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We're not scared of anything.
Are you?
Most animals can't just suck off other animals, Colby.
Monkeys do.
Oh, that they do, buddy, that they do.
I ruined.
That's just how good you are at puns.
But anyways, hey, everybody, welcome back to another episode of Cryptic Cocktail Party,
a show where we have a few drinks, share a few laughs, take a dive into the unknown.
I'm your host, Dave.
And as you can probably guess by now, I'm joined by fan favorite, Colby Clark.
How's it going, buddy?
Hello, everybody.
That's the enthusiasm I wanted you to bring.
I'm so excited for this.
Yeah, Colby, I got a doozy for you today.
Awesome.
I was hoping.
You were hoping it was going to be a good one?
Yeah.
I mean, yeah, the back of my mind, I was like, maybe it's just going to be like, but there's
no way this is Dave.
We're talking about I only bring you around when it's like the big guns, the heavy hitters.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
When we have things to discuss.
Exactly.
But how was your day?
I know you went antiquing Applebee's made candles.
I think I reached the pinnacle.
I think I reached the peak.
Yeah, antiquing Applebee's and candle making.
It really.
It doesn't get much better than that, buddy.
I'm not going to lie.
That sounds like a pretty great Sunday.
It was a good time.
Yeah, it was a good time.
How did the candles come out?
And then here we are.
Did the candles come out fine?
They're, I was going to say drying.
We're waiting.
We're waiting to see what happens.
Yeah, we went.
It was our first time and we'll see.
You know, there's always a little testing period.
It's a learning curve with anything you make.
You don't just dive into candle making.
No, I wouldn't.
I wouldn't recommend it.
But you didn't make like the soup, like what I say, motor oil and, you know, like, like
really manly scented candles.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Smoked brisket.
If you're working on your truck and, you know, go barbecue going, you know, there's, I mean,
those are good smells.
There's got to be a niche market for that somewhere.
Right.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's out there.
No, we went with, we did three cents in one.
We combined cinnamon, apple and vanilla.
No, no, no, no, no.
We took the vanilla out and we did oatmeal, oatmeal cookie.
All right.
Something like that.
Just some really good fall winter scents.
Yeah, I just wanted to take a big gulp of it, you know?
Yeah, too bad it's fucking the middle of November and it's fucking seventy five degrees outside.
It's not, it's fine.
Yeah, the world's not burning.
And I use my esophagus for stuff, so I shouldn't fill it with candle.
No, it's fine.
Yeah, no, I'm glad you're doing good.
I miss you, buddy.
I'm glad to have you back.
It's been a minute since you've been on the show.
It has been a minute.
I'm trying to remember the last one you were on.
Was it the Spectre Goat Moose?
Was it the moose?
It was the last time.
Couldn't have been.
No, we didn't want to after that because that was the double header, right?
The moose?
No, no, no.
Yes, you're right.
No, that was the that was the most recent one.
Yes.
Well, this one's a little bit more fucked up than a ghost moose.
So OK, ghost moose.
Yeah.
I'm drinking this Francis Ford Coppola Frankenstein wine and it's already going to my head.
It's fantastic.
Yeah.
It's six o'clock on a Sunday night, but whatever.
That's no, that's good stuff.
Other than the Frankenstein wine, how have you been?
Oh, man.
No guest ever asked me that.
I'm good.
That's the saddest thing I've ever heard.
No, it's good.
The past few weeks have been crazy.
Went to Vegas a couple of weeks ago for when we were young and also to celebrate the wife
and I's anniversary, which was shortly after yours.
So congratulations on you.
Thank you.
Congratulations to you guys as well.
Yeah, it was cool.
Vegas sucks.
It's hot.
It's 180 degrees no matter where you go.
I got violently sick the second day I was there, not like throwing up, but like sore
throat fever, the whole thing.
So having a fever on top of like a hundred billion degrees was sucks.
But I got to drink beer on the streets.
Cool life hack anyone trying to visit Vegas.
Don't buy street.
Don't buy beers from the bars or like the six side shops.
Look for the dudes who just have a cooler on the side of the street who are just selling
loose beers and you really pay them with cash app.
Because, yeah, dude, absolutely.
They're amazing.
It's the hole in the wall of drinking on the streets.
