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That is M-O-U-S-T-A-S-H-E-O-D Podcastio.
Hey everybody, welcome back to another episode of Cryptid Cocktail Party, a show where we have a few drinks, share a few laughs, take a dive into the unknown.
And today I'm joined by a longtime listener, first time guest, Kevin Valerie. What's going on, bud?
What's going on, Dave? Thanks for having me.
Yeah, I know you've been wanting to be a guest on for a minute now.
I'm very interested in the subject matter.
Are you though?
I don't really know anything. I didn't even know what the word cryptid meant. But, you know, we have a couple, I have a couple of people that I know are big fans of Sasquatch.
Yeah.
So it's been in the front of my mind lately.
Well.
And I'm always a big alien guy, so.
Well, lucky for you, I did choose an alien for you today.
Ooh, that's exciting.
It's fucking weird. And I don't know if anyone's ever seen it before or after. And I think this is a perfect one for you because I know you wanted weird, right?
You didn't want just like a run in the mill.
I do.
Like nothing.
I do like to dabble, dabble in the weird.
All right. Well, before we start, I just want to say thank you so much for coming on. You're looking good, for you're feeling good. You got a pedicure this morning, so.
I did. I'm all sparkly. Feel good. My calves are refreshed.
Wait, do they do calves during pedicures?
They do a little massage. They get a little calf massage. They get in between your toes.
I see. I see. I thought it was just a foot thing. I didn't realize it was just like a knee down thing.
It's a little bit of a pampering.
Wow. Well, sometimes it's good. You got to like release the stress.
Well, I had, like I said, I had a male, which was the first time. So he had strong hands.
And my wife was complaining that her patron or whatever the lady was spaghetti hands.
Oh, so you got.
I feel like I made out on that deal.
You were too rough with and she wasn't rough enough with.
All right. It was a little painful though.
The most painful pedicure I've ever had. For sure.
I mean, my wife did it. We did our first couples deep tissue massage like sometime during the winter.
And it was our first time doing it. And they're like, how much pressure do you want?
I was just like, I don't know, normal amount. I should have said, like, just put your fucking elbows into it.
Max. It's always max pressure.
It was nothing. And I didn't feel I felt almost more tense after then.
Like you missed an opportunity.
Yeah. I think I was disappointed in myself and that stress release released back into my muscles.
Suck it. No. Yeah. I was asked for just like Indian food. Max hot.
Oh, yeah. The hottest you got massage. Give me his most most pressure.
All right, Kev. Well, now that you're you're relaxed, you're the pressures off your relax as it gets, I guess.
Yeah, let's do it. Are you ready for this? I am ready.
All right. So the creature we're going to be talking about today is called the crazy critter of Bald Mountain.
Are you familiar at all? I'm going to assume no.
But no, not not not even close. OK.
Well, Bald Mountain is located in the southwestern corner of Washington state and is just one of 15 different peaks
within that mountain range that are also named Bald Mountain, ranging in elevation from fifteen hundred feet all the way up to eight eight thousand feet.
So it's not confusing at all. There's just a 15 different bald mountains all in this Washington state.
Yeah. OK. OK. So Bald Mountain, the bald mountain that we're going to be talking about,
sits somewhere in the middle of the height range of about six thousand feet. At least I think I can't find.
I can't find like a county or a town that the mountain is in.
So I'm just going off what other people have talked about, which is the problem with naming all 15 peaks Bald Mountain, like trying to find any sort of like
geographical one, bald to. Yeah. Like just get your shit together, Washington. Like I'm trying to write an episode and I can't fill it with fun, interesting facts about the town.
If there's no way to tell which one it is almost like Pluto being a planet planetoid.
How many how many mountains are there? How many peaks would be talking about? Yeah.
No idea. But anyways, the crazy critter story begins on the night of November 14th, 1974,
when a fiery object was seen streaking across the night sky, eventually crashing to the ground roughly five miles away from Bald Mountain, which Bald Mountain, I don't know.
You don't know. I was about to say, where are we in Washington state right now? OK.
The the object is witnessed by several locals who reported the incident to local authorities.
And I just want to say that I would have hated to be like the police dispatch person that night.
They're like, nine one one, what's your emergency? Yeah. Hi. A giant fireball just like crashed up by Bald Mountain. Sir, you're going to have to be more specific.
Which Bald Mountain are you talking about? Where, sir? What? What fireball?
How how many? So I have the picture of my head, though. It looks glorious. Right.
I've always wanted to see like, you know, like you see those like Russian dash cams, like meteors falling and they like I want to see one of those.
