Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of Cryptic Cocktail Party, a show where we
have a few drinks, share a few laughs, take a dive into the unknown. I'm your host Dave
and today I'm joined once again by Sarge minus Maynard. How's it going buddy?
Hey oh, sorry that Maynard couldn't make it. I'm disappointed that Maynard couldn't be
here but he had a family engagement.
Oh okay.
No, it's not another funeral, it's fine. It was a family thing.
You said family and I thought it was going to be family emergency and that was going
to feel like a huge piece of shit.
No it was a family engagement. I would have given you a heads up if like someone died.
No, he just he had some family stuff, you know, some get together with fam and so he
couldn't be here. So I'm going to be here for both of us. And I'm joined by my my eight
year old son who's hiding currently. But he is going to be getting me beers while we record.
So God, I need kids now. That's that sounds like the I mean I could train my dogs to bring
me beer. I feel like that's a thing.
He also does an excellent an excellent chupacabra impression. But he's yeah, you can kind of
hear him in the background. He's just making weird noise. That's my boy. Very proud of
him.
But how's it going man? You're doing good. You're looking good. I know you just got a
thank you. You just got your degree.
I did. I got a master's degree. You talked about it on the last episode. That was that
was forever ago. How long ago was that?
Oh, God, I can't even remember. I feel it feels like it was a long time ago. But time,
you know, it's a flat circle as as we found out from True Detective One. It's I have no
concept of time because I've been working so much in doing college and raising children
and training the service dog. So I have no concept of time.
Either way, it feels like it was a really long time ago.
I'm proud of you, bud. That's fucking awesome. I don't have a degree. My my my I know the
struggles of getting your master's just because my wife did it. So I I was I was I was the
supportive spouse, which I'm sure.
Honestly, you have a degree by proxy. You suffered through it.
Yeah, because now eventually she'll make enough money for me to be like a stay at home husband.
You know, so it's fine. Oh, God, that's a fucking dream, isn't it?
Oh, but I'm glad I'm shoving myself to work every day.
You're right, dude. I'm pretty sure you told me off air that you work from home. So yeah,
no, it's a it's a hell of a commute, though. I wake up and I have to walk over to my desk.
It's fucking nuts. Bed. Bed to office is a is a struggle. I get it.
It is. It is. Well, we also talked about our our struggles with our former retail life.
Yeah, we share the we share the retail scars, the emotional scars on our bodies, both physical
and mental. So I say emotional scars, but, you know, there's plenty of physical scars.
I've never been in the service you have, though, but I always agree my time in retail as being
like it's like people that say like if you've never worked in a kitchen, you'll never understand
kitchen life. It's the same thing. Right. You'll never understand retail life until
you've worked in retail. And we both worked in the shittiest parts of retail.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. I'll tell you right now. I there are a few things in
the world that made me miss Iraq. But working at Target during Covid is at the top of the
list because at least when I was in Iraq, I knew who the bad guys were. Yeah. You know,
because if they were shooting at me, they were a problem. But at Target, it was it was
your friends that were trying to take you down sometimes. Yeah, it was it was it was
it was the the the top brass, if you will, of Target. Yeah. Just trying to just bring
you down. And it's a nightmare. It's all bad. Exactly. At least at Target, you knew not
to trust the locals at all. Well, did they not? I'm sorry. In Iraq, in Iraq, you didn't
you knew not to trust the locals at Target. You had no idea what you were coming up on.
You had no idea what you were coming up against. They were either going to be a friend or they
were going to try to get you to give them 10 percent off because there was a tear in
the packaging. But I worked there during Covid. If you got if you got your Target circle card,
you get 10 percent off. Oh, so it doesn't matter. You know, the Target circle card.
You know, it was awkward. It was calling up Target afterwards and being like, hey, I got
fired. I need my circle card moved to my personal email. Yeah. No, I did the same thing. It
was it was an awkward and I told you that I know called no showed. I just didn't go back.
So yeah, you know, it's even worse is that I after I had quit, scheduled my Covid my
Covid shots at the CVS pharmacy at the Target I worked at. So I had to go in. I love that
after I just no called no showed and like tried to be like I did hood up like fucking
like I was like Eminem and eight mile like and just like real quick. That's a total boss
move. That's a boss move right there. It was bad because like our the CVS, the pharmacy
was right next to where the the locked door is where you put in your number to get into
like the office. Yep. So I was like, fuck, I really hope no one comes out that that sees
me. It'd be so bad if anybody wants the code to the the Target door in Lemonster, Massachusetts,
you just let me know. I'll pass it on. Oh, yeah. Well, our our store had to change because
you. Sorry, excuse me. I don't know if I should say this, but most Target locked doors, the
code is the store number. Yep. I don't know if I should say that. Really trying to keep
you out of there. You can't find it as long as you don't know how to Google the store.