Yeah.
And it's like ten dollars cheaper.
It's wild.
It's good.
Yeah.
But it's fantastic.
I mean, support the mom and pop jobs.
Small businesses, guys.
Small businesses.
It's a different time.
That sounds awesome.
I've never.
No, we when we're in Florida, you can kind of walk around a little bit.
Yeah, but this is like you can get violently drunk on the streets in Vegas.
You're not that fuck.
It's a lawless place.
It really is.
It needs to be cleansed with fire.
It's the only way.
Well, I mean, the desert's already encroaching in on it.
Well, it's not really encroaching.
They built it right in the middle of the desert.
So it is what it is.
Mother took it upon herself.
Fuck.
All right, Colby.
Well, speaking of vacations, you're a pasty boy.
Top notch.
And I say that because I got to warn you, we're going we're going a little we're going somewhere
tropical.
Oh.
All right.
So we need to get your swim trunks ready and you get some SPF like one hundred and eighty.
I don't want you much.
They got.
Yeah.
Flops.
We're going to be on the sands.
I only wear that coffin three thousand.
You know what I'm saying?
You seem like the kind of kid who wore a sun shirt when they were younger.
A sun shirt.
Yeah, like right.
But no, we're going to go to Puerto Rico.
Oh, are you excited?
Yeah.
I heard it's beautiful.
I'm excited to go anywhere.
I never been.
Well, Puerto Rico, home to some of the most amazing beaches, beautiful nature reserves,
delicious foods and hands down some of the best rum you'll ever drink.
I work with a bunch of Puerto Ricans and during like Christmas parties and stuff like that,
they'll bring like Puerto Rican rum.
It'll fucking ruin your life, but it's so goddamn good.
Oh, I bet.
Sounds amazing.
Puerto Rico has a very rich culture spanning several centuries.
It's rich in art, music, history.
It's even home to three of the world's five bioluminescent bays.
Are you familiar with those?
Yeah, I know the term Bay, you know.
So the bioluminescent bays, they have this algae that when it's disturbed, it glows like
bioluminescence.
So you like run your hand in the water and it glows blue.
I feel like I didn't say that right, but I said that right, right?
Glows blue like radiation, like I'm going to glow blue after I go in there.
Well, it's home to three out of the world's five of those.
And one of those bays was officially declared the brightest by Guinness Book of World Records
in 2008.
So that's pretty awesome.
And the best part is, Colby, we don't even need our passports to go there.
It's part of America.
Yeah, it's that's yeah.
So if you're American anyways, it's been a U.S. territory since 1917 after the Spanish
ceded the island to the U.S. after the Spanish-American War in 1898.
OK, yeah.
So this is why I come here.
It's for the knowledge, right?
It's for the history.
I want you guys, I want everyone listening, including the guests, to learn a little bit
of something that is actually factual, because after the intro to the episode, it's it's
iffy.
Yeah, it's you know, it's up for grabs.
Yeah.
But what if I told you, Colby, that hidden away behind the beautiful beaches, the rum,
the shiny exterior of the popular tourist destinations hides a creature so mysterious,
so terrifying, so evil that it gripped an entire nation in fear and evil not bound by
borders but has been spotted and blamed for the deaths of thousands of animals all across
Central America and even as far north as the American Southwest.
That creature is known only by one name, which roughly translated from its native Spanish
means the goat sucker or more famously, the chupacabra.
Oh, OK.
All right.
I told you we got a good one.
The creature.
Cool.
Yeah.
Now, you're not a cryptist guy, but you're familiar with.
The chupacabra, obviously, right?
Right.
It's it's easily one of the top.
Cryptids in the world, like right up there with like Bigfoot, the Mothman, you know what
I mean?
Right.
You've been on the show where I've said a cryptid and you actually knew the name of
it.
This is true.
That's the one that I've been on.
Yeah.
Now, you know, the chupacabra has been featured in TV shows and movies like the Jackie Chan
Adventures, the X-Files and Workaholics all the way to trading card games like Magic the
Gathering and Metazoo.
I mean, like I said, you weren't even a cryptist guy and I 100 percent know that you have heard
of it.
But the reverence we have for the chupacabra wasn't always what it was.
Like we didn't celebrate it the way we do in pop culture today.