Well, I feel like it's for some reason I feel like it's the Bothar for fire in the sky, but I'm not sure.
Like the picture of my head. I don't know. I've never seen a shooting star in my really in my entire life. Oh, my gosh.
Even growing up in New Hampshire, like with like there's like no light pollution.
Never once. Yeah. Oh, Colorado. There's a lot. But one time I went outside and looked up and I thought I was looking at a bunch of stars and slowly realized they're all planes.
What? They're all planes. They're all planes, all shooting. Even in those like, you know, remote countries, like I said, the light pollution is out there.
You think you have this gray star field and still the majority of our planes. That can't be right. It's disappointing.
That can't be right. I've seen it with my own eyes. It was disappointing. That doesn't make any sense, Kevin, at all.
You're saying all like most of the stars in the sky are planes. Way, way more stars than you think are planes.
When you add that total view, because the view just gives you the view. Doesn't give you there's not over stars.
You just see what's up there. And there are a ton of planes up there. Well, I'm sure there's a shit ton of planes, but you can't say most of them are planes.
There's clearly. Obviously, but viewable stars for viewable planes. Way more viewable planes and stars. That's fair.
In my opinion, I'll give you that. All right. So the locals all got to see like a sick light show in the night sky, but nothing really came of it.
They probably just assumed it was like a meteor or something.
But it wasn't until three days later that a few local residents would figure out that it may have been something significantly more than just like a rogue shooting star.
So on November 17th, like I said, just three days after the fiery object crashed down to Earth, local grocer Ernest Smith was out of the grocer.
It was back in the day when you could support your family on a grocer's wage. Right. Go ahead. Sorry. Wow. Ernest Smith is a deer hunting near Bald Mountain, quietly stalking through the woods,
decked out in camo and covered in deer piss. I assume. I think that's a hunting thing. I remember my uncle's to get bottles of deer piss to like.
I know you're in is involved for sure. That's all I know. I know there's a P involved in hunting, which is fucking wild.
But either way, Ernest was hoping to bag a nice 10 point buck, mount that shit on your wall type trophy thing, something that you like you could like brag to your friends about and like a Walmart parking lot while it's still in the bed of your truck.
That kind of deer is over that 10 pointer. Yeah. But what he would stumble across was decidedly not that.
In fact, what he saw was a creature so fucking weird that there's literally no parallel or comparison to it in all of like cryptozoology, paranormal or alien.
I hate the jackpot right now. I thought it was some Pocono stuff. This is good. As far as I'm aware, there's no other thing that has ever been described that looks like this thing.
I don't know if you're ready for this. Are you ready for this? I'm very excited to do it.
All right. So what he saw his description goes, quote, it was horse sized, covered in scales and standing on four rubbery legs that had suckers on it like that of an octopus, octopus's tentacles.
Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Its head was football shaped with an antenna sticking up.
And not only was it a nightmare, like a nightmare chimera, but that it was also bioluminescent that, quote, the thing gave off this green iridescent light, end quote.
It had to be bioluminescent. It just had to be. So where are we right now? How are you feeling?
I'm feeling like this is this is similar to like AJ when he was on here. I feel like I got to want to draw this thing. Oh, so I was amazed. I'll send you a picture like an artist depiction of it after we finished.
Oh, what was it? Oh, man. So I feel like I just need to bullet point the description. Yeah. So it's because that was wild.
Horse sized, covered in scales, standing on four rubbery legs with suckers like an octopus tentacles. Yeah. Yeah. Football shaped head with an antenna and it's growing green, glowing green.
So I feel like the scales have to be like iridescent. Yeah. I'm getting a shimmery type of mystical. Oh, so you think it's like light reflecting off the scales.
I fly. He may have some sort of bioluminescence, but I mean, the scales themselves have to be iridescent or maybe translucent or something. This seems crazy. See, in my head, I was thinking, well, it is it. We'll get there. We'll get there.
Doesn't get us. So he doesn't share whether the creature even noticed him or what it or his reactions like were to each other. I'm going to assume his reaction was somewhere in the ballpark of, oh, shit, oh, fuck, oh, shit, oh, fuck, oh, shit, oh, fuck.
Like a horse, a horse size. Yeah, which it was just a proper human response, I would think, to seeing it would do so much damage with tentacle arms and wow. Well, as far as I know, it didn't attack him.
