1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,760 Find other great podcasts like this one at podmoth.network 2 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:40,000 Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode of Cryptid Cocktail Party, a show where we have a few drinks, share a few laughs, take a dive into the unknown. 3 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:45,000 I'm your host Dave and today I'm joined by good friend Jamie Hurley. How's it going, bud? 4 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:47,000 I'm hanging in there, brother. How about you? 5 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:57,000 I'm doing alright. It's been a couple months, but I'm feeling good. I know you've had a rough couple months as well. 6 00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:05,000 Yeah, it's been a couple six months for me. It's been one kick in the pants after the other. 7 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:08,000 Oh yeah, we both got our cars stolen around the same time. 8 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,000 How does that happen? 9 00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:19,000 I don't know. And yours is even a wilder story than mine. Mine was because of a TikTok trend. Yours is because of a disgruntled employee I'm suing from a fucking insurance company. 10 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:29,000 Yeah, my insurance company's tow guy stole my car and then did God knows what with it out in Manchester. 11 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:36,000 They cut me a $6,000 check. So that's all I can. And I got the car back. So I'm happy. 12 00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:38,000 Oh, so you got the car back and money? 13 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:39,000 Oh, I got the car back. 14 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,000 Is that like hush money? Like, hey, listen. 15 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:51,000 Yeah, the car was jacked up. That's like all scratched up. They stole everything from the inside that wasn't bolted down. 16 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:55,000 Which is most of the car. So I mean, you got lucky there. 17 00:01:55,000 --> 00:02:07,000 Yeah. So, yeah, I got it back and they basically like, oh, wow, we really screwed up. 18 00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:18,000 I mean, I've watched that show on the Discovery Channel about tow truck drivers. They're not like the most wholesome dudes. 19 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:25,000 I won't get into all the details about the guy who came to pick up mine. I've worked with a lot of great people in my life. 20 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:28,000 A bunch of my good friends own auto body shops. 21 00:02:28,000 --> 00:02:31,000 No, you disparage the fuck out of them, bro. Fucking call them out. 22 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:37,000 I can't even disparage them. I don't even know what their name is. A guy showed up with an unnamed truck. 23 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:43,000 Dude, what if it wasn't even from the insurance company? What if just some dude was like, I'm going to test this out. 24 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:47,000 And you're like the first mark. He's like, yeah, I'm from the insurance company. 25 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:52,000 Yeah. It honestly could have happened. 26 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:55,000 You got suckered like an old lady on a telescam. 27 00:02:55,000 --> 00:03:05,000 Seriously, he said he didn't speak English, but what he didn't know was that I speak a little bit of Spanish and I heard him saying some sketchy stuff. 28 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:13,000 And, you know, I love my Latino friends and Latina friends and everything. 29 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,000 But it's like, you know, he was he was honest. 30 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:25,000 So when you follow that up with, but I was I thought you're going to be like, but you're a bunch of shady motherfuckers. Whoa, you can't say that on the show. 31 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:32,000 No, it's it was just I literally told my wife and you can ask her. 32 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:37,000 I was like, I don't think that my car is going to show up at my friend's garage. 33 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:46,000 And just based on the couple things that I picked up, you know, while it didn't. And he called me a couple hours later and was like, did you pick up your car? 34 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:49,000 Do something else? And I was like, no, cars gone. 35 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:57,000 You just got stolen from your driveway. I woke up to go to work and was just like, huh, that's that's not I didn't. 36 00:03:57,000 --> 00:04:02,000 Anyways, you got it. You got it back, though, too, right? Oh, no, it's totaled. 37 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:06,000 Oh, it was total. Yeah, I had to get a new car. I got a Chevy Spark, a little tiny fuck. 38 00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:11,000 Oh, well, at least you get that. Yeah, it was a pain in the ass to try and get a new car with my credit. 39 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:15,000 Let me tell you what, boy, I had to go through Carvana because they were the only ones that would accept it. 40 00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:18,000 Oh, God, that's fine. I got it. You ever need help? It's a twenty twenty. 