All right, Sarge. I love you, buddy. Thank you so much for coming on. I know I made you
wait a little while. That's OK. It was worth the wait. You're a big cryptids guy. Maybe
not big. I really don't know your affiliation. No, I am. I am. I have I actually have a Mothman
action figure. And last episode you were wearing your Mothman hat and I believe a T-shirt as
well. You were you were decked out even though you were sitting so far back compared to Maynard
Maynard was full. I wanted you to see it. I wanted you to know how I felt about cryptids.
Now I'm wearing my more trees, less assholes shirt. I was going to wear I have a Bigfoot
shirt, but it's all it's all wrinkly and messed up because I just I don't do laundry. Well,
I just kind of wash it and then throw it in a pile. So that's a great segue into our episode
today. Oh, is it? It is. I'm glad I brought it up. Are you are you a believer? Are you
a believer in Bigfoot? I feel like it would be naive for me to assume that that there
are no cryptids, right? Because back back in the in the in the late 1800s, they were like,
there's no way there's cryptids. And then they discovered gorillas. Yeah. And that's
a pretty big fucking animal to not know that was there, you know. So I feel like there's
a chance that there's some weird shit out there that we don't know about yet. I don't
know if Bigfoot is one of them. If I drink a root beer, I might go into a deep story
about possibilities of interdimensional travel. And that's why all the footage is blurry,
because that you know, but long story short, I don't close the door on anything. Like I'm
an atheist, but I'm still not going to, you know, piss off God if I can avoid it. Same
thing. I'm exactly the same way. I am an atheist, but at the same time, like not believing God
won't make me not be a good person. Yeah. Yeah. I want to fuck over people. But two,
just in case there might. Yeah. I feel like that's more agnostic than anything, but I'll
still say I'm an atheist. You know, but anyways, I only ask you this so I can segue into my
own script that I had written. I know you've been desperately trying to segue and I keep
fucking sandbagging you. Your shirt was the segue, but now your answer is segueing into
my script because I wrote down my response to your answer just now. So, okay, good, good,
good. I mean, I can just do this from the top of my head. I am not a huge believer in
Bigfoot and I've mentioned this like in passing on the show before, like several times and
I don't really have a good reason to like not believe in Bigfoot because I believe in
a lot of stupid shit. Do you know what I mean? Like maybe, well, yeah, you know what I mean?
And I think the reason behind it is because like there's been fucking way too many sightings
of a Bigfoot and not enough like concrete evidence. Do you know what I mean? Like there's
been something like 10,000 reported Bigfoot sightings in the US alone. But like all we
get from it is either like Motorola Razr, like flip phone quality photos and videos.
Come on.
Yeah. And I'm trying to figure out, like this is my problem with Bigfoot. I want to believe,
I desperately want there to be a large hairy man who lives in the woods that isn't me.
But the problem that I have is that all of the camera footage is blurry and cell phones
have just come too far for them to still be blurry. I can take a picture of the moon and
you can see.
I'm filming this on a phone. You know what I mean? Like, I should be, I'm in focus because
you know what, like, I mean, but there are theories that like, oh, people are afraid
they're general is rushing. So they're shaking and they take the picture, but like, come
on, come on. I got a picture. I get a picture of the sun from my cell phone during the eclipse
and you can see a sunspot. So yeah, knock it off. All right. Let's, let's be real. You,
your buddy put on a funny gorilla suit and was walking around in the woods. You wanted
to play it off, but let's not pretend that that's, that's real Bigfoot. Like I, if I
see a good photo of Bigfoot, like I'm not even asking for like, you know, perfect quality.
You're not looking for 4k HD, like posed picture, like just something that's not like, and half
the times I feel like the photos of Bigfoot that we see is just like a dark spot behind
leaves and like the leaves are making, are making the facial like, cause our brain does
this thing where we do try to like make faces out of things that aren't there. So we could
just being the, we could just be seeing the trunk of the tree and then like the leaves
and like the little swirls. Exactly. But also there's too many types of Bigfoot's. All right.