Yeah, horse size. That's fucking massive. I honestly think together how big it was until you just said horse sized again. Horses are fucking massive. And there's so many different horse and the horse can be really big. Like a Clydesdale. Yeah. Like you were looking at maybe its butthole. If you're lucky. Yeah. If you're lucky, you're looking at its butthole.
If you're lucky, it depends on what side of the tracks. If that consider that lucky or not, you're looking at a bottle Clydesdale. But putting that on a T-shirt. If you're lucky, you're looking at its bottle. Now, there should be a few of those to focus.
Now, if this thing had only been seen by the grocer, his story, like the description he gave and just overall vibe. That is a grocer. Yeah. He would have been seen as like this would have been seen as like the rantings and ravings of a lunatic. But lucky for him, he wasn't the only one who got a sight of what I will now be dubbing horseyla.
That's a combination of horse and Ursula from The Little Mermaid. I think that's what I'm going to be calling it from now on. That's tough. Horsyla? That's tough. Horsyla is tough.
It's easier than the crazy critter of Bald Mountain. That's an aggressive name. This does not seem critter ish to me. Critters are small. Critters are a little thing that meanders about and you could like throw a rock at it as people love to do. You throw a rock at it.
This thing is not a critter like a chipmunk. So maybe closer to horse than crazy critter, I guess. Now, a Tacoma couple, Roger and wife's name redacted Ramsba. I don't know the wife's name.
They were driving along State Route 7 through the Bald Mountain Range shortly after dusk. The evening air was filled with fog and as they were driving, they noticed a faint glow off the side of the road and assumed it was a quote neon sign in the fog just on a mountain highway.
That's what it would be clearly because that's what you need in the middle of nowhere is a power source. Out of what I assume was a mixture of curiosity and confusion, they slowed down to get a better look. It was then that they realized what they were actually seeing was not a neon sign off the side of the road in the mountains because obviously, but was indeed the same glowing horse tentacle monster that Ernest had seen not long before that.
Now, do they have a description? Do they have a description? Oh, it was they gave the same description. The same, the horse and the tentacle, the whole thing. The whole length.
Man, like I am down with being a bunch of different types of aliens and multi-dimensional and interdimensional and visible and not, but this thing seems absolutely ridiculous. It's wild. And the fact that more than two people saw it.
I'm not saying it gives a credence. I guess the whole thing could be completely like someone could have wrote this as like a short story essay and then someone fucking ran with it or someone in the newspaper wrote this.
I'd like to go with my gut on these things. My gut says, horse was real. This early with the information I have currently.
I'm inclined to agree and I'm not going to disagree, but it wasn't long after this second encounter that the local and regional news outlets started reporting on the encounters and they actually gave this thing its name, the crazy critter of Bald Mountain.
And even speculating that maybe the fire, fire object in the sky seen a few days later, maybe connected to whatever this thing is.
I can see putting those two things together. I mean, it makes sense.
It makes a lot of sense. Firey thing in the sky.
Horse sized scale tentacle-legged visible being.
They got to be related, is it? Yeah.
What do you got?
It's just, I don't know. You just want to look at these people in the eye.
They're telling the story because then if you if you could talk to them and see them, you could maybe get a real sense of their bullshit.
Yeah, I mean, if they had like genuine fear, genuine, like a generosity, I don't know, genuinely.
They're genuine. You could see it is what I'm trying to say.
Sure.
That'd be their integrity.
Maybe. I don't know. Now, Kevin, this has been a pretty weird story so far, right?
Yeah. Yeah.
We could probably end it here and be satisfied. Right, Kevin?
We could. Well, you're wrong, Kevin, because no good alien story isn't complete until there is a visit from the men in black.
Oh, so not too long after the stories of UFO was real.
I knew it. I knew it. Horseless was real. I knew it.
They don't show up unless there's an issue. Exactly.
So not too long after the stories of UFO crashes and weird horse aliens started hitting the papers, local sheriff William H. Weister launched an investigation into the matter.
And I just want to say this. I love when small town police are like, we're going to be the ones to crack this case.
We got this. Like, it's the mid 70s. Your budget is maybe a grand.
You have four deputies. You have 11 bullets.
You have two sidearms between all of you. Like, you're the ones who are going to be the ones to once and for all prove aliens are real.
I don't know why. Put them in the back of the squad car.
I just love that concept that this old man sheriff is like, well, you know, he's ready to go. He's ready to go.
No way. Delusions of grandeur. These guys.
Well, waiting for their shot. They see that as their shot.
But I just people in the 70s, they just had like a undeserved sense of they were go getters.
Self starters. I guess working man's generation.
I think I think they had to do with all the lead in the air from all the leaded fuel.