41 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:22,000 I'm only paying like two ninety a month, which is more than what I would like to pay. 42 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:27,000 But it is what it is. Anyways, Jamie, I got one question for you. 43 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:34,000 What's that? Are you are you a cryptids guy? I am and I'm not. 44 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:39,000 I elaborate. I I appreciate it. 45 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:44,000 I love a good conspiracy theory. I love a good, like, spooky, you know, 46 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:48,000 theory about some crazy stuff. Who doesn't? 47 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:51,000 I've had weird stuff happen to me. 48 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:56,000 I've been to the Museum of Cryptozoology multiple times up in Portland, Maine. 49 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:59,000 Oh, yeah, dude. That place is fun. So, look, yeah. 50 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:09,000 I mean, I I enjoy myself with it, but I do not take is such a deep, deep dive as some people do. 51 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:13,000 I say so you're open to the idea of cryptids. 52 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:19,000 You're just not someone who goes out searching for like you're not going to sit there and be like, I'm going to Google everything about this one thing real quick. 53 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:24,000 Oh, no. But if I see something with like red eyes looking at me through the woods, 54 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:31,000 I'm like, it's either the cops or some animal. I don't know. Doesn't exist. 55 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:36,000 I like that the cops have the same retinal reflection as a black bear. 56 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:46,000 I mean, they are, but they are both very dangerous predators. But the funny thing is where I live now, all my neighbors have game cameras and stuff out in their backyards and everything. 57 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:52,000 So it's like, look, because we we get bears like wandering through from all the you know, 58 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:56,000 you used to live out in this area. Yeah, but I lived in like I lived in downtown. 59 00:05:56,000 --> 00:06:02,000 It's so dude, it's I'm three minutes from where you were. And they have cut down. 60 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:06,000 They have cut down so much stuff. Also, they're all just wiped out the wildlife. 61 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:13,000 So we got bears, deer, turkeys, like bobcats, everything walking through here now. 62 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:19,000 Well, Jamie, I love that you brought up the fact that people are cutting down trees and the fact that you look like a fucking lumberjack right now, 63 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:27,000 because today I'm going to tell you about some I don't know how we're going to get some fearsome creatures of the lumber woods. 64 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:32,000 Are you ready for this? I love it. I want to hear it. It's very fitting. 65 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:37,000 All of this is coming together perfectly. Awesome. What were you going to ask? What's up? 66 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:44,000 What's the lumber woods? Just, you know, you talking about the woods in general where they're felling trees and stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 67 00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:48,000 I'm going to get into it right now, baby. I got a whole script ready for you. All right, I'm ready. 68 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:55,000 So feel feel free to if you have any questions or comments or if you want to just poke fun at anything I say, feel free to jump right in. 69 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,000 But, you know, I'll do that. All right. 70 00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:06,000 So Fearsome Creatures of the Lumberwoods is a 1910 book slash fantasy field guide that was written by William Thomas Cox, who, fun fact, 71 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:11,000 was Minnesota's first state forester and commissioner of conservation. 72 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:19,000 The book details the North American folklore and the tall tale animals that lumberjacks and outdoorsmen would tell at their logging camps. 73 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:28,000 It's either like as a means to pass the time, hazing those that were new to the jobs or cautionary tales to those who might try and wander away from camp alone at night. 74 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:35,000 Most stories were used jokingly, while others were used to explain away mysterious disappearances or like unexplained phenomena. 75 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:39,000 And that's what I'm going to tell you about today. And I chose four of the best ones to share with you. 76 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:42,000 So are you ready to hear these? 77 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:46,000 I'm ready. And that's funny you bring that up because we didn't plan this at all. 78 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:59,000 I had no idea. And I was like, hey, they're clear cutting every single spot around here where you used to live, you know, to basically just gentrify it. 79 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:07,000 Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, can you really gentrify New Hampshire? It's pretty much. Oh, oh, yeah. It's pretty much as white and weird as it can get. 80 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:14,000 Yeah. It gets worse. Trust me. It gets worse. 81 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:23,000 But anyways, yeah. You ready for this? You good? So the first the first fearsome critter that I want to tell you about today is called the Tripadero. 