We got bad. Just like hold your phone steady so we can figure out what the shit is. My
eight year old has ADD so bad that he looks like he's vibrating all the time and I can
still get a good solid picture of him on my phone. Yeah. Like a Chihuahua. Yeah. He's,
he's basically, he's just constantly shivering from energy. Yeah. But also, like I said,
there's also too many different types of Bigfoot. So we got, we got bat squash, which is Bigfoot
with wings, the Yeti that's cold Bigfoot. We've got the woods devil, Skunk Ape, we've
got the woods devil New Hampshire, which is just skinny Bigfoot and on and on. But there's
one classification of Bigfoot that I think is just way too good to not cover, even though
I don't fully believe in the whole concept of it. And that is laid on me. This class,
I need to know this classification was coined by famed you, you, you, you, you, you, you,
ufologist, ufologist, however you want to pronounce it, an author of the Mothman prophecies,
John Keel. And that classification of Bigfoot is abominable swamp slobs or ass for short.
This is 100% true. I feel like he knew what he was doing when he named that. Yeah. He's
like, I'm going to make everyone giggle with this. So, so asses are used to or abominable
swamp slobs. Are you? He wins. He wins because I laughed. Are used to describe humanoid cryptids
that mainly are reported around wetlands, rivers, lakes, bayous of the United States
has been used to describe, like you said, the skunk ape, also the, the, the Fuque monster
and the Enfield monster. They're all examples of asses. All right. Okay. But there's one
ass in particular that I want to talk about today. And that ass is known as the Murfreesboro
mud monster. Are you familiar with the Murfreesboro mud monster? No, but I'm going to be honest
with you. When you're talking about mud and asses, I immediately went to Taco bell in
my head. That's why it's such a fun subject in the way. Just a mud dragon is what it is.
So, so, so Murfreesboro is a small town in Illinois that boasts about a population of
about like 7,000, I think it's like 7,100 kind of thing. Uh, and according to its Wikipedia
page has no one of note hailing from there. Uh, yeah, that tracks that are, that are like
currently alive. And anyways, uh, besides the us house representative, Mike boast boss,
I don't know who that is, but it was the setting for Melissa McCarthy movie and was featured
on TLC show, uh, barbecue pit masters. So that's kind of fun. Okay. That's enough of
a reason to go there. I'll go anywhere for barbecue. Yeah. But we're not here to talk
about the barbecue. We're here to talk about the asses. So the, the, the Murfreesboro mud
monster also known as the big muddy monster was first spotted around. Get it together
man. We're trying to do an episode here. There have been so many times where I have gotten
thoroughly intoxicated and eaten Chinese food. And then the next morning created the exact
same thing. The Murfreesboro mud monster. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Or the, or the big muddy monster.
Either, either works just fine monster. So the launching of the SSC pickle, the Murfreesboro
mud monster was first spotted on midnight on June 25th, 1973, a young couple named Randy
Needham and Judy Johnson were parked near the old boat ramp in Riverside park. Uh, probably
doing some neck and whatever it is couples back in the seventies. Yeah. You know, yeah.
So the couple was tearing it up. I get it. The couple was sitting in their car listening
to the radio or at least that's what they told people. I'm good. I'm assuming that Randy
was just straight up knuckle deep at this point. Maxi ear muffs finger blast in his
way to glory. Oh, for sure. Uh, when all of a sudden they heard an ear piercing roar that
seemed to be coming from the thick underbrush near where they had parked. Randy equated
the roar to that of an eagle shrieking into a microphone, which is the most American thing
that I could think of. So that is God bless our troops. That's, that was fucking amazing.
Now instead of just calling it a night and getting like the fuck out of there, Randy
decided that he wanted both of them to become real life horror movie victims. Uh, he turned
off the radio and scanned the surrounding area, listening and looking very carefully
to see if he could spot whatever it was that made that noise suddenly another roar. But
this time they caught a glimpse of some movement in the brush. So Randy flipped on his headlights,
which I mean, that should have been the first thing you did when you heard the first roar.
Yeah. I mean, hold on, give Randy some credit. Maybe it was just an aggressive queef. You
don't know. That is the problem when you, you know, when you're quote unquote finger
blasting your way to glory is that you get a little digging when you're digging for gold,
you get a little, you don't know what's coming up. You get a little too aggressive. That
makes sense. But illuminated by the car's headlights, they both saw a massive stinky
as hell creature moving towards them. Uh, Randy, Randy put that shit in gear and got
the hell out of there as fast as he could. Now once the couple had made it back to civilization,
they drove around a bit and like a pretty much like a deafening silence inside the car
before having the conversation of what to do next. You know, do they keep quiet? Do
they go to the police? Do they just fucking go to another secluded spot to continue whatever
they were doing beforehand? Either way, I mean, an aggressive, like a serious, heavy,
thick silence also follows a queef. So the story is not good. Well, so the reason why
they're trying to figure it out, like, like for most people, when you encounter like a
cryptid or an alien or something paranormal, not wanting to go to the police or report
it and like in any like official capacity, it's like a normal thought process. But usually
that's because the witnesses, they're afraid of like ridicule, like what the town will
think of them. You know, the young kids, they're necking in the woods. They don't want to tell
anybody they were fooling around in the woods. I get it. Well, that's kind of the thing.