It presented a real fear and created real hardship for those who have seen it or witnessed
the aftermath of its presence.
So with that all out of the way, are you ready to learn about El Chupacabra?
Very much so.
See, you sound excited.
I'm this is cool.
I love learning.
So stories of the chupacabra date back decades, maybe even centuries, according to ancient
petroglyphs that were found in caves, but put there by the native Taino people dating
back as far as the year 25.
But for the sake of time, I'm going to kind of yada yada yada and say that in my opinion,
the real story of the chupacabra began in 1975 with the Vampire of Mocha when on February
25th of that year, a Puerto Rican newspaper started reporting on mysterious and gruesome
animal deaths in the town of Mocha.
Now according to reports, 15 cows, three goats, two geese and a pig were found dead with small
puncture wounds on their body as if someone or something had inserted a sharp object into
the site.
Kind of like vampire fangs.
Later autopsies were performed on the animals determined that all of them have been drained
of their blood.
Every last drop.
Even with knowing this fact, the police still decided, eh, probably a dog.
Dog probably did that.
You know how, yeah, yeah, they just said dog.
Yeah.
You know how dogs famously have lips and are able to suck shit out?
Right.
Yeah.
All of it.
Yeah.
All the liquid.
And attacks like this continued for months.
By March 7th, it had already killed 30 animals in this manner.
By March 15th, a farmer had lost 34 chickens.
April 2nd, the vampire creature had branched out and was attacking all over Puerto Rico
when eight goats and a dozen rabbits were found dead.
And it all culminated on June 25th when 25 farm animals were found dead, drained of blood
and no sign of the mysterious creature responsible for these crimes.
People did report seeing UFOs during this time, as well as some like weird ass bird
causing Betty to think that the vampire of Mocha and the Chupacabra were two completely
different things.
But Colby, in my professional opinion, and that's as a professional podcaster, not as
a cryptozoologist, I think that there it's the same thing.
It's pretty similar.
What do you feel right now?
I disagree.
That was my cousin.
He was, he actually didn't eat enough that year.
He's got real thin.
He's real anemic.
That's my cousin Mocha.
It sounds just like a reckless, reckless behavior.
He's going to get us all found out.
Yeah, it could be.
It could be.
I also wanted Dracula, a Dracula this year for Halloween.
I thought that was just the role of a lifetime for me.
A Dracula, not the Dracula.
No, no, no, just like a.
I don't think that's how that works.
I think there's the.
It makes it funner though.
But also that means that you actually went as vampire Watsky for Halloween.
Unbeknownst to you.
Yes, unbeknownst.
Right.
Yeah.
I also thought that it was a smart idea to put stage blood in my mouth before going on
for our set.
And then I didn't really know what to do with it.
I was just like kind of gargling a little bit.
And then I just like spit it out halfway.
That's pretty bad.
And then it was cool at the time.
But then I read.
Yeah, but nobody was really at that level.
I thought that, you know, read the room, Dracula.
And then I read the bottle and I said, don't put in eyes in eyes or mouth.
Oh, yeah, you got to get those capsule things.
I got pretty sore throat the other day.
OK, moving on, Colby.
Now, after those July 1975 deaths, the vampire seemed to kind of just stop.
No more reported deaths and everything just kind of went back to normal.
That is until the mid 90s when a rash of animal mutilation spread across Puerto Rico like
wildfire.
Now, in 1995, the first reports of the chupacabra came out of kind of kind of on us.
I think I'm pronouncing that right.
Kind of honest, Puerto Rico, when eight domesticated sheep had been found dead, their blood drained
and two small puncture wounds were found in their chest where the supposed creature latched
on and sucked its victim dry.
Even stranger is that when the vet examined the carcasses of the animals nearly 12 hours
later, none of them showed any signs of rigor mortis.
Do you know rigor mortis is kind of just blankly staring at me?
Yeah, it's when it's when you die, your body goes into a state of like stiffness.
It's like light as a feather, stiff as a board, but without the light as a feather part.
Right.
Now, authorities not really knowing what's also a song by Kendrick Lamar.
Okay.
I know you don't know him very well.
That is my Taylor Swift post.
Yeah, I do.
Taylor Swift is going to have Kendrick Lamar is going to be a household name once that fucking
song blows up.