82 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:27,000 I'm assuming you're not familiar with this. I have not heard of the Tripadero. 83 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:39,000 All right. I'm mostly in the Foothill forests and I don't know if I'm pronouncing this right. The Chaperol, which according to Wikipedia is like a shrub and plant community type of biome thing in California. 84 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:46,000 OK. The Tripadera is said to have two telescopic legs that allows it to allows it to like adapt to its surroundings. 85 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:52,000 You know, you want to walk over all the shrubs. You want to hide behind small bushes. Fucking go go gadget legs, baby. 86 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:58,000 There you go. Fucking telescopic up and down. It can just extend and show you like says it wants. 87 00:08:58,000 --> 00:09:06,000 Now, it's also said to have the tail of a kangaroo and a body that, well, not very large, is very solidly built. 88 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:14,000 And as for its head, this thing is all snout, like just basically from front to back, just one big snout. 89 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:26,000 And according to the book, this feature allows it to hunt for food. Basically, what it will do is while it's walking around, it'll occasionally like telescope its body like above the brush for like a little reconnaissance mission. 90 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:30,000 It's like a meerkat with mechanical legs or something like that. 91 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:38,000 Kind of, yeah. Now, if it sees prey within 10 rods, which is one hundred and sixty five feet, I had to look that up. 92 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:39,000 What are rods? 93 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:50,000 Dude, so a rod is sixty five feet or fifty five feet. I don't know, dude. It's an old timey book. It was written like in the 1910s. So who the fuck knows? 94 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,000 Fair enough. Fair enough. 95 00:09:52,000 --> 00:10:06,000 But 10 rods is one hundred and sixty five feet. So what it'll do is it will aim with its snout and then tilt its body until it's at the right elevation and then shoot a dried ball of clay at it that it keeps stored in the left side of its mouth. 96 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:13,000 And they can shoot these with such force that it will it'll knock out or just straight up like kill its victim. 97 00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:19,000 Basically, it's basically like a like a living mortar. Like it like you can like aim it, tilt it back and forth. 98 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:23,000 You're looking at me like you don't know what's happening. 99 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:30,000 I thought I heard a lot of stuff about cryptids and know a good amount about most of them. 100 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:33,000 But where did you say this originated from? 101 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:40,000 This is this was told by Lumberjacks and like frontiersmen in California. 102 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,000 And what year? 103 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:48,000 Oh, this book was written in the 30s, I believe. 1910. So this is like old school shit. 104 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:55,000 Oh, my God. It just sounds like I don't even I don't even know. This is on a whole new level for me. 105 00:10:55,000 --> 00:11:05,000 Yeah, like shooting clay mortars. I'm trying to process it to make it something only gets weirder from here. 106 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:08,000 All right. Keep telling me. Keep telling me. 107 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,000 Now, once it sprays, I'm not saying this story gets more weird. 108 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:15,000 I'm saying as it progresses through these four cryptids that I chose, they get weirder and weirder. 109 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:24,000 But once it sprays incapacitated, it'll lower its body back down and just fucking hoof it through the through the brush to get to its prey. 110 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:32,000 Where in the book, it says it quotes, it'll stay there until the very last bone is cracked and eaten clean. 111 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:42,000 So that's a nightmare. So aliens or what are you going to try and explain it away? 112 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:50,000 Oh, that's what I'm going to look at it as first, because I think I just have that natural tendency to go straight to aliens or just to explain things. 113 00:11:50,000 --> 00:12:02,000 No, not straight to aliens, but think it's like, you know, just some drunken survivalist, you know, living out in that part of the area of the time. 114 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:10,000 As telescopic lights. Yeah, you don't know. They could strap on some stilts real quick and just kind of jaunt out. 115 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:16,000 Come on. Like, honestly, how fast could you strap on stilts and then take them off and then put them back on again? 116 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:20,000 Probably not that fast, dude. Like you got to have 20 seconds tops. 117 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:28,000 If you're a skilled like clown, I don't think anyone can just could you do it? 118 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:37,000 Maybe. But what else? But what else are you doing in the third in the 1930s? Like a hundred years ago, this book was written in 1910. 