So for, for Judy and Randy, it was like, it was like a little bit different. So their romance
was technically a forbidden one. Apparently, Judy's dad didn't approve of Randy. So Judy
knew that going to the police would reveal like their illicit affair. As a father of
a 15 year old girl, I don't approve of any man named Randy dating my daughter. You know,
it's wild. Not the only Randy in the story. That is alarming more than anything. I'm concerned
at this point. But, but Judy being the patriotic citizen that she is knew that whatever trouble
she got into with her dad was nothing compared to what would happen if this big hairy ass
were to go to a rampage through town. So they headed to the Murfreesboro police station
to give their statement. Now you never want to get in the way of interrupting. You never
want to interrupt the emergence of a mud monster, you know? No, the couple filled out what is
apparently known as an unknown creature report. And I did not know that this was like a thing
that the police just had. I don't know if it was like a form like, oh, here's an unknown
creature report form. But anyways, they filled out an unknown creature report. They stated
in the report that they witnessed an oversized, they described it as an oversized gorilla
standing roughly eight feet tall with white matted mud streaked hair. Ron, Ron, I don't
know how to pronounce his last name. Ron Marwet, Mar, man wearing, man warring. I don't know.
He was a patrolman at the time. And he remembered this incident, uh, like off the top of his
head when he was interviewed later on. And he said that quote, the first report came
in just before midnight on June 25th, a couple had been parked, quote unquote. And that's
in his statement near the boat dock on the southwestern edge of Riverside park next to
the woods. The two who were not married said they heard a loud screaming sound in the wooded
area and observed a large creature, approximately seven to eight feet tall. The creature appeared
to have needs to settle the fuck down. Who cares if they weren't married? Why is that
even included in this? It comes up again. Okay. All right. The truest thing you've said
so far is that there's a cop named Ron in the small town. Yeah. Oh dude, just wait about
small town cops. You get ahead of yourself. Uh, so if there's a skeeter, I'm out. The
creature appeared to have white colored hair, matted with mud. The creature appeared to
be walking on two legs and was proceeding towards the car. End quote. Now officer man
warring to his credit kind of believed the young couple or at least believed that like
they believed what they had saw kind of thing. Okay. Uh, his reasoning as to why he believed
them was quote, there was no advantage of them coming. There's, there was no advantage
of them to come up and report this end quote. And the reason, right. Because they, you know,
if they reported the police, they're basically risking like exposing their secret relationship,
which in turn would bring ridicule from the town due to the fact that as he said it before,
they weren't married and they were parked by the river. Clearly finger blasting and
sin. There we go. Uh, but also they were going to, Judy's dad was going to be pissed and
they, they really stressed about Judy's dad. There's no information about Judy's dad, but
it sounds like he's a piece of shit. Like everyone in town. Yeah. He's a real dick.
It sounds like he was. So he kind of really had no look, Judy's dad. He's just trying
to get some guts. Let it go. Not a big deal. So pretty much he really had, they're trying
to christen the Volvo. Calm down, bro. But yeah. So, so the officer really had no choice
to like kind of take the matter somewhat seriously, but also skeptical. So he dispatched two patrolmen
who were tasked with like heading out to the area to check out the claims. And those were
officers, Merrill Lindsay, which is two girls last night, first names, which I love and
Jimmy Nash. Is this like a boy named boy named Sue situation? It's very much like you need
to be tough Merrill. So they arrived just minutes after like the initial sightings occurred,
not long after arriving officer Nash discovered some weird tracks that he says they were about
10 to 12 inches long and about three inches wide, deeply imprinted in the mud. That's
not that big for an eight foot tall creature, right? Right. I feel like that's a little
small. Yeah. What state did you say this was? Illinois. Not that I'm an expert in mud consistency
state to state, but you know, in New Hampshire, when you go hiking in the woods, I mean, if
the, if, you know, if it's wet enough, you're going to leave, you're going to leave a deep
imprint. It's just a normal size person. Yeah. You're going to leave like, you know, up to,
up to six inches, you could leave in the mud up there or you'll lose your whole goddamn
boot. You know, an imprint when you see it. They also said that this, I didn't get this
from this source or sound the script, but I did read that like the, the officer said
that it was almost like a man wearing a shoe and that maybe quote unquote, the toes weren't
imprinted in the mud. Come on. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like this is a dude in 12 inch
shoes. They're just going a long way to cover up this aggressive queef is what I'm saying.