I'm telling you now.
I mean, it came out like nine years ago.
He's not not really knowing what the fuck is going on.
And this is like 20 years removed from the mocha vampire killings.
They just shrugged and again were like, I don't know, Fox did it.
It had to be a fox.
Foxes like a just like a mean one notoriously violent foxes.
Now by a majestic and violent nature, by April of 1996, the creature managed to suck off
over 2000 animals in the area, including chickens, cows, rabbits, dogs and his personal favorite
animal, the one that gave it its namesake, the goat.
What's so funny, Colby?
Why you what?
Impeccable phrasing, I would say.
I wanted to gloss over and just see if you catch it.
You did.
I'm proud of you.
Now, obviously, the idea of an unknown animal going around murdering animals will put anyone
on edge.
Farm guards were stationed around farms.
Kids weren't allowed to walk to school alone.
And some people just straight up left their homes.
No one knew what this thing looked like.
And they wanted to kind of put a name to the face, which made it even more terrifying not
knowing what it looked like, just that it was going around fucking sucking off your
cows.
Yeah.
And but that would come sooner than later when Madeline Tolentino and her mother saw
the creature just chilling on the sidewalk in front of their house.
I don't know what it was doing.
They made it sound like it was just waiting for a newber.
Like it was just like sitting there racing.
You guys know which way the Ford dealership is?
Yeah.
So the way she described it was, quote, it looked like a kangaroo without a tail, walking
on its hind legs like a human, end quote.
But it had two little arms, almost like a T-Rex with three fingers and three toes.
Its eyes were big and black and all the went all the way up to its temples.
Kind of like a, you know, like the gray aliens, like picture an alien, you know, talking about
right now.
No ears, just little tiny holes where its nose should be.
And it had spikes all along its spine.
But that wasn't her only encounter with the Chupahabra.
A little while later, she would discover, discover the creature in her garage.
And her husband and one of his coworkers tried to tackle the creature, but were ultimately
unsuccessful.
First of all, fuck that, dude.
If I saw a five foot tall lizard kangaroo with spikes on it, would you be tackling it?
I wouldn't.
If I was a braver man, maybe.
That guy's got some balls.
Right, dude?
Holy shit.
Fuck that.
Now, the encounter prompted her to draw a sketch of what she saw and share it with the
local news, which quickly spread and caused a whole slew of people to come forward with
their encounters with this monstrosity.
Now, there have been some discrepancies over the years about what this thing actually looks
like.
Some say it stands on two legs.
Others say four.
Some say that it's three, three to maybe five feet tall.
Some say it's got big old bat wings.
Others say it's got spikes on it or just like a really pronounced spine.
And some, sometimes it's all three.
Some say it's got big black eyes.
Others say large red glowing eyes.
But one thing that they can all agree on is that it's scaly.
It's got sharp claws and it smells like sulfur.
Just farts all day.
That's sulfur, right?
I have no idea.
Yeah.
The spawn of Satan.
It's all bad.
Essentially.
Yeah.
Well, she did say, so this lady did say to her mother that she saw, quote, the devil
hurt, devil himself.
So it is, that's how terrifying it is.
Is the devil from down under.
That's Australia.
Yeah.
We're in Puerto Rico.
I mean, I'm getting a real kangaroo vibe here.
chupacabra and the news of the animal exploded even further across Latin America with alleged
Am I not?
That's because I said the word kangaroo.
You did?
I did.
No.
Subliminal messaging.
sightings and attacks popping up all over Central America, South America, Mexico, Florida,
and the American Southwest attacks and sightings while becoming less frequent and not on such
a massive scale did continue well up into the two thousands.
People reported spotting the chupacabra to this day.
There's like a shit ton of videos and pictures and shit all over YouTube, TikTok, Instagram.
And while some of them are kind of cool and I'm sure you've seen some of them in passing,
I would assume.
I don't know if you're a TikTok guy.
Maybe not yet.
Not yet.
That's that's where I'm getting old, but well, either way, they if you've seen any of these,
they don't really match that original 1995 description that I gave earlier, which I guess
brings me to a question that you're probably asking yourself.
What is the chupacabra?
Yeah.
Is it?
Is it a blood sucking vampire?
Hmm.