119 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:46,000 And so even so these stories come before that. It's not even like he compiled all these stories into one book in 1910. Doesn't mean that they were from 1910. 120 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:49,000 So what were they drinking? And I don't know. 121 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:55,000 Night fucking moonshine, but they were using fucking wheat that had ergot in it. So they're all just hallucinating. 122 00:12:55,000 --> 00:13:00,000 Yeah, they all just tripping balls the whole time. And it's like, oh, so yeah. 123 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:03,000 So that's so that's the that's basically the gist of the tripadero. 124 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:07,000 That's a that's a why I've never heard anything like that. That's a wild one. 125 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:11,000 Are you ready for this next one? Yes, I think so. 126 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:15,000 This next one is called the funeral mountain terror shot. 127 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:22,000 Now, the funeral funeral terror or terror terror terror like terror as an earth. Yeah. 128 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:25,000 OK, so you're going to love this one. 129 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:32,000 The funeral mountain terror shots were first reported by a group of Mormon immigrants traveling through the funeral mountain range in California. 130 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:43,000 They were probably relocating since they pretty much been kicked out of everywhere they've ever tried to sell since the beginning of their fucking religion or I guess cult, whatever you want to call it. 131 00:13:43,000 --> 00:14:01,000 Joe. Yeah, I'll let you finish described as having a shelled casket like body as a problem, approximately six to eight feet long, has four long and wobbly legs that cause it to be on steady swaying from side to side, front to back as it walks. 132 00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:09,000 Now, not only were the Mormons the first to report the creature, but they may also have happened to witness its extinction. 133 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:18,000 So as a course, of course, as they were traveling through one of the Mormons like, you know, I'm going to go like check this out real quick. 134 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:22,000 You guys go on ahead. I'll like I'll catch up later. 135 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:41,000 Now, he learned through his investigation that the terror shots lived in the meadows higher up in the range where they would eat and fuck and apparently causing them to grow in such numbers to a point where they decided to emigrate, presumably to like the other meadows and grasslands on the other side of the desert that they could see from their elevated vantage point. 136 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:52,000 So they formed a single file procession and marched down to the desert to start their journey. But sadly, none of them would make it turns out they aren't really built for the heat. 137 00:14:52,000 --> 00:15:02,000 So as soon as they got into the onto the scorching hot sand, their bodies would distend so rapidly from the heat that they would explode. 138 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:03,000 All right. 139 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:04,000 What do you got? 140 00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:13,000 I'm gonna I'm gonna take this one on a whole new level right here. This just sounds like you know Joseph Smith, the Mormon founder. 141 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:22,000 And I did 12 years of private Catholic school, which you know when I studied. Yeah, to all this stuff inside now. 142 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:28,000 Joseph Smith was a crazy man. Oh yeah, he's gone artists and his parents are so. 143 00:15:28,000 --> 00:15:38,000 This was another con probably to make up and also like does it sound similar like trying to march across the desert and dying to like another religion. 144 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:41,000 Well, I mean, the Mormons weren't blowing up and dying. 145 00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:50,000 No, no, no, the Mormons weren't but the but the cryptids were or what they called the or what they called you know the demons or whatever it was. 146 00:15:50,000 --> 00:16:01,000 Does it sound similar to another story about people marching across the desert and dying, who might have held different beliefs than the Mormons. 147 00:16:01,000 --> 00:16:03,000 Nothing's coming to mind. 148 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:13,000 Jews, the Christians, the Islam everything else from the Middle East everyone marched across the desert because that's how it was there all the time. 149 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:20,000 There's a story in every book. That's just also where all the people were so I mean, of course people are going to die in the desert Jamie. 150 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:33,000 I think that was just a hustle for the chosen people, at least they hustle for what Joseph Smith thought was the Mormon church which I mean, they apparently did a good job there. 151 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:44,000 I will say this if a Mormon invented this story, it is the least fantastical story they've come up with, considering everything else built around what they believe. Sorry to disparage any Mormon listeners we have. 152 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:48,000 Just know that you're fine Mormons are fine. I've known some great Mormons. 153 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,000 Oh yeah, some great ex Mormons. 