They're like, that was loud. I know people in town heard it. Let's get the boot with
the, with the, let's pretend it's Sasquatch. It was midnight in a small town in Illinois.
If that would have reverberated off the water, they're on the water that water carry sound.
You ever heard a loon that loon could be miles away and you're hearing it off the water.
So she, she might want to get checked out. So like I said, it seems a bit small, but
as Nash bent over to inspect the prints further, he claimed he heard quote, the most incredible
shriek I have ever heard. It was in the bushes. It was no Bobcat or screech owl and quote
the officers officers had estimated that whatever made the sound was less than 300 feet away
from them, which is also very far. So they fucking booked it out of there. And Nash,
the officer was so startled and moved so quickly that he dropped his gun in the process. Now,
can you imagine being so scared? You drop the one thing that's going to protect you.
Exactly. But also I had to imagine it was holstered. Like I don't think he had it out.
So he had to, he had to have moved in a fucking hurry to have it just pop out of his holster.
That is the most small town cop thing I've ever heard in my entire life. Nash comes back
to the story as well. He is the reason why military police officers in the military,
I'm sorry, in the army, we have to have lanyards on our guns. He gets so scared you drop your
gun in the holster. That's amazing. He was probably one of those like tiny revolvers
to it was a revolver. It was a revolver. That's what they said. Now the two men, once they
were back at the station, reported their findings and wrangled up a posse to go search for the
monster. So now at this point, like I said, the initial sighting happens like right before
midnight. So by now it's like 2am the next day. So that'd be what? June 20, June 26th.
Now officers Nash and Lindsay are now joined by two more officers, Bob Scott and Needham.
I don't know Needham's first name. There wasn't any sources that I could find, but they found
another set of tracks almost immediately upon arriving. So Lindsay decided to grab a camera
while the rest of the officers followed the tracks down the river bed. They didn't make
it very far before they heard the same scream, the same scream that all the others had heard
and said, fuck that and called off the search just like cower in their patrol car. So I'm
out. The officers were eventually able to collect themselves and continue the search.
But besides some tracks and some splashing sounds in the distance, they said the splashing
sounds sounded like, like you ever been like in like knee deep water and try to move really
fast? Yeah. That's the kind of like they said it sounded like a large creature, like trying
to like run in knee deep water, but they didn't find anything besides just hearing that couple
of things. So they figured, meh, whatever, you know, it was probably like a, like a misidentification
or shadows and sounds in the night, like playing tricks on us. So once the sun came up, they
decided to call the search, call it a day and figured that this would be like the last
they heard of it. But they were, they were very wrong. So yeah, clearly because you're
not going to stop the mud monster. No, you can't. I've tried coffee, brand muffin train
ride. It's coming. You just got to get off the train quick enough to make sure you don't
make a mess. So that night at about 1030 a PM, Christian Christian barrel, a five year
old child was in his backyard catching fireflies in a mason jar. When from behind his neighbor,
neighbor's fence, he saw a massive white figure standing on the other side. Pretty much scared
shitless at this point. He drops the jar, ran into his house crying and screaming, daddy,
daddy, there's a big ghost in the backyard. And his dad was like, calm down son. It's
just a Mormon. So he said, well, so obviously the dad was like fucking, yeah, sure bud,
whatever you say. But that is until the neighbors, the Ray family confirmed what the kid had
seen. So at the same time, it was a Mormon son. Glenn Beck was in the backyard. So at
the same time, the small kid that had seen this quote unquote ghost, Cheryl Ray and Randy
Creath were sitting on the back porch with the light off, just like stargazing and talking
when they heard a rustling in the bush, just feet away from the porch. They thought it
was the neighbor's kids spying on them. And it turned out it was just that couple finger
banging and they just didn't shave back then. So the bush rustling made sense. That tracks.
So Cheryl went to turn on the light while Randy got up to, I guess, fight a small kid.