That is reptilian and T-Rex kangarooish.
You sounded so defeated asking that question.
Because it's mind boggling.
I don't know what to like the information that I thought I had in the chupacabra.
And then what you've presented make it like so many different things that I wouldn't think
would meld into one thing.
All right.
Well, before I go into the possibilities of what a chupacabra could be, what was your
preconceived notion of what a chupacabra was?
I guess I was envisioning almost like like a scary little gerbil that like if you don't
feed, you know, before midnight or something, you know, talking about a mogwai, you fool.
Yeah.
Mostly gerbils is like a like a an exorcist gerbil gerbil that's in dire need of an exorcism
mixed with like a kangaroo and something, you know, southwest ish.
Are you just basing what your preconceived notion was off of the things that I said to
you five minutes ago?
No, because then you added scales and the devil and sucking blood.
Like and and fuck.
Yeah.
Well, let's I'm just I have no clue now.
All right.
Well, as far as the more recent side needs go, and I'm sure some people won't like this
answer or will disagree with me.
But as far as what people are showing pictures and videos and stuff of now, even from the
early 2000s, those are just dogs, coyotes and sometimes even bears with mange.
Now, for those of you that don't know what mange is, mange is caused by a mite that burrows
under the skin of an animal, causing complete hair loss, skin discoloration.
And it's super itchy and painful, which causes like open sores and bleeding on the animal.
And it's super sad.
And while it is super unnerving to see a wild animal with no fur, black and cracking skin
with sharp teeth, most people don't automatically think mange dog.
They think, oh, fuck, it's a monster.
You know, I mean, yeah, yeah.
OK.
As we've discussed several times on this show, what do people do when they see something
they don't fully understand, especially here in America?
Shoot it.
They fucking kill it.
No throw rocks at it.
Many people have tackled in your garage.
Many people have claimed to have shot and killed a chupacabra only to find out that
surprise surprise.
It wasn't a blood sucking monster, but just a poor animal suffering from mange.
Sometimes it's a hybrid coyote wolf mixture, dogs, whatever.
So that's cool.
Fun, fun fact.
Scabies is a type of mange.
And if if mange is all you need to be a chupacabra.
Well, Colby, I've had I've been a chupacabra twice because really?
Yeah, I got.
Yeah.
Dang.
I hang out a lot of punk houses.
Well, yeah.
That's what I call my pinch of dirt.
What the fuck?
It strengthens you, you know, for the rest of your life, you're set.
You're probably never going to get sick.
You know, that's not how that works.
Well, if a pinch of dirt or strength in your immune system, how about a couple of handfuls
of the dirtiest people on Earth?
Myself.
But but what else could the chupacabra be?
I mean, it's got to be something.
I mean, right.
That makes sense is like I see that you're proposing that possibility.
So logically, that totally makes sense is, oh, this may be what it was misconceived as.
Yeah, it's definitely been misidentified a bunch of times as mange dogs.
There's a lady who there's some lady who fucking killed the chupacabra, quote unquote, and
she like sent its DNA off to like four different labs and it all came back.
We don't have anything in the system based off this.
And so she's like, it's got to be a chupacabra.
And then someone else tested it and found out that it's a mixture of coyote and wolf
DNA.
That's why no other lab had it on file.
So it's just the waters are really muddy when it comes to the chupa.
Yeah.
Chupacabra.
The labs are always really just the nicest dogs, you know, just they just love, love,
love.
Sometimes I hate it here, Colby.
All right.
So what else could it be?
Some say it's a it's extraterrestrial in nature.
During the mocha vampire attacks in the 1970s, people claimed to have spotted UFOs in the
area as well as during the rash of attacks in the 90s.
What's even weirder, though, is that in the U.S., we were kind of having our own cattle
mutilation problem that also had an explosion in the 1970s, actually 1975, and then starting
back up again in coincidentally 1995, where cattle and livestock were discovered with
eyes, tongue, skin and even reproductive organs being removed with surgical precision.
There's no trace of blood to be found, no tracks leading up to the animals and even
scavengers would avoid the dead animals.
So some pretty weird, weird shit.
Could it be connected?
I don't know.
Sure.
Right.
Fine.
Right.
It could be.