154 00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:53,000 Yeah, just know that the whole world is a lie and that we don't. 155 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,000 Yeah. 156 00:16:55,000 --> 00:17:04,000 But anyway, so, so, so the terror shots would explode, leaving deep grave shaped holes in the ground below them. 157 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:14,000 And that's the story of the terror shots. Do you think it was a cover up that they just killed a bunch of random people they saw for resources. 158 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:22,000 They killed a bunch of random people they saw for resources and they were like yo, they were demons. And we also ate their bodies. 159 00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:27,000 Look at all these, look at all these grave sized holes we dug, and then yeah. 160 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:34,000 I mean, it makes sense, right. 161 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:57,000 Hey podcast lovers. My name is Haley and I run the Doe Identify podcast. I have been passionate about helping the unidentified get their names back. Ever since I found out I lived within miles of where Sherri Anne Jarvis, formerly known as the Walker County Jane Doe was found. In my podcast I told the stories and provide information about unidentified people in hopes of reaching their loved ones and getting their names back. 162 00:17:57,000 --> 00:18:05,000 So come join me and help me advocate for these people. You never know you could recognize someone's story. 163 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,000 Ready for this one. 164 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:12,000 What's what is, what is this. So this one's called the whirling wimpus. 165 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:16,000 All right, great name right off the bat solid fucking name. 166 00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:22,000 Sounds like a Midwest emo band. Oh, I bet if I go on Spotify right now. 167 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:36,000 I can find a band called the whirling wimpus but uh, we want to live in the Cumberland Mountains of Tennessee. The whirling wimpus is thought to be behind many disappearances in the area and the reason why those who left logging camps by themselves never returned. 168 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:51,000 According to woodsman who have been in the region for a while claim the wimpus is a bloodthirsty creature. Now, its top half resembles that of a gorilla, and has massive front feet with smaller back feet. 169 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:59,000 You look, you look upset. 170 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:06,000 I'm not going to say anything until he finished the story. 171 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:20,000 Now, wait, wait, wait, what year was this, what year was it. Oh my god, Jamie, I don't know this book came out in 1910 so this could have been told a million times between 1776 is all from the same ball from the, this is all from the 1910 book, this is all from the book 172 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:29,000 I got this from. Okay, okay. Okay. Now, now if a large, large footed top half gorilla in the North American woods wasn't wild enough. 173 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:45,000 The way it goes about attacking its prey is fucking batshit insane. So what it will do is it'll, it'll post up on a trail usually like on a bend or a curve, where a little where it will stand on its tiny back feet, and then just start spinning. 174 00:19:45,000 --> 00:20:01,000 It'll start spinning and spinning and spinning gaining so much speed that it becomes pretty much invisible to the naked eye. Now the motion is so fast. It even makes a sort of like droning noise that sounds as though if it's coming like through the treetops. 175 00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:16,000 So if someone or like something were walking down the trail and didn't recognize the sound, it would rock walk right into what the book calls the danger zone, and then quote, become instantly deposited in the form of syrup or varnish upon the huge paws of the 176 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:32,000 wimpus. Now I assume that means it's moving so fucking fast and with such force. You basically liquefy when it when he hits you, and then he just kind of sucks the goo off of his fingers like when Augustus glue was like eating from the chocolate river and Willy Wonka 177 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:52,000 that's what I think yeah. But yeah, oh my god that's a, that's a good one like a fucking Tasmanian devil from the cartoon like just wild that not that not only breaks like the laws of physics it breaks the whole bunch breaks the laws of God. 178 00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,000 Yeah. 179 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:57,000 It's like, I. 180 00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:06,000 Yeah, like you said a tad Tasmanian devil, but the funny thing is that real Tasmanian devils like don't even spin. No, like that. 181 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:10,000 I feel like I'm I feel like I'm breaking you mentally with. 182 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:19,000 You are like I said man it's been like a long six months I've been inside a lot in case the beard and air didn't show that to you. 183 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:23,000 So, it's just a. 184 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:28,000 Glad I can further help with your mental health. 185 00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:32,000 This is the best thing for it, honestly. 