I don't, he was pissed. But as, as the light turned on, they were greeted with the same
creature so many had encountered the night before staring directly back at them. Cheryl
described it as real tall, dirty, matted white hair, and it emitted a real bad odor that
she said was quote really rank. The couple and the creature locked eyes and just kind
of like stared at each other. The couple said that it felt like forever, but it was probably
only like 30 seconds, which is still kind of like a long time to be like a staring contest
with like a monster. But one thing that was in like their description that wasn't in any
of the others is that they claim that the creature's eyes were glowing red. Cheryl said
that it was a glow from a nearby streetlight, but Randy insisted that it was like actually
like emitting red light. But either way, fuck that. And I don't want, so like the big foot
had conjunctivitis as well. Pretty much. Yeah. It was a, yeah, it was very much pink eye,
but also, but also, but also that makes that tracks. He's, he, he is an ass. So, yeah,
yeah, no. I mean, I just, I just literally just recovered from conjunctivitis myself,
but I got mine the day after the eclipse. So I blame the sun and possibly the moon. They
might've been in cahoots with each other, but I needed a pregnant zone to get rid of
it. I couldn't even take regular antibiotics and needed steroids as well. I feel like the
moon, the moon seems like kind of like a bitch, right? Moon's kind of a dick. Yeah. Right.
Like the moon is, the moon is that kid in high school who's like, wants you to believe
he's a vampire, but he really just, he really just had a dad who was super absent. So he,
you know, had to come up with his own personality that tracks, but he didn't have anybody be
like, Hey, Kevin, don't wear a cape. That's weird. The mom's like, she's just creative.
No, he's fucking weird. He's fucking weird. Samantha, Kevin, stop wearing the cape. But
anyways, after the staring contest was over, the mud monster simply just like turned around
and headed back down towards the nearby river. Now the couple called the cops, obviously
and officer manwhoring, the guy who was obsessed with the fact that this couple was not married
and officer Nash, the kid who drops his gun, who were first on the scene and immediately
were hit by the odor that the thing left in its wake. They also found the same tracks
as a previous night. Upon learning of this discovery, the chief of police at the time
dispatched the entire police force to the residence. All two guys, all 14 officers.
All right. Still alarmingly small. He also called in a canine unit from the neighboring
town to assist. So this fucking small platoon of officers armed with rifles, pistols, and
now a dog start their search for the monster. The first thing they noticed was a mysterious
black slime that led from Cheryl's back porch all the way down to the river. The dog, whose
name I learned was Reb, almost immediately picked up the scent and took off through the
path of broken tree limbs and trampled brush left behind by the massive creature just moments
ago. So the dog was able to track it through the woods down a steep embankment into a small
pond, but the brush was, it was like too thick to continue any further. The officers shown
their flashlights around looking for any clues or wherever as to where the creature could
have gone. But suddenly Reb got wind of the monster scent and took off toward an abandoned
barn located to the east of Cheryl Ray's house and north of the river, but stopped short
of the barn barn door and started trembling and yelping in fear. Now, so this dog, like
if this was a normal dog, I get it, but this is like a seasoned professional tracking dog
who is like a hardened off, like they know this dog is very like he'll fucking kill anyone
if he gets a chance to. So like the behavior of the dog at this point would kind of like
stump the officers and its handler. So his handler attempted to like to get the dog to
enter, but Reb dropped to his belly and started like scooting backwards, whimpering. I feel
like there's two options here. It's either, it's either, you know, this mud monster or
perhaps it's just a, you know, extremely tough cat. I mean cats, because my dog is terrified
of my cat. So yeah, I mean either way, but whatever, sorry, whatever your theory is,
Chief Berger decided that if whatever is in that barn, Chief Berger, time out, is this
the first time we're addressing this name? I said Chief Berger, I said Chief of Police
earlier, I did not say his name. His name is Chief Berger. I love it so much. It makes
me so happy. Chief Berger and the Hamburglar. Chief Berger is probably lead detective on
the, on the special prosecution team coming after the Hamburglar. I took that far longer
than I needed to. I took that way too far. Moving on, moving on. Chief Berger. Chief
Berger, he decided that if whatever is in the barn that could make it the most ruthless
tracking dog that he's ever known acting this way, he needed backup. Yeah, I would, I would
call for backup. So he radioed neighboring police departments for help and within just
a few short hours, over a dozen police cars were on scene and ready to walk into a barn.
Well, it didn't matter either way because in the hours between Reb cowering and fear
and the cavalry arriving, the monster just kind of slipped out the back. There was nothing
in there. So disappointed. They kind of have to search and then everyone just kind of like
left. I wish there was a recording in that phone call. Excuse me. Colonel, Colonel hot
dog. Yes. It's Chief Berger. We've got a poop monster in a barn or a large cat or a large
house cat. I don't know what it is, but we need all your guns. Send everyone pretty much.