I'm sure it just a lot of lead paint. Yeah.
Everything was lead lead pipes, probably radioactive.
The only thing that wasn't where it was the pencils. That's graphite.
Oh, it's always been graphite. Oh, has it really? Oh, yeah.
Ever led. Are you fucking with me right now?
Then why do we call it lead? That's that's what I'm saying.
No, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.
All right. Well, unfortunately for the sheriff and his deputies, they never got the chance.
Not long after opening the investigation, it was immediately halted by individuals claiming to represent the Air Force and NASA.
Now, the quote unquote officials were said to have been wearing military uniforms, but didn't seem to have any type of identifiable emblems or markings on them.
No, no insignia is just jumpsuits. And they were also allegedly heavily armed.
It's assumed that these officials probably came from McCord Air Force Base, which is in the area.
OK. But once this crack team of extraterrestrial investigators showed up, any and all information on the critter disappeared and the critter itself was never seen again, leaving behind so many questions.
What happened to it? Did the men in black track it down and capture it? Use it for like weird experiments? Did it return home? Where was home?
Was it from space? It had tentacles in a globe. Maybe it came from the ocean where those traits are more common in deep sea creatures.
If so, how did it end up this far inland? I was thinking about the deep sea thing when during the initial description, it sounded like it had a lot of traits of a deep sea underwater creature.
Right. The bioluminescence tentacles.
The tentacles, obviously. The antenna on top of its head could be like an anglerfish type thing. It's scales. Horse size with tentacle feet.
Like you're going to need some sort of buoyancy. That's unless those things are like maybe it could be like anaconda strong.
Well, let's suppose it was it was horse size. It didn't say it was the shape of a horse.
Like you're picturing I think in your head you're picturing a horse's body. In my head.
It's a horse's body with tentacle legs. You named it horse-ula. Did you not?
Now in my head, it's a horse. It is a horse shape with where the horse's legs would be our giant tentacles that it flops around like when the octopodes or whatever walk on the bottom of the seafloor.
Yeah, it's horse size. All right.
Yes, yes. I feel like I got to see the artist rendering. I almost don't want to see the artist rendering. I want to bullet point the description and draw a few and then look at the artist rendering and see.
So you don't want me to say.
Where I'd land. You can send it, but I'm not going to look at it until after I get a few ideas sketched out.
Okay, I'll save it until you show me your sketches and I'll show you.
You don't trust me. I do have a hard time with that. Maybe I don't like surprises. Although I didn't know the sex of my son until he was born, so I did. That was a big surprise. But anyway.
Horse-ula. So not a horse.
It's not necessarily a horse shape, but the size.
The shape is everything.
Do you feel better about it now or do you feel worse about it?
Well, more alien, less weird. It was way weirder when I had it as a horse shape.
Now it could be any shape which try to make some more sense with the, you know, like the appendages and the physical traits I had to work with.
It would have been wild if it was just like a chimera. This may have been a different podcast if I didn't think it was a horse from the beginning.
I'm happy with the way it's going so far. I mean, I'm all bored with the horse. We're already almost at the end of it. So that's, you know, we're killing it. I feel pretty good about it.
Yes, like one of those car rides that just flows by.
All right. We may never get the answers to these questions, but hey, sometimes mystery is part of the fun with these types of stories and keeping it.
And it keeps it in the minds of those who like this sort of stuff, ensuring that tales like these don't just like fade into obscurity.
But Kevin, this we cannot let horse will fade. It's never going to fade. It will live on in my family for generations to come.
You're going to tell the story. Probably probably as a horse. I'm going to tell them when I leave the room.
I'm going to go upstairs and be like, but listen to this shit right here.
I'm going to tell you a yard. I'm going to spin you a yard and my son.
So, Kevin, that was the tale of the crazy critter of Bald Mountains.
Now I want to get obviously I know you love it so far, but like what do you think? But like where where are you as far as like some of these questions that people have?
Like, do you think that the reason why I never returned is because the men in black captured it?
Or do you think it well, I mean, I feel like it's all it's all so it's all so implied that the men in black showing up and then it disappearing.
Like, it's clear they want you to think that they have a handle on it. But did they ever they usually never do.
What came of the fiery crash, fire, fiery fireball crash? Was there at no wreckage ever? Did I?
I don't think anyone ever investigated it.
It seems to be like it's late, but there's like, oh, we found something like some sort of crash dome that this amorphous blob tentacle for horse being lived in.
This was piloting the interstellar universe. I don't know.