186 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:43,000 All right, before we move on honestly like, no no no hold on. I want to think about this last one a little bit more. Take your time. I can edit out any long pauses if you want to take a minute. Yep. 187 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:48,000 I'm gonna compare it to, I think they what they saw. 188 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:51,000 Who were the people that saw this. 189 00:21:51,000 --> 00:22:06,000 Like no one really, these are all just like tales that like lumberjacks would tell other lumberjacks at camp, people that were new to the camp, or like use us cautionary tales to help describe like different like weird shit they saw weird shit that happened around 190 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:13,000 the camp, or like cautionary tales like tell people not to wander away or else the fucking whirling whimpers will explode your guts. 191 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:30,000 Well, the whirling whimpers was probably a guy named Steve. Okay. And he was probably like, you know, when you're out in the woods working harsh conditions like that for long periods of times you tend to use substances. 192 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:51,000 So, I'm guessing Steve one day went out, you know, use whatever he did, whatever speed was back in the 17 to 1900s there, and was super hungry, because they haven't got deliveries going for a while, and just started swinging his arms like Bart. 193 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:57,000 Just started fucking flailing. And if you get in my way it's your own fault. 194 00:22:57,000 --> 00:23:12,000 And I think that's the way that I picture because that one just seems a little too wild or someone had a little too much lot in them or something back in the day. 195 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:17,000 I don't know a lot of them is but I hear it reference a lot in like old timey TV shows so maybe. 196 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:28,000 Yeah, it's kind of it's technically an opiate based drug but apparently a lot of famous painters and artists like trip balls off of it all the time. So it's a good time is what you're saying. 197 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:34,000 Yeah, love that hopefully, hopefully I can get some soon we'll find out. 198 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:39,000 All right, Jamie you're ready to hear about the last and probably the most relatable one. 199 00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:42,000 Yes, because it looks like me. 200 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:48,000 No, it's not. It's not a crazy look look how long these beard hairs go out. 201 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:53,000 Yeah, it's not a long haired Lebanese man. 202 00:23:53,000 --> 00:24:00,000 This is a great name for crypto though. That's what I started calling you now is. 203 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:03,000 It's got a good ring to it. 204 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:10,000 I gotta find an alliteration though long, long haired Lebanese looker, no lurker. 205 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:19,000 Yeah, there we go. Long haired Lebanese lurker. Yeah, that's that's your new nickname for now. That's a good one. 206 00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:23,000 Alright, so you ready for this one. I'm ready. This is my favorite one. 207 00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:28,000 There's actually a festival coming up soon based around this one that I'm currently a sponsor of. 208 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:33,000 That's awesome. It is called the squawk. 209 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:40,000 I honestly might have heard this, but I got to hear what you have to say about it first. 210 00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:42,000 Alright, found only in the hemlock forests of northern Pennsylvania. 211 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:46,000 The squonk is hands down the saddest and probably the most relatable fearsome critter. 212 00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:50,000 Constantly depressed and suffering from severe body image issues. 213 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:58,000 The squonk is about the size of a pig, has loose fitting skin that's covered in warts and is sometimes said to that it's painful. 214 00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:06,000 It thinks that it's so ugly that it's constantly crying and is so ashamed of the fact that it's so ugly that it keeps mostly to itself weeping. 215 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:13,000 According to the book, it's said by those who have seen it to be the most morbid of beats beasts, which is like fuck man. 216 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:18,000 Like leaves a doodle like alone. My God, you could have just said it was me. 217 00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:21,000 That would have been like much easier. 218 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:29,000 Like he could have just said constantly crying and covered in diseases. 219 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:35,000 I said it's the most relatable. I didn't say it was based on you. 220 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:46,000 Now hunters who have tried to capture the creature tracking it by its trail of tears, which after reading it out loud, that sentence is as good as I thought it was. 221 00:25:46,000 --> 00:25:53,000 I found that when they get it cornered or like coax it into a sack, it immediately will dissolve into a puddle of its own tears. 222 00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:59,000 Now, I don't know if that means it dies or if it's like a weird fucked up Phoenix type deal. 223 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:05,000 I hope it's the latter because it'd be really sad if it just got so sad and terrified that it died. 224 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:15,000 But fun fact, lumberjacks used to play a joke where they would say they captured the squonk, but then they would just present like a pail of water, which I mean for the time was probably a really funny joke. 225 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:21,000 I mean, I was an awesome joke back then. And you know what? I'm going to get like real deep on you for a second. 