. They hear the hum. You better run. I mean that's that's yeah I don't know if that's their official motto but I'm going to I'm going to say here the hum.
You better run if anyone listening to this is in you went please send us that in your native tongue and I want to say it all the time.
But like I said they they the adults know better but it doesn't really matter because of course because adults aren't what the Kala Pollock is after.
Out of all the potential prey that visits the shores day in and day out the preferred prey of this creature are children.
Now that especially children who wander onto the shore alone either from being just a complete fucking dumb dumb or kids who intentionally ignore their parents like words of warning like don't go wandering off near the ocean.
Now one thing Madonna will try to adopt you. One thing that I forgot to mention in the description of the Kala Pollock is well it is a hideous monster that not even a blind mother could love.
This this fuckers got what the youth I believe still to this day would call drip. All right. It's decked out in what's known as elder duck clothing which is kind of like our either duck clothing.
It's like the skin of the ducks. It's apparently a lot warmer than seal which is why I am. They also have an accessory.
They accessorize the fit with what is known as a and I didn't look up the pronunciation for this but I believe it's amutic which is essentially like a papoose type thing that the innuendos wear to like securely carry their babies on their backs.
Most tales of the Kala Pollock say that once it gets a hold of a child it just fucking tears him to shreds and eats him right then and there.
This needs to be a horror movie. We need to fund some innuendos to make this horror movie.
I'm sure there has to be one by some white woman somewhere.
That's already been all we got to get like the good people you know the people who know the story. Make it real.
Not you know Diablo Cody.
I think you tried to murder me just that.
Okay so.
All right. Now other stories say that it'll snatch your kid secure it's amutic and bring it to a hidden layer under the water surface where it keeps the child in like a trance like state.
Now while the victim is in this trance the creature will drain the kid's life force growing younger and stronger while the child slowly loses his life force.
Until it's fully spent which I'm pretty sure just means like it's like a nice way of saying it'll suck the life out of your child until it's dead.
But kind of reminds me the monsters from Dr. Sleep you know what I'm talking about. Yeah.
It's kind of that vibe. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. But but anyways through this ritual the Kala Pollock can continuously regenerate itself and pretty much obtain the child's life force.
But but anyways through this ritual the Kala Pollock can continuously regenerate itself and pretty much obtain immortality this way.
So besides from like the description and what this thing is possibly doing to your kids once snatched much isn't really known about things like what do they do in the meantime when they're not murdering your child's or like where they actually live.
This is possibly because the Inuit people were more concerned about what this thing was doing to their people than what's going on in the personal lives of like the Kronenberg version of Ariel.
Yeah we don't need like a huge backstory for the thing that's eating your kids. Yeah that's fair.
But we also like just may not know about it because like like with most native legends information on things like the Kala Pollock is hard to come by on the Internet or at least like agreed upon actual real information.
And it's probably like in the case of like the skinwalker like the Navajo don't like to talk about it with outsiders of their tribes or their cultures.
Or like most Native American cultures or even like First Nations in Canada things like that Inuit stories were mostly passed down through like you said oral tradition.
And then when us whites came along and we're like hey you need to stop all this nonsense.
And then we did the whole like yeah forced integration into American European whatever Christian culture.
So it's possible that part of it if not most of these types of stories were either like abandoned early on like once we came over and then they were just forgotten.
It kind of goes without saying that I fucking hate that we used to do that. Yeah it's not like how many cool stories and cool cultures just got stamped out because some guy was like no no no no no no.
My zombie Messiah is way better than whatever you believe.
Now drink this wine and eat some bread and join my cannibal cult.
But so yeah so we did that we did the forced integration thing it was not it was not cool. It's bullshit by any means.
But the other explanation is probably they always say that the most the most likely explanation is the most simple one.
Right. So the purpose of these stories about Kalapalik the reason why they have them is to explain to children the dangers of wandering off alone or being reckless near the waters.
One source one source that I read put it there are indeed many dangers presented by the Arctic Ocean including but not limited to hungry creatures such as like polar bears shit like that.
Seals their sharp rocks sudden waves and describing these dangers as a more fantastical and otherworldly creature likely helped to drive home the importance of caution when talking with the children.
So flushing out the story of the Kalapalik wasn't really necessary like the general description and short tales and warnings served.
Like the purpose that it was meant to like they didn't have to like flesh it out to children because they don't give a fuck about backstory.
So that's my kids don't need that. Yes. That might be why there isn't like a lot of like backstory or but also it could be because we just don't know.
Like the like the Inuits who live in those areas and the tribes that believe in the Kalapalik they might have a full fully fleshed out story.
But in the end like really you don't need it to convince children to like you know you tell me hey there's a monster in the water.
Don't fucking go by the water. They'll more than likely listen to you because they're convinced as a father.
They're not going anywhere near that shit. Yeah. So but anyways they're like they don't care how it breeds.