Other theories suggest that it was a government experiment that somehow escaped from Fort
Buchanan, which is a U.S. military base located less than 40 minutes from Canavanas, where
this whole thing pretty much started in 1995.
Why the government would create something like this is beyond me.
But hey, it's not my theory.
So whatever.
And why go to such extremes to make it some like covert mission?
You think you could just like order that in and do some tests?
You don't get to like circumnavigate a farm in the middle of the night with no tracks.
What's the point of it?
I don't know.
It makes it more fun.
We got money to spend.
Who knows?
Yeah.
But speaking of labs and also speaking of things being shipped in to be tested on,
another explanation is monkeys.
Oh, monkeys are at it again.
There was a massive population of rhesus monkeys in Puerto Rico that were being used for blood
experiments.
Some people think that a troop of them may have escaped.
And while they may not have been responsible for the attacks, as far as I know, monkeys
don't just suck blood.
They will kill other monkeys and eat their brains.
It's pretty fucked up.
But they could be responsible for the sightings as monkeys do sometimes stand on their back
legs and it looks goofy as fuck.
I don't think I've ever seen a monkey stand.
It's weird and I don't like it.
Yeah.
I've probably seen a monkey stand.
Right.
I hope so.
You know, what's fun?
You never lost like funny monkey videos on like YouTube or Vine or something.
Absolutely.
Monkeys are awesome.
They are pretty good.
So you're telling me that there was a troop of scientists monkeys.
Now when I say troop, I don't mean like a theater troop or like an army troop.
Just a bunch.
A bunch of monkeys.
They didn't start a commission.
No.
And had documentation and they, you know, one of them wore glasses.
It wasn't Planet of the Apes.
Like they weren't like filled with super.
Actually, I don't know.
I don't know the full story of it because some people just put theories out there with
no explanation.
Could it be this?
Sure.
And then I think that's great because yes, there's logical and then there's like, oh,
but you know, what if it was the craziest thing?
Right.
Yeah.
You got to have a full spectrum.
Absolutely.
I get it.
Now, Colby, whatever the troop of copper is, monkey, kangaroo, alien, as far as I can tell,
it hasn't attacked any humans.
So that's kind of a plus.
But the fear it caused in the people and communities are ravaged was and is still very real.
Maybe not fear for their lives type fear, but fear for their animals.
Because for some of these people, their livestock is how they make their money.
And also this thing was also eating pets.
I don't know if I mentioned this, but it was like dogs, cats.
It was fucking everyone's lives up.
So these people, pets are like family.
So I get it.
I will say, Colby, that I do believe there is something to the attacks in the seventies
and the nineties just because the description that that lady gave is so fucking out of pocket
and all the weird shit that was also going around at the time.
Yeah.
That I do believe there might be something to it.
These modern sightings, anything from like two thousands on, I don't think it's real
just because the original description and what they're describing now and what they're
showing a video is clearly some type of canine.
There's no way around it.
And so that I don't buy.
But hey, I'm not here to sway like anyone's beliefs or opinions.
But I mean, come on.
Come on.
That's that's the whole thesis paper.
It just is.
Come on.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, they have a very condensed version of the story of the Chupacabra.
I kind of breeze through this like really fast because there's a lot to get through.
But I hope it made sense and I hope everyone listening enjoyed it.
But Colby, I want to get your opinion on this story.
All right.
You you have the floor.
Tell me what you think.
Ask me any questions.
I'll try to answer the best I can.
I think that probably similar to a lot of different stories of cryptids.
You know, there was it's a convoluted sort of thing.
There's a lot of layers to it, right?
That could have been two different things, two different beings.
Part of it could have been, you know, an actual logical thing, you know, such as, you know,
mange and yeah, but the mange I feel like is coyote or something.
The mange is more I think the modern things.
Mange does not cause animals to sprout bat wings, spines and bulbous fucking eyes.
You know what I mean?
Right.
Well, it's one piece of it that can be legitimized.
Yeah.
Right.
So so I get that.
And that's ultimately what you're trying to do is see how many things you can legitimize
and then you take in as much statistics as you can from different sightings and see what
things match up.
So I bet you it was a bunch of different things throughout all of these stories.
Probably some of them.
Yeah, there's absolutely zero explanation for and then some of them, there's probably
more of an explanation that falls in line with something that's realistic.