226 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:26,000 It was probably based after a lumberjack that killed himself. Oh my God. 227 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:32,000 And they honestly a lumberjack had been out there for so long, probably killed themselves. 228 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:38,000 And they were like, fuck, we don't want because, you know, suicide was always frowned upon for. 229 00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:41,000 So you're saying this is like a cautionary tale to love yourself. 230 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:51,000 This is a cautionary tale to love yourself, because if you're squonking out in the out in the woods, you're rocking. 231 00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:57,000 That should be a bumper sticker. You got to get those right that down and get them printed up. 232 00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:04,000 I have been I have been toying with idea because May when this episode will be released the first day of May is mental health awareness month. 233 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:18,000 So I have been trying to come up with an idea like a T-shirt slash like trading card promo card to like help raise money for the Trevor Project, which helps like LGBTQ at risk youths like dealing with the world because it's a nightmare right now. 234 00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:21,000 That's awesome. And it's it's it has been a nightmare for everyone. 235 00:27:21,000 --> 00:27:28,000 But maybe I'll do the T-shirt and the trading card to say, I guess that's kind of that might be insensitive, though, if you're squonking, you're rocking. 236 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:38,000 I feel like that might not be squonking, but it's just going to confuse everybody. And maybe you can get a bunch of idiots to buy it and donate to the actual right cause. 237 00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:41,000 Even if they don't think they're donating to it. That's actually pretty good. 238 00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:46,000 Because you trick the bigots into supporting the cause they don't know. 239 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:49,000 I like that. Exactly. Exactly. 240 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:52,000 Because it has been crazy. 241 00:27:52,000 --> 00:28:05,000 It's like. Like, God, man, it's like I feel I'm awesome that you it's awesome that you're doing this for charity because I've got to I've got to I've got to figure out what it was going to be, though. 242 00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:07,000 I do like it. You're rocking your rocking. 243 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:09,000 Well, that's if you're squonking your rock. 244 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:13,000 It's not just a good it's not good, but it's so fucking funny. 245 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,000 And it's going to confuse everybody. 246 00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:19,000 And you can make it say whatever message you want. 247 00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:30,000 Yeah, just just lie on one forum and say squonking means this whole new thing where like kids are shitting in litter boxes and throwing at each other at school. 248 00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:33,000 Wait, what forms do they have to fill out to make a T-shirt? 249 00:28:33,000 --> 00:28:38,000 Now, you know, you got to fill out anything. 250 00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:42,000 You can make a fucking T-shirt and draw Sharpie on something. 251 00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:50,000 Well, Jamie, there you have it. That is a fearsome creatures of the lumber woods. Part one, I'm going to do a part two coming TBD. 252 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,000 I only did this episode because I couldn't think of what to do. 253 00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:55,000 And actually, you know what? Real quick, I do. 254 00:28:55,000 --> 00:29:02,000 I do know why I did this episode is because the Metazoo community, a couple of people reached out to me to ask about like certain cryptids in the card game. 255 00:29:02,000 --> 00:29:04,000 And that's awesome. 256 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,000 But they were cryptids. 257 00:29:06,000 --> 00:29:08,000 They were like basically cryptids like this. 258 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:16,000 And they only were found in this one book in 1910, more like folklore than cryptids, I guess, because he's not really cryptids more of folklore stories. 259 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:20,000 And so one of them was the Tron. He reached out to me to ask about the trip to Darrow. 260 00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:23,000 So this one goes out to him. He's probably stopped listening by now if he's listening at all. 261 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:25,000 So we're going to do that. 262 00:29:25,000 --> 00:29:30,000 But, Jamie, what did you think of these fearsome critters? 263 00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:32,000 I think it's awesome. 264 00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:35,000 I think we need stories in our lives. 265 00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:45,000 You know, it keeps us. It's what we did before TV and world brains in our pockets that just absorb everything. 266 00:29:45,000 --> 00:29:48,000 We told each other stories. We made our own movies. 267 00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:54,000 We made our own scripts. We did everything, whether they're true or not. 268 00:29:54,000 --> 00:30:04,000 It obviously matters to an extent, but the best thing was we kept each other entertained and it built a sense of community around that talking to each other. 