So the Murfreesboro mud monster would continue to play the community for the next week and
a half. It was only spotted two more times after this, but it was more like the community's
reaction to the thought of a giant monster in town. Well, yeah, I mean, I wouldn't respond
well to that. They were like, there's a giant monster harassing people as they finger bang.
I'd have a problem. Yeah. So armed posses were popping up left and right looking for the
creature and the police were more worried about them shooting a dude thinking it was
the monster than the monster itself. Because if we learn anything from the Enfield monster
when I'm small town America, yeah, when when aren't posses, whenever they see this, the
slightest of movement in a brush, they will fire upon it. We saw it with the Enfield monster,
the fucking van meter visitor. Almost actually, you know, almost every cryptid I've ever covered
on the show, there has been someone shooting at it. So it's safe to say that nothing really
says America like, hey, that's weird. Let's shoot at it. Yeah, no. Well, we did it in
the episode you were on with the the Devil of the Dunes. They wanted to shoot the fuck
out of that guy. And that was in Provincetown. Yeah. If you're if you're going to get shot
at in Provincetown, you have no chance in Illinois. To be fair, the Devil of the Dunes
in Provincetown was a tall, dark figure. So the police shooting at it is nothing new in
Massachusetts. Just going to say that real quick. Now, the next sighting was about 10
days later at 2 a.m. on July 7th. There was a traveling carnival in town and they set
up shop in Riverside Park, which is where, if you remember, the first couple who were
mid coitus stumbled upon the monster and a couple of carnies named Otis Norris, Ray Adkerson
and Wesley Lavender were so happy about the carnies sitting by one of the carnival rides.
There's eight teeth between them discussing the day's finances. I don't know. I got three
balls of two bottle caps and a cotton candy stick. Pretty much. Yeah, that's valid. When
a couple of Shetland ponies that they had tied up on the other side of the vehicle they
were sitting behind started making some noise when they got up to see what all the commotion
was about. They saw the usually calm ponies because these are like the ponies that you
do take your kids to get a pony ride. They're usually pretty. What's the word I'm looking
for? Pretty calm. Suicidal. That's the one. That's it. They saw that these usually calm
ponies slash suicidal ponies were just like going ape shit. Like their eyes were rolling
in terror. They were tugging on the ropes. Like, we want to die, but not like this. Exactly.
No, that's exactly. They wanted to go out on their own terms. It's not how they wanted
to go out. So the men looked for what it was that would like be causing the ponies to act
this way. And that's when they noticed what they described as an eight foot, 400 pound
white bigfoot man just calmly watching the ponies. He was just checking them out. The
men took off running for help. And about an hour later, while the other men were so was
Glenn Beck pretty much about another about an hour later, as the other men were like
running for help, another carny who I don't know his name, I'm going to assume is fucking
Bisco Bob or sticky, sticky Pete skids. We'll go skid. He claimed that he saw the creature
just he was like still watching the ponies, but like with its head cocked to the side,
like it was confused or trying to figure out just like what the fuck a pony is kind of
thing. And as far as we know, this was the last eyewitness report of the creature with
the few exceptions of like a few one offs here and there over the years, but nothing
like really exciting. Now, after this, after the card, he saw this. There were more on
posse's just fucking strolling the park at night, which is, of course, yeah, there was
bigfoot hunters like Harkin Sorkin, crypto zoologists went to investigate like Lauren
Coleman, the guy who runs the crypto museum up in Portland, Maine. Also, I think he coined
the term Bridgewater Triangle like he's OK. He went there and like try to figure out.
He sent us a very nasty email when my podcast covered the Bridgewater Triangle. Oh, is it
because you use the term Bridgewater Triangle and he is very litigious about that? No, it's
because we made fun of him a lot and didn't cite his stupid YouTube channel. Yeah, no,
he's he's kind of a dickhead. So fuck that guy. And I don't care if anyone hears this,
but you're not the first person I know who has run afoul of him. And because he. See,
I'm doing the thing I did on the other. It's fine. It's fine. Let's move on. Let's move
on. The media obviously became a dissident, become like national news, like the fucking
pesco guala aliens or anything like that. But the media did come through and start writing
articles about all this. Yeah. But they all came to town doing their thing. And while
some of us interesting, I'm not going to cover any of that in this episode because this episode
is about one thing and one thing only. Asses. Abominable swamplocks. So, so anyway, Sarge,
you know, when he told me this episode was about asses, I thought we were talking about
a very different subject. No, no. Hey, it's all about fucking expect one thing. The old
bait and switch. Exactly. And you know what? You got me. You got me because I'm still here
and I'm in. Let's talk about this. Well, we can talk about it. But unfortunately, that
is the story of the abominable swamp slob known as the Murphy's Borrow Mud Monster.