Yeah. They don't need to know. They just know that they'll get snatched up dragged to an underwater cave and then their fucking life so manna will be sucked out of them until they're dead.
And that's the best case scenario. It's either that or.
Because the other option is getting shredded by the claws right. Like like I would like I'm making pulled pork.
I'm going to say I don't know which one is worse to me. I don't know which one I wouldn't. I don't know which one I would want the least.
I feel like I would want to just fuck just get it over with. But also if you're in a trance like state you don't realize that it's happening unless the trance like state is like sleep paralysis where you know what's happening.
And you just feel it being worse. I feel like a Dorian Gray situation.
But instead of like the painting getting older it's just you like slowly becoming that one dude in the closet from the ring where you're like all fucked up. You know what I mean.
Like hear me out. Hear me out. So you've had blood drawn right. You know how like you get that that one phlebotomist.
Who can't find the vein.
Using smart using smart words. No the one phlebotomist that like gets the vein perfect and misses in the nerves and all that stuff so it doesn't feel like anything.
But it's almost like you can feel the blood coming out of your arm into the needle.
I'm going to be honest with you.
You ever felt that feeling?
Never felt that feeling.
And I know it's not a real thing. You can't actually feel the blood coming out.
But your brain.
It's like a psychosomatic thing.
Is noticing the.
Yeah. So that's what I'm thinking when I when you mentioned the trance in their life force getting sucked out like you can see it's probably not feeling pain.
But it just in their minds they're like oh my God it's sucking the life out of me.
It's probably sleepy but just get a little sleepier.
I don't know. It's still awful.
Don't go near the water kids.
Either way it's all bad.
And I'm sorry if I bummed you out.
No didn't bum me out I'm actually really fascinated by by Native American Native American in First Nation cultures.
I think we do we do a lot of like First Nations stuff on here like Native American because I feel cool because I feel like well the reason why I like to do episodes like this also by the way that's the end of the story.
That's the end of the episode.
But this thing's amazing.
It's terrifying to me.
But the reason why I like to do Native American folklore creatures kind of stuff like that is because they get lumped into the category of cryptid and I feel like I'm no expert on cryptids by any means.
I just enjoy the stuff.
I feel like it's important because a lot of like the the spamier cryptid community like they like to lump in things like the skinwalker the Wendigo the Kalapalik like things like that and they lump them into the category of cryptid and I feel like that is doing a disservice to the Native American community.
I want to say not disservice but it's almost disrespectful because to them it's not a unidentified creature which is what cryptozoology is like to them this is this shit's real like this is part of their belief system.
Yeah it's their it's it's their culture.
Their day to day revolves around these types of creatures maybe not as much now but even then there you know there are still there are still Navajo elders and Navajo people that believe in the skinwalker there are still.
I mean I'm sure there's Inuit tribes that's or in you I should even say tribes because I don't know if that's a proper term but I'm sure there's Inuit people that still have this as part of their culture their belief system and like for sure frankly who am I to fucking judge I don't spend time in the Arctic Circle maybe there is shit like that up there.
What I will say is is like to build on your point cryptids and cryptozoology at this point in our society is like a campy sideshow thing you find it like a state fair right and and to take their culture and throw it in.
To me cryptozoology is to me it's just modern folklore there's no yeah like well like because if I don't know if you noticed this but most cryptozoology stories started roughly 1950s ish.
Yeah yeah like before that it was just it was just Native American folklore and all you know I mean like but there's an era of fun to cryptozoology whereas I feel like with these cultures.
They're not just like a system because this is something they believed long before white people were here putting chupacabra on a hat or a baseball jersey it's like the same thing with like I'm working on that by the back last episode.
The like it's like the puck wudgy like the puck wudgy like I don't know if you ever dived into like the like the lore like anything of the of the party I just felt like my other podcast citizens got to the supernormal coming back in May.
So, so the the puck wudgy I learned through doing research is that like so they the puck wudgy they were thrown out by the the the giant God, they were thrown across all New England they came back to Cape Cod.
And all of those stories of the puck wudgy is coming in the puck wudgy is getting thrown out the puck wudgy is coming back and killing the giant they all coincide with different landings of European settlers.
So that's sorry so that's why the like the giant is dead but the puck wudgy is remained is because I think vaguely like the puck wudgy is were the American settlers you know what I mean like their gods died, so that we could be here.
And like I said I feel like it's important for me to put these stories out there so that like not only do they get they don't get lost. I mean, I mean I'm a white dude they're not going to get lost because of, you know, I mean like I know what you mean I know what you mean it's just like I feel like people need to if you're a fan of cryptids you need to know where these stories come from, and you need to know the backstory behind them so that way you're just not going around posting a video of like, oh my dog walked on its legs it's clearly a fucking skinwalker like you know I mean like yeah like that.
Right. Yeah, don't diminish their shit we have plenty of white people shit we can diminish we don't need to go after native stuff. Yeah, we got leprechauns we got fairies. Yeah, we're good.