269 00:30:04,000 --> 00:30:12,000 It's funny you say that because when I actually interviewed the creator and CEO of Metazoo, the card game that's based off cryptids, and he said the same. 270 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,000 Oh, I didn't know it was based off cryptids. 271 00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:19,000 Yeah, the whole card game is cryptid based. Every single cryptid folklore, all that stuff is awesome. 272 00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:28,000 But I was telling him how important it is, because, you know, I could have came up with a card game about cryptids and not give a fuck about the stories behind them. 273 00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:36,000 But they're like really dedicated to like making sure that these stories don't get lost. Even the flavor text on the cards, like, you know, they have that like in Magic. 274 00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:42,000 I played Magic for all growing up. I'm back playing it again now that I got a broken wrist. 275 00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:47,000 But like, even the flavor text on the cards, that gives you like a little bit of the backstory behind it. 276 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:51,000 Yeah. And like podcasts like this and like some other cryptid podcasts like the Moth Boys and stuff like that. 277 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:59,000 Like, I think like keeping these stories out there, because a book in 1910, no one's going to fucking go to the library and look for a book that was in 1910. 278 00:30:59,000 --> 00:31:05,000 You know what I mean? Like, so getting these, keeping the tales and the traditions alive of telling these stories, I think is really important. 279 00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:12,000 But I also could just be an idiot and not really think that. But no, it's it's absolutely important. I agree with you. 280 00:31:12,000 --> 00:31:21,000 Yeah. Because without that, we have nothing. I mean, think of and think of how much info they're trying to wipe from us. 281 00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:28,000 They're banning books. Yeah. They're banned. They're stuff from the Internet's being banned, you know. 282 00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:35,000 And it's like how everything used to be passed down was word of mouth. Yeah. 283 00:31:35,000 --> 00:31:40,000 And now they can't say, can't silence me because I have this podcast. Yeah, that's right. 284 00:31:40,000 --> 00:31:44,000 No, it's no, it's seriously an important thing. 285 00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:51,000 It's an important thing because there's a lot of other idiots out there spewing hatred and nonsense. 286 00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:56,000 Yeah, that's just. Awful. And we're just having fun. 287 00:31:56,000 --> 00:32:02,000 That's all it comes down to. Well, Jamie, I want to thank you so much for coming on today. I appreciate it. 288 00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:06,000 It was good talking to you. I haven't talked to you in a minute, so it was really fun. 289 00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:12,000 Yeah, man. I miss you, brother. I miss you. You want to come out here, you know, you got to you and Ali get a spot. 290 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:18,000 Oh, yeah. Well, I mean, do you have anything to plug? Are you working on anything right now or am I just 291 00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:29,000 at the moment? I could plug some work, but legally, I technically can't because DOJ type of stuff. 292 00:32:29,000 --> 00:32:39,000 I know it's it's worse. It's worse than the DOJ. Honestly, now, how do you know that? 293 00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:46,000 Jesus. No, I'd love to. 294 00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:56,000 But what I you know, something I what I will plug is, you know, you know, I've always been an open source programming advocate. 295 00:32:56,000 --> 00:33:04,000 Yeah. Share your ideas, share your views, make the world smarter, be a good person, do what you can. 296 00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:13,000 There's you can learn anything you want on the Internet without having to pay one hundred and sixty thousand dollars for it. 297 00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:20,000 So you heard them at all. Don't go to school. Don't get a degree. Just I can have at it. 298 00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:26,000 It's not going to matter unless you know how to grow food in your backyard in 10 years. 299 00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:32,000 All right, Alex Jones, let's all just calm down. Oh, come on, the frogs. 300 00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:38,000 That's the next Metazoo character right there. The gay frogs, the gay frogs. 301 00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:42,000 All right. So what do I got to plug? I got to plug. 302 00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:52,000 Follow me on Instagram at Cryptic Cocktail. We also have a co-fi. If you want to donate to that, it's co-fi slash co-fi. 303 00:33:52,000 --> 00:34:02,000 Oh, my God. Co-fi slash. God damn it. Co slash five dot com slash cocktail party. 304 00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:08,000 You can either do a one time donation or you can do a recurring monthly donation, whatever you want. 305 00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:14,000 Keep an eye out for maybe a T-shirt and promo card set coming out soon to help raise money for the Trevor Project. 306 00:34:14,000 --> 00:34:20,000 And I think that's it. So with that, I will say goodbye to Jamie and Jamie will say goodbye to you. 307 00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:46,000 Take it easy, guys. Be well to each other.