But you don't you would think you don't necessarily need some old spacecraft if you're going to, you know, maybe he just maybe blipped out.
Maybe he did open a portal. He had a little biome technological device where he boop boop boop and.
Well, maybe he opened up a portal on the side of the highway and went right to his world, which is underwater.
Maybe he built his water world like on Star Wars, but it was where they made the clones.
Oh, Kamino Kamino.
Very good. Yeah, look at that.
I got Star Wars posters all over my walls. I know my shit. I do.
I see. Yeah, I knew you know, but I don't you knew you knew that one piece thing.
You know a lot about this kind of stuff than I do. I don't watch one piece.
I just think it's funny that I asked you if you had the rest of my one piece stuff and you thought I just meant literally the one piece.
You had the one piece. I told a bunch of people that story. They're all laughing at me.
They knew my brother knew he's like, yeah, that's funny.
You know, no, I don't know. He's 15. I don't know.
Well, you got to be more of a nerd, Kev. I don't know.
I don't watch much TV anymore. Yeah.
Well, don't get into one piece because there's nine thousand episodes and it's still going.
So you'll never catch up. I can't I can't do those things too much for me.
I'll be an old man. But what you were saying about it open a portal.
I mean, like, I don't I don't think it would have been a nuts and bolts UFO type thing with this thing.
First of all, it has tentacles for hands. What the fuck is it going to do?
Then like what are we talking about with the firing?
If it's if it is a portal being near interment or then it does whatever the men in black are not going to be able to catch it because it can blip out.
But if it did come in the spacecraft and that thing crashed,
then maybe the men in black didn't get a hold of this actual physical being and haul them away in some base in New Mexico or something where your cloud is for your iPhone pictures right next door to each other.
I think that the fireball and the critter are just two separate events that just happen to like coincide with one another.
I don't think they're related shit. I mean, it's Washington. I mean, I'm sure like.
I guess, but I like you've never seen a shooting star and there I've seen four in one night before.
It's not like so uncommon.
I was brag about it.
But I guess I felt I did feel a little braggy when I said it.
I didn't mean to come off like that.
The men in black, I feel like they never actually accomplish anything.
They don't like the government agency.
They just show up after the facts, tell you to stop talking about it, and then they just fuck off.
They don't do it. They don't do anything like when the Mothman was showing up around fucking Point Pleasant, they just showed up, acted weird as fuck.
And then that bridge still collapsed and killed a bunch of people like they're not preventing anything.
What are they going to do? What are they going to do? Exactly.
They're more just like document, observing document.
That's all. They don't have any real power and prevent you from talking about it.
That's all it is. They're trying to keep you on the wraps.
People still talk about it and then they don't die.
So like it's fine. They're probably just much better. Oh, but I don't die.
You're fine. Are you looking at your window right now? Make sure there's no men in black.
There's a turkey. Is a turkey? Yeah.
What is your life? It happens. It happens sometimes.
Oh shit. All right, Kevin. Well, that is the story. I appreciate you coming on.
Thanks for having me.
Usually, usually I tell my guests if they have anything they want to plug, they can plug it here.
I don't know if you have anything going on that you would like. Absolutely not.
All right. Sick. Well, thanks so much. I'm going to plug a bunch of shit.
Follow me on Instagram at Crypto Cocktail. Follow me on Twitter at Crypto Cocktail.
I don't ever use it. Follow me on TikTok at Crypto Cocktail Party.
I sometimes use it, but I'm old, so I don't really get it.
Is that Twitter? TikTok. Yeah, I don't.
Oh, no, you can't. I'm not going to get into it.
Bro, if China wants to steal my fucking shit, they can have it.
It's fine. I got nothing going on. My credit shot, my fucking I have no money.
Like, what are they going to do? Communism's coming back.
Steal my data? What data? I got nothing.
I put all this shit on the Internet anyways. It's fine.
I just know it's great. I do the kids love it. I'll blow up on TikTok.
All right. And if you want to support the show, there is a link in the episode description.
You can donate to the virtual tip jar one time, weekly, monthly, however much you want to pay me to keep drinking and talking shit.
But with that, Kevin, you want to say bye to everyone?
Well, I'd like to say it's probably worth it just for the Frogman episode alone,
because I've listened to that John Bunting Frogman episode a handful of times and just cracks me up every time.
Really? But yeah, no, thank you. Thanks for having me. Yeah, it's freaking hilarious.
I appreciate that. Yeah. Say goodbye to everyone, Kevin.
Bye, everybody. Thanks so much, Dave.