But also stop going to Coachella with headdresses on you fucking clowns. Yeah, do they still do that. I thought that was done. I thought they still do that shit.
I hate it. That's annoying. All right. So, stop being white for like five minutes, America, just like a minute.
Just take a breath.
Yeah, cool down.
All right, so that's the story of the Cal Poly.
Sarge, I love that. How you doing. That was so good. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, because it's, it's so to me it's like so like exciting to hear about stuff I've never heard of before.
Mostly because my people stole it, you know.
So I'm like yeah we're finally giving it back. And then I'm like I'm sorry it wasn't really ours to take to begin with, but at least we now know about it and I am not going anywhere near the water up north, if I hear humming.
Yeah, that's definitely a, I'm not a big ocean guy anyways like it's too cold even in the summertime. Fuck that noise.
Oh my god dude you you're preaching to the choir. I'll hang out on the beach. Oh it's 90 degrees let's add some sand to that in a stinky smell if it's low tide. Yeah, let's do that.
And then you're like, oh, it's, it's 108 degrees I'm going to take a dip in the ocean but as soon as your foot hits it it's negative five degree ocean water you're like that's the dichotomy there is not working for me.
It's like, I went swimming in Texas and then I that made me understand why people like the beach. Yeah, I was that water was nice and warm. Yeah, I went, I went swimming in the oceans of California one time.
And I was like, I get it. This is nice. This is warm ocean water and then you, and then you're in fucking like you're like York Beach or Hampton Beach in New Hampshire and you're like, I know I got to avoid the needles to get to the actual ocean.
And then you get in the ocean. Yeah, that's the other thing you've got a problem with because you've got freezing ridiculous cold ocean right yeah 50 degrees no matter what time of year it is.
And but then also, you have to walk across a minefield of sharp fucking rocks and shells to get there. Yeah, because apparently in New England we keep all of our granite on the beach.
Yeah, yeah, it's not ideal, you shouldn't need shoes to go swimming is what I'm trying to say.
Hampton Beach you kind of do, because this is, oh, it's, it's all just, it's like heroin addicts and shit it's bad. All right, so anyway, yeah, no, it's hypodermic needles and shells. Sarge. I love you buddy.
What's up, we're coming to the I love you too. We're coming in the episode.
I got I got overly excited about this one I, I'm like a little kid right now I'm, I can't wait to go tell my kids about this.
You don't tell them about hey guys you only tell them this when you're an actual body of water, no matter what is Lake River.
Like hey by the way don't get to know I'm gonna I'm gonna tell them now so when beach weather comes around they're like no let's go to the lake, where it's actually warm.
Yeah, go to like, yeah, you're good. All right.
Thank you so much for listening everyone.
I appreciate it.
If you want to follow us on any social media it's a crypto cocktail on Instagram crypto cocktail party on TikTok.
If you want to follow Sarge Sarge, where can they find you on. You can just Google Sarge to destroy and pick whatever social media pops up is Instagram.
I'm on Twitter I'm never calling an ex fuck you Elon Musk YouTube, TikTok.
I even have a Facebook page I'll be honest with you I don't really go on Facebook because I believe that vaccines work. So, I made one I don't really qualify.
I think I think I did. I think I had to make one for this show because like Instagram automatically made me one or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so it's there. I just I cross post so whatever is on Facebook is coming from my Instagram so just go to my Instagram because Instagram, you know has reasonable people on it.
I'm on threads. Yeah, never been I posted on threads one month threads. I'm on threads because sometimes I need a long form complaint.
Kind of hard to do. And I need to say things that you can't say on TikTok you get banned as valid. Yeah, so you can just find just Google Sarge to destroy all pop up.
I feel like mostly it's at Sarge to destroy.
Most yeah it's all it's all at Sarge to destroy except for Twitter, you know, you know, there I'm at Bastid Profit that because that was my first big social.
You know what, what I'm going to do. I'm just going to add you to the link tree. I'm going to put all those in the leg.
There you go. There you go. So yeah, just throw me in there. If you go to the Crypto cocktail Instagram, hit that link tree, you'll find all the social medias.
We have a Patreon. It's $5 a month. It's you're not going to get anything but it helps pay for like we record remotely.
Beer is not cheap. It's expensive. It's expensive to keep this thing rolling. Yeah. Believe it or not. Even fun stuff is expensive.
And then good discord. Don't it's just it's whatever.
And if you're good at designing stuff, hit us up because we want to make some baseball jerseys for cryptids.
I'm going to wear that shit all the time. Oh, yeah. And all right. So with that out of the way, Sarge, you want to say goodbye to the audience?
Hey, I love you. Thank you for listening. And regardless of all the crazy, horrible things that are in the news, remember, you can still find fun stuff.
And you should do that. Be as weird and fun as possible in your life, because reality is terrifying.
You.