The Murphy's Borrow Mud Monster. There needs to be a minor league baseball team out of
Murphy's Borrow. Oh, shit. We call the mud monsters. Yo, new merch drop was to collab.
It's going to be baseball. It's going to be. Yes. There needs to be baseball teams for
every cryptid I've been trying to do. I've been trying to do. I've been trying to get
the flat was monsters like. But I want to like the old baseball teams where it's like
the big swoopy like thing like the. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know. It's got to be the big. I don't
want a modern one. It's going to be flat was with the swoopy thing. And then inside this
thing is his monster. You mean like that kind of shit? Yeah, no, absolutely. Absolutely.
So who I'm all about this. Who do we got to talk about this audience? Comment on this
video and tell us what you want to see for for a baseball tee. But I love this idea.
I am. I'm such a nerd for minor league baseball teams as it is. I have I have I have a Toledo
Mud Hens tee. I'm so about this. Can't be a jersey. Has to be a baseball tee. Quarter
sleeves. Yeah, yeah. You know, and the color of the sleeves has to match whatever the monster
is. So flat was such a shitty. It's got to be such a shitty minor league team that they
can't afford the jersey. They just have the quarter length sleeves. Yes. Portland Seed
Oaks. There you go. Yeah. So Sarge, Murphy's Bro Mud Monster. That is a story. How we feeling
about it? Thoughts, questions. I do. I really want to be a skeptic. But at the same time,
I desperately want these things to be real, because I think there's nothing better than
for like people to just be living their normal lives. You know, they're worried about politics.
They're worried about inflation. And then a giant, stinky white monster is based on
politics and inflation. I can't help it. I want there to be some whimsy. I want there
to be weird shit that you can't control. I want there to be some crazy mud monster that's
just going to ruin the local election. For sure. But I want there to be a Trump rally
where Trump just gets taken out by Mothman. No, you know, like I want something to be
weird. I want I want there to be weird shit so that we can stop being dumb about stuff
like, oh, I'm so mad about trans rights and books that I got swears in them. And then,
you know, you change your mind because Bigfoot is trying to eat your daughter who's getting
finger blasted by Randy out in the Oldsmobile in a swamp. Like I the fact that there was
two Randys of the story and one of them wanted to fight a kid and the other one was just
a apparently a huge piece of shit, according to Judy's dad. I don't know what the fuck.
I don't know what Randy's problem was. But also, fuck Judy's dad. That boy was able
to afford a car. Right. He's doing fine in 1973. Yes. Small town Ohio, small town Illinois.
The kid could afford a car. Yeah. He had a girlfriend. I feel like he's crushing it.
Yeah. No, I want there to be cryptids because I want I want the world to be still weird.
We know too much about the world. I want we go digging around in the ocean. And every
time we find a crazy fish, we have a heart attack because we've learned too much. We
need to be afraid of things anyway. All right, Sarge. Well, that's the end of the episode.
Is there anything you want to plug before we sign off? You can find me on the Internet.
Just Google Sarge the Destroyer and you'll find all my socials on Instagram, TikTok.
I'm on I'm on Twitter. I'm not calling it X. If you call it X, that's your problem.
No. But I mostly I'm most active on TikTok and Instagram. So you can find me there. Hell
yeah. And if you want to find us on Instagram, it's at Crypto Cocktail. Find me on TikTok
Crypto Cocktail Party. It's not as exciting as Sarge's. So definitely follow him before
you follow us. It's we're all exciting in our own way. Sure. I also got a Patreon. If
you want to support the show, it's five dollars a month. You don't get any bonuses because
I don't have the money to give you bonuses, but it does help support the show. Hosting
the show, hosting and beer isn't free. So, you know, anything else? And we drink a lot
of cocktails on the show. Exactly. And then I think that's I got a Discord server. It's
you can join it. It's whatever it is. Like no one's in it. No one talks in it. It's very
desolate and lonely. But yeah, that's it. And with that, Sarge, do you want to say goodbye
to the audience? Hey, thank you for listening to this and believe in cryptids because reality
is crushing and terrifying. I love you.