But yeah, dude, I don't fucking know.
You know, you know, it's not going to figure this out today, though.
You and I probably.
Yeah, probably not.
I don't think we're going to do it.
But uh, but would you?
It was a good story though.
Right.
It was fun.
It's it's fantastic.
I learned something.
I learned a bunch of things geographical, how to use fear as a tactic to control the population.
I heard a little tidbit about my cousin.
Yeah, well, he's doing well.
Yeah, it wasn't the vampire named Mocha.
It was a vampire of Mocha.
Like it was the where it was.
It wasn't the person didn't name the vampire Mocha.
Oh, well, no, it's fine.
Uh, but yeah, Colby, I think we've we uh, I think we solved it.
I think that it's nowadays is dog with mange.
I think the Chupacabra is in fact real.
I think because it seems like holy shit.
All right.
So there was.
Did you just figure it out?
Well, listen.
So the Chupacabra.
So listen, shut up, Colby.
So the Chupacabra in nineteen seventy five cattle mutilations in America, nineteen seventy
five Chupacabra in nineteen ninety five cattle mutilations.
Nineteen ninety five.
I don't know what happened in 2015.
There could have been fucking way more Chupacabras and way more cattle mutilations.
Like what if it's like an every 20 year thing?
Like what if it's like what if it's like fucking Pennywise from it?
And just or what if it's exponential?
Like what if it's like nineteen seventy five to nineteen ninety five?
But that's going to be twenty twenty five, like add an extra 10 years.
Right.
Yeah.
What if it's like he just stuck in this constant loop of just spawning here in this dimension
every 25 years.
And it's like, really?
What if they just fucking?
There was a theory that the Chupacabra was a like a pet of an alien and it got like a
fucking dog.
That's good.
We got to end this.
It's fucking 40 minutes now.
We're going to talk about.
But I think we did a good job.
We should have a part two.
We should have part two.
We'll do.
We could do a part two later.
Dave, can I tell you something?
What's up?
You're my Chupacabra.
Say it back.
You're my Chupacabra.
Thanks, bud.
All right, Colby, do you want to plug anything?
You got your band, you got any shows coming up?
What do you got?
Yeah, we got a show at Charlie's Hill in Laos, Lebanon.
Lebanon, Maine, not the country.
Yes.
Now we're going to travel to the country of Lebanon for a show called Homie Fest 3.
Our boy, Han, set it up.
No, that's next weekend, November 11th.
We got invited by the homes and stand abandoned.
We played with them.
Charlie's Hill last month, month before.
It's a blast.
Colby, so much fun.
No one wants to know the first.
You got a show.
Lebanon Homie Fest.
First of all.
Yeah.
You're bad at promoting.
Right.
Lent is last light is our band.
We got a single out.
We're coming out with another one.
What's the name of the thing?
As you know, oh, the the past single was Maki Hiki Kamaha.
OK, yeah.
And the next one, you know, to be determined, I don't want to spoil anything.
Fuck, dude, this wine is killing me.
I'm fucking silly as shit right now.
We got to end this.
I love this.
on Instagram at...
Lynch's Last Light.
Any.
Follow them on Spotify at Lynch's Last Light.
Give them a listen.
They're pretty good.
If you like, you know, like metalcore,
I don't know what bands you would, you know,
I have no idea what bands to compare them to.
I'd say like, Not Clues, Boundaries-esque.
Not even close, Colby.
Trying to be, you know, big.
Those are bands that you're inspired by.
Very much so.
They do not sound like, you do not sound like that.
But what we sound like, I still haven't figured it out.
It's weird. It's good.
I guess it's good.
Hell yeah.
All right. Follow me on Instagram at Crypto Cocktail.
Follow me on Twitter at Crypto Cocktail.
Follow me on TikTok at Crypto Cocktail Party.
Follow me on YouTube at Crypto Cocktail Party
because I now have, I've been doing shorts, I guess.
I don't know.
I don't know what it is, but it's fine.
People seem to kind of like them.
It's just me reposting things from TikTok onto shorts.
So it's whatever.
Hell yeah.
Yeah. But yeah, with that,
I guess it's the end of the episode.
Colby, do you want to say goodbye to everyone?
Yeah. See you later, everybody.
Bye.